Traveling with Kids w/ Luis J Gomez | You Be Trippin' with Ari Shaffir

Speaker 1 Today we're gonna conquer your EV phobia in the all-electric Toyota BZ.

Speaker 2 I can do this

Speaker 2 I'm doing it

Speaker 2 One drive can change your mind in the all-electric BZ Toyota. Let's go places.
Welcome to UB tripping everybody. It's a travel pot.

Speaker 3 It looks like it's not facing me.

Speaker 2 Hold on.

Speaker 2 More water? No.

Speaker 3 Booze? I said a fucking. No, I'm not drinking.
I said a nice fat steak. What? I had a nice fat steak.

Speaker 2 No, I mean, I heard you, but like.

Speaker 3 Yeah. I'm just doing a

Speaker 3 carnivore diet right now.

Speaker 2 Oh, really? I'm just eating. All steaks.
Just eating it. You got a grill at home, right? Yeah.
That's the best. Put a fucking steak on by yourself, eat it by yourself.

Speaker 2 It's $8, and it's serving a $60 steak.

Speaker 3 It's a little bit more expensive than that.

Speaker 2 I steal it.

Speaker 2 You got a salad.

Speaker 2 She's like, this filet means you know. I was like, no, it's two hamburgers.
It's two hamburger patties. Bring it up.

Speaker 2 Where you been

Speaker 2 Welcome to UB Tripping, everybody. It's a travel podcast.
Every week,

Speaker 2 I like to travel. I've been to, at this point,

Speaker 2 I actually have to count 30-something countries.

Speaker 2 It seems like it should be more, right?

Speaker 3 Yeah, you're out of town more than you're in town.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 And I

Speaker 2 have like a little pin thing where you put a pin where you could put it in the wall and it would fill up. The problem is you put a pin that's all of Portugal, one pin.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Have you been to Spain?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 I think we went to Spain next year for the first time, too.

Speaker 2 I got tips for you. We love it.
Off air, I got tips.

Speaker 3 Is there an episode of You'd Be Tripping about Spain?

Speaker 2 Yeah, but I believe it's like

Speaker 2 it's like rural, like not Barcelona, Spain. No, no.
It's like somewhere like someone was in college. Oh, Shane.

Speaker 2 But it was like an hour away from what's the other? Madrid.

Speaker 2 So it's a place no one will go.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 2 So that won't help. I hear I love Spain.

Speaker 3 Italy is my favorite place. Yeah.
So everyone's like, dude, Spain's fucking like cool Italy.

Speaker 2 Spain's cool Italy. I like that.
Today the guest is Louis

Speaker 2 out of respect here because you're a guest on my podcast.

Speaker 2 Jay. Oh, it bothers you.
Gomez. It's bothering me.
It's the first time I've ever said it. Wow.
I wouldn't even search.

Speaker 2 I looked up your website and I was like, Luis Gomez. I'm like, I don't know what you mean.
I'm like, Luis Gomez. And they're like, do you, ChatGPT? He's like, do you mean I drop the attitude?

Speaker 2 He goes, but there's another thing in there. I'm like, there's not.
A name is a name.

Speaker 3 Do you use ChatGPT to travel?

Speaker 2 I don't, but it would probably be a good idea. Although, no.

Speaker 3 Itinerary, they'll fucking.

Speaker 2 The problem is you're following an approved itinerary where I want word of mouth. Like, that sounds interesting to me, not you.
Let's make some decisions.

Speaker 3 Here's where I use it, right? I told you before I go on a father-son trip every year.

Speaker 2 Today we're going to do a theme episode. Theme episode bum bum bum bum chiron

Speaker 2 more work for alan

Speaker 2 it's a theme episode everybody the second or third one or fourth or something traveling as a parent i like it you go to where every year we go somewhere new every year me and my son That is adventurous.

Speaker 3 Father-son trip, somewhere new. I let him choose.

Speaker 2 You let him choose?

Speaker 3 But he's a kid, he's stupid. So you could like, you know, you could push him into cheap work.

Speaker 2 I want to to Japan, like, here we are. I was like, everyone's like, Mexican, though.
Like, Japan, it is. We're here in Japan.

Speaker 2 I mean, Connecticut. There was an old jackhandy where it's like, I didn't have money for Disneyland, so I took my nephew to a burned-down warehouse and told him Disneyland's dead.

Speaker 2 And he cried, but I saved a lot of money.

Speaker 3 No, yeah, you could, you could usually manipulate children pretty easily. This is why I'm saying, like, parents that hit their kids.
You're like, you couldn't just manipulate them.

Speaker 3 You couldn't figure out how to outsmart your child. Yeah.
You had to punch him.

Speaker 2 Yeah. What the fuck's wrong with you? They're dumb, bro.
You know what they have on cars, on all cars? Child locks. Yeah.
Because they'll just jump out in the middle of a ride.

Speaker 3 And they're too dumb to figure out the child look.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 3 Like a lighter. Like, they don't,

Speaker 3 their weak thumbs can't push down the lighter.

Speaker 2 It's fucking pathetic. They're fucking children.
They really just leap out, every one of them. So, like, we got to do something here.

Speaker 3 There's going to be a time when my son can beat me in thumb wrestling, but it's, I mean, it feels like it's years away. Until that time.
I mean, the weak thumbs on this fucking boy. He's 12.

Speaker 2 He's huge, too.

Speaker 3 But anyway, I do a father-son trip every year, just me and him. I started doing it when he was four years old.

Speaker 2 Wow, that's young.

Speaker 3 But the last time I used ChatGPT,

Speaker 3 the last one we did was Vegas, which I know we talk international, so I won't spend a lot of time talking Vegas with me.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 2 this is part of this theme of travel. Because a lot of people look for excuses to not go.

Speaker 2 Money is one.

Speaker 2 Time is another.

Speaker 2 And parenthood is another one that people are going to be doing.

Speaker 3 Money and time and parenthood are the reason you travel. It's because you have a limited amount of money, you're buying memories, you can't ever get rid of those memories, right?

Speaker 3 I mean, you know, technically, you could fucking, you know, somebody can crack their skull or die or whatever. But for the most part, like, I'm giving my son memories with myself.
We do family trip.

Speaker 3 We're doing a family trip to Italy in a few weeks.

Speaker 3 But it's like that, that experience, like, you know, if I never have an inheritance for him or property to give him, he'll have these memories as a fucking kid going with his dad somewhere new every year, which is incredible.

Speaker 2 Your memory of your father's bleeding out.

Speaker 3 Yeah,

Speaker 3 I went to his funeral.

Speaker 2 That's my only memory. We did that together.

Speaker 3 Which was nice.

Speaker 2 Wow, that is, that's cool. It's cool that you're doing it.
Yeah. Because most people wouldn't.

Speaker 3 Well, I made a decision when my son was born. I was like, I want to...

Speaker 3 By the time he has memories, well, when he's like four, because my earliest memories is when I'm like four, which was literally my father's death. But

Speaker 3 I was like, by the time he's four, I want to have like a nice place and I want to be able to take him somewhere every year. So he has like a memory of like always going somewhere new.

Speaker 3 And sure enough,

Speaker 3 as soon as he turned four, I started making a little bit of money. And I started like having like nice things.
But for me, that's like an exercise in goal setting.

Speaker 3 I should have just moved the goalpost a little bit further.

Speaker 3 We're in control of all of this shit. What do you mean?

Speaker 2 Move the goalpost?

Speaker 3 I'm saying that I just made this specific goal that I wanted to have like a nice place and be able to afford to take him on vacations and not be broke. And then I was.

Speaker 3 But if I had said, all right, well, you know what? I want to have three houses.

Speaker 2 Yeah. You would have done that.

Speaker 3 But that's the truth.

Speaker 2 Like, we're all in control of all this.

Speaker 3 You know what I'm saying? It's a serious decision.

Speaker 2 He goes, what do you want to do with your career? Like, when I was like a door guy, and I'm like, you know, if I could play clubs, that's like, that's like the ultimate.

Speaker 2 If I could just like headline clubs. He's like, why? I was like, I mean, sell them out, I guess.
He goes, he goes, not more. I'm like, well, I mean, I can't do theater.
He goes, why not?

Speaker 2 Why can't you do theaters? When no one was. Yeah.
He's like, because you said.

Speaker 2 And he was right. We were all doing them now.

Speaker 3 Well, that's exactly it. Like, and you start to realize that.

Speaker 3 It's like, like, well, look, everyone in the world, or not everyone in the world, but like 90% of people in this country are housebroke, meaning that they make just enough money to pay all their bills at the end of the month.

Speaker 3 That's not a coincidence. That's because people set goals and they hit them.

Speaker 3 It's actually, you're watching everyone be able to set a goal and hit it every month.

Speaker 3 Instead of saying, oh, I want to save X amount of dollars or I want to be rich or whatever else it is, they limit themselves because they go, oh, I got to come up with $2,000 a month for my rent.

Speaker 3 I got to come up with another $100 a month for my cell phone.

Speaker 2 And then that's all they do.

Speaker 3 That's all they do and then they they kind of stop there they run to the finish line instead of through it yeah and if you well the the reality is just creating a new finish line you have to think and i started thinking of things that way you know much more recently and i sort of just every year i move it up a little bit and a little bit and a little bit and a little bit and you know you do eventually eventually hopefully it's better than i am no please you live in a house

Speaker 3 Well, you choose to live in a tiny apartment in New York City like a psycho. You pay more money than most people pay for their houses.

Speaker 3 You could own five houses for the amount of money you spend here.

Speaker 2 Oh, God, it's terrible.

Speaker 3 But yeah, I took James last year to Vegas, just father-son trip, and I used ChatGPT to help with the itinerary. Now, I knew what I wanted to do.
I wanted to take him to see Penn and Teller,

Speaker 3 which Dr. Drew was like friends with them, so he got me backstage as a dog pissing.

Speaker 2 What are you doing?

Speaker 3 What a dumb dog. No offense.

Speaker 2 He was looking right at it.

Speaker 3 He's uninspired.

Speaker 2 He's like, I mean, I'll get it, but I'm not going to fetch it. The fetch is disrespectful.

Speaker 3 But I knew what I wanted to do. I wanted to go to the take him to Penn and Teller.
Take him to Penn and Teller, which was awesome. I wanted to take him to the sphere.

Speaker 3 Really? I wanted to.

Speaker 2 No, no, no.

Speaker 3 There's like a movie. There's a movie at the sphere, which was really cool.

Speaker 2 And then I wanted to take him to Cirque to Soleil.

Speaker 3 I wanted to take him to some nice restaurants. I've been to Vegas a bunch.
But what I did was I was like, are you trying to turn him Persian?

Speaker 3 I wanted to get some hookers. I wanted to get some blow.

Speaker 3 maybe rent a tiger.

Speaker 2 You got comped at Circus Circus.

Speaker 3 But on

Speaker 3 ChatGBT, what I would do is I was like, all right, I'm going to Penn and Teller tonight, right? I was like,

Speaker 3 and after, after, I have dinner at five at Sushi Samba, then I have Penn and Teller at eight. I was like, give me three options for things that we could walk to in that area.

Speaker 2 Oh, no, that's cool.

Speaker 3 And then they would give me like

Speaker 2 if you guided that much, I'll

Speaker 2 get it. Yeah, yeah, of course.

Speaker 3 No, it was a great, it was a great tool because it was always something to do. I was like, if we want to have snacks, I was like, give me like the best snacks in the area.

Speaker 3 I have a couple hours to kill, you know, and then they would, you know, tell me where to go or give me options. And you just sort of make decisions based off that.

Speaker 2 It is better like when you're like, I want Thai food. And you're like, okay, I looked up nearest Thai food.
And then you're like, you go to one, like, it's two hours away.

Speaker 2 You're like, go to the other one. It's like, yeah, we can sit you right now.
Yeah. Chat GBD be like, give me Thai food in the area without a long line.
Yeah. Of course.
You just know it.

Speaker 3 Or you'd be like, give me five Thai restaurants. Now

Speaker 3 teach me how to fucking order in Thai. Teach me to order in Thai.

Speaker 2 What's the rudest thing I can get away with in front of a Thai person?

Speaker 3 Yeah. So, yeah, we do a father-son trip every year.
The first one was when he was four years old.

Speaker 2 You know, that thing when the waiters go, hey, just so you know, I'm leaving. Somebody has a joke about I'm leaving, but so-and-so is going to take over.

Speaker 2 And it's like, I don't, I didn't even look at you.

Speaker 2 But, but the Thai restaurant, you could be like, so this is James. He'll be taking over, or Johnny, he'll be taking over.
And you go, same, same, but different.

Speaker 2 It's a Thailand joke. All right.
So go ahead. You took him there.
You took him where first?

Speaker 3 First year was 2000, or he was four years old. I took him to Puerto Rico.
Father-son.

Speaker 2 Father-son trip. No visa necessary.

Speaker 3 Nope. No passport.
No visa. No, nothing.

Speaker 2 How was that?

Speaker 3 It was great. I've been to Puerto Rico a handful of time.
I've been to Puerto Rico probably like eight times now.

Speaker 2 What'd you do?

Speaker 3 We stayed in San Juan at the Hilton,

Speaker 3 which is,

Speaker 3 they claim that they invented the pina colada.

Speaker 2 The Hilton. Yeah.

Speaker 2 The Hilton. Not the city? The Hilton? No.
No, the Pina Colada. The bartender that worked at the Hilton, you can look this up.

Speaker 3 He invented the pina colada in whatever it was, like 70-something. And he's still there? 60, maybe? No, no, no, he's not there anymore.
I think he's dead. What do you think he's going to say?

Speaker 3 Let's see, where is the pina colada invented? San Juan, Puerto Rico, specifically the Caribbe Hilton Hotel.

Speaker 3 This is a big deal. Ramon Manchito Morero, the bartender of the hotel, created the drink in 1954.
He mixed rum, coconut cream, pineapple juice, resulting in the iconic tropical cocktail.

Speaker 2 There was no peanuts. The hilton

Speaker 2 what's that song

Speaker 3 in la pina colada

Speaker 3 getting something the drains

Speaker 2 when was this released what do you think it was after 1979 so so 25 years later before somebody sang about it yeah

Speaker 3 the kariba oh my god yeah yeah and it was a pretty cool hilton dude they had a parrot that spoke what do you mean really what is that just walk by he'd be like hello he He was like, hello.

Speaker 2 Colonizers. Colonizers.
It was like,

Speaker 3 I was, I spent so much time just drunk talking to this parrot in the lobby of the Hilton.

Speaker 2 Parrot with you drunk is equal footing. Yeah, dude.

Speaker 3 It's like, oh, dude, I would just, I mean, probably for an hour I talked to a parrot.

Speaker 2 It was fucking great.

Speaker 2 Hi, guys. Ari Shfir here, breaking into today's episode live from the colonial district of Mogadishu, Somalia, to tell you a little bit about the guest Lewis.
That's right. Today he deserves it.

Speaker 2 The J Gomez. He is, bar none, the realest ass dude in comedy.
I'm telling you, nobody's even close. Whoever you think of as real ass is not.
They're real as Lewis.

Speaker 2 And today he has a new special out on YouTube called,

Speaker 2 You're Making This Worse. It's available right now on

Speaker 2 youtube.com slash Lewis J Gomez Comedy. Oh yeah, no, go ahead, block my shot.
It's not the most important thing in my fucking life. Smoke your cigarette.

Speaker 2 Louis the man, you guys. And now that he's made, produced a series of specials for his friends, and now he's back to make his own great special.

Speaker 2 He's a really funny stand-up comic, and I think you guys will love him. And really, there's nothing better you can do than check out

Speaker 2 a special from a stand-up comic. It's the most important thing in probably a two-year period for us.
Or a one-year period for the people who put him out too much trying to be like Louis C.K.

Speaker 2 and they're just not.

Speaker 2 You can also see him on his podcast, multiple podcasts called Skanks, Legion of Skanks, The Regs, and his new one, Story Wars, he does every week with Big Jay

Speaker 2 Big Jay Gomez, Big Jay Okerson. Oh, is that where he got the J from? Is he copying it from Big Jay Okerson? Louis J.
Gomez? There might be something there.

Speaker 2 I'm a winner of Story Wars. You should check out that episode where I won, and those two guys lost.

Speaker 2 Check him out on Instagram, Gomez Comedy on Instagram. Also,

Speaker 2 all his tour dates

Speaker 2 on his website, Lewisofskanks.com. It's going to be in Nashville, Columbus for New Year's, Miami's Burger, Ohio.
That's a real place. Batavia and Kansas City.

Speaker 2 Check them out. But really, guys, what you want to do is check out a special.
You're making this worse. Look at this place.

Speaker 2 Who knew that Mogadishu could be this beautiful in the summertime? Check that out. Go pan out of there.
Look at that.

Speaker 2 Those are all poor people.

Speaker 2 These are all the richies, and those are all the poor and they have to stay up there if they come down there they get shot and that's the story of mocha dishu um for myself you can uh follow this podcast on uh yubi trippin' pod on instagram uh please subscribe wherever you're watching or listening

Speaker 2 youtube.com slash at ubi trippin' pod please leave a comment um

Speaker 2 uh for the algorithm and i don't know what else get yourself a you be trippin'

Speaker 2 t-shirt that you can wear anywhere you want and get yourself a a box of uh psychedelic playing cards where I am the king of mushrooms all available at ariesphere.com or at the bottom of the screen wherever you're watching or listening and tell a friend about this podcast everybody I'm enjoying doing it.

Speaker 2 Let's get back to the episode Luis J. Gomez.
That's right Jay telling us how to do travel with a with a child. I would always say get rid of it.

Speaker 2 The only travel you should do is if you live in a state doesn't allow abortions take that child over to one of those free states and get rid of it so you can travel on your own.

Speaker 2 That's it, everybody. Let's get back to the episode.
But again, for real, go check out Lewis's special. You're making this worse on YouTube right now.
Leave him a comment.

Speaker 2 Tell him you heard about his special from this podcast. That'll make me happy.
There's got to be something. Something you can leave in the comments.
I know.

Speaker 2 Tell you, hey, Ari told me to finally give you the J and then you can make up whatever the J is.

Speaker 2 You finally deserve the J because Ari said it. Thank you.
I came here from you beat tripping. Anything like that, guys.

Speaker 2 All right, let's get back to the episode. Louis Jacobis, Traveler Child.
Let's get back to it. Bye-bye.

Speaker 3 But it was a beautiful, really beautiful hilltop.

Speaker 2 And how did James like it?

Speaker 3 He loved it. He was four, dude.
He's drinking virgin peanut cola.

Speaker 2 Does he know this is different? This is interesting. Yeah.

Speaker 3 At four, yeah. James always been very smart.

Speaker 2 Very smart kid. Fucked.

Speaker 3 And very appreciative, very sweet kid. Yeah, keep talking.

Speaker 3 And yeah, we went there and we went to Old San Juan, which is really cool.

Speaker 3 You know, just like, once again, when I go on a record, dude, I go on vacation.

Speaker 2 What's old San Juan?

Speaker 3 Old San Juan is an older version of San Juan.

Speaker 2 Is it?

Speaker 2 Is it like an old town? Is it like an old junk?

Speaker 3 It's kind of like, yeah, it's like, you know, it's colorful, like older buildings.

Speaker 3 Really beautiful restaurants. When I go on vacation, I'm going on vacation to just eat good food and create memories.

Speaker 2 Okay, so we did have this for the last time. You're like, I don't want to see parts of Jamaica.
I'm going to Jamaica to chill. Yeah.
Because it's tropical.

Speaker 3 It's tropical and it's a beach and there's

Speaker 2 a trippy award. You know, you won a trippy award last year.

Speaker 3 Yeah, was it the most boring least adventurous? Least adventurous. I was least adventurous.
Out of every come on.

Speaker 2 Out of all we had on. That's impossible.

Speaker 2 That's impossible.

Speaker 3 I was adventurous. I was first going to Jamaica.
You can get killed with machetes.

Speaker 3 I don't care what it's for. It's an award.

Speaker 2 Oh,

Speaker 3 it's Louis J. Guys, our trippy award.

Speaker 2 There's a globe.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 Ah, least adventurous villa in Jamaica.

Speaker 3 It's pretty adventurous, doggy.

Speaker 3 Is it though? Is it the least adventurous out of everybody that you had on here? I think it was. No, stop.

Speaker 2 I want to know who else was nominated. I don't know.
Let me look it up. Oh,

Speaker 3 look at the Trippy Award. I'm so excited.

Speaker 2 Least Adventurous. Let's see here.

Speaker 3 That's a cool award.

Speaker 3 Those are nice quality, too.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it is.

Speaker 2 You have the least.

Speaker 2 Damn. Oh, here we go.
You'll be too.

Speaker 2 Come here, Bandit. Oh, there's actually, okay, so I have Most Adventurous, H.
Foley, because he really tried. Where did he go? Greece, but like he really, he really got out of his comfort zone to go.

Speaker 2 Timeout, timeout.

Speaker 3 I know, because H. Foley went to Greece three months after I did, and I gave him a bunch of advice.
There was no fucking adventure, but just because he's fat and had to walk upstairs.

Speaker 3 That's not adventure.

Speaker 2 Best Meal, we had a few of those. Interesting ones.

Speaker 2 Biggest piece of shit, McCusker was nominated. Sal, Column, David Cross.
Best Trip was like a lot of them. Least Adventurous, one nominee.
No, stop.

Speaker 2 Stop it.

Speaker 2 Literally, no one else had no adventure. I had adventurous.
You were so little adventure, you brought your staff.

Speaker 3 Well, first of all, I've been to these villas. I've been to Jamaica 12 times now.

Speaker 2 Wow. Any machete, any machete sightings?

Speaker 3 One of the first times I went,

Speaker 3 the first time I went to Jamaica, I stayed in the grill at a shitty resort with this fat chick. And

Speaker 3 that's adventurous, too. She can stop breathing at any time.
It's scary.

Speaker 2 Because you were fucking her so hard? Because you were fucking her mat face.

Speaker 2 It's like, I didn't stop breathing.

Speaker 3 I said, uh, and then I watched a fight on the beach between two Jamaicans. One guy hit the other guy in the head with a rock, and the other guy chased him around with a machete.
Where is it?

Speaker 3 Where's what?

Speaker 3 It's right there.

Speaker 3 Oh, I'm bringing it home.

Speaker 3 I don't have trophies.

Speaker 2 This is one. No, you're definitely bringing it home.
I just thought it was like you're

Speaker 2 dumped it.

Speaker 2 Buddy, I'm sorry.

Speaker 3 It's fine. I do feel like there was probably.

Speaker 3 I guarantee you that H. Foley's trip to Greece was less adventurous than mine, and you gave him most adventurous, which is crazy.

Speaker 2 No, no. He was nominated for most adventurous.
Yeah, he did not win most adventurous. I think this guy went to Morocco and almost got married.

Speaker 2 Married off during an Eid ceremony.

Speaker 2 It's pretty wild. That's adventurous.
Yeah, he went for it.

Speaker 3 No, I mean, dude, just leaving the villa to go buy ice cream and the quarter mile walk. I mean, it's very dangerous.
I think that's adventurous as fuck.

Speaker 3 Okay. There's Jamaicans everywhere in Jamaica.

Speaker 2 Do you know that?

Speaker 3 Do you understand what you're dealing with?

Speaker 2 Buddy, I'll change your light bulb. I'll change your light bulb.
Get out of here. Get out of here.
Oh, you get out of here.

Speaker 3 Okay, so you took him to Puerto Rico for the first time.

Speaker 3 What adventurous thing?

Speaker 2 What did he like about it?

Speaker 3 He was too young to even really give his opinions now. I just know we'll look at pictures still sometimes.
He was like, oh, dad, I love that. He loved the parrot.

Speaker 3 We both loved the parrot for different reasons. He was a young boy.

Speaker 2 He was like a parrot that talks.

Speaker 3 I'm a fucking old man. I'm like, oh, birth, the dogs.

Speaker 2 I'm fucking retarded my high

Speaker 2 talking to us

Speaker 2 uh

Speaker 3 but we went to uh we tried to go to el yunke which is a rainforest in puerto rico in puerto rico and i took his mother there when she was pregnant with him

Speaker 3 um we went

Speaker 2 we we

Speaker 3 i tried to get her to drink the water um

Speaker 3 no but we stayed in like a cabin in el yunke and uh we watched the ufc fights in that cabin like in a beautiful beautiful cabin bro this is gorgeous all glass uh the cabin was literally in the middle of the rainforest.

Speaker 3 It was just all glass walls. So you were just surrounded by nature completely.

Speaker 2 Sister X?

Speaker 3 Yeah, I wish.

Speaker 2 What a homo lady this is, and whoever's taking it for her.

Speaker 3 Yeah, just some fucking hand job.

Speaker 3 Every time I go on vacation with the chick, it's like literally half my time.

Speaker 3 It's just me taking pictures of her trying to be hot.

Speaker 2 Which is just like for their next tender.

Speaker 3 And then they're never fucking happy. They're never happy with the pictures.

Speaker 2 What's better, traveling with a chick or traveling with James?

Speaker 2 James doesn't blow.

Speaker 3 Chicks give, well, he does.

Speaker 3 Chicks give better head. He's got a small mouth.
He's a boy. He's a young boy.
He's got a little mustache now, so, you know, it tickles.

Speaker 2 Nice.

Speaker 3 No, it's, no, my son, obviously. It's the best traveling with him.
Every year we do something new.

Speaker 3 And he's,

Speaker 3 once again, it's, I'm creating memories with him that he's going to have forever.

Speaker 2 Like,

Speaker 3 my childhood traveling was so shitty. The biggest vacation I took when I was a kid was Atlantic City.
And I wasn't even with my mom.

Speaker 3 We would go with my friend, my gay friend Rocky's family would bring me to Atlantic City, and we'd stay at Bally's. But it was like, for me, it was glamorous, dude.

Speaker 2 Like, I was like, wow, this is wild.

Speaker 3 Because I was so broke.

Speaker 2 It was AC.

Speaker 3 AC, dude. And we'd go to the beach.

Speaker 2 And your mom's like, I got to collect on a long bet for Jackson Championship.

Speaker 2 Just getting the collection.

Speaker 3 There's just homeless people.

Speaker 2 It's also the worst homeless people.

Speaker 3 Disgusting. There's like a lady with no arms and no legs.
She's playing the piano with her tongue. You're like, this is.

Speaker 2 I always said Atlantic City was like a blueprint for Vegas and and Vegas was a thing. But now I'm realizing Atlantic City is like a blueprint for Austin, for the homeless.

Speaker 3 The Atlantic City homeless are like the Atlantic City homeless are next level. It's gotten even worse.
It's even more desolate. If you go now, I'm performing in Atlantic City in a couple weeks.

Speaker 2 This is coming out in 2026.

Speaker 3 Yeah, but last year I performed in Atlantic City. It was pretty wild.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 2 Oh, I hope he got stabbed to death there.

Speaker 2 He foretold it.

Speaker 3 But yeah, we just, you know, Puerto Rico sucks. That's the truth, right? Puerto Rico is not a great place.
I've gone so many times just because before I had a passport, I would go.

Speaker 2 It's kind of the most adventurous, even more than Hawaii, the most adventurous place you can go without a passport. Because it is.
Remember, I lost a bet to you about it being in another country?

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 We were doing skanks at Creek. Yeah.
It was before Trump said whatever he said.

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Maybe it was right then. I'm trying to think.
Trump was eight.

Speaker 2 Trump got in about eight years ago.

Speaker 3 The first time was 2016. Had to be before that.

Speaker 2 So I think it was just a random Skanks episode. And you're like, I guarantee it's part of America.

Speaker 3 I'm like, what are you talking about? You had no idea.

Speaker 2 And then when Trump said that and everybody turned on him, I'm like, I know none of us know because I've already been through this.

Speaker 2 So I know you guys are lying about how you always knew.

Speaker 3 Yeah, Puerto Rico, it feels almost like Miami. It's like, it's just kind of like, you know, it's just,

Speaker 3 it is like training wheels for going out of the country.

Speaker 2 Right. You know? It's all Spanish?

Speaker 3 Yeah, all Spanish-speaking people. I mean, most of them speak English too, except the old people.
But, you know, Puerto Rican food kind of sucks. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Once again, when I go on vacation, I want to eat something really incredible.

Speaker 2 And Puerto Rican food

Speaker 3 sucks. It's just not great.
Like mofungo.

Speaker 2 Mufungo is overrated. It's just, ugh.
It's a ball of fucking whatever. They all fucking bananas whatever.

Speaker 3 You're supposed to get into it. No, it sucks.
Mufungo sucks.

Speaker 2 Now, I will tell you the fucking

Speaker 2 chicharron. The crispy chicharron is good, but I think, I don't even know if that's there or something.

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah. That's not even.

Speaker 3 That's in almost any Spanish. Cuba DR Puerto Rico you'll get that everywhere Mexico's all soggy and flaws Mexico sucks too.

Speaker 3 I was just in Mexico and we're talking about maybe doing a skank fest I was in a couple days ago yesterday

Speaker 3 skank fest Mexico City skank fest Cancun

Speaker 3 at a resort at a resort

Speaker 2 You know what the old dumb dump club used to do what

Speaker 2 Not CM Reap. They did a

Speaker 2 Costamui comedy festival. It's where the full moon parties are in Thailand.
Oh, that's funny. And they get their people there two weeks after a full moon, so it's like, whatever.

Speaker 2 Let's all just go there. Resorts, beaches.
We'll do three live podcasts. And then the rest, let's just drink and be degenerate pieces of shit.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Cancun would be cool, too.

Speaker 2 You could be real shitty.

Speaker 3 We would take over a resort.

Speaker 2 We did the one. Didn't we do it?

Speaker 3 JFL did it.

Speaker 2 There was a festival somewhere. I think Cancun.

Speaker 3 No, I did him. I did one.
Were you in Mexico?

Speaker 2 No, you weren't at the Cabo Comedy Festival? Cabo. Were you there? there? Yeah, Jeff Dye was there.
Jeff Dye would take his shirt off at bars. He goes, We're comics.
We do what we want.

Speaker 2 He was like really drunk and getting into it.

Speaker 3 It was fun.

Speaker 2 I love Jeff Dye. It was fun.
He's a lunatic, but I love him. He's a lunatic.

Speaker 3 He just could have gone through the completely like straight lazy. He's a good-looking dude.
He was on Last Comic Sandy Heat. And then he was like, you know what?

Speaker 3 I'm going to fucking be a Nazi, which I love. I really appreciate him for that.

Speaker 2 He's awesome. I love Jeff.
He's the man.

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Speaker 3 But no, I did the Cobble Comedy Festival somebody years ago.

Speaker 2 What's his name, Cried? The gay? Who's that guy who came out of the closet at 50? Meanie. Kevin Meany.
Oh, really? Yeah, he cried because he had such a bad set. He's dead.

Speaker 2 We can talk whatever we want about him. Nice.

Speaker 2 He was like,

Speaker 2 it was like, Kevin, it sucks. We're just here for their free vacation.

Speaker 2 It's not about the sets.

Speaker 3 Oh, dude,

Speaker 3 this was a different festival. Okay.
The guys from the stand were involved running this one.

Speaker 2 And it wasn't great.

Speaker 3 It was so fucking awful.

Speaker 2 They were like, what do we put the pizza oven? Like, all right.

Speaker 3 All right, guys.

Speaker 2 Calm down.

Speaker 3 It was Cabo, and it was like crazy.

Speaker 2 I got Coke.

Speaker 3 Who did I get Coke for? Let's name names.

Speaker 2 Cocaine. Cocaine.
Cocaine.

Speaker 3 I had a bit in my first special about it.

Speaker 3 In fact, I talked about this on Soder's podcast. Don't put this out as a clip because I collaborated on the clip talking about how to get free cocaine in Mexico.

Speaker 3 And then Instagram suspended everything.

Speaker 3 I can't live stream for a year right now. I can't monetize anything for a year.
What? Because they said I was promoting how to get drugs.

Speaker 2 You're like, I mean, I was, but, but that doesn't mean you should demonstrate it.

Speaker 3 I I was telling a story on what I did in Mexico, which is a 100% true story.

Speaker 2 And I just get, I get some of the things that I'm saying. You can see their side of it, though.

Speaker 3 I got free samples of cocaine on the beach in Mexico.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, you go from spot to spot to spot. Someone could, someone not here.
Ah, fuck.

Speaker 2 Ugly festival. Anyway, check out Soder's podcast, everybody.
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Speaker 2 Here at Ubi Tripping, we stand staunchly against drug use of any kind.

Speaker 3 Yeah, but so that Comedy Festival was awful. I fucked like a 70-year-old woman.
It was wild. Me and Al Jackson did every drug possible.
Al.

Speaker 2 He's an animal, dude. He is a fucker.
He is a fucker.

Speaker 3 I met Al, I mean, maybe when I was a year in comedy, this is like 20 years ago. And he was part of a group called the Miami Comics, and they were all terrible except for Al Martin or Al Martin.

Speaker 3 Fucking

Speaker 3 Al Jackson. And Odie Press was pretty good.
He was a funny guy. Okay.

Speaker 3 But Al Jackson was a, I mean, dude, we partied so hard in mexico i mean we're just doing coke we went to you know the what do they call it the uh al will always go for it yeah just savage yeah we was the kind of guy also did pharmaceutical pharmaceutical got a bunch of just like pills like random pills they were like this is adderall we're like no it's not wow do you have a one of each yeah dude i just literally popped all these different pills it was a real fucking and then i met this old lady just an old woman Yeah, because back in the day, I would just, I would fuck almost anything.

Speaker 3 Literally just any girl that was willing to open her legs for me, I would be down.

Speaker 2 Who reused the condom? You or your friend?

Speaker 2 At the old

Speaker 2 state of New York. What's the bathroom? Condom.
One of you used someone else's condom.

Speaker 3 No, no, no. That was a story with me and Dave Smith who would not be happy that I would even discuss this.

Speaker 2 That's why I said just your friend.

Speaker 3 I think that was a bit that we did. I don't think anybody actually reused the condom.
We did both bang the same chick in the bathroom, but I think I just raw dogged it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that makes more sense.

Speaker 3 When you think about it, it's like that story is like kind of like nope yeah i'm gonna take your cum in my pee hole that's insane

Speaker 2 through that you know miss pat was the first one to break that to me that jussie smolette was lying before anyone else knew yeah everyone was like he's a hero how oh my god what happened she goes that motherfucking lying but she said a different m slash n word um and i was like what do you mean she goes who using name brand bleach to fucking do an attack use fucking costco bleach i beat name brand give me a break that guy what a fall from grace right

Speaker 3 Just for no reason.

Speaker 2 It's so funny, too, how they didn't all go, oh,

Speaker 2 shit. That was really shitty, man.

Speaker 3 That's their side.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, hey, that's really shitty.
They just go, well, we'll leave that one alone.

Speaker 2 You know, none of us believe anybody now. Yeah.
You can't get.

Speaker 2 No, we should attack him now for real. We should

Speaker 2 believe him.

Speaker 3 Let's do a race attack on Jussie Smollett now.

Speaker 2 I could scream the En-ROADS or punching him. Extra ones.

Speaker 2 Nobody would believe him. Ah, fuck.

Speaker 3 That's a great idea.

Speaker 2 Dude, let's race detect Josie Smollett. Modern interpretation of the boyfriend wolf.

Speaker 2 Who's going to believe you, George?

Speaker 2 Shit.

Speaker 3 But yeah, so

Speaker 3 yeah, the first trip was great. My son was very young, so it was just hanging out at the hotel.
We did go back to El Yunque, but we took an Uber there. You can't drive an Uber all the way in.

Speaker 3 You have to do like a tour bus or whatever. So I had the driver drop us off, and then we started walking.
It was pouring rain. So we never actually got to the rainforest.

Speaker 3 The adventure was turning around and eventually trying to find another car to come.

Speaker 2 Like, this is rain. It's rainforest.
Yeah, it's rain. El Junkie, I gotta get there.
Yeah, have you been to Puerto Rico? No. Oh, you would like it.
I'm sure.

Speaker 3 It's cool. If you go to the rainforest, it's fun.

Speaker 3 I don't speak any Spanish.

Speaker 2 Okay, so then where'd you take him?

Speaker 3 Our next trip was to this one. I was dating Kim Kong, Diden.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 3 I met her in California, and

Speaker 3 then me and James spent a few days at

Speaker 3 Universal Studios.

Speaker 2 Did he ever call her mom? No.

Speaker 2 No. Did he call any of them? No, he doesn't.

Speaker 2 Was he ever like, I was rooting for this one, man.

Speaker 3 I think he liked Kim.

Speaker 2 I think he did like Kim. Everyone loves Kim.

Speaker 3 Kim's great, you know. Kim's great if you're not dating her.

Speaker 2 Kim's, yeah, she's a psycho.

Speaker 3 No, she's not a psycho. She's gotten a lot.

Speaker 2 She's a psycho. And I love her because I've never dated her.

Speaker 3 Yeah, well, I'll admit this.

Speaker 2 You're also a psycho. Because

Speaker 3 I talked Kim recently about it. Talked to him about the guest?

Speaker 2 No, no, no.

Speaker 3 Well, she was like, she was, because we've gotten over all of our shit, right?

Speaker 3 And, you know, I was just like, look, she's like, I know you think I'm crazy. And I was like, no, no, I drove you crazy.
I know that. I know that, like, I was a big part of the equation.
Kim's crazy.

Speaker 3 She has her own issues, but I'm particularly, like, I'm fucking.

Speaker 3 I am just, I get crazy girls even crazier. I make normal girls kind of crazy.
Every girl that I've ever dated has punched me in the face at one point.

Speaker 3 Like, normal, like, sweet girls just fucking crack me in the jaw. And I mock them.
I put my chin out. I'm like, I make them want to do it.

Speaker 2 It's a problem. Just ride them, needle them until they.

Speaker 3 Yeah, until they get violent with me. Then I get to have the high ground and be like, you hit me.
I would never hit you.

Speaker 2 I just cheated on you a lot in our bed.

Speaker 2 I didn't wash the sheets.

Speaker 3 Yeah. But yeah, I went to the second one was Universal Studios, which was awesome.

Speaker 2 Okay, interesting.

Speaker 3 And this before weed was legal everywhere.

Speaker 3 I mean, it was, I think it was at that time in California. I think it was legal in California at that time.
I think so. But I was smoking a vape pen.
I remember I was like in Universal Studios.

Speaker 3 My son's like five. He's like, you know, running all over the place.
And there's like a Jurassic Park attraction.

Speaker 2 There are people who don't smoke weed, by the way, there's a thing called functional pothead. So don't think this is like on drugs.

Speaker 3 No, no, I was a massive pothead. And I also never really hit it for my son.
I don't smoke anymore.

Speaker 2 But I mean, like, you can handle everything on weed. No, 100%.

Speaker 3 Especially at that time, I was like, you know,

Speaker 3 all day, every day, taking dabs in the morning.

Speaker 2 Yes, I smoked with Sagalo, and he goes, he goes, you have a big tolerance of me. I'm like, I did.

Speaker 2 I'm not in my fighting days anymore.

Speaker 3 Oh, you don't smoke all day, every day, anymore?

Speaker 2 Yeah. But he does, so it's like, you got me now, buddy.
Yeah, of course. You know, pass the torch.

Speaker 3 Yeah, no, I would get wildly, wildly high now.

Speaker 3 I smoked when I was in Jamaica a few weeks ago. I smoked in Europe last week.

Speaker 2 So what happened at Universal, though?

Speaker 3 So there's a Jurassic Park The Ride, which is a fun, like, old school one. It's like one of the last old rides that are still there.
And it's at the end, the big T-Rex comes out and it scares you.

Speaker 3 That's cool.

Speaker 3 But there's like people that, the employees that are in front of the ride, it's like, it's like there's almost like a puppet, like a dinosaur that they play with, but it looks kind of like a real dinosaur.

Speaker 3 And I'm fucking high. I'm like, oh, this dinosaur is mad cool.
And she's got a fucking like, you know, safari helmet on, where it's just like, would you even wear a safari?

Speaker 3 If you were dealing with dinosaurs, she was like dressed like you're not, you're not in Africa. This is dinosaurs.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 3 you know, she has a mouthpiece and she's like, so the fucking Dilapidaptis, thesaurus, whatever, she's giving facts and shit. And I'm like,

Speaker 3 it was a big blowing, bone of big cloud of supposed kids everywhere. And then she goes into the microphone.
She goes, sir, not here.

Speaker 2 And I was like, oh, sorry.

Speaker 3 I was embarrassed. But

Speaker 3 yeah,

Speaker 3 that was a fun one.

Speaker 3 We took him to Hollywood, the diner.

Speaker 3 What's the fucking diner?

Speaker 2 Mel's. Like old school.

Speaker 3 The other Melz though, not the one by the comedy store, the other one. Yeah.
Yeah, very old school vibes. Took him to the Walk of Fam.

Speaker 2 We did all the touristy stuff.

Speaker 3 For a little kid, they want to see those things.

Speaker 2 And are you going, like, I got to do this for him? Are you going like, I also will get some enjoyment out of this?

Speaker 3 I get enjoyment out of watching him be excited about shit.

Speaker 2 Me and Nick Thune were co-headlining a show in Toronto, and I saw a guy go like this, go, you know, the smoke, the smoke just starts coming out.

Speaker 2 And I was like, I looked at a few times, like, he's smoking and breathing it into your chest. And the guy goes, shut up, Nark.

Speaker 2 You remember when we were in college?

Speaker 3 You would take a hit of weed, and then you had a paper towel roll with fucking dryer sheets in it.

Speaker 2 You blow it through this.

Speaker 3 You blow through it. And it's still, it stinks.
There's pot smoke everywhere.

Speaker 3 And you're like, oh, no, no, this is how you do it. It doesn't smell.
It definitely smells. It definitely smells just like weed.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Because it's weed smoke.

Speaker 3 I'm banned from Sunny Oneonta to this day. A lifetime banned from the campus.

Speaker 3 I never went there. I went to go buy acid and visit my friends up there.
And we were smoking through a thing. The RA came at like 11.
It was like, guys, you got to stop smoking.

Speaker 2 We're like, oh, cool. Put more dryer sheets in.

Speaker 3 No, just stop smoking. They call the cops on us.

Speaker 3 I was tripping on acid at this point. The cops come and I just pretended to be asleep on acid, like in the chair.
Like I'm melting into the chair. I'm like trying not to crack up, like losing my mind.

Speaker 3 And the cops raided the entire dorm. They fed they were growing weed.
This is all happening around me while I'm tripping on acid with like just pretending to be asleep.

Speaker 3 The cops went into my wallet, took out my ID.

Speaker 2 It's so funny, like pretending to be asleep. Like,

Speaker 2 it's like, buddy, we're making enough noise that even if you were asleep, you definitely would have woken up.

Speaker 3 I have no idea why these cops didn't just wake me up, but they literally took my ID and banned me. They put my information down.
They were like, he's banned from here.

Speaker 3 He can't be on the campus anymore. My friend got kicked out of school.
No. Yeah, two of the guys that lived in the dorm got kicked out of school.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 3 Yeah, it was insane.

Speaker 2 Sunny Oneonta's best never were. Suni Oneonta.

Speaker 3 That's that.

Speaker 2 Do you ever worry about danger with James?

Speaker 3 When I took him to Jamaica a couple years ago,

Speaker 3 we didn't have a beach. We were in a villa that was like off these rocks, and it was like really aggressive waves that were like coming.

Speaker 3 You jump it, you jump, you'd cliff dive off these rocks, but it was like crashing into the rocks. And I did it, and my sister did it, you know, but it was like pretty hard to get to the fucking thing.

Speaker 3 And James is maybe, yeah, seven years old at this time. And I remember like, I'm encouraging him to do it because I don't want my son to be a pussy.

Speaker 3 But then I'm going, like, he's definitely gonna drown and it was this weird like line that i was like it's so funny like you just any other person like no he's not doing that there's no way but like i was so he didn't he ended up he didn't end up jumping but like i was kind of like pushing him into it and i was like my whole plan was i'm gonna just jump in and drown both of us

Speaker 3 that was gonna be the way it ended i love seeing those videos of somebody like let me go help him like it's heavy waves oh yeah no it's terrible you know what you you're not supposed to do that like yes apparently like if you if somebody's drowning and you jump in to try to save them if they're the the survival instinct will be they'll pull you down and drown you with them whoa so you gotta like you have to have like a fucking train

Speaker 2 yeah you gotta have a thing but that was like at one time where i was like really scared where i was like i was like what was i thinking like why was he gonna let him do that that was a crazy thing i don't really take him like dangerous places for the most part anyway but that's what i'd be concerned with where it's like where it's like like you ever think about bringing a chick for like india and you're like gang central yeah and you'll be like well it's only in small parts like i don't need to take that i'm not bringing my chicks for her to watch me somebody.

Speaker 2 This is crazy. With friends, they can't do that.

Speaker 3 I'm trying to fucking chick on a bus right now.

Speaker 3 Yeah, but

Speaker 3 he's not like adventurous like that. He doesn't want to do anything dangerous.
He's a responsible kid. He's the kid who will be like, no, dad, that's dangerous.
We're not doing that.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. He talks you down.

Speaker 3 Yeah, he talks me down.

Speaker 2 You really have trained him how to

Speaker 2 not give way to peer pressure. He's a better person.

Speaker 3 Yeah. He's a better person than I ever was, you know.

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Speaker 3 Where's our third trip?

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Where else to go out of the country? Italy. Went to Italy.
That's way later.

Speaker 3 Yeah, he was maybe he was eight at the time.

Speaker 2 Puerto Rico,

Speaker 2 Walk of Fame Puerto Rico Hollywood then

Speaker 3 Jamaica then no we never did a father-son in Jamaica by ourselves. It was always the family.

Speaker 2 Oh, right.

Speaker 3 We did

Speaker 3 take him just you and him? Just me and him somewhere every year.

Speaker 2 This is reminding me right now of in that picture on the left there in Galapagos. Yeah.

Speaker 2 There was some mom who took her kid to Galapagos. She had cancer.
She got over it. And then she was like, I'm going to take each of you on a trip.
Where do you want to go?

Speaker 2 This kid was all in the sea lions. It was his main thing.
All he did was give stats. He was like 10, 12 years old.
You know, those nerds are like telling you everything. I'm like, it was cute.

Speaker 2 And then it became uncute. I've been trying to see a seahorse for maybe a decade.
A seahorse. Yeah.
Like a little.

Speaker 2 They're pretty rare.

Speaker 3 But I've been trying to. You're trying to see one in like the wild.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And they were like, hey, they're around here.
And you're like, okay, cool. On an island that's shaped like a seahorse.
It's crazy. Wow.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 And so you finally, I found one. And I'm like, oh, and they're like, hey, if you see one, don't kick up any soot, whatever.
And

Speaker 2 let's call him Billy or whatever. And he comes over with this stupid fucking flowers.

Speaker 2 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Just ruined the whole fucking thing.
Have some fucking respect. Do you ever worry about that? Ruining everyone else's time?

Speaker 3 I mean, not him. Once again, like, he's a good kid.

Speaker 3 He's just not that kid.

Speaker 2 Let's see.

Speaker 2 Oh, it does look like a seahorse. Isn't that crazy?

Speaker 3 And there's seahorses all around there.

Speaker 2 Yeah. It's like all in here, whatever.
There's like, I forget where we were, maybe there.

Speaker 3 Urbana Bay.

Speaker 2 But it was like, it was so nutty.

Speaker 3 We went to, our third trip was

Speaker 3 we went to Myrtle Beach.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 3 Which is, you know, Trash Bag Central. Yeah.

Speaker 3 But we went to

Speaker 3 one of those tiger petting zoos.

Speaker 2 Really? You like to pet baby tigers?

Speaker 3 You guys go in there from Tiger King. It was the guy that had all the girlfriends.

Speaker 3 What's his name?

Speaker 2 Myrtle Tiger Safari.

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 He's in jail now. I think the guy who owns it.

Speaker 2 Really?

Speaker 3 Yeah, for like tax evasion.

Speaker 2 This is what you did?

Speaker 3 Yeah. This shit? Dude, that was awesome.

Speaker 2 You got out pictures of that. Yeah.
Oh, send me those. I'll send them to you right now.
Well, not right now. Or show them to me, but whatever.

Speaker 3 Yeah, no,

Speaker 3 we pet baby tigers.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Let me see if I got them in this phone.
Oh, my God, dude. Wow.

Speaker 3 It wasn't just tigers, dude. It was everything.

Speaker 3 It was chimpanzees. They had a giant dude.
We were sitting in like a gazebo thing.

Speaker 3 And then out of nowhere, you saw a fucking big old fucking...

Speaker 3 No, I don't trust you.

Speaker 2 You see a what?

Speaker 3 You see a giant arm come from the, like, under the roof.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And like, the arm comes in.

Speaker 3 It's like a human-size arm. And this big old fucking ape, like Caesar from Planet of the Apes, comes down and he's just like, oh,

Speaker 3 and it was just so, it felt dangerous.

Speaker 2 No, really? Yeah, yeah. Damn, I don't know what's happening.

Speaker 2 It's okay. I'll show you other pictures.
Wow. Do they ever get attacked? Do people ever get attacked?

Speaker 3 I don't think so. I mean, I think one person at that, in the Tiger King documentary, didn't she get her arm bit off by a tiger?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 That happened.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And then she kept working there.

Speaker 3 I mean, he was so happy, dude. Let's get so far.

Speaker 2 That's the thing you would do with a kid. And honestly, you know, there's some trips you can only take with a chick because you're like, it's too kind of like lame to do alone, but you do like it.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 It seems like there'd be a bunch of stuff you could do with James that you wouldn't do on your own, but that does also rule, like this.

Speaker 3 This was, dude, it was so, it was like a once-in-a-lifetime life-changing event. I don't know, they don't have any of the pictures of the tigers in here.
I have like the package at home. Okay.

Speaker 3 Let's see if I just type in tiger. Maybe it'll come up.

Speaker 2 Tiger.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, there they are. Look at these little guys.

Speaker 3 Look at these little guys.

Speaker 2 Oh.

Speaker 2 Oh. Dude.

Speaker 2 Do they like gnaw at you and stuff? Do they

Speaker 3 play? They're fucking dude.

Speaker 3 Look at this monkey looking right at my fucking fucking face. A different type of monkey.
I don't even know what type of monkey it is.

Speaker 2 Is it like a howler? That's a movie.

Speaker 2 They're staring at you.

Speaker 2 Look at my face. You're so happy.

Speaker 3 Look how happy I am right in this picture.

Speaker 2 You're very happy. Yeah, dude.

Speaker 3 It was really. It was super expensive.
I mean, I thought it was like $500 a ticket or something like that to go to this thing. But it's like they give you, you're in a small group of like...

Speaker 2 I think they murder them after they're like, yeah, you're taking it.

Speaker 3 Yeah, once they get to like

Speaker 2 teenagers. They just ran away.
They don't just ran away.

Speaker 3 All of a sudden, these tigers disappear.

Speaker 2 They ran over. Like, we would notice if they ran.

Speaker 3 But you know what, dude? If they told me at the end of it, they shoot a baby tiger in the head, I would still make it. I'd say, you know what, it's worth it.
Because you had a good time.

Speaker 3 We had such a good time. I mean, it's a memory that he'll never forget.
I got to bring my niece.

Speaker 3 As I'm talking about it now, I'm like, I really ought to bring my niece to Myrtle Beach to the Tiger exhibit. They had fucking ligers, like half lion, half tigers.
They had fucking

Speaker 2 just, I mean, hawks.

Speaker 3 They had like trained hawks that were eating mice in front of us, just fucking swooping down. It was just a really cool.
Imagine going to a zoo and you got to like play with the animals.

Speaker 3 It's really immoral.

Speaker 2 By the way, I've seen that live in Tompkins. There's a hawk.
Oh, yeah? Yeah, Tama. And

Speaker 2 we see it killing squirrels sometimes, like ripping them apart. Nice.
And then everyone's gathered around. He doesn't care.
He just

Speaker 2 rips flesh off. So cool.
Fucking cool. So cool.

Speaker 3 But that was one of the, that was a really cool trip.

Speaker 3 Just once again,

Speaker 3 once-in-a-lifetime once-in-a-lifetime experience, he just really liked, I mean, petting a baby tiger, they come into your legs, and you put your legs down, they come into your lap, you have little toys to play with them with, and they're fucking

Speaker 3 little, powerful little kittens, but they're fucking big and fat and strong.

Speaker 2 Really cool.

Speaker 2 And they're just like, they don't have the teeth? No, they have teeth. So they just don't bite?

Speaker 3 They tell you not to put your hands in their mouth.

Speaker 2 Because it'll just like rip it off. Take your hands off, cut a vein.

Speaker 2 I didn't listen.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 3 That was a really cool experience. And he loved it.
He really, like, he fucking loved that so much. But the monkeys were the coolest part of it, dude.

Speaker 3 Having the champion just sitting in your lap looking up and going,

Speaker 3 oh, I'll tell you, we went to Costa Rica.

Speaker 3 I might be skipping one here, but

Speaker 3 we did Costa Rica.

Speaker 2 It's on a chronological podcast.

Speaker 3 And we did

Speaker 3 our hotel. Dude, this hotel was fucking dope.
Where? It was in Costa Rica.

Speaker 2 R ⁇ L?

Speaker 2 No. I don't remember where.

Speaker 3 Look up different places in Costa Rica, and I'll tell you where it was. It was, I've been to Costa Rica twice now.

Speaker 3 And this hotel was like, it wasn't even expensive, dude. It was maybe 200 bucks a night.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 And so the coastline, Costa Rica, most of the coastline stays preserved. They won't build anything like actually on the beach.

Speaker 2 Really? They're all up like uphills. You got to walk like a quarter mile down to like.
Yeah, that's right.

Speaker 2 The hike goes like this, and you go through, and there's monkeys and sloths, and then you're suddenly.

Speaker 3 you're on a beach like a beautiful untouched beach. It's like gorgeous.
It really is a pretty cool country. It's one of my favorite countries.
And

Speaker 3 our hotel was like in the trees essentially. And every day at 3 p.m.
These monkeys, these little fucking,

Speaker 3 what do they call them?

Speaker 3 Capuchin monkeys.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 3 They would come. They knew that tourists would feed them.
So they would come down from the trees and our, dude, our balcony, I'm going to show you, dude. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Our balcony was covered with capuchin monkeys. We give them sugar packets.
That's what they wanted. They didn't want fruit.
You can fruit, they'd be fine, but you give them a sugar packet.

Speaker 2 I can get fruit.

Speaker 3 Dude, I got to show you.

Speaker 3 When I show you how crazy these monkeys were, hold on, let's see.

Speaker 2 I live in trees. Obviously, I can get fruit, you idiot.

Speaker 3 All right, here, let's see.

Speaker 3 We took surfing lessons, we rented jets,

Speaker 3 went deep-sea fishing.

Speaker 3 I mean, really, so.

Speaker 2 Somebody made a decision to fucking make him worldly. Let me see.

Speaker 2 Give me, give me.

Speaker 2 Get right on the porch.

Speaker 2 Get ready to the porch.

Speaker 2 You little crazy bitch. Oh, he's got his baby on his back.

Speaker 2 One at a time.

Speaker 2 Oh, they're up there.

Speaker 3 Dude, they start descending like Planet of the Apes.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. They're looking down on you.
Whoa. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Do they ever attack?

Speaker 3 No, dude, because they know they're going to attack you. It doesn't make any sense.

Speaker 2 They're like, chill, bro.

Speaker 3 And you turn into like...

Speaker 3 I'm like, hello, little monkeys. You turn into a chick so quickly when you're dealing with these cute fucking animals.
Look at these guys.

Speaker 3 I'll send you this video.

Speaker 2 You got to send me all the ones you're talking about.

Speaker 2 Look at this.

Speaker 3 Hit a banana.

Speaker 3 Jim said, you're cute. I love you.
How sweet. Lizard, my son.
How cute is that?

Speaker 3 You're not cute. I love you.

Speaker 3 They jump into howler monkeys. There was a bunch of, dude, it was really...

Speaker 2 No, Wait, let me see.

Speaker 3 This was really cool, dude. And this place was like $200 a night.

Speaker 2 Wow, look at the nature right out there. Yeah, it was awesome.
I mean, the edge of this hotel is just like

Speaker 2 in the fucking jungle.

Speaker 2 It's in the jungle. It really is.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 And it was just a normal hotel.

Speaker 2 You just hold it up and it just comes.

Speaker 3 And they just take it right out of your hand. They're so cute, dude.

Speaker 3 They're They're sloths. They just walk around all slow like idiots.

Speaker 2 He just takes it and he's like...

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 And then he goes away.

Speaker 2 Sloths are pretty cool, huh?

Speaker 3 Sloths are super cool, but apparently they carry like a thousand different types of bugs on them.

Speaker 2 So you can't have a round? You can't fly around with them. Rotten bananas.

Speaker 3 It just sees it and goes all the way.

Speaker 3 Ah!

Speaker 3 Oh, give some to your kid, bro. See what a faggot is that like?

Speaker 2 you putting these in folders for me? Yeah, I'll remember. I will remember.
All of them? Oh, and the tigers and everything?

Speaker 3 Yeah, I'll send everything. I'll send you everything.
Okay.

Speaker 3 We took surfing lessons on the beach.

Speaker 3 That was kind of scary, too, because I've been injured surfing before. Yeah, it rolls you.
Dude, I fucking, dude, I went surfing with Lance Weiss, who's a comedian from New York. And a funny dude.

Speaker 3 And this is years ago.

Speaker 2 It was in Queens we went surfing, actually. Did you have no hand? No.
The guy with no hand? No, he's got a hand. No balls? Maybe he has no balls.

Speaker 3 We went surfing in Queens because apparently Queen's surfing is like incredible.

Speaker 2 Rockaway? No. Yeah, Rockaway.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 They say it's like great, like really, really great. They say, but I'm saying people that know surfing, they say, right? And

Speaker 3 I had only been surfing one other time. I was surfing in Puerto Rico with my ex-girlfriend years before.

Speaker 3 And we took a surf lesson. Some dude was on Coke just giving us a surf lesson.
He was trying to fuck my girlfriend the whole time.

Speaker 2 And you're like, use it. Use it.

Speaker 3 But I went surfing with him.

Speaker 3 And have you been surfing? You have. Yeah.
I learned in Ecuador. So

Speaker 3 there's two ways. If you've never been surfing before, the waves come crashing down.

Speaker 3 You have to get out to where the waves are breaking, right? So that's where it's really hard. It's physically demanding.
You got to get on the board. Get out there.
To get out there.

Speaker 3 It really is hard. By the time you're into the area where the waves are breaking, you're really tired.
It's just such a very, and I'm not like a great swimmer.

Speaker 2 I was like, I was like, I was like, I just sit there for a while ago. Yeah.

Speaker 3 And so.

Speaker 3 What happens is when you're when you're going out there, there's two

Speaker 3 there's two like techniques you can use, right? So the first is

Speaker 3 as the waves are coming over your head, you can throw the board behind you.

Speaker 3 It's tied to your leg and dive under the wave and come up on the other side of it and the board will come up and then start swimming on your board again.

Speaker 3 Then when a big wave comes, you throw it back again, you dive under, you can kind of drag it out behind you, right?

Speaker 3 Or they do something called turtling where you hold on to the board, the wave comes crashing, you turn the board over and the wave will go over the board and you pop back up, right?

Speaker 3 Which is like a little more of an advanced way. Cool.

Speaker 3 So what I did was instead of doing either one of those I just looked at the wave and screamed and I was like ah and I was holding on to the board like this the wave came and then while it was in my arms it spun the board clockwise like this and it dislocated my shoulder right to this day I have a fucked up shoulder I can't put my shoulder all the way back and my shoulder literally popped out under the water I'm trying to now that now I'm being my board's being thrown everywhere I got one arm all fucked up and I can't swim I was like dude this is it I'm gonna fucking die and I try to do that You know, I heard

Speaker 3 like in my shoulder.

Speaker 3 And then eventually the waves were hitting me so hard, it kind of just popped my shoulder back into place. And then I swam back to the shore.

Speaker 3 But that was maybe my closest to dying experience in my life.

Speaker 2 Oh.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 It was terrible. So anyway, I let my son surf.

Speaker 2 Costa Rica. You ever do this one where you're like paddling and you're like, you know, paddling to stand up? You're like, I'm not going fast enough.
You're like, I can't boogie those though. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 And you just like stay on your knees and go the whole way in.

Speaker 3 in i can't even say i think i've stood up for a total of a half a second on the board before i just crash and fall my son was actually pretty good at it here i have i think i have uh videos of him surfing really oh yeah

Speaker 3 let's see i got videos of him surfing they should have a tow out there yeah they do for like just like a ski just like a ski thing where you see those big like uh those crazy ones where it's like the biggest waves ever surfed in like portugal yeah it'll be a person that's towing you on a jet ski and then they bring you out to the wave and then these guys just ride it.

Speaker 2 That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying, like, you've been skiing, you're a big ski nut now.
Yeah, I'm saying, like, ski lift,

Speaker 2 that

Speaker 2 big tower way out there, hold on to a rope, and just have to take you out there, just drop you off, and then just get off, and then you swim sideways on your board.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it'll be so much better than every time you wave it.

Speaker 3 Dude, you got to be in such a good office.

Speaker 2 You should have to surf.

Speaker 3 Yeah, you would think you're just like standing on a board, but it's like you have to. That's how they're shredded, and that's how they steal your shit.
Shredded, dude.

Speaker 2 Because they look great. They are so hot.

Speaker 3 Tan. These surfers are fucking gorgeous.

Speaker 2 They're fucking hot. Hot, dude.

Speaker 2 It's like that sandy-colored hair. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Surf chicks are pretty hot, too, to be honest.

Speaker 2 Surf chicks are pretty hot. Even the one-armed one.

Speaker 3 Just athletic bitches, just in general. No matter what they're doing, jiu-jitsu, surfing, fucking runner bitches.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Well, Sporty Spice was the grossest of the Spice girls. Sporty Spice was the gross.

Speaker 2 Who's the grossest? The question's obvious, to be honest, but who's the grossest sex in the city?

Speaker 3 I think fucking the main bitch.

Speaker 3 She looks like a monster.

Speaker 2 More than the redhead. Are you trying to be interesting? Are you no, I'm not trying to be interesting.

Speaker 3 The redhead was actually aesthetically more pleasing. You were looking at what's her name, Carrie Bretch or whatever her name is, the actress.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Her face is harsh, dude.
It's terrible. It's a really terrible face.
In certain lights, you get it where you're like, oh, it's worse than it was before.

Speaker 3 We were all tricked when we were kids because she was the hot witch in

Speaker 3 Hocus Pocus. But she was sitting next to Bette Midler and that other fat bitch.
That's right. So she was hot compared to them, and we convinced ourselves that she was hot.

Speaker 3 But if you really look at her, she's not attractive.

Speaker 2 Did it deliberately make Miranda ugly?

Speaker 3 I don't think Miranda was that ugly. She was like kind of dikey looking and like, didn't she try to like win for politics or something?

Speaker 2 She did, I think. Either like.

Speaker 3 But if you actually look at like her face, it was, you know, it was, she's pretty enough. She was like a weird fucking dikey looking bitch.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 She's the only character that makes sense to me because later in the new ones, she's like, like, oh, I'm actually lesbian. And you're like, that's why you're such a bitch tell me.

Speaker 3 Is there a new sex in the city?

Speaker 3 It's a new show, right? Just like that.

Speaker 2 New name. And just like that.

Speaker 3 And just like that, it's called.

Speaker 2 I wonder why they made a new name. That's going to be a contract thing.
I have a storytelling show come out that is unrelated to this not happening. It's called The End.

Speaker 2 And it's coming in, I don't know, probably March. But it's completely unrelated because it's a different name.
Yeah. It's a different name, different location.

Speaker 2 So if you love that show, you might like this, but it's unrelated.

Speaker 3 I gave Jay a great crowd work album name because I was going to do a crowd work album. Then I was like, you know what? I was like, let the guys that do crowd work, like I do crowd work pretty well.

Speaker 3 Like we all do.

Speaker 2 You know, you're a comedian.

Speaker 3 But Jay's a master at it. And I gave him the best name for a crowd work album.

Speaker 2 And what is it?

Speaker 3 All jokes aside.

Speaker 2 Wow. Great name.

Speaker 3 That is. That's a great crowd work album name.

Speaker 3 That is. And he was like, no, they them.

Speaker 3 I was like, all right, Jay.

Speaker 2 You're like, hold on.

Speaker 3 You're like 13 years too late on this they them topic, this conversation. Ooh, relevant.

Speaker 2 We don't have pronouns anymore. We all thought about it.
We actually don't use pronouns

Speaker 2 in our normal life at all.

Speaker 2 Nobody gives a shit. I was talking to Norman about it today with that thing of like, yeah, but if you call them the wrong pronoun, they get mad.
Like, tell me one time. They don't really.

Speaker 2 Tell me one time. They might just go, it's they.

Speaker 3 That was like, it was a, it was during like Trump's rise the first time where that was like a big thing.

Speaker 2 They all get mad at you. I'm like, oh, yeah, they do.
And you're like, nobody really gives it. It's also like, I've never had a chick go, do I look fat in these jeans? Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's like, these are like stereotypes of situations that we're all arguing about.

Speaker 3 Yeah, it's not real. None of that's real.

Speaker 2 All jokes aside. I will say, I'll give it up for the J right now.
J-Man,

Speaker 2 you're probably still on tour in 2026.

Speaker 2 Big J? You. Me?

Speaker 3 Oh, yeah, I'm on tour in 2026.

Speaker 2 Your tour name is the best tour name I've ever heard.

Speaker 3 Bring five friends.

Speaker 2 Bring five friends. Hell yeah.

Speaker 3 You think I'd sell out more shows?

Speaker 2 I'm Coming Everywhere was a good one.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 2 bring five friends.

Speaker 2 I'll tell you the name of my special because it'll be out at the same time.

Speaker 3 I'll just have friends. Yeah, it's the amount of single fat dudes sitting there picking picking their nose while they watch me.

Speaker 2 I asked all my friends. There were one.
He couldn't come.

Speaker 3 I'll tell you the name of my next special, which I'm filming in a month, and it'll be out at the sun.

Speaker 2 You're filming months ago, you mean?

Speaker 3 Well, yeah, today. It's been out for a while.

Speaker 2 No, no, it's out. It came out this week.
It came up within six days of this podcast release. Either today or.

Speaker 3 Are you going to release this when my special comes out?

Speaker 2 Oh, I love you. Yeah.

Speaker 3 It's going to come out in like probably September, October?

Speaker 2 Do it in January, February. No, no, no.

Speaker 2 Let's move this up. We'll move it up.

Speaker 2 You just got out of 2026, buddy.

Speaker 3 Brand new special.

Speaker 2 Back of the line.

Speaker 3 Brand new special. Ferzy.

Speaker 2 It's going to be Kirky. Ferzy's like, when's my thing coming out? I'm like, dude, it's not.
It's going to be a long time.

Speaker 3 You're going to be dead when this comes out.

Speaker 2 I can't wait to release a Dead Persons Podcast.

Speaker 3 It's going to be called

Speaker 3 The Other Side.

Speaker 2 The Other Side.

Speaker 3 Louis Chagong is The Other Side.

Speaker 2 Why would that?

Speaker 3 I was going to name a comedy club.

Speaker 2 Why would that be a good title?

Speaker 3 Because it was where the chicken was trying to go when he crossed the road. It's the first punchline.

Speaker 2 Not bad.

Speaker 3 And then my next, now I'm just doing like classic punchlines from kids' jokes.

Speaker 2 So I want to name one.

Speaker 2 Let me think if I can guess one before you tell me because I definitely won't be able to.

Speaker 3 I only have two other names.

Speaker 3 My next three specials are already. That's all I got.

Speaker 2 That's all I got. What else?

Speaker 3 Nacho Cheese.

Speaker 2 Nacho Cheese.

Speaker 3 And 789.

Speaker 2 Fighted the Monkey Foul the Tree. Why? Because it was dead.

Speaker 2 You have to be only sickos like that.

Speaker 3 That was my type. When I was a kid, those were my types of jobs.
The sicko ones.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. 7, 8, 9.
What was that?

Speaker 3 What's purple and orange and lays at the bottom of a swimming pool? What? A baby with popped swimmies.

Speaker 2 With what?

Speaker 3 A baby with popped swimmies.

Speaker 2 It's dark. Yeah.

Speaker 2 There's all the black ones, too. What do you call a white guy with five black eyes? What? Coach.

Speaker 2 And it's like, it's all.

Speaker 3 What do call a black guy who flies an airplane.

Speaker 2 What? A pilot, you racist.

Speaker 2 Here's what I heard on a hike. Some guy, some random came by me, some old man with like, you know, that gray hair, ponytail, nothing on top, which I'll hopefully be.

Speaker 2 He's like, oh, it's a nice day out. I'm sure it's.
He goes, hey, what did the drummer call his two twin daughters?

Speaker 2 I was like, what?

Speaker 2 And a one and a two?

Speaker 2 That's good. I like it.
It's cute. And then he just walked on.

Speaker 3 Well, anyway, Costa Rica was great.

Speaker 3 The monkeys, once I'm watching the pictures, you know, I was like, oh, that was a crazy trip. The monkeys come into our room every day.

Speaker 3 That was literally 3 o'clock today.

Speaker 2 That's your room, and that's a porch right off your room. Those are all rooms up there.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah. And then when I was in Costa Rica.

Speaker 2 Same time every day.

Speaker 3 Same time every day. Like they're migrating through.

Speaker 2 They knew. Wow.

Speaker 3 They knew to come out and they would all descend at 3 p.m. every day.

Speaker 3 Then another time I was in Costa Rica, I was in my room, and they were like, you got to lock the doors because the raccoons will open the door to come and get your snacks. And I was like, shut up.

Speaker 3 The raccoons aren't opening my door, you dumb Costa Ricans from New York and then sure enough dude middle of the night I heard it sounded like I was being robbed so I thought it was more Costa Ricans I was like there's Costa Ricans in the room and I turned the lights on there was three giant raccoons they had opened the door and they were just going like literally opening up bags of chips and candy off of the counter it was wild So so cute as well.

Speaker 3 Raccoons are adorable. Raccoons have adorable hands.
You ever see little raccoon hands? Little black hands? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's cool. Yeah, that's really funny.

Speaker 3 But, yeah, and then that time in Costa Rica, too, there was an outdoor gym, which was pretty sick.

Speaker 3 It was like on the beach, and

Speaker 3 it was like out of Gilligan's Island. You were like lifting coconuts and wood stumps and shit.
Really? It was really fun.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. I wonder if I have a picture of it.
You got to have that. Let me see.

Speaker 2 I have to have that. Is photographing stuff more important or same or whatever when you're with your child?

Speaker 3 I do it with my child because I want him to have the photos. when I'm on by myself, I rarely take pictures of shit like that.

Speaker 3 I only, you know, in Mexico, I took like pictures of my chick, but it was like very few.

Speaker 2 I think look at this.

Speaker 3 This is these are the weights. That's so rustic.
Yeah, they're like just like tree stumps.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Look, this is me fucking lifting weights.

Speaker 2 Just tree stumps.

Speaker 2 Gulligan's alley. It is just carved tree stumps.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 It was fun.

Speaker 2 Very fun. That's cool.
How do you pick these places?

Speaker 3 I get a, somebody will mention it. I'm like, I want to go there.
Like, I really want to go to Spain as well. I was talking to some dude.

Speaker 3 Actually, one of the guys trying to help me make Skank Fest Mexico happen. He's like the promoter that does these big, like, massive events on resorts.

Speaker 3 He did like Tool and Deftones and a bunch of other big bands specifically at a resort.

Speaker 3 And he told me about this restaurant that's the number one restaurant right now, like in the world. It was voted like number one out of everything.

Speaker 2 In Barcelona?

Speaker 3 Yeah, it's in Barcelona. Yeah, yeah.
And it's just like super like crazy gastro science shit.

Speaker 3 And he was like, yeah, he was like, dude, you got to make a reservation like a year in advance. He was like, that's how you get in.
So I'm going to just, that's a trip I'm going to do.

Speaker 3 I'm going to go. I want to go to that restaurant.

Speaker 2 You know what you got to do since you're coming in the leeway and the time to do it is make the reservation, then make the flight. Yeah.
That's how people go to the mothership, too.

Speaker 2 They keep trying for reservations, and then when they get it, they're like, all right, we're going to Austin.

Speaker 3 Number one restaurant in the world is called

Speaker 3 Disfrutar in Barcelona.

Speaker 2 Enjoy.

Speaker 3 Disfrutar. Enjoy.
Is that what it means?

Speaker 2 Ooh.

Speaker 2 This episode is brought to you by Duolingo. If you want to learn Spanish, but very, very slowly, look no further than Duolingo.

Speaker 3 I'm excited about that as well. I mean, we do a family vacation every year.

Speaker 3 That's why I'm actually combining my son, my summer trip was usually with my son by herself every year, but my family, my aunt's never been to Italy.

Speaker 3 How do you make time for this for your trips with their son um i mean you know you know you make time you know this is it's a bill but everyone in our industry you know everyone in our industry says i have no time well we hear they're liars so everyone most people if you get to a certain level in comedy you're making enough money that you can kind of do what you want to do so all this like bullshit like not available for skank fest like i know how this works because i'm not rich and i know that if i want to take a weekend or move a weekend

Speaker 3 you can i can i'm in charge of my shit i'm my own boss i can move whatever fucking weekend i want to move it doesn't matter.

Speaker 3 A few months out, even if you're two weeks out from a gig, you can move it.

Speaker 2 It's really like, well,

Speaker 2 that's what. It's not ideal.
I don't say who, but somebody does that all the time. Tim Dylan.

Speaker 2 Don't buy Tim Dylan tickets.

Speaker 3 You're probably not going to see him.

Speaker 2 I mean, you'll get a refund. But when Tim Dylan says, I'm seeing Tim Dylan in two weeks, like, I think.

Speaker 2 Maybe,

Speaker 2 possibly.

Speaker 2 But anyone else, you're like, well,

Speaker 2 I'm making money that way. Like, change that date, make that money.
Still make that money different date.

Speaker 3 Well, this is why we get so many incredible comics at Skank Fest. We can't afford to pay people with their weekend rate is.
We'd be able to afford five comics for

Speaker 3 the level of guys that come to Skank Fest, but we create an environment where people want to come.

Speaker 2 It's fun.

Speaker 3 And it's really fun. And

Speaker 3 the fans are so appreciative. And, you know, you kind of.

Speaker 2 You have one fan be like, everyone was too drunk when they performed. We're like, I know.

Speaker 3 But it's like, we can, we, you know, what we get everybody because they go, I'll just take the weekend off. I'll make, you know,

Speaker 3 one-tenth of what I I would normally make on the road on the weekend.

Speaker 2 That's why New York, we all rooting for New York because it was like, now we're gonna stay home. It's easy.
I can like actually be with this guy for it.

Speaker 3 We're talking about Amsterdam maybe next year.

Speaker 3 How fun would that be? Stankfuss Amsterdam? London?

Speaker 3 We talked about London.

Speaker 2 It's expensive.

Speaker 3 It's expensive, but that's not even the issue.

Speaker 2 I don't know why I even manslapped. I don't know the issues.

Speaker 3 No, no, I'll tell you the issue. It's the similar issue with New York.
It's like you,

Speaker 3 in order to get a venue big enough to sort of house it where you have you know five six different rooms and you're popping all over you have to sort of go out to like the like New York we have to be battling Queens like on the docks or in like warehouses and shit right we found a place in Queens that was incredible called Knockout Center it was like really cool oh

Speaker 2 oh I've been there great the drugs there great venue inside

Speaker 3 that that dilapidated place out there perfect for drugs it's literally perfect for skank fest but the reality is that well they they denied our proposal but regardless even if they wanted to do it there um once the end of the night comes now how are you getting an uber where are you going you're in the middle of nowhere it's really nowhere vegas spoiled everybody to the point where it's like as soon as you get out but not only walk back you're it's vegas is just getting going and when the shows are over like it's just getting started

Speaker 2 where it's like you were right there you're like we're already let's all right there let's just go to it the so this how new orleans is going to be new orleans is like it's just fucking

Speaker 3 you're really bothering me that you're not coming you're really bothering me and i think that there's a path for you to figure out a way to get back there is

Speaker 2 Remember in Lost, where they took a little thing down and they were suddenly in another place? You know? Yeah, dude, if there is more.

Speaker 3 You can find a flight back for a couple days to New Orleans. It's crazy.

Speaker 2 It's just going to be like here.

Speaker 2 So what?

Speaker 3 I can't just like jump

Speaker 2 to there.

Speaker 3 It's crazy. What if we did Skankfest Niger?

Speaker 2 The most mispronounced Skank Fest of all time.

Speaker 2 Michael Shea be like, dude, you know I can't come. I would anywhere else, but I'll get called that so many times.

Speaker 3 Oh, shit.

Speaker 2 When Miss Pat was going to do Allegiance Skank, she goes, I won't do that. They're going to call me the N-word.
I'm like, no. No, they're not, Miss Pat.
You have some misunderstanding.

Speaker 2 They're going to call you what's justified to call someone else that.

Speaker 2 She did it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, there's just no way I'm going to be able to be near an airport and know I'm going to be near an airport within days. Or maybe,

Speaker 3 but if you end up the week before near an airport, would you consider still coming?

Speaker 2 Nah. It's not New Orleans.
I'm not going to get out of vacation mode. It's New Orleans.
I'm on sabbatical. I'm not going to get out of vacation view.
What if you don't even perform?

Speaker 3 What if you do what Stanhope does every year? Stanhope's performing this year. He's actually

Speaker 3 just fucking come and party. Don't even perform.

Speaker 2 I'll be in party mode. I'll be on sabbatical.
I love it, dude. Trust me, this is one.
There's a few things that are really torturing about this trip. That is one of them.
Missing Skank Fest.

Speaker 2 You know why?

Speaker 2 You've been to every one.

Speaker 3 And you're like...

Speaker 2 I've announced multiple ones.

Speaker 3 You are, you are, you know, you're like the fourth missing member of a Legion of Skanks.

Speaker 2 I am the president of them.

Speaker 3 You're the president. Not for long, though.
We might have to fucking hold another truck.

Speaker 3 We might hold an election at Skankfest. That's smart.

Speaker 2 You should. Yeah.

Speaker 3 People are saying Tim Butterly, but he's moving to Austin. I feel like he can't.

Speaker 2 No, once you move to Austin, you're going to get yourself.

Speaker 3 Yeah, no, yeah.

Speaker 2 I love the Amsterdam idea.

Speaker 3 Amsterdam would be incredible. And there's already some venues that I've looked at that could work.

Speaker 2 Also, there's a train.

Speaker 3 Well, if you've got to figure out the amount of people that live in Europe that would come.

Speaker 3 So when are you moving to London?

Speaker 2 Sloss would come. What?

Speaker 3 When are you moving to London?

Speaker 3 So it's definitely happening. 100%.

Speaker 3 London's my favorite city to perform.

Speaker 2 Not 100%. As long as I get the visa.
If I don't.

Speaker 3 London is my favorite city to perform in.

Speaker 2 Poor K.

Speaker 3 It's just, it reminds me of New York, right?

Speaker 3 Nobody's up to. I mean, my fans come out that aren't up to everything.

Speaker 2 It's like your fans.

Speaker 3 It's our fans. It's a different thing.

Speaker 2 I'm like, I was overboard.

Speaker 3 But they're so energetic. They're so happy that you're there.

Speaker 3 It might be different. You You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 2 If you're going and performing at just a few years ago, there's some annoying college-aged, college-attituded people, but I think they're just like, we're done or drinking, have a good time. Yeah.

Speaker 3 That's all they want to do. They want to have a good time.
They want to smoke weed. They want to drink.
They want to take a picture. But they're also not

Speaker 3 as handsy as American fans. A lot of American fans, they touch you and they grab at you and shit.
You're like, guys,

Speaker 3 I'm not a beetle. Stop touching me.
What are you doing?

Speaker 3 But

Speaker 3 the British fans are fucking. I was just there last week.
I did a run in Amsterdam, Dublin, Manchester, London, and

Speaker 2 SankFest SankFest Amsterdam.

Speaker 3 It's not definite.

Speaker 2 The problems are. Well, we'll talk off air.
This is not a podcast for the. It sort of is.
How do you get all the comics out there? Fly them out.

Speaker 3 It's only a seven-hour flight.

Speaker 2 Expensive, though.

Speaker 3 Is it that much?

Speaker 3 Is it that much more expensive?

Speaker 3 It'll be a little travel's a little more expensive.

Speaker 3 You figure out ways to save money.

Speaker 3 It's just fitting the puzzle pieces together.

Speaker 2 Amsterdam is the, no offense to Berlin, the number one

Speaker 2 comedy scene in Europe.

Speaker 3 Amsterdam's an awesome, awesome comedy scene. Really awesome comedy scene.
And my shows there were incredible.

Speaker 2 Their house shows sell out.

Speaker 3 Here's the thing. It's not even the fans in Amsterdam.
Everybody from the UK would come. Everybody from Ireland would come.
All the Germans.

Speaker 2 In America. It's French fans.
It's your chance to speak weed.

Speaker 3 Half the people that are in America would come. The weed's legal.
Hookers are legal. Bars are open crazy late.

Speaker 2 Oh my God, DeRosa got there early.

Speaker 3 But it really is like when you're talking about like Vegas set a different standard for what Skank Fest is. You need a town where people can go and party all night.

Speaker 3 That's why New Orleans really works. But how many places like that are in the world where it's like, it's not shutting down? Costumui.

Speaker 2 That's about it.

Speaker 3 Where?

Speaker 2 That's the little dum-dum club one.

Speaker 2 But that's a rare thing, and no one's going out there.

Speaker 2 It's okay from Australia to go there, but that's it. They're Australian.
But yeah, Amsterdam.

Speaker 3 Amsterdam would really work.

Speaker 2 Where else did you go with your kid? I love this idea, by the way.

Speaker 3 Vegas was actually one of my my favorite trips I've ever done with my son. We went last year.
We planned everything out.

Speaker 3 People are like, you're bringing a kid to Vegas. You're crazy.
It's like, first of all, I don't give a shit about gambling.

Speaker 2 Also, everybody's there with their kid. Everyone's there.
That's what I hate about Vegas. We are at 2.30 in the morning.
Somebody's with a stroller, tank top. That's a little crazy.

Speaker 3 It's like, eh, dude. No, we just had

Speaker 3 a great time. Penn and Teller show was so fucking cool.
Have you seen Penn and Teller show? Who won?

Speaker 2 Who won yours? Who won what? Penn or Teller?

Speaker 3 They don't compete.

Speaker 3 We got to hang out with them backstage afterwards.

Speaker 2 Teller talked that was infuriating i was like what are you doing so my son's here's fucking here man

Speaker 3 but they were they were wildly good they were funny and the magic was incredible it was like my son's like a nerd like me he's into magic and he like he just like he was blown away uh cirque du soleil was fucking awesome it was a little gay but still really fun and funny and unique just like super athletic people that are involved with that show um the food's fucking great you brought him to sushi samba i brought him to hell's kitchen which these are all touristy spots but it's just really high-quality, delicious food.

Speaker 3 Went to...

Speaker 2 Laser Vegas is for the touristy thing. Of course.
You're not really going for the local experience. What's that done? You really did sell me on Villas.

Speaker 2 We were like, I'm not looking to get Jamaican culture. I'm looking to get a relaxation.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I'm trying to just chill on my own private little spice of mine.

Speaker 2 Ricky Villaz was like, I want to go to a place and stay there for 18 straight days.

Speaker 2 I don't want to go see sights. I want to just pull up and come home relaxed.

Speaker 3 That's what vacation is supposed to be. And then I start to, as I've gotten older now, I don't need to

Speaker 2 go go anywhere.

Speaker 2 Be on a yard. The queen,

Speaker 2 the queen doesn't go from spot to spot. She stays on a boat or in a fucking castle.

Speaker 3 You can just do that. You could literally rent an Airbnb in Connecticut and just have an incredible time.
Stay kitchen.

Speaker 2 Eat some good food.

Speaker 3 You can fucking, you know, just have it, like, have a spot.

Speaker 2 That's what I'm trying to do with my house right now.

Speaker 3 Like, I want to, I want to make the backyard. I want to just, I want to fix up a couple of little things.
The pool's great, but I want to make it to where, like, I never want to leave.

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 2 Well, that actually sucks, and that's what's killing the whole friendship group here. What? Everyone's moving to Jersey? Getting homes and going, like, oh, come over, come over.
Like, no one's going.

Speaker 2 You guys aren't even going to your own places. You're going once.

Speaker 2 So fucking far. Come over.
I have this great spot where I hang out all the time. I'm like, oh, no, I have also a great spot where I hang out all the time.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but at this point, Jersey takes in a bathroom.

Speaker 3 Jersey is

Speaker 3 getting there, dude. What do you mean? Me, Big Jay, Dave.

Speaker 2 How far do you live from Jay? 10 minutes. How far do you live from Jay? Dave? Dave lives far.
50 minutes? 5-0?

Speaker 3 5-0. Yeah.
Dave doesn't drive. He takes $200 Ubers in every night.

Speaker 2 Why doesn't Dave drive?

Speaker 3 Because he's a fucking city kid. He's a chick.

Speaker 2 He's a chick. All right, so

Speaker 2 let's keep going in this. Italy.

Speaker 3 Italy was my favorite place I've ever been, and that's why I'm going back with the family. I'm bringing my...

Speaker 2 And you took James there?

Speaker 3 I took James there, just me and him. We went to Rome for three nights initially, and we went to Cinquetere for four nights.
What is that? It's called Cinquiterre's Five Towns.

Speaker 3 And it's essentially like kind of like a malfi coast but

Speaker 3 town

Speaker 3 i think yeah it's just applied to spanish i guess but it's kind of it looks kind of like uh pulp chiquater watch how beautiful it is we said at monaroso del mar yeah um del mar means of the beach yeah there was a beach it was it was fucking so cool first of all girls had their titties out Really?

Speaker 3 All these girls had their titties out. James was like pretending to not look, but he would just like always be gazing in that direction.

Speaker 2 Yeah, look at that. Are you out of your mind? Incredible.

Speaker 2 Are you crazy? That looks so dude.

Speaker 3 It's beautiful. Beautiful.
And there's five different towns.

Speaker 3 This is Monteroso.

Speaker 3 No, no, no, that's a Rio Major.

Speaker 2 Pull up Monteroso.

Speaker 3 Is it the one below it? They're all colorful buildings.

Speaker 2 Like, every building is really colorful.

Speaker 2 What? No, Vernazza. How do you know? Because it's Vernazza.

Speaker 2 Just look at that. Monte Rosa there.

Speaker 3 Monte Rosa. Well, that one's ugly.
They're making it look like it's the shittiest one. It's fucking incredible.

Speaker 2 What is it? Monte.

Speaker 3 Monteroso del Mar

Speaker 2 or Almar.

Speaker 3 Wow. I mean, it was just, dude, it was incredible.
So Rome is great. You've been to Rome, obviously.

Speaker 2 No, stop it, Ari.

Speaker 3 You've never been to Italy at all?

Speaker 2 You know where I was in Italy? Where were you at?

Speaker 2 Way, way up here, near the Swiss border. Oh, that's it.
And near the Austrian border. I like the Little Christian border.
It's so much different than that type of Italy you hear about.

Speaker 2 But we hiked along the border. We saw these signs in the mountains.
It just said 1918, these little posts. And that's when they made the border and they were like putting little stamps down.

Speaker 2 We were walking

Speaker 2 in the Alps border along the ball.

Speaker 3 That's crazy. It's still pretty cool.

Speaker 2 Yeah, just a different thing. And then

Speaker 2 we went from Switzerland. They had no snow one year.
We were going to go skiing. It was like, fuck it.

Speaker 2 Let's go to Italy. You go, we drive, and then there's this place where you get on a train.
You drive onto a train, takes you you through a mountain.

Speaker 2 You put your parking brake on, takes you through a mountain, then everyone gets off the train.

Speaker 2 New cars get in, goes through a train, and it's like 45 minutes through a mountain on a train in your car.

Speaker 3 In your car, yeah, you drive their drive-on. We did that, um, we didn't, but people were doing that on uh

Speaker 3 in oh, in um, Greece, really, going to the islands, they would drive on the car.

Speaker 2 That's adventurous.

Speaker 3 They drove their car onto the boat, not a train, onto the boat, and then they floated their car on a boat like to the Greek islands.

Speaker 2 A ferry, A ferry, yeah. Yeah, I did that.
Wild. In some place.
I won't tell.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 But so Rome, first of all, Rome, me and my son, we had a fucking blast in Rome. Rome was like the first in New York.
It was the most advanced culture. It was like such a,

Speaker 3 I mean, such a cool fucking place. They figured out so much shit way before anybody else did, right? And we did a few tours.

Speaker 3 The coolest thing we did was the Vatican. We went to the...

Speaker 2 They didn't turn you away? No, they loved me. For all you did?

Speaker 3 Dude,

Speaker 3 I started burning.

Speaker 2 My skin started. Started burning.

Speaker 3 I know we had an incredible tour guide, and the Vatican is the largest art museum in the world.

Speaker 2 Arby's in the world?

Speaker 3 Art museum.

Speaker 2 And I'm not like an art museum guy. Who's the largest Arby's? The largest Arby's in the world.
Look it up right now.

Speaker 3 It's in the Vatican.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. That'd be crazy.
Vatican City.

Speaker 2 That's kind of sick.

Speaker 2 Colonial Heights, Virginia. Wow.

Speaker 2 Nearly three nights.

Speaker 3 That has to be on your list of places to go visit.

Speaker 2 It has to be. In fact, if anybody's there, by now, the stickers will be out.
The UB Trippet stickers will be out.

Speaker 2 Someone stick up a UB Trippet sticker at the largest RBs in the world in Colonial Heights, Virginia.

Speaker 3 Dude, but the Vatican was like, we took a tour and it was just like every room.

Speaker 2 It's got a Barbacoa station.

Speaker 3 You would need a year to visit every room.

Speaker 2 So all the art. Interesting.

Speaker 3 So much incredible art. And just like our tour guy just really understood.
It was like, oh, how religious and tied into all of it.

Speaker 3 and like it was just really really incredible they had a room of maps where it was like these gigant like an entire wall I would love that was a map I'm talking about like I'm talking about the entire like

Speaker 3 pinholes in every rate like a hundred feet high 200 feet wide

Speaker 3 a map that was drawn and you know 500 years ago that was 99% accurate artists rendered it right like really like incredible shit they had I mean everything from sculptures to tapestries to paintings to you know and then we went to the sistine chapel and James liked all this James loved it dude He was lit on it.

Speaker 3 He loved the history.

Speaker 3 You know, just learning about fucking Michelangelo and learning about how...

Speaker 2 They have an art program.

Speaker 2 At the Vatican.

Speaker 3 They have an art program?

Speaker 2 I mean, that means someone must curate it.

Speaker 3 Oh, yeah. I mean, dude,

Speaker 3 it's the largest. I mean, we're talking about it.
It's not even close to... Like, the next art museum is 1-100th the size of it.

Speaker 2 That's what I know. The way you're describing is like we went on a tour of the White House.
Shane, we were there. I was looking for him once, and he was like, we were walking just to go to the tour.

Speaker 2 He goes, hold on, let me see if I can get a private. And then he did.
I think he knows somewhere in the CIA. I think he's connected in some way.
I don't know. But, like,

Speaker 2 yeah, the pro, the art program is like, they decide why certain things they move porches over because I like staring at this guy. And

Speaker 2 it's like, but it's not political. It's just historical.
Just historical, yeah.

Speaker 3 But I mean, that was like, it was so cool. And, you know, just learning about the Pope and learning about how it all works.
And, you know, they, you know, it really brings it all to life.

Speaker 3 Everything, you know.

Speaker 2 I didn't know they voted until this one got in. Oh, yeah.
Yeah. I thought it was just some like with the smoke.

Speaker 3 They have like when they figure out, like, there's smoke billowing out of the top of the Vatican

Speaker 3 or like one of the you know one of the basilisks or whatever that were built basilicas they call it

Speaker 3 and when they change the smoke is like when they're deliberating when they're not in session it's a different color smoke when they find out who the pope is the the smoke turns white and that's how everyone in Italy knows the gender reveal yeah

Speaker 2 and how do they vote it was like hey I know somebody in Argentina that's like never pumped a single bit of the like I I guess

Speaker 3 they have

Speaker 2 a committee that votes in the room. Voting in the running.
Did they politic for it, you think? Did they push? Probably.

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah. But that was incredible.
And then

Speaker 2 the

Speaker 3 Coliseum wasn't anywhere near as cool. We had a shitty tour guide.
Yeah. His bitch was so boring.

Speaker 3 And like, there's just like a lot of like, there's a lot of politics and parliament and like all this other shit.

Speaker 2 Where is it? And where?

Speaker 3 The Coliseum. Okay.

Speaker 3 Where they did the... So we learned more about the Coliseum and the better the better part of it, which even if you don't have a kid, I would fucking do this.

Speaker 3 We took gladiator lessons, which was like,

Speaker 3 they essentially taught you about the gladiator life, and you like went for the day and lived as a gladiator. They gave you meals like gladiators.
They gave you

Speaker 3 wooden swords and fucking here. I'll show you that.
Me and James

Speaker 3 in Rome. Because that was like,

Speaker 3 this was a life-changing experience.

Speaker 2 Let's see. Rome.

Speaker 2 Wow, let me see.

Speaker 3 Yeah, let me see if I can find the video of us gladiator training.

Speaker 3 I mean, the food was fucking just incredible we stayed at this hotel dude yeah the entire basement was like uh a spa with steam rooms saunas

Speaker 3 um like just it was like a castle essentially that we were in it was like such a beautiful hotel yeah um

Speaker 3 i mean just like all like look at that look at that picture frame right there

Speaker 2 How cool is that? Wow. Very beautiful.

Speaker 2 That's old. That's like colonial fucking shit.

Speaker 3 So this is us actually at the Coliseum.

Speaker 2 Hold on.

Speaker 3 This is us actually at the Coliseum. He's doing the I am Sparta kick, even though that's not appropriate.

Speaker 2 It's not Sparta. They're not Spartans.

Speaker 2 I'm just an idiot. I was like, kick me, James.
I am Sparta.

Speaker 3 But I mean, we took some like... Oh, here.
So this is the gladiator training. Let me see if I have the video.
They put you in a fight at the end.

Speaker 2 So fun.

Speaker 2 That's so fun. Whoa, you're giving it to him, too.
Lewis, if you don't know, does not have a 10%.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 3 This was like, I mean,

Speaker 3 so they would, so the Gladiators, they didn't,

Speaker 3 they weren't trying to kill each other.

Speaker 2 What do you mean? Like, you know, that whole, you know, thumbs up, thumbs down thing?

Speaker 3 That wasn't true. That's all fake.
Like in the movie Gladiator?

Speaker 2 That's fake.

Speaker 2 Yeah, because

Speaker 3 it was much closer to professional wrestling They would slice each other. They would cut each other

Speaker 3 But typically the gladiators had a lot of belly fat so you couldn't they get sliced, but it would just show the blood. They wouldn't actually cut their organs

Speaker 2 I'm sure there's some deaths.

Speaker 3 No, there was some deaths, but if you

Speaker 3 gotcha

Speaker 2 As soon as you open yourself up, the guy's like, all right, all right, come on, come on.

Speaker 3 We put on a great show for everyone.

Speaker 2 Oh my god, you're getting cheers.

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 That's great.

Speaker 3 James was lit. I mean, this was so much fun, dude.

Speaker 3 So it was like more like pro wrestling, kind of. Yeah.
So the gladiators would become like fucking, and there was different types of gladiators.

Speaker 3 So there's certain ones that had like the ball and chain. There's certain weapons they used.
It was like famous. They were like, oh, that guy, you know, they had names for them.

Speaker 3 But like, oh, that guy's coming out now. So that was like, they had like the type of outfit they would wear, the type of gladiator they were.

Speaker 3 And then they...

Speaker 2 James like this kind of.

Speaker 3 Yeah,

Speaker 3 it was like pro-wrestling. It was like they had costumes,

Speaker 3 and they would come come out and they would become famous. They were slaves, but then that part of it was real.

Speaker 3 Like you could get your freedom, you could buy away your freedom once you got big enough.

Speaker 3 But if I owned you and you're my gladiator and some other gladiator kills you, that gladiator's owner now owes me money for my gladiator.

Speaker 3 So they were like, they were not killing each other for the most part.

Speaker 3 It did happen, like, but it wasn't like to the death wasn't happening. Very often they get killed by animals.
So they arranged these massive hunts, right?

Speaker 3 So they would turn the Coliseum, like literally they would bring in like trees and make it look like an African jungle.

Speaker 3 You gotta understand in Rome at this time, there's like obviously there's no TV or internet or anything like that.

Speaker 3 So when they brought in a giraffe, like people in Rome were like, it's like a space alien, dude. Like, what the fuck is a giraffe? What is a rhinoceros?

Speaker 2 Like, when you're just

Speaker 3 imagine there was a space alien that came down, it would be the equivalent of like seeing that. You're seeing an elephant or you're seeing a fucking

Speaker 2 long neck that you're talking about. The what?

Speaker 3 The giraffe?

Speaker 2 The what? A giraffe?

Speaker 2 Spell that g i r a f e why don't you pronounce the i giraffe giraffe you're like giraffe giraffe but like giraffe something apostra giraffe yeah there you go giraffe

Speaker 3 um but they would fill this from gladiator too they showed it but they would fill the coliseum with water they would really do that they would really do that when i saw that in the preview i was like no no no no they really did that dude they'd have boat fights they'd have warsy so it was you understand like so also you don't have to you didn't have to pay for tickets to the Coliseum.

Speaker 2 It was just like the government.

Speaker 2 They just made their money on soda and popcorn? It was two-drink minimum.

Speaker 3 The government would, you know, create these games so they would get, it was like when the, the, the gladiator, when the, when the games were going on, the Coliseum games were going on, it was like a way to, like, entertain their people and keep people sane.

Speaker 3 Wow. And so if you were rich or if you were in government, you'd get like great seats.
And then other people, the further back you were, like kind of the poorer you were.

Speaker 3 But they would just give you free seats. And the games would go on sometimes for 30 days.
It was, you know, three months sometimes, just depending. And it'd be every single day there'd be games.

Speaker 3 You'd come out and watch it, but they would do hunts, they would have animals fighting each other. They would, it

Speaker 3 so, the other cool thing was like the Coliseum, like underneath it, like it looks all like dirt floor, but it's actually wood with dirt on top of it.

Speaker 3 And there's like, you know, when they pull the chain, the line comes out from under the ground. That was all real.
They had pulley elevator systems, so they would bring animals up. Psy coming out?

Speaker 2 What's Psy? Sai, the the korean i don't know you never saw that no size entrance you know psy

Speaker 2 come on psy

Speaker 2 gang gangam style

Speaker 2 psy you know gangam style i know gangum style that's psy oh so he jumps out yeah have you ever seen that yeah you have yes okay yeah like that

Speaker 3 yes wow but it was that so we learned we learned all this in this gladiator training program and they they taught you like their weapons they would use and like and how like they would what's the one with the big big fuck the mace seems like so unwieldy Yeah, the big ball on a chain that you fucking just crack somebody in the head with how would that not kill they would do things where um They would like some of the war weapons that they would use and it wasn't like in the Coliseum but like during during wartimes they would cover like um

Speaker 3 Like it was just like a thing that would lie on the ground like almost like a piece of wood that they would hide with spikes you'd step on it, but they would cover it with their shit so when you stepped on it you would get poisoned by

Speaker 3 by human shit.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 But very like that, that gladiator training was really cool. So, we did that for three days, me and James.
And it wasn't.

Speaker 2 Did we eat days of gladiator training?

Speaker 3 No, we did three days of Rome. Okay.
But every meal was better than the last. I mean, we're talking about like the best pasta, the best pizza.
I lost weight.

Speaker 3 Well, and all I was doing was eating pasta, pizza, and ice cream because it's not the same carbs that we have in America.

Speaker 3 It's like whatever they do with their gluten. You don't feel like I have a gluten intolerance here.
Like, if I eat pasta and bread for a day and a half, I'll blow up and I'll feel slow.

Speaker 3 My ankles get fat.

Speaker 3 There, I was just, it was fucking just the best food.

Speaker 2 Isn't that infuriating? That you can eat like shit and lose weight in other countries.

Speaker 3 There's something going on with the gluten and the brain.

Speaker 2 I think that's the FDA saying poison them all. Of course.
But I don't know what it is, but something's up. But then we eat like shit in other countries.

Speaker 3 We took a train to Cinquiterre, which we had for four days. We had on the beach.

Speaker 2 How was the train?

Speaker 3 The train was awesome. High-speed train.
Crossed Italy, three, four hours. Food cart, shit like that.

Speaker 2 Food cart, yeah.

Speaker 3 I'm drinking wine. I'm having a good time.
And I was smoking weed at the time, but I couldn't get weed. I didn't want to go around and ask people because I'm with my kid.
But they would have

Speaker 3 like 1% THC joints. It was like 99% CBD.

Speaker 3 And they just sort of like, they kind of hit me mentally. And that was, so I had those.
But Chiquaterre, we sat in a little Airbnb, like a five-minute walk from the beach.

Speaker 3 In the old part of Chinquater, in the old part of Monoroso, and we would walk down to kind of the new part, and there was all these smoking-hot Italian chicks on the beach with their tits out.

Speaker 3 It was so funny. Tits out?

Speaker 2 Tits out. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 Tits out.

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah, yeah. James Love.
Just so we aren't.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 3 James Love. Being a kid and seeing Titan.

Speaker 2 How old was he when he went to that?

Speaker 3 Eight or nine.

Speaker 2 And you're just like.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 2 He was just like, I was like, to see it through his eyes, too.

Speaker 3 So hot. So, so fun.

Speaker 3 And the Mediterranean Sea is just a different, like, it's very buoyant, very salty.

Speaker 3 And we, we literally, every day, we were supposed to go to the Leaning Tower Pisa because it was like another hour train ride. And James just like, I don't want to leave the beach.

Speaker 3 He was like, I don't really care about the Leaning Tower Pisa.

Speaker 2 That's all there was. It was crazy.

Speaker 3 As a kid, that's the only thing i cared about yeah you're like oh i gotta see the leaning tower pizza but people told us like dude you're gonna literally go you're gonna waste a half a day just to get that to go cool they take a picture in front of it and that's that and the beach was so incredible we were eating um calamari with just a little bit of lemon on it no sauce no nothing like that just fresh calamari on the beach every day drinking the best wine

Speaker 3 Incredible pasta. There was like two or three restaurants in the area we were at.
We just kept them going to the same places. We didn't need to go anywhere else.
It was just great, dude. Here,

Speaker 3 I'll show you the pictures from Cinque Pate.

Speaker 2 Can I just tell you something as you're looking this up? Yeah. Can you listen and look up at the same time?

Speaker 2 Jordan Jensen came on this podcast and told me about Rome and just took pictures like, look, here's this.

Speaker 2 It was so, yours was so exciting. Yeah.
Hers was so boring that I'm not going to air the episode.

Speaker 2 What did she do in Rome? She's just like, oh, we went to the Coliseum.

Speaker 2 I didn't hear you. Here we are on here.

Speaker 3 Here I was frumpy over here.

Speaker 2 It's like fucking gladiator training. Oh, here, look at this painting.
Oh, okay. Look at this one.
I'm like, all right, get off your phone, Jordan.

Speaker 3 Yeah, dude. Let me see if I can.
So this is us in the actual ocean.

Speaker 2 Wow. It does look.

Speaker 3 I mean, dude, it's gorgeous, dude. Just nice out.
I mean, just incredible. Like, such an amazing experience.
That's why I'm bringing the whole family back. So we're not doing Chikwatera this time.

Speaker 3 My aunt's too old to.

Speaker 2 Do you ever, let me ask you a question. Do you ever?

Speaker 2 It's nice to have my apartment.

Speaker 2 That's a cool sandcastle. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Do you ever get this thing where you're like uh going back to a place like i already did it i shouldn't go back or are you i already know the answer actually now that i say it are you're like i love this place i want to show other people i like showing other people so it's the same thing like i'll i'll watch a movie or a tv show again to show somebody because i get excited about something that i really enjoyed or a nice restaurant i'll go back to um i mean this literally just us having cappuccino every day this is like a little playground that was there at night we would go to there was other kids the kids were always out to like two in the morning there um do you ever think of doing this

Speaker 3 of of starting a list of fun like restaurants and stuff you did so when somebody goes i'm going to to italy go let me give you my list of restaurants i never thought about that look how beautiful it is at night dude damn that's like tosa yeah i mean it was really really beautiful the boats yeah and they're all covered this is italian as fuck dude italy yeah all the different colors all these seafood fresh probably incredible dude incredible like the dude every meal i had in italy was better than the last meal it was so amazing so this time we're doing room for three days i got to show my aunt the sistine chapel she grew up you know italian catholic in new york so she's got it she's got to see the you know the vatican see all the churches oh it's i mean so

Speaker 3 ham on bread yeah ham and cheese it's so good i mean incredible right yeah

Speaker 3 um and then we're going to venice for four days And it's me, my girlfriend, my son's mother, my son, my sister, my niece, my brother-in-law, and my aunt.

Speaker 2 Eight of us. Wow.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Too much money. How much money? You're buying them all? Yeah.

Speaker 3 It's, you know, it is, once again, it's the experiences. You know what I'm saying? Like, what can I do?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 You know, I'm going to give my aunt, first of all, she's 87 years old. How many years does she have left? She has very few years left to travel.

Speaker 3 You know, let's say she's got another 10 years in her, in best case scenario. Her having that memory, the kids having that memory with her, my aunt.

Speaker 2 This is her last chance, like, fuck in Italy, too.

Speaker 2 After this, she'll probably the drive will go down.

Speaker 3 But, yeah, Venice, I'm excited about. And we're staying on Lido Beach, which is like 15 minutes away by water taxi from proper Venice.
You've been to Venice before. No, no, but

Speaker 3 we're going to go to Venice for a couple days and do

Speaker 3 the canals and the boat tours and all that stuff.

Speaker 3 But we want to be on the beach. I think with the kids, it's easy to just have something to always do.

Speaker 2 I heard recently that sometimes the water goes so far down that you just don't do the water taxis.

Speaker 2 Maybe it gets flooded.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I'm going in July, which is also like super hot, so hot when we go.

Speaker 3 Right.

Speaker 2 Still got to be cool as shit to go on that. There's a few things that are like, I don't care if it's too touristy.
I want to do it. That's so cool.
I want to see them. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 3 You got to take the water taxis through the canals to Venice.

Speaker 2 It's don't be an asshole is the game. It's like, listen, I get you don't want to do touristy stuff, but like you're not going to go on the canals.
Well, also, it's an excuse.

Speaker 3 When you have kids, you have an excuse to do touristy shit.

Speaker 3 And also, like, you know, like,

Speaker 3 I'm a fucking foodie and I travel and I like, you know, I like a specific sort of thing. But the family, we're, you know, we're trash.

Speaker 2 Do you research what restaurants to eat at, or do you just come across them? Are you saying you do the chat GBT thing? But that was before with your kids.

Speaker 3 So, in New York, I just asked Ralph, if you ever want a recommendation of a restaurant, I was just at the Hawksmoor, which is like the best steakhouse in New York.

Speaker 2 Ralph told me about the Brindle room clothes and moved.

Speaker 3 It moved?

Speaker 2 Best burger.

Speaker 3 Best burger. Yeah, it moved.
That Brindle burger is fucking wild.

Speaker 2 Ralph told me about that.

Speaker 3 Hawksmoor, if you want a great steak,

Speaker 3 I mean, the fucking

Speaker 3 pork belly is one of the best things I've ever had in my life. Just period.

Speaker 2 H-A-W-K-S Hawksmoor, New York City. He's 22nd.
That's your meeting was?

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Who was the meeting with? Don't worry about it.
I'll tell you all fair. Okay.
It's not important, but. But it wasn't just a meal.

Speaker 3 It was a meeting/slash meal. I don't care.

Speaker 2 It wasn't a date. It was.

Speaker 2 I'm marking it. Yeah,

Speaker 3 it was my partner for the coffee brand.

Speaker 2 Oh, really? You're doing a coffee?

Speaker 3 It's coffee brand with adaptogens and nootropics, so it has tongue at Ali.

Speaker 3 No, no, no, it's not. It's great.
It boosts testosterone, so it has tongue out ali, which naturally boosts testosterone.

Speaker 3 Oh, really? Yeah, my tea was low, and instead of poking a fucking needle into my ass, like all of our asshole friends, like I'm doing it naturally, stop smoking testosterone.

Speaker 2 No, you just got to only get hotels with the refrigerators in them because otherwise you can't seek this like fucking cryinogenic shit.

Speaker 3 It's insane. No, I was good.
I talked to my doctor about it, and he was like, dude, you smoke weed every day. You drink every day.
There's supplements you could take. you could be lifting weights.

Speaker 3 So, I just started doing all that stuff. I stopped smoking weed, I stopped drinking.

Speaker 2 DeRosa had heart problems, and they're like, You got to give up alcohol. I go, What else you got?

Speaker 2 And they go, switch this over tequila. I go, Gotcha.

Speaker 3 But anyway, I promise you the coffee piece, guys. Bodybraincoffee.com.

Speaker 2 Grab your coffee.

Speaker 3 I'll get you a bunch.

Speaker 3 Before I leave, I'll get it shipped to you.

Speaker 2 I mean, before you leave, when are you leaving?

Speaker 2 I'll be gone when this comes out, but no, I'm saying how many

Speaker 2 about a week or two? A month ago.

Speaker 3 Okay, I'll get you a couple bags shipped to you. It's instant, it's freezer-dried because you can't filter the supplements.

Speaker 2 You grind it? No, no, no. It's just in a little rip packet and you pour it right into hot water, cold water, or into a protein shake.
Yeah, I'll try it.

Speaker 3 Yeah, it tastes great, but it has tongue at Ali, Lions Mane, Eshwaganda, Healthy Anion. Okay.

Speaker 2 Sorry, I didn't mean to cut you off. No, no, no.

Speaker 3 I mean, I'm doing a plug now for my coffee, right?

Speaker 2 But I'm not, you know, I got a book coming out. I was about to move it, Pat, and I was like, wait, let him do his thing.

Speaker 3 No, I wasn't.

Speaker 2 Do you have a book coming out? Yeah.

Speaker 3 That's why I wasn't going to tell you who was going to be.

Speaker 2 That's why Story Wars is happening because you're going to be like, I'm not going to be able to do it.

Speaker 3 We are going to give it away. But I do.
I'm writing a book right now.

Speaker 2 Where'd you learn to write?

Speaker 2 So reading too now?

Speaker 3 You know what's funny? I didn't.

Speaker 3 Originally, I was supposed to just do interviews with a co-writer, this guy, Johnny Russo,

Speaker 3 and he got me the book deal. He was like, dude,

Speaker 3 it's published. It's not like I'm self-publishing a book.
This is from a publishing house.

Speaker 2 And he was like, yeah, dude, he was like, I mean, you have crazy stories.

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah. It's a memoir from my childhood.
So it starts off with my first memory of my dad dying, and it ends with my mom dying, Indi finding comedy, right?

Speaker 3 So that's like just that, you know, comedy sort of saved me, right? And the whole story of how I got into it.

Speaker 3 But

Speaker 3 I was just telling him these stories, then he was going to transcribe them, and then I was going to punch them up and give a little bit more perspective. But then he was moving really slow on it.

Speaker 3 So then I started writing my own shit, dude. And I really like writing.
I really like, I can't write a novel, but I could write my perspective in my voice. You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 2 You have an editor helping you punch it together and make it.

Speaker 3 So yeah, so now he's now he sends me shit, and then I just re-edit everything that he does. And now we have an editor that we're sending it over to.

Speaker 3 So the reality is I probably didn't need a co-writer.

Speaker 3 But it's fine. It got me motivated to do it.
My next book that I'll do after this, I'll probably do by myself, which is

Speaker 2 the publishing company.

Speaker 2 Yeah. That's amazing.

Speaker 3 It's called Knives and Spoons.

Speaker 3 You can get it on Amazon. When this comes out, it'll be ready to be out.
December 2nd of Strips.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 2 but when's the special uh september october i'm filming it july 12th so then how will this be out the pre-order will be out you mean

Speaker 2 the pre-order is already out for the uh the book yeah okay you buy it right now on amazon okay um so before chat gbt how do you find these restaurants and with your kid when you're oh when i'm there yeah oh uh

Speaker 3 you just sort of google and see what's great you know ask friends who have been there do you go very fresh in hotels you'd be like hey sometimes i mean i'll look google is a great resource you You can see if it's got fucking five-star reviews.

Speaker 3 Like, I typically look up places that are, like, nicer for the most part. Just there's a reason that they're more expensive and nicer.
And you're on vacation, too.

Speaker 2 It's like it's time to splurge. You don't want Whole Foods on a vacation.

Speaker 3 No, exactly. And don't get wrong.
Once in a while, you'd be like, oh, you found this place. It was dirt cheap and it was incredible.

Speaker 3 But you have to happen upon those things or somebody will tell you, like, oh, dude, you got to go to this place. But it's who are you talking to?

Speaker 3 I'm talking to some person who's just like, you know, sometimes people's opinions don't fucking, you know, you talk to some people, they like McGriddles every morning from McDonald's.

Speaker 2 Nick Husa found this out. Whenever we go on the road, this is back when he was drinking and fucking.

Speaker 2 He'd be like, hey, where's the cool bar around here? And they're giving you what they think you would want. Yeah.
Which is always, they think you'll want the hot nightclub.

Speaker 2 Yeah, which is not what I want.

Speaker 3 Never what I want.

Speaker 2 But they think, oh, you're a big shot in town. You must want to.

Speaker 3 I want a completely dead.

Speaker 3 You could talk, not loud music, you know, not many people. A handful of people you could joke around with a little bit, like a couple people, a little bit of a divey vibe.
So this is what he said.

Speaker 2 He goes, I learned. He goes, I goes, hey, where do the people, where do the guys with mustaches go?

Speaker 2 And they go, oh, well, then that bar. You know, like, perfect.
Sometimes you get gay bars, but

Speaker 2 it's like, so he needs to say leather jackets, but also that. So where's next on your, or have you been anywhere else with James?

Speaker 2 So you like it then, traveling with a kid?

Speaker 3 I love it. I do it for a reason.
I love it.

Speaker 2 You're going to make him so worldly. Yeah.
He's going to, at 17.

Speaker 3 He wants to do Japan next. So do I.
He wants to do Japan. And I really want to.
I've heard so many amazing things about Japan.

Speaker 2 Terry Durana just went there.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I hear really great things. I mean, I love sushi.
Have you been to Sushi by Scratch?

Speaker 2 Yeah, once.

Speaker 3 Fucking so great. How great was that? You didn't like it? Stop it.
I did like it.

Speaker 2 It's not bad. It's been I got bitten by a thousand fucking nymph mites, and I couldn't have, I was worried about AlphaGal, so I couldn't have the fucking bone marrow.

Speaker 3 Oh, that's the best one.

Speaker 3 The best one. Do you go to the one here or the one in Austin? One here.
Yeah, the one here is great.

Speaker 2 He's such a big comedy fan. Two weeks where I cook it.
Shout out, Phil.

Speaker 3 Shout out, Phil. Sussy by scratch.

Speaker 2 Shout out, Phil. He's the man.
He mocked me, too.

Speaker 2 So he was like, he was like, is there any allergies? I'm like, no. Oh, yeah, nothing.
No, like, no red meat. He goes, okay, fine.
Do all the things. All the fish was fine.

Speaker 2 He goes, so for this next thing, it's a bone marrow. Now, there's a couple of people who

Speaker 2 can't have it. And we have just a piece of just

Speaker 2 some rice. Yeah, he went overboard with how dingy it was.

Speaker 3 He's like, so here's fucking flop everyone's like oh my god i'm like god no so it melts yeah it's just it melts into the the rice it's i was like can i just go i'll get me the dumpster just bring it out to me just that place i brought i brought james and his mother there actually i went to the one in austin with tim dylan the first time that's where i met uh the owner and then um i brought my girlfriend to the one in austin and then i brought my my son and his mother to the one here and james i mean every every bite just loved it loved the stories behind it eating fly eat they have have jellyfish which is crazy that's like the crazy piece oh yeah i didn't know what i was walking into i thought it was just gonna be a super sushi spot i was like i would have dressed up for this yeah yeah um where do you want to take james japan japan for sure brazil he does jiu-jitsu so i want to take him to brazil to see like a tournament or something in the train and to like you know but i think he's got to be a little bit older it's a little more of a dangerous place if i've heard rio i heard is the worst yeah and then there's probably like florida place yeah for sure but even as i was just in um england and uh Japanese Jiu-Jitsu is also a home of it.

Speaker 3 Dude, fucking London is such a cool city. I really love London.
People hate on it. I think it's great.

Speaker 3 I like any city. Like London, Rome, and New York are like my favorite cities that I've visited

Speaker 3 because they're like, they have a New York vibe, and I love New York. When I first moved to New York City, you're going to say something about New York.

Speaker 3 Like, dude, there's a reason people live amongst shit. Okay, I'm upstate, like an hour north of here.
There's a reason people will live amongst shit. It's because this is the most

Speaker 3 like the energy of new york it's this romantic sort of like thing where you're like i'm in new fucking york city do you understand what that means i don't care that there's garbage piled up i don't care that there's violence on the subways i don't care that there's rats right there i'm in new fucking new there's a reason you're come here and stay here there's a reason and it's a young man's game i moved out to the suburbs during the pandemic because i wanted a pool and a car and all that other stuff i'm in new york city three days a week so they always said like oh your apartment's too small in new york and we're always like we're not in our apartments you go there to sleep and fuck and then you go out to Broadway and comedy shows, and art, and all this stuff.

Speaker 3 And also, the inspiration pause.

Speaker 2 So, that's what we always made an excuse for. Then COVID came, and there was no Broadway, there were no restaurants, there was no comedy shows,

Speaker 2 and we stayed

Speaker 2 because it's so fucking cool here. Yeah, it's cool.

Speaker 3 It's a real, I never hate on it. I moved out for I got a kid.

Speaker 2 If I didn't have a kid, I'd probably never hate on something just because you move away. You can still do something.
Yeah, there's awesome on doing this. Dude, where I grew up, there was

Speaker 3 like in the, it's only an hour north of here, Rockland County, right? And I grew up in the ghetto area of Rockland County. It's where Levity Live is.

Speaker 3 Levity Live, that comedy club up in the mall, that's in Nyack, which is like a nicer area of Rockland County.

Speaker 3 But I grew up in West Havish or Havishra area, which is kind of ghetto and a little bit dilapidated. A lot of Latinos and blacks.

Speaker 3 And a lot of white trash too. And where I grew up, there was no inspiration.
Like

Speaker 3 you're dealing with people that they just want to, you know, they're just, their goals are so low and their goals are so like, they don't have any aspirations or they wouldn't live in Rockland County, right?

Speaker 3 When you come to New York City, the guy on the subway that's selling a CD, he's trying to be the fucking best.

Speaker 3 The fucking, there's, you'll, you'd be next to a guy from Wall Street who's worth millions of dollars. You're dealing with an entrepreneur.

Speaker 3 You're dealing with the dancer who's trying to be the best dancer in the world, the jazz musician, some fucking, you know, whoever, the homeless are the best here.

Speaker 2 We have the best homeless out of all of the, like,

Speaker 2 the more talented.

Speaker 3 They know how to, they know how to be homeless in a weird way.

Speaker 3 Yeah, they don't smell the same way. You go to Austin or LA.
They smell like fucking absolutely. Once in a while, you get a real smelly guy here.

Speaker 2 But like Gianna says, if you get out of line, he goes, every 10 years or so, we burn one alive, and they all know their place.

Speaker 2 I got to bring that back to our joke.

Speaker 2 And they're like, hey, new homeless. Don't, that's your best.
But that

Speaker 3 is like when you're dealing with a place like New York and London reminds me of this. And Rome, Rome is like the original New York, like the OG, like fucking,

Speaker 3 you're dealing with like just an elite attitude. Like the people that are, that are there going, like, no, no, no, we're here for a fucking reason.
And you don't really get that in many other places.

Speaker 3 In New York, like, you know, I think, you know, people that hate on New York, I'm like, first of all, it's all like kind of bullshit.

Speaker 2 People are like, it's dangerous.

Speaker 3 It's like, it's not really dangerous. No, it's really not.
I don't know anybody's really getting attacked. I mean, once in a while, if you go to the hood, you'll get fucked with a little bit.

Speaker 3 It's happened. I'm sure you've had something thrown at you here and there.

Speaker 2 Yeah, some fucking black dude in a Latino guy threw a pear at my my back

Speaker 3 and i was like what the fuck is these punks he was like 14.

Speaker 3 yeah they were like what the fuck yeah but also that's gonna happen somewhere else as well you act like it's not gonna happen in the midwest somewhere else i forgot about it was like 10 years ago i'm so mad

Speaker 2 all right i'm gonna let you go this was fucking awesome thanks you were right to go let's do something different than just one country we're gonna do puerto rico but he was like i don't know i just didn't let's

Speaker 2 it's not i think italy's the that was sort of the focal point of this anyway but but i think it's the theme traveling with with traveling with your kid I'll tell you a memory I have of I went to the Coochie Tunnels in

Speaker 2 Vietnam. You go through a tour of where they all did whatever and you come out of the ground and do whatever.

Speaker 2 They show you all the spears that they stepped in and how it demoralized or whatever. There was a French mom and dad with their two kids and the kids were like

Speaker 2 eight and six. And

Speaker 2 they didn't let it slow them down. And I remember these kids had this long branch.
with this big leaf at the end of it, a dried leaf, and they were messing with the cat.

Speaker 2 And I'm looking at this through this kid's eyes.

Speaker 2 He's at this place, a tour of like killing american gis and like and like there were probably their memories and be like remember that cat yeah and i'm like they're having it and the parents that let it slow them down and i'm like there's a way to do it yeah there's a without a doubt and honestly the you it's a part of their life and it's a part of their like

Speaker 3 you know it's a part of just growing up traveling and doing something new i i never did any of that as a kid i was always very jealous of the kids who would go on a family vacation you hear about them going to disney world and i've done all that i've done all those those things too this is cooler Yeah,

Speaker 3 my son, I think when the smoke clears all said and done, I could die in a couple years. He's going to go, oh, my dad tried to create amazing experiences.
It's in him.

Speaker 2 For sure, it's in him. Forever.
By the way, when the smoke clears, the governor said, he will, at some point, be in college and be talking and be like, have you been anywhere?

Speaker 2 And it was like, no, oh, actually, I did go to 17 countries.

Speaker 2 They'll be going to be like, what? He's going to realize at some point, maybe mid-20s, he's going, oh, that was incredibly cool.

Speaker 3 It's going to hit him how it's the same thing with like, you know, every time I push him to go to jiu-jitsu and he's like, oh, dad, I like hanging at home today. I'm like, James, you should really go.

Speaker 3 And I never make him. I'm never like, you got to go to jiu-jitsu.
It's my, you know, I'm not that dad. But I always, I always try to be like, I was like, you're going to regret.
I always say this.

Speaker 3 I was like, you're going to regret being lazy right now for an hour because an hour of your time, you're physically and mentally,

Speaker 3 you're working on yourself. You're thinking about yourself.
You're becoming a better version of whatever you are.

Speaker 3 And then every time he goes like, all right, you're right, Dad.

Speaker 3 And every time he goes, and I think years from now, when the smoke clears, he's going to go, like, even if he doesn't continue with jiu-jitsu later on in life, I think he's going to go, like, I'm really glad my dad stayed on me to do that and to excel at it.

Speaker 3 It's something that he's really good at. Like, he's one of the better kids in his class.
He doesn't even realize that he's a little badass. Like, he can box, he does jiu-jitsu.
Like, he's so sweet.

Speaker 3 Like, he doesn't know. Like, if you talk to him, he wouldn't, he doesn't seem like he's gonna be a tough kid at all, but he's strong as fuck and he's just got really great technique.

Speaker 3 He does great every time he won a gold medal in a tournament. And he's just, you know, he has that in him.
If somebody ever fucks with him, he could fucking just choke.

Speaker 3 He'll put his hands up in your collar and just choke them out. Oh, yeah.
He's like, oh, yeah, I can do that. Yeah.

Speaker 3 So, thank you.

Speaker 2 I was wrong. I was wrong.

Speaker 2 In my advice, we're not going to go into it, but I was wrong.

Speaker 3 What was about me

Speaker 2 boarding my child?

Speaker 2 I'm willing to admit now.

Speaker 3 When Beatrice is pregnant, 13 years ago, Arlie was like, kill it.

Speaker 2 You got to kill it right now. What are you doing?

Speaker 3 It's going to ruin your life.

Speaker 2 I was so like,

Speaker 3 you were so wrong. It was not even.

Speaker 2 Are you going to have a child?

Speaker 3 No, I have tube sites. Oh, you have your tube site? That's crazy.

Speaker 2 Dude, I was not even like joking. I was pleading with you to do it out of love for you.

Speaker 3 But for me, it was what I needed because I probably would be a drug addict right now.

Speaker 3 Probably, yeah. Who knows?

Speaker 3 I was going down sort of just not the path that I, like, I take myself serious. In comedy, to take yourself seriously in comedy is a stupid, it's a weird, like, almost contradiction.

Speaker 3 But it's like, I'm so hyper-focused on the things that I need to be hyper-focused on.

Speaker 2 Building an empire. Yeah.
That's that.

Speaker 2 Do you have any travel tip advice?

Speaker 2 Travel tips, tips. That's what it is.

Speaker 3 Tips. Yeah, the travel tips.
I actually came up with that. What? Remember, didn't I come up with it on my episode?

Speaker 2 You might have.

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah, I think I did. That was the episode that...

Speaker 3 Yeah, you might have. Yeah, because I was like, oh, these are the things to do.
It was like, bring wipes. I said, bring wetness.
I think you did come up with it. Yeah, this was my thing.

Speaker 2 Any more travel tips? I think you had one with the Chat GPT.

Speaker 3 Chat GPT is a good one. But

Speaker 2 that's it. Could do that one.

Speaker 3 Chat GPT for next time.

Speaker 2 Chat GPT.

Speaker 3 You know, find 10 options of things that are near you.

Speaker 3 Mix it up.

Speaker 2 I mean, this whole episode was really a travel tip for a parent. Like, do adventurous things.
It's kind of inspirational, to be honest, because you're doing more adventurous stuff than

Speaker 2 people going alone, doing whatever. You're actually going out, doing things.

Speaker 2 Well, that's the only thing I have to do.

Speaker 3 But when I'm by myself, I would just go to a nice restaurant and go back to the hotel. Because I'm with my kid, you have to pick these fun things to do.
So it's a better way to do it. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I love you, buddy. Love you too, dude.
Congrats on the special.

Speaker 3 I appreciate it, bro.

Speaker 2 To get to the other side. Just the other side.

Speaker 2 It's out now. Yeah.
Today or yesterday or at most six days ago. Six days ago.
No, I'll do it right. I appreciate it.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Everybody go download it right now.

Speaker 2 Give them a tip.

Speaker 3 First of all. No, you don't give a tip.
Watch it. Share with a friend.
Play it on two devices. Share with a friend.

Speaker 2 Leave a comment. There's an algorithm that works.
And if you comment, it actually helps. So I would comment

Speaker 3 a better trip to Italy than Jordan Jensen.

Speaker 2 That's a good comment. And really shit on Jordan

Speaker 2 as your comment. And really, I mean, go try to top each other.
Really try to one-up each other on how shitty Jordan Jensen's never-to-be-aired episode of Roma.

Speaker 2 Shall have to come back and do another different thing.

Speaker 2 Buddy, I love you. Proud of you.

Speaker 3 You're the best.

Speaker 2 Thanks, brother.

Speaker 2 Well, that's the episode, everybody. Hope you enjoyed it.
I,

Speaker 2 yeah, go watch Lewis's special.

Speaker 2 The worst kind of no, you're making it worse. On YouTube right right now.
What is he doing?

Speaker 2 It's like a soccer player that got barely touched.

Speaker 2 Watch Lewis's special right now.

Speaker 2 You're making it worse. Legitimately,

Speaker 2 I agree with him 100% on this. Pretty much everything either one of us have ever done have tried to make things worse.
We try to make jokes. And then people are like, no, no, stop.

Speaker 2 Do you remember during George Floyd? I remember a couple of comics going like, hey, comics, we don't need your jokes right now. You're making it worse.
I remember that. They said that.

Speaker 2 I'm not going to say who it was. It's actually a comic I really like.

Speaker 2 And it was like, we're not doing the ones killing anybody. You're way off.

Speaker 2 Lewis's tour dates are available at Lewisofskanks.com, Nashville, Columbus for New Year's, Miami's Burger, Ohio, Batavia, Illinois, and Kansas City.

Speaker 2 Plus more coming.

Speaker 2 And go tell him on Instagram, Gomez Comedy. Oh, he dropped the J? What?

Speaker 2 I can't believe he dropped the J. That's That's nuts.

Speaker 2 Okay, Listo.

Speaker 2 Yeah, Aura, Displace. Okay, Gracia.

Speaker 2 She's got shaken down for five Soles. I'm sorry, whatever country I'm in.
Pesos.

Speaker 2 Cinco Soles. It used to be Quatro Soles.
Crazy how things have changed.

Speaker 2 Speaking of traveling with kids, I remember seeing this.

Speaker 2 I was in Vietnam. I did the Coochie Tunnels.
It's where they show you all, you know, freedom fighters.

Speaker 2 Asian Gazans, as they were,

Speaker 2 were dug tunnels to beat the fucking American army. Kind of similar, right? More powerful army.
Getting fucking... Well, actually, nah, Vietnam won that one.

Speaker 2 Anyway, we left and there was this family, this French family, with two little kids. And

Speaker 2 they were playing, they had this long branch with like a leaf on the end of it. And they just kept teasing this cat.
It ruled, by the way. That cat fucking hated it.

Speaker 2 Kept trying to fucking smash this leaf. And I was with them.
I was with these kids. And I remember these kids probably like eight and ten years old.

Speaker 2 I remember going, like, they're gonna remember this trip to Vietnam as that time we played with that cat and not the fucking freedom fighter shit.

Speaker 2 Yeah, pretty wild.

Speaker 2 Let me just pay this guy now.

Speaker 2 Paradise.

Speaker 2 Good.

Speaker 2 Come on,

Speaker 2 Quigla. Okay.

Speaker 2 Pablo. Pablo es más.

Speaker 2 Go a choséco. Gracias, senor.
Gracias.

Speaker 2 Yeah, anyway. Must be weird to have a kid growing up.
Like, he's gonna have all these experiences. It's gonna be pretty wild.

Speaker 2 I wonder how much, I mean, he'll must be more worldly because of it. Did I go anywhere? Yeah, I used to go to Israel every year,

Speaker 2 pretty much, for the big holiday, Passover. Oh, yeah, you can't see my face.
Um, anyway, guys, that's the episode. Please subscribe wherever you're watching and listening.

Speaker 2 This, uh, today's episode was edited by Alan Caffey, produced by your mom's house network. Um,

Speaker 2 um,

Speaker 2 is there anything else? Yeah, subscribe wherever you're watching and listening, and go to Lewis's special right now. You're making it worse on

Speaker 2 what's his website? youtube.com slash at Lewis J

Speaker 2 Gomez Comedy.

Speaker 2 And check out his special, his,

Speaker 2 you know, whatever podcast. Lewis Gomez is on the Legion of Skanks every week,

Speaker 2 The Regs, and Story Wars. Three different podcasts.
How do you have time for your child then? Then how do you have time for your child, Lewis? Yeah, these trips aren't making up for your absenteeism.

Speaker 2 Three times a week. My child never got to know me.
Actually, I have. Well, I have adopted a kid.

Speaker 2 She's doing great.

Speaker 2 That's it, everybody. Next week's episode is

Speaker 2 Live from SkagFest with Sam Talent, Ryan O'Neal, and Column Terrell.

Speaker 2 The first live episode on the U-Be Chipping.

Speaker 2 I don't know. Whatever.
Oh, Blancos. All right, guys, that's the episode.
Thank you very much, Lewis. Again, congratulations on the special.

Speaker 2 Everyone, leave him a comment on his special going, I heard Ari put, finally gave you your J.

Speaker 2 That's it. Until next week, goodbye, everybody.
Is there anything else to that?

Speaker 3 Buy a shirt.

Speaker 2 Bye.