My Dad Was Probably A Murderer w/ Kirk Fox | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Speaker 1 Hey everyone, I have some exciting shows coming up on Saturday, November 29th. I will be in Tacoma, Washington at the Emerald Queen Casino.

Speaker 1 After that, I'll be in Oakland, California at the Paramount Theater on November 30th. Tickets and all info is at tomsagira.com slash tour.

Speaker 2 100%.

Speaker 2 Cheers.

Speaker 1 Hello and welcome to another episode of Two Bears One Cave. Bert, you look great.

Speaker 3 Thank you, man. I've been trimming up and, you know, I'm happy to be here.

Speaker 1 Yeah, man. Such a surprise.

Speaker 1 I can see that your face is kind of narrowed back.

Speaker 3 If you stop eating completely, you're drinking. You just find out who you really are.

Speaker 3 Fantastic. So this is it.
This is it.

Speaker 1 For those of you that don't know, I'm sitting here with the great Kirk Fox. He's a very funny comedian and actor.
You may have seen him on Parks and Rec.

Speaker 1 You may have seen him on jury duty, Reservation Dogs. Wow.
So many things. So many things.
A lot.

Speaker 3 A lot of things. I try not to think about it.

Speaker 1 I was watching, I've seen, I don't know, every time I'm scrolling, I see a clip of you and something else.

Speaker 2 You're just.

Speaker 3 I don't watch it. I don't even really have a TV.
Yeah. So when you're talking about it.

Speaker 1 You don't feel like you have a lane as an actor? A lane? You know what I mean? Like a certain type of part you get called for.

Speaker 3 Anyone on their way to prison?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Or about to be caught. Yeah.
Always sex offending.

Speaker 3 There's always somebody that's a target.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Always a members only jacket.

Speaker 1 Do you remember the first part you got?

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 1 What was it?

Speaker 3 It was,

Speaker 3 well, in house four, I got my SAG card

Speaker 3 with Sean Cunningham, who I was teaching tennis to.

Speaker 1 Tennis has given you...

Speaker 3 Tennis has been my agent for the whole run. Any job I've ever gotten was because of tennis.

Speaker 1 That's so crazy. That is so crazy that like, because I've seen it a little bit, just like being friends with you.
You're like, oh, like, once I kind of

Speaker 1 saw how this worked, I was like, oh, because tennis is a sport of the elite in a lot of ways.

Speaker 3 I'd like to think so. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like, tennis and golf, right? Those are kind of like more

Speaker 1 well-to-do sports.

Speaker 2 Everything else

Speaker 3 doesn't interest me.

Speaker 1 But the irony is that the well-to-do like to play them, but the people who usually are really good come from a working-class, like people who strive to be good at a sport, don't come from those usual, usually those families, right?

Speaker 3 I mean, I think for me personally, I didn't come from money.

Speaker 1 You came from a working-class family?

Speaker 3 I didn't see him work much.

Speaker 3 I just came from a family. Okay.
My dad found a way.

Speaker 3 He would, he called himself an inventor,

Speaker 3 but he'd get up every day at 6.30 and invent ways to not have to go to work.

Speaker 2 Okay, okay. That's cool.

Speaker 3 He'd get up every day and he'd get a bamboo stick and he'd go down to the beach and just trudge along the deep sand.

Speaker 1 It's kind of a good life.

Speaker 3 It seemed to be for him.

Speaker 3 Not much of an income, but

Speaker 3 he found a good way to not have to work. He was a handyman.

Speaker 1 But is that tough then as a young kid wanting to, like, you found a sport you really like.

Speaker 1 and at least in today's world it's like if you really want to pursue tennis you have to kind of invest some in that right but he would drive me around and he would drive me to the tournaments and who introduced you to tennis

Speaker 2 uh

Speaker 3 no one there was uh there was a garage door oh across the alley yeah

Speaker 3 and i would just hit tennis balls against it

Speaker 3 And hitting the ball against the wall is something I did for most of my life.

Speaker 1 There There's was something really

Speaker 1 so pleasurable and satisfying about a ball against a wall still.

Speaker 3 Just the sound

Speaker 3 is hypnotic.

Speaker 1 Even if you throw it against, you could do it for hours.

Speaker 3 And I would do it for hours.

Speaker 3 I often think now about just

Speaker 3 if I could just dump my family

Speaker 3 and find a wall

Speaker 3 and just hit balls against it forever. You know that's possible, right? Well, I'm leaning into it.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 And there's walls.

Speaker 3 And they would call, they would call, and they'd say, you have a family, and I'd say, not right now. Not right now.

Speaker 3 Let me finish this. Yeah.
And I would hit until the ball would pop.

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 3 So I think it's just insanity. Yeah.
Like, you know, serial killers just write notes to themselves for hours. Yeah.
That's my note. The ball wall.
The ball wall is my note to my family.

Speaker 3 And I was thinking about it today as I drove here. I was like,

Speaker 3 first of all, I was in a Waymo,

Speaker 3 which is not good.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 3 Because it's like if you

Speaker 3 called the drunkest person you know

Speaker 3 for a ride. Yeah.
Because they drive so slow, they're so careful.

Speaker 1 And there's no one there.

Speaker 3 And they won't go on the freeway because they're afraid of highway patrolmen.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 It's the slowest. It's just, if you want a drunk person person to come get you, you just call a Waymo.

Speaker 1 Waymo, for those of you that don't know, is the driverless car. There's a car that pulls up when there's no one driving, and you get in.
I did one. I got in one just to experience it.

Speaker 1 And I just, for the whole ride, just said the N-word over and over and over because I knew it was.

Speaker 3 Was that the driver's name? Well,

Speaker 1 I guess so. Yeah,

Speaker 3 you can make it anyone you hate. Yeah,

Speaker 1 I just did it for fun.

Speaker 3 What I don't like about the Waymo is

Speaker 3 if someone's trying to kill you,

Speaker 3 like shooting at you, the Waymo is still going to just follow all the it's going to pull over and give them a better aim.

Speaker 3 Yeah, maybe, yeah, it wouldn't stop because it has, you know, it has a mission, yeah. Where if you have a real Uber driver, they're going to maybe try and get away from the assassin.

Speaker 1 A Turkish guy knows to do that, so yeah.

Speaker 3 So, that's that's my problem with Waymo: if you're getting shot at, you're going to be killed.

Speaker 1 That's a that's a really good point. Um, I want to ask this with regard to tennis, though.
Okay, look. When do you know?

Speaker 1 Because for other sports, you can kind of see this. When do you know you're actually pretty good?

Speaker 3 When you win. When you win.
When you start winning.

Speaker 1 So you're doing tournaments.

Speaker 3 Yeah, you're doing tournaments and you just start winning.

Speaker 1 You're like, all right.

Speaker 3 But I never got to that stage.

Speaker 1 Of what? Winning. You did too.

Speaker 3 You know, not enough to

Speaker 3 that people would, people don't know that I was great you were you're great well i could have been the best in the world yeah but i just

Speaker 3 pussy yeah

Speaker 3 women fucked that up did they yeah look at me

Speaker 3 look at me uh yeah so you'd be you'd you'd arrive for a tournament and then see a skirt i'd barely arrive yeah i i'd still be chasing the girls yeah and i'd never win the first set because i like to dig a hole to climb out of yeah so everything I did was counterproductive to winning.

Speaker 1 That's a real artist, right there. Yeah.

Speaker 3 It's like, so a lot of matches I just

Speaker 3 dig a hole. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Because I wouldn't stretch.

Speaker 3 I haven't stretched in my life. Really? Yeah.
And you know that.

Speaker 3 Like if I have to do more than 20 minutes of stand-up, it's going to be start to feel like work. Yeah.

Speaker 3 So I'm as famous as 20 minutes

Speaker 3 can get you in life. Right.
Like you're famous.

Speaker 3 This is your podcast.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 3 I came here reluctantly.

Speaker 1 Right. Yeah.
No, I appreciate it.

Speaker 3 I don't want to be here.

Speaker 2 I know. I know.

Speaker 3 I don't want to be anywhere.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 I don't mind talking to you any place where there's no cameras or people hearing us.

Speaker 1 Well, we have to edit so much.

Speaker 3 Yeah, that's the problem. I know.

Speaker 1 And people wonder, like, why do you have to edit? Well, because prison cellmates know not to speak

Speaker 1 in front of the warden, you know.

Speaker 3 Any conversation i have i imagine that someone's listening yeah and that i'm wired up and that if i say something wrong it could end let's talk about something fun bundy aren't we this

Speaker 3 bundy's fun yeah he had a twinkle he's he had that hunter mentality yeah i mean i only do locations with you if i've known he's been there yeah i know that's why we're going this weekend yeah it's gonna be fun did he do some work up there

Speaker 1 I don't know, but I mean, truthfully, where didn't he do some work? He's so pretty. You know who did some work up there? It's Ed Gein.

Speaker 3 Oh, Eddie.

Speaker 1 Eddie. Little Eddie G.

Speaker 3 It's nice that we have

Speaker 3 that in common. He loved his mom.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he adored her, dug her up.

Speaker 3 I love mine. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Did not kill her, but she appeared to be dead for most of her life. Did she? Yeah, that was a gift my dad had, just driving people into seclusion.

Speaker 1 That's,

Speaker 1 yeah, my mom makes me want to be dead. I don't know if that's a spin on that.

Speaker 3 Sometimes I look at your mom and she already appears stuffed.

Speaker 1 You know,

Speaker 1 you know who looks just like my mom right now?

Speaker 3 One of those dried-up apples,

Speaker 1 Bon Jovi.

Speaker 3 Oh, shit.

Speaker 1 I think it was Amy Miller texting me this photo, and she's like, oh, she goes, you know who?

Speaker 3 Dude, Amy Miller has your number?

Speaker 3 Yeah, she texted me. I like watching your mom when she gambles.

Speaker 3 That to me is pleasant.

Speaker 1 My mom? Oh, that's when she's at her happiest.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Did your mom have a thing like that? Did she like you?

Speaker 3 I don't know. My mom never left the house.

Speaker 2 Really?

Speaker 3 I don't remember her going very far. She'd go to the market, but

Speaker 1 she had, what, five?

Speaker 3 She had five. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Look, there's. So she did go to the hospital.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 that's Bon Jovi.

Speaker 3 Is she on the right or left?

Speaker 3 That looks like Charo. It really does.

Speaker 2 Holy shit.

Speaker 3 It does look like Charo. Wow.

Speaker 2 That's crazy.

Speaker 3 So that's the evolution of rock stars. Yeah.
At some point.

Speaker 1 They look like an 80-year-old Latin lady.

Speaker 3 An aunt. They all just fade into that.
Yeah, it's because

Speaker 1 their vanity.

Speaker 1 Like, they have to stay real thin. Rock stars like to stay real thin.
Well, they don't eat. And then

Speaker 1 they want to have crazy hair. Yeah.
But your hair starts to just do weird things as you get older.

Speaker 3 Yeah, Stephen Tyler just looks like a crazy, beautiful older woman.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 She's frightening.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's frightening. Alice Cooper.

Speaker 3 What's that to the right there? Is that a Christmas tree?

Speaker 1 I think so.

Speaker 3 We never had those.

Speaker 1 No?

Speaker 3 No.

Speaker 1 What did you have?

Speaker 3 It was a tree. My dad would cut a limb from this tree in the front yard.

Speaker 1 A limb?

Speaker 3 A limb, brother.

Speaker 2 And then prop it up.

Speaker 3 Prop it up. He wouldn't lay it down.
It would still be propped up enough where you could put a present under it.

Speaker 1 That's awesome.

Speaker 3 I basically grew up, I would say,

Speaker 3 in the 1700s.

Speaker 3 Now that I think about it.

Speaker 3 My dad just didn't like to spend much money.

Speaker 3 He'd always just have a few dollars in his wallet and he would take it out and,

Speaker 3 you know.

Speaker 3 But it was only like two or three dollars, but that was his big takeaway.

Speaker 1 I wish there was footage from a reality show of your house.

Speaker 3 Oh, God.

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Speaker 3 My grandma lived upstairs.

Speaker 1 I didn't know that.

Speaker 3 Shit, no one did. She's in a box.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 3 My grandma lived upstairs. Well, my dad married my mom and then just moved in with her and her mother.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 3 Which is exactly what I did. Yeah.
I'm following the tradition of

Speaker 3 not working, of milking a woman.

Speaker 3 So I come from a long line of that.

Speaker 3 Just a long line.

Speaker 3 That's what it was.

Speaker 3 But grandma lived upstairs and the phone was upstairs upstairs or down in a called a lath house which was

Speaker 3 l-a-t-h never heard of that well you wouldn't unless you grew up in the 1700s okay okay but that's where my mom slept down in this lath house really yeah my dad they didn't sleep together okay that showed you the appeal of my father

Speaker 3 So yeah, my grandma would hit the floor and she'd say, telephone. And I'd have to run almost half a block down to this lath house.
To get the phone. To get to the phone.

Speaker 3 And then you don't want to go upstairs. And then

Speaker 3 no, no, no.

Speaker 1 But if it was for someone else, then you had to run back.

Speaker 3 Well, they'd say who it's for.

Speaker 2 Oh, okay. Kirk, telephone.
Okay.

Speaker 3 And then I'd run down to the lath house and I'd get the, I got a grandma.

Speaker 3 And then sometimes she wouldn't hang up. And you'd be like, that's when you knew she was plotting murder.

Speaker 3 But yeah, that's the life I grew up in. And the shower was outside.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 So I had an outdoor shower. How close were you to the beach?

Speaker 3 A mile.

Speaker 1 A mile? Okay.

Speaker 3 But I do like outdoor showers.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 There was one at the foot of Law Street in Pacific Beach, an outdoor shower. So I'd swim and then I'd take this shower.
But I liked it because you could look at beautiful women while you shower

Speaker 3 and pee.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 3 So that maybe is what started the

Speaker 3 dementia by looking at women and just peeing in your swimsuit while looking at them, making eye contact.

Speaker 1 I remember peeing on this girl in high school. And

Speaker 1 man, I didn't realize that

Speaker 1 it would be so empowering. Like it

Speaker 2 was,

Speaker 1 of course. Just such a great feeling.

Speaker 3 You were probably sad when you stopped peeing.

Speaker 1 Oh, I was.

Speaker 3 Yeah, that's like hitting the tennis ball against the wall.

Speaker 3 Like, you know, when I pee on women,

Speaker 3 it's hard to stop. It's hard to stop.
Same with choking them. Yes.

Speaker 1 And I didn't choke any, I'd heard about it and I was like, that's crazy. And then the first time a girl, she told me to,

Speaker 1 I guess I didn't know you kind of like.

Speaker 3 Have to stop. Yeah.

Speaker 3 See, that's the problem.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Because I've done it before and just kept going.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I also didn't know that like.

Speaker 3 And I said, did you like that?

Speaker 3 And she was on, I think she was out.

Speaker 3 So then you have to, no CPR.

Speaker 1 You got to start slow. So you're supposed to just kind of, and I just went for a 10.
I was just like, oh, I thought you wanted me to. But you're an athlete.

Speaker 2 It'll kill you.

Speaker 3 You're an athlete. When I choke a girl, I say, you know, I want you to know this could end bad for one of us.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 That's why I start on pillows.

Speaker 3 But choking,

Speaker 3 that's empowering also.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 3 If I could find a woman that I could just pee on and choke all day, I wouldn't even need to play tennis anymore.

Speaker 2 No, I know.

Speaker 3 Like, that's a problem with my wife. You know, she makes me, you know, pee outside.

Speaker 1 It's the worst.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 I do have a pea tree. You do? I do have a pea tree in my backyard.

Speaker 1 I love peeing outside.

Speaker 3 And every time I would go out there, no matter what, it could be raining. I'd go to this pea tree.

Speaker 3 And Jaren hated it.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Until, I shit you not, she saw her water bill dropping.

Speaker 3 Really? Yeah, because

Speaker 3 you stop flushing. Right.
So if you're peeing outside, you're just killing trees. There's one tree that was an avocado tree

Speaker 3 that was

Speaker 3 strong. Avocados every year.
And then once I've married her and moved in, No more avocados.

Speaker 3 And no one can figure out why. Why did this thing stop producing why is this more of a lime tree now

Speaker 3 but yeah

Speaker 3 and my daughter you know i have a kid i think yeah yeah i think so i think i've seen her yeah i don't really know because when i'm out on the road with you yeah i don't talk to them right when when i leave the house to come see you that's it the family's dead yeah is it tough for them I meant for you.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 3 It might be tough for them, but I don't know because we don't talk.

Speaker 1 When do you talk? When you talk again when you arrive back?

Speaker 3 Maybe. Yeah.
I'm hoping I don't have to.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 If I feel in my brain, if I don't talk about marriage, it'll go away.

Speaker 3 It's like when you talk about something, it gives it strength. Yeah.

Speaker 3 I keep it

Speaker 3 hidden. Hidden, yeah.
But Addison, which is her name, I found out.

Speaker 2 Uh-huh.

Speaker 3 Whenever I would go pee on a tree,

Speaker 3 she would pee on a mound with me.

Speaker 2 really

Speaker 3 excuse me yeah and it was the only thing we really had in common pissing on stuff pissing on stuff and it ties back to you know you like peeing on women yeah 100

Speaker 3 and she would be on a a mound about 20 feet away she wasn't ready for the tree because it was it's kind of on a slant and i have to find right balance to pee on this tree yeah When I pee now, I put my hands on my waist.

Speaker 1 Oh, it's a power move.

Speaker 3 It's a real king thing. Like when you pee, you take your pants down still, right? Right.
Yeah, so that's how I pee. Yeah.

Speaker 3 But Addison would stand up to pee.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 3 She would never squat,

Speaker 3 which shows me, and I don't know if you know this, that women don't have to sit

Speaker 3 to pee. That's just a lazy...
Yeah, they're just all that's a power move.

Speaker 1 Such dumb broads. They can just stand and just fire at you.

Speaker 3 And you shoot it out. And I did not know this till I watched, you know, a four and five-year-old just, and she has strong calves.

Speaker 3 And she can pee, you know, standing up.

Speaker 1 That's amazing.

Speaker 3 Like her mom, a drunk sorority girl.

Speaker 1 I didn't know about that either until I saw a woman doing that. And it was just rocketing forward.
I was like, oh, yeah, why are you sitting there?

Speaker 3 The best part of this is I would put Addison in the shoes with flashing, blinking lights on them. Yeah.
Because when we'd pee at night,

Speaker 3 I'd often fantasize that a coyote would grab her

Speaker 3 and run with her.

Speaker 3 And I wanted to tell the cops where.

Speaker 1 Which direction?

Speaker 3 Which direction.

Speaker 1 That makes sense.

Speaker 3 And we also have a California condor

Speaker 3 in our backyard.

Speaker 3 And I often fantasize about the condor grabbing my wife and kid.

Speaker 1 And just leaving with them.

Speaker 2 Just leaving. Yeah.

Speaker 3 And that's, you know, a great way to go. Yeah.
California Condor.

Speaker 1 I mean, it's front page page LA Times.

Speaker 3 They're almost extinct. So cool.
As my family also

Speaker 1 almost is, yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah, so that's, that's who I am.

Speaker 1 One thing I learned in high school about, I learned about consent because the first time I didn't, I didn't ask.

Speaker 3 Wait, what's this word? Consent.

Speaker 1 You're supposed to be like, is this cool to do? Because I just peed on somebody.

Speaker 3 Who do you get that from?

Speaker 1 I guess the other person. What? Yeah.
I'd never, it was a new thing.

Speaker 3 That's something I have to.

Speaker 1 But she was laying there and she was asleep.

Speaker 1 And I was like, all right, I'll just relieve myself, you you know yeah it was a whole thing it was cool now was this intercourse or pee this was just pee okay so but it woke her up you know that's good i think she needed i think she was late for something so i kind of helped her in a way did you stand to pee on her yeah

Speaker 1 now were you sleepwalking or is this just no it was just i was awake walking and i just saw a

Speaker 3 girl asleep and you peed on her

Speaker 3 So that's a territorial pissing.

Speaker 1 It was, yeah.

Speaker 3 That's a bundy move.

Speaker 1 I thought it was a nice way of like, it's sort of the equivalent of giving someone a note, you know, hey, I like you. I think, I think I was doing that in a way, too.

Speaker 3 I do like that. I don't, I'll be honest with you, Tom, right?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 I don't pee on enough people.

Speaker 1 It's you got to up your game. Yeah.
Yeah. We could do it this weekend.

Speaker 2 I'd like to.

Speaker 3 Together.

Speaker 3 That's a lot of pee.

Speaker 1 We could change some girl's life.

Speaker 3 Definitely her speech pattern.

Speaker 1 That's rejection.

Speaker 2 Jesus.

Speaker 1 Oh, man. BTK, I was watching his new documentary.

Speaker 3 Did he make this himself?

Speaker 2 I don't think so.

Speaker 1 It was, it's, it's called.

Speaker 3 Do people know who BTK is? Well, if you don't. It's not a breakfast sandwich.

Speaker 1 It's not a breakfast sandwich. It's not.
There's a new doc on Netflix called My Father

Speaker 1 was BTK or My Father BTK, something like that. And

Speaker 1 it follows mostly his daughter.

Speaker 1 And it's a great doc, which shows you that this girl was like 20-something. She was like married with a kid the day her dad got arrested.

Speaker 3 So that'd be like my family.

Speaker 1 It would be like your family. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And they just knock on the door and they're like, hey, we just arrested your dad. He's BTK.
And they're all like, what? They completely were thrown by it, did not think it was.

Speaker 2 true.

Speaker 1 And then, well, obviously then you kind of, he was the city controller too.

Speaker 3 And I hear that.

Speaker 1 he liked controlling and killing he did and I feel like one of the things that is not talked about enough in the press is the guy was really good at his job and I think he doesn't get credit for that.

Speaker 1 He was on top of the rules of Park City Kansas and he would he he would leave you know it's amazing how one thing can make people forget about everything else. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Why let the killing define and how many was it 10 or 11?

Speaker 3 Like 10 I think that's not a lot.

Speaker 1 That's not that many.

Speaker 3 For a controller?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 So he he held back a hundred percent and do they know for sure BTK bound tie kill yeah bind torture kill oh yeah oh that's even better

Speaker 1 so the t wasn't for talk no there was no talking now I bet he peed on people I'm well he definitely would wear lingerie and jack off so well that's who doesn't do that yeah That's a new normal thing.

Speaker 1 Ed Gain would also put on mama's panties and

Speaker 1 jack off you know god i'd love to have

Speaker 3 we probably have met some of these guys yeah you probably are talking to one right now

Speaker 3 i mean how do you really know what someone's capable of you don't the guy in the dating game you remember him yes yeah he was a killer and came on and was pretty charming that was uh

Speaker 1 alcazar or something like that yeah that was um there we yeah rodney alcala there you go and he's got that good hair Great hair. Oh, by the way, that's dirt.

Speaker 3 I wear that same shampoo.

Speaker 1 Let me just tell you something.

Speaker 1 Speaking of great hair, you've got great hair.

Speaker 2 Where?

Speaker 1 Dude, look at this head of hair.

Speaker 3 Oh, I thought you said gray.

Speaker 1 No, no, great.

Speaker 3 Yeah, this is

Speaker 3 good hair. Yeah.
This is the hair of a young serial killer.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah. And it just keeps coming in.
I know.

Speaker 1 It's nice.

Speaker 3 It's all I got. Oh, dude.
And long eyelashes.

Speaker 1 Long eyelashes.

Speaker 3 I got green eyes, long long eyelashes. Yeah.
Big cock, a lot of confidence. I have everything but an income.

Speaker 1 Well, do you really need one?

Speaker 3 Clearly, I don't. No.

Speaker 3 Like, at some point, man, I can just walk away. I have nothing in my name.

Speaker 3 I'm a hobo at heart.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 3 This jacket was yours.

Speaker 3 I haven't taken it off since you've given it to me.

Speaker 3 So I just wear things till they fall off and then they become rags that I use to bind and torture. You're resourceful.
If that's a word. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Is that?

Speaker 1 Yeah, you're resourceful.

Speaker 3 I'm still stuck on consent. I know.
So that's something you ask people before you pee on them? I guess.

Speaker 1 Or if you like any type of touching. You know what I mean? That's so odd.
I know. You go like, hey, is it cool if I do this?

Speaker 3 I like to wait till after. Yeah.
And then see how they feel about it.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And if they don't feel good, then you can just.

Speaker 2 That's on them. Yeah.

Speaker 3 That's something they need to work through.

Speaker 1 Then you can choke harder.

Speaker 3 Big fan of consent. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 I don't really like it.

Speaker 2 I don't like it either.

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Speaker 1 You know, um

Speaker 1 we ai is the talk of the town right everyone talks about the sauce the sauce a1 sauce yes okay

Speaker 1 and apparently i did not know this michael cain and matthew mcconaca mcconahey sold their voices to an ai company but the big thing like a little while ago was like all these actors were like oh i don't want but you know what's happened that check gets big enough and they go yeah you can use my voice cares i don't care nothing really matters And also, Michael Caine 91.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's not going to act again.

Speaker 3 That was probably his last voiceover.

Speaker 1 Yeah, for sure.

Speaker 1 Do you know what they were sold for? Is there any information on that? Because I bet it's

Speaker 1 got to be a millions. Oh, it's got to be, dude.

Speaker 3 There they are.

Speaker 1 Oh, an undisclosed sum. That's always.

Speaker 3 That's always high.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's not

Speaker 3 $100. All my sums are undisclosed.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 how do you unclose them

Speaker 3 i don't know yeah ai's here man it's also the robots that you know the blowjob robots that are blowjob robots seem like they'll be popular yeah

Speaker 3 and they don't they don't have to be tall no so you're saving money on metal yeah just knee height yeah

Speaker 3 i've seen a few where they added a tongue to one yeah and i already put in an order

Speaker 3 I like that job. Like, I don't want to work.
Yeah. But if I could work at an AI factory and just stick my dick in robots,

Speaker 3 I mean, that seems like I'd get there early. It's like, bro, she's not even, you know, we haven't even plugged her in.
I'm like, I'll wait.

Speaker 2 I'll wait.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I want to be first, though.

Speaker 3 Oh, you don't want rust.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 3 Sloppy 23rd or 24th.

Speaker 1 Do you ever think about that?

Speaker 1 The age of of the great serial killer is gone? Like, we're not going to have any more

Speaker 1 because,

Speaker 1 like, DNA, fucking cameras are everywhere. It just fucks everything up.
You can't get away with shit. Yeah.
You know, like, you used to be able to roam the country like a hobo.

Speaker 2 Oh, God.

Speaker 3 Those are the days. Oh, man.

Speaker 1 Just slash people and just get on a train and go to the next town. Yeah.

Speaker 3 I miss that.

Speaker 1 Tommy Lynn Sells. I mean, that guy, you know him?

Speaker 3 I'd like to.

Speaker 1 Google Tommy Lynn sells. This guy was

Speaker 1 a bit of a knucklehead, and there he is.

Speaker 2 Oh,

Speaker 3 always three names, man.

Speaker 2 I know, I know.

Speaker 3 When you have that middle name that's prominent, you're going to kill.

Speaker 1 If you click on his Wikipedia there.

Speaker 3 Yeah, he seems happy.

Speaker 1 He was thrilled to be doing what he did.

Speaker 3 He what did he do?

Speaker 1 Well, he was a drifter.

Speaker 1 He claimed to kill 70 people.

Speaker 3 That's a good number. That's a good number.
That's a controller.

Speaker 1 22 states, or what is that what it says?

Speaker 1 Oh, at least 22 cases. Yeah, I mean, he was a busy boy.
And he's crazy. He's dead.

Speaker 3 Ah, you'd have him on the podcast if he wasn't.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. I would love to interview Tommy.
He had a real charm to him, too.

Speaker 3 I can tell by the photo. He's got that look where girls want to meet that guy.

Speaker 2 Yeah, man.

Speaker 1 I mean, even the girls in the booth are like, damn, he's dead?

Speaker 2 That sucks.

Speaker 3 Something about serial killers, they have that power. Women like to be scared.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 They do.

Speaker 3 Unless a woman likes to know that each time they fuck, it could be the last.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 You know, so you go out strong.

Speaker 2 That is true. That's true.

Speaker 1 I like that it says at age 10, he started

Speaker 1 using narcotics at 10.

Speaker 3 Now, is that late?

Speaker 1 I guess so.

Speaker 1 Let's see. Scroll down, because I know he used to drift.

Speaker 1 He'd run, you know, he train hopped across the United States from 78 to 99. That's a great 20-year run.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Yeah, you can't do that now.
No. Because, you know, you can't just jump on a boxcar.
I've tried.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 I did try once. I just wanted to go.
Yeah. And there's a lot of people working in the yards now.

Speaker 3 It's different. And you have to be able to jump.
at least five feet.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 And I can't, I don't have that spring.

Speaker 3 My back's out i couldn't really kill because my back would kind of get in the way yeah like i'd start to kill and then i'd ask the woman to finish herself yeah which is not the same and they're like okay

Speaker 3 and then they don't they don't it's hard to kill yourself scroll a little here he murdered at least 22 people god damn the terrible twos the terrible twos

Speaker 1 And I think he did different methods, you know? Yeah, 32 caliber pistol and then next one.

Speaker 3 So he used what he had.

Speaker 1 He used what he's resourceful, like you are. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 I often think what I could kill with just about anything.

Speaker 1 You think so?

Speaker 3 Oh, shit. I look around here.
I can tie you up.

Speaker 3 That boom box has a chain.

Speaker 1 How about this fucking thing?

Speaker 3 Oh, that's too easy.

Speaker 1 Yeah, just swing that around. Man.

Speaker 3 And what is that? Is that...

Speaker 1 It's a weapon. I mean,

Speaker 1 you know.

Speaker 1 Let me see. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Is that from high school?

Speaker 2 No, this was a a gift.

Speaker 3 That's a nice gift. Someone knows you.

Speaker 3 Now, is that a butt plug?

Speaker 1 This? Yeah.

Speaker 1 It would be one for an advanced user, probably.

Speaker 1 But you imagine swinging this into someone's head?

Speaker 3 That's a butt plug that once it goes in, it has to stay there a while. It does.

Speaker 3 Those are nice.

Speaker 3 I have a lot of weapons.

Speaker 2 Do you?

Speaker 3 I like rusty things that... Bolts.
Yeah, if they don't kill you, the tetanus will.

Speaker 1 By the way, we're friends with someone who we feel like might be into killing soon.

Speaker 3 He's really

Speaker 1 close. He's close.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 He's close.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 3 we help him get the weapons. Yeah.
So we're encouraging him.

Speaker 1 He's this close. It might be this weekend.
Oh, God.

Speaker 3 Well, Green Bay, Milwaukee, if you're going to start killing. It's a great place to kill.
That's kind of where you do it because no one's going to investigate.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 3 You know, if you die in Green Bay or Milwaukee, you win.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 You know, it's just an easy out.

Speaker 1 And there's, there's lots of, you know,

Speaker 1 farms and like woods, and you can just discard somebody.

Speaker 2 How do you think he'll do it?

Speaker 1 That's the thing is that I see the rage growing.

Speaker 1 And then you see the rage tried to be suppressed, which makes it, you see it physically manifest in the person. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So I think we're going to see something more explosive. I don't think it's going to be a controlled, methodical kill.
I think it's just going to be like, you know, she said

Speaker 3 bottled up.

Speaker 1 It's bottled up. He's going to be like, yeah, she said they didn't have any ice.
And I just kind of snapped it on.

Speaker 3 Or she didn't say thank you.

Speaker 2 I just bashed her.

Speaker 3 That's the one.

Speaker 3 If you don't say thank you to him, your life is on the line. Yeah.
And he's got weapons, and now the outfit wears black.

Speaker 3 I mean, if he was still in high school, he would have already just gunned down the cafeteria.

Speaker 3 He's built for it.

Speaker 3 God.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think it's going to be a real explosive death.

Speaker 3 But he's got a good body. Yeah, I think in prison he'd be popular, really popular, just because even the prisoners would be like, God, fucking dude, yeah, good body, bro.
Good body, lighten up.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think in prison, though, you just can't get the protein you want, so that would probably fade, you know, because you need he needs a couple hundred grams a day.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he'd fade away. Yeah,

Speaker 3 I think about prison, do you? Yeah,

Speaker 2 I

Speaker 3 think I'd like it

Speaker 3 just just because at home I have to stay up late to watch T V with my wife.

Speaker 1 Do you like that?

Speaker 3 I don't like it.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 I don't want to have to do anything.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Like when I'm in bed with her watching murder,

Speaker 3 I just imagine she's dead

Speaker 3 by whatever show I'm watching.

Speaker 3 But yeah, I think about prison'cause you get to go to bed early.

Speaker 1 Nice.

Speaker 3 Lights out at, you know, ten thirty.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 And then you just, you know, the screams keep you up, but it's like a white noise machine. Which I like.
Yeah. Soothing.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 I like to say I sleep with a white noise machine. Her name is Jaren, and she's white.

Speaker 3 And every night I go to bed, I ask her about her day, and I fall asleep immediately. Yeah.
Drift off. Except I wake up and she's still going.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 So, yeah.

Speaker 3 So, yeah, I think I'm married. That's fun.

Speaker 2 That's fun, man.

Speaker 3 Marriage is good.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 You know, I'm surprised more people don't do it.

Speaker 1 I wonder what it's like at Supermax.

Speaker 3 At Super What? Super Max in Colorado. Oh, the prison?

Speaker 1 The prison, yeah.

Speaker 3 I bet it's, you know, focused.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 I bet you know where you're supposed to be.

Speaker 1 El Chapo's there. Is he? Yeah.
And some other real knuckleheads. Who's at Supermax right now? What are some like well-known prisoners at Supermax? I bet it's a who's who.

Speaker 3 I mean, it's a good list i i would like to do comedy at like pelican bay yeah i think about that because no phones they're quiet stand-up for prisoners would be amazing i would love to do that and their little teardrop you know when it when it moves a little they're either laughing or thinking about murder yeah you know so i i love that somebody did a stand-up show one of our friends i forget who it was that doesn't count um no but they were saying that was jeff ross jeff and i think maybe maybe Jeff said, I forget if it was Jeff or somebody who told me that he was like, Where are the murderers?

Speaker 1 Yeah. And it was all the front row.

Speaker 3 Oh, good seats.

Speaker 1 They put them all in the front.

Speaker 3 Like courtside.

Speaker 1 Yeah, court side seats for the killers.

Speaker 3 And the weren't there because they were already dead. Yeah, that's right.

Speaker 2 They don't last long in prison.

Speaker 3 I'd have to convince the prison that I'm not a

Speaker 3 that it was just roles I played.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
True.

Speaker 3 I often think, though,

Speaker 3 Tom,

Speaker 3 right? Tom. Yeah.
Fuck.

Speaker 3 That I don't always play a sex offender.

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 3 But even when I don't,

Speaker 3 my character is still thinking about it.

Speaker 3 That's kind of, it seems to always be on my mind.

Speaker 1 And it, it, it reads on camera. Yeah.
I've seen it. I've seen a lot of your work.
Yeah. I can always tell, like, oh, that guy's an offender.

Speaker 3 Yeah. They're like, you know, when I have to play a sex offender, it's like, you know, what do you want me to do? And they're like, just be you.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You know, just, you know, be your, what would you do right here?

Speaker 3 I'm doing it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And they're like, oh, perfect. Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's just, you know.

Speaker 1 Dude, check out this list of notable inmates for Supermex. Ted Kaczynski.

Speaker 3 Oh, Teddy.

Speaker 1 Robert Hansen, the former FBI agent convicted of espionage. Terry Nichols, who also helped plan Oklahoma City.

Speaker 2 Eric Robert.

Speaker 3 Do you know that after the Oklahoma City bombing, I applied to the FBI? You did? I did. I wanted to be an FBI agent.
Really? Yes, Tom.

Speaker 3 It just seems like everything I say is bullshit, but it's true. What happened?

Speaker 3 I got pretty far along.

Speaker 3 And then one of them saw Wyatt Earp, and I had a little part in Wyatt Earp.

Speaker 3 And so they didn't think I was serious. They thought I was just doing it as a prank.
And I told them I really wanted to just be an FBI agent. That's cool.
But it didn't happen.

Speaker 3 They wanted me to have some accounting background

Speaker 3 and I didn't know much about numbers. Yeah.

Speaker 3 But

Speaker 3 I like the fact that if I was an FBI agent, I could just kind of, you know, float through life with a gun.

Speaker 1 You know, my grandfather's FBI.

Speaker 2 Was he? Yeah.

Speaker 1 My dad's dad.

Speaker 3 Man. Yeah.
See, that's the advantage of a podcast like this.

Speaker 3 That would have never come up. I know.
So now I know more about you. I don't need to.

Speaker 1 And then I was like, one day i was going through his papers and i found a handwritten note from j edgar hoover to my granddad they were dating it was i mean i think they were exchanging bras and um

Speaker 3 that would be amazing i bet jay edgar hoover did a lot of peeing on oh my gosh special agents that that was a time where there was no such thing as like hr or like a code of conduct waterproof seersucker suits

Speaker 2 yeah

Speaker 1 um who else else is that? Richard Reed, the shoe bombers there?

Speaker 1 Zacharias Musawi, the convicted in 9-11 attacks, Ramzi Youssef, convicted of orchestrating the 93 World Trade Center bombing, and El Chapo.

Speaker 1 They're all at this, or they either were or are at this prison. That is nuts.

Speaker 3 I wonder if they all love that same table.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that would be amazing.

Speaker 3 I mean, that's a good group of guys.

Speaker 1 Scroll down a little bit. Let's see these details.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 to have inmates considered the most dangerous, high-profile, greatest national security risk, making them too dangerous for even a standard maximum security prison. There's only 340 inmates there.

Speaker 3 So it's intimate. Yeah, it's close.
That's where you want to be. You want to be in a prison where you know everybody.

Speaker 1 Will you Google do they get to, or do they get to socialize? Do people at Supermax and college?

Speaker 2 Do they get to?

Speaker 1 Do they get to, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 I mean, that's got to be a top question.

Speaker 3 See, See, prisons,

Speaker 3 prison's a place to go. There's a lot of sports in prison now.

Speaker 1 Damn, dude. Minimal, highly restricted opportunities for social.
The prison is specifically designed for isolation. Most May spend 23 hours a day alone in their cells.
Fuck, man, that is rough.

Speaker 3 I do that.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you like that, right? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Soundproof cells.

Speaker 3 Soundproof. With sounds.
You can't hear the crying. Holy shit.

Speaker 1 They're allowed one hour of wreck in a small enclosed concrete pen. pen.

Speaker 1 This prevents them from seeing the.

Speaker 3 So they're like rescue dogs that haven't been rescued.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they really are.

Speaker 3 And that no one wants them.

Speaker 1 They yell through air vents to communicate.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 3 That's kind of like when I grew up, because I'd have to yell up to my grandma.

Speaker 1 You are designed for prison.

Speaker 3 I am in prison right now.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 I'm wired for it. Yeah, you are.
I travel light. This outfit I've had on for two weeks.

Speaker 3 I do change my underwear. That's good.
Do you know when I change them? When? When I take them off to shower

Speaker 3 and they stay standing.

Speaker 1 Oh, then you go, it's time to stand.

Speaker 3 When I put them on the ground and they don't tip.

Speaker 1 Yeah, then you're like, it's time for that.

Speaker 3 It's like, oh, I'll put on a freshie.

Speaker 1 You are made to be a drifter.

Speaker 3 Oh, I am.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 My dad was.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 He drifted on a 1947 Indian chief motorcycle. That's how he got around.

Speaker 1 That's cool.

Speaker 3 With his dog Bruce on the gas tank. He had a little Australian jumper and Bruce wore goggles and Bruce was on the gas tank wherever my dad went.

Speaker 1 That's fucking cool.

Speaker 3 And when Bruce turned around to my dad, my dad knew to pull over and let Bruce pee.

Speaker 1 Really?

Speaker 3 On a girl, if there was one. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 And then when my dad would kick over the

Speaker 3 the Indian motorcycle, Bruce would come running and jump back on.

Speaker 1 Holy shit.

Speaker 3 And one time

Speaker 3 sadly I don't know how you respond to sadness I don't know but

Speaker 3 my dad kicked over the the motorcycle and Bruce did not come running

Speaker 3 and my dad found Bruce he'd been hit by a police car no so my dad lifted up Bruce put him on the gas tank and drove him home to the house where I grew up in, where the same house my mom grew up in.

Speaker 3 And he took Bruce and he dipped his hand in Bruce's blood and he wrote Bruce on a wall

Speaker 3 of the

Speaker 3 washer-dryer room. And that's where Bruce's name was

Speaker 3 for the rest of kind of like Helter-Skelter. Yeah.
Little Charles Manson. Yeah.
So that's why we thought my dad was probably a murderer

Speaker 3 because he wrote Bruce. In blood.
And we didn't even know he could spell. Like my dad wasn't much of a speller.

Speaker 3 I don't think he kind of got his high school diploma in his 60s. Really? Yeah, he went back and thought it would maybe help him get work,

Speaker 3 but it did not. No.

Speaker 3 But he got his high school diploma at 60.

Speaker 2 Wow. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's impressive to go back and get it, though. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because you don't need it at that age.

Speaker 3 No, you don't even need it at 18.

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 3 But yeah,

Speaker 3 was, he got his high school diploma. That's cool.
He was really happy with that.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I bet.

Speaker 3 My dad was interesting.

Speaker 3 No Novocaine. He'd have teeth pulled

Speaker 3 with no Novocaine.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 At one time he cut the tip of his thumb off and he said, ah, hell.

Speaker 3 That's all he said with his butt, with his buzz saw. Jesus.
So I think looking back now, since I've never really talked about this out loud, I think think he was a serial killer.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 I'm going to do a little more research, but it looks like maybe.

Speaker 1 Possible.

Speaker 3 Possible.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Jeff Tate also has a really good... He has like a detailed outline of why he believes his father may have been the Zodiac killer.

Speaker 3 That's possible.

Speaker 1 It's pretty, it's pretty positive.

Speaker 3 You have a good fantasy. It's nice to fantasize.
You know, a lot of people wish their dad was a major league baseball player.

Speaker 3 But, you know, fucking a serial killer it's great it's great he had because of his size jeff tate yeah tall yeah kind of lumbering the zodiac was a big guy yeah

Speaker 1 i see it i could see it what's one of the details do you know oh my god it's it's incredible it's like when the murders began in the i think the san francisco area is the year that his the year after his dad moved to san francisco um like psychological profile things, his dad was, you know, a certain personality type and he was like, that matched what the FBI said.

Speaker 3 Did his dad go back and get his high school diploma at 60?

Speaker 1 I don't know about that.

Speaker 2 I don't know about that. That to me is the.

Speaker 3 But he had a good cover.

Speaker 1 He was a pastor, you know, so it was like sort of like BTK was, he was the president of the congregation.

Speaker 3 President. I mean, people voted for him.

Speaker 1 They were like, he's the good guy.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 It's pretty good stuff. Controller.

Speaker 1 Controlling, man. Very controlling.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, it it would be fun to see if you can get away with something like that, right?

Speaker 3 Are you asking me? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 Or, yeah, it's fun to see if you can get away with motor.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's just, I mean, I just can't believe how good the

Speaker 3 feeling is?

Speaker 1 No, I meant how good

Speaker 1 the forensics are today.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 If you're going to kill today,

Speaker 3 you should know that you're probably one and done.

Speaker 1 That's the thing, and that's the real bummer. That's why we don't have to.

Speaker 3 The bummer is you have to do it all in one night.

Speaker 1 You do, or this, and this takes real discipline. And this is why we don't see this as much anymore.
You have to have no pattern.

Speaker 1 You have to be like so disciplined that you're going to kill someone in Maine, and then your next one, instead of like sticking to the neighborhood you know, your next one's going to be in like South Carolina.

Speaker 1 So they don't tie these together. But like, who has that level of commitment, discipline, perseverance?

Speaker 3 Hopefully, someone listening to this goes, hey, and it goes, like, Tom is right. I'll do one in Maine, and then I'll go down to Miami.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's what that's how you can start building numbers, and you're also collecting miles.

Speaker 3 That's true, so you can fly free to your

Speaker 3 last

Speaker 3 murder. Yeah, that's when you get greedy.

Speaker 1 Or there was, who was the guy? Did you know the guy? I think his name is on the wall at the

Speaker 1 Comedy Magic Club.

Speaker 3 Uh-huh.

Speaker 1 That signature is there, and he was a star search comedian that was like, had some, he had some

Speaker 1 heat with him, and then they found out that he was assaulting people on tour, and they tied it together by putting together, you know what I'm talking about?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 He was

Speaker 3 after shows, he'd put someone in there.

Speaker 1 And they were like, oh, this lines up with everywhere he was doing stand-up.

Speaker 3 That's not bad. Was it people at his show? I don't know.

Speaker 1 I really don't know.

Speaker 3 Because I try and make sure it's no one I know.

Speaker 1 I don't, yeah,

Speaker 1 I never met the guy. It was before my time, but I forget his name.
Can you find it based on that? Comedian.

Speaker 3 Just Google comedian

Speaker 3 and scroll past me.

Speaker 3 I'm kidding, man. I get that word.
What is it? Consent?

Speaker 1 Vince Champ. That's his name.

Speaker 2 Vince Champ.

Speaker 3 Isn't that the Sham Wow guy?

Speaker 2 It's a different guy. Oh, okay.

Speaker 3 Same outcome.

Speaker 1 Hit his wiki?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Now, where is he?

Speaker 1 He's been 30 to 40 years.

Speaker 3 Is he in jail?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 He gets released in 2033.

Speaker 1 Oh, after which he will begin consecutive life sentences in Iowa. Never mind.
He's not getting out.

Speaker 3 Wait, so that was a

Speaker 3 plus murder?

Speaker 1 I don't know. First place in comedy is funny.

Speaker 3 First place.

Speaker 3 Yeah. So he's the champ?

Speaker 1 Vince Champ is a champ.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 It's tough when your name dictates what you do with your life.

Speaker 1 I know.

Speaker 2 Let's see.

Speaker 1 Physically attacking his 17-year-old girlfriend in 96. He was 35 at the time.
Nice. Nice.

Speaker 1 And then here are the attacks linked to Champ University of Iowa.

Speaker 1 He did one in Lincoln where the University of Iraq.

Speaker 2 So these are college gigs.

Speaker 1 College gigs, yeah.

Speaker 1 Which means he might have had a clean axe, which is like, I'm telling you, these clean comics are the scariest dudes on the planet. Yeah.

Speaker 3 The guys that once they get off stage, they murder.

Speaker 1 Well, yeah, they suppress so much of their darkness.

Speaker 3 Like our friend that's going to murder.

Speaker 1 Pretty soon. God.
Let's see this. So he was arrested, fleeing the scene of an attempt in Pasadena.
He was arrested at his apartment in Hollywood.

Speaker 1 He was arrested at Newark Airport.

Speaker 3 So he was getting around.

Speaker 1 He was getting around.

Speaker 3 So he was on the road.

Speaker 1 And at the time, they said his booking agents commented that his schedule resembled a roadmap of where these crimes occurred.

Speaker 1 Yeah, in prison,

Speaker 1 Champ taught public speaking. Oh, nice.

Speaker 2 That's cool. He wore

Speaker 3 communication with the public. I'd love to see what the picture draws if you connected all his dates.
Oh, yeah. Maybe just a penis, which is...
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Can you Google his image and like maybe if there's a video?

Speaker 2 All right, there he is doing a stand-up.

Speaker 3 And he appears black or is that just...

Speaker 1 He is. Yeah, yeah.
He is.

Speaker 3 Now, was that a cover?

Speaker 1 I don't think so.

Speaker 3 Okay, so he was black.

Speaker 1 He was, yes.

Speaker 1 Click on video at the top. Yeah, let's see if there's...

Speaker 3 He had a tight five.

Speaker 1 He must have, dude

Speaker 3 that's I wonder if he did his act while he was

Speaker 1 I want to see him do stand-up is that him I wonder if he he's doing sets in prison maybe go to YouTube and type in Vince Champ stand-up

Speaker 3 let's see if we can let's just see him do a tight five yeah you know we got time yeah I want to just see what oh we've we've clearly have enough for some strong clips for sure we we don't need much more

Speaker 1 I also like that the club kept his name up on the wall. They're like, well, he earned it.

Speaker 1 He's a funny guy.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 He had some good sets here. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Comedy and magic is clean.

Speaker 2 They are. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And he probably was a star there.

Speaker 3 He probably, I wonder if he did something in that area.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Like if he had some salmon there after a set and then went down the beach.

Speaker 2 Oh, there.

Speaker 1 Is that him there at the top?

Speaker 2 I'm not finding anything.

Speaker 3 I like that they didn't take any of his stuff down. Is this him here? The other rapist comedian.
That was his name of his set.

Speaker 3 Okay.

Speaker 1 Is he actually performing there or no?

Speaker 1 No, it's just music.

Speaker 2 Oh.

Speaker 3 Oh, he's a musician also.

Speaker 3 This guy keeps getting better.

Speaker 1 He's a talented guy.

Speaker 3 Vince Champ.

Speaker 1 Man, that's quite a sentence he's got. Yeah.

Speaker 3 There had to be more.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Is rule a life sentence? Can you look that up quickly?

Speaker 1 I mean, that would be state by state, right?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because it's not a federal, it's a state thing.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Penalties vary significantly.

Speaker 3 So he was good at it.

Speaker 1 He really had a thing, yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, he was also good at stand-up.

Speaker 3 And he wasn't murdering. He was just

Speaker 1 a big control guy.

Speaker 3 Yeah, but what that means is that he's actually

Speaker 3 them.

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 3 When a raw can't get an erection,

Speaker 3 that's when they murder you. Oh, really? So you don't tell your friends.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 3 But he was a little bit of a drug.

Speaker 3 That's just something I know.

Speaker 1 How do you know that?

Speaker 3 I've talked to.

Speaker 3 You know, I studied, you don't know this, behavioral profiling in college. You did?

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 3 I was going to be.

Speaker 1 See, this is another thing we've never discussed.

Speaker 3 Yeah, we don't talk about much. If we're not peeing on someone,

Speaker 3 we run out of shit to talk about. That is true.
Yeah, we don't really care about the past. But yeah, I was going to be a behavioral profiler for the FBI.

Speaker 3 That was what I wanted to do, like John Douglas. Yeah.
Because I seem to know what serial killers are thinking.

Speaker 3 And I thought it'd be great if I could find a few.

Speaker 1 You know what'd be cool, dude?

Speaker 1 Why don't you reapply to the FBI?

Speaker 3 I should.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Could I work like 20-minute shifts?

Speaker 1 Maybe.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 I even tried to, I thought about the police academy. These are all things I've thought about.
Yeah. And then I just move on

Speaker 3 yeah i think fbi would be cool you have more follow-through than me

Speaker 3 that's why you have the podcast and i'm here reluctantly reluctantly i know i know so we're almost done we're almost fulfilled my obligation yes it's the real problem with this was

Speaker 3 i had to take an uber here

Speaker 3 so i'm already out $20.

Speaker 1 I'm going to cover it.

Speaker 3 No, I don't want your money. Okay.
But usually when I'm at the hotel, Kier

Speaker 3 pays for my Uber to the airport. Right.
So when you said, you know, the guy that works for you, I don't even know his name. Don't worry about it.
Good hair. Yeah.

Speaker 3 But he said, will you come do a podcast with Tom?

Speaker 3 And I didn't want to. Yeah.

Speaker 3 But here I am, out 20. We've had some

Speaker 3 fun. There's been some laughter.
I'm sure police and FBI have take note of this. This is kind of like, he's so obvious.
Maybe he is a killer. Yeah.

Speaker 3 That's kind of a way.

Speaker 1 That is kind of a way.

Speaker 3 It's like, oh, well, he's so obvious. Of course, he's not a killer.
And then he turns out to be. Like basic instinct.

Speaker 1 Hiding in plain sight. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Like I've opened my legs twice

Speaker 3 and no underwear, but no one noticed.

Speaker 1 No one noticed, yeah.

Speaker 3 That's a little basic instinct.

Speaker 2 That is. Consent.

Speaker 1 I love that one. You got to be a good community member.

Speaker 3 Controller.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 You know what you need to do now? I can't wait till my daughter turns me in.

Speaker 1 That will be a thing.

Speaker 1 You got to do some

Speaker 1 like community service type of thing as more cover, you know, like volunteering.

Speaker 3 I do a lot. Do you?

Speaker 3 When my child was in

Speaker 3 early school, what is it, kindergarten and something? Something like that. Yeah.
I would go there and I would read books to her classroom.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 And she went to

Speaker 3 like a Jewish

Speaker 3 school. Jesus, why? I did not know my daughter was Jewish.
Oh, you didn't? I still don't. But I noticed a lot of people at the school had on the hat.
Yeah. The little circle.

Speaker 3 And I asked my wife, oh, Temple Israel.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 3 And that should have been a giveaway.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 But I would read to the school. So that's a pretty good cover.
That is a good cover.

Speaker 1 They're like, oh, he loves.

Speaker 3 Reading to children.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that is a good one.

Speaker 3 And some would sit on my lap and then the parents would quickly lift them off. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 So I think a lot of this shit will come back to haunt me

Speaker 3 if I had shame.

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 3 But you don't? I don't.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 3 My favorite character was Blade in Community.

Speaker 2 Uh-huh.

Speaker 3 Britta's boyfriend. I was a Carney.

Speaker 3 And I had no shame.

Speaker 3 And that's why I was getting all the... the chicks.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Because I took a bolt in the head and it eliminated shame.

Speaker 1 Prefrontal cortex?

Speaker 3 Probably. Yeah.
I didn't finish med school, but I started. Yeah.
I did a week at med school.

Speaker 2 Look what we got.

Speaker 3 Okay. We should go out on this.
Yeah.

Speaker 6 Different from most black comedians because I have a black girlfriend, so you know I am.

Speaker 6 People got that back there.

Speaker 1 Charming. Charming.

Speaker 6 I really do. Consider myself quite different from most comics.
I'm a stand-up comic, travel a great deal. Don't drink or smoke, can you believe that?

Speaker 2 Do a little heroin on occasion. Don't.

Speaker 6 But it's a wacky world. We live in a new age.
Dayton's getting expensive. Everyone's dating.
We're married right here, right? Is that right? We're a married couple? Dayton's getting expensive.

Speaker 6 I can see why people go ahead and get married. Jeez.
$75 for dinner. $50 for drinks and dancing.
$10 for the motel.

Speaker 3 Sounds just like Obama.

Speaker 6 That doesn't include the $100 you got to pay her. I mean, you know, I can get up.
Oh, yeah, sure.

Speaker 2 Well crafted. Well.
New era with a lot of people.

Speaker 2 That's a rule.

Speaker 6 What?

Speaker 3 I might snag a few of these jokes.

Speaker 3 He's not going to need others in our news. He's not going to need it.

Speaker 2 Definitely not.

Speaker 3 I bet this guy has one. He's got Afro Americans.

Speaker 6 I don't know if that sits too well with me. You know, that means that means they might have to change the NAACP to the NAAA.

Speaker 6 Which to me kind of sounds like, nah.

Speaker 1 He's killing. He's killing.

Speaker 3 And that's his one regret, I bet,

Speaker 3 that he did not kill the women he loved.

Speaker 6 They sound Caucasian every now and then. Sound Caucasian.
Kind of silly, I suppose.

Speaker 6 I guess it does come in handy every now and then when I'm on the phone with the bank trying to get that loan approval.

Speaker 3 I miss him.

Speaker 6 Cops have no sense of humor. Is it just me? Are cops always mad, always upset, always cheetah?

Speaker 2 Pull up alongside a copy of the house. I would have liked to have opened for him.

Speaker 3 That'd be fun and just wait in the car

Speaker 3 and then hear about it.

Speaker 6 Driving just past the club he had the other day, doing about 70, squerving, but minding my own business.

Speaker 1 He's charismatic.

Speaker 2 I have the nerve to pull me over and holler at him.

Speaker 3 I'd have trouble saying no to him.

Speaker 3 And he's doing a few lives.

Speaker 2 Where are you coming from, wise guy?

Speaker 6 Oh, I just dropped your wife off.

Speaker 3 I could see him at the Comedy of Magic Club. Oh, he's crushing, dude.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's doing great there.

Speaker 6 What about the

Speaker 6 flashlight scops, Carrie? 145 D cell batteries. You know what I'm talking about?

Speaker 6 Catch that baby just right. You're like a freaking possum there, aren't you? He's kind of frozen there.

Speaker 1 Doing faces, physical stuff.

Speaker 2 Jesus.

Speaker 1 Clever writing.

Speaker 1 We got to start a petition to get it.

Speaker 2 I got to be honest with you.

Speaker 3 It's a shame he got caught.

Speaker 2 problem. Yeah.

Speaker 3 He'd be doing movies right now with Eddie Murphy. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 6 Moray Charles now. Is that the

Speaker 2 Don't Turn Away?

Speaker 3 God. Well, here's the question.

Speaker 3 Yeah, we've seen enough.

Speaker 3 I get it.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 He's good. He's good.
Do you think, and we can go out on this?

Speaker 3 Do you think he someone that night?

Speaker 1 The night.

Speaker 3 That night of that set.

Speaker 1 Oh, maybe it gives him pep, you're saying. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 I think when you crush is when you go

Speaker 1 when he's at his highest.

Speaker 3 Yeah, that's why I'm always pretty mediocre.

Speaker 3 I ride in the middle just to avoid

Speaker 1 because he probably, if he did poorly, fuck can't get it up. Yeah, but on a great set.

Speaker 3 Shit, always dripping. That's why I'm an edger.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's true. That's true.

Speaker 1 Well, this was a fun chat.

Speaker 3 Yes, I learned a lot.

Speaker 1 Yeah, me too.

Speaker 3 I have stuff about about you we've been talking we talk like every day for years i didn't yeah but it's mostly urine based yeah this is like a deeper so yeah i'm a college graduate uh i've had hopes and dreams yeah fbi i i i have wanted to do all the things that most serial killers want to do yeah law enforcement uh you know my marriage is a cover

Speaker 1 uh it's all that shit it's all that shit and i think you know even though you didn't get into the fbi i feel like the FBI is going to get a hold of this episode. I'll let them.
And

Speaker 1 you might hear from them.

Speaker 3 I might finally get to be in the FBI. Yeah.

Speaker 3 At least their offices.

Speaker 3 Exactly.

Speaker 1 Yeah. You might get to see the inside of the interrogation room.

Speaker 3 Ah, shit.

Speaker 3 Here's the dream.

Speaker 1 Tell me.

Speaker 3 Cellmate with Vince Champ.

Speaker 2 Oh, wow.

Speaker 3 Let's find out where he's at. And maybe if I can, you know, request it.

Speaker 1 Imagine the stories you guys would swap.

Speaker 3 Jesus.

Speaker 1 Kid can dream. Kid can dream.
Well, thanks, Kirk Fox. Appreciate you coming.

Speaker 3 Tom, thank you, Tom. Suburban.

Speaker 1 I hope you guys found this enlightening. And yeah, we'll see you soon.

Speaker 3 See you in prison.

Speaker 2 There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean. Here's what we call two bears, one cave.