Ramy Youssef Returns

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Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Expert.

I'm Dak Shepard.

I'm joined by Monica Padman, and today we have Rami Youssef.

We love Rami.

Boy, oh boy.

Wise beyond his ears.

Very.

If ever there was an opportunity to say that.

Again,

this is his second time.

His first go-around was a banger.

Yeah, worth checking out the first one.

Very spiritual, that one.

Yeah, he is an award-winning actor.

He's a very good friend of David Zasloft.

A comedian, a producer, a director, and a creator.

Rami Mo Poor Things, Rami Yousuf Feelings, Rami Youssef More Feelings, and his new movie that is out right now on Max or HBO or HBO Max, Mountain Head.

Yeah, tasty, juicy.

Also,

he has a great animated series that is out on Prime now called Number One Happy Family USA.

So please enjoy our friend Rami Youssef.

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He's

He's an all-chanceless.

I'm really sorry, I'm late.

Are you kidding?

That was cute.

I did not expect this.

I know.

That's Dax's product.

That's a good cream.

I told Monica that's a million dollars a tube.

This is really prime shit.

It's not pharmaceutical, even though it does look it it looks very pharmaceutical I've been struggling with eczema so this is really hard congratulations well that's gonna fix it right it's actually what I'm here to talk about today

no one wants to be open about it how new are you to eczema is this something you had as a kid and return so I've always had it on my back and then a year ago it wants to do my whole body now I don't know

and be in front it could be a stress response I think it might be what's your theory I think it's a stress response

does it make you feel impure and like your spirituality is suffering, and this is the physical

dirty boy?

Ooh, a naughty boy.

Did you get bad since we last saw you?

No.

Oh, it was inevitable.

He was too good.

Yeah.

Did you watch Brule, Steve Bruhl?

No.

Check it out with Steve Brule.

Did you ever watch Tim and Eric?

That guy?

Of course.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's right.

Yes, yes.

And with John C.

Riley.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, my God.

And he's obsessed with bad boys.

He's all bad, but he's a bad guy.

Spanked his body cherry red.

This is my you.

I know.

And I've only done it twice.

My you.

You're already done with it.

And I've only done it twice.

And you've done you like 20 times.

You do.

You do.

Do you?

You re-watch you?

Okay, no.

I watched it for the first time and I loved it.

And I watched it so fast.

So hard.

So hard.

And I was very...

torn because it was kind of sexy, but he was a serial killer.

Did you watch you?

I watched watched a bit.

I mean, Penn, he pulls it off.

I mean, you're a little bit just like, you're like, this guy's twisted.

Yeah, it's hard.

But he's doing it for love.

He's killing for love, and we can all relate.

Just kidding.

Just kidding.

That was a test.

I remember last time Jax was trying to get you set up.

Have you met anyone?

Nope.

Okay, that's interesting.

Yeah.

Do you think it makes sense now that you've heard myself?

I'm like, so where are we at?

Still searching, right?

Well, it's a very

interesting, huh?

The net she's throwing is not even a net.

It's just one string

connected to a string.

And there's just not an app that's open enough to really

that other guy's in prison, you know?

Do you think Next Stop might be dating an incarcerated man?

Okay.

I'm kidding.

I am not for, what's his name?

Penbadi.

Mangioni.

Oh, Luigi?

I'm not for Vigilante Justice.

Have you seen the Luigi fanfic?

Exactly.

It's crazy.

Is fanfic short for fanfiction?

Fanfiction, yeah.

Okay, and people write imaginary tales about their life.

Yeah, as a cartoons.

I mean, I get it.

Tell me, tell me what it is.

Yeah, yeah, go on.

Which part?

The fan fiction or just the whole thing?

All of it.

Like, you get why people are obsessed with it.

Oh, of course.

It's class.

He became like a Robin Hood type figure.

A very dark Robin Hood.

But he didn't get any of the money back.

And that's Robin Hood's signature move.

We only justify the theft and the killing because he's gotten the money back.

He didn't give to the poor.

Yeah.

We just killed.

So he's like an incompetent Robin Hood.

I understand the angst and ire towards

the medical field for sure.

yeah and corporations yeah but i don't think you can kill people no yeah we agree on so little in this country i feel like we must minimally seemingly we can't agree that's what's crazy is i think some people really are like yeah that was the right move and i gotta be honest there was probably a moment in my life where i would have been much more supportive of what he did i can acknowledge that right when you had less money when i was dead bro and disenfranchised

it's just weird like

i don't know when it changed i don't know all of a sudden i don't quite relate to what Luigi did.

Well, I think it's twofold.

Yes, I have money.

And also, when I was younger, I just was up for more gnarly resolutions.

Right, right, right, right, right.

I am obsessed with justice.

We are obsessed with justice.

Yeah.

But there is a line.

Of course, there is.

What if we leave this interview as huge Luigi?

What if we hear that Rami's for killing?

That's the takeaway.

Did we start?

He would have confirmed a lot of suspicion.

Are we rolling?

We're always rolling.

Where are you coming from now?

You've been really busy, yeah.

I'm touring a new hour.

But yeah, the year has been crazy because we did this movie really quickly this year.

Mountain head.

Why was it so quickly?

So Jesse Armstrong pitched this thing in December.

Oh my goodness.

And it's on television right now.

Yeah.

This is really wild.

Wait, he pitched it in December of 2024.

Yeah.

And it was a spec.

He had already written it, I presume.

No.

He pitched it, wrote it.

He was doing a book review that was in the tech world.

And he started going into the tech world and listening to these guys and also seeing like the AI moment that we're barreling towards.

And then he got obsessed with the story.

In Writing Succession, he built out this legacy media family for a really long time.

But then I think he started looking at these characters and saying, oh, the landscape is moving so fast that if you were, you know, to do it in a series, it would change.

Also, even if he waits for it to be released until December of 2025, it's probably outside.

And I thought it was such a brilliant, fearless way of, everyone's so precious.

And especially a guy like him too, who, you know, one of the top television shows of all time could be very precious about, all right, what's my next thing?

And I thought it was so fearless to just be like, you know what?

I'm obsessed with these characters.

I have this relationship with HBO.

Yeah.

Why not use the streaming moment to put something out?

I really relate to it as a stand-up.

Not that I like put a lot of stand-up online or anything.

It's not what I do, but the idea of, oh, this is so pressing.

I want to get it to the people right away.

And so I thought it was so cool that he said, you know what?

This is such a pressing moment.

I want to do it right now.

How long was the production of it?

It's a feature-length film.

And generally on the very light side, we would get 24 days.

And on the nice side, we'd get 45 days.

Yeah.

So what were you guys at?

That's where it was interesting.

I think the burden wasn't so much on the shoot itself.

All the burden was before and after.

A lot of movies happened in 24 days.

This was 21.

And it was a one-location film, too.

It's very much a play.

It is like a play.

That made it all really achievable.

I don't think on set we felt that way.

The other piece was the dialogue is so dense.

Oh my God.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Not easy to learn and very, very long, talky scenes.

I'm presuming there was like five and six page scenes in there.

That was the shortest scene.

The scenes were averaging, clocking out at like 13 pages.

Wow.

Yeah.

So I got the script on a Thursday and he said, could you be in Utah?

on Tuesday to rehearse.

For me, it was such a fascination too of the succession crew and all the producers, writers, and a lot of them were part of the show or part of the movie.

And so I was like, yeah, I got to go freaking hang out with these guys.

This is unbelievable.

Our man Steve Corell, he was burdened with all the tech genius level dialogue.

He plays that Peter Tealy kind of.

Jesse did such a good job of not actually assigning.

Everyone's an amalgamation of many people.

Yeah.

But he kind of plays this tech grandfather type who knows so much of that jargon.

And I do think Steve was probably the first person cast.

So he did have it the longest.

This is the project, by the way.

We had Nick Kroll on, and he was talking about how he auditioned for a project he wanted so bad and he didn't get it.

And this was it.

This is it.

This is a big reveal.

And I didn't know that.

That would have been your role.

Now I got to call Kroll

just to be like,

fucking sucker.

I love Kroll so much.

Sure.

Who doesn't?

Yeah, he's hard to hate.

It's like, I've tried.

I'm doing my best.

You said it like, I had a couple of months.

I was trying to hate him and I really couldn't do it.

I don't hate anyone.

I hate one person.

You do who?

It's because they did something to you.

Not at all.

From a distance.

Yeah, from a distance.

Tucker Tucker Carlson.

Oh, yeah.

He's easy.

He's a guy that I want to punch.

I don't want to try to hash it out verbally.

I just want to walk up to him and just drop him and then keep walking.

And I asked my wife, which she never condones violence, and she said I could.

That's the only person we know that she said I could.

That's who you would have your Luigi-esque.

Such a fucking bully.

It's interesting, actually, lately, seeing him.

He's kind of running out of some of his own talking points.

And then you see him kind of make a circle and kind of go, wait, I might have been wrong about a couple of things.

He's in a self-reflective phase.

I wouldn't take it so far.

It's just, I almost think sometimes he just talks so much that he ends up in a circle.

Well, I aspire to changing this whole plan to a hug.

Yeah, I prefer to hug him.

So it starts off fists up and then it becomes a hug.

Yeah, I don't know if you watch this doc about this trans woman who invented this car.

I think it was on HBO.

No.

She had this car company and it was in the 80s.

And there was this one Orange County journalist who was fucking obsessed with her.

And he wanted to out her as being a man.

And he dedicated hours and hours of his stupid Orange County news show to it.

And you're watching this and you're like, God, this guy's such a dick.

He's so obsessed.

Just let this woman do her thing.

It's Tucker Carlson's dad.

This is who he grew up with.

Dude, and that's the thing.

I know.

And you want to make your dad proud.

That almost makes me think the thing that you're planted with, just in your lineage, there is a point in your adulthood where you kind of start to shake it and go, you know, is that really me?

Yes.

And so now I'm seeing you having this moment with him where you kind of go, dude, what if that's not you?

I know what you inherited.

Yeah.

But come on.

Come on.

We got to do a little bit better.

We could do better.

We could up it.

Do you hate anyone?

Can you even up it?

That's what I wanted to ask.

I don't think I can ever go that far is the reality of it.

I feel a little dishonest even saying I hate Tucker Carlos.

I don't think you do.

I think he raises your testosterone to want to be like, like there are people who create anger.

Yes.

It was really funny.

I did one of those like Subway takes thing where I basically said that I think that everyone is just inherently good and people just have viruses.

And I got a lot of hate for it.

You know, people kind of messaging being like, no, there are people who are purely evil.

I triple down on this.

It's really important to know who you can't be around.

And I think about it just like a contagious virus.

There are people I really loved who had COVID.

We cannot be in the same room if you have COVID.

It's that simple.

So it's like, if you are plagued with these things, whether they're through your lineage or whether you got into a cycle of greed, violence, pain infliction, whatever it is.

Let's be honest, fear that led to one of those things.

Fear that led to one of those things.

Then it's like, I can't.

So it's really clear to know who you can't be in the room with.

You could even call them an enemy if the way that they're letting their various spiritual diseases or whatever they have overtake them, that it's so against what you do and what you believe.

But to say that they themselves are evil, I just don't believe that.

Yeah.

Some people are so sick and many die without ever getting healed, but I don't think that their core is evil.

Nor do I.

Yeah.

Because I think once you start acknowledging the level of self-aggrandizement and self-indulgence it takes to say that person's bad and that I'm good, the inverse of that is I'm good.

So I was born good and they were born bad.

Weird.

That's a weird place to be coming from.

Or that if I were in their exact same position, I would be superior to them and I would have a different outcome is really quite dismissive.

It feels like this Marvelification.

But even if you watch a Marvel movie, you always kind of see that part of the bad guy, like why he's the bad guy, right?

Like it's never

the interesting part.

There's always a danger that you could go that way.

Yes.

And I think that's the whole nature of it.

But then, yeah, look, you have these obvious people who've killed people en masse.

They are the sickest individuals that we've encountered in our society.

You got to carve out psycho and sociopaths.

Yeah, yeah, diseases.

But those are literal diseases.

They are diseases.

Yeah.

Yeah, people are the product of their context for the most part.

This is where I feel incredibly fortunate and a lot of gratitude that I can't pinpoint my pain or my suffering to somebody.

But I think there are plenty of people who might have a really good case for hating somebody, especially people who have been abused.

I do think some things come easier to us than other things just through our genetics.

And one of the things that I think I've not been plagued with a ton is I don't get consumed too much with people I'm mad at.

And this is a great segue because one of my questions completely on show business related because you have such a fun philosophical and spiritual mind.

I was thinking, could we do your assessment, like a health check-in with America?

Because I think there's a very interesting thing happening right now.

And I'm curious if you agree or disagree at all with my observation.

What do you think is happening right now?

Health assessment-wise, the Trump thing is like, I used to have cystic acne.

Again, congrats.

You have eczema, cystic acne.

You're one going from a trifecta of bloodstream.

Yeah, it's kind of like an egot of skin things.

The cystic acne is so interesting because it's always just right underneath.

And so I really did view the Biden run as, okay, you tamed it for a second, but man, it's still really under there.

And so we just have stuff we have to deal with.

I don't like that this is how we have to deal with it.

I didn't want him to be in, but how surprised were any of us that it happened again?

And the shock of the sequel was not the same shock as when it first initially occurred.

Right.

That's what I'm really honed in on.

Also, Monica had cystic acne.

I think she would want you to know.

Yeah, you look stunning.

Thank you, sir.

Thank you.

This podcast money.

That's what did it.

That's what did it.

No, Jen at Corrective Skincare got to give her a huge shout out.

Dude, shout out, Jen.

that's right.

Yeah, I did say I do too, but it was quiet.

What I think I'm observing and I hope I'm observing is like, yeah, this go-around hasn't been met with the same all-encompassing obsession with everyone, which is nice.

And my explanation for that is, I think, hopeful, which is I think people are all both sides in this kind of collective hangover of having hated half of the country for 10 years, resenting half of the country, feeling superior to half the country.

I think carrying that like hate and resentment and superiority and self-righteous indignation is really fueling for a while.

And then I think it just runs out of steam.

And I think everyone's just fatigued, which I find oddly encouraging.

Yeah, because pinpointing that exhaustion, you kind of hope that people just emerge from that.

We did that.

It's not very fun.

I don't like hating half of the country.

I don't like judging half the country.

It doesn't work.

And there is just this massive diversity of thought in how people are.

But we have an integrity issue at the core.

We have a hypocrisy issue at the core.

Okay, the Luigi thing, right?

It's really interesting because it's ultimately, and this is just to really follow the logical train of thinking here.

It can be viewed as an act of war.

And I think that's how people are viewing it.

And so on one end, people go, well, no, no, the act of war is just for the people who are in our military.

And then you go, all right, well, what are they doing?

And then you tie that to what's happening in.

LA.

I don't know when this airs, but you see what's happening with these ICE raids and you go, well, that's illegal.

So the people who even trusted to do things are violating, they're doing a ton of war crimes, whether those crimes are happening in America itself, or we're seeing them happen overseas, we're seeing them happen in Palestine, we're seeing them happen everywhere.

So you kind of go, all right, well, then who's allowed to do an act of war?

It's top down.

So when you have an integrity crisis that comes from every single party, because I actually think the Constitution's dope.

I think it's sick.

And I think checks and balances are pretty good.

It is a pretty good document.

It's a dynamite doc.

It's pretty good.

It's not being fulfilled with its integrity.

So everything is a symptom of that.

For me, I'm always more focused with the top-down issue because almost everything just is a symptom of that.

Yeah, I guess this go-around of protests, again, seems to have the energy I would be hoping for, which is if you see something you disagree with, you should go actively oppose it.

Now, should you then go, the forces behind this theory are evil.

And then I extend to anyone who supported that person then is by proxy evil.

If you're using it to fuel this conclusion, you have the half the country's evil, but go oppose the thing.

And then also, I'm endlessly entertained by the flip-flopping of what side of an argument we're on.

So right now, California doesn't mind immigrants.

Yeah.

Let us keep them.

We don't have an issue with it.

And so we are currently in a situation where we believe greatly in states' rights.

We are now cemented in our state right to design the world we want to live in in this state.

And we're in favor of that.

But if your state, the majority doesn't want abortion, we're like, well, no, no, no, but that's not a state right that you should have.

And I'm not in favor of outlying abortion, but I am aware of the fact that we all borrow and trade these concepts we believe in as they suit us.

Yeah.

So I just think there's an interesting states' rights things that we're not normally on the left super states right because that usually represents slavery and outlawing abortion.

But in fact, in this case, I think states should decide if they don't mind immigrants.

You don't want them in Alabama.

That's up to y'all to decide.

It's a democracy.

Here, we don't care.

Get out of our business.

We're not bothered by this.

It's such a massive leadership issue.

And I think I view this from, you know, how many parts of TV shows, films, whatever you've been part of, when like the director knows what they want, it's so much smoother than when they don't know.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You could even go even further.

Because what's really going on in what would mirror a director is when you get an actual sense through proof, they don't know.

Oh,

then people start doing crazy stuff.

Then people are like, I don't need to show up on time.

I don't need this.

I don't need to do that.

The only thing I'm qualified probably to talk about is making TV.

No, and spirituality.

But if I put that lens on, that's where everything starts to be crazy, where you go, yeah, okay, you have the people who are directing and show running, and then you have the network, and you have all these competing interests.

But you look at this country, there's just a massive leadership issue.

No one's doing what the script is.

No one has a unified view.

There's no script supervisor.

There's no script supervisor.

There's no respect for anyone.

So this would, on a micro level, crumble.

So of course it's crumbling.

The tarot saying what it'd be like if your director said Italian accent today.

And the next thing.

We're not doing Italian accounts.

Those are over.

Next day, Italian accent's back.

Yeah.

The frustrating thing for me is when you look at something like Gaza and then people go, why do we care about that?

And I go, we are executive producers on that project.

We actively are funneling money into it.

We're not passive producers.

I would say America's a passive producer on fans of the world.

Yeah, yeah, it's not a bit.

No, no, no.

No, we're in the room.

Yeah.

That's why I care.

And there's other things going on.

We have our hands in so many things as Americans, but this one, we're almost co-creators.

I mean, we are hands-on.

That's why I care.

Because then you go, that actually threatens my identity as an American.

And I feel that it goes against the thesis of why I want to be here.

And then it ties into the same type of aggression that you see with ICE agents in LA.

They're just pulling in people because they look brown.

And you go, what is that?

And then you got to kind of think, well, unfortunately, like I've been condoning that kind of rampant thing where there's a thread of something that can be legitimate, but then it gets turned into whatever the hell that somebody wants.

That's the other terrible sense you get that this is all very theatrical.

I was saying to Monica yesterday, it's upsetting and it's completely ineffective.

Obama deported more people.

Just to poke a hole there, I think it's the way it's happening is what's causing so much outrage.

Well, that's my point.

It's theatrical and that's what we're doing.

And then what we do is respond in our theatrical way.

And one of us has to stop the pattern.

But this is your earlier point when you're talking about that exhaustion.

Can we be tired and exhausted of the theatrics?

Can we lose the performance?

Can we lose this idea that we actually give a shit about decorum?

That's why I like these protests.

I've been watching some of them.

Yeah, yeah.

They have a different vibe to them.

And it's a ton of Latinos, which I love.

It's not a bunch of white young girls.

I hate to say that.

Which is also fine.

It's fine.

It's also fine because to your point, Rami, they want to live in a country that they believe is doing the right thing.

Yeah, I know, but they can have a righteous indignation as opposed to the authentic, this is my survival.

Monica and I are like, we are not taking the anti-young white girls to the house.

Yeah.

I need them.

I need those women.

That's also true.

They hold half my fan base down.

That's right.

I need those young white women and white women who are listening.

I love you.

I want to be you.

If I'm seeing someone throw a Montov cocktail in a crowd, I want it to be the person that's oppressed and not the entitled person.

who's helping.

That's just my preference.

But okay, here's the thing.

I love this interview.

The Montov cocktail being thrown by the white woman is actually her being like, you know what?

I know that I'm not going to be the ire of the class storyline, of the immigrant storyline.

Therefore, I will throw a Molotov cocktail because they're never going to say white women are throwing Molotov cocktails.

But the second they get a whiff of someone who's Latino or Muslim or black doing something, they're going to paint the whole community.

So the white girls are like, I'm going to sacrifice.

That's their whole life.

I respect that to an extent.

These people actually can't throw the Molotov cocktail, so I'm going to step up and do it.

All right, I lost two to one.

That's all right.

I don't laugh.

I concede.

As an owner of two young white women, white girls.

I'll tell them they're only allowed to protest abortion issues.

Absolutely not.

Absolutely not.

I'm going to be wrangling them into all kinds of minority concepts.

You're going to be parading them up and down the protest line.

I sure am.

The other thing, too, is I just keep thinking about the reality collapse that we're in.

No one knows what's real and what's not.

And no one knows what to trust and what information is actually legit.

And I think that's the thing that just feels like it's getting even more amplified.

Do you think that personally?

Because I think I know the difference.

And I have a hunch you think you know the difference.

And I think Monica knows the difference.

And I think this is part of the self-righteousness.

I think we think our opponents don't know the difference.

Of what's fact and not fact.

What's real and what's not real in the news.

No.

Do you think you really can't delineate?

I think that my point of how I filter what I see,

I would hope is elevated beyond my own self-interests.

Yeah.

My hope is how I filter the information and how I look at what the facts are would be outside of my realm of comfort.

That's where I'm able to look at things, I would hope, and say, someone wants to say this thing about Muslims, and I can actually put together why you want to put that together, but I can then step it back also and understand, well, this is why a Muslim might be in a certain position, whatever it is.

That's my goal.

But people tend to ruminate and tend to be stuck in a certain thing.

And I really understand why they're stuck and I really understand why they're hung up.

Yes.

And so we all have our pet things that really, really bother us.

And you just nailed mine, which is, I believe you.

And I think it's incumbent upon you to extend that same belief in everyone else.

You have to.

You really can't say, I can delineate the difference.

And I think what you're doing perfectly and what I think I'm good at is you can see incentives incentives when you hear people talk.

Yeah.

You assess the incentive.

Okay, well, they have this incentive because they have this worldview and they want this to be true.

And you can correct for that, like you're a scientist.

And I think a lot of us think we are able to do that.

And we're not extending that to other people.

And that to me is really dismissive.

And that's where you get into the elite.

problem we have.

You're looking at it from one side, but I think it can be the other that I have incentives and you do too.

So I don't think you're capable more than those other people.

I think we're all in the water.

We can do our best, but we're all subject to confirmation bias and we're all looking for the thing that we want to get validation.

I agree, but do you think you're able to delineate between what's fake and real?

But sometimes me and you have talked about this, and you've agreed with me that we're not the same.

Right.

We don't have a standard intelligence.

It's not just intelligence.

We're not the same across the board on anything as far as discernment.

I agree with you 1,000%, but my fear is that you think you can isolate one group that suffers from that more than another group.

And I don't think you can.

That's what I'm trying to extend to everyone.

It's like it's equal across the spectrum.

We're all equally good.

We're all equally trying.

We're all equally flawed.

We're all equally not discerning when it comes to news.

No one has a monopoly on this.

No one is superior.

We're all all of those things, but individually, we all have different levels.

A thousand percent.

But do you think the individuals who are savvier have all made their way to one side and the ones that are not savvy got the other?

No, I mean, I just think that I act differently on a rainy day and a sunny day.

And I can be aware that someone who I'm dealing with is in the middle of like a rainstorm that's been going on for months.

That's kind of how I look at it.

Given that you weren't in that, we would be at the same level of discernment.

I am not questioning anyone's ability to have a wide universal discernment.

What I am aware of is the particular weather and the particular thing that's happening that I know if I was there, I don't know that I would be where I am because I'm different today.

I'm having a good day, but another day I'm really not.

I just think that the thing that people really need to police themselves about is that when you disagree with somebody and they have an opposite point of view, if you are forced to make a character assessment about them

to justify why you have a difference of opinion.

Basically, if you knew what I knew, you'd have my opinion.

That kind of thought process, I think, is dangerous.

Yeah.

Where are you seeing that play out?

On both sides entirely.

On the left, if they really understood the real timeline of our geology and not a biblical timeline, they would think this way.

Just name it.

If they understood science, they would understand global warming.

On the right, they're like, if they just understood that 250,000 people are coming in a month and that's untenable.

If they accepted that and acknowledged it, they would think like us.

So I just think when you have to come up with an excuse, it's a character flaw, as opposed to, hey, guess what?

People have different opinions.

People aren't morally superior or inferior because they have different opinions.

They just think there's different ways to get to outcome.

I agree with that.

I think that there are people who are just like, I have the same data as you.

And as I see it all kind of come in, this is what I believe to be true.

I was at a conference and then lo and behold, Jared Kushner did like a 45-minute fireside chat.

And I was like, wow, what's this going to be like?

And I listened to the guy.

And at the end of it, I had to say he's extremely intelligent.

He's intelligent.

Of course.

And he has a very cohesive worldview.

He has very honorable goals for the world.

And I disagree with the approach.

But not everyone has honorable goals.

Can't we say that?

Or you don't want to say that?

Well, all I'll say is, yes, some people don't have honorable goals, but you can't actually put those people in one group or the other.

That's fine.

No one's saying that.

Jared in particular, the way that he operates, it's really interesting because I've heard him talk.

He's super smart.

I've heard him on podcasts.

No one's where they are by accident.

Exactly.

You know what I mean?

There was a moment I thought he was there by accident.

Like, oh, his girlfriend's dad became president.

Now he's ambassador to the Middle East.

Good luck, my friend.

It's true.

I kind of thought it was an epitome.

No, no, no.

He's super sharp, but I also think that he has a...

cultural racial racism blindness.

I think that these guys do look at certain swaths of the world and just, it's very convenient.

There is a lot to what they're saying that is honorable, but when you strip it back, you realize it is honorable for a certain group of people.

And it tends to be that they can kind of be like, no, we're not racist.

We sit with the Saudis and the Qataris.

Right.

You're only going to sit with those in that class system who are going to support what you want to do financially.

There's a caveat.

So it's like, hey, I'm for every man in Ohio, regardless of where they're at financially.

And I'm for anyone in the Middle East who can bankroll whatever the hell I want to do.

That's not exactly honorable.

But I'll tell you, he truly wants peace in the Middle East.

And he truly believes that that peace will be brokered on economic incentives from the countries.

That is his worldview on how to get everyone to play nice.

But I think when your worldview is based on economic goals and economic growth, that is racist.

Well, hold on, though, not just growth, interdependence.

We would acknowledge that there's a huge force in keeping peace, which is when your economies are interdependent, you can't go nuclear option.

Of course, but I think there's what people say and what people do.

So there's nothing policy-wise about what's being done that supports that.

And this goes back to what we keep talking about, which is constitution's dope.

That fireside chat chat is dope what he says is dope what actually happens right is none of that that is why we're living in the era of the con man because everything they say is great everything they do is the opposite of what they said and it feels good to hear and it feels good to be like oh cool just don't check in with the results but don't check in with the next action don't check in with the call he makes when he gets in the car after that yeah that's the thing that is like mind-boggling to me and now the integrity crisis is so deep that you can call someone out on the lie and nothing sticks and that's because we're so distracted it's kind of like oh man he lied about that thing yo look at this kid like backflipping in Malaysia.

This is a sick like TikTok, check that out.

And that's the reality collapse, right?

We're so detached from all of it.

Yeah.

I just believe you might be right.

And I believe you might be right.

And I believe I might be right, but I'm really not sure.

I'm not sure about anything.

I don't even know that we're necessarily disagreeing on anything, but people are facing consequences in the world for our pontification.

They're facing the...

brunt of it in this way that is really wild.

And back to your original question, how we got here.

What's going on in America?

Well, a lot of America is starting to feel those consequences.

This country geographically is surrounded by so much water that we don't bump up with things in the way that people do in Europe, in the Middle East, and other places.

But that stuff is starting to happen.

We're almost like a guy in a car road raging.

Like we're safe in our car.

We could just antagonize safely from a distance.

Immigration is one of our biggest issues.

And that is as a result of being connected to them.

So that goes to show, yeah, if we had more of that, we would be in more fights and we'd have more issues.

We have plenty.

I mean, and there's people in this country too who are really suffering 20 minutes from here.

But yeah, so look, man, I think that right now, I hope it's a moment of trying to integrate genuine integrity between what people say and what people do.

And I'm curious how that nets out.

There's so much happening so fast, so we will see.

Shockingly shortly, all these theoreticals are about to happen in front of our eyes.

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Well, I just want to say we both put your interview at the top of our list of wonderful times.

And I repeat a lot of different things you taught me in that interview.

Most frequently, you had said, and I could get it a little wrong, but you said the word for human in Arabic is forgetfulness, basically.

Yeah, in that root Arabic word, yeah, of insen is nasyan, and it's not like the perfect translation, but that word of being forgetful as a theme for humans.

Oh my god, so baked.

And I always repeat that, and it's such an astute observation.

So, I was reading that you think there are a few words that we should know, and you give the example, you know, to be Jewish to know Mazel Tof.

We all know what Mazel Tof makes, and your words are haram,

halal,

inshallah, yeah.

Okay, tell me what these three words mean and why you're making a case for these to be the three words.

Oh my God, I'm trying to remember when I said that.

Because if you want this to happen, we must get

definitions.

Well, inshallah, it's just like, God willing.

I think we're fully in inshallah mode right now.

We are fully in this, like, man,

if there's something beautiful about this moment, it is the realization that we all have to let go of control and just be present.

You could say fingers crossed.

It's also kind of like saying fingers crossed.

Or like it is what it is.

Sure.

it's a cosmic fingers crossed the thing is even when you cross your fingers it is a level of control

you are physically trying to create control in your hands this transcends fingers crossed this is i'm going to extend god's will but it's also really important because that's not a passive thing

is there hope in it totally there's a ton of hope because god does rad sometimes very much think about you know if you were fully in charge of your life how many good things that happened to you were because you played a perfect play no you fucked up you were too tired and you regret that thing you said to that person.

And then still something great happened because it was bigger than you in spite of you.

And the opposite happens where sometimes you did do it all right and then it went wrong in spite of you.

And there's nothing you can do.

And then the hope is enough time passes or enough different things shifts where you go, that actually was a blessing.

But this idea of giving in and saying, you know what, God willing is an incredibly active thing that takes a lot of action.

It's not passive.

It's not just chilling back and being like, well, whatever's going to happen is going to happen.

To actually be in that state is very freeing because you kind of go, you know what?

I can really just kind of focus on my own little plot of how I act.

I want this, but I will trust that if it happens, it'll be for the right reason.

If it doesn't, I'll accept that for the right reason.

How hard is that?

Kind of AA.

We're in the show up and work business, not the results business.

I mean, AA is.

It's virtually the Quran.

The amount of people who I feel this like deep brothership with are either people at the mosque or people who go to AA.

I haven't been to AA, but I sometimes I'm talking with someone, I'm connecting so much with them when I go, you're an AA.

You're a junkie.

And they go, how did you know?

You were a junkie.

You saw the way that our actions can take us into this place that is so unlike who we actually are.

Well, I'm not pointing out anything revelatory at all, but.

I was just reading a lot about the Stoics and I'm like, oh yeah, that's an AA thing.

That's a Buddhist thing.

But obviously the Stoics and the Buddhists were doing it independently.

And there are some truths to be discovered.

And there's a lot of overlap.

We're really hung up on the tiny non-overlap parts of it all.

I always talk about sometimes it feels like we're talking about the rims and the paint trim on a car that doesn't have an engine in it.

Yeah.

I'm like, imagine just fighting, being like, I think it's got to be this color and this trim.

And then it's like, guys, there's no engine.

It's technically not a car.

We are fighting over essentially like a hunk of metal.

How about we all just focus on getting the car to work and then we can get into all that?

Because the basis of your conversations would be completely different if it was a genuinely operational society.

How do we make this work?

If it actually was serving every person.

A little more pragmatic.

Okay, so the last time you were here, I guess you were maybe...

Well, you had to be because I looked at my old notes from the last trip and you were promoting Poor Things, but I don't think I had seen it yet.

No, we hadn't seen it.

Oh, yeah, you hadn't seen it.

No,

that was by far my favorite movie of the year.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And we had already then interviewed you, so I was already like, now I love you and root for you.

and i was so delighted you popped i actually don't think it was for poor things but you told us in it that you were shooting this movie it was coming out it was coming out it was in my like

what projects oh it was in there

yeah yeah but like we hadn't seen it yet yeah what a movie what a movie yeah dude

what a gift now it's so surreal i've never been in a movie that was surreal like that i've been in a science fiction movie that had space and stuff but does it feel differently to be in something surreal if that makes sense like does the world and the sets feel warped in a way?

Some of it you can't see until you see the thing.

It wasn't like we were at monitors or something.

I mean, they're shooting this on film and it was one of those things where as actors, we would just show up and be in this immersive set.

That set was not facade.

Everything was built.

It was really impressive.

It was really gorgeous.

And Yorgos is such a visionary.

And so you kind of just show up.

And so I had two experiences.

One, when I read it, the writer brain in me was like, this is a rom-com.

This is just funny.

Yeah.

But it is going to be dressed up with all this weird stuff on top of it.

But at its core, it's a rom-com.

And I get to play this character that is this wholesome,

but also kind of has his own horniness he's dealing with.

He's kind of navigating this dynamic.

He has a naivete that we like matched with her naivete.

They're safe for each other.

They're meant to be together, but she's going to go around and experience the world before she accepts that.

And so that's a rom-com.

The guy waiting for the girl to figure out what she needs to figure out so that they can be together.

Core simple.

But then it's like, all right, late 1800s, learn a British accent, crazy costumes, surreal way of shooting it, and stepping into like a performance that is different than anything I had done.

So I had so much fun.

Now just coming off playing this dip shit billionaire in Mountain Head, it's like the opposite.

And so that's where I'm like, man, it's so much fun being an actor.

What about being opposite Willem Dafoe?

And especially in that insane

prosthetic.

That was really fun and wild and surreal as well.

And that was one of those things where I got to know him.

We had three weeks of rehearsal, which was really beautiful.

We had three weeks that was me and Emily and Willem and Mark.

Does Emma go by Emily?

Oh, yeah, she does.

Yes, that's her real name.

Wait, I don't know.

And I claim to be in love with the spiral

speech.

Oh, wait, but also, no, she was doing press and this journalist said Emily.

And then somebody said, Emma.

and she said no my name is Emily and then recently I think at Cannes that guy was back in the press room and he said I'm the guy who said that and you changed my whole life and I don't remember where he's from but he's from some country and he's like my job opportunities skyrocket

and he's making a documentary now actually it's called her name is Emily and it's about this Hungarian journalist I thought it was supposed to don't call her Emma

I think that's the tagline they're figuring it out her name is Emily tagline don't call her Emma don't call her Emma Or I'll kill you.

Another tagline.

Or I'll kill you.

The story of a truth-seeking journalist.

Original anti-time.

Yeah, and it's less going through war zones, more kind of going through tabloid zones and kind of dealing with all that.

I'm not as good of a love from afar as you.

What do you mean?

If we found out Matt Damon's real name was Kent Damon.

Oh, like you would have been first to know.

Maybe his dad's name.

Kent.

Or Kenneth.

Do you even know?

You're plugged into the Damon version.

Oh, my God.

And I think if I love any actor, I think it's her.

As far as like who I think I could marry.

And I never even met her, but I'm like, from what I see, I feel like I could also marry her, maybe.

Everybody wants to marry her.

Yeah, she's very marriable.

I mean, she's actually just like the best person.

And also, I can say that.

And then my wife loves her.

My wife's also like, we should marry her.

The best person.

So we're going to pitch that to Kristen.

I would kind of get it prepped before even going to Emily with the offer.

Get the package together.

Don't bring her on on the brainstorm because she's dealing with a lot of people.

I'm probably going to have to tell her you just learned her name.

She's dealing with a lot of people.

Oh, I knew they were trying to fuck her up.

I am going to.

That's jealousy.

Yeah, you're right.

That's an illness.

That is an illness.

I saw that come up right there.

Yeah, because I put more effort into facilitating the love connection with her and Matt Damon.

Excuse you?

What are you doing?

I was trying to say that was a so like you put in all the words.

I encouraged him to hug you and to kiss your head.

And I made Standy's posters when it happened.

Kristen did that.

Kristen did that.

Let's not take what she's done as yours.

You've also hung out with him explained

me

but but in fairness part of a larger strategy because he knows damon and he knows if he's pushing you on every hang damon gets suspicious but he's got to do a two non-monica hangs then do the integration and any wingman would know how to do that you know the exact it's not masculine this is called winging and this is like a non-gender situation okay but okay so we had three weeks where we're hanging out learning the lines where are you what country are you in budapest is it so special special?

Well, it's very clean.

It's also kind of weird.

I enjoyed my time there.

They just have amazing public parks.

It's just that Europe thing where not everything has to be a target.

Am I wrong in that Budapest was one of the original crossroads, though, to the east and the west?

I thought that would interest you.

No, it is.

The history is unbelievable.

I think also at the time, though, I was reading a lot of Gabor Mate.

And so he talked about being separated from his family during the Holocaust.

And so I was a little bit walking around being like, oh, you guys fucked with Gabor Mate.

But then also kind of like, but thank God for his trauma because he's really helping me.

But his mom hadn't left him for those six weeks.

Dude, we have nothing.

Dude.

So we're there.

Then he puts on the prosthetics, Willem.

And I'm in these scenes with him.

And it's really surreal because this is not the guy I was just hanging out with for a month.

Who's a sweetheart, right?

The sweetest guy.

Have you guys had him on yet?

We had him on.

A, he's so hot.

Dude, he's so fucking sexy.

He's very fit.

I got some pictures of his early work, and I'm like, dude was a smart

show.

He was very handsome.

And a yogi.

Yeah, he's upright now on another level, I think.

4 a.m.

Wake up, do yoga, get in the bathtub.

He's got his non-negotiables.

He was really inspiring, actually.

I had some really good conversations with him.

And this was at the time, too.

I hadn't proposed to my wife yet.

And I was like, you've been talking to him about marriage.

And he was very much like, you got to be disciplined.

You got to live your life this way as a man.

And then you're going to pick someone.

And when you pick, you choose, you choose, you make it work.

And that's it.

Wow.

It was pretty cool.

No frills.

This is what it is.

How long had you been with your wife before you got married?

Well, we had known each other for a few years.

How'd you meet?

It had been a few years through a friend, May Kalmawi, who plays my sister on my show.

And so they had known each other.

And then we were getting to know each other.

And then I immediately, it was one of those.

Where's she from?

She's from Saudi Arabia.

So she grew up in Saudi.

And did she come here for school?

Yeah, yeah.

So she studied the fine arts in the bay.

She's an amazing artist.

Yeah.

Art director.

All that kind of thing.

Well, this was the thing.

Part of it for me was in the back of my head.

And I was kind of being coy.

I'm like, okay, obviously oil money.

This would be great it's a great

yeah and i just i just kind of want to be like a boy artist who's supported and all that kind of thing exactly parents are teachers so it was really like a bad gamble and here we are

still having to work why wasn't she at the golden globes she's not trying to do all that good for her i like that good for her that's preferred she doesn't give a yeah she go to after party but she's like ah the whole thing with the carpet and that was kind of one of the things too when we first were like okay we're gonna be together she was like just keep me out of all that Did you like it, or were you like, Oh, oh my god, I loved it!

Are you kidding?

And it also helps just getting in the car quicker.

You know, you take about nine minutes to get ready when we're planning our day for one of these things.

She's got a hotel room somewhere, she's gonna be in the rear.

I'm like, Yeah, all right, yeah, let's go

ahead

with my van.

Oh my god, ready.

I know.

Okay, now I watched Mountain Head last night with my best friend Aaron, who's in town, and we loved it.

I love it.

It has an insane plot, and it's scarily plausible, it seems.

So, you and three other gentlemen arrive at this mountain retreat.

Yeah.

So, one of the dudes

owns a social media company.

One of the dudes is, like you say, a Peter Thiel.

He's been first one in on a lot of these, and he's an extremely rich man, $68 billion or something.

They write their net worth on their chest at one point, which is incredible.

I almost believe it might be possible that that happens.

So, social media company owner, kind of legendary tech investor, and then you, who owns an AI technology that is being used by the social network.

They want to use it.

He's trying to get my AI.

Basically, my character took some of his employees and made the AI that I'm using.

And he's kind of like, dude, those are my guys anyway.

But my guy is pretty dead set that the reason they built this good AI is due to his leadership and due to his guiding principles.

And so he has this relative to the rest, a moral conscience about how the technology is affecting people.

But at the same time, it kind of seems like that consciousness is also tied to his own net worth and tied to his own aspirations.

And it's almost like, wait, do you have a conscience because you have a conscience or do you have a conscience because that's a really good brand to have a conscience?

But what seems plausible is this is a trip you guys have taken many times.

You've got a club name.

You're the root.

What are you doing?

The Brewsters.

The Brewsters and your cockadoodle brew and all this terrible guy stuff.

But as you're arriving for this weekend, which you guys apparently do once a year or something, they have released a new bit of technology on the social media platform and it is incorporating AI and the AI is making fake news segments.

War is breaking out in places.

People are killing.

It's a simmer at the beginning and everyone's just like, well, how will this all play out?

And it just keeps escalating the entire time you're there at the weekend.

And you're kind of the only person that's going, hold on here.

I think this is bad.

I think we have to intervene.

Do we really not care about this?

But the compelling compelling part that is the most scary is two of the dudes, Corell and what's the other gentleman's name?

Oh, Jason Schwartzmann or oh, oh, Corey Michael Smith.

Corey Michael Smith.

Yeah, who plays Venice.

He's incredible, by the way.

He's phenomenal in the movie.

Yeah, he's scary and believable.

But there is a point where some obvious thoughts come their way, which is like, okay, well, who's really

killing each other?

Pretty much idiots inspired by crazy fundamentalist religious views and people people who are gullible to this thing.

Is this terrible that these people kind of just take care of themselves and then we've got a nice hard reset?

I mean, it's eugenics, it's genocide, it's the operating principle of Mao, of a lot of people who are like, if we have an excuse and they do it themselves, we're not going to stand in the way of that.

It's interesting too, because in the film, you see them first start to really get concerned when it happens in France.

Then they go, wait, what?

That's so hilarious.

Then they go, oh, okay, that's getting awfully white.

And then all of a sudden they're like, hmm.

Krell's got a thing that he's like, not to worry.

There's never been a country that exports cheese that has what?

I don't know.

That has like any sort of problem.

Yeah.

As long as you have an exportable cheese, you've got a way out.

His character is great because they say he's got a 200 IQ.

He's insanely smart.

Yeah.

Quoting Greek scholars.

And again, being really smart, I think, is more dangerous than people who are smart give it credit.

You have been right so many times that it's much easier to mislead yourself.

And you have so much information that you can kind of weaponize it to justify whatever you're thinking.

Yes.

If you make a plausible, sound argument in your mind, it's hard not to buy into it.

And if you have a track record of I invested well, the ego says, I actually have a bit of a godlike view of what's going on.

Yes.

Again, it's that thing where it's like, I'm better than everyone.

I can think clearer than everyone.

It's the thing that I brought up earlier in this conversation.

It's like this danger of thinking you think clearly and other people don't leads always to a genocide virtually.

Yes.

But it escalates in this most plausible, intriguing, and terrifying way where they have to start considering, well, fuck, should we just run the whole show?

When they put the pieces together, in reality, a lot of these people have tons of different products that are running the government.

They have products that are running the military.

They have products that are running satellites.

Whether they've been given a role or not, they're so intermeshed now that they could make some very serious attacks.

One of Corell Randall's lines is they have this whole thing where they talk to the president, and then afterwards, they don't like what the president says.

And then he basically just goes, you know, the president's a good guy but he's a simpleton and it's really interesting because i don't think we could have gotten better press for the movie than the week right after it came out the elon trump war on twitter and literally everyone just being like this is mountainhead too because essentially elon is at that moment openly tweeting this budget sucks i saw the way that everything is going in there and essentially you're seeing the same thing that in the film is like why aren't we running the show since then he's walked that back by the time this podcast comes out i'm sure 400 other things will happen exactly those dynamics really exist.

Well, and his satellite network was brought online when he was in support of Ukraine and it was employed effectively.

He can turn on and shut off internet for a lot of places, which is wild.

We're there.

And when he got elected, remember everyone was like, oh, including me.

I was like, why are all these people coming out and saying congratulations to him?

And then I was like, oh, because they need in with him so that they can actually control things, which is so crazy, but true and works.

Well, that's interesting.

My conclusion on that was, oh, this person can destroy trillions of dollars of saved money of what we've done.

Something I've been working on for 20 years that half of America's IRA is involved in this value of this company.

And this person could ruin it.

I've got no choice but to protect this thing.

Well, I think

those are both.

Yeah, there's Kiss in the Ring and there's I want the contract.

It's just cozying up.

This is how it works in dictatorships and all sorts of places.

Yeah.

There's a few wonderfully scary things in the movie.

I can't wait to rewatch it, actually.

Yeah, yeah.

It has real stakes and real stress, and you're juggling that with comedy, and the comedy is brilliant, but also your stress.

It's almost like the studio, which you're also in.

Yes.

Congratulations.

What a show.

To have a fitness.

It was so fun.

Yeah, what an accomplishment, that fucking show.

It's so impressive.

It's so funny.

Yeah, he's brilliant.

He's a cool guy.

Yeah, yeah.

But that show has stakes and stress.

It's a fucking stressful show, the studio.

Very.

It's almost like I want to rewatch rewatch that as well.

Well, I already did.

Some episodes I re-watched because I wanted people to see it.

The wonder episode.

I'm like, you got to watch this episode.

That's so funny.

And yes, I could enjoy it the next go-around because I'm like, everyone lived.

The stress of it.

You know how it is.

Yeah.

This movie is fucking thought-provoking.

But the two things that I think are brought to the forefront are, one, AI.

Are people going to be able to discern the difference?

Is that going to happen?

Terrifying.

I'm optimistic.

I don't think people are as vulnerable as we think.

In what way can we elaborate?

That people, if they're viewing a news clip on the internet and it's proclaiming that this group killed this person

i have some faith that they're gonna need to at least see it on a trusted news source before they take action you do yeah i mean it's interesting we'll find out but this is the integrity crisis and the president has run on a platform of fake news so i think there's this level of verification that we still kind of look for where you kind of want to see it the question is almost what happens in the gaps between something being verified and not which i I think is part of what the film explores.

But I say this with the humility of knowing and hoping that one day I get old enough to have my own gaps between what's happening with tech and where I am.

Maybe that inevitably happens, but the amount of things that my parents and people in that generation are like, man, can you believe this thing happened?

And I go, where did you hear about that?

And it's like one, two, three, hindustanes.com org slash whatever.

And then you look at this janky link.

This is not a real thing, but that goes over their head, right?

And again, with the humility of, I'll probably be at some point in that situation where my kids know something about hologram technology that I'm unaware of how the light refracts in order to know whether a hologram is a true hologram or a false hologram.

But you kind of have this whole section of people that are already falling for it.

And now they're going to get realistic video.

And I actually see these clips go viral now of Trump saying something.

And I'm looking at the mouth because I'm like, did he actually say that?

And it's already really good.

I think Trump and LeBron, they're like, I think the most AI'd.

Really?

Yeah, Trump and LeBron.

Because there's so much footage on them that you can do it pretty seamlessly.

We can make a very good data set from them.

Yeah, Trump and LeBron.

Yeah, our two leaders.

And that's your obsession with LeBron, right?

I've heard you say that that's your main

reason you're on Instagram.

Dude, this is my guy.

That's so interesting.

Actually, since I saw you, I got to do a commercial campaign for LeBron.

You did?

Yeah, I'll send it to you.

It's pretty cool.

I got to work with him for a day.

I directed him.

It was for this mobile video game thing.

And it was pretty cool.

Tell me what you love about him.

I love that he

16, 15 years old, covers Sports Illustrated, the king, the next thing.

The real vunderkin.

And he did it.

To live up to that level of expectation, to live a public life.

You can go in and try to devalue something he's done or take away a championship and go, oh, that person was injured.

No, no, no.

To have that much pressure on you from 15 years old, to be still playing at an elite level where you're a top 15 player at age 40.

Get the hell out of here.

No one's ever done it.

He is, to me, the personification of discipline.

Yeah.

And I am so attracted to that.

Mastery of self.

Yeah, it really feels like something worth aspiring to.

He is really locked in.

You can't make any excuse for how consistent and how high the quality of what he does is.

He's an incredible human.

I love him.

That was a great answer.

He was.

And he's really funny, actually.

You know, one of the things we did was knocking on that he claims to have read all these books.

He was being self-aware about it.

Had he done that?

I didn't even hear that.

Yeah, he has this whole thing where he's like, yeah, I'm reading this great book, but he would always be at these press conferences and it's so clear he's just on page three.

Like he's always just past the forward.

You know, he and Monica could start a book club.

Yeah.

And he gets caught in these really funny lies where he's just, they'll be like, what's your favorite godfather?

And he's like, how can you choose?

They're godfathering all over it.

And you're like, all right, dude, it doesn't matter.

Like, we don't care.

As long as you don't say three.

As long as you don't say three, you've got a 66% chance.

What is your favorite godfather?

I think two.

So interesting.

It's like also choosing between my favorite hamburger and my favorite pizza.

They're both so incredible.

Yours is number one.

Yeah, I'm such a one.

But two, we get De Niro.

That's really fun.

I like going really far back in time to find out where the Corleone started.

The whole weird sequence in Italy falls in love with that woman with those unique nipples.

That's wonderful.

No, it's true.

They're very memorable if you're a boy.

The nipples are.

Oh, really?

I remember them.

When you said it, I knew exactly what happened.

Yeah, every boy remembers that.

Well, why?

It's like a guy thing.

I'm sure you saw something on Damon that we don't see.

Of course, no, but I mean, what about the nipples?

No, no, they're not weird, by the way.

They're just distinct from what you would usually see on screen.

I mean, there's this like kind of tailored vision of all of that.

And this is just like a, it just feels like an old country university.

They had beautiful breasts, and they were kind of unique in their own way.

And I think to get into the nitty-gritty of it, then I would feel like this woman could somehow hear me yay.

It could, yeah, it could get, we're obviously gentlemen still, so I don't want to like,

we're keeping it big enough.

If you describe an areola too much, it just starts to veer into it.

You know, you just stumble upon these realities in life where you slowly realize almost every guy who has seen Godfather remembers those nipples.

You just inadvertently discover that and you go like, oh, wow, good.

They're as memorable for you as they were for me.

That's neat.

I do find it fascinating.

That's why I wonder what they look like.

I'm going to look it up, obviously, as soon as we're done with this.

Her nipples?

Yeah.

Well, have you ever seen the whole movie?

No.

Let's schedule that.

I will come.

Okay, great.

Are you living in LA?

No, I'm in Brooklyn.

But I will come.

Okay, you'll find out.

Okay, great.

Or I'll host you guys.

I mean, it's one or the other.

Spewing party for the nipples.

Yeah, yeah.

We'll sit in the back row.

I'm a one guy, though, fully, because I think two

is amazing, but lives in one's playground.

Because one was able to one, two was able to two.

That's the origin.

There are story breaks in two that work because they worked in one.

Even the way two ends.

Hilarious.

Don't want to spoil it for you.

Okay, go ahead.

The film that is like part of the modern basis of cinema, I would hate to spoil for you.

Also, the rosebud is the sled.

What?

I know.

I've always wondered.

Okay, so that's a really good argument for one, but I'll add this as a counter, which is just simply the probability of the sequel being as good as the first one is zero.

And agreed.

That needs to be acknowledged.

It's almost impossible to make a sequel that's as good or potentially better.

And that's kind of the triumph of that movie.

And it's kind of.

Oh my God, we're in Barbie.

I literally, I was like, we're in Barbie.

Did you see Barbie?

Yeah, and the guys are just talking about Barbara.

I was just trying to say

nipples.

We can.

No, we,

by the way, refuse to get too into the nipple thing.

But your godfather argument is kind of like a Jordan-LeBron argument in a way.

Yes.

Because it's kind of like Jordan's this OG, but then you go, well, but LeBron lived up to the hype that Jordan never had because that's godfather too.

Right.

Jordan broke the mold.

Yeah, Jordan broke the mold.

And then LeBron lived up to the mold, which is almost impossible.

Yeah, it's almost not even worth getting into basketball because all you'll ever hear is like, what's not?

Yeah.

Okay.

We already did Godfather.

It's almost not worth getting into it.

You go, agree.

Yeah.

Okay.

The other thing we got to talk about, just, I love Mountain Head.

I hope everyone watches it.

It's so good.

You're fantastic in it.

It's such a fun role for you to have.

It's kind of like in keeping with you being the most spiritual present in the room.

I feel like being a part of a Jesse Armstrong thing is.

Dude, I really love that man.

Like he is so conscientious and smart and generous.

How old is he?

I don't know anything about him.

He's 54, but he comes off as like a 42.

Solid early 40s.

Yeah, like he does not even just in his youthful spirit, but he's a brilliant dialogue writer.

It was his first thing directing, and he was so great and so generous.

And I would say he's very spiritually enlightened in this sense because a lot of people, I think, going to direct their first thing would almost need to feel a sense of control of, well, if I'm the director, then it needs to feel like it's all coming from me and it all has my stamp.

You know, something will come up and you go, that's a really good question.

Not exactly my department.

Let me think.

You see him taking all the info and then you see him make the decision that is in line with what he's trying to philosophically do.

And you go, well, that's directing.

Directing is not, I'm a genius that knows everything the whole time.

And this goes back to this leadership thing.

When you see it done well, it's very attractive because it's so.

exciting because then you get to be in something that knows what it is.

That's my favorite thing as an actor, any sort of artist.

This thing knows what it is.

And then you get to contribute to that.

It's very fun.

So that was sick.

Yeah.

Okay.

Number one, Happy Family USA.

This is your cartoon.

Yes.

And I think it's relevant to say you set it up and pitched it during Trump 1.

Yeah.

In 45.

And then it's now out.

This is interesting.

In 47.

Yeah.

I mean, the timing of it is wild.

The title of the show is this thing that basically the family says.

So when the pilot, 9-11 happens.

The show starts on 9-10.

Yeah.

And then there's this moment, which is something that I think happened to a lot of immigrants in this country.

So, so many Arab Muslim immigrants came, I would say around mid to late 80s, and it kind of took them a decade to get their feet under them.

And then this thing happened and it shook and rocked everything.

And I remember it kind of set up the basis of instability for a lot of our lives because you're just on the defensive.

You were already trying to figure out what was going on.

I was in Detroit where we have a humongous colonial population.

And it was like all these party store owners.

Like, all of a sudden, there's just American flags plastered everywhere.

And that's literally what happens right in our first couple of episodes.

He goes, we're going to show everyone that we are number one happy family USA.

And so he drapes the house in Christmas and Easter decorations and American flags.

He's a Muslim, but he says Jesus Christ every other sentence.

He's just trying to do every, and the whole show, the reason I wanted to make an animated show was because I was really into this idea of code switching.

And I think it's pretty universal in the sense that the family, when they're in the house, look a certain way.

And then when they step outside the house, they look different.

You watch his beard disappear.

You watch the daughter's curly hair become straight.

You kind of see all these appearance things that people feel like they got to hide, which we all do to a degree, but they're doing it under the fear because then this FBI agent moves in across the street and they're being surveilled.

And so I wanted to make this cartoon.

five years ago about the surveillance state and about how immigrants were basically put in this position to have to prove their patriotism in order to stay.

And I thought it was a time capsule of the early 2000s.

And the week it came out was when you start seeing everyone at the airport being thrown into these facilities in Louisiana.

Now we're having this conversation of, I mean, in LA, they're just picking up people who just look Hispanic and they figure out the facts later.

And then they go, wait, are you here legally?

Are you not?

We'll figure it out later.

So that's been really.

eerie because I feel like, no, no, we're a happy family USA is something someone might be saying at the airport right now.

And it's worse now than it was then.

The people who reach out after watching the show, because people don't know how long it takes to make things, especially animation.

So some people think I like, you just picked it up in January.

You know, and I was like, oh, yeah, like, let's do this thing.

Cause they go, oh, it's so cool that you really picked it up quick and timed it.

And I go, no, man, we've been working on this for four.

This is like a weird.

That's not a new phenomenon.

No.

It's really, really wild.

Stay tuned for more armchair expert.

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In real life, you were 10 or 11 living in New Jersey?

Yeah, 9-11 when 9-11 happened.

Yeah.

And what was the shift in real life?

I remember that feeling of, it was really sensitive, right?

Because we're in Jersey.

First off, you just watched this horrific thing happen.

Yes.

It's quite scary whether you felt safer or happier.

You're devastated.

Human beings died

right near you.

We could sense the smoke in our town.

That's how close we were to New York.

So immediately it's just horrifying.

And you're just sad and you're just as sad as everybody else.

But then in that sadness, you go, oh shit, we are now

a target.

We're suspects.

And so this lasted.

I saw it affect my parents' friendships.

I really love the town I grew up in.

I wouldn't change where I grew up.

It's just everything becomes more complicated.

And I think that the thing that I started to really feel was we were in, I would say, the brunt of the 24-hour news cycle finding its voice of being able to just pump out fear.

The birth of CNN being a thing you always have on in the background, that's 9-11.

The beginning of that modern war machine being pushed by color, news, images, 24-7.

It's then.

What I always talked about when we were making the show was there is the outward kinds of racism and prejudice and fear that gets directed at you.

But what we really wanted to do with the show was focus on something that I felt way more of, which is the internal fear where you kind of go, is all this shit they're saying about us true?

Is all this stuff?

actually where I come from?

And then you go down this spiral of self-doubt.

I'm watching all this stuff and all these people look like me and have, you know, these views.

I want to know a lot about that because to me, that sounds a little bit parallel to internalized racism.

Yeah.

You grow up where all the media you've seen, the people of your kind are committing crimes.

You take on your own racism, even though you're the group.

Oh, yeah.

And you're a kid and you go, wait, is this why my parents left over there?

Cause it's so bad and everyone's so bad over there.

And then it took so many years to go through all that and then kind of reconnect.

And not that I was necessarily disconnected, but by just where we live.

We're not over there.

And then you kind of really get into it and you go, these are like really beautiful people, really beautiful countries, beautiful places, but it gets isolated in this way to fit a really specific kind of narrative.

When you're the in-group, the division between your government and your military and the citizens is quite clear to you.

Everyone's having the same feeling like, why are we going to Iraq?

We don't like that.

And hopefully, you know, everyone else will recognize that like none of the citizens want us to go there.

We don't think there's weapons of mass destruction.

This is happening, but that's them.

But when you're evaluating the out group, you don't draw those lines between the military apparatus and then just the humans that live there.

It's happening currently with there's a difference between Hamas and Palestinians.

There's a difference between Netanyahu and then your average citizen living there.

And Russians.

Imagine you're someone who has never been to America goes, oh my God, it's terrible over there, huh?

It's just like the men are raping the women who don't even get paid.

And then you guys are terrible to all the immigrants.

All your schools have shootings in them.

Because that's essentially what happens, right?

It's like you kind of look at the Middle East and go, oh, they make the women do this and they rape them.

Here as an American, you go, factually,

the palate of what you just said has occurred.

Is that really what's occurring every single day?

Yes, exactly.

And also we're raping, but it's not potentially with the religious excuse of that rape is fine.

Yes.

Because we've determined that one rape is much worse as a motivator.

And then you realize how all that gets conflated about a group of people and about what's going on, right?

Well, I remember the time it stung to me most.

And look, I'm not a raw-rah Russia supporter by any stretch, but when they were hosting Sochi, the Olympics, and I remember reading these articles about they've rounded up dogs and killed them.

There was like every headline about them rounding up dogs and killing them.

And then out of just curiosity, I typed in how many dogs are put down a day in the U.S.

Yeah, we kill like a million dogs a day or something crazy.

It always flares up in the Olympics.

There was also when China was hosting, it was like the Chinese are making their athletes perform through injuries.

I'm like, y'all, look at Carrie's

every American athlete is competing through an injury.

I mean, you could flatten America in that kind of thinking so easily.

You could say America hates women so much that they twice elected an open liar rapist just to avoid having a woman.

Exactly.

And then they banned abortion, which is not even a thing in the Muslim world.

You can get an abortion in Saudi Arabia.

Oh, you can.

Right away.

Oh, yeah.

I mean, it is like they do.

Muslims believe that the soul encasement is not until I think it's something like around 100 days.

Don't quote me, but abortion is more strict here than it is in so many parts of the Middle East.

Oh, wow.

You can flatten whatever you want to flatten.

You can talk about it however you want.

Well, you can ignore everything that doesn't jive with your worldview and focus on the five things that do.

Right now about LA, everyone's texting.

They're like, are you okay?

Is it chaos?

And I'm like, no, it's fine.

But the narrative that's getting spun about what's happening here is that we're in a state of civil unrest.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

It's not like fine, but they make it look like it's like an active civil war where everyone's walking around.

They're saying we're in a state of war.

There's a peaceful protest that was happening.

And then we got ambushed by the Marines over a protest.

So as a kid, you take in all this information.

And for me, the experience was always, what of this is real or not?

And that was the perspective that we went into making the show, which is, how do you talk about all this complex shit from a 12-year-old brain?

When you're 11 or 12, a girl being dismissive of you feels like a national security issue in your brain.

It is just as loud as we're going to Iraq.

If you go wipe out a whole continent to have the girl like you back, you would have to be like, you kind of go, yeah, that's far.

You'd have no problem.

Yeah, that's far.

She's here.

So I was really interested in this.

What could this look like as a world?

Because cartoons have always been so

cutting politically in a really great way, whether it's like South Park.

And so to get to do it from this perspective, but also add a bunch of different elements, like that was really so exciting for me.

Were you aware when you were a kid?

My assumption would be even within your family, you were dealing with varying degrees of pressure because your parents are from Egypt, right?

So they have accents.

Yes.

They have a lot of indicators that they're other.

You have less of those.

Yeah.

I don't know.

Maybe kids are worse than adults or they're better than us, but there had to have been different levels of how you were all having to deal with the fallout of 9-11, even within the house.

Yeah.

My dad was in the world of hotels.

He was at the plaza for a while with 47.

But it was always a tough fit for him.

And my dad really became known for his hard work ethic.

And he's just so good with people.

And so he would never really let anything get him down.

This particular thing, though, ended up being so big.

I just saw how it affected him.

But what's interesting is talking to him about today and he goes, this is worse than what I remember.

Okay, especially in the last year and a half, two years.

Yeah, with that, but also with this.

immigrant focus, the way people are kind of zoning in, because he was like, it hasn't happened like this.

It's such a wild way to treat people, especially now.

A lot of Arab immigrants came in in the 80s.

So, my dad's like, a lot of us have been here now, going on 40 years.

Exactly.

We've been here fully longer than we were ever in the countries we came from.

My dad's like, I'm an American.

I was like, What are you talking about?

Well, your father had to have had this added stress as a dad, whether they've asked you or not.

Your job's to protect everyone in this family.

And now I have these three variables out in the world in a very hostile world.

So, whatever his own personal struggles were, I'd imagine he was also, and then your mother too.

I don't want to discourage you.

i just speaking as a dad that had to be so stressful if i had to think about my little girls going off to school knowing that a huge chance that most of the students in there that don't look like them are going to be treating them terribly this is very stressful it's stressful part of why i focus on the internal stuff for the characters is i didn't go to school in this place that was super racist but it was just this thing where you go i already am like too short to be good at basketball and now i got to deal with this shit where i'm like fucking debating people are asking me like, do you know those people?

And this is one of my first stand-up jokes, but one of the first World Trade Center bombers, his name was Ramsey Youssef, right?

And so when I was a kid, it was literally like, fuck me, I am walking around with the same fucking name.

It was just nuts.

It took me also in my 20s to get off the no-fly list.

It's like the same fucking thing.

And then you got to clear that up and do all that.

Why is this guy on the no-fly list?

Didn't he already die?

Did you, though, feel because you didn't have an act, although maybe it's a little different because, like you said, your name and stuff, but I felt so protective

of my parents and especially my dad who had this accent was walking around very obviously Indian.

I grew up with such a massive sense of protection for them and feeling like I needed to order at the restaurant.

You're like an interpreter almost for your parents.

Exactly.

And like you're always on the lookout for who's going to hurt them or be mean to them.

Did you have that?

My dad, it's interesting because I think just being New York hotel business, it's somewhat Hollywood adjacent.

Like he wasn't phased by famous people.

He kind of dealt with all these big figures and dealing just in the heart of New York.

He's a producer.

Anything I know about showrunning or directing, I learned from my dad in how he dealt with hotels because he deal with like 500 people.

Oh, okay.

And it's like departments.

So you kind of focus on how to move through that.

But to your point, what I could feel on him was, man, to have to deal with this stuff when you already have the dad stress, you already have the immigrant stress, you're just trying to get used to a new place.

and then this shit.

That perspective, as we were making this thing, I just felt has been unexplored, especially of that era.

You know, there's not actually a lot of art about that era.

And the art that exists is pretty dramatic, rightfully so, because it's a very dramatic thing.

But we kind of started to say, can we step this out?

It's a sensitive button, but is there a way to be hilarious, but also have it be tender and have it be aware that felt like a worthy challenge.

And then that's where it felt like, yeah, this would be cool as a cartoon because you give people the ability to have a little bit of distance of the quote unquote reality of it.

Yes.

But it's doing what Rami did and what Mo does.

It's very adjacent and in keeping with.

what you guys are exploring.

Heavy shit with comedy, which is delicious.

It's so fun.

If I were just to be selfish, at least it's therapeutic for me.

I mean, I'm like, I get to work on this thing and work with like a bunch of writers who are super talented and such a great room.

And Pam Brady, who worked on South Park, was on it with us.

It's just fun to explore these things in that way that I personally never had, I hadn't seen, and I hadn't put it through this kind of creative process.

And so then when people connect with it, it's such a fun feeling.

Well, it's great.

Number one, Happy Family USA is on Prime currently.

And of course, Mountain Head is on HBO currently.

Is it HBO again?

No, it's HBO Max.

Fuck everyone.

I know.

This would be like Ferrari buys Dodge.

And then they rename Ferrari Dodge.

That's not the order of event.

Like one has enormous cachet.

And Max has always been like, I don't know, Max is the stepsister to Cinemax is like HBO Light.

That's why they're bringing HBO back into the mix.

But I guess Max is like, we still want to.

Then they were like, we're going to actually split the Warner Brothers Discovery thing.

Yes.

I'm just like, just get rid of the Max then.

I don't like it.

Listen, HBO has the most trusted brand loyalty

of anybody in the space.

So it's on HBO, guys.

And I don't want anyone to take this like David Zazlov is a a good friend.

So I'm not trying to super close out of,

I haven't met him, but I'm trying to say that to kind of like will it into existence.

I would like to be a close friend of his.

And I also have so many things with it.

I have both my specials with them and Mountain Head.

And so I feel a kinship to the Zaz.

Sure.

So I kind of am like, he is a good friend.

I'm just putting that out there.

Okay, great.

You know, whenever you guys do the description for this episode, you could, for my credit, just put Rami Youssef, good friend of Zazlov.

I'm happy to do that.

Best friend.

Yeah.

Also known as

a good friend of the Zaz.

Well, once again, it was delightful.

We'll do it three times.

I feel confident.

You're young and virile and ambitious.

I hate anything to come.

I'm going to come hang with you guys.

Are you kidding?

All right.

And then Godfather 2.

Exactly.

I mean, wait, so you haven't even seen one.

No, I haven't seen one.

Yeah, you're really behind.

Have you ever watched it in order the way they do it?

Yeah.

I'm trying to think if I have or not.

By the way, three,

not that bad.

It's not as bad as as I remember.

It is not, dude.

Let's pull our guitars out and sing at Monica now.

We keep barbing.

And I know, and now, I wanna push you all up.

What's that?

They failed that.

That's the funniest movie of the last decade.

I know.

All right, Rami, I love you.

I love you guys.

You guys are the best.

So funny.

Stay tuned for the facts, check so you can hear all the facts that were wrong.

This is fun.

We're in a new environment.

We're in a fresh environment.

Stole a location.

We did.

All blessings and thanks and gratitude to the great Dr.

Mike.

Friend of the pot.

If you've not listened to that episode, it's phenomenal.

It is.

Watch it on YouTube because he's so gorgeous.

He's a beautiful doctor.

Oh, he's a beautiful doctor.

And we became friends.

And he was so generous because we had to come to New York to interview somebody.

We don't have a space here.

Yeah.

We looked into renting a space that was very,

I don't know, seemed complicated.

It was easier.

Sure, it was complicated.

And then old Dr.

Mike was like, you can film as much as you want.

Not much.

Oh, nice.

Yeah, what a sweetheart.

So in an upcoming episode,

you'll see us in this space.

That's right.

We have come here for a big guess,

figuratively and literally.

I told an armchair, yeah, I've never done this.

I've been tempted to do it before.

Okay.

But I told an armchairy who we were interviewing today.

You did.

Yeah.

And she was excited.

She was.

Okay.

She was very excited.

She was such a nice arm cherry.

Well, that's redundant.

That's fine.

They all are, but I'm just saying this was a very nice girl.

Yeah.

And I wanted to give her some insight.

She's 13.

I don't know how old she was.

Okay.

She was working at the Ralph Lauren coffee shop.

Oh, that's where you're getting coffee while you're in New York?

I got a coffee there yesterday on my walk

in my shopping time.

Are they like, do they have signature items that are based on their product line?

Like, was there a polo?

I just got a cappuccino.

There wasn't a polo cappuccino or.

No.

But I did get a mug with the polo bear on it.

Oh, of course.

Of course, I did.

How many mugs do you think you have at this current moment?

Oh,

I just got rid of some.

Okay.

Like four.

You did a cleansing.

I did a cleanse.

I would guess I have 30, 40.

Yeah.

I got to say, I got to give props to Kristen.

So I think because I publicly shamed her for throwing away all my, or I doubt she threw them away, but got rid of my early Starbucks mugs I was collecting.

She replaced them all for Nashville.

That was a big surprise.

I got to my Keurig machine, and then all of the ones I used to have virtually were there.

Those are great mugs.

They're enormous.

Yeah, you can put 20, 30 ounces of of coffee in there.

Good size mug.

Although I've switched to the Ember, as you know.

So mostly I'm just drinking water out of those Star Beasts now because Amber keeps it warm and I try to pace myself and drink slowly to curb my consumption, which is always an issue in my life.

Consumption.

But it's nostalgic.

It's just good for decor.

Yeah.

Even if you don't drink it.

It makes me feel really good when I look at them all.

Yeah.

They're very aesthetically pleasing.

They are.

They are very pretty.

Okay.

So you said you had a story for me.

Oh, yes, yes.

So

we have come to New York to, because this guests became available.

And

I was, of course, on, I was on vacation.

I was, I was driving around my pontoon boat.

Yes.

And of course, I was a little bit like, I don't, I don't want to go.

But then I was like, get real.

This is a great opportunity.

Get over it.

It's been a great job.

It's a great, great job.

I should be grateful for and always happy to do.

Alas, I said, yes.

So yesterday morning, I had taken a 9 a.m.

flight out of Nashville, which meant I had to wake up at 5.15 so that I could do my meditation and my writing and all that crap, drive to the airport, blah, blah, blah.

So I had had the goal for the last three weeks there to wake up for the sunrise because the sun rise comes up over the lake.

I'm generally getting up around seven or eight and it's already kind of up.

Still looks pretty, but I'm like, I got to do that.

But making yourself wake up at 5:30 on your vacation, hard to do, hard to do, but I did it.

Also, I was then able to meditate in the on the porch because everyone's still asleep, and then I was journaling, and it was

absolutely spectacular.

It was so,

I mean, it was really transcendent.

It looked so beautiful, it was just pink and then red, and it was just so gorgeous.

And I had meditated, it was really, really a nice morning.

Flying out was a delight,

and

I was doing research the entire flight here.

And this person has a dock about them.

So I was watching the dock.

I had like saved it to my iPad.

We're coming into LaGuardia

and we're lowering, lowering, lowering.

If you've flown into LaGuardia, you're coming in over the water and then the runway starts, right?

So I'm just, I'm kind of, I'm not paying a ton of attention, but from muscle memory,

The moment we're supposed to, like, I can feel we're about to touch the wheels on the ground.

It's the most radical and violent pull-up I've ever felt.

It's like it's like,

and then all of a sudden we're like,

oh my God, heading back up into the sky.

And I was like, oh,

I don't like this.

And I have my noise-canceling headphones on and I, and I immediately start telling myself, and I'm still watching thing, I was like, you have no control over this.

There's really no point in you even thinking about what's going on.

You're not going to be asked to handle this.

You're out of this equation.

Even though, if it was a terrorist organization, well, I would have seen someone come to the then, of course.

I can't wait to get that.

That's exactly, yeah.

But because that wasn't happening, that's the only way I could help.

I have nothing to do with this.

I'm just actively trying to not think about it because I recognize it's a waste of my time.

I can't, you know, what

that's good.

That's hard.

I'm successful at that for

a while, but then we're now circling.

Now,

of course, after the fact I'm clearly alive,

we're probably circling just because we got to get back into the holding pattern.

Yep.

But I'm like,

is the landing gear broken?

Like, what is the mechanical issue that prevented us from landing?

Why are we up here for so long now?

And now I'm a little off to the races.

You are.

Okay.

And I start making sense out of stuff that really shouldn't make sense, which is, oh, that's crazy.

I just had like the greatest three weeks at this dream, dream place.

My kids are so happy.

I got to see the sunrise like I wanted to do.

It started getting, I started feeling really suspicious.

Like,

I guess, if there were a perfect time to go, it feels like this

suspicious.

It started feeling really suspicious.

Then, and you'll hate this,

I was like,

You wouldn't be dead if you hadn't left this trip to go work.

Okay, like you're about to die because you left

the sanction time to go work.

Okay, that's in the mix, right?

Right.

So, now I make myself responsible for this calamity that's about to happen.

There's an announcement, but I don't even want to hear it.

I know it won't do me any good to hear it.

Although it turns out it might have done me.

Right.

Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert.

If you dare.

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We come back around, we come down, we land.

Great.

And I'm like, oh my God.

Oh, my God.

And then I take my headphones off.

And then I turn to her and I say, what was the announcement?

And she said, we almost hit an airplane that was crossing the tarmac.

Oh my God.

So we were touching down and one came out onto the runway and we had to pull up to avoid it.

Oh my god.

So I almost center punched.

I don't know how close it was.

I wasn't flying the airplane.

But now here's the funny part.

So then I'm

last night I'm eating by myself at Quality Meets.

Great restaurant.

I like to hit it every time I'm in Manhattan.

And anytime I'm eating alone, I'm bored because i'm by myself so now i'm on instagram and i go into my dms and i see a dm from evan rachel wood okay i'm like oh this is interesting i haven't heard from her in a long time i open up and goes i was on your flight holy

blah blah blah okay and i'm like weird i'm like first of all why didn't you say hi yeah

Secondly, yeah, holy shit.

I thought for sure the landing gear was broken or something.

And da, da, da, da, da.

Then she sends back a voicemail that says um yeah i didn't i didn't come say hi because i would have to cut line to come say hi to you whatever um she goes um

additionally the second we pulled up and went back into the sky and i'm convinced i'm gonna die and i'm thinking of my kid the person next to me starts yakkin in one of those air

oh oh no

oh wow oh man you really went through it also she says you know i'm thinking about my kids too i she was doing the opposite she's like i didn't need to take this vacation

Everyone's guilty now, making themselves responsible.

Yep.

But there was a guy just yakking next to her also.

Yuck.

That's brutal.

Oh, that's

my story.

That's a good.

That's.

It was so funny.

I was like, I got out of the, I got out of the airplane and then I got in a cab.

And I was just like, I'm so glad to be in this cab and not in that airplane, which, of course, the cab is probably statistically 25,000 times more dangerous.

I'm going to die in the cab than that.

Yeah, exactly.

Exactly.

This is a ding, ding, ding, because, so, after I left Nashville, I went home to visit my parents.

Not sorry, I went to Atlanta to visit my parents.

Um, although I'm confused because didn't it over Christmas, you said that was home.

I mean, I'm confused too, but I imagine if people hear me say I went home from Nashville, I went to LA.

That's a good distinction.

Yes, so I went to visit my parents, and um, my dad has been following the Air India crash a lot, so So he was very up to date on what's been going on.

And, you know, currently the theory is that he, the pilot,

did it on purpose and committed suicide and then also then killed all those people.

And because they can hear, I guess on the black box, on the recording, they can hear the co-pilot

ask the pilot,

why did did you move this

or switch this or whatever?

And he said, I did not.

And then 10 seconds later, it got switched back, but it was too late.

So that's the theory, but they're doing it.

I'm not even new to seahorse has did it.

And his lack of understanding of what a seahorse is.

Could have.

We'll never know.

Boy, that's

so dark.

That is really rough.

They're doing an investigation.

A lot of people in India don't think he did it.

So it's, you know, it's, it's a thing.

The amount of thoughts I had in that time, like I had that whole scenario I just talked about.

But then I also had this whole other debate where I was like,

you have to honor your life and be grateful right now.

It was so good.

And your daughters are so beautiful.

I just, I was, the only thing that was preventing me from having like total gratitude for my life

is the thought of my girls growing up without me was just like so heartbreaking.

I was imagining like how well positioned they are currently and how disruptive that would be.

And then I'm thinking, I hope I did enough while I was here.

Yeah.

And just I'm picturing my little delta with no one to snuggle.

I just, it was rough.

Yeah.

I hated that part.

And then

I also had the thought, I wonder if we'll land in the Hudson.

Like if there's no landing gear and all this other stuff, like, will we land in the Hudson?

I'm a good swimmer.

I was going to say, good thing you know how to swim once.

Don't panic.

Yeah.

People do survive landing in the Hudson.

I mean, it was my only thoughts I had in that 20 minutes or whatever it was.

Yeah, it was scary.

Yeah.

Very scary.

Well, I'm glad you made it.

Me too.

Me too.

I'm really glad you made it.

And then Larry's like, I'm never flying again, which is so stupid because I'm going to, I'm still going places.

Yeah, we got to.

You can't like,

I mean,

that's your whole motto.

I know.

It's like, that's right.

You don't know what's gonna get you.

Because what's, I'm gonna, you know, I get hit by lightning one day or something.

You just don't know.

You don't know.

And you gotta live your life.

You're almost guaranteed to not die of the thing you're worrying about dying of.

Yeah.

Did you, okay, once you landed and stuff,

have you thought, because you're thinking about the girls.

And it's like, God, they're just so,

they're so lucky.

And they are, right?

They're so lucky.

Did you ever have the thought like i mean i didn't die on this but like

what are the chances it's gonna be at a hundred for them for the rest of their life like that's scared that starts getting scary it's like

for for me it would start prompting yeah so this bad thing didn't happen but like how something bad i immediately was so mad that i've never sat down and written them two letters to be opened if anything ever happens to me.

Like I got so mad

because I just would want to write them a letter that would say, you're going to be fine.

Right.

You're so strong.

Yeah.

And

lesser people have survived this and you're going to because you're both bad motherfuckers.

Yeah.

I was really mad I hadn't.

ever taken the time to do that.

I guess it's kind of morbid to do it, but I think I'm going to.

It's so interesting.

It's not very like you

to like plan for disaster.

Yeah, but they have a knack for making me do all kinds of things that are not consistent with who I am.

I think.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's the gift that they give you is you have to become patient.

You have to not care if all your shit's fucked up.

You have to care, you know.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well.

One more thing.

Ding, ding, ding.

My dad, I told you this, but he has decided, he has declared his retirement plan, which is he's going to master or understand quantum physics.

Physics.

Quantum mechanics.

Yeah.

Yes.

That's his goal.

And I, I was like,

how long before he retires?

He retires in January.

He does?

Are you nervous for him?

I am, but I'm happy.

So he is.

He's nervous for him, you know, which is, but I think that's a good thing.

He's hyper-aware and like that, like he's like making plans.

He's that naive that it's going to be a hard adjustment.

Yes.

He's like, I want to learn, I'm going to learn about this.

I'm going to start, I'm going to join a pickleball league.

Oh, great.

Yeah.

He has plans, which made me feel relieved.

Yeah, good.

Yeah.

My papa Bob,

who I've told you was the longest employee ever at Wonder Bread.

Yeah.

Wonder bread.

Wonder

bread.

There's an R Wonder Bread Bakery.

Wonder Bed Breakery.

Yeah, that's hard.

He was forced forced to retire because he had an ulcer he didn't know about that got so bad it blew out of his stomach

while he was carrying a 50-pound bag of flour.

There's a lot to that story.

I went and visited him in the hospital and I saw them putting a catheter in his penis and I was like, oh my god, Papa Bob's penis is the size of a baseball bat.

That's a side note.

Okay.

Is that because it was swollen?

I don't know.

He just had a huge hog, I guess.

Oh, you never saw it till then?

I had never seen it.

I seen him in his tidy waddies all the time.

They were saggy, you know.

Sure.

Papa style grandpa style

shepherd no butt big barrel belly and zero butt cheeks of the the tidy waddies hung on yeah there's flapping between yeah and i never really noticed how much action was in the front anywho anywho he was forced to retire because of that yeah and he was depressed he had like two years of for real depression yeah and then he got a job just like delivering i think hearts and kidneys like medical things on ice and that kind of process.

Gave him something to do.

Yeah, you gotta have something to do.

Yeah.

Wow.

Well, I guess maybe we should do some facts now that we talked about the penis.

Yeah.

Okay, great.

That's a fact.

Bo-bo-bob had a haul.

Okay.

Okay.

So

some facts for Rami.

We love Rami.

Yes, we do.

Sweetest boy.

Sweetest boy.

Almost impossible he's in show business.

I feel like he

maybe was, came out around the same time as Gerard last time.

I feel like I remember those two being sort of out around the same time and then it's happening again, which is wild.

And they were both in poor things.

Oh, yeah.

Maybe they're linked celestially.

Okay, just let's do some.

Okay, so we talked about how Obama deported more people than Trump, which is.

definitely true.

Let's see here.

This is an article on Vox.

It says how Obama deported so many people.

Obama's immigration enforcement strategy was two-pronged, increasing penalties for unauthorized crossings at the southern border and deputizing local law enforcement to target immigrants with criminal records inside the U.S.

The former increased the number of people who faced official removal proceedings and deterred repeat border crossers.

And the latter allowed ICE to have its ear to the ground in cities throughout the country.

Before Obama, unauthorized border crossers were typically allowed to voluntarily return to Mexico without undergoing an official process or being subjected to any penalties.

That meant that many attempted to recross the border, knowing that they would not face repercussions for doing so.

The Obama administration started subjecting a greater proportion of them to formal deportation proceedings.

Yeah, utilizing an expanded federal immigration enforcement workforce that had grown from 12,700 in 2003 to 22,000 in 2008.

I remember this period.

There was a 60 minutes on it.

And

yeah, they were sometimes catching the same person and returning them to the border twice in one day.

Like while they were filming, they watched it happen within a single day.

Yeah.

Donald Trump promised his supporters the largest deportation program in American history, but he's nowhere close.

That distinction belongs to an early 20th century program that likely saw 2 million people deported.

When looking at more recent times, it's President Barack Obama,

who holds the 21st century deportation record.

His administration kicked out 438,421 people in 2013.

No president since has come close to equaling that record, including Trump during his first term.

Half a mil.

It's a lot.

That's a lot of people.

Yeah.

That's,

you know, that's six Super Bowl stadiums.

I mean, obviously people have different opinions on immigration and stuff, but

I think actually most people would agree that you, a lot of people would agree that you can't just have like an open border and have people coming through, you know, and it's just the way to do it.

Like there are ways to do it that don't feel cruel and inhumane.

I think, I mean, my real, real belief is that

The majority of people wanted the flow of people to stop coming in.

And I think the majority of people aren't dying to deport a ton of the people that are here i'm hearing that on the left and the right i think that's kind of kinship you have schultz saying those people should stay you have theo vaughn saying you know you have people that were calling for um tougher immigration saying like no no let the people that are here stay but you got to stop this crazy flow a lot of people think though that a bunch of them are criminals and that they all need to leave so that's you know i've never I haven't met those folks, but I'm sure they exist.

Yeah, I mean, that's he sort of ran on immigrants or criminals.

Okay, the reporter who said Emma Stone's name was Emily, he's from Kazakhstan.

Oh, okay.

That's where Borat was from.

I don't know.

I didn't ever, you know, I never saw any of the Borats.

Yeah, I think he was from Kazakhstan.

Well, it, it, it changed his whole life, he said, that moment.

It did.

Yeah.

I was completely unaware of that.

Were you aware of that?

Was that a big viral moment I missed?

Yeah.

I think I was the one who brought it up on this episode.

Oh, okay.

And what happened?

So at a press conference or something a couple years ago, he said, Emily, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

And someone said, Emma.

And like correcting him.

And she said, no, my name is Emily.

And,

you know, so then I guess that moment for him where he knew her name changed his whole life.

Oh, okay.

So he was right.

Yeah, he was right.

And then at Can,

that's their country motto, Kazakhstan.

We always get it right.

Yeah, and they do.

And then, yeah, at the this year's Cannes Film Festival, he was there again and he was also interviewing her, I think for.

I don't know what, but he told her like, you know, I was that guy and my career is skyrocketed and my personal life is better.

Okay, this was wild.

This was wild.

So when we were talking about

Emily

Stone, you said that you were not very good at like,

if you are obsessed with someone, you wouldn't be as good as me at like knowing all the details about them.

Right, yes.

And then you said, like, if

I knew Matt Damon's name was Kent, middle name was Kent or real name was Kent or something like that.

You said something like that.

And I was like, I think that's his dad's name.

And it is.

No.

Yes.

Kent Damon.

Yes.

Yeah.

And he was very close with his dad.

Okay.

Very good son, I'm sure.

Yeah.

And when he did SNL some years ago, a lot of the monologue was about his dad because they would watch it together.

And it was sweet.

Anyway, isn't that weird?

You just pulled that name out of your ass and it was his dad's name.

Out of my arse.

Someone wrote in the comments about Alexander Scars Skursgurd.

And I'm inclined to think they were either in England or Ireland because they tend to use the word arse.

Oh.

And it was a normal lady and it said, I would suck a fart out of his arse.

Oh my God.

Yeah, it's still live in my comments, if you don't believe me.

And I thought, wow, go get it, girl.

What a, that's a huge swing wow

but it really does it does tell you the level of which she is obsessed with him yeah oh yeah there's no yeah there's no questions left on the table after you hear that you're not ambivalent about someone that you would suck the fart out of their arse

i wonder wow yeah would you yeah you would matt I don't want to answer this.

Okay, yeah, that's a little too much.

The reason it's, I mean,

I shone a light on it because it's extreme.

It's extreme.

Maybe privately at a dinner party, you might admit to that, but maybe in public, you'll keep a lid on it.

I'm just imagining doing it.

Like, sure.

Really?

Yeah, I don't.

I would, I should follow up with her and ask, is there a straw involved?

No.

Or it's direct.

It's direct.

It's a kiss.

It's a kiss to the anus.

You know what's funny?

It's like, I don't think just putting your mouth on someone's butthole

is gross, really.

I mean, if it's clean, if it's clean, sure, sure.

And if they brushed.

Oh, you, I thought you meant the mouth.

Yeah, the mouth.

As long as the mouth is clean, as long as I am brushed, I feel fine about it.

Yeah.

No.

Well, what if someone said, like, how do you feel about ass eating?

And you said, well, if you brush your teeth, you thought they were asking you, and then you insisted that they brush their teeth.

Yeah, but anyway, I don't think that is gross, really,

but

but there's something about the idea of like gas.

Yeah, in your mouth.

It's not even like there's something like you're, I don't know, it sounds great, but no, it's it's really on the surface, it's not terribly appealing.

Wow, good for that lady and whoever

she's with.

Yes, good for her lover.

Yeah, that's lucky.

Yeah.

I should develop a relationship with her and find out more details.

Like, does she have a lover?

Right.

Has she ever actually done that?

We need to know.

Right.

Or is it just a, it could, honestly, it could be a total figure of speech, like break a leg on a play.

And if someone England's like, I don't know, this person was America.

They wanted the actor to break their leg while they were doing the performance.

That seems sadistic.

Yeah.

And they could really be trying to figure out what's behind that, but there's nothing behind it.

It's just a saying.

It's just a regular old saying.

So that's a really common saying in the UK in the comments.

Just respond with, yes, we say that a lot.

Okay.

Is Budapest one of the original crossroads from the east to west?

Yes.

Budapest is often considered a crossroads from east to west due to its geographic location, historical influences, and the blending of cultural elements.

It sits at the intersection of various geographical regions and civilizations, particularly between Western and Eastern Europe.

It's been a meeting point for different cultural and political spheres.

Right.

That's it.

Now, he said Trump and LeBron are the most AI'd people.

I didn't really find that.

There's like a bunch of people that often have like a fair amount of deep fakes.

I couldn't get like topsies.

Like Taylor Swift is on all the lists.

She's popular for that.

Scarlett Johansson.

I think think because people do sexual things with it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I didn't want to say it, but that is probably what it was.

Okay,

now.

How many dogs are put down a day in the U.S.?

Approximately 568 dogs are euthanized in U.S.

shelters every day.

This equates to roughly one dog every two and a half minutes.

Right.

So the criticism of the Sochi Olympics might have been a little hypocritical.

Yeah,

I think so.

Okay, he said

he thought that,

and not to quote him, so I'm not, but in the Muslim religion, the soul encasement, he said he think, he thought was around 100 days.

So in Islam, the general belief is that soul encasement occurs around 120 days, four months after conception.

This is the time when the fetus is believed to receive its soul, marking a significant stage in its development.

I looked up whether abortion was legal in Saudi Arabia.

It is in limited circumstances.

Specifically, abortions are permitted when there's a risk to the pregnant woman's life or to protect her physical and mental health.

Mental health is interesting.

Pregnancies resulting from abroad.

Yeah, that's a, yeah.

Yeah.

Pregnancies resulting from incest or rape also qualify for legal abortion under the mental health exemption.

Well, here's where you get into some tricky.

You can have a very liberal abortion policy if it's illegal to have sex out of wedlock.

Right.

Like if there's Sharia law and you can't have sex out of wedlock, that that's already a crime to have become pregnant in a sense.

Yeah.

Then it kind of renders abortion moot.

Not saying that's this scenario, but there are lots of countries that

are under Sharia law.

Yeah, that is true.

Should I look it up?

What countries are under Sharia?

Is it a crime to have sex out of wedlock?

but i i'm not sure if sharia law includes that but i i should find out too okay saudi arabia iran afghanistan have sharia as the supreme law of the land while others like egypt nigeria and malaysia incorporate sharia into specific areas like family law or personal status law the extent and interpretation of sharia also differ significantly across these countries yeah so i'm looking at the list uh where it's illegal to have sex out of wedlock saudi arabia iran Pakistan, Afghanistan, Qatar or Qatar, UAE, Sudan, Indonesia, Malaysia.

So yeah, I mean, it's kind of a,

it's not a fair abortion claim there,

in my opinion.

Yeah.

That's true, but the abortion laws, the like six-week abortion ban and stuff here has nothing to do with marriage.

Like you can be married and it doesn't matter.

My point is, if it's illegal to become pregnant

out marriage yeah you're saying that decreases the chances that people would even be wanting to get one yeah you say you're pregnant and you're gonna go to jail for you know or or be uh

criminally charged for having sex what is the difference between that and then the abortion doesn't fall the ones you just listed it doesn't meet that criteria so

in practice they might as well have a no abortion law because you're not even legally allowed to have sex out of marriage.

And if you're married, the only way you can have abortion is if somehow your wife got raped or somehow there was incest.

Or mental health.

You know what I'm saying?

I guess that's what I'm, yeah.

So I, it's like saying there's no speed limit in Saudi Arabia, but it's illegal to drive a car.

And if someone's like, well, no, other countries don't care about speeding, there's no speed limit in Saudi Arabia.

And you're like, yeah, and it's also illegal to drive in Saudi Arabia.

You can't even get to the part where you have an abortion.

That's what I'm saying.

Right.

But I guess because you're, we're talking about out of wedlock versus in wedlock.

So here, though, with the abortion laws that are six weeks, it's

even if you're married, you can't get one after that.

So, and the point is there,

you potentially you could if you're married.

Like, it's like all things considered that you're married.

And you meet all the criteria that you just listed.

Right.

I mean, there, it seems like theirs is more of a four-month thing as opposed to this

six-week thing.

Okay.

Well,

that might be it for Rami Fax.

Well, I love him.

I can't wait till he comes back.

Me too.

Me too.

All right.

Love you.

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