Matt Friend (impressionist)

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Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Expert.

I'm Milton Burrell here with Barbara Walters.

Hello.

I'm just kidding.

I'm Dak Shepard, courageously in shame.

Yeah, you're looking good today.

I've been reading and researching this kid, Matt Friend, who he's a funny guy on Instagram.

Been seeing him all over red carpets, stand-up touring.

Cool.

As I'm on my fitness, wellness journey, getting jacked and taking creatine.

That's why are you bringing up your creatine?

Well, because I can, well, because I can feel the creatine in my system.

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Hey, how are you?

This is crazy.

Yes, and he just worked with Seth Green.

Yes.

Seth Green keeps finding himself in these situations where he's with people that are way too tall.

I mean, including his wife.

Yes, Clarence.

He's the original short king.

I mean, he's a

stud.

Total.

That's so true.

This is so crazy.

This is?

This is crazy.

Tell me why.

Well, are we starting?

We're always starting.

Well, the reason this is crazy.

Am I being blocked on camera?

They have to see my face, right?

Can you see me?

Can't you see?

We have a camera over there.

The reason this is crazy, because you got to manifest things in life.

I have a tweet.

I think we can pull it up.

No.

I tweeted at you how many retweets to be on an episode of Armchair Expert Pod, and you responded, a modest 900K.

So that's real.

I am a legit fan.

Okay, hold on.

And you can fact-check that because that is a real tweet.

Also, Matt, that's March of 2018.

So we had been at it for a month.

Is there like crazy through the door?

I mean, come on.

Day one, listener?

I mean, this is back when I was on Twitter.

This is a blast from the past.

And before we get into it, welcome, welcome.

yeah do you do a me well you do this thing with words that end in ing

you go been reading and researching and writing i need to close my eyes well it's not great yet just close your eyes reading

that was you okay

you go we are presented by tropical smoothie get your tropical smoothie

you know who else does it one of your frequent guests bill gates does that he'll be like well great to be reading and researching with Cass and Monica.

That was really good.

He sounds like Kermit the Frog.

He does.

So he's got a Kermit theme going.

I do him his Kermit too, and then I feel like

justifying?

No, it is.

Yeah.

I've got a few go-to sayings of his.

This is great.

I can't believe I'm here right now.

This is unbelievable.

I feel like I'm hallucinating.

I can't believe it's.

This is a make-a-wish.

No, no, no, no, no.

Let's go.

It's all handsome and healthy to be a make-a-wish.

Now, since you've been here since the beginning, are you sad we're not upstairs?

A little bit.

Yeah.

This is cool.

This is the newer wondery deal experience.

Clearly, we're making a lot of money here.

And this is so cool.

And before we get started, too, I'm Walter Cronkite here with Barbara Walter.

I'm sorry.

I don't know.

Did you and all their stuff?

You can do the whole show by yourself.

Yeah, I would love it.

Probably like a lot of people, I'm just suggested reels.

I'm wasting some time on Instagram and I start seeing you over and over again.

And I reached out to the team and I was like, we got to find this guy and get him in.

But we're very late to the party.

You've been on everything.

Yeah.

I'm getting this.

Was Kimmel the first person?

Basically, I was doing stand-up in college at NYU and then graduated in COVID in 2020.

Finished my last semester of NYU at home.

Graduated on Zoom, which was a lot of fun.

What is a Zoom graduation?

It was highly depressing.

Is everyone in a grid?

It was in a grid.

We had classes online.

Did you have to wear a cap and gown?

I think I did, and I walked up and down my street that I grew up on in Chicago and like to do like a fake graduation walk.

It was so depressing.

But then we got to make it up at NYU Yankee Stadium two years later.

Oh, cool.

Oh, wow.

Yeah.

Who was your commencement speech?

So we had this poet who died, and then the year before got Taylor Swift.

So we got a little double screw.

Okay, wait.

Monica canceled my favorite reading.

Bill Cosby canceled.

That's too bad.

He's notoriously very funny.

And good at commencement speech.

Yeah, but I've read read that commencement speech, I think, only one time.

You act like I've, yeah, I've read it on the fact check, and I'd like to read it.

She cues it up a lot.

Let's can we agree on the fact that you cue it up a lot.

I would like to read it more, and it gets shut down.

We decided she'd like to do it quarterly.

That would feel cool.

You had a poet who passed?

Yeah, she died, I think, like a year.

You can fact check this.

This is a good fact check.

Thank you.

I don't really remember exactly the graduation speech, but anyways, graduated in COVID, and during that time, I was posting on TikTok and on Instagram and building a platform, just uploading videos, me and my phone, doing impressions of Sebastian Manaskelko and Barack Obama and Buddha Cole and actors, Jeff Goldblum.

And I would do celebrities putting on face masks.

And that was like a

series I did.

So I would do like Rami Malik, like, oh my God, this mask.

It's so delectable.

Like, just getting really weird with it.

Like a moisturizing face mask.

Yes.

That's a good print.

Yeah, that's great.

Who is your favorite of that series?

Probably Goldbloom because he's so animated, and I feel like I'm kind of having a mild orgasm whenever I do him.

Yeah, yeah.

Very good to be here.

Armchair expert, Monica Padman.

Dex Shepard, of course.

Christian Bell.

Very wonderful woman.

Plays a Shiksa.

A little show, of course.

Judy.

Hot rabbi.

Yes, yes.

I don't know.

What is his little show?

He's like moving his fingers.

How long could you stretch out a face mask?

I could do that for an hour.

There were 30 second videos but okay they started to blow up and then different shows started to have me on over covet like kimmel showed my stuff in the today show then i moved back to new york started to do more stand-up i did my first hour attempt and then last year just a lot of things started to happen performed at the white house correspondence dinner yes voices on simpsons and family guy it's a great new movie with seth green oh wild stuff yeah when'd you do the correspondence that was last year colin just headlined and then they had me get up in the middle of the room and do like three minutes.

Who'd you do?

What did you do?

Trump, McConnell, Obama, and Bernie Sanders.

Boy, were you scared?

Well, it was weird because they'd never had another comedian in addition to the headliner before.

Yeah, yeah.

So there's Correspondence Center that has a headlining comedian roast the president in the room.

Then they had me before Colin Joe.

So I think I've really talked about this.

Great to be doing it on Armchair Expert.

See it on Truth Social after the show.

I was at the Correspondence Center, and the premise was I get up not on the podium, standing in the middle of the room, like 4,000 people.

Right.

Light comes on me, and then I do four impressions.

And the hook was, I'm Trump reacting to a viral moment of when Obama roasted him years ago at the correspondence dinner, which many say was the starting point of the Trump campaign.

I know you had Seth Meyers on recently, and Seth was roasting Trump too.

So then I was supposed to react to that moment and be like, great to be at this failing dinner with so many losers on the left, on the right, terrible people.

And by the way, I have to say, I love this podcast.

We love the Indians.

We love the whites.

They're great people.

JD Vance would love you too, probably.

And then I went to Obama McConnell.

We love the whites.

And Bernie.

But it was a strange thing because

my level of fame is at a certain point where I'm very aware of it.

I'm not Jimmy Fallon.

A lot of people are like, who is this person?

Yeah, yeah.

Right.

So it's one thing when you're Seth Meyers and you go into a room room like that and people are more ready for it.

But a lot of people were thinking, what is happening right now?

It was so crazy because everyone from the most conservative Republican to the most liberal person, they're all there.

They're all afraid to laugh.

And then I got lucky because it cut to Scarlett Johansson when I was doing a Mitch McConnell impression.

Oh, great.

And she was letting everyone.

And I was like, it's great to be at the dinner.

I actually brought these.

Wherever I go, I travel with these.

And I just shout, it's great to be here.

You do look like it.

Then it cut to her and she was laughing and Lauren Michaels went like this.

Oh,

that must be.

When she was laughing, you gave permission to everyone else to let her ring.

I think so.

I mean, the clip, it looked great, and it was a surreal experience.

Biden was 40 feet away from me.

It's so cool.

I think what's interesting about that dinner, and you've been in experience it, is it's like the homecoming dance.

The reporters are the stars that night, and they're bringing famous people, and then also these famous politicians.

It's like this weird cross-pollination of every type of thing.

it's bizarre and then in any room you're trying to figure out like just as a monkey you do this who has the status here is jake tapper a butt you know right it is weird because unlike the oscars or an award show it's the people running the world it's not necessarily just an actor it's the secretary of state is sitting there that's what's so fascinating about it is one has objectively more sway over the world and true power, yet this shiny, flashy thing can trump that.

I think that's what's so interesting is you've got someone who's like pretty good on a sitcom, is somehow outshining the Secretary of State, which is just funny.

It is.

It's an important tradition.

I think they didn't have a comedian this year, which I thought was a mistake.

Yeah.

So I feel like if we lose our ability to start poking fun at those in power.

Why didn't they have a comedian?

What did they have?

I think their argument was that it's such a serious time that we have to really focus on journalism and what really matters.

But isn't any time super serious?

Yeah, in fact, it's a silly time.

Maybe we get in this

poet or something.

Yeah.

The poet.

You always got to to have

a lot of fun.

I want to have that's my dream to do that.

Okay.

Really quick, just because

it's unbelievable.

You are in outrageous shape.

I see it online.

And you look fantastic, too.

Thank you.

I feel this is unfair.

You do.

You look amazing.

I should have won.

You look amazing.

He's the arms.

Would you say with impersonations,

could you bracket it into, okay, the base of this is like, it's this kind of a thing.

Because when I hear you do me, what I'm hearing is this is in the nasal category.

Yeah.

You have a nasal.

Well, it's a deeper.

Welcome, welcome.

Welcome to Armchair Expert.

Monty was talking to me about it.

And when Brad was on the show, I was thinking, wow, I couldn't believe that story.

I got to close my eyes again.

You know, she can't look at me when I do anything.

And of course, if you do that,

she can't look at you.

You are presented by Trojan.

We are.

Yeah, I need to hear them back to back.

Okay.

You say a sentence, and then that will be.

Okay.

ready.

Okay, ready?

Okay.

We are supported.

You are supported.

Zip recruiter.

Zip recruiter.

Get recruited in.

Get recruiting.

That was good.

Of course, the difference is one of us gets 60 million to do that.

The other one is just here for free, which is great.

I would say that's your problem.

That's an example of my Trump Tourette's, by the way.

Lean into your Trump Tourette's as much as you want.

Because you can say anything you want in his voice.

So I do it to say things that I could not say as myself.

Exactly.

It's a great smokescreen.

Rogan had Trump on and got apparently 100 million views.

So we could use those.

So like bring in Trump.

Isn't Christian a beauty?

She's a beauty, right?

We love Christian.

We love a skinny blonde.

That's great.

Back to the mechanics of it.

Are you hearing something and you realize like, oh, that's in this pocket or that's in this pocket?

I don't even really think about it.

It just happens.

My sister, Nina, called me a glorified parrot.

I've been doing it since I was four years old.

Like I watched Austin Powers.

Speaking of Seth Green, that's the movie that got me, like, obsessed with comedy.

And then I just started to mimic people, and I love actors and just to replicate movie scenes.

Sometimes I'll just hear a voice, I'll just start to work on it, and then it'll kind of come out.

You just said Tourette's, and I literally wrote that down.

Yeah.

I'm wondering, do you have mimic Tourette's?

My wife has it because my wife is a mimic.

And when we're watching TV, we're watching like the crown.

Oh, yes, I do.

Yes.

So we're watching it, and I I just hear her.

She's trying not to let me hear, and she'll go,

she has to do it.

I'm glad you brought that up because with the crown, their voices are so weird.

Charles in the show, none of their words have any spaces.

They're all one word.

I was doing a bit in COVID of King Charles singing Wet Ass Pussy by Cardi B.

Yeah, let's hear him.

But from the top, you could make a drop.

That's a nice, moist, and tight wittis pussy.

It sounds so classy.

Witt is served on the side.

Witt is the wittest pussy indeed is of course?

I think they say the word yes, E-A-R-S, like ears.

Is.

Oh,

it's strange.

I met Dominic West at the Golden Globes and he did Charles

like a Charles off.

And he was, uh, the words go together.

Strange.

It is weird.

But when you're in bed with a man or a woman, a woman.

Well, whatever you want, yeah.

A woman.

Any safe port in a storm.

Are you.

Well, in my stand-up hour,

I talk a lot about that.

Tell me a little bit.

In the hour, there is that question of do I do voices when I'm having a sexual experience?

Oh,

and

well, I guess you got to come to the show to find out.

Or match with me on Raya.

But the thesis of my hour that I'm working on now and my stand-up is, is my voice enough?

Am I enough?

Without the impression, will people like me for me?

And we explore that in the hour.

Yeah, you interviewed Hank Azaria on your show.

Yes, he was my dad's college roommate.

Which is wild.

At Tufts?

Yeah.

Toughs.

And your dad is also Matthew Perry's dad.

No, no.

What?

That would be very confusing.

Say that on Wikipedia.

That would be what?

Sadly, I'm not a Nepo baby.

Damn it.

Hold on, hold on.

I literally read this.

You read, I think you're on a janky wiki because I read his wiki and I did not see that.

I read as much on my Wikipedia yet.

Okay, it wasn't on Wikipedia.

It was just when I Googled you.

Yeah.

One of the questions that came up is, who is your father?

And it said.

Oh, I know how this happened.

How did this happen?

Because Hank Kazaria is one of his best friends, was Matthew Perry.

Yes.

And his other best friend is his dad.

They were close, yeah.

So the AI was like, oh, I can put these together.

Interesting.

Right?

Because that's why we shouldn't be trusting AI.

Exactly.

This is exhibited.

That's how it happened.

But, you know, they were friends in college.

And then Hank, that was a huge inspiration growing up.

I didn't know what acting was and comedy.

I grew up in Chicago.

I didn't have a show business family.

What did your dad do?

Is it finance?

Can't you tell by looking at me?

Kind of.

You know, finance family.

Yeah, thank you.

You also have the vibe of the super cute actor you love.

Oh, Zach.

Yeah.

You do.

Zach who?

Zach.

Oh, God.

Okay.

Because you're not going to bait me.

I did Hollands yesterday, and my brain doesn't work today.

I couldn't get in the gate earlier.

You couldn't.

Yeah, this is bad.

Do you give a fiery shit?

I don't want to talk about it.

Okay, I did.

We did Hollywoods versus.

This is amazing.

Zach Woods.

Jesus.

Oh, yeah.

I'm like Zach Woods.

You're like Zach Woods.

You have a vibe.

Yeah, he's kind of like, kind of talks like that, right?

He's a little more.

He was in Silicon Valley.

He was in Silicon Valley, yeah.

He has a great Instagram account.

Yeah, he does.

Really funny.

It's so funny.

But it's a vibe.

It's an archetype now.

Okay.

And girls love it, so congrats.

Thank you.

Well, I'm trying to get jacked.

I mean, I have a trainer now.

This guy Don Saladino, who does Ryan Reynolds.

I don't believe that.

You have a trainer named John Saladin.

He's Don Saladino.

He's a fitness trainer.

That sounds like a builder of speed building.

He does like Sebastian Stan.

I think you would like him, actually, but you don't need a trainer.

Why do you want to look like this?

Because he looks great.

And define great.

Well, I mean, he looks in shape.

It's also feeling a a certain way.

I love how I feel.

So you want to feel constantly.

So my guy Don's got me on this program and I'm going to get ripped.

Tell me about the program.

I mean, I'm lifting.

He's got this Deadpool program, as he calls it.

Oh, okay.

Trying to get little Dak Shepard shredded.

Wow.

A lot of protein, creatine, whey.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Great, great, great.

I'll keep you posted.

Here's my hunch.

I bet you and I have the same motivation, which is I bet you are super tall and skinny.

As was I.

I think I am.

Well, no, you look completely proportional, but I bet when you were 15, you looked insane.

Did you look insane?

Scrawny.

Yeah, I did.

So I think if you grew up tall and skinny.

That's what I'm getting at.

Good job.

Yeah, because not everyone seeks to

look like Schwarzenegger.

Right.

So there's a reason.

True.

And that is probably the reason.

But back to voices.

Hold on.

This is good.

Yeah, no, yeah.

You know what the show is about.

And it's about this.

And you're doing great.

6'3.5, roughly.

If you're 6'3 6'3 and a half, then I'm 6'1 and a half.

Yeah, because you are much taller.

Yeah, yeah.

Unless the muscles are shrinking.

Compacting my spine.

They might be.

This is a cautionary tale.

Compacting my spine.

So would you put my voice in the Owen Wilson umbrella?

Wow.

You've got a little bit of that almost jank tampery right here, Sienna and Jank Tamper.

Like you do have kind of a nasal, but a deep nasal.

Deep nasal.

Like Howard Stern is all the way down here.

Yeah, I want to talk to Howard.

I want to do a fun thing, which is you could fulfill a lot of wishes.

We didn't talk about the sex in bed, though.

Okay, let's talk about the sex in the bed.

Do I do voices in bed?

Yes.

I explore that.

Yeah.

I do have a bit in my hour that a girl didn't want to have sex with me.

She wanted to be with Trump.

Oh,

you could fulfill kinks.

And she's like, I want you to talk dirty to me.

And I'm like, excuse me.

She goes, I want you to call me nasty.

Like, what?

And then she goes, I want you to call me a dog.

I'm like, what?

And then she goes, I want you to grab me by the pussy.

And I'm like, oh, my God, she doesn't want to be with me.

She wants to be with Donald Trump.

And then I started freaking out and crying and hyperventilating.

And I go into my bathroom.

I splash cold water on my face.

I'm like, this must violate HIPAA.

I'm not Daniel Day-Lewis.

I'm not a method actor.

Go back into my bedroom.

And I look at her.

I said, you know what?

You really hurt my feelings.

And let me just tell you.

I am going to build a wall around this pussy so big.

Gonna eat that ass like a burrito bowl at Trump Tower and bang your gina like China.

Thank you very much.

That's a little comedy twist.

Bang your gina like that's not really necessarily true so we have the same thing minus freedo so when i want to say the most toxic things in my head i let freedo from idiocracy just do the talking like i can talk to you oh look at this guy so tall bags got a lot of sausage but it's fun like that's amazing But it's fun like instead of to explore all these other like hypothetical and funny because my voice people think I'm telling a joke all the time.

Yeah.

Like no one knows that I'm not telling a joke.

I was on a date with a girl and she's like, like, are you trying to be funny?

I'm like, I just ordered a gazpacho.

I was like, look at gazpacho right after a commercial.

I always sound like I'm delivering major breaking news.

I mean, gazpacho is a funny food.

It is.

It's hard to say.

But yeah, your voice on its own is so distinct that it is interesting.

Does your dad have this voice?

No.

I don't really know where this came from.

Yeah.

Okay.

Back to Tourette's.

Do you have to silence yourself when you're watching a movie with a friend?

No.

It's not like a tip.

I can control it.

I mean, the other dicey thing I want to ask you is, do you think it's such a unique gift?

We just don't see it on this level very often.

Do you think it's associated with any neurodivergence or anything?

I have absolutely no idea.

That's an Eric Topal question.

And I don't mean to offend.

I'm just, it's like so unique.

I can't help but wonder.

Is it tied to anything?

It's interesting.

I just met Seth McFarlane at the premiere of...

His new movie.

Yes.

And we love it.

I said, like, you're my idol.

I love you.

He goes, with that voice, how is Peter Jennings not your idol?

And like, we're going back and forth, and it was kind of crazy because he is a similar thing.

Yes.

I watched you guys.

It was really eerie and uncanny.

But I don't know if there's a neurodivergence component to it.

It's definitely a talent, though.

Like, it's not something that everyone, if practiced, could do.

It's like singing.

Can you sing?

I can sing.

I wonder if there's a connection there.

You sang with

Bublay.

Yeah.

And it sounded beautiful.

What song?

We did.

I'm not surprised.

Not everything last.

What was the song I did with him?

Like, heart of the tree of life, I just picked me a plum.

Dupida, but

you came along and everything started to hum.

Baby, birds flying high.

You know how I feel.

Sun in the sky.

You know how armchair expert feels.

Breeze drifting on Monica.

You know how Dax feels so.

I was doing him next to him.

One thing I really want to do this coming year is a musical album and get celebs to make a cameo.

I want you on there.

Yeah.

Well, I won't be asked to sing, will I?

We'll figure it out.

You've been polite so far.

You've only done Dax, but I want to hear me.

If I could adjust my vocal cords to do

it would be incredible.

I'm going to study you.

Is it too high?

It'd be tough.

Is it high?

I do Jennifer Coolidge.

That's like the only woman that I can really.

I did this at the Golden Globes on the the red carpet.

I did Jennifer Coolidge after sipping on a cold drink.

Okay.

I just go, oh,

oh, God.

Oh, it tastes so good.

That like broke the internet because people didn't know that she had a regular speaking voice and she was responding to me like, oh, it's good to see you.

And like, she sounded kind of normal.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

A monica will be tough.

I got to work on it.

Interesting.

Phelan did your little

laugh.

He said, I have a few laughs and he did a few of them.

But he was more mastering.

Again, if you break down all the elements to an impersonation, what Fallon could do perfectly was the cadence and rhythm of the thing.

The syncopation of it, not necessarily the phone.

I interned for him.

While in Mai.

Did you interact with him at all?

I wasn't allowed to.

He was amazing, but like there was such stress as an intern, like to not look at

it.

Like if Dak Shepard is coming on the show, don't look at him.

You could look at him, but like just keep a distance.

Yeah.

Don't stare, man.

Yeah, and I I kind of get it, though.

It's like you're about to go on national TV.

It's a big deal.

You can't have some kid fanning out.

What was your fantasy of that experience versus what it was when you did it?

My fantasy of the experience was that someone would find out that I could do it.

Of course.

You got to get this guy on the show, bud.

This is crazy.

That's exactly what I said.

I said I was getting salad.

Okay.

Yeah.

And then you never really got to interface.

No, but I did just see him at the premiere of Happy Gilmore, and he was like, you got to come on the show, bud.

Come on, bud.

Oh, yeah.

But I'm here.

This is the dream.

This is armchair expert.

God, yeah.

Let's stop talking about other shows.

This is the show.

Seriously, I hope I'm delivering.

I want to deliver on here.

You ever think about that?

Like, you're in a moment like this.

Whenever I do anything like this, I will be in the car after this thinking, oh, my God, I should have said this.

I could have done this.

And you know what?

It's the worst.

It is the worst.

And you can't avoid that.

That is the beginning.

I always have it.

It's just the beginning.

No, it'll pass.

And it seems unimaginable.

It will pass.

But it's almost good to have that mindset because then you might not deliver in the moment.

I'm going to give you the Bill Murray quote I watched on Letterman, which I thought, God, I wish I had heard that younger.

And even maybe I would have heard it and I wouldn't have been able to accept it.

But Letterman said to him, how have you been so consistently great for 30 years?

Like you started a comedic genre that everyone's still doing.

And he said, if I can just relax, I know it'll come.

Bill said that.

Interesting.

And I was like, oh, could I work from that level of confidence?

I don't have to force anything to happen.

If I can chill and relax and breathe, I can do the thing.

I can counter punch.

That's the thing.

I can be relaxed.

Like, I feel relaxed right now.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But I will still be thinking, what else could I do?

After.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's why I started therapy recently, Dax.

Did you, Monica?

Good job.

You did.

Better health.

What?

Welcome, welcome.

Yeah, welcome.

We are.

Welcome, welcome, welcome to BetterHell.

Wait, but I think you will over time not feel that every time you leave a place, but there will always be a place where you'll leave and have that.

Like the stakes will just get higher and higher.

Well, you're already doing a white house.

It's kind of a crappy thing.

I wanted to come on this podcast for so long and they'll be like, oh, what did I miss?

Over time, it's like you're just returning to places.

It doesn't have the stakes of it.

And then you've also...

earned a bit of a reputation.

It's like, yeah, I could go on Kimmel next week and not be that good.

I've been good on it many times.

Even more importantly is self-realization, actualization is like, and I'm still lovable if I'm fine.

I'm presenting at something on Saturday and I read the script.

He's like, please punch it up if you want.

And I did have the thought.

I was like, or not, maybe just go and I say what was written.

And then I go home and I have a great night.

This is post-Wondry deal.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But

you're a thousand percent right.

I've been given some blessings, but I do think you can get to that mental space without that.

And I think you're more attractive when you're in that.

I think that's true.

There is a neuroticism that comes with comedy.

You have to be a little bit on edge in a certain capacity to get whether it's a funny, viral moment at an award show or to do an hour of stand-up comedy in the middle of the to make different audiences laugh.

Yeah, yeah, you have to maintain a little bit of it, but I do think you can be relaxed.

But even selling, I made notes on this before the show.

Like, these are some things that I want to hit.

Of course, like, let's not forget you had Obama on here.

We got to talk about that.

Oh, wow.

That's an interesting take.

Oh, I go more Kermit with my Obama.

Well, most of yours are Kermit, if we're going to be honest.

Can I do my Obama for you?

Go ahead.

Max, Sasha, Malia,

Michelle.

Well, the good place.

It's not that good.

With Obama, there are really three modes to his voice.

Yeah, tell me.

There's Obama when he would make a speech.

He'd be very stern.

He would look to a crowd and he would say, tonight,

more than 200 years,

after a former colony won the right to determine its own destiny, The task of perfecting our union moves forward.

It moves forward because of you.

It moves forward because you reaffirmed the spirit that has triumphed over our nation through war and depression.

The belief that each.

Okay.

And then there's Obama when he would be with kids and his voice would get higher pitched at the White House Halloween.

What are you dressed up as?

You are a fairy.

That is so cute.

Come on now.

That is really good.

And And then there's the Broy Obama.

Yeah,

with an NBA team.

Yeah, you would be like, LeBron James is here.

LeBron, he is the second best player to wear the number 23.

Come on now.

So that's great.

Thank you.

You know what?

Can I tell you something?

Yeah,

the look on Monica's face.

She reserves it for when she's seeing great magic.

Yeah, that's how it feels.

You guys had him on.

I got to meet him last year before the DNC in Chicago.

That turned out well.

I was invited.

I I meant a lot.

Say it again.

Yeah, seriously.

I was invited to meet Obama in Chicago.

So I almost missed it because my flight was delayed.

I was freaking out.

His team invited me and a couple other creators to do a video with him in an effort to get out the vote.

Yes.

So I go to this hotel in Chicago.

You would never know he was there.

There was some security.

But then I go up to the 15th floor.

Suddenly, I'm brought to this waiting room.

There's Secret Service casually all over the place.

And then I'm brought to this waiting room.

40 minutes pass.

Brought to this other room.

I guess Michelle walked by and I missed her.

Then I go into this hotel room and it's very well lit.

The light is pouring in, and Obama is just standing there.

Wow.

And there is probably his assistant and one guard.

And that's the only people in the room.

It felt like I was hallucinating.

Like he's standing there, hearing his voice.

It felt like it was coming through a TV screen.

And then he looks at me and he goes, man, what are we going to do today?

Michelle, we've seen some of your videos.

It's good.

It's funny.

He always brings Michelle into it.

Yes.

Anything he told me, which is smart, by the way.

Kettle.

Smart, as he should.

Yeah.

Every other sentence involves Kristen, which is very, very sweet, but we cannot

throw stones.

Exactly.

I'm more suspicious of his because his is like, you know, Michelle.

Malio.

Sasha.

Cheryl.

Sasha.

Malia.

Maloyo.

Maloya.

We love the good plays.

And I'm like, does he, or did he hear his daughters and his wife love?

Is she his source of all pop culture?

I don't know.

Or is it just the adult?

But it was crazy.

Like, I did him next to him, and then I just did like his three greatest hits.

Like, when he made a jump shot, he goes, that's what I do.

Thank you.

When I interviewed him, I challenged him on that.

Did you?

I said, that was a dick move.

You're there to try to support Biden.

Biden can't fucking make a jump shot.

You drop it from the three.

You can't shoot it.

No, that was a great video.

It was a great video.

Yeah.

It was.

Yeah, it was a great video.

Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert.

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Okay, what's funny though, when you just did him, I was like, you look like him.

Thank you.

Well, this time I didn't bring the makeup.

So

that could get me in trouble.

So I'm learning, as I work on my Obama, you talk out the side of your mouth.

You sound like the side of my neck.

I don't know why that is.

But your face contorts.

Becomes him.

When I was with him, I had my McConnell glasses, and I pitched him at one last idea.

I was like, Barack, it's good to be with you again.

It really is.

And then he backs away and goes, you got to put those away.

That is giving me PTSD.

Oh, my God.

It was insane.

And I debated him as Trump.

Okay, now here's an interesting question.

I did write it down.

Go ahead.

Is it dicey to do black famous people?

If you're doing some racist parody, that's a different situation.

If I'm trying to do one person instead of like a whole race of people, that's a separate conversation.

But if I can do a vocally accurate Denzel impression, I can't really do a Denzel, but then that's a separate conversation.

Whereas if you're parodying like a stereotypical Indian or black voice, I think that's a different conversation.

That's where you get into hot water.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's right.

That's correct.

Can you do

Morgan Freeman?

Morgan Freeman.

Not really.

I can try.

John Doe has the upper hand.

It's not great.

Okay, so the wish fulfillment you can give us is that we have a list of guests that we still can't get.

They elude us.

And I was curious if we could talk to some of those people.

Let's see who you got.

Well, Stern, of course.

I would love to have Stern on.

Well, here's why.

Let me tell you something about this.

Right.

So they told me.

People thought my show was getting canceled and that I was going to go away.

I thought that.

I read that.

And I canceled.

I'm interviewing you now.

Oh, even better.

So, Monica, you're a beautiful woman.

You got great skin.

Thanks.

I've always had a thing for Indian babes.

Really?

I really do.

Let me ask you this.

Right.

Flattering.

Is there any sexual chemistry?

I mean, obviously, you have Kristen.

She's a great wife.

Yeah, yeah.

Was there ever a moment where you guys looked at each other, you said, we got a thing going on here?

Oh, never crossed your mind once.

Never crossed your mind once, right?

No, no, no.

Not even a kiss.

No, not yet.

But we have a couple more years.

By the way, not me.

That was a Howard question.

Just saying.

It was a Howard question.

You got to tap it in the mind of the person.

You have it.

100%.

When you do the fact check, does it ever drive you crazy?

Right.

When some of these guests, they say so much shit, you're like, Brad, I don't give a shit.

You don't know what you're talking about.

Right.

Robin, do you want to bang Dax?

You want to bang him.

Right.

Robin wants to bang you.

Sorry, go ahead.

Wow.

You've met him.

Do you have a concern, right?

Yes.

And did you chat with him as Howard?

Yeah.

It's like a recurring bit where the hook word with Howard is the word right.

So I go, great to see you, right?

Right.

Left or right, right?

Right.

Robin Wright, has of cards, right?

Frank Boyd, right, right, right.

Right versus wrong, right, right, right.

What's right, right, right.

Alt-right, right, right.

Left or right, right, right.

Right.

Howard Stern is just Alan Alda for MASH, but a little deeper.

Yeah, yeah.

Alan Alda is ship here.

He's a little bit like a square than Howard.

You pull it back.

You get Howard.

Right.

That's that.

Anyways,

it's phenomenal.

It's phenomenal.

It's world class.

Did you see Howard interviewing Trump recently?

It was just not.

He's seen many of Prasad.

Yeah, yeah.

He was on all the the time.

Yeah, Howard goes, you're in the prime of your life.

Anybody you wouldn't bang, how low are you going to go?

You have an age limit, Donald?

Well, I probably wouldn't go down to 14.

Oh, my God.

And then he just stops talking.

And I'm thinking, does that mean like 15 is strong?

That's strange.

Wow.

If you just learned what Mesopotamia is, I'm probably fine with it, okay?

I think he also had some really long descriptions of how beautiful his daughter was when he would be on Stern.

I think a lot of those clips from Trump.

Okay, keeping it moving.

Okay, so someone I've written like three love letters to begging him to do the show is my all-time acting hero, Nicholas Cage.

I wanted to come on armchair to be with you.

Monica excites me to a level I've never experienced before.

Dak Shepard.

Dak Shepard, armchair, what a platform.

Stop staring at me.

You sexy dill.

So I did Nick Cage also on the Card of the Golden Globes.

And then people are like, who is this young woman that he's with?

It was his, it was his dad Asian wife, okay?

His dad Asian wife.

He's with this 19-year-old Asian woman who is his girlfriend.

So you stay in the Asian.

I didn't say it.

Trump said it.

You guys are.

You just.

Yeah, you're tricky.

You're saying.

No, I'm not saying it.

It's Trump.

This is the thing.

It's unfair.

We all should be able to.

You should develop.

Yeah.

Nick Kroll has several on his show.

Yeah, it's great.

But it's unfair to us who can't manipulate our voices.

So stay in Nick Cage because I just had some questions.

Why do you want to ask me?

It's not great, but could be better.

You famously bought a bunch of castles, yeah?

Yeah, I love a castle.

I put the ass in castle.

Okay.

What about your snakes?

Are they still with us?

Yeah, I have my big snake right here.

Oh,

with this snake

anaconda snake armchair expert yeah

not great okay no it's nice i like it i like it not great okay now i want to be really thoughtful and careful about oh i know where this one's going do you could guess is it bill yeah he produced or does produce i did a podcast we've kind of stopped it go ahead Bill who, Marr?

Bill Maher.

Yeah, I was doing a show and doing a different thing now, but he's a nice guy.

Yeah, so I would like to ask Bill some questions.

Okay, go.

Let me just say, you know what the problem is with Armchair Expert?

Nothing.

Oh, it's great.

Thanks, Bill.

Whether you're on the left, whether you're on the right, we're all wrong.

And it's great.

Go ahead.

What's the question?

That was nice.

Thank you.

You seem to get pretty angry at the

audience when your joke

doesn't go exactly as planned.

I guess my main question is, why so angry at them?

Okay.

New rule, right?

If you're going to have a guest on your own show, maybe don't be a dick.

Okay, this is what really pisses me off.

Oh, this really pisses me off.

Let's hear it.

About the left.

The left isn't the right, and the right isn't the left.

And that's what drives me crazy, right?

Yeah, it's hard.

With Donald, I had dinner with him.

They were so mad at me.

Larry David, op-ed, dinner with Hitler.

You know what?

Not true.

And I would have dined with Hitler if there was an option.

He would have liked me.

We would have had fun.

You know why?

Because I'm a Jew who can make him laugh.

Okay?

It's all in the lip smack with Bill Mack.

He goes,

thank you.

Thank you.

Oh, my God.

Great.

I've never noticed a lip smack until you just did it.

He does do it.

Oh, great.

New rule, wrong.

So right.

Oh, my God.

Arthur.

He did produce a show with you, but he didn't like your impersonation.

He did.

He goes, like, you make me too flamboyant, right?

I think Heda wrote me up.

Okay.

Butch me up.

Right.

Some guys are like that with it.

But he was a great sport about it.

I think he liked it.

I've only heard a couple people do me.

Do me.

Yeah.

Me, me.

Okay.

You're very talented.

Thank you.

I think you could fine-tune this.

No,

there's no question I can.

Yeah, like it's not exactly right.

No, no, it's not.

It's not exactly right.

I've got to tell you.

But we have a funny thing.

Jonathan Zinski does a version of me, and he did it in front of a group of people, and they laughed uncontrollably.

And I was not offended.

I just like, I don't hear my own voice.

You know who's eluded me?

Who?

It's John Krasinski's brother-in-law.

Oh, Emily Blunt's brother.

Felicity's husband.

Oh, Stanley too.

Stanley.

He was another guy who didn't love.

Did he not love?

Well, he hasn't really commented on the impression.

Stan hasn't really commented on the impression, but I was at the Golden Globes.

I've done it three years in a row, red carpet.

I interview.

It's a crazy atmosphere.

Yes.

All the celebrities, they're coming.

I'm not a red carpet host interviewer.

I'm a comedian they place in the carpet.

Unbelievable experience.

My friend Jeremy works at Dick Clark, put me on the carpet, took a chance on me, and now here we are.

The exposure is unbelievable.

I talked to Nick Cage.

Dude, Paul Giamani, that was the one that was.

Oh, that was very fun indeed.

Oh, yes.

Very fun.

Giamatti had just won the Golden Globe.

So I get him 30 seconds after he wins the award.

And I go, Paul, I'm doing your next to Paul.

Yes.

Oh, that's very good.

Oh, fucking Giamatti.

oh I am signing the declaration of motherfucking independence in the morning so

very good very good oh yes Indeed oh God

fun

so and he was matching me perfectly and then I did Tom Wamsgams next to Kieran Colk and I go hey buddy buckle up fucklehead and then he slapped me in the face

And then I did Coolidge.

I wonder, because I've watched so many of these clips, are the people warned ahead of time?

What I'm seeing sometimes is it takes them a few beats to realize you're doing them.

Yeah, occasionally.

You don't watch Formula One by chance.

I'm starting to.

Okay, there's this most incredible clip.

Mr.

Bean, Rowan Atkinson has perfected this commentator in Formula One, Martin Brundle.

And they're on the grid, and Martin Brundle's interviewing, and Mr.

Bean is doing him.

The most flawless impersonation I've ever seen.

And the entire interview goes on, and it never occurs to me.

Yeah, that hasn't happened to me.

And then Goldblum really loves it too, right?

Yeah, he's the greatest.

I've voiced him on like a bunch of shows.

He's the coolest guy.

But Tucci, I'm like, Stanley, and he just kind of very funny.

And he just like walked by.

I'm dying to do a video with him.

I get why people can be a little uptight, but my goal, I want to make them relax and comfortable.

I have a very funny moment.

Yeah.

I do Tuchi when he's cooking.

Yeah.

So he does these hugely viral videos in his kitchen.

He asks if we're rolling and he makes some comment that feels a little sexual to his wife, Felicity.

So he'll be in the kitchen and he'll go, Are we rolling?

Are we filming?

Today, I'm going to prepare a chicken carciattore.

I'm going to finger this spaghetti sauce and lick it so hard and delicately.

I'm placing this olive oil from Bologna, a specific region in Italy.

I'm Italian on both sides.

Thank you for tuning in.

I know what it triggers in everyone, which is the last time someone did an impersonation of you was in elementary school and they were making fun of you and you're trying to.

So you have to really be confident confident to enjoy different from acting, but there's an element of it.

If you're an actor, I think you should be able to handle it.

Well, here's what I think: the hidden compliment in it is you're unique enough to replicate.

Me doing you would be obvious to everyone.

And what I think is the compliment is like, wow, you're a really unique human on Planet Earth.

Yes, absolutely.

It's kind of embarrassing to be seen like that.

Interesting.

Really seen.

You are picking up on the sexual.

But he's putting the videos out there on Instagram in a sexy apron and and his

fucking sexy interviewed him and had dinner with him.

Oh, did you?

Super

fun Dax?

Yes.

It was really fun.

He's an incredible host, as you might guess.

I would totally assume.

Absolutely.

But like you're, it's more than just repeating words.

You're picking up on their essence and their personality and things that maybe they don't even want to know about themselves.

That is interesting because I was at the premiere of his new show, Nat Geo Show, You're Welcome for the Promo.

And he said, I don't like to watch it because because unlike acting, I'm being myself in this.

It's a nightmare.

But Goldblum is so playful with it.

He just totally leans in.

He knows what he does.

But he's been impersonated for so long, too.

But Tucci's amazing.

What a good one.

Yeah, we love him.

Oh, we love him.

We love him.

Okay.

I wanted to talk to Sylvester Stallone.

He's not.

Well, yeah, I want to talk to Sylvester Stallone.

Yeah, great to be on.

You know, great to be on Armchair Expert.

You know, really, really great.

Just finished up my meeting with President Trump.

You know, I'm on the Hollywood New Commission to bring back Hollywood and make it a better connection between Hollywood and D.C., you know, really, really great.

Yeah, really, really great.

Monica and Dax, you know, really, really

you can do the voices very well, but also you're obviously hyper intelligent because you have the speech from Obama memory.

You got to get the work because there were people that did impressions in like the 50s, 60s, even now.

But for me, like, I'm a comedian.

In the comedy context, the words matter, the writing matters.

You have to have a really solid bit.

I mean, it's one thing to go up there and say, hello, I'm Stewie Griffin.

Great to be with all of you.

I started out on stage doing that.

My first show was at Second City in a classroom in Chicago, and I did impressions and voices, but.

That was cute for like a couple minutes.

But now like I'm a headlining, touring comedian, and it's not just impressions in the hours.

I have to have real substance behind the words I'm saying.

And in the context of an impression, I certainly want to be inside the mind of the person.

I love like old show business and like a lot of of it is just devouring the news and what's happening in the world.

But you have an incredible memory, your ability to hold on to all these little specificities that are information-based more than sound-based.

I know the entire You Got Trouble song from the music man.

Should I do it?

Yeah.

I don't know what you want me to do.

No, I don't know.

I don't think you guys can.

I think this might be a little too much of a segue.

I think we can take it.

It's about five minutes.

Is there a 90-second?

Are you Mr.

Dunlop?

Say yes.

Yes.

Well, either you're closing your eyes to a situation you do not wish to acknowledge, or you you are not aware of the caliber of disaster indicated by the presence of a pool table in your community.

Well, you got trouble, my friend.

Right here, I say trouble, right here at River City.

Why, sure, my bearded player is certainly mighty proud to say, I'm always mighty proud to say it.

I consider that the hours I spent with a cue in my hand are gold.

It helps cultivate horse hands and a cool head and a keen eye.

Do you ever take a try to give an iron cloud leave to yourself from a three-round bidiard shop?

Just I say it takes judgment, brains, and maturity to score in a bulk-line game.

I said that any boop can take a jump a ball in a pocket and they call that sloth.

The first big step on the road to the depths of Dagger is a first vanilla wine from a teaspoon, then beer from a bottle.

The next thing you know, your son is playing for money in a pitchback suit.

I listen to him talking about some horse race.

Let's talk about some horse race, not a whole sub race, no, but a race where they sit down right at the horse.

Let's see some stuck up jockey boy sitting on dead patch, making blood.

Boy, well, I should say now, friends, let me tell you what I mean.

You got one, two, three, four, five, six pockets at a table.

Pockets, I gotta stop.

But, anyways,

I didn't get that part.

It was an eighth grade.

I'm out of my mind.

It's a very specific type of brain because I'm seeing a lot of parallels.

The mimicry, the singing.

Oh, thanks.

That type of recall.

Kristen has a lot of fun.

Yeah, yeah.

This is all very Kristen.

She has a horrible, horrible, horrible memory.

Really?

For her life.

She knows what vacations we've been on.

But she can recite things like that.

She does a nail thing.

Press on nails.

She does the commercial from when she was eight.

She's got a great voice.

Hyper speed.

So, my current crush, I had the pleasure of telling him at the SAG Awards that I'm so horny for him is Timothy Shalom.

Yep.

Well, who it's such an honor to be here with Monica, with Dax, two pioneers in the field of podcasting, with a changing media landscape such as it is with

talk shows and

the evolution of our modern media today.

I think you guys are really at the forefront of something special.

You're so great.

I was just saying, as an artist, I wear my heart on my sleeve.

I'm super grateful to be here for the platform with Denise Villenouve and

all these different, Marty Scorsese and all these different.

Yeah, so that was.

It's incredible.

I'm going to have you do one last one.

We already had him.

He's a friend of pop, but man, is it a spectacular impersonation?

And that's the great Sebastian Manascalco.

So I did this podcast with Monica Padman.

Saw this chick

dude, Dak Shepard manspreading for 90 minutes.

Got his cock staring at my face.

Trying to ask me questions, dude, popping whey protein every 15 seconds.

What?

Do me a favor.

Why don't you separate the podcast from the gym?

Okay.

This guy is asking questions, slurping down a protein shake.

This isn't the time.

Okay, boy, not the time.

I'm an Italian.

I eat pasta, not fucking zeem, whatever the hell that shake.

Okay, now I want to talk to you about some serious stuff.

Yeah, please.

I'm ready.

You've already alluded to this.

This is why I'm here.

I wanted to get into this.

Let's make some headlines.

And Hank, I was saying it earlier, but I didn't finish.

But Hank talked about his mimicry was very much a way to hide from himself.

Like he wasn't terribly confident being himself, but this was this great way to be everything but himself.

And he was saying as he started learning to act that his big hurdle was figuring out how to have some confidence in himself.

And also there's the famous Jim Carrey, right?

The lore of Jim Carrey is he had this incredibly successful stand-up routine where he did tons of impersonations.

And at one point, he decided, I'm no longer doing impersonations.

I have to do my own thing.

So is this something that you are also wrestling with?

So I never got into comedy or impressions as a form of escape or even as I'm starting to act now.

I do love to get into the mindset of another person and to like not be myself, I guess, but it wasn't because I was trying to run away.

I'm lucky I had a great family growing up, great support system.

I know.

That's funny material.

But for me now, stand-up is about embracing who you are.

And I've done the impressions and I've gotten so known for it.

And now I'm at a place in my career where I'll always want to be doing them.

It's just fun.

And I think it brings out another side of people too in the context that I'm choosing to do them, like red carpet interviews or whatever it is.

And also I think most people enjoy impressions.

Everyone loves them.

I am thinking about, and I'm glad I'm talking about this on Armchair Expert.

I do grapple with the question of like, am I enough without it?

I think I am.

And my stand-up, like I feel really good about how it's all building.

And the stand-up in terms of an impression context is me telling stories of meeting celebrities.

And then I re-enact that.

Yes.

But then the rest of it is me dating in my 20s, crowdwork and political observations and other stories unrelated to it.

But there is a question of like, will the audience, because, you know, there's an algorithm, they've gotten to know me in one context, but I feel like I'm 27.

I'm at a place where I've gotten started.

I want to show people more.

It's funny.

Thankfully, I do more than the Trump.

Like there was a guy, Von Meter in the 50s who did a JFK impression.

JFK was shot in the head, died, spoiler alert.

Lenny Bruce goes on stage three days after that and says, Von Meter's fucked.

But this guy looked exactly like JFK.

It was his whole shtick.

He did an album as JFK.

Obviously, that's a unique situation, and I actually kind of want to do a movie about that.

That would be amazing.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm thinking about, I want my stand-up myself to resonate more with people.

You just said that you've recently started therapy.

So people don't generally

seek out therapy because everything's going perfectly.

What was it to help manage?

It's such a weird business.

There's no path.

Terrifying.

Now that I look at it, it is happening quickly.

Like I said, I'm 27.

There was no space between finishing school and like needing to get a job because I graduated in COVID, found a way to support myself through social media and then stand up.

So like from 22 years old, I was able to figure it out, which doesn't really happen.

I shouldn't be taking out frustrations in my career, in my life on the ones that I love the most.

Right, right, right.

We have a family group chat.

If something is pissing me off or annoying me, I'll like text my family.

Right.

20 irrational texts.

This fucking sucks.

I'm so pissed.

Like crazy behavior, just venting into the chat.

The ones that have been telling me to see a therapist is my family.

Okay.

So, because I'm taking a lot of the frustration and stress.

Yeah.

We have a lot of anxiety.

There's anxiety.

There's constant comparison, spending too much time on my phone.

Because a lot of the career is built.

I'll look at this clip.

I want to see how things are performing.

I'm tapped into the news.

I'm never going to be one of those actor

people that can be away from their phone.

That's part of your business.

I don't think that is feasible anymore to not be in touch with your fans.

I agree.

The DiCaprio, Chalmet is even going on podcasts.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think there's like a last guard that will enjoy all of that, be able to do it that way.

But yeah, I think when Leonardo's done, he'll been the last one probably.

Yes.

But I want to like improve my mindset, my mentality.

Also like comments.

You look at them.

Yeah, yeah.

They're irresistible.

They are irresistible.

But also like I'm on stage.

It's like a weird thing because sometimes people are paying to see me to do an impression or whatever.

And now I want them to see my stand-up.

So now I'm at this point in my career where I'm doing impressions and stuff, but I'm pivoting to there's a lot more that I'm offering as myself.

Just scary.

And I want them to see that.

That's what Jim Carrey did, which I'm very inspired by.

I'm glad you brought that up.

And that's what I want to do.

No, but I'm thinking about that in my state.

Like, am I enough?

I want the audiences to see me for me.

And also, I want these clips to do well because things do well in the context of an impression.

I want them to see my stand-up doing well or a conversation like this doing well.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Do you want them to see your vulnerability or do you want them to?

I do.

But also, I didn't have an upbringing where I was traumatized.

My mother and father, they're different.

My dad is stoic.

My mother, the energy level, it's like she just snorted Coke in the morning.

She's very energetic, but she's hilarious.

You're the youngest of the baby.

Yeah.

Like, she's so funny.

Two older, boy or girls?

Brother and sister.

Brother and sister.

Are they really tall as well?

Not really.

Like

6'1, I guess.

And what do they do?

My sister is a writer.

She's working on her first novel, Nina.

She's an amazing writer.

Great.

And my brother works at a company Thrive with Ariana Huffington.

Oh, he's the CFO or COO of it.

Okay, so he's thriving.

He's thriving.

Thrive.

My mom has a cookie company called Big Fat Cookie.

Oh, she does.

I should have brought them, and I regret doing that.

The best cookies ever, and I need to plug them.

Huge cookies.

Like a can of Campbell's.

It's like four.

Can we pull them up?

They're so good.

They're huge.

Let's pull them.

Chocolate chip.

Chocolate chip.

There's like pretzel ones.

It's insane.

They are amazing.

That's it.

Oh, yeah.

I got to send these to me.

They're insane.

Oh, my God.

Do they look gooey?

I want this.

Oh, I see fruity pebbles.

Space in Chicago.

Are there any gluten-free offerings?

Are you gluten-free?

Yeah.

I had a deathly allergic gluten allergy as a kid.

You did?

And you grew out of it?

Then your mom went into the cookie.

That's your trauma.

We got to talk about this.

Mom tried to kill you.

Are you gluten-free?

Yes.

We got to talk about it, but I don't know.

I think they're gluten-free ones, but we'll send you something.

Okay, okay.

I had a deathly allergic allergic gluten allergy as a kid, and I was one of the first people in the world to be effectively cured of food allergies.

Wow.

Tell me.

You didn't find that on Google, did you?

No.

I was in a study at Stanford, my freshman year of high school.

I flew out to Stanford every two weeks from Chicago for six months.

No.

In a process called oral immunotherapy.

You increased your tolerance level to whatever you're allergic to by eating a tiny amount of your allergen every couple of weeks.

Whoa.

And then I started to eat it in a powdery form, like gluten, gluten, straight gluten, in like a milkshake type form.

But I did this at the same time as taking this drug, no, Zoler.

It's called Zoler.

It was like an FDA-approved asthma medication that this brilliant doctor, Kari Nadeau, who's now at Harvard, figured out it can like alter your immune system to detect when an allergen enters.

And I did this study and basically like one crumb could have literally killed me.

Yes.

And now you can eat pasta and shit.

Yeah.

That was a challenge in my upbringing.

Like literally felt very different as a kid as a result of that Oh, yeah.

Like, my mother would bring a separate, like, little cupcake to a friend's birthday.

Right.

Yeah.

Before my first kiss, this girl had to, like, avoid gluten for 24 hours.

Oh, yeah.

We have a friend.

Jason Manzukas.

He has.

He has an egg allergy.

Yep.

Unbelievable.

And he kissed someone and went to like anaphylactic.

It was like an egg in the martini.

Yeah, I was like deathly allergic.

Literally, every time we go to a restaurant, we would have to like interrogate the chef.

Yes.

You're the person that's fucking everything up.

Because I was the person that's fucking everything up.

Because I go, do you have gluten-free positive?

And they immediately go, go, is it an allergy or is it a preference?

No, it has a preference.

Don't panic.

Yeah.

If there's gluten back there, but for you.

In the allergy community, there's like a hierarchy.

Yeah, there's like the peanut supremacists is what I call them.

Okay.

It's the mothers of kids with peanut allergies.

Sure.

Because they think their kids' allergy is more important.

Yeah, sure.

Like, there's always a sign in a classroom.

There's no nuts in the classroom.

There's never, there's no focaccia in the classroom.

Right.

Okay.

So here's something that I'm so curious about for someone your age.

So if I were you and when I was you, all I wanted to do was be on saturday night live and i'm thinking like in some crazy way and i can't even believe i'm gonna say this it's kind of obsolete for young people a little bit i don't think so lincoln loves it no i don't mean as viewers oh i mean if you're aspiring if i'm him like i was waiting for them to call and give me an audition as opposed to i can just make the shit i want to be doing on saturday live and i can put it out so why on earth would i be waiting my whole life and then by the time you kind of hit and they would want you financially you're probably going to be taking a pay cut to go do certain so anyways where's center night live in the mix for you my instagram handle used to be matterday night live that was the name of it you grew up like a couple blocks from second seat yeah i mean i grew up obsessed with the show so much has happened in the past year and a half yeah where like you used to have to be on snl to do the things that i'm doing now like even to get on a show like this exactly where like white house correspondents did her i hosted the nhl awards like all these opportunities there was no other path beyond that and now a product of my generation, my political stuff will get more views than their political stuff.

Not that it's a competition necessarily.

I met Lorne at the correspondence dinner, and he was like, Have you showcased for us before?

Yeah.

Yeah, right.

Yeah.

And we had a brief chat.

I don't know if you would remember that, but I don't know.

It's a weird thing because I want to be in movies now, like hosting, but obviously it would be cool to do it.

My mentality is I can't be chasing things that I don't know what the result might be.

I have to be so focused on what I can control.

Yeah.

And also, it's a different world.

It is.

That's what I'm so curious about.

Like, if I were 27, would I even

holy grail, I guess, is that?

I do not think so.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's interesting.

I think this is the holy grail.

I really do.

I think these podcasts, like, look at with late night.

It's a different world now.

There's always going to be politics.

There will always be celebrities.

There'll always be a need to promote things.

The medium is the message, Marshall McLuhan.

Have you read that book?

I haven't read it.

I'm aware of it.

It's like the medium will evolve.

We don't necessarily reinvent the wheel.

I think there will always be an interest in political, topical humor.

What I've now learned in this business is like, I can put these big goals and dreams out there, but I just got to keep clawing.

Yeah, doing your thing.

It's like when we started this, or when I moved here to be an actor, there weren't podcasts.

So the idea of coming out for this wasn't a thing yet.

So maybe there'll be a new thing.

That's the thing like you asked about SNL.

I'm just this weird product of timing and like a generational thing.

It's all these tools and discoverability.

You could argue this has as much impact, if not more, than going on weekend update.

It'd be interesting if I had come up in entertainment when you came up.

Yes.

Do you wish you had?

I think it would have been cool, but I don't know that I would have been at the place I'm in now at this stage.

I wasn't.

At 27, I still haven't booked a fucking thing, and I'm just like panicking.

But acting is such a tough nut to crack.

My thinking has always been like, acting will come through my comedy.

Yeah.

Right, right, right, right.

And now it's starting to.

I did a movie last week with Seth Green.

With Seth Green.

And Ashley Green.

Grace Period.

Directed by Peter Facinelli.

David Gordon Green.

I played Justin, young man who is the Sioux chef, to Seth Green's chef, who meets Willow.

Okay.

Played by Ashley Green.

Seth Green is a chef in it.

Yes, and Ashley Green is a woman who freezes her eggs and meets Seth.

I'm starting to fall in love.

And I'm the young guy who has a lot of sex and cooks.

Oh, fun.

It was an amazing experience.

It was crazy.

Yeah, I want that role.

They filmed here?

In Canada.

It was unbelievable.

It was so crazy.

And then your tour, tell me about your tour where can people get tickets?

How many shows are you doing?

I'm touring right now, building up my hour to be a special, doing the Wilbur Theater.

It'll be my biggest headlining show in Boston.

I think on September 27th, I have Fort Worth, Texas.

All tickets at mattfriend.com.

MattFriend.com.

And the Matt Friend is my Instagram.

I'm so glad I got it.

Are we done?

Yeah.

What else do I talk about?

What would you want to do?

Yeah, we've been here a while.

I want to do that armchair.

You know, you open up.

You want to cry a little bit?

I want to go to the next one.

What's making you cry these days?

making you just cry?

We're going to start making fun of you in hopes of.

What's making you cry these days?

What's the last time you cried?

I don't think you cry.

I think you get angry.

You think I get angry.

You don't think I cry.

I do.

What is it I do?

I think what's easy for you to express is like anger.

Really?

Yeah.

Is that really what you think of me?

I do.

Well, maybe because you said you yelled at your parents.

Well, no.

Did I say that?

Well, no, sorry.

You got out your aggression through anger with your family.

Like what you were feeling was anxiety about the future and it expresses itself.

When I have anxiety, I'd be like like texting the ones that I love the most about that anxiety.

And I'm like, why am I doing that?

Right.

Well, so, of course, that's who you're going to go to.

I guess, but also, it's like, why bother them?

Well, if that's the only ones that have to care.

True.

First stop emotion, what is?

It depends on what's happening, but there can be anger and then sadness and then frustration.

So when's the last time you cried?

The last time I cried.

99.

When's the last time I cried?

First birthday party.

Do you remember the last time you cried?

Yeah, I cried when I just flipped it.

Yeah, see, you can think while i answer i cried on saturday i liked your answer you didn't say why i cried out two weeks ago i had therapy it's good you cried two weeks ago two weeks ago yeah

okay i accept that i don't know why she cried but i'm very yeah we need to know were you watching or you just i think i was like watching a youtube video or something yeah those make me cry but only if they're really uplifting i think oh it's so hard to be a human and when people express you ever like have like a fear that you're not well the ones that you love are alive you want them to know how much you love mom and dad my brother my sister i love them the most yeah yeah does it stress you out that they might not know it they definitely know it i'm so focused on what i'm doing now i want them to know it i don't know if i really just answered that you're afraid a little bit that they might feel you're way too focused on this no definitely not like we're all very close but i think i need to do a better job of telling them how much i appreciate them right consistently right it's hard to do it's vulnerable to do that i don't really do it you don't do it you don't don't?

Well, she's Indian though.

They have a different thing.

Like, they literally do.

Like, I was saying to her, no, your dad wants to come see the thing.

He wants to tell you he's proud of you.

He wants to give you a hug and all this stuff.

And she's like, my dad loves me as much as your dad loved you, but that's not how he gets down.

And I have now seen it in action.

I'm like, yeah, that's not how they get down.

Yeah, I have no question about the amount of love.

He would jump in front of a million trains for you.

Yeah.

But he's not going to do the thing.

Yeah.

He's not going to do this.

Yes, this very American way of showing love.

And that's okay.

and then so she's not then making them feel awkward but that's how it started you were like you need to tell him that you

how important he is what a good dad he was he doesn't want to hear that i know

he can't understand that i can't but that's just going to make him feel like

i'm

anxious or dying or stressed out.

Like it's going to have this weird boomerang effect.

Then I have to make him feel better about the fact that he feels scared.

Like none of us need any of this.

It's pretty funny.

It's pretty funny for me.

Anyways, I hope you've enjoyed Smartless.

Oh, that's our net.

That's good.

Thank you.

No, I've adored meeting you.

I've adored meeting you.

You're so sweet.

Thank you for having me.

Thanks for listening for so long.

I want you to just have some peace.

This is my unsolicited advice.

Please, it's really easy to miss the ride because I'm unpunked.

I'm like, I got to get off the show and get in movies.

And he's like, I got to be the lead of a movie.

You're already fucking in an awesome spot.

Yeah.

And don't miss it.

That's it.

That's my unsolicited advice.

Are you going to well up?

I'm welling up.

Thank you for the advice.

This was a dream coming true, honestly.

Thank you for having me.

And by the way, before we go, come by a show.

I'm doing shows with Built Rewards.

Not to plug them too much, but tell me.

It's great.

I met the CEO of this company, Built.

They're a rent rewards company based in New York.

You could earn points on your rent.

Oh.

And I met the CEO of this company at the U.S.

Open.

We created this comedy series together.

If you're a member of Built, you can come to our shows.

We've taken over like iconic restaurants throughout

the country, and we put comedy shows in those spaces.

Oh, cool!

We did it at the comedy store, but also like Lucali, this restaurant in Brooklyn, all these places.

So they're fun.

You would never expect to see a comedy show in these spots.

You should come.

Yeah, I would love to.

I would love to see you when you're in LA doing your full hour.

I would love to see you.

Please come as I manifest my special.

Yes, absolutely.

We work on this.

You're delightful.

I love you.

We will be talking again.

CNN OnlyFans.

I'm certain of it.

Yeah, you must come back.

And go to mattfriend.com.com for me.

MattFriend.com.

The Matt Friend on Instagram.

He's in the front.

Zipracruda.

Go Zipper Cruda.

All right, take care.

Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert.

If you dare.

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Stay tuned for the fact check.

It's where the party's at.

I'm going to be honest.

This is an Easter egg.

We just had the greatest fucking interview.

We had a great interview.

Man, does that make me feel good?

We've had a couple great guests this week.

Yeah.

Been a big week.

A fun, fun week.

Yeah.

You're wearing really red pants.

Yeah, let's talk about it.

Yeah, let's.

You know, the goofy pants I've fallen in love with.

Yes.

I noticed they had solid colors and I thought, I'll try that.

How do you like it?

I like it.

They look, they're a thicker material than your other ones they are i do i i probably prefer them to be a little thinner sure um but i i do like them and i'm not sure what where this trajectory takes me but here we are i do wonder where this is gonna go yeah i'm curious because i got three of these right in different colors right and i put them on this morning and delta said oh wow those are really red and i said too red and she's like

no that you're making them work yeah and i was like okay great yeah they work.

I love red.

You got to consider, you tell yourself you don't have to consider it, but you do, which is like, I drive her to school and then I walk her in.

Yeah.

And I may be totally comfortable being myself, but I have to consider, you know, would I want my dad walking me in with Ronald McDonald pants on?

Right.

You know, I got to treat that somewhat seriously.

So far, she's she really supports

my stuff so far.

She, um,

I don't think is the type to

care To snuff out my shine.

Yeah.

Because she's so shiny.

And she's just nice.

And Kristen's out of town.

Yep.

And I absolutely love and cherish all the contributions that Kristen makes.

They got the best mom in the world.

She's so helpful.

Yes.

And I love having them by myself.

Yeah, what have you guys done?

Last night we went out to eat at Cafe 101.

Nice.

Like, I'm all like a, let's get out of the house.

Let's go adventure.

Tomorrow morning, we're going to wake up at six in the morning and go early before breakfast.

And we've invited other people to join us.

Oh, that's fun.

Yeah.

So, you know, once I'm in charge, it's definitely the extroverts go wild kind of let's adventure.

Let's get a lot of people and let's let's party.

And then even more importantly, I'm the only person to snuggle at night.

I'm the only person that can give the hugs and the kisses.

And so I get all of it.

Whereas I would normally get probably 30% of it.

I go up to 100% of it.

Yeah.

And the last two nights in a row and i don't think there's anything more euphoric on planet earth and that includes all the drugs i've done when i'm laying in bed with them i've read like last night i read the giving tree terrible choice terrible choice i love that book and it's just the meanest book ever what do you mean that boy is so mean to that oh i know he is just so sexy i was gonna bring up the giving tree when you told us about your tree and i decided not to and yeah

that had just happened And I didn't connect those dots.

I'm like, I just cut down a tree trunk.

I should have brought it up, but I didn't.

That was a

the book already makes you sad.

Of course.

You're just heartbroken for that poor tree.

I know.

Anything to make them happy.

It just gave so much.

Yes.

I'm old now, and

I want a boat so I can get out of here.

Cut my tree trunk down and make a boat.

It's you will be happy.

It's a good book about codependence.

Yes, Yes, it is.

But I did see a part of it that I had never seen prior to last.

Okay.

I mean, first it was like, I was, it was getting sad and I was like, oh, my God.

And I just, I'm kind of re-triggering the fact that I just murdered this shit.

And the stump's still there.

Yes, it is still there.

But one part of it that I don't think I had ever figured out that maybe is part of the message is at the end, he's sitting on the stump.

That's all that's left of her.

Yeah.

And she's a herd of you.

It's a her.

Is it a her?

Yeah.

Oh, I don't remember.

Boy, I guess I don't know if I can say that, but it feels so nurturing.

Take my apples.

Let me provide for you.

I don't know.

Yes.

Is the treatment a boy to you?

I think.

Wow.

Yeah.

Rob?

Yeah, I think I consider it a boy, too.

Whoa.

Okay.

Google says it's a woman, though.

Oh,

I wonder.

Oh, she uses she

to use the tree throughout.

So maybe.

Yeah, I guess that's why I know that because I just read it.

Wow.

But I thought

there might be another message happening, which is at the very end of the book, he's an old man and he's dying

and he's out of energy and he just wants to sit.

And she's dead.

He's taken everything from her.

And the two of them are pretty much finishing their life cycle together.

And a little bit of it is like, oh yeah, that's this is the this is the life cycle.

You're born, you play, there's a period of growing, then and then they're dying.

So it's almost just like, yeah, the tree was going to die too.

Trees die ultimately.

He accelerated that process.

They shouldn't die by the hands of timeline

of a human.

They should live more than 90 years.

But they're both sitting there at the end of their life cycle together.

And that's kind of interesting.

I thought, oh, maybe that's part of what this is.

This is more like just confronting like, yeah, this is, this is, this is life.

I mean, it is.

You grow old and you die.

Sure.

Yeah.

And they were together.

Yeah, they were together, but one was abused.

This is not a good.

I know.

I was trying to find the silver lining, and I guess maybe I'm reaching too far, but there is something about that last image of them there together, dying together.

I think, I hope.

Oh, I mean, the tree's dead.

Well, no, it's because the tree's happy.

The tree still has.

She's dead.

No.

Yes.

Unfortunately, she's happy because he's sitting on her.

I know.

This is so upsetting.

It's the worst book ever written.

It is the worst.

It's starting that she is on her deathbed.

She's been.

God, I wish we could interview Shel Silverstein.

I need to know, like, what was happening in your life?

His mom was probably abused.

Now that we know it's a mom.

He probably, but, but, but again,

because I did know it was the mom in the book.

I knew that.

Yeah.

And I knew.

And I was like, oh yeah, this is this great metaphor for being a mom.

It's like, I give my body to you to be born and then I feed you at the expense of my body.

And I just give and I give and I give because I love you.

And it makes me happy to give to you.

And so it's also this kind of metaphor of parenting

and nurturing.

And you do it, you do it.

You don't want anything back.

Like if I'm the tree and my kids use every bit of me,

I'm not mad.

And it wasn't codependent.

Because that's my purpose now on Planet Earth.

Not for them.

The purpose shouldn't be for them to

take advantage of you.

Like maybe they will, like, we all do,

but

there should be respect.

There should be.

I don't know if she's, is she a mom or is she the wife?

No, no, she, I think she's a nurturing mom.

That's at least how I'm interpreting it.

She's there before him.

She's a full-grown tree when he arrives.

Right.

And she's hugging him and she's playing hide and seek with him and she's feeding him her apples.

And then when he needs a house, she helps him get a house.

And, you know, he needs money, she helps.

So it's very, very maternal.

Yeah.

And I don't think it's wrong.

It's like, what happens is someone does that for you.

You're just a needy kid and you don't really consider your parents' feelings ever.

You just want stuff.

And

that sucks.

But you then give that to another

creature and that right-sizes what you took.

It's like, I now am here.

All things go perfectly.

I mean, it doesn't always.

It doesn't always.

The experience I'm living right now is like, oh, yeah, I don't mind at all

all the inconvenience.

And like, I'm just here to support them and help get them across the finish line.

Yeah.

And my mom did that for me.

And it doesn't feel lopsided because, like, I got to receive that as well.

And that's just the nature.

You're just ungrateful and you take it.

But you weren't.

That's like, like, that's my point.

Like, you weren't, and your kids aren't.

Like, they do a lot of things for you.

They give you like a lot of grace.

And they are, they are not the boy.

No, they're not the boy.

And you aren't the boy either.

So like I think the boy is a piece of shit.

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He should have known better, at least when he was a man.

When he was coming to her as a man.

Yeah.

And he killed his mom.

To make a boat.

Oh, God.

Yeah.

It's a hard one.

It's a hard one.

I think it's even whether it's a mom or a wife or really just anyone, it's for me, the book is about the cost of

taking.

Uh-huh.

And the cost of giving when it's not reciprocated.

Yeah.

Like it's, but really the cost of taking, taking like want want want i want this i want this my this and what do you have at the end of the day your mom's dead great yes yes but but the point that feels so parent child is that when she gives him the stuff it says in the book there's only one time it says

but she wasn't

i don't even remember he cuts her down and then she says but she was happy and then next page it says

but she wasn't or something like that

but up until then it's giving her joy to provide for this little person that she

probably thinks that that is going to earn her something.

And really, it didn't.

It didn't.

But again, this is the this is what I'm driving home: is that the quintessential part of parenting, which is so unique, is that you don't expect anything back.

You don't need anything back.

I don't think you expect to

be killed.

No, no, no.

But we're not taking it to a very extreme level.

But it's there for a reason.

The reason it's an extreme level is because of that.

Like you're taking advantage of someone's kindness.

Absolutely.

It's just, it is unique in that if I had a friendship that worked that way, I would hate it.

Right.

And I would be taken advantage of.

And I would be resentful.

And I would have great judgment over the person that just took, took, took, took, took.

I will never have that towards my kids.

Right.

That's just the weird magic of it.

I understand.

I believe you i i think you're right i'm weird parents like they just love you blindly they want to provide for you and they don't ever want anything back yes but they also don't want cruelty right yeah yeah and again like you don't you're not in the experience where your kids are just take take take taking and not not giving anything like they don't know they're very thoughtful does he even like is he even nice to her well he's a little boy yet they play non-stop and he carves into the thing me and the tree.

That's why I thought it was a wife.

I think that's just a little boy, like your first girlfriend's your mom.

Oh, wow.

You carved in L L.

No, but my mom was my Valentine, and I wrote her a Valentine's card, and she wrote me one.

Well, your mom's still going to be your Valentine.

Right, which is kind of like a girlfriend role.

Okay, yeah, I guess that heart thing is what confused me.

I definitely felt like it was a wife.

Now, what was disrespectful is they then carved the name of his girlfriend into it as well.

So there became two carvings that was a little but again that that's like a mom too goes through that your son takes a wife and did he scratch out no he didn't scratch it out

he was too lazy to scratch it out

such a prick yeah i'm not making any no i know defense of him i know but i am i am uh attempting to imagine that she didn't feel taken advantage of weirdly even though objectively she was right and that's relevant yeah

Yeah.

You can't tell but this Charlie Sheen doc, like the amount that Martin Sheen

gave of himself to help his son endlessly.

Yeah.

And patiently and lovingly.

Yes.

There's no way Martin could do that for a friend or colleague, you know?

Right.

Well, it would be codependent.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I guess that's true.

But we've talked about this because I feel like when we talk about addiction and stuff, I've said, like, how could a parent possibly, because you're, you know, you've said, like, you kind of have to let them just do it.

And I'm always like,

how?

That's imp that is truly impossible.

How could a parent ever let their kid just go off the deep end?

And you're like, well, that's how people get better.

But, I mean, do you still feel that way?

That was a long time ago.

I do, but I cannot imagine someone.

But Martin's an addict.

Martin Jean's a recovering addict.

So in some sense, I do think he understands it better than your your average parent who just ends up with an addict and they can't comprehend what's going on.

Like, how could this person be choosing this thing and ruining their lives?

I saw my dad do it, you know, like my dad did it perfectly by my account.

And so I guess that was a modeled for me.

Which it was to you, what?

Like letting you do your thing?

Letting me be me.

Not even shaming me, having this weird faith that.

He had introduced me to this program.

And if I needed it at some point, I knew where to go.

It's not like I didn't know what the solution was.

I had witnessed it in him.

And I have a similar mild confidence that's like, if my kids get in trouble in that way, they certainly know what the solution is.

And they certainly have had an example of it.

Yeah.

And

I'm a good person to talk to another addict because I've done it a lot.

Right.

Yeah.

But I think you

would just be watching the suffering.

Well, exactly.

I mean, not to like, you, you did do it for Aaron.

You stepped in.

And I think that's what I'm saying.

Like, you can have these ideas and you can be like, this is right.

This is, and I understand, it makes total sense to me what you're saying.

But I think when push comes to shove, if your child or your best friend is like going to die, I think you're like, no.

See, that's where my expertise came in.

I

knew he won't do it until he wanted to do it.

And I was quite astute at seeing the exact moment.

Oh, even he wants this because he wants to die otherwise.

Right.

And so a year before, if I had said it, he wasn't there.

It wouldn't have worked.

Right.

That makes sense.

But he went off the map for five days and I know him so well and he couldn't leave his room.

Yeah.

And I knew, okay, next, and I mean soon, he'll be dead.

Right, exactly.

And so now's the time to offer the lifeline.

Yeah.

Okay.

So you still do it.

You just are going to.

You got to know.

I think a lot of people who are not very well versed in it try.

They try after a DUI.

They try after they got kicked out of their apartment.

They try, you know, like they, they, they try prematurely.

Right.

And they're just not there.

And, and I, I'm so sympathetic to those people because how do they know if they've not also like people

die, you know?

Like, I mean, I think if your kid is at risk of dying.

They die, but the great illusion is that you could have stopped that.

Yeah.

And that's what I refuse to succumb to.

Well, yeah.

People do die of it.

Yeah.

And there's no force on planet Earth that can prevent that.

And I accept that to be a very harsh reality.

Yeah.

That's so hard as a parent.

Other than kidnapping them and taking them to an island where they don't have anything to, you know, anything short of

assuming their autonomy.

Yeah.

You can't do it.

No, I know, but it's so hard to like wrap your head.

It's so heartbreaking.

Did you see that movie, Beautiful Boy?

Yes.

Just a heartbreaking.

That's the worst movie I've ever seen.

The giving tree.

It's the giving tree.

Oh, my God.

Want to do some facts?

Yeah, let's do facts.

Okay.

Matt Friend facts.

Matt Fracts.

You know what he opened the door for?

What?

A full read of the Taylor Swift.

Oh, no.

Oh.

Maybe we are in my sim.

Literally just died.

I thought we were in your sim, but now I think we are in.

No, we are in my dad's sim.

Yeah.

But he's trying to give me some hardship.

Oh, okay, yeah.

Which he's doing a good job of.

What is your other hardship?

The clouds?

Oh, yeah.

Clouds and a dead computer?

Yeah, and like,

I'm not having a good hair day.

I disagree.

I had to put it up.

I do need to plug it in.

Your bad hair day is better than 99% of people's great hair day.

Thank you.

Back to

this very important Taylor Swift commencement speech.

Okay.

Let me just say,

welcome to New York.

It's been waiting for you.

Oh, we've entered the speech.

You weren't saying, let me just say.

No, but you believed me.

Last time I was in a stadium, this, fine, I won't do it.

Don't do it.

No.

It's 23 minutes.

Oh, wow.

It was 23 minutes.

Well, I could do it fast, fast,

but

even at triple speed, we're still looking at

nine minutes, eight minutes.

Okay.

Now, we did clear this up real time, but I guess his dad is not Matthew Perry's dad.

Yeah, you thought that.

That was a shock.

Yeah.

Because the internet told me otherwise.

And what was it?

We knew it real time on the day, the confusion.

Well, you said because Hank Azaria was friends with Matthew Perry, and Matt's dad is friends with Hank Azaria.

His best friends.

But, like, that is not why it said straight up that his dad was Matthew Perry's dad.

No, but it was your dad's best friend was Matthew Perry.

It was never that he's the son of Matthew Perry.

Matthew Perry doesn't have any children.

No, no, no.

It's that basically him and Matthew Perry are brothers.

Brothers.

That they share a dad.

They have the same dad.

Yeah, that's what I read.

That would be a fur.

That man's window of fecundity would be broad.

Yeah, but

Matt is a good 35 years years younger than he's 27 and Matthew Perry was

62?

That old?

I don't know.

We can find out.

He was 54.

And that was a couple years ago.

2023.

It was 54.

Two years ago.

Okay, so he'd be 56.

Okay, so that can happen.

Could happen, yeah.

Well, yeah, you could be, you could be 70 years younger than your brother.

Exactly.

If you're the child of that Italian actor who was having kids up to his, in his 90s.

Men do this.

I know they do.

I thought that's crazy.

It could happen, and I thought it happened, but it didn't.

Are people who are good at impressions neurodivergent?

No.

Being good at impressions does not mean someone is neurodivergent.

But there are connections, especially with autism, where pattern recognition skills and detailed observation can lead to strong impression-making abilities,

particularly through learned analysis rather than purely intuitive social understanding.

Some neurodivergent individuals use these detailed observational skills to analyze and replicate behaviors, including voices and mannerisms, as a form of pattern recognition or learned social strategy.

His brother is the COO of Thrive,

Chief Operating Officer.

Impressive.

Okay, the Chicago place

that works on food allergies is

University of Chicago Medicine.

It's called Food Allergy Research and Education, Fair Organization.

So they cured him.

That's crazy.

That is crazy.

Didn't know that was an option.

I know.

I kind of want that.

99% success rate.

Wow.

That's really cool.

Wow.

Although I also feel like it's a blessing.

I can't eat gluten.

But garlic.

Garlic.

You should try it with it.

I should do it with garlic.

I miss garlic so much.

Garlic's so good.

It pops up everywhere, too, and irritates me.

Yeah.

You should do it.

I was on the potatoes last night at Cara.

Oh, you went to Cara?

Yeah.

Surprised I didn't see you.

I mean, I didn't go to Carl.

I looked in the bar for you.

Oh, I wasn't there.

Yeah.

We brought four little girls.

They sat at their own table.

Or three of them did.

That's very cute.

Yeah, yeah.

Super cute.

Sophia.

Yeah.

Delta's like headband there.

Oh, we got to try the broccolini.

Oh, my.

Oh, my God.

That's so cute.

Okay.

And she came over to the table.

I was like, the broccoli is so good tonight.

Oh, my God.

Also, whoa, I completely forgot to mention this.

So you were a car where I am a lot.

I wasn't there.

Guess where I was?

Mess hall.

Yes.

I almost went to mess hall.

I was talking them into mess hall when Delta said, can we go to Carl?

Guess who else went to mess hall?

Who?

Wobby Wob.

Oh,

that's the least shocking thing, to be honest.

Because 100% of the time that I go to mustard seed, I see Rob out the window.

Sure.

Rob lives on Hillhurst.

Rob?

Oh, another thing, Rob.

People in the comments are really demanding that you have a camera back there.

Don't you have one?

Yeah.

Just yeah.

They want to see you when you talk.

They'd see me when I talk in the fact check.

They claim they don't.

Then maybe they need to watch YouTube.

No, they're watching YouTube and they want him to have a camera.

I think it's during interviews I don't I don't record it during interviews when I go

because it's but it does cut to you in the fact check fact checks yeah

it pops up in a little corner okay well they're mad they've spoken people watch the YouTube watch the fact check they demand satisfaction and I appreciate it so you could have been there and I could have been there and Wabby Wob could have also that would have been wild it would have been fun

the weirder thing is we had a Juilliard guest on yeah yeah the family we went to dinner with, both parents went to Juilliard.

Weird.

They're two of 16.

Yeah.

That's wild.

They might have been.

One was dance, one was acting.

Got it.

Okay.

Wow, cool.

The poet that spoke at his commencement speech

is named Judy Heuman.

H-E-U-M-A-N-N.

Judith Heuman.

And she's probably someone's favorite, and I was being cavalier, and I apologize.

We were kidding.

I was going for laughs.

We were just kidding.

And I didn't really know who he's talking about.

God, it's a ding-ding-ding.

She passed a year ago.

Well, she passed, but also she was an American disability rights activist.

Oh, that is an incredible ding-ding-ding.

Yeah.

Known as the mother of the disability rights movement.

Wow.

She was recognized internationally as a leader in the disability community.

Hewman was a lifelong civil rights activist for people with disabilities.

Wow.

All right.

She was 75.

That's a little young for my liking.

Yeah.

I even thought Redford seemed young at 89.

Do we know what he passed of?

I think just old age.

That's old.

Natural causes.

Yeah.

Natural causes.

That's a victory.

That's a huge victory.

Although, can it be natural causes?

We say natural causes, but some organ failed or some cancer got somebody.

Well, yeah, you're not just like, it's not like your body is like, okay, everything's great, but we're turning off.

Peacefully and asleep.

It is kind of like that.

I think it is like your organs are just done.

All on the same day, though.

That's

some coordination.

Over time.

Yeah.

I would just expect one of the organs stops working very well.

Yeah.

And it leads the charge to your demise.

Yeah, that's probably

all of them, though, like dissipating beautifully.

Like when I hear natural causes, it does sound like nothing was wrong, but something has to be wrong for a day.

Age.

I mean, haven't you seen someone over 80?

Like,

they are slowly diminishing.

Yeah, we'll fix that, though.

We're gonna fix that.

We'll try our best with these peptides.

I was with my best friend on Monday, and I was thinking they gotta

get all this stuff figured out.

Yeah, yeah, because I don't ever want to lose them.

It won't.

He won't.

He'll always be here.

Yeah, okay.

Everyone will always be here.

Everyone will always be.

Okay.

All right.

Love you.

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