Bread Court Feat. Demi Adejuyigbe

Speaker 1 This episode is brought to you by us and our new sketch comedy hour Drem, heading stages globally now. Book at tour.auntiedonner.com.

Speaker 1 A listener production.

Speaker 1 Welcome to the thrilling conclusion of American Mark Mac 2, which is a court, a court procedural, like the second series of Brewer Broadchurch.

Speaker 1 If you want to see the visuals, head to the Auntie Donna Club Power by Patreon. And a huge thank you to our mate, Demi, for coming and doing this with us.
An absolute champion.

Speaker 1 He's not in Australia anymore, but check him out on Dropout. Yeah.
Changing the way people consume comedy all around the world. Absolutely fantastic.

Speaker 1 Or on the 21st of September. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Also on Dropout, but you know, on the 21st of September.

Speaker 1 Or any other day, really. Yeah, hell yeah.
Watching that video.

Speaker 1 Enjoy the episode. Here it is now.

Speaker 1 Hear ye, hear ye.

Speaker 1 Welcome to Bread Court. I am the judge of Breadcourt, here to decide the greatest bread.
In the one corner, we have American Mark Mark II here to defend American bread.

Speaker 1 I gotta stand up for my people and my food. On the other corner, we've got Broden Mark, Mark I

Speaker 1 to defend Australian bread. You're Mark? Yeah, I think so, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you're Broden Mark. Oh, Broden Mark, yeah.
Here to defend Australian bread. Hello, Broden.
How are you? I'm a simple man, but the bread of Australia must be defended. and have its day in court.

Speaker 1 Okay. By the way, are you across the mushroom lady? no, what's the mushroom lady? It's full on, man.
Yeah, full on. Oh, wait, uh, the trial.
Yeah, yes, I am. I

Speaker 1 can't believe how big of a thing this is here. That I've talked about in every city I've gone to.
The mushroom lady. The mushroom lady, yeah.
What's uh, what y'all think? She's guilty. Oh, yeah.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Let us begin the trial.

Speaker 1 I've got to be honest with you, I decided this as I started doing the voice and the tone. Exactly, I'm playing a judge.
It's my favorite dignity.

Speaker 1 You put yourself in a position of power, and then it's like, you now.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's very true. You don't have to generate much.

Speaker 1 Is there something on the table that you can use as a gavel? Oh, I do need a gavel. Copy a speed racer.
Copy a speed racer. I will now use my speed racer gavel.
Does someone want to talk?

Speaker 1 Your honor, your honor. Enough, enough of this talk.
It is time now to have the bread. Now, I don't know how this works as a court case.
This is really the issue here.

Speaker 1 I guess one of you has accused. One of you has...
All right, here's what it is. Broda Kelly, you are...

Speaker 1 on trial for libel for saying Australian bread is better. American Mark Mark II.
Surely not, though.

Speaker 1 Like, I haven't said anything bad about American bread. Well, you just said that Australian bread is better, and I decided to sue you for that.

Speaker 1 Look, if you want to get anything about American Australian bed, that's fine by me. Because I would say American bed is better than Australian bed.

Speaker 1 American bed is, I mean, not to get in, I mean, not to talk about monarchy again, but you know, there's queens and kings and twins. Yeah.
And so I feel like all bed is technically British beds.

Speaker 1 I'll allow this bed talk. I feel that it is irrelevant.
Sustained. Sustained.
I just feel like you have things like comforters.

Speaker 1 You guys don't have comforters here? What is a comforter?

Speaker 1 Like just a quilt, I think. Oh, right.
What's the sometimes I get into different quarters? Like a duvet cover. Yeah, yeah, okay.
We got dunas, yeah. But like.
We call them dunas. Dunas? Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's an Australian. Say that with an Australian accent.
Dunas. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Everything, every word you have, we've made it a little bit sillier. I like that.
Duna. Duna.
Duna. Like, I wear a lot of overalls, and people are like, those are great dungarees.

Speaker 1 And I'm always just like, that's a much better sounding, it just sounds more playful. What do you say? Overalls.
We sometimes say overalls, but sometimes we say dungarees.

Speaker 1 I feel like overalls feels very like working class and dungarees feels like a little baby that you dress up in in dungarees. Sounds like overall sounds like it would be in your constitution.

Speaker 1 So it's like, we are a pants overall for all. Yeah.
It's very literal. It's like it's overall.

Speaker 1 Because I think dungarees are overalls with

Speaker 1 Because I think they're like,

Speaker 1 like a romper, kind of. Well, romper's fun.
Romper's very Australian. Romper.
Yeah, a romper, but then we had a movie called Romper Star. Rompo, which is about a Nazi.
Yeah, it's a bad now.

Speaker 1 But wasn't he a well-dressed Nazi? Well, it was played by Russell Crowe when he was hot as fuck. So the

Speaker 1 hot Nazi, but not a good guy.

Speaker 1 No, not a good guy.

Speaker 1 But he went on to be gladiator.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 he, the Zeus in Thor 3.

Speaker 1 4. 4.
Yeah. Thor 4.
I do recall this. Thor 4.
4. Thor 4.
Which must have been very good. I'm sure they named it just like,

Speaker 1 so for Thor, Four? Thor? 4? They should have just called it Thor.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Or Thor.
With a U. They spell it F-H-O-R, and it's like, huh? Imagine a trailer.
Imagine a trailer where it's Thor, T-H-O-R, and then the O and the R separate a little bit. And you're like,

Speaker 1 you.

Speaker 1 And everyone's like,

Speaker 1 oh,

Speaker 1 Thour?

Speaker 1 okay.

Speaker 1 Just a million YouTube React videos. All right, then.
What? Thor.

Speaker 1 Four. It's Thor.
It's Thor. This one's Thor.

Speaker 1 Oh, no, they made Thor British. Are you a Marvel or a comic book person? I, somewhat.
I like the movies fine. I worked on a Marvel show, so I've read a lot of the Carmelites.
Get the comic book.

Speaker 1 Get out of town. Out of here.
Here's the thing. I worked on a Marvel show that never came out.

Speaker 1 Which one? It was called New Warriors.

Speaker 1 It was sort of like a younger Avengers, like Squirrel Girl was the lead of it. Wow.
We wrote an entire season and shot a pilot. But I keep being like, any day that pilot should leak.

Speaker 1 And people will be like, oh, interesting. But it was a good time.
It just didn't come out at all. Do you remember all the time over there? Like,

Speaker 1 our writer's assistant in LA was like going off to work on another big Disney show. I was like, I can't wait to see that.
Never fucking came out. There's so much money, and

Speaker 1 there's too many steps in the process where at any point they they could just be like, I don't want to do this anymore.

Speaker 1 Or like some, like, there's a new leadership change and therefore they have to cancel something to be like, I'm serious about my business.

Speaker 1 And for us, it was like Disney Plus had not come out and the network it was sold to was like, oh, this is maybe too expensive and too like risque for us.

Speaker 1 And they were like, oh, we'll just save it for Disney Plus. And we were like, that's two years away.
This is done. So when you're writing a Marvel show, is there like a wall of Marvel shit?

Speaker 1 Do you have to sit down and listen to a Marvel spiel?

Speaker 1 No, there wasn't like, there was this guy, Jeff Loeb, who was sort of like the head of, I think, Marvel for TV and for comics at the time, would occasionally come in and just talk to us and be like, oh, so what are you guys thinking of doing?

Speaker 1 Like, are there characters you want to use that you can't use and whatnot? And there was like a big encyclopedia that we would go through and be like, we want to do this.

Speaker 1 There are a character that can do that. But a lot of times we were very like scared.

Speaker 1 And so we were restrictive, just being like, well, we don't want to do anything like that because they might use that character.

Speaker 1 And then Jeff Loeb would come in and be like, make it weirder, make it crazy, go crazy, have fun, which was very awesome to have that push.

Speaker 1 But it was a lot of us just sort of being like, Yeah, what are we like tied to?

Speaker 1 Because it's also, you are scared of the audience, and you're just like, You don't want to do something that they're like, What really? Superhero? No, they're pretty scary.

Speaker 1 This is the first. I understand that I know that everyone sees comic book fans as very loose and accepting of everything, but sometimes they can be a little bit

Speaker 1 something

Speaker 1 scary. Judgement, I approach the bench.
Yeah, come to my bench, though. Why are you letting us talk about Marvel for 15 minutes? Is this an objection? Yes, it's relevant to the bread.

Speaker 1 I want to use House of Cards. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Objection. It's relevant to the bread.

Speaker 1 Okay, I'll allow it. But you better be going somewhere with this.

Speaker 1 I will be, Your Honor. So in New Warriors, sometimes the characters would eat food.

Speaker 1 Very good.

Speaker 1 Thank you. Thank you, Your Honor.
All right. All right.

Speaker 1 Now, I've heard some interesting... Oh, wait, are we done with the court case yet? No, not yet.

Speaker 1 You're one now.

Speaker 1 Helga's bread.

Speaker 1 Tell me about Helga's bread. Okay, so you're suing him.
You're representing Big Bread. Yeah, I'm representing Big Bread, which is not a brand.
Just me straight.

Speaker 1 No, you're thinking of Big Bird. Okay, sorry.

Speaker 1 I'm representing Big Bread and Big Bed.

Speaker 1 Big Bread and Big Bed, who are suing Broden for saying Australian bread is better than American bread. Big Bread, Big Bed, up against Broden.
Big Bread, Broden. Big Bread v.
Broden. Big court case.

Speaker 1 Big Bread Brad v. Broden.
And we're going to take this all the way up to the Supreme Court. Yeah.
Broden.

Speaker 1 Broden Kelly.

Speaker 1 Does that mean you're the defense? Sorry, I'm not very good.

Speaker 1 I think Trump just gave me the job.

Speaker 1 In Australia? Yeah, he just gave it to me. He has that now.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I was just an executive producer on the apprentice.

Speaker 1 I don't fucking know how courts work.

Speaker 1 Okay, so you're the defense.

Speaker 1 What am I arguing as well? I don't know. You're defending yourself.
Yeah, you're saying what? That Australian bread is better. Okay, Australian, I don't.

Speaker 1 But you're the defense, Broden. And I want to tell you something.
The top punishment for libel in this case is death by hanging.

Speaker 1 Oh, no.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 you better defend yourself with that. Well, it starts for me with your definition, and I'd like the court's definition, of better.

Speaker 1 Sure thing.

Speaker 1 And bread. I don't have a definition, but I do have this speed racer DVD.
Yeah, let's see if there's going on there.

Speaker 1 It says a spectacular adventure for all ages by DVD. Which is also how I would define better.

Speaker 1 Would you describe Helga as a spectacular adventure for all ages? Yes.

Speaker 1 That is the court's definition of better. Yeah.
It's the blurb on the back of the speed racer DVD. That's right.

Speaker 1 I am the judge and I decide that, yeah, that's it. So, Broden, you have to prove beyond reasonable doubt that Australian bread delivers a spectacular adventure for all ages more than American bread.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I don't think I can.

Speaker 1 I think American bread has got...

Speaker 1 The general vibe when you go to America and have American food is that it's bigger and sweeter. Yes.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 More sour as well. We don't talk enough about how Americans really nailed sour.
Really? Give me some examples. The lemonade has a bit more sourness.
That's true.

Speaker 1 Which I actually like lemonade everywhere besides the US more. I think it's more powerful.

Speaker 1 Yeah, even just the sprite, or like when you get a lemonade here and it tastes more like sprite, I feel like all of it, it just feels very like there's something

Speaker 1 like they want it to be bitter in a way. And I feel like everywhere else it's so much more refreshing and like a thing that you enjoy.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 I agree.

Speaker 1 I agree. It's looking good for you right now.

Speaker 1 I want to get a lemonade on the way home and a nice sandwich. Yes.

Speaker 1 With American bread. Very good, Broden.

Speaker 1 What bread would you use?

Speaker 1 Like, for a good sandwich, I don't like Holgers that much. You are doing a terrible defense.
Yeah, Broden. Like, seriously,

Speaker 1 hanging is the top. We can do shooting squad as well.

Speaker 1 That's the choice. By which you mean, like, hanging out and shooting the shit.

Speaker 1 Oh, yes. Yes.
Yes. But you do that till you die.
I'm down with that. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. But there's no food.
Oh, so I starved. There's a group of people in masks with guns that shoot you at one point.
Yeah, so it's less. It's less of a.

Speaker 1 I'll have opening statements from the prosecution now, please. All right.

Speaker 1 Was mine just that I do think there's his. No, you haven't done your opening statement.
We were just shooting the shit.

Speaker 1 Both of them. I like to keep a chill court.
No, and I love that. I think that's why Trump saw a lot of potential in you.
That's your vibes.

Speaker 1 We were cool. Me and Chumpy, cool.
Chumpy. Chumpy.
Chumpy. I call him Chumpy.
Sure, Donald Trump. Chumpy.

Speaker 1 Now, my opening statement is simple.

Speaker 1 I'm just a simple lawyer from the South.

Speaker 1 Very good. Very dramatic.
I'd love to see a late 1990s movie, but

Speaker 1 yeah. Now, I'm just a

Speaker 1 simple prosecutor from the South, and I just believe in two simple things here. You're doing Kevin Spacey in the House of Cards? Nope.

Speaker 1 No, I'm not. It's a different guy.
Okay, great. Don't compare me me to him in any way.

Speaker 1 But I believe in two things, and that is equality of life, and also that America is better than everything. Wow.

Speaker 1 Amen. Amen.
Amen.

Speaker 1 And to that end, I say American bread just tastes really good. A fantastic opening statement, you must say.

Speaker 1 Now for this grub's opening statement. I just want to say no bias here.
Yeah, no bias.

Speaker 1 It worked grub, isn't it?

Speaker 1 Let's wrap this up. Bread is shit.

Speaker 1 I don't like it. I shouldn't win this case unless.

Speaker 1 Unless you care about our children being healthy in their bread,

Speaker 1 not getting constipated. Wow.
Fibre. Wow.
And good old-fashioned Aussie workmanship. I want to be clear.
I don't.

Speaker 1 I don't care about any of those things.

Speaker 1 I will have you know that this judge is Australian and he's a proud Australian. Call me an old sod, but I...

Speaker 1 Old Sod, yes. An Aussie term.
Yes, you're endearing to me. When I was at the beach this morning, looking at the beach.
The beach, yes, we love the beach famously.

Speaker 1 The castle, the movie? Oh, yeah,

Speaker 1 okay. Great movie.
A movie spurned by Americans. That's right.

Speaker 1 Rove. Rove.
I love Rove. Do you know Rove? No, what's Rove? What's Rove? What's Rove? Rove's a guy.
Rove was like our

Speaker 1 Jay Leno. Okay.
You think we have no culture in this country? Rove. Rove.
Hamish, Andy, Peter, Corinne. These are just your friends' names?

Speaker 1 Broden is friends with a lot of them, as am I now, yes. Okay.
But that's the crazy life that we live as celebrities? Yeah.

Speaker 1 All right, so Broden, is that the end of your opening statement? No, I got more.

Speaker 1 Wake in fright. Oh, very good, very good.
Martin Scorsese likes wake and fright. Garantino.

Speaker 1 Osploitation era. Osploitation.

Speaker 1 I don't like that name for it. I think it,

Speaker 1 I think, no. I agree.
Good, yeah. Chopper? Chopper.
Do you know what? Chopper. Do you know what we're talking?

Speaker 1 Chopper. Chopper.
Chopper. Chop.
Chop, chop. Yeah.
Yeah. What else?

Speaker 1 Give me your top 10 Australian things. Australian Australian, just things? This is still your opening statement.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Thank you for letting me into your opening statement. Let it just flow out of you.
I'm going to go Tim Tams. Yeah.
I'm going to go koalas. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I am going to go genuinely the movie The Castle, which I love. It's very funny.

Speaker 1 Hey, fun fact about koalas, most of them have chlamydia. I did know that.

Speaker 1 And nevertheless, I love them.

Speaker 1 Kangaroos. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm not counting. I'm not either.
Let's say that's seven. Three or four.

Speaker 1 Sorry. Who knows?

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. What else is Australian? That's about right.
Okay. I'm going to go Margo Robbie.
Beautiful. Beautiful Margot Robbie.
I'm going to go Carl Urban. Yeah.
New Zealander. Yeah.
I'll take him.

Speaker 1 I sworn. I took a big swing.
I could have just said Nicole Kidman. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Who else is Australian? Why am I forgetting? Tony Colette? Yeah. Beautiful Tony Colette.
Love Tony Colette. Who else is Australian? Claudia O'Dougherty.
Yeah. Love her.
I think she's great.

Speaker 1 Do you know Claudia? I don't know her personally, but I'm a fan. Yeah, big girl.

Speaker 1 And what, I got three left? Sure.

Speaker 1 I'm going to say Auntie Donna. That's three of us.
That is. Wow.
Thank you. And then, so I only want two of those.

Speaker 1 And then for the tenth, I'm going to.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then. For the tenth.
Oh, I was kidding. But.

Speaker 1 No, no. We're yes ending at you.
Okay. At you.

Speaker 1 What? There was another food one that I had. Oh, no.
That's New Zealand again. What is it? It was in New Zealand again.
What is it? What was it? It was Lemon Pyrot.

Speaker 1 The drink. Lemon and Pyrrhot.
L and P. Yeah, L and P.
Oh, yeah, I'll count that. That's a good choice.
That's another Australian thing is to steal all their good shit. Great.
Yeah. There you go.

Speaker 1 They invented the Pavlova. They say.
They say. They say.
They say. Now, do you know the Pavlova? They don't.
The Pavlova is the funniest Australian beef. It's funny to say.

Speaker 1 Pavlova. Pavlova.

Speaker 1 So, very funny Australian, New Zealand beef because we all have these arguments about who invented what. Every Australian thing or New Zealand thing, the other country says we invented it.

Speaker 1 Pavlova is big fights about who invented it. Pavlova is meringue cream fruit.

Speaker 1 When you said that, I was like, it's probably not the Pavlova I'm thinking of. So it is.
Meringue cream fruit. Yeah.
And we're fighting, we fight, we've fought for decades over who made that.

Speaker 1 And it's like,

Speaker 1 I reckon 20 people from every country.

Speaker 1 It's like when someone comes up with an easy joke, it's like, oh, you stole that from this person. It's like, no, it's kind of just easy to come up with.

Speaker 1 A million people made that joke. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's a good opening statement, Broden. Thank you.
Those are some of my favorite things. You know, you helped him there.
Ah, shit. I'll help him shortly.
Okay, sure.

Speaker 1 I've also been saying for 10 minutes that our bread's not as good. I would love to hear your favorite 10 American things.
Hell yeah. Wow, that's good.
That's a good thing. Genuinely.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because you're going through some stuff right now, let's be honest. America?

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 no.

Speaker 1 America's the leader of the free world, no? Well, then, why are we doing another Lilo and Stitch?

Speaker 1 That's what he's talking about, and it fucking grossed really well, yeah. Yeah, we're going through some stuff,

Speaker 1 so American stuff, yeah, barbecue, yeah, which is funny because I feel like you know, everyone's like shrimp on the barbecue, that's Australian. No, you're better at it, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 We just put things on a barbecue, you close the lid,

Speaker 1 we turn them around,

Speaker 1 close the lid, you put it in there real low, you gotta go. get it.
You guys put them on the grill and it's just like, I wish there's something else we could do at this point. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Just going to get it hot. We go, I like the butter button at the movies.
Butter button? The butter button. Oh, for the popcorn? Turn more butter.
Wow, that is such an American thing.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm like, yeah. I like the butter button.

Speaker 1 I like

Speaker 1 the service that is based on... of gratuity.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Hey, how are you? No, I find that too much. I know Zach finds it too much.
I don't mind it.

Speaker 1 I think like the thing behind it of we don't want to pay people enough so you have to is wrong, but I do like the idea that everyone is nice because of is there anything else I can get you?

Speaker 1 I love that. Yeah.
That's not happened here. If you go to a waiter here and they and they're like, are you ready? And you go, I need a bit more time, you will not see that person again.

Speaker 1 But I think the issue with gratuity service is it's like, I just want to be like, it's okay, you don't need to be my friend. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I wish there was a look you could give them where it's like, I'll tip you what you need. Just be normal.

Speaker 1 It's okay. Yeah, it's okay.
I'm on your side. What else do I like about America? I like the 9,000 channels.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'll streaming services now, but yeah. It's nice to, yeah.
I just the flipping. I like Braden loves TV.
I do love TV. He's shared rooms with me for a decade in hotel rooms.
Yeah, he just watches TV.

Speaker 1 And he'll come to work sometimes and be like, did you guys see this thing on the TV?

Speaker 1 Dude, no.

Speaker 1 Well, you live in a hotel, so it's all you got. I do watch a lot of TV.
I do. I feel like I watch a lot of TV shows at home sometimes where it's like I pick a show and I stick to it.

Speaker 1 When I'm in a hotel, it does feel like one of the most peaceful things you can do is just be like, what's playing?

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's like it's out of my hands. I'm going to flip through channels.
It's like, oh, Bridget Jones' diary. Great.
Yeah. And I want to see it with an ad break every 30 seconds.
So that's perfect.

Speaker 1 And I also, I mean, whenever I'm in a hotel watching stuff because of our life, you know, being comedians, it's always late. So it's always road dogs you know saying it like it is

Speaker 1 telling truth to the masses yeah truth to power i think yeah and uh i'll be in that hotel room after just doing a show um and it doesn't matter where i am i've just got to go on the road dog thing doesn't matter where i am in america you know i'll get them on board sure they'll go who's this guy from new york

Speaker 1 Who's this guy from New York? Or because you walk on stage saying, hey, I'm walking here. And they're like, got it.
Yeah, they're like, got it. New York.
I think we've got different politics.

Speaker 1 And I go, you know, but, you know, my missus, my wife, she's, you know, another boss. Why don't we share that? Yeah.
And then I'll. They're like, hey, I hate my wife too.
I'm listening. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then I'll say, oh, you know,

Speaker 1 I'll go, all politicians are shit. And they'll be like, yes.

Speaker 1 And then...

Speaker 1 And then that's it, really. Sure.

Speaker 1 How does that connect to? I don't remember. Okay, so then I'm watching TV.
I'm a road dog.

Speaker 1 I've just done my show I'm watching TV he tells it like it is and then I'll be watching TV and now this is real and it's always late so it's always infomercials so the only like free-to-wear television I've watched in the last two years is infomercials and you know the guy from um home improvement the other guy so not Tim Allen the other guy oh Richard Carr the one that co-hosts yeah the home improvement

Speaker 1 name Richard Khan. Richard Curran.

Speaker 1 Is he Australian? No, but it's a very... But he's got a hose now.

Speaker 1 He's got a hose that's really durable, stretches out. That's a kind of brilliant, like, punny saying this.
Because we're talking about TV. I'm the judge.
You're just saying

Speaker 1 the other guy from Tim Allen has got a hose. The other guy from Tim Allen has a hose now.
Just imagine going to court and the judge is like, real quick, can I say something? Real quick. Real quick.

Speaker 1 I got a thing. So I was watching TV also the other day.

Speaker 1 That is such a good career pivot, though.

Speaker 1 It's like, people know me as like the fake home improvement guy what if i just become a real home improvement the hose guy yeah i'm gonna sell you a hose at one in the morning but the layer of the of the infomercial is that he's really famous it's a world where home improvement is the biggest show still sure it's our world it's our world absolutely and he'll be like um he'll he goes to he goes to a home depot type place at one point and he goes to the guy he's like how you doing with your hose he's like it's all right is a guy he's like it's all right but i can't get it to all the plants because it's too short and he's like well you go go use my hose.

Speaker 1 It's really long. And then he's like, awesome.
He's like, hey, is it all right? Can I get a selfie with you? That's

Speaker 1 a selfie together. So

Speaker 1 yeah, in the ad.

Speaker 1 I don't think it's scripted. I think it's a real moment.

Speaker 1 He's just going around selling his hose and then he gets a selfie with the guy. Incredible.

Speaker 1 Sorry, yeah. Sands of bread.
Sandwiches. Sandwiches.
Yeah. I like American sandwiches.
Mainly the bread's really good. Sure.

Speaker 1 But you know, also I'll say to American sandwiches, better filling to bread ratio too much bread in an Australian sandwich really yeah I haven't had an Australian sandwich and now I'm like I need to check that out yeah I don't think we culturally have sandwiches not like America we would probably if you went to a like at home you'd have a Vegemai sandwich which is for babies I've still never had Vegema.

Speaker 1 I'm scared of it. We should have brought in and done that thing we do to all the poor people from overseas is make you eat it.
But, you know, I wouldn't do that to you. Just a little bit.

Speaker 1 It's just like a salty thing. Yeah.
Just don't put too much on it. Bread, lots of butter.
Just is the joke that it tastes awful? Like, what's

Speaker 1 no. Well, if you have too much of it,

Speaker 1 it would be like making someone eat a spoonful of salt. Oh, okay.
You know, so that's why, you know, so you just go, oh, here, have some Vegemite. And they're like, oh, it's yeasty salt.

Speaker 1 But, you know. Zach Efron claims to like it.

Speaker 1 It's quite nice. You just pour a little bit on.
Sure.

Speaker 1 I drove past the factory here. The Vegemite Factory? Yeah, the Vegemite Factory.
I can smell it. Vegemite.
They extract yeast.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so the leftover yeast goop from the beer factory gets sent to the Vegemite factory and they turn it into Vegemite. I mean, I respect that from an ecological standpoint.

Speaker 1 If you sound like Vegemite,

Speaker 1 then you are, you know, not green. You're against the world.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Eat the goop. You can't eat the goop.
Okay. We just, as a culture, Vegemite was invented decades after.
We would just eat the beer goop on bread.

Speaker 1 It's like, God, there's got to be a better way to do this. Maybe we're going to add some salt.
We suck. Yeah, oh, yeah.
We suck. Oh, yeah.
No.

Speaker 1 Brett,

Speaker 1 I will remind you, your life is on the line. Yeah, I don't want to live here anymore.
Okay. You don't want to live anywhere? You could move.
I want to live on the moon.

Speaker 1 Now, that's what that's what. Do you really want to live on the moon? People of the court.

Speaker 1 I got three tickets to the moon.

Speaker 1 Three tickets to the moon? Yeah. Lindsay, get some moon music ready.

Speaker 1 I'll allow it. You can object, though.

Speaker 1 I want to see where this goes.

Speaker 1 Fuck.

Speaker 1 I want to take everyone to the moon. Brayden,

Speaker 1 here's what I'm going to do.

Speaker 1 This is a little unconventional.

Speaker 1 If you can convince me that living on the moon would be fun and cool,

Speaker 1 then I will... Give you, what's the word where you exoneration? Oh, yeah.
Because you're guilty. Of.

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 I think I think broadly speaking you had a good defense for Australian bread. American bread from supermarkets can be a little too sweet in my opinion.
But yummier. American no, not in my opinion.

Speaker 1 But American bread also in its family includes San Francisco Californian sourdough. Oh, yeah, there's yum and yum.
He's a yum.

Speaker 1 This guy's a big Disney guy. But well, just generally, yeah.
You liked the California Adventure Park when they used to have a bread section hosted by Colin Mockery?

Speaker 1 Oh, when they had the giant loaves that were shaped like Mickey? Yeah. Yeah.
And they have in that, so where they make that bread,

Speaker 1 California Adventure being a

Speaker 1 complicated park with a weird history. It used to be, there used to be the sourdough tour where someone would give you a little free piece of dry sourdough.

Speaker 1 And then you'd watch a video starring Colin Mockery and I think Rosie O'Donnell talking about the history of sourdough in California. The most famous people they could get.
Yeah, oh yeah, man.

Speaker 1 This is 1999. The rollout dude.
Yeah. What's his name? Who was the CEO at the time? Eisner.
Eisner. Like it's very Drew Kerry based.
The people that like the Drew Kerry show people.

Speaker 1 Well yeah, there's that. There was also that Hollywood.
So up from there, there was the Hollywood tour

Speaker 1 where

Speaker 1 the line is like LAX. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Have you been to this one? Well, this is gone. This is gone.
All right. So because it was Hollywood themed.
So you, I remember I was staying in Hollywood.

Speaker 1 I was living in Hollywood and then I went to California Adventure, and I'm like, this is a Hollywood-themed land.

Speaker 1 Driving distance from Hollywood, driving distance from Hollywood. And one of the rides that was only open for one year was, I can't remember what it was called.
It was about like limousines.

Speaker 1 And the line was LAX. And the storyline was meant to be, you're a big celebrity and you're running late for the premiere at the Graumans Chinese Theatre.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So then

Speaker 1 the concept was you were meant to line up in LAX and then you'd get in a car and then the car was meant to race through LA and then you'd get to Graumans.

Speaker 1 As they were making the ride,

Speaker 1 Paparazzi chasing

Speaker 1 chasing him. Oh, yes, yeah.
As they were making the ride, Princess Diana died in a limousine from being chased by Paparazzi. So they changed it to just be a slow limousine drive.

Speaker 1 The change they made was to like make it slower and safer. Oh, God.
So what it was, what it became, the ride was you line up in LA X.

Speaker 1 So you've just been in LAX, the worst airport in the world, and now it's a line, the worst part of a theme park themed to the worst airport. And then you slowly drive around Hollywood.

Speaker 1 And then there's weird animatronics of Drew Carey. Just like, hey.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 I can't imagine flying in, being like, we're going to Disneyland, and then getting out of LAX, taking like a shuttle, going to Disneyland and being like, all right, now let's ride this ride.

Speaker 1 And just sort of being like, what are we doing? What are we exactly?

Speaker 1 All these little characters, they turned it into the Monster Zinc Ride and put them in Hazemat suits. They just covered the Drew Kerry in like that.
That's honestly genius.

Speaker 1 Those Imagineers killed it with that one. So you know, actually, when you're on the Monster Zinc ride, you actually know that that Hazamat suit over there is actually Drew Carey.

Speaker 1 You're like, that hazmat suit is doing, is sitting behind a desk and giving points out. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So, folks, that is my pitch. We go to the moon.

Speaker 1 I mean, you convinced me. I don't remember the point you were making, but I do remember having a good time for the last few minutes.
So I think. Yeah, I had a nice time.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I will say, you didn't answer any of the. This is my moon music.
Oh, okay. Tell me about the moon, Broden, real quick.
The moon.

Speaker 1 Why it's good to live there.

Speaker 1 Why not go where no one has ever lived

Speaker 1 longer? Because there's no gravity, there's no air. Let me finish.
This is really bad. Let me finish.

Speaker 1 Let it

Speaker 1 stick to you and is itchy.

Speaker 1 Why not? It's itchy. Yeah.
It's like little shards of glass. Moon dust is itchy? Well, it's like little shards of glass and it sticks to you.
It's positively charged, so it sticks to you.

Speaker 1 It's real gross. Oh, wow.
That sounds fucked.

Speaker 1 You switch up midpoints. Yeah, I don't want to go to the moon.
Never mind. You don't want to go to the moon? No, I'm happy here.
This, the moon is Earth.

Speaker 1 What? What?

Speaker 1 The The moon is Earth. And we should treat Earth like it's the moon.
Make Earth the moon.

Speaker 1 Make Earth moon. Instead of trying to make moon the Earth,

Speaker 1 we should make Earth the Moon. Wow.
Wow.

Speaker 1 That's beautiful, I think. I don't really understand what you're saying, but it...
I get the sentiment. I think the music really helps.
It really helped. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Lindsay worked really, really hard to go and find that. I really, really love that.
And I appreciate you. I think that's how it

Speaker 1 felt like

Speaker 1 a weird mid-90s low-budget family movie that was more depressing than you remember the magical twist of yeah

Speaker 1 family man can you play it again and and uh and we'll see if we can make other stuff feel magical sure what what would you like to

Speaker 1 early california adventure sure

Speaker 1 uh one day a man named michael eisner had a vision to add a second park to the Disneyland resort but then after the failure of Euro Disney he didn't have enough money.

Speaker 1 So the park featured a tour where Colin Mockery tells you about sourdough, a slow limousine drive ride, and also a whole thing about the history of agriculture in California. It wasn't very good.

Speaker 1 People didn't like it and it lost lots of money.

Speaker 1 Thanks, that's really good. Thanks for that.
Dem, I mean, Mark.

Speaker 1 I would like you to tell us about your trip of Australia to this music. Sure.

Speaker 1 So I've been traveling these fairlands for the better half of the month. I've gone through Sydney, gone through Adelaide.
No. And I've had a wonderful time.

Speaker 1 You know, you come to a place like this in the winter and you think it's going to be too cold to hang out, to go see all the beautiful beaches, to see all the, you know, the wonderful flora and fauna you've got.

Speaker 1 And every city I've come to, aside from Melbourne, it's been raining the first day. So it sets myself up for failure.

Speaker 1 But I think that in having that immediate rain and then getting so much sun, I really get to see all the beautiful sides of this great country you know I've walked through botanical gardens I've I've seen a lovely zoo I've eaten tim tams everywhere I've gone all things you can get in America

Speaker 1 well

Speaker 1 they're different not those specific gardens or those specific tim tams yeah true yeah I have to go to specialty stores to get tim tams here they're flowing out of I don't even want them guys will be like take these we gotta go to specialty stores to get lucky charms you gotta go to specialty we should take you to we we should take you to an american food store i would love that just be like oh it's just all of my it's just gelson the funniest layer is they're all fronts to sell illegal vapes and chinese cigarettes hell yeah just like american stores do just freely

Speaker 1 um

Speaker 1 i would like to say a big thank you to mark mac2

Speaker 1 uh for being american mark mac2 for joining us for two wonderful episodes the second being a court trial um and also to our dear friend demi Adijawibo for doing the show with us. Wherever he may be.

Speaker 1 Wherever he may be. And now it's time for my final judgment.

Speaker 1 Mark, American Mark, Mark II.

Speaker 1 You didn't do closing statements. No.
Talks about your tour,

Speaker 1 but I really liked your

Speaker 1 southern guy. Thank you, Canley.
Yeah, who

Speaker 1 I think he went on a real emotional journey. I think he was prejudiced at the start, but was doing the job because he was honourable.
Sure. And then by the end, he was less prejudiced.

Speaker 1 He realized that those people are no different than us. Yes.
Those people being Australians. Yes.
Yes.

Speaker 1 The plot of Philadelphia for Australians and bread.

Speaker 1 Beautiful. Broden.

Speaker 1 You fucking sucked at the bread argument. I gave you a second chance with the moon argument.

Speaker 1 And you sucked at that too.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 I don't think it's right to put a man to death because he said he had an opinion about bread

Speaker 1 so I will

Speaker 1 be

Speaker 1 you are guilty

Speaker 1 my punishment for you is life imprisonment but chance of parole in 20 years all right there you go what do I got to do To get parole

Speaker 1 just be a good boy read your books don't don't shank anyone don't you know just be nice be nice cut all the bread talk cut the bread talk man

Speaker 1 it's a little rude more bread talk he doesn't like rude not that kind of rude man

Speaker 1 well

Speaker 1 that sounds good and i'll i'll take my medicine uh this has been judge zach and this is my i should say This is my pilot, like a sort of a sneaky pilot for a judge Judy style show where I'm the judge.

Speaker 1 Judge Zach. Judge Zach.
So if you like the sound of that,

Speaker 1 write it to Channel 10. Let them know you want to see it.
Make it feel like they think it's organic. And then they'll come to me.
All right. Otherwise, thank you, American Mark, Mark2.

Speaker 1 Thank you so much for having me. Thank you, Broden Kelly.
Thanks, everyone. Thank you for being here, Dennis.
Of course, have a good one, bye.

Speaker 1 You've been listening to the Auntie Donner podcast. Thanks for joining us for another rip episode brought to you by Auntie DonorClub.com.
See you next week.