Farm Chores with Matt Mathews

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Hey. Hi, I'm B.F.
Happy Friday. Happy Friday.
Welcome to Barely Famous. It's bomb.
It's your fave villain, Kale Valley. Hey, fuckers.
Welcome back to another episode of Barely Fucking Famous. I have someone who's famous, famous today.
Okay. We have Matt Matthews and we're out on the farm.
Are you fucking ready for this show? I'm ready. My titties are ready.
I'm shaking them. Wait.
As soon as I walked up to your house, the chickens came out to greet me. No, that was everything.
I didn't know they could hear because I didn't know they had ears. She's slow.
But I have so many questions. He has eggs out on the counter.
They don't have to be refrigerated. What the fuck is going on in this farm? But this is like farm shit.
This is farm shit. I love it.
I told my kids I filmed. There's chicken shit in the barn no i love it i filmed every one of my kids reactions to me going to alabama and my one son was like what's alabama and i was like it's a it's a state and he's like but what state and i was like alabama so do you homeschool them no uh listen so listen i was telling your makeup artist Lauren, she came to my hotel this morning and I said

the first things that come to mind when I

think of Alabama were

she goes, what, fucking your cousin? And I was

like, no, no, no. She said

people with no teeth. And I said, no, fucking

your cousin. I was like, that's what people

say, right? And then the second thing is

Hoover, because remember that show on MTV

called Two-A-Days? Yeah. Love it.

Was obsessed. And then third, the first 48.
Oh baby, we're on every episode. Every episode.
Baby, because that's actually a part of my comedy show. So like when I go perform and I tell people where I'm from, if they're like, we've never heard, I'm like, y'all watch First 48 because we're on every episode.
No, literally. Literally.
Literally. So I went on Instagram and we're going to read these together because I, she, Lauren couldn't understand where I was getting from with like the incest thing.
But that's what people talk about. But I have not seen that.
It's pretty normal. Yeah.
Like, I love it here. It's very country in some areas.
And then you go down to the city. Like when we flew in, it was the city.
It was cool. It's like Delaware.
Right. So so I went on Instagram and I was like let's tell me what you first think of when you and she also told me there's beaches here we're not a third world country I well I knew that but I didn't think of them on the coast of you know what I mean wait so someone the first person said the montgomery mollywop oh yeah what's that oh yeah yeah that's the mollywop forrest gump the movie was filmed in alabama two people right off the bat said incest so i wasn't wrong yeah um sweet home alabama alabama yeah the duggars and Sweet Tea Party on a boat.
I don't know nothing about that. Are the Duggars from here? I don't know nothing about them.
I don't fuck with kids. Can we talk about that? Yeah.
I also didn't want kids and now I have seven of them. What's's your beef with children I don't fuck I don't fuck with kids what is that no no Lauren was Lauren for those of you I just got nauseated no for those of you who don't know Lauren is his makeup artist and friend and so she did my makeup this morning right and she was like oh you know I'm gonna head out I have to get my daughter daughter or whatever and I was like oh if Matt's okay with it like just bring your daughter it's fine and she was like no he doesn't fuck with kids and I said wait a minute why because I need to know what the beef is so you just don't like I don't like them okay they loud loud obnoxious like I can't stand when I get on a plane and you're like, can you shut your kid up?

We shut our kids up.

Like, baby, I pay my money.

It's like everybody else up here to be on this flight.

OK, like I don't want to I don't want to listen to your kid.

So no judgment to y'all.

If you want to pop a baby out of your snatch or seven more power to you.

But it just couldn't be me.

Right.

OK, that's fair. My my oldest son does not want children.
He does like children he doesn't like drool poopy diapers the smell yeah the crying he doesn't like any of it and i don't like that's fine yeah but so when i said that to kristin because kristin was like oh they're um matt said what did you call it a dink so she said that and i was like a dick he's a dick and she's like no a dink dual income no kids did you did y'all see that fucking chicken i didn't know they fly you are slow they ain't got no ears they got wings like wait so do they like fly i mean like short periods yeah okay it's like southwest you know just like short short. There's something on fire down there, just so you know.
Oh, yeah. I had a little.
I was burning trash. Oh, okay.
Last night. Them chickens.
I don't know. There's no meat chickens here, just so y'all.
Don't y'all hear us filming the damn Mary-Kate? Get your ass out of here. Not Mary-Kate.
That's Mary-Kate and Ashley right there. That is Mary-Kate and Ashley.
How did you choose

which name fit each? Because they're

twins. Wait, in real

life? Yes, they're identical twins.

So how do you know which one's which

or you don't? Because that one

has a blacker tail than the other one.

See, look at them. Twins.
Okay, well,

speaking of this, I'm gonna, I got chickens,

right? I got four

Benham, Benham, Benham chickens. I two ducks, and then I have four silkies.
So my kids and I, I know you hate kids. It's fine.
You and my oldest son would get along because he's a kid, but he don't like kids. So we started naming them, right? These are the names that we have so far.
Okay. Well, first, tell me all of your names.
Okay. okay mary kate can y'all hear them like will y'all be able to hear them in the god get out they're hungry so they are hungry because i was waiting on your ass to get here to feed them and you just laid you lost i was i was lost then she.
I look outside. Ain't nobody here.
Like, where is this bitch at? Okay, so, you know, I had Fluffy. Fluffy was my heart.
Like, she was, like, not... See, the rest of these chickens, I don't fucks with them.
Okay. Like, I love them.
Right. But, like, I could punt them across the yard and I'd be fine, you know? Right.
Like, I could take them to K to KFC tomorrow. But like the one that's all the way out there in the field, like she knows better.
Right. Like I've taught her better than I've raised her better than that.
And she's out there fucking around. And when she gets eight, I don't want to hear it.
OK, but like hear it. But like Fluffy was my baby.
Yeah. Like she followed she was a dog.
She followed me around everywhere. Like her personality was just like everything she was like she was everything like and so i started doing videos with her right and that's what like skyrocketed farm chores right which is why i had the forever fluffy line because when we lost fluffy that's why i named it forever fluffy and so the house that we're building i told you about where we're actually we i'm having this picture painted of her.
And it says the house that Fluffy built. Stop.
Because like it's because of her. It's because of her that all this has happened, you know.
So it's like it's because I got money. So like I'm like, she's the reason that I get to do all this, you know.
So I had Fluffy, Mary-Kate and Ashley. I got Blackie Chan.
I got Left Eye.

I got Brittany Spears.

Brittany Spears.

I'm a 90s baby.

Well, so my old alias through Teen Mom, when we checked into hotels, I'm talking about

like the peak of Teen Mom, right?

We had to check into hotels with aliases.

Mine was Brittany Spearhead.

Okay. So like me and Brittany Spears would be.
Y'all are... Yeah.
We should probably take a picture together. Yeah.
I have Left Eye. That is Coco right there.
I got Ruru. Who names them? Me.
You're just like, this is a vibe. I vibe.
I know exactly what they're like. I know when it's time.

Okay.

And do they also have babies?

Yeah.

Okay.

All of them.

I don't buy chickens from outside people because they bring diseases and shit.

So, like, I hatch all mine.

And then are any of them meat chickens?

No, I don't kill none of them because they're my babies.

So, I can't kill them.

Do you sell them?

Are they meat chickens?

No.

Okay.

No, you ain't eating my chickens.

Right.

Now, like, I have had a rooster that I put in the crock pot before. Did you slaughter it yourself? My husband did.
But we did eat him. What was that like? Like eating a chicken.
No. But like.
I mean, what'd you think it was like? No, but. It was only because he was so fucking mean.
Like, you would walk outside and he would attack you. Oh, okay.
And I was like, I'm done with you. Like, my rooster now does not bother you.
He is not gonna mess with you. He's living his best life.
Like, he's good. But I don't fuck with mean animals.
So if you want to play with me, I will put you in the crock pot. Well, so when I went to Iceland a couple years ago, they eat horses there, right?

Oh, no, no, no.

No, same.

Yeah.

But I asked him, I'm like, how do you determine what horses get eaten? And he was like, basically the ones that are not good enough get eaten.

So it's the same concept with your like mean ones, right?

Yeah.

So the names that my kids came up with for the chickens and ducks, we got spaghetti and meatballs.

Okay. How do we feel about those? Could do better.
We could do better. Yeah.
Donald Trump. Okay.
Peanut butter. Okay.
Armadillo. Armadillo.
All right. One of the silkies is named purple.
Purple. I think they saw a picture of like a dyed silky.
And so it was like they put food coloring on it or something And so then they were like Oh I want a Silky named Purple And then Goofy How do we feel about those? We still have one, two We have three more to name and I was like This is not on me because I can't tell them apart So I'm going to let y'all do this I have to name name them based off their personalities usually. Okay.
Or like what they look like. Okay.
You know, like Coco. She's all brown and got little spots.
Coco. Yeah.
Yeah, makes sense. Mary-Kate and Ashley, they're twins.
Left eye only has one eye. Wait, why? How did that happen? She got attacked by a raccoon.
And it tried to like pull her little ass through the coop. And it took out one of her eyes.
Do they go to the vet? No, they're just survival of the fittest? Yeah. Okay.
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What is the dynamic between you and Rob out here on this farm? Like, are you equally doing farm chores? Do you have, like, divide and conquer? What is that? You know what's so funny to me? What's so funny to me is everybody thinks that because I am, like, the, the, like. I don't know where he's going with this.
People think because I'm the more, like, flamboyant that, like, I don't do none of this shit. That never crossed my mind.
But, like, my husband is very, like, you would never know he was gay. Okay.
Like, he's very, like, he's butch. Okay.
You know? Okay. Which is, like, that's what I like.
You know, I can't fuck with a fairy. That's what I like.
Like, there's this, I'm the only one here. So, but I'm very self-aware.-aware okay um so everybody thinks because he's so macho and like masculine that he does all the shit he's in their sleep okay i'm out here feeding horses feeding pigs feeding chickens clean like i'm the one that does it all like if it were not for for me we would not even probably have a farm really like the only thing that he does does is the goats.
I don't fuck with the goats. I don't fuck with the goats.
I don't like them. They stink.
I don't fuck with them. They're terrors.
But all these other animals are all mine. So the dynamic is he does the goats.
You do everything else. Yep.
Okay. That's the dynamic.
My kids, I have to bribe them to take care of our chicks. Yeah.
It's mostly me. And when I'm not doing them, that doesn't sound good.
Yeah, no. When I'm not taking care of them, I'm not taking care of them.
Elijah is doing it. But also, I'm one of those people that's really particular about things.
So I'm like, can you switch out the, now that they have feathers, can you switch it to like, hey, and like do all that? And he doesn't do it right. So it's like.
I mean, baby, you got seven kids. Yeah.
That's a lot of free labor. Bring them to my house for the weekend.
Well, first of all, you would not fuck with them. No, if they was out here working.
You're like, as long as we can do child labor, that's fine. It's free labor.
They ain't clocking in so now you took off on tiktok from your boudoir photographer started with boudoir yes got it so like the i posted a boudoir i didn't want tiktok i've been very open about like not wanting tiktok at first and everybody it was during the pandemic and everybody was like matt you have got to get a tiktok you're so funny you have to do a TikTok. And I was like, okay.
So I posted my first TikTok of me posing a client.

Okay.

And it was funny because, like, I've been a boudoir photographer for over a decade.

Like, I have spoke and taught workshops.

I've spoke at, like, the biggest photography conferences out there.

Like, to toot my own horn, like, did it big in the boudoir industry. Right.
You know, like, I've like I've made and I felt like I kind of like made it as far as I could make it okay um and so my work was really good like I knew I was an excellent photographer um but what got people was my personality and so I was posing a client and she was a beautiful plus-size girl and I was posing her and, I like, I laid her on the floor and what we called it was the titty crusher. And she was laying flat on her chest, like, you know, flat.
And I like picked her butt up. I was like, girl, get your butt up.
You know, like pulled her butt up. Yeah.
And I took a photo of her, like we did a butt shot and it was beautiful. And I posted that and it got 18 million views.
And I grew from like 100 followers to 500,000 followers in like two days. It was insane.
From this one video? One video. And I was like, what? So I kept doing my boudoir videos.
Then all of my videos started getting deleted. Because of the content.
Because of the content. Okay.
Because of adult content. Right.
Because they're in lingerie. So I was like, okay, well, I'll pivot.
So I started doing thirst trap videos. What's that? Where I would teach them how to take a sexy photo.
I think I might have seen those. I would like put my phone up and I'll be like, okay, so this is how you take a sexy photo.
Like, let's pop's arch here put your phone on a video okay and then once you video it hold that post for three seconds screenshot that hoe and send it out and that's what that was like a tagline wait we need to do that at some point yeah to film that because I need practice so you would you would put your phone on video you'd hold the post screenshot that hoe and send it out like that was the thing that took off was taken off getting millions millions millions and i was like okay well the am i getting too far ahead no i need i need to know all the things because i somebody in my facebook group like on my barely famous facebook group was like have matt matthews this was years ago and i was like i don't know who that is and so then circle back years i you had come up on my For You page. And I was like, I love him.
Like, I need to follow him. So I wanted to know where did you.
Did you pop off when I found you or had you popped off already? I had popped off before you and I connected. Right.
Which is what I figured out. I was like, and then I went on your stuff and I was like, oh, my God, like he's been around for a minute.
I just hadn't seen him. I hadn't seen you yet.
So I really. Now you're fucking everywhere.
I really kind of like popped off during COVID. Yeah.
Okay. And then now my photography business in general had done, I've been booked with sessions and like teaching workshops for 10 years.
Yeah. So like I've never had problems there.
Like I've always been booked and doing great. Then the internet blew up.
Right. I started doing the thirst traps.
Okay. Then even some of those were getting deleted.
And I'm like, I'm clothed, you know? Right. And so, again, I pivoted.
Yep. And, like, I am always a person that's like, okay, you always have to think of something new.
Like, if you keep doing the same shit forever and ever and ever, it's going to eventually die off. That's what I told Kristen last night.
I said, people know who Kristen is. I said to her yesterday, I said, we need a plan.
Like what is our game plan for this and this? And then moving forward, what is the plan moving forward? Because the shit's changing. And TikTok is a scary place to be because just as fast as you get popularity, they'll shut you down.
Gone. Yeah.
So you've got to think ahead. So now you pivot for a third time so i pivot for a third time and i pivoted doing my farm chores and it was just one day i came out and i was feeding the animals and it was in the middle of summertime okay but i've always like i've always been a robe person so like in the morning times I sleep naked so like in the morning times I generally wake up and I put on a robe feed the dogs make coffee drink my coffee in my robe and I didn't want to put on clothes so I would come outside and I would take care of my animals in my robe like real shit like not putting on real clothes and my best friend my husband they would always be like like you are a whole ass fool like put on clothes to be fair your name you cannot see that yeah i don't have any neighbors so who it doesn't matter i can be out here naked yeah right so it doesn't yeah okay so i really would be out here yeah no underwear with a robe on and slippers feeding pigs and chickens

and horses and like i was doing all of that and one video 12 million views and i was like i wonder if that's the one that i saw and it was just like it was nuts to me because i'm like this is just what I do. But again,

so this is, I think,

this is not, I don't want to

sound like... to me because I'm like this is just what I do but again so

this is I think this is

not I don't want to sound like

cocky by any means but

a lot of people on

social media will get

big or like they'll have a viral

video and people will

kind of know them from that video right

but at the end of the day

if you don't have a personality

to continue to carry that

it fizzles out or if it's that one-off and you create your whole identity off of off of a character maintain that right it's just hard to maintain so between boudoir between thirst traps between you know like farm chores i've always been the same person right so every single time they've popped off because of my personality right and that doesn't And that never changes. So I've always been the same person.
Right, right, right. So every single time they've popped off because of my personality.
Right, and that doesn't change. And that never changes.
So I've always just been very goofy and like very, if I think it, I say it, you know, very blunt. Like just, I've just always been who I am.
I always say you can't be anybody but yourself. No, because it can't maintain it.
Like you can't, you can't maintain it. Like, and at the end of the day, you're going day you're gonna be who you are like that's it period and i got a lot of hate on social media because people would say um i'm i'm acting black or i try to talk black or i have you know like i black sent like one of the number one number one uh google searches one day was matt matthews black scent and i'm like alabama you have a southern accent i have a southern accent but what people don't know about me also is i did grow up in bessemer alabama which is predominantly black and it is a um one of the number one crime rated cities in the country and i grew grew up in government housing with an alcoholic mom.
Like we were really poor. We didn't have like a lot of, you know, I had a lot of trauma and a lot of like, you know, like I almost got shot.
You know what I mean? Like things like that. When you were a kid? Yeah, because like I grew up in a really bad area.
Like one time we lived in econo lodge because we didn't have any money, and my mom couldn't keep a job because of her addiction. So we lived in the projects, and we would move every time the rent was due, literally, because we couldn't stay there.
And she used my social security number to turn the power on. I didn't learn until I bought my first house in 2015 that my credit was ruined because my mom had been using my social security number to turn the power on in all the places we lived so I grew up the only white kid in my neighborhood I grew up the only white kid in my church I grew up you know like that is what that's how I grew up you know so like there was never of like a and people people were like, oh well, your accent doesn't always sound like that.

And I'm like, no, but if you go

to an interview, you're going to have a different

voice than when you're talking to your friend. Right.
You know

what I mean? Like when you're talking to your friend and we're fuck

girl. It's like

your customer service voice. Yeah, it's a customer service.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So like, no, like

yeah, sometimes my voice is going to change.

But I always say like my accent never changed.

It was just like the how I'm saying

something. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But that was like a lot

of flack that I got at first. And I was like

Thank you. Yeah, sometimes my voice is going to change.
But I always say, like, my accent never changed. It was just, like, the how I'm saying something.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But that was, like, a lot of flack that I got at first.

And I was like, you know, what is she doing?

Which one is that?

Sister.

Sister!

Oh, no.

See, what's happening is she's up there trying to lay her egg on the hay.

And sister wants to get up there and lay her egg there.

So they're fighting over the spot.

Wait, how do you know they're trying to lay eggs?

Because that's what she's doing on top of the hay.

Can I look?

Thank you. on the hay and sister wants to get up there and lay her egg there so they're fighting over the spot wait how do you know they're trying to lay eggs because that's what she's doing on top of the hay can i look yeah

Yeah.

She's laying eggs.

Yeah.

No, no, no, it's not. She's laying eggs.
A bear? Yeah. Is that their laying?

No.

No. No.

No.

It's not.

There's an egg up there.

Uh-huh.

There's probably multiple.

What?

Yeah.

Wait, how do you get it up there?

They fly, Kayle.

They don't fly all the way up there.

Yes, they do.

Yes, they do.

How are you going to tell me?

That's like me telling you your kids don't do something when you know damn well they do. Well, they be getting into trouble.
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Not that you guys have the same experience, but what you're describing to me is a lot like how what we know about Eminem he grew up in Detroit 8 Mile and that whole situation it's not so much cultural appropriation as it is how you grew up but people don't know that about me I'm not on the internet talking about that all the time because I don't want people to don't want people to look at me and be like, oh, poor pitiful Matt. Like, you know, I wrote a book about it.
Now my my you know, I started my first comedy tour and like my show is about my life. So like people will come to my show and they expect farm chores.
They come to my show and I'm taking them on a journey of like laughter and inspiration and sadness, you know, because I lost my biological mom in 2007 to addiction. So like my dad got custody of me when I was nine years old and I moved out of the projects with my mom into a trailer park.
And so I grew up in the projects and then I moved to a trailer park and I lived there with my dad. And then my dad remarried and to the woman that I called mom, you know, the woman that raised me from nine years old on.
And then she died in. And so my life, it's a lot of like a lot of pain, a lot of trauma, a lot of loss at a very early age.
And people don't know that. You know what I mean? So it's like they don't realize.
Yeah, like, yeah, I'm from the South. Yeah, like, yeah, I have an accent.
You know what I mean? But like, I never let that stop me like people would get on my my business page of my photography and they would leave reviews

and be like photographed no yeah never got photographed and they would just leave reviews

about my accent oh he's just a character of black women he's just trying to make fun of black women

it's the aave for me blah blah blah and i'm like you really just don't know anything about me you know what I mean and um so

so

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so so so so so AVE for me, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, you really just don't know anything about me.
You know what I mean? And so it was just like a, I never, I've been picked on my whole life. You know, like I was the white gay kid in the projects.
What was that? Because did you grow up in Alabama then? So what was it like when you realized that you were gay or you came out? What was that like being a gay kid or a gay man in Alabama? So I didn't come out until I was a teenager. I was too scared.
But people made fun of you for being gay before you came out? Yeah. So they always knew I was gay.
People would always make fun of me. They'd call me faggot and queer or whatever.
And they would always make fun of me they'd call me you know faggot and you know queer or whatever and they would always make fun of me however i my mom was like your bio mom my bio mom okay um and i say bio mom and my mom so like but like my bio mom she would physically fight people in walmart like she would she stayed in jail like she would beat the shit out of you like me not not you like she beat up my teacher in a parent teacher conference in the fourth grade like beat the shit out of her so you know shit you've seen some so yeah okay yeah so like i always like i make jokes about that so i'm like i've never been like a frail kid right you know what i mean able to kind of hold so like when people would make fun of me or they would talk bad about me or like they would try to hurt my feelings in school i was always quick to be you know i was quick back with it and i would fight you like i would like you went but at the time you didn't have a choice yeah you were trying to defend yourself and hold your own yeah absolutely like we i remember one night we um we were laying and we had one bedroom in our apartment. The two of us were laying, and I talk about this in my book because this is such a core memory to me.
We were laying in bed, and our apartment where we lived, it kind of had like this, like our bedroom window was by the staircase. And so we were laying in bed and I just hear gunshots.

And I hear this woman yell like,

don't do that.

Don't do that.

Please, please, please don't do that.

And then just gunshots.

My mom opens the window

and she's like,

I got a baby trying to sleep in here.

Can y'all shut the fuck up?

With the gunshots?

With the gunshots.

I'm like, oh, this is it. Like I literally thought to myself myself this is the night that we die like they're going to shoot us you know because like she did not care but at the time were you thinking that or like in retrospect you were thinking no at the time i thought this is the night we're gonna die like i knew that night was it nobody knows this about you no literally nobody so now when people react to that what is your response you're like we'll see like i'm a real person i'm not a caricature i'm not yeah you know i'm i'm um i don't think that kristen and i just watched something on netflix and it was what was it called baby reindeer kristen and i just watched baby reindeer about this comedian tells his life story, kind of what you're doing right now.
But he tells it in story format. So it's like seven episodes long.
And the shit that he went through, nobody could have ever imagined. And I feel like people do relate to pain a lot more often than they relate to like the happiness.
So like what when people react to that, like what do you even. so i think that's why my comedy career exploded the way that it did yeah and it's the reason that i've sold shows because i tell my story every night on stage and i never get tired of telling that story because every night i tell that story and i look out in the audience and i see people crying and I see people like I was in that I was there and like seeing you where you are made me realize that I can get there too right you know and so like for me I don't regret a single bit of how I grew up I don't regret any of the moments that I had I don't regret like any of the trauma that I went through because it's made me who I am today.

And I would not be successful without

those traumatic

things that happened to me. It humanizes you.

I think when I think of

comedians that I, you know,

Kevin Hart, for example,

I didn't really know who he was until

he started telling his story, right?

And so I feel like people

relate to that and it kind of creates like a.

A bigger more balanced audience.

For you.

And I love that for you.

A lot of comedians.

They get on stage.

And they just tell jokes.

Yeah.

But.

Or it's a punchline.

We don't know them.

Yeah.

It's like they set up a joke.

They set up a punchline.

When I started doing comedy.

Which was taking it back.

Which was my next pivot.

You know.

I pivoted to farm chores.

Right.

Blew up. Wait, take me back.
I know. We're so like.
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Okay, so you take off on Instagram.
You pivot for a third time. Or not Instagram, sorry.
You take off on TikTok. You pivot for a third time.
You start farm chores. Where does stand up come in to play? So everybody was commenting, you need to be a comedian.
You need to be a comedian. You need to be a comedian.
I never watched comedy. I never wanted to be a comedian.
It is never a thought that crossed my mind. I always wanted to be a singer.
That's what I wanted to do. Well, you could sing your ass off.
So I could also see that happening. But I never pursued it because i never thought i was good enough and so singing was more vulnerable okay and it was like i'm not good enough if they tell me that i suck then that kind of hurts so i never put myself out there that way okay as as comedy i was just being who i was but i feel like stand-up is different than your like when you're doing the farm tour stuff and you're being funny that's your personality it's so different it is so the same thing could happen as being a singer so right both so you're right like it was it is the same thing it's still vulnerable but at the same time being on stage as a comedian is the most natural thing I've ever done okay like when I stepped on stage I just started talking okay I was like, I'm making these people laugh, and I'm not even trying.
No, literally. You know, because it was just me.
Yeah. It was just who I was.
Right. So when I got on stage, I was like, I'm getting paid to just talk.
You know, like, I'm getting paid to run my mouth. Oh, yeah.
And so it really worked, and it made me just feel good to see people laugh. Yeah.
Like, to know, knowing my heart and my mind and my soul that these people, they're out there struggling. Yeah.
They're out there struggling every day. They're going through shit that is hard.
They're like, they're living tough lives. And for two hours, I get to bring them into a theater and I get to let them forget about all of the bullshit and all the things that are going on in their world and I get I get to make them laugh their ass off yeah and that made me feel like just some type of way so like I got off stage that first time and I was like I was meant to do that wait what were the nerves like going up onto the stage oh I'm gonna shit on myself I was so scared because I was like what if they don't laugh like what if they don't laugh? What if they don't think I'm funny? What if they boo me? What do I do? Were you an opening act first? Which one is that? I think that's Mary Kate.
Mary Kate and Brittany are right here. Are they friends in real life and they're also friends on the farm? Because I would have shit myself you till you did open or you didn't open so that's the thing a lot of big comics do not like me they don't like you why because a lot of comics to get to where they are in my career that i told you you wanted to do this you wanted to do the podcast in the podcast.
I love it. A lot of comics have, and respectively, like this is not me shitting on them by any means, but it took them 10, 12, 15 years to sell the amount of tickets that I sell.
Okay. And they worked really hard and they grinded.
Right. But, you know, the world is different now.
You know, the world revolves on social media. Right.
And it's free marketing. It's free marketing.
So, like, yeah, times are different. It's not that I'm better than them or not that I'm funnier than them.
I just knew how to market myself better. Right.
Or differently. And I built a following of people that genuinely just, like, they just loved me.
And they, like, those people that followed me, they, like, The people that genuinely just like they just loved me. And they like, those people that followed me, they like, the people that follow me are ride or die for me.
Yes. Like, I have the most incredible audience.
Like, they love me and they like, yeah. They're going to ride for you no matter what you do.
Yeah, whatever I do, they support me. And I don't know what the fuck I did to deserve it, but I i'm just so grateful for them but so the first thing that comes to mind is i watched an interview um matt rife right and he talks about in this interview that i watched about his start to comedy and things like that and where he was like sleeping on people's couches and doing this and like didn't know if he was going to make it in the comedy world right very different but tiktok instagram all of these things were not a thing for him and i'm not saying it for him specifically but other comedians too like they didn't have that so you did it differently it didn't that is the biggest fucking b of that's a b do y'all want me to run them out of here because they're getting on my fucking nerves okay Okay.
Whatever you want. What were they fighting about? They were just fucking talking.
Oh. Because all they wanted to do was talk.
Wait, do you have any silkies? No. Is there a reason? Those are bougie chickens.
They were so cute. I'm not bougie though.
A little. I mean, a little.
This is the nicest farm I've ever been to. And this is not...
Wait till you come to the new farm. Can we do a part two at the nicest farm i've ever been to and this is not wait so you call it a new farm can we do a part two at the new farm yes um but what i was saying about it does not not necessarily matt rife specifically but other comedians they kind of are doing that whole thing they didn't have it's not your fault that you built this following somewhere else and we're able to take that and pick it up and move it to right you know so that was the thing was like I already built a following before stand-up but to not like someone because they had a different start is not I mean I'm trying to think of a situation like that's not fair right like so you're saying not you the people who want who are fans of music right someone like taylor swift had a different start than kelly fucking clarkson right why are we gonna not like her because she had a different start and ended up in the same space that doesn't that doesn't make sense to me and i don't understand how people get to that conclusion like how they get to from point a to point i think at the end of the day it's just it's jealousy has to be because like i didn't pay my dues is what they think, you know, because like what in reality they just don't know that like I paid my dues filming content.

I paid my dues putting myself out there every day on the Internet.

I paid myself.

Right.

I built that following before I became successful as a comic.

But it's just not computing for me.

You know what I mean?

It's just like, no, I can't.'t yeah that's like people are just assholes i also don't love matt reif anymore i unfollowed him on everything oh you're my favorite comic anyway moving on i'm going to matt show this weekend yes in reading i In Reading. I'm so excited.
I'm super excited. I got into comedy probably 10 years ago.
Okay. Around 10 years ago.
Growing up, I didn't understand stand-up. I didn't understand it.
You know what I mean? I feel like you have to hit like a moment in your life where you're like, oh, now I get the joke. So I started loving that.
I've been to a couple like stand-ups. I saw Matt Rife before he popped off at the Laugh Factory in LA and um I really that was oh god like seven eight years ago and I just love comedy I love stand-up shows I went to one in Pennsylvania actually not far from Reading so I'm really excited to go to yours I'm excited like I'm excited because I tell people all the time like I'm filming my my special.
Yeah. My first special is we're filming this July.
And I tell people all the time, like, come into my show with an open mind. Yeah.
Like, don't come into my show expecting what you see from other comics. Okay.
Because I'm not a traditional stand up comic. Okay.
I don't tell jokes. Right.
I don't set up a punchline. I am a comedic storyteller.
Time out. So you don't have like a pre-written script that you're going off of? I do.
So like I have my show, which is like my show is the same. Okay.
However, I do a lot of crowd work. Okay.
So that's different every show. Right.
But my show is my story. Right.
You know okay so that's different every show right um but my

show is my story right you know so that is the same okay but the jokes are the way i'm telling the stories they're hilarious stories because of how i'm telling them and the and like the facial expressions that i'm putting into it and like the acting that i put into it like it's not Well John and Harry walked into a bar

And you know what I mean

Like it's not well John and Harry walked into a bar and you know what I mean like it's very much it's comedic storytelling okay like you're like damn that that's just funny you know what I mean like and there are like moments in my show that are real and raw and like vulnerable and then you're like oh my god he's been through so much. Because I really put that out there in that show.
Like I wanted my show. To be my next pivot.
Okay. So my show was.
Matt Matthews. Not farm chores.
You know so. Did I get it? Yeah.
So like that was. People expected farm chores.
know, when they come to my show, they're expecting farm chores. But I'm like, how do I really get on stage for 90 minutes and talk about farm animals? Well, no, that's a really good point, too, because at some point you stop growing because there's if you're only taking farm chores and you're bringing farm chores from TikTok directly from real life to TikTok took to now comedy yeah then where's the growth what's the next it's it becomes stagnant right so you have to continue to pivot you know and so now it's like what is um you know what is what is the next thing so people would come to my show and i would see them leave reviews on ticketmaster or whatever And they're like, I just learned so much about this man that I never knew before.

Like. thing.
So people would come to my show and I would see them leave reviews on Ticketmaster or whatever. And they're like, I just learned so much about this man that I never knew before.
Like I have so much more respect for him now, even more than I did before, because like for him to be able to take the pain and the trauma and all that and make it funny and make us laugh and inspire us that we can do the same thing. Like that's what the show is about have you ever experienced like prior to this or even in this whole thing when you meet people and you like say things that you because you and I had very traumatic childhoods and just going off of what you said about your mom similar right but I'll say things that seem so normal to my life and people are like

what did you just say and i think it's normal is it have you done that too who is that it doesn't bother me at all Get out!

Go!

Go!

Go!

Get your motherfucking ass out. Is that Ashley? Mary Kate? That's gold.
Gold, oh. Get out.
The fact that he can tell them apart is so funny to me. Get out.
Oh, stupid bitch. I cannot.
Wait, I saw someone say that you're so mean to your animals and you don't even love them. Yeah.
And you're like, this is my love language. I love them.
Yeah, yeah. Everybody's like, maybe your animals are so bad because you're so mean to them.
Where? No. They eat literally the best food.

They have, my chickens are free range.

First of all, his dogs don't eat kibble.

They eat fucking fruit salads.

They eat raw meat.

I love that.

And vegetables and fruit.

The raw meat thing is so good for them.

Yeah.

So 10 out of 10.

Well, I mean, my dogs are seniors, you know, like my dog Sadie is 13 and she still runs and plays. They go get acupuncture and chiropractic adjustments every five weeks.
They're. Yeah.
Okay. Kristen Jr.
Kristen has six dogs. I have a holistic, we have a holistic vet.
So like we're very holistic. Does she come here or he or she? No, we go to her office.
Okay. Got it.
Yeah. So like when you were growing growing up and all these things these crazy things were happening to you it was normal to you then but in retrospect now when you're talking about it as an adult and you bring it into your content your comedy whatever do you say things and people are like what the fuck like that's not normal or like why are you laughing about that yeah you get that reaction all the time and what do you do you're like well i'm like that was normal to me you know like and that's the thing too is like it is so this past weekend for example i played i had two sold out shows in federal way washington okay which is basically not dc yes the state so it's it's the suburb of seattle okay um so i did two shows there and when i got to seattle i was just so blown away by the amount of drug use because it's decriminalized.
So, like, people are just, like, out on the sidewalks, just, like, you know, like, just laid over. And they don't get in trouble.
They have safe places to use drugs. They don't, like, there's literally safe places for them to go get needles and shoot up.
We have one in Delaware, too. And it's just so crazy to me.
And they have defunded the police. So like the police won't even come.
Like if you get in trouble, if you're getting a wreck, like anything like that, they ain't coming. They're like, so sorry.
And a lot of the restaurants, the bars, like the clothing stores, all of the stores have closed. They've put plywood up because you can steal.
Like you can go in and steal and walk out and you don't get in trouble. Because the police aren't coming.
Because they're not coming. And so the stores have ended up closing down.
So we did this show in federal way. And I was just like, wow, this is really sad.
You know, like it's just really sad to see these people like this because I grew up like that. That's what I saw.
But I made a joke about it because you have to make a joke about it. Yeah.
Because if you stay in sadness, then like you never get out of that. so I made a joke about it because you have to make a joke about it yeah because if you stay in sadness then like you never you never get out of that so i made a joke and i called it fit no way and i said i said man i love being here in fit no way washington what did they say oh they loved it they died and i called it the fit no fold you know like how people are folded over i was like y'all seen the fit no fold i was like there was this girl outside doing her damn damn eyebrows and her face was touching the ground you know i'm like girl stand up how you gonna see your eyebrows and but we had a mom and her daughter leave the show crying and were calling me a jackass and like because her son she emailed us afterwards so i know the story yeah so i so she emailed me and told me that her son passed away from fentanyl overdose and how like how awful it was of me to make jokes about it and you know she wasn't a fan anymore and like for her to have to listen to that after her son died from it it just like really you just you know bothered her and she didn't like me anymore basically and I responded and I said I'm sorry that your son passed away like that is a pain that I will never be able to take away or make you feel better for you because i've had more losses in my life so i know like the loss of somebody that you love i'm like i cannot imagine the loss of losing a child you know did you tell in this show that your mom passed away yes yeah but they left before that so they didn't hear all that and so i said you know can never, never like replace your son.

And I'm so sorry that you had to go through that.

I can't imagine how awful that was.

However, I will not apologize for the jokes that I made.

Because had you chose to stay for my show, you would have seen that I lost not only my biological mom, but my adopted mom to addiction.

Oh, she also passed away from addiction.

And it was an addiction we didn't even know about.

We had no idea.

No clue. We never knew.
Until she passed away. Until she died.
Never knew. Nobody ever knew.
We were all blindsided. And so I told her, I was like, if you would have stayed for my show, you would have saw that what I was doing was making a joke to make people laugh and to lighten a situation that is really, really dark.
You know, like you have to be able to laugh at dark situations and dark times so that you don't stay in that sadness. Well, it's also interesting to me, too, that people, the audience, right like the the court of public opinion picks and chooses how who they're going to crucify for the same type of thing right so kevin hart makes jokes about his dad being i think crack addict or something coke something like that that's okay but you can't do it or um shane gillis you know makes jokes about Down syndrome, but if I were to do it, I'd get canceled.
So it's really interesting to me that they'll pick and choose who they're going to support, and it's okay if certain people do it, but you can't. And I think you get it tenfold because you started on social media.
So if you come directly into comedy from whatever you were doing and there's no backstory in terms of like how you got there, it's okay for them to do it, but not you. And I hate that for you.
I really hate that for you. But at the same time, it's like, I know who I am.
I know what I stand for. I know that I'm just, I know that I'm a good person.
And it's like people on social media, like, I don't care. You're not going to hurt my feelings.
There's nothing that you can say that's going to make me not gonna hurt my feelings there's nothing that you can say that's gonna make me feel bad about myself there's nothing that you can say that's gonna make me realize that like that's gonna hurt my feelings yeah yeah you know i'm like you can suck my ass i don't care so just suck my ass yeah it's fine so what is what is rob's role in all of this because i still haven't met him and i thought i. And I was really excited.
Okay, so we have, you know, my brand. The Matt Matthews brand.
So I have a whole natural candle line. Do people know? You're married, right? Do people know you're married? Yeah.
And so, but I never see him. He doesn't like being on the camera.
So how does the relationship and all of that, because social media will tear people the fuck up. There's relationship is why i try not to share him i try to respect that same he doesn't like it so like there's sometimes i'll show him yeah yeah but because he doesn't like it i try to respect that well also just for to protect your relationship too in your marriage because i also elijah is a man of very few words yes so he'll agree to do my husband not me he'll agree to do certain things or like i'll catch him off guard and be like yeah you can post it like it's fine but he's not part of like my bigger presence because i want to protect it same and because you choose to protect it and because you choose not to put it out there they want it even more and they or it's the it's the again one of the number one things searched about me on the internet is Matt Matthews' husband.
Or they'll be like, they are not really in love. They don't really love each other.
This relationship isn't real. He doesn't really like her.
He doesn't really like him. Yeah.
How was Kelly Clarkson? Do we love her? Do we not love her? Are you going to say? Okay, so the time I had with Kelly, she was great. Very warm, like, fun on air.
We didn't meet each other off camera. Okay.
Like, at all. I was kind of shocked by that because, like, I figured, I mean, we're both from the South.
So, like, I was expecting, like, I was expecting like I was expecting her to like come backstage oh thank you so much for being here I was expecting that which didn't happen Southern hospitality like that Southern yeah yeah yeah but she did have me a goodie bag in my room with like a tumbler and like some chips and like a note from her she wrote me a note nice um and that was it yeah um and then like the only time that we talked or communicated was on camera so but at the same time i also know that like she has a lot of guests on and it would probably be a lot to like go to every single person's room and like thank them for coming and blah blah blah so like i mean i kind of get it it just wasn't what i really was expecting but that's not necessarily necessarily a bad thing it just may be like they're on time crunch and like we have she had filmed like they filmed two episodes in a day i think i don't know though because i recently had an experience i was telling you before we started rolling right like i had the um i had an interview with michael evans baling who American. Loved him.
I also felt like the conversation went as well as it did because I knew his work off the podcast. And I feel like it takes away the relatability and it takes away the genuine conversation when you don't have those interactions in person before.
Like when I came up to your house, like it felt so genuine and real real and i feel like we'll be friends you know what i mean oh we're stuck we're stuck

i'm gonna be sending pictures of my selkies and be like what should we name this one yes

um like we're face thomas yeah like i just i love that more i feel and so it does it's a little

disappointing or like if you go on another talk show and they don't really know who you are it's

just like another name on their show i don't love that yeah and i've experienced that on this side of

Thank you. I mean, probably.
It is what it is. Part of it.
Like, you know, you've got to be fucking kidding me. love it like this bitch is back well i love her she's back well um i feel like it's it at the end of the

day like it is just part of the industry you know like these people have so many talent coming

through that they just don't really give a shit but you have to give a shit yeah i mean my ultimate

like i told my publicist the other day i was like i don't care if i never get on another talk show

Thank you. shit but you have to give a shit yeah i mean my ultimate like i told my publicist the other day i was like i don't care if i never get on another talk show i want to sit down with drew barrymore yes i love her so much i have do you remember when she was on the movie ever after yes in the 90s yes there's a scene where she walks down the aisle before at the at the ball and she wasn't supposed to be there and she walks down the aisle and before she starts to walk down the aisle she says breathe just breathe and i have just breathe tattooed on my rib cage because of that yeah and that's always been my like my no matter what's happening in life like you cannot change the situation but you just breathe and keep moving yeah and so like that's always been like my my like thing and so i told my publicist i was like i want on drew barrymore show you'll get it like no you're no you don't want you are gonna i'm going on the show right period there because i feel like she's just the most genuine part like she's the sweetest like i you know and people make fun of her they're like why why is she always touching people? I'm like, if she doesn't hold my hand while we're sitting there, I'm flipping over the couch.
That's not one where she's like this close to their face. Yes.
But see, that is like the personal. Yes.
I want to be like, we don't have that connection. If you don't hold my hand, I'm flipping over the couch.

Drew Barrymore,

if you don't hold both hands and we don't have that connection,

that spark,

the couch will be flipped over.

You're like,

I'm no longer a fan.

No.

So from your,

where you're at in your career,

I love that.

I didn't know chickens could climb.

I had no fucking clue.

Your audience is going to be so annoyed

just hearing them though,

the whole time.

They're going to be like,

Thank you. I love that.
I didn't know chickens could climb. I had no fucking clue.
Your audience is going to be so annoyed just hearing them, though, the whole time. They're going to be like, damn, can they shut the fuck up? What is the next step in your goal? Like, what are the things that you want to accomplish still? So, obviously, you're on your second tour.
They're fucking sold out everywhere. Well, not yet.
I'm still on my first tour. Oh, I thought this was the second one.
My bad. Still on my first one.
We filmed my special in July.

I just signed a very large deal for my second tour.

It hasn't been announced yet, so obviously I can't say.

But you already know because I told you.

I signed a very large deal for a second tour with a very large company.

And so I'm going to be doing a second tour.

I'm probably going to do some music in there. Maybe eventually I would maybe I don't I'm not even trying to be like Taylor Swift, but like maybe maybe an album one day, you know, that would be so fucking iconic.
I'm working on a second book, period. Get on book.
I need you to get on book talk. I'm going.
I also need you to get on Goodreads. Goodreads.
Go follow me on Goodreads. You have to.
I'm doing it. Especially now with like book talkers that are creating content around books and they're telling people to go to Goodreads.
It's just another place for people to get their eyes specifically on your book. Yeah.
So we're doing that. Are you going to take your own cover? No.
Since you're a photographer. No.
No. Nope.
Do men do boudoir yeah they do okay um my ultimate goal i think that would just be so fun is a sitcom about my life i could see you acting like 100 a sitcom like a farm chore sitcom would you play yourself i would play. Okay.
Like, think about Full House. Yes.
But like modern day Full House with a gay couple that lives on a farm. No, absolutely.
Like, it would just be. Dream network? What would be your dream network to have that on? I don't know.
Because, because, you know, just. Well, nobody watches cable.
I feel like. It would have to be a streamer.
I feel like Hulu, Netflix, Peacock, like what are some other, those are the only ones. HBO.
Oh, that's right. Oh my God.
Is that Max? HBO Max. Yeah.
Those are like the big ones. We're working on, I'm doing a series right now called doing the most with Matt Matthews.
Fuck yeah. And that's where I go and do just like crazy things.
So like things. The thing is like everybody says you can do everything.
Can we go skydiving? Yes. I want to do that so bad.
I got AFF ground certified so that I could skydive by myself. I like did the whole class.
I never actually continued because I like, that was like Wait, are we going to go skydiving together? Yes, that's what I was saying. I want to go so bad.
I've always wanted to do it. So can we go together? Yes.
Okay, because I've gone was like during wait are we gonna go skydiving together yes that's what I was saying I want to go so bad I've always wanted to do it we go together yes okay because I've gone so many so many times I've taken a lot of people skydiving one of the girls from team mom came skydiving with me in Hawaii okay I was like you have to do this you're gonna love it but like the liberating first of all let me just tell you though when you skydive you're gonna want to take a nap a few hours later because the adrenaline wears off and when you crash you crash all you go You're in hell. You're like, I can't open my eyes.
Let's do that for your series. You're going to love it and we'll pick a cool place where you'll get good views.
Not like social media views. Like views from the...
I already know how that operates. Okay, so the series, where is that? YouTube? So yeah, so right now we're filming everything.
Right. Once we totally film the series, it'll be one episode a week.
Okay. Right now it's proposed YouTube.
Okay. I know you have issues with that.
But like, so the first episode we did Bungie Fitness. So like they strap you in and you like jump.
No exactly what you were talking about second episode I went to an all black business here in Birmingham a black owned business and I cooked with the mom can you cook? no that's why it was so great because the restaurant is called Yo Mama's and it's incredible it's so good one of my favorite places to eat it's right next to my store if you want to go eat there today yes it's so good. One of my favorite places to eat.
Should we eat there? It's right next to my store if you want to go eat there today. Yes.
It's so good. It is like soul food and so the lady, yo mama, the mama of it, I got to cook with her.
She was teaching me how to make salmon croquettes and like salmon. I'll watch the video.
Pancakes. She taught me to make homemade pancakes.
All these different things that i don't know how to cook okay so like that's the premise of the show is everybody says matt you're so good at everything you do everything yeah and so i'm like well let's do some shit that i'm not good at you know um so tomorrow we're doing goat yoga um but you hate goats yeah okay that's why with your own goats no hell hell no. We're going to like an actual goat yoga place.

And then

I'm doing, I'm going to be a guest bartender

so I'm going to bartend at a brewery.

Are you familiar with alcohol and how to drink drinks?

Okay. I love this for you.

I don't drink. So it's going to be fucked.

When I go to the nail salon

they always have the TV in the background that this like maybe you guys will know what it's called it's like this guy who goes to all these other countries and like tries the food and like makes the food do you know who I'm talking about? no he goes to like Asia and like all these you're giving doing all the cool shit you know what I mean? love that. And I think people are going to fucking love this.

They're going to love this.

Let's hope.

Do you want to babysit for one of the episodes?

Okay.

Don't want to babysit.

But if you ever want that for an episode,

just let me know.

Okay.

We'll have you.

Hold your breath.

Yeah.

You're like, I'm never calling.

You could come to Delaware and you could take care of some farm animals in Delaware.

No.

He's like, they're not my animals. Oh, yeah.
Have you been around the Amish? They have Amish here? Yeah. They do? Oh.
Yeah. They won't be on camera.
You act like we don't got nothing here. Well, that's how they treat Delaware.
So that's why I'm like, you know what I mean? So you're just trying to shit on us because y'all get shit on. Yeah, basically.
Like I had someone ask me where Delaware was and what state that was in. And I said, Delaware is the first state.
Like we don't have taxes because it's the first state. You know what I mean? So you're going to do your series.
When does that come out? Summer-ish. Summer-ish.
Okay. So 2024.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because we're still not done filming.
Is the big tour that you're going to do in 2024 or 2025?

Or you don't know, can you say?

Yeah, so I start working.

I've already started working on the new material for the new show because it's a new show.

I'm doing some comedy clubs in September just to kind of work out the new material.

Because you never know.

When you're doing stand-up, you cannot get your material ready until you get on stage and start doing it.

Seeing what works and what doesn't. doing what works and what doesn't.

Because you may think something is great and the audience may not like it.

So you have to like get on stage and it's trial and error.

Okay.

So I'm doing three comedy clubs in September to work on the new show.

Okay.

And then the new tour will probably start in October.

Okay.

How do you feel about like Ellen DeGeneres stand up?

I've never watched her stand up. Do you watch stand up? Nope.
Do you not want to, why? Um, I don't like to compare

myself to other people. Okay.
And if I watch other people, I will compare myself to them. Okay.
Um,

I don't think the majority of them are funny. Okay.
Um, I've watched like 90% of the Netflix specials and I'm like, how did they get a Netflix special? Because this isn't funny. Like I watched the Netflix specials and that may be controversial, but like I'll watch Netflix specials and I'm like, when am I supposed to laugh? That's how I felt about Matt Reifes.
Like where's the, where's the, where's the joke? I saw him live and I thought it was, it was all right. But then like re-watching it i think i thought it was funny because i was there but then when i watched this i wasn't there for the filming of the special but when then i watched part of it and i was like i i turned it off i don't even think i finished it yeah i didn't finish it either where's the joke do people compare you i yeah we get compared all the time i don't i don't understand i think it's because we're just young white guys okay so.
So they compare us a lot. Do you also get work done to your face? I, no, actually.
I have, I got Botox. Yeah, I do have Botox.
Dysport or Botox? Botox. Okay.
I just got my Botox yesterday, actually. Well, it looks great.
Thanks. I started moving a little bit and I was like, fuck that.
I can't. I can't.
Some movement right here. Yep.
People don't know the difference between fillers and dysport botox yeah so they're like oh my god like stop touching your face my stepmom literally is like she's like if you keep getting work done to yourself you're not gonna look like yourself i was like i've never had work done to myself i've had botox what are you talking about yeah and you can't even like it it doesn't like my... Somebody asked me Saturday if I had a nose job.
I was like... Your nose is literally perfect.
I was like... Wait, why is it so symmetrical? I was like, this is the nose I was born with.
I have had liposuction. Did you? Yeah, it did absolutely nothing for me.
See, I loved my liposuction. It did nothing for me and it was the most excruciating thing I'd ever had.
That is the worst pain I've ever experienced. I was awake during mine.
They didn't put me to sleep. Yeah.
They put a sheet right here so that I couldn't see them. Was it laser lipo or regular? No, it was this.
I know you're fucking lying. No, put me to lie they just lied to canes but are you like not good with anesthesia no i'm fine like so why did they do she said it it it makes the recovery process worse and i just agree with that kristin i just i just went with it i didn't know what and i had always had give you volume No, it it gave me nothing And when I left she said take Tylenol To a place in Birmingham No, listen to me Liposuction is the most painful It was excruciating Cosmetic surgery that I've ever had It was excruciating And the bruising understand.
And the bruising. Yeah.
My husband drove me home

and I laid against

the door and I cried. No, I thought I was dying.

Kristen took care of me.

Did not prescribe me any pain pills.

I had Tylenol.

Are they certified or whatever?

Yes. Yes.

Matt, I would have died.

Like, she's doing it

and then she hit a spot. No.
She hit a muscle, and I felt it, and I almost came off the table. Like, we were, she was like, yeah, his blood pressure's going up.
I was like, we got to stop. I'm done.
So I was like, that's the end of my cosmetic procedures. I did it because I've always been very self-conscious about my belly.
Like, I've never been able to lose it, you know? And, like, I've always been very self-conscious of that.conscious of that and she was like oh you just have a little bit we could lipo that and it would just be flat could you do like ozempic i mean i could but i won't i get accused i just got accused on social media of ozempic and i thought that was funny because i would have but i'm like not on it yeah but i would yeah right i'm not because I try to be very holistic. Okay.
And I'm like I just think to myself

like what are the fucking side effects of that?

Because the shit

like I don't even like to take Tylenol. Right.

I don't drink alcohol. Okay.
Like you know

so I'm thinking to myself like

what are these bitches that are popping the O

you know like what's gonna happen to you? Have you

seen Scott Disick lately? No.

Who's that?

What? scott disik lately no who's that what what i don't know who that is courtney kardashian's ex maybe if i saw a picture i'm about to show you who's courtney kardashian i'm kidding imagine hold on when i saw this i was sick i'm like okay i was that big I feel like liposuction when I got liposuction I had like the whole mommy makeover right it was after my second child I thought I was gonna be done having kids so I was like let me do this whole thing right for me was using it as a jump start so from the time that I got it and I was healed until I ended up getting pregnant again I maintained it right so you ruined that whole makeup oh 100% girl 100% but so my point was that just it's it's a it's a starting point but you have to maintain it I think a lot of people think like you get lipo or cosmetic surgery and you don't have to maintain it it's like the solution instant solution right but when you get things like that you have to work and maintain it. I think that Ozempic or other weight loss drugs can be the same where you're

like using them as a starting

point and then you have to maintain them in other ways.

Eat healthy, exercise, all the things, right?

So anyway, this is

I guess because you don't know who Scott

D'Sick is, this isn't going to hold any weight for you.

But like... I mean, I may know him when I say the

picture. The picture on the left is his

face now because of Ozempic-ish, allegedly, things.

He looks like a crackhead.

Yeah.

So, like, that.

Also, I've heard things like Ozempic butt.

Have you heard of that?

No.

Where, like, you lose weight so rapidly that your butt sags.

And so it's like your butt, but, like, it's just hanging skin.

Have you heard this?

You can keep that.

So I'm, like, scared of that because my butt is so big i'm it will be you can't correct that no so i'm scared don't do it but i but like i get no don't do it i'm gonna get my boobs done though i mean i think you look fine i just would like to my son just texted me i can't see it now but did you have fun doing farm chores mind your business like we're just mind your business i would do lipo boob job you wouldn't get any like i know i have no interest in plastic surgery again after that experience you're like fuck it fuck it okay i'll wear spanx um actually spanx the company i just got my first pair of like Spanx pants they're fantastic well I'm coming out with my own Spanx line are you being for real or are you being funny no for real I fucking love that it's called right and tight shapewear where do you come up with these names because one day I put Spanx on I was like baby I'm trying I'm trying to be right and tight, not left and loose. Left and loose is also good.
And it just stuck. I love that.
So when does that? We're working on it now. My tagline is you don't want to be left and loose so get your right and tight shapewear by Matt Matthews.
Period. And you get it all on your website? All on my website.
Okay, so mattmatthews.com. What else do you want to plug while we're here? Nothing.
Okay. Then let's do this fucking.
Shut up. Shut up.
Nothing. I'm not going to be myself.
I am so ready to do farm chores. I got my boots on.
I am going to change my pants probably. Yeah.
You got to put a robe on. Oh, 100%.
But I'm not going to be naked underneath of it because I will be loose and goose.

What is it?

Left and loose.

I will be left and loose.

She is loose as a goose.

Yeah.

After seven kids, I mean.

I'm going to get a little vaginal rejuvenation.

You need it.

After that.

He's like.

I don't even know.

But after seven, I would just.

Yeah.

Well, the last two, they're twins and it was a C-section. Oh, thank God.
So basically... I basically just need a little nipping and tucking down there.
I say I'm a platinum star guy. I've never touched...
Wait, what is it? I'm a platinum star. Platinum star.
I've never touched a vagina. I didn't even come out of one.
I was a c-section. Oh.
I've never touched a vagina. Wow.
Didn't even come out of one. So you've never? Okay.
Now that we're talking about this really quick, my ex-girlfriend looks just like you. Is that? I mean, she must be cute.
Yeah. No, 100%.
She's got a beard Well, no, that's the only Hold on Let me see If this bitch is ugly I'm flipping this table She's not, she's not ugly And neither are you Oh, Lord, I'm scared Wait, so you're a You're a You're a bisexual? Why was that? Why am I about to pee on myself I can't because you start laughing and your laugh makes me laugh hold on you're a bisexual it's like a thing you're a bisexual are you bisexual yeah I guess or did you mean like a friend that's a girl? No. Like a girlfriend? Yeah.
She's my girlfriend. Okay.
Like was my girlfriend. Nothing like that bitch.
Yes, you do. Thanks for coming on Barely Fucking Famous.
Let me tell you something. This has been a real treat.
This has been an experience. This has been an experience.
And it's about to get even more crazy. Because we because we're about to do farm tours.
We've got to feed these animals.

Okay, wait. We need to close this

out with like, instead of get up, we're doing farm tours.

Should it be get up, we're doing farm tours?

Okay, this podcast is over.

Get up, we're doing farm tours.

Period. Period.

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