Hell In Boots With Saraya-Jade Bevis

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Speaker 2 I've never felt like this before.

Speaker 5 It's like you just get me.

Speaker 6 I feel like my true self with you. Does that sound crazy? And it doesn't hurt that you're gorgeous.

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Speaker 5 Welcome to the shit show. Things are going to get weird.

Speaker 5 It's your fae villain, Kale Lower.

Speaker 5 And you're listening to Barely Famous.

Speaker 5 Am I saying Soraya? Soraya. Soraya.

Speaker 2 Like a raya sunshine or

Speaker 2 sunshine.

Speaker 5 Today's guest is Soraya. You may have heard of her on WWE's page, but she's so much more than that.
And we get to talk about Helen Boots, which is your new book. Super excited.

Speaker 5 Welcome to Barely Famous Podcast.

Speaker 2 Thank you for having me. I've been so excited about this.

Speaker 5 I was crying because the last time I saw you was March.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 5 And I always, people will always ask me, who is your favorite person that you've met so far? And I'm like, Soraya. Really? Yeah, because you know what?

Speaker 2 You were so real.

Speaker 5 And I feel like in this industry, it's so hard to come across people that you relate to and could be friends with. And I literally, I think it was Alessandra or somebody.

Speaker 5 I was like, no, I feel like I could text her if I needed someone. 100%.

Speaker 5 And you could have the most chemistry with someone on set, in a movie, on, you know, in a podcast, and you never talk to them again.

Speaker 2 You know what? That's, uh, I felt the same thing because I've had a lot of guests come on. And there was a girl recently who I fucking fell in love with.

Speaker 2 And she ended up texting me being like, let's go watch movies and stuff like that.

Speaker 2 But I, you're, you're right. It's weird.
It's like you feel like you have this chemistry. And then once you leave the set, that is like gone.
You really don't like build a rapport with somebody.

Speaker 2 And like instantly with you, I was like, I fucking love this girl. I love her.
Oh my God.

Speaker 5 and it's a lonely place it can be a lonely place like in this just all of the entertainment whether it's wrestling or reality tv just anything it's so lonely and i feel like you and my friend matt are the only two like real people in the industry and so yeah yeah it's true though there's a lot of people where you feel like you have to have trust right but it's really hard to trust in this industry too because you don't know who's actually

Speaker 2 uh

Speaker 2 genuine enough like he's everyone can fake it too like it's crazy yeah And then you're like, Oh, yeah, this person's great.

Speaker 2 Like, again, oh, I'll hang out with this person outside, and then you kind of fall for that shit, too. And then I'm like, Oh, I got fooled again.
She doesn't want to be my friend,

Speaker 5 you know. So, we were at your house in LA.
Yeah, Adam was like, You have to ask her whose house this used to be. Can you please tell everyone whose house you live in?

Speaker 2 Sure.

Speaker 2 I like it. Oh, you know what? Like, she's my idol, and I didn't realize and because I did a whole shoot as her.

Speaker 2 Like, I got an outfit made, you know, like the the leather one piece she had and like the big curly hair. Yeah, yeah.
I did that shoot. And like, I just, I'm obsessed with her.

Speaker 2 And all my wrestling gear is kind of like a paying homage to her outfits and stuff like that. So after me and my ex broke up, I just wanted to have a fresh start somewhere.

Speaker 2 So I quickly scooped up this house, didn't think about it. The people didn't tell me, you know, like the realtors and stuff.
I had no idea. So then like my house flooded.

Speaker 2 Not my house, but the outside of the house flooded in like the rain and stuff, the storms.

Speaker 2 And my team was like looking up, making sure like there's nothing dangerous you know around it and then taylor someone on my team text me she was like that's share's house because it like popped up online and i was like ah it's meant to be she's like the ultimate single woman like i she in my toilet

Speaker 2 you know what i mean like i'm in the same toilet

Speaker 5 you kind of manifested it because you were like doing the outfits and stuff and then have you ever met her No, I'm so sad.

Speaker 2 And there's this person that I fucking can't stand. And she got to meet her and it really bummed me out.
I was like, why do good things happen to bad people? I know. You know what I mean? Yes.

Speaker 5 Pisses me off. And last time I was there, I got to hang out with Paulie, your bird.
Yeah. And he was the best.
I think I still have pictures on my phone.

Speaker 5 So we'll post those on social media for you guys to see.

Speaker 2 He loves you.

Speaker 5 No, I love him. So if you ever need a bird sitter, you just yeah, because I'll take good care of him.
You know what I mean? Like you can't trust people that are coming in and out.

Speaker 2 And birds are quite difficult to deal with. Some people think it's a little bit easier, you know, but like Paulie, especially, he loves his mama.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 So like with you, I was actually quite shocked that he hopped on your arm. Okay, so let's talk about your career a little bit.

Speaker 5 You grew up in a wrestling family and then you signed to WWE or AEW when you were 19?

Speaker 2 WWE. I was 18 when I signed and then I came over to America in 2012 and I just turned 19.

Speaker 5 So did they have WWE in England?

Speaker 2 They did, yeah. So they do two tours a year in Europe.
And I did my first tryout with them in 2011. And I, you know, I went there and I thought I had to be what a diva is supposed to look like.

Speaker 2 Cause back then they were just these blonde bombshells, you know, like big old titties, tiny waist, you know, tan. And I'm just like, I was a scruffy little emote kid.

Speaker 2 And so I was like, okay, I'm going to go there on my first tryout and I'm going to tan. So I got my sister to spray tan me and she whitened my teeth and I like,

Speaker 2 I didn't have black hair. I made it like lighter.
And then I wore color and I always wear, obviously, all black all the time, you know?

Speaker 2 And so I went there and they all looked at me like, What's the fucking wrong with this chick? You know, like when you see white chicks, you're like, Something's off.

Speaker 2 Yeah. You know what I mean? I'm like, there's definitely something off, and you can tell.
And like, I did the tryout too, and I ended up busting this girl's lip open.

Speaker 2 So it was already like not going very well. And then John Laurenitis, who is the TR rep for WWE, was just like, there's something about you right now.
It's not really fitting.

Speaker 2 Like, you don't have a lot of confidence. You know, maybe come back in six months and we'll see where you are.
And I was like, okay. So when I came back, I was the only girl at the trial.

Speaker 2 They were all dudes and my brother. So I came back dressed as me.
I had my pale skin, my dark hair had, I had lip ring and gauges and stuff like that.

Speaker 2 I did the com over sweep like I usually do, you know, back in the day. Yep.
Yeah. I was like, you know, I'm going to go there completely myself because that's how I'm most confident.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 You know, and we'll see where it goes. And if they don't want me, then they don't want me.
You know what I mean? So

Speaker 2 I went there. I did the tryout.
And I'm sorry, this is a long story, but not super long, but yeah.

Speaker 2 We all had to be around the ring. and they were, again, all men and then me.
And then the people that were running the tryouts, their names were Jamie Noble and Dustin, who's Gold Dust.

Speaker 2 And they backed up into me and they said, tag yourself in, which means I tag the person who's already in the ring and then I go in the ring.

Speaker 2 And I said, wow, that's going to be really fucking rude for the person that's... in the ring because it's their moment because they're trying to try out too.
They want to make it right.

Speaker 2 But this big jack dude had my brother in like a headlock and he backs into the rope and I tag myself in and it flux could fucking kill dude.

Speaker 2 Oh my god he was so mad at me but i was like you know what they're telling me to do this i'm gonna take my opportunity and do it yeah and then i hopped in the ring with my brother and we were there in the tryout in the ring for like 80 of the time and everybody's just like on the side of the ring like fucking pissed and then on top of that all the talent from dotarie like big names like chris jericho edge like John Cena were all around the ring watching this tryout.

Speaker 2 So it was really intimidating. But they just wanted to see how I worked, you know? And so I was getting my ass beat, you know? By your brother? Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 he was beating my ass and like we were going back and forth but mostly they wanted to see how i sold and selling is like if someone hits you like your reaction okay you know so that's selling and so they wanted to see that and like what i could do basically and then at the end everyone's done everyone's pissed at me whatever but um then they signed me and i was just

Speaker 2 that day they were like all right and then triple h came up to me and he was like welcome aboard and i was like oh my god it's amazing and i was a kid you know was that your brother's tryout too yeah he didn't get in though What was that like for you, for both of you?

Speaker 2 So he was really disappointed. And my mom was there, too.
And I felt like I couldn't really celebrate too hard, you know, because that's been my brother's dream since he could walk, you know?

Speaker 2 He was like, he's a wrestling encyclopedia. And so, and I didn't want to get into wrestling until I was 13.
I was kind of like trying to avoid it because my whole family did it, you know?

Speaker 2 I was trying to rebel.

Speaker 2 But I obviously I fell in love with it. And so Zach, but Zach's been wanting to be in wrestling in WWE for so long.
And it was a little weird at first.

Speaker 2 But he was so sweet and he was trying to be happy for me while also inside feeling really sad that he didn't make it. And he had like 10 tryouts and they didn't want to sign him.
And it was just

Speaker 2 sad. But he came to AEW though.
I got him signed there. So he had.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I was going to say, so does he get to work for you guys at all? Because I know your

Speaker 5 parents were in it. Your mom was a wrestler.

Speaker 2 She still is. Oh, she still is.
My dad still is. He's 70.

Speaker 2 Yeah, 73 this year. Yeah, 73 this year.

Speaker 5 But your mom's wrestling name was Saraya?

Speaker 2 Yes, Saraya Knights. That fucking bitch, dude.
I swear to God. Now everyone thinks I'm named after a wrestler name.
How I got my name is she was in the 80s.

Speaker 2 She went to a Slayer concert and she was tripping on acid. And this heard Slayer for Saraya, and that's how she got my name.
But then she started wrestling and fucking stole it.

Speaker 2 It makes me sad. So you're not named after her, or you are named after her? No, no, she's named after me.

Speaker 2 Oh my gosh. She should.
Yeah.

Speaker 5 So you decided around 13 that you wanted to get into wrestling.

Speaker 5 Did you feel pressure to get into it, or was it just like a natural because didn't you tell me you want to be like a veterinarian or something?

Speaker 2 I did. I wanted to be a vet.
I wanted to be a zoologist. I love animals so much, so I wanted to be in the animal territory, you know.
And then I already knew wrestling.

Speaker 2 I grew up in wrestling since, you know, my mom was actually pregnant with me and didn't realize. So I've been in the ring.
In the ring since I was a fetus, you know.

Speaker 2 And so, like, she could have killed me. That's why I have scoliosis now.
But she,

Speaker 2 so, around,

Speaker 2 yeah, around 13 years old, my dad was shorting a girl one day for a match, okay. And he said, Saraya, just hop in here.

Speaker 2 I mean, the crowd, there was like 10 people in the crowd, it's not a big deal, but I was like, Okay, I will.

Speaker 2 But can Zach be in the ring with me, and he dressed like the pink power rangers, so we like tucked and put like a little bra on, had a mask and stuff. And there was a few other girls,

Speaker 2 and he

Speaker 2 body slammed or something. Anyway, I got concussed, and I'm just laying there, and he's pitting me.
And I'm just like, this is the coolest shit ever.

Speaker 2 Like, I love this, even though I'm like, you know, it was just it, there's no better feeling than that adrenaline rush that you get in the ring, even if it's in front of one person or freaking 90,000 at WrestleMania, you know.

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Speaker 5 So do you know why they picked you if the standard for the women was like blonde, small waist? Like what you just feel like you set the tone for the new generation of women?

Speaker 2 Exactly. So they signed me because I was different than everybody else.
Yeah, yeah. And around that time, there was no other girls like me.
You know, like everybody was this bombshell.

Speaker 2 And then you had like this scruffy little emo pale chick, you know, but they loved it and that's what gave me the success that i had within wrestling is because of my look because again it like opened up a door for a lot of like men and women like me to come into the industry and like be confident enough to know that they're gonna make it too so now you have incredible alternative women like rhea ripley and stuff like that like every like there's a lot of us now which i love oh i love it are you friends with any of those girls i had becky lynch on the podcast becky i've known since i was 13.

Speaker 2 really yeah was she also wrestling during that time yeah so we were on the Indies together, which is the independent circuit where it's just these tiny little rinky-dink shows that you throw in like a parking lot or whatever, you know?

Speaker 2 And so, yeah, we were, we, we were in the business, but she would also come stay at my house. Oh, you know, and she was so sweet.
Like, I mean,

Speaker 2 people love her. She's a good, she's a good chick.
Yeah. Did you have her on here?

Speaker 5 Yeah, I had her on the podcast, and then we went to, what is it called?

Speaker 2 WrestleMania. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 5 I took the kids to WrestleMania, and she was really sick that day. She had like strep throat or something and it was crazy, but I felt bad.

Speaker 2 I know you had Carl Miller on here too. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 5 Leah Dendale and she's expecting another baby. She announced, and I thought that was, I think she might have been pregnant when we had her on.

Speaker 2 We didn't even know. I love her, though.
All the girls are really nice. Yeah.

Speaker 5 Like, once you actually meet them, like, there's Leah didn't say anything bad about any of the women. I just think she just wanted, she wants to see change in WWE for women.

Speaker 5 And I get that because women should be able to have their careers and also have a family. And I think maybe wrestling isn't super convenient for that.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And there's like, there's, I mean,

Speaker 2 some people can, some people can't. You know what I mean? Like, if you are a money maker, they will give you the opportunity to like have a baby comeback or whatever.

Speaker 2 I'm not saying she's not a moneymaker. She was amazing.
Like, I did a bunch of like different things for her, but some of the standards are different for like each person, you know.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I could see that. I think that's the way it works in reality TV, too.
Is like certain people get paid more, evidently, if you're like making money or causing ratings or whatever.

Speaker 2 She's talented, though. Oh, no, for sure.
She's freaking incredible. Like her mic work, she got so great in the ring and stuff.
So I was a little shocked that they actually released her, honestly.

Speaker 5 Maybe they'll bring her back.

Speaker 2 I hope so.

Speaker 5 Yeah. What have you been up to since I've seen you last?

Speaker 2 Oh my gosh.

Speaker 5 You published your book, Helen Goods.

Speaker 2 Oh my god. Did you go on a book tour?

Speaker 2 I'm doing the book tour. So I have the signing this weekend.
Next weekend, I have two sign-ins back to back too.

Speaker 2 So we're adding more to it because I wanted to take this year out of wrestling and like get my feet wet in acting a little bit, you know, because I've always loved that so much.

Speaker 2 And then also do these signings and just like just do stuff outside of wrestling for a little bit because I've dedicated 20 years of my life to being a wrestler.

Speaker 5 You were in the wrestling ring and I was having a baby. So we're like the same age, right? And you said 2011, I had a one-year-old.

Speaker 2 Wow. Wait, was that your first kid? Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, dude, that video that we had from my podcast where I was like, so you're really fertile.

Speaker 2 Everybody's still like, that's the video everyone keeps tagging me because they thought that was like so funny.

Speaker 5 Yeah, it's so crazy because I never wanted kids. You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 I know you said that, and now you have seven.

Speaker 5 Can you tell the listeners of what you told me about your signature? When I was like, oh my God, your signature is so cute. Can you tell me who taught you how to do an autograph?

Speaker 2 John Cena.

Speaker 5 And what was his like rule of thumb? Like, what did he say? It was like, because I sue my whole entire name, every single letter. And yours is so cute.
And it's like, whatever.

Speaker 5 And you said he taught you.

Speaker 2 So I was, it was backstage at WWE and uh the merch guys were like here's a pile of posters you need to sign for us right and i was doing p a i g you know i mean like the whole page name and cena comes up and he was just like you're gonna get really tired of doing it like that you know he was like it's very quick very easy if you just do a p and then a scribble or whatever he was like because ultimately you're gonna get so bored and annoyed signing your full name like that so and it i i mean it worked and every and then i started noticing everyone's signatures was kind of like that where it's like you can't really read what the fuck is going on but as long as you get that p in there or whatever like john cena just does like a jc or something like that is it weird being around people like john cena or the rock and knowing that they're icons to everybody else but you grew up around it yeah so yes still is because they just they radiate this aura you know what i mean like The Rock is The Rock.

Speaker 2 John Cena is John Cena, but you know what? They've both been amazing.

Speaker 2 And John Cena, when he was wrestling when I was wrestling, he would sit like, so backstage, there's like a a little area where it's like a TV. We call it talent viewing, and you can watch the matches.

Speaker 2 And he would be the first one at the building, and then he'd be sitting right in the front watching all the matches that's happening. And he'd be the last one to leave, too.

Speaker 2 Like, his work ethic is like inspiring, you know. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And so, and then he would take the time, like, whenever anyone needed it, and he'd sit there and he'll give you advice and all that kind of stuff. You know, he's just

Speaker 2 a nice guy, he's a hell of a guy. Oh, good.
Yeah, he's really hearing good experiences. Yeah, I don't think I feel like Cena is one of the celebrities that everyone just loves.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Yeah, for sure.

Speaker 5 Although he did do like a McDonald's thing, and I was like, I don't know that John Cena would actually eat McDonald's.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I don't know either. Yeah, yeah.
You know what? Get that money, brother.

Speaker 5 Yeah, seriously.

Speaker 5 The last time we talked,

Speaker 5 you were launching Rule Breakers Podcast. Who came up with a concept for that? Because it's so funny to me that I'm like, how can I do this? Like, how can I shock people with an electric collar?

Speaker 2 Incorporate it, even if it's just for your Patreon givers. You know what I mean? Like, you should.
it's fun. So, it was me

Speaker 2 because I wanted to do, and the stuff is going to get wilder and wilder, you know, and so we were just testing the waters and stuff like that and see how it was going.

Speaker 2 But, yeah, I was just like, I want to do a podcast, but I want to try and stand out as much as I can, right? Because, I mean, the

Speaker 2 it's just there's a lot of podcasts, yeah, fraturated for sure.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and uh, you're lucky if it's successful, which congratulations because you're one's fucking awesome, but uh, but yeah, I just wanted to stand out a little bit, so I was just like, I want to incorporate jackass, meets simple life meets, you know, and then have the podcast part.

Speaker 2 And I was actually getting tattooed while I, because I do QA's too, just for me from the fans and stuff like that. But we always want to be in comfortable, uncomfortable positions.

Speaker 2 So I'm getting blasted with a tattoo gun while I'm getting these questions asked, you know, or we're going to go like off-roading and stuff like that and trying to answer these questions. But yeah,

Speaker 2 it was my idea. And the only thing is, is that

Speaker 2 people would rather watch it than listen to it. The listeners are good, but there's so much more people wanting to watch it on YouTube.
Yeah. Because it's such a visual show.

Speaker 5 Especially when you're getting shocked. I mean, shocked with a dog collar is crazy.
When my team told me they were like, they're going to do some weird shit to you. I was like, what?

Speaker 5 Because I'm not eating fucking bugs.

Speaker 2 Yeah. I mean, yeah, the bug eating is another thing.

Speaker 2 We actually recently did something more simple because one of my guests, Gabby Tuft, who's amazing, she has heart issues and then she has allergies. So it was just like, okay, like, what do we do?

Speaker 2 Because if we shock her, I don't want her to die right you know i'd be like fuck and then we would put in like the shellfish or whatever on there she was like i'm actually allergic to shellfish too and i was like oh fuck i need to kill you twice you know so then we just did um we came up with something on the spot and it was like trying pregnancy cravings right and then also because you get a lot of uh scam calls yeah from like these crypto things who are like okay if you can keep this scammer on the phone for five minutes you don't have to eat any of these did she

Speaker 2 she was great she killed it she could have kept them on there for 10 minutes but i have to eat it so it was fucking it was, it was gross. It was like tutor and chocolate milk and stuff.

Speaker 2 And I'm like, how the freaking, how was that? Did you throw up? No, no. Would you eat Chicago? Yeah, of course.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You just said that you tried it, right? It's disgusting.
It is.

Speaker 2 What is it? The texture? What is it?

Speaker 5 No, I think it was just in my, it didn't taste bad. It tasted like I was eating garlic, but it's just the throat.
Oh, really? I think I was just in my own head about it. And they ate, we ate caviar.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Do you eat that? I do. I eat caviar.
Yeah.

Speaker 5 If you would have had me eating things on your podcast, like I would, I don't eat seafood. So like the slugs, the caviar, it's just not for me.

Speaker 2 Oh, I am good at eating stuff. I'll eat it even if it's gross.
Yeah. Oh, I pop those in.
I like them.

Speaker 2 Yeah, some of them taste really good. And I'm like, I'm not mad at it.
Would you eat some of those? The cicadas,

Speaker 2 scorpion. Actually, scorpions kind of taste like soapy.
That's not very good, but... Soapy? Yeah, like a soap.
Yeah, that's not good, but I could eat it. That shit's easy for me.

Speaker 2 I was getting zapped so much, by the way, with a fucking dog collar.

Speaker 2 I did like a couple couple of episodes back to back and we did the dog shot collar on every single one because that's what everyone kept choosing. And I was drooling by the end of it.

Speaker 2 I was like, oh, I can't get for another fucking episode.

Speaker 5 So do a lie detector test.

Speaker 2 Oh my God.

Speaker 5 That would be good. I did a lie detector test in 2016.
And honestly, I can understand why it stresses people out because I was telling the truth.

Speaker 5 Like they were like, you can only answer yes and no questions. So like, and you can't nod your head.
So if you ask a question, you have to say a like yes or no or like give a one word answer.

Speaker 5 And they're like, just to like get your baseline heart rate, it was like, is today Tuesday? And my heart is just beating out of my chest.

Speaker 5 I don't know. Is it Tuesday? And so I was like freaking out.
And I'm like, is it going to say that I'm lying because I was freaking out? You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 But that would be good. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, 100%. Especially someone that's quite controversial.
You know what I mean? You're like, you're not going to. You probably want to get the tea.
Oh, yeah. Oh, come on then.
Come on, then. Come on.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I would love to have you back on. Oh, calm down so much.

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Speaker 5 okay let's talk about helen boots you wrote a book it you published it in march yeah yeah okay what was the writing process like for you was it cathartic at all oh my god have you written a book yeah four

Speaker 2 four yeah oh my god i'm fucking like i'm so sorry i should have known that but But anyway, it's exhausting.

Speaker 5 It is.

Speaker 2 Because you, you, like, so I had a ghostwriter for the first year. And bless her heart.
I love her. She was great.
She's a lot older than me, though.

Speaker 2 So it kind of made me sound like I was at the cast of Annie. Okay.
You know, it was like very like, hello, governor, you know, and I'm like, oh my gosh, a little too much.

Speaker 2 And then she would confuse all the stories. And then on top of that, she was adding.

Speaker 2 stuff to like create drama and I'm like my book is really traumatic. Yeah.
As it is. It's heavy.

Speaker 2 I don't think you need to get me starting fights with random wrestlers like because it's not true, you know? So then I had to rewrite the whole thing.

Speaker 2 And, you know, when you're just like, okay, like, I have a faint memory of something. And then.
So I would get Zoom calls with everyone that was involved. Right.

Speaker 2 So then, like, because they can remember stuff I can't, you know? And so I wanted it to be as accurate for everybody as possible. Like, not just my point of view on it.

Speaker 2 I wanted it to be everybody's, right? Yeah. So that was exhausting too.
So that took another year on top of that to rewrite the whole thing. But it's exhausting.
It's, it's tedious. Yeah.

Speaker 2 You know, it's just, oh my gosh. I love that I got it done though.
Like once you're done, you're like, okay, I feel really accomplished with this. But it was a fucking pain in the ass.

Speaker 5 Yeah. Do you talk about anything that's in it anymore? Because I feel like my first book was like a diary for me.
So I don't ever really talk about anything that's in it.

Speaker 5 And if people ask me, I'll be like, just read the book because I don't have it in me to talk about it.

Speaker 2 Yeah. So I said the same thing actually recently.

Speaker 2 I said, it's like I just gave my diary to to the the world but i still talk about it because a lot of people there's a lot of things because i don't i don't speak publicly about traumas or anything like that you know i feel like we come from a generation where you're just like if you fall over you get back up brush off and continue you know pitch and complain like you know we never did therapy back in the day you know we just we just continue yeah and so having to do this book was intimidating and scary because i'm like oh my god people are actually going to know something about me you know and like and also i wanted to do it because other people keep telling my story and they don't know who i am you know and you'll you'll see like random stories and i'm like i did what you know it was crazy and so i just wanted people if i was gonna tell my story i wanted it to be like everything like i'm very intense all the intense parts so the only exhausting part of like talking about the book is every media outlet wants to talk about my childhood abuse and so that would be like their focal point.

Speaker 2 Well, how did you feel? I'm like, oh no, I was a fucking kid, dude. You know what I mean? Like, it's, and doing the audiobook on top of it and like having to read that chapter over and over again.

Speaker 2 It was so hard for me to get through that chapter because I never spoke about it, not even with my, with my mom and dad. It was like something that me and my brother went through together.
Right.

Speaker 2 And you know what's really wonderful about Zach? Oh my gosh,

Speaker 2 this always like breaks my heart is.

Speaker 2 So I got molested when I was a kid, right?

Speaker 2 And me and my brother shared a room and he kept coming to my bed, coming to my bed.

Speaker 2 And one day, Zach, we're we're kids kids like we're not teens we're like very very young kids and his bed was opposite opposite to mine and he told the guy to come to his bed so I can have a break

Speaker 2 yeah it and we me and Zach finally talked about it like

Speaker 2 well 29 so it was a few years ago you know we finally because he's had a hard time getting over it right he's had he's been really struggling over the years he's only a year older than me right and so um he's been really struggling and it really affected his mental health all these years and so he called me, his heart was broken.

Speaker 2 He's crying. And he was like, Sorry, I need to talk about this, you know? And I was like, of course, let's do it.
Like, and then he felt like he was crazy.

Speaker 2 And I felt like I was crazy, but we felt very validated. And, you know, when we finally got to talk to each other about it, and I said to Zach, I was just like, you know what?

Speaker 2 You can speak to mom and dad about it. I don't want to, you know? And so,

Speaker 2 and I wasn't even going to put it in the book, but I just knew it would help a lot of people if you did. Yeah.

Speaker 2 So, and this was before I started writing the book you know and i know that my mom went through it with her stepdad back in the day and no one believed her her whole family didn't believe her they kicked her out they you know they abandoned her it broke my heart and so i feel like with me and zach it kind of felt like if we were to say something no one would believe us so it took years for us to talk about it and then he spoke to mom dad about it and my mom texts me saying i will always believe you i love you so much you know she was really great and that's all i needed and then i didn't talk about it anymore and i just i put it in the book, you know.

Speaker 5 But you just wanted her to know. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Did you have the support from your family to talk about some of those intense things from your childhood?

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. Like, my family is so supportive.
And I'm like, listen, like,

Speaker 2 our childhood wasn't perfect. But I say now, I wouldn't change a thing about my life.
Even the craziest parts, I would not change a thing because.

Speaker 2 Now I'm the happiest I've ever been even going through all that stuff. And now I can help people with it.
And I'm so proud of myself for being strong enough to get through it. And

Speaker 2 now I can show people that there is another side to it and they can keep going, you know. So it's like,

Speaker 2 people think I'm weird for saying that, that I wouldn't change a thing.

Speaker 5 No, I feel the same way when people ask me about regrets. I'm like, I don't have regrets over big aspects of my life.

Speaker 5 Obviously, I wish I could say something different or, you know, the same thing could happen. I wish I would have handled it different.

Speaker 5 But overall, like, I don't have regrets about my life and I wouldn't change a thing, which is so weird because I think, like you, I also had a really traumatic childhood and it's so weird to like think of it that way.

Speaker 5 Like we wouldn't change anything.

Speaker 2 Yeah, exactly. When you switch your mentality to, because I did a lot of therapy with it, is

Speaker 2 you never say victim, right? Because it kind of puts you in a more negative. feeling or whatever you say survivor instead so i i always say to everybody you're not victim you're a survivor right

Speaker 5 so powerful like and that really helped me i was just like yeah i survived that shit you know absolutely you did you survived that shit i um i had to change a lot of my mental, like, where I guess my perspective or my mentality, like you were saying, for a long time, probably up until like my late teens, it was always like self-pity.

Speaker 5 Yes. I was always like feeling sorry for myself.
And at some point, I hit a wall where I was like, I need to shut the fuck up and I need to figure this out and I need to work through it.

Speaker 5 And you said something about therapy. Do you do like talk therapy or what is it called? EDMR, EMDR, EMDR.
Have you ever done that?

Speaker 2 What's the EMDR?

Speaker 5 I think EMDR is when they clicking.

Speaker 2 Oh, rapid eye movement.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 5 I've heard of.

Speaker 5 Okay. So I have C PTSD, which is complex PTSD, which maybe you have heard of.

Speaker 2 I have PTSD too.

Speaker 5 Okay. So, and I think it works for that.
Do you just do talk therapy?

Speaker 2 So I did the talk therapy, but I also did the one where you're laying down just on a table and they do like pressure points around your body.

Speaker 2 And I can't remember what it's called, but it, I mean, to me, that didn't help me too much. I just wanted to sleep.
I also did caffeine treatments.

Speaker 5 Oh, that's right. We did talk about that.
Yeah, yeah. For those of you guys who have not listened, did we talk about it on your on the episode on Rule Breakers?

Speaker 2 I don't think we did. I think we just talked about it.
Yeah. Okay.

Speaker 5 So you, you, if, if you guys didn't listen to Rule Breakers, go check it out. It's on YouTube.
Yes.

Speaker 5 Um, we might have talked about it over there, but if, if you guys didn't listen to that episode yet, um, we talked about ketamine treatment.

Speaker 5 I only know one other person that has ever done that and he did it with like a doctor. Yeah.
But I don't think that Delaware has ketamine therapy.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I, I, it, it definitely helped a little bit, you know but it's mostly you just like have to lay there put these like you know cover your eyes and stuff like that but it's to me it was it was whatever i i just think you need to find the right therapist yeah you know like jackie my my uh psychiatrist actually she was amazing like because i went through a lot of different therapists and i just didn't feel the connection you know and

Speaker 2 it does and i'm like this doesn't sit right you don't you don't feel like my person you know and eventually i did find my person with the help of wwe they were great and then they also got me an in-house therapist with wwe but he uh focused more on drugs and alcohol okay so i had a bunch of different therapists and i tried a bunch of different things but like again finding the right person will help you big time oh it'll change your life oh 100 and i don't know i my therapist i've been on and off with her for since 2019 like six years and i'm like what am i gonna do if she like retires or like i don't want to find somebody new it's like dating someone you have to date around to find the right person exactly it's harder than you think.

Speaker 5 So it's like, this life is not hard enough.

Speaker 5 But you said that WWE helped you with therapy

Speaker 5 for drugs and alcohol. Do you ever talk about that? I know, obviously it's in the book, but and go pick up Helen Boots on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, wherever you get books.

Speaker 2 But for, do you ever talk about it publicly? Or is it? Yeah, people like to ask about it because my whole addiction was like very public.

Speaker 2 And everyone saw me have meltdowns and look like shit and like struggle publicly with it, you know?

Speaker 5 If it's any consolation, I never saw any of your struggles publicly i don't know if that matters to you or not but i only ever it does because it felt like everybody saw it and that's the worst it's like being you know everything that's horrible and like puts us through some shit is always what gets goes more viral more people see it and you're like what the fuck yeah and people still give me a hard time about it but you're just like i don't know why because it was you know I was going through something really rough.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? So yeah, they end up helping me. So like when I first came back from my first neck surgery, they were just like, okay.

Speaker 2 and i had two strikes against me because they publicly told the world that i popped two drug tests you know and then i tried to lie to the internet i uh i tweeted um it was just a prescription from the dentist or the novocaine from the dentist right and they were just like no it wasn't it was an illegal substance right wwe said that yeah because they got a lot of shit because i lied and said i it was because the dentist and they didn't believe me but you know and i that i take that on the chin like i i lied about that because i was so embarrassed and i didn't want to tell my family that i popped another drug test nobody does especially in such a public place and it was my birthday why would they assume that you were gonna just come out and be like yeah yeah exactly so i was kind of like just mortified and and i just didn't know what to do so i just lied and then of course w to re had to be like because it went viral yeah and they looked like the bad guys for a second and then they were just like it no she's lying and i was just like yeah i'm lying you know but it was it was really rough i should have been fired so many times but w re have my back dude the fuck is that why you're not angry with them now no exactly like they just they've helped me so freaking much and uh and they saved my life ultimately you know because they were like okay you have two strikes on you if you stay sober for a year we'll take that strike off because if you get three strikes you're fired so they gave me like a motive to keep trying to be sober because it would save my my job you know and again they got got me my therapist, they got me my psychiatrist, like anything I needed, they got it.

Speaker 2 They just wanted to make sure that I was healthy. Because when I first came back, I remember my PTSD, I go into full-body shakes.
Yeah, and it's uncontrollable.

Speaker 2 And I just like, it, when I was coming back, I was just like, I was freaking out.

Speaker 2 And Mark Carano, who was the TR at the time, came outside and like guided me into the building, you know, because I was just like,

Speaker 2 yeah, it was really bad. And then I see Vince McMahon, Triple H, and Stephanie Stephanie McMahon all separately.

Speaker 2 But they all hugged me and they were just like, We're just happy you didn't die because everyone thought I was gonna die, I was such a fucking mess, you know.

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Speaker 5 I'm kind of speechless because I feel like so often with addiction, people

Speaker 5 don't give people grace. And I'm the same way, my mom being an addict, I just like don't give her grace, but anyone else I do.
Do you feel like

Speaker 5 that's why you are so loyal to WWE?

Speaker 2 Yeah, for sure. Yeah, because again, so many times I should have been fired.
So many times like I should have been dead, you know, because of all the mistakes I was making, but they saved my life.

Speaker 2 They really did.

Speaker 2 They helped me big time by, you know, constantly was trying to check in on me because I was out for a year and a half and I was a hot mess the tapes came out like I was on drugs all these crazy shit and I was I was a hot mess you know I was on TMZ for fucking like walk like

Speaker 2 I was just got in a fight with my ex and I was like in the street like in the in Vegas you know the busy strip or whatever I was like running into traffic you know like I was I was a hot mess so um yeah I just wasn't in a good place and they never gave up on me so I just appreciate them so much but I think it's because I was I was there for such a long time and I was very young and they gave me grace, you know,

Speaker 2 they get it.

Speaker 5 But they didn't have to. I guess they could have just fired you and not had it been easy.
Yeah. I mean, for them.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Truly. Yeah.
So they

Speaker 2 really saved my life.

Speaker 5 So during this time, you're going through a really just traumatic part of your life.

Speaker 5 Is this the same time that the sex tapes come out?

Speaker 2 Yeah, it was the same time.

Speaker 5 So it was the drug, popping the drug tests, you're out of WWE for a year and a half and the sex tapes all at one time yeah and where was your family were they living in the United States or were they staying no they're in England so that you didn't even have like your immediate family with you nobody and I shut myself out too the only person that tried really hard to come see me was Renee like she

Speaker 2 they were WWE were in San Antonio at the time and Renee Young is Renee Paquette is is one of my good friends from like WWE AW. We did Tor Divas together, you know.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 She's one of my favorite people, best friends.

Speaker 2 Renee Renee came to my house and uh she after every all the horror stories that she's hearing she still came to my house you know and she just like sat with me and it felt good to have a friend again because i was by myself and i again i shut myself off and like it just felt nice to have someone that didn't give up on me too you know and and she came she came and saw me like

Speaker 2 even now oh my gosh i was at my uh you don't even know this meet my manager's here you guys but mech's wedding was in italy sorry i'm going all over the place but just reminds me with renee

Speaker 2 And again, I lost my wallet. I lost my green card.
Everything was gone. And the whole time I had- Not this time, this past time?

Speaker 5 You lost it before?

Speaker 2 No, no, no, no, no, no, sorry. So I'm telling another Renee story.
I know I'm going all over the place, but it reminded me of recently

Speaker 2 when I went to Italy for my manager's wedding and I lost my wallet. It had everything in it.
Luckily, I had my passport, but I was like, I was freaking out and I had the worst anxiety.

Speaker 2 And then with that anxiety comes the shakes, right? And I was shaking and I was trying to like keep it under control you know and i'm just freaking out and uh

Speaker 2 last week from from that renee text me she was like hey buddy like i just want to check in on you because i like she got freaked out that maybe i was on drugs again or like something was happening with a guy or something like that and i was like renee it's my it's my anxiety i i shake when i have anxiety but it just she's just such a great friend that she's just like talk to me like what's going on you know so she's always been like a great friend to me but yeah So during that time, it was just going back again to that year and a half, it was lonely, it was scary, and I didn't think I was gonna make it either.

Speaker 2 You know, I was losing my hair like from stress-induced anorexia. I had my hair was falling out, you know, and I was this the smallest I've ever been.

Speaker 2 And I'm not, I'm not a big girl by any means, but I was really, really small, like sickly small. There's like pictures of you where you can see my bones and stuff like that.

Speaker 2 I had big matte in my hair because I hadn't had my extensions fixed in like a year and a half, you know. Yeah.

Speaker 2 But I was just, I was a hot mess and I kind of gave up on myself too, which is like, I look back on, I'm just like, I'm frustrated with myself for getting that low, but, but I'm also thankful because I got that low and I know what the bottom feels like and I never want to see it again.

Speaker 2 So it kind of like inspires me to keep. grinding and keep, you know.

Speaker 5 What do you think the, where do you think the line was that you were like, okay, I can't keep living like this?

Speaker 2 Yeah. So

Speaker 2 well, there's a couple of stories. One I can't tell, but there's another one where I was actually in the grocery store where I was, I talk about this in my book.
And I'm a hot mess.

Speaker 2 Again, I haven't showered. My hair's a mess.
Like my freaking, I have like one eyelash on, you know, I was just a crackhead energy. Dude, it was bad.

Speaker 2 And I was in the grocery store because I want to get some beers and stuff, you know. And

Speaker 2 I walked past an aisle and this little girl was like obsessed with me, like big page fan, you know?

Speaker 2 And she obviously is, is young, so she's not on the internet, she doesn't see all that kind of stuff, but she looked at me like I was a superhero, you know, and uh, and that something kind of clicked with that where I was just like, I'm, I'm not really giving up on myself, I'm giving up for a lot of people, you know, and then I thought that a role model had to be perfect, yeah, you know, but I realized being a role model is like you make these mistakes and it's how you come out of it.

Speaker 2 That's the inspiring part, right? You know, so um, yeah, something clicked in there where I was just like, I need to get better better for like not just her, but like everybody, you know? Yeah.

Speaker 2 And it's weird. Yeah.
Something just randomly clicked one day. And it happens like that.
It's like with addictions and stuff like that. You can't stop unless you really want to.

Speaker 2 And it doesn't matter who's around you. Like, well, it does.
Community is really important. It's one of the most important things with addict is your community.
But.

Speaker 2 Like, you know, meech wouldn't be able to stop. Sorry, meet, my manager, wouldn't be able to stop me being off drugs unless I really wanted to.
Right. He could be there for me, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 But like, I'm not gonna get off drugs unless I really want to. And so, one day it just like clicked, and I was like, I can't do this anymore.
So, that was your rock bottom. Yeah, yeah.
And I also

Speaker 2 remember my mom's face because I got so low that I started taking a bunch of pills while I was on FaceTime with her, and I kind of traumatized her a little bit because I was like, I ended up spitting them all out.

Speaker 2 But it was just a really dark time. I was like on the floor in a hotel room, and I was just like, I was in so I was so bad.
And I was just, mom, I don't want to live anymore.

Speaker 2 I don't want to live anymore.

Speaker 2 yeah

Speaker 2 sorry

Speaker 5 I think I cried on yours too so

Speaker 2 just a bunch of crying

Speaker 2 right back at you okay yeah so uh I just remember her face too and I'm like I really fucked her up you know yeah and she wasn't in LA at that time probably so that was this the distance probably made it 10 times harder yes I was just fucking up a lot of people's lives and I just decided like one day I was like I can't do this anymore and then WWE again reached out to me and they were just like okay like it's time to come home you know we'll get you your flight back to Orlando like let's just get you back at the performance center let's get you training let's get you you know we've got here you know and that was it was just so amazing that they did that for me so yeah literally a couple of days later I packed all my stuff sent it off and I was back in Orlando and then my friends Joey and Raquel I think you met yeah uh they uh they let me live with them because I couldn't live by myself at the time because I was just I couldn't trust myself you know so I lived with them in and they let me stay with them for such a long time it was so sweet they even followed me out to LA they moved to LA with me because there's some ride or die friends right there but yeah I ended up moving in with them and they helped me so much I mean they even stopped drinking because they didn't want me to drink you know what I mean like that's they're good buddies for doing that you know and so yeah it was just uh yeah something just switched one day and everything changed sorry that was so long window

Speaker 2 okay

Speaker 5 I met them and they're so sweet they're amazing no but it's It's great that

Speaker 5 you wanting to be done with drugs or alcohol lined up with everybody else wanting to support you through that. Because like you said, I mean, somebody else can't want it more than you.

Speaker 2 Exactly. And again, community is so important.

Speaker 2 Like back then, I was surrounding myself with people that weren't good for me and I encouraged that kind of behavior, you know, and then when you switch it up and keep people like now,

Speaker 2 my people now.

Speaker 2 Meet you included over here. It's my boy over there, but like

Speaker 2 he wouldn't ever let me take it, like take a drug. You know what I mean? Like, I, you need to surround yourself with people that encourage you to be better and, you know, and, and

Speaker 2 are there for you when you are having a bad day, you know, the amount of times I've, I've called you, right, where I'm like,

Speaker 2 I'm fucking stressing out, you know,

Speaker 2 and he's patient with me and talks to me, talks to me off a ledge, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 And you need people like that around you that is willing to give you their time to try and be like selfless, you know, and get you through the day.

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Speaker 5 Once sort of everything sort of subsided from,

Speaker 5 I guess, that year and a half for you, but during that time was when the sex tapes came out.

Speaker 2 Yeah, sorry. Yeah, the sex tapes.
Fuck.

Speaker 2 Yeah, go ahead.

Speaker 5 But you were a minor in the video, correct?

Speaker 2 I wasn't a minor. I was 19.

Speaker 5 Okay, so you were a teenager in the video.

Speaker 2 I was a teenager, but

Speaker 2 they were older than me. But I will say this: the other guy in the video, he's a sweet angel.
He didn't, you know, he's just... He's still my friend, you know, to this day.

Speaker 2 Like, you know, but the other guy's a piece of shit because I was seeing the other guy. And at 19, you know, we're very,

Speaker 2 what's the word um naive yeah and easily influenced for sure you know and like

Speaker 2 we just as women like you you have an older guy and you just want to like impress them you know and you do whatever you need to do like to keep them happy yeah

Speaker 2 and so again ultimately I made the decision to say yes to doing these tapes, you know what I mean? But like you're shaking them. But

Speaker 5 you can't, yeah, you can't take credit, like blame for that.

Speaker 2 No, no, no, but, but, you know, I was definitely influenced by this guy to do it, but I'm always like, he didn't hold a gun to my head. So, again, 19, I'm fresh in America.

Speaker 2 I don't have friends, you know, I don't know anybody. I'm like, I don't know how to make friends either.
I was like, socially awkward.

Speaker 2 So, yeah, having this guy be so friendly to me and nice and then slowly started being like, we should take a picture. We should do a video.
We should do this. We should do that.

Speaker 2 And I was like, okay, okay, like, sure. You know, and I was, I was uncomfortable with it, you know, like, I don't do that shit.

Speaker 2 Even Even now, I would never, well, of course, even now, but like, you wouldn't catch me dead taking a picture, right? Right. So then, um,

Speaker 2 and then he started like putting in the idea of like a threesome, right? And I was just like, I can't do that. I can't do that.
There's no way.

Speaker 2 And then he was like, don't worry, it'll be with, be with Woods and stuff like that. Like, and Woods is my friend, you know, and again.

Speaker 2 Woods has no idea what's going on behind the scenes with me and this other guy. Right.
You know, he's just, he's like, whatever, I'm just a fun, you know?

Speaker 2 And so I had to ultimately said yes. And I had to drink a lot before I even did it.

Speaker 5 But that right there is enough to tell somebody that this probably isn't great.

Speaker 5 Like, yeah, you verbally said yes, but if you have to drink to the point where you're like comfortable and willing to do it, I feel like there is a line.

Speaker 2 Yeah, exactly. Would you agree, Alessandra? 100%.

Speaker 5 Like that goes into yesterday. I had a guest on and we were talking about consent.
Like, is it a simple yes or no? And it's not. There is such a gray area with consent.

Speaker 5 And I feel like that is part of it. It's like, okay, yes, I'm saying okay,

Speaker 5 but I have have to drink until I'm drunk. Well, you're no longer able to consent of sound mind when you're under the influence.

Speaker 2 Right. I was, I felt like I had to do it so I can, again, loosen up and be comfortable.
But because I'm

Speaker 2 young, dude, you know, like, I'm just.

Speaker 2 But yeah, we ended up doing that. Like, at one point, we had to part ways.
There was just no way we could even stay like socializing with each other. It was just, it was a little toxic, you know?

Speaker 2 And then years later, obviously it did come out. And it was the most mortifying thing ever.

Speaker 2 I do not wish it on anybody because it's graphic and you're in a vulnerable position, and like you were a kid, dude, you know, and like it just is mega, it went mega viral, especially back then when it was just, I mean, even a few years ago, like things aren't as crazy it is now when it comes to viral, but that that shit was insanely viral.

Speaker 2 It was everywhere. It was everywhere.
And I was so mortified and it broke my heart. And I was already in a bad position with drugs and mental health and stuff like that.
And I say in the book too

Speaker 2 if my dad doesn't accept me for this, you know, and I would never even think my dad wouldn't, but I was just so scared of what my dad would think. Yeah.

Speaker 2 You know, and I was like, I feel so embarrassed. And like, you know, it's just,

Speaker 2 I felt, I just felt really awful. And so I was like, okay, if I call my dad and he doesn't accept it, then that's it.
Like, I'm done.

Speaker 2 Again, I was like, wanted to kill myself over it because it was so mortifying. It was awful.
Yeah. And I felt like every time I was at the house, everyone was staring at me.

Speaker 2 and i had fans fans like if i went to a place they'd be like those porn star like it was just

Speaker 2 awful dude i it was mortifying i couldn't go on the internet they were getting sent to my my parents you know all my family members were seeing me in that kind of position it was just anyway i called my dad and i was in a bush outside a grocery store because i just ran out my house when it happened i don't know why I just ran out the house and I just kept running.

Speaker 2 And then I ended up like coming across this bush outside a grocery store and I just sat in it. And I don't know why I did that.

Speaker 5 I think that speaks to the mental place that you were in.

Speaker 2 I didn't know what else to do, you know. And then I was like, okay, this is it.
If my dad doesn't like it, then I don't think I can be around anymore. You know, just I have nothing left.

Speaker 2 And so I call him

Speaker 2 and I just said, I'm so sorry, dad. I'm so sorry.
Like, I'm so embarrassed. And he was just like, princess.

Speaker 2 Yeah. He was like, he was like, everybody has sex.
You're just in the public eye.

Speaker 2 And he said, and who knows, you could get more famous. Look at Kim Kardashian.
I was like,

Speaker 2 I was like, How can you know Kim Kardashian? You know what I mean? But he was so supportive and he was so sweet. And he was just like, It's just sex, Sarah.
Like, who gives a fuck?

Speaker 2 You know, and he was just, he was just more concerned about how I was mentally, you know, and I was going, it was, it was awful. It was an awful time, but I ignored my phone too.

Speaker 2 Like, of course, I was being blown up, except when WWE text me and they were like, put this statement out and that's it. So they wrote, what was the statement? It was

Speaker 2 pictures and videos got leaked without my consent or something like that, and it would be taken care of, or something like that. It was just like a two-sentence thing.

Speaker 2 And they said, that's all you need to put out, and then just get the fuck off the internet.

Speaker 2 And so I was like, okay.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 again, they were so supportive. Right.
I was like, again, another reason for them not to be, they were.

Speaker 5 It was someone who leaked it. What was the fucking thing?

Speaker 2 Yeah, exactly. Exactly.

Speaker 2 I just, I never have that mentality mentality where i want to sell someone out like even like i haven't put some relationships in the book because i don't i don't need to talk about it yeah you know like it's just i i'm just not one of those people so when i see people like that like i had a friend recently like do that like she sold sold me out

Speaker 2 for like an x and i can't say which one but she was she was supposed to be a loyal loyal friend of mine and like that happened and i was just like all for i think it was like four thousand dollars or something like that i was like that's all it took for you to like stop being my friends i would have given you the four thousand.

Speaker 2 That's why I said it's so fucked up.

Speaker 5 But like, if you needed money, like, I would have just given that to you. You didn't have to.
Exactly. Because now you'll never have the benefit or access to me ever again.

Speaker 2 Exactly. And that's what's my 2025 is like, I will cut you off.
Yeah. Done.
Like, I just, I've got to a point in my life where I will not deal with like even a small ounce of disrespect. Yeah.

Speaker 2 So I just like, motherfuckers get cut out. Done.
So she was done. So I was like blocked on everything.
Fuck you, bitch. You're done.

Speaker 5 And at that point, you don't care what she has to say because because

Speaker 2 she made you dirty.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 5 Okay. So you, the sex tape goes.
At what point do things start to look up for you? When WWE said, okay, we're going to get you back out to Orlando and we're going to keep pushing forward.

Speaker 5 You're like, okay, I'm in.

Speaker 2 Yeah, exactly. So then they instantly bought me back.
They instantly got my flight, got me home back to Orlando.

Speaker 2 And it was, and like a couple of days later, they had me back in the training facility and welcomed me back with open arms, you know? And then that's just like, I hadn't seen Vincent that yet.

Speaker 2 Like that was like a couple of weeks after or whatever. But at the Train Facility is just where all the up-and-coming wrestlers are and like, you know, some of my old trainers and stuff like that.

Speaker 2 So being there was amazing. It really helped me big time.
Like it helped build my confidence back up again because I lost a lot of confidence. And yeah, so it was just, it was really nice.

Speaker 2 And they, again, as with some of my best friends that I'm living with, you know, like everything just felt way better. Like I just felt like I'm getting back to Saraya again.

Speaker 2 You know, I'm like, I don't know who this bitch was. But, like, that wasn't Saraya.

Speaker 5 So, yeah. And then you went from WWE to

Speaker 5 AEW.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that was a few years later, though. So

Speaker 2 I

Speaker 2 came back after my first neck surgery. And within six weeks, I was kicked in the back of the neck.
And then I had to retire.

Speaker 5 After your surge, after your surgery, you got kicked in the back of the neck?

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's online.
It's crazy. Yeah, I saw that.
I got like temporarily paralyzed in the ring. So like I got kicked in the back of the neck.
It's no one's fault. It's wrestling.

Speaker 2 It happens, right? So I get kicked in the back of the neck. And again, you can watch it.
It's like gnarly. Yeah.
But like my neck snaps back as I fall down.

Speaker 2 It was like a bad car accident is what the doctor told me, right? And like she's crawling to like the corner to try and tag her friend in, you know, as part of the match.

Speaker 2 And like I'm trying to grab her legs and I can't feel my arms. It's weird.
Like I just can't feel a fucking thing. And then I'm like, oh no, something's happening, you know?

Speaker 2 And then I I still try and grab it. And then my legs start to go too.
So then I end up falling down and I'm still trying to get back up. I look pathetic.
It's really sad.

Speaker 2 But like, I'm still trying to get back up. The crowd gets really quiet.
It was actually here on Union. Where is it?

Speaker 2 It was out here on the East Coast, actually, somewhere in New York, I think. I can't remember either.

Speaker 5 But it was a live taping?

Speaker 2 It was, it was not. live TV.
It was a live event. So it was non-televised, but there's people that were recording it from the crowd.

Speaker 2 So luckily it wasn't on live TV, but the crowd went went dead silent. And I'm just like laying on my back.
And I'm just telling the referee, I was just like, that's it.

Speaker 2 I'm like, I'm not wrestling again. I can already tell.
I'm not wrestling. They start bringing the gurney out to like wheel me out because obviously I can't feel my body.

Speaker 2 And I was like, do not let me get stretched out.

Speaker 5 What does that mean?

Speaker 2 Like, so it's the, the, the, the gurney thing. The hospital bed thing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 I don't want to be on that. No, no, no, no.
Maybe a pride thing. You know, if this is to be my last match, I want to walk out with my head up, you know, and I don't know.
You got to think that quick?

Speaker 5 Yeah. Huh?

Speaker 2 you had to think that quick or you're like i'm i'm walking out yeah so did you walk out i did and so like after a while i was like please just wait and see if something comes back all of a sudden i start feeling the pins and needles in my body you know i'm like okay feeling's coming back and then um i sat up in the ring and the crowd starts cheering you know because they were just like fucking were you fine or were you like no that's the thing everyone else was crying i was just like i think i've just gone through so much already in the past year and a half i didn't have anything left to give but i was

Speaker 2 just in a much much more positive mindset. Cause if I, if it was six months prior, I probably would have spiraled and gone back to drugs, but I was already in a good mindset, you know?

Speaker 2 So I sat up and I walked out and then the next day they sent me to the doctor, Dr. Maru, and he said, you're not wrestling again.
Your neck is too bad, you know?

Speaker 2 And so I had to have another neck surgery and I was out for five years, five years. And then, you know, I wasn't being used.
So I was sitting at home for years and years and years.

Speaker 2 And I tried to get into Twitch and stuff like that. And I was like, I was in the top 10 streamers on the platform, and I was the only girl on the platform.
I was killing it, dude.

Speaker 2 I was going off on that. It's just, it's just, again, it's very tedious.
You have to be on the camera. Like, I was on there for like eight to nine hours.
You know what I mean? It's like

Speaker 2 a long process, but I mean, I enjoyed it. It was during the pandemic.
So that's all I was doing. Yeah, that's all I was doing.
So I was making money through that.

Speaker 2 And then WWE stopped doing their, if you were doing third-party things, you had to not do it. They banned it.
But if you did do it, then they get a percentage of it. And I was just like, nah.

Speaker 5 I think I talked about that with somebody where WWE has like a really tight leash on like anything like that. So, like, you can't change the way that you look without permission.

Speaker 5 You can't do a book without permission. So, that was during that time.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know if things are different now, but I think that's definitely still like that now, like that kind of thing.

Speaker 2 I don't know how tight the leash is anymore, though, when it comes to outside activities or whatever. But you do have to ask permission.
But, yeah, so I made a whole thing.

Speaker 2 Again, I did a video saying I spiraled. I was like,

Speaker 2 you i gave my neck to you guys twice and now you want to take away my twitch i like a meltdown you know and uh and then they were just like all right you can keep it just keep it because you were still under contract with them during okay so that's why they were okay got it tracking but then they gave me a call and was just like we're not going to renew your contract and i was like okay okay

Speaker 2 oh i was devastated but i wasn't on the phone like that because then within a couple of weeks they were calling me back anyway to be like uh hunter called me triple h called me he was just like uh why'd you leave i was like i didn't you didn't renew my contract.

Speaker 2 And he was like, And at the time, he was having his heart issues and stuff. So he wasn't in the company.
He was like taking time away. So he was confused.

Speaker 2 And then he was just like, I feel like you still have a lot left at the time.

Speaker 2 But then AEW called me too. And the thing that sold me with AEW is

Speaker 2 they said they were going to sign my brother too.

Speaker 2 They said that they were going to bring my brother in. And that's like what I've always wanted.
Is Zach to have his fucking opportunity. Yeah.
So that was a big thing.

Speaker 2 But also the freedom that you get, because again, it was really, really restrictive back then. Sure.
And Tony was saying, like, anything I do, he won't take a percentage of.

Speaker 2 I can do whatever I want as long as I just come to work on Wednesdays.

Speaker 5 You know, so you decided to sign with AEW?

Speaker 2 I did. Yeah.
So I end up going to AEW.

Speaker 2 And recently we did the mutual split though, you know, where we both parted ways. And it was just, it was for the, but I had a great time there, but I want to not wrestle for a little bit.

Speaker 2 I need to take a break.

Speaker 5 How do you even make those decisions, right? Because like, I feel like with any professional sport, like you only have like your prime years, or I guess some people go like for

Speaker 5 a full career, but I feel like, how do you even make that decision? You're like, am I going to be okay to go back when I choose to go back?

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's, you know. you go back and forth in your head all the time and there's a lot of calls where I called him and I was like, what do I do? You know, like, what's going on?

Speaker 2 You know, so it's a hard decision to make, but sometimes like, I don't think you're ever ready for anything. Yeah.

Speaker 2 You know, and sometimes you just have to pull the trigger and just like, you know, I just wanted to take control of my life a lot more, you know, and you haven't really been able to make your own decisions since you were 13 years old.

Speaker 2 Exactly. That's what Meech keeps saying.

Speaker 5 So if you, you know, are able to kind of control that and make your own decisions now, that makes sense to me. And other people won't understand it.

Speaker 2 Yeah. But but 2025 is still like, I never want to hurt anyone's feelings.
Right. So I'm just like, oh, like, you know, opportunities come my way.

Speaker 2 And if I don't really want it, I'm just like, you know, maybe we should think about this. And I don't know how to say yes or no.
And he's just like, just fucking say no. You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 It's okay. But it's like,

Speaker 2 or

Speaker 2 he'll be the bad guy for me or something like that, you know, which is really helpful. So I'm just like,

Speaker 2 how do I tell him this? And he was like, I got you. Don't worry about it.

Speaker 5 Could you do like commentary or something for WWE? Like go stay with WWE, but in a different capacity. So you're sort of getting the best of both worlds.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I mean, yeah, I would like, I loved being general manager there where I played like an authoritative role, like the boss lady.

Speaker 2 I loved that role. And that was one of the roles that they wanted to give me if I was to go back a couple of years ago.
But then again, ultimately, I went to AEW.

Speaker 5 Did Zach get signed then? Did they end up bringing him signing him?

Speaker 2 He did, but they also released him too. Yeah.
It's just because, you know.

Speaker 2 He's just, he's a homebody, isn't he? He's just, he, and it's hard for him to move his whole family to America. He has three kids.
Oh, but he's still over in England. Yeah.
Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 5 Okay. The whole time I thought maybe he moved over here.

Speaker 2 No, no. So it was just, it was really hard on him, you know, and to be away from his kids and all that kind of stuff.

Speaker 2 But also it was just hard to take all the kids out of school and bring them to America. It was just, it was a lot more complicated than people realized.

Speaker 5 And it would have been different probably before he had a family.

Speaker 2 Exactly.

Speaker 5 Whenever I talked to Becky Lynch, she was in the hotel room with her husband and her daughter. And I was like, you're doing a podcast.
You got your family running around.

Speaker 5 You're about to get ready for WrestleMania. Like it was a, it was crazy.
So I would imagine for your brother too, it would be the same. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. And just like, he just said, you know, if he could, he'd be able to click his fingers and everyone would be able to move.
But you, like, you have to talk about visas. It's a whole thing.

Speaker 2 Like, trying to move to America,

Speaker 2 especially nowadays, it's really hard to like figure everything out. Like, visa situations.

Speaker 5 I can imagine. All right, where can people find you on social media?

Speaker 2 Yeah. So I have Instagram, TikTok, and Twitter.
All Saraya, just Saraya, S-A-R-A-Y-A. And then Patreon, again, patreon.com forward slash Saraya.

Speaker 2 And then if you want to find my podcast, Rule Breakers with Saraya, it's wherever you get your podcast. It's everywhere.

Speaker 2 And then to visually see it, you just head on over to YouTube and then get some behind the scenes content on my Patreon. And your book, Helen Booth.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 5 It is on Amazon, Barnes ⁇ Noble, wherever you get books.

Speaker 2 Wherever you get your books, and the audio version, too, wherever you get

Speaker 2 audible, sorry. Same thing, whatever.

Speaker 5 Thank you so much for coming on Bailey Favorite. Thank you.

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