Part 2: Elliott on Identity, Betrayal, and Unconditional Love

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Welcome to the shit show.

Things are going to get get weird.

It's your fae villain, Kale Lower.

And you're listening to Barely Famous.

Moving on,

can you talk about the first person that you shared that you were gay with?

That was not Von.

We talked a little bit about this, so I would love for you to.

to.

I was not the first person that he confirmed he was gay to.

No, I think that I always knew, but

I mean, it's better to hear from me, though.

Yeah, of course.

And like, if you never told me, also, I wouldn't have cared either because I, you would have brought your first boyfriend home and I've been like, all right, cool.

So, like, you never had to come forward and tell me.

Yeah.

Um, it was actually,

I think that in the back of my mind, don't cry.

Uh, in the back of my mind,

it was always thinking about you.

It was always

like telling other people was leading up to telling you.

Like you were the person that,

like, was, you were the most important person to tell, you know?

Why?

I would have loved you if you never told me.

I know, but like,

I don't know.

Like, I just,

I feel like it's so important to tell you.

Like, it just felt right to me.

And, you know, like I said earlier, like, you're the only one I need.

So I feel like it's just

it's a confidence thing, you know?

Like, it makes me feel good to be able to tell the one person that I'm so close to, you know?

And, I mean, even as my mom, like,

I think it's just very important, you know?

I just didn't, you didn't have you didn't have to make an announcement.

You didn't have to have that conversation.

And I know, but

I feel like

it just feels right as my mom.

I feel like you were robbed out of

coming out if that's what, if that was the path that you wanted.

Yeah, twice.

Twice.

Two different when you first, first, first confirmed

or shared.

And then, and then again, now.

Yeah.

Your private life coming out was robbed from you.

And then your public coming out was also robbed from you, in my opinion.

Yeah.

I, um, the first person I told was an ex-friend of mine, and he

did not take it well.

Um,

I

told him, and

he went to our whole class and told everyone.

This was in like fifth grade, mind you.

Um, so I mean, looking back on it now, I'm like,

okay, this was kind of,

like, I could see this happening.

But like, from that perspective, from me as a fifth grader, it

hurt me because I was like, I built up the courage to tell you something and

you

took it and

kind of ruined that for me, you know?

Which is hard because obviously now at 15, you understand that like

kids don't understand the importance of that.

They don't understand the courage it took for you to tell him.

He doesn't understand

the fact that he, like, puts you in a really dangerous position.

Like, he doesn't understand the capacity of what that meant for you to tell him.

Right.

And so, do we give him grace?

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

Um, and so, and it sucks, but I mean, like, nobody has that maturity level at that age.

So, I mean, for me to realize it at that time,

it's

hard to kind of

find the people that

understand.

Nobody's going to understand, you know?

So I think that was the hardest part.

I mean, I wasn't fully out until seventh grade.

Elliot, are you comfortable sharing a bit about what happened after you found out that what you had shared with your ex-friend was shared?

amongst others?

Oh, what I told you about the note?

I thought the note was funny

um

so

I wrote him a little letter and um

out of anger actually now that since we were talking about um speaking on impulse and my substitute teacher

um

was like reading the note as I was writing it and

pulled me to the side and was like, why are you writing this?

Who are you writing this to?

And

so we, yeah it was like a whole situation we had to like go down to guidance and stuff and

um

that's that's how my mom found out what were your thoughts like when you found out what had transpired in full with the whole situation what were your thoughts as his mom

and feelings and like what was that like so joe went and picked up isaac from school and called me and told me about the note and you were in the back seat and you know your dad sent me a picture of the note, and I laughed.

I thought it was funny.

I was like,

He should suck a dick.

Um, I did tell him that

like, fuck you, and I thought it was funny.

I also already knew you were gay, so like, I didn't give a fuck.

I was just like, How dare him.

Obviously, I was upset that a kid did that to you, but obviously, now I'm like, Well, he was in fifth grade, like, kids don't understand the weight of their, what they're doing.

It's kind of I was upset because i didn't know

how like i wasn't there with you and your dad and so it was hard for me i didn't know what was going on i would imagine that that was probably a time where you felt sort of lost and didn't really know where to go because you didn't know am i getting in trouble for the note am i

am i gay am i not gay do i have the support of my dad and now my dad has to tell my mom is my mom going to react the same way so like it was probably a very confusing emotionally charged time And so, I was upset because I couldn't be there with you.

I think you were looking for validation and to know that everything was going to be okay.

Yeah.

And I don't necessarily feel like you got that.

I didn't.

But it wasn't your fault.

Obviously, it wasn't your fault.

But, um,

I think another thing that sucked was

the anxiety of it.

It happened like literally the last week of school.

It was a Thursday

and

like I didn't know what to expect from the next year you know like you know and

I was just so terrified to see what that looked like because you're gonna go the whole summer without seeing a lot of these people are they gonna remember are they gonna treat you differently are they gonna think differently are they gonna talk about you are you is it gonna be forgotten like yeah I would imagine there's some anxiety with with that and that all that was the worst year for me.

Sixth grade, like after that, did not have any real friends.

The following year when you went into sixth grade, do you think that that changed?

You said that you didn't really have friends that year.

Do you think that it was because of the way that you were forced out at that time?

Maybe.

Because, but at the same time, I also just didn't have a place.

Like I didn't know who to hang out with, what to do.

Like

I just didn't I didn't really know myself, you know, so it was hard to fit in with a group of people.

So I think that also ties in with it.

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You talked about that year being your worst year.

Yeah.

How has your confidence level grown since then?

I, yeah, I've definitely been more confident.

It's a learning experience, you know, it's

even though it's not how I would have wanted it to go, it also helps, it helps me grow and learn about myself.

And I'm more aware of who I am and who I prefer to be around and what I'm comfortable with and

just like who I identify as, like, who I am as a person, you know?

And

it has

shown character and it builds character.

You're aware that a lot of people your age do not have the level of self-awareness that you have, right?

I learned that along the way.

There's a lot of people, there are a lot of adults my age that don't have the level of self-awareness that you have.

I just think that you're pretty logical, in touch with your feelings, in touch with your emotions,

challenge societal norms,

challenge, you know, popular beliefs that a lot of kids your age, I think, just learn from their parents and pass down.

And that's part of the problem.

I agree.

There's no room for them to speak for themselves or push back or ask questions or set boundaries and create a space for themselves.

Has public, how you will be perceived to other people, has that influenced your decision to come out or to talk about your sexuality or to

be on social media.

Be on social media in general?

Like, are you worried about what people think of you to the point that you will or will not post certain things yes and no

I

what people say don't really affect me like

you're stupid for saying that but like

if someone's like

trolling like or saying something

like it doesn't really bother me I mean there are certain things that bother me but like like when people talk about my family like about you or about my relationship with my dad or like just let me speak about it myself like you know like you don't need to you don't need to say any of that you don't need to make assumptions yeah like there's no reason and you don't know

you don't know me you know like you see me on social media and whatever but you don't hear me you don't know who I am you know until unless I tell you unless I show you right you know Kale what has it been like for you to look through your lens and watch Elliot navigate this, not just in both of your private lives at home, but also knowing there's public eyes on him as well?

I think Elliot does a good job not putting a whole lot of his personal life out there.

And so there hasn't been a whole lot for me to be worried about outside of, obviously, his sexuality and what target that puts on his back.

He's more mature than I think a lot of people maybe expected from me to have a son like that.

So I

the only thing that I've truly worried about is obviously like creeps, but also people trying to out him this whole time.

Because he doesn't really, you're not really putting your personal business out there, it's more like ASL and like funny things.

So, I haven't really had to

guide him too much in that way.

And I also think that with my level of maturity, I think I learned that from you.

Like, what not to put out there.

I think I learned from

being on the show.

Like, and,

you know, I have eyes, so I guess I just

see how other people are, like, I observe how other people operate and how other people are, and what other people do, and what not to do, you know?

So, I kind of like, it gives me an idea of what not to do.

Kayl, you already knew, and you've said it a couple times, like, who Elliot was from a very young age.

Did you ever need him to come out to you, you know, and for Elliot, what was that like knowing that your mom already knew?

I mean, she's known

since before I met you and you were two.

I don't know.

I just,

I was like,

you know what?

That makes sense.

You know, like, of course you knew, you know?

But I think that, like,

leading up to that point, you made me feel so comfortable around you.

Like,

I could have told you at any point, you know.

You didn't have to tell me at all if you didn't want to.

That too.

You literally did not have to tell.

Like, I didn't need an announcement, didn't need confirmation.

As long as you telling me made you feel better, like, if it was for you, that's fine.

But, like, I never needed you to

make a statement, make an announcement.

I never, I never needed that.

I just

want to always have like a safe space for you at home.

And I want your brothers to always be accepting of it.

And I, you know, want there to always just be a safe space.

That's really what was important to me because

at the end of the day like i said earlier i'm never going to sever my relationship with you or

create any sort of friction in our relationship because of who you love because that's at the end it's not whether it was a man or a woman i'm not it's not my business yeah and it's not a choice either it's not a choice it's not my business and when you move out of the house and you live with whoever you're going to live with and you are raising you know i don't want to say family because if you choose to be childless that's also fine But like you have a family with, you know, your partner, whether it's a man or a woman, at the end of the day, that does not affect me.

And as long as you're happy, like I don't care.

I don't.

So.

My only child will be a cat.

If you want to clean litter boxes for the rest of your life.

I mean,

it's worth it.

It'll be worth it.

Okay.

Elliot, for you, I know that you had talked a little bit about being bothered by comments of people saying like, oh, I already knew.

How is that different when you hear it from people in your personal life who you did come out to, and everyone's like,

okay, or we knew, or do you feel the same way, or is it a little bit different?

It's definitely different because of the way, it's the tone and how they say it.

You know, like

with my mom, it's more accepting, more

comfortable.

It's

a peaceful environment.

And she says, or she would say, like,

um like I knew

like like it's okay like I already knew yeah exactly but um like people on the internet they're like they're like oh this is old news I already knew this like oh god the closet was glass yeah like it's more it's condescending nasty kind of yeah yeah

like it's more it's not what you say it's I guess how you say it yeah I agree and also it sounds like also just the relationship with you with the person who might say it Yeah.

Was there anyone in your life that you told that was surprised?

That was like shocked?

The only person I can think of that like reacted a little like shocked, like, oh, this is like new, you know, like, I may have, or, you know,

it was probably my TTI.

She, she took it, like, well, obviously.

Like, she made me feel good about it, like, like you did.

And I

feel very comfortable around her and stuff.

But, um,

yeah, I think she was a little, she was a little surprised because, like, you know, we don't see each other as often, so it's hard to like catch up, you know?

So I think that

the time that I told her was, it was shocking, you know?

Like, it was just the time that I told her, you know, rather than like, maybe if I told her in person and had, like, a better conversation about it, I think that the way I told her was just, um,

it might have been shocking for her.

But yeah, she's very loving and accepting about it, though.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But yeah, we're pretty close.

You had talked to me about telling her TT.

She was the first family member outside of your mom that you told, right?

Yep.

What made you want to?

And like you shared a little bit about the reaction.

Why do you feel like it might have been a little shocking just because you don't talk all the time?

I think it's just like not a regular conversation, you know?

Like it's something that it's like serious, you know?

Like,

and you know, like we don't really have those conversations, so I feel like um

It brung us together really, you know, like and we were we were already close, but I feel like for me to be able to build the confidence and tell her it made us it made our relationship stronger good and um

You know, now I talk to her all the time about like things like that, you know, yeah

um

or like not even just about

um my sexuality like just about like regular day-to-day things you know yeah or um like I'll call her sometimes and I'll be like oh you know

I'm good you know I'll tell her about my day and like oh drama club things like that you know yeah so you guys got closer thanks for selling your car to Carvana here's your check Whoa, when did I get here?

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What about your grandma?

My grandma was

now I love my grandma to death, you know, but we know.

I know, yeah, yeah.

Uh, I love her to death, but

I didn't deaf, deaf, death, death, death, death, you love her to to death.

I keep saying death.

I know.

Ugh.

Um, because I get, I used to get those confused.

Like, when I would used to say deaf, I would say death.

Yeah.

You know, like before I even knew what all that was about, you know.

Okay, so you were saying you love your grandma to death.

Yeah, I love my grandma to death.

No.

But death.

I love her to death.

But I didn't love

how

she kind of

brought religion into it

um

like she kind of was like i didn't love how she kind of brought religion into it um

it was just very odd to me because before she started talking about that she asked me about my like beliefs and then she started and i told her that like i don't really believe i'm not really spiritual and she started to bring in she started to bring god into the situation and i just thought it wasn't necessary and it wasn't related um

and

she also kind of mentioned like

my

I shouldn't um

go and tell people that I'm gay because

um

I don't know who I am yet Like oh she said it very subtly like it wasn't direct but that's what she said basically that's like what she was saying.

Did you have to create like a new relationship with her then?

But, like, once she had the knowledge, or like, once you sort of came out to her, like, now you had to rebuild a new relationship with her?

Like, kind of.

I think it was just kind of a setback again.

Like,

I could tell her, I like, I won't talk to her really about that.

Or, well, at the time, I wouldn't, but I mean,

now I think that, um, you know, since I've gotten older and

like, I, like,

I'm still gay.

Like,

she

still gay.

She trusts now.

I think she

realizes now that, like, I am who I am and that's not going to change.

So I think it's, like, it's okay now.

Like, she won't do that anymore.

But

I think at the time, it was just hard for her to, like,

she didn't know how to approach it, you know?

She's also from a different generation.

She's from a generation older than me.

And so at that time, and I'm not justifying it or excusing it.

I don't, I told you my feelings when you originally told me that, but she does come from a different generation, even above me.

And so, like, millennials are deconstructing all of this.

And,

you know, it might have taken her time to come to terms with it, unfortunately.

But your relationship now is great.

And you love your grandmother to death.

Yeah.

Not to death not to death but um I think like leading up to the point where

you know she could come to terms with it

it was very awkward like she would try to like

talk about it a little bit um but it was very awkward considering like the conversation that we had and um like it would always be her that would bring it up first you know i think it was her way of trying to make me feel comfortable around her with it but

it's not her fault.

It didn't work.

Right.

But I mean, I think it just needed time.

Okay.

You know, lastly, Elliot, I know you really wanted to talk about how much your mom's support has meant to you

and how it's been to have her to help you navigate this and how grateful you are.

So I would love to give you the floor to tell your mom how you feel.

I talked about this on the phone with her, and I can already see your tears.

Don't cry, please.

I already, I talked to her on the phone, and she and Kristen was like, oh yeah, she's gonna cry about this.

Like,

this was gonna be emotional for her, for you.

I just want you to know, and I don't want you to ever doubt that as much as you love me unconditionally, I love you unconditionally, and you have been my guiding star.

You've been my guiding star through this whole thing, throughout my whole life even and

i am forever grateful for you

and i can't see another world without you um you still have to push me down the stairs

i can't mom i can't

no i can't

i can't do it I just love you too much and I can't.

I don't know what I'm going to do for half of my life without you.

Like, I don't know.

Like, I'm gonna be lost.

I'm gonna text you when you're dead.

I'm gonna text you all the time.

And I'm gonna say, hey, mom.

I just went skydiving and it was so scary, but I loved it.

You'll text me when you shit your pants for the first time.

Yep.

I'm gonna, yep.

And I'm gonna be like, oh, it's like cheddars, like you did that one time.

And

I,

I, I, you don't have to thank me and you don't have to tell me any of this.

Like, you don't owe me any fucking thing.

You literally don't owe me anything.

I love you unconditionally because that is my job and that is, you are my child.

And when you become a parent, you love your child unconditionally.

Yeah.

So.

And I agree, but I feel like you take that extra step to make me feel even more welcome and even more unconditionally loved and more comfortable.

And

I just, like, you just have helped me grown in so many ways and realize so many things you just make me feel better about myself and about

who I am you know like you just make me feel

good at the end of the day

like even if we were to fight or

Bicker about something like you at the end of the day I think like you know what this is my mom and

do we fight

I mean, we don't, but like.

I don't know the last time we got in a fight.

Do we ever fight?

No, actually.

But, like,

I feel like if we were to fight, like, I would think, like,

this doesn't affect me.

Like, we still have such a close bond that nothing can get away with that.

And,

like,

you've shown me in so many ways that I have you

I have your support no matter what and you have mine, you know?

Always.

Right or fucking die.

Right or fucking die.

Bro, you just cussed.

They asked for it.

They asked for it.

And it just slipped out.

I

am so thankful to both of you for allowing me to be part of this and interview both of you.

I'm so proud of you, Elliot.

And I hope this is everything that you want it to be.

Is.

is considering everything that has happened.

It's the best.

It's my best sense of control, you know?

And

I'm not sure.

You feel good about it?

Yeah.

Is there anything left off the table at this point?

Is there anything else that you want people to know or you want to share?

No, I don't think so.

I just think if you're in a similar situation, just be yourself.

And as a parent, you should love and...

like support your child you should love and support your child unconditionally no matter what and

it's important to know who you are and to embrace that because who you love doesn't really affect anybody else yeah as long as you're safe and happy so yep thank you for sitting with us on this emotional episode of barely famous podcast we'll see you next week