Part 2: Elliott on Identity, Betrayal, and Unconditional Love

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Speaker 3 Just Bob.

Speaker 6 Welcome to the shit show. Things are going to get weird.

Speaker 6 It's your fade villain, Kale Lauer.

Speaker 6 And you're listening to Barely Famous.

Speaker 8 Moving on.

Speaker 8 Can you talk about the first person that you shared that you were gay with that was not Bob?

Speaker 8 We talked a little bit about this, so I would love for you to.

Speaker 6 I was not the first person that he confirmed he was gay to.

Speaker 3 No, I think that I always knew, but

Speaker 3 I mean, it's better to hear from me, though.

Speaker 6 Yeah, of course. And like, if you never told me, also, I wouldn't have cared either because you would have brought your first boyfriend home and I've been like, all right, cool.

Speaker 6 So you're like, you never had to come forward and tell me. Yeah.

Speaker 3 It was actually,

Speaker 3 I think that in the back of my mind, don't cry, in the back of my mind,

Speaker 3 it was always thinking about you. It was always

Speaker 3 like telling other people is leading up to telling you. Like, you were the person that

Speaker 3 you were the most important person to tell, you know. Why?

Speaker 6 I would have loved you if you never told me.

Speaker 3 I know, but like,

Speaker 3 I don't know. Like, I just

Speaker 3 feel like it it's was so important to tell you. Like, it just felt right to me.

Speaker 3 And, you know, like I said earlier, like, you're the only one I need. So I feel like it's just,

Speaker 3 it's, it's a confidence thing, you know? Like, it makes me feel good to be able to tell the one person that I'm so close to, you know?

Speaker 3 And I mean, even as my mom, like,

Speaker 3 I think it's just very important, you know?

Speaker 6 i just didn't you didn't you didn't have to make an announcement you didn't have to have that conversation and i know but

Speaker 3 i feel like

Speaker 6 it just feels right as my mom i feel like you were robbed out of

Speaker 6 coming out if that's what if that was the path that you wanted yeah twice twice two different when you first first first confirmed um or or shared um and then and then again now yeah um your private life coming out was robbed from you and then your public coming out was also robbed from you in my opinion yeah i um the first person i told was an ex-friend of mine and he

Speaker 3 did not take it well um

Speaker 3 i

Speaker 3 told him and

Speaker 3 he went to our whole class and told everyone

Speaker 3 This was in like fifth grade, mind you.

Speaker 3 So, I mean, looking back on it now, I'm like,

Speaker 3 okay, this was kind of,

Speaker 3 like, I could see this happening. But, like, from that perspective, from me as a fifth grader, it

Speaker 3 hurt me because I was like, I built up the courage to tell you something and

Speaker 3 you

Speaker 3 took it and

Speaker 3 kind of ruined that for me, you know?

Speaker 6 Which is hard because obviously now at 15, you understand that like,

Speaker 6 kids don't understand the importance of that, they don't understand the courage it took for you to tell him.

Speaker 6 He doesn't understand, yeah, the fact that he like puts you in a really dangerous position. Like, he doesn't understand the capacity of what that meant for you to tell him, right?

Speaker 6 And so, do we give him grace? You know what I mean?

Speaker 3 Yeah,

Speaker 3 um, and so and it sucks, but I mean, like, nobody has that maturity level at that age, so I mean, for me to realize it at that time

Speaker 3 it's

Speaker 3 hard to kind of

Speaker 3 find the people that

Speaker 3 understand

Speaker 3 nobody's gonna understand you know so I think that was the hardest part um

Speaker 8 I mean I wasn't fully out until seventh grade Elliot are you comfortable sharing a bit about what happened after you found out that what you had shared with your ex-friend was shared amongst others

Speaker 3 Oh, what I told you about the note?

Speaker 6 I thought the note was funny.

Speaker 6 Um, so

Speaker 3 I wrote him a little letter and um out of anger, actually, now that since we were talking about um speaking on impulse, and my substitute teacher

Speaker 3 um

Speaker 3 was like reading the note as I was writing it and

Speaker 3 um pulled me to the side and was like, why are you writing this? Who are you writing this to? And

Speaker 3 so we, yeah, it was like a whole situation. We had to like go down to guidance and stuff.
And

Speaker 3 that's, that's how my mom found out.

Speaker 8 What were your thoughts like when you found out what had transpired in full with the whole situation? What were your thoughts as his mom?

Speaker 8 and feelings and like what was that like?

Speaker 6 So Joe went and picked up Isaac from school and called me and told me about the note. And you were in the back seat, and you know, your dad sent me a picture of the note.
And I laughed.

Speaker 6 I thought it was funny. I was like,

Speaker 3 like,

Speaker 6 he should suck a dick.

Speaker 3 I did tell him that.

Speaker 6 He's like, fuck you. And I thought it was funny.
I also already knew you were gay. So, like, I didn't give a fuck.
I was just like, how dare him? Obviously, I was upset that a kid did that to you.

Speaker 6 But obviously, now I'm like, well, he was in fifth grade. Like, kids don't understand the weight of their, what they're doing.

Speaker 6 It's kind of I was upset because I didn't know

Speaker 6 how, like, I wasn't there with you and your dad. And so it was hard for me.
I didn't know what was going on.

Speaker 6 I would imagine that that was probably a time where you felt sort of lost and didn't really know where to go because you didn't know, am I getting in trouble for the note? Am I,

Speaker 6 am I gay? Am I not gay? Do I have the support of my dad? And now my dad has to tell my mom, is my mom going to react the same way?

Speaker 6 So So, like, it was probably a very confusing, emotionally charged time. And so, I was upset because I couldn't be there with you.

Speaker 6 I think you were looking for validation and to know that everything was going to be okay.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 6 And I don't necessarily feel like you got that.

Speaker 3 I didn't.

Speaker 3 But it wasn't your fault.

Speaker 3 Obviously, it wasn't your fault. But

Speaker 3 I think another thing that sucked was

Speaker 3 the anxiety of it.

Speaker 3 It happened like

Speaker 3 literally the last week of school. It was a Thursday,

Speaker 3 and

Speaker 3 like I didn't know what to expect from the next year, you know, like you know, and

Speaker 3 I was just so terrified to see what that looked like.

Speaker 6 Because you're gonna go the whole summer without seeing a lot of these people. Are they gonna remember? Are they gonna treat you differently? Are they gonna think differently?

Speaker 6 Are they gonna talk about you? Are you is it gonna be forgotten?

Speaker 6 Like, yeah, I would imagine there's some anxiety with with that and that all that was the worst year for me sixth grade like after that did not have any real friends the following year when you went into sixth grade do you think that that changed you said that you didn't really have friends that year do you think that it was because of the way that you were forced out at that time maybe

Speaker 3 Because

Speaker 3 but at the same time, I also just didn't have a place. Like, I didn't know who to hang out with, what to do.
Like,

Speaker 3 I I just didn't, I didn't really know myself, you know, so it was hard to fit in with a group of people.

Speaker 3 So I think that also ties in with it.

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Speaker 8 You talked about that year being your worst year.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 8 How has your confidence level grown since then?

Speaker 3 I, yeah, I've definitely been more confident. It's a learning experience, you know.
It's, um,

Speaker 3 even though it's not how I would have wanted it to go, it also helps it helps me grow and learn about myself.

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 3 I'm more aware of who I am and who I prefer to be around and what I'm comfortable with and

Speaker 3 just oh like who I identify as like who I am as a person you know

Speaker 3 and um

Speaker 3 it has

Speaker 6 shown character and it builds character You're aware that a lot of people your age do not have the level of self-awareness that you have, right?

Speaker 3 I learned that along the way.

Speaker 6 There's a lot of of people, there are a lot of adults my age that don't have the level of self-awareness that you have.

Speaker 6 I just think that you're pretty logical, in touch with your feelings, in touch with your emotions,

Speaker 6 challenge societal norms,

Speaker 6 challenge, you know, popular beliefs that a lot of kids your age, I think, just learn from their parents and pass down. And that's part of the problem.

Speaker 3 I agree. There's no room for them to speak for themselves or push back or ask questions or set boundaries and create a space for themselves.

Speaker 6 Has public, how you will be perceived to other people, has that influenced your decision to come out or to talk about your sexuality or to

Speaker 6 be on social media. Be on social media in general? Like, are you worried about what people think of you to the point that you will or will not post certain things?

Speaker 3 Yes and no.

Speaker 3 I,

Speaker 3 what people say don't really affect me. Like,

Speaker 3 you're stupid for saying that, but like

Speaker 3 if someone's like

Speaker 3 trolling like or saying something like it doesn't really bother me.

Speaker 3 I mean there are certain things that bother me, but like like when people talk about my family like about you or about my relationship with my dad or like just let me speak about it myself like you know like you don't need to you don't need to say any of that.

Speaker 6 You don't need to make assumptions.

Speaker 3 Yeah, like there's no reason And you don't know,

Speaker 3 you don't know me, you know, like you see me on social media and whatever, but you don't hear me. You don't know who I am, you know, unless I tell you, unless I show you.
Right. You know?

Speaker 8 Kale, what has it been like for you to look through your lens and watch Elliot navigate this, not just in both of your private lives at home, but also knowing there's public eyes on him as well?

Speaker 6 I think Elliot does a good job not putting a whole lot of his personal life out there.

Speaker 6 And so there hasn't been a whole lot for me to be worried about outside of obviously his sexuality and what target that puts on his back.

Speaker 6 He's more mature than I think a lot of people maybe expected from me to have a son like that. So I,

Speaker 6 the only thing that I've truly worried about is obviously like creeps but also people trying to out him this whole time because he doesn't really you're you're not really putting your personal business out there, it's more like ASL and like funny things.

Speaker 6 So, I haven't really had to,

Speaker 6 yeah, guide him too much in that way.

Speaker 3 And I also think that with my level of maturity, I think I learned that from you, like what not to put out there.

Speaker 3 I think I learned from

Speaker 3 being on the show, like, and

Speaker 3 you know, I have eyes, so I guess I just

Speaker 3 see how other people are. Like, I observe how other people operate and how other people are, and what other people do, and what not to do, you know.

Speaker 3 So, I kind of like it gives me an idea of what not to do.

Speaker 8 Kayl, you already knew, and you've said it a couple times, like who Elliot was from a very young age. Did you ever need him to come out to you, you know?

Speaker 8 And for Elliot, what was that like knowing that your mom already knew? I mean, she's known

Speaker 8 since before I met you and you were two.

Speaker 3 I don't know. I just

Speaker 3 I was like,

Speaker 3 you know what? That makes sense. You know, like, of course you knew, you know?

Speaker 3 But I think that like leaving, leading up to that point, you made me feel so comfortable around you. Like,

Speaker 3 I could have told you at any point, you know?

Speaker 6 You didn't have to tell me at all if you didn't want to.

Speaker 3 That too.

Speaker 6 You literally did not have to tell. Like, I didn't need an announcement.
Didn't need confirmation.

Speaker 6 As long as you telling me made you feel better. like if it was for you, that's fine.
But like, I never needed you to

Speaker 6 make a statement, make an announcement. I never, I never needed that.
I just

Speaker 6 want to always have like a safe space for you at home. And I want your brothers to always be accepting of it.
And I, you know, want there to always just be a safe space.

Speaker 6 That's really what was important to me because.

Speaker 6 At the end of the day, like I said earlier, I'm never going to sever my relationship with you or

Speaker 6 create any sort of friction in our relationship because of who you love. Cause that's at the end, it's not, whether it was a man or a woman, I'm not, it's not my business.

Speaker 3 Yeah. And it's not a choice either.

Speaker 6 It's not a choice. It's not my business.

Speaker 6 And when you move out of the house and you live with whoever you're going to live with and you are raising, you know, I don't want to say family because if you choose to be childless, that's also fine.

Speaker 6 Like you have a family with, you know, your partner, whether it's a man or a woman, at the end of the day, that does not affect me. And as long as you're happy, like, I don't care.
I don't.

Speaker 3 so my only child will be a cat

Speaker 3 if you want to clean litter boxes for the rest of your life I mean it's worth it it'll be worth it okay

Speaker 8 Elliot for you I know that you had talked a little bit about being bothered by comments of people saying like, oh, I already knew.

Speaker 8 How is that different when you hear it from people in your personal life who you did come out to and everyone's like, okay, or we knew? Or do you feel the same way?

Speaker 3 Or is it a little bit different it's definitely different because of the way it's the tone and how they say it you know like with my mom it's more accepting more um

Speaker 3 comfortable it's it's a peaceful environment and you're she says that or she would say like

Speaker 3 um like i knew

Speaker 3 like like it's okay like i already knew yeah exactly but um like people on the internet they're like, they're like, oh, this is old news. I already knew this.
Like,

Speaker 6 the closet was glass.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Like, like, it's more of

Speaker 6 a nasty kind of.

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 Like, it's more.

Speaker 6 It's not what you say. It's, I guess, how you say it.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I agree.

Speaker 8 And also, it sounds like also just the relationship with you, with the person who might say it.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 6 Was there anyone in your life that you told that was surprised? That was like shocked?

Speaker 3 The only person I can think of that like reacted a little little like shocked like oh this is like new you know like i may have or you know uh it was probably my titi she she took it like well obviously like she made me feel good about it like like you did um

Speaker 3 and i um feel very comfortable around her and stuff but um

Speaker 3 yeah i think she was a little she was a little surprised because like you know we don't see each other as often so it's hard to like catch up you know so i think that um the time that I told her was, it was shocking, you know, like it was just the time that I told her, you know, rather than like maybe if I told her in person and had like a better conversation about it, I think that the way I told her was just,

Speaker 3 it might have been shocking for her. But yeah, she's very loving and accepting about it, though.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 3 But yeah, we're pretty close.

Speaker 8 You had talked to me about telling her TT.

Speaker 8 She was the first family member outside outside of your mom that you told, right? Yep, what made you want to? And like, you shared a little bit about the reaction.

Speaker 8 Why do you feel like it might have been a little shocking just because you don't talk all the time?

Speaker 3 Um, I think it's just like not a regular conversation, you know, like it's something that it's like serious, you know, like um

Speaker 3 and you know, like we don't really have those conversations, so I feel like um

Speaker 3 it brung us together, really, you know, like, and we were, we were already close, but I feel like for me to be able to build the confidence and tell her, it made us, it made our relationship stronger.

Speaker 3 Good. And,

Speaker 3 you know, now I talk to her all the time about like things like that, you know? Yeah.

Speaker 3 Or like, not even just about.

Speaker 3 my sexuality like just about like regular day-to-day things you know yeah or um like I'll call her sometimes and I'll be like, oh, you know,

Speaker 3 I'm good. You know, I'll tell her about my day and like, oh, drama club, things like that, you know?

Speaker 6 Yeah. So you guys got closer.

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Speaker 3 What about your grandma?

Speaker 3 My grandma was.

Speaker 3 Now I love my grandma to death, you know, but we know. I know.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 I love her to death, but

Speaker 3 I didn't.

Speaker 3 Death. Death.
Death. Death.
You love her to death. I keep saying death.
I know. Ugh.

Speaker 3 Because I used to get those confused. Like when I used to say deaf, I would say death.
Yeah. You know, like before I even knew what all that was about, you know.

Speaker 6 Okay, so you were saying you love your grandma to death.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I love my grandma to death. No.

Speaker 4 But death.

Speaker 6 I love her to death.

Speaker 3 But I didn't love

Speaker 3 how

Speaker 3 she kind of

Speaker 3 brought religion into it.

Speaker 3 Like she kind of was like, I didn't love

Speaker 3 how she kind of brought religion into it.

Speaker 3 It was just very odd to me because before she started talking about that, she asked me about my like beliefs.

Speaker 3 And then she started, and I told her that, like, I don't really believe, I'm not really spiritual.

Speaker 3 And she started to bring in she started to bring God into the situation and I just thought it wasn't necessary and it wasn't related.

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 3 she also kind of mentioned like

Speaker 3 my

Speaker 3 I shouldn't

Speaker 3 go and tell people that I'm gay because

Speaker 3 I don't know who I am yet. Like, she said it very subtly.
Like, it wasn't direct, but that's what she said. Basically, that's like what she was saying.

Speaker 6 Did you have to create like a new relationship with her then?

Speaker 6 But, like, once she had the knowledge, or like, once you sort of came out to her, like, now you had to rebuild a new relationship with her?

Speaker 3 Like, kind of. I think it was just kind of a setback again.
Like,

Speaker 3 I could tell her, I like, I won't talk to her really about that.

Speaker 3 Or, well, at the time, I wouldn't, but I mean,

Speaker 3 now I think that,

Speaker 3 you know, since I've gotten older and

Speaker 3 like I like,

Speaker 3 I'm still gay. Like

Speaker 3 she

Speaker 6 still gay.

Speaker 3 She trusts now.

Speaker 3 I think she

Speaker 3 realizes now that like I am who I am and that's not going to change. So I think it's...
Like, it's okay now. Like she won't do that anymore.
But

Speaker 3 I think at the time it was just hard for her to like,

Speaker 6 She didn't know how to approach it, you know she's also from a different generation she's at she's at a generation she's from a generation older than me and so at that time and I'm not justifying it or excusing it.

Speaker 6 I don't I told you my feelings when you originally told me that but she does come from a different generation even above me and so like millennials are deconstructing all of this and yeah

Speaker 6 you know it might have taken her time to come to terms with it unfortunately but your relationship now is great and you call your grandmother to to death yeah

Speaker 3 not to death not to death but um i think like leading up to the point where um

Speaker 3 you know she could come to terms with it uh it was very awkward like she would try to like

Speaker 3 talk about it a little bit um but it was very awkward considering like the conversation that we had and um like it would always be her that would bring it up first you know i think it was her way of trying to make me feel comfortable around her with it but um

Speaker 8 it's not her fault it didn't work right but i mean i think it just needed time okay you know lastly elliot i know you really wanted to talk about how much your mom's support has meant to you

Speaker 8 and how it's been to have her to help you navigate this and how grateful you are so i would love to give you the floor to tell your mom how you feel

Speaker 3 i talked about this on the phone with her and i can already see your tears don't cry please

Speaker 3 um

Speaker 3 i already i talked to her on the phone and she and kristen was like oh yeah she's gonna cry about this like

Speaker 3 this was gonna be emotional for her for you um

Speaker 3 i just want you to know and i don't want you to ever doubt that As much as you love me unconditionally, I love you unconditionally. And you have been my guiding star.

Speaker 3 You've been my guiding star through this whole thing, throughout my whole life, even. And

Speaker 3 I am forever grateful for you.

Speaker 3 And I can't see another world without you.

Speaker 3 You still have to push me down the stairs.

Speaker 3 I can't, mom. I can't.
I can't.

Speaker 3 No, I can't.

Speaker 3 I can't do it. I just love you too much.
And I can't. I don't know what I'm going to do for half of my life without you.

Speaker 3 Like, I don't know. Like, I'm going to be lost.
I'm going to text you when you're dead. I'm going to text you all the time.
And I'm going to say, hey, mom.

Speaker 3 I just went skydiving.

Speaker 6 And it was so scary, but I loved it. You'll text me when you shit your pants for the first time.

Speaker 3 Yep. I'm going to, yep.
And I'm going to be like, oh, it's like cheddars like you did that one time.

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 3 I,

Speaker 6 I, I, you don't have to thank me and you don't have to tell me any of this. Like, you don't owe me any fucking thing.
You literally don't owe me anything.

Speaker 6 I love you unconditionally because that is my job and that is, you are my child. And when you become a parent, you love your child unconditionally.

Speaker 3 Yeah. So.
And I agree, but I feel like. You take that extra step to make me feel even more welcome and even more unconditionally loved and more comfortable.
And

Speaker 3 I just like you just have helped me grown in so many ways and realize so many things.

Speaker 3 You just make me feel better about myself and about

Speaker 3 who I am. You know? Like you just make me feel

Speaker 3 good at the end of the day.

Speaker 3 Like even if we were to fight or

Speaker 3 bicker about something like you at the end of the day, I think like, you know what? This is my mom, and

Speaker 3 do we fight?

Speaker 6 I mean, we don't, but like, I don't know the last time we got in a fight.

Speaker 3 Do we ever fight? No, actually,

Speaker 3 but like,

Speaker 3 I feel like if we were to fight, like, I would think, like,

Speaker 3 this doesn't affect me. Like, we still have such a close bond that nothing can get away with that.
And,

Speaker 3 like,

Speaker 3 you've shown me in so many ways that I have you.

Speaker 3 I have your support no matter what. And you have mine, you know? Always.
Ride or fucking die. Ride or fucking die.
Bro, you just cussed.

Speaker 6 They asked for it.

Speaker 3 They asked for it. And it just slipped out.

Speaker 6 I

Speaker 8 am so thankful to both of you for allowing me to be part of this and interview both of you. I'm so proud of you.
Elliot. And I hope this is everything that you want it to be.

Speaker 6 Is.

Speaker 3 Is.

Speaker 3 Considering everything that has happened, it's the best, it's my best sense of control, you know. And

Speaker 6 I'm not sure if you're not. Do you feel good about it?

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 6 Is there anything left off the table at this point? Is there anything else that you want people to know or you want to share?

Speaker 3 No, I don't think so. Um, I just think if you're in a similar situation, just be yourself.
And as a parent, you should love and like support your child.

Speaker 3 You should love and support your child unconditionally, no matter what. And

Speaker 3 it's important to

Speaker 3 know who you are and to embrace that.

Speaker 6 Because who you love doesn't really affect anybody else. Yeah.
As long as you're safe and happy. So

Speaker 6 thank you for sitting with us on this emotional episode of Barely Famous Podcast. We'll see you next week.