Cheating, Ego, and Redemption: Rico Hundo Gets Called Out

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Speaker 10 welcome to the shit show things are going to get weird

Speaker 10 it's your fae villain kale lower

Speaker 10 and you're listening to barely famous

Speaker 10 Happy Friday, welcome to another episode of Barely Famous Podcast. We have Rico Hundo back

Speaker 10 on site.

Speaker 11 Barely Famous.

Speaker 10 Barely Famous Podcast. All right.
We were, before we started recording, I asked you how your daughter was. We have children roughly around the same age.

Speaker 10 You came on the podcast before, I think, when she was like a newborn.

Speaker 11 Was she? Yeah, maybe.

Speaker 10 I think you had just had her. Yeah.
And I asked you if you were in a relationship then. You said yes.
And then I just asked you now if you're still with her and you said yes. That's what?

Speaker 11 Five years? Yeah.

Speaker 10 Five years. Yeah.
And you're committed. You're not cheating on her.

Speaker 11 No, no, not anymore.

Speaker 10 Not anymore. But you were.

Speaker 11 I did.

Speaker 10 And how did that work out for you?

Speaker 11 I mean,

Speaker 11 see, I think our situation is a little bit different

Speaker 11 because we had just got together and the baby came. Literally, like, we made it official, I would say, two months prior to her pregnancy.

Speaker 11 And like the way I am, I'm very planned and detailed with everything.

Speaker 10 You didn't want kids, though, right?

Speaker 11 At first? No, no, I did. I actually planned on having kids maybe about nine months after or 10 months after we got together.
I was like, one year, Mark, then we can start to have a family.

Speaker 11 I already had that planned. Yeah.
But that happened super early. Okay.
And because of that, and it was during COVID,

Speaker 11 I had five stores. So I was already like overwhelmed with business.
So I kind of didn't want it at that point in time. I wanted the stores to kind of settle down.
I didn't have to fly every single

Speaker 11 place before I actually, you know, had a family.

Speaker 11 um and i think because of that i had so much chaos at that time because now i have five stores i have my podcast i have all these other different businesses plus a family and i had a little bit of um resentment i had a little bit of resentment because she didn't stick to the plan which was what the plan was to not have any kids anytime you could you had control over that you could have pulled out no well the thing is we had an agreement so we had an agreement but you didn't follow the agreement right off the bat.

Speaker 11 No, no, no.

Speaker 10 I definitely did. So, you used protection? No.
Did you get a vasectomy?

Speaker 11 No, the agreement was that you didn't pull out. No, the agreement was very simple.

Speaker 11 I'm not going to use condom. So, we have two, we have two options.
We either don't have sex or you take the morning after pill. That's going to be the agreement.

Speaker 10 But you're not going to pull out.

Speaker 11 No,

Speaker 11 either we don't have sex. Rico,

Speaker 11 I think this is pretty much clear, right?

Speaker 10 No. Why not? So she is, you are placing all of the blame on her for getting pregnant, basically, and keeping the baby when you had the ability to get a vasectomy, use condoms, pull out.

Speaker 11 But she didn't want to go on birth control.

Speaker 10 Okay, and that's her right.

Speaker 11 Okay, so then neither is pulling out.

Speaker 10 Let me just tell you something. As a woman,

Speaker 10 I do not want someone to nut in me because it smells like dead bodies after a couple hours. So you are not, nobody's nutting in me, right?

Speaker 10 Like, well, I mean, that didn't work out for me very well, did it?

Speaker 10 But that was all

Speaker 10 committed relationships. But what I'm saying is, if I am newly in a relationship and that is the plan for us to not get pregnant, I'm not letting him nut in me either.

Speaker 11 Yeah, but it's not about that, right? So now you're taking it from a perspective where you feel as if you only have one option.

Speaker 11 The other option is we practice celibacy and I'm perfectly fine with either or. So I gave you an option.
You chose to pick an option. So you're hold on.
I believe in choice, right?

Speaker 11 So if I give you an option to choose, all right, cool, I'm going to take the morning after pill after we have sex.

Speaker 11 We just can't have sex every single day because you're not going to be taking the morning after pill every single day, right? Now you have that option and you're obligated and bound to your word.

Speaker 11 Once I give you the opportunity to choose, I'm expecting you to act upon your choice. Now, if you go outside of that choice, that's when betrayal happens, right?

Speaker 11 And that's when it's like, well, why would you do this? Because if that was the case, you've actually technically robbed me of the opportunity of not even doing this to begin with. Right.

Speaker 11 So that's what was the resentment. That was the point where it was like, well, why would you, it kind of felt like a setup.
Why would you tell me one thing and then do the other?

Speaker 11 So that's why it ended up becoming that way. So in the whole pregnancy was like, it was chaotic for us, right? Because I was upset about it.
So I wasn't treating her the best during her pregnancy.

Speaker 11 And then,

Speaker 11 you know, at some point in time, I had to understand, like, listen, that's not the way, you know, you go about it. It is what it is.
You have to accept it for what it was.

Speaker 11 But deep down inside, there was a part of me that questioned, why would she tell me one thing and do the other? Right. And, and that lasted, I would say, about a year or so.

Speaker 11 That at that point in time, I wasn't being faithful, you know?

Speaker 10 My first question is, why was the choice solely on her to decide whether she was going to take the morning after pill or not?

Speaker 10 Why wasn't it on you to say, I am going to pull out or or I'm going to use condoms? Because we all know that you guys don't like to do that. But why, why not just put the future in your own hands?

Speaker 10 Like you could have prevented that your own self.

Speaker 11 Well, I believe that when we have conversations with individuals, we tend to say, listen, and this is actually funny because when you think about business and the history, especially in America, right?

Speaker 11 If you do business overseas, it's a little bit different. But when you do business, Back in the day, you can actually have a handshake deal.
That means you are a person of integrity.

Speaker 11 You are a person who honors your word. You are a person who honors your commitment, whatever that commitment may be, right?

Speaker 11 Nowadays, we need contracts, we need NDAs, we need all these different things in place because people do not honor their word.

Speaker 11 People will give you their word on one thing and then no longer be bound by it. Now, for me, I'm a person that if I give you my word, I'm going to honor my word.

Speaker 11 And I tend to feel as if I can read people well.

Speaker 11 And when I get into business or into anything with somebody, when they give me their word and I decide to do or go forward with them, that's a person that I personally believe is going to honor their word.

Speaker 10 So when you entered into this relationship with her and you made it

Speaker 10 permanent, you were official with her two months prior to the pregnancy. By doing that, you gave her your word that you were going to be faithful and then did not follow through with that.

Speaker 10 So what does that say about you?

Speaker 11 Well, I felt like what happened, well, and I feel like what actually happened was the way I felt was like, well, if you betrayed me, it's nothing for me me to betray you, which is spite.

Speaker 11 And it's not good. And I'm not saying that that's okay, right? But there was spite, but there's a cause and effect for everything.

Speaker 11 And as a human being, we have to understand that how you do something, what you do to me can cause a different reaction. Now, I could have left.
Now, if this wasn't a thing where it was...

Speaker 11 If this was more so infidelity, then maybe I would have just left. But now we have a more intricate situation where you have a child involved.

Speaker 11 And although my feelings and my emotions were like i don't trust this person enough to be with this person to work these things out because this person can tell me one thing that's going to ultimately affect my entire life and not

Speaker 11 and not honor their own word it made me question the longevity of being with this person however when you have a kid at some point in time you have to say you know what what's more important you know, seeing things through and potentially giving that opportunity, that second chance opportunity of this person could grow into a better person and hopefully you know we can have that family together because at the end of the day especially black kids we're growing up with so many broken households over one you know one decision that was made that was not necessarily in the other person's favor now for me i'm all about trying to figure it out now so can i push through this can i feel can can i

Speaker 11 Can I push through this?

Speaker 11 Can I let go of my feelings and the promises that I made to myself of what I will and will not tolerate for the safe, for for the sake of not just me, but our family, our unit, you know, and that's where it was.

Speaker 11 So, I mean, at the end of the day, in the beginning, was I being spiteful? Yeah.

Speaker 11 And I had a choice to make. And once I let go of that spite, you know, I did come clean about everything that I did throughout that process of filling that moment.
I don't delete anything in my phone.

Speaker 11 I said, listen, here's what.

Speaker 10 You told her you cheated on her?

Speaker 11 I told her I came clean about everything.

Speaker 10 But I asked you, did you tell her you cheated on her?

Speaker 11 I i didn't tell her initially right okay

Speaker 11 so somebody else brought it to her attention okay

Speaker 11 and then um that person i said you know what you know that's not the only situation that has happened you know and if we're going to push forward if you're going to actually work and trying to forgive me there's going to be no skeletons in my closet and so i don't delete anything in my phone both of my phones here are my phones you let her go through your phones she had them for like days because there was a lot in there, you know?

Speaker 11 The whole come and clean process happened years after the fact, maybe a year. Yes.
So you had to.

Speaker 10 You had cheated on her multiple times and you didn't come clean about it for years.

Speaker 11 Yeah. So

Speaker 10 can you walk me through from a man's perspective, the decision-making behind one, cheating on her and two, not telling her for years?

Speaker 10 Well, can you love someone and still cheat on them?

Speaker 11 Of course.

Speaker 11 Of course, right? Well, the first thing I would say, and I don't want to say in my defense, but part of the situations that happened, we had broken up for like two weeks at a time.

Speaker 11 And although technically that's not cheating, those two week periods is when I would go out and do whatever I did. But we still live together, even though we were broken up.
Right. So

Speaker 11 it's still like cheating, but it's not, right? For sure. Technically, it's not.

Speaker 10 That's what my ex used to do to me. So I recognize that.
And before we started.

Speaker 11 But I was the one that never broke up.

Speaker 10 She would break up with me. Because you were doing dog shit.

Speaker 11 No, no, no. She will break up with me because we get into an argument.
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Speaker 10 Would you have cheated anyway?

Speaker 11 I would have thought about it.

Speaker 10 You would have thought about it? Of course.

Speaker 10 Walk me through that, right? Like this woman,

Speaker 11 Of course.

Speaker 11 Because every man thinks about cheating. No, they don't.
Yes.

Speaker 10 No, they don't. Jesus.

Speaker 11 Wait, hold on. Ladies.
No matter how long you are. None of you here are a man.

Speaker 10 No, but

Speaker 10 I have been on both sides.

Speaker 11 I'm like, let me explain something.

Speaker 10 I have been on both sides, right? I've been a cheater and I've been cheated on. And every single time that I have cheated in my lifetime, which is not very often,

Speaker 10 I knew it was wrong in the pit of my stomach. Okay.
The entire act that ensued. I knew it was wrong.
I did it anyway.

Speaker 10 And that was my real, my realization every single time that I knew that person was not for me because I was capable of cheating on them.

Speaker 11 For me. That person was for you because you were capable to feel that it was wrong.
Right. If you can cheat on somebody and feel nothing, that's when you realize that person is not for you.

Speaker 11 If you cheat on somebody because you're making a terrible decision at that point in time for whatever your justifications are, but you now morally feel bad because you actually genuinely care about the person you're with.

Speaker 11 Maybe that's actually the right person because you care enough to say, like, hey, I'm doing something wrong versus, hey, I did something, whatever. It is.

Speaker 10 I think I just have morals as a human being.

Speaker 11 Well, those are morals, not as a human being. Those are morals as a society, right? A societal, a current timeframe, right? Because at one point, there was no real attachment to cheating.

Speaker 11 I mean, if you actually look at it,

Speaker 11 the stats of cheating is relatively new in terms of how long people have been in existence, right?

Speaker 11 Cheating is what, maybe about 200 years old, 150 years old, it's relatively new to the way humanity used to operate for millennia.

Speaker 10 Because you're saying that they're not meant to be monogamous.

Speaker 11 We never were.

Speaker 10 I agree with that and I always have, but I feel like monogamy in your lifetime versus monogamy with the person that you are committed to are two very different things.

Speaker 10 So when I enter a relationship, there is an expectation that we are going to be monogamous with each other. But in my lifetime, I'm not monogamous.
I'm not a monogamous human being.

Speaker 10 I've been with multiple people. That to me is true.

Speaker 11 But I feel like that's also the societal standard, right?

Speaker 10 So while you were

Speaker 10 cheating on her, did you feel bad?

Speaker 11 The times that I actually cheated, and I would say I cheated where like I didn't, where you didn't break up with me, we didn't speak to each other and walk past each other in the house for seven, 10 days.

Speaker 11 Those times I didn't feel bad. So I'm like, in my mind,

Speaker 11 again, I hold you to your word. So if you're saying you're done and you're leaving and you're moving on, in my mind, you are.
So, I'm preparing for the same exact thing, right?

Speaker 11 So, at those points in times, no, I did not feel bad, right? I felt bad once we got back together, and I'm like, well, damn, should I actually say what I did during this break? Did you?

Speaker 11 No, not initially.

Speaker 11 But the times that I did cheat, where I knew I cheated out of spite, those times I felt bad.

Speaker 10 Has she ever cheated on you?

Speaker 11 I mean, not that I know of. Is it possible? Women, they say women cheat better than men.
Because we're smarter. Not smarter.
It's just. We are smarter.
You're not smarter at all. We are.

Speaker 10 And you have a daughter, so you should know.

Speaker 11 My daughter is not smarter than me either.

Speaker 11 Never will be.

Speaker 10 Where do you get some of

Speaker 10 your

Speaker 10 ideations and your misogynist outlook on life?

Speaker 11 Where does it come from? It's not misogynist.

Speaker 11 It's actually not. We went through the definition already, and I think it's very important for people to study etymology, right? So when we study etymology, we know that the actual,

Speaker 11 the actual origin and root of words. And I think it's important to understand the root of life, which is where my ideologies come from.
They come from the root, not the

Speaker 11 new trend of what we're supposed to feel or believe, what we're supposed to identify, what we're supposed to accept.

Speaker 11 Because obviously, if I can take you from here in America and I take you to Dubai or I take you to Europe, it doesn't matter, Switzerland,

Speaker 11 the norms and what is accepted, the social, what is accepted socially differ.

Speaker 11 Right? Right. So what that means is,

Speaker 11 where do we get to a point or how do we get to a point where we become so small-minded where we literally think that anything that's opposite of what we think is wrong, right?

Speaker 11 Because there's, think about how many things have changed in the last

Speaker 11 30, 40 years since we've probably all, or maybe some people, 20 years, since we've all been here in this world. Not much a lot i remember when i went

Speaker 11 when i went to high school you could smack a girl's ass and it wasn't a problem now that's a salt it should be it should always be a salt i'm not saying that it shouldn't be what i'm saying is that look at how life has changed understand that things are changing while in real time while you are alive some are in your benefit some may not be right look at what's happening with food at one point in time 50 60 years ago putting these chemicals in food was not okay now it is okay look at everything that is changing so when you want to talk about ideologies we have to look at what is the whole bigger picture but you don't think some of these these ideologies and your your outlook is very outdated and very misogynistic for what used to be where the men the men hold you know the they work they provide they do x y and z for their families and their wives like you remind me of someone who expects a woman to stay in the kitchen and to keep their mouth shut and to not cheat and to honor their word, even though you're not honoring yours.

Speaker 10 That's the type of person.

Speaker 11 That's true, because I also, I also love the fact that a woman can become wealthy on her own. My mom is a single parent who has five degrees and I watched a woman do it.

Speaker 11 I think the problem is that I expect women to be more equal than they want to be.

Speaker 11 That's why I think the problem is because if I say, hey, listen, if I believe in 50-50, now I am no, now I'm a brokey or I'm a roommate or I'm all these different things.

Speaker 11 I actually believe that the floor should be open for you to reach your full potential.

Speaker 11 But understanding your full potential doesn't mean you could dictate, doesn't dictate how you treat another individual, doesn't dictate how you look at a man any less or a woman any less.

Speaker 11 I actually believe 100% opposite. I would love for my woman to work, I would love for my woman to be the breadwinner.
I am not insecure about that in any way, shape, or form. If you're

Speaker 11 your girlfriend, wife, fiancé, no, we're not married yet.

Speaker 10 Yet, okay, so your you know, your partner, if she made more money than you and she was the breadwinner and the sole provider and all of those things, you would be 100% okay with that.

Speaker 11 I would prefer it.

Speaker 11 I would prefer it. And I've always have.
I said this numerous different times. Any man who's not okay with a woman making the same or more than him is just a man who's in a power-tripping position.

Speaker 11 He's an insecure man and he feels like that's the only thing that brings him value.

Speaker 10 Some of the things you say also suggest that you

Speaker 10 suggest that. Like

Speaker 10 you said a girl who has a thousand followers or less, and she's an eight is like finding the Virgin Mary, right? Like,

Speaker 10 what you're saying, I don't think necessarily aligns.

Speaker 11 Well, I think well, now we have to move that poll up. The thousand is like, you know, nowadays, everybody has followers, and I don't even know how they're getting them.
But, yes, at one point in time,

Speaker 11 right? Because the number, the numerics. But yes, I do think that a woman who has not been tainted by popularity and is also beautiful is a gift.

Speaker 10 So someone like me is what, not worthy?

Speaker 11 For who? For me?

Speaker 10 I don't want to be with you.

Speaker 11 So then

Speaker 11 does it matter?

Speaker 10 But I'm asking you based on what you're saying.

Speaker 10 So

Speaker 10 what's an eight to you? Like physically or? I don't know. What did you mean by that?

Speaker 11 I meant physically if she's cute, if she's an eight, like she's solid. You know what I'm saying? Like a lot of times we got to,

Speaker 11 we get to this point, right, where we think or believe, either or,

Speaker 11 that

Speaker 11 exposure does not alter us. Okay.

Speaker 11 Right? Okay.

Speaker 10 So it does, as you and I know that.

Speaker 11 And it does, right? 100%.

Speaker 11 It alters people's personalities, their ego. It can alter their lifestyles.
And that's the problem that I have with it because at one point in time, it altered me. Right.

Speaker 11 And I had to, I literally had to lose in order to be like, okay, hold on. This is just glamour and lights.

Speaker 11 You still have to remember who you are at your core while you navigate through whatever it is that I was doing. Right.

Speaker 11 A lot of people can't do that. A lot of people fall victim to that.

Speaker 11 And so popularity has become, especially to this day and age where you have social media where popularity seems to be their only justifying reason to have value. But yet they're not making money.

Speaker 11 That doesn't mean that they're good people.

Speaker 10 Are you making money, Rico?

Speaker 11 Who me yeah yeah i haven't had a job since 2016 or 17.

Speaker 11 how do you make your money i buy bookings i'm on con i'm contracted on a couple different shows i get booked every single month and i've been getting booked

Speaker 10 shut but i but i also did you get paid for game of clones i never asked you that you did yeah

Speaker 10 you know funny story about that right for those of you guys who are new here rico and i did a dating show together and um he was the one that i like picked or whatever is like the winner um i just didn't know know that.

Speaker 11 And then she comes over here and thinks I'm misogynist. You are, but now look at how I've grown.
Cause in that you haven't. In that show, I said, You can't go through my phone.
Remember that?

Speaker 11 Now my girl could go through my phone.

Speaker 11 Oh, my.

Speaker 11 God, it's all about compromise.

Speaker 10 I think that was like seven-ish years ago, six years ago. So you made this much progress.

Speaker 10 Like, that's all.

Speaker 11 That is, it's moving the needle.

Speaker 10 I wish I had a shock collar here and I'd wrap it around his neck.

Speaker 10 Next time you come on this podcast, I'm bringing the shock collar.

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Speaker 10 So first, let me ask you this. What was the deciding factor for you and your girlfriend to stay together after you came clean about all of your cheating?

Speaker 11 Well, it was,

Speaker 11 I mean, that's a question you would have to ask her.

Speaker 10 Like, she decided that?

Speaker 11 Yeah, she decided that. I mean, she made some, um, she had some new requirements

Speaker 11 to go forward um for example like she didn't want any secrets be between us or any restrictions so like for example she said you know I want to know everything so here's access to it I want to continue to have open transparency so my passcodes have never changed but she knows them you know what i'm saying obviously if i lose my phone i don't want anybody to go through it so i'm never not going to have a passcode on it it.

Speaker 11 But if she decides to pick up my phone, she can. And I actually, it's actually more of

Speaker 11 a lightweight now, you know, because back then.

Speaker 10 It's a lot of work to cheat.

Speaker 11 It is. You got to be really good.
That's why, you know.

Speaker 10 That's why you got away with it for so long.

Speaker 11 But I still could, right? But I just choose not to. It's all a choice.

Speaker 10 I know. Like.

Speaker 11 I know that.

Speaker 11 But so that was more so all her. So she had some different things.
She wanted to basically be able to have access to whatever I have access to. She wanted open transparency on that, which is fine.

Speaker 11 You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 10 So, what was the turning point for you to

Speaker 10 agree to those as a compromise? Like, what changed in you that you were like, okay, I'm willing to do those things now versus in the beginning?

Speaker 11 I don't think it's that something changed. I think it's just the simple fact that, see, growing up with a single parent is not good

Speaker 11 because you're easy to say, I could live without. And I realized that I had that problem because I could live without.
I have.

Speaker 10 With her. Without her, you mean?

Speaker 11 Anybody or anything. Right.
Any opportunity, I've always created another one. Any woman, I've always replaced with the same or better.

Speaker 11 Right. Anything, I've always been able to find the same or better.
I have never regressed at any point in my life.

Speaker 11 So

Speaker 11 I didn't want to have my kid

Speaker 11 have the same mindset that people and situations are disposable because you can't replace them, okay.

Speaker 10 So, how do you teach your daughter this now when it took you having her and you know, her being almost four years old for you to come to these realizations? Like, how do you balance that?

Speaker 10 And how will you teach your daughter? Would you want your daughter to date someone like you?

Speaker 11 Of course,

Speaker 11 of course, 100%.

Speaker 11 I would

Speaker 11 see the thing is is

Speaker 11 for my daughter to date somebody like me. Now, obviously, with my situation, I feel

Speaker 11 it was a little bit different because that's the first time I moved out of spite. But I also do know I moved out of spite for numerous reasons.

Speaker 11 Not just her and my situation with her, but the situations that I was facing at that time and the adversity. I mean, I was 25 years old.

Speaker 11 I was making a million dollars in six months every year for four years straight, my company, right?

Speaker 11 And now I'm I'm growing and I'm learning because I don't know everything that I'm getting thrown in a fire and I'm having a lot of success, but I'm having a lot of expenses, you know, you have overhead where you you have to, but people don't understand like when you're an actual boss and you're taking care of people's families, like some people are only eating because you're paying them,

Speaker 11 right?

Speaker 10 And they're, and they have kids, but that doesn't justify or like

Speaker 10 have anything to do with cheating.

Speaker 11 No, no, no, no. But when what I'm saying is now when you have to cut back and you have to fire somebody, and and it's not because they did a bad job, it's because you can't afford to keep them afloat.

Speaker 11 And you have people that are crying in front of you saying, hey, I need this opportunity. I can't feed my children without it.

Speaker 11 And you're starting to see all these psychological things that weigh on you as a boss, especially when your business is now declining.

Speaker 11 right and your expenses are over and then now i have on top of that we have covet like this was all during covet by the way so i'm having so many different things and i have lawsuits i'm getting sued by canada goose this is is $100,000 here.

Speaker 11 I have so many different moving pieces. Why were you sued? So I was sued because our logo was a circle.
No, it was a circle and our name has goose in it.

Speaker 11 That was it. Really what happened was we were taking over the luxury winter coat and furs industry.

Speaker 11 So fast, so rapidly that if you typed in Canada Goose on Google, we'd pop up first and we weren't paying for advertisement, right?

Speaker 11 So now what happens is what when they got whiff of that, they're like, what we're going to do is we're going to try to sue you, we're going to try to block your trademark, we're going to drag it out in legal fees because a lot of people can't with hopefully withstand all those, right?

Speaker 11 But I was going through that process as well.

Speaker 11 So

Speaker 11 when I'm having a lot of these different other issues outside of my relationship, and then I wanted my relationship, or every man, I would say every person wants their relationship to be that grounding space.

Speaker 11 And now I'm now dealing with this situation where I felt like I could trust you and you're the shoulder I could lean on. And for me, you pulled your shoulder from underneath me.

Speaker 11 And now, not only did you do that, but now you're bringing in a kid, which, you know, now is what, seven? We found out when she was already two months pregnant. So seven months out.

Speaker 11 And I'm still trying to figure out how I'm going to maintain business. And now you're bringing, and now I got to figure out how I'm going to take care of a family.
I'm watching my business decline.

Speaker 11 I'm watching, and I'm trying to get everything afloat while going through COVID and navigate through this. So in that moment, I felt like you don't care enough about stability, right?

Speaker 11 And or my mental health because I'm confiding into you about all the issues that is going on in my life day to day.

Speaker 11 So

Speaker 11 at that point in time, I felt like it bred spite. Now, outside of that situation, I've always been 100% with women since I was 21 years old.

Speaker 11 And my my mother told me, Listen, don't argue with women, just be honest. Tell them that you're not going to be faithful.
Tell them that you're going to want more than one.

Speaker 11 Before I started dating my girl, I told her, if you want to be with me, understand I want two wives. This is something that I've been upfront about.

Speaker 10 To this day, you want two wives?

Speaker 11 Well, that was part of the things that I had to get rid of to continue to move forward, right?

Speaker 11 So, what I'm saying is,

Speaker 11 so

Speaker 11 I want to answer the question, right? I don't want to lose it. So moral of the story is

Speaker 11 outside of the situation where I was being spiteful and I did not do what I typically do, I'm a man of my word. But you're not.
No, no, I am.

Speaker 10 Because a man of their word does not simply act out of spite simply because someone else didn't follow their word.

Speaker 10 And when you have integrity and morals, regardless of how people treat you, you are still going to be the person that you've always been, which is you claim to be a man of your word.

Speaker 10 So regardless of what people do to you, you should still be that person.

Speaker 11 No, and I, and I agree 100%, but that doesn't mean that you're perfect, right? So there's agreed. So there's going to be times and situations.
If I could say I'm 90% and 10%, I'm cool, even 80, 20%.

Speaker 11 80% of the times I'm a man of my word and 20% of the times I'm not for whatever the reason situation may be, whatever I might deem as justifiable, I can live with that.

Speaker 11 And if you ask me, do I want a man to be that way with my daughter? 100%. If a man is going to say, hey, listen, I want two wives.
Do you want to be one of them? That's my daughter's decision.

Speaker 11 If a man is going to give my daughter the power of choice from the very beginning, then I'll respect him. You know, I would want her to have that.

Speaker 11 Whether or not I agree with her being the second or the fourth wife doesn't matter. It's not my life to live.
But don't rob my child of her choice.

Speaker 11 That's the most important thing for me.

Speaker 10 But you, you robbed her mother of the choice for some time.

Speaker 11 She robbed me too.

Speaker 10 No, you robbed her. We robbed each other.

Speaker 11 It was so much more. And I'm kind of just keeping it surface level, but it started with that.
It was actually three things. It was like, boom, boom, boom.
And I'm like, whoa, no.

Speaker 10 Here's the thing, though. You don't know how you are going to react to something or how your feelings will change until you are physically put in that position.
Right. So.

Speaker 10 My ex and I, you know, I've talked to you about him before. We, we had those conversations in the beginning of our relationship where we talked about having kids.
And he said, you know,

Speaker 10 when I turn this year, I don't know how old, 27, whatever it was at the time, we can talk about kids. Okay, well, he also had the choice and the ability to pull out.
He didn't.

Speaker 10 We got pregnant, took plan B, still ended up pregnant. To me,

Speaker 10 I didn't know how we were going to handle, neither one of us knew how we were going to handle that situation until we were physically in it. Right.

Speaker 10 So she could have said, okay, you know, I'll take a plan B. And then she realized once she was already pregnant or once you guys already had sex, I don't know if I would want, I maybe want this baby.

Speaker 10 Like I maybe want a life with you. And so her feelings changed just like that.

Speaker 10 And so I think that there is a difference between saying you're going to do something and holding your word and then something actually happening where you're put in that position is very different.

Speaker 10 It's not like me saying, Rico, we're going to start a business together and now you have my word that we're going to start this business together. It's like, there's a life being created here.

Speaker 10 So it's a life altering thing. The business that we start, we said we were going to start is not life altering.

Speaker 11 And I agree, but that's the same. It goes on both sides of the coin.

Speaker 11 So you have to understand that when you're doing something that affects somebody else, you don't know how that person's going to respond. And neither do they.

Speaker 11 I can exactly say, you know what?

Speaker 11 I've been a man of my word majority of my adulthood, but at this point in time, this has affected me to a point where I don't feel like I even want to speak to you or be honest with you anymore.

Speaker 11 And I never saw that coming. And in myself, I got the name Hundo because I was always keeping it 100.
That's exactly how I got it

Speaker 11 in college, right?

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Speaker 10 the mentality that you have and i just can't understand it i don't understand your your ideas i don't understand your mentality i don't understand your thought process i understand absolutely nothing that's okay though

Speaker 11 it's not you know i don't think that we need to understand everything about everyone.

Speaker 10 No, I agree, but like, I don't know how you get to some of your conclusions.

Speaker 11 But I don't know. I don't use logic.
No, it's actually 100% logic. So, like, I can say this.

Speaker 11 I don't get how we can understand that monogamy is not natural, but then have the expectation of having a monogamous relationship

Speaker 11 without burden.

Speaker 10 But I just told, what do you mean without burden?

Speaker 11 Without burden.

Speaker 10 There's always going to be temptation, but like I said, monogamy in the relationship, but not in your lifetime.

Speaker 11 But I'm saying, even then, let's just say this. That's not logical to me.
How not? If I want to practice on, if I want to drive trucks for a living, I'm not going to drive a smart car for practice.

Speaker 11 It's not even the same thing.

Speaker 10 What the fuck are you talking about?

Speaker 11 So what I'm saying is, if I want to practice monogamy, right? If I want a monogamous relationship, I should be practicing monogamy throughout my entire life. No.

Speaker 11 Why would you not? You're practicing, for example, let's just say I'm dating, right? And I date four girls at a time. I'm not serious or committed with any one of them.
I'm just dating. Okay.

Speaker 11 But I want a monogamous relationship. That doesn't even make sense.
Because I'm literally in the moment practicing poly. Because look,

Speaker 10 you're dating around to find the person that you would want to be monogamous with.

Speaker 11 But dating, okay, so let's.

Speaker 10 You have to know as a man, like as a woman, I know who my, like, my person is, right? So I think at the point that I was with someone that was a serial cheater all the time, right?

Speaker 10 Like I wanted him to pick me so bad. So I stayed.
Right.

Speaker 10 I realize now years later that that was just who he was. That was in his nature.

Speaker 11 My most. Do you believe? Oh, so go ahead.
Go ahead. No, no, no, no, you're fine.
So you believe essentially that he could not not cheat.

Speaker 10 Correct. I think there are men who cannot cheat.
I think I'm not saying that there's not temptation.

Speaker 10 I'm not saying that they don't think about cheating, but the difference between thinking about it and action, i think are very different you have a choice leading up to that do you want to throw away your entire life for a five minute fuck i can't say that i think that that's something that men really think about and the real men that have spines are gonna say this isn't worth throwing away my entire life and i it could go but what about the real woman let's flip it no i know the real woman that have spines is gonna say i don't think that this is worth throwing if this guy is a great guy or whoever's a cheater right because i i i was the abusee turned into the abuser right so that relationship with him around the time that we filmed that show together, he was just cheating on me, right?

Speaker 10 So my next ex was a, was a woman and I did what he did to me. I turned around and I did it to her and fucked her up, right? Like not great.

Speaker 10 So I think that there is a cycle that could be said, but I knew every single time I cheated on her, I knew that I was not meant to be with her. But then the next ex I know could have been my person.

Speaker 11 Did she know?

Speaker 10 Yeah, she caught me every time.

Speaker 11 Women are. She stayed.
She stayed. Is that not strength?

Speaker 10 No, it's spineless.

Speaker 11 That's actually the most, and that's my thing, right? So right now we're actually in the age and a time where so many people can't actually

Speaker 11 deal with adversity. Not just in cheating.
I'm just saying in life.

Speaker 10 They can or they can't? Can't.

Speaker 11 It's actually being proven.

Speaker 10 And the problem is. What does that have to do with cheating? You think cheating should be a part of adversities? Because I just don't agree.

Speaker 11 I think that cheating can be. I don't think a serial cheater.
I think that's entirely. Is that what you were? I wasn't a serial cheater because I.

Speaker 10 I don't know. If you cheat more than once, you're a serial cheater with the same person.
I don't think that once a cheater is always a cheater. I don't.
Okay.

Speaker 10 I think that you could cheat and realize what you lost and never cheat again.

Speaker 10 I think that there are families and couples that can overcome cheating and you can get through it depending on the circumstances.

Speaker 10 If,

Speaker 10 and it's not for me to really judge, but if I was your girlfriend, I would not have been able to come back from that. That's not something that I would, because you did it more than once.
Yeah.

Speaker 11 But you didn't know about it.

Speaker 11 that's worse no no no because you slept at night no no no see but it's not about what i did right because you don't know how i slept i could have slept uncomfortably no because you kept doing it no i didn't kept doing it how many times roughly more than five no

Speaker 11 just can't like i don't understand it two times a year you know what

Speaker 11 you said that you do not show loyalty to anyone who doesn't show love you don't yeah you i have the quote you said you don't show anyone love until they show you loyalty what makes you think that anyone owes you loyalty i think that for me right and remember everything is subjective because the way you live your life or whatever you perceive is going to be entirely different right than me or whoever is the audience sure um

Speaker 11 for me i value loyalty more than love to me that is actually

Speaker 11 love, a love language for me. Loyalty, right? Loyalty also helps me embody trust.
I don't have to worry, I don't want another moving part

Speaker 11 when I decide to love you, and that moving part is usually because I don't trust you or I have to watch you, I don't want to have to deal with any of that, right?

Speaker 10 So, this is in terms of a relationship, or this is in terms of friendship, or okay, relationship, all of them, right? So, how does one show you love and loyalty?

Speaker 10 What do you mean, like when you're say you enter

Speaker 10 you and you and your friend right here?

Speaker 11 Oh, being there. Okay.
Being present.

Speaker 11 Being transparent.

Speaker 11 Being an accountability partner.

Speaker 10 But why do you think that someone should owe that to you, like owes that to you right away?

Speaker 11 I don't think nobody's indebted to me, though. I'm saying if you want something from me, this is the exchange.
So if you want me to love you, in exchange for my love, I need loyalty.

Speaker 11 And with loyalty, I need a safe. See, for me, when you have loyalty or when I have loyalty, it's a safe place to love.

Speaker 11 Without loyalty, it's not a safe place for me to put my love in. It doesn't even seem like a smart investment emotionally.

Speaker 10 And so, in terms of your relationship, you did not get the loyalty, or you did not get the, in order for you to love her and accept, you know, the compromises that you were presented with, you needed the love from her, and or sorry, you needed the loyalty from her, but you didn't feel like you had that.

Speaker 11 That is very, very accurate. So, I felt like the loyalty was not being displayed, especially early on.

Speaker 11 I mean, we spoke before we actually dated seriously we were

Speaker 11 i mean before we actually got together seriously we dated for about six months okay five six months give or take

Speaker 11 about february to june okay right um or july roughly and

Speaker 11 you know from there it was all like

Speaker 11 It was still figuring each other out.

Speaker 11 Plus, the COVID happened in the middle of that whole situation, which I didn't see her for like two months, but we still spoke every day, you know, very, very consistent with that.

Speaker 11 And then when I decided to make that step, I literally stopped talking to all the women that I was speaking to at that time.

Speaker 11 And that's when I was like, all right, cool. This is what it's going to be.
And I was already trying to fill you out.

Speaker 11 There was a couple little nuances that we had here and there, which is fine because, again, you're not indebted to me.

Speaker 11 But if you want to actually be with me and you tell me you want to be with me, I'm going to tell you what it takes to be with me. I'm not going to, I'm not playing the guessing game.

Speaker 11 You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 11 I don't want you to guess what it's going to, what it takes to make me happy, or what it takes to be with me, or what it takes to get different versions or sides of me that you might want.

Speaker 11 I'm going to tell you exactly how to do it because I know it. A lot of people haven't done the self-work, but you have.
Of course, you know what I did when I was 21 to get to where I even got to?

Speaker 10 Tell me.

Speaker 11 Jesus Christ, it was a lot.

Speaker 11 So I recommend this for everybody. Okay.

Speaker 11 But you have to be 100% egoless within yourself. It's hard.
Okay.

Speaker 11 challenge yourself to write 50 flaws about you

Speaker 11 on a piece of paper write it down literally 50 flaws push for it most people are going to stop at that 10 20 mark but push to 50 why what is the purpose of that because it's going to make you peel the layers back right now once you push to 50 once you reach 50 and sometimes you go you might it'll be an open door where now you're being really brutally honest with yourself of all the flaws you might even go to 100 after you do those flaws you're gonna write a dash and the next grid or category is gonna be why slash when

Speaker 11 right so if i say hey listen i am short-tempered and i'm explosive I'm gonna then say dash why

Speaker 11 slash when. When did I notice it? And why is it happening?

Speaker 11 Or where did it come from?

Speaker 11 You know, maybe it was. What if you don't know? Well, that's the point.
The point is to challenge yourself where you can recall it.

Speaker 11 It might have even happened before then, right? Whatever that time frame, but you have to be able to see yourself in full.

Speaker 11 So these are types of, these are the types of things and activities that I did within myself. And I remember because I wrote like 200 flaws.

Speaker 11 And at that point in time, when I was 21, I was an entirely different person. I didn't even look the same.
I didn't talk the same. I didn't dress the same as I do right now.

Speaker 10 You've mentioned before on the podcast and also here today that you were raised by a single mom. Did you witness her being hurt by men?

Speaker 10 men and how has that shaped your, one, your relationship with her, but two, your ideologies today?

Speaker 11 I don't think I've ever witnessed my mom being hurt by a man.

Speaker 10 Emotionally, you never saw her cry over a man?

Speaker 11 No. But my mom is a Leo and I'm big into astrology and I'll battle anybody.

Speaker 10 Absolutely. So what you're saying is,

Speaker 11 I'm an Aquarius.

Speaker 10 What's that, February?

Speaker 11 My daughter's an Aries. What are you? A cancer? Yep.

Speaker 10 I can tell. What am I?

Speaker 10 You're a Pisces. How do you know that?

Speaker 11 Because I remember your birthday. Yeah, my mom is a Leo, so she's a fire.
Like, my mom is different. And I believe, like,

Speaker 11 yeah, my mom is like, my mom is a boss.

Speaker 10 What does she think about all of the things that you say?

Speaker 11 Oh, my mom loves me.

Speaker 10 No, I didn't say she didn't love you. I said, what does she think about the things that you say?

Speaker 11 She understands it. You know, because my mom is the one who told me, you know, I told you the story.
I was arguing with my ex all the time. This was like my ex, ex, x, x, right? When I was younger.

Speaker 11 And I was still living at home. I was maybe like 20, 21 years old.
And my mom was like, I'm tired of hearing you argue with this girl because you want to lie.

Speaker 11 Do you understand if you're just honest, you will have no problems with women?

Speaker 10 Because we want the choice to, we, the power of choice, right?

Speaker 11 And the respect, right?

Speaker 10 But if I have the choice and I know right off the bat, I'm allowed to, I can make the choice whether I want to stay and be a part of this and shut the fuck up or.

Speaker 11 You sign up for it. Right.
And so that's what I.

Speaker 10 That's what your mom taught you. Yeah.

Speaker 11 So like my mom, like, so everything that I said, my mom was like, that's what he wants. That's what he wants.

Speaker 11 But he's not gonna sugarcoat it you know so she doesn't necessarily agree with what you do but she is she's supporting you being honest about what your thoughts are and what you most men want the same thing they're just not honest like what they want more than one woman they want to have periods of times where they can have a break from the relationship not really necessarily like a breakup but like a moment where they can go ahead and explore yeah hall passes most men want this i would argue 90 now ask me how many men are confident that will say it is far less.

Speaker 11 How many men are confident to say it in public is far less? Because at the end of the day, men fear losing women, right?

Speaker 11 I fear scaring women away, and I fear losing the woman that I might have if they even have one.

Speaker 11 But for me, it's like I was never scared of losing anybody, anything, because if I tell you what I want at this point in time in my life, that's where I'm at. If you're not aligned, that's fine.

Speaker 11 It doesn't matter how bad I want you to be here. I'm not forcing alignment.
I'm not pushing you to be here with me, knowing that you don't even work with me.

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Speaker 10 What's your relationship like with your dad? I feel like you've told me. I don't remember.
What is the relationship with your dad? Do you have a dad?

Speaker 11 I mean, I'm here. I have to have a dad, right?

Speaker 11 But you can have a sperm donor.

Speaker 11 Yeah, so my dad, me and my dad do not have a close relationship at all, right?

Speaker 11 Was he there?

Speaker 11 No, not really. He's popped in my life, let's say three times in total for a total of three or four years.

Speaker 10 Do you have a stepdad?

Speaker 11 You did. Or you did?

Speaker 10 You don't anymore?

Speaker 11 No. So him and my mom split when I was about 18.

Speaker 10 Okay, so you were an adult?

Speaker 11 Yeah. And, but me and him are still like this.
Me and he has a son who's a year or two older than me. I remember you telling me that we're still like this.
That's your brother. That's my brother.

Speaker 11 You know what I'm saying? So I did still have that

Speaker 11 male figure in my life. And the greatest thing about him is that he's like a real OG.

Speaker 10 Do you call him dad?

Speaker 11 Nah, nah, nah, I don't care. Have you ever called him dad? No, no, no.

Speaker 10 You've always called him by his name. Nickname, yeah.

Speaker 11 Okay. Yeah.

Speaker 11 But still, like, his son is my brother. If I introduce him, like, this is my brother, he'll tell you, like, this is my little brother.

Speaker 10 Do you and your former stepdad and your brother share these same ideologies?

Speaker 11 Um, not necessarily, no, no.

Speaker 11 Like, some of them, yeah.

Speaker 11 But ask me, do have they all cheated at a point in their life? Ask me if they all had multiple women at a point of their life. I don't want to put their personal business.
We can interview them and

Speaker 11 let them tell their story. Yeah.

Speaker 11 But we asked me if we share the same experiences. The answer is 100% yes.
Now, what we want permanently is a little bit different. You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 11 And what we may have is a little bit different. Just because I want something doesn't mean I'm going to achieve it.
Right. And I think that's important to note.
And same thing for women.

Speaker 11 Women want a lot of different types of men or a lot of different characteristics in men and won't find them. And then as they start to go throughout life,

Speaker 11 that list obviously dwindles.

Speaker 11 And then they start to get to that settle period where they're settling for somebody who is not ultimately what they wanted 10 years ago um i just think that that's the nature of life because we have unrealistic expectations just like i feel like for us to say like numerically just think about this and i just want you just this is i'm not normalizing okay let's see but what we have to do is understand reality do you understand that 70%

Speaker 11 a rough estimate of relationships all marriages and not marriage right relationships has infidelity.

Speaker 10 Oh, for sure. So,

Speaker 10 does that include financial infidelity or just like cheating?

Speaker 11 Yeah, all infidelity, financial, emotional,

Speaker 11 physical.

Speaker 11 So, my thing is

Speaker 11 we get to this point where we act nuts

Speaker 11 because we want to resist the truth.

Speaker 11 The truth is that the likelihood of you doing something that's infidelity towards me or considered infidelity or a type of infidelity towards or with me is seven out of 10. Seven out of 10.

Speaker 11 So for I don't have resistance to the truth.

Speaker 10 I don't have resistance to the truth. I think that cheating, especially like we're talking 10-year marriages, 20-year relationships, there is going to be infidelity, right?

Speaker 10 Like you can't expect someone to go 20 years without cheating. And if you think that you can, you're a liar.

Speaker 11 But why does it have to take 20 years?

Speaker 11 Why not five?

Speaker 10 Maybe five, depending on what the situation is.

Speaker 10 Two, for me, I don't know. I feel like that you should still be in that very new phase of the relationship that you're still building.

Speaker 10 So, for me, cheating within the first two years, I think, is crazy.

Speaker 11 So, look, check this out. Back in the day, they said that the women were having sex with the male man and the milkman, right? This was like what they say.

Speaker 10 I wasn't there. Yeah, that's where, like, the, is that the milkman's daughter came from?

Speaker 11 Right, right, right, right.

Speaker 11 Also, back in the day, at the same time, the husband had a whole other family that he was taking care of on the other side of town that nobody knew that he had kids over there.

Speaker 11 So, So

Speaker 11 women and men have been cheating on each other.

Speaker 10 I think the way that women tolerated and put up with cheating before, and it was easier to

Speaker 10 turn a blind eye to cheating before, was because we solely relied on men to be the providers and to be the

Speaker 10 producers of the home. And

Speaker 10 so we had to turn a blind eye. We didn't have a choice where today I've made more money than all my exes combined.
So I don't need you for any reason.

Speaker 10 And if you can't help me around the house, I'm going to hire someone who can. So to me, why should I tolerate that when there is that 3%

Speaker 10 or 30% that would be faithful? Yeah,

Speaker 10 the pool is smaller and the time that I get to it might be long, but I'm willing to wait.

Speaker 11 They're typically already taken.

Speaker 10 I see what you're saying.

Speaker 11 You get what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, fair.

Speaker 10 Well, that's why I, that's part of the reason I don't date anybody with children because they're bound to cheat.

Speaker 11 I would only see like going forward, like if me and my girl were to split today,

Speaker 11 I would almost, I would prefer a woman to have a child. Really? One.

Speaker 10 Knowing that there is an opportunity for her to go back, because I personally have never experienced a man who hasn't, every single one of my kids' dads has cheated on their significant other with me.

Speaker 10 Whether we knew it at the time or not, they cheated with me. So for me going into a new relationship, whether it's a woman or a man, if they have kids, I'm not interested.

Speaker 10 I won't even look, like actually will not even be immediate turn off, not because of the kids, love the kids, but I do not, I have no interest.

Speaker 11 Wait, so you're saying i want to make sure i'm understanding your exes cheated with you yes but that's the difference between a man and a woman woman a woman would rather have sex with somebody she already had sex with versus going and having sex with somebody new like they don't want to add more bodies men no women so like no no no i don't think you're track i don't think you're so so my exes right we break up yeah they have a new relationship yeah and they cheat on their new relationship with me that's what i'm saying because you because I'm going back to them.

Speaker 10 You're saying.

Speaker 11 Yeah, you're not going to go to somebody you don't know to play with. Tracking, tracking, tracking.
You get me? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, versus a man, right?

Speaker 10 Doesn't matter.

Speaker 11 Yeah. So, like, for her to go back to him doesn't make sense.
Why? Unless if she truly wants to be with him, I feel like it's a little bit different.

Speaker 10 Why do men cheat with ugly girls?

Speaker 11 Yo, so listen, right? I have a theory, and I'm not too sure if this is the truth, right? But I have a theory. There's a couple of different things.
Tell me. It was a buildup.
Uh-huh. Of what?

Speaker 11 Of just like, I just want something different.

Speaker 11 Okay. But I don't want to risk it.
A beautiful woman is not going to just play second place.

Speaker 11 Like, they're not going to just take the back burner and be quiet, especially if they feel like they got emotionally involved with you. So,

Speaker 11 yeah, the ugly girl knows that she... A pretty girl is a competitor.

Speaker 11 An ugly girl is an acceptor.

Speaker 10 So she was just going to do it.

Speaker 11 She was going to accept her role and shut up, hopefully, right? My situation, obviously, everybody knows about it. I've been open about it, about when I was cheating.

Speaker 11 And the woman's a very beautiful woman.

Speaker 10 Right.

Speaker 11 The woman is a very paid, influential woman.

Speaker 10 The one that you cheated with, or your girlfriend?

Speaker 11 The one that blew up the operation.

Speaker 11 Right? Because there were others, right, that I came clean about.

Speaker 11 But I would never forget this shit.

Speaker 11 She called me and she said,

Speaker 11 I've never came second to anybody. Click.

Speaker 11 I was like, oh, shit.

Speaker 10 You knew it was, the jig was up.

Speaker 11 Not even like, I knew it wasn't. It wasn't just like, hey, listen, this is what happened.
I knew that this was a screenshot. This was a video.
This was whatever the hell she had to destroy.

Speaker 11 She was coming to destroy. Why? Well, because she probably felt the same way.

Speaker 11 Were you in love with her? I wasn't.

Speaker 11 I don't know if I was in love with her but i was definitely developing feelings and that was the first time i've ever done that that's why i really realized that that for me that was what cheating really is cheating is like when you get emotionally involved with something like for a guy i can have sex and completely forget that i had sex until i scroll past you on instagram and you're like oh i her yeah like damn i forgot about this you know and for me like that's like that's not really cheating for a guy to me

Speaker 11 but when you start to develop actual feelings and emotions that's like bro you're really cheating now because now it becomes an affair type of situation right right and for me that it's uncalled for and i think that's what it was you know and it was neutral like there was feelings being developed there the times that i have cheated in my life i think that i was not

Speaker 10 I was with people who were not meeting my needs emotionally. So I was finding that emotional connection somewhere else.
So I think for women, we're emotional cheaters, emotional just by nature.

Speaker 10 But for men, I would say, yeah, I would agree that they more think with their dicks and they don't have those feelings for the women.

Speaker 10 Like you just said, you could have sex with her and completely forget about it.

Speaker 11 And that's so, and that's what happened. So at that point in time in my actual relationship, we're going through turmoil.
It was like separation, not separation, separation, not separation.

Speaker 11 So for me, I felt like there was no stability there. So in my mind, I'm like, we keep on breaking up to get together.
We're about to break up.

Speaker 11 You know, so I think at that point in time, that was the first time in that relationship where I was like, okay, I'm open, I'm opening the door for to be emotionally available for somebody else.

Speaker 11 And that's where that happened, you know.

Speaker 11 Not justifying it at all. You know, I'm just saying, that's how that happened.
Because prior to that, it was never a situation where I actually cared about the person. It was just like, we are vibing.

Speaker 11 And that's it. You know, here today, done tomorrow.
You know, we're nothing's moving. We're not exchanging contact and keeping, we're not keeping in contact with you.

Speaker 10 I would be curious to ask your girlfriend if that was why she was able to move on from it because it didn't mean anything versus had you had like an emotional like connection to someone that was like ongoing, would she have been able to forgive?

Speaker 11 I mean, I don't, I don't think that

Speaker 11 we just, and that's another thing.

Speaker 11 So for me, I think that people got to understand that there's a good maybe two or three times time length of the amount of time that you cheated that it's going going to take to potentially heal.

Speaker 11 So we just got back on track, kind of like we've been good, but like now we're actually getting back on track. Not meaning she forgot.
You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 11 So like when you think about the situation that happened, she had to go through a lot. And I'm only speaking from the outside looking in.
I'm not her.

Speaker 11 You know, I can't tell you exactly how her feelings were, but I do have an idea. You know, so it took while it took a while for her to just be like, you know,

Speaker 11 to navigate through the household, you know, with less stress or at least not wearing it as much, you know? Right. I still don't know in full because it's her situation.
It's her experience.

Speaker 11 You know what I mean? And I'm on the other end of it.

Speaker 10 But you were willing to be patient with her while she sort of works through that.

Speaker 11 I still am.

Speaker 10 Because I think, you know, I've talked to people who have gone through infidelity. And, you know, like I said, I've been on both sides of it.

Speaker 10 I think that when you're in a relationship and you choose to take someone back after a cheating scandal or an affair or whatever, it'll come up at a dinner table when you're with your friends and it'll come up in movies and it'll come up in shows.

Speaker 10 And so every single time that happens, you have to reassure your partner if you're choosing to work through it. You have to choose to comfort them in that moment and not get mad.

Speaker 10 Because I think that a lot of times, like with my ex, for example, you know, he was cheating and then he'd get mad at me for being upset a week later.

Speaker 10 And it's like, you didn't even give me time to like get through this. And so I would like bring up all the emotions if I saw it on a show or a movie or whatever.

Speaker 10 And he'd be like, I can't keep doing this. It's like, you literally are giving me a week.

Speaker 11 Well, even if, like, for me, it was like two years.

Speaker 11 Oh, wow. Because this all happened, the whole thing happened two years ago.
You know, so now we've been two years post all of this.

Speaker 10 Right. And so now you're wanting the nuclear family.
You want to stay together. You want to raise your kids together.

Speaker 10 You want to do all the things together because you don't want to see your kids in a household without you.

Speaker 11 Without us.

Speaker 10 Without, okay, without both of you.

Speaker 11 Yeah. Yeah.
It's not about me. Yeah.

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Speaker 10 At the point that you are not happy in the relationship, do you think it's still important to work it out with her so that you guys can be a nuclear family?

Speaker 10 Or do you think at that point you would remove yourself and allow another man to come forward and have a semi-nuclear family where there is still a male role model in the house?

Speaker 10 Because look how you turned out.

Speaker 11 I'm a great fucking dad, though. The thing is.

Speaker 11 But in order to be a great dad you have to be a great partner No, yes, no, they are not synonymous Some people are great parents and terrible spouses and vice Yes, but what are you teaching your kids by doing that?

Speaker 11 Well, I think that sometimes you don't you gotta we also have to remember not everybody understands what great is whether a great parent for somebody can actually be a shit parent for somebody else.

Speaker 10 Right. It's all about perspective, right?

Speaker 11 Right. And and and it's all about the adaptability to understand that person's needs and desires, whether they're the child or the spouse.

Speaker 11 Right. And if you can adapt to that, so I have two different kids that are entirely different people and tirely different personalities.
The other one's here, huh?

Speaker 10 The other one's born?

Speaker 11 Well, she has a son prior post to me.

Speaker 10 Oh, I didn't know that.

Speaker 11 Prior to me, yeah.

Speaker 10 Oh, so you're a stepdad?

Speaker 11 Yeah, so, and I've had him since he was six, going on seven. He had just turned seven.
Okay. And now he'll be 12 this year.
So I have a lot of people. Oh, sorry about Lincoln's age.
Yeah.

Speaker 11 No, no, he's. Oh, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 11 he's 11 he's 11 he'll be 12 this year um and i'm his coach like but the same way that my stepdad was with me i am with him you know what i'm saying but i had that now i have a i'm hearing a lot of other situations where the step parent was nowhere near the type of step parent that i had right so i don't know if i got lucky or if i wanted a few yeah um you know what i'm saying but i

Speaker 11 fortunate can be the same for somebody else right now and it's also different when you have a boy versus a girl.

Speaker 11 Because

Speaker 11 men are sick and so are women, but men are sick with little girls. And I don't play that.
Like, if

Speaker 11 something ever happened to my daughter, like, cause all it takes is one experience. You know what I'm saying? Yeah.
One minute, one, one second.

Speaker 10 Same can be said for little boys, though, too.

Speaker 11 Yeah, yeah, 100%. But I feel like there are more men who would, and this could be wrong, but I feel like more men that would target a girl versus target a boy.

Speaker 10 I agree. And I've said that.
Like when I had my daughter, I had twins, boy, girl twins. So when I had my daughter, they were both in the NICU.

Speaker 10 But when I, obviously, we know it can happen to a boy, but like when I looked at my daughter, I just felt different because I think they're targeted in a different way.

Speaker 10 They, they are looked at as more vulnerable than boys. Not saying it can't happen to boys, but I was just like, if someone was to do something to my daughter, like, I just don't even know.

Speaker 10 Lose it. I'd lose it.
I mean, same for my sons, but I just think that we, as a society, we look at men meant to be stronger. You know, they might be able to fight it off.

Speaker 10 They might be able to, you know, get out of the situation where we look at women, little girls, and we think that they can't.

Speaker 11 And the thing is, and also to add to that, a stepfather is coming into the situation, assuming they're heterosexual, this example, the stepfather is coming into the situation already attracted to women.

Speaker 11 So if I have a son and a daughter, the likelihood that he's going to be attracted to the girl is higher than the boy because he's already attracted to women, which is why he's here.

Speaker 11 You get what I'm saying?

Speaker 10 That's terrifying.

Speaker 11 Yeah. So, like, I look at it from that perspective.
And now, if your daughter, so you have like a teenage daughter, this man is already attracted to a woman because that's why he's with the mother.

Speaker 11 There's no telling how far he can go if this man is pushed to the edge or if he can't have self-regulation or maybe he has

Speaker 11 mental health issues. You know, so for situations like that, I look at it way more delicate,

Speaker 11 delicately, than if I, than my actual son. You get what I'm saying? Yeah, um, so it might be biased, of course, but that's my reasoning for it.

Speaker 11 Some people are very sick, and yeah, and that's what I, and I'm not taking that chance.

Speaker 11 And I realize that more people are sick now than probably ever, or at least it's more prominent now, and we are talking about it more, we hear about it more, not saying it never happened before, but and I hate that because you get to a point where I remember I'm pushing my son, like, go outside, go outside and play, just just go play

Speaker 11 but then you know I told him like you know what

Speaker 11 you're not going to be allowed to play any video games unless you spend one hour outside because I don't want him to be like those kids like the kids that we see we're seeing he went outside he came back and I was like what'd you do he's like there was nobody outside and I'm like damn I'm the only one pushing him to go outside but there's nobody outside right so Now we got to a point where I realized that as parents, we actually operate in more fear than ever before.

Speaker 11 Yeah. Right.
Because of all the potential or the news or everything that we do here, which I hate that because

Speaker 11 I would love to have the comfortability to say, hey, listen, my son is outside. He fell.
He bumped his knee, but he's okay. He played football with the kids or whatever the hell boys do or even girls.

Speaker 11 Yeah. But even if, here's the thing, girls, it's different.

Speaker 11 It's different. It's different because A little boy could do something too.

Speaker 11 You know, like you have your daughter outside. She's 12.
he's 13. Yeah, you get what I'm trying to say.
Like, it's just

Speaker 11 protecting women is like an every single second job. You have to see all potential things or the worst case scenarios and try to your best to navigate through them.

Speaker 11 So, it's different having a stepdad versus a stepmom, in my opinion. So, I think it would be different.
And I don't want my daughter to be in the house with another man that

Speaker 11 I have to be able to vet him entirely to make sure that he's sane enough to not do anything crazy um because i promise you i'm crazier

Speaker 10 i'm actually shocked that you're a stepdad like

Speaker 10 i and i said i would never do it by the way you you don't strike me as someone who you the way that you talk about certain things you make it seem like you

Speaker 10 would rather jump out of a window than be with someone who has a child by another man.

Speaker 11 I might have even said that in the past.

Speaker 10 You probably have.

Speaker 11 Right?

Speaker 10 And like basically a mom that has a man with another child is scum of the earth.

Speaker 11 I would not scum of the earth, just not for me, right? So, my thing is, I wouldn't want to do it. Now,

Speaker 11 you know, when this situation happened and I looked at it and I talked to my mom about it, she was like, well,

Speaker 11 it was done for you.

Speaker 11 I said, well, damn, you got a point. Right.

Speaker 11 So that made me help, that helped me step up to the table or step up to the plate. But the thing is,

Speaker 11 you know,

Speaker 11 nowadays I realize something very very

Speaker 11 like for me my mom set the bar too high as a woman and a as a mom and a woman right

Speaker 11 and that's why like if me and my girl were to split today i need to see how you mother because if you don't mother a parent the way i would like you to i don't care how much i love you so you think that your girlfriend was a good mom before you came into the picture you had a chance to see her as a mother i did not really have a chance to see her too much as a mother it was also during covid um you know what what I'm saying?

Speaker 11 So I saw like moments and like situations like maybe I'll be on FaceTime with her and like he's there and, you know, he was getting, his schooling was online at that time, homeschool.

Speaker 11 So, I mean, I saw it, but you ain't, I didn't see it. I didn't, you know.
Experience it. Yeah, I wasn't in the house with you.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 11 But going forward, I got to make sure that you do parent the way that I need you to parent because I see and I know of too many situations where the mom or the dad is not the parent that the other significant significant other would like for their child.

Speaker 11 Right.

Speaker 11 And if you come, if I come into a space with you and you don't have a children or a child and you want to have children, and then you have children and I don't like the way that you parent, it's going to make me look at you and treat you differently.

Speaker 11 Although you could be a great wife, but if you're a terrible mother, if I'm a person who values a parent for my kid, for my children, then I might actually

Speaker 11 start to not like you or think that you are as good as a wife as I once thought you were.

Speaker 11 You know, so that's kind of why I have like a little weird preference now because I want to just know how do you tend to your kids because I'm a person that's now, I would say, become about family more than ever before.

Speaker 11 Right. You know, and now because I am big on family now, I'm not playing that game.
Everybody has to be a moving, has to play a role in terms of moving the kids in a positive direction.

Speaker 11 I coach the kids in my team for, I mean, I coach the the kids in my in my town for free i work with them for free i i bring them like if they want something and they see me i buy them whatever they need you know like i'm active with all the kids or all the people um all the kids in my town you know in my age group because i coach them so like 10 11 12 year olds right not every one of them i know what you mean but you know what i'm saying so like because of that and i'm such a big presence for them and big presence in my household i want you to be a big presence as a woman too you know and if you've never experienced that, you might be a woman who just like can't deal with the stress of a baby,

Speaker 11 which could be numerous different reasons, postpartum, a bunch of different things. But there's a lot of bad parents that I'm seeing, even from

Speaker 11 kids,

Speaker 11 even from the coaching perspective. I'm watching parents.
I was like, I would never want this person to be a mother of my child. You get what I'm saying?

Speaker 10 What about a father? You don't think that, you know?

Speaker 11 Oh, well, the father too, right? But he can never be the father of my child.

Speaker 11 Well, I guess if he was with, you know, the the mother of my child, he could technically be the step parent of my child, right? But I don't even look at it from that perspective.

Speaker 11 But when I look at women and how they parent their son,

Speaker 11 because that's what I did with coaching football, I'd be like, I'd never want a relationship with a person like you. It doesn't matter how they look, it doesn't matter how they treat me.

Speaker 11 I would not want you to be the mother of any of my kids.

Speaker 11 Like, so, like, one, there's a preference, right? So

Speaker 11 I do believe believe raising boys and raising girls are a little bit different. I would agree.
Um, but there's a preference.

Speaker 11 Like, I don't think, like, dropping your kids off and not being supportive is a good thing for me. What do you mean?

Speaker 10 Dropping your kids off and not being supportive?

Speaker 11 Like, there are some parents who would drop their kids off and just leave and come back and pick them up. To do what? Like, at the kids, at the sports, I'm saying.

Speaker 10 Oh, okay. Okay.
So, you're saying sports.

Speaker 11 Okay, because I'm just thinking, like, working parents, like for work. Well, do you think, okay.
Yeah, if they're working, that's right.

Speaker 11 But there's some parents that don't even go to the games.

Speaker 10 No, I know that to me doesn't make like but i also came from a nobody ever came to my games do you know what i mean so i i parent the way that i wasn't parented but i do agree like when i hear stories and they're like oh my parents didn't come to my games i'm like but you live in a two-parent household i don't i can't wrap my head around it so i agree with you on that yeah um okay

Speaker 11 i'm tracking now With situations like that, that's just a small situation that obviously bleeds into other situations. I can only imagine.

Speaker 11 If you're not there and being supportive of the games, I'm going to assume that you're not being supportive and you're missing other moments in other areas. Right.
Right? It's never just one thing.

Speaker 10 Right. If you're lacking here, you're likely to be lacking somewhere else.

Speaker 11 Yeah, because it's a character flaw. Right.
Okay. I see what you're saying.
So, like, situations like that,

Speaker 11 I would not want that person to be a parent of my child.

Speaker 10 Well, thank you for coming on Barely Famous podcast.

Speaker 11 Thank you.

Speaker 10 I will be curious to see how people react to this.

Speaker 11 Yeah, it doesn't matter. Reactions are just reactions.
We appreciate the reactions, though, and engagements. Make sure you keep on subscribing.

Speaker 11 And hopefully, one day I won't be Barely anymore, just be famous. What's your podcast called? Uh, so definitely I have the hundo shows.

Speaker 11 I actually have my own app that'll be out very very soon So depending on when you do see it definitely Download and subscribe to that That's called the hundo shows at where there's going to be a bunch of different podcasts and other shows

Speaker 11 that are produced or co-signed by myself. Okay.

Speaker 11 So yeah, so definitely check that out. I'm also on aid at the table.
You can check out as well. I also have my sunglass brand, which is called Hundo brand.

Speaker 11 We have luxury sunglasses and then we also have sunglasses, and then we also have affordable sunglasses. So we have options.

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Speaker 11 You can also Google it, find out who I am.

Speaker 10 Go educate him. Leave all the comments combating misogyny in.

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Speaker 10 See y'all later.

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Speaker 15 Now y'all know, there's always more to the story. And on the Tony Breanne TV podcast, we break it all the way.

Speaker 18 down.

Speaker 15 Whether it's viral moments currently shaking up on the internet, Blake Lively has been acclaimed the American Dream Girl for quite some time now. And now it seems she's America's most hated.

Speaker 15 Pop culture phenomenon everyone's talking about or deep dives into stories that deserve much more attention.

Speaker 15 These black women are getting pregnant by people that we also consider to be lower than them.

Speaker 15 I'm here to give you the full picture, genuine insights, and conversations mainstream media often overlooks.

Speaker 15 Some women are getting so many fillers and Botox injection to their face that they don't even realize how crazy they can potentially look. Here, we explore different perspectives.

Speaker 15 To a lot of people, Kylie looks a lot older than she really is.

Speaker 10 And above all, we speak the truth.

Speaker 15 That is not okay, and that should get you registered as a offender. You must check out the Tony Brean TV podcast.
You don't want to miss what's coming next.