Exposing our Body Counts with Alex Cooper

Speaker 0 Are you just upside down?

Speaker 1 You were actually drinking last night.

Speaker 2 I was so having the

Speaker 2 literally having the most fun of my life last night.

Speaker 2 Have you not learned anything about podcasting yet? Pull up your fucking mic. Where's your mic?

Speaker 2 We're having a little podcast today.

Speaker 2 Okay, guys, I'm doing something really fucking stupid right now.

Speaker 1 We have an emergency debrief situation.

Speaker 1 Hi, this is Hallie from the Streets of New York.

Speaker 1 Chris, I had every intention of staying last night.

Speaker 2 Hi, Daddy Gang. It is your father.
I am so excited that Caller Daddy has officially joined the SiriusXM family.

Speaker 2 I cannot wait to talk to new guests and continue to share my crazy personal stories and experiences with you every single week.

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Speaker 1 What are we talking about? I don't know. I talked down a bunch of notes and I didn't read a single.

Speaker 2 Welcome back to Extra Dirty.

Speaker 1 Hello, everyone.

Speaker 2 No, you're going to do an intro for this. I'm going to to be like the tail end because

Speaker 2 what you want to do is.

Speaker 1 I don't want to drive this ship just yet.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I got you.
No, yeah, yeah, yeah. She's still in training wheels.

Speaker 1 I'm still drunk.

Speaker 2 Welcome back to Extra Dirty. My name is Hallie Batch Elder, and I had such a good time last night.
I was thriving last night.

Speaker 1 You were living your best life with those bangs

Speaker 1 bouncing around.

Speaker 2 Okay, let's tell them what we did last night.

Speaker 1 Okay, what did we do last night?

Speaker 2 So we went to an absolute rager.

Speaker 1 No, it was fun. It was fun.
I got there so early. One thing about me is I will be prompt.

Speaker 2 No, the best part of the night, you guys, is

Speaker 2 I'm sitting at the DJ booth, and all of a sudden I turn around and Graydon's eight-foot body is literally laid up, laid up behind the DJ booth. And it wasn't like you on the ground, Grayden.

Speaker 2 He's in the other room being like, oh my God, help me. He was having a good time down there.

Speaker 1 No, he was having a ball. I kept falling into like the the crevice of the table behind the table into the corner.

Speaker 2 Lord, help you. I saw you.
You lost it a couple times. I had to grab you by the nipple and pull you back up from your nipple.

Speaker 1 No, I was trying to make a point to like not get that drunk last time because I feel like every time you see me, I'm in the worst shape ever.

Speaker 1 And Matt's like, Matt said to me before I left last night, he's like, you can go home if you want to. Your eyes are crossing.
And I was like, fuck, I failed.

Speaker 2 I didn't see your eyes cross as much, but that could be because I was sitting next to you like this, so I was never making direct eye contact with you.

Speaker 2 I was just like looking at the side of your head. So I didn't really see your eyes.

Speaker 1 You were busy.

Speaker 2 Should we talk about the tea of me literally talking to Remy about the guy that's dating an influencer that lied to everyone and said he fucked me?

Speaker 1 Well, yeah, wait, I forgot what, like, we say things to each other when we're drunk, and you never know what I'm talking about. I never know what you're talking about.

Speaker 1 We just kind of like nod at each other. You're always like, okay.

Speaker 2 Remy hooked up with this person. And before she hooked up with him, she was like, he was like saying that he fucked me.
I have my list right here. Let me show you the men I've fucked.

Speaker 1 Oh my God. My list looks like a phone book.
Where's my phone

Speaker 1 wait i would love to see your list show me your list okay why is it in your email

Speaker 2 look at this cute little list

Speaker 2 and guess who's not on there her fucking boyfriend wait that's way smaller than i thought okay anyways you guys look at this list damn

Speaker 1 No, no, no. It's definitely a football team with people on the bench.

Speaker 2 Do you rate them by the first time you had it or do you rate them by the good to the bad?

Speaker 1 No, just in order. Just in order.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Look at this. I banged a whole family of people.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
They all have the same last name. And one more twins, yeah.

Speaker 2 Anyways, yeah, so that was funny. Remy and I were laughing about that because I was like, I think that's maybe one of the most freaky people.

Speaker 1 Did you have any interaction with this man?

Speaker 2 I took a fan photo with him at Montauk when I was at Surf Lodge. I'm in the Hamptons a couple years ago.

Speaker 2 If any of the daddy gangs listening to this, this is when I got kicked out of Rush Meyers and almost got kicked kicked out of surf lodge. What did you do?

Speaker 2 I go to surf lodge and there's a guy that comes up to me and like he's cute, you know? And he's hot, but he's short king. Yeah, yeah, short king.
And so he comes up to me.

Speaker 2 He's like, Alex, like, I'm such a big fan. Can I take a selfie with you? What's his fucking last name? I want to show you this.
And I was like, yeah, for sure. Let's go.
He's like, daddy, gang.

Speaker 2 Daddy gang. And I was like, oh my God, I love like a guy that's daddy gang with a penis.
So then fast forward, I never think of anything again. And then he told Remy that we had sex.

Speaker 2 I think that's the most disgusting thing for a man to lie about having sex with a woman.

Speaker 1 Freak. Sorry, I'm on one this morning.

Speaker 1 No, no, no, no.

Speaker 2 Look at the photo.

Speaker 1 Look at the photo. Oh my God, the bleach bond silver tone.

Speaker 2 Hallie is obsessed with my eras of blonde hair.

Speaker 1 It needs to be studied.

Speaker 2 To be fair, it used to be very silver, but I feel like it got me through a lot. It's probably how you feel about like filler.

Speaker 1 I just like loved the needle feeling. not in my arms but you do

Speaker 1 you do i couldn't get my ears pierced till i was like i could see that i could see you being like a little like dealer swift band i want to get my ears pierced but i need to

Speaker 2 what else happened last night listen to me You did the classic thing that is the best thing in the world where Hallie had the entire fucking club and the fucking bouncers looking for her phone.

Speaker 2 And I grab onto her and I literally am holding on, clutching onto her purse as I'm like yelling at her.

Speaker 2 And I'm like, open open your fucking purse right now Remy did that too no no and also no Jordan hid my phone no in my purse

Speaker 1 she was being nice but like she put it in there I didn't know no Maria

Speaker 1 I have dementia

Speaker 2 no

Speaker 2 what okay what else is Grayden what else happened last night

Speaker 1 then you want to let me see oh yeah wait I'm trying to tell you about this last night sweet yeah yeah yeah and you were like

Speaker 2 what are you saying? Like, you couldn't hear me, but you heard. Because you told me that this billionaire somehow knew me.

Speaker 1 He said that back in the day that you guys were like at a Halloween party and like What's His Face wanted to like set you up with this guy that I went on date with last week. Well, what was I wearing?

Speaker 2 No, I feel like everyone knows like what you remember all your Halloween costumes. Like was I Snow White? Was it wait? I've never been Snow White.
No, wait. No, was I um Little Red Riding Hood?

Speaker 1 No, like it was Halloween. You were definitely serving face.
But then someone was like, wait,

Speaker 1 she talks about like all the guys she's hooked up with online. And he's telling me this story as I'm on the state with him.

Speaker 2 And I was like, wow, who would do that?

Speaker 1 That's so crazy. I was like, fuck.
I know, but like, it's safer with the older guys because they don't usually have TikTok. That's true.
It's honestly strategic.

Speaker 2 So he's saying he was too afraid because I was literally like talk about men. And then here you are ramping it up 10 times more.

Speaker 1 He's like,

Speaker 1 I'm like hiyam your worst fucking nightmare actually.

Speaker 2 Wait, okay, so tell me about the date. It went well.
He looks more wholesome than I thought when you showed me a picture of him last year.

Speaker 1 Do you remember me showing you remember that?

Speaker 2 I do. I feel like he looks like he's from Greenwich and he shops at polo.

Speaker 1 He is from Greenwich. He is?

Speaker 2 Yeah. And he was wearing a polo in the picture.

Speaker 1 He was wearing a polo.

Speaker 2 And he has cute little like spiky like good hair.

Speaker 1 And he's like an uncle. He's an uncle.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh my God, I'm obsessed with that.

Speaker 1 But like he's too wholesome. Where did he take you? You would break him.
You would break him. He brought me to this restaurant right next to Zerbo.
It's called Tushi.

Speaker 2 And did you have sex with him?

Speaker 1 No, I didn't. I was staying.

Speaker 2 You didn't? Did you guys make out?

Speaker 1 We made out in front of the whole restaurant.

Speaker 2 Is there any sexual chemistry? Because I feel like when nice guys are too nice, it's a little like, oh.

Speaker 1 No, I don't know if he's too nice or too smart. There's something off, though.

Speaker 1 I feel like I'm not giving him a fair chance because.

Speaker 1 Why?

Speaker 2 He's a billionaire.

Speaker 2 I feel like he's super.

Speaker 1 I think he's low-key was probably a nerd in his 20s.

Speaker 1 And now he's like,

Speaker 1 and now he's cool because he's a billionaire. Yeah, no, that's like an asset.

Speaker 2 But I feel like, of all the things you've probably looked past with men, like anything with him, you could get past because he's a billionaire. Wait, did you see?

Speaker 2 Have you guys seen anything on TikTok about what people are saying about us?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I actually have.

Speaker 1 I sent a lot of things that

Speaker 2 you're grooming me.

Speaker 1 I was like, wait, what?

Speaker 1 Like, she's grooming her.

Speaker 2 I have been grooming her since the day I met her, okay? What does that even fucking mean? You've literally been doing this without me before you met me. Yes.

Speaker 2 And now I'm just literally like helping you with production.

Speaker 1 You're just the groomer.

Speaker 2 I am literally the groomer. Come one, come all.
If you want to get groomed by Alex Cooper, hit me up.

Speaker 2 Wait, no, I was actually more talking about like this, like there was like a financial conversation. Did you see this?

Speaker 1 Oh, people were saying, like, there's something.

Speaker 2 I saw TikTok. It was too much.
I was like, too hammered, and they were talking about like the Renaissance.

Speaker 1 Oh, I did. She was talking about like Jane Eyre or something.
Like, wait. I was like, wait, what the fuck are you talking about?

Speaker 2 I think that they were like a little like perturbed by the conversation about like your dad having money or something.

Speaker 1 They're probably broke.

Speaker 1 Anyone that comments being like, this girl sucks, blah, blah, blah. It's Donoflex.

Speaker 1 You're poor.

Speaker 1 And I don't, and don't feel bad for you.

Speaker 2 Here's the thing. I don't relate to that concept because I at one point was fucking broke.
And so I can, I can talk about this shit. Like, I worked fucking hard.
You shut up.

Speaker 2 But me, no, I was kidding.

Speaker 1 Well, no, no, it's true.

Speaker 2 Moving on. What else should we talk about? You think people think I'm grooming you?

Speaker 1 Wait, there was one video that she's like, she's trying to pull her out of like all this information. I'm like, no,

Speaker 1 that's just how we talk.

Speaker 2 Wait, she's trying to pull all this information out. What does that mean?

Speaker 1 Like, about like sex stories and shit.

Speaker 1 What? I saw this whole like in-depth video analyzing my every word.

Speaker 2 Bitch, I literally wish we had a fucking camera on us when we were in my fucking house drinking whiskey because we literally are speaking the exact same way. If not, no, you don't.

Speaker 1 Remember when you gave me 17 house stores?

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Speaker 1 No, you guys. No.

Speaker 2 Matt and I put Hallie to bed one night. We get to my house.
Hallie is literally so drunk. I'm pretty sober.

Speaker 1 Crossed. I was so, I don't smoke, Alec.

Speaker 2 We get home and Hallie's like, one more nightcap, one more nightcap. And I'm like, okay, fine.
Fucking shit. And Matt's like, so excited.
He's like, yes, one more nightcap because whiskey.

Speaker 2 So I start pouring her whiskey and I make us ramen noodles. Hallie was hesitant, but she took the noodles.

Speaker 1 I don't like food, but I ate the ramen.

Speaker 2 So then we ate and we brought you upstairs to the guest bedroom. Hallie was like, I don't want to go to bed yet.
You were literally stomping your foot. You said, I want a house tour.

Speaker 1 I was like begging Lauren to stay up with me. She said, I wanted to have a summer party.

Speaker 2 Lauren, immediately gone. So we go upstairs and Hallie is like, show me your closet.
She's walking around in my closet. She's going into me and Matt's bed.
We finally get her to endure a room.

Speaker 2 We have a threesome. No.

Speaker 1 Then they peg me.

Speaker 2 We get her into her room and Hallie sits down on the carpet and she's like, Good night. And we're like, what are you doing? She's like, oh, she's going to just sleep on the bathroom floor.

Speaker 2 There's a perfectly good king-size bed waiting for her. So Matt says, sit the fuck down.
She sits down on the couch and Matt proceeds to take Hallie's feet and starts taking off her shoes.

Speaker 1 And you're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Speaker 2 Because you don't know. I don't know where this is going.
And we're like, literally, shut up. We don't undress her.

Speaker 1 This is where the grooming started.

Speaker 2 And this is where the grooming started. We tuck her into bed

Speaker 2 and she went to bed. She wakes up the next day, she comes down for coffee and she asks me for a fucking house tour.
I'm like, I literally took you through my whole fucking house last night. You come.

Speaker 1 But that morning I woke up. I literally didn't know where I was.
I was like, this doesn't look like the hotel.

Speaker 2 Did you tell the fucking computer story? Yeah. Kelly, did you not watch our episode of Color Daddy?

Speaker 1 I've watched parts about it.

Speaker 2 Let's just run this back. Insert clip from Color Daddy.
I'm, let me guess what you did. Yeah.
You went up to the desktop, you pressed the space part.

Speaker 1 I couldn't watch the whole episode by myself. I knew that's kind of scary, huh? No, it's very scary.
And I knew what I was talking about the whole time. So I was like, boss.

Speaker 2 Did you, when you, okay, wait, can we talk about how are you feeling about having a podcast now? Did you get a good response? This is going to be your second episode.

Speaker 2 Like, how's the response been going?

Speaker 1 I think it's been positive. I think we got some, I think, shock values what's needed here.

Speaker 2 Did you hear from the terrorist?

Speaker 2 Which one? The man, the man with the short story. No.
I didn't know if he would reach out to you being like, please don't talk about me.

Speaker 1 Well, it's too fucking late.

Speaker 2 I'm so proud of you. I feel like you're doing such a great job.
I've groomed you to success, and now I can let you fly.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 2 Wait, are you coming tonight or no? No, I am coming tonight. Oh, okay.
You didn't have to. No, I want you to.

Speaker 1 No, no, no.

Speaker 1 I want you to. I'm going to be thinking about that all day.

Speaker 2 No, I'm saying like, I don't want you to feel like you have to. Graydon, are you coming?

Speaker 2 like I don't want you guys to feel like you have to not want us to come I don't want you guys to feel like you're

Speaker 2 kind of overheating but I have to keep up like no I'm over it's 70 degrees and I just figured out my heat yesterday

Speaker 1 wait meeting Lauren's boyfriend last night was so fun can I tell you something though yeah people online think that it's not just something I did like a few times that it's like a service I provide it's like people think like Lauren will call me like hi I'm making dinner Jordan his dick sucked Can you come Uber over?

Speaker 1 Like, that's not, that's not what it was. It's only on holidays.

Speaker 1 We were celebrating.

Speaker 2 Specifically, Memorial Day.

Speaker 2 I feel like it only happens in Nantucket. Wait, where are the locations that's happened?

Speaker 1 It's

Speaker 1 just Nantucket.

Speaker 2 See, I feel like you guys get fucking freaky on Nantucket.

Speaker 1 Well, like, there's, it's like in the air. I think Nantucket's like where I've been my freakiest self.

Speaker 2 Yeah, because it's kind of like Narnia. It feels like a fake land.

Speaker 1 Then you go back to reality and you're like, ooh, like I just like drag them back to the basement of my parents' home that has no windows and just like a gas bed and just let it rip.

Speaker 1 Wait, Grayden hooked up with someone the other day.

Speaker 2 Get in here now. Just a quick one, then get back in bed.

Speaker 1 Breaking news. Graydon sucked.

Speaker 1 And got sucked. No, and on the cape.
You guys 69? No, wait, I was in my car. And I was driving, and he was diddling me, obviously.

Speaker 1 And I got a new car, and it's like, I don't know.

Speaker 1 I I don't know how to work my new car right so I take my seatbelt off while he's didddling me and if you take my your seatbelt off of my car the whole fucking car turns off okay I didn't know this so mid-diddle I'm driving I take my seatbelt off because the seatbelt's in the way my whole car turns off I lose control of steering and my car just stops in the middle of the road this kid's hands in my pants

Speaker 1 and we're look

Speaker 1 it was insane it was like really dangerous and we just look at each other and I was like all right that just like killed the whole entire vibe

Speaker 1 just a little little.

Speaker 1 So then I had to turn the whole car on. I didn't know how to turn the car on.
It was a whole thing.

Speaker 1 Sweet.

Speaker 1 But yeah. Keep going.
I'm trying to remember.

Speaker 1 So who sucked who first?

Speaker 1 Wait, also, who decides who? Defender.

Speaker 1 Do you have a defender?

Speaker 1 Who decides who starts?

Speaker 1 I don't know, bitch. Who decides who starts when you fuck?

Speaker 1 It's probably you.

Speaker 2 Who is better, you think?

Speaker 1 Me, definitely.

Speaker 2 But you've been out of commission.

Speaker 1 I know. Muscle memory.

Speaker 1 Oh, no, no.

Speaker 2 And I feel like sometimes the first time back, you really give it all you got.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. Like, your life fucking depends on it.

Speaker 1 Because it does.

Speaker 2 Were you in the front seat?

Speaker 1 Did you pull over? No, I was driving. Well, you're not getting ahead while you were driving.

Speaker 1 Well, actually,

Speaker 1 the first time we hooked up, I was driving and I was sucking him off with one hand on the steering wheel.

Speaker 1 This was years ago, and I almost crashed my fucking car into a telephone pole.

Speaker 1 I used to to be really crazy, if you can't tell.

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Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 2 it's the shopping season, and I love to buy clothes and things and treats and gifts. And it's like, I get so giddy during this time.

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Speaker 1 I used to be nuts.

Speaker 1 I've been to jail.

Speaker 1 Did you know that? Have I told you that? No. Why have you been to jail? I was really drunk and I was underage.

Speaker 2 No, I feel like you were like sassy, like

Speaker 1 the police when you were out there. The police chief in my hometown knew me by my first and last name because I would get in so much trouble.

Speaker 2 Where did you get arrested?

Speaker 1 This place called the Xfinity Center.

Speaker 1 In Philadelphia? No, in mass. Was it like at a country concert or something? Because I've almost gotten arrested there too.
Jerk Spentley, yeah. Classic.
I got fingered during that concert.

Speaker 1 Oh my god. In the mosh.
Oh my god. By the on the grass.
Yeah. In the back, in the green, by the trees.
Like by the port of potties. Yes.
Yeah. That's where everyone used to get fingered.

Speaker 1 Should we go? Wait. That would be crazy.

Speaker 2 So, how did you get arrested? What were you doing? Just drinking?

Speaker 1 Okay, so I had a bunch of nips stuffed in my shoe, like shooters, like nips.

Speaker 1 And then I gave the cop a fake ID, and then he ran it, and it like obviously was fake. So they threw me in the slammer, and then my dad never came to fucking pick me up.
So they put me to real jail.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 What was it?

Speaker 1 So annoying. It makes me so mad.

Speaker 2 What was it like in there?

Speaker 1 Scary. So people, well, they put me to police fan.
They took off all my clothes. I only had like my base layers on.

Speaker 1 They took all my jewelry.

Speaker 2 You didn't spread the cheeks.

Speaker 1 No, I wish.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it was great. It's bad.
You do not want to go to jail. Jail is not fun.
Like, I was in the real jail for a hot second. Like, how long?

Speaker 1 Like, an hour.

Speaker 1 I thought you were saying like a couple of hours. No, no, no.

Speaker 1 No, because my dad was taking a sweet time.

Speaker 2 How much did it take to bail you out, you think?

Speaker 1 It was like $25. It was like, yeah.
Did you tell her the ski mask story? Were you...

Speaker 1 Did I? No.

Speaker 2 Sorry, I can't get over the fact that Graydon just said that with one hand he was driving a vehicle and on the other side he had one eye up.

Speaker 2 Do you have the thing where you're cross-eyed, right? So you can kind of look one eye up and one eye down at the dick.

Speaker 1 I can do it. I wasn't looking at the road at all.
Craydon, pull over. Some people die.
This was when I was in high school. So, like, obviously, I'm going to do that in high school.

Speaker 1 Obviously, you just keep one hand on this. Don't do this.
You keep one hand on the steering wheel on a straight road.

Speaker 1 So then you just hold the steering wheel and you go straight.

Speaker 1 Wait, he was hot, though. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 He's always the hottest on Thanksgiving Eve. It's like this weird thing.
Yeah. People get hotter on Thanksgiving Eve.

Speaker 1 Every fucking Wednesday night on Thanksgiving, the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, every time. Sexy.
Other than that,

Speaker 1 needs some work.

Speaker 2 Who came first?

Speaker 1 None.

Speaker 1 What? I know. What? Because of the car.
My car turned off. It like fucked up the whole vibe.
Oh, and then it just stopped. Your car turned off.
You turned off.

Speaker 1 I turned off and my car turned off.

Speaker 2 And why haven't you guys had sex?

Speaker 1 I don't really want to know. Brady doesn't like sex.

Speaker 1 It's too much. I'm picky.
I wish I was more picky.

Speaker 2 Do you have more bodies than her?

Speaker 1 No. I only have like eight.

Speaker 2 Wait, one, two, three, four, five.

Speaker 2 Any same names?

Speaker 1 I like how they like progressively got more famous.

Speaker 2 We agreed, and what is the ski mask story?

Speaker 1 No, you have to tell Alex the Ski Mask story. This is so important to society.
Just like paint the picture in my head. Okay, sit back, relax, and enjoy.

Speaker 1 Okay, so once again, I'm on Cape Cock, Cape Cod,

Speaker 1 the hometown, the homeland. And I get this message from this person on this app called Grinder, which I use very cautiously because like I don't want to get killed, right?

Speaker 1 This person messages me and it said a couple things in their like bio and I was like, I just feel like I know who this person is, but he wouldn't send me a picture.

Speaker 1 He wouldn't send me a picture so I had no idea who he was. I feel like on Grinder they just show like their weird like yeah they show like a torso picture like a bottom picture.

Speaker 2 Why did you feel like you knew who it was?

Speaker 1 I just had this I had this feeling and wasn't he tall and like you like there was only so many tall people in the world yeah like not as tall as me like tallish oh his cape cod is small yeah ish

Speaker 1 okay and his picture was like

Speaker 1 a picture of like a picture frame like for his picture it wasn't a his body and I was like I feel like I like would know that picture for some reason anyway so I meet up with this kid in a parking lot and I could have been like brutally murdered I'm not gonna lie it was at like 1 a.m.

Speaker 1 and like this like weird part of town I don't go to obviously and

Speaker 1 I'm waiting there and I look into the wood.

Speaker 1 I need to like

Speaker 1 I look in.

Speaker 1 I look into the woods. It's like a foggy night.
Like there's fog.

Speaker 1 This fucking person emerges out of the woods wearing like a matching sweatsuit and a fucking ski mask approaching my car.

Speaker 1 And before he even got into my car, I knew who it was.

Speaker 1 I just knew.

Speaker 1 He gets into my car.

Speaker 1 The only way he would talk is like in mumbles, so I couldn't recognize his voice.

Speaker 1 He was like, hey,

Speaker 1 like,

Speaker 1 like fucking speaking in tribal or something. Okay.

Speaker 1 He takes out his schlong. I'm not even kidding.
It almost hit my fucking dashboard. It was huge.

Speaker 1 And that's where the story ends because he couldn't get hard and then I kicked him out. Did he, wasn't he going back to his like girlfriend too?

Speaker 1 Wait,

Speaker 1 wait a second. I don't think so.
wait i thought you made it i hope not well not my problem green in that moment when he pulls out and you see it on the dash are you like

Speaker 1 are you

Speaker 1 it's like it goes out my window on the other side

Speaker 2 when godzilla enters the picture are you like and what do you say you try to like jack him off Do you touch him at all?

Speaker 1 I was like, it's going to be a long night.

Speaker 1 You gave him a whole dude.

Speaker 1 oh i was putting my whole i was putting my whole back into it that's the worst when you're sleeping off a flosset penis just shaking it i'm like what's going on shake wait like wake up no literally and then how did he leave like he just literally left in silence i kicked him out and then i'm sure he did like a mumble and was like boy

Speaker 1 did you ever see this man again no but he messaged me again last week he wants more

Speaker 1 on the same app you have to do it i will

Speaker 2 You have to reply and be like, Bring the ski mask. Like, for old time's sake.
I think I'm going to do that.

Speaker 1 No, I told him I know who he is. What did he say? He was like, oh, fuck, or something.
But I was like, you're a fucking idiot. I mean, like, who cares?

Speaker 2 Yeah. Why is he wearing a ski mask?

Speaker 1 Because he's straight.

Speaker 2 Oh, he is straight. Yeah.
So, does he have a girlfriend?

Speaker 1 I think you said that. Like, oh, I have to get back to my girlfriend anyways.
I don't like really know. I've never seen a person.
Like, I don't really know his life.

Speaker 2 Support for Call Her Daddy comes from Google Pixel. Okay, so I recently had one of those Sundays where I convinced myself it was a great idea to reorganize my entire closet.

Speaker 2 And of course, halfway through, I found myself sitting on the floor, surrounded by clothes, completely overwhelmed.

Speaker 2 So I pulled out my Google Pixel 10 Pro because it comes with Gemini built in on the phone. I launched my camera using Gemini Live, showed it my crazy closet, and I asked for help.

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Speaker 2 It was a lifesaver, ladies, okay? But while I was neck deep in hoodies, I totally lost track of time until I got a text from Matt saying, hey, what is the address for dinner tonight?

Speaker 2 Fortunately, the Google Pixel has this feature called Magic Q that just pulls up the info you need without you having to dig through old emails and stuff.

Speaker 2 It popped the address right into my text for me and tap, it was sent. Daddy Gang, we could all use a little help making Sundays less scary.

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These AI features are for users 18 plus. Check responses, availability, and results vary.

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Speaker 1 It's funny because like Raiden will go on Grinder on Nantucket and will, like, walk into Crew and you'll be like, it's like a bunch of like married couples and their families, and you'll be like, he's on Grinder, he's on Grinder.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's crazy. Yeah, it's fucking insane.
None of them are hot.

Speaker 1 It's just sad.

Speaker 1 It's 2024 just come out.

Speaker 2 I wish they could be like themselves.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, I don't really care, but

Speaker 1 it's not my problem.

Speaker 1 You know?

Speaker 1 But none of them that are like that hot.

Speaker 2 Okay, Grayden, I'm really sorry that that happened to you. Do you feel used?

Speaker 1 Do I feel used? No.

Speaker 1 Big pop. I'm big, strong boy.

Speaker 1 Are you hungover? Yeah, but I'm kind of drunk now from this bloody marriage. Wait, I feel great now.

Speaker 2 I feel so good.

Speaker 1 Should we go out?

Speaker 2 It's literally 11 in the morning.

Speaker 1 Wait.

Speaker 2 Wait, so you're coming tonight?

Speaker 1 What are you going to wear?

Speaker 1 Wait, what is the plan tonight?

Speaker 2 You guys, I have no idea. The plan was we're going to have a cocktail hour.
I just thought it would be like nice to keep it going. I'm like, I want to keep celebrating you.

Speaker 2 Did you like my speech last night?

Speaker 1 No, I love you so much. You don't understand.

Speaker 2 I wanted to have like a little like cocktail hour with us to just like keep drinking.

Speaker 1 Is it just us tonight?

Speaker 2 The three of us.

Speaker 1 Now imagine. I rented out a whole Matt Stay Home.

Speaker 2 Matt Stay Home.

Speaker 2 No, I think it's going to just be like everyone, like kind of similar to last night-ish.

Speaker 1 No, it's at a good restaurant, too. It is? Yeah.
Where is it?

Speaker 2 You don't know where it is. I have literally no idea where we're going.

Speaker 1 To St. Theo's.
Have you been there before? Never been there in my life. He's great Italian.

Speaker 2 I think we just got to like start drinking early.

Speaker 1 Wait, I love when you're like this.

Speaker 2 Maybe we'll go out again. Where do you guys go when we go out?

Speaker 1 I've only been to, I've only been out here to Little Sister twice. That's it.
The guy on my list. He's definitely been at Little Sister.

Speaker 2 You know, the one and only time I was at Little Sister is when I see this hockey player that I had like on and off talked to in college.

Speaker 2 So I'm there and I see him and I knew he had a girlfriend, but I see him and like we kind of knew each other from college. So I still went up to him.

Speaker 2 I'm not trying to fuck him, but then the rest of the night he was trying to fuck. And I always thought he was so hot, and I only had sucked his dicks.

Speaker 2 It was the first like curved penis that I like did the Gluck Luck on, and I like really learned a lot from it.

Speaker 2 Like 90 degrees, it literally was so huge, and then at the top, more, but like, kind of the whole

Speaker 1 to the side, down, down would be crazy.

Speaker 1 Wait, depends what way you're looking at it.

Speaker 2 It kind of is like that straw

Speaker 2 like that, yeah. what is that? That's to the side or is that up? That's down.

Speaker 2 That's down?

Speaker 1 Well, it depends what way you're looking at.

Speaker 2 Listen, I was scared to have sex with it because I don't know how that would work.

Speaker 1 You would squirt.

Speaker 2 You would? Yeah. I feel like that hit the side of my walls, not my G spot.
Anyway, so I'm at Little Sister. We're talking, we're talking.
It slowly gets more progressively flirty.

Speaker 2 And then we go to Avenue after.

Speaker 1 Some people so close. Avenue is closed.
I've had sex in the Avenue bathroom.

Speaker 2 Oh my God, Avenue is so good. It's just like these tight walls and everyone's just getting fucked.
And so we're sitting up on the, we're sitting up. It's the end of the night.

Speaker 2 And I literally look him in the eyes and I say, I have no interest in doing this if you actually are still with that girl. Like, please.

Speaker 2 And the whole night he's been convincing me, I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend.
She's so obsessed with me. I don't have a girlfriend.
So obviously I fuck.

Speaker 2 I bleed everywhere, you guys. I'm not kidding you.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the dick. The car.
It fucking punctured you.

Speaker 1 It punctured an artery.

Speaker 2 You guys, I didn't realize how bad the blog was until in the morning his agent walked in and was like, you have like a body armor shoot or something.

Speaker 2 And he walks and he goes, oh shit, we're both laying there naked.

Speaker 1 There's blood all over the sheets. There's blood on the wall.
I feel like men. I don't care about that shit.

Speaker 2 It was so dark and there was blood everywhere. And then you guys, less than a month later, he was down on one knee and proposed.

Speaker 1 And now they're married. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 She's still bleeding.

Speaker 2 I've never been the same since. Anyways, yeah, so now he's married.
And

Speaker 2 I don't know about that. Cheers to her.
I hope he's not cheating. That little scummy.

Speaker 1 Here's the curved deck.

Speaker 2 Have you had a lot of curved dick?

Speaker 1 Not to the side.

Speaker 2 Up or down.

Speaker 2 Greaten. That makes no sense.
What does it look like?

Speaker 1 Usually when you say a dick curve, you're like, it goes like this.

Speaker 2 No. No, hold it like it's sticking out of you right now.

Speaker 1 Like either this way or this way. Not fucking

Speaker 1 that way. No, I feel like it has a hook to the left or right.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like just a little hook.

Speaker 1 It just starts going up and then it just curves curves curves more that way like kind of like my eyes i'm getting scared okay wait so where are we going tonight we should go to sub mercer i don't know anything about new york i love sub mercer what's sub mercer it's you know where mercer kitchen mercer kitchen used to be it's sartiano's now and they bought out the bar underneath and it's like a club

Speaker 1 good daddy's regardless we're gonna go what are you gonna wear petit disco Petit disco? You've definitely heard of Petit Disco. No.

Speaker 2 Okay, so we'll go out tonight.

Speaker 1 I'm holding holding you to that. Oh, I'm ready.
I don't want to get too drunk tonight. I always say that.
I feel like every time you see me, I'm so fucked up around you, and you're like, oh, Hallie's.

Speaker 2 Holly, I have the best times with you.

Speaker 1 Okay, fine. I'll get fucked up tonight.
All right, fine. Fine, fine.
Okay, I feel good about this.

Speaker 2 Okay, you guys, I think we just crushed this.

Speaker 1 No, I think this is amazing.

Speaker 2 You feel great in?

Speaker 1 I needed to get that off my chest.

Speaker 2 So I feel great. The jail part or

Speaker 1 email? No, I don't care about the jail part. The dick in my mouth.

Speaker 2 Okay, bye, guys. Wait, this is your show.
Say something.

Speaker 1 I hate the end. I hate the end every time.

Speaker 2 Guys,

Speaker 2 this place

Speaker 2 has great energy. Tune back in every week.
Yes.

Speaker 1 For this bitch.

Speaker 2 Tune in for the tits. Tune in for great and sucking stories.
I may be back. Every time I'm in New York, I need to come on this fucking couch.
No, I really think you do. It brings me back.

Speaker 2 From the VP to here. Let's fucking go.
Perfect.

Speaker 1 Love you all. Love you all.
Bye.

Speaker 1 I took notes on this night because I literally had to like have other people piece it together for me. It was quite the fucking night.
I mean, guys, I am wrapping up the weekend, obviously.

Speaker 1 I'm missing three nails. I just hopped out of the sauna.
I could smell. The tequila and Merlot

Speaker 1 exiting the chat. But like, honestly, the missing nails, that's a fucking telltale sign of a good night.
Also, I feel like I'm like three pounds lighter in hair extensions. Those I left on Nantucket.

Speaker 1 We'll get into that. Anyways, where did the night begin? We went out with a good group of people.
Guys, I swear we went to every fucking location in New York City. We went out with Alex and Matt.

Speaker 1 We started with a bigger group, a solid group, a great group at this restaurant, St. Theo's.
We had some more d'oeuvres. We got the drinks flowing.

Speaker 1 I again promised myself that I was going to to go into the night, you know, not drink that much, not embarrass myself in front of father. But alas, the eyes were crossing quickly as the night began.

Speaker 1 So we started there and then we decided it'd be a good idea to go to Zero Bond. I love Zerobond.
I honestly don't know if Alex has been there, but I want to show her Zero Bond. So we went in the back.

Speaker 1 We had more dirty martinis, but by the time we were sitting down at Zero Bond, I could feel it. I was getting fuzzy.
My eyes were definitely crossed.

Speaker 1 I had one eye looking directly in front of me and the other eye was already looking at the next location of the night. Like, I woke up, went into my camera roll.
I had a video

Speaker 1 of me, Alex, and Liv. We were all in the bathroom.
Liv had scissors. For some reason, one of us thought it was going to be a good idea to cut half of Alex's skirt off to make it like more micro.

Speaker 1 Honestly, it looked amazing, but I don't know who thought, who trusted us with scissors. I don't know.
But anyways, we started the night there.

Speaker 1 We dropped a couple flies, probably like the people that actually had some logic that didn't want to continue the night. Because by that time, we, the drinks were fucking flowing.
We were cozy.

Speaker 1 We were like, oh, oh, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, oh, oh. Then we texted our mutual, we have a mutual friend, New York.
We texted him and his friends. They had a table at this place called the Mulberry.

Speaker 1 I mean, I call them the daddies. So like he had friends that were like the daddies and we like went and met up with them.

Speaker 1 The one daddy that I had actually had gone on a date with recently, but like this man is perfect to the T.

Speaker 1 This man, he is successful. He is sexy.
He is suckable. He's all the most important things you can think of.
But just, I think I am the problem here, and I don't want to like kinder his soul.

Speaker 1 I feel like I would cause a ruckus in this poor sweet man's life. I mean, he's so sweet.
So I go, Lauren, this guy would be perfect for you. Like,

Speaker 1 go for the billionaire daddy. And she was like, wait, what? Like, why are you just giving the the man you just want to date with him?

Speaker 2 I'm like, oh, take him.

Speaker 1 There's more where that came from. There's more where that came from.

Speaker 1 So, anyways, we did that. And honestly, I don't really remember.

Speaker 1 Hold on, let me check my notes. This is, this is sad that I have to check my notes up.
Did we really do that? So I remember being at this bar. And this is a fun bar, but it's a small bar.

Speaker 1 And there's also no windows. Like, there's no exit plan.

Speaker 1 If that place were to light on fire, you know, like, I'm not climbing out of the dungeon that's kind of how like i felt going into it it's like very underneath it's like subterranean and it gets really hot in there and also we didn't have that much room to sit i also like didn't know if i was with the music and like that can dictate my mood i can go from a good mood to a bad mood really quickly i remember like not jiving with like it was like playing funky town or some shit like that i don't know that wasn't my jam so we went to the next spot

Speaker 1 And but we could have called it a night after the third spot or was it the fourth spot? No, yeah, we went to Dew West, which I love. You know, I love a good Dew West Sundays.

Speaker 1 If you want to find hot, rich men, go to Due West on a Sunday afternoon. Not me, like, I should gatekeep places like that, but I'm a real one.
Like, go to fucking Dew West. Then we went there.

Speaker 1 And by that point, I think like.

Speaker 1 My tapings were out and flapping in the wind. My hair was undone.
We only have video footage. I don't have memory at that point in the night.

Speaker 1 But it was fucking fun. Like we had a good time.
Like we were drinking. We were laughing.
We were being silly. We were letting loose.

Speaker 1 I don't even remember what men we were with at that point.

Speaker 1 But you know what the most sickening part of this whole situation is?

Speaker 1 I

Speaker 1 had called. a black lane which is basically like a fancier uber it's like a car service to pick up me and grayden we decided like in our drunken endeavors that it'd be a good idea to leave at 6 a.m.

Speaker 1 and go from here to Nantucket. I made it a fucking point

Speaker 1 to have the car pick us up at 6 a.m. on the dot so we can make this 12 p.m.
ferry. We get there.
Our driver was like, I don't know the area. Like I don't want to drive too fast.

Speaker 1 This guy was moving like fucking molasses, which I respect because safety first.

Speaker 1 But we missed the boat by four minutes. I was literally waving to my friends that were on it.
We were like, no, fuck.

Speaker 2 So what did we do?

Speaker 1 We went to the little diner right next to it and we got like three Bloody Marys and a lobster roll, which honestly made us feel a bit better.

Speaker 1 But the fact that we woke up so early just to miss the fucking boat sparked a flame in my soul that I really don't even want to get into right now, but it was annoying, but whatever.

Speaker 1 And then I got to the island. We kind of got there, took a nap, and then woke up.
And I was like, wait, we're in fucking Nantucket right now. And what did I miss?

Speaker 1 What was the only piece of thing I left back in my apartment? My whole wallet, my purse.

Speaker 1 So not only did I have that long ass travel day going there, I had no ID to get into any single fucking bar, nothing, although I do have pole there, so I was completely fine, but I couldn't fly home.

Speaker 2 So I had to take a train, like all, like a ferry.

Speaker 1 There is no easy way of getting to Nantucket quickly, especially on a weekend like Christmas stroll. But you know what? It was fucking fun.
And we lived till it was good. It was a good night.

Speaker 1 It was good multiple nights.

Speaker 1 It was a fun weekend you know what i'm trying to say i don't even have enough time to sit and talk about that in this episode i'll get to that in a different episode because the debauchery like i feel like this nail that i am missing right here is probably lodged in some sailor's ass but you know what i live to tell the story barely um like my neck hurts and i need to call my mom but anyways what a

Speaker 1 time we crushed it new york city okay so i'm like i'm like giving a speech right now anyways i love you guys That's all for today's episode. And so many kisses and vistles.

Speaker 1 Love you all.

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