Exposing our Body Counts with Alex Cooper

You were actually drinking last night.

I was so having the...

I was literally having the most fun of my life last night.

Have you not learned anything about podcasting yet?

Pull up your fucking mic.

Where's your mic?

Okay guys, I'm doing something really fucking stupid right now.

We have an emergency debrief situation.

Hi, this is Holly from the streets of New York. I had every intention of staying in last night.
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Find it now at Sephora. What are we talking about? I don't know.
I've got a bunch of notes and I didn't read a single thing welcome back to extra dirty hello everyone no you're gonna do an intro for this i'm gonna be like the tail end because what you want to do intro it i am i don't want to drive this ship just yet yeah yeah i got you no yeah she's still in training wheels i'm still drunk um welcome back to extra dirty my name is hallie bach elder and i had such a good time last night i was thriving last night you were living your best life with those bangs bouncing around okay let's tell them what we did last night okay what did we do last night so we went to a absolute rager no it was fun it was fun i got there so early one thing about me is i will be prompt no the best part of the night you guys is i'm standing at the dj booth and all of a sudden i turn around and grayden's eight foot body is literally laid up behind the dj booth and it wasn't like you on the ground grayden he's in the other room being being like, oh my God, it helped me. He was having a good time down there.
No, he was having a ball. I kept falling into like the crevice of the table behind the table into the corner.
Lord help you. I saw you.
You lost it a couple of times. I had to grab you by the nipple, pull you back up from your nipple.
No, I was trying to make a point to like not get that drunk last time because I feel like every time you see me, I'm in the worst shape ever. And Matt said to me before I left last night, he's like, you can go home if you want to.
Your eyes are crossing. And I was like, fuck, I failed.
I didn't see your eyes cross as much, but that could be because I was sitting next to you like this, so I was never making direct eye contact with you. I was just looking at the side of your head.
So I didn't really see your eyes. No, you were busy.
Should we talk about the tea of me literally talking to remy about the guy that's dating an influencer that lied to everyone and said he fucked me we yeah we i forgot what like we say things to each other when we're drunk and you never know what i'm talking about i never know what you're talking about we just kind of like not it you're always like okay remy hooked hooked up with this person and before she hooked up with him she was like he was like saying that he fucked me i have my list right here let me show you the men i've fucked oh my god my list looks like a phone book where's my phone wait i would love to see your list show me your list okay why is it in your email look at this cute little list cry and guess who's not on there her fucking boyfriend Wait, that's way smaller than I thought. Okay, anyways, you guys.
Look at this cute little list and guess who's not on there her fucking boyfriend wait that's way

smaller than i thought okay anyways you guys look at this list damn no no no it's a definitely a football team with people on the bench do you rate them by the first time you had it or do you rate them by the good to the bad no just in order just in order yeah Look at this.

It banged a whole family of people.

Oh my god.

They all have the same last name and one more twins yeah anyways yeah so that was funny remy and i were laughing about that because i was like i think that's maybe one of the most freaky did you have did you have any interaction with this man i took a fan photo with him at montauk when i was at surf lodge i'm in the hamptonsptons a couple of years ago. If any of the daddy gang is listening to this, this is when I got kicked out of Rush Myers and almost got kicked out of Surf Lodge.
What did you do? I go to Surf Lodge and there's a guy that comes up to me and like, he's cute, you know, and no, he's hot, but he's short King. Yeah.
Yeah. Short King.
And so he comes up to me. He's like, Alex, like I'm such a big fan take a selfie with you what's his fucking last name i want to show you this and i was like yeah for sure uh let's take daddy yeah daddy gang and i was like oh my god i love like a guy that's daddy gang with a penis so then fast forward i never think of anything again and then he told remy that we had sex i think that's the most disgusting thing for a man to lie about having sex with a woman sorry I'm on one this morning no no no look at the photo look at the photo oh my god the bleach bond silver tone Halle is obsessed with my eras of blonde hair it needs to be studied to be fair it used to be very silver but I feel like it got me through a lot it's probably how you feel about like filler i just like love the needle feeling not in my arms you do you do i couldn't get my ears pierced till i was like i could see that i could see being like a little like dealer swifty and i don't want to get my ears pierced but I need to what else happened last night listen to me

you did the classic thing

that is the best thing in the world where

Hallie had the entire fucking club

and the fucking bouncers looking

for her phone and I grab onto

her and I literally am holding on clutching onto

her purse as I'm like yelling at her and I'm like

open your fucking purse

right now Remy did that too no

and also Jordan hid my

phone in my purse

she was being nice

Thank you. open your fucking purse right now.
Wait, Remy did that too. No, no.
And also Jordan hid my phone in my purse. She was being nice, but like she put it in there.
I didn't know. No, Maria last night.
I have dementia. No.
What? Okay, what else? Graydon, what else happened last night? Graydon goes by black. He talked about this billionaire date that you went on recently.

Oh, yeah.

I kept trying to tell you about this last night. Wait, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And you were like, what are you saying?

Like, you couldn't hear me, but you heard me.

Because you told me that this billionaire somehow knew me.

He said that back in the day that you guys were, like, at a Halloween party

and, like, what's-his-face wanted to, like, set you up with this guy

that I went on a date with last week what was I wearing no I feel like everyone knows like what what you remember all your Halloween costumes like was I Snow White was it wait I've never been Snow White no wait no was I um Little Red Riding Hood no like it was Halloween you were definitely serving face but then someone was like wait she talks

about like all the guys she's hooked up with

online and he's telling me this story

as I'm on this date with him and I was like wow

who would do that

that's so crazy

I was like fuck. I know but like it's safer

with the older guys because they don't usually

have TikTok. That's true.

It's honestly strategic. So he's saying he

was too afraid because I was literally talking about men and then here you are ramping it up 10 times more he's like i'm his worst i'm like hi i'm your worst fucking nightmare actually wait okay so tell me about the date it went well he looks more wholesome than i thought when you showed me a picture of him last you remember me showing you remember that i do i feel like he looks like he's from greenwich and he shops at Polo. He is from Greenwich.
He is? Yeah. And he was wearing a polo in the picture.
He was wearing a polo. And he has cute little like spiky like good hair.
And he's like an uncle. He's an uncle? Yeah.
Oh my God, I'm obsessed. But like he's too wholesome.
Where did he take you? I'd break him. You would break him? He brought me to this restaurant right next to Zirbo.
It's called Tushi. And did you have sex with him? No, I didn't.
I was stained. You didn't? Did you guys make out? We made out in front of the whole restaurant.
Is there any sexual chemistry? Because I feel like when nice guys are too nice, it's a little like, oh. No, I don't know if he's too nice or too smart.
There's something off, though. I feel like I'm not giving him a fair chance.
Why? He's a billionaire. I feel like you can look past it.
I think he's low-key like was probably a nerd in his 20s. And now he's like super rich.
And now he's cool because he's a billionaire. That's like an asset.
But I feel like of all the things you've probably looked past with men, like anything with him you could get past because he's a billionaire. Wait, did you see? Have you guys seen anything on TikTok about what people are saying about us about us yeah i actually have wait i'm getting sent a lot of things that that you're grooming me i was like wait what like she's grooming her i have been grooming her since the day i met her okay what does that even fucking mean you've literally been doing this without me before you met me yes and now i'm just literally like helping you with production you're just the groomer i am literally the groomer come one come all if you want to get groomed by alex cooper him yeah wait no i was actually more talking about like this like there was like a financial conversation did you see this oh people were saying like there's something i saw tiktok it was too much i was like too hammered and they were talking about like the renaissance oh i did she was talking about like jane air or something like wait i was like wait what the fuck are you talking i think that they were like a little like perturbed by the conversation about like your dad having money or something um they're probably broke anyone that comments being like this girl suck blah blah it's donna flex you're poor here's and i don't and i don't feel bad for you here's the thing i don't relate to that concept because I at one point was fucking broke and so I can I can talk about this shit like I worked fucking hard you uh shut up but me no I'm just kidding well no no it's true moving on what else should we talk about you think people think I'm grooming you wait there was one video that she's like she's trying to pull her out of like all this information i'm like no that's just how we talk wait she's trying to pull all this information out what does that mean like about like sex stories and shit what i saw this whole like in-depth video analyzing my every word bitch i literally wish we had a fucking camera on us when we were in my fucking house drinking whiskey because we literally are speaking the exact same way if not no you don't remember when you gave me 17 house tours I am so excited for this spring I have a lot of travel coming up, some for vacation, some for work.
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We get to my house. Hallie is literally so drunk.
I'm pretty sober.

I was crossed.

I was so, I don't smoke, Alec.

We get home and Hallie's like, one more nightcap, one more nightcap.

And I'm like, okay, fine.

Fucking shit.

And Matt's like so excited.

He's like, yes, one more nightcap.

The whiskey.

The short glass.

So I start pouring her whiskey and I make us ramen noodles.

Hallie was hesitant, but she took the noodles.

I don't like food, but I ate the ramen.

So then we ate and we brought you upstairs to the guest bedroom. Hallie was like don't want to go to bed yet you were literally stomping your foot you said i want a house i was like begging lauren to stay up with me she said i wanted to have a summer party lauren immediately gone so we go upstairs and hallie is like show me your closet she's walking around in my closet she's going into me and matt's bed we finally get her her to into our room.
We have a threesome. No.
Then they peg me. We get her into her room and Hallie sits down on the carpet and she's like, good night.
And we're like, what are you doing? She's like, I was going to just sleep on the bathroom floor. There's a perfectly good king sized bed waiting for her.
So Matt says, sit the fuck down. She sits down on the couch and Matt proceeds to take Hallie's feet and starts taking off her shoes and you're like whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa because you don't know i don't know where this is going and we're like literally shut up we don't undress her but the grooming started and this is where the grooming started we tuck her into bed yeah and she went to bed she wakes up the next day she comes down for coffee and she asks me for a fucking house tour i'm like i literally took you through my whole fucking house last night you kind but that morning i woke up i literally didn't know where i was i was like this doesn't look like the hotel tell the fucking computer story yeah heli did you not watch our episode of color daddy i've watched parts about you let's just run this back insert clip from color daddy i'm let me guess what you did yeah you went to the desktop you press the space bar you know i couldn't watch the whole episode by myself i knew it's kind of scary no it's very scary and i knew what i was talking about all the time did you when you okay wait can we talk about how are you feeling about having a podcast now did you get a good response this is going to be your second episode like how's the response been going i think it's been positive i think we got some i think shock values what's needed here did you hear from the terrorist which one the man the man with the short story no i didn't know if he would reach out to you being like please don't talk about me well it's too fucking late i'm so proud of you i feel like you're doing such a great job i've groomed you to success and now i can let you fly no wait are you coming tonight or no no i am coming tonight oh okay you didn't have to no i want you to no no no i want you to i'm gonna be thinking day.
No, I'm saying like, I don't want you to feel like you have to. Graydon, are you coming? But you know what I mean? Like, I don't want you guys to feel like you have to.
Alex does not want us to come. I don't want you guys to feel like you're kind of overheating, but I have to keep up like.
No, I'm over. It's 70 degrees.
I just figured out my heat yesterday. I have I have to take this off okay we meeting Lauren's boyfriend last night was so fun can I tell you something though yeah people online think that it's not just something I did like a few times that it's like a service I provide it's like people think like Lauren will call me be like hi I'm making dinner Jordan's dick sucked can you come Uber over like that's not that's not what it was it's only on holidays slay we were specifically memorial day we were i feel like it only happens in nantucket how wait where are the locations that's happened uh it's just nantucket see i feel like you guys get fucking freaky on nantucket well like there's it's only in the think Nantucket's where I've been my freakiest self.
Yeah, because it's kind of like Narnia. It feels like a fake land, then you go back to reality and you're like, ooh.
I just drag men back to the basement of my parents' home that has no windows and just a gas bed and just let it rip. Wait, Graydon hooked up with someone the other day.
Get in here now. Just a quick one, then get back in bed.

Breaking news.

Graydon sucked.

And got sucked.

No, and on the cape.

Did you go 69?

No, wait, I was in my car, and I was driving, and he was diddling me, obviously.

And I got a new car, and it's like, I don't know.

I don't know how to work my new car, right?

So I take my seatbelt off while he's diddling me. And if take my your seatbelt off in my car the whole fucking car turns off okay i didn't know this so mid-dittle i'm driving i take my seatbelt off because the seatbelt's in the way my whole car turns off i lose control of steering and my car just stops in the middle of the road this kid's hands in my pants and we're looking it was insane it was like really dangerous like really dangerous.
And we just look at each other. And I was like, all right, that just like killed the whole entire vibe.
Just a little. So then I had to turn the car on.
I didn't know how to turn the car on. It was a whole thing.
Wait. But yeah.
Keep going. I'm trying to remember.
So who's the who first? We already decides who starts I don't know bitch who decides who starts when you fuck it's probably you who is better you think me definitely you've been out of commission I know muscle memory and i feel like sometimes the first time back you really give it all you got oh yeah like your life fucking depends on it because it does were you in the front seat did you pull over no i was driving well you're talking again while you're driving well actually the first time we the first time we hooked up i was driving and i was sucking him off with one hand on the steering wheel this was years ago and i almost crashed my fucking car into a telephone pole when i was i used to be really crazy if you can't tell call her daddy is brought to you by balessa boutique daddy gang spring is coming and so should you? That's right. Free vibrators for everyone.
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That is Shopify.com slash daddy. I used to be nuts.
I've been to jail. Did you know that? Have I told you that no why have you been to jail? I was really drunk and I was underage no wait I feel like you were like sassy like I was crazy fuck the police when you were young the police chief in my hometown knew me by my first and last name cause I would get in so much trouble where did you get arrested? this place called the Xfinity Center in Philadelphia? no in Mass was it like at a country concert or something because i've almost got arrested there jerks bentley yeah classic i got fingered during that concert oh my god in the mosh oh my god by the on the grass yeah in the back in the green by the trees by the porta potties yes yeah that's where everybody used to get fingered should we go wait that would be crazy so how did you get arrested what were you doing just drinking um okay so i had a bunch of nips stuffed in my shoe like shooters like nips and then i gave the cop a fake id and then he ran it and it like obviously was fake so they threw me in the slammer and then my dad never came to fucking pick me up so they put me to real jail yeah what was it so annoying it makes me so mad what was it like in there scary so people well they put me to a police van they took off all my clothes I only had like my base layers on they took all my jewelry you didn't spread the cheeks no i wish yeah it was great it's bad you do not want to go to jail jail's not fun like i was in the real jail for a hot second like how long like an hour i thought you were saying like no no no no because my dad was taking his sweet time how much did it take to bail you you out, you think? It was like $25.
It was like, yeah. Did you tell her the ski mask story? Did I? No.
I'm sorry. I'm kicking over the fact that Graydon just said that with one hand he was driving a vehicle and on the other side he had one eye up.
Do you have the thing where you're cross-eyed, right? So you can kind of look one eye up and one eye down at the dick i can do it i wasn't looking at the road at all craden pull over that's how people die this was when i was in high school so like obviously i'm gonna do that in high school obviously you just keep one hand on this don't do this you keep one hand on the steering wheel on a straight road so then you just hold the steering wheel and you go straight well he was he was hot, though. Yeah.
Yeah. He's always the hottest on Thanksgiving Eve.
It's like this weird thing. Yeah.
People get hotter on Thanksgiving. And it's every fucking Wednesday night on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving.
Every time. Sexy.
Other than that, needs some work. Who came first? None.
What? I know. What?

Because the car, my car turned off, it like fucked up the whole vibe.

Oh, and then just stopped there?

Your car turned off, you turned off?

Yeah.

I turned off and my car turned off.

Wait.

And why haven't you guys had sex?

I don't really want to.

Graydon doesn't like sex.

Yeah.

It's too much.

I'm picky.

I wish I was more picky.

I don't want to go near that.

Do you have more bodies than her?

No.

I only have like eight.

Wait. One, two, three, four.

Just kidding. Any same names?

I like how they like progressively

got more famous.

Wait.

We agreed and what is the ski mask

story? No, you have to tell Alex the ski mask

story. This is so important to society.

Just like paint the picture in my head.

Okay. Sit back, relax, and enjoy.

Okay. So Thank you.
story no you have to tell alex the ski mask story this is so important to society just like paint the picture in my head okay sit back relax and enjoy okay so once again i'm on cape cock cape cod um the hometown the homeland and i got this message from this person on this app called grinder which i use very cautiously because like i don't want to get killed right this person messages me and it said a couple things in their like bio and i was like i just feel like i know who this person is but he wouldn't send me a picture he wouldn't send me a picture so i had no idea who he was i feel like on grinder they just show like their weird like yeah they show like a torso picture like a body picture why did you feel like you knew who it was i just had this i had this feeling and wasn't he tall and like you like there was only so many tall people yeah like not as tall as me like tallish his cape cod is small yeah ish okay and his picture was like a picture of like a picture frame like for his picture it wasn't his body and i was like i feel like i like would know that picture for some reason anyway so i meet up with this kid in a parking lot and i could have been like brutally murdered i'm not gonna lie it was at like 1 a.m and like this like weird part of town i don't go to obviously and i'm i'm waiting there and i look into the woods. I need to like.
I look into the woods. It's like a foggy night.
Like there's fog. This fucking person emerges out of the woods wearing like a matching sweatsuit and a fucking ski mask approaching my car.
And before he even got into my car, I knew who it was. How? I just knew.
He gets into my car and before he even got into my car i knew who it was oh i just knew he gets into my car

the only way he would talk is like in mumble so i couldn't recognize his voice like sucker

he was like hey like took my shit like fucking speaking in tribal or something okay

he takes out his schlong i'm not even even kidding. It almost hit my fucking dashboard.
It was huge. And that's where the story ends because he couldn't get hard and then it kicked him out.
Wasn't he going back to his girlfriend too? I don't know. Wait.
Wait a second. I don't think so.
Wait, I thought you made a... I hope not.
Well, not my problem. Green, in that moment when he pulls out and you see it on the dash, are you like...
Are you... It's like it goes out my window on the other side.
When Godzilla enters the picture, are you like... And what do you say? You try to like jack him off? Do you touch him at all I was like It's gonna be a long night You gave him a little diddle Oh I was putting my whole I was putting my whole Back into it That's the worst When you're slacking off A flaccid penis And it's so big Just fucking shaking it I'm like what's going on Shake wait Wake up No literally And then how did he leave Like he just literally Left in silence in silence? I kicked him out, and then I'm sure he did, like, a mumble and was like, bye.
Did you ever see this man again? No, but he messaged me again last week. He wants more.
On the same app? Yeah. But you have to do it.
I will. You have to reply and be like, bring the ski mask.
Like, for old time's sake. See, I think I would like that.
think no i told him i know who he is what did he say he was like oh fuck or something but i was like you're a fucking idiot right like who cares yeah why is he wearing a ski mask because he's straight oh he is straight yeah so does he have a girlfriend i think you said that like oh i have to get back to my girlfriend anyways i don't like really know. I never seen a person like I don't really know his life.

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Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Kleenex Ultra Soft Tissues.

When I think about the spring arising, right? I'm like, I need Kleenex tissues more than ever right now. Here's the thing.
Matt and I, Matt's got allergies, okay? And when we're outside, I've got those things in my purse ready to go. And I'm not now worried.
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This allergy season, be better prepared with Kleenex Ultra Soft Tissues, which is allergist approved so you can go on with your day. Life and allergies can both be unpredictable, but you can be prepared for that time of year by making sure you always got kleenex ultra soft tissues ready for whatever happens next grab kleenex it's funny because like rayden will go on grinder on nantucket and we'll like walk into crew and you'll be like it's like a bunch of like married couples and their families and you'll be like he's on grinder he's on grinder yeah it's crazy yeah it's fucking insane it's just sad like it's 2024 just come out i wish they could like be like themselves yeah i mean i don't really care but um it's not my problem you know but none of them that are like that hot great.
And I'm really sorry that that happened to you. Do you feel used? So hard.
Do I feel used? No. Big papa.
I'm big strong boy. Are you hungover? Yeah, but I'm kind of drunk now from this Bloody Mary.
Wait, I feel great now. I feel so good.
Should we go out? It's literally 11 in the morning.

Yeah, wait.

Wait, so you're coming tonight?

What are you going to wear?

Wait, what is the plan tonight?

You guys, I have no idea.

The plan was we're going to have a cocktail hour.

I just thought it would be nice to keep it going.

I want to keep celebrating you.

Did you like my speech last night?

No, I love you so much.

You don't understand.

I wanted to have a little cocktail hour with us to just like keep drinking is it just us tonight the three of us imagine i rented out a whole matt stay home not stay home um no it's i think it's gonna just be like everyone like kind of similar to last night ish no it's at a good restaurant too it is yeah where is it you don't know where it is literally no idea where we're going. To St.
Theo's. Have you been there before? Never been there in my life.
That's great Italian. I think we just got to start drinking early.
I love when you're like this. Maybe we'll go out again.
Where do you guys go when we go out? I've only been out here to Little Sister twice. That's it.
That guy on my list? You've definitely been a Little Sister. You know, the one and only time I i was at little sister is when see this hockey player that i had like on and off talk to in college so i'm there and i see him and i knew he had a girlfriend but i see him and like we kind of knew each other from college so i still went up to him i'm not trying to fuck him but then the rest of the night he was trying to fuck and i always thought he was so hot and i only had sucked his dick it was the first like curved penis that i like did the gluck gluck on and i like really learned a lot from it it literally was so huge and then at the top more but like kind of the whole um to the side down down would be crazy oh it depends what way you're looking at it it kind of is like that straw like that yeah what is that that's to the side or is that up that's down that's down well it depends what way you're looking at it listen i was scared to have sex with it because i don't know how that would work you would squirt you would yeah i feel like that hit the side of my walls not my g spot anyway so i'm at little sister we're talking we're talking it slowly gets more progressively flirty and then we go to avenue after two people so avenues closed i've had sex in the avenue bathroom oh my god avenue is so good it's just like these tight walls and everyone's just getting fucked and so we're sitting up on the we're sitting up it's the end of the night and i literally look him in the eyes and i say i have no interest in doing this if you actually are still with that girl like please and the whole night he's been convincing me i don't have a girlfriend i don't have a girlfriend she's so obsessed with me i don't have a girlfriend so obviously i fuck i bleed everywhere you guys i'm not kidding you yeah the dick the fucking punctured you it punctured an artery you guys i didn't realize how bad the blood was until in the morning.
His agent walked in and was like, you have like a body armor shoot or something. And he walks in and he goes, oh shit.
We're both laying there naked. There's blood all over the sheets.
There's blood on the wall. I feel like men don't care about that shit.
It was so dark and there was blood everywhere. And then you guys, less than a month later, he was down on one knee and proposed and now they're married oh my god she's still bleeding i've never been the same since anyways yeah so now he's married and i don't know i don't know about that cheers to her i hope he's not cheating that little scummy here's the curb dick have you had a lot of curb dick not to the side wait that makes no sense what does it look

like Have you had a lot of curb dick? Not to the side. Like, lower down.

Wait, Graydon.

That makes no sense.

What does it look like?

Usually when you say a dick curve, you're like, it goes like this.

No.

Hold it like it's sticking out of you right now.

Like, either this way or this way.

No.

Not fucking that way.

No, I feel like it has a hook to the left or right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's like just a little hook. It just starts going up and then it just curves, curves, curves more that way.
Like kind of like my eyes. I'm getting scared.
Okay, wait, so where are we going tonight? We should go to Sub-Mercer. I don't know anything about New York.
I love Sub-Mercer. What's Sub-Mercer? It's, you know where Mercer Kitchen used to be? It's our Tiana's now, and they bought out the bar underneath,

and it's like a club.

Good daddy's hangout.

Regardless, we're going to go.

What are you going to wear tonight?

Or Petite Disco.

Petite Disco.

You've definitely heard of Petite Disco.

No.

Okay, so we'll go out tonight.

I'm holding you to that.

Oh, I'm ready.

I don't want to get too drunk tonight.

I always say that.

I feel like every time you see me, I'm so fucked up around you,

and you're like, oh, Hallie's fucked up again. Hallie, I have the best times with you.
Okay i'll get fucked up tonight all right fine fine fine okay i feel good about this um okay you guys i think we just crushed this no i think this is amazing how do you feel great in i needed to get that off my chest so i feel great the jail part or um no i don't care about the jail part the dick in my mouth okay bye guys wait this is your show say something i hate the end i hate the end every time guys this place has great energy tune back in every week yes for this bitch tune in for the tits tune in for great and sucking stories i may be back every time i'm in New York, I need to come on this fucking couch. No, I really think you do.
It brings me back. From the VP to here, let's fucking go.
Perfect. Love you all.
Love you all. Bye.
I took notes on this night because I literally had to like have other people piece it together for me. It was quite the fucking night.
I mean, guys, I am wrapping up the weekend. Obviously I'm missing three nails.
I just hopped out of the sauna. I could smell the tequila and Merlot exiting the chat, but like honestly the missing nails, that's a fucking telltale sign of a good night.
Also, I feel like I'm like three pounds lighter in hair extensions. Those I left on Nantucket.
We'll get into that. Anyways, where did the night begin? We went out with a good group of people.
Guys, I swear we went to every fucking location in New York City. We went out with Alex and Matt.
We started with a bigger group, a solid group, a great group at this restaurant, St. Theo's.
We had some hors d'oeuvres. We got the drinks flowing.
I again promised myself that I was going to go into the night, you know, not drink that much, not embarrass myself in front of father. But alas, the eyes were crossing quickly as the night began.
So we started there and then we decided it'd be a good idea to go to Zero Bond. I love Zero Bond.
I honestly don't know if Alex has been there, but I want to show her Zero Bond. So we went in the back.
We had more dirty martinis, but by the time we were sitting down at Zero Bond, I could feel it. I was getting was getting fuzzy my eyes were definitely crossed I had one eye looking directly in front of me and the other eye was already looking at the next location of the night like I woke up went into my camera roll I had a video of me Alex and Liv we were all in the bathroom Liv had scissors for some reason one of us thought it was going to be a good idea to cut half of Alex's skirt off to make it like more micro.
Honestly, it looked amazing, but I don't know who thought, who trusted us with scissors. I don't know.
But anyways, we started the night there. We dropped a couple flies, probably like the people that actually had some logic that didn't want to continue the night because by that time we, drinks were fucking flowing we were cozy right oh then we texted our mutual we have a mutual friend New York we texted him and his friends they had a table at this place called the Mulberry I mean I call them the daddies so like he had friends that were like the daddies and we like went and met up with them the one daddy daddy that I had actually had gone on a date with recently, but like this man is perfect to the T.
This man, he is successful. He is sexy.
He is suckable. He's all the most important things you could think of.
But just, I think I am the problem here and I don't want to like kinder his soul. I feel like I would cause a ruckus in this poor sweet man's life.

I mean, he's so sweet.

So I go, Lauren, this guy would be perfect for you.

Like, go for the billionaire daddy.

And she was like, wait, what?

Like, why are you just giving the man you just want to date with him?

I'm like, oh, thank him.

There's more where that came from.

There's more where that came from.

So anyways, we did that.

And honestly, I don't

really remember. Hold on, let me check my notes.
This is this is sad that I have to check my notes

up. Did we really do that? So I remember being at this bar and this is a fun bar, but it's a small

bar and there's also no windows like there's no exit plan. If that place were to light on fire,

you know, like I'm not climbing out of the dungeon. That's kind of how like I felt going into it.

It's like,

it's like,

it's like,

it's like,

it's like,

it's like,

it's like,

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it's like,

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it's like,

it's like,

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it's like,

it's like,

it's like,

it's like,

it's like,

it's like,

it's like,

it's like,

it's like,

it's like,

it's like,

it's like,

it's like,

it's like,

it's like,

it's like,

it's like,

it's like,

it's like,

it's like,

it's like,

it's like,

it's like,

it's like,

it's like,

it's like,

it's like,

it's like,

it's like,

it's like,

it's like,

it's like, it's like, it's like, it's kind of how like I felt going into it. It's like very underneath.
It's like subterranean and it gets really fucking hot in there. And also we didn't have that much room to sit.
I also like didn't know if I was fucking with the music and like that can dictate my mood. I can go from a good mood to a bad mood really quickly.
I remember like not jiving with like, it was like playing funky town or some shit like that. I don't know.
That wasn't my jam. So we went to the next spot and we could have called it a night after the third spot or was it the fourth spot? No.
Yeah. We went to do West, which I love, you know, I love a good do West on days.
If you want to find hot, rich men, go to duest on a Sunday afternoon not me like I should gatekeep places like that but I'm a real one like go to fucking duest then we went there and by that point I think like my tapins were out and flapping in the wind my My hair was undone. We only have video footage.

I don't have memory at that point in the night. But it was fucking fun.
Like we had a good time. Like we were drinking.
We were laughing. We were being silly.
We were letting loose. I don't even remember what men we were with at that point.
But you know what the most sickening part of this whole situation is? had called a black lane which is basically like a fancier uber it's like a car service to pick up me and Graydon we decided like in our drunken endeavors that would be a good idea to leave at 6 a.m and go from here to Nantucket I made it a fucking point to have the car pick us up at 6 a.m. on the dot so we can make this 12 p.m.
ferry. We get there.
Our driver was like, I don't know the area. Like, I don't want to drive too fast.
This guy was moving like fucking molasses, which I respect because safety first. But we missed the boat by four minutes.
I was literally waving to my friends that were on it. We were like, no, fuck.
So what did we do? We went to the little diner right next to it and we got like three Bloody Marys and a lobster roll, which honestly made us feel a bit better. But the fact that we woke up so early just to miss the fucking boat sparked a flame in my soul that I really don't even want to get into right now, but it was annoying, but whatever.
And then I got to the island. We kind of got there, took a nap and then woke up and I was like, wait, we're in fucking Nantuckia right now.
And what did I miss? What was the only piece of thing I left back in my apartment? My whole wall at my purse. So not only did I have that long ass travel day going there, I had no ID to get into any single fucking bar.
Nothing. Although I do have pull there, so I was completely fine.
But I couldn't fly home. So I had to take a train like a ferry.
There is no easy way of getting to Nantucket quickly, especially on a weekend like Christmas stroll. But you know what? It was fucking fun.
And we lived to Tulsa. It was good.
It was good night. It was good in multiple in multiple nights it was a fun weekend you know what I'm trying to say I don't even have enough time to sit and talk about that in this episode I'll get to that in a different episode because the debauchery like I feel like this nail that I have missing right here is probably lodged in some sailor's ass but you know what I live to tell the story barely um like my neck hurts and I need to call my mom

but anyways what a fucking time we crushed it New York City I sound like I'm like giving a speech right now anyways I love you guys that's all for today's episode and so many kisses and bissels love you. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Tinder.
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