Hallie Batchelder: Billionaires, Boobs & Black Cards

Speaker 1 Hi, daddy gang. It is your father.
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Speaker 1 Don't drug the team.

Speaker 1 Don't drug the team. Don't drug the team.

Speaker 1 Don't grateful wench.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 You're like moaning. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Get back in your team.

Speaker 1 Better or worse? Better. Better.

Speaker 1 Cheers.

Speaker 1 Just let God go with you. But like, what can I not say? You can say anything you want.

Speaker 1 Put the microphone in front of your face.

Speaker 1 What is up, Daddy Gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper, with Call Her Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Hey, tonight's about to get weird.
Okay, cheers.

Speaker 1 Let's do a quick little prayer. Let's do a quick little seance.

Speaker 1 Art, father, who art in Coloradadi,

Speaker 1 Hallie be thy saying a lot of bad shit tonight.

Speaker 1 Thy kingdom come.

Speaker 1 I will make him come, and thy will not sound dumb. Amen.
That's not a prayer. No, yeah.
That's my new religion. Do you think any of your exes will be watching tonight? Hopefully, if they have a phone.

Speaker 1 Those poor brokeies, those little weird freaks. Do you go for broke men? Sometimes, to humble myself.

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Hallie Batch Elder, welcome to Call Her Daddy.

Speaker 1 You may be wondering why we're dressed like this, Daddy Gang.

Speaker 1 I don't know. No, we're like back.
We're like, we're in New York right now. You're back to your roots.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Imagine if we knew each other when I was in New York. No, you would be dead.
No, You wouldn't be alive. I wouldn't have my career.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'd be at your funeral and you wouldn't have your career or your husband. I would definitely not have my husband.
I would not have your husband.

Speaker 1 We also, imagine if we knew each other when you lived in Boston. No.

Speaker 1 I wouldn't have been a bottle girl. I would have just become friends with your dad.
Imagine if I had fucked your dad.

Speaker 1 That's not funny. Isn't he happily married? No, he's happily married.
But like, imagine if Alex Cooper was my mom. And I was like, Alex, what's for dinner?

Speaker 1 And she's like, I just signed $125 million deal. Let me just preface this with anybody that's driving in the car on the way to work, because they could be on their way to work.

Speaker 1 They could be nursing their child right now. Hopefully not.
They could be doing something wholesome. It is about seven o'clock at night in Los Angeles, California.
It's so hot. No, it's so hot.

Speaker 1 We got to take this shit off.

Speaker 1 We are sweating and we're drinking martinis and I'm sitting across from Hallie. Now, I discovered Hallie on TikTok one day and I said, I'd like that bitch.
I would like to be friends with that bitch.

Speaker 1 And then I ended up starting a company and I was like, oh, I can be friends with her and I can work with her, which is pretty cool. And Hallie is going to be launching her podcast tomorrow.

Speaker 1 Extra dirty episode one comes out. So cheers.
You fucking did it, bitch. Should we take this shit off? Yeah.
Maybe not the sunglasses, but at least this. No, I'm overheating.

Speaker 1 And then let's re-comb your hair.

Speaker 1 I look like George Washington III. Last time I saw you was in, oh, Los Angeles.
Yes. And Matt and I were putting you to bed.
Yes.

Speaker 1 That was the scariest thing ever because I was cross-faded on that fucking PJ back.

Speaker 1 Talk about that experience. No.
They were like, yay, yay. I don't know.
Like, Wiz was playing like his music, and I was like, okay, like, and you were like, yeah.

Speaker 1 And he was like, wait, have the whiskey and smoke the blah. And I like don't smoke weed at all.
So when I hit it, I was like, so paranoid. I think Sweetie thanked me for being there.

Speaker 1 I go, you're welcome.

Speaker 1 So we're on the plane. I turn around and Hallie has her hands crossed in a prayer position and she's not moving and she's not speaking and she's not making eye contact with anyone.

Speaker 1 And I kept turning around being like, Hallie, are you? Well, I'm like with my like boss, this girl that just signed me to the company. And like, I was just, I don't smoke at all.

Speaker 1 Like, I'm not a smoker. I don't smoke weed.
I don't like downers like that. I like uppers.

Speaker 1 So I was like a little confused what was going on. I was trying to play fucking cool.
And I was supposed to go from landing from the PJ.

Speaker 1 And I was like, my plan was to Uber to LAX and I'm like what time is your flight I've never heard of a flight taking off at like a steady 230 and Hallie's like oh I don't have a flight I'm gonna get one though and she is blazed out of her mind not making eye contact with anyone still and she has glasses on and she's like no I'm gonna catch a flight to which Matt says excuse me you're not going to LAX you're coming home with us I was like gay

Speaker 1 I mean the thing is I woke up in your guest bed on top of the covers I didn't even take my clothes off. Didn't even tuck in.
You had gave me a whole house tour that I don't even recall.

Speaker 1 I woke up and there was like a desktop right in front of me. I clicked the name and it goes, Alex Cooper, desktop.
And I go, fuck. No,

Speaker 1 not today.

Speaker 1 And it was like noon and I could hear you guys downstairs making coffee and I was like. calling like Lauren.
I was calling all my friends being like, I don't know if I can go downstairs.

Speaker 1 This is terrible. This is like a, like, this is a nightmare no that was fun no that was fun how would you describe your personality when you're drunk aside from the wandering eye

Speaker 1 creep you fucking bitch

Speaker 1 i feel like either i go mute like you don't know if i'm like drunk or not or i'm just like completely an extra version of my extra self. I don't want to cause a scene.

Speaker 1 I'm not like confrontational at all. Some people when they get drunk, they're like mean and rude and confrontational.
Maybe I'm very chill. I'm also like very like a respectful human being.

Speaker 1 I feel like I'm just like down with like the vibes. I'm just trying to, like, I don't want to cause a scene.
Are you someone that is going to drunk text people?

Speaker 1 Are you a drunk texter? Yeah. Oh.
Yeah. I mean, like, who's not? Like, I don't know, like, grow up.
Wait, but I like have had a couple of like drunk text situations where I'm just like,

Speaker 1 there needs to be a child lock on my phone. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 You know, once I sent sent this nude to this guy and it was a video It was like a cinematic masterpiece and I was using like a bright pink fuchsia dildo and I was absolutely plastering myself with it

Speaker 1 What are you in your bed? Yeah, my twin bed on Nantucket. No, yes

Speaker 1 and I sent it to the wrong guy His name started with M. The other guy's name started with M.
But the guy I sent it to was like this guy named Matt from like sleep awake camp when I was 14.

Speaker 1 And I I was like, he had a blessed day that day. I don't fucking care.
Did you realize that when you were fucked up or did you realize it in the morning? In the morning, he thumbs up dead.

Speaker 1 He didn't even reply.

Speaker 1 He must have known. He was just like,

Speaker 1 this ain't for me. He was like, yeah.
In that moment, question.

Speaker 1 Do you then decide cinematic masterpiece? Should I actually now fire this off to the right person?

Speaker 1 It's too late. It was too late.
The person I wanted to even fire it off to, I think, didn't deserve it. I think this random guy from Sleepway Camp deserved it more at this point.

Speaker 1 But my drunk texts weren't even like, where are you at? They were just like, like, very well-composed, like, sex with like an intro, three supporting arguments, and like a closing statement.

Speaker 1 I'd be like, this is a cinematic map.

Speaker 1 I don't even be like, I wouldn't even regret that.

Speaker 1 I'm going to die on this hill. Someone published this shit.
How the fuck are you like writing that shit when you're fucked up? AI. Chat, GBT, give it to me right now.
One, two, three.

Speaker 1 Hallie, I fucking love you. Um, okay, where did you come from? Like, I feel like you crawled out of a hole.
Like, were your parents strict with you growing up? Like, what was your, what was going on?

Speaker 1 I mean, they were, um,

Speaker 1 they weren't strict at all. Okay.
I feel like they had expectations. Like, you have to get good grades, make your bed, don't get pregnant, although I did once, but like, don't get pregnant.

Speaker 1 Okay, so my parents can be strict sometimes. Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 Like, when I would throw parties in college, there was one time I threw a party in college, and I had all my friends over.

Speaker 1 It was like for my friend's birthday, and like one of her girlfriends, like, threw up all over my parents' carpet. The cops had come, so everyone was like hiding in a room.

Speaker 1 They went up to like the fourth floor. I live in like a brownstone in Boston.
They went to the fourth floor into my parents' room. This girl threw up all over like my parents' like $100,000 carpet.

Speaker 1 It was horrid.

Speaker 1 It was a fucking crime scene. Okay.

Speaker 1 So they found out. I've never seen my dad so mad at me.
I thought I was cut off for good. I thought I was cut off for good.
So I signed up for seeking arrangements. No.

Speaker 1 I was being the most. I was so extra.
I was like, seeking arrangements near me. I'm done.
There's no way. Holly.
I never went on a date, but i signed up you know i got chlamydia once

Speaker 1 let's talk about chlamydia twice oh sorry

Speaker 1 yeah tell me about your time i mean i got chlamydia once it was with an older gent

Speaker 1 who i loved really i didn't love him i just loved how rich he was i don't know he was so rich like we'd go to like a bar And he'd be like, what do you want to drink?

Speaker 1 And I'd be like, I want a spicy margarita. And he'd be like, okay, spicy margarita too.

Speaker 1 And then he'd be like, how much should I tip? A thou?

Speaker 1 Should I tip a thou? He like abbreviated a thou. And I was like, tip a thou.
Yay, yay, yay.

Speaker 1 And then he invited me to the Bahamas. And his friend had a private island.

Speaker 1 And it was just all the things.

Speaker 1 No, I'm just kidding. I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 This is going. This is getting his name was Diddy.

Speaker 1 No, stop. No, but he would like.
How old was this man? He wasn't even that old. He was like

Speaker 1 38. Hmm.

Speaker 1 How old were you at the time? 23. Okay, that's good.
That's good. He was weathered, though.
He looked stressed out. He looked like a leather couch.
Like, he looked like he was stressed out at work.

Speaker 1 Like, what was he up to? What did he do for work? He was a hedge fund owner. Owner.
Wait, that's hot. Wait, owner?

Speaker 1 Is that a thing? CEO. How did you meet him? Nantucket.

Speaker 1 That's... And he didn't have children or kids? He could have.

Speaker 1 Could have. He got me pregnant.
He got you pregnant? Yes, that was the same guy in chlamydia, but I thought the chlamydia pill was postponing my period. So it was like double homicide.
Pow, pow, pow.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 Can I not say that? You know what? I think you fucking should say that because in the state of the motherfucking union of our country, you had a right.

Speaker 1 And thank God I was able to have an abortion back then. Honestly, I can't even imagine if it wasn't an option to me.

Speaker 1 Imagine you as a mother right now, like right here. I'm like, hi, Father Cooper.

Speaker 1 I'm doing an interview.

Speaker 1 I big tits. Can I even breastfeed? Wait, oh, can you?

Speaker 1 I think so. It's under the muscle.
I continue.

Speaker 1 Okay, you know, you, that's what I remember. You drunkenly in the back of the car with Matt and I on our way back.
You're like, guys, I have something I really want to talk to you about.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, oh, we're going to talk about extra dirty, whatever. You're like, I kind of want to go bigger.
I don't want to fly.

Speaker 1 I stand by this.

Speaker 1 you want to go bigger yeah bigger your tit well they're all right 295 cc high profile and everyone thinks they're real everyone thinks they're real no like when like oh my god like everyone thinks they're real they don't look fake because the tits i had before i gained a lot of weight then lost a lot of weight and then gained a lot of weight so it kind of look like a rock and a sock like picture a rock and a sock you know you're swinging a rock and a sock it's like a weapon okay so like i filled that up and i went conservative with the ccs

Speaker 1 but they don't look fake enough. If I'm going under the knife,

Speaker 1 pop it up. Make them look fake.
You want to go bigger. They bounce still.
Like fuck that. You don't want them to bounce? Not really.
You want them to just be. Mommy sat in listening to me.

Speaker 1 Wait, you went to Catholic school? Yeah. It's shocking.
That literally makes so much sense. I went to Catholic school also, so I can say that.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Just a lot of repression.

Speaker 1 It's like caging a wild animal and then sending them free into college. From fifth through 12th grade, I never had class with a male.
I had slept with one guy and I had done like one line of Adderall.

Speaker 1 And I was like, I'm a freak. I'm so crazy.
And then I got to college and I was like, wait, dick?

Speaker 1 That's insane. So high school, you were pretty tame.
So tame. What was your first boyfriend?

Speaker 1 He was like this very religious, went to the brothers' school, all boys Catholic school, was like captain of the hockey team. Very nice guy very religious

Speaker 1 massive dick

Speaker 1 I know I miss him okay

Speaker 1 where is he now you think he is girlfriend oh he's like five seven are you five eight

Speaker 1 yeah

Speaker 1 in grass flat foot

Speaker 1 but the big dick he was a tripod Alex

Speaker 1 the walking tripod if the wind gusted him right over he wouldn't be standing right up.

Speaker 1 But to have that as your first experience is a little intimidating, though. Well, intimidating for everyone else.
Like, after him, it was like, what is this? What did I sign up for?

Speaker 1 Why did we break up?

Speaker 1 It was like upsetting. The second guy I got with after my ex

Speaker 1 had a micropenis. Literally my pinky.
What did you do when you saw it? It wasn't a seeing it thing. It was like, is it in yet? Is it in yet? I had no idea.
It was like this big.

Speaker 1 I swear to god you've actually tried to have sex with a micro penis i i did have sex with a micro penis what position worked the best none of them

Speaker 1 we were i was on a bean bag in my friend's like common room in college it was so disgusting we

Speaker 1 can we talk about karate yeah

Speaker 1 the karate kid is here today guys it's a fun fact that i am a brown belt and karate

Speaker 1 i did it for nine years. I wasn't like an athlete.
You weren't going to see me in soccer, hockey, or I don't know, what other sports track. No, like none of them.

Speaker 1 I, my parents are like, you should do karate. And like, that's a sport you put your kids into when you're like three.

Speaker 1 And I was out popping my fucking pussy until I was probably 17. Hold on.
I'm a brown belt. Did you get like bullied for this? Yes.
So I, for a period, I stopped.

Speaker 1 And then I accidentally, before sweet 16, got alcohol poisoning because I was 14. I'm youngest in my grade.
So it's like before sweet 16, I like drink too much.

Speaker 1 And my parents, like, you're grounded for nine months and you have to do karate. And I was like, all right, like, fuck.
And I'm like 14. Like, guys are just starting to notice me.

Speaker 1 And I have to go back and put my gi on. I'm like, oh, brown bell.
And I'm like, I'm like,

Speaker 1 yeah.

Speaker 1 And like, I'm like, guys aren't going to fuck with this.

Speaker 1 It's true. Give me like a hand move.
What would you do? You'd bow first, be respectful.

Speaker 1 And he'd be like, oh,

Speaker 1 I can't really get into the groups. It's this.
I used to like do the job. I used to judge younger karate students.
What? I was that good. I was so good at karate.

Speaker 1 Do you use any of those moves in the bedroom? Probably. I'm violent in the bedroom.
A man hates to see me coming.

Speaker 1 Hallie, can we talk about your dad? Yeah, let's talk about the finances. Let's talk about the finances.

Speaker 1 Are you still using your dad's credit card to this day?

Speaker 1 I mean, yeah, I mean, it's actually a sensitive topic today. I got a text this morning being like in the group chat, my dad goes,

Speaker 1 I just canceled the jet blue card. Good luck.
Love you. To my family group chat, I go, wait, what the absolute fact? He goes, I don't use it anymore.
I'm like, but I do.

Speaker 1 What do you mean? What is the jet blue card? Like, his card, card, we all have an Apple Pay. But it's like Monopoly.
It's like, bang, bang. It's like, oh, bang.
We're at dinner. Bang.

Speaker 1 You know, I could fly around the world 17 times.

Speaker 1 So you got cut up on the jet blue. Yeah, yeah, we're done.
The black card, we're so back.

Speaker 1 The black card hates to see me coming.

Speaker 1 It's nice that it's not a sugar daddy. Like, this is your actual dad.
Yeah, the sugar daddy minus the sugar. Do you think he'll ever cut you off?

Speaker 1 Um, no, because like he really wants us to be safe, he's big on safety.

Speaker 1 Like, the reason why he would never like disclose his credit card number for the black card, he does not let us do subway transportation or Uber X. Like, it's over.

Speaker 1 I'm not kidding. Like, it's he like doesn't feel safe with that.
He also doesn't feel safe with us having a bad haircut

Speaker 1 or bad hair or like bad clothing.

Speaker 1 He doesn't feel safe, Alex.

Speaker 1 He protects our safety.

Speaker 1 I literally can't handle you. Okay, so it's all about safety.
Yeah. A new bag, safety.
Yeah. New hair, safety.

Speaker 1 But also like,

Speaker 1 but also like nice interior design makes me feel safety.

Speaker 1 CB2 safety.

Speaker 1 William Sonoma, safety.

Speaker 1 Revolve.

Speaker 1 Revolve.

Speaker 1 Revolve makes me feel safety.

Speaker 1 So let me get this right. Do you have a like

Speaker 1 you can't spend more than this in a month or no? I'm not disrespectful.

Speaker 1 I don't want to abuse it. It's not like I'm going to Bergdorf and like popping my absolute pussy at Bergdorf while he's not there.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 But when I'm there, we're popping our fucking pussy at Bergdorf.

Speaker 1 If you ever go too hard, what is like a reprimand from your father looking like? It's an email.

Speaker 1 What? It's an email where it says purchase activity, not detected, or like purchase activity, I wasn't there. And he sends a question mark, and we just usually don't reply.

Speaker 1 Stop. I'm like, trash,

Speaker 1 spam.

Speaker 1 I'm like, who is this?

Speaker 1 Okay, let's talk about your dating life.

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Speaker 1 Okay, let's talk about your dating life. All right, do you have an age limit? Um, diapers.
No, Holly. What?

Speaker 1 Is that bad to say?

Speaker 1 What's funny is I was thinking like 85, 65. Yeah, diapers.
Old man, I don't know. Oh, you're talking about old man.
Yeah, an old man with diapers. Hospice.
Diapers.

Speaker 1 Wait, what? Who thought I was talking about younger?

Speaker 1 And that's a problem we have to talk about. That happened.
Okay, that was weird for me.

Speaker 1 Can you tell me what is the oldest you've gone gone on a date with date or fucked i don't know um the oldest guy i slept with i don't date a lot okay right sorry no dates just fucked um but the oldest guy i've slept with is probably 52.

Speaker 1 okay how was that

Speaker 1 good for him

Speaker 1 i sucked him sideways in fruition he saw sunset was he single I think.

Speaker 1 Have you ever had sex with a man and then realized he was married afterwards? Yes.

Speaker 1 how do you handle that i mean what that's not my problem if you are hooking up with me and like you're in a relationship and you don't disclose it i don't see how that's like my issue it's not your issue um what is the most expensive thing a man has ever bought you aside from your father that's a good question actually um

Speaker 1 i mean these guys

Speaker 1 this man thought he bought my tits what

Speaker 1 this is actually a really good story share with the class so this is the guy i was seeing at the time he was in London. I remember FaceTiming him.
He was horrible to me.

Speaker 1 Like he'd be like, I'm getting with this influencer and that influencer. And I'd be like, okay, but I'm like, I'm so cool with that, whatever.
And I would be like, I think I want like new tits.

Speaker 1 And he was like, I think I agree with that. Like, he was horrible to me.
And then he goes, he's like, it's 6 a.m. in London.
I'm so fucked up. I've stayed up all night.

Speaker 1 Like, I'm going to Vemo you 10 grand for your tits. So him and his best friend Vemo me for each tit.
So they each think they own one tit.

Speaker 1 But then...

Speaker 1 Wait, they Venmo'd you? Yeah, they Venmo me on the spot. Him and his friend? Yeah.

Speaker 1 But then my mom was like, wait, if you really want me to pay for the surgery, just get your real estate license and I'll pay for it. So like my guy of her on the fucking keyboards, I studied so hard.

Speaker 1 I got my real estate license and like within like a week and a half, I swear to God. And these fucking dumbass billionaires, I pocketed their money so quick.
So you pay it fucking later.

Speaker 1 You had 10K for your tits from them. Yeah, pocketed.
I just paid for them. I never sold a house ever either.

Speaker 1 I fucking love that for you. No, yeah.
Have you ever signed an NDA?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, haven't you? Like, what?

Speaker 1 Tuesday.

Speaker 1 For like a

Speaker 1 um,

Speaker 1 I know you can't talk about it, but not for like business.

Speaker 1 I've never signed an NDA. I don't know.
Shakes head yes. Yeah, I mean, I've signed a couple, but like for like guys I don't even think deserve them.

Speaker 1 Like YouTube guys, I'm like, be so fucking real right now. You sign an ND for me, baby.

Speaker 1 Have you fucked someone that does YouTube? Multiple.

Speaker 1 I show my own channel. No.

Speaker 1 Wait. But you've never fucked David Dobrik, have you?

Speaker 1 I'm taking out my sunglasses for this. You!

Speaker 1 Okay. Are you fucking with me? Where am I?

Speaker 1 My eyes are like, where am I? Okay. Wait, my eyes are like, where am I? Wait, yeah, where am I? Okay, that's it.
You thought I fucked David Dobrik? No. I'm out of here.
Can we keep that in?

Speaker 1 What is the weirdest thing that someone has asked you to do in bed? You know,

Speaker 1 what is the weirdest thing?

Speaker 1 Probably the weirdest thing a guy is at anything ass-related. This one guy got on all fours and he was arching his back and I was eating his ass out.

Speaker 1 I didn't love that for me.

Speaker 1 He loved that for him. Also, there was this one guy

Speaker 1 that had the extension bar. I told you about this.
No,

Speaker 1 this fucked me up. Talk about it.
Go.

Speaker 1 No, I'm not. This is hog tie was.
Fucking light work. The hog tie was not even the part.
I, this part of the story, I didn't even explain.

Speaker 1 This guy had an extension bar and he had shit like, I hope you can see this right now. He had like the clanks here and the clanks on each ankle and there was a bar in between my legs.

Speaker 1 And if you moved your legs like another inch, you can't go back in. So if you move your legs another inch, you can't go back in.
So I was in like the splits for like three and a half hours.

Speaker 1 And I swear to God, I was on the flight back from LA like.

Speaker 1 cross-eyed dislocated.

Speaker 1 Let me just say this. Hallie and I are sitting next to each other in LA having a cocktail.
Bessies. We're whispering sweet nothings to each other.
Yeah, like, I love you.

Speaker 1 I'm asking her just about her escapades. And she starts talking about this

Speaker 1 machine, essentially, that she. It was giving Home Depot PR Hall.

Speaker 1 It's like a curtain rod between her fucking legs, but there's a spring. And when you said that, so are you, is this happening when you're getting fucked fucked from behind? No,

Speaker 1 so like I was on my back in the hog tie. That's what that's what made it crazier.
Was the hog tie was in front, and I felt like a chandelier at one point.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he put the bar over his neck at one point and then flipped me over.

Speaker 1 It was like, you can't move your legs. I thought I pulled a hamstring, Alex.
I thought I was needed PT after this. Wait, what?

Speaker 1 I had recently watched watched the

Speaker 1 Jake Gyllenhaal show.

Speaker 1 Oh, you thought I was about to say

Speaker 1 I got a video of it.

Speaker 1 I was like, I wouldn't be shocked. No, I, while she was explaining this to me, had watched the Jake Gyllenha show.
If any of you had watched it, it's like presumed innocent.

Speaker 1 And the girl is murdered and she's wrapped up in a hog tie. So aside from a hog tie, what is like a weird thing?

Speaker 1 Like a weird thing that would make like Hallie Batch Elder be like, that definitely definitely was on the Richter scale of like weird that a man has done to me I mean nothing makes me blush but this one thing made me fear

Speaker 1 for many lives I'm not gonna lie like this man was love bombing the absolute fuck out of me

Speaker 1 in a way where I was like aware it was happening but there was one night he called me and he always would call me spend two hours on the phone talking about fucking nonsense.

Speaker 1 I don't know what the fuck he's talking about.

Speaker 1 I'm trying to go to bed or order Uber eats i don't know the fuck you're saying so he called me up and he's like i wrote a short story about you and i'm like oh my god like trying to be like so cutesy and like interested what was it about he's like i wrote it about you and like you were my muse and i was like i've never been a muse before right like tell me everything i'm like tell me every every fucking detail this story was basically like this random girl gets set up with this guy that works on a ranch and they go on a first date it's a blind date

Speaker 1 and like he like teaches people how to shoot a gun

Speaker 1 and she's like i'm scared of guns

Speaker 1 anyways

Speaker 1 she's like whatever they continue dating and she keeps using the gun to like masturbate to like fuck herself with the gun she's like popping her pussy with the gun while he goes to work Okay,

Speaker 1 and I was like, okay, this is a really good story. So he's like, yeah, like then she uses the gun, it's like a rifle to pop her pussy out of work.

Speaker 1 Anyways,

Speaker 1 anyways,

Speaker 1 one day, the end of the story was he walks in because he forgot his wallet or something,

Speaker 1 and she's like using the rifle to masturbate and accidentally shoots her whole fucking head off. Like,

Speaker 1 I go, that's so sweet. What

Speaker 1 I'm like, we're so in love.

Speaker 1 So, I'm like, this girl blows her brains out, and I'm

Speaker 1 the moose.

Speaker 1 I'm like, what?

Speaker 1 I'm like, I've never even talked about masturbating with this guy, but all of a sudden, I am popping my pussy with a rifle. Dude, isn't that fucking insane i feel so like he walks in and like

Speaker 1 it's like he like she's like oh my god he walked in

Speaker 1 like

Speaker 1 like what here's the thing

Speaker 1 i do feel like

Speaker 1 life is about how you handle moments and i do feel like of any woman in the world for a man to

Speaker 1 share that kind of short story, you are the type of person that could maybe handle it better than another woman.

Speaker 1 Cause, like, some bitches would just literally start like crying on the phone, being like, Why would you tell me this? But you're like,

Speaker 1 baby. I said, thank you.
Mowie.

Speaker 1 And then when you got off the phone, do you like call your friends or do you just like pick back up your friends?

Speaker 1 Because that once, I mean, like, I can like handle a fucking weird, weird, like, dirty text or whatever, but like a weird two-hour story about like how I blew my head off with a rifle via mat via masturbating.

Speaker 1 I didn't really know how to handle. So yes, I called my best friends.
I was like, I don't handle this wildly. I'm about to visit him, whatever.
And they're like, honestly, period.

Speaker 1 And I was like, period, per.

Speaker 1 Let's still do it. I still visited him and I came.

Speaker 1 Hallie? Yeah. Hallie.

Speaker 1 Alex. No.

Speaker 1 I couldn't get on that flight. I'm too paranoid.
I'd think he was going to fucking kill me. I mean, your podcast is going to be fucking insane you're literally lounging like

Speaker 1 which story should i tell about him uh the hog ties

Speaker 1 i wouldn't even consider that bad sex that was good sex you enjoyed that i like that what is the worst sex you've ever had or what would you consider bad sex

Speaker 1 there was this one guy i hooked up with where he had like this weird baby fetish like where he thought it was like a doll or like a baby doll and he was like, oh my pretty little princess, my little girl, my little pretty little princess.

Speaker 1 And I was like, Who the fuck do you think you're talking to? He's like, Just my pretty little princess need to be tucked in bed. And I was like, Do you need to be fucking murdered?

Speaker 1 Because I don't know if you're talking to me right now. No, that's the type of shit I'm not into.
Freaking weak. I'm gonna ask you some rapid fire.
Okay, who is the most famous person in your DMs?

Speaker 1 You know, this

Speaker 1 you can't say it. You want me to say it? No.

Speaker 1 Or do we want to let you like hook up with him first and then? Yeah, I mean, I don't want to be able to hook. I mean, like, there's a lot of famous people on my DMs.
How do you handle that?

Speaker 1 Do you like that? No. Well, I mean, they're all fucking weirdo losers.
I feel like as a grown-up, I feel like I'm like, oh, it'd be so cool to like fuck a famous guy.

Speaker 1 And then you're like, oh, these famous people are fucking weird freaks. Like Scott Disick, get out of my DMs.

Speaker 1 You weird, fucking weird freak. Okay, have you ever hooked up with your friend's boyfriend?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, like, it's Memorial Day weekend.

Speaker 1 And, like, she consented. I mean, like, she was like, suck him sideways.
I said, I'll suck them diagonal. No.
Can I tell the story? Yeah, you can tell the story. But I won't tell who it is.

Speaker 1 No, like, please tell a story because I want to tell a story so bad. I think it's hilarious.
It shows how close me and Lauren are. She loves this story.
Is she okay with it going by?

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 So Hallie and I are with Lauren and we're with Graydon. And I don't know what happened, but we all started talking about sucking dick.

Speaker 1 And then all of a sudden, you guys both turned to me and you had this like sadistic grin on. And you're both like, oh my God, should we show her? And I'm like, show me what?

Speaker 1 And you're like, let's show her. And Lauren was like, show her.
You go, I need another drink before you show me.

Speaker 1 And then you took like a massive gulp of a drink and you go, okay, I'm ready.

Speaker 1 And they pull up their phone and they go, this is a video of Hallie sucking my boyfriend's dick. And I'm filming it.
And I'm like, hold on, hold on.

Speaker 1 Just for context daddy gang, her Lauren is my Lauren. Like they are best friends.

Speaker 1 They do everything together. And how long have Lauren and her boyfriend been together? Four years.
Four years. Okay.

Speaker 1 So they show me this video. Honestly, great work.
Great work by you.

Speaker 1 I learned from the best. And Hallie is.
I'm really good at talking dick ass.

Speaker 1 Wait, don't.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 Wait, cut that. Why is this episode? I keep that in.
Anyway, so I watched this, and it was a masterpiece. Like, it wasn't even like a weird video.

Speaker 1 It felt like we were all in this together kind of vibe. Like, Lauren was like moving to make sure she was getting the right angle.
The boyfriend was having a good time. You were having a good time.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I think she had a ring light.

Speaker 1 But, but how the fuck do you, and isn't it like now like a yearly thing?

Speaker 1 Because she doesn't like to suck dick. What is this? Well, like, it's like our inside joke.
Like, she doesn't like to suck dick. And I was like, oh, we're going to do it for you.

Speaker 1 And like, we're all like really good friends. Like, oh, yeah, yeah.
She's so confident. Like, she's too confident.
She's so hot. She's like, she's so hot.
How many times have you done this? Like.

Speaker 1 Four score,

Speaker 1 seven years ago.

Speaker 1 Multiple times. Well, like four times, like three or four times.
And how do do these nights begin?

Speaker 1 They begin with the plant, the seed being planted. It's like, okay, this might happen later.
But usually, it's always on Memorial Day weekend on Nantucket.

Speaker 1 Like, we go out, we go to crew, we have a couple of cocktails, champagne's flowing, and then someone's dick is being sucked.

Speaker 1 And if it's her boyfriend's, do you leave the room after and she fucks him, or what is happening? Well, so it started was, I want to watch them have sex. Like, I always was curious how Lauren fucked.

Speaker 1 I've never seen it before. So, I like wanted to watch them.
I've never seen it before. So, like, you often see your best friend have sex.

Speaker 1 I mean, yeah, I mean, like, so picture this chair in the room, okay, and they're like fucking on the bed, and I was just kind of like sitting there with like my legs crossed like this, and I was like, kind of like a weird creeper.

Speaker 1 You're literally like smiling. Like, I'm like, cheers.
I have like a notepad out. I'm like, all right, this was it.
Okay, there you go. How did you feel?

Speaker 1 Were you at all turned on, or were you just like fascinated?

Speaker 1 I was like turned on, but I was like, like,

Speaker 1 no, I don't think it would

Speaker 1 have a three-way with Lauren.

Speaker 1 Interesting, but you would suck her boyfriend's dick. Yeah.

Speaker 1 While she watches. That's like not that intimate.
Like, it's not that intimate. I would never, like, hook up with Lauren.
Interesting. Like, I've had many three-ways.

Speaker 1 Lauren could never be in that situation. Why? I don't think she would want to be in that situation, first of all.

Speaker 1 And second of all, like, I think Lauren has too much respect for herself to be involved in in whatever situation I want to be involved with. But she'll let you suck her boyfriend's dick.

Speaker 1 She honestly looks at it as like me. She's like, oh my God, like he is a good dick.
I'm sharing this with my best friend.

Speaker 1 Oh my fucking God. Dude, that's some confident ass bitch though.

Speaker 1 It's the most confidence I've ever seen now. Because she's not even like worried that you guys are going to like ever do anything

Speaker 1 back. Never.

Speaker 1 Ever. It's insane.
She's like, I want this for you, I want to share this goodness with you because you are my best friend. That's how she looks at it.

Speaker 1 And does she also say, like, and also because you're so good at sucking dick?

Speaker 1 Yeah, and also, she's like, I don't want to suck,

Speaker 1 so you do it for me. And I have oral fixation.
Like, I used to bite my nails until I got them done.

Speaker 1 I hit the vape. Like, sucking dick calms me down.

Speaker 1 That's the promo. That's the title.
Who needs therapy when you have dick?

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Speaker 1 So you've had multiple threesomes. Many.
What is the weirdest threesome you've ever had? The weirdest threesome I ever had.

Speaker 1 Thank you for asking. You're welcome.
It was during COVID.

Speaker 1 Cut that. You can't.
The way that you start stories, like it was Memorial Day. Like the specificity.
No, like this one girl was hooking up with this guy and I'd hooked up with three of his brothers.

Speaker 1 Like we cut that out.

Speaker 1 We're at a house already and she's hooking up with this guy all day.

Speaker 1 And I had a guy at the time and like I had FaceTime sex with this guy in the bathroom so I was like popping my pussy in this bathroom and then I like was done whatever I came out and this couple is still hooking up and I was like hmm one here now that I'm here now that I'm aroused and ready to fucking go I'm ready to fire off

Speaker 1 they were like why do you join I was like okay it was like the couch like the living area of this like small ass Boston apartment oh and they were doing blow wait can I say that yeah so they were doing blow and she was like let's let's just like it'd be funny if we like both did blow off his dick so like one of them be sucking one of them be doing blow suck blow suck blow suck blow the whole rotation this girl ultimately like takes off all her clothes and then she starts like riding this guy and then i sat on his face and then we swap swap swap and there was like the human centipede situation reverse

Speaker 1 Did you enjoy that moment? Like, did you actually have fun? Yeah, Bill's character.

Speaker 1 What is the biggest lie you've ever got caught in I didn't give you comedia

Speaker 1 I did

Speaker 1 okay

Speaker 1 um

Speaker 1 what is your favorite sex position you know I would say on top it's quickest and easiest and gets them out of my apartment quickest

Speaker 1 you get those new tits it's gonna be quick you know you're like pow wow wow wow wow but i also like doggy but guys do not like to have doggy with me because there's not much recoil going on

Speaker 1 it's like a negative recoil it's like putty it's like play-doh

Speaker 1 what because the tits are in the front and there's nothing in the back i thought i would get fake tits and distract from my like lack of ass it's like putty ass have you ever been in love absolutely not what's your most controversial opinion do you think Anal is pleasant.

Speaker 1 If you're hooking up with someone 10 times, how many times are you doing anal of those 10 times? I mean, I've probably had more anal thank you here. No, stop.
We can't.

Speaker 1 Wait, you're like, you're hitting the anal train. I mean, I'm a good Canada.
I don't like food. So, like, there's only in me.

Speaker 1 Can you see that? Have you ever gone back to front and gotten a kidney infection? Yeah.

Speaker 1 I think I have a UTI. I think I have a UTI on my LV right now.
Are you able to come from anal? Depends who you ask.

Speaker 1 Wait, what?

Speaker 1 I don't know. Who have I faked it for? 10 times of sex.
How many times are you faking your orgasm? Usually not. I'm actually really good at finishing.
Do you use a vibrator? It's like my superpower.

Speaker 1 No, I just use them as a dildo with a heartbeat. Usually it's me on top, actually riding into the sunset.
And then whatever you want to do with me after is.

Speaker 1 Are you often making eye contact during sex?

Speaker 1 Yeah, it helps me. It does.
Yeah. I couldn't tell if you would be someone that's like, I'm not going to go deep emotionally.
That's how ugly they are. Honestly.

Speaker 1 Okay, let's talk about your podcast. Okay.
Extra dirty. It comes out tomorrow.
Yes. How do you feel about it? I'm excited.
I just feel like I want to get some unhinged shit online again.

Speaker 1 We got to bring that back. So I'm excited to actually tell a good fucking story.
Yeah, there's no censorship. There's, I need no censorship.

Speaker 1 I'm excited for you to talk about your life because I feel like the fact that you have garnered such an audience already and people love your debriefs and like everything about your life, but you're right.

Speaker 1 Like, it's so tiny the amount that you're able to give because of how salacious your stories are on TikTok. You are giving like bite-sized information and people are loving it already.

Speaker 1 And so I feel like the concept of you actually being able to sit down for like an hour at a time and give debriefs that are, there is literally nothing that you can't say.

Speaker 1 No one is telling you like, Hallie, that's too much. Hallie, that's not enough.
Like you can say whatever the fuck you want. It's kind of exciting.
I'm very excited. It's going to be really good.

Speaker 1 It's almost like a breath of fresh air. I feel like a lot of people are so filtered just online in general.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Even if it's like not like a salacious story, whether it's just like.

Speaker 1 Pointing out your flaws. I really want to get into that and just like have like a true life online experience.
Have you ever felt like you overshared too much on the internet?

Speaker 1 I overshare all the time. I mean, I've overshared to you.
Yeah. Like you're like, okay.
Do you ever regret it or no?

Speaker 1 With you or online? Both.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 It's just like what makes me me. I overshare and like, I feel like that's a real life experience to be oversharing.
It sucks.

Speaker 1 And you're going to deal with like the repercussions in the morning, but then fuck, you get through it. And honestly, it builds character.
There is nothing I'm more excited for than your show.

Speaker 1 It's going to be so fun. Truly, every Thursday, Hallie Batch Elder coming to you live, extra dirty.
It's gonna fucking happen.

Speaker 1 And by the time this is out, Daddy Gang, Hallie's show is coming out tomorrow on Thursday, and we will be in New York City partying and celebrating.

Speaker 1 I love you. Thank you for coming on and spilling your secrets.
And now let's go to dinner. I love you so much.
Love you.

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