Lauren Graham: Lorelai, Love, & Life Lessons

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What is up, Daddy Gang?

It is your founding father, Alex Cooper, with Call Her. Lauren Graham welcome to call her daddy thank you so much I am such a fan oh this is so epic and so fun and I think that my fans the daddy gang are going to freak out that we're in the same room.
That's really, really nice of you to say. Thank you.
I'm excited too. How are you doing today? Um, listen, I was running a little late.
Um, it's raining in California, which always freaks everybody out. And, um, but I'm otherwise good.
No, everyone acts like we have to like all stay home from work when it rains. It's like no one leave your house or none of us also can drive apparently.
No, everyone gets very stressed out and it's hard to, but it also looks really pretty and you know, it makes the air feel healthier. True.
Okay. You live in LA.
What is the most LA thing about you and the least LA thing about you? Well, I live in LA and New York. I still have a place in New York that I've had for a long time.
So I'm endlessly like asking that question. I think one extremely LA thing is to be really freaked out by like one inch of rain.
And it is a thing to like really have long conversations about what freeway you took and why. And it's just very LA to be like, my gosh it's 70 degrees i'm freezing like that has become like now i go to the east coast and i can't i don't know how i ever lived there i feel the same way my parents recently have been like alex shut the fuck up you literally grew up in pennsylvania you went to school in boston you lived in new york yeah why are you cold it's like 60 something degrees i'm like i, I need like a parka.
I think it changes your body to live here. I don't think it's our fault.
I think that you just do become more of a wimp. I agree.
But like, we're so fortunate to have this weather. Like I want to stay in it forever.
Yeah. And then the least LA thing about you.
Um, I don't do yoga. I try.
I've tried. I'll try again.
I just can't. People are like, oh, my God, the yoga.
I don't know why I'm making impressions of my friends, making them sound like ding dongs. But like, yeah, I can't do.
I don't know. It's so slow.
And it's too slow. I also can't do it.
I don't also do hikes as often as I probably should when I was like hiking. But yoga, I'm the same way.
I'm like, and hot yoga. Yeah.
yoga yeah truly fuck off right um okay when you aren't working what is your favorite way to spend an off day well I um really have enjoyed because I worked for a big chunk of the year and I'm I'm in kind of a newish house that I haven't gotten to spend a lot of time there,

I really love doing very little.

And my favorite thing about my house is I put the coffee machine where the bedrooms are

on the bedroom level.

So I get up, I get out of bed, I go boop to the coffee maker, I get get back in bed and I do like every New York Times puzzle I'll read I'll like I just the luxury of not having a 5am call time is just really a wonderful place you saying that just made me realize like we're all doing it wrong it's like why is my coffee machine on another floor we obviously you played historically like a character that was obsessed with coffee what is your coffee order it's well it's gotten it's it's pretty it can be anything first of all i'll drink coffee from the gas station i don't care and and also i'll have like really coffee with like a lot of you know footnotes on it in you and also, but the thing that I do around holiday time, so the coffee is just coffee. I like this vanilla creamer.
And then I've started being this person, which is I have whipped cream in a can and I put whipped cream on top of my coffee and cinnamon. It's the best thing you've ever had.
And the whipped cream was just like for holidays. I was like, certainly no one can just have whipped cream on their coffee.
That's just decadent. And then I just kept it from Christmas.
It's so good. No, every time my husband sees me, he's like, you're making a milkshake.
That's not a coffee. And I'm like, shut up.
Watch yourself. I'm having a nice morning.
And he just drinks it black. And I'm like, you're insane.
OK, wait. So then was that like a huge part that you just like randomly brought to Lorelai? Like, did you or did was that already written as the character? It was all written.
It was all there. The coffees.
I mean, it's in the first episode, right? She goes and he's, you know, demands more coffee. And he's like, you've had enough.
No, that was just there. And, you know, like, it was one of the many kind of serendipitous aspects of that part

in that time that characters like we just shared a lot of traits. Okay, I'm gonna move my coffee

machine upstairs. I don't know how I'm doing it, but I'm doing it.
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before your acting career took off, you worked a lot of different jobs.

Can you share some of your favorite ones? I mean, none of them. They were all on the, you know, it's hard to do something in service of the thing you want to do, but you're not there yet.
But I didn't hate being a waitress.

I liked anything where you're moving and the time goes by really quickly. I liked being an apprentice at Summerstock, even though during the day we had to clean the bathrooms and paint the fence and stuff, work the box office.
But that was just like we were all kind of in it together. It was like a fun community.
I liked being a tutor. I was a tutor for the SATs and stuff.
Oh my god. Yeah.
Wait, that's a flex. Wait, no, Lauren, that's like, whoa.
It was a little bit, sure. I mean, really, the reason I got the job is because I had a car in New York City.
And they were like, oh, we'll send her to Far Rockaway or whatever. But I like working with kids.
And we weren't even that far apart in age. I was like right out of grad school and I'm working with like high school kids.
So they were all kind of okay. I worked retail.
I worked at Barney's. oh you did it all yeah um okay let's talk about gilmore girls okay i'm the biggest fan like i

feel like i go back and forth it depends usually time of year i'm like it just is end of september it's about to be october boom hit it again and i just saw that according to netflix people spent 500 million hours watching the show in 2023 like i'm like'm like, Oh, I'm 100 million of those hours.

How does it feel to know that this show is still just so loved? It feels really good. And, and also, it's hard to, it's hard to comprehend.
It's like, I feel really lucky I feel like um honored. And it's just kind of crazy.
I don't, because where does it go from here? Like how many generations, you know? I feel like though it will have, like it has this lasting power because the themes are so relatable. the world that was built is so genuine and safe feeling which I think like depending on what's going on in the world like for me like when I need a show that's going to make me feel good I'm turning it on yeah and I think especially in the next couple years people will be like replay replay go back to episode one like I to me that may be like everyone has a different experience with it but like why do you think it resonates with so many people everything you just said I think it's a safe place to visit and um you know it's aspirational without being saccharine I mean mean, this mother-daughter relationship

is really fun and positive,

but it has its bumps on the road.

But I do think it's the writing as well,

which is kind of meets you,

sorry, meets you wherever you are.

If you're a young person,

you might miss some of the references

and get some of the wit of it

kind of as you get older. But I think there's a, it's almost to me, and this is what it was like performing it, it has a musicality to it.
It's almost theater in a way, I feel like how densely packed the dialogue is, but how kind of it takes you along like a song does, you know? And so I it's it's something in your brain that like playing a song again like you can kind of listen to it again that's such an interesting way did it feel like that when you were it's like its own world essentially of what you guys have created can you explain the moment to me that you realized holy shit this show is a hit it there was no moment because it was a very slow burn and continues to be like like you know I remember driving I guess my window was down or something I was at a stoplight and like a more trucky driver guy was like go more girls and I was like unlikely sir you're an unlikely but I love it and so it

there it was a really slow burn that is the best where you're like not the demographic I thought we were hitting you can't believe how many men are like I know it's uh you know it's not for me or it's not designed for me and I'm like it is for you you should start a support group like you know there's yeah um okay one when you got the script initially what was your first impression like now in hindsight of Lorelai like in that moment you remember I was really struck by the sense of humor in in the in the writing and that it was because you have to remember this was a we now have many more dramedies than we did then. And I don't even know.
And even when the show started picking up steam and getting submitted for things, there was always a discussion every time of do we submit it in comedy or do we submit it in drama? It doesn't really it is its own kind of thing. And but it's that tone that I love the most.
And it did not occur to me, although it occurred to many other people in my work life, that she was a mom. That wasn't the thing that struck me.
Because a lot of people then, I turned 32 on the pilot, I think, or right before. And people were like, don't play a mom, that's the end of your career.
Like, you should, you know, play whatever, girlfriends, you know, until you can't do that anymore, or whatever, you know, that was more like, play the, play the girlfriend. And, and I was like, Oh, I don't think of this mom is not mom can be so many things you know and and I just really I recognized the language like like it was somebody speaking to me I was like I know that person well I love how you brought it to life though because even you saying that you're right I guess someone could read on a page and be like Lorelai is a mom but I'm like the way that she had this youthfulness about her not even saying yes like you're young as a woman at this point and still but it's like the energy you were bringing and her independence and her own storylines were so she was an individual and she was a mother at the same time and I think you brought that to life and it was very inspiring as a woman to watch that character because her life didn't just revolve around Rory, even though it revolved around Rory.
And it felt very refreshing to see a single mother who had her own life and her career and her struggles. Like it, I loved it.
Like I loved watching two women of different ages work together to this like common goal of trying to find happiness with each other and individually. I loved it.
Like I loved watching two women of different ages work together to this like common goal of trying to find happiness with each other and individually. I loved it too.
And I think the the aspect because you could have just stopped at the premise being oh she had her as a teenager. But it it was also therefore allowed for them to have a more truly pure relationship except for when you know somebody needed to to put their foot down and we did it for each other in a way and you buy it i think because that's the whole thing of the show there are friends who are also mother and daughter their mother and daughter who are also friends and it's beautiful yeah in what ways did you relate to lorelei and like how does that work in a script where you're slowly learning more about the character and you're learning about yourself? Like, what was the through line for you? I'm trying to think now there was one in particular in the maybe first or second season where I was like, are they just like stealing from my life? And it was probably in, I mean, of course, there are some, besides I was not a mom,

but many parallels of dating, career, setbacks, dealing with parents. I mean, it's just all

relatable. It is the wonderful evolution in television where the more the writer gets to

know you, I mean, you're always playing, hopefully, the best thing you can get in especially a TV show that's going to go on is you want to be the voice of the creator of the show. You want to be that character who, you know, is them speaking through you kind of.
That's where you get the most juicy kind of material. But also as they get to know you, they start writing for you even more.
And that's really fun. Fun and scary where you're like, wait, no, you just heard me gossiping over here.
How is that in the script this week? Get away from me. I've like sat with actors sometimes who are like, I had to like stop talking about my personal life because it's in the script.
And I'm like, no. You always hear that about like sex in the city and friends and stuff yeah i i felt that less on parenthood where which i love that character i loved that show too but i would get frustrated on her behalf sometimes i'd be like what can't she not have a win like what i mean she did have wins and and and had you know such a beautiful relationship to her, that family too.
Sarah Braverman. Sarah Braverman.
Come on, Sarah. You know, Sarah needed more wins than Lorelai.
Yes. Right.
Different. Yes.
Okay, what was it like the first time that you met Alexis, a.k.a. Rory Gilmore? Well, it was literally on our way to the table read because they had waited for me because I was on another show so by the time they cast me they were ready to go ready to shoot and we went to Canada and I met Alexis in the lobby of the of the of the hotel and we just always really got along oh my god it's really lucky that is kind of incredible and also hilarious of like this relationship that we all feel like we grew up with whether people wished they had that relationship with their mom or they find similarities or differences and it was like such a heart string puller then it's like you're like oh we quickly met and then we got off to the races it worked what do you remember of like those first few scenes shooting with alexis because like did you feel the immediate chemistry were you guys trying to figure out your vibe together no i mean i i think we did just feel the immediate chemistry you know we are very different energies she is a shyer quieter person which is perfect because i think if you had two loud me's, you'd not have a good balance.
And I just really liked her. And she just had like a lot of natural ability.
OK, I'm going to ask you some rapid fire Gilmore Girl questions. Stars Hollow is so iconic, obviously.
What was your favorite place there? Not the town hall. It was so hot in there always.
And it's like 50 people. You know, Luke's was always fun.
The scenes in there were always fun. It always just had a lot of like energy.
I used to get phone calls from like my cousins who'd be like, how many times you're going around the gazebo? Like you've been like, we would just walk around the gazebo a million times so you know you just get such a sense memory of all these places um my house was always fun and the kitchen was always we had good scenes in the kitchen um it tended to be you know in the house where like we'd have some good watching tv sitting on the couch with giant cheese puffs in front of us so

the best they were all they were all really cozy the damn town hall i'm dead um okay which castmate is most like their character in real life um kelly well no gosh everybody is and isn't You know, like Kelly has that part of her.

Okay.

But she's warm.

She's, you know, like Kelly has that part of her. Okay.
But she's warm. She's, you know, regal, but way warmer than Emily, who had warmth in there.
Yes. Okay.
What Lorelai line is most often quoted back to you? I mean, oy with the poodles already, I guess. That's good.
That's good. Okay, Lorelai has some amazing outfits.
Did you ever use your own clothes from your own closet? I think I did. I think that that Everybody Loves an Irish Girl t-shirt that was my introduction to Instagram.
Yeah, guys, I haven't even been on it a year yet. Really was really waiting to just make sure it was gonna stick um I think that was mine and occasionally but you know you're going to work at five in the morning and like so I wasn't I wasn't uh bringing in anything good also like my clothes are not her clothes are more fun than so my clothes are not fun so fun okay what storyline was a little hard for you to get behind there's a year when and I are in a fight, Rory and Lorelai are in a fight for a long time.
And we would talk about it and Amy was like, you know, you can't do a show for this long and not have conflict. But it, I forget even what the conflict was, but it went on for a while.
And that's the one that I would hear from people that they didn't like that. I agree.
Which of Rory's boyfriends do you think was the best fit for her in the long run? You know, you can't get me. I won't be gotten here or anywhere else.
I'll never say they were all a good fit for her at the time because there were a learning experience. Oh my God, that's the right answer you know you're right even the frogs you know you're the frogs um okay which of Lorelai's partners did you like the best I mean Luke is the right answer for sure yeah Luke yep um okay you previously said you did not date Scott Patterson obviously who plays Luke in the, but you did date a couple of the other guys on the set of Gilmore Girls.

I know you're not going to tell me.

Can I ask, though, was it anyone that Lorelai ever dated?

Yes.

And dating is a real big word for some of the experiences.

But, you know, you're there 14, 15 hours.

Who else are you going to meet?

No, are you kidding me?

I love that for you.

Okay, quickly want to go through some memorable scenes.

Can you tell I'm a fan?

I'm like, hold on.

I hope I remember them.

I'm like, wait, just one more time.

No, actually, it's good if you don't.

Like, let's get through it.

Okay, I'm going to give you a moment.

Tell me what you remember, any behind the scenes,

how you felt, whatever it was.

Okay, when Lorelai and Rory get hit on by the same guy at Luke's Diner, first scene of the pilot. Well, that really was the scene that was the hook of the show.
Weirdly, or I had never seen that scene before in anything. And I thought, like, that's really creative.
That's a great way to introduce that these are, you know, people who are close in age. And I did sort of feel like that's the, I can still, I can remember it really well.
You know, it was one of the first scenes, if not the first scene we shot at Luke's Diner. I don't know.
I felt like that that was a really fun, the kid playing the kid was really cute. And Alexis was like, are you my new daddy? Like speaking of call her daddy.
And I don't know, It was just really fun the kid playing the kid was really cute and alexis was like are you my new daddy like speaking of call her daddy um and i don't know it was just really fun it was like the hook of the show it was amazing okay when lorelei and luke finally have their first kiss when was that you guys are like on the porch i think it was this season four finale you guys are on the kiss that early season four you like pull away you're like what are you doing and he's like would you just shut up for a second and then he goes in that's so hot I know I don't remember oh it was so hot I like re was like rewind rewind yeah because like the build I love how you say that soon I'm like I was waiting that long day one day one okay when Lorelai starts dating Rory's teacher well I think we've learned both from Lorelai and Sarah Braverman, don't date your teacher's

kid.

When I was getting ready for this.

Your kid's teacher, rather.

No, I forgot about that.

I was like, Sarah and Lorelai both dated.

Doesn't work out.

No, it does not.

Okay, when Rory slept with Dean after he got married.

She did?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, no, I remember.

I remember.

I remember.

Oh, I mean, there are these things where, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, I remember.
I remember. I remember.
I remember. Oh, I mean, there are these things where, yeah, that was bad.
That was very out of character for her. It was, but sometimes you had to switch it up.
Okay, when weekly dinners with Richard and Emily were the price for Rory going to Chilton? I mean, it's tough because I don't want to wreck anything for anybody. I loved those scenes.

They were a real bear to shoot because somebody's eaten here and somebody. Chilton? I mean, it's tough because I don't want to wreck anything for anybody.
I loved those

scenes. They were a real bear to shoot because somebody's eating here and somebody's eating there.
So in here, you got to move the camera all the way around. And so they would take a really long time and you'd sit in front of that like fake fancy food.
And, you know, but we would just, that was also so key to the show. So, you know, so we, we loved them while they took a long time.
I didn't even think about that as like, when you're in production, like you're like, I'm, which I guess could then kind of in a positive way, like add to your annoyance, where you're like, shut up, mom, and you're like getting annoyed. Well, it does it's it's an interesting exercise in continuity because as you know the hours tick by what are what's your emotional level where did your elbow go like so there was a kind of you're right like constraint in there or something that like you had to keep doing this the same exact way and yet keep it fresh Which is kind of indicative of how you were actually supposed to be feeling while you're

shooting that scene.

So, okay, there we go.

I used it in my work.

Okay, you talked about how you did not realize that the season seven finale was the end of

Gilmore Girls.

And I cannot imagine emotionally just being like, see you guys tomorrow or see you guys

next season.

And then it ends. Like, what was that last day like for you? It was really emotional.
We had our wonderful director, Leigh Shallott-Shemel, who was like, guys, you know, I'm going to do a shot at the end that mimics the shot that that is in the pilot that sort of pulls away from Luke's and we're like there in the diner. She's like case this is it and the whole year had been really emotional we were very lost without as good as writers we had that we were kind of lost without Amy and Dan the show just didn't feel the same we couldn't even it was like what it should we try to stay should we try to keep going like it you know and it's not up to the actors.
So there were many, many, many conversations. And it just did feel like you want to be able to say goodbye to something.
And we didn't get to do that. Obviously, the show came back for a revival.
But when you did walk away, how did you feel knowing like, wow, the Gilmore Girls era of my life is over? Well, it didn't happen until a few weeks later. There were still conversations going on.
Who knows how that decision ultimately got made. But I was at a restaurant and the waiter came over and was like, your agent's on the phone, which was very dramatic and glamorous.
I was like, oh, excuse me, my agent's on the phone which was very dramatic and glamorous I was like oh excuse me my agent's on the phone and I went and picked up the phone at the bar because I guess I don't know what was going on with cell phones then and or why he knew where I was or like why I don't know any of it but and he said it's over and I didn't know how to feel and I didn't know you know later different a couple different cast members said you know, later different, a couple different cast members said, you know, you didn't call me, and I was like, oh god, I didn't, wouldn't even have thought it was my job or my place to call anybody and tell them. No, and that's what I think is, like, nice, though, to hear, because I think people would be like, what do you mean you didn't know? And you're like, no, I'm literally sitting there there and I didn't know um so you guys come back for the revival what was it like playing Lorelai again it just made me so happy it's so um god it just made me so happy I I was like on a little cloud the entire time I because it was such an opportunity that you don't get very often to do a, not a do over, but like, get to return to something with people feeling enthusiastic, and you know, it's gonna be completed, you know, it's not a pilot.
It was just an incredible opportunity. And I don't know everything about it was just it was the most probably fun I've had at work the show ended on a bit of a cliffhanger do you uh the bigot I was like wait what how are we wait do you think that it could ever come back again I think this is just my theory I do not know I'm this is how much I'm superstitious or in love with the show is like, there are questions I could probably get an answer to that I have never asked.
Like, I never asked because Amy said from the beginning she knew what the final four words of the show were. She knew from the beginning and she didn't get to do it in season seven.
It had to wait until, like, she knew that was the, those were the final words. I never asked her.
I didn't even ask her when we were shooting that episode of the show. I don't think I asked her until, because it wasn't in the script.
Because it's what, mom, I'm pregnant? Mom, what, I'm pregnant. And she didn't put it in the script because she didn't want it to leak so she would she just told us when we kind of got there and so it did feel like a cliffhanger i think it was i think maybe the thought was we would go into another season then but i have never asked and i don't know why don't you ask because i don't know because I'm scared.
I don't know. Because I guess I feel like if that didn't happen, was that like, I don't know.
I don't want to know. I don't want to see behind the curtain of like, did they not feel like doing it? Did Netflix not feel like doing it? Were they waiting? What were they waiting on? There's just a little bit of movie magic that I would like to maintain.

That's fair.

Yeah.

Do you have your theories of who you think the father is?

I do.

Are you going to tell me?

Well, there are two theories and either one, I'll just speak as a producer type now, could

send the story forward.

It could be the Wookiee who she fools around with in the in that storyline it could be logan and either way it's juicy either way it's juicy yeah that's fair because it's some it could be some one night stand which then what does that do to her relationship to the guy she's maybe you know was gonna go down that path or it could be could be him this is good tea um okay you obviously also starred in another one of my favorite shows parenthood i can't tell you how many times i have re-watched that show really oh my god that's what i was gonna wonder is is that a re-watch in the way it's not in the same way, but I don't hear that as much, that people rewatch it. Different.
I have to really want a show and I, that I want to like dive into and like feel something. Yes.
Like I can't do that when I'm like stressed with work and I'm like, I'm like Gilmore Girls. When I, I go through it like every few years.
Yeah. My mom and I will be like, are you starting it starting it again you're starting it oh well then i'm gonna start it again you playing episode one tonight okay i'm playing and we like live on the opposite sides of the country so i'm like go go and then we like gush over it and it's the best um how would you describe your relationship with that cast well i mean, varied.

Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And, but predominantly, like, just it was, it was the most easy filming experience, which you bond to some degree, no matter what. something's easy and and and you just have a lot of time to just sit around and chit chat like that's just so fun how lucky were we that we got to you know make this show where it was a very different way of working and it was a much looser kind of um way of working and they each have their merit and they each like belong to the kind of show it is and i just love i just love everybody truly and and you know in particular had the fortune of may and miles being a child of mine adjacent like incredible friendships that have that have lasted and you know my friendship with Dax I don't see him as much but like there's just some really wonderful people every scene was so much fun to do um it was just really fun i was recently with dax and kristen and i was like dax can you just give me like 20 minutes just give me 20

minutes and kristen i apologize we need to talk about parenthood he's like ask me anything let's

go i'm going one by one i'm like tell me this tell me because it's as a fan that world that was built of that family and the chaos and the beauty and the pain and the fun like you can't help but feel one parts of yourself and your own family in it or two it really does kind of take you out of your own bullshit that you're dealing with. And you're like, oh, this family is fucking insane.
I love it. Like, but you also want to be a part of it.
And there was such pride, I'll say, amongst the cast, everybody in their own family unit really had their own thing and their own kind of language, their own way they did things. And, you know, so it was easy when we would all get together to have these sort of organic conflicts and, you know, ribbing and kind of fun.
And like, it's a really good group. Okay.
I know this is a little broad, but if you have anything that comes to mind, like looking back at your time on that show, is there any memory or story or moment you can share with us that really sticks with you to this day when you like think back at that time of your life? I mean, there's there there is just a strange thing Mae Whitman and I have, which is like, it's like we are speaking some twin language. And there were many, many scenes with her almost to the degree

that I was like, this must stop. We cannot continue.
I'd have a tiny little maybe tear

in my eye. She'd be like, nope, nope, don't do it.
Don't do it. And like, you know, I think of like

when we're singing, playing guitar and stuff and like, you know, she improvised a line one day where

she said, she said, you're my hero. And I'm pretty sure she just like came up with that and like it's just a weirdo kind of connection that you know we're having right now oh my god we're both about start crying if you're listening to this we both have tears in our eyes oh my i was wondering like how much in parenthood and in Gilmore Girls are you kind of improvising certain lines?

Gilmore Girls never.

Okay.

And parenthood sometimes.

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quince.com slash daddy. In your early career, the press would criticize you for being single and not dating.
How did those comments back then affect you? Oh God. I mean, always feels weird to be asked.
And many times I was lying because it's such a strange thing to talk about, which I still mainly don't talk about, like something that you don't know what's going to happen. I think some people are built for it.
Some people don't find it personally vulnerable. And it was also, I have to say, it wasn't my focus at the time.
So it felt strange. Like I'm a working person and I'm in a career and like, I don't know, this was odd.
Would you consider yourself a very private person or would you just consider the career that you're in to public? Yeah. Yeah.
I think a little bit of both. I also think I have led in some ways, you know, an unconventional, like certain, there is an age at which a lot of people do the same thing.
There's an age at which a lot of people people get married there's an age at which a lot of people have kids and then there are there are people who just are not on that timing and so I don't know whether to be the spokesperson for that or like apologetic about that or like I don't know no I could see that being annoying because what I what I appreciate about what I do for a living is I get to sit down with like mostly incredible women I mostly interview women and something that I talked about recently with I forget who I was just talking about this with which was like timelines and how we all have something in our head growing up of Like, this is my story. Like I, and I was always the person that was like, I'm never getting married.
I'm never getting married. When I met my now husband, who I just recently got married to, I literally said to him, we will never get married.
And he was like, okay, like chill. And I was like, it's, you can't change my mind.
I just want to be really upfront and then what changed your mind I think because I recognized that when I knew he earnestly meant it that he would be with me for the rest of his life without us signing a legal document without me having a physical ring on my finger all of that and it was months and months of him never bringing it up and he would even he would even say like my partner like this that i saw the level of respect that he had for what i had initially wanted and then i went into therapy and reevaluated why was i so intent on not wanting to get married and i would consider myself a very like strong independent woman who I've always been career driven. Like I'm going to go for this until the end and I'm going to still be working then until someone rips me out of the chair.
And I was always worried that, especially as a woman, it would threaten a man. And I didn't think I could do both.
And when I started to have a partner that allowed me to do that, I was like, fuck. I think it's interesting because I did not have a timeline.
Okay. And until like, I just didn't have a timeline.
I think a little bit growing up the way I did with my mom, not that mothers give this necessarily to people, but now I'm like obsessed with timeline in a way that I think is really positive because I'm now at an age where I want to be planning what else I would like in my life. I want to be thinking really actively about that.
I think I was mainly in relationships where it didn't really occur to me to say, this is what I would like, this is not what I would not like. I thought that happened just organically.
And it doesn't always and, and like, like, I love all the matchmaking shows. Hard, hard left.
I, and I love them because there's like, it's, you know, we're all working within a system, right? We're all learning the way a podcast works, the way a TV show works, or what we want to do next, or how you create a show, or all that kind of stuff. Everything has a system, including being a person on this planet, including being in a relationship, including being in a career and juggling that with what else you want to do.
And I don't know why some fundamental like being, I don't know whether it was, I just didn't think that you had to say those things out loud. And I think like you're describing the process of the two of you kind of what you did in that in your relationship is you met over a shared value.
And you didn't have it at first, maybe, or you had a different thought about it. And then you grew and changed.
And I'm sure he did too. And that's relationship.
and that's the one thing you cannot predict when you go in is are we going to grow and change and

have values that keep aligning and um and And the only way you have that is by talking about it, being open about it, being honest about it. And I think it's why, again, hard left, why so many housewife shows.
I love this. I love it.
Why you see these things, you know, you're watching in sort of real-ish time or whatever degree we believe it's real. You can see things crumble when people did, people change, people change.
And you don't know and you don't know. No, that's such a good point of like when people are so perplexed by like, well, how did it not work? And it's like, oh, I think it makes complete sense every time something doesn't work because either one person's not growing with the other or they're both growing in complete opposite directions or they're the exact same and life happens and you can't stay the same if you're not like, you know what I mean? It's like a pretty sad feeling when things end.
But in my opinion, when I look back at previous relationships I I had I was never asking the questions right and then this was the first relationship I actually was like oh I think I'm going to be honest with him and see if he can handle it because the men I dated prior to him I knew I could never say that right because it wouldn't have worked for the men that I was dating and I think I I'd be curious to know from you, like I struggled a lot of being a woman with a career

and really loving my career and being confident in it.

And I know a lot of women listening experiences,

like men can be terrified and emasculated

and feel like, how can I handle such like a competent,

confident, competent woman? Like, how how has that impacted you? I just I I tended in the earlier days to I dated maybe guys who were great, but who weren't as in their careers. And I would feel apologetic about that more than I don't know

so I would maybe tamp my thing down a little bit and not try to not compete but like not I didn't want them to feel bad kind of thing it is it's really tricky um but I I will say you know like I think I was supportive to one of my sisters when you know she was dating her now husband i was like ask for this that and this and and it's like the tv show thing if we all knew how to do it perfectly every relationship would be perfect because there's also giving something time to grow and there's also you know um not going in guns blazing, like, this is what I want when

you haven't established like a foundation yet. But that's so relatable, what you just said of like, trying to not intimidate the person you're with.
And I do feel and I know this is like, not every statement is like 100%, but I bet it's rare that a man is like trying to dim his success to make the woman feel comfortable that she's maybe not as high up in her career of who they're together. But you sitting here, I've done it too, where like I'm having such success and the guy that I'm dating, I'm like, oh my God, he is going to not gonna be able to you just feel it you know their threshold and you have to dim yourself down and you don't come home and say holy shit i had the best fucking day at work because they're like standing there like whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa why are you shining so bright and i'm over here feeling like a piece of shit another thing that i wouldn't have thought like I don't feel that way in in like I'm happy for my friend's success and happy for my partner's success and and but I get it I get it if I get it especially in your 20s and 30s and maybe even 40s when like you're still trying to get to the thing you wanted to get and it's hard when you know you see somebody else shoot ahead and and you it's not that you don't want it for them, you want it for yourself.
And now I just, I really want to have a good day at work. I'm like not, I don't have the, whatever that drive was that I really, really, that put me in all those jobs and I didn't care.
I was going to kill myself at work until I could get to an audition, until I could get something like I think it's age appropriate not to have that as much anymore. I got beyond my wildest dreams.
Isn't that incredible that I can say that? I just thought I was going to be like in a regional theater company in Washington, which still would be a dream and I got this

part that we're here talking about like that is so moving to me that I just kind of want to just enjoy my days now you know of of work and now I'm I'm more interested in the creative vision about of something or like you know i i'm want to direct my friend's book then turn it into a movie like it's just i want to be in partnership that is in every way that is um fun i think that's an incredible place to get to because i do think like that in a lot of people we all feel it where you're like everyone's got that thing individually that you're like if I get this I know I work so hard and I deserve it and I'm gonna get it and then once you get it then you're like okay now what's next and it's a beautiful thing to keep going and but it's also it's a lot because then once you get what you want you gotta move the needle and do you ever feel like

you're like when you were in that kind of like race with yourself did you ever feel like shit i need to not slow down but did you ever feel like people were like you did it like you accomplished it like no i don't think anyone gives it gives you that i think you have to give it to yourself. Like I remember I was dating some actor and I was in a really busy time.
It was maybe like second third year of Gilmore Girls where not only were the days really busy, but then weekends and doing talk shows or whatever else was going on at the time. And I was like, I just don't I'm tired.
I don't want to do it. And and and his advice was interesting.
and we were sort of peers he was like don't you kind of have to ride this while it's happening you can't step off this train because it's hard to get back on like go do the photo shoot you don't feel like doing you know like you now is that great advice i don't know but But it was when something's going, that is an opportunity. It will come around again, probably.
But there are times when you're working harder than you want to. But it's like the relationship thing.
You have to keep reevaluating. Does this feel good? But I Jenny Han has this thing that I always forget what the third one is.
It's basically like, am I doing this just for fun? Am I doing this as maybe an act of service or as somebody I want to help out? Is it worth it? And that can mean financially. That can mean it's going to help your know, but you don't have to just say yes endlessly, you know.
When you're talking about like re-evaluating things, like I agree. And I think that's great advice for people listening of like you always have to be like re-checking in with yourself.
And if you are dating or you're in a relationship, what is something that you've realized that you're not willing to compromise on? I mean, so many things. It is, first of all, I think in the beginning, something should be easy.
It should not be, I don't know, are they going to call, like any of that kind of gamesmanship i think i think i have a great sense of how i connect to somebody physically intellectually humor i really love a certain level of like back and forth banter you know i love like i know that And I think the thing I know now better is also like, how are we going to live this life together? And it's interesting, all my friends my age, some are still married for a long time. Some have been in the dating world.
the people who are the happiest are doing what they want to do and being really clear upfront. Like I, you know, I have a friend who's like, I don't really think I'm going to get married again.
I, you know, I, and I just want to be having fun and out there. And so I just think, and that is a gift of age.
If you let it be, which is you can just say what you would like. And there's no amount of, you can't love somebody into being who you want them to be or wanting the same things.
And I think not to put women in a stereotype, but I think it's easy to be like you know wanting this the same things and i think not to put women in a stereotype but i

i think it it's easy to be like if i just dot dot dot then he'll dot dot dot and i i

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We need your advice. People listening, we can use your wisdom.
I'm going to give you a scenario and you're going to tell me what advice you would give the person. Okay.
What is your advice for someone who feels unfulfilled by their job and wants to make a change but is too nervous to start over? Well, is there something besides starting over that can give you fulfillment that is a project you have that is not dependent on outside validation. I really, as a writer, have gotten an incredible amount of satisfaction in just the practice of putting these books together.
You get better the more you do something, no matter what, no matter what. Like you don't have to be, I just took up tennis this year.
I'm terrible, but I practice and I get better. And that is such a basic thing that really, because of tennis, really became new to me.
And the writing is that too. I just get better with doing more.
And so job, you're nine to five, or nobody works nine to five anymore, but your job is one piece of you. Can you give yourself something else so that, you know, I mean, it's hobbies, it's, you know, travel, it's reading, it's whatever else.
It's great advice. what would you tell someone who is struggling to connect with their friends because they're all in different life phases i really get that it's it they they will end um i talked i've talked about before when i finished gilmore girls and i was like anybody who's who's up for dinner no one everybody had children and while i was gone like everybody was in a different life phase that's what i mean i have often been out of that step and i think one thing is you have to meet your friend where they are and like go over to the house and play with the toddler and like understand that you you don't you guys don't have the same hours but the the kids eventually go to college i thought you were saying the kids eventually go to sleep you're like college those fuckers are gone now well i have like all my you know when i get to go home my high school girlfriends are like their kids are gone now and like it's it's almost like it's one of the many many things i loved about the bridget jones movie and books but this most recent one is like she's back in the dating you know, she, for happy and sad reasons, can be.
It's always the same. We're all, you know, it's like you keep meeting the same challenges in life.
True. Okay, what would you say to someone who feels like they put all of their focus on their career and is now worried that they're falling behind in their dating life.
I mean, there's really just no, the only falling behind is in your mind. You know, I used to, I skipped a grade when I was little and, and for a long time, I was like, I have an extra year.
There's no such thing. Like I was like, I have an extra year with before I'm the same age as people who are a year ahead of me.
Like it, that's there, there only what you tell yourself. And, you know, if you've seen any Nancy Meyers movies, you know that there's people come around at different ages.
But it is hard when you're not with your peer group. Yeah.
Can we talk about the essay that you wrote for Time magazine about aging? Yeah. And you talk about how you found the humor in aging as a woman, which I thought was such a unique, beautiful take that I loved reading.
What inspired you to write a piece like that? I guess being asked about aging. I was talking about this today with some people.
You and I are having this experience. We are having this conversation.
We are different ages. Someday when you are my age and you are talking to someone who is now your age, you will not feel the difference as much.
I think the younger person feels the difference more than the older person. I am the same person.
I think it's psychotic the number of years I have lived on this planet. I'm like, surely that's a miscount.
Surely that's wrong. It doesn't, it genuinely does not feel that way.
As opposed to when I was 30, I was like, I feel 30. I understood 40.
This now is like, I just don't accept it. And that's funny.
And the stuff that – because mainly, I'm just living the same life. There are some things where you go, oh, I fell and broke a thing and like the recovery took a little longer or whatever.
So, but I am amazed at the people I know who are giving into a sense of sadness about getting older or not feeling the same way they did. I meet that by not in a brutal way, but like, I fight that I fight the urge to be like, Oh, I just even don't even like when you know, friends are like, Oh, well, I'm so old.
I can't remember that, you know, whatever. Like, it's I think it's just also my mom passed at age 61.
Like, I'm not that far away from that. Like, I don't want to be living in.
In worry. No, I completely agree with what you're saying.
And I had a conversation recently with Ellen Pompeo and she and I were talking a little bit about how women, obviously, the ones that it's like oh she's she's getting older and it's and then you hit 30 and it's like oh right oh and you're like what it's like I've never felt better and from what I'm taking from every woman I keep talking to is holy shit 40s are the best yeah oh my god and if you had told me that in 20 i would have been like wait 40s old and what but it's like every person i'm talking to it feels like women are just getting better with age and it's what society is freaking women out about of like how you look because of course that's the only thing they think that we care about is our fucking looks and it's like how what do you think is the best part of getting older i wrote this in another essay which is um i know what i want and i'm grateful for what i have that is the best thing about it to me and and i and I, and the fun, you can make it fun.

If you plan what's next, like as much as you can, you think about so that it doesn't, because I think the, you know, I, I went to the theater on Sunday here in Los Angeles, which is unusual and And 90% of the audience was older, like way much, much older, which you don't see in LA. And I just found it fascinating.
Like, what is that going to be like? I like to think about that. I like to plan for that.
I like to imagine what kind of, well, that's a stylish lady in her perhaps 70s. Like, how do I want to approach that so that I'm not scared by it? I'm not freaked out by it.
And I'm not depressed because it truly is all the things people say of like, you should be so lucky to be in all those places. And yeah, and the how you look thing is like, I don't know.
It's so tired.

Yeah.

Like it's how do you think men and women handle aging differently? I've actually heard from I think it's a vulnerable thing for guys, too. And there is like popular opinion would say they have it easier.
but I think it's, if you identified as a beauty, either a man or woman, as a younger person, I think it's, the loss might be greater. Like, my mom was a stunningly beautiful person who literally turned heads on the street.
I did not grow up with that. I'm not saying whatever.
I just didn't have that identity. That was not my thing.
So it's still not my thing. I don't feel the loss of that being treated that way.
And even in relationship, I never met someone across a crowded room. I was friends with them or I worked with them or I it was organic like it was just I, you know, would fall for the person and they would fall for me.
And so I think that makes it a little bit easier. Yeah.
Why I wanted to bring this whole conversation though up about aging and the different generations is obviously because of your new show. I think there's this like huge conversation obviously about like

gen z and it's like an interesting it's interesting like even just like us talking about you even saying like we're a different age like you take on the z suite like what drew you to this role because this is different i'm so it's different that's the what was one of the main things i like I liked that this first of all it's a comedy I really this is how I would like to spend my days now I feel that I cannot touch the beauty that is Gilmore Girls I really love that dramedy parenthood space I did start in half hour and it was so fun to just do something that was a little more big and look at female bosses because it's a trope of a kind and like that was there. But I was also like, this is so relatable to anybody when the thing you have worked for is taken away, whether it was your fault or somebody else is coming up behind you or like, you know, or somebody's better at it.
That is just evolution. That's just being a human on this planet.
Like, nothing lasts and so and then I love the showrunner you know now again like I said it's putting all the pieces together I'm not just responding to the part I'm responding to what's this experience going to be do I get to have a say in creative conversation and like and also that it was you know we're the first scripted programming 2B, original scripted programming. And I was like, that's fun.
And I just want to say, probably the kids know, but people still say to me, oh, I can't have another subscription. It's free.
You just download it. You, you know, put your email in if you want to save stuff.
But it's so easy, the interface, and it's, and it's, it's very, it doesn't cost you anything. I love that you're talking also about the character of like, being good at something, but then questioning if you're good at it, because if you're getting replaced, or what's happened, like, that's like, again, a conversation that one, I love the point of a woman being at the top, because we don't see that that often still.
How crazy. And two, though, like being pushed out in a moment where you're probably also feeling like you're at your best.
Like right when I feel like you're starting to hit your stride is when they want to then replace the women with a younger woman, which is such a crazy fucking concept because you're like we know i i just had to get wait how

am i already not in the conversation anymore it's it endlessly and it's not just women it's we we are not to be real um esoteric we we will be replaced yeah you and i will not be here forever Bye. And that is, that's how it goes.
And so that's true in work in life yeah I remember I did a pilot that didn't get picked up and the one of the younger cast was like she was like so is this gonna get picked up and I was like oh I have no idea you know and she's like what do you mean they don't tell you and I'm like no they don't know nobody knows nobody tells me and she's you could see her like things. She was like, so this just keeps happening over and over where like you do something and then you see if it goes and then, you know, you don't know how that's going to turn out.
And I was like, yeah, like you don't, you don't get to a place where it's just a slam dunk in life, in, you know, relationship and work. What do you hope people take away from the show? Honestly, I just hope they have a good time.
I mean, I've seen it truly makes fun of everybody. No one is woke or doing a great job.
That's to me a fun comedy if everyone's silly. And I think there's something there that we haven't, you know, that does sort of, that is in the zeitgeist of like do kids know not kids but i call them the kids on the show i'm sure they're so irritated um i'm like where are the kids are the kids coming to lunch um they're all like you know 29 years old um but so you know there there's something there because it we're living in various kinds of times but on the one hand a really expressive time where you know people can bring themselves to uh work at least they do here and like i this character does not understand what language they're speaking and i just think that's relatable no lauren thank you much for coming on.
This was a pleasure sitting down with you. You're so incredible.
Your life is so inspiring and everything you've done. And I feel like whenever I get to sit down with someone that I have admired and been inspired by and I get to watch and then I get to like get to know them as like a real human being, it is why I do my like this is so fun for me and I just thank you for taking the time because I know you're a busy woman thank you and I love this conversation and I I just loved being asked these questions and and being included in in this whatever this journey is going to be for you so So congratulations and thank you for inviting me.

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