Kid Cudi: The Pursuit Paid Off

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Speaker 1 What is up, Daddy Gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper, with Call Her Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy.

Speaker 1 Kid Cuddy, welcome to Call Her Daddy.

Speaker 2 Thank you for having me.

Speaker 1 How are you doing today?

Speaker 2 I'm fantastic. I feel really good.
It's been crazy the past couple months. I've been filming.
I filmed this movie that is really fucking gnarly. And I just rapped last week.
And

Speaker 2 yeah, so now I'm like back into

Speaker 2 work mode on the album and the memoir.

Speaker 1 I was about to say, I'm like, wait, now you're throwing another curve. I'm like, you're so fucking busy.
I was like, you've had the most insane summer.

Speaker 1 You're going to continue to have an insane summer. You got married.
Yes.

Speaker 2 Congrats. Thank you.

Speaker 1 So we have a wedding. We have an album and we have a memoir.
Yeah. Do you sleep? Like, what's going on?

Speaker 2 I do find time to sleep. I do.
People, people don't understand when I do, but I do. Right.

Speaker 1 It happens at some point. Yeah.

Speaker 2 We'll never know. Yeah.

Speaker 1 What do people close to you call you? Like, are people calling you Cuddy? Are people calling you Scott?

Speaker 2 No, I introduce myself to people as Scott.

Speaker 1 Does your wife call you Scott?

Speaker 2 We have pet names.

Speaker 2 She never says Scott, actually.

Speaker 1 Give me one pet name.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's always babe or booski or something like that. Booski.
Oh, that's cute.

Speaker 1 Okay, what should I call you today?

Speaker 2 You can call me Scott.

Speaker 1 Scott.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 You know, I feel weird introducing myself as Cuddy. Have you thought about would you ever drop the kid i have thought about that i have thought about that talk to me about it um

Speaker 2 you know i'm i i

Speaker 2 was thinking uh a couple weeks ago i was talking to my good friend jean-baptiste and i was like man you know it would be so cool if

Speaker 2 i just like

Speaker 2 started a band

Speaker 2 like and just did like

Speaker 2 alternative trippy psychedelic shit. Okay.
Like, real experimental. And just like, it was just me and some other dudes in the band.
And, you know, I went by Cuddy rather than Kid Cuddy. You know.

Speaker 1 What if you went full off the reservation and went Scott?

Speaker 2 Yeah. You just went Scott.
You're like, what's up, everyone? It's Scott.

Speaker 2 I don't know how cool Scott sounds.

Speaker 1 It's a little different than Cuddy. Yeah.
But like, you could make it have a ring to it. I agree.
It's a departure, but maybe one day you'll come out with a band.

Speaker 2 Yeah, or maybe I'll go by Scotty or something.

Speaker 1 Because I feel like you have to have a little bit of differentiation between your home life and the people that know you and get to call you Scott.

Speaker 1 Yes, um, you have really good fashion, I feel like everyone kind of knows that. Talk to me about your fashion, like how it's kind of evolved.

Speaker 2 Oh man, I feel like now,

Speaker 2 you know, because I say maybe

Speaker 2 last year in the from 2020 to 2024, I was just really big on like colors and

Speaker 2 dying my hair different colors and stuff like that. I'm pretty sure everybody saw that.
I was dying my hair every two weeks in different colors.

Speaker 2 And now

Speaker 2 since I turned 40, I've been like trying

Speaker 2 to

Speaker 2 find a balance of just like real casual, but like rock star.

Speaker 1 I see this all in the middle.

Speaker 2 You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 And then, like, my shoes are all dirty and, like, you know, not so polished. And, and, I love

Speaker 2 buying vintage. I don't really go and buy new shit because I hate like wearing something and then seeing another motherfucker in it.

Speaker 2 And you know, and you know, like with rappers, it's all about like who has it first, you know what I mean? So, they do these fit pics on their IG and it's like such a thing, you know?

Speaker 2 And, like, I just,

Speaker 2 you know, I love, you know, buying vintage because you can kind of be unique. And, and, and,

Speaker 2 um,

Speaker 2 also when you're shopping and you're buying vintage, like, it's like,

Speaker 2 you never know what's going to fit you, you know, and that's how I really get lucky with these leather jackets. Everywhere I go, it's like I can find one that's like really good, you know?

Speaker 2 And I have a secret spot in Paris that I get all my leather jackets from.

Speaker 1 Wow, you're gatekeeping over here.

Speaker 2 I'll tell you off the air. Okay, fair.
I'll tell you off the air. Come on.
Thank you. Thank you.
Come on.

Speaker 1 Lola would approve.

Speaker 1 What is your biggest fashion mistake? Like, what did you used to wear that you're like, what the fuck was I doing?

Speaker 2 I don't think I've had any fashion mistakes. I'm pretty, like, when I see old fit pics of me and stuff like that, I'm kind of like, oh, that was a good day.
You're proud.

Speaker 1 You know? How do you feel about the fedoras? Would you ever bring it back?

Speaker 2 I might. Really?

Speaker 2 Because that's actually a good, that's, oh, that's a good idea. It might be nice to bring back the fedora.

Speaker 1 You think, though?

Speaker 2 It could, I could pull it off. I could wear anything.

Speaker 1 That's fair. Do you think your wife would like the fedora look?

Speaker 2 I think she would be into it. Okay.
Yeah, because she trusts me. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know what I mean? Like, you're not going to make it. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 She knows I'm always going to show up and like show out.

Speaker 1 I agree with you. There's some people that can literally put anything on and they just like have the aura that they can pull it off.
Some men in a fedora scot,

Speaker 1 it wouldn't, it wouldn't attract the ladies.

Speaker 2 Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 It wouldn't make them feel like, oh, I want to get that. So I agree with you.
Like, maybe you can pull it off and maybe you'll bring it back.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I would do it in a way where, like, even if I had a fedora on with this outfit, it could work.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? With the joint. Yeah.

Speaker 1 The Solomon.

Speaker 2 I mean, because this was my look back in like 2008, 2009. Like, I used to wear the fedora all the time.
That was like my thing.

Speaker 1 You're going to bring it back.

Speaker 1 Talk to me about, obviously, the internet is absolutely obsessed with you and Timothy Chalmy's friendship. They're like obsessed with you guys being friends.
It's actually very cute.

Speaker 1 What is his best quality as a friend to you?

Speaker 2 You know,

Speaker 2 the best quality about Timmy is that he's super genuine.

Speaker 2 Timmy is always Timmy with me, not the Timothy that people know and they see in the movies.

Speaker 2 You know, like when he's with me, we'll be sitting sometimes and like he's such a fan that he'll like, like, you remember this and start playing some shit that I released in like 2008.

Speaker 2 Like, this is a freestyle you put out. And I'll be like, damn, I haven't heard this in 15 years.
And like, he's, he just supports me and,

Speaker 2 you know, acting and music. And he's just a good listener.
And like, I remember one New Year's, like 2020, he came over my house and it was just me and him and we just rang in a new year together.

Speaker 2 You know, just like, it was so, it was so dope. And like, he's just a really good dude, you know? And

Speaker 2 I don't have a lot of like

Speaker 2 people in the business that I'm that close with. You know, I, it's just over the years, I realized that, okay, these are industry friendships and I have real friendships.

Speaker 2 And, and, and Timmy is not an industry friendship. Like, we are real friends.
I've been to his childhood crib, like, met his dad,

Speaker 2 you know, like

Speaker 2 hung out, like, saw his old bedroom that he grew up in. You know what I mean? Like, he still had everything in the same place.

Speaker 1 So many women are like, I'm so fucking jealous of you right now, Scott.

Speaker 2 God damn it.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's really cute.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but he was like, this is why I listened to Man on the Moon One. And I sat on at this desk and just listened day in, day out.
And it was so cool to just kind of see, you know, his his world.

Speaker 2 And, uh, but he's just a, a really good friend and he's always been there for me. And, you know, I like to send him, I like to send him records before I release them, right?

Speaker 2 And like, I sent him this one. Well, he was in Italy.
So this is, this is how cool of a friend he is. He came to Italy to visit me when I was shooting We Are Who We Are with Luca, right?

Speaker 2 And he stayed at the villa. I had an extra room.
So he stayed with me at the villa, right?

Speaker 2 And like I played him like some songs for my album, Intergalactic, like maybe like a year before it came out. And I played him Woo and the Trust and he just started bawling.

Speaker 2 Like he was like, it made him so emotional, you know? And that, and, and, you know, Timmy always likes my stuff, but there's a range in like his reaction.

Speaker 2 Like sometimes he'll be vibing and be like, oh, this is dope, this is dope.

Speaker 2 And then sometimes he'll just get the fuck up and just really be going crazy and like, oh shit, shit, I shit, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 So, this was another one of those moments where I knew, and that song is probably the illest song from Intergalactic, you know?

Speaker 1 Well, it's cool to hear you talking about industry relationships. And obviously, publicly, it could look like an industry friendship.

Speaker 1 And then hearing you say you have a personal relationship that's way beyond just like a industry relationship is cool because I know, which I want to get to with your memoir, like through your childhood, you had a lot of like lonely moments.

Speaker 1 And even hearing you say, like, you don't have that many friends in the industry, I usually think is a big positive sign when I meet someone, because I think if you're just like kind of whoring yourself out to everyone and you're like, a man of the people, I feel like it's like, how is that genuine?

Speaker 1 And how do you invest that much time in that many people? Exactly.

Speaker 1 Back up, why now? And why did you want to write this?

Speaker 2 Man, I feel like I just went through a transformation in my life. And I was at this place place where it was like eight years I had been kind of on the lighter side of life and I had learned so much.

Speaker 2 And I know,

Speaker 2 you know, the fans really

Speaker 2 want to know my story. And they know bits and pieces because I've done interviews throughout the years and talked about my past and things like that.

Speaker 2 But there's so much that is in the book that I'm sure no one knows about.

Speaker 1 The book is incredible.

Speaker 1 Super vulnerable. Like, I love how you go all the way back to childhood.
You talk a lot about your rise to fame and you talk about some of the absolute darkest moments of your life. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I want to get into a lot of it today. Okay.

Speaker 1 Let's go back to the beginning where your book starts. Talk to me about what you were like as a kid in general.

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Speaker 1 Oh my gosh, I wish that I had more paper towels i just remembered i'm or oh my god i've just realized that i'm out of toilet paper boom boom boom your everyday life things uber eats has you okay get grocery alcohol and everyday essentials in addition to the restaurant food you love so in other words get almost almost anything with uber eats order now for alcohol you must be legal drinking age please enjoy responsibly product availability varies by region see app for details talk to me about what you were like as a kid in general well before my father died when I was 11, I was a really happy kid.

Speaker 2 You know, like we, we didn't have much, but my mom, you know, was a great mom, and my dad was great. He was there for me.

Speaker 2 They divorced when I was three, so I don't really remember like even living in the house with him, but uh, he was still active in my life, and I saw him frequently.

Speaker 2 And, you know, I, I, I was a happy kid. I was goofy.
Um, I was the baby of the family, you know, and

Speaker 2 it was like that for a while, but it wasn't until I was 11 when I lost my father where there became a change in me, you know.

Speaker 2 And,

Speaker 2 you know, I feel like

Speaker 2 that pain

Speaker 2 that I, that I endured when I was 11 stayed with me well into my early 30s, you know?

Speaker 1 when you talk about your relationship with your dad and that shift at 11, I thought it was interesting in the book how you talk about

Speaker 2 you,

Speaker 1 as a child, you liked to spend time alone, right?

Speaker 1 And there was a shift pre his death and post his death of what that alone time felt and meant to you. Can you talk to me before your father passed about like

Speaker 1 what did you like about hanging by yourself and being here in your room? Like, what were you doing when you were alone?

Speaker 2 I was just dreaming, dreaming about what I would do in the future, whether it was, because for a while I wanted to be a cartoonist.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 thinking about that and, you know, even thinking about being

Speaker 2 an actor, that was an early dream of mine.

Speaker 1 In the book, you write a lot about how like school kind of forced you to come to terms with the way that you were different than some kids. Can you talk about what you meant by that?

Speaker 2 man i felt that

Speaker 2 like around when i turned 15 or 16 when i was in high school um

Speaker 2 it was kind of like

Speaker 2 i lost interest with school altogether

Speaker 2 and i started to think

Speaker 2 or kind of

Speaker 2 know like i had this feeling that I was like, I don't need

Speaker 2 algebra. Like, I'm going to be a rapper one day.
You know what I mean? Like, what am I doing here? You know what I mean? Just sitting in class. Like, this is a waste of time.
16. You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 And I always felt like I would watch other kids and see them focus on the test and see them studying. And I'll just be like,

Speaker 2 like,

Speaker 2 what am I doing here? You know? And like, I just, you know, and also I was very

Speaker 2 like,

Speaker 2 I was the class clown. Like, that was, I was goofy goofy as fuck.
And that's kind of how I, you know,

Speaker 2 camouflaged some of the hurt and pain that I had inside me was to kind of be silly, you know, in some way.

Speaker 1 It's interesting because a lot of times on the show, I ask people, like, what is your earliest core memory that you can think of in childhood?

Speaker 1 And you obviously mentioned it and you wrote about it in your memoir of this.

Speaker 2 I've always known it vividly.

Speaker 1 Which is so crazy because you were three, right?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 So you're three years old, you're in this car, and you remember like your parents are shouting, and they're going to get a divorce.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Three is so young, but obviously something in your body like brings you back to that moment and you can remember it and those feelings.

Speaker 1 Like, can you talk a little bit about when you were writing that? Like what that brought up for you and why you chose to put that in the book?

Speaker 2 Man, I felt that it was perfect because it would set the tone for the book.

Speaker 2 Because

Speaker 2 maybe some people's first memory is like

Speaker 2 something pleasant.

Speaker 2 And this was not like, though, in the moment, I didn't know that they were getting a divorce, but I saw my mom and dad like yelling at each other for the first time in my mind that I could remember.

Speaker 2 And like.

Speaker 2 not understanding it, but being scared.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 from there, it was like, you know, I kind of, I felt like it set the tone for what you were going to read. You know what I mean? And

Speaker 2 there was a lot of dysfunction in my family. You know what I mean? Between my brother's antics and,

Speaker 2 you know, when I lost my dad and just being angry, an angry kid.

Speaker 2 my brother getting in trouble and stuff like that, me getting in trouble in school.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 I kind of wanted to set the tone with that. And I felt like that

Speaker 2 the book had to start with my first memory.

Speaker 2 I thought it was important to just bring people in on that because some people don't even, can't even remember their first memory that, that young, three years old.

Speaker 1 How do you think your parents'

Speaker 1 relationship kind of shaped your early ideas of love?

Speaker 2 Well,

Speaker 2 the divorce didn't rock me

Speaker 2 because i saw

Speaker 2 my mom and dad still have respect for each other which is rare right you know what i'm saying like there was a respect there

Speaker 2 you know like he didn't

Speaker 2 i never saw other than that first memory i never really saw my dad and my mom get into it after the divorce like there was always a respect like if if my dad didn't come come and see us for two weeks my mom would be calling him like yo get up off your couch and come see these kids.

Speaker 2 And he'd be like, all right, I'm on my way. You know what I mean? Like, you know, and they just had a respect for her.
And it was, it was,

Speaker 2 so I always looked for that, you know, in relationships. And I don't think I always had that.
Like, you know, some relationships I did, and there were other problems we had.

Speaker 2 But that's like the core thing that I look for. It's like, man, like, just seeing my mom take care of my dad when he was dying.
Like, and my dad had three wives. My mom was the third.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? So like,

Speaker 2 nobody else came to take care of him. Nobody checked in.
You know, we paid for the funeral, you know. Um,

Speaker 2 and I just thought, I was like, man, that's what I want. Like, I want to ride or die.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Somebody that's going to take care of me, you know, no matter what, you know, so I always kept that in mind. And, and, um,

Speaker 2 Yeah, I just thought that was a real powerful thing to see as a kid.

Speaker 1 Reading that, that was like nice to see for you that you had that vision of like, oh, it can be amicable and it can just be family.

Speaker 1 You don't need to be in love and together, but at least we're all still riding for each other and showing up for each other.

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 1 After the divorce, you lived with your mom.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Your relationship with your mom sounds incredible and lovely. Can you talk about though growing up when you were young, what it was like?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Man, me and my mom were very close. I was like her little partner in crime.
Like when she went to go run errands, I was there. So you want to come meet the grocery store? I'm like, yeah, sure.

Speaker 2 Like, just hanging around. I was that kid.
And then when people would come, like, oh my god, how old are you? I would just hide behind her leg, like,

Speaker 2 no.

Speaker 2 Like, can I like literally picture that? Yeah, like, I was super shy. And, you know, excuse me, my mom was like, tell me how old you are.
And I'm like, five.

Speaker 2 You're like, mom, who is that weirdo? Who is this person? Who is this person? I never wanted to meet strangers. I was always like, who is this?

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 2 no, like we, we just, we've always, and I, and my mom lived in LA

Speaker 2 from 2023

Speaker 2 to just

Speaker 2 this weekend she moved back to Cleveland.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 it was

Speaker 2 so sad for me because,

Speaker 2 and I gave her a copy of the memoir

Speaker 2 and I signed it for her.

Speaker 2 and um

Speaker 2 it was so sad for me like i i cried i i haven't like cried like in that way about like that

Speaker 2 i felt like

Speaker 2 i i really

Speaker 2 cherished her being in la

Speaker 2 i spent years like 15 years away from her her living in cleveland me living in LA, only seeing her on holidays. And she was out here and I could just drive 30 minutes to see her.

Speaker 2 And that's something I always wanted: my mom to live in LA with me, like, and kick it.

Speaker 2 And, like,

Speaker 2 I just was like, nah, like, it was, it was brief because then I thought about it. I was, cause I was, it was coming from a place from, like, this place of saying, like, I'm going to be alone now.

Speaker 2 But then I realized, like,

Speaker 2 I'm married. Like, I have a wife that's going to hold me me down.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 This is not like before, Scott, like four years ago, when you were living on your own and like you had no one around. Like, you have a partner.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 So then I was like, oh, that's right. You know, I'm not alone.
I'm not, what am I saying? You know?

Speaker 1 Why is she leaving?

Speaker 2 She was here because... She was dealing with some health issues and I got her the best doctors in LA, but her life is in Cleveland.

Speaker 2 She has all these friends there and she doesn't really know anybody out here. And it was good because, you know,

Speaker 2 we needed to get her to some good doctors, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 But we got it all set up in

Speaker 2 Cleveland now.

Speaker 2 And,

Speaker 2 you know, she just wanted to be back home with her friends. And, you know, she's trying to kick it.
Right. You know what I'm saying? She's like, I got a life too, Scott.
She's like, I have friends.

Speaker 2 Like, I got a life, a whole life that I don't have anymore.

Speaker 2 I'm your life, mom. Yeah, no, I was, I was literally keeping her hostage.
Like, I was like, you're not going back. You're staying here with me.
But, but, you know, what was crazy? When I was a kid,

Speaker 2 I used to come up to my mom when I was like four or five years old. And I say, mom, when I get older, you're going to live with me and my wife.

Speaker 2 And she would be like, boy, you ain't going to want me to live in the house with you. So right when she moved in, I was like, didn't I tell you you was going to live with me one day?

Speaker 2 And she just laughed. I was like, I wasn't playing games.
I was dead serious.

Speaker 1 I kept my word. Yeah.

Speaker 2 She's like, shit.

Speaker 2 She's like, you did say that. I was like, I told you, it's not a game.

Speaker 1 She's now the one that's like, I'm leaving, actually.

Speaker 2 It's cracked up to me.

Speaker 1 I'm going to be the fuck out of here.

Speaker 1 Okay, let's circle back to your father. I

Speaker 1 we're going to talk, obviously, about the moment with his death and how it impacts you. I know we've kind of touched it, but before we get there, I do want to go back a little bit.

Speaker 1 hearing your relationship with your mother growing up.

Speaker 1 You talk about your struggles with your relationship growing up with your father in the book.

Speaker 1 Can you talk about what do you think was preventing you guys from being close?

Speaker 2 I think it was my age, like, really, like, he, cause my older siblings kind of got a different side of him that I never got a chance to get because I was just so young, you know? And I think.

Speaker 2 Like, sometimes he would open up to me and give me advice and stuff like that.

Speaker 2 But,

Speaker 2 you know,

Speaker 2 it wasn't like what my older siblings were getting, you know, the information, you know, like even my sister Maisha, like, she has so many stories about like

Speaker 2 her and dad spending time together. And, and, like,

Speaker 2 you know, she told me this one story about how like they were in the backyard looking at butterflies and like catching butterflies.

Speaker 2 And he told her that, like, you know, if you sing to a butterfly, it'll come to you, you know, something really beautiful like that. And I'm just like, I I don't have those memories with my dad.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? Like, we just never, we never bonded in that way, you know.

Speaker 2 I mean, I know he loved me. You know what I'm saying? He was definitely loving and like caring and all that, but he was very, he was a very serious man.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 when I think about my dad's life, you know, he was in World War II in the Air Force. like he saw some shit you know what i'm saying and like

Speaker 2 he just was was just a real serious dude. I mean, so he had a silly side sometimes, but it'd be very rare.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 When you look back, like,

Speaker 1 how do you feel the distance that you had from your dad growing up impacted you before his death? Like, whether it was your personality or the way that you would move at home.

Speaker 2 It, it fucked me up because

Speaker 2 I would always hope getting older would bring me closer to my dad.

Speaker 2 And it got ripped away from me, that possibility. You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 like, literally, I thought, like,

Speaker 2 who's going to teach me how to be a man now?

Speaker 2 You know, like, I thought that, like, at 12, 13,

Speaker 2 you know, like, who's going to give me advice on women? And, like,

Speaker 2 you know, things like that, you know?

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's interesting because it's like you're saying

Speaker 1 in your core, you know, know, a big part of why you couldn't be as close is because of your age, being the youngest. You're watching your older siblings have these different relationships.

Speaker 1 And in your head, as a kid, all you obviously want is to be close to your parents and be loved by your parents. And so you're like, all right, my time is coming.
My time is fucking coming.

Speaker 1 Once I hit that age, and then your dad passes away when you're 11.

Speaker 1 How did you even like process that grief when it all happened?

Speaker 2 Oh, I didn't.

Speaker 2 I didn't.

Speaker 2 Opportunity, like it didn't happen.

Speaker 2 Like I, I, I, it was

Speaker 2 no time to really,

Speaker 2 you know, grieve. Cause

Speaker 2 it's four of us, right?

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 my sister took it the hardest.

Speaker 2 She was 18 at the time.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 yeah, she took it the hardest. And,

Speaker 2 you know, I was with that kid, like, hey, I don't want to, I don't want to be an extra burden to anybody. Like, let me just kind of keep to myself and

Speaker 2 keep on chugging along and, and,

Speaker 2 you know, not worry my mom.

Speaker 2 Just be cool.

Speaker 1 That's what's so weird about

Speaker 1 family and sibling dynamics is like, I'm also the youngest and

Speaker 1 you kind of, you just have your dynamics where you know, like, whether if the oldest oldest is more introverted or extroverted or whatever, then the next one applies to like it acts however works with the one above.

Speaker 1 And it's all this shit. So, hearing you be like, My sister was the most outwardly affected and upset.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 You obviously kept it inside and pretended like it didn't happen. Obviously, that level of grief is still in you.
Oh, yeah. It just wasn't being shown, and you didn't know how to process it.

Speaker 1 Like, can you try to explain how losing your father started to show up a little bit your life after he'd passed?

Speaker 2 Yeah, um,

Speaker 2 I feel like it was like an immediate thing. Like, uh,

Speaker 2 school became really less important,

Speaker 2 and um,

Speaker 2 I was getting in trouble, and

Speaker 2 you know,

Speaker 2 stressing my mom out more

Speaker 2 and acting out because I was just an angry teen,

Speaker 2 you know.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 that was pretty much my whole teens, my whole middle school, high school,

Speaker 2 you know, I was just not a good student, didn't apply myself.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 I say it was like that. Even

Speaker 2 well into my career, like once I got successful, I was just,

Speaker 2 you know, at the core of me

Speaker 2 was just

Speaker 2 anger,

Speaker 2 you know?

Speaker 1 Yeah, because it was, like you said, it was stripped from me. Like,

Speaker 1 my future of learning all these things and these memories, like, I don't have. And so then you kind of like dissociate and you just go about your life.
And then it keeps seeping out.

Speaker 1 And you're saying, like, you were experiencing this anger. I know you write, though, about obviously of like how now you are who you are.

Speaker 1 There was an outlet,

Speaker 1 and that happened to be writing.

Speaker 1 Talk to me about how you started to lean more towards that and put your feelings into your writing.

Speaker 2 Man, um,

Speaker 2 you know, it was like this thing where

Speaker 2 I didn't have like, well, I'm not saying I couldn't talk to my mom.

Speaker 2 I'm pretty sure she,

Speaker 2 you know,

Speaker 2 could have said something amazing to get me out of my funk

Speaker 2 but i still felt like i needed to have these like private you know

Speaker 2 writings to myself with my thoughts

Speaker 2 and

Speaker 2 it was it was like

Speaker 2 important for me at the time to have some type of outlet

Speaker 2 to express myself and

Speaker 2 a lot of the times I would just

Speaker 2 sit there and just write about like

Speaker 2 the pain I was feeling or like a memory that me and my dad shared,

Speaker 2 the funeral, what it was like, what I saw.

Speaker 2 And that kind of like informed the kid cuddy stuff too. Once I got going and writing music, like being honest and telling my story and talking about my feelings was like

Speaker 2 key components to my earlier recordings.

Speaker 1 I also think think what you just said about your mom and you being like, I probably could have gone to her, but I really needed an outlet.

Speaker 1 Like whether anyone is trying to get into music or not, I think that writing in general, your feelings is at first, it can feel foreign to some people because they're like, what the fuck will I write?

Speaker 1 But when you're going to have a conversation like you're with your mom or a friend or a family member,

Speaker 1 you're just now trying to basically say something and look for something back that will make you feel better. When you're pen to paper sitting there alone, you're getting nothing back.

Speaker 1 So you're forced to just like keep going and going and opening up more and more and more. And then you're just realizing how much there is.
And it's therapeutic.

Speaker 1 In times it hurts, but it feels like that early kid, cutty stage, like you said, there was a lot of anger.

Speaker 1 And it makes sense why the writing could be therapeutic to you because at least you were putting it somewhere. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Right? There was some release. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You drop out of college and you decide to pursue music full-time.

Speaker 1 How did you decide that was the right decision? And how did your mom feel?

Speaker 2 My mom

Speaker 2 was,

Speaker 2 I mean, I tried. I wasn't really in it.
You know, I hated the classes. Like, my grades there were terrible.
My only class that I got good grades in was English.

Speaker 1 There you go.

Speaker 2 See, Scott. Like, English, I was on fire.
Yeah, you were. You know what I'm saying? When it came time to write an essay, I was like, what is about?

Speaker 2 How many pages? 10, 20? I got you.

Speaker 2 Like, I was the best essay writer. Like, my pen game was strong.
Of course.

Speaker 2 But,

Speaker 2 um,

Speaker 2 yeah, she,

Speaker 2 you know, understood it,

Speaker 2 you know, and I was passionate about music.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 she had no choice but to support me, you know?

Speaker 2 She had to, she, what's she going to do? Like, leave me out there on my own in New York. You know what I mean? She had to, like,

Speaker 2 you know, honor me and let me go out and pursue my dreams.

Speaker 1 Was there ever a point that you considered early days giving up?

Speaker 2 No,

Speaker 2 I was crazy.

Speaker 2 I was out of my mind.

Speaker 2 There was no, there was no,

Speaker 2 there was no

Speaker 2 glimmer of hope. There was nothing in the distance that

Speaker 2 would make me feel like this was going to happen. But I knew.
Like, I was just like, this, this is,

Speaker 2 I dream it and I can see it crystal clear in my mind.

Speaker 2 Like,

Speaker 2 I can see it, I can touch it. It's right there in front of me.
I got to get there. And before I left

Speaker 2 Cleveland,

Speaker 2 I had this moment where I was smoking a cigarette

Speaker 2 and I sat on my, on my Honda, right?

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 I looked up at the sky and I was like, God,

Speaker 2 I know that this is the right thing to do, me moving to New York.

Speaker 2 I'm going to do everything I can

Speaker 2 to get where I want to go.

Speaker 2 I just need you to meet me halfway.

Speaker 2 Like, if I'm doing the right thing, just give me a sign.

Speaker 2 And I looked up at the clouds, of course, I didn't see anything,

Speaker 2 but

Speaker 2 I just like left, finished my cigarette, went back in the house, and I was just like, I had armor.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? I had like armor on my back. I was like, oh, he got me.
You know, he's gonna hold me down.

Speaker 2 You know?

Speaker 1 And then

Speaker 1 day and night, yeah,

Speaker 1 absolutely

Speaker 1 changed your life. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Tell me about how

Speaker 1 you wrote that song and how it came to you because it is kind of like you looked up at the sky and maybe there wasn't a sign then, but you kind of write about it in your memoir, like

Speaker 1 it eventually happened.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Like, so the melody just came to me one day, just fucking around.

Speaker 2 Me and my cousin Richie,

Speaker 2 my family out in Brooklyn, in New York,

Speaker 2 We would always joke around and make songs, silly songs, and shit like that. And I had

Speaker 2 essentially the day and night melody as like a silly song that we would do and sing together. Like, what were you singing?

Speaker 2 Like, we were singing like the day and night melodies, but like, you know, it didn't have lyrics or anything. It was just like,

Speaker 2 and I was just like, it, right?

Speaker 2 So I had this melody like in my head for months, for months.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 I finally get in the studio with Dot and I'm like, bro,

Speaker 2 I got this joint.

Speaker 2 I really think it's fire. I think I need you to just make this beat.
I'm going to give you the melody and we're going to put it together.

Speaker 2 And like, we cooked it. It took about two days.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 it was just magic. It was the because the melody just came to me out of nowhere.
The universe just downloaded this melody into my head.

Speaker 2 And like, I don't know where it came from, but it just stuck in my head. And it never happens to me.

Speaker 2 It's not like I get melodies and they stay with me for months. You know, like it never happens.
I always forget it. Like

Speaker 2 minutes later, I'm like, fuck, what was that melody? If I don't put it in my phone, it's gone. You know? So, like, for some reason,

Speaker 2 I don't know if this is before the drugs got me.

Speaker 2 No, I think this is, I think this is before the drugs got me, so my mind was a little bit stronger. But, um,

Speaker 2 uh, stay away from cocaine. Uh,

Speaker 2 but

Speaker 2 kids

Speaker 2 watching, yeah,

Speaker 2 shit,

Speaker 1 and there it was, yeah. Did you realize immediately once it was live that your life was about to change forever?

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, I knew

Speaker 2 Like, I knew, but I've been crazy this whole time.

Speaker 2 I've been crazy for a while now at this point. So it's like, I had nothing to lose.
I had shit to lose. I don't even think at that point I had a job.
Like, I didn't have nothing to lose.

Speaker 2 I was out there in New York. I had a place to stay.

Speaker 2 That's the one thing people are worried about, you know, where they're going to fucking stay. I had a place to stay.

Speaker 2 I had a collaborator

Speaker 2 I was building a rapport with that we had crazy chemistry.

Speaker 2 Like, I had nothing to lose. I believed in Dot, like, he believed in me.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 it was, it was pure magic. It was pure magic.
Like, how I found Dot, how we became, like, I worked at Amber Crabby and Fish.

Speaker 2 I met Rillawan in the stock room where we were folding clothes, freestyling together. He said, yo, I got a producer you should meet.
It's my dude, Dot. He's real fucking dope.

Speaker 2 Met up with Dot, got in the studio with him, cooked three records in one night. And I was like, oh, this dude is like, he ill.
And plus, Dot is like classically trained, like crazy pianist.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? Like, um,

Speaker 2 and uh,

Speaker 2 yeah, it was just,

Speaker 2 that's something, man. That's the angels brought us together, man.

Speaker 1 When you even explain that. story, like I can see you physically lighting up because obviously that time in your life

Speaker 1 probably feels worlds away, and also like it was yesterday, maybe. But what does it make you feel for like young Scott working at Abercrombie?

Speaker 1 I love how, like, it was so random, Abercrombie, love that. Shout out to Abercrombie.
It all went down.

Speaker 2 The fucking soundtrack in the store was just intense. It was this one song that they did.
I was to come every time it came on, I ran out to the floor to listen to it. It was this one remix of

Speaker 2 if you're going

Speaker 2 to San Francisco,

Speaker 2 like it came on and I'll just be out there like, oh, hey, jamming every time. It was me and a couple other people who really liked the song too.

Speaker 1 They're like, Scott, back to the desk.

Speaker 2 What the fuck are you doing?

Speaker 2 They'd be pissed me coming out on the floor and I'm not bringing out clothes. But

Speaker 2 nah, like just how that happened, you know, like

Speaker 2 me just getting, and I was so happy about getting the Abercrombie job because I was like, ooh, I can, there's so many young people there. Yeah.
I can meet people my age, make friends.

Speaker 2 I didn't really have any friends at this time.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? That was something that I thought was really interesting. You wrote about how this happens,

Speaker 1 but then you're still going to that job. And I remember one of the lines you write, you're like, I'm standing there.
People are like, oh my God, Cuddy, like your music is fucking awesome.

Speaker 1 I'll take a size medium.

Speaker 1 And you were like, I need to get the fuck out of here. Like, how did it feel when you started having your first fan interactions? Like, did you cool with it?

Speaker 1 Was it starting to feel a little uncomfortable immediately?

Speaker 2 Yeah, it was uncomfortable immediately.

Speaker 1 Why do you think that is?

Speaker 2 Because

Speaker 2 I don't think

Speaker 2 in my mind, I was ready

Speaker 2 for that energy.

Speaker 2 Like,

Speaker 2 I

Speaker 2 was not prepared. And I don't think there's anything that anyone could have told me to prepare me.

Speaker 2 But I was not prepared for it.

Speaker 2 I wasn't at the time built for it.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 it threw me off.

Speaker 2 Because

Speaker 2 you spend, what, 24 years of your life just being a dude,

Speaker 2 you know? And then all of a sudden you are the fucking man.

Speaker 2 And then, you know, you can tell when people, when you meet people and they have interest in you only because of who you are, and they don't know who you are. And you can see

Speaker 2 just looking in their face, looking in their eyes, you can tell when someone's being genuine and they're always not.

Speaker 2 You know, it's always someone putting on

Speaker 2 a fucking role. You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 And it was, it was very,

Speaker 2 yeah, it fucked me up, man. And that's what drove me to, to using, um, hardcore drugs like cocaine, you know.
Um,

Speaker 2 I really

Speaker 2 just needed something to

Speaker 2 calm my nerves when I went out or,

Speaker 2 you know,

Speaker 2 just do certain things that, like, even just. really was leaving leaving the house because if I didn't do cocaine, I'd be in the house all day long.

Speaker 2 But like, if I did Coke, then I was like, oh, shit, now it's time to hit the streets and had energy. And if I met fans, I'd it'd be different because I, like, I'm just on the shit.

Speaker 2 So I'm just like, hey, what's up, man? What's up? I want to talk to everybody, you know?

Speaker 1 I want to get to that, but I just had a thought when you were saying, you know, you weren't prepared for this. And I agree.

Speaker 1 Like, I don't know if anyone is, but I'm, I want your opinion on like in your personal life.

Speaker 1 I know I wrote down you had written, becoming Kid Cuddy was supposed to overhaul the entire world Scott had known. And then you get to fame and you're like, What the fuck is this shit?

Speaker 1 You mentioned the relationships in your life, you starting to have to be like, Are you here for the right reasons?

Speaker 1 Are you here for the can you recall like any specific moment in your life where you remember being like,

Speaker 1 Oh fuck, like I'm completely whether it's being used or this is a fake relationship that I just didn't see in there in it because I'm famous?

Speaker 2 Um,

Speaker 2 there were definitely moments with like women, you you know uh

Speaker 2 you know trying to uh

Speaker 2 navigate

Speaker 2 you know just being single in new york and successful

Speaker 2 is

Speaker 2 man it's hard you know and

Speaker 2 it's

Speaker 2 It was just, it was fucking like hard. And

Speaker 2 a lot of people that I was kicking it with,

Speaker 2 I usually party with. We just get fucked up, you know?

Speaker 2 So it wasn't like anything good.

Speaker 2 It was

Speaker 2 all just

Speaker 2 rock and roll and madness. And, you know, it's just started to eat away at me.
Like

Speaker 2 after a while, you know, I just, it's like, this is not serving me.

Speaker 2 It's not making me happy, you know.

Speaker 2 You

Speaker 1 wrote about a few of your relationships in the book, one of them being Cassie. Obviously, that is

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Speaker 1 During that time, your house was broken into, your car was lit on fire. What do you just like overall remember about that time and that relationship in your life?

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Speaker 1 You wrote about a few of your relationships in the book, one of them being Cassie. Obviously, that is

Speaker 1 always going to be a big conversation online.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 you were with her, obviously, during a very dark time of what she was going through with Diddy.

Speaker 1 During that time, your house was broken into, your car was lit on fire. What do you just like overall remember about that time and that relationship in your life?

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 it was

Speaker 2 crazy, man. Like,

Speaker 2 you know,

Speaker 2 man,

Speaker 2 in the moment, it was just crazy.

Speaker 2 Like.

Speaker 2 I have,

Speaker 2 I had a hard time understanding if it was reality.

Speaker 2 Like, I was like, am I in a movie? What the fuck is going on?

Speaker 2 And, like,

Speaker 2 it's so great. You have to, you read the book, right? Yes.

Speaker 2 I want you to listen to the memoir. I scored the memoir.
I was just in the studio last night. I finished it up, right?

Speaker 2 So, like, I score

Speaker 2 a lot of different bits in the book. And in this moment, I scored a lot of different beats, and it brings it to life.

Speaker 2 But it was, it was,

Speaker 2 you know, just chaotic and

Speaker 2 intense.

Speaker 2 And,

Speaker 2 you know,

Speaker 2 I wasn't like,

Speaker 2 like, I was already out of my mind dealing with my own personal shit.

Speaker 2 So,

Speaker 2 um,

Speaker 2 I was really just like,

Speaker 2 fuck it, you know, like, uh, um,

Speaker 2 I was I just was willing to walk into the fire and and

Speaker 2 so

Speaker 2 it's just

Speaker 2 it was just in my I always thought about it before all this stuff happened and it came came out again.

Speaker 2 Um, I just over the years, I just thought about it as like just

Speaker 2 some wild shit that happened in my in my rock and roll life. You know what I'm saying? Like, just I just,

Speaker 2 you know,

Speaker 2 it was just some crazy shit that happened, you know?

Speaker 1 You testified in court.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 how did you feel going into that situation oh man

Speaker 2 i felt i was calm

Speaker 2 you know

Speaker 2 i

Speaker 2 i was just i was there because i had to be

Speaker 2 like i i at first they asked i said no

Speaker 2 They asked again, I said no.

Speaker 2 Then I got subpoenaed. And I was was like, fuck.

Speaker 2 Shit.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 Then I'm thinking about like, what do I wear, man? Do I have to be like fucking suit or something? I was like, man, fuck this shit. I'm wearing, this is what I'm wearing today.

Speaker 2 I'm going to the fucking shit in this. I don't know.
I'm not dressing up for this shit. Like, wearing some hard bottoms.

Speaker 2 I'm wearing some fucking Solomons.

Speaker 2 And I'm coming in there with my Levi's and my leather jacket. And that's it, you know? But I hated every minute of it.

Speaker 2 Like, I, I did not want to do it, but then I thought about, you know, when I was up there, you know,

Speaker 2 I'm here to support Cassie.

Speaker 2 And,

Speaker 2 you know,

Speaker 2 Cassie is my friend, you know, and, and, and

Speaker 2 I love her and I want to see her do well. When I saw her get married, I was so happy for her, you know, that she found someone, her person.

Speaker 2 When I saw that she was having kids, I was like, oh, this is so awesome. You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Like, I've always just wanted to see her, you know, thrive and do well and be happy, you know, because I know she was living a nightmare. And I just was there to support her.

Speaker 2 That's what I, that's what kind of gave me peace with it when I, when I sat down in that chair, it was just about, damn, I don't want to do this to being like, oh man, I got to like hold homegirl down and like,

Speaker 2 you know,

Speaker 2 look out out for her, you know?

Speaker 1 No, that's beautiful. Looking back, obviously not at

Speaker 1 everything that was done in court when you actually were like living all of this, as we described, where you were like, it felt literally like otherworldly. I'm like, is this my life right now?

Speaker 1 How did that experience affect the way that you felt about people in this industry and just like what you had gotten yourself into in

Speaker 1 your career?

Speaker 2 Oh, man, I already had a like, I was already standoffish from the industry so it just made me even more freak out yeah i was like man this shit is crazy you know um

Speaker 2 so i was already kind of sheltered in my own little space with my small group of friends but this is like

Speaker 2 and that's kind of like the thing about la it's like if you see me somewhere it's like they're seeing like a monk that they haven't seen in like a hundred years.

Speaker 2 And you're like, honey here? He don't be nowhere. Like, you don't see me.
I'm not out in these streets.

Speaker 1 You just don't go out.

Speaker 2 I don't go out. You don't leave your house.
Like, well, I don't now. And I didn't in my 30s, really.

Speaker 1 Okay, so you just were like keeping to yourself for a while.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's what I want to go to, I know you wrote in the book and you mentioned a couple of times, but let's get more into it.

Speaker 1 You say that grappling with fame essentially is what kind of pushed you towards drugs.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 What do you remember feeling the first time that you tried cocaine?

Speaker 2 A hundred percent happiness.

Speaker 2 It was like

Speaker 2 the feeling I got was nothing I had ever felt before.

Speaker 2 It was fucking magical.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 but I will say this.

Speaker 2 That's the only time it felt like that.

Speaker 2 All the other times after, I was just chasing that first high.

Speaker 2 And it was never getting there.

Speaker 2 It never felt like that first time ever again.

Speaker 2 Like.

Speaker 1 It's good to clarify.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 So I just want to,

Speaker 2 I know kids might be watching this podcast. You know what I'm saying? I don't want to be like saying like.

Speaker 1 No, no, no, no. I think it's part of your story.
And I know we're getting to like, obviously, that was a huge part of,

Speaker 1 we'll get to rehab and recovery, but still like, there was a part of your life where you were at a place where you were relying on drugs. And that's your story.

Speaker 1 And that's, but you're also here today to tell the story. And I think there's a lot of people that don't have the courage to even

Speaker 1 say these type of things out loud and like own that. And I think this another reason why, again, you are so successful is because you're connecting with people on real shit.

Speaker 1 Like there's probably also a lot of fucking people listening and watching today that have an addiction. So hearing you acknowledge that, like, I think it's thank you, honestly.

Speaker 1 Um,

Speaker 1 so you talk about how you only would do Coke alone. Yeah.
Why was that?

Speaker 2 Uh, I think I just

Speaker 2 It was just supposed to be my little secret. Like, I didn't want it to be like a unknown thing that like I did Coke around the the industry.
That would have spread fast, you know.

Speaker 2 So, I just kind of kept it to myself. Doesn't mean like people couldn't tell I was on it.
You know what I mean? Like, people could probably figure it out, you know.

Speaker 1 You write about how your album, Speeding Bullet to Heaven,

Speaker 1 it was written essentially during one of the darkest times of your life. Yeah.
Can you talk to me about where you were at mentally while writing that album?

Speaker 2 Oh, I wanted to die for sure.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 i didn't want to i was like it i'm just gonna play the guitar and shred and

Speaker 2 i don't give a fuck if people like it or not this is what i this is how i feel i just feel angry as

Speaker 2 and i just wanted an excuse to like scream on records you know and express that that anger you said essentially that you wanted that album to be

Speaker 1 your goodbye. Yeah.
Like you were planning on taking your life and you either either wanted to do it during or after it released or you weren't sure, but like that was going to be your goodbye. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Did anyone close to you in your life know that you were struggling that bad?

Speaker 2 Um,

Speaker 2 I don't think so. I kept it because when I was around my friends, I was happy to not be alone.

Speaker 2 So I was like back to, you know, I mean, I could come, I could keep it to myself, you know, I never wanted to worry my friends.

Speaker 2 There's some people that deal with these things and they like to like

Speaker 2 put it on other people and shit. I

Speaker 2 never wanted that to be. I don't want people to be, oh man, Scott calling me again.
He's, you know what I mean? Like, I was like, look, I'm going to just deal with my shit by myself.

Speaker 2 Like, I'll be cool. I can maintain.
I got a daughter. I want to be here for her.
You know what I mean? Like, just.

Speaker 2 All the thoughts that I need to think to keep me from going down that dark path.

Speaker 1 what was your rock bottom moment man

Speaker 2 i think it was

Speaker 2 it was during that time

Speaker 2 uh 2016 was bad too that's when i finally went to rehab um

Speaker 2 because i because i relapsed and started using again

Speaker 2 um

Speaker 2 i would say from 2015 to 2016,

Speaker 2 it was like the decline getting just darker and darker and darker. And

Speaker 2 suicide was on my mind like all the time.

Speaker 2 Like, I would like daydream about the shit, you know?

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 I just,

Speaker 2 when I finally, when I relapsed and I was like,

Speaker 2 kind of faced with this reality, like, damn, like, it's been six years since I've used this shit. And I thought I was past that, and I'm obviously not.

Speaker 2 Like,

Speaker 2 that was fucking fucking me up, you know? Uh,

Speaker 2 it was just kind of like, man, I don't want to go in circles. Like, I'm supposed to, like, be off this shit.
I'm getting older. Like, I'm in my 30s.

Speaker 2 Like,

Speaker 2 people don't want to keep seeing you be a fuck up. You got to get your life together, bro.

Speaker 2 You're not in your 20s no more. You're not just out here.
You know what I mean? So it was kind of like this reality check I needed

Speaker 2 and I wouldn't get help. You know,

Speaker 2 I'm glad I did at the time, at that time, because,

Speaker 2 you know,

Speaker 2 something would have happened for sure. You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 ever since then, like, I haven't been

Speaker 2 like, yeah, I'll get down about some things, but then I get over it. Like, before shit would hit me for, like, weeks.

Speaker 2 Something bad happens, I'm like in the house for weeks. It's like miserable.

Speaker 2 But,

Speaker 2 you know, ever since 2016, I've been

Speaker 2 like

Speaker 2 a thousand times better.

Speaker 2 Like, it's so funny because like Lola, we were hanging out one time. It was like maybe two years ago.
And

Speaker 2 she,

Speaker 2 we were,

Speaker 2 we were talking about

Speaker 2 2010 for me and what I was going through and all this shit.

Speaker 2 And I

Speaker 2 told her I got arrested, you know,

Speaker 2 and they found drugs on me. And she was like, what? And I was like, all right, let me find the article and let you read this shit

Speaker 2 so she's reading it

Speaker 2 and she starts laughing

Speaker 2 she's like I don't know who this person is

Speaker 2 she's like all I know is the sweet Scott that I've known for like

Speaker 2 years now

Speaker 2 like I don't know this this is so funny to me Like I'm not even concerned because I know you're past this point in your life. I know that enough to know that, you know?

Speaker 2 And like,

Speaker 2 she just looks at it like it's a silly thing, you know? And then it made me kind of, in that moment, I found peace with it. Cause I always was kind of,

Speaker 2 you know, bummed out about that. You know, I thought that, you know, it was like a dent in my armor a little bit.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 2 that made me

Speaker 2 feel okay about it. I was like, damn, my girl's not even like

Speaker 2 judging me. She's like laughing like, what the fuck? Like, this is fucking crazy.
Like,

Speaker 1 you know, that's really

Speaker 1 interesting, though, to like think about that. You had understandably, you lived it.
That was you.

Speaker 2 You, yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, reading in the book and everyone, please go read it, but there's like that

Speaker 1 really hard moment where you are like, I literally took so much Coke that I'm like laying on the floor.

Speaker 1 And then like I wake up and I'm like, it's a complete different day. And you were like, I'm on my back and I'm like, I think this is it.

Speaker 1 Like I think, and thinking about that version, thinking about that article version, all of this. And then your wife now is like, you're not that person though anymore.

Speaker 1 Sometimes it does take someone to pull you out of.

Speaker 1 Because we've lived it and it's still a part of you, but it's not you anymore. Yeah.
And that's really beautiful that she was able to just be like, I got you. I got you.
Okay. That's not you anymore.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 And you're like, oh shit, I guess it's not.

Speaker 2 Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1 But can you talk about rehab? Cause I do think it's

Speaker 1 really

Speaker 1 interesting the way that you write about this moment, specifically about how it also kind of forced you going to rehab to process a lot of the trauma, right? Like

Speaker 1 you had not even thought about how to process your father. And now you're in rehab and you're starting to talk about your mental health for the first time.

Speaker 1 Like, can you share a little bit about what that was like for you?

Speaker 2 Man, it was, it was freeing for me. Um,

Speaker 2 there was a lot of things that, you know, I hadn't talked about ever,

Speaker 2 you know, and it was very frustrating at first. You know, just having some stranger ask you really personal questions about your life.
And in, in, in rehab, the therapy is like,

Speaker 2 you know, some of the sessions can be kind of heavy, you know um just the

Speaker 2 the the approach that the therapist may take but there's other therapists in there that are super cool um

Speaker 2 but uh

Speaker 2 yeah it was it was it was

Speaker 2 difficult at first but then it got easier the more i felt comfortable with the people

Speaker 2 allowed me to open up about things that

Speaker 2 I was hurt about

Speaker 2 from long ago as a kid that I didn't know really affected me.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 it was a beautiful thing because by the time I was in there for a month, by the time I left,

Speaker 2 you know, I was feeling a whole lot better. You know, as you know, I had a stroke.
So I was coming out of that. It was maybe like two weeks, and I was still, you know, I had,

Speaker 2 you know,

Speaker 2 slow speech. And,

Speaker 2 you know, I was doing kind of therapy every week with this lady that kind of played these little games and like, um,

Speaker 2 where they like show you a picture of a dog or a cat or something, and you have to like say dog. And like, I would just look at the picture of a dog and be like,

Speaker 2 I can't, I couldn't fucking say it, you know? That was scary, man. I was like, man, I don't know.
I was like, dear God, I was like, please let me bounce back from this. That was super scary.

Speaker 2 But all throughout that, even though I was dealing with the

Speaker 2 stroke stuff,

Speaker 2 you know,

Speaker 2 I was still very much happy. Like,

Speaker 2 I was in the light, you know, and

Speaker 2 I just felt

Speaker 2 brand new. All of a sudden, I just felt brand new.
It was crazy.

Speaker 1 You mentioned

Speaker 1 you talked through a lot of things eventually as you started to feel comfortable in rehab that you were like, okay, I had kind of been carrying this, that I didn't realize I was carrying it.

Speaker 1 Like, do you have anything you could share that was something you were able to kind of let go of that you realized had been really weighing you down for so fucking long?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I think it was

Speaker 2 really truly my anger. I was a hothead for a long time, a long time, and

Speaker 2 that was my main issue. Um,

Speaker 2 and

Speaker 2 whether it was being mad at ex-girlfriends, or

Speaker 2 mad at my mom about something, or,

Speaker 2 you know, just angry at life itself,

Speaker 2 like I, I was able to kind of overcome that, you know, and it was like

Speaker 2 for me,

Speaker 2 that was what was secretly like

Speaker 2 weighing me down, holding me back. Because I'm like, in my core, what I realized is that like, no, I'm, it's like, Scott, you're a good dude.

Speaker 2 You know, some shitty people and you're not a shitty person, you know? So it was like, I had that, you know?

Speaker 2 And I like, at times you would see this good dude. Like, if you, if me and you met when I was 28, you would have not known the the difference.

Speaker 2 I mean, I would have been high as a kite, but you know, I still would have been chill and like, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 But like, like you wouldn't have walked away from the conversation, like worried about me, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 But like, um,

Speaker 2 yeah,

Speaker 2 it's all,

Speaker 2 it's all different, you know.

Speaker 1 Do you have any,

Speaker 1 from your experience, any words of advice to anyone listening who

Speaker 1 maybe is actually currently right now going through their rock-bottom moment.

Speaker 2 Man,

Speaker 2 I had a conversation with a good friend of mine, Omar,

Speaker 2 a month ago.

Speaker 2 And he was telling me, he was like,

Speaker 2 Man,

Speaker 2 when you're in your darkest moment, like,

Speaker 2 and you like wondering why God is doing this,

Speaker 2 like,

Speaker 2 think that, like, maybe he's like, teach you a lesson. You don't might not get it yet, but there's a lesson here.

Speaker 2 He's trying to help you grow or something, understand something. Like, there's a message.
This is not just happening for no reason, you know?

Speaker 2 And I think that that was one of the things, learning that, like, hearing him say that, because I was dealing with some stressful shit. And

Speaker 2 when he did that, I started like, oh, that's right, because I need to do this better and like get off that shit. And, oh, fuck.
Oh, damn. Okay.
I get it. You know?

Speaker 2 So I feel like in life, when you're dealing with something, just always take a step back.

Speaker 2 Always take a step back and

Speaker 2 think about the bigger picture. There's a lesson here you know

Speaker 2 and all these lessons all the things you learn will mold you into

Speaker 2 the human you're going to be in the future if you're young you know i mean in your teens early 20s like just keep this in mind like

Speaker 2 you know um

Speaker 2 everything happens on purpose You know what I mean? Like it's, it's, it's meant to go that, that way. You know what I mean? It's all part of the design, you know?

Speaker 1 And I think when you have that perspective, like you're saying, like, fuck, this is happening

Speaker 1 for a reason. It also then inherently gives someone hope if they have that perspective.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like someone in that situation right now listening to you is like, oh.

Speaker 1 There's if he's up there and he's doing this for a reason I'm learning there's a lesson in this like it gives you hope that there's like another chapter coming.

Speaker 2 Exactly.

Speaker 1 You got to just push through the discomfort and the pain and not saying it's fucking easy, but it gives you something to look forward to.

Speaker 1 There is then a light that you can like focus on and be like, okay, I fucking got this. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You write about how you saw this shift in your life after learning to love yourself, which sounds maybe simple to people, but I think there's a lot of people who don't.

Speaker 1 And it's actually a lot harder than it is to like yourself. And then to love yourself is another fucking step.

Speaker 1 What did self-acceptance change for you?

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Speaker 1 What did self-acceptance change for you?

Speaker 2 Oh, man, I think I was able to

Speaker 2 be nicer to myself.

Speaker 2 Like,

Speaker 2 that was one thing. It was just like, Scott, you're doing all right.
Like, look at what you've accomplished.

Speaker 2 Even when you was dealing with shit, like, when you were your most depressed, you still made art.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? And it's helping people. You know what I mean? Like, like, you're okay.

Speaker 2 Like, you're all good. And this is before Lola.
I was thinking this way. So I was alone, didn't really have nothing going on.

Speaker 2 I was on and off again with this one girl, but I knew that shit wasn't going to work out.

Speaker 2 And,

Speaker 2 you know, but

Speaker 2 it was different. Like, I was

Speaker 2 like, I was

Speaker 2 in love with myself for the first time in my life. You know?

Speaker 1 Let's talk about your wife.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 You need to tell me the story of how you guys met.

Speaker 2 Okay. So

Speaker 2 I walked in Virgil Abelo's first Louis Vuitton show in Paris.

Speaker 2 And we met while I was doing a fitting. And

Speaker 2 she took pictures of me for the board.

Speaker 2 And,

Speaker 2 you know, I'm just sitting there and I'm just looking at this. I'm standing there and I'm looking at this girl.
girl. And I'm like, yo,

Speaker 2 who is this little cutie? Like, with these glasses, like, she's so cute.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 she takes my picture.

Speaker 2 She's like,

Speaker 2 okay, thank you.

Speaker 2 I'm like, okay, about her business. I like that.
Not tripping on me. Cool, cool.
Man, if I see her again, I'm going to ask for her number. You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 literally, right after the show,

Speaker 2 all I could think about was meeting the girl with the glasses. Like, I was just running around.
Like, that was like the only thing on my mind. And I saw her.

Speaker 2 She was like standing right there talking to one of her homegirls.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 I went up.

Speaker 2 I didn't even introduce myself. I didn't even ask her name.
I just was like, because I had to leave. I had to get changed and shit.

Speaker 2 And I don't know if I changed or if I was still in the outfit from the show. But

Speaker 2 I was rushing to get to my crew so we could leave.

Speaker 2 And I just came up on her and I was like, hey, excuse me. Can I ask you a question? She's like, yeah.
I was like, do you have a boyfriend?

Speaker 2 Scott. I was going to cut straight to the chase.

Speaker 2 Because I didn't want to waste my time, man. I was like, I don't want to get my hopes up.
You know, like, like being thirsty about this girl. She got a man.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 So I just wanted to get straight to the point. She said no.
And I was like, oh, in my head, I was like, perfect. And I was just like, could I have your number? And she was was like, yeah.

Speaker 2 And she gave me her number,

Speaker 2 put her name in the phone as Lola, because I didn't even ask her fucking name.

Speaker 2 Such a goof. And we hung out that night at the after party.

Speaker 2 And it's so funny because I had on this Tom Four suit, this three-piece Tom Four suit. And it was, it was,

Speaker 2 I was too clean. I was too clean.
And she always said, she was like, you tricked me. I was like, what you mean? She was like, first time we hung out, you was in this fly ass suit.

Speaker 2 I ain't seen you in a suit since. I'm like, fuck, you're right.

Speaker 1 Really, god damn it.

Speaker 2 She thought she was getting one thing.

Speaker 1 You know, I'm in my fucking Solomon's and my ripped jeans. God damn it.
I'm sorry. I love you, babe.

Speaker 2 I know. I know.
So real. So I told her, I'm going to get back to the suits, though.

Speaker 2 I'm trying to get there. I got this thing with YSL going.
So, like, you know, I'm trying to get back to my suits.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you're coming back. You're coming back.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay, wait. So did you guys hit it off immediately, though? Or was it a slow burn? Like, did you guys start dating?

Speaker 2 No, no, no. We were friends for a couple of years, a few years.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And,

Speaker 2 you know, she always told me, she was like, when we first started talking, I always, me and my friends were just like, what does he want from you?

Speaker 1 Wait, I'm upset. That's so girls being like, what the fuck does he want? Like, what's his agenda?

Speaker 2 She said, I would text and be like, and she would be like, Scuddy, just text me. And they'd be like, what does he want? Like,

Speaker 2 what is, what, what the fuck? And like, people would not understand it. And like,

Speaker 2 I was like, babe, like, let me tell you something.

Speaker 2 I really liked you. Like, I was like vibing with you.
Like,

Speaker 2 like,

Speaker 2 we, I fucked with you, your energy. You know what I mean? And I'm, I, I'm,

Speaker 2 I'm real. You know what I'm saying? And, like,

Speaker 2 I, so that's one of the reasons why like, I would hit her up because I wanted her to let her know, like, hey, I want to keep in touch.

Speaker 2 I fuck with you.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 And she would always respond back and we would talk and it was just

Speaker 2 really organic. So by the time we ended up dating,

Speaker 2 it was easy because we already knew each other and

Speaker 2 it was just, we were hanging out more days at a time now. Before it was like two days here when I was in town or shit like that, but now we like are really kicking it.

Speaker 2 We're in Tokyo, spending New Year's, or like hanging out for two weeks. And,

Speaker 2 you know,

Speaker 2 it was, it was great. It was, it kind of

Speaker 2 built really easy. And that's kind of one of the things that I loved about it because I don't think,

Speaker 2 you know,

Speaker 2 I've connected with someone so easy before and like in this way, you know and

Speaker 2 you know it wasn't until

Speaker 2 she made a few trips to to la

Speaker 2 where i was kind of like just seeing it

Speaker 2 like

Speaker 2 the full picture she's in my house like

Speaker 2 i see i see it all right

Speaker 2 and and

Speaker 2 Then I just I just asked her, I was like, hey, would you ever think about moving to LA?

Speaker 2 and she was like

Speaker 2 yeah i could do that

Speaker 2 and i was like shut the up i was like are you serious and she's like yeah i could do that why not

Speaker 2 and i was like oh it's on now as soon as she said that i was like making plans to get the ring i was doing all the things like i was like yeah i was like on it i was on it wait how did you propose so We took a trip to Kyoto because she loves it there.

Speaker 2 I've never been.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 she hadn't been there in a while. So I was like, oh, let's go to Kyoto.
And I planned this thing where we went to go on this tour of temples.

Speaker 2 And one of the temples I had shut down where it was nobody there.

Speaker 2 And like, my gosh.

Speaker 2 That's good. That's good.
Yeah, yeah, and like, it's funny because I've talked to her about this afterwards, like, if she knew that I was going to propose or like, did she see things that were weird?

Speaker 2 And she was like, well,

Speaker 2 there was one thing. There were two things.
First, your security follows us everywhere.

Speaker 2 And they stopped and they didn't follow us in.

Speaker 2 And I thought that was weird. And then she said, like,

Speaker 2 fucking damn it.

Speaker 2 And then she said that, like, because I had two like lanterns up with our names in English and in Japanese underneath, right? So one said Scott, one said Lola, right?

Speaker 2 And she was like,

Speaker 2 what the fuck? Like,

Speaker 2 like, why does he have our names up on the fucking.

Speaker 2 What is he doing? Right? So she was kind of like, not, she did not know the proposal was coming, but she was kind of thrown off, like, thinking it was weird that I had these things planned.

Speaker 1 We were like, well, it's part of the plan, sweetie. Shut up for a second.

Speaker 2 We'll get there. It was so funny, man, because, you know,

Speaker 2 the proposal went great and

Speaker 2 everything was magical, but I didn't, like, I had my photographer and my videographer videographer fly out there to capture the footage, but they were like,

Speaker 2 didn't know when to come out. We didn't plan it.
And, like, they fucking came out. They were taking pictures, but I was like behind a big bush.
So all you see is like my knee bent down.

Speaker 2 You don't see the proposal at all. And like, so we came out and they came out afterwards, like, hey.

Speaker 2 And then it was kind of cool because I felt like if they came out before I proposed, Lola would have been like,

Speaker 2 why are there cameras here?

Speaker 2 Why is like,

Speaker 2 you know, Brett here? Brett, what the fuck are you doing here? And you're like, oh, you're proposing. Right, right.

Speaker 1 It almost worked out better.

Speaker 2 So it worked out better. And then so the pictures we have are just us kind of standing on, because we were in like this garden, this really beautiful garden and

Speaker 2 in this temple.

Speaker 2 And so we got pictures just like hugging and stuff.

Speaker 1 I'm obsessed that he took a picture and you can see your fucking kneecap.

Speaker 2 You're like, thanks, Brett. You're fucking fire.
Yeah, I was like, oh, man. I was like, come on, bro.

Speaker 1 Okay, but your wedding photos,

Speaker 2 they came out dope, right? So fucking good.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 1 you were in a suit.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay. Yeah.
Lola. See, he's making a comeback.

Speaker 2 He's coming up. I've tried for the wedding.
I was thinking about pajamas.

Speaker 2 I did the suit. I didn't want to embarrass you.

Speaker 1 Bare minimum, put on a suit for your fucking wedding.

Speaker 1 What was your favorite moment? If you had to say, i know there's probably so many

Speaker 2 my favorite moment was seeing her walking down

Speaker 2 like

Speaker 2 that me up like i was crying before she even got to the to the little altar part you know i was like i was like

Speaker 2 this my wife

Speaker 2 I was just so, I was so geeked. I was like, man.

Speaker 2 And just seeing it seeing her walk. And she looks so beautiful, even though it's the first time you see the dress.
And, like,

Speaker 2 you know, she kept saying, I hope you like it. I hope you like it.
And, like, Lola has amazing taste, man. So, I was never, I was never worried.

Speaker 2 And, and, and, um, the person who made her dress, Alon Paul, he's a genius, an amazing designer. So, um,

Speaker 2 you know, I trusted them. I knew, I knew I was going to love it, but seeing it was just, oh, it was beautiful.

Speaker 2 It was,

Speaker 2 oh, man, it was such a fucking moment. And we filmed everything.
So I can't, we're waiting to see like the footage from because the dude is editing it up and shit. But

Speaker 2 I can't wait to see

Speaker 2 just that moment again. Cause my face, like, I literally went like,

Speaker 2 I couldn't do it. I was like, I was like.

Speaker 1 You're going to ball when you watch it again. I already know.
Like, you're going to be so.

Speaker 1 I'm prepared.

Speaker 2 I'm prepared. I was trying to I was trying to keep it together, but then it was just like man

Speaker 2 oh shit man,

Speaker 2 you know, it just happened. I like I was trying to hold back, but then because I know she was gonna cry and I didn't want us to both be up there like hysterical.

Speaker 1 So no, Scott, the worst would be if you're like stone cold face like

Speaker 2 calm down. Hurry up.
Yeah, let's go.

Speaker 1 No, I mean, you see the fucking movies when everyone like turns to look at like what the guy's face is.

Speaker 1 And like, I literally said to my husband, I was like, if you don't fucking cry, then I don't want to marry you.

Speaker 2 What the fuck?

Speaker 1 And thank God he was sobbing too.

Speaker 2 Like, I would be a little scared if it was just like,

Speaker 2 yeah, someone's just like, fucking that.

Speaker 1 Hurry up.

Speaker 2 No, no.

Speaker 1 Okay, wait, did you guys write your own vows? Yeah.

Speaker 2 And we wrote, and we literally pinned the paper, wrote them down, and I told her, forgive me, because my handwriting is just all over the place.

Speaker 2 But I was like, really, like, being patient with every letter and like, you know, to make sure she could read it, you know,

Speaker 2 but

Speaker 2 yeah, it was great. It was great.
And we saved them too. So we're going to frame them.

Speaker 1 Oh, it's amazing. How has Lola ultimately made you a better man?

Speaker 2 Oh, man.

Speaker 2 I thought I was happy before, but she just put a little extra sauce on it.

Speaker 2 You know, I feel totally complete and at peace. you know because before her it was there was something missing you know it was always something missing.
I was happy, right?

Speaker 2 We talked about that journey from rehab and whatever. So I was happy, but I always felt that something was missing.
And I've always been like,

Speaker 2 it's always been my dream to like be married and have more kids and like

Speaker 2 build a little a little posse of children and like, you know, and

Speaker 2 to have someone that, you know, wants that and respects you and,

Speaker 2 you know, uplifts you in your darkest moments when you're not feeling confident about work or whatever it may be,

Speaker 2 like

Speaker 2 that's there for you and is a real best friend,

Speaker 2 you know.

Speaker 1 It's beautiful. Because I was going to say, I feel like, you know, throughout your life, you've been on this pursuit of happiness, no pun intended,

Speaker 1 and you think you found it.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, definitely. Definitely.

Speaker 1 We have to talk about your album, Free.

Speaker 1 What

Speaker 1 is the inspiration behind it?

Speaker 2 Man, I think it's really

Speaker 2 just kind of like

Speaker 2 bringing people into like,

Speaker 2 you know, where I am now at this place in time,

Speaker 2 the joy I feel,

Speaker 2 but also talking about,

Speaker 2 you know, reflecting on past struggles and how I overcame them. You know,

Speaker 2 and you get that, you get kind of both sides of the album with these first two singles.

Speaker 2 You get kind of the love song with Neverland, and you get this kind of like anthem to overcoming your shit in Grave, you know? And that's kind of like the two,

Speaker 2 it kind of bounces it between those two vibes on the album. Yeah.

Speaker 1 What is your wife's favorite song?

Speaker 2 Brave.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it was her idea to drop it as a second single.

Speaker 2 I mean, this whole album is like, she was the, she, Lola was the main inspiration behind this album.

Speaker 2 album you know i mean like she the first round of songs were all love songs you know i mean like different love songs to her i mean i mean i just sob listening to this album hold on like it's definitely it's it's it's cute because it's it's like

Speaker 2 it's these true feelings that i have for this woman like and i'm singing them to her You know, and even at the wedding, I performed Neverland and Grave and I was singing it to her, and she was just watching me and just like, so happy.

Speaker 2 And like,

Speaker 2 it's great, man. Like,

Speaker 2 you know,

Speaker 2 having her throughout this whole process was

Speaker 2 great, you know?

Speaker 2 And she would come to the studio, too.

Speaker 1 You need to tell me. What? What is your favorite song on the album? And it can't be the two that it looks like.

Speaker 2 My favorite song in the album i got two can i say two you can say two there's a song called opiate

Speaker 2 that i really love

Speaker 2 and then saltwater which is the final song in the album

Speaker 2 and

Speaker 2 uh

Speaker 2 there's more There's more, but I just want to

Speaker 2 say opiate for sure because

Speaker 2 it's so fucking groovy and like

Speaker 2 um

Speaker 2 yeah people are gonna love it i'm really excited yeah yeah um

Speaker 2 it's a lot of it's a lot of bops on there

Speaker 2 yeah because it's pop right yeah yeah which is exciting for you right it's like a little different yeah i mean it that's the thing that people notice it's like it is different it's a whole new thing but it still feels like cuddy yeah

Speaker 1 i'm so happy i got to know you today i

Speaker 1 you never know what you're like, I'm sure you didn't know what you were going to expect sitting down with me, right?

Speaker 1 You walked in, you literally looked at me and you're like, I don't know, I'm nervous. I'm leaving.

Speaker 1 But like, how do you feel? Like, I think we had a great conversation. I thought that was lovely.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it was fantastic.

Speaker 1 I feel great. Again, like I said earlier, getting to know an artist, we know so much about you through your music, but to hear.

Speaker 1 you talk more in depth about your life story and what's made you you and what's made you Scott.

Speaker 1 Kid Cuddy is fucking awesome, but the layers that you've allowed us all to see, I think has only made me personally a bigger fan because I've been a fan for a while, but now knowing even more about you, I'm like, fuck, you've been through so much.

Speaker 1 And I know everything you put into your music now. It's just that much more relatable.
It has that much more soul and passion.

Speaker 1 And I just, I'm really excited for you in this next chapter of your life because you're fucking crushing. And thank you for coming on Call Our Daddy.
It was truly a pleasure.

Speaker 2 Thank you so much for having me. We did it.
And I got to come back.

Speaker 1 Dude, and I didn't ask you any inappropriate sex questions. Were you? Did anyone prep you for that?

Speaker 2 You were fine.

Speaker 2 I was a little nervous about that. I was a little nervous.
I know you get a little

Speaker 2 sausage with it.

Speaker 2 Done.

Speaker 1 Let's fucking leave.

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