Summer Flings vs. Situationships

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Daddy gang, welcome back to another Sunday session here on Call Her Daddy.

Speaker 1 It is your father, okay?

Speaker 1 We are currently entering the peak of summer, right? And I was recently having a little wine night with one of my friends, and I was having a really productive and honest conversation with her.

Speaker 1 She's currently single, and

Speaker 1 I want to share with you some of the wisdom that came out of that conversation. So, for any of my girls who need to hear this, my single girls who need to hear this, listen the fuck up.

Speaker 1 Sunday morning, fat this Cautlin. Do do do do do do do do.

Speaker 1 Every Sunday's fat this day.

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Speaker 1 I'm gonna set the scene for you, okay?

Speaker 1 Picture this: the sun

Speaker 1 is very hot, You're hot. You're tan.
Maybe you're three margaritas deep, okay?

Speaker 1 And you're scanning the beach for someone to make absolutely terrible decisions with. I see you.
I support you. I honestly love that for you.
Okay.

Speaker 1 But before we dive in headfirst into a summer romance, we need to lay some of the ground rules, okay?

Speaker 1 I was thinking about it and it's like there is a really fine line between a vacation romance,

Speaker 1 a summer fling, and then a full-blown situationship. And it is so fucking vital to your mental health and my mental health.

Speaker 1 So you don't write into me freaking out that you know what you're getting yourself into and which one you're getting into. So

Speaker 1 I want to kind of break down the vacation romance. Back when I was single, which feels like ages ago, I personally loved a vacation hookup.

Speaker 1 Okay, maybe they're a local who knows all the good spots or they're a foreigner with some like sexy accent.

Speaker 1 Maybe they're like a surf instructor with a fucking six pack or maybe it's just like a fucking random guy that you match with on Tinder who's staying at your same hotel.

Speaker 1 Regardless, I feel like these whirlwind vacation flings can feel

Speaker 1 so special and hot and magical. But here is what I want you all to understand.
They are only

Speaker 1 hot and special and magical because they're temporary. Okay.

Speaker 1 I want you guys to think about it. Like when you're meeting a guy on a trip, you are on vacation mode.
You're not getting Slack notifications. You're not getting emails.
You don't have a to-do list.

Speaker 1 You're just focused on your tan lines and maybe who you're going to skinny dip with. Okay.
So of course, no shit.

Speaker 1 That feels really euphoric. That's incredible.
But that rush of excitement that you're feeling doesn't mean,

Speaker 1 lean in and listen closely. It doesn't mean that that person is your soulmate.
Listen, maybe they are.

Speaker 1 I feel like that has happened to someone, obviously, before, but it's very far and few in between.

Speaker 1 So I want to be realistic today. You need to know what you're getting into, that if you try to extend.
a vacation fling into the real deal, into the real world,

Speaker 1 you're at your happiest state when you are on a trip. That's just a fact, right? So it is so easy to get confused and think that this person is like, what is making you happy?

Speaker 1 It's not the pina coladas. It's not the like people that are being nice at the hotel.
It's not the palm trees. Like it must be him.
It must be love. No, it's not.
Okay. Cause think about it.

Speaker 1 When you get back to your normal life.

Speaker 1 Could you really actually imagine being with them in your normal life?

Speaker 1 Because the sexy surfer guy that you you met on the tropical beach somewhere, maybe he's not so sexy when he's freeloading at your apartment with no job, no friends, and his only real connection is to you.

Speaker 1 You know what I'm saying? Do you get where I'm going here? Like

Speaker 1 my advice today for navigating vacation romances as we kick off summer is just let it be a beautiful memory, daddy gang, and don't try to ruin it by trying to force your vacation world into your actual normal world.

Speaker 1 Sure, sure, you fucking bitch. You can toss them an Instagram follow.
Totally fine.

Speaker 1 But what we don't need to do is start having a FaceTime relationship the second that your flight lands and pretending like you guys are in a full relationship.

Speaker 1 The last thing you want to do is have this really like fun

Speaker 1 weekend or week-long experience turn into a stretched out long distance thing.

Speaker 1 No, no, daddy gang, we don't need this. Not every single guy that you meet or girl you meet, it doesn't have to always end in a notebook romance.
Do you get what I'm saying?

Speaker 1 So that is a vacation situation. So to all of my bitches that have, you know, Miami or the Jersey shore or California or whatever, wherever you're going this summer.
For vacation, keep that in mind.

Speaker 1 Okay. It's fun.
It's fun. It's fun.
And then leave the fun there and go back to your reality

Speaker 1 Okay, now I want to talk about summer flings or summer hookups, okay? Because these are an entirely different game than a vacation hookup.

Speaker 1 This is probably going to be someone that is in your city, right? Someone that you could be seeing like semi-regularly.

Speaker 1 And the most important part is this is someone that you know isn't long-term material.

Speaker 1 Let's

Speaker 1 really let that sink in. Let's let that thing sink in.
Okay. A summer fling is not long-term material.
They have an expiration date.

Speaker 1 And that, in my opinion, when I look back on any summer fling I ever had, like that's part of the appeal, right?

Speaker 1 Because you don't get bothered per se by parts of this person that would actually annoy you in an actual relationship, right? Like maybe you find all of their fucking friends annoying. That's fine.

Speaker 1 You won't see them after August. You're just having really good fucking sex.
Maybe you hate their fucking shitty car. Who cares? You only need it for a backseat hookup.

Speaker 1 Even if they're unemployed, even better. Like, actually, really fucking hot.
You have more time to day drink in the sun together. It's like your dates with a summer fling should be so light.

Speaker 1 Beach days, ice cream dates, spontaneous hookups on the beach.

Speaker 1 Like, you're not even trying to go to like white tablecloth dinners or have long emotional conversations and talks about your fucking childhood. June, July, August,

Speaker 1 that's fine. That's it.
So fun. But once we hit the end of August, my biggest advice is you need to be really careful if this person is still around.

Speaker 1 You're all like, okay, Alex, this is like, what the fuck? But I'm being dead serious. If you want to keep seeing this person past that three-month summer mark,

Speaker 1 this is what I realized having having drinks with my girlfriend because it's happened to me and I know it could happen to you. And so I don't want it to happen to you.

Speaker 1 If you keep seeing this person past summer,

Speaker 1 you're going to enter

Speaker 1 into situationship territory.

Speaker 1 And who the fuck wants that? No, seriously, like,

Speaker 1 because also when I say that, the rules for a situationship are so fucking different from the rules of a summer fling. And I'm saying rules.

Speaker 1 When I'm saying this, I'm just actually trying to make you not get hurt or not get strung along or not string someone up. Like I'm just trying to help you guys here.

Speaker 1 Obviously do whatever the fuck you want. But in my opinion, no matter who the person you're talking to is during summer, by

Speaker 1 I think that three month mark,

Speaker 1 someone

Speaker 1 always is going to start to have feelings. Most of the time, it's not both.
It's usually one. And all of a sudden you find yourself like,

Speaker 1 maybe we're checking his follower list, right? And you're spiraling about like whether he's still on dating apps or not, right? Like you're starting to become a little creep.

Speaker 1 Like the minute you feel like a creep, you've taken it too far, okay?

Speaker 1 Don't be a creep, okay? Get it together. Like this is not the fun fling that you were going for all summer.
Carefree, AAA, so fun, so fun. And now all of a sudden, you're a creep.

Speaker 1 Like, how did that happen?

Speaker 1 All of a sudden, you're like, oh my God, like I know who he thought. Like, if you know at least five girls by their profile picture that he follows, creep.
Like,

Speaker 1 I've been there, creep. Like, if, like, that's not what we want, okay.
And if you find yourself in this accidental situationship with someone, in my opinion, again, my opinion, it's okay.

Speaker 1 If you want me to fuck off, but in my opinion, here are the rules. Number one,

Speaker 1 I think you need to be real about what you want for yourself outside of this person. Do you want to stay single? Are you ready for a real relationship? What dating goals do you have for yourself?

Speaker 1 And do they align with the person that you're seeing? And if they don't, okay,

Speaker 1 thank him for his service, but let's keep it fucking moving and move the fuck on. So that's number one.
We're clear about what we want. Number two,

Speaker 1 you need to clarify exclusivity.

Speaker 1 Honey, are you one of the 10 girls on their roster? And are you okay with him dating other people? Like, what happens if he starts to get serious with someone else?

Speaker 1 I know, obviously, the exclusivity conversation is the actual fucking worst, but, and you obviously, like, you don't need to ask, like, what are we?

Speaker 1 Just try to get a sense of clarity on how many we's,

Speaker 1 how many we's this person has. Because the more we's,

Speaker 1 you're just still a creep.

Speaker 1 Truly, though, like you need to be real with yourself, because I know you bitches, because I've done it too. Ah, I'm the only one.

Speaker 1 Or even if you find out he has a couple others, you're like, ah, but I'm his favorite. Excuse me.
No.

Speaker 1 Again. If you're okay with that, that's what I'm saying.
If you're okay with that, if you're okay of being one of many, if you're okay with kind of like sharing the cock, right?

Speaker 1 Like, ooh, you hop on that thing on Monday and I'll swirl around and sit on it on Wednesday. Like, oh my God, amazing.

Speaker 1 As long as you're okay with that, but for the most part, bitches don't fucking lie to me. We convince ourselves we're okay with it

Speaker 1 and we're fucking rattled. We can't sleep.
We're having weird dreams. We're getting heat, sweats.
Like, we're not okay with it.

Speaker 1 If you run into him at the bar and he's with another fucking girl, are you gonna just like take a shot and brush it off and be totally fine?

Speaker 1 Or are you gonna have a full-blown mentee bee in the bathroom and drunk text him 30 fucking six times later that night? I thought you loved me. No, you creep.
He never loved you.

Speaker 1 And he let you know that, but you got so in your fucking head and you were like making up this romance novel that never existed. It never existed.

Speaker 1 So these are the things you unfortunately do need to think about or else you're gonna get hurt, right?

Speaker 1 And if you are looking to keep someone around on your fall lineup, you need to be thinking about these things because when you start a relationship as chill and then you potentially want to progress it to more serious, there needs to be a fucking conversation.

Speaker 1 No one is just knowing that all of a sudden our fucking orgies, now you want to be monogamous with me. Like you got to say it out loud or he's not going to know.
Okay.

Speaker 1 It's not going to get easier. This is like so depressing.
You're all like, okay, when does it like get fun? No, but I'm being honest.

Speaker 1 I I think you need this pep talk, you guys, because if I was single, I would want to hear this too. We throw ourselves into summer.
We have so much fucking fun.

Speaker 1 And then all of a sudden we think we're getting a ring. And instead, you don't even get a call.
You know, you don't even get a call back.

Speaker 1 It's not going to get easier if you don't have honest conversations with yourself. And then

Speaker 1 to kind of tie this all up, I want to talk just about finally

Speaker 1 the situationship rule number three in my head. And it's kind of what I've been saying and it's kind of a culmination of everything, but

Speaker 1 keep your expectations low.

Speaker 1 This man is not your boyfriend. He does not owe you emotional support.
This is a fuck buddy with a penis and occasional non-sexual hangout privileges.

Speaker 1 But really, if we're honest with ourselves, the only reason that you guys are hanging out, it's almost like the hangout is foreplay to the casual sex. You know what I mean? So when you catch that your

Speaker 1 emotional state is starting to depend on where you are at with this guy,

Speaker 1 it is time to be real with yourself. That is the immediate red flag in your head.
Wait, I'm checking his Instagram too much. I somehow know his aunt's name.

Speaker 1 I know all of his ex-girlfriend's names by heart. I actually can memorize the weddings they went to together and all of their friend group and his favorite food.
And you, you know, too much.

Speaker 1 You know too much. The summer fling to situationship, to relationship pipeline is rare.
And it's not one that I recommend. It's really fucking rare that it works out.

Speaker 1 Also, on Call Her Daddy, I've always said, we don't believe in cuffing season over here just because it gets fucking cold outside.

Speaker 1 Like we're not like, I guess we'll just date now because, no, no, no, no. That's how you end up dating a guy you never even saw a future with in the first place.
But it was just like, it's cold.

Speaker 1 I want to drink hot cocoa and decorate a fucking tree with him. Yeah, bitch, call your fucking mom.
So,

Speaker 1 you know, daddy gang,

Speaker 1 have fun this summer. You're all like, how? How the fuck am I supposed to have fun, Alex? You literally just made me want to be fucking celibate.
No, no, no.

Speaker 1 You're going to have fun this summer and make some memories, you know, scrapbook it up. But when summer ends, my biggest advice is

Speaker 1 you're going to let the fling end too.

Speaker 1 I promise you will thank me in the fall. And again, there's gonna be the 1% of you.
Isn't it so nice to be a part of the 1%? If you're one of those fucking bitches that meets this tanned God

Speaker 1 and he's a lifeguard or something,

Speaker 1 and he's saving you, and then you hook up later that night, and then you go to a party, and his friends are normal, and A, and then you're hooking up, and then it's good, and then it's good, and all of a sudden, it's September, and then it's October, and you're going to fucking

Speaker 1 festivals where you get what the fuck are the Halloween things called?

Speaker 1 Where you get on the thing and you go to the haunted house, and you're doing all these fun little things, and you're making cookies together, and then he asks you to be his girlfriend.

Speaker 1 Good for you, you fucking whore, okay? But that's not most of our experiences. It's a wham, bam, fuck me in the back of your truck.
You accidentally put in my asshole, and now I'm in love with you.

Speaker 1 And oh my god, little did I know, you have a wife. That's the reality.
Men are liars. that's what this whole episode is about.

Speaker 1 Men are disgusting, and men will make you think, Oh, yeah, baby, it was just his Monday, baby, and then his next Tuesday, he's fucking your sister, and you're like, Wait, I thought we were in love.

Speaker 1 You were in love with the idea of him because you met him in the summer. And I met you in the summer.
That's why that song was created. Who sings that? Calvin Harris? Don't care.

Speaker 1 The point is, don't let yourself be a victim of thinking it's going to be more than a fucking vacation little romance, a summer fling. Situationships are the fucking worst.

Speaker 1 Unless you're just like horny as fuck and you just want to have so much sex. Yeah, go for it, you fucking bitch.
Love you.

Speaker 1 Okay, I hope that was helpful to kick off this glorious summer. And, you know, no one should be feeling depressed.
It's actually really quite helpful.

Speaker 1 We avoid feelings and we acknowledge when things are sexual and fun. And if you want to dip into your feelings, then you need to be straight up with someone.
That's all. That's all it is.

Speaker 1 This is my favorite time of a Sunday session, obviously, is to take a trip. We are going to slurp down our throats a little escargot.

Speaker 1 We're going to look at the skinny men smoking cigarettes and we're going to fuck them till the sun comes up because we

Speaker 1 are taking a first-class flight. Yes, on me.

Speaker 1 First-class flight. We're flying first class

Speaker 1 over in the sky. Because we are going to a little place I'd like to go

Speaker 1 Little place I'd like to go

Speaker 1 questions

Speaker 1 of the mother, the mother, mother, the mother, fucking week

Speaker 1 Questions of the mother

Speaker 1 fucking

Speaker 1 wick questions of the motherfucking wake.

Speaker 1 Okay, um, do you guys want to answer some questions? Let's get into it.

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Speaker 1 Question one.

Speaker 1 How do I tell my boyfriend that his mom can't stay with us when she comes to town? She lives out of state and frequently visits. She always stays for a week minimum.

Speaker 1 I don't want to be that girlfriend who bitches about this, but I just love my own space and hate constantly hosting.

Speaker 1 I also feel like I'm being judged for every little thing in the house when she's here. Is it rude to ask if he can get her a hotel the next time? Oh my gosh.

Speaker 1 Okay, first of all, I so feel for you because

Speaker 1 this was like a thing Matt and I dealt with in the beginning of our relationship where Matt could host every night, every day, everywhere.

Speaker 1 And when I'm in my house, I feel like such an introvert and I had to explain to him like I do, it's not that I don't want to host, I just need to have a better cadence with it and not be doing it so frequently because I recharge in my house and I feel like I can't be my full self when obviously people are here and I'm hosting.

Speaker 1 And so the fact that this is your mother-in-law, mother-in-law, I can imagine how difficult of a dynamic it is to bring this up to your boyfriend.

Speaker 1 My first bit of advice is like, you need to tread really carefully because some guys with their moms are such fucking freaks and they act actually like they're still sucking from their mom's titty.

Speaker 1 So just be weary. You know what I mean? Also, that's like a good sign.
Like if he's like actually crazy about it, he probably wants to fuck his mom, but that's for another time.

Speaker 1 It doesn't feel like he wants to fuck his mom. It more feels like he's treating it like this is his mom and he's comfortable with his mom being there and this is your mother-in-law.

Speaker 1 So this is your space. It's weird to have a woman or anyone staying in your home for a week, all like multiple times during the year.
That's a lot. So I'm validating you.
That's a lot.

Speaker 1 If it was a weekend,

Speaker 1 like twice a year, totally fine. A week, every few months, I would be like, I got to move out.
If anything, get me a fucking hotel room.

Speaker 1 Let me go for a fucking little spa trip while you and your mom bang it up. Um,

Speaker 1 but no, I think this would be my advice to you. I think you could sit your boyfriend down and be like, hey, I was just thinking about it because I love your mom so much.

Speaker 1 And I always think about it like, wow, she's so lovely and respectful when she comes. And

Speaker 1 I do love spending time with her, but I feel like a week when she's here is just a lot. And it almost has nothing to do with her.
It has to do with me of like having someone in our space for a week.

Speaker 1 I feel like I can't be my true self.

Speaker 1 Like if I want to just go sit and relax after a long day of work and be in silence, like obviously I'm not going to ignore your mom while she's sitting in the living room and stuff, or we don't get as much alone time or we don't get to decompress after going to dinners with her.

Speaker 1 Like it's hard for me to find a balance and it's impacting me in a way that I don't like how I'm feeling.

Speaker 1 So I was wondering if we could compromise and either have her stay on weekends, but then if she's going to stay the full week, maybe we get her a hotel.

Speaker 1 So like during the work week, we can just have our normal life and then we can obviously go to dinners or whatever with her.

Speaker 1 But I just need a little help with boundary setting here because I don't want this to come off like I don't love your mom.

Speaker 1 I'm just feeling like I don't love people in my space for that amount of time because girlfriend, who the fuck wants their mother-in-law living with them for a fucking week? I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 Lisa, I love you. If you're listening to this, bitch fucking knows.
I'm like, my mother-in-law would know. She literally will be here and she's like, okay, you want me to leave?

Speaker 1 I'm like, yes, love you. Bye.
Like, I also don't love the lack of awareness from your mother-in-law. That's why I'm saying you have to tread lightly because

Speaker 1 from my experience with my mom and Matt's mom, like.

Speaker 1 They know we love them and we also like our alone time to the point where I'm like, I'm surprised she hasn't been like, oh my gosh, you guys, I feel like I'm like two in your space.

Speaker 1 I'm going going to give you guys time. That's where I'm like, ooh, this could be tricky.

Speaker 1 So maybe compromise on starting with more of like a, maybe she stays for the weekend or overall, let's just get her a hotel super close by.

Speaker 1 And if your boyfriend reacts like a crazy person and defends his mom and acts like you're crazy, I'm here to tell you you're not crazy. Mother-in-laws in your space.

Speaker 1 That is a recipe for a mental break, honestly. And we don't need that.
you know what I mean? Um, so guard your boundaries, and but have a calm conversation with him.

Speaker 1 Also, last point, and this is really how you'll probably even know if you want to marry this man.

Speaker 1 When he brings this up to his mother, if he is down for what you're presenting, in no fucking world should this man present it to his mom like, oh, it was Casey's idea.

Speaker 1 No, no, no, we're presenting this as a united front. If anything, you take the fucking hit, bitch, because you came out of her, okay? It's your mother.
She'll love you forever, but it's too dicey.

Speaker 1 So make sure that he is presenting it in a way that's not making you look in a bad light, because then it's just going to be a whole new spew of problems. And you don't need that.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Next question. I'm getting married this fall and made a mistake.
I sent a save the date to a coworker I no longer want at the wedding.

Speaker 1 No one at my office likes her, but I always gave her a chance until she fucked me over in front of my boss last week.

Speaker 1 I know it's my wedding and I can invite who I want, but I'm worried it will come off in a bad way if I don't follow through. Will I look like the mean girl? How do I handle this at work?

Speaker 1 And what do I even say to her? Okay,

Speaker 1 first of all, that is really fucking shitty, but my first note to you is your wedding is not a charity event and your wedding is also not a

Speaker 1 co-workers mingling happy hour event. This is your wedding and it is a day to be completely about you.

Speaker 1 And so, if you're having regret, and also, it's one thing if you're having regret, it's another thing if this person literally just fucked you over at work.

Speaker 1 You, I get, are in a weird position, but I would rather you be in a weird position to end this

Speaker 1 rather than get to your wedding and have someone there that you don't like.

Speaker 1 So, yes, it's going to be a little uncomfortable, but let's also make sure that you're not compromising just to make someone feel good. So, this would be my advice.

Speaker 1 It's tough because since it's a work dynamic and you're going to see her, obviously, when you come back from your wedding, I don't think you need to tell her.

Speaker 1 Obviously, it's up to you, but like you have to see this woman every day. It's one thing if it's a friendship breakup, but like this is someone you work with, right?

Speaker 1 So, my advice would be you send a text or you say it in person.

Speaker 1 You said you only sent a save the date, you didn't send them like the official now new invite of like details and everything of the wedding. So, I think you could text her and say, Hey,

Speaker 1 I wanted to let you know that over the past month or two, my husband and I have been going through our wedding list.

Speaker 1 And due to a bunch of different circumstances, we are pulling back on the number of guests. And I don't think you're going to be able to come now.

Speaker 1 And I just wanted to let you know, no hard feelings and appreciate your support

Speaker 1 and leave it at that. And

Speaker 1 I think that if she comes at you and is anything other than totally understand,

Speaker 1 fuck that bitch. Because oh, now you, oh, you're going to come at me for a second.
First of all, why would you, you shouldn't even be at my wedding.

Speaker 1 You should have the fucking self-awareness to not even think you should come. Hopefully, she was never even going to come, right? Because she just fucked you over in front of your boss.

Speaker 1 But if she gets nasty with it, like, wow, other co-workers are going and I'm not coming, like, got it. Like, Macy, like, you're a fucking cunt.
I think you just leave it. I don't think

Speaker 1 in the wake of your wedding, I don't think that you need drama.

Speaker 1 And sending this text is going to give you temporary anxiety, but then it's going to alleviate so much anxiety on the day that actually matters. So be straight up, but not fully, unless you want to.

Speaker 1 And you can be like, hey, I don't really appreciate everything that went down the other week with our boss. I felt like you were undermining me and it made me look in a really bad light.

Speaker 1 And I just, I know I sent you a save the date.

Speaker 1 And I don't even have like ill will towards you, but because it is my wedding, I don't want to have anyone there that I'm not on like perfect great terms with.

Speaker 1 And I don't feel that way with you right now. And so respectfully, I'm going to decline the offer.
And maybe when I'm back, we can look to like repair things.

Speaker 1 But for right now, I want to have a clear head for my wedding and I don't want drama.

Speaker 1 Either one, being more direct or a little less direct, do it. You will feel so much fucking better.
I remember Matt and I had

Speaker 1 a couple people, but one person kind of like more specifically that we just

Speaker 1 like we knew they would think they were going to be invited to our wedding. And at the same time, we were like,

Speaker 1 I don't want to invite them. And we almost were having like over-dinner conversations when we would talk about our wedding leading up to, we would find ourselves getting anxiety about this one person.

Speaker 1 And it was someone more in Matt's life. And then finally, I remember just being like, babe,

Speaker 1 pause. listen to us we're not even focusing anymore on like how this is a day about us and our love and our marriage and our family like this we have our answer and it was so

Speaker 1 hard

Speaker 1 but i'm so happy we didn't invite them and i look back and we still say we made the right decision um so trust your gut on this one and i'm really fucking sorry that's so shit you don't want drama around your wedding but to make you feel better everyone has drama around their wedding and if this is this is the peak of it for you, girl, girl, you got out fucking easy, okay?

Speaker 1 Next question.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Hi, father. How do I stop comparing my boyfriend to my friends' partners? I'm 29 and most of my friends are in their early 30s with partners in their mid-30s.

Speaker 1 My boyfriend is 26, so he's kind of a decade behind when it comes to career and finances.

Speaker 1 I get insecure sometimes because he still is starting out and we don't really have the same financial stability as my friends and their partners. I know it's not his fault.

Speaker 1 He has a good job and is working hard, but I can't help feeling a little jealous when I see my friends, partners, and what they bring to the table.

Speaker 1 Okay. Oh my God.

Speaker 1 I have a lot of thoughts. And I'm going to just be really honest.
And obviously, you know your situation better than anyone.

Speaker 1 So, and I don't have all the details, but I'm just going to kind of rattle off some of my thoughts. Number one, for me,

Speaker 1 I

Speaker 1 think I would have a hard time

Speaker 1 dating a younger man. Um,

Speaker 1 more in that like 20, 30 range. Obviously, if you were like in your 50s, 60s redating, like, sure, but it's like that pivotal time where I feel like maturity is a big,

Speaker 1 obvious, glaring thing. Like, it's like, you can almost tell like when someone's in their 20s versus their 30s, right?

Speaker 1 And my worry for you is when you're writing this, if you felt really secure with your relationship, which you're saying, I guess you're saying you're, you don't, you're saying you get insecure sometimes.

Speaker 1 My worry is this is something that is highlighting a bigger issue in your relationship.

Speaker 1 If you were madly in love with this person and you thought they were so talented and smart and all the things, I don't know if you would be saying this. Again, I think it's normal to compare.

Speaker 1 That's literally all we do in life, right? You're comparing how you look compared to someone.

Speaker 1 You're comparing your job, your house, your finances, your looks, your outfits, your family dynamics, your status, like all of it. That's normal.

Speaker 1 But the fact that you're feeling insecure about your partner, I've had that in a different way. And like, it doesn't go away.
It doesn't go away because

Speaker 1 if you really are in love with someone and you feel good about them, you would find holes in your friends' partners and be like, yeah, but they have that. But like, he has this.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 And I worry for you that him being younger and not where you want him to technically be could potentially be something that keeps eating at you throughout your relationship.

Speaker 1 I could be completely wrong and I may be projecting because I have a friend that was in the situation a few years ago where it was just like, eventually she was like, I feel like I'm dating a kid and I didn't think that the four or five year age gap was going to impact me.

Speaker 1 But I guess men naturally are more immature than women and it takes them longer to mature. So there's a lot of factors that are up against you.

Speaker 1 So I think you need to sit with yourself and recognize, is this literally just because of a money thing?

Speaker 1 That is so fucking normal to feel insecure financially at stages in your life when other people have not that burden. Totally fair.

Speaker 1 But look underneath the hood and is it like, or are you also kind of like,

Speaker 1 I feel like you're, I'm insecure because I'm dating him and he's not this and he's not that and he's not this. And we're all in our 30s at this stage.

Speaker 1 And he's like a baby and just graduated college and is trying to figure his shit out. Um, but I'm sorry that I'm sure that's weighing on you, but you'll know the answer.

Speaker 1 Like you will know, would it solve everything if he had all the money in the world?

Speaker 1 I don't know. You have, you will know that within yourself.
And last thing I'll leave you with, and this is something that I talk about with my friends and Matt all the time is like,

Speaker 1 please keep in mind when you're looking at your friends and their relationships,

Speaker 1 it doesn't mean that they have it all too, right? Like you are looking at something that is clearly an insecurity of yours. They have more financial stability.

Speaker 1 Therefore, they are able to do more things. They can go to more concerts.
They can go out for more dinners. They can go to nicer places, whatever it be.
That's your insecurity in your relationship.

Speaker 1 So it's you're projecting and you're looking at them being like, they have it all, but they all may be going through their own shit.

Speaker 1 Maybe there's some of your friends that like haven't had sex in months and their romantic physical connection isn't there.

Speaker 1 Maybe there's people that are actually overspending and it looks like they're enjoying themselves, but they're also in financial situation that they're not feeling like. We don't know.

Speaker 1 Maybe they're fighting, maybe they're, or they're great. Regardless, we always look at people and when they have something that we don't have, we can get insecure and feel like, damn, I

Speaker 1 want that, but really you don't want that because that's not your relationship. You know that you don't have the same type as your friend.

Speaker 1 You know that that guy wouldn't be as good for you because, you know what I mean? So everything is relative, but it's tough. I completely acknowledge that.
I have definitely been a victim of it.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Oh my God.

Speaker 1 I chose this one for all the girls. Daddy, I need help.
I have a serious shopping problem. I spend way too much money on shoes, clothes, jewelry, purses, everything.

Speaker 1 Fashion's always been how I express myself, and buying new stuff stuff makes me feel like I'm keeping up.

Speaker 1 But I'm supposed to be saving for a wedding and a house later this year and I cannot stop spending.

Speaker 1 I went through my closet the other day and have a full blown, had a full-blown panic attack when I realized how much I've spent on stuff I've worn maybe once. I don't know how to stop.

Speaker 1 Please help me get it together. Girl, you came to the right place.

Speaker 1 I totally get it. Like I have been someone that on Sundays, to not get the Sunday scaries, it relaxes me to watch Grey's Anatomy and scroll on and shop.

Speaker 1 And maybe I'm not even buying some of the shit, but it's nice and fun to scroll. I think that's like a normal thing for girls to shop.

Speaker 1 It does sound like you obviously have a little bit more of a problem where you can't stop yourself. You're even saying that there's some stuff in your closet that you have not even like worn.

Speaker 1 Here would be my advice:

Speaker 1 I don't know if this is a little too extreme, but maybe try it. It could help.
I think maybe you should go on

Speaker 1 a 30-day

Speaker 1 fashion shopping fast.

Speaker 1 And I think you should,

Speaker 1 even if you want to like go and shop online, but don't buy anything, even just like put links into your notes app and be like, once the 30 days is over, I want to buy this.

Speaker 1 And then if you still want to buy it, well, that's on you. But 30 days without shopping.
And instead, what I would do, and I've actually been annoyed with myself, and I think everyone does this.

Speaker 1 You buy something and you barely wear it. I would urge you in these 30 days of your shopping fast to go into your closet and do a couple things.

Speaker 1 Number one, put outfits together with things that you haven't worn and force yourself to wear it that day.

Speaker 1 Like, I think we all get into a habit of kind of having a closet of stuff, but you wear pretty similar stuff. You have your go-to shirt, you have your go-to jacket, pants, all the things.

Speaker 1 And if you haven't worn it in a while, force yourself to wear it. And if you are like, I actually don't want to wear it, why don't you go and sell it? Go on Poshmark, go on eBay, go on the Real Real.

Speaker 1 Like go and sell the the shit and make your money back of the stuff that you're actually not buying and you just bought on a shopping whim. But overall, I think you need to look at yourself.

Speaker 1 And if you can't make it to 30 days, you may actually need to get into therapy and get some help because this does sound a little bit like an addiction.

Speaker 1 And you don't want to continue your life where you are blowing all of your finances on clothes that you're also barely fucking wearing.

Speaker 1 But yeah, let's do a fast. Maybe I'll do it with you.
Who knows? Okay, this one's fucking heavy.

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Speaker 1 Daddy, I don't know what to do. My best friend just told me that she's she's been having an affair with a married man with kids.

Speaker 1 She recently broke up with her boyfriend of three years, and apparently this has been going on ever since.

Speaker 1 I told her straight up, I don't think it's okay, but she said she didn't care and she's still doing it. I'm honestly sick over it.

Speaker 1 I don't agree with it at all, and it's making me question who she even is. But she's been my best friend for 15 years.

Speaker 1 I feel stuck. I can't talk to anyone about it, and I just don't know what to do, dude.

Speaker 1 That is

Speaker 1 fucked behavior.

Speaker 1 Damn, I'm really sorry. Because when you added in the 15-year friendship, I was like, fuck that.
I was going to be like, fuck this bitch. And then I'm like, oh my God, I get it.

Speaker 1 It's your friend of 15 years. And she basically told you, fuck off.
I'm not going to listen to you. Where does that leave you?

Speaker 1 My opinion, if I'm putting myself in your shoes, That leaves you to realize all you can do is control yourself in this moment.

Speaker 1 There is no reason for you to try to convince her, stop having this affair. It's only going to rupture your relationship even more.

Speaker 1 And if she doesn't want to listen to you, she's not going to listen to you. We're all adults here, you know.

Speaker 1 So, if anything, the only reason for you to keep going at her and trying to get her to stop would be to fulfill something in yourself to make you feel better.

Speaker 1 Like you tried to get her away from this person and you're trying to save this family. I think you need to just let it go.

Speaker 1 And I think the hard thing about friendships is, especially long-term friendships, is

Speaker 1 sometimes we have such an image of our friends from when we met them and our early days of our relationship that we don't actually look at ourselves and be like, how has my friendship with this person progressed?

Speaker 1 And do I like who they are as a person? And do I like how I feel around them?

Speaker 1 And this is a perfect example of someone like, yes, there is history there, but this is like a pretty fucked up thing for a person to do. So I think you need to pull back.

Speaker 1 And the hope is you pull back, you focus on yourself, you don't let this take up space in your brain because it's icky and it's like foul behavior.

Speaker 1 Like I, I agree, I couldn't be around a friend that's having a fucking affair with a married man with kids. Like it is gross.

Speaker 1 But the more you focus on yourself, the one hope would be she eventually comes to you in a month, six months, a year and is like, I am so fucking sorry. I don't know what the fuck I was going

Speaker 1 through and I don't know what that was feeding in me. And I look back and I was a shell of a human being of myself.
After my breakup, I threw myself into this. I thought it would make me feel better.

Speaker 1 It didn't. I'm like, I'm so fucking sorry for pushing you away.
And I am disgusted with myself. Like I really, I'm going to get into therapy and I don't know what the fuck happened.

Speaker 1 That would be the hope and the dream. Unfortunately, I think as adults, we have to start to recognize

Speaker 1 People are going to make weird fucking decisions, right? We've all been there.

Speaker 1 Your friend marries a guy that you're like, he's like literally emotionally or verbally or hopefully not, but like physically abusive. And we all can't sit here and watch this happen and feel good.

Speaker 1 So you probably stop going over for dinners as much.

Speaker 1 And you have friends who become so angry about their situation, whether it's their job or their relationship, that they start to be an angry drunk when you guys go out to dinners, right?

Speaker 1 And you're like, I can't keep wasting my Fridays on the one time of the week that I get to go out and have you like yelling at me.

Speaker 1 Like everyone has that thing that you're kind of like, I don't want to be a part of this anymore. Newslash, you don't have to be a part of it anymore.

Speaker 1 And I know it feels weird because when you're the person that's not being the aggressor or doing the wrong thing, you almost feel this sense of like, but I can't give up on them, but I would be weird to pull away.

Speaker 1 No, no, no. At some point, yes, after you have said something to your friend, after you've actively tried to help them and they actively look you in the face and say, fuck off, basically,

Speaker 1 you do then have to take some accountability to pull away and recognize you can only fully control yourself. And if they want to come back, they will come back.
But maybe

Speaker 1 this is kind of the end of a beautiful friendship for what it was for a while. And maybe you can start to look at, has it actually been that good the past year or two?

Speaker 1 Has she been in tune with you? And has she been a good friend? I don't know. And if she has, then we can hope that she comes back and she fucking,

Speaker 1 hopefully, the wife walks in on them fucking. She runs down the street.
She breaks her fucking leg. Well, no, but you know what I mean.
And she has a wake-up call. She almost gets hit by a car.

Speaker 1 She's in the hospital. She calls you and she says, I'm never going to fuck a married man again.
You never know. Something could fall out of the sky, hit her in the head.
She's concussed. She wakes up.

Speaker 1 Ah, she's a better woman. We can hope, but.
We can't expect. Okay, next.
This is fucking tough. Are we ready? All right, daddy, this might be a weird one, but I need help.

Speaker 1 How do I tell my best friend that she needs to chill on the filler? It started with a little Botox, then some lip filler, and now it's every month she's getting something else put in her face.

Speaker 1 She's already so beautiful, and now she's starting to look kind of unrecognizable. Is it my job as her best friend to tell her to stop, or is this just a canon event I can't interfere with?

Speaker 1 Damn,

Speaker 1 that's really fucking tough because

Speaker 1 I'm trying to think like what I would do because a part of me feels

Speaker 1 I feel for you right because it's like

Speaker 1 bringing up your friend's looks in general

Speaker 1 is tough

Speaker 1 and

Speaker 1 I think

Speaker 1 someone that's gonna get an excessive amount of work done and that like it's one thing to be like Botux yay a little bit of filler woo and then once they get to the point where it's like, girl, like, your face is looking like a fucking cinder block,

Speaker 1 you

Speaker 1 clearly there's something going on with her, right? Like, there is an insecurity in her, there's something going on, and she's taking it too far, and she doesn't see it.

Speaker 1 It's like fucking eyebrow blindness that everyone talks about on TikTok, or it's filler blindness.

Speaker 1 Like, I get that, or it's blonde blindness, where it's like, I'm not blonde enough, and it's like, you have three strands of hair left on your head, and they are platinum fucking blonde. Um,

Speaker 1 number one, my piece of advice: you have to kind of assess what is your relationship with this person.

Speaker 1 Because I'm thinking about like my best friends and I, if any of us are ever going to get something done, we FaceTime and call that person. And it's like, okay, wait, I was thinking about doing this.

Speaker 1 Like, do you think I need it? Or am I being fucking insane? So if my friend, I feel like I would have a gauge to be like, no, no, no, wait, because last time you did this, don't do that.

Speaker 1 If you don't have that relationship, this is how I would approach it.

Speaker 1 I think you

Speaker 1 sit her down, not actually like schedule a meeting, meeting, but like whether you're having drinks or you're at a dinner or you're just hanging. And I think you say, Hey,

Speaker 1 I wanted to bring something up that

Speaker 1 I like hate that I'm bringing this up, but I know that if the rules were reversed, I would want you to say something to me.

Speaker 1 And I want you to know I love you so fucking much, and I think you're so beautiful, and you're my best friend. And I'm only saying this because I would want you to do the same for me.

Speaker 1 I

Speaker 1 have obviously noticed that you've been

Speaker 1 getting more stuff done lately.

Speaker 1 And I just wanted to check in with you and see like how you're doing and make sure you're okay.

Speaker 1 I think you have to make sure.

Speaker 1 Did you kind of like notice my wording here where I'm not like, so I've noticed that you've been getting a lot done to your face and you look so different and it is starting to look botched.

Speaker 1 So I'm just wondering like why you're doing that because like it's not looking good. No, No, don't use the word botched.
Don't even use the words like you're looking different.

Speaker 1 Like obviously she can't see it. If she knew like, wow, I look fucking crazy.
But it takes a while to get to the point where you recognize that. Right.

Speaker 1 And so I think it's being very loving and it's just saying, as a friend, I would want you to do the same for me. And then again, like, I feel like the theme of this is like,

Speaker 1 You can only go so far. If she's like, what are you talking about and blows up on you?

Speaker 1 she is eventually gonna realize it right because one day a doctor is gonna be like i can't put another syringe in your face or she's gonna take it so far that then all of a sudden she'll have her own recognition because her mom's gonna send her a picture of herself when she was a child and she'll be like that wasn't me and they're like no rebecca it's literally you but post nose job chin implant

Speaker 1 jaw implant, you do look a little different. And she'd be like, oh my God, I was so cute.
Why do I look like that?

Speaker 1 Like something will break for her, but maybe you can get in there and just make her not feel insecure insecure is the biggest fucking thing.

Speaker 1 You have been there. We've all been there.
If a friend brings something up to you and they do it in a way that you

Speaker 1 can recognize it in the moment, but because they're being so aggressive, you get defensive. And it's like maybe later that night, it will actually sink in and you'll be able to handle it.

Speaker 1 But then you're like, well, I'm not going to talk to her about it because she was so judgy and so rude about how she handled it. So it's with grace and it's with ease.

Speaker 1 But again, everyone's going to do what they want to do. So you don't want to fuck up your relationship by telling her that her face is fucking botched, you know?

Speaker 1 Okay, this is one that I really feel is good to end with because it honestly kind of

Speaker 1 goes back to the beginning of this episode. Hi, daddy.
I went out last weekend and met this really cute guy. We talked seriously all night and had the best chemistry.

Speaker 1 He ended up walking me home and asking for my number, but didn't try to kiss me or anything. It's been a week and he hasn't texted me.

Speaker 1 I found his Instagram and I'm thinking about DMing him, but is that crazy? I want to shoot my shot, but also I know that if he wanted to, he would.

Speaker 1 I kind of just want to know whether he's into me or not so I can mentally compartmentalize him. Hmm.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 sweetie, sweetie, sweetie.

Speaker 1 Sweetie, sweetie, sweetie. You have your answer.
You know what I mean? Like, let's use those context clues. He walked you home.
He didn't try to kiss you. He asked for your number.

Speaker 1 He asked for your number. He didn't give you his number.
And when he asked for your number, he didn't say, texting you now. So you have it.
He didn't call you saying, that's my number. Did that work?

Speaker 1 Did I write that down? He just, oh, thanks for your number. Bye.
Walked away. It's been a week.
You haven't heard from him. You haven't heard from him.
You haven't heard from him. He has your number.

Speaker 1 He hasn't heard from. No, no, no.
No, no, no. No, no, no, no, no.
Ole, ole ole he fucking hates you he doesn't hate you but he doesn't like you you know what i mean we gotta just

Speaker 1 we gotta just fucking take it on the chin and roll if a man

Speaker 1 takes your number and doesn't fucking text you immediately in the next 24 hours 48 hours it's it's a no for him dog you know and i feel like you going and looking at his instagram and then you're gonna try to dm him why do you have to dm him?

Speaker 1 Let's remember, because he didn't give you his number.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? For all you know, Samantha is a full girlfriend. Like, this is something that is so hard in the moment to notice.

Speaker 1 And I so get that, but that's why you need that fatherly advice to smack it out of you to be like, no, no, no, no. Why do you have to DM him? Because you don't have his number.

Speaker 1 He asked for your number and he has never texted you again.

Speaker 1 I know it's hard, and I think this is now to be less aggressive. Why I think it's so hard sometimes is

Speaker 1 when you have a really fucking fun night with someone, there's two things that can happen.

Speaker 1 Number one, you can be misinterpreting the fun night as, oh my God, this is literally the beginning of the rest of my life. And they're blown off steam after work and they're just having a nice time.

Speaker 1 And if it was you or fucking Samantha or Caroline or grandma fucking Ida, he would have talked to anyone that night at the bar. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Like he just was looking for a little bit of comfort and a good time talk. And then that was it.
So you have to compartmentalize like, this was a good moment, but that doesn't mean shit.

Speaker 1 It was a good moment, but how did he act after the good moment? It's easy to have a fun night where you don't know someone's backstory. You don't know their baggage.
You don't know jack shit.

Speaker 1 They're just a fucking pretty girl in a bar and a hot guy in a bar and you buy a drink together, you hit it off, he walks you home and he fucking never talks to you again.

Speaker 1 That is the easiest thing to actually do. And the harder thing to do is follow up and actually have a date and now have a conversation and have a planned situation.
And he's not doing that.

Speaker 1 It sucks though. I think I've been there where I've, you know, met a guy at a bar and been like, oh my God, that was so fucking fun.

Speaker 1 And then he just didn't give me the same energy back the following days. And I was like, got it.
This is kind of weird. Clearly, I'm misreading this.
So I'm going to pull back.

Speaker 1 And I think that's all you can do. Wait in the wings if he ever texts you.
I'm going to, I'm going to give you the cheat code and just give you the answer now. He's never gonna text you.

Speaker 1 So go back out to the bars, find another guy. And

Speaker 1 I actually was gonna say, make sure you get their number next. I think you now know if a man ever asks for your number and he doesn't give you his back or he doesn't text you immediately,

Speaker 1 he's kind of trying to awkward exit.

Speaker 1 We've all done that. Daddy Gang, we have all done that.
And I have done that. I have done that to

Speaker 1 friends of Matt's that are like periphery friends that like we run into and they're like, oh my God, well, oh, you're like, oh my God, we should get to you. Oh, totally, totally.
Give me your number.

Speaker 1 Give me that number.

Speaker 1 Give me that number. And I am never going to fucking text you.
Not because all for different reasons. Sometimes it's like because there's nothing to say.

Speaker 1 And in the moment, understandably, if someone, I give credit.

Speaker 1 There's moments in work settings where someone's like, oh yeah, maybe we'll, we know, but we're trying to end the conversation and it's weird to just be like, bye sometimes and people word vomit.

Speaker 1 So they're like, let's get a little drink. And it's like, we don't need to get a drink.
We just did business. We're all good.
Email me. You know what I mean? So sometimes it's word vomit.

Speaker 1 And that's what I worry for you. He's standing on your stoop.

Speaker 1 Your hair is in the breeze. You're kind of leaning forward, like

Speaker 1 trying to kiss him. And he's like, why don't you give me your number? Why don't you give me your number? And I'll hit you up.

Speaker 1 It's almost like a cop-out where it's like an easy little, like, make them think I'm coming back. He's never coming back.
So

Speaker 1 that sucks, but at least you didn't like date him for a year and he's a narcissist. There's always a silver lining.
Daddy gang, thank you so much for tuning in on this Sunday session.

Speaker 1 It feels right to be back every Sunday is Father's Day. You know what I mean? Me, you, and just some really hard truths, but good truths, because it's important, right?

Speaker 1 We need to be self-aware and we need to keep it fucking moving. We don't have time for pieces of shit.
We don't have time for people that are going to waste our time.

Speaker 1 And we don't have time for people that aren't going to treat us right. So, love you, bitches.
I'll see you in two Sundays. Love you.
Bye.

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