I’m Not Ready For A Baby…

Speaker 1 Hi, Daddy Gang. It is your father.
I am so excited that Caller Daddy has officially joined the SiriusXM family.

Speaker 1 I cannot wait to talk to new guests and continue to share my crazy personal stories and experiences with you every single week.

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Speaker 1 What is up, Daddy Gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper with Call Her Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy.

Speaker 1 Hello, everyone. Welcome back to another episode of Call Her Daddy.

Speaker 1 Daddy Gang, I have been wanting to give you an update on my life and not just like a, oh, this is what I did last weekend kind of update, but in a more serious way.

Speaker 1 I feel like I haven't really sat down and talked to you guys about what's actually going on in my life.

Speaker 1 And while it's obviously so exciting that Call Her Daddy has been having a huge year with insane interviews and big guests, at the end of the day, the show was built on you and me feeling personally connected.

Speaker 1 So I am very excited to hang out with you today. This past April, Matt and I celebrated our one year wedding anniversary.
Very exciting. We went to Hawaii with Henry and Bruce, obviously.

Speaker 1 And it was so relaxing and romantic. And

Speaker 1 Matt and I were sitting together reflecting on our first year of marriage, how amazing it was, all of the life decisions that we made together.

Speaker 1 We talked about all the things that we had overcome, the things that we accomplished. And

Speaker 1 as we're discussing all of this, I couldn't help but think to myself,

Speaker 1 you guys don't really know about any of this in my life.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 that feels weird to say, because I recognize I started this show talking so openly in extreme explicit detail about my dating life and really all aspects of my life, but specifically me shitting on the men that I was hooking up with, detailing the sex positions that we were doing the night before, all of the good stuff.

Speaker 1 And I recognize that that has shifted over the past few years.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 today,

Speaker 1 I want to explain why I pulled back. And then, in the spirit of reconnecting, I want to give you one of my most personal life updates that I have to offer right now.

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Call Her Daddy is brought to you by T-Mobile.

Speaker 1 Here's the thing, Daddy Gang. You know, I love the outdoors.
I love it. I love it.

Speaker 1 And I love it until I don't have service. Okay.
I'm like, ooh, this hike is so gorgeous, Matt. My dogs are so hot.
Wait a second. Daddy Gang, I'm here to tell you.
We are going to be fine.

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Speaker 1 I have been an open book with you guys, and

Speaker 1 obviously that started to shift when I met my husband. And I kind of want to walk you through

Speaker 1 the

Speaker 1 evolution, the thought process, and

Speaker 1 conversations that Matt and I had along the way in deciding how much I was going to publicly share about us and our relationship.

Speaker 1 So let's go back to the first time I podcasted about Matthew. I was working at Barstool at the time.
Fucking throwback. And I had asked them, it was in the pandemic.

Speaker 1 I had asked them to send me to LA once restrictions kind of opened up a little bit more so that I could go and interview some guests for Call Her Daddy.

Speaker 1 If you all remember, that was the trip where I got Miley Cyrus on the show and it fucking changed everything. And at the time, I was extremely single.
I was talking to a few guys on my roster.

Speaker 1 And the first night of my LA trip, I had a work/slash dinner date scheduled with Matt. I had never met him in person.

Speaker 1 We had one Zoom meeting together prior, and he invited me to go get sushi with him when I got to LA. When I landed in LA,

Speaker 1 I remember I immediately set up my podcast equipment and I just did what I would always do. I just started to talk about a date that I was about to go on with this sexy guy that I met on Zoom.

Speaker 1 And I decided to call him Mr. Sexy Zoom Man.
And that is what he should be referred to by all of the the women around the world. And I held nothing back.
I talked about how I thought he was so hot.

Speaker 1 And I obviously searched his IMDB and I looked up every fucking possible interview known to man. His entire digital footprint I had memorized.

Speaker 1 He barely had an Instagram. I found it and I did all the top tier recon.
You know what I mean? All the recon that I have taught you guys to do before you interact with the male species.

Speaker 1 And I remember I paused the podcast and I said, I will be back with updates. It's, it's time to go on the date.

Speaker 1 And to anyone who's new here and has become maybe daddy gang in the interview era of Caller Daddy, this was a very normal occurrence. No man was safe.
No detail was left untold.

Speaker 1 If you were interacting with me in my life, you were getting talked about on the podcast. And so I will never forget, Matt pulled up to pick me up at my hotel.

Speaker 1 And immediately when I got in the car, I thought he was hot and I could tell I was going to get some great podcasting content from the night. And when we sat down at dinner, I was.

Speaker 1 extremely upfront with him about this. I told him I had already banked 30 minutes of predate content.

Speaker 1 And so whatever happened on the date, you know, obviously it's going to make it into the second half of the episode. He's like, you're insane.
And I do remember like Matt definitely expressed that he

Speaker 1 he would love if I didn't do that.

Speaker 1 But overall, his vibe was chill about the situation and it more became kind of like a joke of the night than something like serious that was deterring him from like having a good time.

Speaker 1 And Matt and I always say to this day, it was hands down

Speaker 1 the best first date we could have asked for. The date ended up being like three plus hours.
We had really emotionally stimulating conversations.

Speaker 1 And I think overall, we both were just really surprised at how much we liked each other after one date.

Speaker 1 So I got back to my hotel room and obviously I immediately podcasted about it. Every detail.
But the debrief, to be fair, was like pretty fucking tame for my standards. I kept it PG.

Speaker 1 I'm pretty sure I just detailed like our makeout behind the restaurant, nothing that crazy. And so the episode about Matt Kaplan went live 48 hours after the date.
And shortly after, I got a

Speaker 1 call

Speaker 1 from Matt himself.

Speaker 1 I remember I'm in my hotel room. I pick it up.
I'm all like giddy. I'm like, oh, he's calling.
What does he want?

Speaker 1 And I remember he's like on the golf course outside and he's laughing because someone clearly had sent him the episode and he told me that he hadn't listened to it yet. Okay.

Speaker 1 And he demanded that he hear from my lips what I said about him. And I obviously just gave him the top line.

Speaker 1 I did leave out, I'm pretty sure, like the throbbing of my vagina when I looked at him and all those like little, just like little, little details that he didn't need to know.

Speaker 1 But overall, gave him the top line. We kept it fucking moving.
And he, like, again, kind of thought it was funny and endearing, and he was chill about it.

Speaker 1 It's not like he loved it, but the episode was harmless enough that he wasn't going to get mad at me.

Speaker 1 And so, after that, we ended up hanging out almost every single night for two weeks straight when I was in LA.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 when I got back to New York, there was

Speaker 1 this excitement that I had, but also

Speaker 1 this feeling of

Speaker 1 a little bit of uncertainty

Speaker 1 because I think Matt and I were both so

Speaker 1 fucking happy with the time that we had just spent together, but I think we were also trying to be realistic and not get ahead of ourselves. He lived in LA.
I still lived in New York. He was an adult.

Speaker 1 I was a little bit of a fucking degenerate. And there was just a lot of unknown variables.
So we kind of decided to keep talking and just keep it somewhat casual.

Speaker 1 And so all of this was smooth sailing until I decided that I was going to ramp it up 10 notches.

Speaker 1 And the daddy gang in my heart, I just knew they were due for a graphic detailing of my sex life, obviously. We needed another Gluckluck 3000 moment.
Okay. We needed a banger.

Speaker 1 So obviously insert the sloppy toppy delight. Okay.

Speaker 1 You guys,

Speaker 1 I will never forget that episode. And hopefully you don't.
Here is the thing.

Speaker 1 Before I met Matt, I had good sex. I had a lot of good sex, but this man changed the course of my life and changed everything for me.
Okay.

Speaker 1 And so I felt obligated as a woman who had previously claimed that she, you know, didn't enjoy getting eaten out. I needed to tell you guys what this man had done to my vagina.

Speaker 1 And so I remember in the episode, I detailed graphically.

Speaker 1 Actually, wait, hold on.

Speaker 1 You know what we need to do? We need to pull up the fucking episode description because you guys, oh my God. Okay, this is the description.
This week is a solo episode with your father.

Speaker 1 Alex is detailing her sexcapades with Mr. Sexy Zoom Man, featuring her cum in his beard, his pussy eating skills,

Speaker 1 her sex with him, and a battle between him and another man that made her realize how she feels about him.

Speaker 1 Oh my God, I forgot that was about this musician that I was talking to at the same time as Matt. Wait, I'm not okay.
His fucking beard. There is so much to unpack here, but let me just fucking say.

Speaker 1 That episode did numbers, okay? Sloppy Toppy Delight.

Speaker 1 Genius. You guys fucking loved that one.
Anyways, for context, I remember my headspace of when I went to upload this episode.

Speaker 1 Like back in the day, I had this obsession with really pushing everything to the limit. And what I mean by this is like Matt was getting on a plane to come visit me the day that that episode dropped.

Speaker 1 Matt was in the air flying cross country to my ass and I boop pressed upload. Boop knew he couldn't download it.
Boop let the world fucking listen to his pussy fucking eating skills.

Speaker 1 He's flying from Los Angeles to New York at this point to take me to the Hamptons for my birthday.

Speaker 1 And I thought it would be a good time to just bing, let the world in on a little bit of our detailed sex. And so I remember Matt landed.

Speaker 1 And this time he didn't just call me. I got a FaceTime from him as he's in the car driving to my apartment.

Speaker 1 And I remember answering and he goes, he just opens the FaceTime and he goes, Alex, what did you do?

Speaker 1 I'm like, oh my God, babe, I can't wait to see you. Like, I know where we're going to go to dinner tonight.
We're all good. What are you talking about? He's like, Alex,

Speaker 1 I just got a call from my dad.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 Steve?

Speaker 1 Steve? That's like the real fucking kicker. I can handle Matt being like, me and Matt, we can go all day.
Your dad is calling you.

Speaker 1 Matt's father was aware that his beloved son was flying across the country to see a girl who lived in New York.

Speaker 1 So naturally, he decided to do a little Google search of his own to find out what I was all about, right? Steve's just trying to catch a vibe. And when he realized that I had a show,

Speaker 1 obviously, he just went to click on the most recent episode just to get a feel for my morals and my values and like what I'm talking about each week.

Speaker 1 And unfortunately for him, my most recent episode was detailing how his son was intricately up inside my vagina to the point where it was so good, he made me come all over his son's beard.

Speaker 1 He made me come all over his son's. Does that make it sound like the dad? No, no, not made me come.

Speaker 1 steve's son made me come on his beard regardless steve i forever apologize for this one however you're a real one because we do laugh about this to this day we actually recently talked about this at this past thanksgiving steve was having a hoot and a half uh yeah it is funny now but it wasn't that funny back then overall i just remember We hung up the FaceTime and what ended up actually coming from that was Matt and I had to have a serious talk.

Speaker 1 This may have slightly pushed Matt over the edge.

Speaker 1 And it was because he started to get calls and texts from family, friends, employees, work colleagues, the random fucking high school friend that he hadn't talked to in 10 years.

Speaker 1 Everyone was starting to kind of put it together that Matt was the sexy Zoom man, the call her daddy girl was talking about every week now.

Speaker 1 And I could tell Matt was uncomfortable and a little overwhelmed by all of this. He is such a private person.

Speaker 1 And when Matt and I now talk about that time back in our lives, he always laughs and is like,

Speaker 1 I just had no idea how serious you and I were going to become. So of course I was like trying to protect myself and I was hesitant to have someone talk so

Speaker 1 explicitly about me in a way that could probably impact my life.

Speaker 1 And I'm always like, totally fair, babe. Totally fair.
Thank God it worked out. But totally fair.
Like, I get it. That's, he wasn't in control.

Speaker 1 I had like all the keys and I was driving and he was just hoping I didn't fucking go too far each week. But so that, though, I will say, was the first time in my life of having call her daddy

Speaker 1 that I was torn about next week's podcast.

Speaker 1 It was

Speaker 1 the first time that I ever thought about sparing a man's feelings because

Speaker 1 I actually cared about him. And trust me, I hated myself too at that point.
I was like, no,

Speaker 1 you cannot care about him. Like fuck this, like exploit your life, exploit him, keep it fucking moving.

Speaker 1 But that just wasn't the truth. I did care.

Speaker 1 And so I will say this situation kind of forced us to have more honest and real conversations than we probably typically would have had at that point and seeing each other.

Speaker 1 And we really had to talk honestly and openly about whether we could fit into each other's lives. The reality was I was a very, very, very public person and he was beyond private.

Speaker 1 How the fuck is that going to work?

Speaker 1 I think what was confusing was the compatibility, like immediately off the bat was there. Compatibility, the intimacy was there.
Everything felt right.

Speaker 1 But this aspect was going to take compromising from both of us. Obviously, you guys know how this story ends.
It, thank God, worked out.

Speaker 1 And Matt and I over that next year, we found a rhythm that worked for us. And looking back, without a doubt, I think my biggest fear at the time had been that

Speaker 1 I genuinely believed that I wouldn't find a man who would let me just be me and and support me and support my career because it is a lot to take on.

Speaker 1 And,

Speaker 1 you know,

Speaker 1 I think for Matt, I feel like Matt's biggest fear, honestly, was he was just like, I just don't want you to ruin my life. Please don't take me down.

Speaker 1 I didn't. Everything is fine.
But overall, I think the more and more we fell in love, I actually,

Speaker 1 I felt this internal shift in myself where I didn't have an urge to talk about everything that happened between us because I wanted to protect our relationship. And

Speaker 1 I was the one leading this decision making, which was nice.

Speaker 1 Matt had made it clear once he and I basically knew, like, oh, we're in this, he made it clear that he trusted me implicitly and he expressed to me that

Speaker 1 I'm now all in. Like, I'm down for whatever.
I trust you. I trust what you're going to share on Call Her Daddy will be like fine for our relationship.
And I love you and like, do your thing.

Speaker 1 I, I love you, which was nice because I don't, again, I don't think I could have been with someone that like put guardrails up for me.

Speaker 1 And something I don't want to get misconstrued when I'm saying all of this, Daddy Gang, is like

Speaker 1 you

Speaker 1 all did absolutely nothing to make me feel like I didn't want to share about my life or I needed to hide things. Like that is not what this is about.
at all.

Speaker 1 You guys have been the most fucking supportive people in my life, truly. And

Speaker 1 I think it really was just a natural evolution within myself and what my relationship needed to build into what it is today.

Speaker 1 I

Speaker 1 also think something I've learned from spending more time in this crazy fucking industry is that when you start doing things for content and public views, it really starts to blur the line of what is real and what is fake.

Speaker 1 Because when you are sharing your relationship, inevitably you're gonna wanna present the best possible way. And you guys see it all the time.
Like someone breaks up and everyone's like, what?

Speaker 1 They broke up? We've only seen them kiss and hug and be in love. And it's like, of course, like no one's posting the fighting video online.

Speaker 1 And I just think when you're doing that, you're constantly deciding how you want to be perceived by the world. And I know no one wants to hear this, but this is so fucking common in Hollywood.

Speaker 1 Like a lot of the decisions people are making in Hollywood are heavily influenced by public opinion and image and branding and personal gain. And so

Speaker 1 that was also

Speaker 1 something that Matt and I personally recognized. Neither of us had interest in falling into that trap together.

Speaker 1 I didn't want to make decisions and do things that I wouldn't naturally do with Matt just for likes and views and attention.

Speaker 1 Like, I quite literally know couples who spend their entire Saturday night filming content or they go to certain events so that they are photographed together.

Speaker 1 And so the internet gives them the stamp of approval of like couple goals.

Speaker 1 I also sadly know couples who attend events or just go out to be seen in public so that they are seen together and they're able to confirm to the public, like, yay, we're happy.

Speaker 1 Look, we're not breaking up. All is good in our life.

Speaker 1 It's just not something we were interested in doing at all. And obviously those are the extreme examples, but like you're still kind of

Speaker 1 trying to appease the public. And so you're making decisions about your relationship for the public.

Speaker 1 And by not leaning into any of that, it was the best decision we as a couple ever made in the beginning to just keep it as private as we could.

Speaker 1 And now to clarify, I'm not saying I can't throw up like a couple moments with me and Matt on social media occasionally, but I do it in a way that feels very low stakes and low pressure to me.

Speaker 1 And I now have an understanding of what specific aspects I need to keep private and what aspects are okay to share.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 now

Speaker 1 I want to share something extremely personal that I have been holding on to for the past year, and

Speaker 1 I am finally ready to talk about it. So

Speaker 1 here we go.

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Speaker 1 Take care of yourselves, daddy gang.

Speaker 1 Like I just, you know, told all of you, pretty early on, Matt and I were having very, very real conversations about life.

Speaker 1 We talked about ideal timelines, our views on marriage, what we wanted out of life, whether or not we wanted children. And if so,

Speaker 1 when that would ideally be.

Speaker 1 And we were pretty much aligned on everything.

Speaker 1 All of these decisions, Matt and I went on to make in lockstep together. Marriage, buying a house, starting a company together, all of it.

Speaker 1 But one of the decisions that we have been actively trying to figure out is

Speaker 1 when we want to try and have kids.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 so much has gone into these conversations. And we ultimately decided that we wanted to start trying to get pregnant last summer.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 we were

Speaker 1 so excited. Like we started planning renovations on our house to build a nursery and upstairs kids' bedrooms.
We told our families.

Speaker 1 Our, you know, date nights consisted of us talking about how excited we were to watch each other become parents. We started doubling down on what baby names we liked.

Speaker 1 It was at like the top of my notes every week. We were refreshing it.
And we were both

Speaker 1 ready. Like we were just so excited and

Speaker 1 ready.

Speaker 1 And so shortly after our wedding, I went off birth control. And

Speaker 1 I really want to talk about that for a second because

Speaker 1 holy fucking shit, that was an experience that I was not prepared for. And

Speaker 1 I know everyone's experience is different. So, first, I just want to be clear: like, birth control is a privilege.
I am so grateful that I was able to be on it. And again, I'm not a doctor.

Speaker 1 I am not advocating for anyone to go off of it. I just want to explain to you what my experience was.
For context, I had been on birth control since I was 16 years old. And so

Speaker 1 when I was about to go off the pill, I started talking to my friends around me about their experiences. And every single one was varied.

Speaker 1 For a few of my friends, they went off the pill and it took over a year for them to get their period back.

Speaker 1 For some others, it only took a month and then their body was just like basically back to normal. So

Speaker 1 there is just like really, it feels like no way to know what will happen to you or what your body's experience might be.

Speaker 1 But for me,

Speaker 1 when I first went off the pill, at first, everything seemed fine. The first month, I experienced spotting, I didn't get my period back, but overall, I felt pretty normal.
And then

Speaker 1 about a month or so later,

Speaker 1 things changed. I started to experience extreme vertigo and dizziness.
And the new hormonal fluctuations were

Speaker 1 just so intense and really affecting me. I would be in interviews about to pass out.
I would pass out in the shower. I

Speaker 1 was so

Speaker 1 fucking emotional. all the time and it was frustrating.
I

Speaker 1 like physically, I could feel my body trying to re-regulate and find its new normal.

Speaker 1 And it was struggling. I started breaking out like crazy.
I felt awful 24-7.

Speaker 1 And I just felt so out of control with what was happening to my body. I could tell something wasn't right.
And of course,

Speaker 1 All of the questions any woman would start to think were running through my head. I'm fucking Googling everything.
Obviously the biggest one being like, am I fertile?

Speaker 1 And will I even be able to get pregnant? And I just started spiraling and assuming the worst as we all do. And so

Speaker 1 four to five months went by and I ended up getting my period back, but my cramps were beyond excruciating to the point that my doctor considered that I may have PCOS.

Speaker 1 And so all of this is happening. And we're all trying to just figure out: like, how do I get back to normal? How do I feel okay?

Speaker 1 And while this is happening, Matt and I have a conversation and we decide to just put a pause on getting pregnant because the first priority was, I need to get back to feeling good and normal. And so,

Speaker 1 as shitty as

Speaker 1 all of this was, that things weren't exactly going according to plan or our timeline about getting pregnant. My career, on the other hand, had never been busier and never been bigger.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 when I look back at this time last year,

Speaker 1 I felt like

Speaker 1 I really had hit my stride in feeling so

Speaker 1 confident in running a company. I started unwell about two years ago and I am so fucking proud about what we've built.
I love being a podcast host more than anything.

Speaker 1 And now, being able to branch into this new role as a CEO and owner, I feel even more creatively stimulated. I've never worked harder or been more excited to be doing what I'm doing.

Speaker 1 This past year, I signed a huge new deal. I turned 30.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 at that time,

Speaker 1 I didn't want to slow down. And getting pregnant

Speaker 1 inevitably would mean

Speaker 1 I had to slow down.

Speaker 1 And so

Speaker 1 I remember

Speaker 1 starting to have doubts.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 it started to eat me alive inside because,

Speaker 1 you know, this wasn't the plan. Like,

Speaker 1 this wasn't the plan that Matt and I were so excited about. And it's not the plan that we talked about and that we agreed upon.
And

Speaker 1 I don't know exactly when it hit me, but

Speaker 1 in the moments where I was being really honest with myself, which took a minute, but I eventually realized I wasn't ready.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 even when I got to feeling healthier again, as nice as that was, it

Speaker 1 didn't make me want to rush and have a baby. Instead, it made me

Speaker 1 more anxious because

Speaker 1 I should have felt ready. And I felt so

Speaker 1 frustrated with myself. And

Speaker 1 I felt guilty.

Speaker 1 Like,

Speaker 1 how had I gone from being so sure and so

Speaker 1 excited to start this process? And then now I'm doubting myself and second guessing

Speaker 1 everything.

Speaker 1 I

Speaker 1 also

Speaker 1 think I felt so conflicted because

Speaker 1 in the back of my mind, I had this imaginary

Speaker 1 number, it almost felt like, like counting down, like, oh, okay, so if I delay the process one year now, then I'm going to get pregnant when I'm about, you know, 31.

Speaker 1 And so then now I'm not having a baby until I'm 32.

Speaker 1 And ideally, if I'm able to get pregnant, like I don't want one, I want, I want more than one. And so then I'm like, and I'm doing all this like fucking math in my head.

Speaker 1 And I, I think I started to like

Speaker 1 get so

Speaker 1 anxious and panicked. And I started to feel like it was all just like

Speaker 1 getting away from me. And I was losing this precious time.
And it

Speaker 1 was this all-encompassing, overwhelming feeling.

Speaker 1 And so, of course, I had moments, I'll admit, when I started to think, fuck it,

Speaker 1 just try and suck it up. Like, maybe once I'm pregnant, I'll feel differently.

Speaker 1 But then I always came back to, like, I just know myself, and I know in my gut, like

Speaker 1 I need more time.

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Speaker 1 And I'm like, yeah, yeah, I'll get on board. The thing is, though, is like if I'm gonna do a new hobby that requires me actually moving my body, I'm gonna look cute while I do it.

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Speaker 1 Here's the thing: you know, we always talk about these like really romantic relationships. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Speaker 1 And so,

Speaker 1 all of this was going through my head, and I was

Speaker 1 spiraling.

Speaker 1 And so, I knew I needed to tell Matt.

Speaker 1 I wasn't nervous about his reaction because I know the man that I married is always going to support me. I think, if anything, I was,

Speaker 1 it was, it was almost like I was more hesitant to

Speaker 1 speak it into existence because

Speaker 1 I don't know. Like

Speaker 1 I feel like I'm a very certain person.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 I'll be honest, I felt very

Speaker 1 disoriented about how uncertain I felt about this one thing in my life.

Speaker 1 And also, I

Speaker 1 knew Matt was ready.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 although I knew he wouldn't ever show it, of course he was going to have some level of disappointment on his end.

Speaker 1 And so

Speaker 1 I told him all of this.

Speaker 1 We, I remember we were just like sitting eating dinner at our house one night, and I just kind of word vomited it all.

Speaker 1 I was like, Matt, I know, you know, that I've been like thinking about this, but I need you to like really understand what I've been thinking and what I'm going through and like what I'm thinking about.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 it always makes me emotional because I remember I'm like going on and on and on, like I do. And that Matt literally like grabbed me and like put me on his lap.
And he was like,

Speaker 1 look at me.

Speaker 1 Man, I'm going to cry.

Speaker 1 He was like, look at me,

Speaker 1 Alex.

Speaker 1 How long have you been carrying this?

Speaker 1 He was like, I love you so much

Speaker 1 when it is the right time

Speaker 1 it will be the right time i love you and i will support you no matter

Speaker 1 what

Speaker 1 and

Speaker 1 oh my god

Speaker 1 um i'm just so

Speaker 1 beyond grateful

Speaker 1 that Matt could not have been more supportive. He is,

Speaker 1 he is truly the best partner to me. And he is so loving and supportive and selfless.
And I know he is going to be, oh my God, okay.

Speaker 1 I know he's going to be the most incredible father to our babies, but

Speaker 1 I realized

Speaker 1 I need more time.

Speaker 1 And that's tough to

Speaker 1 say out loud,

Speaker 1 but

Speaker 1 I realized

Speaker 1 I need time

Speaker 1 to live a little more before I enter the next beautiful chapter of my life. And I'm in no way saying I have to stop everything once I'm a mom.

Speaker 1 If anything, what I'm saying is I want to be so fucking present. I want to be capable of being the mom to my children that my mom was to me and my siblings.
My mom worked.

Speaker 1 She was so motivated in her career and she still gave us everything we needed and more. And so

Speaker 1 I just felt in my body that I want to grind at work and I want to be selfish a little longer.

Speaker 1 I want to enjoy what I've worked so fucking hard for. I want to go on a weekend trip with my husband and fuck and have no responsibilities after the longest work week.

Speaker 1 I want to throw unwell parties after a million meetings that week, get on a plane and go fly and have drinks with the daddy gang.

Speaker 1 I want to host events where we get to talk and connect and meet and celebrate everything we've built, which is this gorgeous, incredible community of women. And so

Speaker 1 this past year,

Speaker 1 that's what I've been doing. I've been being selfish and I've been living.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 another thing I

Speaker 1 recognize is that

Speaker 1 life

Speaker 1 is so

Speaker 1 annoyingly unpredictable. And I sit here and say that I want to wait a little longer, but who fucking knows, right? Like no

Speaker 1 life is perfect or ever goes as fucking planned. And I pray to God I can even get pregnant when I start trying.

Speaker 1 It may potentially be such a long road for me and my husband when we do decide the time is right, but we will cross that bridge together when we get there.

Speaker 1 So for now,

Speaker 1 I'm in my newlywed era. I'm

Speaker 1 enjoying this current phase of my life. It's been almost a year since I pushed back my timeline.
So just reminding you all, like, this isn't happening. This didn't just happen.

Speaker 1 This was a year ago that I I made this decision. And,

Speaker 1 you know, who knows when I'll decide the time is right to start trying.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 if I can

Speaker 1 give you any advice, daddy gang, from everything that I've just been kind of

Speaker 1 experiencing and living out this past year is like

Speaker 1 the thing about timelines is

Speaker 1 they can be helpful,

Speaker 1 but I also don't think we can let them dictate our lives. I have talked so much about timelines on this show because

Speaker 1 I genuinely believe that there is just so much more pressure on women regarding when they should be hitting certain milestones in their lives.

Speaker 1 And so there may be some women listening who maybe you're the first generation in your family and who doesn't want kids.

Speaker 1 And maybe there is this intense pressure that you're feeling from your parents or your in-laws or whoever to get pregnant. My advice is just remember,

Speaker 1 you know yourself best. At the end of the day, only you have to live with the choices that you make about your life.

Speaker 1 That is way more stressful, in my opinion, than sticking to some like dumbass arbitrary made-up timeline or your like mother-in-law bitching. Like, no, no, no, it's okay.
It's your life.

Speaker 1 How do you want it to play out?

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 even when it comes to relationships, like I think getting fixated on a timeline is only going to box you in and make you feel stressed.

Speaker 1 There may be some of you listening right now who are engaged, but

Speaker 1 something

Speaker 1 in your gut

Speaker 1 is telling you that they're not the right person.

Speaker 1 But maybe you stay because you already,

Speaker 1 whether it's you already put the down payment on your wedding or your families get along and you feel like you've invested too much time. There's no way that I could start over.
I get it. It's hard.

Speaker 1 But my advice is: don't be short-sighted. Fuck the plan.
Fuck the timeline.

Speaker 1 You can start over with anything at any point in your life, whether it's moving to a new city, you're ending a relationship, you want to get out of a job you're miserable at, or you're pushing back when you want to have kids.

Speaker 1 I feel like we have this story in our head that we tell ourselves

Speaker 1 why we can't make certain changes.

Speaker 1 Timelines, yes, they can help us feel safe and comfortable, like we have structure and maybe like we have a sense of security.

Speaker 1 But the minute a timeline, daddy gang, starts to make you feel anxious or stuck, please be honest with yourself and check in with yourself because I think that's when you really need to start reevaluating.

Speaker 1 As difficult as it was to want to get pregnant and then need to pause,

Speaker 1 I look back and I am so fucking grateful that all of that happened

Speaker 1 because changing the timeline allowed me to really look inward and recognize that I wasn't ready.

Speaker 1 And that's okay.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 for now.

Speaker 1 I still have things in my life that I want to do before having kids kids. And I'm going to let myself

Speaker 1 do them. I'm going to enjoy it.
And I think, especially to any of the women listening, there is something, I feel like we all have like an aversion to the word, like be selfish.

Speaker 1 And cause I feel like that's just not what we're taught to do. Don't be selfish.
Like, what do you fucking mean, be selfish? And it felt odd for me to

Speaker 1 lean into that concept.

Speaker 1 But I don't know if you guys, well, I guess you probably have seen on social media, like I've been bopping around and I'm throwing these parties and I'm having so much fun because I'm like, bitch, I'm living.

Speaker 1 And it doesn't mean you can't live once you have kids. It's just your life is different in a beautiful way.
And so I'm having the fucking time of my life.

Speaker 1 Like Matt and I have so many plans for this summer.

Speaker 1 And we were definitely like, oh, we're doing like a little bit more than we usually would in traveling or like going with our friends places and partying and having fun.

Speaker 1 And then we both just keep looking at each other being like,

Speaker 1 let's just fucking go and do it. This is what this year is for.
And we still will do those things, but it will just look different when we are able to hopefully like build a family.

Speaker 1 So daddy Yang, I guess I will leave you with

Speaker 1 choose yourself and choose what's right for you. And just know that I love you.
And I'm so grateful that I feel comfortable to share all this with you. And again, thank you for always supporting me.

Speaker 1 Had I come on a year ago and said all of this when I was going through it, I think that it would have been a little bit of a disaster.

Speaker 1 And I would have felt, I don't know, I just, I'm glad that I waited and I kept this to myself for a little bit because I feel like I now have a perspective that hopefully will be helpful to other women listening.

Speaker 1 And if you guys have more questions, obviously DM me and I can do more follow-up solos. But I love you guys so much.

Speaker 1 And I will see you fuckers next Wednesday. Goodbye.

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Speaker 1 Okay. And I am so excited for Thanksgiving because obviously I am going to have Hidden Valley Ranch seasoning a part of my ingredients.
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