Sex After the Honeymoon Stage

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Daddy Gang, welcome back to another Sunday session with me and Bruce.

If you're watching this, Bruce has made an appearance.

Henry's on the floor, but you can't see him, but both of the dogs are joining us because it's cozy and we need love today.

Sunday morning, fat this Carlin.

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Every Sunday's fat this day.

What the fuck?

That was pretty good, right?

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Little life update.

I was on vacation on the East Coast and finally got to catch up with a couple friends I haven't seen in forever.

One of them is married and the other is freshly in a new relationship.

So of course we were talking and asking all the classic questions of like, wait, okay, so how did you guys meet?

What is he like?

What does he do for a living?

How's the sex?

And the second that we asked about the sex, her eyes got wide and she was like, you guys, the sex is so insane.

We are fucking every day.

We're doing every position you could think of.

It's absolutely incredible.

And later that night, as we all kept kind of hanging out and drinking wine, my married friend suddenly just kind of burst out and was like, you guys, should I be having more sex?

I think I'm having it maybe like once a week.

Alex, how much do you have sex with Matt?

And I could see her start to kind of fully start spiraling and was comparing her married sex life to our friend who was literally in the middle of the honeymoon stage with a guy.

But as we talked it through, it became really clear that my friend isn't unhappy in the state of her married sex life.

She actually feels totally satisfied with the amount of sex that she's having and overall does feel really connected with her husband and fulfilled in their marriage.

It was just hearing that someone else was on a completely different rhythm, it threw her off.

And naturally, when you're comparing yourself to people, that is going to happen.

And I think that's very relatable.

I know it's easy to compare your sex life to someone else's.

It's so common to hear about someone someone else's experience and immediately start wondering if they're the ones that are doing it right and you're doing it wrong.

Because

I feel like when you start dating someone, your sex life is going to look very different than it does in a year, in two years, and then 10 years plus down the line.

And I want to normalize that.

And I think we need to start talking about it more and normalizing it.

And so I want to talk about what sex is actually like after the honeymoon stage ends.

Matt's going to watch this and be like, what do you mean we're done with the honeymoon stage?

No, babe, I love you, but you know, like, it's not like the first few months when you start dating a guy are so different than when it's been years down the line.

In my opinion, because the truth is the amount of sex that you have with your partner is most likely, it is going to decline once you settle into your relationship.

I think that's a fact.

And that has just been my experience through all of my relationships.

And not only is that totally okay, it's actually extremely normal.

Let me set the scene for a second today, okay?

At the start of a new relationship, you and your partner are absolutely obsessed with each other, or you should be.

And if you're not, then literally get out before it even you waste any more time because you should be obsessed with each other.

You have this fresh spark and it's making you guys feral.

You're hooking up everywhere: kitchen counter, shower, uber, backseat.

You literally can't get enough of each other.

And then a few months in, things

start to slow down a little bit.

Maybe you aren't tearing each other's clothes off every single time you see each other.

Maybe you fall asleep after dinner one night instead of hooking up.

What a concept.

Maybe you go a week without having sex because you're both just too busy.

And the second that that shift happens,

you may start spiraling and you may start asking yourself, wait, is the spark gone?

Are we not attracted to each other anymore?

Is he not into me?

Is she not into me?

Is something wrong with our relationship?

Because

no one really talks about the slowdown.

A slowdown is not the end of your relationship.

In my opinion, it's actually a sign that you guys made it through the honeymoon stage, right?

Because as fun as that stage is, it's not real.

It's a four to five month long, maybe year.

I'll give you guys a year.

I don't want you guys my ideas being like, no, my honeymoon stage lasted a year.

Okay.

Whenever the, eventually that little love bubble where everything feels fun and exciting and magical with a new person, it eventually bursts.

And that time wasn't indicative of what your relationship with them is going to fully be like.

Because in the honeymoon stage, your brain is in a non-stop dopamine rush.

You are learning this person's world.

You're falling in love with them.

You're both only showing up.

kind of as the best versions of yourselves to each other.

You are still shaving before a night out.

I don't know the last time I shaved my legs before a fucking date night with Matt.

I love you, Matt.

Well, I'm shaving my vagina sometimes.

Sometimes, sometimes.

Oh my God.

The beginning days, I'd be like, you don't even catch me fucking slipping.

That thing is going to be a seal.

Nope.

Literally, nope.

But you guys, you guys probably are still in the phase of like, you're buying cute and uncomfortable pajamas for sleepovers, right?

You're maybe putting on a pound of fucking makeup just to say hi to him on FaceTime.

Oh my God, I remember I used to do that in New York City when I would, uh, FaceTime, guys, I started dating.

I would like miss the call and I would quickly take bronzer to the cheek, to the cheek, to the forehead, overline the lips, put a gloss on, put the lights down to a good old, like, you almost can't see me.

So you just see the outline features.

And then I'm like, hey, babe, sorry, I was just like in the kitchen.

What's up?

Meanwhile, meanwhile, I just look like a fucking ogre, but you want him to think you look cute.

And so that phase is amazing.

But when it comes to the sex that you're having at that point, you are still trying to put forth your best impression and your best effort when it comes to sex.

You're discovering what turns this person on.

You're figuring out how you can make them finish.

You might be,

you know, putting on a little show with the orgasm to make him feel good, as we all have been there before.

But then eventually you're supposed to leave your honeymoon fantasy land, right?

And you're supposed to call your friends back who maybe you have been brushing off for weeks.

You're supposed to find out that annoying fucking habit that your new partner has.

And overall, you're just settling into reality.

You're back to reality, okay?

By this stage of dating, once you get out of there, everything isn't new and exciting anymore.

You have probably had an argument once the honeymoon stage is over, right?

They have probably seen you hungover and greasy, which is great in hindsight.

Like, it really is great because that's the real shit.

That's life.

You're no longer hiding the weird parts of yourself,

and yet you still want to be with each other, right?

You're seeing these flaws now, and you're still like, okay, I actually still like you.

And that's how you know this is becoming something real.

And it's not just fueled by endorphins and this rush of endorphins that are taking over.

And with this slowdown comes a really nice sense of comfort and peace each other.

You get to just now really be completely yourself.

And sex suddenly isn't the main event every time you see each other, right?

Maybe instead of hooking up one night, you just cuddle and watch a show.

Or sometimes you'd rather just order some takeout and pass out bloated than have a sexy dinner date night.

And it doesn't mean that you're not attracted to each other.

It just means real life is a part of your relationship now.

This is the part where people can get scared.

And I get that because it may

innately kind of feel like the spark is fading.

You don't feel that frantic, like rip your clothes right now off energy, like it's not present anymore.

And I will be honest with you, there are weeks now where I have sex once, there are weeks where I don't have sex at all.

And then there are weeks that I have sex three to four to five times a week.

It literally just depends on what is going on in my life.

And during really stressful periods of work for me, having an orgasm isn't top of mind.

It just, it's actually kind of at the bottom.

Because I know I'm like, I'm not even gonna be able to relax to even have an orgasm.

Like, I always would joke to Matt, I'm like, you can try, you can try, but I'm telling you, my clit is impenetrable right now.

Like, my mind and my clit couldn't even connect if you fucking tried, but you could try.

Like, it's just not type of mind.

That doesn't mean I've fallen out of love and that my relationship is doomed.

It just means I'm human.

Matt's human.

Our lives can both get really busy and exhausting.

So, some weeks, sex just isn't as big of a priority as other things.

And that is okay.

Honestly, I think it makes our relationship that much stronger to know that the amount of sex that we have can ebb and flow and it doesn't have any impact on how we feel about each other.

Because even in those low sex weeks, I never worry about how Matt and I are doing.

And on the high sex weeks, like it,

it's consistent in how we feel no matter what's going on with the sex flow.

We're still showing up for each other in so many ways, whether it's venting to each other, cooking dinner, laying together on the couch.

We are still connecting.

And when you are building a life with someone, Daddy Gang, of course, what happens in the bedroom is part of it, but it's just one of the many aspects to your overall relationship, I guess is what I'm trying to say.

So my PSA today is that a dip in your sex life after the initial stages of dating and the honeymoon stage is completely normal.

And while I want to normalize having less sex in moments after the honeymoon stage though, I do want to make sure I'm being clear that like

in no way, shape, or form am I saying that you should ever stop prioritizing sex entirely.

Absolutely not.

That, in my opinion, is potentially a sign that there is a deeper issue going on in your relationship.

Was this purely just a physical connection that burnt out, right?

Like, is there someone else in the picture?

That's why it's not as big of a need.

Is there something under the surface that's causing you guys to feel disconnected or withdrawn from each other?

Are there things that you're personally, one of you, is going through?

Does one of you want it and the other doesn't?

And is that building resentment?

When you start to feel the intimacy disappearing, my advice would be: I think it's time to sit down and have a conversation with your partner.

And

trust me, I know that the state of your sex life can be a very

kind of like hard, difficult conversation to bring up.

I always go back to shout out sex with Emily.

Her advice is always timing, tone, and turf.

If you want to bring up sex and your sex life to your partner, you are not bringing this up in the heat of an argument, Daddy Gang.

You're not like, oh, and by the way, when's the last time you made me fucking come?

And he's like, we're literally talking about you're my mother-in-law.

And somehow me going down on you is randomly getting thrown in there.

Like, no, no, no, we're not doing that.

You also ideally aren't even bringing this up when you're in the bedroom.

Like, he's like going to stick it in.

And he's like, oh, by the way, like, you never fuck me anymore.

And you're like, yeah, no, now my legs are closed.

Like, go fuck yourself.

Like, do not bring that shit up.

You have to find a time where you are both in neutral ground.

And then you need to try to come from a place of care and curiosity because

if you roll in slinging accusations or throwing blame at them, they're just going to get defensive and the conversation will go nowhere.

Because again, this is a very intimate thing to discuss.

Sex, it's like egos can get hurt.

People feel embarrassed, ashamed.

There's a lot going on.

So my advice is

if you want to initiate a conversation, you could maybe say something like, hey, I just wanted to have a check-in about our sex life.

I wanted to check in how you're feeling.

Do you still feel connected?

Is there anything that's been on your mind that you wanted to share?

Because I know it's hard to bring up.

And if you're comfortable, I would also love to share some things that have been on my mind that I want to talk to you about.

I feel like, and again, I know some of you are probably like.

in your house cleaning right now or you're at work and you're like, Alex, I know I need to have this conversation, but I actually would rather die than do that because it's so fucking awkward.

Let me tell you this:

once a couple is able to have one

open and honest conversation about sex and their sex life and how each side is feeling, it 100%, I promise you, will make it easier and it opens the floodgate so it is not as awkward the next time you want to have a check-in.

I'm not saying it's not going to ever be awkward again, but once you rip the band-aid off, there is this alleviation to this conversation, and

it allows you to be like, This is, we talk about our family drama, we talk about our work stress, we talk about our friend stress, we talk about our sex life stress or not stress or things we want to try.

Like, have you ever talked to your partner about like, hey, I really have wanted to try this thing?

Like, if you feel like you can't talk to your partner like that, I think this is probably a good way to just ease the conversation in of just like,

should we talk about our sex life?

Like, how are you feeling?

And I think my, the biggest emphasis of this will come when you live together and it becomes very easy to put sex on the back burner.

It is

more than exhilarating and fun to get ready for a date night when you don't live together.

You're in your apartment, you do your full body shower, you like literally have never shaved your vagina cuter.

You're like, honestly, it's some of my best work.

You shave your legs, you save your armpits, maybe even your mustache.

Like you go all in, okay?

You clip in the extensions, you pick out an outfit, a cute pair of underwear, matching underwear,

matching underwear.

And you make a moment out of seeing your partner with the excitement that you're probably going to have sex that night.

And when you're living together, it's not the easiest to go from cleaning or doing the dishes and then wanting to jump each other's bones 30 seconds later.

That's why being intentional about discussing your sex life, in my opinion, as you progress in a long-term relationship is so imperative.

It's so important.

And I know

this

concept of like

scheduling sex can sound completely unsexy, but hear me out.

I'm not saying you're literally putting in your Google calendar, like sex with Jeremy tonight.

Like, no, your coworkers don't need to see that if they're passing your desk.

You don't need to see that because that's like weird pressure.

God forbid you like, no, no.

What I think is important is you need to set aside purposeful time when you're able to unwind with each other and just connect.

Be intentional.

Like Matt and I do this all the time, especially the crazier that our lives are getting.

We'll be like, okay, Thursday night is our date night.

We are doing full date night.

It's all about us, whether we go out, whether we stay home, no phones, and the flirting begins.

Remember when I did that episode, you guys?

Foreplay begins at 7 a.m.

in this household.

Okay.

Matt knows foreplay, what time?

Sometimes it'll be like 6 a.m.

I'm like, oh, well, no, don't wake me up.

But 7 a.m., foreplay begins because it's like, I don't, that is so important that throughout the entire day, you are like building up and you're flirting and you're having, you're texting or you're calling or whatever it is.

You're being thoughtful.

I think that you need to make sure that these moments you make yourselves, they're intimate.

You have each other's undivided attention.

It's quality time together.

And that makes you want to have sex.

Okay.

I have had so many conversations with my friends where they're venting and they're frustrated because they get into bed at 10 p.m.

exhausted from work, having barely had a chance to even have a conversation with their partner that day.

And he just rolls over and he's like, so should we have sex?

Kate,

listen to me so clearly.

I want to validate anyone that that's happened to.

I wouldn't want to have sex in that situation either.

Like, no, no, I don't want to have sex with you.

Oh, hi, nice to see you.

How was your day?

Like, no.

So if that's kind of what you've gotten into in your relationship, again, I want to validate you that it is so normal to put it on the back burner because again, we don't talk about sex that much in our relationships.

So if we're not talking about it, how are we working on it together?

Like, Like you can't silently work on your sex life.

To have sex, well, you could do it alone, but we don't want to do that alone, okay?

You want to come together, okay?

Those are the perks of being in a relationship.

You get to actually fuck each other.

So you can't just have a silent fucking, oh, I wish, and I wish, and I wish, and I wish he did this.

You then have to take accountability and actually fucking say something.

And if that's where you're at, I think you may need to reset the way that you and your partner are approaching sex.

Are you leaving it at the very end of the to-do list?

Or are you being intentional about the way that you approach it?

Right?

Bottom line, sex is going to evolve after the honeymoon stage, and that is completely, completely normal.

But all that matters is that you and your partner are communicating and that you both feel satisfied where you end up.

So daddy gang, let's stop comparing our sex lives to what we think other couples are doing, what we see in movies, what we see people online saying.

I can promise you, no couple is having mind-blowing sex every single night.

It is not happening.

It is not fucking happening.

People are tired.

They're stressed.

They're hungry.

They're annoyed.

They had a bad day at work.

They have nights scrolling TikTok in bed next to each other.

Okay.

I do it too.

But the goal isn't to stay in that early feral honeymoon bubble forever.

That's not reality.

But the gold is to build something that actually is going to work long term.

And what has worked for me, and I,

this is my last piece of advice on this, is

talk about it.

Like Matt and I, even we make jokes together.

When we have been, had the craziest weeks of like week of work, we will be like, oh my God, like, I can't wait to see you this weekend, Wink.

And it's basically being like, I can't wait to fuck this weekend.

I know, I am acknowledging, I know, that this work week, we have barely been able, we're like ships in the night right now.

We hate that.

Saturday, Saturday.

Oh, we had a bunch of people invite us to a bunch of different dinners.

Nope, we're not going to them.

Saturday night, me and you.

Yes, I'm picking out matching underwear and a bra.

Yes, I'm going to shave myself.

And guess what?

Most of the time, I'm doing it for myself.

I'm not even doing it for Matt.

Love you, Matt, but I'm not doing it for Matt anymore.

Ladies, I think sometimes, and I'm not speaking for everyone, but like, I think a lot of times it can be hard to, I always say to Matt, I take more energy personally to like

get myself in a like sexy sexual zone.

So I, I know for myself, like I have to get myself in the mood and do things for myself so I feel sexy on top of Matt starting foreplay at 7 a.m.

where he's texting me nice things or it's a text, okay?

You don't have to spend any money to do this.

Although flowers are always nice, guys, like it's fun to get flowers once in a while, but just doing doing intentional things that show you care about each other so that the chaos of the world and your life and finances and stress and rent and family shit, although it's all there, your sex life is also there.

And your intimacy, more importantly, I almost hate saying sex life, the intimacy of your relationship is constantly being nurtured and focused on and acknowledged.

So I hope that was helpful.

If anyone was feeling like a little bit in a rut, I get it.

I've been there.

You guys know I always say this back in the day.

You couldn't catch me fucking being like, oh, I'm not having that much sex right now.

Call her daddy.

I fuck 15 times a day.

Like, that's literally just not true.

It's just not the truth.

So please write in if you have any questions about this or want me to talk more about this topic.

And

I love you guys.

Go have an orgasm.

All right.

We are now going to get into some questions of the week.

I'm not going to do my little natural intro today because as you can see, my gorgeous, gorgeous Bruce

is asleep, kind of.

And whenever I do that, he kind of freaks out.

So, hi, Brewie.

Oh my god, look at him.

He's like, Mom, I don't want to go to France.

I don't want to go to France.

Questions of the motherfucking week.

Let's go.

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Okay, question one.

Alex, I was diagnosed with an STD and I was freaking out, so I confided in two close friends at school, the only people I told.

A couple weeks ago, a guy at our school made a comment that made it very clear he knew about my diagnosis, and there's no way he would have unless one of them said something.

Now I feel betrayed and humiliated.

I trusted them with something so personal.

And the thought of people talking about it behind my back makes me sick.

I'm angry and spiraling, but I also don't know how to confront them without it blowing up my friendships or making the situation worse what do i do whoa okay oh my god this like brings me back to college college is ruthless man like peep it is not for the week all right my first point that i would want to make is actually how close is close because i feel like in college as close as you have close friends a lot of close friends are not still like you actually still call your best friends from high school because those are like your ride or dies or you have that one person in college where you're best friends with so my first kind of point would be like, really assess how close you are to these people when you're saying that, because my worry for you is if it was a super close friend, one, they would probably never do that, but two, if they were

to do it, you could confront them in a way that is like, we're building back to get to our relationship and I need to understand why you did this.

If these are like close, but also kind of like close fake college party friends, I worry that if you go at them, because there's two of them especially, it could become this situation where they almost retaliate and are butthurt where they're like, fuck you for like confronting us.

Like, no, we didn't fucking say anything.

And then they get mad at you and they almost then like spread it even more because the fact that these people were that fucking disgusting to spread this information that is so personal and so hurtful and scary for you,

that's so fucked up.

So before you confront them, my worry for you is you may not get the answer you want out of it.

And so I almost don't know if you confront them.

If you do, I think you could be a little manipulative, which I hate to say, but college is when you are kind of toxic and manipulative.

And I think I would almost go to them freaking out and be like, you guys, I am having a fucking panic attack.

If you can bring up the tears, bring up the tears.

And be like, Johnny, or what the fuck is the guy's name?

Some guy.

Yeah, Johnny.

It's not Johnny, but Johnny.

Johnny Carson came up to me.

Isn't that a surfer?

Johnny Carson came up to me and literally was talking about my STD and he was making jokes and I only obviously told you guys and I'm like freaking the fuck out.

Like, how does he know?

Like, do you think, like, what do you think happened?

But do it in like this innocent, like, oh my God, like, what do you think happened way?

And it will hopefully make them feel so fucking shit because you are almost giving them the benefit of the doubt of like, I know you guys would never say anything.

Like, Like, how do you think he found out?

Blah, blah, blah, blah.

And then hopefully they will never fucking do it again because you're coming and you're being earnest.

I know some people may not agree with that advice, but like I know college and I know girls and I lived it to the fullest extent.

And I had girls fuck me over in college and you are not at a point in your life, a lot of times in college to have these like therapized, healthy conversations.

Some people are mature enough, but if these bitches actually fucking went and told your fucking deepest, darkest secret, yeah, then they're probably not to be trusted.

So yeah, I'm going to manipulate the fuck out of them.

My other question before we kind of end this though is two more points I would have.

Number one,

there is a chance that they didn't say anything.

And I do think they did, but I do want to say,

you got the STD from someone, right?

So my brain goes to,

there were two people in this dynamic.

Is there a world he said something?

And I know you'd probably be like, well, no, because it's embarrassing for him because he gave it to me.

Men are fucking insane in college.

And I also believe that there is a world he could be trying to get ahead of the narrative.

Maybe he's acting like you gave it to him, right?

So don't trust the piece of shit that gave you the STD.

Also, don't know where he is.

And then, third, you could also go to Johnny Tsunami.

Who did I say?

Carson Daly.

Jason Kelsey.

Johnny Carson.

You could go to Johnny Carson and be like, hey, I promise you I'm not going to tell anyone, but clearly I have like a mole in my life that is like telling my shit.

Could you just tell me who told you about the STD?

Because I am not going to say anything, but I do want to know so I can know who to trust.

The moral of the story is college is a fucking cessed pool.

It is clicky.

And I hate to say it, but when I look back at my time, like college is the perfect example of when women fuck women over to impress and get with guys.

And half of the time, I don't even want to be judgmental, not about this SCD situation, but about that, because in college, it's all about social equity.

It's all about social connections.

It's all about the parties.

It's about where you're going.

It's about who gets invited.

It's about the invite list.

It's about the blah, blah, blah.

It's about the dining hall and who's sitting with who.

Like, it's so all about social.

And so people get out of their fucking minds and they do dumbass shit because fucking Johnny Carson was sitting next to her in her fucking e-comm class flirting.

And then she made a joke about you because she thought it was funny.

And maybe she isn't in a horrible person in that moment.

She just thought it would give her more fucking clout because Johnny would laugh at a fucking joke of hers because she's the dumbest fucking loser ass bitch and she has no comedy game.

And sadly, you were just collateral.

I hate to say it, but most of the time in college, that's what happened.

So I am sorry, but protect yourself.

And anyone in college, just know you can find a friend or two, but you got to find your people that you can actually trust in college.

But I'm sorry you had to go through that, but guess what?

You're never going to tell someone like that again, right?

Lesson learned.

Okay, number two, daddy.

My brother is engaged.

Congrats.

And his fiancé has completely different political views from the rest of our family.

Ever since they got together, it feels like she's slowly brainwashing him.

He used to be chill and open-minded, and now every time we hang out, he's repeating her opinions word for word.

It's getting harder and harder to even talk to him without it turning into a debate.

I feel like I'm losing my brother to her.

Do I say something or just hope he eventually wakes up?

Oh, this is so hard.

Yeah, this is really hard.

And I think I'm assuming everyone watching this show right now can almost relate to this in some capacity, right?

Like, I think we've never seen our country more divided.

And I think Thanksgiving, family holidays,

work events, like when you bring a lot of people together, there's going to be people with a lot of differing opinions.

And what you hope is people can just kind of be

not even respectful, just like have the self-awareness and the like social

decency to like, we don't need to get in to this while we're all here for like Christmas or a charity event or a nice dinner to celebrate this person's birthday.

Like that's not the time to talk about politics.

So my advice to you would be, unfortunately, your brother is an adult.

And I think when it comes to siblings, something that's really difficult is when you have to retrain your brain that we are no longer 10 anymore and I can't run into your room and curse at you.

And we're not in high school anymore, we're not even in college, we're adults.

You are engaged.

Your brother may go on to have children and build his own family, right?

So, like, I get this is hurting you, but I do think you kind of can't change who he is becoming, especially that this is his fiancée.

I do think you could have a family conversation, though, and say, Hey,

I'm really having a hard time with names today.

Hey,

Beatrice.

It's not a man name, is it?

Hey, Bruce.

Hey, Bruce.

I love when we have family dinners, but I just wanted to bring something up.

I know that we all have different political opinions.

I think that it would be really helpful in order for us all to enjoy ourselves is if we could all refrain from letting it get heated and political when we're just all catching up on like a Sunday dinner for family.

And mom and dad and I, and all of us, like, we promise that we won't bring these things up.

And I just am wondering if you and

Claudette could

make sure that you also

aren't shoving your psychotic beliefs down our throat as well.

Don't say that.

Don't say that.

Just say if you and Claudette could also like respect that too so that we can all enjoy ourselves.

And if he's like, no, I want to talk about how, you know, you should have rights to your own body, like, yeah, it's, then it may drive a wedge between

your family.

But I do think if you show that, like, we won't go there, do you think you can do that?

Take accountability yourself, right?

Everyone has different opinions and see what he says.

And the last thing I would say is what you could do is in order to protect your relationship is you really don't need to debate every single thing, right?

I think that like if you could find neutral ground to like do things that you can enjoy together that don't bring up politics, I think that will allow you to maintain a relationship with your brother.

I think sometimes it's best if there are political differences to just be patient, right?

Um, you can't lock him into a room and scream at him and try to convince him to come back to us.

We miss you.

Like,

it's like he gone, girl.

He's gone.

And all you can do is just kind of set the boundary of politics at family dinners.

And

yeah,

you're fucked.

No, just kidding.

I'm sorry.

It's just so fucked because it's like, there is no right answer.

I think you're, you're going to handle it the way you're going to handle it.

And then there's going to be blow up dinners though.

Trust me, I've had those.

Like you're, there's going to be blow up dinners and you just got to try to not say heated, personal things in the moment, right?

It's kind of like when people talk about religion too.

It's like, can we not?

But now religion is tied into politics and it's a whole thing.

So it's all like, we're all fucked.

Do you know what I mean?

We have never been more fucked at this exact moment in time.

Everything's downhill.

Everything's off the rails.

Everything's just like, boom, boom, boom, fucked, fucked, fucked.

And then again, we just kind of have to look for, do you guys remember the baby's son and teletubbies?

We got to look for him in the sky to just be like, give us a sign that we're going to be okay.

And if you don't see it, Well, just keep pushing through.

It'll come.

Yeah, I'm sorry.

Fuck him and Claudette, honestly.

Okay, next question.

It's getting a little hot in here, so I apologize if I'm getting a little loopy.

Hi, Daddy.

I'm 26.

Bruce is like literally opening his legs to me.

I'm sorry if you guys see me just like rubbing this foot.

Oh, man, it kind of looks like it's a piece of my hair if you're watching this.

Kind of cute.

Okay.

Hi, Daddy.

I'm 26 and in an almost three-year relationship.

We were heavy drinkers together, but seven months ago, I decided to get sober because I saw us going down a dark path.

My boyfriend told me he wasn't going to drink throughout the week to better himself, but I've caught him lying and hiding it four different times in four months, even lying to my face when I have literal proof.

It's been hard to move past the broken trust to believe he's going to be better like he says.

How do I forgive and forget?

Oh, yeah, well, sweetie, you don't forget.

I mean, it's you definitely don't forget.

Um,

I think that there's a potential that a lot of um

pre-existing incompatibility issues may have been hidden by the heavy drinking.

Like, I think when you, it's like when people leave college together and then they don't work out, and you ask them why, and they're like, Because we're just so different,

but we were in this environment together in college that was so conducive to our relationship.

We had the same friends, we liked going to the same bar, we blah blah blah.

Like, it's very, it was very easy.

I think when you have something like drinking that you can bond over, that probably also alienates you from a good amount of people if you're going that hard.

I think once one person retracts from the dynamic and starts to be like, I want to change, it just highlights not just the drinking, but all of the other things of like whether it's what is his work ethic and like what are his

goals and does he have a routine or is he becoming lazy because of the drinking?

Is he inconsistent?

And like, I don't know, but this is just something I think to assess.

Is it the drinking?

But then all all of a sudden the drinking is bringing on lying.

That for me is an absolute full stop no in a relationship.

Like I would leave a relationship if lying continued.

It's one thing if there is a lie and the person is in a really bad situation because he, you know, maybe he's an alcoholic or he is going through this patch with drinking and he, you get caught once and then he's like, I'm never going to do it again.

I thought you were going to judge and then he never does it again.

You're telling me that you caught him multiple times in a few months.

That makes me really sad for you because I don't think that it's going to get better because he's getting caught and then he's continuing to do it.

So whenever he's getting caught and he's doing this like pleading of sorrow for you, he's only sorry he got caught.

He's not sorry that he did it.

I do think there's a potential though, if you do love this person, he may have a drinking problem.

And

the best thing maybe you could try to do, but again, this is so hard.

And I know there's probably people that have watched if you have dealt with an addict or, you know, someone that uses,

you can only try so hard to get them help and you can lead them there.

But if they won't go, you also can't sacrifice your entire life to try to get this person help, right?

So you've gotten yourself to a place where you feel good.

I think you could ask him once more and kind of set some steps boundary-wise that would work for you.

And if he can't meet those expectations, you may need to take a break from this person to kind of force him to become independent on his own and take accountability for what he's doing and how he's living his life.

He may call you in four months and be like,

losing you literally made me wake up and I went and I got help and I went to rehab, whatever it be, but you can't drown yourself in trying to make this person become healthy.

The fact that you are on this new part of your life, don't keep regressing for another person that's dragging you down.

Fuck, I'm sorry though, because

whether it's, you know, drinking or finances or

affairs or family shit, like when you get down the path of lying about something to your partner and hiding things and there's secrecy and there is a part of you that you are intentionally making sure they don't know about.

That is the beginning of the end of the relationship.

Because as a unit, you're supposed to know everything about each other.

You're supposed to build each other other up, and you're supposed to, if anything more importantly, be there for each other in the really hard moments.

But you don't even know he's going through this because he's lying.

Fuck.

I'm sorry, daddy, but you don't deserve to be lied to.

No one does.

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Next question:

Hi, daddy.

I don't know if I should kick one of my friends out of my wedding party.

Drama.

Sorry, that actually fucking sucks, but it's good for the podcast.

So we're going to help you though.

Me being like, oh my God, girl, this is going to be such a good question.

I'm like, oh, wait, fuck.

Sorry.

Okay, we've been friends since we were 15.

Okay, good context, childhood friends.

And now I'm 25.

I'm getting married at the end of the month.

This past weekend, we went out for a combined bachelor-bachelorette night.

The whole night, she was rude to my fiancé and his friends, and she kept pulling me away like she didn't want to be around them.

Eventually, she took me outside and told me she doesn't like my fiancé and that I'm making the biggest mistake of my life.

Now I'm two weeks out from my wedding, and I don't want someone standing up with me who doesn't support my relationship.

But I also feel guilty cutting her this late.

What should I do?

Girl, okay, whoa, fuck.

That is, I'm sorry, that's really selfish of her to have done.

First

piece of advice: you need to have a sober, calm conversation with her.

And it seems like your bachelorette was a little bit ago.

It doesn't matter.

You're leading up to a wedding.

You can still have this conversation with her.

It's not too late for anything.

I think you need to sit her down.

And I think you first should basically be like,

I wanted to have this conversation because this has been weighing on me.

And I wanted to share with you that

during my bachelorette, the bachelor, bachelorette party, I was so hurt and honestly blindsided and taken aback at how intense

and

persistent

you were at the event to me, to pulling me aside and letting me know how you essentially didn't approve of me marrying my fiancé.

Number one, it hurt because that night was supposed to be so special for me and my fiancé.

And somehow you not only made it about you, but you made it so that I was incapable of enjoying it because of the negativity that you brought.

You could have done this months prior.

You could have done this even the day after.

Not that that would have even been appropriate, but like to do it in the moment, it really created this just toxic environment that was not fun.

Number two, I don't appreciate you coming to me with such

intense and negative feelings about someone that I'm in a relationship.

This isn't your relationship.

And you've never expressed concern before.

So I guess before I kind of talk about more of how I'm feeling, I want to just give you the floor.

Is there something I'm missing that you want to share with me as one of my closest friends?

Has he cheated?

Did you hear he was lying about something?

Did something happen?

Because I'm all ears, like I'm here, like I'm ears.

If something happen,

and if she's just like, no, I just think like he's not right for you, blah, blah, blah, blah, which is probably going to be the fucking case.

I think you need to say, listen.

Listen, Franny.

Listen here, you little fucking shit.

Don't say that.

You're going to say, all right, well, listen, Franny, I

have been, this has been weighing on me so much.

And when I think about my wedding coming up, I need to be honest.

I don't feel comfortable with you being in the wedding party anymore because of the way that you spoke about my fiancé and me and how you feel about our relationship.

And I'm not saying this is the end of our friendship or whatever, but like that day is supposed to be one of the most important days of my life.

And I want to feel nothing that I did at the bachelorette party.

And in order to feel that, I don't want to be up on the aisle and looking to my right and seeing you and wondering if you're judging or if you're, you know, feeling those feelings.

I don't want to have that memory.

I don't want to have that reminder of how you feel about my relationship.

I don't want it.

And so you're still invited to the wedding, but I think the one condition would be, I would just ask you can come if you feel that you are able

to not bring and spread negatives to my wedding.

And if you don't feel like you can do that, then I ask that you don't come.

And maybe after the wedding, we can reconnect and have a follow-up and we can try to work on our friendship.

But I'm not willing to sacrifice my happiness and my day because of a feeling that you have about me and my relationship.

Period.

And drop mic, motherfucker, bye.

I just like, dude, when it comes to people's fucking weddings, let them have their fucking moment.

When it's the bridezilla of the century, if she is being such a cunt, I get those are one-offs where you're like, okay, this person's actually being like fucking insane to everyone.

But if someone's just wanting to be a diva and it's their wedding and they want these things to go, great, let them be a diva, let them have their moment.

And it sounds like you're not even being a diva.

You're literally like, bare minimum, could you just like not berate me outside of a bar and like literally scream at me that you like hate my husband?

So I think you shouldn't compromise anymore.

And I think that that's a really selfish friend.

Again, unless you, he's, she's like, well,

he and I have fucked multiple times.

Or like, yeah, you didn't hear that he fucked XYZ the other month.

Yeah, if she doesn't come with T, then like

jealous, weird energy, I don't know what's going on, but like ignore and enjoy yourself, sweetie.

Um, okay,

next question.

Hi, daddy.

I have been dating my boyfriend for four months.

He's communicative, kind, and is honestly the perfect guy, but he still has not said, I love you.

I feel safe and cared for with him, but the words matter to me.

Am I overthinking this?

Or should I expect him to actually say it?

Okay.

In my opinion, four months in of saying I love you is a little early.

That's just me.

I'm sure there are people that have said it earlier, but I think that if you are saying that your boyfriend is communicative, he's kind, he's sexy, he's hot, everything's going well, he just hasn't said I love you.

I think maybe you're just trying to rush it a little bit.

And I think you're in your own head and you're looking for that next step.

And if I can give you any advice, like I kind of talked about at the beginning of this episode, like you're in honeymoon land.

Enjoy yourself.

Like have fun.

You're dating.

You're experiencing each other.

You're figuring each other out.

You've known each other for four months.

This is fun.

This is hot.

You have all the time in the world to be in love.

I think when it gets closer to that like

seven, eight month mark, and if you're not both actively, like I remember with multiple of my boyfriends that I've said, I love you too.

Like you're, you have that moment where you're like, I like you so much.

And you guys have like a joke kind of, like i'm sure people have done that in their relationships where you're like i like you like you like you like you like you a lot and you're basically like i literally want to word vomit that i love you but i want to wait a second longer if that doesn't come by like seven eight to like a year mark sure i think you have a problem um not a problem but you should have a conversation about it like how are you feeling about our relationship i just also think i love you mean

like

Saying I love you means different things to different people.

And it doesn't mean different, well, it does mean different things, but it also has a different weight, right?

You don't know his backstory.

Has he said I love you before and someone didn't say it back?

Has he

just have like extreme, like he moves slower in relationships?

But again, four months isn't slow.

Um, my last bit of advice to you, honestly, is that

why don't you say it first?

I mean, I don't know if you're going to like hate me for saying that, but if you're feeling it, you should say it, right?

I think that if you're feeling it so deeply,

but ask yourself, if you say no, I would never, why?

Because you're in a, if you're in a mutual relationship, you should feel comfortable to tell him you love him, even if he doesn't say it back immediately and still needs more time.

If that's your fear, then you should wait too.

But I think getting stressed about the I love yous, I do think is a little immature if you're worried in the first like two, three, four months.

Past seven month mark, that's fair game to start wondering if there's love, not lust.

Okay, next question.

My fiancé's mom insists on coming wedding dress shopping with me, but she's already made comments about what I shouldn't wear because it's not flattering for my body type.

Kill her.

Absolutely kill this bitch.

We're going to run her over.

Oh my God.

You said, I want this day to be special and I want to enjoy it.

And I feel like I won't be able to if she's there.

Yeah, no shit.

I agree with you.

But also, I don't want to start a war by not inviting her to join.

What should I do?

Dude, this type of shit is so fucking fucking hard, and I have so much empathy for you because it's like, I know what you're saying.

How great, how crazy is this?

This woman is making you feel insecure about your body and telling you things that you shouldn't wear because it's not flattering on your body type.

Great.

So, she's basically calling you fat, and you're like, Hey, so I'm trying to find like the dress that I love for my fucking wedding, you fucking dumb cunt.

Um, but meanwhile, you sit there and you just have to smile because it's your mother-in-law.

Meanwhile, you're then having to worry about not inviting her because her feelings will get hurt and it will start a war.

Make it make sense.

She's the aggressor.

She's the piece of shit, but then you still have to invite the piece of shit because what?

She will cause a temper tantrum.

Think about what is the one common denominator here.

It's all about her.

Whose wedding is it?

Yours.

Here is my advice to you.

I think you actually need to start by talking to your partner.

If this was another random, if this was the fucking random friend or a random whore on the side of the road saying this shit to you, I would be like, clock her, let her know who's boss, but this is a mother-in-law.

So this is like, girl, this is your husband, you got a long ways to go.

We're playing the long game, okay?

We're not playing the short game.

So number one, we're going to go to her son, who she birthed.

And you're essentially going to go and confide in your partner and say, babe.

I need to tell you something that is

kind of hurtful and embarrassing and weird.

And like, I just need you to know.

And maybe he already knows this, okay?

But if he doesn't, you share with him that your mom has made so many comments about my body.

And in the wake of dress shopping for our wedding, I want to be surrounded by excitement and love.

And I want to feel beautiful.

And I want to feel how I feel when you look at me, like the most special girl, most beautiful girl in the room, right?

And I am so nervous about inviting your mom dress shopping because she's already done this and she continues to do it.

And she said this about my body multiple times.

So I was wondering if you could help me in this conversation.

Don't put it on him, but I was wondering if you could help me in how you think I should navigate the situation because he knows this bitch more than anyone, right?

Number one, if he kind of shuts down,

if he shuts down and it's like, well, I'm sure like she won't do it when you're wedding dress shopping.

Oh, yeah, no, she just did it when I was like trying on slacks for a fucking job interview, but she won't do it when I'm trying on the white dress.

No, no, she won't do it then, right?

Like if he starts to kind of like move around in a way that he's like kind of defending her, but kind of like not willing to get put accountability onto her, you need to get into couples therapy because I am telling you.

This is going to be for the rest of your life that it is going to be her against you.

And if you don't have your future husband backing you on this situation, you are going to either have to concede and just sit there and take it for the rest of your life, which I don't think as a daddy gang member, you are the type of person that will do that, or it's going to be you against this mother-in-law and it's going to cause serious fucking issues for the rest of your life where you're butting heads.

You need your partner next to you, advocating for you, especially in these moments where it's so clear-cut, she is the one in the wrong.

So, first, talk to your partner about how you he thinks that this could be handled well.

Number two, I think essentially what you need to do is you need to call her.

And after you get advice from your husband, hopefully it's some brilliant, brilliant grade A Shakespeare, emotionally intelligent advice, because that's the man you're marrying, right?

Hopefully he's so supportive, supportive King.

You take his advice, you call the mother-in-law.

Write your script down on your phone or your computer, and you're going to read it.

Hi.

Should I come up with another name?

Yeah, give me a second.

Hi.

I'm trying to think of a fucking little shit fuck name.

Hey, Martha.

It's me.

Do you have a second to chat?

Yeah, sure.

I wanted to call you because

this isn't an easy thing for me to bring up.

And honestly, I'm a little uncomfortable, but I, you know, want to be upfront and honest with you about how I've been feeling.

And I hope you can hear me out here.

I

am a little anxious about wedding dress shopping because I really would love you to participate and feel included in this and I want you to feel comfortable to come.

But

there have been comments that you've made in the past about my body that have made me

honestly feel really insecure and really shitty about myself.

And I don't know if you were doing it and not noticing you were doing it,

but it's happened multiple times to the point where I can't help but get some anxiety thinking about me putting on my dress and hearing these comments from you.

And what I need is support and love and people making me feel so beautiful when I try on these dream dresses of mine.

And I just wanted to have an honest conversation and see

if you would like to come, but if you felt like there was a way to have more of a supportive energy in these types of moments for me,

the goal is that she is like,

Samantha, I am so mortified and I am so sorry.

And I cannot believe that I said those things.

And if I'm honest, I have dealt with self-image for a very long time and I find myself projecting it sometimes onto others.

And that is not for you to ever, ever have to deal with.

And I am, I'm embarrassed and I apologize and I promise you, I want nothing more to be there for you.

I want, I'm actually not even going to finish the statement because I'm so sorry, but this is probably not even what she's gonna fucking say.

We're all listening, we're like, oh, I had a dream mother-in-law.

This bitch sounds like a fucking cunt.

So, let's actually get to what she's probably gonna say.

She's gonna gaslight you, probably, right?

Sam, oh my god, it's literally Hillary Duff and Jennifer Coolidge in the um Cinderella story.

Sam, um, she's like, Sam, I don't know what you're talking about.

She's gonna be like, Sam,

I'm honestly quite hurt right now and insulted.

I don't know what you're talking about.

I am always supportive of you and Chris.

And I am, I, I don't even, I don't even know where this is coming.

If she's going to go, she's going to probably go off or she's going to take no accountability, whatever it be.

Totally.

Well, I will let you, if she goes off, say, I will let you know if there is a place for you to come in and to see the dresses as I'm trying them on.

I will keep you updated, but I'll be honest.

I need to protect my peace and my happiness.

And so I'll keep you updated.

Give no dates, give no times.

And then what I would do is this: Bitch, go fucking with your family and your friends and go get your dress and find your dress.

And then, if she somewhat makes more of an effort in the next few weeks, because that dumb bitch wants to see the fucking dresses and pretend she picked it, she's going to be like, Chris, do you like the dress?

I picked it for her.

Like, she's probably going to be crazy.

Um,

I think then you can call her and be like, Hey, do you want to come?

I'm doing a final fitting.

But still, then

I just worry for you.

The bigger theme is that she feels entitled to comment on your body and your appearance.

And I just think this is a perfect moment to initiate the conversation because it's never going to start.

Stop.

It's never going to stop.

It's the wedding right now.

And then it's going to be if you want to have kids or you don't want to have kids or when you are dressed up for your birthday this year, whatever it be.

As uncomfortable as it be, if you have the support of your husband, you will get through this.

And if you don't,

that's for another episode.

Okay, daddy gang, I love you guys so much.

I hope that my advice was helpful.

Wait, do you guys want to see Henry?

Because I feel like you only saw Bruce.

Henry, come here.

Come here.

Come up here.

Come here.

Come here.

Oh, Bruce.

Wait, Bruce.

Okay, okay, you guys, it's a family affair.

Henry and Bruce just wanted to say thank you so much for watching this episode of Caller Daddy.

Oh, here, Henry.

Yeah, okay.

Thank you so much for watching this episode of Caller Daddy.

The boys are happy that we could help anyone in need.

Please write in questions all the time if you ever need any help.

And I will see you guys next Wednesday.

Bye.

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