Dating App Dealbreakers (ft. Lauren)

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what is up, Daddy Gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper with Call Her Daddy. Daddy Gang, welcome back to another episode of Call Her Daddy.
I am back with the one, with only mclareby mclaerson I feel like that's like your what would be your dj name lauren well when I went to college my instagram name I was dead serious I went into college and shared this with everyone lauren mccotstuff wait what that was my instagram name wait how did I not know that you were Laren McCotstuff I was Laren McCotstuff and like I would meet people like freshly in my sorority like let's share socials and like yep hit me up at Laren McCotstuff that's like actually that's absolutely offensive and that actually takes some balls to have that as your fucking name but it's also kind of like fun if you're meeting guys and you're just like, anyways, Lauren is here today. What the fuck? Lauren is here and we are having a little girls night.
Matt is upstairs watching football with his friends. And Lauren and I were acting like little freaks.
And so Matt was like, why don't you? He basically was like, why don't you girls go play? Like, why don't we were listening to you know what that means for us it means going through hannah montana one and seeing how many songs we know on the album well no because this is what i said to lauren i said i saw this trend on tiktok and it's like oh when i tell people i'm a miley cyrus fan and they think i'm gonna play the song flowers and then all of a sudden the girl is like and then you hear me fucking blasting East Northumberland High. If you don't know what East Northumberland High is, if you don't know what good and broken is, if you don't know you and me together, if you don't know nobody's perfect, life's what you make it.
Like Lauren and I are OG Hannah Montana. Well, it was perfect because you would play Hannah.
Yep. I would play Lily.
Yep. Okay, so Lauren and I are hanging out because Matt was like, do you guys want to watch football? And we were like, not really.
Not right now. We're feeling frisky.
Funky. So we were having a little cock and we came downstairs after our cocktail and we just figured we'd podcast and hang out with you, Daddy Gang.
I feel like we've been seeing each other so much recently, which I'm very happy about.'m a free bird oh I have I have no nothing tying me down nothing holding me back I can just go where the wind blows me and that's true some cool things no it's actually a good point like there is so much to be said for when your friend is in a relationship and you can do like couple things unless you fucking hate the person that your friend's in a relationship with but like it's nice when you you can do a couple things it's also lovely that I will just text Lauren being like hey do you want to like come to the Super Bowl with me and she's like sure I have no plans um but we are yeah we've been seeing each other a lot lately which I feel very grateful for but the last time I saw you we've kind of been doing we're back to the thing you guys where I'm like save it for the fucking podcast because we had kind of gone through a little bit we want podcasting as much together I think it was because my relationship was crashing and burning and I wasn't in the good headspace and like he didn't want to see you on a podcast yeah um now you're back I'm back and you're better than ever and um can you give us an update on your dating life because the last we we heard from you was you and I. If you guys didn't listen to me in Lauren's last episode, it was how to start there and then come back and meet us here.
Because we basically were talking about how I was being the ultimate wing woman. Really, that's what it was called.
But it's about Lauren almost falling in love with a man on a plane. First flying high we thought they were gonna bang the bathroom

turns out he was gay um so that was the last day left off with you oh and i was going on a lot of dates that were eight hours and i was kissing everyone oh my god yes but we've i've cleaned up my act well okay so here's the update i haven't gone on any like actual dates since we last podcasted together okay so i haven I haven't. What's the heart? The holiday.
Should we take our glasses off? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, wait, wait.
Yeah, let's get serious. Let's get serious.
Can't see fucking anything. It's right in here.
Okay. So I'm not like intentionally taking a break from dating.
The holidays happened and like. Because you were kind of cruising for a minute.
There was one time where I went on five dates in an eight day time span wait five dates in an eight day jesus i was cranking and rocking and rolling yeah um okay back to your date so okay so i'm not like purposefully taking a break or like purposely avoiding dates right now it's just like a lot of work to like if i'm gonna like scout out a date like I need to like put aside like an hour at night to like do some good swiping and like make some movement but do you feel like you kind of like burnt yourself out a little bit like you were kind of down for anything and now you're getting a little bit more subjective or no you were going hard you hit the pavement like Lauren like my friends were like why do you keep going on Sunday dates like I'd wake up hungover and be like oh fuck I have a date today can i say this and you can correct me if i'm wrong but i feel like you went through a period where you had been saying to me like right when you got out of your relationship you're like weekends can be weird because i'm used to like laying in bed on a sunday yeah i okay so maybe you just like wanted like companions to talk to someone maybe you want a companionship. And most of your friends in Chicago are in relationships.
So I think maybe there's a part of you that was like looking just to speak. And maybe that's why your days were going on for five hours.
To have some human contact. Because you were just like trying.
You're a social person. So maybe it was also you just like down to chat.
Yeah. Now you're getting a little bit more like.
Now I like a little tired i don't i don't want to chat but actually so i haven't gone on a date and i don't even know like over a month now a month and a half but i i still go on uh the apps and like scroll and swipe and like peruse and last week there was this one guy what do you have your settings to tell me age uh me age. 30 to 45.
I had a big 40-year-old phase. I think I'm done with that.
Okay, I'm glad that you're not going for like the 25-year-olds. No, no, no, no, no baby boys.
Okay, so you're going for the older daddies, but now you're done with the 40-year-olds? I was finding it a little... No, 40 is fine.
I was finding it a little hard to connect with the 45-year-olds. Oh pushing it yeah you're like so how many kids do you have yeah like they're like i have two families oh height are you in height yeah are we allowed to say that i don't know i don't think i can i don't think no i think we can i think we can you you i like to feel small i like to literally be so tiny they can't find me like I like to look up wait what is your what is your height range i don't have it restricted oh you don't but when you see it's like a little five seven or you're like sorry i know i'm sorry but to each their own like some people i have some inches on me like no you're literally five six that's tall i think the average height of a woman is five five five five we're the exact same height and the exact same shoe size yeah lauren we're five five yeah lauren and i are both five five and we have seven and a half shoe size and we can fit into an eight and we have the same we have the same everything basically we we do the same makeup we have the same every time it works out really well for me i'm dead um anyways okay so back to your dates oh okay so i like haven't gone on a date in a while but like i keep a pulse on my apps and i was having some light chatter with this one guy and he seemed promising he gave me his number on like a thursday night and i was like oh okay like i'll text him on sund Sunday like we don't need to make small talk through the weekend so on Sunday like I wake up I sit down I have my cup of coffee and I'm like trying to clean up my app I'm trying to like unmatch with people who died out and like go through and be like why did I even match with him I was feeling down in the dumps and desperate like goodbye and I was just cleaning up my page and I accidentally unmatched with the guy who gave me his number who I was about to text to go on a date with so now on the apps you like he's gone so chicago daddy gang if you know a guy i think he was like 31 32 he had brown hair he went to columbia university it's hot um because he was talking he was like oh like fellow columbia grad so chicago daddy gang if you know anyone on hinge who is brown hair decent height and went to columbia i was gonna text you and i was gonna go on a date with you so find some way to contact me i have a feeling if any girl lives in fucking chicago and finds that man they're scooping him from you they're like i'm not giving a columbia hot tall grad to you learn but but good to know oh wow that fucking sucks i know like there's he probably is like so confused because he probably thought you guys were like kind of vibing and thought you were about to like literally like suck the peepee and instead you like unmatch him that probably is fucking him up and he's probably talking to his friends like i really think i'm like i need to take a break from dating right now because i clearly am like have lost the plot and I like can't read a room because I thought I was about to fuck this girl and meanwhile she goes okay so you accidentally unmatched okay but have you had any fun encounters at all with a man like recently okay so yeah I've been like really open to meeting people in the wild okay so like I just feel like I'm walking around with like my eyes and heart open and if you you guys again didn't listen to our last episode, Lauren and I like said like there's something coming about us.
No, I could feel it. I'm going to meet someone in the wild.
We are. Is the word ravenous? Yeah.
We are ravenous for you to find a man to the point where like every turn we are literally You are objectifying men around every corner that you walk. Any man that like is somewhat attractive.
I'm like, could he be the one? Matt was little. Oh my God, I forgot to tell you this.
Oh my God. What? So, so, oh my God.
So Matt walks into the office. He walks into my office to introduce me to some guy he was just like finishing a meeting with.
And he walks in and it was a guy from like the film department that was coming to have a meeting with Matt at our offices and he's like hey Alex this is blah blah blah and I'm like hi and like Matt always gives context like oh he works at Netflix or like oh this is a guy from Paramount or oh this is a director whatever he's giving kind of like no context and he's kind of looking at me like Matt's like I like giving me weird eyes where I'm like I can't read your mind Matt like what are you trying to say and I was like oh so nice to meet you and it was like kind of looking at me like Matt's like, I like giving me weird eyes where I'm like, I can't read your mind, Matt. Like, what are you trying to say? And I was like, oh, so nice to meet you.
And it was like kind of a weird interaction because we had no reason to talk. He leaves.
Matt comes running back into my office and goes for Lauren, for Lauren, for Lauren. OK, he's divorced two kids.
Good looking kids. I know.
Could we do kids? Maybe not. Well, what about how old are they? they i don't know i didn't get into enough detail but i do think it could be like okay this is going to be really controversial and i actually would love to know from people in the comments when lauren is on this dating journey do we think a dad would be like a good fuck or is he gonna be lazy i fucked a dad before

wait what you don't know this story who it was like three years ago and um i swooped him up at a bar and did he like woo you with like the picture of his kids no his sweater i was obsessed with his sweater i was like oh he looks like a librarian and he's like yeah and mid-sex he was like i gotta be honest my divorce is like in process right now and i was like you did tell me yeah i was like do you have kids and he was like yeah no like mid-stroke and he's like oh i'm thinking about my divorce papers that's not fucking hot but he was a lingerer the next day but was was the sexual situation i think dads because they like seen some shit you know like they've seen a baby come out of a vagina they've like cleaned up shit diapers like bodily functions don't scare dads so i think dads are like down to get dad down and dirty the dads i think for the weird shit. Okay.
See, this is the kind of shit learn that I needed to know because for our single daddy gang, like I understand. Don't be scared of dads.
But this is also what I was going to say. I have a feeling that if you are not looking completely for a relationship and you're kind of looking just to like meet people and have good sex, I have a feeling a dad could be the perfect person because he may not be looking for anything serious a recently divorced dad exactly so like I don't know like recently divorced dads hit me up that's literally somehow you can like set your setting recently divorced dads please hit me up that's in your bio okay anyway sorry how did we get off track oh me meeting people in the wild yeah okay go ahead sorry sorry sorry so last we podcasted together we were in Utah and it was right before Christmas and I was going to Seattle to meet my family um for Christmas we do the national park bit every year we were doing Olympic National Park and since I was coming from Utah with you I was already on the west coast and it made sense for me to just like go right to Seattle so I was beating my family to Seattle by an entire day so I had 24 hours to spend solo in Seattle so I get to Seattle and I'm like pop off I can you tell Lauren's back on TikTok? Hop off.
OK, so you get to Seattle. I get to Seattle and I go to a rooftop bar by myself.
Love. I have a little glass of Savvy Bee.
I have some oysters. Then I go to the spa.
I get a massage. Oh, my God.
And then I go out to a sushi restaurant. I can I just say I love this for you and I feel like the best most fun moments can sometimes come from when you're doing shit alone obviously be safe but like I feel like no one takes themselves on dates anymore and I just want to put that energy out there daddy gang if you were like what should I do this weekend because all my friends are gone or my boyfriend's gone or you're single do this because then what happened oh well no okay we're getting there okay so I'm at the sushi restaurant and I have a little bit of a buzz going in because I had like two cocktails before my massage and they gave me free champagne at the massage but you were buzzed? Oh, highly recommend.
Wait, I've never done that. Really? Highly recommend.
I wonder, would you ever take an edible before a massage? All the time. Why am I going in just raw dog? I don't know.
I've literally never done that. Do it and get back to me.
Okay, good to know. Okay.
So I'm sitting at the bar of the sushi restaurant and I love the bartender. It's a woman.
I like so you fucked him no it's a woman we're just like vibing and like I'm alone and like I haven't I've been in Seattle all day by myself and it's like 6 30 now so I haven't really had much human interaction so like I'm just like hitting it off talking you're ready to chat I'm just ready to chat so I'm chatting with the bartender and she's like really proud of her craft and she's making me all these different cocktails, like these fancy ones. So now I'm like three cocktails in and I'm like feeling great.
And it's like 730 on a Friday and I'm closing my tab and I'm like, okay, like I had myself a nice day. Like I'll go back to my hotel room and just like watch a show.
Then this guy comes and sits down next to me at the bar and he starts immediately striking up conversation is like, this is my first time coming here. Like, what did you order? Did you like it? Immediately? I'm like, I'm not attracted to you, but I'm not you're, I can tell you're very cozy and non-threatening and safe.
And I'm enjoying the conversation with you. You're not thinking of it as a complete prospect, but potentially by more conversation, you may be like, huh.
I'm just in the mood to chat and not necessarily in the mood to go home. And I'm like.
And there's something about when you're in a different city. Yeah.
And you're not like there's something. It was starting my Christmas vacation too.
So I'm like, oh, like. Let's go.
Yeah, vacation's starting. I mean, I was going to drink responsibly because i'm alone in a new city but like i'm like down to like have a good time meet someone new love and so we start talking and the talk the conversation's so enjoyable that at this point i had closed my tab and i reopened my tab to get another drink and like keep talking to him okay and we're sitting at the bar talking for like 25 minutes are you talking about we were just like talking about like i was saying i was going to olympic

national park and this is what i have planned for my trip and like okay nice what i have planned

for the holidays and what he's up to and like we were just like chatting it up love and so now at

this point it's probably like 7 30 okay and he was like well like you're alone tonight right i'm like

yeah and he's like me too and he um he was like i actually was gonna go to another bar after this

It's one of my favorite bars and there's a live show like do you want to come and I'm like yeah like in my mind I'm like oh like live music a live band a singer like love that so now and I'm like yeah totally like let's go so we close our tabs and we're walking to the next bar and we get to the next bar okay it's a drag show and I'm like oh that's not entirely like what I was anticipating but like okay like I'm down fun like right let's go to a drag show yeah so we're like watching the drag show we're hanging out we're laughing in my mind I'm like oh he thinks this is a date he's so into me really he's like having fun and he's thinking he's like so he's like yeah he's like wow like what a great night for me I thought I was gonna have a solo night night and now I'm on a date with this girl love so like we're watching the drag show and then there's like an arcade in the bar too so then we go play like some games together and we're talking and then we go sit at a table in the back and we get another drink and we're still just like chatting. Keep going.
I have a feeling where this is going just from the sure fact that you went to a drag show. Keep going.
Keep going. So we're talking

and we've been hanging out for like an hour and a half now at this second bar and I look up

and I look around at the bar and I'm like is this bar circus themed and he's like yeah he's like it's my favorite because it makes me feel like I'm at home I'm like what do you mean it makes me feel like you're at home he's like well the past six years I've been in the circus I have a lot of travel coming up, some for vacation, some for work, and I am preparing by trying my hardest to get ahead of planning outfits, of trying to get ahead of making sure I have enough of my makeup products and all the things that I usually need and I'm not racing at the last minute. So Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Quince.
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White Claw Seltzer Works, Chicago, Illinois. I look around at the bar and I'm like, is this bar circus themed? And he's like, yeah.
He's like, it's my favorite because it makes me feel like I'm at home. I'm like, what do you mean it makes me feel like you're at home?

And he's like, well, the past six years I've been in the circus.

I just got out of the circus.

I'm like, oh, you were in the circus?

Like, pop off.

And I was like, he was telling me about like his roommate and him who just like moved out.

And I'm like, by chance, was your roommate also in the circus? the circus and he's like yeah all of my friends here are from the circus and then like i like really like pause for a second and i like really take in my surroundings like sober up a little bit yeah it was a circus themed bar it was a gay bar and he was a gay man lauren sweetie lauren lauren i don't think he thought he was on a date with no he found a nice young straight woman who he thought loved the gays yeah who does love the gays i'm at this point let it be known i'm an ally no no no not only are you an ally you are literally trying to turn gay men straight you're like are we in love he's like babe this is my boyfriend over here you're like jonathan we lauren i have something wrong with me like my gaydar is broken i can't tell a gay man from a straight man I am sorry I have no words I'm trying to like process like again you guys this basically the last episode after she found out that that man was gay she turned to the guy at the bar and she's like he's so cute we're like babe like he's drinking a pink martini like he's gay like Lauren is like nothing again like I get straight men can't but it's like it was so obvious this man was gay and lauren was like his muscles and i'm like babe lauren you're going oh yeah okay lauren yeah okay but at least it did wait once you realized he was gay like what did you do i called it you were i was just like i thought i was gonna get a maybe a little Yeah, I called it. And then I texted my friend who gave me the recommendation for the sushi place.
And I was like, wow, so funny how this night turned out. My friend who gave me the recommendation is a gay man.
And he was like, Oh, honey, I could have told you you weren't gonna meet anyone. I sent you to the gay neighborhood.
Oh, my fucking God, Lauren. I know.
Can I ask what he did in the circus?

Yeah.

He was the control panel operator.

So he coordinated the music, the pyro, and the lights operating in sync.

Huh.

So at least he like, it could have.

He wasn't.

I don't know.

I mean, if you fling.

That could have been cool.

That could have been cool too if he was like the flame thrower like he ate fire right moving on okay so that okay so then i thought on the way home from this trip that i was going to redeem myself so i'm flying home from this vacation and i am are you going home and like masturbating or are you like so turned off that you're like fuck I really fucked that up. No I went home and I was like I need to like reevaluate some things.
Okay so you try to redeem yourself. So I'm trying to redeem myself.
So I'm flying home from my Christmas vacation. I'm going back to Chicago and I'm in a fabulous mood.
I'm feeling on top of the world because I just got upgraded to first class. I'm going to get on this plane.
I'm going to have two glasses of red wine. I have like three hours left in my book.
I'm about to like sit down and like read like the final battle scene of my book. And I'm like, I'm going to have a great flight home.
Love. So I walk onto the flight and I see that in first class I am seated next to the hottest man in the entire world you're again no no no no no and he's gay I don't know he was straight he was straight okay I like definitely know he was straight okay so the story is not ending and you fell in love with another gay man okay and I don't want to be the girl who cries hot guy on the plane because i know we said last time that like the guy on the plane was the hottest this guy was hotter than the guy on the book 10 times hotter he was even dressed better he had like a fear of god like sweatshirt on like a little like hat like perfectly fitted jeans like a little so gay no I'm really

sure this guy was straight no no I believe that so he had like swag yeah he is swag swag he was like with it also yeah okay so those are like name brands that are like not name brandy like you kind of have to know no I only know them because of you yeah okay and so I sit down next to are you in the aisle or the I'm the window he's the aisle love oh so you have to like climb over his big deck to go to the can we also agree before you tell me the rest of the story that without a doubt every single fucking time that you go to the airport moving forward i have to stop looking like shit you have to get my shit together even if you're not full glam like you need to start did you see what I wore when I flew here yesterday no I arrived to your house yesterday what were you wearing I was wearing leggings a sweater and a little scarf and I had earrings on you had a scarf I had a scarf on wait wait okay so you're gonna start putting yourself together a little because again like we've said and does everyone else agree and comment down below if this is on fucking tiktok or wherever the fuck this is on instagram let's all debate for two seconds what is one of the hottest most like meet cute places that you could meet someone a plane a plane it's like the fate of you ending up sitting next to someone that you end up vibing with and the fact that they're single like usually you just get like a fucking frumper that's yeah no it's like coughing and sneezing i got a 10 okay but where else would be hot to meet someone i feel like the plane is like the plane's like it or like a coffee shop too basic you know why the plane is good because other places it could come across off-putting if someone just like talking to you but like if you're seated next to someone on a plane i'm not a freak i'm not entirely off-put if someone tries to talk to me okay that's fair okay so sorry back on track okay so i sit down next to him and i was ugly because i gotta start looking better on planes. So I'm like a little insecure.
I'm like, this guy is so hot. Like how ugly? Like are you like, you're like worst? A little better than the last time.
I'm not hungover. All right, so it's not great.
I'm not puffy, but I just like don't have any makeup on and like my hair is greasy and in a bun. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I think I'm wearing like a full sweatsuit. Yeah, so he can't even like see those hips no i was gonna have to wow him with my personality but you know if he falls in love with that and you rip your shirt off and he's like look at these titties you're like that's not what i leave that's not my best yeah it's not my best asset um okay so you know when like someone's so hot you're like a little uncomfortable that's I felt.
So I popped in my AirPods and I was like, I just need to like be with myself a little bit and kind of strategize like what in the world could I make conversation with this guy about? And I'm like, I need to I have a four hour flight. I'm going to like hit pause.
I'm going to have two glasses of wine. I'm going to read my book and I'm going to get a little liquid courage brewing inside of me.
And then eventually, I'm going to find some way to make contact. So I get lost in my book for a second.
And I kind of forget he's there. And I get a buzz on.
And all of a sudden, I realize I have to pee so bad. And I'm a bitch on planes when it comes to asking people to stand up to go to the bathroom.
Absolutely. I don't think I'm a other areas of my life i don't really have boundary issues i can ask for like what i want and need but when it comes to asking people to stand up on a plane so i can pee it's terrifying worse night i'd rather get an infection than sometimes ask especially i'd rather pee my dribble a little bit and especially depending on the person yeah okay so i'm like all of a sudden like hits me like I'm in my book and it just like hits me I'm like I have to pee so bad and I look up at my man and he is knocked the fuck out oh that's tough sleeping but I'm like it's just one person I have to ask to stand and like I have two and a half hours left like I gotta pee yeah like i can't do this so at first i like lightly tap him and i'm like excuse me not budging and then i go a little harder and i'm like excuse me and i'm like excuse me he gets a heart on i start talking okay wait so you go harder so I go a little harder and I'm like excuse me excuse me I'm doing this for like a few minutes and like I'm wanting to like crawl in my skin I'm like I'm dying of course the guy across the aisle sees me and he starts giving me encouragement he's like you got this you got this you.
So I'm now like, okay, like he's encouraging me. So I'm getting a little more like, like a little like, excuse me.
And this guy is like still not waking up. So then the guy across the aisle reaches over and joins in.
So the guy across the aisle is leaning across the aisle on one shoulder. I'm on this guy's shoulder.
And we're like excuse me excuse me and he's not waking up this is horrifying Lauren fucking put your leg over that man's dick and lunge over him then the flight attendant joins in because the flight attendant comes over and it's like whoa whoa whoa like what's going on here what are you guys doing to this man and I'm like I'm so sorry I couldn't get him to wake up and that guy saw me struggling so then that guy joined in so the flight attendant like you can tell this ain't her first rodeo she two hands him and jolts him awake and he wakes up i'm leaning over him on this side the flight attendant's over the front of him and the guy across the aisle is leaning over him too and he wakes up and he's like what the actual fuck probably panic yeah like we're going down yeah and i'm like i'm so sorry i was trying to wake you up then they joined in and the plane didn't solve she's probably trying to harass you and she joined in and like now i'm so sorry that you're waking up like this and it was like he's like can you imagine being on a plane and opening your eyes and there's four human beings above you i would be like someone's in the cockpit like someone's taking everyone down yeah dude oh but in my mind I'm like that actually couldn't have gone worse right but it's it's gonna be funny so I'm gonna go to the bathroom okay and like we're gonna come back and laugh about this because like how absurd that like he woke up that it took three people to wake him up and that he woke up with three people like you can bond over now we now now I have an in now we have a bond love so i'm like okay like

go to the bathroom like pee like this is gonna be so funny when i come back i come back he is

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He is knocked the fuck out again. Like out cold.
You're literally like bro. Bro.
No. So I just crawl over him.
You crawled over. I just crawled over into the rest of the sleep.
He was sleeping like a sweet little angel baby. And when you landed.
And when he landed people normally wake up when you land. You know like you like land and like you're like awake he slept through the whole landing he didn't get out until like the actual last second so and he lives in chicago i don't know well or he's coming from i don't know see now would you ever have thought to yourself well i guess no because that's also reading the room because i was going to say would you ever have thought it would have been appropriate if you just wrote your number on a little piece of paper slipped it no then I feel like that woman literally literally took it she was touching me while I was asleep but okay so it was kind of just one of those where you're like looking at this gorgeous man and you can't do anything no like I think that would be non-consensual Lauren so I'm just not having good luck okay but we have talked about it like a plane is really tough but it does have opportunities so I feel like what we know for next time that you're on a plane yeah it's number one you're gonna look cute so you feel your best because let's say you know you saw this man and he looks like a 10 that you're sitting next to and his little fear of god fucking shirt but you're feeling like a gremlin you're feeling not your best you're feeling like wow i haven't washed my hair in 10 days i was just with my family hiking it up the mountain i got pubes on every fucking crevice of my body like you're not gonna feel like pop the pussy even to lunge over his body but had you been like a little seal you're fucking shaved up you got your like perfume on you got your lip liner on maybe you would back that maybe you would back that thing up right all over him just to get to the bathroom and maybe he would have woken up and instead of seeing you be like sir he would have been like god damn yeah he probably like opened his eyes and was like oh what is that and you're like lauren i know okay so but what i think we also know is like you're getting really good luck with like really good looking men on planes recently yes yeah also to be fair because like you're usually flying to pretty like metropolitan places so i feel like that's also the type of man that you want to be with like we've talked about like a go-getter I want like a jet setter yeah you want someone that's like in the know yeah so I feel like these are huge opportunities for you to meet men yeah so I'm gonna get my act together and I'll report back I'm really proud of you though I think that you are you have the right mindset we now just need to like wait what happened at your high school reunion so last I told the daddy gang was about my high school reunion yeah we've been potting a lot guys catch up Thanksgiving episode I was talking about how I was about to go to my high school reunion you were gonna see your arch nemesis I was about to say I went off on my archnemesis.
Was she there? Okay. Okay.
Okay.

So in that episode, I told a story about my high school boyfriend cheating on me at prom with my archnemesis. Classic.
And that podcast episode aired three days before the high school reunion. So I had a little bit of anxiety going into my high school reunion.
Like, is he going to be there? Is she going to be there? Did they hear me just like pop off on them? Do They think that like I'm still like obsessed.

Like in love yeah yeah and just like what's the interaction gonna be so I did some intel I knew as I said in that episode that my arch nemesis loves snapchat so I got back in the old snapchat I love how you are saying that you know your arch nemesis love snapchat again for context we are talking freshman and sophomore yet like we're talking high school when this girl used snapchat that would be like saying you and I love snapchat that's like saying I love myspace okay you're literally living in the olden age of something that you knew in high school this woman could have gone through 10 different lives yeah but yeah she loves snapchat uh yeah she did because I logged right back into my snapchat and I checked her snapchat story which was active and I confirmed she was not in the state of Pennsylvania she was not going to be at the reunion boom she. Only contender left my high school ex.
Is he going to be at the high school reunion? I'm actually really proud of you. And I feel like half of this is like the things that I've taught you because you're so not a stalker.
No. Like you're so not doing recon.
No. But you so are getting in there for this.
Oh, I love this. Okay.
So I am getting dressed and ready to go have my mom drop me off to meet my girlfriend. So humbling.
Yeah. To have my mom go drop me off to meet my girlfriend so we could like pregame for the high school reunion.
And my mom's a ride or die. My mom's a homie.
She puts me on her back. She wants to be one with the girls.
Yeah. Like if she could have slept over with your friends,

you know,

she'd be up in there.

If you invited her,

she'd be there.

Yeah,

yeah,

yeah.

So my mom,

I'm getting ready to walk out the door.

My mom goes,

lair,

lair,

lair.

We got movement.

I'm like,

what's going on here?

Just for context,

her mom has a Southern accent.

And I go over and she's like,

lair.

Bleep.

That's my high school.

That's boyfriend. Just watched my Instagram story.
Do you know what this means lair no it's so good Lauren he's so in love with you no no no you okay so first of all this is like the one thing that you did tell me on break because we were like save it for the podcast save it for the podcast and then when you told me I think I texted you and Matt texted me and I said he watched my mom's Instagram story okay he's trying to fuck tonight no not only is he trying to fuck tonight he literally thinks your soulmate and is obsessed with you I'm sorry and I'm sorry if he sees this but you can't fucking tell me we are 30 years old and your high school ex-boyfriend who you do not speak to you guys aren't like I haven't I know i haven't i have not made contact with him in probably like nine years nine years is viewing your mother's instagram story and to top it off i was like mom because she keeps tabs she knows who's viewing every story oh yeah because she's got like 10 views i'm like mom is he a regular or is this a new view and she's like new view lair new view can you imagine everybody close your eyes right now can you imagine you have not talked to your high school boyfriend in fucking 10 years and you're going to your high school reunion and your fucking mother alerts you that this mother fucking creeper is viewing her story first of all that is fucking insane second of all i just close my eyes i'm like yeah second of all all that's telling me is he's trying to see if you are in town yeah and you're going to the high school fucking reunion because what the fuck else is he doing creeping around the corner in december okay so then now i get to the pregame and me and the girls are like hyping it up i'm like oh my god he's gonna be there i'm gonna see him for the first time in nine years like do you think he's mad at me do you think he watched the podcast is he about to confront me like if he confronts me like what do i say like actually do you think there's gonna be like just like this like fuck you and then grab me and make out with me like we're just we're running all the scenarios so fun so fun so we get to the high school reunion and we get there 30 minutes late because we're cool of course and then can't be early no and so now we're it's like an hour and a half into the high school reunion and me and my friends are kind of like keeping tabs on the door like is he here is he gonna walk in is he gonna walk in and also at that point also it's not like you're obsessed because obviously he's obsessed but like i'm like trying to clear your name before you like fuck yourself here but i do want to say it was just like a bit that we were all it was just like a bit that we were all like running in our heads like what is gonna happen it's so fun because what the fuck else are you waiting for like oh hi matricia like how's your like insurance job like no you want to see your first like i just want to you want to see your fucking high school love yeah okay come on okay so an hour and a half i'm like i grabbed my friend and i'm like let's just go ask the woman working the door like is his name on the guest list like let's just go ask is his name on the guest list so we walk up because you had to rsvp you had to rsvp and like pay so that like you have like a wristband for the open bar oh my god yeah it's an open bar so imagine where yeah where i'm at here when i go this way yeah you're probably like 19 drinks deep on an edible. Hello, ma'am.
So we go up to the woman working the door who has the list and who RSVP'd and paid. And I'm like, is his name on the list? And she's like, no.
We and this girl make eye contact. And I know she's daddy gang.
And I know we're vibing on like a different frequency so i'm like again open bar keep in mind lauren thinks she's vibing with this door woman and lauren thinks this woman is daddy gang this woman could be like so unaware and is like what is wrong with this girl she's a staring problem but okay yeah she's daddy gang she's an ally yeah she's she's an ally no oh no she's an ally listen up okay buckle up okay so i look at her and i say i need your help i'm about to maybe have a faded run-in with my high school boyfriend and like i need to like crank it up a little bit did you say a faded run-in fated like fate like a fated is that a saying nope i love it a faded run-in i thought you like said faded like i'm faded on this fucking juice girl i've had a couple whiskeys i'm throwing it back okay so i'm like i'm gonna are you down i'm gonna give you number. You're going to call him and say, hey, this is Karen.
I'm working the door at blah, blah, blah bar. Someone actually paid for your wristband.
Are you, when are you going to be here to pick it up? You think he's that dead broke that he'll come? The only reason he's not coming is because of the $15 wristband. It was $50.
And like like maybe he was just in the area yeah out in philly like didn't know if he wanted to stop by but like if the bartender or if the dorm woman is calling him to say someone wants you here so bad that they paid for your wristband just stop by for a free open bar like fuck it let's go right yeah fair I would do i'd be like um he doesn't answer she leaves a voicemail and what does she say exactly what i told her to i'm picturing you like seconds away from grabbing the phone being like it's me baby you're like holding yourself back all your fucking free will is like don't grab the phone don't grab the phone well he didn't answer and it went to voicemail and I never heard from him or never saw him so you're exposing yourself right now on call her daddy to millions of people that you are in fact the girl that had Karen from the bar call him and try to get him and lure him to the bar so you could see him I wasn't trying to see him to hook up with him or anything like that were you looking for a little rendezvous just a little like fair because at least he's not gay and we know that lauren a little like that fucking sucks though that like i actually so since i've downloaded instagram i've requested him and he won't accept my friend request so i think he saw the first episode but also we do not want him no i don't i don't i don't want him i don't want him what are we doing no you just i just wanted to stir the pot a little bit no you want him no i don't want you so that you can pull back and then you can be like ew i don't want you anymore that's so high school but you want him to come to you so then you can fucking bounce i don't know what i want who has she become it is crazy like i don't know if anyone feels this babe but no matter how far away you get from your hometown it's the saying of like you can take a bitch out of philly but you can't take the philly out of a bitch or whatever the fuck they're saying okay oh also people got so mad at me when i was like i will always be philly they're like you're from the fucking suburbs cunt i was like okay first of all fuck off it's not the same thing but you know what i'm saying we went to philly every fucking day second of all it's weird how no matter where you go in life stirs up those emotions of when you're like an adolescent because remember did I tell you that I think I was regressing you'll think no did I tell you that my ex-boyfriend randomly texted me a picture of the look at me now song by Chris Brown out of the blue and just texted that to me in November oh and just like a picture of like look at me now and I couldn't tell if he was saying like look at you or look at him exactly like I don't know what he's up to but like look at you kind of makes sense I was thinking that but it says look at me like I couldn't tell so I just didn't answer because I was like I'm not sure you're also married yeah yeah it was just like a little I'm not married you know you're looking I'm single you're looking to get fingered you didn't know okay so you had like you wait did you have any i'm blowing up your spot i forgot you told me what you had a make out though yeah rewind and zoom in on her face when she just said yeah oh who are you i'm obsessed you had a make out i didn't make out but not with my high school boyfriend a different man. OK, now that we are in our era of you are single, we do not want you to end up with a gay man.
Although we are allies, we want to keep our gays and our girls. And then we want to keep the dicks that we want to suck and fuck over here for you to marry.
I have a little game on my phone that I if anyone is single or even if you're fucking married or in a relationship, I don't give shit just play with us because this is going to be fun so I have a game for Lauren and basically I'm going to ask you a question and I want to know if you would swipe right or left I don't know right or left I don't know is right good left bad I don't know so just say yes or no yes or no yes or no okay ready we're gonna start easy okay hopefully he has multiple mirror selfies on his profile multiple absolutely not like maybe maybe i could let one slide but like context matters okay like what context would you be okay can you imagine matt taking a mirror selfie like mirror selfie like if you're like stunting and posing no no okay let's try to think of what is what would be okay i feel like a man mirror selfie this is maybe if like you're wearing like a really funny costume for like a theme something you're just like snapping it like a funny costume yes i was thinking the same thing although a really random image came to my mind he's outside at a cabin and there's a there's a mirror like outdoor and he's like like with his friends like drinking beer like well that might be too frappero no it wait okay i no no i take all that back i was thinking because imagine it has to feel like he was in a moment yeah Yeah, spur of the moment, quick. Like, I'm at a sporting stadium.

Yeah, but not in the bathroom.

Not in the bathroom.

It has to be like, yeah, like.

Maybe he's walking by a mirror and someone snaps it up him.

But that's still frat bro energy.

Yeah.

No, I think you're right.

The energy would be like, if they're in a costume, is that also frat boy energy I it has again if he's like if okay once context around it context is really important if there's multiple absolutely not one mirror selfie and the context has to make sense we're struggling to find the context of the mirror selfie that would be like acceptable but if you find it send it in everyone comment down below when is it acceptable for a man to take a mirror selfie because i'm struggling i don't know when that's the right time i'm struggling okay um his first photo is shirtless absolutely no it's unacceptable one shirtless photo the only context that a shirtless photo would be you're really far away like i don't want to be able to see any lines like you need to be far away where like you're just trying to show me more that like you go to beaches and like you go on vacations but you're not trying to show me your body you're more trying to show me the scenery and you being shirtless is a byproduct of the scenery but you're not trying to get up in there and like I shouldn't be able to see any crevices because you should be that far away from the camera and if we can see crevices that far away from the camera win obviously to know that like you have a nice body but i agree it should not be like your body's not the focus the scenery cool is if he was like on a hike with people and he just summited a mountain and he's so excited he just summited a mountain so he rips his shirt off he's on the mountain yes no he has his

shirt almost like around his shoulders his shoulders or his neck and he's so hot he's sweaty yeah yeah yeah and he's doing one of those like when men do this what does this thing do you know what when they do this to the they're like pointing to the person next to them do you know what i'm talking about boys do that shut the fuck up but no i think i think it's around their neck Yeah okay all of his

No all of his prompts are knock knock jokes

No um oh I will

Talk that shut the fuck up but no i think i think it's around their neck yeah okay all of his no all of his prompts are knock knock jokes no um oh i will talk about prompts though okay talk to me about prompts because you haven't been on the apps in a little bit no so like prompts are a huge prompts are huge on hinge like i or like all the apps i don't know but hinge specifically yeah and i am proud of my prompts oh

do you want to is that you being like asking me about my prompts what's going on with your promise Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Uber Eats. Okay, daddy gang, we all know Uber Eats has the best selection of local restaurants.
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Call your local Firestone Complete Auto Care and book your next appointment today. What's going on with your brunch lauren okay so one of my prompts that gets the most traction is it's let's debate this topic the top sheet is useless i fucking remember when you were telling me about this but then you started lingering too long on the fucking top sheet conversation this is what i was gonna say okay so now when everyone slides in they're all going for the top sheet combo so now i have like 20 conversations going ham about whether or not you use a top sheet like i can like oh i feel so much for you since i got rid of the top sheet oh i'm bold i got rid of the top sheet like we're you now you almost have prompts to go with once they start the conversation i know i can i can give you five top sheet jokes right off the top of my head you can just kind of black out and then eventually you want to transition the conversation yes because the danger is i can't go on a date with someone when all we've talked about is whether you have a top sheet or not on your bed and when lauren showed me one of her dating app conversations i was like babe I'm scrolling and we're still on the fucking top sheet which is where you really have to be careful like I think something that my advice for dating apps that I gave to you was and I used to do this a lot was this is advice I can be sarcastic like I think that was one of my like flirt like banter yeah banter and like I used to do that all

the time the problem is if you don't get out of that zone somewhat in the beginning days of speaking before before the actual date before the actual date I find it very hard to transition your relationship out of the banter stage to being like sweet and romantic and like not shitting on each other. Yeah.
Because I remember it was the Canadian and it was this Canadian hockey player that I used to hook up with. And we were both Leos, which was just a fucking disaster in general.
But I remember every single fucking time I was with him, we were constantly trying to one up each other and we were constantly just bantering. And if you were at a dinner with us, like we would go to a lot of group things and people were like you two are so fucking insane together it's hilarious to watch but I was also like I also want you to like cuddle me and like and then you end the date and you're like wait I know nothing about you it's almost like a competition yeah if you can keep the banter going and it gets exhausting and I find that you almost regret that you never were just like normal,

sweet conversations.

And then you can,

so be careful daddy gang that you don't get stuck in the banter phase because

as fun as it is to find something that you're like,

okay,

this person can fucking banter.

Yeah.

Eventually you're going to run out of like leg room to be like,

it's now would be weird for us to have a romantic loving moment because we're so joking with each other okay good to know um okay next your ex is in one of his pictures i'm in a little bit of a destructive mode right now what is going on i don't know so like i would probably just. No.
No. I wouldn't.
You were about to say some. Go ahead.
Say what you're going to say. No.
Because like. No.
How long do you have to wait. To fuck his friend.
Yeah. I think it has to be like a year and a half.
That's murky territory. That's murder.
No, I feel like, because what if it's like, you know, love stories. Like if you go to fuck a guy that your ex is friends with again, if it's his best friend, that's just that's mean because it's also kind of weird in hindsight.
Like if his best friend would fuck you, then I don't like what that says about him and his morals. But if it was a guy in his friend group that he was always just kind of around, but you guys never hung out.
But like then you. I think you'd have to be like, am I doing this to like get closer to him? I have like a little bit like one leg into like a circle of his life.
i doing this because i hope he's gonna hear about it oh yeah or is it like you move to a new city and you see a friend that was his friend and new city that's safe or you also have to check with yourself depending on the way that you broke up with your ex is like are you also leaning into it for the familiarity that's just like comforting to you or do you like actually like this guy to like this guy okay so there's a lot of dynamics at play here interesting daddy getting right into us if this has happened to you um he's 6 11 oh yeah baby what 6 11 how tall is that actually talk about that for a second six lauren 6 11 can you like give me an if you were doing 69 your fucking your fucking face would be at his nipple how tall do you like what do you think is a sex select like what lauren matt matt is 6 3 oh no no i i actually think 6 11 are there 6 11 people lauren have you ever watched the nba they're 6 11 yes and they're 7 feet can you wait let me google how let me google average nba player height lauren seven feet really not average maybe but i think google it okay from what i understand a lot of like the crew boys in at bu were really tall and i just remember i've never hooked up with someone that tall but i remember my friends always saying oh my god sex is so hard because also if you're riding on top and you're looking at him you go to kiss him it's like your head would fall down and you just hit like nipple like you can't even reach up to him like the proportions are tell me the average height of an nba player is six foot six and a half inches is that true that's what ai that's what ai google saying and how tall is matt six three although it says he's shorter on the line and it really upsets him business can wait for two seconds what is the average height of an nba player like what's the average i mean google it but i would probably say six five six four six five really and but there are would probably say 6'5". 6'4".
6'5".

Really?

But there are people that are 6'11".

Yes, but then there's people who are 6'1".

So, like, maybe 6'5", 6'6", is probably the average.

But there are men that are 7'0".

There's men that are 7'3".

Thank you.

Love you.

Love you.

But listen, I'm telling you. You're're gonna see us next week courtside lauren's like i want him throwing me around but do you understand what i'm saying logistic i love how we're saying it's too tall but listen to me think about it you are riding a man okay i love what we're doing like science yeah you are riding this man no we need him to be longer this is him you are you're riding this man okay here you go to kiss him and his head is here but think about that you can't reach him so you can't make out when you're riding him you that's a big dog well I guess it depends the intimacy level if you're just trying to fuck but do you understand what I'm saying you can't 69 you're so far away when you're sucking his dick that you can't really like make eye contact he's so he's like a mile away but like I think there's definitely positives to date does anyone is anyone in a relationship with a man that's seven foot let us know 6 11 and i don't want to discriminate i'm just saying for you i can tell with you i think you want big but i don't know if you want that big but if it's love okay okay next question what the fuck was my question oh 611 it's a good question it's a good question oh he's doing a baby voice in his voice prompt whenever there's a voice prompt on a dating app i don't listen because i know i'll immediately get the ick i think that it's the worst fucking thing that they did to that app what does a man doing a baby voice even sound like i don't know but i know that men do it and i actually think ladies i know it's probably like feels counterintuitive but I actually genuinely believe I remember when I was looking at your hinge I don't even do not click on that yeah don't click on their voice prompts because if they have one they're probably trying to do something funny and they don't understand like it's gonna give you the ick and maybe he is like a good guy but he's like maybe he's a stand-up comedian but like save it for the stage he's vegan that's like an like that's not a deal breaker but that's a big inconvenience yeah yeah like come on like i want to go have steak yeah exactly sushi um okay oh his frat greek letters

are in his bio and he's 30 years old in the bio get the fuck out of here if you even bring up

what fraternity you were in on our first date also like get the fuck out of here i agree um

Um,

Thank you. bio get the fuck out of here if you even bring up what fraternity you were in on our first date also like get the fuck out of here i agree um he's hot but his outfits are horrible i think it's okay like there's room to grow yeah but i also would have to like meet him in person because maybe he's like some men are resistant to change i couldn't have a guy that like actually like like looks like to the point where i'm like we're going on a date night and i'm just like never getting turned on yeah okay fair i think that's it yeah i feel like we did it yeah okay so i think this is like a fun game you guys that lauren and i are just trying to figure out like who is lauren going to end up with and we're all we're in no rush we're in no rush and i feel like we're all very invested in this yours.
And I think people are really enjoying it. Like the last couple episodes that we've done, I feel like people are really enjoying the conversation around you being single, getting out of a relationship at 30, like you shared with us.
And like, you're so young and you have so much opportunity. And I like that you're kind of like dipping in and doing dates when you're in the mood and then you're kind of going on little hiatus.
And I think that is a great that's a great strategy. Like don't force yourself.
Like don't feel bad if you haven't gone on dates in a couple months, daddy gang. Like maybe you're just not ready.
And you're probably like your body is probably telling you like maybe you need to focus on yourself a little bit more. Maybe you want to focus on work right now.
Like don't get mad at yourself if you go in flux of like going on a bunch of dates and then stopping I think that's normal right oh yeah that's um next time we podcast oh you know I'm inviting myself back yeah come back you're always here next time we podcast um we can debate the fact that I do not agree with my therapist yes my therapist told me, because I don't want a relationship right now. And she was like, well, why are you going on dates if you don't want a relationship? So you out there ponder on that.
Do you agree that Lauren should not be dating if she doesn't want a relationship? Or do you think it's completely fine that Lauren is going on dates, but she doesn't want a relationship? We will leave you with that, with that big, big, big question mark. And we are going to go have wine and watch football

with Matt. So God bless.
And thank you guys so much for listening to another lovely episode of

Call Her Daddy. And you know the drill.
I will see you fuckers next Wednesday. Goodbye.
Hi, Daddy Gang. It is your father.
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