ENCORE Relationship Real Talk

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Speaker 2 So guys, welcome back to another episode again. Another episode.

Speaker 2 We are in New York City this week.

Speaker 3 New York.

Speaker 2 Yeah, actually, it's super in and super out. Like we are here and then we're gone.

Speaker 3 I'm at a bit. Listen, New York, I have a, I have a love-hate relationship with New York.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I feel like the first time you come to New York City, like the very first time we ever did, we were 16. And I remember like driving downtown, though, like over by like Times Square and stuff.

Speaker 2 And remember that first feeling you get when you see New York City for the first time?

Speaker 3 It's like, whoa.

Speaker 2 It was crazy. Especially like kids like us.
We come from just like a little country town.

Speaker 3 The biggest town we ever saw was Detroit. Right.

Speaker 2 And I remember driving through New York and be like, this is unreal.

Speaker 3 This is crazy. It was like surreal.
I also remember I had to bring my sister because

Speaker 3 our parents could. Why couldn't our parents come?

Speaker 2 Probably. They're probably working.

Speaker 3 Yeah, something happened where my sister had to be our guardian or whatever it was for the day or for the time that we were there because we were still minors. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Which, when you think about it, like, isn't it weird to think about we were we were minors for one, two, three years of filming Teen Mom. Yeah.
Like, dude, how did that even happen?

Speaker 2 Well, they had to have people sign for us.

Speaker 3 I know, but it's just weird to think about like, wow. And then to think about what they filmed.
Like, think about it. 16 years ago, like, reality TV did look different.

Speaker 3 oh yeah it was super raw yeah it just got we just got past like the real world part and we're kind of leaning into like then jersey shore happened which obviously is party days whatever yeah and then our stuff i feel like our show

Speaker 3 was similar to like uh um true life that's what it reminded me of too yeah like it was so raw and i feel like the difference now with reality tv is just so way different i feel like now reality tv is just like all like drama like caddie girls beating each other up or like you know housewives right or lip you know couples living in houses seeing if they cheat on one another like drama that i told you that didn't i yeah you told me no you told me about that yeah bro that's i want to get some of those people on the podcast because i want to talk to you about what the hell are you doing and what were you thinking

Speaker 3 temptation island

Speaker 3 dude what's going on and why would you torture yourself like that it dude it is the craziest Show I've ever seen. I've only saw a clips, but from the clips, I'm like, this is some toxic ass shit.

Speaker 2 I feel like that's the type of show that that would give me anxiety. Because I'm such an empath, you know?

Speaker 3 Like, oh my God, his heart is broken. So hug him.

Speaker 2 Jack. Oh, my God.
Poor Jack.

Speaker 3 No, but it's really, that show was literally insane. And anyone listening who's watched Temptation Island, you know what I'm talking about.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I've never even seen clips of it. But just what you described to me, I was like, that is horrible.

Speaker 3 No, it's bad.

Speaker 2 Like, it's probably a show that would make me cry.

Speaker 2 For the person being hurt.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 2 You know?

Speaker 3 And by the way, I'm sitting on this

Speaker 3 lowest couch I've ever been on in my life, guys. So, I mean, like, bro.

Speaker 2 It's great for me, but not for you. No, look at you.

Speaker 3 It's perfect for you. Look at your 90-degree bent leg.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 If I put my leg on the ground, this is me.

Speaker 3 Like, what? The very inverted 90-degree.

Speaker 3 This is the first time I've ever been in the space recording, but. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I think it's well actually we're in New York. We're doing a couple different things.
We're interviewing some more adoptees,

Speaker 3 which I'm really excited about.

Speaker 3 And we have an adoptee adoption competent therapist we're talking to.

Speaker 2 Which that'll be super interesting.

Speaker 3 Which that'll be really cool, which I'm excited about that. So New York, New York.
But we're probably, this will probably be the last trip to New York for us.

Speaker 2 Probably. I feel like we could find some really nice places in Detroit.

Speaker 3 Yeah, and I think we've gotten in the swing of things.

Speaker 2 Well, and also like, hello, we're parents. And I feel like, you know, it's hard for us to go away.

Speaker 3 And so, like this one, it's like we're recording today tomorrow and then tomorrow after recording we're getting on a plane and flying home um so at least if we book something in detroit since we are parents we'll be it'll be like we're going to work we go to work for a few hours and then we can drive home because i think what it's hard when you're trying to do this type of work and you have to leave your state like yes where there's practices and art class and just all this stuff that you have doctor's appointment yeah like and you can't i don't i don't know how i don't know how people do it but i guess other people have like nannies they got baby daddies, they got grandmas and grandpas who are willing to help

Speaker 3 do stuff.

Speaker 3 Thankfully, your mom was willing to do this trip, but you know, seriously. But this will be, that's why I'm like, you know what? For our schedules and stuff, and the fact that we don't have like

Speaker 3 a lot of extra help on hand is it's better just to find a place in Detroit that makes sense.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that way we're only going for a few hours, not a few days.

Speaker 3 Yes, I can drive an hour home, and it's fine.

Speaker 2 But so I figured for this week, um, we do have a bunch of fan questions.

Speaker 3 We have a lot of fan questions.

Speaker 2 Yeah, we do. So, I wanted to read some of these fan questions.
And then, also,

Speaker 2 I got this game, like this card game for couples. And so, like, we will ask each other questions and then answer them.

Speaker 2 Um, and I think it's funny because, you know, we've been together for almost 18 years, but and we really do know the ins and outs of every, of each other, but it's like sometimes like either I'll say something or you will, and you'd be like, I never knew that about you.

Speaker 2 And And I'm like, oh my God, right.

Speaker 3 What was it the other day that you said something? And it's like, I never knew that about you. I can't remember what it was.
Right. I know.

Speaker 2 So it's funny how I don't remember what it was exactly. But isn't that funny? You would think that, like, after this long.
So, like, people that get married after two years.

Speaker 2 I don't know what y'all say.

Speaker 3 But you guys are crazy.

Speaker 2 I wanted to. So I definitely wanted to read some of these fan questions because, I mean, we get fan questions for the show all the time.

Speaker 3 Well, you also did that thing on Instagram where you asked anonymous.

Speaker 2 I do, yep. And I always keep an anonymous.

Speaker 3 Which that's really interesting, I feel like.

Speaker 2 Well, yeah, so that way people feel like they can ask us questions, you know.

Speaker 3 I like to bring them involved. I like to make you guys involved.
Yeah, absolutely. Like, I like the listeners to be involved.
It makes it more exciting.

Speaker 2 And believe me, we're not like therapists or anything. You know what I mean? But I feel like.

Speaker 3 And we're the last people probably take advice from, but

Speaker 2 hey. But sometimes I feel like we have good advice.

Speaker 3 I don't know. I don't know.

Speaker 2 I don't know. Y'all keep coming to us.

Speaker 3 Yes.

Speaker 2 And I guess we're going to answer answer a few of them. All right, this first one says, Hello, my question is about relationships.
What do you do to keep the sexual relationship strong?

Speaker 2 It's hard when you have children. It can also get old and hitting when you've been together forever.
I've been married for 23 years.

Speaker 2 My daughter is now grown, and I would like to reconnect with my husband.

Speaker 2 I feel like, I know, that's cute.

Speaker 3 Here, I will say one thing. I think the one positive thing about this

Speaker 3 is that she's not like chalking it up to it's over,

Speaker 3 we don't love each other no more. The spark is gone.
It's all like you're actively trying, like, you're literally seeking it out.

Speaker 3 Like, okay, how can I want like for her to say, I have the desire to reconnect. That's that's the main thing.
That's what you need.

Speaker 3 Because I feel like people will try to force things if you don't have the desire to work on something, or you know what I mean? Then it's like, all right.

Speaker 2 And also, I can relate to like

Speaker 2 being

Speaker 2 sexually intimate with a husband with your husband when you do have children is hard. It is.
It's hard.

Speaker 2 I mean, when you're running, you're running all day or, you know, even just, even just them being there.

Speaker 3 Right. Like, you can't be too loud.
You can't be too loud, you know, or things like that.

Speaker 2 Like, that is, it does make it difficult. And also, kids are exhausting.
There's some nights, even us when we go to bed.

Speaker 2 And we'd kind of have this thing where it's like around dinner time or something. All we have to like literally say, either one of us has to say, like, I'm just super tired.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And we know, oh, okay.

Speaker 3 Like, it's, it's, it's, and it's weird. I think every couple can kind of create their own little,

Speaker 3 uh-huh.

Speaker 3 Like, they can create their own thing. And I, my suggestion, and this is just from our experience, like our lived experience, but um,

Speaker 3 you can create any kind of code word. I don't care if it's an emoji.
I don't care if it's a

Speaker 3 sigh and like a, oh, I just can't wait to go to bed tonight. Like, right.
It could be any little slight thing.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it could even be something that's like, I'm going to bed early tonight. I have a lot to do tomorrow.

Speaker 3 Yeah. You know, whatever.
Or just something as simple as, I just want to go to bed right away. Like, I don't, like,

Speaker 3 I don't even want to watch TV. I know.

Speaker 2 Like, ours is literally around dinner time when we're all getting the kids' plates ready and everything. And one of us just has to say, like, hey, I'm just really tired tonight.

Speaker 2 And then the other one knows. Like,

Speaker 3 me too. Yep.
Got it. Right.
You know, or like, honestly, I guess for us, it's not exactly the same thing, but you just get the vibe. I don't know.
You're like, oh. I can't wait for bed tonight.

Speaker 3 You know what I mean? Right, right. Right.

Speaker 2 And then it's like, oh, all right, clock.

Speaker 3 Right. Yeah, yeah.
But I think it creates it. It creates a communication that doesn't have to be said with long explanations or words or defense or negative.
Yeah, it doesn't have to be negative.

Speaker 3 It's like, oh, you're tired. Cool, sweet.
I'm tired too.

Speaker 3 And I think we do it that way because I think it's

Speaker 3 more receptive

Speaker 3 if you're not, unless it's different if you're laying in bed, make a move, and then they're like, oh, I'm really tired. Then it's like, oh.

Speaker 2 Yeah, then you feel that I feel like then the other person has a tendency to feel like kind of rejected. Yeah,

Speaker 3 which then what happens is that then that makes it personal. And it's not personal.
No. You know what I mean? Right.

Speaker 2 No, I'm just fucking tired.

Speaker 3 It's fucking tired.

Speaker 2 I would love to have, you know, make love to you, but I'm just fucking tired.

Speaker 3 Yeah, right.

Speaker 3 You know? So I think it creates a safety,

Speaker 3 a safety net for people who like,

Speaker 3 you don't got to explain yourself. You don't got to get defensive.
You don't got to feel rejected.

Speaker 3 Do it before the nighttime routine. I don't care if that's whatever it is.
Whenever you guys are just sitting there, like, oh, I can't wait for bed tonight. Figure it out.

Speaker 3 Or send an emoji. Send a text message.
I don't care.

Speaker 2 But I feel like, as far as like reconnecting, like, you know, she's saying how she wants to reconnect.

Speaker 2 I think, like, it does, for me personally, my advice would be like, it doesn't even have to be sexually intimate. I feel like intimacy also starts out of the bedroom.

Speaker 2 So, like, go on dates with one another, cuddle, do some PDA when you're around at the house. Like, just come up and hug him.

Speaker 2 Or, and honestly, I think the most important thing is to still date one another, no matter how long you guys have been together. Do something special.
Go on a special date. Go to a really nice dinner.

Speaker 2 Go walk on the beach with each other and hold his hand.

Speaker 2 Like little things like that,

Speaker 2 I feel like lead to sexual intimacy, like show love and affection.

Speaker 3 Or at least leads to the desire for, because I feel like

Speaker 3 I've just heard so many stories about like, you know, girls just saying like, you can't just jump in, like, you need to like warm me up. Like, I hug me throughout the day.

Speaker 3 If you don't show any intimacy throughout the day, that's not leading to sex, then,

Speaker 3 of course,

Speaker 3 when you go for it, they're going to be like, fuck no, you haven't touched me all day. You haven't even said, you know what I mean?

Speaker 3 Like, so it feels almost like, and honestly, it's not healthy, I don't think, really, because I don't think anyone should be felt like they're being used in some way or not desired,

Speaker 3 you know, yeah, that's in a real way, not a selfish way.

Speaker 3 Like, you know, you want to connect with me.

Speaker 2 That's what I mean, like, even doing different forms of intimacy. Yeah, showing that you're loved and giving affection in different ways, too, leads up to the deed,

Speaker 2 you know what I mean? And also, like, girl,

Speaker 2 your kids are out of the house, dude. I know, you want to be as loud and as crazy as you want to be, you know,

Speaker 2 why, like, and it's Tyler and I say it all the time, like

Speaker 2 from different people that we've talked to, or people in marriages, or you know, friends that are in relationships and stuff. Like, we have a very sexual, a healthy sexual

Speaker 3 life. Yeah, yeah, compared.

Speaker 2 I mean, compared to like, when you hear, when you hear stories of people,

Speaker 2 no, but like, when you hear stories saying, like, oh, I get it maybe once a week or once a month, and me and Tara are like, oh, dude. Are we nippos or what? Sorry, TMI.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 3 But, but also, but no, it is shocking to hear. I'm like, whoa.
And some people are like, oh, we schedule it and it's once every two weeks or something. I'm just like, in my head, I'm just like.

Speaker 3 Yeah, why schedule it? For one, I mean, I understand.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Okay.

Speaker 3 I get why, though.

Speaker 3 I get why you need to schedule schedule it, yeah, but I also get why scheduling it also feels doomed or feels right, not exciting, or feels more like it's a job because honestly, that goes back to our thing that we have.

Speaker 3 What if we scheduled it, and that day you just end up being tired, right?

Speaker 3 Now, I now I don't know, I started my period, yeah, now I don't feel like I have the freedom to say, oh, I'm so tired tonight, wink, wink, right? You know what I mean?

Speaker 3 Because you're like, oh, I scheduled it. Oh, man, it puts a weird like

Speaker 3 duty, and I'm not here to, I want to connect to you in a real way, not as a duty or like a service

Speaker 2 yeah that's and so for us I think just for just some people scheduling works out really great for them because of kids and works and jobs and stuff but I think for our relationship it's more or less like let it come naturally and it happens yeah a lot compared to other I mean I was shocked when I hear other people even people our age I'm like what yeah

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Speaker 3 You guys, your one kid goes to their

Speaker 3 other parents for a weekend. Like, you have a house to yourself.
I don't know.

Speaker 3 Yeah, so, but honestly, I don't think we even realize it. We just, we have a good relationship, and that's the way it is.

Speaker 2 And then, I was going to say, and we also do, we are very affectionate, you know, throughout the day. We hug, we kiss, we cuddle.

Speaker 3 All the time, you know,

Speaker 2 yeah, I mean, it's to the point like where me and Ty will be hugging in the kitchen and then here comes all our little dogs.

Speaker 2 They see us loving and they're like, I want to love too.

Speaker 3 I know. And they're like,

Speaker 3 even our dog. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Remy.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? Like, it's so normal around our house. Like, obviously, we don't get grossed, but it's like cuddles.

Speaker 2 And like, I'll hug him and like kiss him or just like hold him and lay my head on his chest. And then here comes Raya.
Here comes Sweda. Here comes Nova.

Speaker 3 Here comes Remy. Here comes the dog.

Speaker 2 And they're all in a big circle hugging around me and Ty who started hugging me.

Speaker 3 It's almost like they sense it and they're like, oh, I want to get in on that. You know? Yeah.

Speaker 2 And then I'll remember the one time when Nova's good friend that's been, her and Nova are only two years apart or two months apart. Sorry.
So like they've grown up with each other.

Speaker 2 And the one time Nova's friend was at our house and me and Ty were like hugging in the kitchen and I pecked him on his lip and I'll never forget her friend saying, ew, that's gross.

Speaker 2 And Nova straight up looked at her and she goes, that's not gross. They just love each other.
I was like, yes.

Speaker 2 And I was like, see, like our daughters are seeing that like it's okay to be loving and affectionate to one another.

Speaker 3 I'm a, listen, I'm a huge, I'm all about PDA. Not, don't get inappropriate, but I'm saying PDA.
Show these kids that this is not something to be ashamed of. Right.

Speaker 3 It's not something that should be like secret or private or whatever. Like, like, it's okay to hug and kiss and cuddle in front of your kids.

Speaker 2 And because when they're older, if they get in relationships, I want them to know, like, oh, it's okay if I just randomly walk up to my husband and give him a hug for my kids or peck him on his leg.

Speaker 3 But there are people who are like, they do not believe in PDA. You will not see them do anything more than a peck in public.
Like, you know what I mean? Right.

Speaker 2 It's. And in public, we're different.
It's more or less hold hands. I'll grab you from the side.

Speaker 3 You grab me from the side.

Speaker 2 I grab you from the side. I might peck.
That's about it.

Speaker 3 You know? But I don't know. I just feel like some people,

Speaker 3 I said, bring on a PDA. You know what I mean? Go ahead.
Go for it. I think it shows.

Speaker 3 Because I don't want, I guess I just don't want any shame being attached to anything because it should not be.

Speaker 3 But I feel like in certain

Speaker 3 cultures and societies and whatever you want to call it,

Speaker 3 it does. And it's like, like, dude, I just feel like if we start

Speaker 3 to attach shame to that development, like as a kid, as it's developing, it just creates a whole other problem. Whole issue.
Yeah, because

Speaker 3 how do you, your first experience is attached to shame? Yeah, so now every experience after that's going to be like this thing.

Speaker 3 How do you ever break free from the shame and be able to be liberated in that space? You can't, you know what I mean? Because you're always constantly, ugh.

Speaker 3 My mom said, my grandma said, oh, I don't know, I shouldn't be doing this. And like, even talking to my mom and stuff, like, it's just sad.

Speaker 3 Like, I feel like, I don't know, I just feel like the older generation just got, like, screwed in a way because there was no, there's barely any sex ad when they were growing up. Yeah.
Which

Speaker 3 their parents didn't talk about it, which I think is super important to bring up because they raise us. Yeah.
So they, you know what I'm saying?

Speaker 3 Like, so we were impacted by their impact, which was minimal. Right.
Not even taught, really. So, like, my mom even said that.
She, like, when my dad said,

Speaker 3 either you give it up to me or I'm leaving you, or I'm a guy. I have needs.

Speaker 3 she said I have needs like she felt oh my god and she felt like she was forced yes and she said oh my god I do love him I have to do this for him and see so you you you and I was like mom that probably shaped your whole life I hope you know that and she was like what do you mean I was like it literally you started out with thinking that your first experience had to be a service to someone else yeah so from that moment on

Speaker 3 You're like, how do you like?

Speaker 2 That's why you never really enjoyed it. Yeah.

Speaker 3 It's because you, you felt like it was a damn duty duty right or a service and i can't i hate that shit because i feel like people use that excuse of like oh well a guy is a guy and they have needs and what are you talking about a girl don't have needs either right and i absolutely do and i also feel like they get it so fucked up because it's like you you really believe that guys think about it more than girls do right no guys are just more able to say it out loud because society accepts it

Speaker 3 The girl says it, they're like, slut. You know what I mean? So it's like, dude, I don't want to hear that shit.
Developing girls, just like developing, like, they all have the.

Speaker 2 I mean, there's plenty of times in my mind where I'm like, damn, Zaddy,

Speaker 3 I want to eat you up, you know?

Speaker 2 The next question I have is, I'm currently 12 weeks pregnant and share a four-year-old with my partner. We've been together for seven years.
Okay.

Speaker 2 I found out this week that he's been going to massage parlors and receiving happy endings, spending our family's money on this.

Speaker 2 He's been around six to seven times in the last six months, and that's including when I've been pregnant.

Speaker 2 I've also found out he's been messaging escorts, he works away a lot as recently as just last week. He says he's never gone through with it, as that's a step too far.

Speaker 3 Obviously, I love him.

Speaker 2 He's so he's been messaging escorts, but hasn't supposedly met with one because that's a step too far.

Speaker 2 But a happy ending is that obviously, obviously, I love him, but I don't know what to do for our family's sake at this point. He is a great dad and usually a great partner, and we get along so well.

Speaker 2 I just feel so disgusted by him at the minute. Help.

Speaker 2 Okay, from a woman.

Speaker 3 Wow.

Speaker 2 I don't even like that's from a woman's perspective. Okay.
If I ever found out that you were going to massages, happy ending massages

Speaker 2 and messaging escorts, even if you didn't meet up with an escort, I would leave. Absolutely.
Because

Speaker 2 that is completely a form of cheating. Whether you're touching the girl or not, she is still touching you and doing stuff

Speaker 2 and giving you pleasure that that I feel I should only be able to give you. And I know you're pregnant and you have kids and you say that he's a great dad.

Speaker 2 So why wouldn't he be a great dad even if you guys were separated? I feel like you need to take care of yourself.

Speaker 2 And for me, if I were to stay in a situation like that, I feel like my mental,

Speaker 2 my mental

Speaker 2 like health would be at major risk because anytime he leaved or anytime he went somewhere, I would think he's cheating on me and I would not be able to live like that.

Speaker 2 And I honestly think that you need to leave him and show him. Like, you know, sometimes people don't realize what they got till it's gone.
And you sound like a great mom. I would leave.

Speaker 3 I mean, listen, my, you sound like you're,

Speaker 3 I think you've overstayed. Yes.
Like you're, it's,

Speaker 3 I, I'm,

Speaker 3 I'm, so I have so many questions now because, like, okay, so you, you find out that this is happening. You're going, I don't care.

Speaker 3 Escort, massage, parlor, prostitute, whatever the what I don't care what happened. Yeah, you are seeking something outside of your marriage, outside of your commitment with this person.

Speaker 3 I don't care, I don't care if you haven't even touched anybody, messaging, sexting, anything. It's you're you're operating outside of our thing.
Yeah, it's the same thing as cheating. It is.

Speaker 3 I think people are like, oh, well,

Speaker 3 it is. I don't care what people say.
They can say, oh, it's not that cheating. I was just flirting.
Flirting, talking outside of your marriage. Like, dude, bro, that is, that's it.

Speaker 3 You might as as well just go screw the other person because at this point, I feel the same way. Yeah.

Speaker 3 And, like, if I found out you were messaging someone else and nothing ever happened, maybe you never even met each other, but you were having that conversation, that flirty net, like, bro.

Speaker 2 You're still emotionally cheating. You are.
And I believe that's the same. You can be emotionally cheating or sexually and intimately cheating.

Speaker 2 Like, if you're spilling all your thoughts and feelings and emotions to somebody, that's fucking cheating.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Especially, well, I mean, you can talk to people, but not in a flirty way, not in a right.

Speaker 2 That's what I mean, though, in those sorts of ways. And then also

Speaker 2 for him to say that he's been messaging escorts but hasn't met up one, I would be like, I don't believe you. You've already been going to happy ending parlors.
I do know.

Speaker 3 Bro, okay, here's a thing. What the hell is the difference between going to a happy ending massage parlor or an escort? Bro, your massage therapist, I hate to bring it to you, is a fucking escort.

Speaker 3 Right. Because I don't care what act you're doing, you're paying her for a service that ends in this result.

Speaker 2 So critical point is like nine out of ten times, those women in those massage parlors are being sexually attracted.

Speaker 3 Yeah, which is even dude, and then you are then you are giving to that also.

Speaker 2 Did she say she has a kid, right? Yes, they have a child and she's pregnant. Oh my god, this poor woman.

Speaker 3 All right, you just got to leave, and it's going to be hard. And

Speaker 3 um, and I hate that my opinion is there's no going back, coming back from this. Yeah, I don't know what the ages are, um, but he's got an issue.

Speaker 2 I think she, I think she said how, how old he was. Um, A four-year-old.

Speaker 3 No, the guy. Oh, the guy.
I don't know how you meant the camp. No, I don't know how old they are.

Speaker 3 Right. Because

Speaker 3 there's an uprise in addiction to porn and stuff from not our generation, but your little brothers. Oh.
Like they're coming. They're like the 20-year-olds, like whatever.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 And it's because

Speaker 3 they've had access to it since

Speaker 3 they even started anything. So

Speaker 3 that sounds like he's got an issue to me.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I would say she needs to

Speaker 2 a big support system, like her family or friends, or, you know, she needs to get a tribe. And I would leave.
There's no way I'd be able to sleep next to him at night.

Speaker 3 No.

Speaker 2 And like you said, he's a good dad. So let him be a good dad away from me.

Speaker 3 And I have to, I'm a dad. So I don't think he's that grave a dad as you're saying he is.

Speaker 3 I get your saying he's a good dad, maybe to your children, but a good dad is not seeking things outside of the relationship with that child's mother, breaking that bond, breaking the family up, going to a massage.

Speaker 3 bro. Just

Speaker 3 like, I'm sorry, like, I understand that, like, I don't know. I just feel like any guy who's willing to, like, sacrifice his whole family unit for a fucking happy-ending massage.

Speaker 3 Are you fucking kidding me? For a bro job or a bad,

Speaker 2 or a whack-a-doodle?

Speaker 2 You know, like, what?

Speaker 3 Wack-a-doodle, the noodle. Right.

Speaker 2 Come home.

Speaker 3 I will choke your chicken.

Speaker 3 You know? No, for real, though. Like, yeah.
So I'm sorry. I disagree that the fact that he's a great dad.
I don't think he's that great of a dad because a great dad would not do that.

Speaker 2 Wouldn't be breaking up.

Speaker 3 He would be, he would, a good dad would come to her and say, I'm not happy with this. I wish we had more of that.

Speaker 3 Whatever his main issue is. Yeah.
And like I said, maybe his main issue is being addicted or being

Speaker 2 like. He could be a sex addict.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 This is a real, I think people don't, this is a real thing. Like,

Speaker 3 it's a super hard addiction. Yeah, because it's available everywhere.
It's available in your hand. It's on your phone.

Speaker 3 It's everywhere.

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 3 the more comfortable and liberated society gets with it, it's almost like the more liberated we get, hallelujah, great. We should all should have sexual freedom.
But at the same time,

Speaker 3 with that new freedom, we should have more regulations.

Speaker 3 Like you should not be able to log in to porn sites without having verification of something.

Speaker 3 I don't care what it is. You gotta take a picture of your life.
Something. Something.
It just doesn't make any sense.

Speaker 3 So, I don't know if the issue is like he's got an addiction problem, which that could be worked on, but I still think for that to be worked on, you gotta leave. Yeah.
You can't. Yeah.

Speaker 3 I don't think it's fair for you to be a pregnant woman sitting there dealing with that bullshit on top of being a mom, on top of dealing with his own personal issue. Because at this point,

Speaker 3 yeah, at this point, it's his issue. This is not your issue.
Right. And you don't deserve it.
So get the hell out. Take a break.
Yeah. Do something.
Honestly.

Speaker 2 And maybe even just separate for a while and say, you need to get there.

Speaker 3 you need to go to therapy work on yourself yeah and be separated for a long time and try that maybe even counseling too and also for a while yeah and also my opinion is if he's a good dad he will leave yeah you should not have to leave with your kids yeah move their bedrooms move their absolute any of that shit and i'm and i because dude my

Speaker 3 my mom told me that when they her and my dad broke up after my sister was born he kicked my mom out and she asked him for the trailer they were living in she's like can i please have the trailer can you go stay with whoever your your idiot friends are or whatever the case is until we figure this out?

Speaker 3 He said, No. And I'm like, dude, that is so fucked.
Red flag. Bro, any guy who is not willing, I don't care if, I actually don't care if the mom did something wrong.

Speaker 2 You're kicking your child off.

Speaker 3 You're not, you are the guy. You're one guy, you're one dude.
And even if she's in the wrong, you leave the house. Yeah.
Let the children have their bedroom.

Speaker 3 Let them have that space where they know their mom is.

Speaker 3 And people, I know it's probably controversial because they're like, like, oh, if the bitch cheated, she needs to leave. No, no, no, you don't understand.
She's not just a bitch, she's the mom, right?

Speaker 3 So you need to separate your

Speaker 3 feelings about her and recognize that and leave the house.

Speaker 2 Well, and then, plus, too, it's you know, you want your children to have a sense of normalcy throughout the whole thing, you know?

Speaker 3 Yeah, like I can't imagine the guys who make women leave and uproot their children. That's weird to me.

Speaker 3 You're gonna kick your kid, you're gonna make your kid leave their bedroom because you and her guy. I know some guys like that.

Speaker 3 Like, it's like, dude, what

Speaker 3 it's disgusting. Like, no, I think every guy who's so bad.

Speaker 2 I feel really bad for her, and I hope that she definitely separates.

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Speaker 3 Also, call on these massage powers. Get the place shut down.

Speaker 2 Yeah, because I'm telling you,

Speaker 3 your husband is contributing to sex trafficking. Yeah.

Speaker 3 And you need to shut that shit down.

Speaker 2 Because there was a couple in Michigan.

Speaker 2 My hairdresser literally next door was the same thing. It was like a happy ending parlor.

Speaker 2 And a few of them got busted and shut down. And guess what? They were being sex trafficked.
They lived in the apartments across the street, couldn't drive, couldn't do anything.

Speaker 2 All they would do was walk across the street and go work.

Speaker 2 Wow. Yeah.
And a couple of them got busted and shut down. And it was proven that they were being sex trafficked and like held against their will.

Speaker 3 So I hate to say this on top of all the pressure you have, lady, whoever this is, you also have a mandated report of responsibility. Absolutely.

Speaker 2 And if you know which ones he went to, I'd be calling the police.

Speaker 3 Absolutely. And they'll set up a sting.
They'll figure it out, but you need to tell someone. Yeah.
Because that shit's.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's sad.

Speaker 3 God damn, pregnant. What the fuck? Yeah.
What's wrong with people? It just blows my mind, dude. Look at...
Damn.

Speaker 2 Gosh, some of these poor women.

Speaker 3 I tell you what. Oh, is that all you're getting? What is the next one?

Speaker 2 I have a two-year-old and I'm eight months pregnant. And my husband has told me several times he wouldn't be with me if it weren't for our daughter and this pregnancy.

Speaker 2 Because I'm a bitch and an asshole. I've given up my entire life and dreams to be his wife and a stay-at-home mom, and I have nothing of my own.
Shit.

Speaker 2 My only break is when I'm doing laundry or taking a shower.

Speaker 2 And in two years, I've only been away from my daughter two times for an hour and a half both times while he works with celebrities and goes to events multiple times a month here in Vegas.

Speaker 2 I don't want him miserable hating me, but I'm also one month away from giving birth and

Speaker 2 I don't know what I should do. My soul is broken.
I don't know if he's hated me like this since before I was ever pregnant. or if the back-to-back pregnancies made me a bitch and made him hate me.

Speaker 2 I've completely given up on myself and do everything for him and my daughter and unborn child.

Speaker 3 All right, this is where I feel like there's a balance between self-betraying and like and kind of self-maintenance because you're you're you're what I'm hearing is you're literally just betraying yourself over and over and over again.

Speaker 2 Especially, first of all, did you sue you so multiple times? He calls her a bitch out of her name, calls her out of her name.

Speaker 3 Bro, that's that's number one, number one, so unhealthy. And I think people, I think people like will say, oh, you're too sensitive sensitive, or oh, that's stupid.
No, I'm not kidding.

Speaker 3 Like, I can, I know when I'm joking and say, oh, don't be a little bitch.

Speaker 3 Don't be bitchy. Like, it's different.

Speaker 3 You're calling your other person, significant other, spouse, whatever, out of their name, it ruins. It just destroys all the foundation.
Yes, it just, it just destroys it. Why would I ever?

Speaker 3 It's like, would you ever call your mom out of her name and call her a fucking bitch? Would you call your grandma? Private.

Speaker 3 Like, would you ever call your grandma a stupid bitch? Like, I don't care what it is. You don't.
Okay, well, then your spouse, like, you don't ever, why would you want to call them out of their name?

Speaker 2 Well, and then, and if he's, and it's so sad because, like, women that stop everything, stop working everything to be a stay-at-home mom and to raise kids.

Speaker 2 Um, and now you're saying that you don't love me and you hate me and that you're only with me because of the kids.

Speaker 2 Um, unfortunately, then they're left like they have nothing, they have no money, they have no form of showing proof of income. So, and so you have to feel very, very stuck.
I mean, bullshit.

Speaker 2 And so, the only thing that I can think of is: if you have any family, reach out to family. Also, I would go to the state.
I would reach out to the state,

Speaker 2 try to help with getting funds or finding a bunch of people.

Speaker 3 She's like,

Speaker 3 Say ain't gonna help her unless you leave.

Speaker 2 So, then she would have to lean on family and friends because, literally, these women have nothing, dude.

Speaker 3 And that's what's crazy because I think people get it twisted where it's like, like, I see some, I see some of these, like even some people on TikTok, like the creators, they're like,

Speaker 3 oh, wow, it must be nicer to stay at home. Wow.
And they show themselves working. Like, oh, and they're like, I have, you know, I have no problem.

Speaker 3 My man comes home to a cooked meal and a clean house and all this other shit. That's great if it works.
Yeah. However, in this instance,

Speaker 3 this is proof that a woman could do everything quote unquote right and the right way to do it. And if he gets a little fucking sick up his ass, now your whole sacrifice is gone.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 In the blink of an eye, because this guy had a

Speaker 3 whatever he had. Something happened, but that's not fair.
And so I feel like I don't know.

Speaker 2 Or who knows when he's calling her a bitch?

Speaker 2 Maybe, maybe she's got an attitude. Why? Maybe because Billy was throwing a fit all damn day.
She couldn't get anything.

Speaker 3 Or who knows?

Speaker 2 Yeah. He was, you know, like raising kids is stressful.
And when you're doing it 365, you know, every single day of your life, it's emotionally draining, physically draining.

Speaker 2 Like, it's sometimes it's just exhausting. And it sounds like to me that she doesn't ever get a break.
She mentioned the two times that she did. And

Speaker 3 I feel like that's, she's, she's bitter there because, and she should be.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And so, of course, you're going to be overwhelmed as hell.
And as parents, we need to have a break every now and then just to like,

Speaker 2 you know, re, uh, we need to have a break every so.

Speaker 2 Why am I selling up my words? Every now and then, as parents, we need to have a break so that way we can just reset our mind.

Speaker 3 yes here's my thing though

Speaker 3 i want to make great i want to make it very clear a shower is not a fucking break okay

Speaker 3 uh uh reading a book in the bath is not a break yeah um folding laundry i just like yeah going to do laundry it's not a break is not a break i think for especially for stay-at-home moms don't don't get it twisted yeah personal hygiene It's not a break from being a mom.

Speaker 3 It's a fucking necessity. You got to take a shit.
Yeah. You know what what I mean? You gotta brush your teeth.
Yeah. These are things that are not considered.

Speaker 3 And when people say, oh, I get the only breaks I get is when I have to shower. What the fuck?

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's not a break. That's not a break.
And any mom out there knows that.

Speaker 3 And if this guy's telling you that's a break, that's considered a break. He's a fucking asshole, dude.
Like, what?

Speaker 2 And any moms out there that have their kids 365, 24-7, know that even if you're just trying to take a bath, those crotch goblins are banging at the door, wanting to get in the bathtub with you, too.

Speaker 3 So when when you're going to the bathroom, like, they're like, What are you doing in there?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'm like, I'm just trying to pee.

Speaker 3 Yeah, like, I so I think that right there goes to show, like, I hate that thought process that she, somewhere in her life, someone made her believe that taking a shower is a break.

Speaker 3 It's sad, and that is just it was probably him. I have a feeling it was.

Speaker 3 I think, I think she needs to separate because if you were to feel bad, we're telling all these people to separate, but dude, you're in these situations.

Speaker 3 And also, going to Vegas to celebrities, so that right there is like, what's going on? You clearly have enough money.

Speaker 2 I've been living in Vegas. Or I got it.

Speaker 3 But

Speaker 3 there's enough money to maybe.

Speaker 2 Well, then hopefully you've been married long enough so you can divorce his ass and take half of it off.

Speaker 2 Because if my husband was looking at me saying, you're a bitch and I wouldn't be with you if it wasn't for the kids, I'd be like, I'm fucking gone.

Speaker 3 Then what am I here? Yeah, gone. Here's my thing, too, is you think

Speaker 3 that...

Speaker 3 Someone staying with you for the sake of the kids is a win, not a win.

Speaker 3 You lost already. And I think people get it so twisted.
Oh, I'm going to stay with them for the kids.

Speaker 3 You ain't doing shit for your kids, but showing them how to not operate in a healthy way in a relationship. That's all you're doing.
You think

Speaker 3 it's not good. Yeah, it's not good because the kids may not,

Speaker 3 even if you don't argue in front of the kids, they can still sense the tension and energy. They pick it up way better than adults.
So

Speaker 3 you're thinking process of like, oh, we'll stay together for the kids, even though I hate this woman or I hate this guy, but I'll stay with the kids.

Speaker 3 it's you already lost stop because you're not doing your kids any favors and I know how you just said to like oh my god I feel baby.

Speaker 3 We're telling everybody to leave well the one guy is getting happy ending massages and this guy's calling you a bitch and saying that he doesn't if it wasn't for the kids Yeah, so these are both reasons why you should when he says I wouldn't be you if it wasn't for the kids That pretty much there's no other message to take away from that than you don't want to be with me.

Speaker 3 Yeah, it's sad like what okay.

Speaker 2 Well, I'm gonna make it super fucking easy for you and I'm out right, you know like dude But that's the thing, though, is like, it's super hard when, you know, you don't work, you haven't worked, and you have no, you know, none of your own money or any of those things.

Speaker 2 Like, I really, really hope that you have some family that you can lean on.

Speaker 3 And here's my kind of thing. I feel like in society, I feel like I see a lot of men

Speaker 3 manipulating women in a way to make them think it's honorable. Stay-at-home mom.
I'll work. Don't worry.
I'll take care of you if you do X, Y, Z and take care of me.

Speaker 2 See, and as long as you have like a really good down-to-earth man who really believes that, awesome.

Speaker 3 It is intense.

Speaker 2 But then you have some of those narcissistic guys, like this guy, it sounds like, where it's like, if you're not doing things right, or he comes home and you have a little bit of an attitude because you've been overwhelmed with everything.

Speaker 3 And he thinks a break is a shower. Right.
That's mom. It is.

Speaker 3 And my thing about it is, is that you're like, It's not, I just don't, I see it happen where it's like, and then the girl goes, oh, I feel feel pride and honor. I'm a stay-at-home mom.

Speaker 3 I don't have to make money.

Speaker 3 I take pride in making a hot meal every day, you know, all those things.

Speaker 3 But when it comes down to it, why do you feel so much pride in it? Because he's telling you you should feel pride for it. He's telling you that it's what a, you know what I mean?

Speaker 3 Like, so it's like in a way of like, how,

Speaker 3 what a bullshit trap.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 But that's in a way, like, for a guy to, and I'm talking, I'm talking about real genuine guys who, like you said, but like the ones who, like, a real genuine guy is not going to call you a bitch. No.

Speaker 3 Not going to think that taking a shower is a break from being a mom. Like, those certain things.

Speaker 3 And so it's sad to see women almost fall for this trap of like,

Speaker 3 because I'm edified. I'm in society.

Speaker 3 I'm talking about the, I was talking earlier about the TikTok moms who are like, my man making my man a lunch or she wakes up earlier to make him a, yeah.

Speaker 2 So make him lunch for work.

Speaker 3 And I'm saying that's cool. If that feels good for you, great.

Speaker 3 But for anyone else out there who is not feeling that real love and feeling like you're some kind of servant, because that's what it reminds me of. And I swear to God,

Speaker 3 that is the last thing that I think normal guys don't want. I don't think normal guys want a servant, an extra mom, uh,

Speaker 3 to baby them. I don't think men want women to do that for that.

Speaker 2 There are some out there.

Speaker 3 I think you're fucked up. Yeah.
I think you're, I think there is some out there.

Speaker 2 You're a bitch. I think you're a little bitch.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Because,

Speaker 2 like, because you know what's funny is like, I've seen the ones kind of what you're talking about where she's like, my husband gets up at six, so I get up at four. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And I make his coffee and I make his lunch. And I'm like, fuck no, make your own fucking coffee, bro.
I'm not.

Speaker 2 You know, like, it'd be different. And I don't know.
It's different. Like you said, like, obviously, if you, if obviously, if you had to work,

Speaker 2 you know, like had to get up early, I would totally make lunch for you and I wouldn't mind doing that. But I'm not getting up at four to make you fucking coffee.

Speaker 3 Babe, here's the thing, though. And

Speaker 3 but see, as a guy who genuinely loves you, I would never expect you or shame you into

Speaker 3 thinking you, you know what I mean?

Speaker 3 Yeah, I would, so I don't care if I do gotta get up at four in the morning or five in the morning, I would never, ever in my life would I ever expect my wife to get up an hour earlier than I have to just to make me coffee or make me a lunch.

Speaker 3 Like, yeah, if anything, I love you so much. Please sleep.

Speaker 3 I'll go make the money. You don't have, if you don't have to get up at four in the morning, please don't.

Speaker 2 I'll make you dinner when you go home.

Speaker 3 Yeah, because you're with the kids and I'm out.

Speaker 3 So, like, I think any normal dude i i actually would if like say if we that happened and like you got up earlier and made me sobbing thank you so much don't ever do this again you know what i'm saying like i appreciate you so much but don't ever do this again because now i feel i don't know i feel guilty i would feel guilty and i know some guys don't feel guilty and i get it but i don't know i just feel like i don't know i feel like this old like archaic family dynamic unit thing where stay-at-home moms cook and clean and everything and god i don't i just feel like old school something about it just rubs me the wrong way i don't know why.

Speaker 3 And maybe it's because I was raised by a single mom, so seeing her, I couldn't imagine. My mom never served any guy that she dated.
Well, yeah, and I think,

Speaker 2 but I, and I do think, like, some women out there, it does bring them joy to do those things.

Speaker 2 And if that's something that does bring you joy to cook and clean for your family and your husband, absolutely do it. Whatever brings you joy, if it's building resentments, fucking stop.

Speaker 3 Which clearly with this girl, I think she is building resentments because she's talking.

Speaker 2 Yeah, she's doing all the things and he's calling her a bitch.

Speaker 3 Yeah, she's mentioning twice, too, that she only has been away from her kid twice and for a while.

Speaker 3 For an hour and a half, for an hour and a half, which I don't know what that means, but I think at that point, especially with stay-at-home moms, I think you demand I get two days a week to do something, nails done, right?

Speaker 3 Something done.

Speaker 3 Fucking coffee with my girlfriend or whatever. Spend the night at my girlfriend.
Yeah, yeah, going to bar night.

Speaker 3 I really think two nights is good. And I think those two nights are the nights that the guy has to stay with the kids.
Absolutely. That's like, you know what I'm saying?

Speaker 3 When you get get your hair done, you're gone for all day. I got the kids.

Speaker 3 Your birthday, setting up your nail appointment, that was important for me because

Speaker 3 I wanted to guarantee that you had that happening. You know what I'm saying? Because you'd go so long without having them done.
You know what I mean? I'm like, this isn't fair.

Speaker 3 So there's certain things where it's like, I don't know. I just feel like, why would you want your woman to be such a slave at home? Like, does that make you feel?

Speaker 3 I don't, it would have made me feel good at all. I would not feel good.
Well, thank God.

Speaker 2 Thank God you're a good guy and you have a good heart because there's, you know what I mean?

Speaker 3 Honestly, to me, I think it's like unattractive. Yeah.

Speaker 3 In a way. Yeah.
Like, and I know that's that's like countercultural, but like, I think,

Speaker 3 oh my god. Or one of the, one of the, um, one of the things she listed, she was making like, she's making one of those sourdough moms.
She's making bread.

Speaker 3 And like, you know, how the TikTok videos will have like... Like, it'll like, they'll write stuff as they're just like making bread.

Speaker 3 Well, she writes and she says

Speaker 3 that,

Speaker 3 you know, she makes, say, home, home, or

Speaker 3 packed lunch in the morning for work for my husband, and then it goes hot meal every day when he comes home from work,

Speaker 3 dinner served to him, first plate. Oh, I serve my kids.
Mind blown, okay? I'm gonna tell you right now, and maybe everyone can disagree. I serve my kids.

Speaker 3 I'm a father and I'm a husband, and I'm telling you right now,

Speaker 3 I'm not getting my plate, or I wouldn't expect my plate to be done for me before my kids. Oh, yeah.
What the fuck is I doing?

Speaker 2 That's the first thing I do is I get my kids plate.

Speaker 3 Me and your chop, chop, chop, chop, little piece of little pieces, and then there's two plates and we, and then when they're sit down, then we get ours. We get ours.

Speaker 3 And I feel like, I don't know why that's so, that seems so weird to me where it's like, he always gets the hot plate or the first hot served plate.

Speaker 2 Like, get it to your goddamn thing.

Speaker 3 So I had on my wait. So you're actually preparing multiple plates because you got to cut your, you got to make your husband's plate first

Speaker 3 before the kids? Yeah. How about we have multiple kids, two adults? You work on one kid's plate.
I'll work on the other kid's plate. And then, after they're sitting at the table, we get our plate.

Speaker 3 Yes. And then, boom.
And I think as a parent, I'm like, I would never expect me to eat first before my kids. That's, yeah, that's.
And I don't know if that's

Speaker 3 hey, break rare or not. Break.

Speaker 2 I just want to know: your niece has hand, foot, and mouth.

Speaker 3 So

Speaker 2 our kids were supposed to go over there today, and I'm about to tell

Speaker 3 absolutely not. Stay away from me.
What the f?

Speaker 2 Okay, my kids cannot come to your house then.

Speaker 2 It is highly contagious.

Speaker 2 Vada had it like three years ago, and she had sores in her mouth and in her throat. Hell no.

Speaker 3 Stay away. Stay far away.

Speaker 2 Don't come over. Hopefully, that's not what you have on you.

Speaker 3 No,

Speaker 3 these are itchy bite, like mosquito bites from working in the yard.

Speaker 2 We're texting. We can talk about this later, but Lexis just texted me and said she has hand, foot, and mouth disease.

Speaker 2 No, the kids cannot go to her house, it is highly contagious and super painful.

Speaker 3 See, we're trying to come work them again. I know, seriously, I'm like, How do people go away?

Speaker 2 All of a sudden, your niece is like, I have hand, foot, and mouth. My kids are supposed to go there today.
I'm like, the fuck you are.

Speaker 3 No, well, deal with that crisis.

Speaker 2 Please do not take my kids over there. No, it was horrible.

Speaker 3 They'd have had it like three hours.

Speaker 2 Listen, you weren't even home. You were gone.

Speaker 3 And I didn't know.

Speaker 3 I didn't know that it got like that. I thought it was just like,

Speaker 3 like, I thought it was just like a little

Speaker 3 rash or something. I didn't know what I didn't know.

Speaker 2 No, she had them in her mouth and in her throat. She couldn't even drink water.
She would drink water and scream in pain. It was the worst.
And then.

Speaker 3 Where was I? In California with my grandma's? I don't know where you were. I don't remember.
But

Speaker 2 yeah, it was the worst, absolute worst thing that I've ever experienced in my life. And then Raya got it, but not as severely as Vada had it.
Like, she just got bumps on her hands.

Speaker 2 But then I remember, like, three weeks after we were all over the hand, foot, and mouth thing, all of the tops of Vada's nails started peeling off. And I remember I freaked out.

Speaker 2 I was like, What the hell is going on?

Speaker 3 That was that's like a symptom.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and I googled it and it said, One of like it's a rare symptom of it, but it can happen. It's like all the tops and layers of her nails were peeling off.

Speaker 2 Yeah, so do not take my kids to her house. Do not.

Speaker 3 Oh my god, I will freak out.

Speaker 3 That would suck to come home to.

Speaker 3 Oh, all right.

Speaker 3 Sorry.

Speaker 2 Kids, this is why I'm like, how do people go places? I need to tell my mother-in-law, do not take my kids anywhere.

Speaker 3 I know. I need to connect with Kale and get her nanny's number or something.
Seriously. I don't know how she does this shit.
God.

Speaker 2 Well, I thought that we were going to be able to get to the card game today of answering questions, but I feel like we have taken so much time on the questions.

Speaker 3 Oh, the questions?

Speaker 2 Yeah, for me and you. But maybe we can do this.

Speaker 2 We're here for a couple of days, so maybe we can do that

Speaker 2 on our next solo after we film with these adults.

Speaker 3 Oh, okay, yeah, true, true, true.

Speaker 2 Because I'm excited about this. I feel like it's a good way to do it.

Speaker 3 You never really did it before.

Speaker 2 No, and I feel like it's a good way to open up conversation and ask just different questions that a lot of people in relationships don't think to ask.

Speaker 2 So I'm excited to do it.

Speaker 3 And we've never seen these before. So, like, this is all these questions, like.

Speaker 2 And it's different levels of questions

Speaker 3 too.

Speaker 3 What do you mean, different levels?

Speaker 2 Like,

Speaker 2 so there's level one level two level three level one is perception

Speaker 2 level two is

Speaker 2 if i can get it out of here without reading them connection and then level three is reflection so perception connection reflection and it's called we're not really strangers couple edition so i think it'll be interesting and i think we just randomly pull them all right and um i feel like it could bring up different conversations and we can talk about each of the questions, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 That'll be interesting. Yeah, I'm excited for it, actually.

Speaker 2 Like I said, like even after being 18 years together, there's still some times where one of us will say something and I'll be like, I never knew that.

Speaker 3 I wish I could remember what it was.

Speaker 3 God, it was just a couple of days ago. I know.
Babe, I never knew that. Like, what?

Speaker 2 That is true. What was that?

Speaker 3 What was it? I'm growing up or something. Yeah, I don't remember.
Something that you experience or something like that. And I'm like, oh, what? Yeah.

Speaker 2 But it's funny. 18 years, we're still finding out.

Speaker 2 But also, I'm sorry for every question that we asked, that we answered today about some of these ladies please please please get a support system please seek some therapy just for yourself yeah and definitely lean on family and friends and get away from these

Speaker 3 misogynistic assholes i'm sorry but they all sound disgusting and also i i also would also like go back in time and ask yourself if you saw any red flags did you hear any red flags did anything stick out to you because i'm telling you i see such a high pattern pattern, even with our friends and stuff, where there was a red flag a year ago and you ignored it.

Speaker 3 Something where either your lust was so powerful, it was making you blind. I don't know.
But there are always

Speaker 3 red flags. And I think some red flags are less,

Speaker 3 you know, less severe than others. But just still clock them.
You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 2 Yeah, try to go back in time.

Speaker 3 Because I will say, I think there's a lot of things that even when we were young, but we were so young. I think people, like, we were so young that we were still growing up and learning things.

Speaker 3 So I think we made a lot of mistakes. Yeah.
Of course. And I think we both had a lot of red, probably red flags.
We would consider red flags back then.

Speaker 2 Naturally, we were kids.

Speaker 3 Yeah. But I think at our age, if, you know, you're dating,

Speaker 3 you know, over the age of 25 or even mid-20s, like, oh, man. We're all old.

Speaker 3 If the red flags are still there, if something, you know what I mean? Something's going on. Something's going on.
Just pay attention to it. Yeah.
Don't ignore it.

Speaker 2 So if anybody is out there that

Speaker 2 wrote these questions to us, please reach out on the K and Ty, the K and Ty Break It Down Instagram page. Shoot us a message.
I would love to know how things are going.

Speaker 2 If there is any, or if you want us to

Speaker 3 speak on anything, other details, you know, we will.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but please, definitely, if you hear this, like reach out

Speaker 2 because I would love to know, you know, kind of what's going on or an update, if things have changed, or, you know, so I feel bad.

Speaker 3 I'm

Speaker 3 kind of concerned a little bit. Yeah, it is.
Because I feel like

Speaker 3 how many more women specifically are sitting there at home feeling like this, dude?

Speaker 2 This is fucked up. And as women, come on, now we are all badass bitches.
Stand up and use your fucking voice. Like, I'm going to scream it from the rooftop.
I always,

Speaker 2 with my girls, I'm going to be like, don't you ever,

Speaker 2 you call shit out as you fucking see it. Like, do not.

Speaker 3 And I, I don't know.

Speaker 3 I always tell Nova, though, I always find some, I'm always like, listen, your body can grow organs, grow bones, grow cells, create human beings, and then deliver those human beings into the world and then keep them alive from your body.

Speaker 3 I'm like, there is no

Speaker 3 other powerful thing that a human can do. But a woman.
But a woman. So please understand that you are.

Speaker 2 Oh, believe me, she knows because she reminds me of the name.

Speaker 3 Yeah. No, I heard her.
We were at the beach or something like that. And she was like, and some boy, they were playing.
And he's like, boys are stronger than girls. And she's she's like, You're a liar.

Speaker 3 And he was like, No, I'm not. And she said, We grow bones, we grow bodies and then deliver them.
I guarantee you that I'm stronger than you.

Speaker 2 And I'm just like, Yeah, well, no, because yeah, the other day too, she uh, she said something about uh, she's like, Mom, isn't it crazy that women like we create an organ?

Speaker 2 And she goes, And then we just get rid of it. Yep.
And I'm like, I know, yeah, so believe me, she listens to everything we say, and she's very that's why she always wants to talk to me.

Speaker 3 She's like, Dad, oh, God, yeah, she loves it.

Speaker 3 I break it down, I break it

Speaker 3 down for Nova, yeah, but hopefully, she kind of hopefully she like will when Veda because I think when Veta gets together,

Speaker 3 I'll say, Veda, go ask your older sister. And I have faith knowing that I taught Nova certain things that she will tell me.

Speaker 2 Yeah, because Veda's just starting to get the age where she's asking certain questions, just like how Nova did.

Speaker 2 They start getting older asking questions, and you have to answer them to an age and appropriate level.

Speaker 3 Just the other day, Veda said, Um, why don't boys have babies in their belly? I'm like, Oh, they don't have a uterus, right? She's like, a uterus, right? I'm like, A uterus is the

Speaker 3 baby. That's where the baby grows.
And she, you tell it. And then she was over it, though.

Speaker 3 So at that age, they kind of ask, but I'm not going to say, oh, but you know, boys don't have the right belly for it. I'm not saying

Speaker 3 I'm like, boys don't have a uterus.

Speaker 2 Right. And then you describe, and for, yes, the real, the real.

Speaker 3 And she said, what's a uterus? I said, it's pretty much a little home,

Speaker 3 a little space

Speaker 3 that babies grow in. Right.
And that keeps them alive and safe. Yep.

Speaker 3 And then she was like, oh, and then she ran off. Kids are like that.

Speaker 2 That's like, what was it? Like, I think like a month ago, not even a month ago, a couple weeks ago, Nova asked me, like, we were in the kitchen.

Speaker 2 And she was like, mom, she's like, so you know, when you have babies, she's like, do boys stick their nuts into the vagina?

Speaker 2 And like, we're very open with our kids and we let them drive conversations. Like, Nova knows what sex is,

Speaker 2 but she really thought, like, she was like, don't they stick their balls in the vagina? And in her mind, she was like, that's where the sperm is.

Speaker 2 So that's what you would put up in there and i said no i'm like actually i said you know you put the penis in the vagina and she was like what and then her face was like what she's like that's gross i said i know i said but it's because the balls hold the sperm yes but the penis shoots the sperm into the vagina and she's like well how do you get it up there and i was like well you kind of got to do things to make it firm and she was just like

Speaker 3 she's like i'm never having sex and i'm like that's right you know good no yeah i'm like absolutely and i think it's it's funny because even when she says it, though, I'm like, listen, your thoughts, you may change.

Speaker 3 Yeah. I said, I know, I know it's really gross here right now, but it comes to a point where

Speaker 3 it might change, and that's also okay.

Speaker 2 Right. And people may hate on us, hate on us

Speaker 3 for us.

Speaker 2 But the thing is, is like we have always, no, but not in front of them. They ask the questions.
Like, when no few years ago, nobody just thought it was mating.

Speaker 2 And she was the one who was like, oh, it's mating. And me and Tyler were like, yes, that's what it is.
And it clicked for her for a while. A couple years.
You know,

Speaker 2 and we've always just let her drive the conversation.

Speaker 2 So, and we've always been honest our children are taught from a very young age that it's a penis and a vagina it's not a uh billy dally in a in a in a in a in a hoo-ha yeah you know or your vajay jay like we make sure they use the scientific terms all of that because god forbid anything were to happen my kids would know and say hey johnny stuck his penis in my vagina right right right or so-and-so touched my vagina like you know so i want them to be aware of it scientifically and our kids just have always drove the conversations and i feel like and i also do feel like if you're talking to your kids from a young age about sex and things like that, like obviously Nova was comfortable enough to come up to me and ask me, Do you shove balls at a vagina?

Speaker 3 And what, no, when you think about it, though, her thought process, pretty legit.

Speaker 2 Yeah, she said where sperm is.

Speaker 3 No, I know, of course. But when you think about it, like, oh, it makes sense.
A sperm is here, so we shove that in there. Right, because she said that.

Speaker 2 She even said that.

Speaker 2 And I think it's important because it just goes to show, like, if you're slowly having the conversation when they're little, then it just becomes comfortable.

Speaker 2 So that way, when she is 18 or 19 or 17 and she's feeling the urges to want to have sex, I'm confident she'll come and talk to me about it.

Speaker 3 And that's what matters. It is.
Yeah. The safety.
You need to feel safe to talk to somebody about it.

Speaker 3 It's a shame.

Speaker 2 So thanks, guys, for

Speaker 2 first of all, I want to say thank you to the people that were vulnerable enough to write to us and ask us questions. Thank you.

Speaker 2 I'm really sorry about what you're going through. I hope you have a support system you can lean on.

Speaker 2 And also,

Speaker 2 thanks for listening to this week's episode. Please go like, share, subscribe, rate, and review.
Kate and Ty break it down. And remember, you can listen to our podcast anywhere that you find podcasts.

Speaker 3 Spotify, Apple. Yep.
All the good stuff.

Speaker 2 And then also to make sure that, you know, we always drop our full video episodes on Patreon a few days after the audio drops.

Speaker 2 So go check out our Patreon page if you're a person that just likes to watch podcasts instead of listening.

Speaker 3 A lot of people do. I'm realizing that.

Speaker 2 So we do have the Patreon also, and we'll be talking to you guys next week.

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Speaker 6 Hi, I'm Adam Rippon, and this is Intrusive Thoughts, the podcast where I finally say the stuff out loud that's been living rent-free in my head for years.

Speaker 6 From dumb decisions to awkward moments, I probably should have kept to myself, nothing's off-limits.

Speaker 6 Yes, I'm talking about the time I lost my phone mid-flight and still haven't truly emotionally recovered from that. There might be too many sound effects.
I've been told to chill.

Speaker 3 Will I?

Speaker 6 Unclear. But if you've ever laid awake at night cringing at something you said five years ago, congratulations, you found your people.

Speaker 6 Intrusive Thoughts with Adam Rippon is available now wherever you get your podcasts.