Q&A: Abortion, Leaked Photos and Being Soul Mates

Speaker 1 Welcome. Hey,

Speaker 1 welcome.

Speaker 2 Welcome back to another episode. Yeah, welcome back to another episode of Kate and Ty Breakdown.
Hope you guys are well. We have no more sickness in our house, so that's great.

Speaker 1 Hallelujah. Right?

Speaker 2 But no, you know what? I was thinking would be fun. I was like, what if we did, like, we went on live, like TikTok live, and had people ask questions while we're recording an episode.

Speaker 1 Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 I thought that they would write it in.

Speaker 2 Yeah, they would write it in, like, while we're on live or whatever.

Speaker 1 I thought it was fun. Well, you see people that will invite guests like on live.
Yeah, that would be kind of interesting to do. That would be fun.

Speaker 1 And then record it and be like, hey, so they know we're recording that pocket episode. So if you invite, if you ask yourself to come into our live, you're agreeing to like

Speaker 1 possibly, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 To make the cut.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you make the cut.

Speaker 1 I think you would do it. I'd do it.

Speaker 2 I think it would be fun.

Speaker 1 Right? Yeah.

Speaker 2 So I thought about, I thought, I don't know, I was just thinking. I'm like, that could be interesting.

Speaker 1 We'll do it and see what happens.

Speaker 1 Should I do it? Why? What do we have to lose? You know what I'm saying? I know, right? Just see what happens. Guys, this will be a first.
This is kind of an experiment. So if you don't...

Speaker 2 Well, you don't give a...

Speaker 1 I wish I had a tripod. Oh,

Speaker 1 true. You know what I mean? Yeah, because how are you going to do that? You're going to be holding the phone the whole time.
We didn't think this through, did we? I know, right?

Speaker 2 I know we are. We're being impulsive.
Well, because I wanted this episode, I have a bunch of, like, questions

Speaker 2 from our Kate and Ty Break It Down Instagram. People wrote in a bunch of questions, and I just had a random thought.
I was like, that would be kind of fun. I think it would be.

Speaker 1 If you hear kids were

Speaker 1 at a hotel,

Speaker 1 okay, and there's some kind of like, I don't even know what it is, hockey competition or something.

Speaker 2 Yeah, there was a whole game.

Speaker 1 We walked in here yesterday. You ever go to a hotel and you're like, oh, it's going to be a great like time, whatever, relaxing time.
And then you walk in and there's just

Speaker 2 no, we're walking down the hallway.

Speaker 1 thousands of kids I'm like what's going on and then you see signs and going down the hallway of the hotel room

Speaker 2 and you see all the rooms of numbers of some kind of team and I'm like son of a bitch yeah no we walked down this and of course our hallway it was like packed full and just a bunch of boys and I feel like we're a household of girls and I don't boys are just more rowdy yeah we are where they're yeah you know like way way more rowdy want to wrestle and shit and throw things and break stuff oh test their limits I was but thankfully they were quiet They were all quiet last night.

Speaker 1 And then that dad came out and said, all right, guys, people, when he noticed that other people were like walking their suitcases down the hallway, he's like all right, guys, everyone, settle down.

Speaker 2 Because we were like walking down the hallway yesterday, and there was probably like 20 boys just running through the halls. And

Speaker 2 we're like, I'm like stepping over kids and shit to get to the room.

Speaker 1 I felt bad. I was like, rolled over someone's like little plastic thing on the ground.

Speaker 2 Dude, it was crazy. So for people that just hopped up on our TikTok, we're actually, we're reporting.

Speaker 1 We're impulsive right now. Hello.
We are on TikTok.

Speaker 1 We thought it'd be cool if while we're recording a podcast episode, we go down live and then you guys ask us questions.

Speaker 1 And then obviously, hey, listen, though, you asked a question, you're consenting to being, possibly making the cut. So I'm just letting you know.

Speaker 2 Yeah. So if people want to hop up on here and maybe request to join and I can

Speaker 2 accept you and maybe you guys can ask a question and you'll make it up on our

Speaker 1 podcast. But I thought it'd be cool because then it's like kind of shows you guys the process of like what I don't know, behind the scenes.
Like, hey, right, it is kind of behind the scenes, you know.

Speaker 2 Well, because I already had like a bunch of questions from

Speaker 2 Instagram, um, and so I was like, well, why not include the fans?

Speaker 1 Are you able to read questions?

Speaker 1 What the fuck is that going on?

Speaker 2 Something, I don't know.

Speaker 1 Uh,

Speaker 1 are you able to read the questions on Instagram as TikTok live's going on?

Speaker 2 No, I won't.

Speaker 1 Or I have to do it through my phone from the... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 You could do that. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So if anybody wants to. I'm just on the live, yeah.

Speaker 2 So if anybody wants to, like, send in a

Speaker 2 request to join the live.

Speaker 1 Um,

Speaker 2 Sid's bad wants to ask a question. So I sent an invitation to Sid.

Speaker 1 Oh, I see.

Speaker 1 So you're actually asking them to come up on the video. Yeah.
Not just reading the question like we usually do from Instagram. Okay, all right, all right, all right.

Speaker 1 But yeah, I thought it'd be kind of cool.

Speaker 2 Driving to Detroit from Florida in two weeks. Any suggestions?

Speaker 1 I wouldn't drive.

Speaker 2 I mean, Tyler and I, we've drove from Florida to Michigan and back. We've drove from Michigan to New Orleans, which was hell.

Speaker 1 Fucking nightmare, guys.

Speaker 2 I think the drive from New Orleans to,

Speaker 2 no, from Michigan to New Orleans was, I felt like it was longer.

Speaker 1 than driving oh i thought it was 14 hours oh was it all i know is that it was hell dude it was hell every time listen guys i don't care what's going on. I hate driving that long.

Speaker 1 If it's more than four hours,

Speaker 1 yeah, no, I don't like that. I hate it.

Speaker 2 Well, I guess that person didn't accept my invite.

Speaker 1 So, so maybe you just, maybe instead of you inviting them, can they just request to jump on?

Speaker 2 That's what they did. They sent me a request and I accepted it, and then they must have declined it.

Speaker 1 Oh, I see. Okay, so you accept it, and then they pop up.

Speaker 1 Okay. I don't want it to be too distracting, though.

Speaker 2 I know, right? Just watching them. I know, it is kind of fucking distracting.

Speaker 1 When you almost see like a, uh you know how the people the fancy people influencers they'll have like the computer and then they'll be recording at the same time oh

Speaker 2 looking at the thing and i'm like we don't we're not that cool but oh johnny's on here hi johnny hi johnny

Speaker 2 actually johnny we still need to get you on our podcast we need to talk about things we need to talk about things i know i know you're a busy man but you know it would be great um i might have to get off here and just answer that because people listening if they're on the screen

Speaker 1 yeah it was a good idea

Speaker 1 for a minute, but I don't think it's going to work. We're going to have to get better equipment

Speaker 1 to do this multi-fancy shit.

Speaker 2 And nobody's asking to hop on.

Speaker 1 All right. Get out of here.
All right. I'm going to go.
TikTok. Listen, we tried.
It didn't work. It worked.
All right.

Speaker 2 Back to Instagram questions.

Speaker 1 Back to the basics. Talk to y'all later.
Bye.

Speaker 1 I know. I can see you trying to like scroll.
All right.

Speaker 2 Well, it was a good idea, but you know, okay, we ain't going to do that.

Speaker 2 We're going to to figure out a different uh because I was thinking like a way to get people involved to like hop on here, you know.

Speaker 1 Well, it's kind of it's kind of like in the way that when you watch a live and then they let people come up and they talk about stuff, you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 They let people talk about shit, yeah, ask questions, whatever. So, I probably invited somebody and they didn't, you know, hey, you know what? Hey, listen, whatever, gave it a shot.

Speaker 2 We'll go back to the normal ways of QA's, obviously. But, um, or maybe in the future or two, we find out like we have like a phone, people could call in and ask questions or something.

Speaker 1 School dude.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 What if we got a landline? Right. And they just like, oh, they'll call all the time.
You can unplug it. Oh, true.

Speaker 2 You know, you can unplug a landline.

Speaker 1 Then you plug it in when you want to.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and you tell people, like, you got to call in from this time to this time or whatever. I don't know.

Speaker 1 We'll figure something out. I don't know.
We'll figure something out.

Speaker 2 I just figured it'd be cool to get them like more involved or, you know, whatever.

Speaker 2 So one of the questions that we have is, since that our views of adoption have changed over the years, do we still have a good relationship with Dawn?

Speaker 2 And I think a lot of people think that we would like hold on to anger or resentment or I don't know. I think people like want us to hate her or not like her.

Speaker 1 Well, I think, well, I think what it comes down to is people

Speaker 1 who have obviously like learned more about adoption and dove into it and kind of figured out how the industry works.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you know, adoption facilitators and counselors get a bad rap because they're part of this industry or whatever. But I will say, like I've always said, I have never like gotten

Speaker 1 an evil, not good

Speaker 1 feeling from Dawn. I've always felt very warm.
She's always been very warm and welcoming and comforting and compassionate. And so, if I got any sort of like, ugh, like, you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Yeah, it'd be different. But, guys, I'm telling you, she is a warm, such a sweet soul, beautiful, beautiful person.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and I, and I do, and I feel like me and Ty have said it before that, you know, truthfully, I feel like if it wasn't for Dawn,

Speaker 2 we probably wouldn't have had, they probably would have cut us off sooner. I think so.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Um, Dawn has always been like our advocate and wanting the best for us and wanting the best for Carly.

Speaker 2 And at the end of the day, that's what we all want. Yeah.
And yeah, and I feel like we're very good reads of people, too.

Speaker 2 Like you can, you just get the vibe of somebody if they're just being, I don't know, fake or in it for the wrong reasonings or whatever. And she's never been like that.

Speaker 2 You know, is there some things that I wish I could go back and

Speaker 2 maybe be more like educated on and things like that? Yeah.

Speaker 2 You know,

Speaker 1 but you know, I will say, I think the same, I would assume that 16 years later, I'm pretty sure Dawn feels the same way. Like, there might be things that she wished she would have known more about.

Speaker 1 I mean, because we're learning more and more about this stuff as time goes on. More studies are being done with adoptees and just in general.

Speaker 1 So I feel like, you know, I would assume that there'd be some things that Dawn would even go back and be like, man, I wish I would have known that back then or whatever.

Speaker 2 Right, or I wish it could have been changed back then, like it is now. Yeah, you know, whatever.
But no, we love Dawn. I think Dawn is a beautiful soul.
She has a great heart.

Speaker 2 She really just wants to help people. Yeah.
And she's just always been really loving and caring.

Speaker 2 So, no,

Speaker 2 we still have a very good relationship with her.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Somebody asks,

Speaker 2 did you consider abortion when you found out that you were pregnant at 16?

Speaker 2 I think for me, there,

Speaker 2 so I, we found out that I was pregnant and it was just like, I don't know, trauma right in that moment, like scared, fear, all the feelings.

Speaker 2 And I know that the next, so I went home, went to sleep. The next morning, my mom woke me up early before she was like, she was getting ready to leave for work.

Speaker 2 And she asked me, she was like, would you just want to get an abortion? And my automatic. answer was like, yes, yeah.
And I just started crying because I'm scared.

Speaker 1 I don't know what I'm feeling.

Speaker 2 And so I had, I was like, yes, I would like to, you know, look into it or whatever.

Speaker 2 And I think, did my mom call your mom or call you guys and ask if you were going to come with me to get one or something? Or how did that happen? Because I don't think I told you.

Speaker 1 I can't remember, but I do remember someone saying it to me. Maybe it was my mom.
No, I think it was your mom.

Speaker 1 I can't remember now. It's wow.
I can't, I can't remember. But I do, yeah, I remember someone saying, hey, if she, if she's going to go get an abortion, would you go with her?

Speaker 1 That's pretty much the only question. It wasn't like, Do you agree with it? It was like, Yeah, I'll go with her.
It was not like a, right, you know what I mean? Are you in or you're out?

Speaker 1 It was more like, all right, let me know when to be there, how to, whatever.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and I think people need to, you know, and it, it, people need to realize, too, like my views as a woman. Um, I always have had the view of

Speaker 1 anybody can do whatever they want with their own bodies.

Speaker 2 Would I ever get an abortion? My view was always like, no, until I found myself in an unplanned pregnancy. And I had that thought of, well, maybe I would.
Like, I'm scared. I don't want to be a mom.

Speaker 2 I'm not ready to be a mom right now.

Speaker 2 And so,

Speaker 2 you know, you might have certain views and then you find yourself in

Speaker 2 a situation. And so my first thought was like, yeah, maybe I would want to get abortion.

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Speaker 2 I remember Tyler, you know, you went and you, you looked up just like a whole bunch of information.

Speaker 1 Yeah, because I was also like, like i don't know what's going on about abortion yeah how does it work what what do they do what's going on like yeah and i also felt like it it was so like

Speaker 1 like back then it was so like hey you get one you want one you get one and i felt like no offense but i knew i knew like i didn't feel like anyone was going to really

Speaker 1 give you all the info you know what i mean so i was like i think it's important because i knew that you're in a state of mind where it's so you're just so like freaking out yeah that it's hard to even digest information.

Speaker 1 Something all right, well, what's it what can I do to best support? And I guess that was me.

Speaker 1 My, I went to the school, I printed out all the stuff of each stage of what they do and what stages it looks like, and whatever, and just gave you the data. Here you go, right.

Speaker 1 And you know, I felt like that was fair.

Speaker 2 And I think people need to realize, too, like it wasn't Tyler, it was like, oh, don't get the abortion.

Speaker 2 He's more or less like, whatever you want to do, but I want you to have the facts about what an abortion is. What does it look like?

Speaker 2 You know, what are the statistics of, you know, women maybe regretting it or not regretting it or you know all of the things

Speaker 1 really I actually I remember being back in the day thinking like it wasn't even about like abortion being right or wrong it was just about listen it's your body they're going into doing stuff to yeah so it was like dude like I just want you to know what the hell is going on inside the body that they're doing, whatever.

Speaker 1 And then I also felt like giving you that information, you'd feel better equipped. Because in my head, I'm thinking, she's going to go get an abortion.
That's what we're going to do.

Speaker 1 You'd be better equipped to go and ask the doctor, hey, I read this. I read that.
Is it true? Is it not?

Speaker 2 You know what I I mean? Or just to make a fully educated decision, which I feel like every woman needs to.

Speaker 2 Like, when you find yourself in an unplanned pregnancy, you know, I feel like as a woman, you should know about all your options and all the information about each, every option, abortion, parenting, adoption, all of it.

Speaker 1 The risks, the process, how it happens, everything.

Speaker 2 Yeah, the pros and cons about all of them, whatever it is.

Speaker 2 And so, when, you know, I was going through all this information and just reading statistics and all that thing. But remember all the things.

Speaker 1 Remember when you told me, though, when you were like, my mom asked me that, and I just said yes out of panic.

Speaker 2 Yeah, out of fear.

Speaker 1 Because I remember you saying, like, because I didn't know what I was going to do. Yeah, yeah.
And you remember you being like, I just said yes to her because I was just freaking out.

Speaker 1 I was just freaking out. And I remember thinking, I'm like, well, that's not a good way to make a decision.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Like, I don't want you making a decision out of you just like out of panic.

Speaker 1 That's not good. Oh, and it was straight out of panic.
Yeah, I know. Cause I remember you calling me saying, I said yes, and now I'm freaking out because I said yes.
And you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 And I was like, well, dude, chill out.

Speaker 2 And so then obviously when I'm, you know, reading all these things and already have the viewpoints that I've, you know, my own views that I've had about me like feeling as though I would never be able to get an abortion, but I don't hate on anybody that does that.

Speaker 1 Why did you feel? Why do you feel personally that you could never do it?

Speaker 2 I feel like for me as a person, I feel like I would end up being one of the women that would have regrets and the what-ifs.

Speaker 1 Yeah, which is, I know that's really fair. And I think it's important for people to hear that perspective.

Speaker 2 Like it's, that's it could be I truly feel like I would and I feel like I'm such an empath that I would just I feel these feelings and emotions that probably wouldn't be healthy for me yeah right um

Speaker 2 and so when you did give me all the form and I was just reading things it really just solidify I was like wow see this is why you have to listen to yourself

Speaker 2 you know what I mean and like even though it's scary like yeah I could have gotten an abortion and then not been pregnant, but maybe would have had all of these other issues, you know, like now that you're talking about it, but now it's like, but then we have trauma from adoption.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so it's like, it's, it's this,

Speaker 2 it's a catch-22.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's the unplanned pregnancy shit. Yeah.
I feel like women get in these crisis situations. And

Speaker 1 when you're in a crisis pregnancy, there is not really any good, there's not really any good route to take. You don't have to, it's a crisis.
You're in it.

Speaker 1 It's so, and no matter what you do, you're going to experience trauma. Yeah, you're going to experience some kind of, you know, like hurdle and issue.
So I don't know.

Speaker 1 It's kind of ironic hearing you say it in real time.

Speaker 1 It's like, damn, you're, you're, the reason your belief system was like, I can't get an abortion because I know I'll be one of those women who regret it and have these probably lifelong just, you know, questions and what ifs and regrets or whatever.

Speaker 2 Which I got that with an option anyways.

Speaker 1 Yeah. It's like, I don't know.
I, yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 2 I just know, but I remember just like, so I sat there, went through all the papers and, you know, all of that.

Speaker 2 And I was just like, no, you know, it just, I don't think that I'd be able to do that either. And so then it was like we were back at stage one again.

Speaker 2 And it was like, all right, parenting or like, what are we going to do?

Speaker 2 And, you know, you have to, like, if you've never found yourself in an, you know, an unplanned pregnancy and you don't know what you're doing, like you are literally just in a

Speaker 2 mental loop of anxiety and freaking out and not knowing. And it's just scary.
And so it was just like, okay, well, I'm not going to get an abortion.

Speaker 2 So it's either we're going to parent or we're going to figure something else out. So yeah, I mean, abortion did cross my mind for a second.
and

Speaker 2 we just decided not to go that route and again i'm definitely much like pro-choice you know would i ever and even to this day like

Speaker 2 i've always said if i were to ever find myself in a pregnancy ever again like i wouldn't be the type that would be able to get an abortion but i do not hate on any woman that chooses that for their own selves and i don't look down on any woman that does it right because we talked about it today that if if if any of our daughters editor came to us and said i am experiencing a crisis unplanned pregnancy, the first thing I'm going to ask them is, What do you want to do?

Speaker 1 What do you want to do?

Speaker 2 And then I'm going to ask you.

Speaker 1 And if they want to get an abortion, I will be driving them to that clinic and

Speaker 1 we will figure it out.

Speaker 1 Because I also don't want, like, because you know how kids will ask their parents, what would you do? What would you do? How do you feel about it?

Speaker 1 And that's when it's like, I think it's super important for parents to just, that's when you literally have to like make it.

Speaker 1 You may respond, well, well, honey, what I would do is blah, blah, blah, but that's not, I don't think that's a right way to do it because the child's not asking you, what would you do, you know, as a genuine curiosity?

Speaker 1 They're asking you pretty much subconsciously, what should I do? Yeah. And so I feel like when they ask you, hey, you know, what would you do?

Speaker 1 It's important for the parent to be like, listen, it's not about what I would do. Right.
This is about what you want to do and what you feel you need to do.

Speaker 2 And I think at the, and then it's also an opportunity to, I mean, God forbid any of it happens to us. It's also the opportunity to educate them about them all.

Speaker 1 While there's abortion, they'll do the same thing.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? And go through them all.

Speaker 1 There's abortion. Here's an option.

Speaker 1 Here's,

Speaker 1 right?

Speaker 1 It is hard, but it's important to give it all to them and then let them do their thing and try to keep your own bias out of it. You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 2 Which is hard because you're a parent and you don't know it.

Speaker 1 But that's kind of the best. That's kind of my whole point is if, like, because if one of our daughters went and asked you, hey, well, what would you do, mom?

Speaker 1 And you go, well, for me personally, I wouldn't do it because I might have regrets. Like, it's.

Speaker 1 I almost feel like that's not the right answer at the time.

Speaker 2 Well, because they might not have any regrets. There's people that we know that have gotten abortions that don't have any regrets.

Speaker 1 My mom says to this day, and she listen, my mom is a devout Christian woman, and she says, I have never regretted my abortion.

Speaker 1 I think she had more than one.

Speaker 1 She says that she's never regretted it. And she's like, and she said that she remembers when she got saved and stuff that she almost felt guilty for not regretting it.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Because after getting in her faith, and like, you know, it's a different thing.

Speaker 2 Because she had one at young, was it

Speaker 1 16, 15? I want to say, yeah, I think she was, yeah, like 16.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 she remembers, she's like, I remember like almost feeling guilty that I didn't feel guilty about it. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Because people were like in her faith and they were like talking about it and stuff.

Speaker 1 But still to this day, she's like, but she's like, I don't regret it.

Speaker 1 My life would have been, I don't know what would have happened, but I don't regret it. You know what I mean? Never got sad about it.
Never like had all these issues afterwards.

Speaker 2 And for me, I have that fear that I probably would be different. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And I've always had that feeling.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And that's why when you told me, like, I just said yes, I could tell that.

Speaker 1 Like, and back then, like, I think it's important to know that, you know, you've never gone to therapy yet, so you're still doing that dynamic dance with your mom.

Speaker 1 It's kind of surviving, making sure everything's good.

Speaker 2 So if she says, and I do think my mom thought in the moment, like, maybe this is the best route.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, for sure.

Speaker 2 Hell yeah, you know, because I don't, even my mom has talked about like she's had an abortion before, too, you know, like, and I can, you know, of course, as a mom, you're probably like, well, what about abortion?

Speaker 2 You know, like, you know, or whatever. And I was just in straight panic, like, yes, yes, yes, I'll do whatever just to make it it go away.

Speaker 2 And, you know, I don't want to have to deal with this anxiety and panic, you know? But, yeah. And I'm, you know, I'm super, I'm grateful that I didn't do it.

Speaker 2 I feel like, you know, even though we've had hardships with adoption, like I've learned a lot, I've grown a lot.

Speaker 1 I've,

Speaker 2 she has pushed me to change in many ways that I don't think she'll ever know until she's older.

Speaker 2 And, you know, even it comes with hard stuff, but there's been a lot of growth and a lot of change and beautiful things too. Like, it's just, well, it's so bitter.

Speaker 1 It's one of those things where it's like anything worth acquiring is never easy to get. So, it's like anything worth acquiring is gonna, you're gonna go through bullshit to get it.

Speaker 2 And, you know, but yeah, I mean, I definitely had thought, yeah, you know, for sure. Um,

Speaker 2 people are crazy, yeah, it was a crazy time.

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Speaker 2 Some people ask like, what do we think about Carly's photos being leaked online?

Speaker 1 I think people are weird. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Going out and searching for stuff to post as.

Speaker 1 And then like I noticed there's one account that'll like literally put their watermark. Like they'll watermark the picture so no one else can get that.

Speaker 2 Oh, so the picture that you searched and stole.

Speaker 1 Not really stole it. They found it.
I mean, I know, but it's weird. But it's like you take the picture and then you put the watermark on it and post it on this page that you get, that it's monetized.

Speaker 1 So again, I just feel like, eh,

Speaker 1 it just, it's not good. I think it's, I think it's, it's violating.
I think

Speaker 2 I don't think it's right. Well, and plus, you know that they don't.
She obviously doesn't want her picture out there.

Speaker 1 You know that her parents don't want her pictures out there.

Speaker 2 And this is one of of those me and ty have never posted pictures after we got in trouble when we were you know 18 19.

Speaker 1 we've never posted pictures that were the front of her face because we had you know boundaries set with b and t that was like if you can see your face don't post them so they never did for everyone listening or watching it never happened again no for some reason people had this timeline of that we just kept repeatingly posting pictures of her or something after we got in trouble.

Speaker 1 That was filmed, the conversation. So it's weird how people like come up with their own.

Speaker 1 I think after, you guys have to remember, after 16 years, people that are just now either discovering Teen Mom or discovering the story, they're watching everything consolidated into little clips throughout 16 years of a whole journey.

Speaker 1 So it's funny how people say, well, they kept posting pictures. Every time I see the comment, the same comment.

Speaker 2 And I'm like, no, we have not.

Speaker 2 And what people, I think, what people don't think is like, okay, so

Speaker 2 did we break a boundary when we were like 18, 19 years old?

Speaker 2 yeah we made a collage of all of our baby pictures stuff like that yes b and t got upset about it we all four sat down had a conversation which is film yeah and we understood where they were coming from and they understood a little bit i think of where we were coming from and then you know you fast forward like a year or two and i reached out to teresa one time and said hey can i it was when uh

Speaker 2 uh when Carly met Nova for the first time Nova was a baby. And I was like, can I share this picture? And it's a picture of like, it was a picture of Carly and Nova together.

Speaker 2 And you could see Nova, but Carly's hair was like in front of her face and you couldn't see it.

Speaker 2 And at that time, Teresa was like, you can, you know, as long as you can't see her face in it and you can't tell what she looks like, pictures like that are okay to share.

Speaker 2 And so that's why if you go like on our Instagram and stuff, if you see pictures that we've shared of Carly with the girls, it's always usually the back. of them.
We don't even do side profiles.

Speaker 2 It's usually the back because you can't see their faces.

Speaker 1 Which was, which was, we got permission to do that. Yeah.
So when people say all the time that we kept posting pictures of her, it's like, I'm like,

Speaker 1 when, where, when?

Speaker 2 I've only posted pictures that I was allowed to and was told that things like that is okay.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think when things start getting rock, when things started getting rocky was when they were saying, we don't want you talking about the adoption on TV.

Speaker 1 And that's what I mean, you had that really big internal battle of like, well, wait a minute, like, what are you talking about? So, so I can't talk about

Speaker 1 us being a birth parent. What is the parameter? Because now I felt like there was, you're putting,

Speaker 1 and now it's not just pictures. Now it's like, we can't talk about the adoption story at all.

Speaker 2 And then it evolved.

Speaker 1 It evolved from there.

Speaker 2 You know, then it was more or less like, I think, you know, Teresa was more or less like, don't speak word for word our private conversations.

Speaker 1 And I was like, okay, I understand that.

Speaker 2 So then I just simplified when they would ask me things like, hey, you know, have you heard from Teresa about handing a visit?

Speaker 1 I would say, oh, I texted her said it's not going to happen. Like, I wouldn't read our text messages,

Speaker 1 just like verbatim or whatever.

Speaker 2 So, but so for people like tea pages that are literally going out and finding a child because she's a child, and you guys knowing that her parents don't want it blasted all over, and maybe Carly doesn't want it blasted all over either, but then you're searching them out, and then you're posting them online when her birth parents aren't even doing that, or her own parents that are raising her.

Speaker 2 Like, that's weird.

Speaker 1 It is weird, and also it's funny because it's kind of just so, like, how

Speaker 2 who's breaking boundaries now?

Speaker 1 Yeah, well, it's like, how

Speaker 1 ironic that you guys are the same T pages that vilified us for so many years for talking about it and just sharing our story of adoption.

Speaker 1 Now you're literally doing the exact thing that you hate on us for years.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that we didn't even do. That we didn't even do.

Speaker 2 We shared baby pictures of her years and years and years ago. Now she is almost 17 years old.
You know, we've never shared a picture of her grown self.

Speaker 1 And at that time, we were allowed to share baby pictures because they had it all over the reunion. That's how we got, that's how they did all the updates.

Speaker 1 They would be like, oh, can you whatever pictures

Speaker 1 that you shared? Yeah, yeah. And so Teresa would send us the little couple photos that we could flip through on camera on TV.
And then zoom in and then whatever. So it's like.

Speaker 2 And then that stopped, you know, and then they, and then her, and then her parents were like, hey, she's, you know, she's getting to an age.

Speaker 1 I think it was around, she was probably like, what, five?

Speaker 1 I want to say it was like five or four.

Speaker 2 It was like four or five because I was pregnant with Nova the last visit where they like showed her face.

Speaker 1 Oh, okay, got it. Yeah.
So it's like, so, so, yeah, like three up. So the first three years, there was no boundary about her face because she was a baby.
She was such a little baby.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 But yeah, then I remember before, I think it was a year before we went and visited them when you were pregnant with Nova, was when they were like, all right, no more.

Speaker 2 Well, yeah, because then they were at all. She's becoming more.

Speaker 1 Now she's not going to be really changing yet. Yes, yes.
Oh, hey, I totally got it. Yeah, sure.

Speaker 2 So, yeah. So I think it's weird.
I don't

Speaker 2 agree with it. And I do see some pages, you know, that speak on it that don't agree with it either.

Speaker 2 And I'm glad that they say things, you know, like my friend, like our friend Ray, like, she's very much like, you guys are weird.

Speaker 2 You guys hate on Kate and Ty for talking about a girl, but then you're going on there and you're talking and sharing pictures of her face and pictures of her with her friends and her boyfriend.

Speaker 2 Like, you know, it's just weird.

Speaker 1 It's so fucking weird, dude. But the crazy thing part about it is, though, is that regardless of what, regardless of what truth anyone wants to listen to, we're always to blame.

Speaker 1 Like, oh, and I'll take it, I got it. Yeah, yeah, that's what I'm saying.
I'll, I will.

Speaker 2 Like, I always, because like I always say, because like I always say, we know the truth.

Speaker 2 We know the conversations that we've had. I can go to to sleep at night knowing my morals and values and who I am as a person and what boundaries I did not break.
But you guys say that I did.

Speaker 2 Like, I really don't care, you know, at the end of the day, but I do think it's weird that

Speaker 1 you guys are sharing pictures of her all over with her friends and with her boyfriends.

Speaker 2 And you don't know her boyfriend and stuff, but we've never shared anything like that.

Speaker 1 But whatever. I digress.

Speaker 2 Somebody at

Speaker 2 she's somebody asked, how is my relationship with my mom?

Speaker 2 I feel like our relationship is, it's in a good place. Yeah.
You know, I, we talk. The kids talk to her all the time.
She comes over every once in a while.

Speaker 2 It's still, I don't know, I would say it's still,

Speaker 2 what's the word?

Speaker 2 I do it in a way, let's just say, I mean, and it's the truth, so I'm going to say it.

Speaker 2 I always get weird. I don't want to ever want to hurt anybody's feelings, but

Speaker 2 I do it in a way that makes me feel safe, but then makes my children

Speaker 2 feel like they

Speaker 2 have access to their grandma. But I do it in a way that makes me feel safe as like their mom and

Speaker 2 myself, the daughter of her.

Speaker 2 So, I mean, like, we have boundaries in place. Like, my mom knows, like, I don't want you drinking around me or the kids.
And as long as you don't do that, I'm okay.

Speaker 1 You know? Pretty simple.

Speaker 2 So.

Speaker 1 I would say it's good. I would say it's very good.

Speaker 1 Comparing like to, you know, years before or anything, I would say it's good.

Speaker 1 Yeah, i think we're in a i think we're in a good place for sure um and people want to know how is your relationship with your dad it's kind of the same i mean i'm i'm way more disconnected than you are with your mom obviously but i've done that my own way because he's obviously you know down in texas my sister's down in texas they're both doing their thing and so i'm more like like i said i always ran on me to say love you hope you're doing good that's pretty much it yeah and he usually replies to you doesn't he yeah he'll stay for the most part say love you to you you.

Speaker 1 I miss you. Whatever.
I mean, listen, for the last, I don't know, probably over a year and a half now, I've been trying to get him up here to Michigan to visit. Yeah, we have.

Speaker 1 But that's been a nightmare because his crazy ex-girlfriend now, whatever, you know, doesn't like us and she's crazy. And so, yeah.

Speaker 2 Somebody asked, do you think Carly will come to live with you both since she is older? No.

Speaker 1 No, I don't. I mean, she's always welcome to.

Speaker 1 Come on, girl, come. But no, I don't think she'll ever live with us.

Speaker 2 No, no, I don't think so either.

Speaker 2 not at all and you guys she is 16 17 years old She's all about like her boyfriend and friends and figuring out what she's gonna go to college for and I love that she's in like she's being a teenager as she should yeah, you know, I cuz the last visit that we did had I remember looking at her I said wow the next year, you know, like you're gonna be 16 and I was pregnant with you then and I was talking to her and I'm like I'm so glad I just looked at her.

Speaker 2 I'm like, I'm so glad that

Speaker 2 You're just in a different space than I was.

Speaker 1 Yeah, right.

Speaker 2 At that age. Like you don't have to worry about being pregnant and the anxiety and the fear and the stress.

Speaker 1 Because her face, when you said that, was like, I think it hit her a little bit, like, holy shit. Yeah.
Like, whoa, yeah, you were. I'm so happy.
You're working with me at this age that I'm right now.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So it was, it's like, dang.

Speaker 2 And, like, I'm just, and I, yeah, I just told her, I'm like, I'm just so happy that you get to like worry about boys and friends and what how you're going to do your head.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. What color nails am I going to have?

Speaker 1 And am I going to go, what dress am I going to wear?

Speaker 2 You know, like, I'm just so thankful for that. Yeah.
And

Speaker 1 I'm thankful for i'm really grateful to brand teresa for giving her that yeah environment to do that kind of stuff yeah but also i'm just grateful that she is um

Speaker 2 different yeah you know what i mean and i and that's what i ultimately that's what i wanted for her was i wanted her to be able to be a kid and be selfish and you know do the things that teenagers want to do and go to college and all the things and i think the stuff that we wanted for her she got the stuff we wanted for us just didn't didn't happen happen yeah So,

Speaker 2 yeah, so I think there's a parts of us that are like, I'm so happy for her, but then, you know, they're as birth parents.

Speaker 2 And if any birth parents listen, I'm sure you guys know the feelings too of like, I'm happy for her, but then I'm also sad for myself. I'm sad for me.

Speaker 2 I'm sad for me that I get to miss out on that beautiful human and, you know, and not knowing like what she wants. Like, does she want to be a part of us too? Like, I don't know.

Speaker 2 And I think that goes on to the next question of like

Speaker 2 an update on our our adoption situation with her.

Speaker 2 I did, I mean, nothing.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I mean, but the only update that I do have is that about like, I would say six months ago, I realized, because I would always still randomly text Teresa because I just want to have that for Carly.

Speaker 1 And as a record, really much I reached out.

Speaker 2 Yeah, like I always continue to reach out, even if I was blocked or whatever.

Speaker 2 And, you know, so I would say a good like six months ago, I realized that I wasn't blocked anymore.

Speaker 2 And so then still, just like once a month, I would, you know, even not being blocked anymore, I still would send like, oh, you know, here's the kids. I sent like the kids' first day of school picture.

Speaker 1 And the stuff that we usually normally did before.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And still, you know, obviously she still doesn't reply to me or answer me or nothing like that or whatever.

Speaker 1 Here's a question for you. Would you rather her just have you blocked, though? So that way you wouldn't get the delivered message.
Like you wouldn't, you know what I'm saying?

Speaker 1 Like what, what's no, because I feel like I was going to say what, I don't know what would be for me personally, I'd rather just block my ass. So that way I don't have to say you're in question.

Speaker 1 Oh, you're right, but you're not responding. You don't have anything to do with that.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I mean, obviously, sometimes I would, you know, when I would, like when I wrote like this whole apology out and said, like, you know, I would, you know, in the future, if we can have a conversation, you know, as for adults, like, I'm here for it, or whatever.

Speaker 2 But, um,

Speaker 2 no, because I felt like it was the same. You weren't answering me

Speaker 2 before. You're not answering me now.
I think, you know, even when our adoption was still,

Speaker 2 you know, open,

Speaker 2 there were still plenty of times where you just blatantly ignored me and wouldn't answer my questions anyways.

Speaker 2 But I think just like after I, you know, not being blocked and reaching out every now and then, I think it, it kind of,

Speaker 2 I don't know, maybe it just kind of,

Speaker 2 in a sense, going through everything that we went through, it was like, this is who they are as people. And, you know, I'm not going to sit here and say things, like, shame them or whatever.

Speaker 2 But then I kind of got to the point where I was like, you know what?

Speaker 2 We have the email that we started for Carly. And I was like, I'm going to write to Teresa one last time and say, listen, I've apologized.
I've, you know, I have

Speaker 2 tried to open the door to say, like, hey, let's have a conversation. You're still just ignoring me and all these things.

Speaker 2 And I just kind of told her, I said, this is the last text message you're ever going to receive from me ever again.

Speaker 2 I will continue to just, you know, I will write to Carly's email when I have the urge of like wanting to send you an update or something.

Speaker 2 I will send it here. And I said, and that's, I'm not, I'm not reaching out to you anymore.
Like, I'm done.

Speaker 1 You know, he's like, 16, she's going to be 18 years, and she'll be an adult and can handle it on her own. And it's funny because I feel like me and you were on,

Speaker 1 we're on the same side of the plank, just on the, I'm on one side and you're on the other side.

Speaker 1 And I've been on this side for a while where I'm like, I'm, I'm never going to, I, I, I reached out to Brandon. I apologize.

Speaker 2 I said father to father. But at least he actually responded to you.

Speaker 1 He did. You're right.
You're right, though. He did respond to me.
You're right. And I felt good doing that.

Speaker 1 And then I was like, and I will be writing to the email from here on out. Like, that was kind of like my own version of, like, I'm done.

Speaker 2 But you wanted to write to him and say, like, I'm so thankful for the dad that you all.

Speaker 1 Well, I actually wrote him and I said,

Speaker 1 I was like, just in case we never speak again, I want you to know, bam, bam, bam.

Speaker 2 That's what I think of you of his dad.

Speaker 1 I'm thankful and grateful to you.

Speaker 1 Oh, it was very sweet. Yeah, and I just wanted to, I wanted, yeah, I just wanted to end it that way for myself.

Speaker 1 And then I, and then I told you, I was like, I'm going to, I'm just going to be writing to the email every time I get an urge or think of her or whatever.

Speaker 1 And, you know, instead of going that route, which always is met with,

Speaker 1 I'm just going to go this route. I mean, I feel like, I don't know, I just feel a lot, I feel a lot more peace doing it that way.

Speaker 1 Because now it's, it's almost like it reminds me of like, even though I know she's older now, but it almost reminds me of like me doing like, um, like people do baby books.

Speaker 1 Like they know they're not going to understand this right now. Yeah, until they're older.
But it's going to be important to them one day.

Speaker 1 if they choose to you know want it right and so that's kind of the way i feel about it which which gives me more peace because then it's like, well, this is just me and Carly thing.

Speaker 1 I don't need Teresa. I don't need Brandon.
I don't need adoption or any of this to be involved. This is just about me and her and what I want to say.

Speaker 2 And one day, too, it's like, you know, you guys, she's getting older.

Speaker 2 One day too, like she'll be able to look at everything that we have, everything that they have, everything that we've said, everything that they've said.

Speaker 2 And she'll be able to make the opinions for herself, whatever that is, you know. And I made it a point and I told Teresa in the text when I said this in my last text to you.

Speaker 2 And I said, but I will, I want to let you know I will be putting in there every time that I have reached out I will put from the beginning to the end so she can see yeah maybe how sometimes I was a little angry and wrote you and maybe sometimes you were angry and you wrote me but like everything will be important

Speaker 2 yeah it's important and it's important for her to see how many times I reached out and continued to do so

Speaker 1 even when you had me blocked even when her sisters were crying and wanted to talk to her or whatever it was like it's important for her to see the full picture yeah on your guys' side and our side and that's why it's it's kind of crazy crazy because I remember it kept asking you, We've had this email for a while now, and you never wrote to it.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, why are you not writing to her email? I know. And I think it was,

Speaker 1 it seems like it was probably because of that reason. You're kind of just had this little 99, 1% of hope a little bit with the reaching out through text messaging and trying to get it.

Speaker 2 Well, I just guess, I guess there's a part of me where it's like, why, why do I feel like I'm trying to be more mature and more of an adult?

Speaker 2 And opening the door again, even though it's been, I've been slammed slammed in the face many times to have a conversation. Like, I just don't, I don't, I'll never understand.

Speaker 1 Like I said, though, that's what that's kind of the space you're in. That you're more or less like, I don't understand.

Speaker 1 So I'm going to, you know, and then it's, then, like, it comes to a point where I'm like, I just felt a lot more peace. Just, I'm going to write the email.

Speaker 2 Yeah. There's so much freedom with it.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? And, like,

Speaker 1 I don't know. I just felt like it took you a while to get there, but I'm glad you did because I would, I could sense that you were just not like, you're holding on to that last little string.

Speaker 1 You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm not letting the string go. And then I think, did you feel any relief when you wrote that message saying, hey, this is the last time?

Speaker 2 Yeah. Or did you? No, I definitely did.
And I think the email part for me, too, it's like, I still haven't really wrote to it.

Speaker 1 I know. I noticed.
I'm like,

Speaker 1 I just.

Speaker 1 You will eventually. You will.
Yeah. Yeah.
I'm not.

Speaker 2 Yeah. I mean, I feel like it's because with Teresa, it was like, that was my last little

Speaker 2 closeness to her.

Speaker 1 Right, right. You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 But I don't know.

Speaker 1 It's just the last bit of possible access.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
And so I talked to you. I think you were kind of.

Speaker 1 and it's like i don't know it's weird writing to an email that's i don't you know what i mean like it does feel weird for a minute yeah so but it gets normal like the last email i sent her email was so short it was like oh my god this just popped up my memories of one of our visits and so i attached the picture from my camera or my phone i said i just thought of you today love you so much miss you hope you're doing good and it was very short and i just feel like Now it's, you'll get, I eventually, once you start doing it, it's going to get so normal for you that you're going to be like, you're going to pop in your head and be like, oh my God.

Speaker 2 I don't know. Or what if she never wants it?

Speaker 1 Then that's it.

Speaker 1 Then it was peace for me. Yeah, I guess healing outlet.

Speaker 2 Does that make sense?

Speaker 1 Like, it's like, that's why I look at the email as in like a way of,

Speaker 1 this is a me and Carly thing.

Speaker 1 And either, and this is a me and Carly thing, even if Carly wants it or not, because if she doesn't want to say, fuck that email, I don't want to know anything you guys wrote or anything like that.

Speaker 1 That's also fine because this email was something really healing for me. Yeah, like an outlet.
Yeah, so I'm okay with that. You know what I mean? So true.

Speaker 2 Moving on.

Speaker 2 Because, you know, adoption shit.

Speaker 2 Are the two little, are your kids going to, they're asking if the littles are going to visit Santa this year. We take them all three.
All three.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you do.

Speaker 2 But yeah, we're going this weekend. I've like set it up and everything.
And I got them all cute little Christmas dresses, not Nova, because she's like too big.

Speaker 2 She doesn't want to wear a dress, which I get.

Speaker 1 I know. She's never been on a dress.
No.

Speaker 2 She was when she was little or yes, she was.

Speaker 1 Okay, when she was very little. I know.
No, she's all normal in a dress. Seriously, think about it.

Speaker 2 The last daddy daughter dance you guys did.

Speaker 1 Oh, no, besides that, though that's it yeah i love it

Speaker 2 so i got nova like a cool it's just like a black shirt and says merry christmas but i got her these cool like buffalo plaid uh bell bottoms and she was like oh yeah i like those

Speaker 1 but you know i still got vada and ryan like cute little chirps i'm gonna wear my plaid bell bottoms with my Chuck Taylors and my

Speaker 2 black Merry Christmas shirt.

Speaker 2 So, but yeah, we're taking them and we're gonna get a picture for sure.

Speaker 2 I think this is a good question. How do your girls handle being recognized in public?

Speaker 2 I think right now, for the most part, it's Nova. You know, she's, you know, in the middle, she's in middle school now, and she's about to be 11.

Speaker 2 And so she does get recognized and noticed. And I think, you know, me and Ty have been having conversations with her recently within, I would say, the past few years about like,

Speaker 2 unfortunately, you can't really fully trust everybody.

Speaker 1 And well, and also, I think, explain to her, it started off with explaining to her that, like, I wanted her to know that our lives are not normal.

Speaker 1 Like, and it started concerning me because I'm like, you're not seeing mom and dad wake up, clock, you know, punch in the clock at work. Yeah, our jobs look different.

Speaker 1 Yeah, our jobs are so unique and different and weird

Speaker 1 and just whatever that I think it's important for you to know why. And so, I feel like leading into like, this is why you don't see us clocking in nine to five and having, you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Like, this is why. And then, also, with that being said, with this weird ass fucking job we have,

Speaker 1 this comes with it.

Speaker 1 And I feel like we always just constantly check in with her like hey like how do you feel uh we nova made her first boundary probably what a year ago um maybe maybe a little over a year ago where she was like

Speaker 1 where we asked her we always asked her like do you do you care if we take pictures of people today if we're out in public and people stop us do you deserve yeah it's been over and she's always said like i don't care i don't care and then one year That's what we kept asking her.

Speaker 1 I thought it was important. We kept asking her.

Speaker 1 But anyway, one year she said, yeah, you know what? No, I don't want anyone taking pictures with us today because I just want it to be me and you.

Speaker 1 And I feel like it takes away from the time that we're having together.

Speaker 2 Yeah, when we're doing family things.

Speaker 1 So me and Caitlin, I get it. We're like, all right, full stop.
Awesome. Great.
Love that. I said, thank you so much for speaking up.
And boom.

Speaker 2 So now, like, when we're out with the kids, like, you know, when we went to Disney, it was very much like, no, we're not taking pictures. People would stop and ask.
Now it's like, no, I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 I'm with the kids. And I'm doing it.
This is for the kids and us.

Speaker 1 Like, now we're all respectful. They all are.
Yeah. Usually it's parents coming up there and they're always like, oh, totally get it.
Like, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Right. And I'm like, I'm sorry.
I'm like, if you would see me at like Walmart or something

Speaker 1 or somewhere, I totally would. But, like, when we're here doing kid things, no, or if the kids aren't with us, yeah, of course, like a picture or whatever, but uh,

Speaker 1 and sometimes they are always with us. And sometimes, the um, sometimes we've had people come to us when Noah's with us and say, Can we get a picture? And we're like, No, we're with Nova today.

Speaker 1 We don't take pictures of them with Nova. And she's like, No, it's okay, mom and dad.
Go ahead. Yeah, there has been a lot of people.
And then we go, Are you sure? Okay, okay, and then we do it.

Speaker 2 So, but no, there was one girl at Disney when we went. Remember, remember, I told you about this girl, and I was like, No, you know, we're with the kids, we're not.

Speaker 2 And she was like, Oh, come on, just one picture. And I was like, No,

Speaker 2 I'm with my kids, and I'm not taking it. I don't think I was there.

Speaker 1 I must have been with Ryan. Oh, yeah, and I walked away from her.
Oh, absolutely, absolutely. Well, that's one of the things you do as a parent.

Speaker 1 But I will say, her handling this stuff in public is really good because she, you know, she's aware of what she's not like blindsided by. What do you mean?

Speaker 1 We've clearly explained what our job is, how weird it is, and what comes with it. And so she expects it.

Speaker 1 We also prepare her because, hey, listen, do not just blindly trust people, they have ulterior motives. You know what I mean? So, just be careful.

Speaker 2 And thankfully, the friends that Nova does have, they're good friends and their parents.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and their parents are good parents. Like, I've had parents reach out to me and say, Hey, you know, did you know somebody screamed across the lunch at Nova asking if she was famous?

Speaker 2 You know, and I'm like, Well, thank you for bringing, letting me know. And then we would have a conversation with Nova about it or whatever.

Speaker 1 And it's funny because Nova, it's funny because the parent told you that I sounded like, oh, and then Nova was like, eh, whatever. Yeah.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 She's like, I was just weird because I screamed it across the lunchroom, you know.

Speaker 1 She's like, Yeah, sure, I guess.

Speaker 2 I'm just like, and then, of course, you know, mama bear comes out, and I'm like, I will take my ass up to that fucking school. I'm like, we're having a meeting right now.

Speaker 1 Any little, any little fuckers, sure, you know what I mean? No, but I think it's important though, because once that happened, remember, I told you, I was like,

Speaker 1 I think it's important that we go to the principal now that she's at a new school and say, hey, if you weren't aware,

Speaker 1 which I'm small town, you're probably not like, oh, they pretty much. If you're not aware, I want you to be aware now.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 that way, and not to give my kids special treatment at all, but just to be aware. So, something so your ears are kind of trained to it.
If you hear something, you say, you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 You see something, you'll know. Say something.
Yeah, like you'll, you'll know. Absolutely.

Speaker 2 Somebody said,

Speaker 2 Are you guys going to be together forever and ever?

Speaker 1 Forever and ever. Forever and ever.
You fucking better be. You fucking better be.

Speaker 2 You think I'd ever sign a divorce papers before?

Speaker 1 You think I've signed your fucking divorce papers? So, bitch, we're fucking locked in. I don't know what to do.

Speaker 1 Blood ritual. Tap.
Absolutely. Absolutely.

Speaker 1 Locked in.

Speaker 2 Somebody said,

Speaker 2 How do you keep the love alive with each other, even after all of these years?

Speaker 1 Guys, I still, this is like a complicated thing because I think,

Speaker 1 you know, how I always say, like, people are like,

Speaker 1 it's work.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 I'm not saying that marriage and relationships aren't work.

Speaker 1 But I don't think it's the work that people think it is. It shouldn't be hard for me.
Hard,

Speaker 2 like, hard to do work.

Speaker 1 It's not hard for me to love you. It's not hard for me to want to do.

Speaker 1 It's hard to explain, but it's like, I don't think it should be that fucking hard. And if it is that fucking hard, I think maybe you should reevaluate who you're with and why and all that stuff.

Speaker 1 Because we've never had that like.

Speaker 2 Yeah, like I would say like a relationship is work, but it shouldn't be like super hard work.

Speaker 1 I guess it's work that I'm willing and wanting to do. So to me, it doesn't feel like work.

Speaker 1 It feels like I want to put an effort in. It doesn't feel like work to me.
Does that make sense?

Speaker 1 It feels like, oh, that's a suggestion or that's a thing that I want to do because I love her so much. I want her to know that.
So I'll do that.

Speaker 1 So I feel that people talk about the work that requires, it's not really work for me. I mean, we have had years of putting in hard work, working on hard things.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but it's funny when you say that, though, because when you say putting in hard work, to me, I feel like we put in hard work individually, which translated into the relationship. It's not like

Speaker 1 that's what I mean.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you have work on hard things internally.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and then it bled it into this, which is good. That's kind of how it was important that I want it to be that way.

Speaker 1 But I thought, keeping the love alive, it's not, I feel like I just fall in love with you more every day, every year. If I look back at this year and go, oh, how did I feel about her last year?

Speaker 1 I feel more this year than I did last. You know what I mean? It's never like a dwindling thing.
It's always a

Speaker 2 kind of a just.

Speaker 1 blowing up rising thing.

Speaker 2 And honestly, I don't know.

Speaker 2 We connect all the time. No, we do.
Yeah. We're always in bed at night or, you know, always touching, hugging, and kissing.

Speaker 1 We're just, I don't know. We're just right.

Speaker 2 Like, is there some days where we're just like mom and dad to death? Yeah, there are those days, you know, where it's just like, I don't want to do anything. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 But we always connect. It's like we never, like, we don't ever go.

Speaker 1 We never go a day without hugging or kissing or touching or any or connecting. I don't know.
Take it how it will. Even our kids are so used to it.
Yeah. Like, it's like, we never

Speaker 2 see us snuggling and you'll see all the little and they just run.

Speaker 1 They run towards the snug pile. Yeah, just so funny.
You know, I love that. Keep the low alive, I think, is easy.

Speaker 1 But I noticed we get so many questions and things that we apparently's just not that easy for other people. And I get that.
I understand that.

Speaker 1 But I also feel, like, I wonder, are we just so brutally honest with what we want and need that we don't ever allow the space to grow?

Speaker 2 for resentments to happen and then all that weird and then it feels like hard work because we just we just tackle it right the moment it happens you know i don't know i'm not yeah and i think that's comes also too from us doing the work on ourselves to figuring out who we are as people, what do we want, you know, how to say things, you know, that sort of thing.

Speaker 2 And also, too, like, I truly, I truly believe in soulmates, and I do think that it's a real thing. Yeah, and I think me and you are blessed to be able to find each other at a young age and know.

Speaker 2 Well, I knew before you did, but, you know, and just

Speaker 2 to know, you know, like I remember I sent him a TikTok the other day. Psychic.

Speaker 2 Oh my God, what was it? Because Tyler was like, you fucking witch bitch or something like that. Because it was like, it was just so accurate.
Oh, my God. I have to find it now.
Let me see.

Speaker 2 Fuck, what did it say? I don't remember what it said.

Speaker 2 I abused my children once.

Speaker 1 What the fuck's wrong with your other children?

Speaker 2 Oh, it's right here, right here, right here.

Speaker 2 It's like, oh,

Speaker 2 it says,

Speaker 2 it says, soulmated so hard that we hung out once, and that night I knew I'd marry you. Straight up.
Yeah, and I'm like, oh my God, I had to send it to him. And he writes me back.

Speaker 2 He's like, you psychic. And I go, and I said, even though secretly I'm just a witch and cast a spell on you.
And he goes, well, call me bewitched, ma'am.

Speaker 1 I'm like, yeah, call me bewitched, girl. So fucking smiling.
But I saw that.

Speaker 2 I was like, that was so accurate. I was like, there was just one day, and I was like, I'm going to marry him and have his kids.

Speaker 1 So weird.

Speaker 2 And being like a 13, 12, 13-year-old boy, you're probably like, this bitch is fucking weird.

Speaker 2 I don't even know. I don't even, I probably didn't like come out and verbally say it.

Speaker 1 No, you didn't. Oh, did I? Yeah, in a joking way.
And I was, and I, and I, of course, I was like, ha, ha, ha, yeah, you're so funny.

Speaker 2 I'm like, no, marry him and have his babies.

Speaker 1 But yeah, you were right. Yep.
That's kind of crazy when you think about it.

Speaker 1 But like I said, I believe it's soulmates. I mean,

Speaker 1 how else do you explain from us hanging out once to the next day to the next day?

Speaker 2 How do you explain?

Speaker 1 Explain that.

Speaker 1 How do you explain the desire? Because you remember when you were younger, it was like, if I didn't talk to you on the phone. Oh, oh god, yeah, like I needed to hear your voice.
I like you know what?

Speaker 1 Oh god, yeah. Oh, yeah, because I remember one time my mom was like drunk, passed out in her bedroom, and locked the door, dude, and she had the phone in there.

Speaker 2 I was freaking the fuck out of the this is not doing a house phone.

Speaker 1 There's only one phone in the house, people. You don't know if all you youngins

Speaker 1 don't know what it's like when you have a house phone that's off the charger. First off, don't charge.
If you don't charge a house phone, you're motherfucker. No, dude.

Speaker 2 She's locked in her fucking bedroom. I was livid.

Speaker 1 I need to hear his voice.

Speaker 2 Like freaking out. Like, I was like, probably looked like I I needed to be in a psych where I was so pissed because I couldn't get to the fucking phone.

Speaker 2 I had an addiction to that thing.

Speaker 1 No, I know. But do you remember when we were younger? It was like, I don't know.
We just, I had to like, we,

Speaker 1 so, how do you, like I said, soulmate thing? How do you explain that?

Speaker 1 How do you explain that just intensity of desire to want to be with somebody else and constantly be with them and talk to them and hear their voice and hug and talk and all that shit?

Speaker 1 I can't. It's hard.
I can't really explain it.

Speaker 1 How else do you explain it? Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's just, it's like somebody that you find that you can just completely be yourself. And

Speaker 1 it's almost like you think you're this individual thing for so long, and then you find someone where it's like

Speaker 2 just mesh. Yeah, it's weird.
It's kind of hard to, you can't really.

Speaker 1 It's so hard to explain. That's what I'm saying.
I'm trying to use like liquid forming.

Speaker 1 I don't know how to explain.

Speaker 1 I'm like thinking in my way.

Speaker 2 How do you get all scientific on us?

Speaker 1 Like flowing together. Liquid.
I don't fucking know.

Speaker 2 But no, I think it's important that, yeah, you just have to stay connected, talk, laugh together, continually, you know, continue to date each other, have the hard conversations.

Speaker 1 And I also think it's important. I think one thing that we've always done really well is we challenge each other in a really good, positive, healthy way.

Speaker 1 Like we challenge each other in certain things if we believe something or whatever, and we and we just kind of banter back and forth. And we constantly are

Speaker 1 searching for ways to like check in subconsciously in a way. You know, just like there's so many different things that I feel like keep us together.

Speaker 1 But like I said, it's not, it's a lot of things, but it's not like it doesn't feel like debilitating hard work or work.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, and I, and I sometimes I get like thrown off, and people say, like, well, you know, it's a lot of hard work, and it's like, I know, but should it be that hard? Should it be that hard? Right.

Speaker 1 Really, I mean, no, I feel like it should be just like flowing because even our hardest moments, our hardest moments of treatments and just me not knowing what the fuck, I really do blame that.

Speaker 1 Whatever, I'm not going to go, but anyway, um,

Speaker 1 I feel like the separation had to happen

Speaker 1 almost like following a rule.

Speaker 1 Because this therapist hated me, no, that was from the fucking Arizona trips you wanted us to go on. Oh, remember, we were sitting there.

Speaker 2 No, you wanted that before we even went there, and that's why I was like, we need to go here, and then it didn't give me time.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, and oh god, what a nightmare!

Speaker 1 But anyway, even those hardest moments, there was never a time when I'm like, I'm divorcing you, I don't want to be with you, we're never gonna be together, I wonder what it's like not to be with you.

Speaker 1 Does that make sense? I always, even the hard parts, I'm always like, all right,

Speaker 1 we're in a hard part,

Speaker 1 but I never saw the end of that hard part being not together. Do you know what I'm saying?

Speaker 1 So I never had to like fight or do hard work, I felt like to

Speaker 1 keep us together. Yeah, I was like, oh, we're going to be together.
I know that for a fact. It's just, we're this weird little thing right now.
You know what I mean? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Where I think I hear a lot of situations where it's like, oh,

Speaker 1 they're fighting. I don't know if I want to be with them anymore.
They're not fighting either anymore. Yeah, that want.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And it's like, I never had to fight to keep, I never had to fight to keep that desire. If that makes sense.
No, it does.

Speaker 1 there was times and it was like ooh timeline was was hit me where it's like oh do we get married now or later that stuff was normal that that stuff was like but it never was do i want to marry you at all it was like do i want to marry you now right you know what i'm saying it's more or less like a timeline thing that if i can go back and think of any of the hard hard times you know yeah i mean what do you feel like no i think that's accurate all right yes i was like i don't I don't know, was there ever a time where you were like, I don't know if I could be, I can't be with them anymore.

Speaker 2 No, never.

Speaker 1 No, never. I never asked you that, but I was like, hmm.
No, absolutely.

Speaker 2 No, never. But it's okay if you did.
No, no, there never has been.

Speaker 1 And that's what I mean, though, is that like, I think if for people who have actually asked that question to themselves, I don't know if I want to do this anymore, I can see why you think it's hard work.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Do you know what I'm saying? Because I can't imagine coming back from that thought.

Speaker 1 Or even the thought to enter. Yeah, wouldn't it? Yeah.
The thought to enter

Speaker 1 already tells me that, yeah, I guess it would be hard work to go to make yourself want to.

Speaker 2 Oh, no, I could be, yeah, yeah, you know what I'm saying?

Speaker 1 Like,

Speaker 1 yeah, yeah, that's what I mean.

Speaker 2 So, I don't know, but um, but I see, I like when we do question and answer stuff, but I do want to figure out a way that we could have

Speaker 2 the fans more involved. Um, so I'll, we'll keep you updated on that one.
Um, I'm in the QA, it's fun, yeah, me too.

Speaker 2 So, I'm gonna brainstorm some ways that maybe we can get you guys to like pop in and actually interact, yeah, and like hear you on the episode, break it down phone line, right?

Speaker 2 Yeah, because something like that would be cool. I just have to figure out a way to do it because TikTok was not working.
Um, and

Speaker 2 make sure that you guys please go like our show and rate and review it. Also, please make sure that you guys check out our Patreon page.

Speaker 2 Um, we upload the video episodes a week after the audio airs, and um, that's super fun.

Speaker 1 We have a but we're also gonna be starting to take the video clips and putting it on YouTube, so I think just longer one like the show. Just like 10-minute clips.

Speaker 1 So that way, people who don't really, you know, want to go to the Patreon route, at least we can give them something video-wise.

Speaker 1 And we'll try to cut the best part, the basic good parts of it on YouTube. And then, yeah.

Speaker 2 So I but Patreon's fun too. We have a good community of people there.
Love it.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 I think it's different when you can like visually watch something.

Speaker 2 But I just want you guys to know that, you know, we love you guys. We are so thankful for the support and the love that you guys give us.
And we love just talking to you guys.

Speaker 2 So I'm going to try to figure out a way that I can bring you guys into the conversation for certain episodes because I think that would be fun and different.

Speaker 1 But in the meantime, you can always DM Kate and Ty Break It Down at Instagram any questions or topics you want us to cover. Yeah.
Or whatever.

Speaker 2 And like if people follow our Instagram, the Kate and Ty Breakdown Instagram, I do do like posts. And sometimes I ask people to tell me like their secret, juicy secrets.

Speaker 2 And we always keep those anonymous. And those are super funny and interesting.

Speaker 2 And that's where we usually post too. Like, what do you guys want to ask us? And things of that nature.
And

Speaker 1 if you're new to watching us or listening to us.

Speaker 1 Because

Speaker 1 I keep thinking, like, you guys have been with us forever. But it's like, oh, yeah, there's probably.
Right. We keep getting new people and new subscribers.
Oh, yeah, by the way, you're new here.

Speaker 1 So, hey, this is what we do once in a while. Right.

Speaker 2 But it's all it's Kay and Ty break it down on all platforms like, you know, Instagram. And

Speaker 2 also, if people aren't aware, too, we do have a Facebook fan page that we've ran for many, many years.

Speaker 2 And that is Kaitlyn and Tyler's fan page.

Speaker 2 And we actually do run that one.

Speaker 2 I should post it on our Instagram so people can see it, like which one it is. But we actually do, you know, we run that one.

Speaker 2 So that is really me or Ty on there messaging you guys back or posting the videos.

Speaker 1 Or liking the comments or whatever, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 And that's a good place. We have a big community over there.

Speaker 2 And that's super fun. And yeah, so we are going to get out of here.
We have some Christmas shopping that we're gonna do. I have to go get some stocking stuffers for the kids.

Speaker 2 And I hope you guys stay safe out there. And we will talk to you guys next week.

Speaker 1 Okay, love you. Bye.
Bye.

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Speaker 4 Hi, I'm Adam Rippon, and this is Intrusive Thoughts, the podcast where I finally say the stuff out loud that's been living rent-free in my head for years.

Speaker 4 From dumb decisions to awkward moments, I probably should have kept to myself, nothing's off limits.

Speaker 4 Yes, I'm talking about the time I lost my phone mid-flight and still haven't truly emotionally recovered from that. There might be too many sound effects.
I've been told to chill. Will I?

Speaker 4 Unclear. But if you've ever laid awake at night cringing at something you said five years ago, congratulations, you found your people.

Speaker 4 Intrusive Thoughts with Adam Rappon is available now wherever you get your podcasts.

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