Jay Pharoah | Club Random with Bill Maher

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If we're still talking at 8 o'clock, if I heard you ever said at 8 o'clock, it's 5.30, then this has gone very well. What's going on, brother? I know it will.
It's been a minute. I've been a fan of yours.
I've never met you. I've never met you in person.
I said it's been a minute. You sound like a magician.
We've never met, am I right? We've never met. And I've never performed this trick on you.
Nothing has been prearranged. Nobody's going to pop out of it.
There's no invisible. That's what I love about doing this podcast is that you get to, I would normally like take a midweek break like right at this hour to probably smoke pot with somebody.
But now I get to do it with you or Quentin Tarantino last week. You know, it's just not that I don't love all my friends, but it's like I have never met you.
It's great, and I've been a fan. Because, like you said, it feels, it doesn't feel like we haven't met because we've, like, I've consumed, I've watched.
Of course, I've been a fan for years. So it's like, dude, for years i've watched you so thank you for having me brother oh yeah what do you know you're on tour is that why you're in town i am on tour um yeah i go usually on the weekends i go out i would definitely see you and i i wouldn't see a lot of comedians oh thank you man thank you i love to i i every once in a while i just uh drop into the back of the comic comedy store or the improv um and it's just it's like i'm first of all it takes me back to when i used to be at the clubs so it's kind of nostalgic but also like it is so much fun to just laugh yeah a comic and it's tough when you are a comic because you know the tricks so you know it know, it's a little like what W.C.
Field said about, like, you could make a regular person laugh by dressing up as an old lady to fall down a manhole cover, manhole. But to make a comedian laugh, it has to really be an old lady.
It's a little like that. It's a little harder to find a vein.
Yeah, yeah. But it's like you're saying, if it's good, if it's a little like that it's a little harder to find a vein yeah yeah it's but but like you're saying if it's if it's good if it's good it's authentic it's like wow i can't like sometimes it's it's more it's more like you're watching you're watching as like a player you're looking and like oh what's he doing like oh that's dope how could he oh he that.
Like, he's been working on his three. Or he's been, you know, oh, he can dump now.
You know what I mean? The last time I went to the comedy stories, it had been a while. And some of the things that they were doing reminded me of the exact same stupid mistakes I was doing when I was their age.
You know, like, well, like a guy was doing not that bad. Right, right.
But it wasn't great, but he just kept referring to how bad he was doing, which I used to do also. And it just makes it worse.
Yeah. And as a person of the credit, I just wanted to say, bro, you're not doing that bad.
Right. We're enjoying it.
When you hear, you know, especially in the black community, if you're not doing well on stage, they'll let you know through cutlery. You know, you'll start hearing knives and forks.
Purposely doing that? Yeah. You'll hear knives, they'll get louder.
You'll hear the sipping of drinks. And then, this motherfucker, no, no.
You know, you'll hear a lot of that. And all of that mixed together definitely throws you off as a comic who doesn't want to bomb.
Now, the sharpening of the knives, is it so they can actually stab you? I think so. I think they're like, oh, yeah, motherfucker, I've been waiting for this.
Yeah, you just wait till I get outside. Shit, nobody better say shit.
I just got out, motherfucker. I've done every type of room.
I've done mixed. I've done white.
I've done black. I've done everything.
Yeah, I mean, you know, it's funny you bring that up because, like, there's a term, crossover artist, that we've had forever. I feel like maybe we're at the point almost where we could retire that

because, like, we're all becoming more mingled to a degree.

I mean, look, do you get a much larger black audience

and I get a much larger white audience than you do?

Yeah, because we're still tribal.

I think you have more black people than I do, Bill.

Thank you. I was going to say, because I have smoked a lot of pot, and I might have forgotten that.
Man, I saw a clip, speaking of that, of Smokey Robinson. Oh, man.
Did you know the clip I'm talking about? Was he doing the video? He's on, he's on deaf comedy jam. Oh,

is he? It's from, oh, it's from quite a while ago. Was it deaf poetry jam he was? No, no.
It was deaf comedy jam. That's what it said.
And he is killing. He's doing a routine that I cannot quote.
Okay. Because he's talking about different names.
In word in. Uh-huh.
Gotcha. But before that, it was black.
Right. I mean, African-American, black.
And then the further we go back, I can't say them. Right, right, right, right.
Even one that used to be completely the right one. The 1800s one, you might not want to bring that one up.
Well, the one that we were using even in the 60s. Yes.
That isn't like a slur. That's what Kennedy and Martin Luther King said.
Yeah, it's still around, but yeah, go ahead. Yeah, he was.
But we're so sensitive that I just, it's just not worth saying. Anyway, he's going through this whole litany and he's just basically saying, who makes these changes? You know, he was fine with black.
He thought the move to African-American was a little too much. And he was asking if this is one person who decides this or is there a...
Who is the N-word orator who decides, no, you can't, no, you can't, you can't, you too. Was it just us as a community fully? Oh, yeah.
Please light that up. A lot of people don't even know that.
Write this up? Is that what you're saying? Please. Oh, yeah.
A lot of people don't even know why. You don't have to encourage me.
You're going to do it. I have such a different, I think I got, people, I don't think people really know me like that.
I have this. I don't.

Yeah.

I know you as Mr. Funny Guy, mostly on SNL.

Yeah.

And, you know, my favorite thing from the beginning on SNL has always been celebrity impressions.

Not just yours.

Yours are great.

So that, I mean, I remember the very first thing they gave Bill Hader to do. Oh, yeah do and i loved him from the beginning because al pacino right correct yeah uh-huh the very first time i saw it was like oh fuck and then when they do those things were like this is the uh casting we had for a certain movie and then they show the auditions the auditions such a great premise i think so i've always been a sucker for your bread and butter.
I think we did the Back to the Future sketch, and he did Pacino. And I think in that sketch I did Eddie.
I did Eddie back then. Yeah, that's what it was.
It was at a flex capacity. What is a flex capacity? That's hilarious.
Yeah. You know, I find it so funny, though.
Eddie Murphy doesn't even, he doesn't, that's a character voice he's using. Yeah, sure.
You know, Eddie Murphy normally just talking regularly. Yeah.
He's got like, he's like, wow, I'm just chilling and having a good time and, you know. Life is fucked up.
One day you just walk in and then you get hit by a car. And you're like, hey, motherfucker, what the fuck are you hitting me for? And there's nothing you can do about it because that's how fast life hits you.
It's like, wow. It's like real, you know.
Now you've captured it. He has a philosophical, like he's a dad of like 10 kids.
He probably, like, is always talking to his kids. And he's kind of explaining shit.
Anybody that raises that many kids and busts that many nuts is very philosophical. Should talk to Nick Cannon.
I'm sure he's philosophical as well. Where did you? Filling his philosophical nuts.
That's what he's doing. Did you see the movie Eddie did with Jonah Hill? Oh, yes, I did.
What did you think of that? I thought it was good. I did too.
Although I had quibbles. Go ahead.
You had quibbles? Well, it's a little woke for me, yeah. Okay, okay.
Like it's a little, you know, I forget what. Also, what they meet fighting for a cab.
I mean, I felt like Jonah gave himself some cringy lines about, you know, I just can't stand the, you know, I'm sorry. Before we even begin a conversation, I must apologize for what every white person in history has done.
But you left your lights on. I mean, it's like, there was a little of that that I always, like, I'm a little allergic to, quite frankly.
Yeah, a letter, there's a letter, an open letter written, apologizing for slavery, those type of things. Do you remember the Kenan movie where he's the mailman? And, uh, I think it's, is this,

I'm gonna get you.

Is it?

No,

no, no,

no,

no,

no.

It's a,

it's a real straight up comedy.

It's like,

don't drink your juice.

I drink your juice in hood.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Somebody will have a line in the movie and it's a,

I mean,

he did parody like nobody.

Oh,

absolutely.

And then he would be the,

he was the guy he played,

he was directed,

I think,

but he just gave himself this cameo and he message. Remember that? He turned right to camera and went, message.
He was, they've always had. I love when they take the piss out of shit like that.
When they break the fourth wall. Well, also just taking the, I mean, you know, it's harder for white people to do that about any black stuff, but to take the piss the piss out of everything.
Take the piss out of everything. And you're right that everything is so serious.
People are so ready to get offended over whatever. You know what I mean? Just so they can feel included in the, oh, it's happening to me too but yo i i'll tell you some real stuff i did a show and um and it always happens when i'm in um always happens near cleveland always happens in always happens in cleveland yeah always happens cleveland um well always happens in ohio shit always happens in ohio everywhere i go in ohio there's always some weird stuff.
Had a lady walk out of a show. Oh, her fam? Oh, please.
Yes. Oh, God.
Yes. Well, weird in what way? What are we talking about? So she, her and four of her family members that she was with, all Caucasians.

So I'm using the N-word.

As is your right.

As is my right.

And she gets mad and she walks out. And I got ADD.

Wait, a white lady walked out

on a...

I'm going to let you

finish, Taylor.

But

this is what just

makes the left. This kind of thing

Thank you. She walks out on me.
Because I'm using it. Now, everybody's having a great time.
Now, I got ADD, so immediately, I said, where y'all going? Where the fuck y'all going? I dropped the mic, and I followed it. Wait, you really do have ADD? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's bad. It's bad.
It's bad. I've learned how to, I've learned how to combat it with weed.

But for the most part, it's, I could be all over the place, whatever.

I've learned how to turn it into a superpower.

But anyway, go back to the story.

Right.

I walk out.

I'm looking, I'm like, I'm like, why did you walk out?

She was like, that word you used. I said, ma'am, I said, which one? Because, you know, I talk a lot.
Which word are you talking about? The N word. I start walking away.
She says, where are you going? I said, I'm not having this conversation with you. No, my grandson is black.
So because. All right.
I'm going to beat this lady over the head. She's not even here.
I'm going to fucking beat her over the head. I wish that was the world's smallest violin and I could play it right now.
How about... No, I don't do drugs.
Oh, okay. Cool.
No, I'm kidding. Okay, cool..
Okay, cool. Please.
Okay. You're good.
You're good. You're good? No, I'm good.
Okay. All right.
Put it down. All right.
I'll take it. Yeah, please, man.
Come on. Please take it.
I honestly think that that is much more offensive than a white person actually using the word. Yes.
How dare you? I'm glad you. How dare you? How dare you? Yeah.
You're trying to deprive me of my colonial right of saying this word. She really got mad.
She's like, well, you shouldn't use it. My grandson.
I said, ma'am, how about being viewed as one of those to the general populace that doesn't even know all of the different levels to the word? I said, think about that. And I keep walking.
Well, fuck you. Well, fuck you, too.
Really? It got to that? Yes. How old was this version, may I ask? She was like, she had to be in her 60s.
60s? 60s. I would have guessed way younger, but it just shows that the woke mind disease does exist.
And it does exist in potentially anybody. People really got on Musk for saying woke mind disease.
And let me tell you, he's got a woke mind disease now, too. I mean and that's the, that's the political situation we're in basically.
It's like, he's not wrong that there is a woke mind disease on the left. I agree.
But Trumpism is also a mind disease. And man, some of these guys who used to be center-right have gone full-on, you know, like the way Trump either

makes... Man, some of these guys who used to be center-right have gone full-on, you know, like the way Trump either makes you go so far left, you're obnoxious, or you're so far left, you're insufferable.
And here I am in the middle. Can I ask you this, though? Do you look at Trump as a—do you look at him from a comedic standpoint? That's how I try to do.
Because, okay, whatever he says is going to be crazy as shit, a lot of it has to be fact-checked because 90% of it is bullshit. You can just assume it's wrong.
Right. Because he...
I mean, that sounds snarky. It's just true because he would be the first to tell you if he could be rational about something, but he said it in so many words to other people in interviews that he's not even attempting to tell what's absolutely, like, factually true.
No. It's sort of spiritually true.
Like, you can't take it literally. And he's not even tempting it.
It just feels right to say, and then he'll pull something out of his ass. Like, unemployment, the official is 3%.
It could be, they say it could be up to 45%. Well, it plainly could not.
But he said things like that. And he does it all the time.
So it's a tremendous superpower in politics because you do that constantly, and no one expects you to make literal sense. Can you imagine what kind of advantage of that is in a presidential race? Not to have to make literal sense? He's got that going for him.
Wow. He's got the keys.
You do him? I do. Damn, we can do it right now.

No, you don't have to.

See how it is.

You're not performing here.

No, no, no.

I'm just asking.

No, I do.

I started, he was the last, he's one of the last ones.

At first, I didn't want to do him.

Because everything that he stands for, I mean.

Everything that he's done. He's a bad man, yes.
He's done some. He's a bad guy.
He's just a bad guy. I don't like him.
But then I started saying, well, if I watch this guy. Oh, that's great.
If I absolutely look at this man. Wow.
And I see exactly what he's trying to do. I'm basically basically a genie in a lamp.
Rub me. Rub me, baby.
Rub me. Rub me the right way.
And swear to God, people will die and no one will care. No one will care about the deaths.
No one cares. Death.
People die all the time, B. A.
Just like money-making Mitch said.

Like he said in paid in full.

Inwards die.

Die every day, B.

They absolutely do.

They die.

Okay, I'm out.

I will not say my...

Wow.

My ninth cousin, twice removed, is an octoroon. And I...
Can you still say that one? Oh, who gives a fuck? You don't mind, do you? Go ahead, man. It's a funny word.
Octoroon? Yes. I mean, the fact that...
Octoroon? You've heard it. No, I've never heard that word.
Are you serious? What is octoroon heard octaroon no no what is octaroon well oct from eight uh-huh i think it's someone who was one eighth black oh wow they they yeah they had words like that like i think that's if one of your grandparents well i i wow i've i that before. Octoroon.
Yeah. That's, uh, no.
We've heard, like, okay, this person's mixed or something. I don't think it certainly was not used as a slur.
Yeah. There was no, you damn.
That sounds. I'm sorry.
Octoroon. That sounds delicious.
Whatever. It does.
It sounds good. Yes, I'll have the octoroon.
Yes, please. Can I get that with rice? Hey, can we get a couple more octoroons over here? Oh, compliments to the chef.
The octoroon, it's amazing. I love this octoroon.
This could also be a drink. Yeah.
A little octoroon-y before work, huh? How's about me and you? us in our throat why does why does that guy's shoulders why is that guy's shoulders like this what the fuck does here please please take him well yes that is a great trump it's so funny to me that trump i think nobody like got him they did these impressions like Alec Baldwin, which was funny and fine, but it wasn't him. It wasn't spot on.
It didn't capture the essence of him or really the sound. And then you got it.
Our guy, Matt Friends got it. The dude on SNL now, I should know his name.
He I should know his name he totally is a genius at it several people and it's funny there was a breakthrough there was a certain moment it's the hands did I just drop the baby the baby I dropped this baby someone pick up this baby quickly we don't want it to turn to one of you know it is it's the it's the channeling of the stream of conscious yeah that's because he just is a mental patient so it's just it's just a guy ranting and the way he connects um they once did one on snl and they put me in it because chris christie he's like i saw chris christie on the panel he had to sit there with the other dopes he didn't even get the top spot in the front you know he just and then he goes from like that to you know pirates or it's just it's it just it's all over the place and you know when you capture that you capture him and you have and he's well appreciated i you know a lot of people don't see me do that one i you know, when you capture that, you capture him. And you have.
And he's well appreciated.

You know.

A lot of people don't see me do that one.

You know what, man?

While we're even talking about this, a lot of folks don't even know that I do white folks.

They don't.

They don't.

They're just like, they ask questions.

Does he do white people?

I'm like, yeah, of course. I can do white folks.
You did trump i just did trump like come on son i mean there's more but you know there's there's so much like everybody's voice is is different so you just got to be able to tap into it also you go where the um customer has been unders, and the customer has traditionally been underserved with doing the black voices, because most of the Impressionists were white. I never heard anybody do Denzel, which, you know, who has to be my favorite movie star.
I realize when I... You see, that's the thing.
That's the thing, Bill. They don't understand.
They don't understand how much dedication it takes to put inside the pot the right ingredients to make that gumbo. You understand? That's what it is.
Wow. Yeah.
It's kind of scary, right? It's like you're sitting here talking about it. It's scary that when I close my eyes, I couldn't tell that it wasn't.
You know, that's the thing, though. You know, if you open them as well, you can also see it.
You can just, you can see me go right into the pocket. You know, that's the pocket right there.
You look in the both pockets and you pay the bill. That's what you do, Bill.
Yeah. Who thought you'd be sitting here? Who thought, hey, Denzel Washington and Bill Maher smoking a J together? I would really love to do it with the real one.
Can you connect me? I really, I'm such, I'm sure you have meetings. You know what? I met Denzel.
There you go, brother. He, he's just the coolest he is him and lenny kravitz like um oh i met i met him he's a big fan yeah like i could tell legitimately i was so honored i'm still at the oscars trying to get him here too yeah he's uh but uh denzel like just as far as like the batting average of entertaining movies, one after another.
I just watched the, for the second time, the third Equalizer. Because it was so good.
Yeah. He and Fuqua.
Yeah, yeah. What a great team.
Training day. Yeah, man.
Trump reminds me now, I've said this, I think, somewhere, of Denzel at the end. Oh, and I'm King Kong up in this.
King Kong got shitty. And, like, I think Trump's power is ebbing, finally.
Yeah. I don't think he's going to win the election.
No, no. And I think he's a little bit like, I'm King Kong up in here.
And people are like, we were afraid of you for so long and we're under your thumb. And you know what? We finally, even us who liked you, we've had enough of the act.
Absolutely. And they just start walking away, throwing their bandanas now.
Well, that's certainly not what the Republicans do. Well, you know.
They're a version of that. Yeah, they don't, yeah.
Right. Oh, my editorial at the end of the show this week is about Matthew Perry and the drug industry.
Oh, man. And the doctors who killed him.
And, I mean, it was just like, I mean, I have very mixed feelings about Western medicine. I'm glad it exists, kind of in the same way I'm glad guns exist, because otherwise we'd be at the mercy of people who are stronger than us.
But I don't want to use them, and I don't want to use Western medicine unless I have to, but sometimes you have to. But I mean, their callousness, you know, I mentioned not just him.

There's a line in it about doctors killed Elvis.

They killed Prince.

They killed Tom Petty.

They killed Michael Jackson. Michael Jackson.

They've killed more rock stars than Twin Engine Planes.

Which is like pretty on the edge of what you really should be able to say yeah but it's true and but you never had a drug problem right no no no i've never had a drug problem you can always get the drugs you need that it's no problem it's like you can go yeah you go right there to the dispensary and get what you need. But did you do through your 20s and stuff?

Did you do every kind of drug?

No.

Did you try?

You never tried all the different kinds of drugs?

No.

No, just pot?

You know what, man?

Yeah, just pot.

Because Charlie Murphy told me.

I got mollied one time.

That happened.

I didn't know it was in a drink, whatever.

But it was six doses.

Bad.

Six doses?

Six doses. Yeah.
That were put in your drink? Yeah, yeah. You know, I got roofied once.
Really? Well, I just remember being at a bar, and it was the, like, I've been drunk. I was drunk a lot in my 20s and 30s, and I hate to say it kind of ashamedly, but into my 40s and a little into my 50s.
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But like, no matter how drunk I got, there was

not like a four hour period when I remember nothing. Right.
And that happened one night. I was at a bar.
This is about the year 2000. Again, I'm 44.
I shouldn't even be in a bar, but fuck it. You know, some of us grow up late and not, or if you're lucky, not at all.
So, I'm in this bar, and then I was home, and yes, did I leave with a woman? Yes. And I don't know if she, I don't think she did it.
She seemed to be in a very good mood the next morning, so nothing bad happened. But there was like a four-hour period where I don't remember anything.
And that never happened. I must have been roofied.
Were you? Who roofied you? Were you emptied? It was a arm. Were you emptied out? Did you feel anything happened? Oh, it was 25 years ago.
I don't remember that. I mean, I don't remember anything bad.
I remember thinking, oh, good. Someone's going home with me's good i remember that i felt good about that um i don't think i don't think she had anything to do with it she certainly didn't have to roof me to get me to go home with her i was that's that's another thing though check it out when you put the shoe on the other foot and you're talking about all right like you got roofie i got molly whatever but if something would happen to us like say a woman would do something like you know nobody would say everybody like oh stop oh stop bragging you know what i'm saying right as well they should but as well they should see i don't think people did it to me i think probably probably, here's my theory.
I'm in this bar. It was like a big bar.
You know, one of those, this is, again, a long time ago. Very big bar around the whole room.
So there's like a million. You could see like a million people.
I would say this bar was, oh, my God, at least 30 feet long. So you could see like, I think somebody across the way was like, saw me saw me some guy and had brought some roofie shit to and again i say roofie i don't know what the drug was right all i somebody told me it's probably ghb whatever that is whatever it was i lost like four hours but uh i think some guy was there yeah and he was like there was no girl he wanted to do But he saw me and hated me from television.
Bill Maher from television.

Yeah, of course. Who's very popular and also hated by a lot of people.
Right. And thought, oh, I'll fuck this guy up.
And that's just a theory. He was just looking.
Yeah. Yeah.
Oh. Oh, I've been waiting to use this motherfucker.
I mean, I made that up, but it couldn't. I can't think of anything else.
Why someone would put ore in my drink. Ore.
It could have been something else, maybe. Well, why did they do it to you? Oh, it was just, it was the people I was with, like.
The people you were with. Yeah, it was.

This girl was a Rockette, whatever.

She had her friends. This girl was what?

She was a Rockette.

A Rockette?

A Rockette.

Like, literally?

Yeah, she was a Rockette.

At the Rockefeller Center?

Yeah, she was a Rockette.

Yeah.

I know you said it was such pride.

Yeah.

No, I'm sure she's very attractive.

Absolutely.

They don't hire ugly Rockettes.

No, no.

Not at all.

They're adorable.

Rockettes are adorable. Yeah, you're knocking off Rockettes.
You're a

baller. Hey, man.

I'm just, listen.

Hey, I can introduce you to the June

Taylor dancers.

I think you will be

very impressed, my friend.

Just introduce me to the

River dancers. Just show me some River

dancers. I'll be good with that.
Alright, so the Rockette roofied you? Yeah, it was. Wow.
No, no, because all of her friends were about to do it. And I saw champagne.
The Rockettes are loaded like that? Yeah, they got shit. That's why they kick like that, huh? Yeah, that's why it's so high.
I see. You know, dude, it's...
Okay, we learned stuff on this podcast. Okay, so the Rockettes? I was hanging out with her and her friends, and somebody had it.
And I didn't know that it was the champagne. I didn't know it was champagne.
I didn't know it was in the champagne. Oh.
And, yeah. They didn't tell you on purpose? No, no, no, no.
They just, you know, nobody's, I guess it's known. I guess they're regular Molly takers.
Right. Just assumed it's in the champagne.
Oh, yeah, he knows. Please.
Yeah, it's champagne. Of course he knows.
We're in the VIP section. Of course there's Molly in the champagne.
We're not animals here. I mean, we're not farmers for crying out loud.
Come man yeah sophisticated city yeah who serves champagne without molly in it oh okay so it's um it was there and i like champagne so and i drink fast i used to drink very fast uh stop doing that bill had to stop doing So you don't drink at all? I don't drink anymore. That's good.
Drinking is the worst. Yeah, no, no, no.
But you, yeah, please. No, I drink a little.
But I drink so much. You know what? I saved my drink for this show.
Yeah. But really, I mean, I have literally two or three drinks a week.
Oh, okay. I used to have two or three before I went out.
Yeah. Mine was a little bit more than that, I oh really you had a drinking problem it wasn't a drinking problem what it was you could get all the drinking the liquor you wanted it wasn't a problem it was there yeah it was there so you just have a couple then you have a couple more um and then you have another one right and then it's like, six drinks in.
But my mother has a very high tolerance. So for you or liquor? Liquor.
So that's like a thing. I don't know if it's a Brooklyn thing or whatever, but it ain't a Brooklyn thing.
It's just a her thing, whatever. So me and my sister, we got these crazy tolerances.
So I could drink eight in a day or something like that. Yeah.
There are people who do way more than that. Yeah.
They're called the British. I mean, really, the British rock stars, the British actors, especially the old school dudes like Michael Caine.
I'm talking about Oliver Reed, Peter O'Toole, Richard Burton, that crew. Yeah.
They like put away bottles in a day. Like they have a bottle and then like wine at lunch because that was just like almost.
Yeah, you got to have wine. To be that pissed and still act.
So, yeah, I remember certainly going out when I was 20s and 30s. If you went out, you had all this energy back then.
And also you were always on the hunt. Yeah.
Which is just so embarrassing to think about even when you were young. But okay.
So you'd go to like two or three different places in a night. Yeah.
Okay, and each one you'd have two or three drinks. Absolutely.
So if you go to three places times three drinks, you know, yeah, you're already up to night. So yeah.
Your body is almost too good when you're young because it allows you to abuse it this much. Yeah, you're right.
You become allergic to things that you were never allergic to before, like Caesar salad. Yeah.
You want to kill me easily, just give me a chicken Caesar wrap. I'm gone.
I'm out of here. I think it's the anchovies in it.
But I grew out of that. When I was 30, I had that.
And by the time I was 35. Did you ever get close to getting married? Oh, I mean, yeah.
Early in my 20s. But you got out of it? Yeah, I got out of it.
She had a daughter, which was cool. You know, I loved her daughter as well.
That's her. But, yeah, man.
I just, I hadn't lived life, man, so I just, I got out of that situation. And I try to come back, because, you know, you think, you know, you're like, man, well, I'm over there, I'm on SNL at this time.
Right. Dude, I'm, what, 20, 22 when I got the job.
Really? That young? 22 years old when I got the job.

So 23, 24, 25, like, I'm teetering or whatever

when it comes to, you know, the relationship.

Because the only thing I requested was, like, no stress.

Oh, you know, don't stress me.

Whatever, I got to be at this job that requires,

it requires my attention.

That is the, uh.

It's the, yo.

Well, I mean, that's the hardest thing to request, I think, of a woman. And the most amazing thing to find, if you find that in a woman, gives you no stress.
Absolutely. I don't feel bad about staying single my whole life looking for that.
Yeah. And when you find it, it is pretty amazing.
Yeah. I mean, because just, and I'm not knocking women, it's just like in their nature, certain things, when I look back on my life, I realized that the majority of the stress did not come from work, even though people would think, oh, Bill, you're mixing dangerous chemicals every week on that show.
And I am. And there have been very stressful moments.
And each week, I guess, is somewhat stressful. But the real stress in my life came from relationships, even good ones.
There's just a built-in, like, I'm living my life, and I have to kind of live your life, too. Yeah.
I don't know why you said that. No, because I feel you.
I know you do. We all feel this way.
It's harder. Yeah, man.
And to incorporate, like you're saying, I'm incorporating your life and mine. I'm trying to move at a level and I'm trying to elevate.
I got to think about my day and apparently your day. Yours.
It's like two days. It's 48 hours and 24 hours.
It's crazy.

If you can find someone who, like, I could give a shit if you asked about my day. Right.
That is a real find. Oh, man.
Let's just sit there in silence. And it doesn't mean you don't care.
Right. We admire each other.
This is admiration. And like, but I always wonder why people just, why don't you want to just when you're with the person be at your best yeah like of course if there's something serious your significant other you should you want them there for you and but like just day-to-day shit like my boss doesn't understand me it's like don't you just let the character actors handle that absolutely and then you just be the star of the show and have it be a great romantic comedy every time but it's it's hard i guess i don't know it's just what you but now you're totally single no uh god dang it no no no no no it's you know what i wouldn't want to answer the same question so just forget i'm like let's no no no no no i will tell you this there is a um there is a lovely there's a lovely piece of me that i have found piece of what piece of me that I found.
Oh, good. I thought you said meat.
No. Oh, no.
No, no, no. Lovely.
Piece of meat. I mean, come on.
Be a little more gentlemanly than that. No, Bill.
I don't go to the parties. I don't do that.
We stay away from those. Piece of me you found.
Yes. That's a good title for something.
So I would say piece of me i found i mean you gotta find people that you know just i don't know gel with you in a certain way and they understand don't stress you that's right you got enough of your own stress exactly so she don't stress your boy out. I'm like, listen, sweetheart, beautiful.
That's the piece of me you found. Yeah.
Because if you don't have that, what you're saying to somebody is, you want a piece of me? And that's why I like marijuana. Hey, man, I love it.
Oh, my gosh.

It is a beautiful addition to the household, however.

Well, you know, there's only really, I was thinking about this issue with what we were talking about before and what I was working on this week, although it's not in the piece. But, like, people are always asking, what's the gateway drug?

They're very obsessed with that, especially people who don't think drugs should be legal and so forth. And my answer always is, whatever is the first one you do.
For some people, it's beer. For some people, it's pot.
Kids these days, Ritalin or whatever. But the first time you go from, oh, reality to this is something where my mind can go and it's different than reality.
Yeah. It's a little better.
It can be a little worse. Yeah.
But it is different. And there's nothing wrong with that.
No, but. It's like having a vacation home.
But, yeah.

But what if your timeshare becomes your home? That's the problem. Exactly.
Some people want... That's it.
Some people cannot go on vacation either one day or even one day because then they'll just stay on vacation. Get lost.
I mean, there are a lot of people who stay on vacation. I mean, America, you know, I'm generally liberal on these things, but we also do have a lot of deadbeats and ne'er-do-wells and people who take advantage of our often generous system.
You know, those knuckleheads on January 6th, you know, Trump is having a award show for them. They'll get off.
They'll absolutely get off. Really? You won't have to worry about voting in four years.
No one has to worry about it. Did anybody just hear what this motherfucker just said? Yeah, I did.
I heard that. You're right.
He says the quiet part out loud. You got to give him that.
What? But these guys, you know, I'm not saying they're not sincere, but... North Korea is not that bad.
It's not that bad. We can change America into North Korea.
Why not one person to follow me? Who else? Lick my wounds, lick my toes. What? Yeah.
Remember he wrote a love letter to Kim Jong-un? Oh, my gosh, man. What the...
But those guys, you know, again, deadbeats in America, I just got to say, they're all about being hardworking Americans, but somehow they all had a day off in the middle of the week somehow nobody missed work no uh like when it came to j6 day they were able to get the day i i feel like a lot of them just had the day off yeah they had i'm done i don't think it was a problem there was a list they had they had They had an Instagram page. They had the whole nine yards.
They did. Yes, they did.
They said, we're going to meet on this day. Everybody clock in.
They had a piece of paper. They passed it around.
It was... There was a meeting.
There were definitely meetings. Yeah, I always thought that they accented too much Trump's activities on that day, which were, of course, reprehensible.
But legally, to try to get him on that is just too tough. The crime he committed was having not conceded the election up until that day.
And, of course, every day after it, up until the present present still hasn't conceded. But, you know, the election was early November.
This was January 6th. He still had not conceded the election in that whole time while trying a million different ways to stay in office.
That's the crime. The entire time span from, okay, we'll give you a week after the election.
Certainly all the votes are in by then. No, they don't all come in on election night now.
We do it by mail. I don't know why they can't get it better.
Other countries do it. Brazil did it in like fucking three hours.
But okay, it's America. We fuck things up.
But a week after the election, that's it. Okay, that's it.

After that, you got to take one for the team.

I know it hurts to lose.

Yeah, he was squatting in the White House.

He was a squatter, yes.

He was just squatting in the White House.

Didn't LeBron have squatters?

Didn't he have a thing about squatters?

What the fuck?

No, no, no.

Yeah, he owned some prop, yes.

Oh, so people broke into his shit. It wasn't his own house, of course, but he owned some other house.
And, you know, it's funny out here in liberal L.A. when, like, something actually happens to the liberal.
Suddenly they, like, understand what people, you know, like all the migrants that got bused to New York and Chicago and LA, we get them directly. But, you know, I was very sympathetic to those border states who were like, yeah, you're yelling at us, but now you see what we're dealing with.
Right. You know, now they're in your hotels.
Right. It's costing your taxpayers.
We're not even saying we shouldn't have immigrants, but somebody's got to pay for it. Somebody's got to pay for it.
Yeah, exactly. So, you know, now you're so bitching, they're on Martha's Vineyard.
Yeah. Okay, well, I thought you were the ones who said you wanted them.
You know, let's spread the pain around.

This is so beautiful.

I love this place here.

I love that.

No, it's just, you know, somebody just chilling.

Somebody chilling there at the venue.

Oh, I see. Somebody at the venue.

Yeah, it's very nice.

I love it.

Florence is beautiful.

It's the migrant.

We've just got off the bus.

Yeah.

And then you have to have the liberal Karen there with the, can I get you anything? You must be so sorry. You must be so thirsty walking a thousand miles.
I did not walk. I took a plane.
Because that's how most migrants get here. They take a plane and then they just stay.
They don't crash through the... Some do, obviously.
Many many do but most people who are in the some of them use abilities yeah the wall is not unless the wall can stop planes it's not gonna do anything people come they you buy a ticket to america anybody can do it and then yeah you're supposed to go back and then they just disappear yeah it's called. It's quick.
Or Greyhound. It's just, you know, it's not rocket science getting into this country.
It's a bus. It's not hard.
Yeah. I feel like it was easier to joke around on racial stuff.
Years ago. Am I wrong about that? No, you're absolutely right about that because like i said everybody is just so everybody's so ready to get offended everybody's so ready to be part of the general populace like yeah i'm mad too i'm angry too so you know it offends me because like i feel like you should trust me right unless i do something really horrible, which I'm not going to do.
But you should trust me that if I make a certain joke, you know where my heart is. You know where I've been.
I mean, I gave Obama a million dollars. Okay.
I think I paid my dues. Like, so that we can just joke.
And of course, it's better when we do joke. Yeah.
When you keep it bottled up, it's just not healthy. Also, because it's a bonding mechanism.
Yeah. It's like, but you have to trust the person is not doing it with ill intent.
But like, you know, if you do a, or any black comic does a white voice, you know, they all have the white guy talks, right? I'm sure you got your... Mine just sounds like John Mulaney, I guess.
Okay, there you go. That's funny, and it is funny.
I always laugh at it. But I can't.
If I did a black voice, they'd be canceling me the next day.

And that's just like, really, you don't trust me?

That's to the people.

That's just the folks that are in charge.

Not everybody else, like, on the ground level.

Some people don't care.

Most people don't care. Okay, most people don't care.

But they still go along with it because nobody wants to be the one who gets called out by

the mean girls on Twitter that you're not, you know, you're not in line with the wokest of the woke. So they get into it.
You're right. People don't really care.
Yeah. But we've seen it too many times where they also don't want to stick their neck out.
Not that it should be something that requires that much courage, but I don't know if you saw Bobby Kennedy and Zora's Trump. Yes.
Right? And then he's married to Cheryl Hines. Yes.
Larry David's work wife on Curb Your Enthusiasm and many other projects. and you you know, I know her, I know them, and I really felt bad for her because they came after her.
And, you know, Bobby Kennedy does do a lot, say a lot of weird fucking shit. I mean, eating bears and cutting up dead whales.
I mean, what the fuck? What? And a worm in his brain? Yeah, he must watch anime or some shit, some hentai shit. It's fucked up.
You know what I'm talking about. I mean, I know what anime is.
Okay. You know what hentai anime is? I don't know what hentai is.
That's some other crazy... What is it? It's like anime porn, but it's like fucked up shit, like motherfucking tentacles and shit like that.
Oh, okay, sure. Yeah, so he must be watching.
He must be seeing some of that type of thing. I remember reading something about that, that Japanese porn got into the tentacles because for some reason I think they were highly censored after the war so that you couldn't show a penis.
I didn't know that. I'm not sure I know it.
I'm just saying I think I read that. But that makes sense to me.
I feel like that does resonate, that there were some very strict laws about what you could show. And so the tentacle became sort of a replacement for the penis.
Yeah. And then they got into it because humans are fucked up like that.
They like octopus porn. That's what they like.
Octoporn. As opposed to octoroon.
Octoroon, yep, which is one-eighth. Yep.
And thank you, because that's a new word I've learned. I never heard of that.
Well, we're going to have to find out how offensive it's going to be. But I meant no offense, and you took no offense, right? I didn't.
No, it's historical. It's historical.
Yeah. It's a word that's been used for centuries.
People back then were just obsessed with race. And then I feel like they got less obsessed.
Now they're back to it. Absolutely.
So maybe we'll be hearing that word again. But I hope not.
I just, I mean, I'm the old school liberal. I guess I'm showing my age, but Martin Luther King, content of their character, not the color of their skin, colorblind society.
Of course,, you know, you're not blind, but you could care less.

That I thought was the goal.

But.

But now people, you know, like you're saying, people are picking it back up.

Yeah.

But, you know, I also get that side a little bit because like, you know, there's still lots of racism in America.

It's not like we got rid of it.

Yeah.

But it's like saying there's criminals.

Yeah, there's always going to be criminals.

There's always going to be.

It became more emboldened in 2016, though.

Absolutely.

Trump gave them a lot of permission.

And as soon as he got in there, now folks are now the racial slurs are going up.

People are being more violent towards, you know, POCs or whatever. You know, just it just it became a super hatred society.
Well, it seemed like it was happening and it was it was bubbling up. He just he just basically just turned the flame.
It was a combination of turned it up. he's part of this, but it was a combination of Trump in and also after eight years of Obama.
So anybody who was not really down with the idea of a black family eating off the White House China, shall we say? Anyone who was not really down with that, you know. Had a voice.
Well, they just. It came out.
It had to. There was going to be some level of backlash.
Right. Oh, we've been waiting for this.
They just. Yeah.
I mean, the reason why I gave him a million dollars was the second. I thought him having a second term was even more important than the first term.
Yeah. It had to be a successful presidency.
Or else they would have said, well, we tried it. But never again.
Well, you know, it didn't. And the truth is, it was like among the most successful because I still don't think they really talk about it enough.
He came in like in the middle of a shitstorm. Absolutely.
The economic crash. The worst kind of shitstorm.
And made the right calls. You know, saved GM, bailed out the banks as much as people hated that.

I mean, I think people really don't understand enough how close we were to a depression, not just a really bad recession.

And how they, looking back, they kind of like, you know, they made the right moves.

And as much as people were screaming at them. It had to be, it had to be done.
I just, I remember how much pride we took, man. It was 2008.
We took so much pride, man. At 91, there was this, I remember we were at the Chick-fil-A.
I was at VCU at the time. VCU.
Yeah. Virginia Commonwealth University.
Okay. Yeah.
I was there, and we were out there marching, and it was this lady at the Chick-fil-A, and she was always so mean, angry lady, whatever. You can't have that.
You can't get yourself a sausage biscuit. You can't do that with a chicken biscuit.
You can't do that. And we'd be like, all right, well, forget you.
You know, fuck it. You know? Right.
We went in there that night. She was like, I can't believe this happened.
She just let us walk out with all the chicken sandwiches in. And sausage and egg biscuits.
Yeah. She didn't even care.
She was so flabbergasted. She was, I can't believe that happened.
Nah, y'all go ahead and do what you want to do. Have whatever.
Like the world had come to an end. Like the world had come to an end.
So just give up. Yeah.
I'm pretty sure she's not here now because that was 2008 and she was about, she was like 78 years old. And that's the, you know, again, one of my beefs with the left is like, they never acknowledge like where we really are now.
Yeah. Not all the way.
But those kind of people, exactly what you said, they're dead or dying. It's just not where the zeitgeist is.
Right. You know, I mean, I think bringing up the rear is possibly cops because they still...
Bringing up the rear, saying bringing up the rear 2024 is crazy. That's crazy.
What do you mean? That's crazy. There's so many.
Wow, that's going to be mean so many times. But they also have the hardest job.
Yeah. I got what you're saying, but, like, Bill, like, we're about to get memed and shit for that comment.
They're going to meme the shit out of this. The cops won't like it.
No, forget the cops. It's the internet, the motherfuckers.
And they brutal. It's okay.
Fuck them. I mean, look, I've defended the cops and also been very hard on them when they deserved it and also want people to acknowledge that from when I started, because

I just did a book where I went through all the editorials over the years. So I know exactly what I used to say, and it's different than what now.
There was a number of them that were about how whatever cops do, they just will say, well, we actually did it by the book and we did nothing wrong and none of them ever went to jail.

And that's different now.

Yeah.

Like, there's been a dozen cases where they go to jail, most famously the George Floyd case, and where the cop, the other cops don't defend. It used to be like the blue line, and there is never a crack in it.
That's not where we are now. I'm not going to like pretend we're in a place that we're not.
That's not what I do for a living. It's what anybody should do in journalism.
Talk about where we are. But, you know, I'm sure there's still, you know, some pullovers and shit that should not be happening.
I just think it's ingrained in the police culture a little bit. Yeah.
I mean, I think police are damned if they do and damned if they don't. Correct.
You got the hardest jobs in the world. And at the same time, one false move and, you know, it's either a rap or, you know,

now like you're saying, now you're getting locked up or something.

And being on the end of it, because I have been wrongfully detained before.

I got wrongfully detained in 2020.

You saw that?

I think.

What happened?

I was on Ventura. I was running down Ventura and the cops came up.
They had the guns on me and all of that. Running? Yeah.
I was running. From what? I was just exercising.
Oh. Because I was gaining weight.
Yeah, and when I gain weight, I don't gain weight like a normal person like you. You probably gain weight in your stomach or your face, your arms.
I don't gain weight. You don't gain't gain weight at all well i make sure i don't yeah but if you ever did you know well it's not you you if you ever gain weight hypothetically you gain weight as a dude i gained weight at your age yeah oh really okay yeah i was much less careful about what i eat but you had like a yeah like a gut or something you know i never had a.
But I've been at my most, probably almost 20 pounds heavier at one point. So yeah, I get it.
So you porked up a little, you're running. So they just tackled you just because you were a black man running?

I wasn't tackled.

They had the guns on me.

They told me to get on the ground.

The first one did.

And then the other ones came up, and I was on the ground.

Now I got four cops with their guns on me.

But is it because you look like somebody who they were looking for?

That's what they said.

Like, do police work?

Is this a guy jogging?

Right.

Thank you. look like somebody who they were looking for? That's what they said.
Like, do police work? Is this a guy jogging? Right. Exactly.
And they just then invite all this criticism about being racist, and it's valid. And it seems, yeah, it seems fitting now.
It seems fitting because of what you just did. Oh, he's a, well, you look like, you look like who we looking for.
Well, a black dude with a hoodie. And right.
And that's the first step. Black guy with a hoodie.
Like, go a little further. Yeah.
It's, um. Say something about my lips or something.
Well, I mean. Hey.
Get people who, like, I mean, I'm sure there are many cops who are better at it and are, I've known good cops.

Yes, really smart cops who do this kind of work. But, you know, I guess not enough.

But I always think about when I was in Israel making Religious and I had this thermos in my suitcase, which looks just like the bottom of a bomb, I realized. And they took me out of line.
But the person who interviewed me was, you know, Israel doesn't fuck around. That ain't the TSA over there.
Right. That's ex-Army intelligence people.
They are this. And this woman took me out, talked to me and my assistant, and in five minutes let us go because she used her mind.
It wasn't just, you have something that looks like a bomb. Who are you? And she could tell, okay, we're not the people blowing up this plane.
Right. They are legitimately some comic from america assistant making a movie and this is for cereal it and you know they just she had a high iq yeah she knows we need more of that yes you know just better ways to identify them yeah he's black we're looking for a black guy but not this black guy right we have to tell them apart, you know? Especially not God dang you.
You look at me, God dang you. It's me.
Like, you could have said anybody, well, they look like Eddie Murphy. They look like Charlie Murphy.
Look at him, you know? He looks like somebody of a boy. Did you register your unhappiness with this event at the time i did what i did at the time i uh you know i talked about it to the cops i mean oh man i was pissed off bro i was i was really pissed but what did you say i was like yo get these fucking cuffs off me yo because they were like oh we sorry sir we sorry sir we uh sir we um you're not the guy i was like i yo, get these fucking cuffs off me, you know, because they were like, oh, we're sorry, sir.
We're sorry, sir.

Sir, you're not the guy.

I was like, I know I'm not the guy.

I tried to tell you that.

You know what I mean?

See, here's where that white accent would come in handy.

You're not the guy.

Sorry about this.

It's totally ridiculous.

I told you it was John Mulaney.

That's all it is. Totally ridiculous.
I told you it was John Mulaney.

That's all it is.

That's all it was.

And all it ever will be.

What?

Well, on behalf of all Caucasians, I apologize.

I do.

We feel terrible. No need to, man.
I know. I didn.
We feel terrible.

Oh, no need to, man.

I know.

I didn't do it.

Yeah.

If you ask me how high I got with Bill Maher, I would say, I saw Jesus.

Now, will you be able to perform your little skits tonight at the comedy store? My little skits, yes.

Comedy store.

Will you be able to?

I'll be fine.

I'll be fine. I'm sure you will be.
It's a 15-minute set, so it's like, you know, you do them. Your homeboy, it's your A.
Yeah, who's come through? Plus, you're a star now. Yeah.
It's a comedy club. They're going to be very just happy to have you.
But I'm coming with the bars, though. I ain't even lying, so you know.
Of course. Got out of bars.
Got out of bars, man. Well, I guess I should let you go so you can get to your 8 o'clock.
Nah, man. I mean.
Yeah, or if you're good, you know. I'm dead ass.
Why don't you get me drinking and smoking and having a laugh? I'm Irish. It's very hard to stop me.
When can I ever say, when will I ever be able to say that I did this shit, man? We can do it again. You know, before we built the cameras into the walls here so we could do a show, this was always my party house.
I don't live here. You think I live here?

I live next door.

I don't know. This is the place.
It always just had a great vibe. So I never stopped doing that.
But you don't live in L.A., do you? I do. Oh, you do? Yeah, I'm in the Valley.
Oh, well, then it's no problem. Next time there's a party here.
Because, you know, the older I get, I still have a good core of friends my age. But more and more, my friends are not my age.
Because the kids my age don't want to play anymore. They don't smoke pot anymore.
Or they have to be in bed by 8 o'clock. I mean, people call me up and they say, you want to have dinner? I'd love to.
How's 6? 6? 6 at night, are you talking about? I can't live that way. No.
So like people your age, I wind up gravitating to because you're still down for like smoking this blunt until you get high. Yeah, which didn't take very long.
My dear. You, this is, that's the Bill Maher strand.
Well, I appreciate that. Nothing could really warm my heart more than you saying that, that I get that imprimatur from you.
I'm serious. That like like, my pot did not disappoint you.
It did not at all. When it came to my pot, a hero will rise.
A hero with, yeah, that's... That's a quote from Dark Knight.
You watched this year? That's the quote. That's every fucking one of your movies.
It is always a Hero Will Rise. I mean, and always just like how they became.
Even when they make a remake, they're still making it like how they, I get it, how they became. That seems to be the only story that they want to hear.
It doesn't get tires tiresome hey man i don't know why i'm making you defend all of superhero movies but i'm doing it i'm going to make you defend all of superhero movies what about um uh you know um black panther what about it like it's what is your impression what is No, no, no. Of course, the second one felt like it was missing Chadwick.
There was a second one? Yeah. I'm kidding.
Okay. I'm kidding.
So the first one, I felt like, okay, everybody's celebrating, but we're celebrating, but we still don't own any of this. You know what I mean? Of Wakanda? No, no, no.
It's not real, you know. No, I understand.
No, I'm talking about the budget, man. Like, we don't own any of the...
Whoa, whoa, wait a second. Eddie Murphy got an award a few months ago.
I can't remember what the organization was, but he made a speech, and in that speech... About paying your taxes? No, no, no, no, no.
Maybe that went viral too, but this was well reported. He was getting some kind of lifetime achievement award, and he sure deserves all of them.
Right. And he said, when I started in the business, like, there was one black movie star, Sidney Poitier, and there was like two black people on TV, and there was no black cinematographers or directors, and he went through down the list, and he said, we got all that now.
That's Eddie Murphy. Okay.
I'm just saying, things have changed a lot. No, I'm not talking about from an actor's standpoint that's not what I'm talking about I'm talking about from a standpoint of straight-up ownership kind of like Tyler Perry did Tyler Perry with taking with taking it from the ground and now building and everybody having a piece of it it's like okay yeah that's over there that's at marvel do you watch tyler perry movies um seldom i do really i watch them sometimes just to okay like i'll give you an example the recent ones that he's come out with man let me give um props to him because to be able to go from zero to basically from zero to 100 how he how he took everything he was a homeless man he was homeless i didn't know that really tyler perry was homeless tyler perry he he wrote these screenplays and then created this one character madea that right that he that just went through the black community and caused like an uproar.
Like when I was 14 years old and I went down to Key West and I was hanging out with my cousins, they were playing that. Now I'll say as they were watching, I had never seen it before, but it's like a cultural thing.
And to be able to take that elevated. And now you're a billionaire.
like we don't own any of the universal. We don't.
We don't. Like, we don't got any of that.
You know what I mean? Tyler Perry has it, but God dang it, is there a way to put everybody in a position? Is there a way to do that? Now, I don't know. Maybe it's something that's been proposed for years.
But we keep saying time, Bill, but time is ticking. Time is wasting.
And time is changing because there are Tyler Perry's, Jay-Z's, LeBron James. There's billionaires now.
I mean, there's a bidding war now going on between two, not just two white billionaires, but two white nepo baby billionaires. Oh, Lord.
That means, oh, Paramount. Billionaire nut.
Paramount. That's crazy.
Is on the block. Paramount.
CBS and Paramount. Same company.
Yeah. Okay.
The bidding war is between the son of Larry Ellison of Oracle, one of the richest men in the world, lives in San Francisco, his kid. And Edgar Bronfman, who was the scion of the Bronfman liquor family.
They're Seagrams. They're from Canada.
I believe Montreal. Billionaires.
So I'm sure these are nice people, whatever. I'm not knocking them.
They were born who they are. But there's two Nepo baby white billionaires.
What I'm saying is, yeah, that's still a lot of the world we live in. I just don't know how to, and it would be a better and more fair world if there was some black billionaire Nepo baby to compete with them.
That will happen, but I don't know anything we can really do to make that happen like that. I mean, hey, I mean, Blue Ivy might be one of them or maybe one of them.
Right, exactly, and that's what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah.
But I don't know what we can actually, you can't just snap your fingers and make that happen as a lot of the social justice warriors would want you to believe that you can just somehow mandate that or legislate that. It would be a better world if we could, but it will just happen.
And the thing is, it is happening. I mean, there is that, and economics is the one place, like especially family wealth.
It's like crazy. How does that be addressed? Now, some people would say reparations.
Like make white people write a check. That's California has voted on this.
Yeah. it yet but like I would not endorse that solution but I understand the impetus for it yeah you understand it's it's asking white people who are also economically right on the edge to write a check for people who they personally never did anything against.
And a lot of people will say that. It's just not going to happen.
Well, yeah. And a lot of people will.
And a lot of people will say that. A lot of people will say, all right, well, it wasn't us.
We didn't do it. So, you know, why do you need it for? Well, it's like, I don't know, there's still trauma.
It's generational trauma. There's a lot.
There's so much. That will not go away for hundreds of years.
Right. You don't, the level of healing is always going to be commensurate to the level of injury.

If the level of injury happened over hundreds of years, the level of healing is not going to happen in a generation or two.

No, but I'll tell you this.

And I think it was a Dave Chappelle bit years ago what he said.

He said, nobody's going to be racist. Nobody is going to be racist when everybody is the same fucking color.
You're good. And by God, that's real shit.
That's like Dave now, isn't it? Smoking Dave. He's Dave that will do four hours.
He does four hours on stage. That Dave.
Do you ever go out with him and his traveling road show that I mean, I know so many comics who say not so many, but some who say like, you know, I ran into Dave and said, what are you doing Friday? It'd be great to see you. I'm doing a show there.
Oh, what are you doing? I don't know. Why don't you open for me? You know, like, there's just this freewheeling aspect that I get about his cavalcade.
I opened up for Dave Chappelle for his first Netflix special. Oh.
And if you look in the credits, it says the thanks. It says Jay Farrell.
Oh. He let me open up for him.
And that was a dope night because Stan Latham was there. Everybody, like, people that, okay, Def Comedy Jam was like, you know, as a kid, I'm watching that.
I'm like, yo, this shit is crazy. Everybody's running, like, people running around, slapping the lid.
Like, it's insane. But the jokes are so high, like, they're so high energy, you know.
So you're sitting there watching the guy who taped that, and you're out there and doing a good job. Like, I killed, I got a stand of novation.
I get off stage. Dave's coming down the stairs.
Jay Pharrell, how were they tonight? I said, dude, I got to stand an ovation. He said, word, word.
Now I got to throw out all these Jay Pharrell bomb jokes. I was going to be out there.
Sorry, ladies and gentlemen. Sorry for that little stinker that came out.
That's funny. That's really funny.
It's real, though, man. Like, so, yo, the fact that, yes, I have worked with Dave Chappelle.

I have worked with Dave, and, man, he's a sweetheart.

He's the sweetest dude.

Oh, that's good to know.

Yeah.

I mean, you've met him.

Of course I've met him.

Yeah, you've met Dave Chappelle.

Yeah, I can't get him here, which I would love to.

Also, please help.

Oh, yeah. And I can't get him on real time.
I'd love to have them on either or both. But I don't hold that against anybody.
People have their, I say not of people too. You know, we all do what we got to do, and we all are going where we're going.
And just like we don't want to be stressed by any relationship, we don't want to be stressed by any professional relationship either. So like, you know, Dave knows I would love to have him, but you know, he's got his own thing going on.
And I'm an admirer as I am of anyone. I love anybody who says, I will not let the mob tell me what I can or cannot say.
I don't care how loud they're screaming at me. Kanye said it too.
When he came out for Trump, I could not disagree more, of course, about the Trump thing, but I loved it when he said, the mob can't make me not like him. We need so much more of that.
The most... What the mob can't make you do.

And those are the most unapologetic people. And those are the warriors.
Like, yeah, because I'm ready to die. I'm ready to die about what I'm standing on.
And I don't care what anybody says. You're not going to move me from that.
I'm a pillar on this and I'm going to stand on it. Those type of folks.
Hell yeah. And Dave is, man.
Yeah. I mean, look, is he like, to my view, like way more obsessed with the trans thing than he needs to be? But that's his thing.
So what? Get over it. It's free speech.
And plus, I get why, I think I get why that sticks in his craw.

Because I think, and again, correct me, because you would know better than me.

But I feel like if I was a black person, I would also be like peeved by all the minorities who kind of glom on to the victim thing when they just don't have the same purchase on that. Like Indians and blacks, that's one category.
And then everybody else, yeah, people have been mean to everybody, but it's just not like these other two things. And I feel like that's what pisses them off about trans or anything else that, like, tries to, like, sort of, again, you know, leech off that level of victimhood.
You just don't have it. So stop, like, putting yourself in the same, up on the same shelf.
Absolutely. Especially when, like you're saying saying especially when it's like you don't really do anything you just sit there you're part of the problem you're not getting who you're talking about now who's just sitting there what I'm saying those folks that feel like they're entitled to reparations or whatever, if you're sitting down, like, and you're not doing anything, you're collecting a check, like, do you, like, you don't, do you deserve that? Because you're not doing anything to try to get yourself out of the situation.
You're not elevating. You know what I mean? You're staying right where you are, but you're just taking the pity, you're taking the pity off, and you're pretty much already getting it in that standpoint because you're not doing anything, but you're living.
So people are paying for you to live. You're not doing anything about it.
You don't have to stay here. You can break through.
Anybody can. There's been so many stories in history.
Folks are doing it all the time. Even if you look at Jay-Z, you look at 50 Cent,

you look at all these guys who have broken,

who have broken the ceiling on that.

Those guys are from those places, and they didn't let those,

they didn't let their surroundings kind of keep them down in it,

whereas the other folks, they let their surroundings just clamp them,

and then they're stuck.

And before they know it, now they're still on support at 84 years old or whatever. And you're about to die your whole life.
You didn't do anything. I love his line.
I'm not a businessman. I'm a businessman.
I'm a businessman. Yeah.
Yeah. Yo, Bill, you ain't want me to do it, but, you know.
Especially when, you know, you had a little bit of, you know, this right here. You know, when you had a little bit of that right there, that's when it gets deep right there.
Yeah. And I wasn't, you know, again, I wasn't trying to like, you know, it's just like free flowing and and natural, you know? Yeah.
Because. I love the song he ends when he goes, it's only entertainment.
You know that song? Stupid shit or something. I forget.
Something with shit in the title. No, it can't be.
Whoa, ape shit. Ape shit.
Was it ape shit? No. Something.
It's like everybody's stupid shit. Everybody's full of stupid shit.
That, boy, man, when you do people, it's just so right on. What a great trick to have in your back pocket.
Because you don't need it. Because you can just talk also.
And I see that you're sort of entering this phase of your career,

perfect time, to like,

yeah, be more like, this is me.

This is the real me.

But it's great to always have that

thing in your pocket.

Well, I think about it like this.

Your talent somehow

has made somebody happy.

It's made somebody laugh, whatever. People that come up to you, they're fans of you, whatever.
They quote your stuff, whatever. Mine started with just doing impressions.
Hey, I could do stand-up in certain environments, but if I didn't know the environment, I couldn't do it as well as I wanted to just because I got to be able to study. I got to be able to study where the hell I'm headed.
You know what I mean? I'm like a lion. I'm over there studying, trying to.
I used to do stand-up at school. I do stand-up at my church.
Boom. Kill there.
Go out. I was a sheltered kid for so long.
Apostolic family. Apostolic? Apostolic family from the age of, what,.
So that's some sort of super Christy. Yeah, absolutely.
Absolutely. It's.
But you got over it. Oh, yeah, absolutely.
Oh, good. I had.
Oh, man. Oh, did I break out? Oh, boy.
Thank you, Jesus. Nothing happened.
Nothing happened bad to me, but whatever. Things happen happen in the church that's how they are whatever um but coming from that and coming from that and like uh finally breaking out and getting a chance to live it was it was it was, it was total.
Oh my God, dude. It was, oh man, Bill.
Well, it seems like you're living your best life. You got to be on stage in 20 minutes.
So I'm going to release you back into the wild, but I would say you're all night. You're a pleasure.
Absolutely, man. You too, brother.

Only the first time, right? Yes, sir. Okay.
I'll see you back here. Cameras are no cameras.

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