Rick Springfield | Club Random

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My best friend and bold and beautiful.

Yeah.

Were you on that?

Yeah.

You're very bold and you're very beautiful.

That's right, Rick.

I grow my own.

I grow my own and I smoke my own because that's what real men do.

That's what real men are.

Let me tell you something.

Hey, Rick.

Hey.

Oh,

does that really play?

Yeah.

Nice tuning.

Nice to meet you.

Thank you, you too.

It's not in tune, though.

It couldn't be.

I just tuned it.

Oh, you just tuned it?

Oh, wow.

Yeah.

You're the first person.

I've had so many musicians.

You're the first one who, I think, picked that up and thought to play it.

Oh, yeah.

I guess when you see a guitar, it's like, you know, you can't.

You've got to pick it up.

You got to.

Like women.

Yeah.

I was intrigued by

the doll over there.

That's wild.

That's from my friend.

I had to check the vagina.

I'm sorry.

Everybody does.

You think you're the first person to check that vagina?

If I had a list of people who checked that vagina, mostly women.

But that's from my friend Whitney Cummings.

You know, Whitney, the comic.

Yeah.

Oh, she's the best.

And she, that, that doll is worth $175,000.

Yeah, that's what he was saying.

And she gave it to me.

She did a whole special about it.

So why did she have it made?

Well, she did a whole special where they made the Whitney, you know,

robot doll.

She had a lot of material about that idea of, and I think it's,

first of all, she's a brilliant comic and it's a brilliant special, but it's also so

in the news with AI and everything.

And, you know, we are moving very soon to a time when we will be fucking the robots.

Yes.

What?

No doubt, right?

The industry that makes the most money out of

any new technology is the porn industry.

Yes,

everything immediately goes to porn.

It goes to porn.

We're old enough to remember when the internet came about.

And it was going going to be this super highway of knowledge.

Yeah, knowledge of my balls.

I opened up my son's computer when he was 14, and there was a little square of video, and I clicked on it, and there was this girl getting fucked in the ass, like right here.

And I hadn't seen that.

I was like 30 until I saw something like that.

My boy was like 14.

You were 30 before you saw something like that?

Yeah.

I grew up in Australia.

But not in real life, I'm guessing.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

I saw people

in the ass in my room.

This is not on a computer.

Hardcore porn.

You saw it for real.

Yeah.

This is

my rum I have with Sammy Hager, Beach Bar Rum.

Oh, Sammy was here.

He was.

You're in business with him?

Yeah.

Oh, cool.

We have the Beach Bar Rum together.

How did that come about?

You and Sammy would join forces.

Well, I did I recorded his song I've Done Everything for You back in the early 80s.

And it was kind of the first

big hit he'd really ever had like that, you know.

Right.

And he was kind of pissed off because he had the single and didn't do anything.

And then I had the single and it was a hit.

So he was kind of,

he was very mixed about it, you know.

But

we've been really been friends.

He helped me get on the road.

He was awesome.

And why do you think yours hit and his didn't?

Because I'm cuter.

Well, we know that.

That's really, you think, the whole thing?

No.

Honestly.

It could be.

No,

I hope not.

Jesus, my career is built on that.

I'm fucked.

Well, it matters.

But you're right.

It's a record you're listening to.

It's in the graveyard.

It followed Jesse's Girl, which was a really huge record.

So the door was already, you know, kind of, they're already looking in my direction kind of thing.

That makes me think of the song I've Heard It Through the Grapevine, because Gladys Knight put it out and had a

mild hit.

Oh, wow.

And then Marvin Gay put it out next year and had a massive number one smash.

Yeah, it's, I don't know, it's,

I mean, what makes a hit record, you know, really.

If we knew, we'd write a thousand.

I was down in Boco last week talking to Billy Joel about everything musical, but certainly this subject came up.

And, you know, someone who, as he who is, you know, so much better than what the critics gave him credit for and I was just saying you know the stupidest thing I think in the world is a music review because you can't describe whether to someone whether they're going to like a song or not and I and I have I I was so I bought for a couple of years I bought the top 10 LA you know the the right the whoever the guy was these are my top 10 records and they were horrible they were horrible it is the surest way to have a shitty record collection because record reviewers they don't first of all it's they want to be cool they want to be cool they want to tell you what's important i don't give a what's important in music i care what's good what what turns me on right yeah what i like to hear and they they they gave me a lot of with about my stuff i mean i was they were merciless i one record i had out a guy the la guy reviewed it he said he listed the songs and what they're about and he goes guilt nothing nothing guilt nothing nothing nothing nothing

And it was like, stop and, you know, I was

the Hollywood Bowl.

Yeah.

I mean, that's the ultimate.

But he's dead.

He's dead, and you're selling out the Hollywood Bowl.

Well, you know what they always said about critics?

They're like

eunuchs in a harem.

They're surrounded by it.

They just can't.

They can't do a fucking thing.

They can't do it.

So here's to

fuck them.

I've had the same thing in my career, comedy-wise.

They just don't.

I mean, it's just not a job you would gravitate toward.

I mean, look, there have been a few and far between good critics who were constructive and said things that

registered.

And even certain artists have said, yeah, I read that and I think that was right.

But in general, they're just bitchy assholes who are pissed off that they didn't get to do it.

And there's no,

you know how sometimes they get the job?

They're just on the paper doing something else.

There's no effort to like find a credential.

It's like, oh, this guy used to write the restaurant review.

Have him go see a play.

No, really.

They do that unapologetically.

That's awful.

It's like, hey, everybody's got an answer.

I wish I'd known that.

I mean, I thought these were guys, you know, that like, were seriously into music.

And

fucking anyway,

I wanted to show you this.

I hear you're a Beatle fan.

Yeah.

This is a copy, but I have the biggest personal handwritten lyrics Beetle collection.

Oh, wow.

That's If I Fell in John's fan.

Wow.

Written

on an anniversary card to Paul.

You can turn it over to see the anniversary card.

And on the way to their first show at the Ed Sullivan Theater

on the plane.

Sending a happy Valentine with wishes fond and true from one whose heart will always hold such lovely thoughts of you.

Yeah, they didn't write that.

But why is John sending Paul a Valentine with hearts?

Not from John.

I think it says Jay.

I think it's from Jane.

It may be from Jane Asher.

Maybe

he probably said, has anyone got any paper?

I want to finish the song.

Cool.

Oh, wow.

This is an awesome artifact.

Yeah, and it's pretty much

as I read these lyrics, how it was recorded.

Yeah, there's a couple of, I mean, I have some first drafts that are pretty amazing.

That's awesome.

Yeah, you can have that if you want.

I know you have some.

Really?

Oh, thank you.

That's awesome.

I needed to put it in a window.

I don't know why I was thinking it wouldn't make it a double side.

Thank you very much.

That's great.

I mean,

John, in the early years, of course, John was the

primary driver.

Yes, and then it switched.

Yeah.

Which, how amazing is that, really?

What?

Four guys in Liverpool.

One carries this amazing band, and the other one picks it up.

I still can't believe they were like a real band almost.

It was so staggering what they did.

Yeah.

I mean, it wasn't like John wasn't doing anything, but he definitely was not the mover after a while.

You're right.

Yeah, he lost interest.

And he lost some interest.

And I think he's also had a problem with Paul having all the hits.

That was always my theory.

Yeah.

That Paul got the ASO.

Jealousy, dude.

I've been in bands, and I understand that jealousy.

No, I understand.

It's not even just jealousy.

It's like if you have a healthy competition and you're writing great songs and still losing.

I said this to Billy.

You know, if you write Revolution and it doesn't get the A side because the other guy wrote Hey Jude and you write Strawberry Fields and the other guy gets the A side with Penny Lane, you're like, I'm not winning this competition.

I don't seem to be able to.

I don't think that's the only reason he got out of the band.

Of course not.

But I think it was in there, but it's not really discussed.

But his peak was this, this is from Hard Days Night.

He

wrote almost that whole album.

That was his, Paul wrote Can't Buy Me Love on that album, which was a big hit for them.

But most of the rest of that, I feel like that was 1964, of course, their first movie.

And I feel like that was John's peak of interest.

Like, okay,

we got to the toppermost thing, the bottom.

And

this is it.

And after that,

I mean, the next year you have help.

I need some.

I'm in trouble.

You know, it devolved very quickly.

Yeah.

But not that the music, the music kept coming even to the very end.

But he did lose.

He did.

He changed.

He took it

more personally and deeper than, I think, and darker than any of them.

Well, he also felt the need to,

or the compulsion, to work out his personal problems after the Beatles were as successful as they could be.

I don't think it was a conscious decision like, oh, okay, well, now we're super successful.

I'm going to start on me.

But that's just how it went.

Yeah.

I mean, getting...

You have time.

You have time and you also just have a psychic need.

I mean, absolutely.

Getting together with Yoko, whatever that was.

But I mean, it was a lot.

Come on, about losing mom.

You know, they both lost their mother, which was their original bond.

They both lost their mother.

I almost defeated.

I didn't know that side of it with her.

Oh, you're talking about Paul and John.

Yeah, that was the bond, right?

Yeah, and they handled it very differently.

Yeah, yeah.

And

Paul

was sosh, and John was more, you know, deep looking in.

Yeah, I think he, you know, he wasn't a recluse at all, but he did, he,

he just,

you know, had to like get to the bottom of him.

I mean, he and Yoko, first thing they did when the Beatles Beatles broke up was they came out here and did that

Jack Law, what's his name?

Janlov therapy.

It was screaming.

Oh, screaming therapy.

I mean,

there was a lot of screaming.

I mean, the therapy was screaming.

Yoko was always screaming.

You know, I mean, maybe it has something to do with the fact that when they were at their height, everybody was screaming at them.

It was always screaming.

You ever seen the video of John with Chuck Berry and Yoko?

And they're doing some song.

And John obviously says, I want Yoko to sing too so they're doing Bye Bet Johnny or something right and so she they probably walk it away and suddenly he gives Yoko the nod and she sits up to the mic and it's on Chuck and she starts singing and he goes

just real brief like he doesn't look over you just go

Chuck Berry did

he just reacted to Yoko yeah but as you say you know I've never been in a band but

It is so obvious that the issues are, and of course, this is also what people in bands have told me, two things, why they hate each other and always break up and are always on the verge of breaking up.

You didn't like my song and you took that girl.

Oh, man.

That's absolutely true.

Yeah.

I was in a band.

How could it not be?

Oh, I know.

I was in a band.

I doubt if a lot of them took girls from you.

I don't imagine you were on the losing end of that a lot.

Oh,

I was occasionally.

But I was in a band and

I found out after I left that one of the guys really thought I was trying to take over the band and hated my songs.

And it was like, it really was actually really,

it really hurt.

Yeah, so

what do you do when the band gets to that point?

I mean, we see Oasis is back out on tour.

Obviously, the Eagles famously had their Hell Freezes over tour because they said they would never work Hell Freezes.

Look at the Who.

The Who.

Yes.

They've had fist fights and they're back on the road again, you know.

Eagles had a

physical altercation on stage and so did just Dave Navarro

with somebody.

I mean, when it gets to the point when you're

fist fighting on stage.

That's pretty awful.

I mean, kind of like a marriage fighting in public.

It's like, we know what goes on, but we don't want to see it, you know?

Well, it's like being at the office and going over to the copier

clocking, you know, Bill from accounting

because

this

feud, this beef that was simmering around the break room until you just fucking punched him.

That doesn't happen in real life.

I mean, no,

I'm sure there was drugs involved.

And you get to a certain point

in

fame where

it things become unrealistic, what, you know, how you view things.

I mean, it's very hard to

I had a terrible experience in 1985 when I'd kind of thought I'd kind of got a lot of my dreams had come true, you know.

And I remember walking around the pool of this beautiful house I had in Malibu and I just had my first son born.

I'm going,

I am more miserable than I've ever been in my life.

Really?

And it was, it was, you know, from

I thought this would fix me.

What was wrong with you?

Well, I thought I was depressed.

I was, I just had a lot of, really didn't like myself, really,

a lot of self-doubt and a lot of self-loathing.

And

exactly right, what was wrong with me?

I know.

It was like...

No, I'm asking, what was it?

Yeah, it was depression.

I've had

depression since I was a kid.

Just from, okay, in my view, and of course, this is not like medical,

but just I'm sure it's very well informed.

Well, it's common sense.

It's very well informed.

It's common.

Thank you.

Common sense tells me, and from my own life,

there are two kinds of depression.

One is what I would call logical depression.

I've had this.

I've been depressed.

And when I was depressed, it's because my life sucked.

It was logical.

I should have been depressed.

I was a huge fucking loser.

Then there's the other kind of depression, which really doesn't come from anything.

It's very often just a lack of a certain chemical in your brain.

It's all what you're putting in the test tube.

That's what you had?

I had that, and I have that.

I take some medication for it.

But it's not because your family was bad to you?

No, no, I had a great upbringing.

It was nothing to do with that.

In Australia.

Yeah, I was well, my dad traveled a lot, and he was in the Army, and I never had a base.

Every time I'd meet a kid, he'd pick on me, and then I'd befriend him, and then two years later, I'd leave him.

And it was continually that.

I had to leave my dog one time when we moved to England.

Tough to leave a dog.

But the thing in 85 was that I...

I thought I'd achieve what I'd wanted to achieve, but it hadn't made me happy.

Well, I gotta say, that puts a lot of responsibility on the baby.

Yeah.

This fucking baby obviously just laid there and didn't do anything to fix your problems when you thought.

I have a baby.

It's all going to be great.

I think that kid has a lot to answer for.

Obviously,

he was just

laying around doing nothing.

Sucking out money.

Yeah.

You like.

So what'd you do about it?

Jump in the pool?

I thought about it.

I actually.

Really?

Yeah, I actually

tried to hang myself when I was 16.

How'd that go?

Well, obviously it didn't work out.

I'm sorry.

No, I mean, I'm glad.

What am I saying?

I could have spared the world a couple of pop songs, you know, whatever.

No, we love those songs.

Yeah, I was really dark.

I was failing in school.

I really had a lot of self-loathing, you know.

I don't know quite.

Well, you were also failing at hanging yourself.

What would you even succeed in that?

What a fucking loser.

I'm kidding.

I'm just fucking with you.

I didn't succeed.

I know.

Another thing I failed at.

So let's go back to the baby.

The baby,

the pool.

You know, parenthetically, I will say when I was a kid, and we were, you know,

both, I'm almost 70.

This is a great show for subtitinarians and people.

Kids, you should be listening to us more.

You know, older people have wisdom.

Duh.

Anyway,

like there was no divorce in my town.

Like it's amazing how much things have changed.

You know, this has been 60s and 70s.

You don't remember that not happening either.

Right.

No drugs that I was aware.

You know, it was leave it to be for time.

Yeah.

But

two of the men in the neighborhood did kill themselves.

One in the swimming pool.

Yeah, daddy's in the swimming pool.

It It just shows like divorce unthinkable.

Just killed.

Just killed on the card.

And the one in the swimming pool, everyone in the neighborhood was like, we knew the wife, and it just made perfect sense.

It was like, I would be in the swimming pool, too.

If I couldn't divorce this woman, I mean, she was just.

Holy shit, that's big.

I mean, that's.

But you didn't try to kill yourself in the pool.

No.

Oh, and then you just looked at it.

You just looked at it.

No, no, I was just really dark.

And I pulled the plug on what I was doing and started to go to UAN therapy for like three or four years, you know.

Did that work?

It doesn't cure anything.

You identify the demons, you know, some of the demons sort of thing.

You know, self-loathing.

But why self-loathing from such a talented, handsome man?

You know that

the notoriety is great at first and all that.

And it's head, you know, it's wow, you know.

And eventually, if you come back to who,

you know, what pushed you to be in the limelight in the first place, right?

I mean, it's not just,

I mean, there's a big part of, I think, I'm not enough, and everybody that gets into the limelight.

I could be wrong, but I think I've always thought that.

Well, I don't know.

The people who succeed, it wasn't I'm not enough, it was almost I'm too much.

But I think there's a core of

the need for validation.

Yes, there's a lot of, mommy, look at me now.

I'm doing it for you.

I did it for my mom.

When my mom died.

Yeah.

When my mom died, I kind of had a moment of

who's going to see this now.

It's also sometimes we just recognize in ourselves that we do have a talent.

You had a big talent.

I have a friend who says, you know, these kids are laughing is woe is me.

No, how about woe is me?

Woah.

Woe is me.

And I certainly wasn't like that.

But I was very young when I thought, yeah, I could be a comedian.

I can do what those people on T V are doing and I maybe even do it better.

Well, I did see that and see, yeah, I can, I can,

I know I thought, yeah, I could do that.

But I'm from Australia too.

So

there's a tall poppy syndrome over there when I was growing up.

You know, you get too big,

off comes your head.

You know, they pull you down.

Who is they?

The Aussies.

No, like all of them?

All of them.

No, it's just a general thing.

I mean, your friends, it's called the tall poppy syndrome.

You know, Canada talks about something that I think is similar to what you're talking about.

I have a Canadian friend who came here like many do and succeeded very well.

And he said, yeah, I love Canada, and I know we romanticize Canada, but they cut down the tall trees.

I think it's the same thing.

And it's a British colony, very similar, still has British roots, never been a world power, never

but where does that come from, that don't get too big?

In Australia,

there's a great book called The Fatal Shore.

I don't know if you ever read that.

It's brilliant.

It talks about mateship.

Who?

Mateship.

What's that?

It's

mateship.

Mateship.

Oh, like a mate.

You're my mate.

Yeah, mate.

Yeah.

How they're small.

There's no class in Australia, but there's lots of, there's no upper and, you know, but there's lots of little classes.

Right.

And it came from,

the way he explains it came from

the Irish and the English, you know, hated each other and they founded Australia.

So what a fucking nightmare that must have been.

The English were the cops.

The Irish were the the

farmers.

The Irish came to Australia too?

Yeah.

I didn't know that.

Well.

They were also subjugated by England at that time.

Yes, absolutely.

So the British brought them to Australia just as workers?

No, they came over or a lot of them were convicts that had come over and

made good, you know,

you can earn your passage into freedom, which in Australia in the 17, 1800s must have been wonderful.

Right, it was a penal column.

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Dude, it was horrible.

There's places in Tasmania, which is the last island before

Antarctica.

That's where the devil is from.

Tasmania?

Exactly right.

Tasmanian devil.

He's a funny devil.

What is a Tasmanian devil?

I forget.

A Tasmanian devil was a...

They're all dead now, but

it was half tiger, half,

it was a marsupial, because all the marsupials are in Australia.

And it had tiger stripes.

It was a beautiful animal.

It was kind of like a dog with tiger stripes.

And they loved it so much, they killed them all to stuff them and put them in their houses.

We killed everything.

They killed all the Aborigines.

They went through a line in Tasmania with guns and killed all the Tasmanian Aboriginals.

All right.

but outside of that unpleasantness, Tasmania.

It's a lovely place.

Tasmania.

It's a lovely place.

Errol Flynn's from Tasmania.

How bad could it be?

Is that right?

Errol Flynn is from Tasmania.

Wooden sword.

Yep.

Those swords were made of wood.

Everything comes back.

And talk about a guy who took advantage of, you know, his fame and everything.

Was he

gay?

No, God, no.

He was very, very...

I mean, he might have switched back before.

I mean, mean, I don't know that for sure, but I know he was up on like satisfying rape charges and stuff all through, you know.

Right.

And he would make jokes with like having a big rubber dick hanging out of his shorts.

I mean, in his day, which his head day was the 30s where his movies came out, you know, Captain Blood and all that stuff.

Right.

I mean, I'm amazed how you hear that, yeah, these guys used to hook up, right?

Hook up with each other?

Yeah.

Well, like Danny Kaye, you know who that is?

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

American comedian.

I've read many times that he and Lawrence Olivier.

Lawrence?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, I mean,

okay.

You know, so you know, I had a friend who used to go over to Danny Kay's house.

He was a manager of mine at the time.

And you'd say Danny would make the meal and they'd all sit at the table.

And he'd sit at the head of the table and not eat, just watch some eat like this.

And then suck their dicks?

I didn't get that.

Because that would be.

Why?

I don't understand.

What do you get from doing that?

I don't know.

And so I thought it was weird that he'd make dinner and wouldn't eat.

He'd just sit and watch them all eat the food.

Maybe that happened later.

I don't know.

I don't know.

But anyway.

I didn't push it.

So you're in Tasmanian.

Go back to that.

What were you telling?

Why did you bring...

Oh, why did I bring that up?

Because when I was a kid, we went over there and we saw the penal colony.

It was the worst penal colony.

It was

cement blocks, and it's so cold there.

It's so friggin' cold.

Of course, no heating.

And

it was the worst place to go if you were a prisoner.

And the transports were like very similar to the way they brought the slaves over from Africa to America.

If you stole something, there was a thing called a bloody code in England.

If you stole something over a certain amount, you're dead.

They instantly execute you.

Other than that, they would store you in barges, because the prisons were full.

They saw you in barges up and down the Thames, these leaky barges, and then when they got full, they discovered Australia, and they said, let's send them all there.

Yeah, Britain basically outsourced their prisoners

to, you know, this play.

But that's why Australia is Australia, because of the prisoners.

I have a Springthorpe, my family, Springthorpe.

We have a Springthorpe that was on the convict ship in the 1700s.

I think Georgia, in our country, was also a penal colony.

Don't quote me, but I'm pretty sure I remember that.

So they were doing it here in North America, too.

Yeah, no, that's it.

I mean, you know, I didn't want to get on my high horse on this theme.

I love you on your high horse.

Oh, okay.

But like, it just

bugs me when the kids, they just don't have any understanding of historical perspective.

And I've tried to tell them a million times, look, humans are not good people.

They weren't good people then.

They're doing things now, not as bad.

We've come a very long way.

But the bad things that they were doing, they were doing everywhere.

All races did them.

It's a human thing.

You know, it's not just that some people were the colonizers and some people were colonized and everyone.

Oh, it was just the innocent and the guilt.

It's just not that simple.

Everybody.

Everybody.

It's humans.

And it wasn't that long ago when what humans would do to each other and put up with, I mean, we still have brutality in the world.

But again, they have no perspective.

They have no idea how much more routine it was and how much how it affected so many more people around the world.

Right.

So there's, you know, they would just, I mean, the idea that you...

Don't they read the news?

No, they don't.

They read TikTok, read, haha, Joe.

I can't believe we're talking about younger people.

We used to be younger people.

I used to be the younger people.

What is this about you with no shirt on?

I mean,

that's...

Like, we're segueing from

world problems to me with my shirt on.

Yeah, because you said we used to be young, but I'm telling you, you're like Benson booning it out there.

I mean, I don't want to say how old you are because why you.

No, it's okay.

It's on the internet.

You can't escape the internet.

Oh, I know.

But really, it's incredible.

Well, dude, you too.

I mean, when I thought of guys in the 70s as a kid, I thought some hunched over guy.

with a giant belly and loafers.

Because it did used to be that.

Another thing that has changed a lot.

Things Things change a lot.

Yeah.

You know, and that is one of the, I agree.

My father, when he was 20 years younger than I am now,

was much more sedentary.

More inert on his way out.

He would go out to the driveway if I was shooting baskets and he would like

two steps, you know, and then one like hook shot.

Oh, and I got to go in.

You know, he always had to bend back.

And it's like, you know.

It just didn't even cross their mind to like work out.

Yeah.

And I remember him ever, he wasn't obese, but I don't remember him

exercising.

Their exercise was smoking.

No, I know.

I don't either.

None of my parents did.

How do you keep the weight off?

Cigarettes.

How does anybody keep a weight off?

Cut down your appetite.

You don't want to eat quite as much.

No, cigarettes.

Yeah.

And they're good for you.

My doctor, he smokes himself.

He's in an ad.

You can't eat when you're smoking.

Yeah.

Although I've seen people do it.

I think for guys like us, us, the greatest

generation.

Yeah, but the greatest benefit has been the awareness of

what keeps you healthy and how you can stay vital in later years,

if I can use that word later years.

But that information wasn't available.

And honestly, they looked at their parents.

I mean, I remember my parents saying, yeah, when you're 30 or 40, you...

get your teeth removed and you get false teeth.

There was no other option.

That was their view view of the world.

Right.

So right.

Exactly.

Yeah.

Right.

They made those kind of concessions.

Right.

And I concur with you when you say later years, but I mean, let's be honest, we're not in the earlier years.

No, we are not.

I'm okay with it.

But I feel like with AI

We'll live forever.

Well, they could like

AI live forever.

They could like start us.

They could like start a second round of us,

which is in the past has always been accomplished by having children.

You have a mini you, it's not really you.

The problem with that is that here's what I think is the greatest tragedy in all of human life, is that you spend all this time and energy and pain and effort to like keep making this thing better,

this brain in your head.

It goes with you.

And then because the body can't sustain it, you're throwing out all the walls.

I mean,

I say to people all the time, like, wouldn't you rather be 30?

I'd rather be physically 30, but if I had to make the choice, I still would be the age I am now because I don't want that stupid thing in my hand that caused me so much pain and made so many bad decisions.

And so like, I actually wouldn't make the trade.

But it's just such a waste to have accumulated all this knowledge and experience and you get nicer and you get more accepting.

All this working toward positive, positive, and then

six feet on the ground, throw it in the trash because the fucking, you know, prostate gave out or whatever.

It's just, it's, it's, it's, they're crazy.

They will look back in 200 years and go, that is so barbaric.

And we could be having Isaac Newton here now, but we just couldn't figure it out.

Yeah, I mean, you know,

25, 30, they were pretty much done, you know, back in the old days.

No, that's not true.

Well, I mean, in different times of history, I mean, the Greek playwrights lived, or they were all 90 when they died.

Because

Greece, Ramses II, healthy Mediterranean diet, olive oil, sunshine.

I mean, they were lucky.

But they didn't write it down so that we could follow it.

What do you mean?

Well, they didn't say this is how we're living this long.

Well, we can guess.

There was no pollution.

Absolutely not.

There was no Snickers bars.

Right.

No attitude.

This is what it is.

This is what it is.

I mean, we're talking about 500 BC.

Yeah.

Okay.

Life was just healthy unless it wasn't.

Or you could die from a toothache, you know.

Or a splinter.

Right.

But their immune systems were probably crazy strong.

So when they did get a splinter, no, they didn't take antibiotics.

Their body did care.

Their body took care of them.

Yeah.

I I mean, not always.

Then you get to the Middle Ages, and yes, they were living in much worse weather.

Oh, my God.

There was Rome, and then there was living in fucking huts, you know, and it all went to shit.

It all went to shit, and there was also

two horrible plagues.

It was really the same bacillus.

Yes.

Bacillus.

It's

the right name for it because it's like,

I don't know, it was the plague of Justinian in the 6th century, and then it came back as the Black Death, the bubonic plague, 1347 it started, and it just

wiped out half of Europe.

And Europe didn't recover that population for four or five hundred years.

It probably fucked them up up here.

Yeah, it also had benefits.

It also kind of ended the Middle Ages.

Yeah.

Which needed to end.

Well, fucked up with that.

You got to kill half the population to make an omelette.

I know, but it really did end the feudal system.

Yes, it did.

And that was, you know,

that was a major break.

Yes, there was definitely a labor shortage.

When you kill half the people, there was definitely a labor shortage.

And they also lost a little bit of faith in

the ones who would guard them, yeah.

Yes.

I mean, of course, because they were so in the dark about what causing this plague.

Wouldn't that have been scary?

I mean,

we know what it's like, but the fucking COVID, the beginnings of COVID, where we washed our bags from the grocery store, right?

Again, kids, I'm telling you, you were born at a really good time.

Really good.

I know we have a lot of problems, but trust me, they did not have grub hub for Chaucer.

You know,

they starved.

I mean, even before the Black Death, which started in 1347, Europe had just experienced in the earlier part of the century, and again,

for superstitious people, maybe the 1300s, they would read something into that.

Apollo 13, I don't know, but the 1300s were the worst century ever.

And in the early part of the century, there was a horrible, just over rain.

It killed all the crops for like 10 years.

Like from 1315 to 1325, it just rained way too much.

You know, there was a little ice age.

You know,

yeah.

We have global warming for sure, and we also just have climate change.

Does just sometimes happen.

But they didn't have heaters and air conditioning, and so they had to suffer.

I'm telling you, we live in a great time with all the shit.

It's...

And I don't think...

I don't think in 100 years they're going to look back and go,

well, those poor fuckers.

I think they're going to go, how amazing that must been.

About us?

About us.

Well, we did die, and they're going to not do that.

And so they're going to, I think there's going to be some.

That'd be amazing.

I mean, if they could really pull that off, that'd be a good idea.

Oh, I think they will pull that off.

Really?

I think they will.

Do we stay alive long enough till that happen?

That's our goal.

Some of us with our shirt off.

But

I'm not going to let that go.

No.

But

no, it's what I was just saying about

they will see this as the big tragedy, that the brain,

that's got to be preserved because it has all the knowledge.

And this passing it on to the next generation, it's doing it in a leaky bucket.

I mean, you're doing it, but most of it is, I mean, when you think, I never had kids, but when you think about what you have to start over with, like, I have all this knowledge, and now here's a two-year-old, and it's just like sky is blue.

Okay, I just could, I just never could go through that.

I just like, you know, give me the kid when he's already 20 and a genius and maybe I'll talk to him right but I just can't go through sky blue.

I just I get that I we just had a granddaughter actually and We're we're probably starting at the sky is blue of course but it I'm we're more enamored with oh my god this little beautiful creature, you know in our life, but I worry because I thought we wouldn't have to worry about the future, but I think shit is coming down in our lifetime.

And I think I worry about my kids, and I worry about my kids' kids.

You say you're a grandfather?

And how old are the grandkids?

She was just born, so she's like two weeks old.

How does that change?

I've heard certainly people a million times say, being a parent changes everything.

And

being a grandparent

change your mind?

I was never kind of like my wife's,

all she wanted was to have babies and be a great mom and everything.

She's an amazing human being.

And she's the complete baby hog with this.

And how long have you ever been married?

40 years, 42 years.

Five fuck out of ten.

Really?

Yeah, no, she's amazing.

People say, how do you stay married?

I say, marry my wife, but you can't because I did.

She's responsible for it.

Women, if you're not watching this show, you're missing something because at the end, Benson Boone is coming in and he's going to take his shirt off.

So it's going to be a big night.

Oh, fuck, what were you saying?

About your wife.

Oh, amazing.

She's got amazing.

Our grandkids.

Does it change you?

I mean, I'm looking at my son and going,

seeing him with his baby.

and like on his chest and like you see this look in his eyes and it's like i'm going you remember that look that's my little boy that i used you know you did that yeah with him yeah yeah exactly and I was a good dad and my dad was a great dad too but um

but you know um it's the the the the new life is a freaky thing that's I don't really know quite where to put the grandchild yet in my head I know they say oh you're gonna fall in love and you know at the moment you know she's a beautiful baby blob right and uh my wife is already you know she's going over there tomorrow and she's like got party wheels and she's so excited as it's all

get out.

I am really falling behind in this reproductive competition.

I know.

So we don't need more.

Don't need more.

I think that, and yet there's a big movement out there.

Elon Musk, many other people talk about we have to have more babies.

This is like a thing.

Everyone else is taking care of that.

But I think they're wrong.

I think we already have too many.

I think we have way too many.

The Earth can't

support what it has now.

Right.

And their argument is stupid.

Their argument is there's plenty of room.

Yeah, there's plenty of room.

There's not plenty of resources.

No, there's nothing if we can split them here.

You just can't feed them and take care of all their shit.

Exactly.

Exactly.

Where's all that shit go?

Where's all the food come from?

Where's all the shit go?

Somewhat.

It's insane.

It's insane.

And there's way too many of us.

And anyone who doesn't believe that, I mean, you just got to look at,

take any segment of any country

where there's, you know,

too many people.

There's shit everywhere.

It's disease, and, you know, no one's having a good life.

Everybody's struggling.

They're happy to be alive, but they're not happy to be alive there.

Right.

Well.

I mean, if they lived, you know, in a nice house and everything, they'd be, you know, but look at, look at,

I mean, what, like 70% of the world goes to bed hungry?

That's crazy.

I don't think that's true.

I think that's an ultimate.

I just made that up.

Yeah, I was going to say, all right.

Let's

hope you would bust me.

Statistics on Club Random are pulled out of our ass.

Okay.

So, but a lot of people go to bed hungry.

Way less than they used to.

Again,

kids, if you're on TikTok and it's not there, I'm telling you,

in the 21st century, we've made enormous progress progress in what they called, have always called extreme poverty.

These are like people who live on a dollar a day.

We've made amazing progress.

Not that some people don't.

We've also made amazing progress in this century, hardly ever noted,

with the issue of people who defecate in the street.

It used to be like a billion people around the world would just drop trow and shit in the street.

Really?

This is, you know.

1600 all over again.

We've.

Yeah.

Well, in many places, never improved.

No.

Yeah, I mean, I'm sure they did it in London in 1600.

They used to throw shit out the window.

Yeah.

It got below.

There's a guy named Ralph who does it now.

I mean, there are people who do it now.

There are people who will always do it.

There always will be people who will.

Can you imagine what 16th century London smelled like?

I read a lot of books about, like, you know, Tudor and, you know, the history and what it was really like.

And, you know, Henry VIII, how he died and all that crazy shit.

Scary, man.

It was like everybody stank.

Nobody bathed.

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And, you know, it's scary also, apropos of our previous discussion.

I do remember once, and again, why I wouldn't want to have a 30-year-old brain, being on a date and a girl just squatted in a parking lot and took a pee.

A girl I was on a date with.

That could be hot.

I'm sorry, that could be hot.

It depends on the girl and the situation.

That

could be hot.

Did that turn you off or did it turn you off?

It turned me off.

I mean, but look,

I'm sorry, but that's...

She needed to do it.

And for some reason,

I blame myself for perhaps...

How old were you?

Who the fuck knows?

But I'm guessing 30.

It was a long time ago.

And,

you know, I should have been able to find a bathroom.

Perhaps maybe we couldn't get into the club.

So I blame myself.

Did you film it?

So there was no film.

Yeah,

there was no filming back then.

There was

no cell phones.

But I just, I vividly remember that.

Like, she was wearing a short skirt, so it wasn't hard to do.

Yeah, just a screen.

I'm sorry, I got to borrow the love doll over here for a second.

You okay with that?

The love doll.

But yeah, I mean, you know,

different things turn different people's lives.

I'm just saying there will always be some shitting and peeing in the street.

But we've really cut it down.

And I think we should give ourselves a clap on the back for that.

You know, like, could we just acknowledge the progress that we've made?

Yes.

You know,

I really have cut down on people shitting in the street.

And that's really my whole issue.

I'm a one-issue candidate.

I mean, look how your life turned out.

Awesome, right?

I mean, you must be, every day you must still pinch yourself.

Yeah, but I still have my issues because

I don't know if it's a challenge, but I deal with myself every day

that I want

to be a better person, a better writer, a better whatever, you know.

And

I could never write Don't Worry, Be Happy.

I remember it.

Yep.

Who was the artist?

Bobby McFarron.

Bobby McFarran.

Yeah, I could.

Well, very few people could.

I feel like every dope and all that.

I don't know if it's the dope.

I don't smoke dope myself.

I thought you did.

Someone said, yeah, you'll get together with Bill and you'll smoke dope and drink, and it'll be fun.

Were they wrong?

No.

They're right about the fun and the drinking, but that looks like a cigar to me.

Oh, no.

You don't smell it?

What is it?

Pot.

What do you think it is?

It is?

Yeah, of course.

You don't smell it?

No.

You should get your nose checked out.

No, really.

I mean, can I sniff it?

You can have it.

You're going to eat it, smoke it?

You smoke pot?

I don't.

Actually, I used to love the pot high, but I get paranoid now.

That's a fair.

I get paranoid when I eat it, so I don't eat it.

No, I mean,

it's not for everyone.

Yeah.

I mean,

I was an acid guy.

I used to love acid.

Really?

Yeah.

What years are we talking about, the 80s?

No, 70s, all through the 70s, I was an acid guy until this guy gave me some mushrooms.

And you felt it was really acid?

It was window pane.

No, but you think it was really acid because Timothy Leary himself.

That's right.

The Timothy Leary impressed him.

I am very fucking impressed.

That's a cool item, yeah.

So is this, by the way, and I really thank you for it.

But he told me that like after like almost the original batch, there was never really acid again.

That people can sell you something.

They say it's acid.

You felt it was acid?

Well, it did did what it was supposed to do.

What was that?

Well, I started to see things and rainbows and see, you know, and good things?

Yeah, no,

it was an amazing high for me.

You never had a bad trip.

I did.

The last one I did, actually.

I've done a couple since, but the last one I did, my friend gave me some frozen mushrooms at a party.

I took them home and I took the mushrooms and I said, nothing's going on.

He said, oh, well, were they frozen?

I said, yeah, well, drink some tea.

So I drank some tea, nothing.

So I took some more, nothing.

Drank some more tea, nothing.

So I said, Fuck it.

Took some window pane.

I'm sitting in my apartment in Hollywood, and suddenly the walls start going.

Well, you're not supposed to mix.

It all kicked in.

You're not supposed to mix.

I know, I didn't know that.

It all kicked in, and I'm like,

again, losing shit.

This is why we're glad we're not 30.

30.

Because we do things.

Yes.

No, it was freaky.

And he came all, I remember had Valium, and I'm like pouring Valium in my hand.

I was like going like,

trying to get Valium into my mouth.

Bad drug trips really suck

because you know you're not going to get out of it until it wants over.

Until it says it's over.

And it's going to take a while.

Yeah.

I mean, I've that's that's why smoking's better because you can

and edibles.

I've had edibles where I thought I was going to die.

I would rather eat it because I'd rather not have to use my lungs to get high.

But it just doesn't work that way.

Yeah.

No, it's a different high.

There's something about holding a,

you know, I used to smoke.

Did you smoke cigarettes at some point?

For two weeks when I was 14.

Lucky you avoided that.

But there is something about...

Smoking and it's very it's still very elegant, dude.

I know it it fucks people up, you know, but it's

it's funny

Back in the 90s when I was doing politically incorrect, they came to me once to do a PSA

for no smoking.

You know, I was the new, you know, 30-something talk show host.

And like, tell the kid.

And I said, okay, I got a great idea for it.

I want to be honest with the kids and tell them smoking is cool.

That's why you want to do it.

You have to be aware of that so that you can say, no, I'm cool on my own.

I don't need this to be cool.

I thought that was a great message.

No one got it.

Thank you

for your suggestions.

We'll let you know.

Can you just read this?

I don't think they heard anything past.

Smoking is cool, but it is.

They don't want, yeah, I mean, that's.

And it's back in movies because it's cool.

Yeah.

And it's also a way to indicate.

maybe that a

you're an elegant human being

or you're a thinker or a nervous human being.

It can also be.

Yeah, right.

Oh, well, yeah.

I mean, everybody did it because they wanted it to hang in the fingers and everybody to go,

he's fucking cool.

I mean, when I was an actor in the 80s, I remember always, you know, doing the scene, especially if it's the close-up, and the second it was over, light the cigarette.

Because I was like...

you know, this is my remote.

Stress reliever.

Stress reliever.

You know, I mean, you never did that when you were an actor?

You were smoking, you mean?

Well, anything like right after the scene.

I didn't start acting until I came over here.

I remember watching you on

Californication, and I was like, wow, this guy is, this is risky.

He's playing like a terrible version of himself with his own name.

Am I remembering that wrong?

Yes.

No, you're remembering correctly.

Yeah.

I mean, I thought it was very entertaining and gutsy, but it was like, wow, for a guy who, you know, is sort of on the cusp of having a lot of stupid people want to write him off and like you're not giving him.

It's been my whole life, dude.

I know.

But I'm at the point

you're really giving them ammunition.

But it was also a great way to own it.

Yeah.

So it was.

I think it was the right decision.

Yeah.

I like that show.

I watched every episode.

Yeah.

Writing was crazy.

And when I signed on, they sent me the first script.

And it was, you know, it was mild.

And I said, guys, I know what your show is about, and I'm okay with doing whatever you want to do.

So the next script that arrived, you know, I'm like fucking everything.

And, you know, it was, but it was great.

It was great writing.

And I'm okay with that because,

I mean, unless you're a fucking moron, you know, they don't hire doctors to play doctors.

They hire actors to play doctors.

And a friend of mine said, oh, he had to defend you a couple of years ago.

He had to defend you against

this woman said, I didn't know Rick Springfield.

I saw California Casey.

I didn't know Rick Springfield did blow.

He said, it's acting.

Are you trying to tell me George Clooney is not a doctor?

Because

sell it somewhere else, pal.

And I was a doctor for 18 months on a soap opera.

Oh, yeah, I remember that.

Yeah.

And I did one operation.

What have you died?

What soap opera?

General Hospital.

Oh, because I work at CBS Studios.

That's where we talk.

Oh, Young and Wrestlers, my best friend.

And bold and beautiful.

Yeah.

Were you on that?

Because you're very bold and you're very beautiful.

No, but

when I go to my writers' meeting, we pass it in the golf court, the set of it every day.

I mean, people.

Who are these beautiful people that look like

her?

That robot.

Well, you know, soap operas, a lot of great big people were on soap operas.

It's a great

learning

platform.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You felt it served that for you?

Yeah, yeah, it was great.

I mean, I.

Well, who did you play?

Dr.

Michael Matthews?

I don't know who that is.

Well, I'm just guessing.

You're throwing a name.

Dr.

Noah Drake.

Dr.

Noah Drake is so much better.

It's so much better.

Dr.

Noah Drake.

Dr.

McDreamy.

And

they named actually Joey's character on Friends, Drake, after my character, Drake something, whatever his last name was.

And you'd give the girl a breast exam, and then she'd say, now let me do you.

All he did was pick up, it was like my every scene in a cafeteria or in someone's bed.

Oh, poor you.

Well,

you know, acting with a girl is

very, you know,

it's really hard for me to be turned on when there's 30 guys around staring at you.

And, you know, it's, you know, I mean, it's.

Well, you're not supposed to be.

You're acting.

Yeah, right.

You're not even supposed to be.

Let's be honest.

Yeah.

A couple of times it's happened.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, it does happen.

Yeah.

And it's actually very exciting when it does because it's very real.

For who?

For you or her.

Yeah.

Sometimes both, yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, look at all the people who fall in love from doing.

Oh, I know, I know.

You know, they're on sets, and the script says you love them and you're crazy for, and they're actors.

Yeah.

You know.

Oh, this is what I know.

So I'm going to commit to this role.

Right.

It's so easy to get hot hot people to actually fall in love with each other.

Let's get them together.

Put them in a movie.

Jim to smell her out of order.

The only thing that tabloids and

gossip places do is either try to break up a couple that's

or get them together.

Or tell everybody they're together and they don't want anyone to know.

And it's very easy to do that.

Yeah.

To get them together.

It is.

It really is.

They lined me up when I first came over here.

I was on all these teen magazines.

I just thought about this the other day, actually, because someone brought it up.

But they, you know, remember Susan Day, right?

She was the beautiful.

I live in her house.

Get the fuck out.

That house, I live next door.

She was the original owner.

I have pictures of when she lived there.

I was just close to fucking her in that house.

Everything.

Oh, I just heard laughter.

Everything.

No,

it's wild, dude.

That is so bizarre because they lined me up with her.

But I thought, oh, it's just just a teen magazine thing, so it's not a real date.

So I'll just play along.

And at the end, I said, hey, nice to meet you.

And I left.

But they'd try to line us up to get us together so that it would be press.

But I was clueless, so I didn't get it.

And thankfully, your house is sanctioned.

Back to us being clueless when we were young, right?

Yes.

Okay.

I was totally fucking clueless.

But, I mean, people, I think, know.

Sorry, Susan, if you hear this.

I'm sorry.

You're wonderful.

I love you.

And I would have loved to, but I was crazy.

Yeah, and thank you, Susan.

It's a great house.

I mean, she sold it to someone before.

I didn't get it from her, but I believe she was the original owner.

That was wild.

And I have pictures of what it was like when she was there.

Wow.

Men and women are so different.

I mean, it was just way more feminine.

Let's put it that way.

Of course.

But it's good.

Dude, I'm so amazed.

I walked back here and there's all these grounds.

I mean, there can't be many houses with grounds like this.

This isn't that.

This is the house next door.

Oh, okay.

So you've got...

All right.

Yeah.

That's how you get grounds like that.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's great.

It's really fabulous.

I need land for my crops.

Yeah.

Okay.

This comes from my land.

I'm not going to claim I personally grew it, but I do feel so good about the fact that like my own land produces the weed that makes me hungry oh you grow your own that's right that's right rick i grow my own i grow my own and i smoke my own because that's what real men do that's what real men and let me tell you something it's a rich irony that you pretty boys are always more miserable than guys like me

and cut

yeah exactly

but you enjoyed the acting part right yeah i love acting oh you do i i do i never did i hated it Too much waiting.

Yeah, I mean, there's that, but, you know, it's the passion for the part.

And to me, it's as exciting as writing a song that I finish and go, oh, that actually is not bad.

And, you know, you do something and you feel like you've done a good job.

Yeah.

I did get a high after you nail your close-up.

I remember that.

Or nailing a scene.

Yeah, when you nail a scene, it's a great feeling.

Yeah,

it absolutely is.

I mean, for me, it added up to nothing, and it always, I was never destined to be that.

I mean, doing what I do, I mean, as a comedian in general, but especially the kind I am, is the exact opposite of an actor.

The exact opposite.

Yeah, it's all true.

It's all exactly what I really think and not like somebody else's.

Without a script.

And you can't talk other people's.

But, you know, it was in my head, again, stupid when I was young, but we all thought when we came out of the New York comedy clubs, the way to get ahead was to be an actor, you know, get on sitcoms.

I followed the script.

I did.

I got onto sitcoms and then I did like silly movies.

I mean, we have some of the posters around here.

Some of them aren't real, but they could have been religiously.

Religion?

Well, that was good.

That's not a silly movie.

That was real.

That was me.

That was funny.

And that was real.

Did you write that?

I was 51 when I did that.

Okay, that that one.

That's the one movie that I mean, I love.

But I, you know, I did DC Cab and, you know, silly movies, and I could handle that kind of acting.

But

it was never where I was going to wind up.

And luckily,

I got where I was supposed to get going.

But

to our earlier discussion about why do you do it?

I mean,

you do in life what you're good at.

I don't play tennis because I'm not good at it.

I play basketball because I'm good at it.

Really?

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to.

Why do you say it like that?

No, I didn't picture you as a basketball.

basketball player.

Well, I'm not saying I could join the Lakers tomorrow, but like for my age,

yeah, I can still hope.

I'm impressed.

What do you play?

Guitar.

No,

in Australia.

You don't play shirtless pickleball?

I do.

And it's hot.

No, don't.

You must do something.

You're in good shape.

No, I work out.

But soccer was my game as a kid.

I love soccer.

I moved to England as a kid.

It's a great game.

Workout.

The best.

Oh, so you moved to England?

Yeah, whatever.

So you're like the Bee Gees.

So yeah.

Well, the Bee Gees are born in England and they move to Australia and then they move back to England.

Okay, but there's that production.

Yeah, yeah.

And

I love the Bee Gees.

I think their writing is.

I will fight you for who loves the Bee Gees more because I love the Bee Gees.

They are amazing.

They are.

Another group like Billy Joel doesn't quite get the do from the critics who have relegated.

They had three fucking careers.

Exactly.

They had a great career in Australia.

Okay, I have a friend in Australia who was a big, in the 60s.

He was one of the top solo guys, right?

Solo stars.

And he heard there's these three brothers in Sydney that writes good songs.

So he went up.

His name was Ronnie Burns.

And he went up to Sydney, flew up to Sydney.

They pull up in a Volkswagen van, these three brothers, and they say,

Can you give us some money for petrol?

So I give them some money for gas, and they drive back to their house.

They've got a guitar with two strings on it because they can't afford any more strings.

And they play him three songs, and he says, Oh my god, I'll take that.

And then he plays him another one, and they say, I want that one.

They say, No, that's for us.

And it was a song called Spix and Specs.

I know the song where it was.

It was their first hit.

Yeah, it's a great song.

They wrote it on two strings of a fucking guitar.

That sounds like bullshit.

No, it's not bullshit.

How could you write?

How could you play?

This is wrong.

How could you the the guy who was there?

Rick, think about it.

How could you play a song with a guitar with two strings?

Oh, Jesus.

Spix and Spec.

Is that two strings?

Well, it's one string.

Where is the sun?

You just need to move up the neck.

Spix and the specs.

In my life.

I stay in corrected.

It's a great song.

Yeah, it's one of their early great ones.

And that was their first hit.

And then they had the amazing ballads, and then they went under and thought they were over, and then they came back with this.

It wasn't disco, they would be on disco.

And they came back with

the kings of disco.

Fucking amazing song.

I mean,

people remember that you weren't alive.

I was 21, I think, in that year, and I happened to be in Europe.

And it's all anybody played was the soundtrack to Saturday Night Flowers.

And it was a double album.

No, it was huge.

I was asking Billy Joel last week about, like,

what is your list of great double albums?

Because it's not that big.

No.

But Saturday Night Fever

is definitely on that list.

Now, it's not all BG's recordings, but I think they wrote them all.

They wrote it.

Yeah.

I mean, some of them were done by other artists, but that's, but it isn't amazing.

Oh, we've got another song we don't want to do.

It's a great song.

Do you want to?

You know?

Oh, they wrote Islands in the Stream is an awesome song that they wrote first, that was not a hit for them.

And the ones they wrote for Andy Gibb.

Yeah, right.

I just want to be your everything.

How great is that record, right?

You know the one I've done?

Yeah, I know all

the Bee Gees.

I mean, it sounds exactly like the Bee Gees.

Well, he's the BG.

It is.

And

they were almost going to pull him into the Bee Gees before he died.

I mean, and but you say they had three different careers.

To me, yes, they had like the 60s early stuff, then they had the disco disco period.

And the 60s early stuff alone has so many hits.

I've got to get a message to you.

I started a joke.

I was in Vietnam when I heard that single.

It blew my mind.

Now, what do you think that's about?

They certainly have said over the years that it was about Jesus.

You know what they were?

They were consummate songwriters.

They would pick a song and go, let's write a song like that only make it better.

And they'd write a better song.

And I don't think it went to that extent that it was.

Well, there was the line, I died, which started the whole world living.

I think it's wordplay, dude.

That suggests one particular person.

It's wordplay.

Okay, but like if I.

Brilliant wordplay.

Like Lennon.

Lennon would always talk about his songs.

There's that great thing where he meets a guy that is.

That's not wordplay.

All right.

Well, that's your take.

I get it.

Wait, let me ask you, if there was never such a song,

and I just said to you, Rick, let's play a game.

I'll just say a sentence.

Tell me who you think of.

And it was, I freed the slaves.

Lincoln.

Right.

I died and started the whole world living.

Okay.

Point 10.

I mean, I don't even know if it is or if they even were trying to like be Christy at the moment.

But you can't ignore that line.

It's a brilliant line.

And I don't give a shit.

No, and it it doesn't matter because songs are open to interpretation, right?

I love the song.

It's fucking amazing.

It's just a great song.

And if it is that, if they came up with that, then that's even more brilliant.

And they didn't talk about it, to not talk about it.

Just the premise and the title.

I started a joke.

Yeah, no, it's brilliant.

And that's what that brought Robin back into the fold, right?

But you know where most, they say most sick jokes start?

No?

Prison.

Australia.

Penal colony.

all sorts of people.

Okay, but they're from England.

They were born in the Isle of Man.

Yeah, but they're known as.

But they went to Australia.

So they have the convict by assimilation.

By the way, I got to say, in excess, also, an amazing band.

Yeah, they're Aussies.

Amazing.

Absolutely.

And Crowded House, even though they're from England.

Crowded, oh, so great.

So great.

I know there's so many great bands.

Not so many.

I just named them all.

Actually, those are.

Lulu, I think maybe.

No, Lulu is English.

Okay.

Okay, Daddy Cool.

Don't know that.

You've got to hear it.

Ross Wilson.

Okay, Ross Wilson.

Ross Wilson, Daddy Cool, The Church.

Have you ever heard the church?

No, who are these?

Your local high school bands?

No, I know.

If they'd been...

They were Australian, but if they'd been,

they should have been huge.

They were fucking amazing.

And Steve Kilby still around and

the singer.

Okay, but

I'm not denying this premise, but I just got to ask, because sometimes you hear about bands like this or people like this, and they were amazing, but you don't know that.

Why?

Like, if they were really amazing, I always say show business, it is full of bullshit, but the cream does rise to the top.

Generally, the people you know about are the actually

are the best ones.

You know, I know you think that there's some, you know, leading man in the woods who's probably better than Timothy Chalamet.

No, he's the right guy for this moment.

He's very

good at what his job is.

He's very, he cares, you know, and whatever it is, or DiCaprio and his era, or whoever's Humphrey Bogart,

you know, casting directors, they actually don't really make big mistakes usually.

So when I hear, like, oh, yeah, they're great and you never heard of them, like, who, and by the way, I could name some musical artists who I think that

music is,

I think it's a different art than acting.

Music hits you in such a place

that

nothing else does, really.

It triggers something in you, just the beat and the music, and it's 12 notes.

And they make, look at all the amazing songs from 12 notes.

People get so annoyed at you when you don't like what they like.

And they think you should.

Listen to this.

Here, listen to it.

No, you're not hearing it, man.

You don't like that?

Give it some time.

Fuck yourself.

I can play shit you don't like that I think is great.

It's very personal.

Music is very personal.

It's not like movies where, I mean, music, you sit in a room alone as a kid when you're forming and this amazing stuff comes in.

It's really part of your makeup is the music you pull in while you're still, you know, I call it the window where you're like 13 and realize, oh, there's shit out there until you get married or you have a job and it shuts it down and you go, I got to get on with my life.

There's that window where everything, where music comes in and it stays with you forever.

Ever.

Yep.

No, I mean,

I don't know what I would do without it.

Right.

I mean, it's your soul, it feeds your soul.

You know, when I'm, I have music from the 60s that I listen, if I listen to it now, I go, that's pretty fucking lame, dude.

But because I was 13, 14, 15, it spoke to me and it reassured me and I loved it.

I don't have

all the Beatles early stuff in my iPod that I play that, you know, I won't go into iPods again, but like I do like to listen to my shuffle because it's got 4,000 songs, all of which have one thing in common.

I like them.

But I don't have all the early Beatles stuff.

I mean, some of it is just, first of all, the lyrics are for 12-year-olds, which is okay.

We understand that.

Well, I don't think,

because that is always good.

That was John's first great ballad.

It's a great ballad.

It's a great ballad.

But I don't have Love Me Do.

They were 16.

I mean, I've heard it enough.

I get it.

Yeah, yeah.

It has their magic, like all of it has their magic, but it's just not a song I want to hear over and over again.

Right.

If it comes on, it doesn't seem to be a bad thing.

Were you a Paul or John guy as a kid?

Oh, that's not a question you can ever ask a Beatle fan because you have to love them equally.

No, that's not a good answer.

That's my honest answer.

Really?

Yeah.

I was a Paul guy.

Because,

well, I mean.

Well, because I loved the way I had a boycross because I loved the way he looked.

Plus, he was amazingly talented.

He had a voice like a fucking god.

He could play every instrument.

And for me, he wrote the most pop best song.

But as I've gotten older, I've understood Strawberry Fields and

the the Great John songs that really stick to the wall.

Revolution?

Well, Revolution, I was never crazy about it, honestly.

I'm still crazy about it and always will be.

I mean, I'm talking about...

Talking about the single fast version.

Yeah, the single fast.

The fast version.

Yeah, I'm not.

That's not.

But the rock one.

Oh.

Single.

Yeah, one of the first examples of distorted guitars.

Distorted guitar.

Yeah, and they didn't put it through an app.

They put it through a board.

It was the right choice.

Yeah.

We're still copying the Beatles.

I mean, I hear songs now where they've taken snippets and snuck it in.

But they were copying.

Well, yeah, but they took it way beyond.

Of course they did.

But everybody cops from

somebody's shoulder.

Did they say that the beats?

They agree with that.

Absolutely.

I mean, on their first three albums.

Yeah.

I'm sorry, three of their first four albums, the exception being Hard Days Night.

Hard Days Night.

There were

14 songs and six covers on each.

So they did 18 covers.

Well, that's because they weren't writing enough, that's all.

Yeah, and also because they were still

paying tribute to the enamored with

the time that went before.

Yeah.

And I'm glad they did.

I'm glad they did, please, Mr.

Postman.

The British bands are responsible for the acknowledgement of black American blues.

When black America,

when America was going,

we don't pay attention to them, England was going, oh my God, these guys are freaking unbelievable.

I mean, Keith Richards devoted, I think, a couple of years of his life to giving Chuck Berry his due.

Well, Chuck had, Chuck had

hips.

I mean, he was like one of the few black artists that was actually on the white charts.

But there's all the Harlem Wolf and

Muddy Waters and all these guys that they were, I was listening to as a kid, too.

And they were, I'm going, I'm hearing this growl and this animal-like shit coming out of these guys.

I'm going, what is that?

It was almost scary.

It was so intense.

Yeah, and you can imagine the racism in the era that Chuck Berry had to endure.

So it's crazy to me.

I mean, he participated, as I recall, in the Keith Richards.

Is that the one where he punched Keith in the mouth?

I mean, I think Keith Richards expected him to be like, you know, thank you so much.

Yeah, thank you so much.

Taking the time to acknowledge that I am the progenitor of rock and roll.

And Chuck Berry was like, Whitey, you know what?

If you expect the thank you, you have got another thing coming.

I did it.

I'm happy I did it.

I did it originally.

And

I don't need you to come in here and tell me

I did it and say thank you.

Because, first of all, you stole it.

Stole his legs.

All his legs.

But no one

would know about them if it wasn't for the British

bands that love them.

They wouldn't be where they are or where they became.

I mean, they brought them out and toured with them.

You know, they understood how amazing they were because there wasn't the same prejudice in England as there was here that kept them away from

the radio here.

And

I mean,

now I look for black artists that kind of continue that blues

energy.

And there's a couple of them around, and they're amazing.

But I mean, that's where...

That's where I learned to play the guitar, was from blues players, because

it was simple.

You could play it in in a couple of weeks.

It wasn't hard, but you couldn't get, you know,

our white boy versions of Smokestack Lightning were pretty fucking lame, but you could play the riffs and you could feel like you were doing something,

you know, authentic.

The great thing about the arts is that most of us are such poor impersonators that when we steal,

it's so bad our impersonation that nobody recognizes it.

Woody Allen was doing Bob Hope.

He was doing him, but he's so different, you didn't see it.

No one saw it, right?

And sometimes, you know, Paul McCartney was doing little Richard, but it just, he's just a different guy.

Yeah.

So it just come, in his mind, he's doing it.

Yeah, but we don't see it, you know, and that's okay.

Yeah.

That's not appropriation.

It's all appropriation.

That's what culture is, appropriating from each other.

It's actually a beautiful thing.

Yeah.

Or a beautiful music.

No, it's continuing the legacy.

And sharing ideas.

And what Paul did with I'm Down, you know, he basically

created a little Richard song.

But the fact that he could sing like that.

Well, and he did it on their last album, Abbey Road.

He did

O Darling, which is a rock, which is a torch song.

You know, I'm sure John was rolling his eyes.

Yeah, he said, I wish I should have sung that.

Actually, I read a quote.

He said, I should have sung, oh, darling.

Well, he put out a solo album, Lennon did.

Yeah, the rock and roll one, right?

Rock and roll.

And he did love that raw music.

You know, that was their big beef, is that he wanted it raw, like the early days.

Well, they were.

I mean, you listen to the first album.

They were both.

The first album, they did in, what, like 12 hours or something?

And you can hear him how shredded their voices are.

That's why they recorded Twist and Shout laughs.

It laughs, right?

Because it would shred his throat.

But you can hear like nasal shit going on.

I love it.

I love the vocal to Twist and Shout is one of my all-time favorites.

Unbelievable.

And it's because it's a little shredded.

Yeah.

I mean, it's the energy.

But people weren't, white guys weren't doing that back then.

They were Pat Boone.

I mean, they thought Elvis was black when they played him.

I mean, that was Paul.

Oh, that's one thing I have.

I have Elvis Stationery,

The Beatles signed.

The Beatles signed?

The Beatles signed Elvis Stationery.

When they

went to meet him in 1965.

Yeah, out here.

Well, the Hollywood Hills.

He was staying in some house, and he was making a picture.

That was the era when he was making Elvis trying to conquer Hollywood.

Shitty pictures every year.

I mean, they made money.

But, dude, I hated them, but I love them now.

He hated them.

I know, but Fun and Acapulco, I love that music.

I love Elvis.

Yeah, I do, too.

I mean, but I'm not going to watch Fun and Acapulco again.

Once was enough.

No, I wouldn't watch it, but I love the music is kind of back then.

I was like, oh, this is fucked up.

But now,

because of childhood memories and everything, it's wonderful to me.

And I met Elvis on a plane.

Really?

Yeah.

Elvis Presley.

No, I'm sorry.

Is there another?

Yeah, the Elvis Costello.

Yeah.

No,

I met Elvis on a plane.

What year was this?

1973.

I'd just come over here.

And actually, my managers at the time,

my manager was Steve Bender,

who directed the

comeback special.

Oh.

The Elvis Presley Comeback Special.

68.

And he has a black leather suit.

Yeah.

But what was he like when you met him?

He was wonderful, actually.

I walked on the plane, and he was sitting, I was in the back of the bus because I was going to Australia to renew my visa and he was sitting in the front in a powder blue suit and jet black hair and skinny and he looked fucking amazing.

I wasn't a fan back then because I was you know the Beatle guy and everything and I walked by him

it's Elvis.

I sit in the back of the bus and

before we landed he came back and signed autographs and took photos, which if you've ever you know you've been on planes with people and they got like the hoodie on and they're like, don't talk to me.

Sure.

Elvis walked back and signed autographs and took photos.

And I had a girlfriend at the time in Australia that was an Elvis fan.

And I said,

hey,

he came up to me and said, hey, I know Steve Bender.

He's my manager.

And he goes, oh, Steve, I love Steve, which he did.

I mean, they really had a great connection.

And I said, will you sign this autograph to Allison?

I guess he thought my name was Allison.

So he wrote, thanks.

And to this day, I write thanks a lot of the times on my autographs because Elvis wrote that on this autograph to her.

You know what?

I've been looking for something to write on the autograph for like 30 years.

I give it to you, brother.

Thanks.

Thanks.

It's so simple and so right.

It's just absolutely.

I love you.

I'm thanking you for being my friend.

Thank you for appreciating what I do.

Right.

Right.

The better version is thank you for loving me, but I don't want to go there.

No, I don't want to go there either.

Yeah, it was awesome.

And so I had a little recorder, a tape recorder that I used to record my demos on.

And I put the autograph in there to take it back to my girlfriend.

And when I was getting off the plane in Australia, the customs go, oh, what's that, right?

You know.

Yeah, I have porn on my, you know, on my little recorder.

We need to take that and look at that.

When I came back, the autograph was gone.

Really?

Yeah, so some fucker has the Elvis autograph.

I think I might change mine to thank you

from thanks.

Thank you.

I like that better.

Yeah.

It's a little.

Thanks a little.

Thanks.

I got to go over here.

You can get away with it if you're Elvis.

You definitely can get away with it if you're Elvis.

I think I need the full thank you.

I may need to.

I may need parentheses.

Don't forget me, ever.

I may need thank you very much

in two languages.

Yeah, are you Swedish?

But you still write songs?

Yeah, yeah, I'm writing.

Like every day?

Is that something you do like every day?

Every day.

Every day.

No, not every day.

It's a binge thing.

And

I love to write.

It's my favorite thing to do.

And I just had an album out with like 20 new songs.

And

Come on, they put 20 songs on an album?

Yeah, it was digital.

You can do that now.

Plus I write short songs.

But yeah, I love to write.

It's really fun for me.

And to play a new song in a show,

you know, I mean, you can only play the songs we play so many times

and go

here we go again, you know.

To play the hits.

Yeah, that's right.

And I get that.

And I love that because

I want the audience to have fun.

You have to.

I want the audience to want fun.

I'm not the guy that get up.

This is my new album.

I'd like to play all 12 cuts.

No, no, no.

And it's not the venue either.

So

we

throw a couple of songs in, you know, new songs.

Everybody does that.

Yeah, it's great.

I love it.

Hey, we have to go to the bathroom someday.

Yeah,

I went to an Elton John show, right?

And he says, yeah, we'd like, I'm going to play a new song for my new album.

And I got up to go to the bathroom, right?

And there was a fucking line to the male bathroom.

And I get behind this guy, and he turns around and goes, new song, huh?

That would be funny for someone to put in an album cover cover of just people in line for the bathroom.

These are new songs.

These are the songs you're going to hear.

Bathroom songs.

I mean, it's a little unfair because.

I get it.

You go for a maximum moment.

You're going to a concert for a maximum moment.

You don't want to, you know, you don't want, it's a big deal.

You know,

you...

babysitter, dog sitter, whatever, dinner.

Overexpensive t-shirt, working that's ridiculous, walking up to a venue with a trillion people, finding your right seat.

You want it to be a moment.

Yes.

You don't want dead, you know,

we're going to play our new song.

Hope you buy our single.

I mean, whenever I read about concerts, it makes me always say to myself, I just don't understand the American economy.

You know,

that we can't seem to solve this issue where, yes, there are, no, not 70% of people starving, not even close.

But a lot of people really struggling.

Like, like half the country has $400 in the bank.

Like, they can't,

one little hiccup

and they're fucked.

And then

Beyonce and Taylor Swift, and, you know, I mean, you're not getting their ticket price, but it's a lot of money to see your shit.

And like you say, with babysitters and cards.

That's crazy.

I mean,

I went to just a restaurant

out at the beach last weekend.

Parking was $27.

What the fuck is up with us?

$27 just.

My Beatles ticket was six shillings, which is about $1.50.

My Fair Lady was on Broadway, the biggest hit in 1956, the year I was born.

A ticket was $6

for the front row.

I saw My Fair Lady in London.

Wow.

Wow.

Julie Andrews.

Wow.

And Rex Harrison.

Come on.

I was 10 years old.

I didn't appreciate that.

My mom was completely into that shit.

She took us

to this.

London.

Yeah.

With Julie Andrew.

I mean, she didn't even do the movie.

I mean, Audrey Hepern did it.

Right, right, right.

She was there.

But she was the original Eliza Doolittle.

She killed it.

I mean, I always say that is one part.

that I would be great at, Professor Higgins.

Professor Higgins?

I would not Eliza Doolittle, but I could be a curmudgeonly professor.

It's a great part, and

you can't ever be kind of too old for it.

You could do it too.

And he couldn't sing, so he spoke the fucking language.

He's half-sang.

Yeah, but it was wonderful.

I know, you're right.

That album played through my house.

Me too.

Me too.

The other thing that played in my house as a child was Camelot,

Richard Burton.

Was that one of the greatest musicals ever?

Both because of the music.

Was it Rogers and Hammerstein?

You know what?

I love Rogers and Hammerstein were my favorites because of Oklahoma, Carousel,

South Pacific.

It was played through my house all the time.

I don't know if they did Carousel.

I mean.

We need to look that up.

Well,

I know Lerner and Lowe did My Fair Lady.

Yeah, My Fair Lady, right?

They did great shit.

Yeah, they did great shit.

Anyway, somebody did that.

We did Camelot.

I mean, we need to know.

No, well,

let them look it up.

Look it up.

They all have fucking chat GPT.

They can find it.

Camelot.

You can find it in two seconds.

And they don't care.

And I don't care.

They're dead.

No, I'm a writer, so I love to know who wrote what.

I mean, I don't think it is Rogers and Hammerstein.

No, I don't think so.

You know what?

Because

it's a little too hip for them.

Yeah.

Yes, I agree.

It's a little too hip.

And later on, too.

But it was always a very meaningful

show for me.

If people don't know what it is, it's the King Arthur legend.

But it made into a romantic story and then, of course, used as a metaphor for the Kennedy

administration.

But in the story, King Arthur, he's older.

They made a movie of it with

Richard Gere.

What?

Yes, not Richard Harris, Sean Connery.

Sean Connery played the king.

The Camelot movie?

It's called First Night.

Oh,

okay, but it's not a musical.

No, no, it's the same story.

Right, right, yeah.

The story is that

King Arthur, he's older and he's got a young bride, and then she falls for the handsome young knight played by Robert Goulet originally.

Goulay!

Who was a friend of mine, Sir Lancelot.

Wait, Lancelot's a friend of yours or Goulay the friend?

Goulet.

Is he still around?

No.

Dude, he's awesome.

He was.

We had a great time.

A little kooky, but still

friends.

I would have loved to have met Goulet.

Oh, I could have hooked that up.

Still friends with his widow.

Awesome.

My mother was a giant Goulet fan as a kid.

My mom was, too.

Okay.

So for her 75th birthday, I flew her to Vegas on a private plane, and we went to Robert Goulet's house.

And then went out to dinner in the limo to the hotel.

So how did you hook up with Robert Goulet?

You know, I was on TV.

He was a fan I had him on the show whatever you know it wasn't that great it wasn't hard great totally great yeah

great when you meet people that you wouldn't normally have met because of what you do yeah it also can be dangerous you know they say don't meet your idols I mean there's some of that that can happen yes I agree totally yeah and Paul McCartney is a fucking god he's great I've met him a number of times I am not amazing not disappointed you know he's I wouldn't want to I'd be scared to meet John

do you ever meet john no no no

no one alive met john i would be scared to meet people alive have but he died in 1980 that is a long time ago i remember saying i had an apartment in the hawthorn boulevard in hollywood and i would walk i used to eat when i first came over here i thought oh my god hungry men dinners how amazing and i eat these hungry men dinners and tell my mom yeah america is amazing they got these whole dinners and tin foil and i started to get like zits popping out all over my head.

And the doctor said, you got to go to a real restaurant and eat a steak.

So I went, I used to go the Hungry Tiger across the street from me, La Brera Avenue.

And I'm standing on La Brera Avenue waiting across for traffic.

And a Rolls-Royce goes by and Lennon is sitting in the passenger seat.

And it's so, so, you know it's home, right?

And he's heading to A ⁇ M Studios, which is just down the street for his

stuff he did in the last weekend.

Right.

But it was Lennon.

I'm going,

wow.

So, what kind of food did you have in Australia?

Grubs and roots?

You're impressed by that.

Yeah, we ate kangaroos, we eat sharks, and we eat snakes, poisonous snakes.

But you had food.

You didn't have hungry man dinners.

No, dude, I came over here, and we think America, back then, we thought America, my mom used to say, oh my God, their teeth are so white, their skin is so good.

You know, the movies,

the movies were the greatest PR thing America ever had and still it's still a people still want to come to America because

and I know I once asked Chris Hemsworth why do you guys all like speak such perfect America you could you could do these American accents and he said because that's all we watched as kids right is American TV I remember in my high school walking around trying to imitate John Wayne and I all I wanted to do was come to America.

I wanted to be in America.

Well, I'm here.

You secure.

You're here.

It was a pleasure and beyond to me to get to know you and talk to you.

I'm very glad you came from.

I'm a fan of yours.

Yeah.

That you came to America and you did so well.

And I'm glad you're over your depression.

And yes, I did.

And I will not hang myself.

And I hope we do wonderful things.

Oh, my God.

I know.

I'm a fun guy.

Thank you, brother.

I'm telling you,

it goes fast.

That was awesome.

So are you, by the way.

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