Jimmy Kimmel | Club Random Classics with Bill Maher

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Speaker 11 Well, in this month's Club Random Classics, we go back to my talk with my dear friend Jimmy Kimmel, who you may have seen in the news recently.

Speaker 11 It's a freewheeling conversation of trade secrets, celebrity stories, and late-night confessions.

Speaker 11 From how radio trained our comic timing, riffing on craft, the glorious Conan Leno mess, to how Jimmy's wife still dresses him. Enjoy Club Random Classics with Jimmy Kimmel.
Club Random.

Speaker 11 Oh, look how sleek you are.

Speaker 10 How are you doing?

Speaker 11 That sounded very gay.

Speaker 11 And I'm touching it.

Speaker 10 It's all right.

Speaker 11 You look like, I don't know, that shirt looks like some sort of, you're either like a mastermind who runs the world, it's a little Dr. Evil E.

Speaker 10 Or, I don't know, you look like... Can I tell you what I am? What?

Speaker 10 I am a guy whose wife has grown tired of me asking her what I should wear, and she went and got me like four casual outfits that I can wear to things that have numbers on them them like grandimals.

Speaker 10 It's like a child.

Speaker 10 That's what I am.

Speaker 11 Is this why guys like marriage? Because there's somebody who does shit for you that you don't want to do.

Speaker 11 Is that the main part of it?

Speaker 10 No, I don't think it's that, but I do think, I don't know about you. Do you have trouble figuring out what looks right?

Speaker 11 No.

Speaker 10 I have a great idea.

Speaker 11 In fact, I'm a very

Speaker 11 instinctive and decisive shopper. I will go in.

Speaker 10 I'm the same way shopping. Yes.
If I say

Speaker 11 either it speaks to me or it doesn't,

Speaker 11 if I'm wondering, then

Speaker 11 the answer's no.

Speaker 11 And if I want it,

Speaker 11 you know, I want it.

Speaker 10 I'm good with shopping. I'm not good with putting combinations of things on.

Speaker 11 How often do you shop?

Speaker 10 Not that much. Very rarely.

Speaker 11 I was at the mall about a month ago, maybe five weeks ago. I don't know.
I mean, Fucking A, I had not been, even before the pandemic, I never really go to a store for you.

Speaker 11 I'd see pictures of celebrities, you know, coming out of Vawns. I'm like, why the fuck are they doing that?

Speaker 10 I mean, they must have assistance.

Speaker 11 You're buying toilet paper at eight in the morning? Are you nuts? I don't go to stores because I don't have to. So, but I thought, you know, oh, it's fun.
They're open again.

Speaker 11 And I should see what's out there for my own self. I'm too in my bubble with shopping-wise.
I mean, it was quite a mind-blowing experience being in the mall. What'd you you do?

Speaker 10 Did you go to Macy's?

Speaker 11 I went to the West Side, the one in Century City. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 11 Part of it is outside. Yeah.

Speaker 11 Interesting, like the people with masks on were the least likely to be felled by the Andromeda strain. It was all the 22-year-olds with masks on outside.
It just fucking made me crazy.

Speaker 10 Do you ever wear the mask so you can't?

Speaker 11 I will never wear a mask unless you force me to. I won't even do it anymore, like just if it was a walk into my studio, okay, we're playing this game.
No, you have to yell at me and then I'll do it.

Speaker 10 I wear the mask sometimes just so I can walk around like Michael Jackson with my face covered.

Speaker 11 So you're coming right from your show? I am.

Speaker 10 Oh, thank you. Oh, no problem.

Speaker 11 He's such a good guy, Jimmy.

Speaker 10 Yeah, sure. I'll have a little of that.

Speaker 11 This is from Mike Tyson.

Speaker 10 Is it really?

Speaker 11 Guests of Club Random with Bill Maher. Smoked pot given to Bill Maher by other guests of Club Random with Bill Maher.

Speaker 10 Provided by Mike Tyson. Right.
I've smoked with Mike Tyson before.

Speaker 11 Who hasn't? He doesn't kid around.

Speaker 11 He really. He loves his.
Well, you know what? For you and I, I mean, pot is whatever it is. I think for him, it really.

Speaker 11 I got my Eddie Vedder lighter.

Speaker 10 I don't know if these depots are terrible. They don't work.

Speaker 11 But I think for Mike, you know, he really,

Speaker 11 it makes him a mellow, very different guy. And he's not a guy you want to be on mellow.
I mean, you know, of all the guys, you don't want to be,

Speaker 11 you know.

Speaker 10 Yeah, maybe he's medicating himself, but whatever he's doing, it seems to be working.

Speaker 11 It's totally working.

Speaker 10 Did you see that fight?

Speaker 10 Who did he fight? Roy Jones Jr., I don't know, about six months ago. No.
Tyson, he had a pay-per-view fight. Of course.
It was totally fixed. What happened? Well, first of all, he looked really good.

Speaker 10 I mean,

Speaker 10 it was surprising how good he looked. Roy didn't look so good.
He clearly beat Jones, but they'd obviously made some kind of a deal beforehand where they would declare it a draw.

Speaker 10 It was not a draw, but it was a draw at the end.

Speaker 11 But these two men in their 50s punching each other?

Speaker 10 Yeah. And Mike's quite a bit bigger than...
than Roy. I think Mike might be 10 years older, too.

Speaker 10 How old are you?

Speaker 11 I'm 54. Can you imagine a man punching you? I mean, how fucking ridiculous is that? Let me tell you something.

Speaker 10 Today, I did something today in which children threw dodgeballs at me while I was trying to shoot a basketball, and it was an absolute nightmare. I was getting hit with these light rubber balls.

Speaker 10 I was like, oh, my God, this is terrible.

Speaker 10 So.

Speaker 11 I was on your show, when was it, like

Speaker 11 a month ago?

Speaker 10 Yeah, like five weeks, I think.

Speaker 11 And I think it was, I think I was mentioning that it was, is it 20 years since we passed that baton? It is almost funny, that sign behind you.

Speaker 10 Yeah.

Speaker 11 I mean,

Speaker 10 I love seeing that.

Speaker 10 I love that you keep this stuff because it makes me feel okay about keeping my stuff. The big man show sign, you know.
Yeah.

Speaker 11 I mean, never gets going to, how can you throw it out?

Speaker 10 That's how I feel. My wife would tell you how to throw it out.
Yeah.

Speaker 11 I mean, there'll never be a better title.

Speaker 11 I wish I could use the title. It's a great title.
Yeah. And especially was in the day because it was new.

Speaker 11 You know, people weren't saying that. They were saying politically correct.
I remember we had a lawsuit about that because somebody else wanted to use that. And we said, no,

Speaker 11 we made that.

Speaker 10 I never told you this, but there was a, when I was a disc jockey here in LA, there was a guy, a producer, who wanted me to host a show called Athletically Incorrect.

Speaker 10 Do you ever hear anything about that?

Speaker 11 No, but there was a time in the mid-90s after we were on for a year or so when there was a slew of copycat shows. I remember being very, very worried about it and talking to my producer, Scott Carter.

Speaker 11 God bless Scott Carter, all those years. Such a great guy.
He is a great guy. Producer.

Speaker 10 Super smart guy.

Speaker 11 Oh, yes, and just a great human. And he, and I was like, they're going to take the show.
And he said, you know,

Speaker 11 think about the people who have cycled through here that we tried to teach how to do this kind of show and they couldn't get it. He said, they can't rip it off when they're trying to learn it.

Speaker 10 Yeah, when you're telling us we're not ripping it off.

Speaker 11 Well, we always were doing something that was different

Speaker 11 than the other shows.

Speaker 11 And they couldn't rip it off.

Speaker 10 When we did the man show, which you were on.

Speaker 11 Yeah, of course, I'm sure.

Speaker 10 I don't remember it, but. I remember it well.

Speaker 10 It was some kind of a a bit where I married a monkey.

Speaker 11 Oh, yeah, I do remember that.

Speaker 10 And then at

Speaker 10 the end of the bit, I look across.

Speaker 10 We were wearing tuxedos for some reason.

Speaker 11 I look across the room. Of course, you're a monkey.

Speaker 10 And you were there with your own monkey.

Speaker 10 Like it was a thing. But there was a show called The X Show.
We made this Man Show pilot, and then it took like a year before it was on the air.

Speaker 10 And in the meantime, FX, which was a new network, stole the idea. First, they tried to buy the man show, and we sold it at Comedy Central.

Speaker 10 And then they asked me to host this show that they described to me. I was like, this is just like the show I'm doing, except for it was five nights a week.

Speaker 10 And they bought time in our premiere episode of The Man Show. They bought ads from the local cable operator, and we were...

Speaker 10 Just so angry. And we were just like,

Speaker 10 they were like our arch enemy. It's all we could think of.
And it's funny now. It's like, it didn't work.

Speaker 10 It was terrible. Who cares? Yeah, who cares? But it was the biggest thing in our office.

Speaker 11 The brand of show business we're in is the most disposable. Like movies last forever.
You know, people still watch fucking It Happened One Night.

Speaker 11 I mean, it looks like it was made in the Middle Ages, but it was only 1935 and it's on film.

Speaker 11 And what we do is gone by the next week. It's sour milk.
You know,

Speaker 11 it's so disposable.

Speaker 10 But for me, I come from radio, which is even lower on that disposable ladder.

Speaker 11 As low as it gets.

Speaker 10 I saw even just the fact that somebody is saving the tape of the show, which, you know, in radio, you want the show. You buy cassettes, you bring them in, and you take them.

Speaker 11 They didn't used to save them.

Speaker 10 I mean, not at all.

Speaker 11 Carson used to complain that there were not those first few years, there were some were on a kinescope. I never even knew what the fuck that was.

Speaker 11 They used to talk about it and it was like, what is a kinescope? I don't know. It was something.
I think it was like making a picture of a picture somehow. So they had a few of them like that.

Speaker 11 But those early Carson years, they don't even have because nobody thought they would reuse those tapes. They would use them for anything.

Speaker 11 It's hysterical, the lack of foresight.

Speaker 10 It's crazy. Yeah.

Speaker 10 Yeah. Even, yeah.

Speaker 10 How much could a tape have cost back then? But that was the same with our radio show. Also, we had a thing where...

Speaker 11 Were you at 34

Speaker 11 when you started? If you're 54. This show?

Speaker 10 This is your show. 35, yeah.

Speaker 11 35. Yeah, I was about

Speaker 11 that exact age when I started Politically Incorrect.

Speaker 11 It's funny, you look back and I'm sure there are people who like our earlier work better.

Speaker 10 Yeah, there are.

Speaker 11 But I look back and I would just fucking cringe.

Speaker 11 I mean, if you really wanted to torture me, make me watch something.

Speaker 10 Same here.

Speaker 11 I mean, I don't even watch it now,

Speaker 11 but if I did, and occasionally I do to check on something,

Speaker 11 especially the parts that are written, which I worked on all week,

Speaker 11 I can watch that and go, oh, okay, I can totally live with that. I didn't stumble over one word.
If I stumble over one word, I feel like it's ruined.

Speaker 10 It's a bubble, right? You know, but...

Speaker 11 But but to ask me to look at something all those years ago, first of all, I would have zero recollection. It would be a total shock.

Speaker 11 And maybe there'd be parts I'd go like, oh, that guy, that was pretty cute of that guy. But there would be definitely parts where I would go, oh, what a fucking douchebag.

Speaker 10 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 11 And that would be just exquisite torture.

Speaker 10 Yes, it's terrible.

Speaker 10 I've had that. I think I feel like I've had that my whole life with everything.
Like I wanted to be an artist when I was a kid.

Speaker 10 You draw something, you think it was good, show it to your mom or whatever. Then like two years later you look at it you go oh god i thought this was good

Speaker 10 and then you start to question whether what you're doing at that time is good

Speaker 10 i i guess eventually you probably reach a point where you've peaked where maybe you'll enjoy looking back because you were better

Speaker 11 i don't think i ever would because i feel like

Speaker 11 i mean what i really want to be is the most sophisticated i can in the best sense of the word not a pretentious sense and i just was less sophisticated at that age.

Speaker 11 I might not have been unsophisticated for my age. Right.
But when you look back from 50s and 60s at 20s and 30s, you're not that sophisticated.

Speaker 11 You think you are, and you're more than you were when you were a teenager, of course. But there's just, you're just not what they, I think, used to call seasoned.

Speaker 10 Yeah, you don't know things.

Speaker 10 I heard you on one of the earlier podcasts talking about Gaspacho and how you, when you learned that it was cold soup.

Speaker 11 and that's my book that's one of the that's that i think that's a uh right it's a very salient point you know it's yes everything you at the gazpacho thing i was obsessed with this gazpacho because it's you know it's funny what sticks in your mind for some reason i guess because i was so humiliated at that moment when i was making a thing with the waiter about the gazpacho soup being cold uh it must have been seared in my mind and it just i do want to write that book gazpacho soup is Cold, because

Speaker 11 every single thing you know in your life, you did learn at a particular instant. You don't record the instant, but you could.

Speaker 10 Can I tell you what I didn't know when I was in my mid to late 20s? I would,

Speaker 10 I thought fish was healthy. And so I would get fish and chips.
for lunch almost every day.

Speaker 11 And now you don't because of the mercury and stuff like that.

Speaker 10 Oh, it's just, it's a big blob of fried dough over a fish. Well, you used to fry fish.
Well, no, fish and chips, like the traditional fish and chips.

Speaker 11 Oh, but you just said fish.

Speaker 11 Do you think all fish is unhealthy?

Speaker 10 No, no, I think grilled fish is great. This was like, you know, like a fried chicken version of fish.
Right.

Speaker 10 And I thought I was eating, I'd have french fries with it, and I was like, I'm eating as healthy as could be. I would have a bagel every morning and think like, oh, this is good.

Speaker 10 I'm not putting much butter on it, you know?

Speaker 10 We don't know anything. We're not taught the important things.

Speaker 11 well now you're jimmy wading into my deep end of the pool because this is the area that makes me ballistic i we could spend the whole rest of this time talking about this subject but i feel like maybe i have an ally in you i don't know if i do on all these things really oh yeah okay but just let me just address the general first which is that Somehow at 66, even though I understand that my body is not in the shape it must have been internally and in some ways externally that it was, I'm so much smarter about my health than I was in my 20s and 30s that in some ways I'm actually healthier.

Speaker 11 And you can look at even in the numbers.

Speaker 10 I feel the same way.

Speaker 11 Which is amazing because to your point, I had so many bad ideas.

Speaker 11 And of course, when you're talking about bad ideas about health, That's given the fact that we already, with our best ideas, don't know a lot.

Speaker 11 So if you have bad ideas based on other bad ideas, that's a lot of bad health. And yes, I was the same way.
I thought, we all thought that

Speaker 11 I can't believe it's not butter,

Speaker 11 was what you should eat. And now it is illegal.
That is trans fats. Trans fats are illegal.
And that is what they told us to eat 15 years ago. To be healthy.

Speaker 11 This is why I am so skeptical about COVID and all the way we handle it, because the bigger question about health, they just don't know that much and they're wrong a lot.

Speaker 11 So don't sit there in your fucking white coat and tell me, just do what we say, because when have we ever been wrong? A lot. You've been wrong a fucking lot, including about this.

Speaker 11 I seem to remember six months we were wiping off the packages.

Speaker 10 Right.

Speaker 11 Lots of things you're wrong about. The vaccine

Speaker 11 would prevent you from getting it, no, or giving it, no.

Speaker 10 Okay,

Speaker 11 you aren't trying to be wrong, but don't be arrogant about how much you're right, because it's not very much.

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Speaker 3 But with Zin nicotine pouches, you'll discover many good reasons.

Speaker 5 Zinn is America's number one nicotine pouch brand.

Speaker 7 Plus, Zinn offers a robust rewards program.

Speaker 8 There are lots of options when it comes to nicotine satisfaction, but there's only one Zin.

Speaker 6 Check out zinn.com slash find to find Zinn at a store near you.

Speaker 9 Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical.

Speaker 1 If you're a smoker or vapor, ready to make a change, you really only need one good reason.

Speaker 3 But with Zin nicotine pouches, you'll discover many good reasons.

Speaker 5 Zinn is America's number one nicotine pouch brand.

Speaker 7 Plus, Zin offers a robust rewards program.

Speaker 8 There are lots of options when it comes to nicotine satisfaction, but there's only one Zin.

Speaker 6 Check out Zinn.com/slash find to find Zin at a store near you.

Speaker 9 Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical.

Speaker 10 Do you feel though that now, knowing what you know, do you feel like you're in that place that you were at 10 years ago or 20 years ago, where the conventional wisdom is what we accept?

Speaker 10 We know that grilled fish is good for us. Some are maybe not.
Some are worse than others, but

Speaker 10 maybe we'll find out it wasn't.

Speaker 11 I mean, any fish that lives in the ocean is never going to be 100% good for you because the ocean is a fucking cesspool.

Speaker 10 There are There are many lakes and you can have

Speaker 10 salmon out of a river.

Speaker 11 I mean most bodies of water are somewhat polluted just because what falls out of the air falls into the bodies of water.

Speaker 11 Mercury gets into the water no matter where the water is because it falls from the clouds. And fish eat that and we get it in the fish.

Speaker 11 Some fish are worse, obviously sushi. There are people who eat a lot of sushi and have a mercury poisoning.
That's how much fucking mercury there is in the fish.

Speaker 11 Jeremy Piven had that thing on Broadway, man.

Speaker 10 Allegedly, yeah.

Speaker 10 I don't know. I think he wasn't he trying to get out of that play.

Speaker 11 I seem to remember that. Yes, that's possible.

Speaker 10 I remember a lot of scoffing. That's what I remember from that.

Speaker 11 He would write a book about it. He blamed it on the fish.
The Jeremy Piven story.

Speaker 11 But certainly it is bad for you.

Speaker 11 Tuna has tons of it. Swordfish, I used to love to eat.
I won't eat that now. Yes.

Speaker 11 Any deep sea fish is going to be full of mercury. And mercury is is super bad for what's inside you.
This is another thing about vaccines.

Speaker 11 You know, I've never been anti-vax, but don't tell me that you know how vaccines will interact with how much mercury I have in my body, or how much...

Speaker 11 electromagnetic energy I get exposed to, how many of the 50,000 chemicals that were never around 100 years ago that we ingest now are in the atmosphere.

Speaker 11 There's a million different variables that can affect my health. So

Speaker 11 don't pretend that there are definitive answers about any of this.

Speaker 10 But don't you

Speaker 10 do you regret having the polio vaccine, the rubella vaccine?

Speaker 10 Did you get the shingles?

Speaker 11 I would have to go through them case by case because to me, vaccines are always a case by case. There are some, yes, that I would endorse.

Speaker 11 And some,

Speaker 11 I certainly didn't want the COVID one.

Speaker 11 You didn't want to get it. No, and I did.

Speaker 10 Uh-huh.

Speaker 11 Because I couldn't have like led a life without it and still couldn't today. But I'm not going to get any more of it.

Speaker 10 No, I will. I will for sure.
Yeah.

Speaker 11 Well, I mean, we're different on that.

Speaker 10 Yeah.

Speaker 10 Yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 10 I don't know. Even the idea that mercury is bad for you, like, how do we know that?

Speaker 11 Mercury is bad for you. We do know that.

Speaker 10 But how do we know it?

Speaker 11 Who told us this?

Speaker 11 Okay, well, peer-reviewed studies told us this. Right.

Speaker 11 And

Speaker 11 it's almost commonsensical, but I mean, look,

Speaker 11 I'm trying to lay out the case that I'm the medical skeptic. Right.
But if the question is, is mercury bad for you?

Speaker 11 I feel like that's on the side of settled science. I'm good with that one.
I don't need to look into that one anymore. Mercury in your system, not good.

Speaker 10 Do you feel that?

Speaker 11 Neither is lead,

Speaker 11 which we also have an artist.

Speaker 10 Well, no,

Speaker 10 I'm not saying they are good. I'm not even questioning it.
I'm just saying that. Well, why do we decide that certain things?

Speaker 11 Because metals in people's body is something that they don't look into enough and is very often, I've certainly anecdotally heard from people who say, I know one person in particular who was like, she had all these horrible kind of like,

Speaker 11 you know, those diseases they call fatigue diseases, you know, bar,

Speaker 11 yeah, Epstein-Barr, which is a virus many of us have in their bodies. I have it in my body.

Speaker 11 Lots of, you know, fatigue syndrome, whatever they want to call it.

Speaker 11 And she said, looked at a million different things, many different doctors, had the mercury drilled out of her teeth, problem went away.

Speaker 11 Mercury, they used to drill it into, I had it drilled.

Speaker 10 Yeah, I had it, yeah.

Speaker 11 Did you have it drilled out? Yes.

Speaker 10 I had the mercury. Right.

Speaker 11 Well, if you're...

Speaker 10 Yeah, the metal filling.

Speaker 11 If you're not sure about that, why'd you do that?

Speaker 10 I was a kid.

Speaker 10 My parents, I had no decision really in it.

Speaker 11 They drilled it in and then drilled it out while you were still a kid?

Speaker 10 Yeah. They drilled in when I was a little kid and drilled it out when I was like 13 or something.
14 maybe. Wow.
Yeah.

Speaker 10 They said they had to. It was like falling out.
Yes.

Speaker 11 Yeah. And it's bad for you.

Speaker 10 Yeah, I don't know what their reasoning was. Their reasoning may have just been.

Speaker 11 It's poison.

Speaker 10 We want to sell you another filling.

Speaker 11 We don't want poison leaking into your body from your teeth.

Speaker 10 Yeah, I mean, that could have been it too, but I tend to think that

Speaker 10 I tend to think that they're just like dentists trying to make another 60 bucks.

Speaker 11 Not in this case.

Speaker 10 Yeah, well, no, why?

Speaker 11 If you leave here thinking one thing about club random, I hope it will be mercury bad.

Speaker 11 Mercury bad.

Speaker 11 Don't get mercury in my body if I can help it.

Speaker 10 I was going to ask you why it was club random, but I think I understand.

Speaker 10 I don't think I need any explanation.

Speaker 11 It's interesting, you and I, you know, we have so many things in common and so many things unin common.

Speaker 10 Yeah, we, that's true.

Speaker 11 Like you, you're a guy who loves to be married.

Speaker 10 Yeah.

Speaker 11 And I'm a guy who obviously doesn't.

Speaker 10 Right.

Speaker 11 I mean, and you even, is your wife still the head writer?

Speaker 10 She's the head writer. That's unsure.
That's the producer of the show.

Speaker 11 Talk about someone who you can trust, huh?

Speaker 10 Yeah.

Speaker 11 Because that's a real trust job.

Speaker 11 Totally. You know, if you

Speaker 10 and also, who knows?

Speaker 11 It's like chief of staff. Who knows you? It's like chief of staff if you're president.

Speaker 10 Yeah, right. Who knows what you would want and not want.
Right. And even more importantly.

Speaker 11 So it's not just the shirts that she does.

Speaker 10 Yeah, it's not just the shirts. It's the show.
The show and the shirts.

Speaker 11 That is a hell of a wife you got there.

Speaker 10 Yeah. No, she's good.

Speaker 10 Sometimes if I think of something funny in the middle of the night, I'll make a lot of noise so that it wakes her up and then I'll act like I did it unintentionally and then I'll tell her the funny thing that I thought of and she almost I mean she courtesy laughs but I don't think she's

Speaker 11 but then she puts it in a bit oh no it's usually ridiculous you have some I must say you do have some classic bits

Speaker 11 the the tweets bit

Speaker 10 that was her idea my wife's idea Really? Yeah.

Speaker 11 That is a, I mean, you know, not

Speaker 11 every bit is a classic. That's, that's a classic.

Speaker 10 Yeah.

Speaker 11 And the other one, the

Speaker 11 bleeping.

Speaker 10 Yeah, the unnecessary censorship. That's something I started doing on the radio.
Is that right? Yeah. Really? Yeah.

Speaker 11 Goes that far back?

Speaker 10 Yeah.

Speaker 10 It was funny to put bleeps where

Speaker 10 they scream. Where they don't belong.

Speaker 10 Yeah, I always got to say that.

Speaker 11 Yeah, that's another gold.

Speaker 11 Those things, those like recurring

Speaker 11 new rules, obviously. And some of these.
Did you you figure that out? I don't know if it's true.

Speaker 11 I don't know for a fact. I just know it's true in our 24 things.
I love those refillables because we're old school fans of the old.

Speaker 11 We grew up on, I mean, I know you adore Letterman, right? He's your big hero, right?

Speaker 10 Yeah. Letterman, Howard.

Speaker 11 Howard, yes.

Speaker 11 Oh, and he's still your boyfriend.

Speaker 10 Yeah.

Speaker 11 Now, how did you wind up up Howard's ass, but you couldn't get up Dave's? That's my question for you, Jimmy Kimmel.

Speaker 11 I'm sure you tried.

Speaker 10 No, I just, you know, I feel like Howard, no matter what he says, seeks human interaction. And I don't know that, at least with me, I don't know that Dave would be interested in that.

Speaker 10 And I would never want to like bother him. But Howard and I have a lot in common.
We started in, you know, he's still a radio guy. I was a radio guy.
I got into it because of him, really.

Speaker 10 And

Speaker 10 my uncle would send me tapes of the show on w nbc he'd make a cassette tape he'd send me one once every two months and i would listen to them over and over again i feasted on them right and

Speaker 11 this is the difference between your age which is about a decade before mine and mine because like you're howard letterman whereas i'm carson

Speaker 11 jack benny right no not jack

Speaker 10 benny i don't know i don't know who the other one

Speaker 11 but it was probably somebody on the radio. You know, I did listen to like the disc jockeys on WABC, Dan Ingram in the afternoon, Cousin Brucey,

Speaker 11 I didn't want to be him. Dan Ingram was very sophisticated,

Speaker 11 but definitely Johnny Carson. And, you know, we wanted to be that guy.
I think that guy to us was, I mean, we were never going to be like the...

Speaker 11 athlete of the school, you know, that's not what we're going to be. We weren't going to be the leading man in the drama club, but we could be that guy.
You know, that was our version of J.

Speaker 10 Well, I remember when college kids I would talk to started talking about Conan in the same way that I spoke about Letterman, because it's whatever you're, the first thing, the first one you're exposed to is the one that means the most.

Speaker 10 Right. Johnny.
Right. To you it was Johnny.
And then everybody else after Johnny is like,

Speaker 11 when there was that Conan Leno kerfuffle

Speaker 11 ugliness, not since the war between the states, really, or maybe it was the rap feuds between East and West Coast. I don't remember, but not since something.
Was there something?

Speaker 11 That was that contentious. I remember at the time, this is so funny, it was like 2009, I think.
Yeah, it sounds right.

Speaker 11 Okay, so my girlfriend at the time was 25, and I remember, you know, it was a very

Speaker 11 important thing in our world.

Speaker 11 And I was explaining to her, I said, well, you know, it's a generational thing. Leno is 59 and Conan's like 46.
And she went, yeah, that's the same thing to me.

Speaker 11 And I actually felt better because I was like, oh, you know what?

Speaker 11 That's good because that means I'm in the same boat with everybody over 40, you know?

Speaker 11 And

Speaker 11 that category is, you know.

Speaker 10 Yeah, out of range. Right, fuller, but

Speaker 11 I don't know. I mean, were you a team? Were you Team Jay or Team...

Speaker 10 Oh, definitely not Team Jay. No.
No. I was like...

Speaker 11 Oh, yeah, you have a feud with him.

Speaker 10 I was kind of in the middle of that. I feud with Jay Leno.

Speaker 10 Not anymore. I did, though.
About what?

Speaker 11 He's such a nice guy.

Speaker 10 I know. You always say that, and I go.

Speaker 10 What am I not seeing?

Speaker 11 You know, there's this evil Jay that I don't see.

Speaker 10 Really?

Speaker 11 I mean, is that really what you think? Tell me what you really think. You think I am blind to a Machiavellian side of Jay Leno?

Speaker 10 Maybe.

Speaker 10 I don't even know. Yeah, you can say that.
I mean, unless you're joking. I'm not joking.

Speaker 10 He's quite clearly very a cunning individual, let's just say.

Speaker 11 Because he hid in the closet that time?

Speaker 10 He who hides in the closet and listens in.

Speaker 11 But on his own behalf.

Speaker 10 Who's ever done that?

Speaker 11 Okay, but he did it on his own.

Speaker 10 Sign of soap operation.

Speaker 11 Wait a second. He did it on his own behalf.
He didn't do it to rat fuck someone else.

Speaker 10 He did it to rat fuck Dave.

Speaker 11 What do you mean? To rat fuck Dave?

Speaker 10 Letterman.

Speaker 11 I mean how did that rat fuck Letterman?

Speaker 10 Well, it was part of his campaign. I mean, you know, you go through the whole thing, but basically that was part of him gauging what NBC was planning to do.

Speaker 10 I don't recall exactly what that conversation was. Do you?

Speaker 10 But I think it may have been a very...

Speaker 11 They were vying for this same,

Speaker 11 they were vying for this one coveted spot, the host of the tonight show. It was the holy grail of comedians that it would be passed on to.
So obviously it's the Super Bowl trophy. They both want it.

Speaker 11 And I don't know. I find something wrong about the hatred of the people who, oh, you just went for it and got it and won.
And then, by the way, he was like number one.

Speaker 11 They fired him twice for the sin of being number one

Speaker 11 in his time slot.

Speaker 10 I mean, it's not like... I don't know if that's why they fired him, but yeah.

Speaker 11 Well, they fired him because they thought, well, we better look out. Why? Because he was such a hard guy to work with?

Speaker 10 No, I just think they saw Fallon surging and they saw that as the immediate future.

Speaker 10 There was a time where the ratings between those shows were getting close, which is very unusual.

Speaker 11 It speaks to the need in this business, kids, if you're watching and you want to get in the business, you need someone talking for you, an agent, a manager.

Speaker 11 Somebody, because Jay Leno had no one speaking for him. He was his own representative.

Speaker 11 Whereas I think it was Ari Emmanuel, one of the great talkers of all time and great people, I love him. I think he was in the ear of the NBC execs saying, you need to think about the future.

Speaker 11 Yeah, sure, Jay is number one now, but you know what? What about the future?

Speaker 11 Let's get ahead of this. And so they fired him for being number one twice, and the successors did not do as well.
I'm just saying, these are the raw materials.

Speaker 10 I think it's more complicated than that.

Speaker 11 Tell me the complicated part.

Speaker 10 Well, there's a couple of things. I mean, first of all,

Speaker 10 Conan wanted

Speaker 10 the 1130 spot, and he went to NBC and said, I want the 1130 spot. If I don't get the 11.30 spot, I'm going to become a free agent, and other networks are going to offer me the 1130 spot.

Speaker 10 which was happening, by the way. You know,

Speaker 10 something that was happening. And NBC said, listen,

Speaker 10 we want to keep Jay on. We want you to be the 11.30 host.
What we'll do is we'll make a deal. In five years, we'll give you the tonight show.
And Conan now has to make a decision.

Speaker 10 Should I go to ABC at 11.30 or stay here and wait and be a good soldier and take the tonight show at the end of it?

Speaker 10 Yeah, ABC,

Speaker 10 I know.

Speaker 10 But at the time, they were talking to him and Fox as well.

Speaker 11 To replace you with him?

Speaker 10 Yeah, to push me back or whatever, you know, move the show. I was on at midnight at that time.

Speaker 10 And

Speaker 10 Conan then had to make a decision, you know, do I go to another network or do I stay here and wait? And he said, okay, I'll stay and wait. And then when he put in his five years,

Speaker 10 they broke the deal.

Speaker 11 Oh, so he did stay five years.

Speaker 10 He did stay five years. And then Jay, who knows a lot about television, a lot about TV ratings, maybe more than anyone I've ever met.

Speaker 11 I'll bet.

Speaker 10 Was was offered the 10 p.m. slot.
Now, they don't have to violate Conan's contract.

Speaker 10 Jay knew that lead-in is hugely important and that NBC had had dramas that were fairly successful in those slots, and they were bringing a pretty big audience to the tonight show.

Speaker 10 He knew that doing his show would have maybe half those ratings, turned out to be like a third. And even if that show failed, it would make the tonight show's ratings drop.
And that's what happened.

Speaker 10 Conan Conan had a bad lead-in from Jay.

Speaker 11 But Jay had not taken the 10 p.m. spot because of that? Why is Jay always looking out for Conan's interests?

Speaker 10 No, I'm not saying he's looking out for Conan's interests. I'm just saying

Speaker 10 it's somewhat diabolical, don't you think? Diabolical? I mean, I would never do anything like that. Why?

Speaker 11 So he should not have taken the 10 p.m. slot? He should not have kept working

Speaker 11 in the job they offered him. He should say, no, because of Conan's career, I'm not going to work at 10 p.m.
I don't get that.

Speaker 10 Yeah, but

Speaker 10 I think from the beginning, his plan was to retake the tonight show.

Speaker 10 To see the ratings go down.

Speaker 11 You just don't like this guy. I don't know what he did to you.

Speaker 10 Well,

Speaker 11 what did he do? Did he touch you, Jimmy?

Speaker 10 No, he didn't do a weird show.

Speaker 11 Tell me where he touched you.

Speaker 10 But I don't want to make this all about, because I'm fine with him now. We've spoken.
Okay. It's fine.
But just for the, you know, whatever, just the thing.

Speaker 11 I hate it when two people I love don't like each other because I feel like I did something.

Speaker 10 It wasn't your fault at all. Was it? It's just when ABC was, when NBC was going to

Speaker 10 turn the show over to Conan, Jay was talking to ABC about coming on at 11.30.

Speaker 10 And Jay

Speaker 10 needed to get Bob Iger, they needed to get my permission

Speaker 10 contractually because I was contracted to be on at midnight, not 12.30.

Speaker 10 So they wanted to get my permission first.

Speaker 10 And so at that time, Jay called me a lot. And, you know, we spoke about all sorts of things.
And I felt like we were having a friendly relationship.

Speaker 10 And then the day NBC decided, no, we're keeping Jay,

Speaker 10 never heard from him again.

Speaker 10 And I didn't even find out from him that he was staying.

Speaker 10 He wanted to be on 1130 and I would move to 12.30. And I finally said, okay, yeah, I think I would do that.
I'd be on at 12.30 after you, because I was on at midnight at the time.

Speaker 10 And I felt he'd be a better leader in the night line. You know that.

Speaker 11 Wait, Jay was going to move to ABC?

Speaker 10 Yeah.

Speaker 10 Yeah. There's a lot of stuff.
I, yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 11 Either I forgot that or.

Speaker 10 No, I don't think most people even know that.

Speaker 10 But I know it because I was

Speaker 10 asked to move to 12.30.

Speaker 10 Yeah. So I don't know.
I sometimes feel like maybe

Speaker 10 I got a lot of friends. I don't need to I don't need to like

Speaker 11 I understand you know what I mean, but I hope someday as we all walk down the path of life well, this isn't going to make it better that that I get to

Speaker 11 somehow do a

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Speaker 10 Let me tell you a couple, a good

Speaker 10 Jay Leno story. I met him when I was a teenager out front of

Speaker 10 the improv, I think. And he couldn't have possibly possibly been nicer to us.
I mean, he was super nice and chatty and, you know, so

Speaker 10 you know, I'm not indicating he's, you know, whatever. I just think there are some weird things there.

Speaker 11 Well, he is a weird mix of, I think, a very moral guy.

Speaker 11 But he's definitely Italian. He has a

Speaker 11 cunning. Yes, Jay is smart.
about the business. I mean, he is ruthlessly smart.
But I just didn't think it was at the detriment of others, except if you're going after the same job,

Speaker 10 yeah,

Speaker 11 I don't find it off-putting that he was in the closet.

Speaker 10 Yeah, from my point of view, I got to know who he was from his appearances on Letterman. And I thought he was cool because Dave put him on, and they seemed to be friendly, and he would give Dave shit.

Speaker 10 And he was always so funny. Oh, so

Speaker 10 those were cool. And then it seemed weird that then after Dave kind of opened that door for him,

Speaker 10 that

Speaker 10 he'd be squeezing his way through the other one.

Speaker 11 Well, Dave opened that door for him. I mean, he was obviously, I remember those appearances too.
He was obviously a big talent. You know, Chris Rock for years would always say, oh, thank you.

Speaker 11 Because back in 1996, we put him.

Speaker 11 On, we were doing, it was the 96 election. He was our correspondent because he was at a kind of a down moment in his career

Speaker 11 in New Hampshire. It was funny.
I can't find hair products up here. You know, it gave him a little boost.
People saw him and it, you know, helped the next step.

Speaker 11 But I always said to him, Chris, I didn't do anything. You're a giant talent.
It would have happened anyway.

Speaker 11 I'm glad that we were able to like work together at a moment that was beneficial for us both, but it would have happened some other way. You're Chris Rock.

Speaker 10 And I kind of feel like you're not.

Speaker 10 That's how Chris feels.

Speaker 10 Right? It's not about how you feel. It's how Chris feels.
And Jay is Chris in this situation. And this Chris is not so grateful.

Speaker 11 Interesting the way you threw that Trump card down on me. I must say, I'm a little taken aback.
But, okay, well, someday I'm going to do a Frank Sinatra to your Dean and Jerry.

Speaker 11 Not that you were ever Dean and Jerry.

Speaker 11 But it's like, because... You know, there's so many, there's so few people

Speaker 11 who can understand

Speaker 11 what you and me and Jay, and you know, there's a little club of people who know what it's like to do a talk show and talk to many, many, many different people over the years.

Speaker 11 And, you know, I mean, I would be hard-pressed if someone like had a list of every guest I've ever had to read them and make me identify exactly who we're talking about because

Speaker 11 I just,

Speaker 11 you know, I

Speaker 11 don't remember everybody, Regis.

Speaker 10 Yeah.

Speaker 11 I mean, Jimmy.

Speaker 10 That's funny.

Speaker 11 Especially because he's dead. He's not even.
Oh, no. Is Regis dead? He did.
He passed away.

Speaker 10 That's a relief. I feel bad.
I mean, I feel good. I mean, I feel bad.

Speaker 11 I feel good that he

Speaker 11 was around for so long and terrible that it had to end so quickly. I had Regis

Speaker 10 and Joy and Don Rickles and his wife Barbara over my house for dinner one night. I cooked them dinner.

Speaker 10 And one of the things I love about old guys like that is is nationality means so much in their characterization of you. Like Reed just, ah, look, he's Irish.
He's like, he's shaky. He's drunk.

Speaker 10 It's like,

Speaker 10 with Don, like all he could think about is, you know, my mother's Italian. It's like, he's a kid's Italian.
He's Italian. I think he thought I was Jewish

Speaker 10 at the outset and was kind of hoping I was Jewish. But then it became the mob and spaghetti and all meatballs and all that.

Speaker 11 What do you think about you, Reed's Jewish?

Speaker 10 You say that? Really? Yeah. Almost people think I'm Jewish.
Really? My last name rhymes with a Jewish word.

Speaker 10 And also when I dated Sarah, I feel like a lot of people presumed that I was Jewish.

Speaker 11 I never presumed.

Speaker 10 Thank you.

Speaker 11 No,

Speaker 11 you just do not. You do not.
I don't have Judar.

Speaker 10 It was a joke, of course.

Speaker 11 You do not set it off. If I had Judar, you would not set it off.

Speaker 10 Is it the big crucifix on my hairy chest?

Speaker 11 I feel like it's part and parcel to your amazing success. Really, 20 years is a long time in that piece of real estate.
It's because like Carson and like

Speaker 10 your RGL

Speaker 11 and David Letterman, there's something mid-American about you that appeals to the broad, not just the coasts, although you obviously do well there too, but like you strike people as American.

Speaker 11 And it's not like there's the Larry Davids and

Speaker 11 people love those kind of comics. But yes, that's kind of like a Jewish sensibility they see there.
I don't see it with you.

Speaker 11 Because you're not a Jew.

Speaker 11 It's not a giant mystery. And for America, that's good because Jews are like 2% of the population.
It's very good to be able to do well also in Muncie

Speaker 11 and lots of other places, you know.

Speaker 11 And I know you hate to be compared, but you and Jay, you both have your thumb well on the pulse of Middle America. You wouldn't have survived for that long in that spot if you didn't.

Speaker 10 I like that ice bucket, by the way. It reminds me like my parents had one like that in the 70s, you know?

Speaker 10 I remember it being, I still have mine right here.

Speaker 10 I remember being

Speaker 10 attracted to it in some way.

Speaker 11 Attracted? That sounds sick.

Speaker 10 You know what I I mean?

Speaker 11 No, I don't.

Speaker 10 Like you're attracted. You know what I mean? No, but like, what do you mean? One day.

Speaker 11 You want to fuck my ice bucket?

Speaker 10 One day I'm going to be a man who has an ice bucket. Oh, not yes.

Speaker 11 Well, the people I looked up to, like Manly, who I wanted to be a man, and

Speaker 11 if I was a man like these men, I'd be with lots of hot chicks, were Johnny Carson and James Bond.

Speaker 10 Yeah.

Speaker 11 They were the right age. And it's interesting, you know, they weren't like young.
They weren't old, for sure.

Speaker 11 but the celebrities were older than 40s 40s was like is like the perfect age like fully a man although i was

Speaker 11 you know i guess

Speaker 11 i don't know like i said looking back i don't want to do it but uh

Speaker 11 but you know still like attractive look good dean martin also i must say i could tell that my mother was hot for Dean Martin, like watching the 10 o'clock, he at the Thursday 10 o'clock show we had comes out with the perfect tan yeah sideburns you know the tuxedo and you know just white teeth and like it's like oh yeah i would love to i said well i can't be dean martin

Speaker 11 uh and i don't want to be jerry lewis

Speaker 11 it's got to be something in the middle cars you know

Speaker 10 who's your all-time favorite baseball player

Speaker 11 all-time favorite baseball player. Well, I mean, there will always be someone,

Speaker 11 I mean, a connection for someone my age

Speaker 11 who grew up in the New York market with Mickey Manle.

Speaker 10 I mean, my... A Yankee.

Speaker 11 Yes, my father

Speaker 11 appeared at the head of my first grade classroom one morning. I was shocked because I'd never seen my father at the school.
I didn't know what I thought, maybe that it was an

Speaker 11 emergency or a disaster. I was in trouble, but he was there to take me to my first baseball game.

Speaker 11 Like it was like and he didn't tell you, he just showed up when I just showed up like a fucking Marine back from Afghanistan. Oh, that's great.
And,

Speaker 11 you know, I remember I do have it, I have a clear memory of him talking to the teacher, and he must have been saying, Hey, I know I shouldn't be doing this.

Speaker 11 I know the school day is not out, but it's our one chance to go to a game, blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 11 And so there off I went. Wow.
And, you know, the first, it's almost exactly the way Billy Crystal describes it often, but like in his show, it's a brilliant show.

Speaker 10 That's how it works.

Speaker 11 But walking into Yankee Stadium and before it had only been black and white on your television because your black and white TV showed the baseball games.

Speaker 11 And here it was, you walk out the tunnel and there's that giant expanse. of verdant.

Speaker 10 I had that same experience because I had a little black and white TV. I watched all the Dodgers games growing up.
And when my parents took us to Dodger Stadium,

Speaker 10 what really stood out to me was that the Dodgers numbers were bright red,

Speaker 10 which I never really noticed

Speaker 10 in the newspaper.

Speaker 11 No, and it was just so big, you know, and there they were. And so Mickey Mantle, when I was seven, I had a flannel uniform, like a Yankee pinstripe uniform with seven that my mother sewed on the back.

Speaker 11 Really? And I wouldn't take it off all summer, summer and she was begging me to because it was hot and it was flannel, but it was Mickey Mets. So I guess that's back in my memory somewhere.

Speaker 11 I mean when I got more

Speaker 11 thoughtful about sports

Speaker 11 I went right to Joe Pepitone.

Speaker 10 No.

Speaker 10 I don't know.

Speaker 11 Name some people. I mean I like a lot of people but you know they're basically they're Tom Seaver was that one of your yeah Tom Seaver was great

Speaker 10 because I know you like the Mets. I just didn't know.
I didn't know it was.

Speaker 10 I paid them for a while.

Speaker 11 It was fun.

Speaker 10 Yeah, right.

Speaker 11 And now they're doing great.

Speaker 10 I told you that story about the Las Vegas Golden Knights. Yes.
They offered me a piece of their franchise, and I didn't

Speaker 10 do it because I felt you told me it wasn't a great deal when you owned the Mets.

Speaker 11 It was a great deal. I don't know.
You must have been hot. You told me.

Speaker 11 It was.

Speaker 10 You told me that they never give you any tickets. You don't even have a parking space there.
You always have to pay for tickets.

Speaker 11 I would never have said that because I never, that was not the case.

Speaker 10 I had my own parking space. I mean, I made a major life decision based on that.

Speaker 11 They were always great about that. I had my own parking space.
And yes, you had to, like at the World Series.

Speaker 11 Yeah, there were some things, but you know, I mean, I guess that was in the contract. Anyway, I went to the World Series.
I had the greatest seats.

Speaker 11 The Will Pons were super nice to me.

Speaker 11 I have no complaints about that. The problem was during the pandemic because we weren't playing baseball games.
So they had these things called capital calls. When you're an owner

Speaker 11 and you don't, the team losing a lot of money, you got to pony up. And so it was.
very scary to be running a baseball enterprise and not playing baseball.

Speaker 11 And then when we did play, there was no one in the stands to buy hot dogs.

Speaker 11 That was a troubling time. I was worried about that way more than getting the fucking Andromeda strain.

Speaker 11 I was worried about that.

Speaker 10 That's so crazy. You never think about that.
You have a piece of a team that

Speaker 10 might not be.

Speaker 10 Oh. You might have to pay up.
Absolutely.

Speaker 11 Yes, and I did. Luckily, Mr.
Steve Cohen came along the next year and the Mets sold.

Speaker 11 And it actually turned out to be a great thing.

Speaker 11 But

Speaker 11 yeah, there was some fucking nervous moments. Yeah.

Speaker 10 But.

Speaker 10 Well, now I'm back. Now I think I made the right decision.

Speaker 11 Yes. You know what?

Speaker 10 But of course the Golden Knights went to the Stanley Cup in their first season. Is that right? Yeah.

Speaker 11 And they're a professional team?

Speaker 10 Yes, it's an NHL team. It's like unheard of.
I don't know.

Speaker 11 I know so little about hockey, and I'm so actively against it that I can't really judge that, you know, because hockey, I don't know, and I don't even think it should be here.

Speaker 11 It's not really American. It's boring like soccer.
It's a sport, sort of, just more like exercise. So I'm not, so I can't judge that.

Speaker 10 Have you gone to a game live?

Speaker 11 No, of course not.

Speaker 10 It's different. It's more fun.

Speaker 11 It's even more boring.

Speaker 10 No, it's not. It's not boring.

Speaker 10 You're right up at the glass if you get good seats.

Speaker 10 And just, you know, they're constantly smashing in the bowl all covered up. You can really see them fighting.
I don't care.

Speaker 11 And then I'll go to a fight if I want to see them fighting.

Speaker 11 But in general, of all the things that goes up in value, this is why I did this deal back in 2011. Sports teams.
People in this fucking country, you know better than anybody, love sports.

Speaker 11 And those investments never go down.

Speaker 11 Could they, yes, in a small market, but not the New York baseball franchise. There's only one National League baseball franchise and it's not going anywhere.

Speaker 11 It's like Mark Twain said about real estate, God made the earth, but he ain't making anymore.

Speaker 11 And they ain't making any more National League baseball franchises. So I don't know if that's anything like what this one is in hockey.
Does it sound like it has quite the tradition?

Speaker 10 No, but

Speaker 10 it's

Speaker 10 hugely successful as far as attendance and fan excitement.

Speaker 10 Going to, it was a really big story. Like it hadn't happened in any professional sport since like the early 60s.

Speaker 11 But if somebody offers you like something in a legacy team, and when I say legacy team, like I, if there's like a World Series,

Speaker 11 as there usually is, without the Mets in it, so I don't really care who wins. I always root for the team that's been around longest.
I root for the team whose baseball cards I had when I was a kid.

Speaker 11 If it's the Detroit Tigers against the Marlins, fuck the Marlins.

Speaker 10 The Brewers in the American League.

Speaker 11 Not even the Brewers.

Speaker 11 It was the Milwaukee Braves

Speaker 11 before they went to Atlanta.

Speaker 10 And they went to Atlanta. Wow.
Right. Yeah.

Speaker 11 Hank Aaron.

Speaker 10 Yeah.

Speaker 11 I also had a card that said Bob Clemente.

Speaker 10 Really? Bob?

Speaker 11 Because he couldn't say Roberto. Because that was for that era.
That was a little too ethnic.

Speaker 10 Bob Clemente.

Speaker 11 You have baseball cards?

Speaker 10 I do. I have some baseball cards, but they're cards I collected when I was a kid.

Speaker 11 You got to come over one day.

Speaker 10 I am over. One of my 10? Yes, apparently I am.

Speaker 11 You've got to come over one day. Seriously, I'll go through my cards.
You got good ones? That's amazing. That's great.
Like the years like 60,

Speaker 11 like maybe

Speaker 11 3, 4, 5, something like that. When I was like 7, 8, 9.

Speaker 11 Very complete.

Speaker 10 Did you

Speaker 10 flip cards when you were a kid? Yeah. Yeah,

Speaker 11 and you put them in the spokes of your bike.

Speaker 10 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 10 Yeah, I valued them too much to do that, but

Speaker 10 we'd flip them all the time. It was just non-stop gambling with the cards.
I got a Mets team card once.

Speaker 11 The team card. Oh, the checklist.

Speaker 10 The Mets Team card was fine.

Speaker 11 Remember the checklist card?

Speaker 10 Yeah.

Speaker 10 And the kid, this kid Mark, his parents owned the grocery store in Brooklyn, milk and stuff.

Speaker 10 And he was so upset that I got the Mets Team card. He made them open all of the cards in the store.
And they didn't get another Mets team card.

Speaker 10 I wound up trading him the Mets Team card for all of those cards. Hundreds of cards.
It was like a scene out of Willy Wonka. It was like they're opening these packs looking for this Mets team card.

Speaker 11 Do they still have cards?

Speaker 10 Oh, yeah, sure.

Speaker 10 Yeah, the cards are bigger than ever.

Speaker 11 You know, I not only have baseball cards. Oh, Jimmy, when you come over here,

Speaker 11 we're going to have such a good day.

Speaker 11 Not only do I have baseball cards, I have other cards that were Beetle cards.

Speaker 10 Wow.

Speaker 11 Batman cards.

Speaker 11 Two kinds, one drawing, one photograph. Really? Yes,

Speaker 11 two editions. Martian cards.

Speaker 11 There was a movie,

Speaker 11 Jack Nicholson was in it. It was called

Speaker 11 something let's go to Mars or Mars Attacks.

Speaker 10 I think it was Tim Burton. Tim Burton, right.

Speaker 11 Mars Attacks. That was from a set of cards that I have

Speaker 11 still as a kid.

Speaker 10 Did you collect wacky packages?

Speaker 10 You know, wacky packs?

Speaker 11 No, what's that?

Speaker 10 Wacky packs. That was a big thing.
Like they'd, they take like a

Speaker 10 product, like a tube of crest toothpaste, and they change it to crust and crust would be coming out of it. You know, like that kind of stuff.

Speaker 11 I think I have those cards.

Speaker 10 Yeah, I love those wacky pack cards.

Speaker 11 I have

Speaker 11 Munster cards. Really? Well, maybe it's Adam's family, one of those.

Speaker 10 Yeah. And you remember buying them when you were a kid? No.

Speaker 11 I don't remember, I don't know how I have them.

Speaker 11 The baseball cards I know how I have because I did save my nickels and dimes to go buy cards, packages of bad, remember, you get that stale gum.

Speaker 10 Yeah, oh, yeah.

Speaker 11 And you would open it up and you're like, oh, who did I get? A little bit of gum dust would come out.

Speaker 10 Yeah, and you'd see.

Speaker 10 Sometimes you get like some like shitty San Diego Padre being like, oh, fuck. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 11 The best ones from the, I don't know if they still did it, but there was like, okay, each guy, Bob Clemente, and, you know, Raleigh Fingers, whoever it is.

Speaker 11 Then checklist card,

Speaker 10 worst.

Speaker 11 Team card, second worst. But best was like when they had two

Speaker 11 or three stars, sometimes from different teams

Speaker 11 standing together with a special card. Buck blasters, you know, and it was Clemente and Willie Stargill or something like that.
Yeah. You know.

Speaker 10 for like the American League and National League best first basemen.

Speaker 10 Yes. Like Rod Carew and Steve Garth.
Right.

Speaker 11 It would be, yeah, like Hank Aaron and Willie Mays together. You know, like.
Right.

Speaker 10 Yeah. See, for us, the team cards were big, but only teams we liked.
We didn't care about the expos.

Speaker 11 Racist victim bashers.

Speaker 10 Have you ever played any of those celebrity softball games where you get to play with like those guys, like Gossage was one, and Winfield, these guys in one of these games. Games? What kind of game?

Speaker 10 Like a celebrity softball game. They'll do them in the All-Stars.

Speaker 11 I played in the

Speaker 11 a couple of years. I was in something at Dodger Stadium.
They sent over a uniform. He got in a Dodger uniform with the stirrups, the whole thing.
It was kind of cool.

Speaker 11 I remember I went with Alan Thick.

Speaker 10 Wow.

Speaker 11 And

Speaker 11 it was a game. I loved it.
Yes. Tony Danza got me out with a little 10 cent curveball, grounded to third.

Speaker 11 I remember Jonathan Silverman.

Speaker 11 Wow. Like, really hit it a long way.
Oh, really? Like, very impressive.

Speaker 11 You have so many like of these big celebrity friends. What's that about?

Speaker 11 Like, Jennifer Aniston and like

Speaker 11 Howard Stern. It's funny.
I still have to say that. Did you just say some other motherfucker that you're friends with? Some other.

Speaker 10 I still have my best friends from high school. Oh.

Speaker 11 I do. Oh, bring out the award

Speaker 11 for a good job. It's not just.

Speaker 10 It's not just.

Speaker 11 But do they party? They might be defensive awards. But do they party with Jennifer Adams?

Speaker 11 No, you keep them separate.

Speaker 10 That's actually not true. Really? Yep.
Actually,

Speaker 10 specifically not true. In fact,

Speaker 10 my friend Jimmy Gentleman, who was

Speaker 10 Jimmy Gentleman's name. Come on.

Speaker 11 There's nobody named Jimmy Gentleman.

Speaker 10 Jimmy Gentleman. And there's actually two people named that.
Him and his dad's John Gentleman.

Speaker 11 I think of you as Jimmy Gentleman.

Speaker 10 it's funny my uncle vinny was like thought it was a nickname he's like because yeah because you're like the jerk and he's like the the gentleman i was like no i'm not

Speaker 10 the jerk anyway uh we knew that he's so polite he wouldn't come who if jimmy gentleman to jennifer andison's house if he knew that's where he's going so we lied to him We told him we're going back to our house and just drove there and he was a nervous wreck the whole time.

Speaker 11 Why? Because he felt he was not worthy to set foot in Jim.

Speaker 10 Yeah. Which is not true.
And he loosened up after a while.

Speaker 11 Right. I hope you slapped a snot at him.

Speaker 11 He needs to be disabused of that notion. Yeah, well, I think he was disabused.
Well,

Speaker 10 okay. Yeah.
No.

Speaker 11 If you insist,

Speaker 10 I'll let you talk to him.

Speaker 11 I would like to interview Jimmy Johnson. I agree with you completely.
And

Speaker 11 try to convince him.

Speaker 10 What is my wider?

Speaker 11 Try to convince him that

Speaker 11 just because

Speaker 11 he is one of your Memphis mafia

Speaker 11 I assume that's why you keep him around Jimmy I assume he's like the Memphis mafia he is your gopher no not at all

Speaker 10 he's got he lives in Las Vegas he's got a wife and children

Speaker 10 kid just went to college and you make them work for you too is no nobody works nobody works for me I know I'm fucking though

Speaker 11 I'm a comedian

Speaker 10 you know I've been smoking this so I think it'll be jesus christ and what are you drinking wine i'm drinking wine yeah jesus what are you ever had wells in 1985 with your beard and your wine yes i am

Speaker 11 you remember when orson wells was on the shall we say downslide when he was a fat old legend

Speaker 11 a fat old legend and he'd always be on like merv griffin and he just made the rounds and it was like You know, of course he's a legend, but that was the elephant in the room.

Speaker 11 It's like, okay, you haven't done anything in 30 years, but you're Arson Wells.

Speaker 11 And he would, I guess, regale them with rack and tour-like tales of Hollywood.

Speaker 10 One time, Rita Hayward

Speaker 10 was twerking on my balls.

Speaker 10 Wouldn't you love to have, though, a reel of him on talk shows? you know, from the 70s.

Speaker 11 It would not be hard to find.

Speaker 10 He's wearing a scarf.

Speaker 11 Yes, exactly. A scarf, a cigar, always a prop cigar,

Speaker 11 and a big cloak because he was just big as a house by then.

Speaker 11 And, of course, Lana Turner was always twerking on his nuts, which he referred to as the Magnificent Ambersons.

Speaker 10 Is that true? No, it's one of his movies.

Speaker 11 It's one of his famous movies, is the Magnificent Ambersons. It's actually, some people say, his best movie.
I watched Citizen Kane recently again.

Speaker 11 It's like one of those movies that you watch every 10 or 20 years

Speaker 11 because you think, maybe I missed it the first time, why it was so great. It was like, maybe I missed it the second time.
Why it's so great. No, it's not bad, but it's a little like the Mona Lisa.

Speaker 11 Very overrated. Like it just sort of got to this place in the public consciousness, and you know, no one ever accused them of being geniuses.
So like

Speaker 11 they just made it, they just anointed this thing to be like the greatest picture, the greatest movie. And it's neither close to the greatest.
It's an interesting movie.

Speaker 10 I like it, but enough.

Speaker 11 It's just not what they say it was. However, Gone with the Wind, as overstuffed as it is, is still.
Casablanca is a good one. Oh, yes.
Casablanca.

Speaker 11 I talked about this, I think, with Quentin Tarantino here. It doesn't make sense because

Speaker 11 the whole thing hinges on the idea that there are these letters of transit which can get you out of Nazi-occupied Morocco.

Speaker 11 And if you have the letters of transit, the Nazis will never touch you. And that is not really how I see the Nazis.

Speaker 10 You don't think a letter of transit would

Speaker 10 be true.

Speaker 10 Letters of transit.

Speaker 11 So do you like have movie nights at your house where you watch, like, I'm sure a giant mogul, even though you have your high school friends still like you,

Speaker 11 gets like the big movies that are out, so they want you to see it, so you'll promote it.

Speaker 10 I get a link to those. I watch them on TV at my house.

Speaker 11 Watch them from where?

Speaker 10 Where are you alone? Where are you when you're watching?

Speaker 11 In the living room. In the living room.

Speaker 10 I have a 100-inch TV that's about 13 years old and starting to show it.

Speaker 11 100 inches.

Speaker 10 It's a huge TV.

Speaker 11 I'll take out just enough to beat you. but um

Speaker 11 okay so you're watching in the living room and i watch it with molly yeah usually hopefully so like this often not and then

Speaker 11 you talk about it after like your assessment of it or like this is something you want to know really how i could honestly then i wonder if you do this too

Speaker 10 i will

Speaker 10 if the producers tell me it's good i'll watch it

Speaker 10 If they don't, I won't because I don't want to have to give any commentary that isn't positive. And I think it's better to just be honest.
And I haven't seen it yet.

Speaker 11 Exactly the conclusion I came to.

Speaker 10 Yes. Right.

Speaker 11 It doesn't come up as much for me because I'm not on five nights a week like you are, and mine is not every internet plugging there. Mostly, sometimes.

Speaker 11 But, you know, I mean, Rod Stewart was on a couple of weeks ago. I like Rod Stewart.

Speaker 11 Plus, New Forever. He's Rod Stewart.
He's great.

Speaker 11 It's not a problem.

Speaker 10 He's one of those Dean Martin type guys. Rod Stewart.
Oh.

Speaker 10 That level.

Speaker 11 I think he was more, Dean Martin was mostly a myth. He was not really a drunk or a womanizer.
You know, Rod Stewart really...

Speaker 10 He was a golfer.

Speaker 11 He was a golfer, yes. He's a strange guy.
You know, he drank himself to death at the old,

Speaker 11 remember the place that was Hamburger Hamlet. It was on the corner.
Really? Yeah, it's now some other trendy thing, but it was the corner.

Speaker 10 I remember that place.

Speaker 11 The corner of, right where Sunset goes into Beverly Hills.

Speaker 11 Sunset kind of branches there at Doheny, a little past Doheny. Okay.
Hamburger Hamlet. And he just sat in the back.
He had his booth his last few years and kind of like drank himself to death.

Speaker 11 I mean, that's what they said, alone at Hamburger Hamlet. And

Speaker 11 like, why? I know he lost his son early. I mean, it's horrible when

Speaker 10 we...

Speaker 11 any parent to face a child that pre-deceases you. It's got to be rough.

Speaker 10 Yeah.

Speaker 11 But still, you know, come on, Dino.

Speaker 11 I don't, I don't understand why people,

Speaker 10 yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 11 But, you know, I never had kids.

Speaker 10 And do you, yeah.

Speaker 10 Well, it's some, you know, I think about this sometimes that some of these older guys, like Rickles, you know, like,

Speaker 10 they just get such a kick out of the fact that younger guys like us, like are interested in them and that they're still relevant.

Speaker 11 Mel Brooks still still around and you can express that to him.

Speaker 10 And don't you have? And I have too. And don't you,

Speaker 10 I think like,

Speaker 10 I think that that

Speaker 10 is one of the things that makes us very lucky because I think that when we're in that position, you know, there'll be

Speaker 10 a handful of people at least who are wanting to or interested in our lives and whatever. And a lot of old people don't have that.
Right.

Speaker 10 And I think that that's always nice, you know, and I think I could see how important it was to Don and

Speaker 10 to some of these guys.

Speaker 11 But every perspective you have must be different than mine because you have four kids.

Speaker 10 Maybe not every, but. Really? I mean, I'm sure not every, because I think I largely agree with your perspective.

Speaker 11 Yeah, but that doesn't, but.

Speaker 10 You mean my daily...

Speaker 11 Well, I mean, even, I don't know, anything like climate, you know, you're got to be thinking about... I mean, I'm only thinking about what the world's going to be like,

Speaker 11 sadly, for the next 20 years,

Speaker 11 you know,

Speaker 11 to be real.

Speaker 10 But I mean, I like

Speaker 11 you've got to be thinking about what the world's going to be like for the next 80 because the kid is 10. Sure.

Speaker 10 And then they're going to have kids. Yeah.

Speaker 10 And,

Speaker 11 yeah, I do.

Speaker 10 Sure, I do. But, you know, Norman Lear does, too, and he's 99 years old.

Speaker 11 Is he really? Yeah.

Speaker 10 He'll be 100 in July.

Speaker 11 What does he think about? Climate change. Oh, climate change, right?

Speaker 10 He's, you know,

Speaker 10 that.

Speaker 10 Right.

Speaker 11 Well, you have to have that attitude. You can't, once you feel like you're dead already, you're dead already.
You have to feel like, yeah,

Speaker 11 it's all about tomorrow. I never look back.
I mean, of course, you think. You don't really.

Speaker 10 Well, I... Do you waste water?

Speaker 10 Why? I don't know.

Speaker 11 Because I'm going to fuck up the future for your kids?

Speaker 10 No, I'm just asking if you waste water.

Speaker 11 I try not to. I don't do it on purpose.

Speaker 10 Right. Well, you didn't do it on purpose.
But you won't leave their shower going for 15 hours.

Speaker 11 Absolutely not. Right.
No, no, no. No, I don't do anything that way.

Speaker 10 So I think you have an overall.

Speaker 11 But even if I did, it wouldn't make any difference. I mean, I'm one of, you know,

Speaker 10 minded people start doing those things, you know. And I think also for people who do that stuff, it's good to hear that other people will do it.

Speaker 11 People are not going. I don't think we're ever going to get people

Speaker 11 to do enough to affect on an individual basis a voluntary terrorism to affect climate change.

Speaker 11 I just don't think you will.

Speaker 11 People want to live a baller lifestyle. They want to all of them want to take a private jet.
But the only people who don't take private jets are the people who can't afford a private jet.

Speaker 11 They all want to. If they could, they would.
If a private jet was cheap, the skies would be filled with private jets, which are the worst thing for the environment.

Speaker 11 They're not serious about it, and that's okay.

Speaker 11 And there's countries like China and India, where the people have been denied for all these years because of poverty, refrigeration sometimes even, certainly cars, and now they're getting them.

Speaker 11 And their view is,

Speaker 11 oh, we should give it up now.

Speaker 11 Now that you already enjoyed it, you rich white people, and now we're getting it. So

Speaker 11 that's not going to sell.

Speaker 11 That's not the way we get out of this if we get out of it, which I don't think we will.

Speaker 10 Have a good night, Jimmy.

Speaker 11 Well, say hi to your kids for me.

Speaker 10 I'm just being devil's advocate because

Speaker 10 I don't necessarily disagree with you, but

Speaker 10 I do, I hope that we make the connection. with these things to our children.

Speaker 10 We actually make that connection where we go like, oh, if I waste all this water, my children are not going to have water to drink and their children are not going to have water to drink.

Speaker 10 Yeah.

Speaker 10 I mean, we should care about our

Speaker 10 actual children. Well, if we don't care about the children of the world,

Speaker 10 at least our own children we should care about.

Speaker 11 Okay, but if shuds

Speaker 11 and butts were beer and nuts, we'd have a hell of a party.

Speaker 10 Yeah.

Speaker 11 We should do a lot of things and we're just not.

Speaker 11 again it's not my fight even because

Speaker 11 like

Speaker 11 I think the planet will be somewhat here

Speaker 11 when it's ready to get rid of me.

Speaker 10 Well the planet will be here yeah right planet's gonna be fine.

Speaker 10 Yeah. People on it are fucked.

Speaker 10 Yes

Speaker 11 but I'm saying I think

Speaker 11 there'll be some way to survive.

Speaker 11 You know, a hundred years from now 50 years from now. I don't know about that.

Speaker 10 I don't know.

Speaker 11 I mean

Speaker 11 I always think things that are depicted in movies as the future always come true, because they do.

Speaker 11 And the thing they depict a lot in movies in the future is an apocalyptic wasteland brought about by either nuclear war or environmental devastation.

Speaker 10 Well, your original point I'm interested in is that you say that these movies, the things they put in the movies, eventually come true. Right.
But

Speaker 10 I mean that's certainly not the case with everything I mean Jimmy remember we didn't used to have flying cars yeah

Speaker 11 the flip okay the flip phone that Captain Kirk had we totally have I mean how about like the Jetsons had those those food pills that were like your whole dinner

Speaker 11 you know

Speaker 11 some people do eat like a lot of I mean Ray Kerswell like has 300 pills a day.

Speaker 11 Remember Minority Report

Speaker 11 with Mr. Tom Cruise?

Speaker 11 Okay. Probably one of your friends.

Speaker 10 Emily Blunt. Did you know Tom Cruise?

Speaker 11 Emily Blunt. Yes.

Speaker 11 He was

Speaker 11 moving things on a screen with his hands. I remember watching that and going, whoa,

Speaker 11 look at that. It was completely futuristic.
And within two years, we were all doing it. And then seven years later, or whatever it was, it was everywhere.

Speaker 10 Yeah, but they found out from the company that they were going to be doing it.

Speaker 11 so they put no i'm just saying they imagined it on the screen and then it became a reality right and i worry that that will happen with uh

Speaker 11 the apocalypse i mean there's just a lot of these movies do you think star trek will happen like where we'll have ships and we'll be shooting around all over the place um not if we do the other one first

Speaker 11 we wipe out civilization because i mean think of all those kind of movies the you know mad max and the Barren Wasteland is one where Matthew McConaughey has to go discover another planet because nothing grows anymore.

Speaker 11 I mean, I could see a...

Speaker 10 No, I think we like to see those things in the same way that we find entertainment in seeing murders. Like we know eventually our lives are going to end.

Speaker 10 And for some reason, like a murder mystery is very

Speaker 10 exciting to us, entertaining.

Speaker 11 Yeah, but a murder mystery, yes, can be entertaining because we're not the ones. Or

Speaker 11 We're not the ones getting murdered.

Speaker 10 The Terminator where people are just getting murdered.

Speaker 11 Yeah, but in this scenario, we're all getting murdered.

Speaker 11 You know, if nothing grows, I mean, that's the premise of that movie where, and I'm a fan of Matthew McConaughey, but like, come on, a scientist?

Speaker 11 He just doesn't read scientists. Like, the scientist is going to figure this shit out.
I would not pick up

Speaker 11 scientists. I'm not saying he's a bright guy, but I'm just saying he's not that guy.
Okay, but he's got to like find something through the wormhole or something. And it's just a bad plant.

Speaker 11 But the idea that things don't grow anymore, that could happen. I mean, it certainly has happened in many areas of the Earth.
What if it happened all over the Earth?

Speaker 10 You think photosynthesis might come to an end?

Speaker 11 Well, I think you can burn out.

Speaker 11 You can make things too hot for anything to grow, yeah.

Speaker 10 But you know, you can, now hydroponically, you can grow things with very tiny amounts of water.

Speaker 11 Yeah, so you're saying we grow all the crops in your mom's basement? Yeah, basically. I don't know.
Whenever I fly over the country, it looks like a lot of the country is farmland.

Speaker 11 It would be hard to get that inside.

Speaker 11 That's what I'm saying. It would be hard to get that inside.

Speaker 10 They do. You'd be surprised.

Speaker 11 The whole country

Speaker 11 between the Hudson River and San Bernardino?

Speaker 10 No. I think they should turn every cemetery into farmland.

Speaker 10 You know? Like, I don't know. Well, cemeteries are a waste.

Speaker 11 That's true. Yeah.
But, you know, people are squeamish about their dead relatives. I mean, you got to

Speaker 10 think my dead relatives would like a potato or a tomato vine on their

Speaker 11 crib. It's more natural.
You're right.

Speaker 11 I mean, but that's one thing it's very hard. I would not want to.

Speaker 11 If I'm going to pick my battles, pick that one, like convincing people what to do with their dead relatives. relatives.

Speaker 11 I think I feel like they got their feelings about it.

Speaker 10 Right.

Speaker 11 It's very personal and emotional and not logical and that's okay. You know, I got to give them that.

Speaker 10 What a job to pick, though, if you think about it.

Speaker 11 What?

Speaker 10 A job where all day, every day, for weeks and months and years, your job is to console

Speaker 10 the relatives of dead people.

Speaker 11 Oh, you're talking about like a funeral director?

Speaker 10 Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 11 Right. There are jobs.

Speaker 11 I mean obviously proctologist is another one where you have to wonder like with this one panoply of professions available who, I mean, gynecologist, I could see that's like a goof idea you had in high school.

Speaker 11 I got to look at pussies all day. And then you kind of just kept stayed with it.
But the asshole one, I don't see that one. I think they get paid a little more.

Speaker 11 Oh, well, maybe they're than what?

Speaker 10 Than other specialties.

Speaker 11 All other specialties?

Speaker 10 You mean there's a specialty that they have to throw in, but I do feel like I've looked this up.

Speaker 11 I wouldn't even want to look this up because then what would come to me from people who thought this was my area of interest?

Speaker 10 Like if I was like, I got to tell you, for my father, it's definitely his area of interest. I mean,

Speaker 10 all we talk about is his bowel movements and... his farting and um why because he's infirm no not at all he just is proud of his bowel movements and wants to tell me about them.

Speaker 10 Like, sometimes he'll walk right in the door and immediately start telling me about a shit he took the day before. It happens all the time.

Speaker 10 He sometimes takes pictures of them and sends them to me.

Speaker 10 And I'm saving a file of them for his funeral. I'm going to do a slideshow for the family.

Speaker 11 Just because your father has a good sense of humor and this is a joke?

Speaker 10 Part a little bit.

Speaker 11 He knows you're laughing at this.

Speaker 10 Yeah, but he also loves it. It's like

Speaker 10 it's like people singing karaoke like you know like they oh they're goofing around whatever but they fucking love being I say my dad loves but it sounds like you have a kind of a buddy relationship with your father I do but he also will do this with anyone like never had that with anyone like my sister-in-law he'll tell her about his right like he hit his shits he sounds very laid-back your father but not like he is pretty laid back okay my father was much more uptight than that great guy but like that would not have happened between us.

Speaker 10 My dad looks just like Wolf Blitzer, like almost exactly.

Speaker 10 And

Speaker 11 is

Speaker 11 he still, your mother?

Speaker 10 My parents are both alive.

Speaker 11 Still together.

Speaker 10 Still together, yeah. Wow.

Speaker 11 How many years have they been together?

Speaker 10 They just last weekend celebrated their 50th anniversary.

Speaker 11 Come fucking on. Yeah.
56 years.

Speaker 10 Yeah.

Speaker 11 That's.

Speaker 11 And are they looking around?

Speaker 10 Well, my mother is on an app.

Speaker 11 Wow.

Speaker 11 I can't even.

Speaker 11 I just can't imagine.

Speaker 10 That's.

Speaker 10 Yeah, they got married. My mom was 20 years old.
They got married. Wow.

Speaker 11 It's crazy.

Speaker 11 And

Speaker 11 what's their relationship like? Perfect? Because they've been through.

Speaker 10 No, it's not perfect, but

Speaker 10 it's never big. There's never any big anything.
It's just a series of little.

Speaker 11 Well, I feel like when married, I feel like marriage

Speaker 11 is from what, what, of course, not speaking from personal knowledge, but from what I've seen and my parents, I feel like it's good in the beginning, and then there's a

Speaker 11 difficult period

Speaker 10 for like 50 years,

Speaker 11 which, you know, where you're still like sort of,

Speaker 11 you know,

Speaker 11 subliminally resentful of someone of the other because someone's not getting enough sex and sex is an issue and it's a hard thing to it's a hard thing to manage a good sex life after you've been with someone for a while, blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 11 And then you get to a point where you're past that. I feel like I remember that in my own parents' marriage when they got and suddenly it's like you've traveled together.

Speaker 11 I mean it's like you have this great golden years memory of your wonderful life together and all you built together and all those memories and and you don't have this monkey on your back about, and we should be fucking.

Speaker 11 And that becomes like the second great period of a marriage. I think this is the way it is.
It's just that little middle 50s.

Speaker 10 She's the 50 years in the middle.

Speaker 11 Other than that,

Speaker 11 it works like a charm.

Speaker 10 Yeah,

Speaker 11 it's just that. I call it an interregum.

Speaker 10 But

Speaker 10 oh, Jimmy. Yeah.

Speaker 11 So.

Speaker 11 All right. I got to go back to my my job.

Speaker 10 All right.

Speaker 11 I got work. I really appreciate you putting up with.
That was fun.

Speaker 11 Was it? It was a lot of fun. I loved it, but...
It was a lot of fun. I don't know if you're just putting on an act for me.

Speaker 10 But I hope you loved it. Have a good time.

Speaker 11 Because I adore you. You're just such a great guy.
Ever since you gave me that box of porn

Speaker 11 when we changed over jobs, you know.

Speaker 11 You could have been a dick about it, and you know, it's just never in your nature.

Speaker 11 You know, people,

Speaker 11 you've done so well partly because you know when you're on tv that much for that long the old cliche you know you can't hide you can't hide who you are you know and people just like you and they're right well

Speaker 11 and they're right nice to say that thank you

Speaker 10 you know i i've told you the story of um one of the great uh shows i ever saw was um

Speaker 10 you and Seinfeld in at Arizona State University when I was in college.

Speaker 10 And you were great. You were just so great.
I remember.

Speaker 10 I remember

Speaker 10 I remember jokes from it.

Speaker 11 We were both doing stand-up on the same show.

Speaker 10 Yeah, you guys were doing a big college tour. Wow.
It was you and Jerry and

Speaker 10 I'm forgetting a third guy, but it was just so great. And

Speaker 10 I remember thinking,

Speaker 10 Bill Maher

Speaker 10 was the funniest one. No.

Speaker 11 I didn't. I'm sure I wasn't, Jerry.

Speaker 10 You were talking about poppers and goofers and your father.

Speaker 10 Oh, really? Yeah.

Speaker 11 Yeah. I guess this was like late 80s.
Yeah.

Speaker 11 That's exactly right. Before Seinfeld.

Speaker 10 It's like 1980.

Speaker 10 87, 88.

Speaker 11 Yeah, because obviously he wouldn't have been doing that. And then I got politically incorrect in 93.

Speaker 11 Oh, where did it go?

Speaker 11 It's so funny, you know, like...

Speaker 11 My actual life

Speaker 10 better now

Speaker 11 than back then, for sure, in so many ways it's just that little but I'll be dead soon thing yeah boy I or sooner I relate to that with every fiber of my being

Speaker 10 that little fly in the ointment if they could just work on that and every once in a while you have

Speaker 10 that little little glimpse that little flash of like being on a trip to California with your friends and like driving around and what that felt like and how. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 10 I mean, that's just got to be, I mean, it doesn't get any better than that.

Speaker 11 I remember my first time out in California so vividly, you know, the palm trees. Like, I'd never seen that.

Speaker 11 And just

Speaker 11 it was sort of like everything you'd seen on TV, because it's all over every TV show.

Speaker 11 The way the street signs looked. I remember that so much.
Like I had seen it so many times. Those blue

Speaker 11 LA street signs which we don't have back east they're not blue the street signs and then you would see it I had a gig once in La Jolla

Speaker 11 that was my first year out here and I never found the gig

Speaker 11 I found La Jala

Speaker 10 that's good

Speaker 11 But I never found a street called La Jolla.

Speaker 10 That could be a contender for your book title, the Gaspaccio book. I'm going to go back to my real job.

Speaker 11 You know, I really do. I really go right back to working on real time.

Speaker 10 I am. I'm doing it too.

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That was fun.

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Yes. Yeah.
Very clubby. Yeah.

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Speaker 10 Yeah.

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