Fanhausen (Re-Release)

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Sure,

we got blue jeans,

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but come on!

There's really nothing

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right?

And there's nothing more burger than the Sonic Smasher. Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, this thing is made to order. Hand-smashed Angus beef patties, seared to perfection with those incredible crispy edges that make you want to start a slow clap.
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Conan O'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit teamcoco.com slash call Conan.
Okay, let's get started. Hey, everybody.
Conan O'Brien here. And we're going to try something a little different.
In this short time that I've been doing, Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. I've just been delighted.
I'm having an absolute blast, and it's working. I'm actually making some nice bonds and friendships with a lot of different people.
But what occurred to me is all these people have one thing in common, they're celebrities. And I thought it might be nice to try making friends with average folk, people out there in the world, civilians, not celebrities.
Just talk to the people who make this great country we call the United States of America, or even people from other countries, it doesn't matter. Let's just talk to some regular folk and then hope, hope desperately that they become celebrities.
Oh my God. That's the concept.
What do you guys think, Matt? Yeah, I'm all in. Why is that horrible? It's very important to me that eventually they become celebrities.
So you don't have time for anybody that would live their whole life as a regular Joe. As a folk.
Who would do that? What kind of monster would choose that life? No, seriously, I really do. I do want to, and especially, I have to say, a lot of this comes out of this last year.
Let's get outside this bubble, this celebrity bubble that we're trapped in. I'm not trapped in a celebrity bubble.
No, I'm not even adjacent to it. Oh God, no.
I didn't mean either of you. Oh God, no.
Oh, no, no, no. Oh, please.
Oh, how embarrassing. Oh, I'm covering my mouth.
I'm laughing. Because I mean, we don't even do a podcast with a celebrity.
So how would we do that? Oh, snap. Snappity-dappity.
Ouchie-wouchie. I'm looking it up.
I'm looking it up. I am looking it up.
Yes, I am a celebrity. I just looked it up.
You Googled it? Yeah, I am a B-lister, but I am a celebrity. So, fuck are you? I am a solid B.
I'm a solid B-list celebrity, and I'm proud of it. And if Love Boat were still on the air, I could potentially be a guest.
Not the first guest, but like the third guest who's the comic relief guest who stowed away. I would kill to see you on Love Boat.
Yes. But anyway, this is something I want to do, and I'm really looking forward to it.

And I don't know.

We're just going to give it a try and see how it goes.

Yeah, this is Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan, and it'll be out weekly in addition to the regular episodes.

So just an extra special treat.

And we might as well get to our first guest.

Are you guys ready?

Yeah.

I am very ready.

Conan, please meet Donovan, who is a minor league professional wrestler.

Wow.

Donovan, very nice to talk to you.

We're going to talk to you. Where are you coming from, Donovan? Where are you? I am in Michigan right now from Montreal.
Do you consider yourself a Canadian? No, no, I'm from Michigan. Oh, you're from Michigan.
Yeah. Sorry, I probably said that wrong.
My wife is from Montreal. Wait, I'm confused already.
You're from Michigan. You've married someone who's from Montreal.
Yes, exactly. Okay.
So I'm in the process of getting my permanent residency there. Oh, okay.
You're going to move to Montreal. I'm going, yes.
Okay. Well, that's all the time we have.
Thank you. So Donovan, you are a professional wrestler.
Is that right? Yes. Okay.
Now, help me because I know of a type of professional wrestler that has a character. And I don't know, are you a professional wrestler who's really wrestling and using wrestling moves and it's not that fun to watch? Or are you a wrestler who's also kind of a performer and has a character? I am a character.
Actually, I have a picture if you want to see it. It's a, that's me.
Okay. Well, we are a podcast, so I'm going to describe it.
You're sort of demonic looking. You just showed me a picture of what looked like a very fierce, evil, demonic wrestler.
Yes. So I go by the moniker, very nice, very evil, because nobody likes somebody who's too evil.
So I introduced the nice part of it. So then they buy into it and I can trick them.
Okay. Very nice.
Very evil. Often I get described if somebody, a demon possessed you, actually.
Oh, a demon possessed me. If Conan O'Brien was possessed by a demon, that's what it gets described as, I'm heavily influenced by you rather than other wrestlers.
Yes. You mean of the wrestlers, I'm the one that's influenced you the most.
Yes, yes, of course. That's fantastic.
Describe then a demonic Conan O'Brien as a wrestling character. Are you using some of my moves? Is it my attitude? Does your character have, you know, sort of little beady eyes and thin lips and sharp cheekbones? Yes, yeah, I don't have the height, but I have, I utilize, so I pour teeth in my opponent's mouths to disorient them.
Pour what in their mouth? Teeth, human teeth. You pour human mouth.
I love how that's people see that and go, Oh, that is so Conan. That is.
No, no, no. It's just, I think it's the presentation.
Cause I include, I take a lot of like Simpsons references and references from you and just eighties horror movies. And I pull it all together because these are the things that I like.

So I included it into the character because wrestling should be fun.

Yes, wrestling should.

It shouldn't be work.

Yeah.

No, no.

So, okay.

One of your standard moves

is to pour loose teeth into the mouth

of your opponent to confuse and disorient them.

What are some of your other moves?

Kick them right in the mouth.

I have the go to sleep, which I call the good night housen. I add housen.
My wrestling name is Dan housen. And I add housen to everything to make it all about me.
That's very coding. Okay.
That's very nice, Matt. Yeah.
I love that. You just add a housen to things.
So it's so good night housen is like a good night move. Yes.
And I pop them up off my shoulders and I knee them in the face. That's my finishing.
Well, you knee them in the face, Hausen. The face, yes, exactly.
Sorry. Like if I were talking to you, I'd call you Conan Hausen.
I add Hausen to the end of ending. Uh-huh.
Uh-huh. This is fantastic.
You're, I'm delighted by you. You're, I'm delighted by this foolishness and that you've, like me, dedicated your life to absolute idiocy.
This is fantastic. Now, are you a good wrestler? Are you a good athlete? Yeah, but that doesn't matter.
No one cared when I was just a good wrestler. They cared once I switched and put on makeup and started acting goofy and doing Simpsons references in the middle of matches.
And like I stole the Mr. Burns hop in.
I brought a tiny airplane to the ring and I told my opponent to hop in and I had three, 400 people chanting hop in at this guy. How successful have you been? It sounds like, is this growing? Do you feel like, uh, Dan Housen is becoming a,

a bigger and bigger character? Yes, uh, absolutely. Since I've switched this, which is about two years ago and about a year full of doing this actual character, I've been wrestling for eight years.
Once, since I've switched this, it's just like snowballed more and more and more. And now I have a certain hot topic and I've gotten signed to like a TV company and they're just like, go do your weird stuff.
Like do it. That's have fun to be Dan Housen.
That's, that's what we need. I want to be a part of Dan Housen's world.
You know, don't you see that Matt and Sona? Like I want to maybe do some sort of, I want to tape a video. I seriously want to do something where you're in the ring and then I appear and I'm either for you or against you.
Do you know what I mean? Or you're my long lost son. We've got to, we've got to somehow get into, I want to get into the lore of Danhausen.
Do you know what I mean? I want to be part of it. What would you do with me? Oh, with you, I would, I would call us both legendary.
Guess what? There's a lot of those now. There's literally like 600 in America.
So he might want to come up with something cooler. This character is all about himself.
He's all about making sacks of money, I call them. Yes.
I carry around a money sack. I pulled it out after I won my contract on TV.
And I revealed it from my cape. I pulled a $20 bill and I said, look at these millions and I threw it.
Would we actually fight? And first of all, you know, I know how to handle myself. Wait a minute.
Oh, come on, Sona. I'm fairly athletic.
I can take a punch. And I love to fake fight.

And so if I entered the ring,

would we start out being friends,

but then I would think that you had gotten too cocky

and I would attack Dan Housen?

What would happen?

Maybe.

I think I do this thing where I try to punch people

in the groin right before the bell rings

so I can just pin them without doing any work.

So I don't think I would do that because people know that I love Conan. Like as a character, it's very public that I love Conan.
And that's one of Dan Housen's idols. So I don't think they would think that they'd probably be taken back if you did it.
Okay. How about this? Let me pitch you this because I'm really into this.
All right. So Dan Housen, you're fighting your foe.
He starts to get the better of you. He starts to win.
He grabs the bag of teeth and starts to pour them into your mouth. He steals your sack of money.
He punches you in the groin. It's all going badly when all of a sudden the music changes, fog machines go on, and I appear, I come down on wires and it's me and I'm there to save Danhausen.
And I think the crowd would go nuts. I hope so.
What if the crowd's just like, all right, okay. There's Conan, I guess.
Let's see what he's got. All right, let's go.
If we go early, we can beat the traffic. In my mind, before I go on, that's what I think.
That's the reaction I always think I'm gonna get. If I leave now, I can beat the traffic.
I want in on the Dan Housen world. I really do, Donovan.
Yeah, well, I would love that if that's a possibility. That's like the ultimate guest for Goodnight Housen with Dan Housen.
You know what? I've always said, if there's a way that I can be involved with Goodnight Housen with Dan Housen, I want in Housen and right now Housen. Notnight Hausen, with Dan Hausen.
I want in Hausen and right now Hausen. Not tomorrow Hausen, but today Hausen.
I'm not fucking around Hausen. I'm serious Hausen.
So let's make this happen Hausen. Let's sign a contract Hausen.
I want to get paid Hausen. Yes, we'll pay you in a wonderful sacks of human money.
There's only one kind of money. There's only human money.
No animal uses money. He has no idea.
He just knows it gets you power. Yeah.
Wow. That's very exciting.
Well, you know what? I think you're going to do well. I love that you're going to Canada because I don't say this just to suck up to Canada, but I love Canadians.
And I think they're like the funniest, one of the funniest countries in the world. They're really funny people.
So I think, and they really love nuanced, like weird kooky comedy. And they've always been so nice to me.
So I love that you're going to Montreal. I think that's great.
Thank you. Yeah, it's been exciting and a lot of work.
Donovan, you have my blessing. And I will figure out a way to enter the world of Danhausen.
I will. Please do.
I would lose my mind and so would my fans. It'd be crazy.
All right. Well, Sona, you make sure.
Oh, I will follow up on this. Yes, we'll follow up on this.
I will follow up on this. I'm really excited about it.
Yes. Thank you.
All right. Thank you for doing this.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. No problem.
Hey, really nice to meet you, Donovan. Nice meeting you too.

Nice meeting all of you.

All right, bye-bye.

Thanks, Donovan.

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Pretty recently I got together with a bunch of my chums. Yeah guys I went to college with we all played football together and um don't laugh at that that's real sorry yeah it was one of those it was one of those little table games of football it's actually a video game a simulated football and it was the 80s so it wasn't a very good game anyway it was a good time we got together we had a good time it's really nice to get together with people and i gotta say from game nights to parties with friends or special anniversaries celebrating important occasions means more moments with the coolest people in your life i want to say cheers to 50 years of miller light the greatest tasting light beer for people who love beer since 1975 and now the perfect time to celebrate legendary stories with friends family and a great tasting light beer you know what I call this? What? I call it Miller 1975.
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What?

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Oh.

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So when you want to reach this, that was, that ad should never have gone to me for a special pot. It's a lot of buildings.
Yeah. A lot of buildings went and I had to flee the country for a while.
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That's a lot of people. Thanks, Sonia.
Sorry. That was my contribution to this.
Wow. I wasn't sure 5 million people globally was a lot of people until you chimed in.
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Leanne, please meet Conan O'Brien. Oh my gosh, I'm so excited.
Well, I'm very excited to talk to you, Leanne. Yeah.
Leanne, tell me just a little bit about yourself. Just so I, when I meet someone for the first time, I like to ask just a few questions, find out who they are, where they're coming from.
Yeah, for sure. And I'm from Toronto and I'm actually, I'm an engineer.
So I went to school, I did engineering in school and now I'm a mechanical engineer. And I love to ski.
I love to bike. I know you like to bike too.
I listened to your talk about biking recently and your trip to Mexico. So that's kind of me.
I like outdoorsy kind of stuff. And I like having fun and hanging out with my friends and a good laugh.
You like a good laugh. Yeah.
Good laugh is good. Yeah.
And I listen to your podcast all the time. I think I've listened to every episode at least once.
So I'm a huge fan of your podcast. Do you get a sense of maybe any mental illness when you listen to the podcast? May or may not.
Okay. Well, I was just wondering if, you know, you're, you're obviously a very intelligent person.
You're an engineer, what kind of engineering do you do?

So I did chemical and chemistry in school,

but now I'm doing mechanical engineering.

But you understand chemistry,

you understand chemical engineering.

Yeah.

And have you ever, when you're listening to the podcast,

thought this guy, I think we need to regulate his brain.

His brain needs some sort of chemical regulation. A couple of times, but it's okay.
You get asked for the podcast, so. So what you're saying is what adds to the podcast is my mental illness.
That's true. Also, my mom's in the background laughing her head off, so.
That's okay. It's always good to have a mother in the background laughing at me.
Yeah. It adds to the whole podcast experience.
I think she's laughing at me, too. There she is.
Oh, and look, oh, and look, she's shooting this on her iPhone, which is piracy. That's piracy.
I'm going to have her arrested for stealing our copyright. That'll come later.
We fled the country because of that reason. So you're too late on that.
So you fled,

you fled to North of Toronto.

Yeah.

Just because you wanted your mom to record you talking to me on the podcast on her iPhone.

That's right.

And you wanted to escape any attempt for me to seek retribution.

You've thought this through so far in advance.

You're so smart.

We have,

it was a big move,

but you know what?

It's worth it. So we're nice people.
We're advance. You're so smart.
We have. It was a big move, but you know what? It's worth it, so.

We're nice people.

Call them.

We're Canadians.

Oh, yeah, sure.

Oh, yeah.

I've met some of.

No, we're American because we're a country.

Oh, that's right.

Good improv skills.

You picked up on your mom's mistake.

Yeah.

Yeah, mom.

Good improv.

Cut it out.

She put out the information.

Leanne put out the information that you fled to Canada.

So you can't,

you can't ruin her improv by denying her information.

Oh God,

moms,

they always ruin improv.

They always ruin improv.

But I was going to say too,

I know your mom had,

I love when you talk about your mom on the podcast.

It's hilarious.

And how her dryness always kind of sparked your,

your comedy.

It sounds pretty good.

Yes.

I listened to a most recent episode and you were saying how,

Thank you. mom on the podcast.
It's hilarious. And how her dryness always kind of sparked your comedy.
It sounds pretty good. Yes.
I listened to a most recent episode and you were saying how she always thought you were pretty crazy, but. Well, she always, she would say, my mom's line is, I don't like that even fooling.
And she had a good sense of humor, but yeah, she was always saying that to me. And I think that spurred me to go further and further and further.
She's a great straight man in comedy. So that helped me.
And I hope your mother's helping you in your comedy pursuits. Yes, she is.
Yeah. Mine are more domestic, but that's okay.
Yes, I understand. Your mom helped you so much with your comedy that you're an engineer.
So that's all I have to say to you about your mother. It's her fault.
You'd be playing Vegas right now. You'd be in the biggest rooms in Vegas.
Oh no, your mom

had to get in there and go, that's not true. You're from Toronto.
Yeah. It's true.
I love,

I do love Canada. I've had a very good Tim.
I love myself at Tim Hortons. Yeah.
I love a Tim

Hortons donut and a cup of coffee. You'd blend right in a double double.
Wouldn't I? Yeah. Oh, a double double.
And then I get on the hockey rink and I beat someone to death. It's a good time.
I really enjoy myself. She just got off the ski hill.
What? What is she saying now? She's just, she's your mother just spout things in the corner throughout your life. She said, I just went off the ski hill.
That's what she's saying. Snow, snow skiing.
I think you called it in a bit, a long time ago on a, I don't know where you were, but it looked pretty It was the Olympics. You were pretty talented.
It was the 2002 Olympics and I, I learned how to snowboard and I'm still recovering from that. I lost most of my spine, had to be replaced with a coat hack.
Yeah, but you're here now.

With a coat hack.

Yeah, and you're still tall.

I'm here now,

and what I'd like to do, Leanne,

if it's okay,

is I'd like to tape an episode of my show sometime

where your mother's in a little inset box

randomly saying things

while I'm trying to do the show.

That would be great.

So I'm trying to talk to Hugh Jackman

and she's saying things like,

I was on the snow hill.

I'll just be shut up, shut up.

My favorite chowder is corn chowder. And it just randomly, okay, our next guest was in the fly.
You know him as Jeff Goldblum, but you know,

onions are best on a sandwich. Okay, mom, we got it.
But how can I help you, Leanne? I know you

have a question for me and I know I can help you. Yeah, I just wanted to ask you, because I was

going to say like, so I've listened to the podcast so many times and I know I can help you. Yeah.
I just wanted to ask you, cause I was going to say like,

so I I've listened to the podcast so many times and I noticed that you're

always just yourself,

no matter kind of what anyone's saying.

And I really like that.

Even sometimes it might come off as mental illness,

but you continue to do it.

And I think that's really cool.

I really like you.

It comes off as mental illness sometimes,

I'm just... I really like you.
It comes off as mental illness sometimes, but I like it. Yeah.
But I just wanted to ask you if there was any time that you had to pretend that you weren't showing any sign of mental illness and you had to stray from being yourself. And I just wanted to ask you, like, how you deal with that kind of thing i am mostly i'm and i am mostly uh myself when i perform or show myself to the public but on sona and gorla you will back me up i i can be weirder than even what people have seen or heard on the podcast the podcast probably catches it the most but um I go on these riffs sometimes that they start out making sense and then they get more and more twisted and strange.
And they're just not for public consumption. Isn't that true, Sona? Yeah, I think that you would be arrested if a lot of the things that you said were really- What are you talking about? Well, because- I mean, she's asking if you ever turn your mental illness off, but it's actually much more amplified a lot of times.
Can we just start calling it my gift and not my mental illness? Sorry, I know. I'm just using what Leanne said.
Yes, your gift. Okay, your gift.
Yeah, Leanne, you're getting the sanest version of you. I know.
You're getting the most gifted most gifted version. I can only imagine.
I am constantly talking and babbling. Yes.
I say a lot of words that don't make sense. I have microaggressions.
And macroaggressions. And macroaggressions.
But none of it's really based in reality. Like, I'm constantly threatening you, Mr.
Gourley, but I'm not even angry with you. It's just like, I have no anger towards Matt Gourley at all.
I think it comes from a good place too. I do too.
I think my desire to kill and kill again comes from a good place. Listen to that laugh.
It's the Joker. We do a podcast for the Joker.
Yes, Leanne, I know there was a question in there somewhere, but I think you nailed it. I think, yes, has there been a time where I've needed to hide? Yes, there are times where my mind goes probably to a darker place and I edit myself.
How about that? That's very true. Sounds good.
But I love how you're always, it just seems like you're always yourself. And same with Matt and Sona and that really shines through in the podcast.
And that's really cool. I would say, that's very sweet.
I would say Sona is very much herself. I don't know who the real Matt is.
I don't know if I can say. I don't either.
I don't know. Like you're a shapeshifter, Gourley.
You could be, I just don't know. You could be someone completely different.
It's like that movie, The Stepfather. I just don't know.
You could be a complete maniac and I wouldn't know it. Matt's like Switzerland.
I am like Switzerland. Yeah, sticks in the middle.
Yeah, he's like Switzerland. Rarely visited.
That's hilarious. Amanda and I just went to switzerland did you yes we did specifically and only switzerland oh my god isn't that just ridiculous i'm with you i'm a mess you're not a mess yeah you're good friends and they you know what it really does help good to do this what was that was the most robotic were you talking about Sona and me or am I good friends

with myself? That's actually

I created that sound

bite with my computer. If you

listen to it, again,

carefully, all I did was press control

D and it just was like, we are good

friends. You are good friends.

Good friends.

And then control

alt J is, I enjoy people. I am a human.
Control-Alt-W is, I love children. When my wife and I visit her family with our kids, we stay in this hotel in Seattle, and there's one of those elevators that has a voice, a robotic voice that's telling you what floor you're going to.
It's this accent we can't place, but when the elevator, when you get in the elevator on the fifth floor and you're going to the lobby, this woman's voice says, going down. And it burned into my brain.
And whenever I'm in an elevator and it starts to go down, I hear in my brain, going down. It's very, it's very, I find it very disturbing.
And I'm glad I shared it with you. I think your mom's trying to get in on the act again.
Is that your mom who just walked behind you? Yeah, it is. Yeah, it is.
She's incorrigible. She can't be stopped.
She can't. She can't.
She's fierce. Also, that's an awesome guitar.
Is it a Gretsch behind you? Yes, it is. Do you know your Gretsch guitars? Yeah, I want one.
I don't have one, but I love to play guitar. That's another thing I love about you.
I love to watch you play. I've seen a few videos of you playing, and it's just so fun, because you're up there, and it looks like you love it.
I love to play guitar. I love it.
I really love playing with Jimmy Vivino and guys from my band. And we've put out a couple of videos

and I was really proud of it

until someone said, great Viagra ad.

And it was like, yeah, like,

look at the older guy bopping out with his guitar, Viagra.

Don't, you know, and I,

that was a torpedo that just blew me apart.

I just, I think I almost burned my guitar that night. I was like, I'll never play this again.
But yeah, maybe the good news is I'll probably get an ad for Viagra. So that'll be good.
Congratulations. Well, it's been very nice talking to you.
Leanne, I've loved talking to you and occasionally your mom. Tell her I said, is your mom still there? She is.
She's right there. Hi Conan.
Okay. I'm coming after you.
What's your first name? My name's Carol. Carol, I'm coming after you.
You've been, you've been taping this call illegally. I'm coming after you.
I will use the Canadian courts to bring you down. I'll have bike to Mexico by then.
So it'll be tough. You guys are taunting me.
Like come and get me. Oh, oh man man i'm going after this family hey lovely talking to you you too thank you so much no problem bye-bye leanne take care bye conan o'brien needs a fan with conan o'brien sona moussesian and matt gorley produced by me matt gorley executive produced by adam sacks joanna solitaroff and jeff ross at team coco and call in Thank you.
Sean Doherty and Lisa Berm, engineered by Will Becton. Please rate, review, and subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

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