Suspiciously Healthy

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Okay, let's get started. Eugenia Fernandez de los Ronderos Jimenes.
That's me. That's too long.
Too long for me.

Speaker 1 I'll always

Speaker 1 travel in the customs when

Speaker 1 try to get to see my family in the U.S. But yeah.

Speaker 1 okay, so that's so say tell me how to pronounce your name. I want to make sure I say it correctly.
Eugenia. Eugenia.
I am Conando.

Speaker 1 We'll see.

Speaker 1 Tell us, Eugenia, tell me a little bit about yourself. Where are you right now in the world? So right now I'm in Madrid, Spain,

Speaker 1 from my house, and I work here as a physician resident in a hospital. Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 Very good. You work in a hospital and you take care of people.
That's very good. I like that.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 you mentioned that you have American relatives. Is that true? Yeah, my fiancé, he's American.
He's Irish-American. Sean Dempsey.

Speaker 1 Irish. I like your accent drop.
Yeah, wait.

Speaker 1 Your fiancé is Irish-American and his name is Sean Dempsey.

Speaker 1 Here in Spain, people call him Chong Chang. Seeing if they see it written, because people cannot really pronounce his name.

Speaker 1 Yeah, well, I'm sure anything's okay with Sean.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he also

Speaker 1 sometimes when he gets tired, he doesn't want to really say his name, right? The Irish, we just don't care.

Speaker 1 As long as we're welcomed in and someone has something to drink and something to eat, we're fine. You know, call me whatever you want.
That's how it is here. So tell me a little bit.

Speaker 1 How did you meet this guy? We met in 2016. He went to study abroad.
He came actually to my hometown, Seville, in southern Spain. A lot of Americans go to study there abroad, actually.

Speaker 1 And we fell kind of in love, but it didn't make any sense. I was 19 and I was studying medicine.
After a year, we met again.

Speaker 1 And that's how we decided, like, even one year, we couldn't meet anyone that feel

Speaker 1 that.

Speaker 1 Well, I don't think it's worth trying. Okay, Eugenia, I don't think it's that you couldn't meet anyone.
I just think he was the special one. He was the the one.
He was the one.

Speaker 1 I don't think you should go around telling him.

Speaker 1 He's fine. I waited and when it just no one came along.
You'll do. You'll do.

Speaker 1 He's fine.

Speaker 1 He's got used to the Spanish way of

Speaker 1 being in a relationship with a Spanish woman. So he's fine.
Okay, well, what are the differences, say, between...

Speaker 1 a Spanish woman and an Irish Catholic guy. What's the thing that, what's the biggest difference between you? How have you had to change him?

Speaker 1 That's tough because I think we actually have a lot of things in common, like Southern, Spanish people, and Irish people. But

Speaker 1 probably like the drinking culture sounds weird, but like we can start drinking at 12

Speaker 1 in the noon, like 12 p.m.

Speaker 1 and then end drinking at 4 a.m. after being the whole day with our friends eating and everything.
But he and you guys like struggle with that type of culture when you get smashed

Speaker 1 in 30 minutes. And

Speaker 1 you guys, well, wait a minute. Hold on a second.

Speaker 1 Let's clean up a few things here, Eugenia.

Speaker 1 If that's even your real name,

Speaker 1 you're saying that you guys can start drinking at noon and you can go to 4 a.m. and it's no problem, right?

Speaker 1 That you can tolerate it. You're fine.
You pace yourselves. And are you saying that

Speaker 1 what does he and his family do that's different? Just,

Speaker 1 I mean, it's the less, yeah, start earlier, way earlier, like breakfast early

Speaker 1 and finish before lunch.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 maybe,

Speaker 1 okay.

Speaker 1 Sean may have a problem. Yeah, this might not be an Irish one.
I don't think it's that. I mean, so he's starting at breakfast and then at noon he sort of passes out.

Speaker 1 He's been four years in Spain. He's got a rehab since.
What? Oh, he's been four years in Spain. He's already living here with me.
So he came along with the culture here and now he's totally fine.

Speaker 1 Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 We thought you meant he went to rehab and suddenly we weren't laughing. And it wasn't a joke.
But now that we've learned he hasn't gone to rehab, we think it's really funny again.

Speaker 1 And now it's fantastic. Now it's fun when you can laugh about it.

Speaker 1 What about, okay, drinking aside, what are other things that maybe

Speaker 1 were different about the two of you? Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I think the biggest main thing at the beginning of our relationship was PDA. We don't have that in Spain or Europe.

Speaker 1 What do you mean?

Speaker 1 You don't have a public display of affection. You don't show affection publicly or you do?

Speaker 1 We do. We do and we don't care about what other people think.
So it was very violent for him at the beginning. He was raised part of his life in the Midwest.
Oh, boy.

Speaker 1 But then he taught me about that and I learned to respect it because it's a cultural difference.

Speaker 1 At the beginning, I thought he didn't like me because he was like kind of like no, let me explain something to you, Eugenia.

Speaker 1 I think it is a very Irish thing, which is we are kind of uptight and we don't show a lot of public displays of affection.

Speaker 1 Whereas, of course, I know it's a, but when I think about Spain, I think of people being very open

Speaker 1 with their emotions, you know, with their emotions. And so you don't even know what to do with your hands right now.

Speaker 1 Oh, you want me to simulate? You want to?

Speaker 1 No, I don't. No, okay, then.
But I think they're trying to find the words. You can't even do private displays of affection.

Speaker 1 He's speaking Spanish. He's got a plumbing.
Eugenia.

Speaker 1 Eugenia, let me explain something to you. I've been married for 21 years, and my wife has never seen me naked.

Speaker 1 Never.

Speaker 1 When I take a shower, I'm wearing a business suit. But this is her choice, though, right? That she, well, she saw me once and she said, I demand that you wear a five-piece suit.

Speaker 1 I didn't even know what a five-piece suit was. But Eugenia, there is a difference, which is

Speaker 1 we're more repressed.

Speaker 1 And I think,

Speaker 1 but I've learned, I've learned, I'm heavily medicated. I also drink a lot.
And I live now in Southern California, and I've changed a little bit.

Speaker 1 And I think I could talk to Sean, and I could help him with his fear of public displays of affection because you're a very beautiful woman. I think he should be able to

Speaker 1 embrace you openly. What is that? You are so awkward.
Oh, my God. It's like you're holding a tub.
You're so awkward. Well, listen, I'm assuming she's wearing a parka.

Speaker 1 It's cold. Sometimes it gets cold.

Speaker 1 Is it a hug? Are you hugging? What are you doing? What are you doing doing?

Speaker 1 I'm sorry. I don't know how to act this out.
Eugenia. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 I'm going to talk to you. Let me draw your finger up.
No, no, no. You're a very beautiful woman.
I was just.

Speaker 1 I don't want to put, even on your imaginary self, I don't want to get too close because I think that's, you know, the whole Me Too thing.

Speaker 1 So I'm being very, I'm showing, even in an imaginary way, I'm showing a lot of respect and distance. A lot of space.

Speaker 1 I'm giving you your space. But anyway.
Super Marty told counseling will be good for Sean, I think. Maybe you could show him a little bit the ways.

Speaker 1 You want me to show Sean, give him some premarital counseling on how to be more affectionate in public? No.

Speaker 1 You know, it could be a two-way kind of relation where maybe your wife will be also happy that he tells you some tips about it since you're also struggling. No, no, no.

Speaker 1 Listen, we're not getting my wife involved in this. Okay.

Speaker 1 You know,

Speaker 1 and it's not a two-way if my wife's involved.

Speaker 1 Listen, Eugenia,

Speaker 1 I feel for Sean because I know what he's going through. We are an uptight people.
And so

Speaker 1 what you're saying is, and I'd like you to actually say this, you think, do you think that I could come and help Sean with his public display of affection issues?

Speaker 1 I think it would be very helpful if you eat with Sean and his public display of affection issues. I do.

Speaker 1 You think I could maybe help him and coax him to be a little little more of a Latin lover, so to speak.

Speaker 1 Yeah, like a coach. Like a kind of a coach in Duario's laughing really hard right now.
That's okay. I'm getting what I need to get.

Speaker 1 Teachers are doing someone that can speak the dead language of Latin. No, I know exactly what I'm doing, and I won't be pulled off track

Speaker 1 by you idiots.

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Speaker 1 So when is this wedding taking place? It's March 15th next year in Seville. Okay.

Speaker 1 Spain. I'd very much like to be at that wedding.
Oh, boy. You will be very welcome.
I think. I don't know what your wedding planner skills are, but I really need help

Speaker 1 with my Irish American guests over 30 to navigate the Spanish drinking culture. And also Sean's fear of displaying affection in our own wedding.
Okay. This is what I'm going to say.

Speaker 1 I would happily help plan your wedding. Okay.
I would do that. I would plan your wedding.

Speaker 1 And my first, my only recommendation is that the Irish Americans are restrained in their seats

Speaker 1 and that no alcohol is anywhere near them. And all the Spanish people can drink as much as they want, but not a drop for these Irish bastards.

Speaker 1 Not a drop.

Speaker 1 And so

Speaker 1 isn't that an easy job?

Speaker 1 I think I can handle it. Let's just say I've been down this road before.

Speaker 1 So, yeah,

Speaker 1 I will help you navigate this because

Speaker 1 I know what you're going through. And I feel like I have clearly, I understand where where Sean is coming from.
You know, he's shy. He doesn't know about making out in public.

Speaker 1 What's wrong with that?

Speaker 1 Did you make up that he's shy? Yeah, she already be a shy person.

Speaker 1 Wait, he's not shy? He can surprise you. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You think he's going to make a pass at me?

Speaker 1 He might be funnier and pump some jokes. I'm only like, ooh, wow.
I don't know you were shy. Oh, okay.
Okay. Yeah.
No, I just meant physically. That's all physically shy.

Speaker 1 I thought you meant like he's a shy person. No, no, no.
I just meant physically shy about

Speaker 1 public displays of affection. If you're not

Speaker 1 having a great time with her, it's you guys I can't seem to get in sync with.

Speaker 1 You should try reading the research. What's that? All right.
What else is it? No, it's interesting because with like, for example, like in flamenco dancing, it's very expressive type of dancing. Yep.

Speaker 1 And when he dances flamenco, he actually does a good job. He expresses himself well.
But in other fields, he doesn't succeed. He doesn't succeed as much.

Speaker 1 Like what? Like what other fields? Like showing real affection. Like what you said, like physical affection.
Yeah. Like in public.
In public. Yes, I'm sure.

Speaker 1 Listen, all Irish men, we're a little stilted and stuff in public, but in private,

Speaker 1 we are

Speaker 1 very passionate. Come on.
And I am. I'm sorry.
I'm going to speak. I never heard that.
What's that?

Speaker 1 Never heard that before.

Speaker 1 You've never heard that before engaged to an irishman

Speaker 1 you henia i'm not sure i can make this wedding

Speaker 1 i want to help you but uh you've got to work with me here and at least pretend that i'm a very just pretend that i'm a very sensual man

Speaker 1 i've i've seen you in other stuff and i think you can pull your sensual self when you want to yes

Speaker 1 yes no it's very true uh i can be very sensual um when the time comes. When it's time, then I can be quite sensual.

Speaker 1 When the time comes. When the appropriate moment has arrived.
7.30 p.m. when I'm sensual.

Speaker 1 And C. Alice.

Speaker 1 Saturday night. See Alice will make sure you're ready when the time comes.

Speaker 1 All right. Well,

Speaker 1 you know,

Speaker 1 I'm going to do my best by you. I really would like to try and help you.
I'm obviously much older than Sean. I'm a very old man.
I'm sure you could be. You don't look that old, I have to be honest.

Speaker 1 Oh, really? You keep yourself in good shape. Oh, thank you.
I try. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I can tell. I haven't had any work done on my face yet.
You, yeah,

Speaker 1 you look suspiciously healthy.

Speaker 1 Onan O'Brien, suspiciously healthy.

Speaker 1 Wait a minute.

Speaker 1 I look suspiciously healthy. that, John.

Speaker 1 Do you think that I'm doing something to my face or to my body? I think it's either Botox or that you're using a lot of sunscreen because of your skin tone and everything, which could be both.

Speaker 1 Well, first of all, I will tell you, I've never, ever done, never, ever done Botox ever in my life

Speaker 1 because I'm a comedian and I always worried like that for you know that stuff freezes up your face and this thing's my money making

Speaker 1 but

Speaker 1 um I I don't use a lot of sunscreen. I just have never gone outside in my life.

Speaker 1 Okay, that explains a lot.

Speaker 1 Sexy, huh? Does Sean go outside much?

Speaker 1 He does, and he gets burned. That's why he uses a lot of cream sunscreen.
Yeah. Yeah.
It's always good when a man applies many creams. Yeah, it's not sexy at all to wear sunscreen all the time.

Speaker 1 Well, it's not sexy to say, I'll be right with you, Eugenia, for our walk where I never touch you outside. But first, I must apply my creams.

Speaker 1 That's not good. Yeah.
Yeah. I wish holding hands.
It's actually eye-contacting. Like, that's probably the first base I've got to do.
Wait, he doesn't make eye contact with you? I contact.

Speaker 1 It's hard, yeah, for him. Have you had his eyesight checked? Maybe he can't see you.

Speaker 1 Maybe

Speaker 1 he's so drunk by noon that he doesn't know which Eugenia to look at.

Speaker 1 I love you, and I love you.

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 1 yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, is Sean aware of my tomfoolery? Has he ever listened to the podcast or anything? He has. Yeah, he went back to you through me.
I brought you back to him. And he also is a huge fan.
That's nice.

Speaker 1 That's important for me to know.

Speaker 1 It is. Yeah.
Respect. Because if he's not a fan, I'm not going to help him.

Speaker 1 No. I mean, you can always pretend, but.

Speaker 1 Does he know that you're getting advice about your relationship from Conan on here here today he's aware and he wishes he could be here with me but well I think he was pretty

Speaker 1 I think um

Speaker 1 Eugenia um I am uh I would like to help you I really would and I would like to talk to him because as I say I know where he's coming from I used to be believe it or not I used to be an uptight Irish guy but I've changed I live in Southern California

Speaker 1 and I've done a lot of work

Speaker 1 on my body. I've read the Kama Sutra.
Oh boy. Oh my gosh.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I didn't know it was the Kama Sutra. I thought it was an in-flight manual.
In some ways, it is. Yeah, I thought it was what to do in case of a crash.

Speaker 1 I didn't know why these people were getting together during a plane crash. But anyway,

Speaker 1 so, but

Speaker 1 I feel like I could be. And I also would like to get in touch with my, I think I have an inner Latin side, an inner Spanish side that should come out.

Speaker 1 I think every, not every, but many Irish Americans do have a Latin, repressed Latin soul in them. And when they release them, it's like a very interesting experience.
I will get on camera. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Very good.
I'll be recording. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, I do not wish my sensual side to be recorded. We did that once, and it's doing very well in Switzerland.

Speaker 1 It's a film that I'm trying to live down,

Speaker 1 but I performed well. Listen,

Speaker 1 I want to thank you for talking to us. And I want to wish you and Sean the best.

Speaker 1 He's got an interesting thing.

Speaker 1 What'd you say? I'm just so defeated.

Speaker 3 Well, I just looked over at Sona, and this is what she was doing.

Speaker 1 Wait, what's wrong with you? Yeah. What do you mean, what's wrong with me? Why are you defeated? I just don't want, I don't want to hear so much about your sexual prowess.

Speaker 1 And I think that it's kind of sad that you're saying so much.

Speaker 1 I'm only talking about it so much because, you know, of my failings. Yeah, but you.
Oh, wait, that is sad. That is sad.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you get very squeamish when women talk about like certain parts of their bodies and you're going to go teach this guy about how to be more sexual.

Speaker 1 It's just, it's just fun. Sona, you're a little bit, Sona's a little extreme.
She talks about things that normal people don't talk about. Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 She's very graphic. And I don't think, I don't get that sense from

Speaker 1 Eugenia Fernandez de los ronderos Jimenes. Okay.
You know what I mean? I don't think she's walking around talking about various graphic things.

Speaker 1 I think she just wants some eye contact and some more little sensuality from her man. That's all you want, yes?

Speaker 1 Yep. And show us again how you're going to hold her.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm going to teach him to hold you like this.

Speaker 1 Like appropriately gave you a like

Speaker 1 a koala. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Him giving you a eucalyptus leaf.

Speaker 1 And that's the, yeah. Okay.

Speaker 1 You went, ooh, wasn't that kind of sensual? The eucalyptus leaves? You learned that in Kama Sutra?

Speaker 1 It's

Speaker 1 the special Australian edition, yes.

Speaker 1 Well, Eugenia, I love talking to you. Congratulations on your upcoming, I love this word, nuptials.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 tell Sean that Conan says hey, and Conan's going to help him. Thank you so much, Conan.
Thank you so much, guys. Nice to meet you all.
Bye-bye. See you later.
Bye-bye. Marios.
Bye.

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