Elle Fanning Returns

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See up for terms. Hi, my name is Elle Fanning, and I feel

ecstatic about being Coded O'Brien's friend.

Yes, I can tell that we are going to be friends. Hey there, and welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend.
Joined, as always, by Sonam Sessian. Hello.
And just put a little pep into it next time.

And Matt Gourley, how are you?

Hi, how are you?

I'm good.

Hey, I want to bring up something that was a direct quote from you just now.

Okay.

You just said, in this room, when I see a Hallmark movie, I watch it.

I did.

We weren't on mic.

I didn't know that that would come back to haunt me.

Well, yes.

So you're prepared to admit that and you're good? I will not only admit it, I will encourage others to do it as well. And I'll say, many people say that our nation is divided, that we've lost our way.
I think nothing would unify this country more than everybody watching Hallmark movies. I just enjoy the pattern.
You could say that there are certain tenants of drama that were set up by the Greeks and it's never really changed since then. I love that Hallmark has a certain formula.
They follow it every single time with chilling regularity. And they've also come up with something that I think is revolutionary.
When we think of story, we think of conflict. Conflict is the center of story, right? What is the conflict? What is the problem? Any scene, someone comes into a room, there's a problem here.
How does the person get the thing that the other person's trying to keep them from getting? That's how all good drama story works. Hallmark, I watch these things, there's hardly ever a conflict.
They're conflict-'re conflict free yet they exist they're extremely popular and it somehow works but attractive single person meets other attractive single person yeah oh they one lives in los angeles and the other lives up in the mountains of utah um but in a fairly affluent community uh and they can get to each other within a 40 minute flight or something, hour and 40 minute flight. And there isn't really, they meet each other.
She always immediately has to dislike him, but for not a good reason. It's never a good reason.
There's never a good reason. And then it's a reason that can quickly be removed.
So it's really not a conflict. It's a conflict the way like, I'd to come over there but there's a small tissue in the way.
Oh. You know what I mean? Well, there's usually some big city ex-boyfriend that they've got to kind of like get out from under but barely.
I don't know. I've seen ones where it really is just I've gone back and looked for the conflict and haven't found it.
Do you think you could write a Hallmark movie? Yes, I do. Do you think you should? I think I should.
That's the better question. I think it would be a good use of my time.
I really want you to write a Hallmark movie. Do you think you could star in a Hallmark? Didn't somebody, I thought, did somebody make a Hallmark? Will Ferrell and Kristen Wiig.
Yeah, Will Ferrell and Kristen Wiig did one. And it's brilliant because, so it's been done.

If they hadn't done it,

I would do it.

But it wouldn't be that funny.

What would your situation,

if you're the star of a Hallmark movie,

what's your situation?

Who are you meeting?

Where are you going?

Who are you leaving?

And where are you leaving?

Well, geez.

Okay.

Wow.

This is a lot.

Okay.

Well, let's see.

I am a guy, a very good looking, this is the part I play oh come on there's prosthetics get off my ass and light with prosthetics and lighting and CGI they could do all kinds of shit to my face okay so anyway I'm a guy who has built an inn I have an inn and it's up and I'm very rugged and I sort of look like the brawny paper towel guy. Wait, you're playing a rugged guy? You're playing the rugged archetype? I said CGI.
No, I'm not saying... Look.
I think you're an academic. You're teaching at a university.
And you're like a frazzled professor. I think that's more your...
All All right. You know, can I say something? But you're handsome.

And you don't need CGI.

Stop being mean to yourself.

I appreciate the notes because that helped me.

Sometimes I see myself differently

than other people do.

And I do see myself as a woodsman,

as someone.

Woodsman, not even an outdoorsman.

You have the specific trait of a woodsman.

No, no, I swear to God,

did you know that I sued Bronnie?

You did. I sued the Bronnie paper towel know that I sued Brawny? You did.

I sued the Brawny paper towel people

because I said,

you totally ripped me off

because it was around the time

I was doing the tour sonar.

Remember when I had the red beard?

And I sued them and I said,

you totally ripped me off

and judge threw it out.

And he did a picture.

He had a side-by-side picture of me

in boxers and the drawing of the Brawny guy. And apparently they just threw it out immediately.
And I tried to take it to the Supreme Court. Yeah.
I have to interject here. This is, by the way, I just want to introduce, this is Aaron Blair.
We call him Bley. That's right.
And several major celebrities have told you to shut the fuck up. That's right.
When you interject. That's right.
Tom Hanks. Harrison Ford and Tom Hanks have both, yeah.
And shut the fuck up, actually. Okay.
And so let's hear it. Well, I just wanted to say, I am a huge fan of Hallmark movies and Lifetime movies.
And every Monday, I watch a movie on Twitch with some people. And I think you would be really interested in a series by Vivica A.
Fox that's on Lifetime called The Wrong Ex. So like the wrong man.
Okay. wrong man okay the wrong tutor right the wrong stepmother is every episode different every episode is different but they're all kind of the same and i think you would be perfect for and i want to start a campaign for you to be in one of these movies i would do it because i would do that there's always a moment and you want conflict oh there's conflict okay there's always someone in a hoodie peeking around a tree oh i could be could be a guy in a hoodie.
Exactly. You are a guy in a hoodie right now.
I'm wearing a hoodie now. And many times, many times I've peeked around a tree at people.
And at the end, she always says the title of the movie. So she's like, told you he was the wrong man.
Told you it was the wrong tutor. And I think you'd be perfect for this.
And I want to start a campaign. Okay.
I'm okay with that. And I want to play this part.
And money doesn't matter. You know, I'll make sure that, I mean, as long as they, you know.
What? I'm not sure that these movies have a huge budget. I'm just going to put it out there.
But they're fantastic. And there's like, I think I've seen 19 of them.
I'm not even kidding. Okay.
Blay. First of all, you know that when someone says money doesn't matter, it means it all depends on the money.
But second of all, I'm willing to do it, but I think we should explore, because I do take constructive criticism, and I do think I'd probably be a frazzled academic. Yes.
But one of those things where when I take my glasses off, the woman realizes he cleans up okay. But should it be that you are in a current relationship with a kind of mean snobby academic and you go to a rural area and suddenly you meet this let's say like woodsman a nature guide a woman who's like does white water rafting and breaks you out of your shell and you don't know what to do and you frolic and she finds the real you oh first of all i'm petrified yeah andified.
Yeah. And then you leave her and go back to the end.
No, no. No, no.
I have, I work at a small New England college. Yeah.
Yes. What do you teach? History? What's that? History.
I just only, my one subject is Grover Cleveland. Oh.
I'm a professor of Grover. Yeah, I'm a professor of Grover Clevelandology.
And. It has to be liberal arts.
It has to be. No, it doesn't have to.
Because you're sensitive. Give me something.
This is your archetype. Oh, okay.
You're a sensitive man. You know what? She's right.
I've seen, you guys think this is a game for me. This is real life.
Okay. I'm a sensitive guy.
I teach like Emily Dickinson. I teach poetry.
Yes. Okay.
So, and I, and I have a very safe but frigid relationship with this other woman who works there. Yeah.
She's controlling. She's controlling.
And she's always saying things like, maybe this weekend we'll go and look at that antique shop. And it's always very.
Sounds pretty good. How long? How soon is she going to be single? She wants to go teach at a big city like Ivy League University.
And you're like, this is my home. This is where I love teaching Emily Dickinson.
Then you're like, okay, I need to go find myself. So you go on this white water rafting trip, which is so outside of your comfort zone.
And then I get to do my trademark Conan physical comedy where I'm like, wow, wow. And my glasses are getting knocked off and my book goes in the water.
Yes. Symbolically.
And she keeps saying, dude, just chill. Just go with the flow.
The whole trick of whitewater rafting is just, is letting loose. And then you guys kind of get marooned on a little forest island and you have to like kind of spend the night and make a fire together and stuff like that.
And I'm, of course, I'm inept, right? Yeah, I'm sorry. No, it's okay.
But that's okay. It's okay.
But then there's one point where she's kind of fed up with me and I look up at the stars and from memory, I recite this beautiful like Walt Whitman poem. Whoa.
And she sees me in a different way. And then we go into a tent and this is the part that's gonna depart a little from Hallmark.
We fuck like animals. We go at it.
And at first the camera's outside the tent and you just see silhouettes. But then the camera pushes into the tent and it's two naked animals.
And I'm just a machine. A machine.
And then you have all the cutaways to animals going, and owls' heads spinning around, and deer running away, and salmon swimming the wrong direction. Like a mama owl puts its wings over the baby owl's ears.
And then you come to the sun is coming up, and you go back to the tent, still going. You're still doing it.
It's like eight hours later. And then I pause to rehydrate.
And then, but anyway. But what's the conflict? Well, the conflict is then.
You have too much sex. No, no, no.
I lose myself, but that terrifies me. Okay.
So I go rushing back to the New England College where Enid Crud, Professor Enid Crud, with three Ds, C-R-U-D-D-D, awaits. And she's like, you said you'd be three days and you were four.
Well, on our calendar, it says we're going to move up to second base. We've been going out for years and we have never done it.
You haven't even done second base? With Enid Crudd. And yet I went away one night with this whitewater rafting woman and God damn it.
I just went to Jesus Christ. What's the name of the movie? Hold on a second.
Whitewater. Hold it.
Rafting. Fuck.
We got to think of this. Rapid love.
Rapid love. Jesus.
Sona. Why are you wasting your time with us? I know.
That's perfect. Why are you wasting your time with us? I know.
I know. That's why I ask myself every single day.
Why do I even do this Well, a lot of times you're saying it out loud during the podcast. Why am I here? Why am I wasting my time? Rapid love.
Yeah, we have to get this made. And I'm going to get on this because I love Vivica A.
Fox. I'd work with her any day.
I think you would be fantastic in one of these wrong movies. OK, I'm going to start the campaign.
But this is great. We got a lot of business sorted of business sorted out all right let's get to it my guest today uh she's one of my all-time favorites

she's a talented actress and saying talented actress does not even come close no i think

she's a phenomenon she started in the hulu series the great which is one of my favorite shows now

you can see her in the new movie a complete unknown this is the bob dylan uh biopic with

timothy chalamet and everyone's waiting to see it's going to be in theaters christmas day

Thank you. Now you can see her in the new movie, A Complete Unknown.
This is the Bob Dylan biopic with Timothee Chalamet.

And everyone's waiting to see it.

It's going to be in theaters Christmas Day.

Elle Fanning, welcome.

I'm ecstatic you're here because, am I not right?

Yes. The last time you were here, you left and all of us were just bathed in golden light.
Because you're just, you've got a great energy. You've got like the nicest, kindest, and like super funny game.
And then I came home and my wife was like, well, you're in a good mood. And I said, I was with Elle Fanning having a conversation.
And I'm as happy as I've ever been. And then she started to cry.
And then you haven't seen me for how long? That was a long time. And I haven't seen my wife since that night.
Pretty much ended it. Thanks to you.
I'm so sorry. Yeah.
So sorry. I've never been that happy again.
No, I'm so happy that you're here. get it today yeah and i feel the same uh well thank you so much for being here and uh we were just i mean we i mean and the second you came in before we could even start recording you started talking about this uh collins show that you were obsessed with for a while when you were in school and how they caught cheaters on it and we just found out that it was a lie yeah it was a lie i'm devastated i can't believe that that's a lie i know it's sad that these cheaters are fake and that they're not real what was the show just say what it was it was ryan's roses ryan's roses and i think they still do and you used to listen to it when you were going to school yes in the mornings going to school in the the mornings.
And my grandmother, she actually tuned in. This was on the top of my mind because she said that she listened to it the other day and she hadn't listened to it in forever.
And we would listen to it together. And now I'm like, I have to go break the news to her.
You don't have to tell your grandmother. No, don't tell her.
I won't tell her. She's always skeptical of things being fake, though, actually.
But this isn't like Santa Claus. This is good news that this is fake no explain quickly what it is well you you know it better than i do because i yeah well but yeah ryan's roses it's basically it's ryan seacrest ryan seacrest on kiss fm and it's a call-in show where if a partner suspects um you know that they're being cheated on someone from ryan's team will call that person and say, we have, we're a free florist company and we're giving out free flowers today.
And would you like to give flowers to anyone? Meanwhile, they're being secretly recorded. Their partner's on the other line listening in.
They don't know that. And then sometimes they'll send flowers to the person that they're cheating with and then, God.
And then they catch them, and then their partner comes on.

It's like, you!

That sounds horrific.

But then, Sona, you come out with a bombshell.

They were all actors.

It's fake.

It's fake.

The whole thing is fake.

And when I was just hearing it for the first time,

I thought it would kind of have to be fake because you're destroying lives.

You thought that?

Well, you're destroying lives.

No, we all believed it, though. You should hear it.
You it you should hear it good they were yeah they're really believable and then they would even cut out like they'd be like oh we lost them yes you know like oh they they hung up they they realized they're more realistic yes that's right and it's like oh we can't we're trying to call him we can't get him back i just texted a a deep source within Ryan's Roses. And I asked this person

if it was fake and hopefully by the time this interview

is over we'll have at least their denial

if not admission. Okay.
Okay. This is

good. If he responds and he's like, who is this?

I'll say this is Ryan.

Yeah. It's what we've been

doing. Maybe he doesn't know.
Yeah. He could be

Nixon. Innocent.

I said this too when I... You could do it on this but do it it for real.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
That could be a new segment on the show. Conan's chocolates.
Coco's chocolates! Coco's chocolates! Coco, Coco! Hey, Conan here from Team Coco. And I send free chocolates to people.
Who should I send them to? Is that your wife? It isn't. Is that how it goes? No, it's not.
He has another person. She calls the guy or girl and she'll be like, hey, you've been selected to send a free bouquet of roses to anybody you want.
Who do you want to send them to? So it's like you've been punked, you know, but you've been caught cheating. Here's the thing.
I'm terrified of pranks. When people say, oh, let's play a prank and we're going to play a prank on someone.
People have assumed because I'm in comedy that I would love a prank. I hate a prank because I always think someone's going to get hurt.
Yeah. Their feelings are going to get hurt or they're going to be physically hurt.
Like, oh, it's really funny. They're going to open the box and this thing's going to spring out.
And I immediately go to, it's gonna detach a cornea.

Someone's gonna get hurt.

Yeah, well, cause you hear those things.

And then it's like, oh, it was all just for, you know,

a laugh and then it's like, they're dead.

They're dead.

Wait a minute.

I wasn't allowed to do that.

I don't think you should be pulling pranks, Elle.

Elle's pranks are always like, yeah, and then it's a bomb.

No, no, Elle, Elle.

Yeah, but it's funny cause who would expect a bomb?

I'm sorry. Should be pulling pranks, Elle.
Elle's pranks are always like, yeah, and then it's a bomb. No, no, Elle, Elle.

Yeah, but it's funny because who would expect a bomb, Elle?

But no.

No, we weren't really allowed, like my sister and I, like pranking.

We weren't a pranking household.

No, it's too dangerous.

Yeah, that's what my mom was like, no, no, no pranks.

Let's talk about your childhood because you grew up in Conyers, Georgia.

Yes.

And it blew my mind because I realized today that that is the birthplace of Mr. Jack McBrayer, who plays Kenneth The Page.
Yeah, Kenneth The Page on 30 Rock. He's from Conyers, Georgia.
Oh, yes, but I know him. Oh, yeah, you know him real well.
Wait, no, I know. Wait, I think it is you.
Wow, this is a terrible day for Jack McRae.

I don't know what I do.

Jack Mahoo?

No, I actually...

From 31?

Who played Kenneth Ahee?

I really do.

I think he knows my aunt really well

and I think they went to school.

Oh, that's so funny.

He is a guy who would bother your aunt.

Wait, let me make sure.

Excuse me.

That I'm thinking... Excuse me.
No, totally. And I've actually hooked up with him a lot of times.
Yay! I just want to. Because he does know my aunt.
Yeah, yeah. You don't know him from all of his film work.
He's in Wreck-It Ralph. He's just not someone that I think, like, you know.
No, hey, trust me. Jack and Brayer, like, oh.
I know never think of him. I've spent a whole day with him and have a cover.
He's exactly from there. So it's a small, small town.
But I constantly give him shit all the time about everything. And whenever we're, like, I had lunch with him not that long ago right near his apartment.
And we, I just love to, if we get on an elevator, I'll go, now don't be scared about this technology.

I know you don't have elevators in Conyers, Georgia.

And he has such a thick accent.

Yes.

Oh my God.

He sounds like a donkey.

And, uh.

Oh my God.

He does.

He's like, yaw, yaw, yaw.

Oh my God.

Um, anyway.

Jack is just getting offended left and right.

No, no, no.

We have this relationship where I've been doing nothing, uh, but abuse this man for like 20 some odd years. I've never had a real conversation with him in my life.
But anyway. But he's the only other person you know that's from there.
Uh, yeah. Conor's Georgia.
And, uh, yeah. Oh, what'd you got there? I have an update.
And from this person I will not name. Okay.
That's okay. I asked, is Ryan's roses fake? It is, right? And the person said, depends on who is asking and what they would want to use this information for.
Whoa. Well, we have our answer then.
We have our answer. We have our answer.
Okay. Cut that bit out.
No. No, right? Why? Why cut it out? I'll see what they're continuing to text.
Is this the biggest secret in the world? I don't want to jeopardize their standing.

Okay.

This is a friend.

Okay.

Okay.

Sure.

Yeah.

This is the biggest secret in the world.

You're the one that introduced this whole.

I know.

You introduced this and now it's part of the podcast and you're a terrible person.

I did not introduce this.

Well, you said I'll contact the guy.

Oh, anyway, any mention of Conyers Georgia has to come out too.

And also any mention of Elle Fanning. Also, I never said it was a guy.
Okay. Good cover.
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Yeah, that works out. No, it sounds like I'm joking around and I probably am.
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I've never won that award.

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I know. That's probably the reason.

Yeah.

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Conyers, Georgia. We're back after having an off-mic discussion.
Sure. Yeah, we had a quick off-mic discussion because someone here got us into legal jeopardy.
Matt Gorley. That was my superlative in high school, most legally dubious.
Yeah, yeah. I did something very recently where there was a child actor on set and I was playing a Santa Claus and there was a quick break

and this woman came on the set, grabbed the child

and took the child into another room

and started teaching her algebra really quickly.

Like in between the shots, literally, you know,

like a cosine and then, you know,

remember negative numbers and then we gotta get back on set. Negative numbers, negative numbers.
But that's what it was like, right? It really was. Yeah, totally.
Because I, I mean, I went to a regular school from fourth grade on and graduated senior year, whatever. But when I would work, I would like go and I'd had a studio teacher that would teach me things.
And it would be like, you'd be doing this like really intense scenes, like be like crying and then going down to like a basement where they've like set up a little, you know, picnic table and two chairs and you're there and having to do your schoolwork. Right.
And then I also, because the school that I went to was pretty hard. Like I had to keep up with the schoolwork or like I couldn't do films, which I mean, I think it was very important, but then I would be like staying up to like 3am, like getting stuff done and like writing papers.
And like, I think now I'm like, how did I do that? No, but you think I had the energy to do that when I was little. And now when I'm doing a project, I'm like so exhausted at the end of the day.
But it used to be that I would go home and have all this like work to do and book reports. I'm like, how did I find the time? But it's just so funny for me to think of, you know, an actor at your level who's doing this intense work.
Even as a kid, you're doing this intense work and then quickly take a break and you got to go make a paper mache dinosaur yeah but it's kind of nice there's actually yeah there's something about it that is nice because you can just switch in and out of it and it's i don't know not i'm not the type of actor anyways that really stays in it in between like i need to go do something else or you know right right but um go to crafty and like relax. And like, I don't really stay totally in it.
But I think because when I was a kid, I was so used to switching in and out of it. That that's what I'm programmed to do.
It's funny. It's making me think now, wouldn't it be amazing if it was required of everyone, not just kids, but anyone during in between scenes had to learn stuff.
So I'm just thinking of like- And then you'd be quizzed on it later. Yeah, but I'm thinking of like Al Pacino in Scarface, you know, and he's just doing this over the top, like, and he's in the next room and they're like, now remember, the Kansas-Nebraska Act in 1950, he's like, oh, yeah, I got it.
I think I got it. So, okay.
That's a great skit, actually. So everything north of the 50-degree latitude had to be okay.
Those had to be, okay, a free state, but anything below. Okay, and back on set.
Say hello to my little girl. I think everyone has to do that from now on.
I like that. You know, it's hard for me to believe that you've never done a scene or you've never acted in a scene with your sister.
Like you guys haven't done that yet. It's crazy.
We've done, I think the closest thing was an animated. We were in My Neighbor Totoro when they did the American, the English dubbing like version of that.
And I was four, Dakota was eight, I guess. And we played sisters in that, but it was voiceover.
It's not the same. Not the same at all.
No, no. Are you guys looking for something? Yes, yes.
And we have a production company that we're producing projects together. Is it Llewellyn? Yeah, Llewellyn Pictures.
Did Llewellyn do The Great? Did you guys, were you a producer on The Great? Yes, yes. Wow, that's so, that is good for you.
Yeah, really cool. And Llewellyn is our, she was our family dog.
Oh. But yeah, that's, we're honoring her.
But she, yeah, we have this. We're, you know, always looking at projects.
And we had a couple projects that were like, oh, it's almost going to work out that we were going to do together. And there are still some ideas because we have to make it happen.
It's like, it's crazy that we're always looking for it. I'm going to write the script.
Great. No, no, it's good.
And I've never, listen, first of all, never written a movie script, but I got it. And you'll be the third sister.
Yeah, I'll be the third. Yeah, I'll look like the Wendy's girl.
Hello, sisters. Do Chekhov's three sisters.
You know what I love? Yeah, it'll be and people will be like this is great. This is fantastic.
Then ding dong. Me in a big red wig.
Totally like checking out looking into the camera lens. Doing all the things you're not supposed to do.
Totally unbelievable. Wearing heels six foot foot eight.
Well, sisters. Well, I think that's very cool.
You guys both have, because I know fashion, you know, fashion is very important to you. Yes.
And you seem like a very artistic type. I know you cook.
I know you like to express yourself in different ways. And you like fashion.
You like to take risks. I do not take fashion risks.
You are wearing a cashmere hoodie under a blazer. Yeah, basically.
That is a risk. It's called the Larry David.
I think this is what he, well, that's a risk. No, but it's like, it's a good color combo.
Thank you. It's dark green with the navy.
I'm doing a benefit. I'm doing a charitable thing tonight thing tonight so i'm usually dressed down for the podcast but because i'm doing this charity thing tonight i i need to be dressed up a little bit so this is me uh i would say but i don't take fashion risks i mean i don't yeah what i'm saying is i know that you'll really go for it sometimes yeah yeah which is cool i don't think i have the guts to do I mean, I think I always like growing up, I was kind of allowed to like put my outfits together and wear what I wanted to.
I did a lot of like thrifting and vintage shopping and stuff like that. So and then it's like, I don't know what acting.
It also comes with this whole other area that's like this red carpet side, which is like, you know, which is weird because it's like not everyone likes to do that just Just because you're in movies, it doesn't necessarily mean that you want to get your picture taken all the time. Sure.
But I think, I don't know, for me, maybe I was like, I do like this. Oh, yeah.
I do like the red carpet kind of artistic expression and getting to, it's like another character, you know? Yeah. And keeping up with those things.
It it is so unfair we'll be going someplace and we'll be seen and my wife will be in the closet for an hour and she'll keep coming out and trying different things and i just go in and put on a suit i know and and you know and and when my i just put on a suit and people and everything is just like yep check you're fine and will come in. She'll come out.
She's in a beekeeper's outfit.

Then she goes back in.

She comes out.

She's wearing like a lion costume.

It's a fashion montage every time.

Fur pants with like armored, Flemish armored top.

You know, she's trying all this crazy stuff.

But I feel like it's so much the pressure is so much different.

Yeah, there is.

And there are some days you're just like, oh, like you're you have to think so much about that stuff but then i don't know other times it's it's very fun but it's interesting with like with movie like this like certain press tours and stuff you know that it's going to be oh you know what clothes you wear like, that's a part of promoting films now.

I don't know.

Like literally what clothes you wear.

Well, let's talk about this because-

And especially like Timothee Chalamet.

Yeah.

He's a fashionista himself.

He is quite the fashionista.

I just was past the television the other day

and a commercial play,

it was a men's cologne ad that he's in.

For Chanel.

For Chanel.

And he's like falling through the air wearing, I just thought that should have been me they are never coming to me look if we can't get Timmy Chalamet we've got Conan O'Brien on the line Martin Scorsese directed that ad oh really well, let's get into it because a complete unknown, highly anticipated biopic about Bob Dylan. And you are in this movie and you are playing.
It's interesting. You're playing kind of a composite character.
Yes. I mean, she I play in the film.
Her name is Sylvie Russo. But she's based on Suze Vertolo.
Yep. Who was Bob Dylan's girlfriend.
And she's on the cover. Exactly.
I mean, I know the iconic one of the most iconic covers ever is for the freewheeling Bob Dylan where he's walking down the street in Greenwich Village. Yes.
He's with a woman who's like sort of holding his arm and snuggling up against him. And that was his girlfriend at the time.
Yes. And that's her.
Yeah. And so that's who you're playing.
That is. And it's really, honestly, it's really true to their relationship.
It's just her name is different. Sure.
That's the only thing. And I think it was actually out of a request from Bob Dylan himself because everyone else's name is what their name was.

Except for Timmy who plays Dobb Billen.

Yeah.

He's a folk singer, but everything's a little off.

Exactly.

He sings Glowing in the Wind.

Stand, lady, stand.

Stand, lady, stand.

Stand, lady, stand.

Do not sit long. You must stand.
Stand, lady, stand. Stand, lady, stand.
Stand, lady, stand. Do not sit long.
You must stand. Stand, lady, stand.
Well, first of all, I am so excited to see this film. And I would think, because also I'm fascinated with that period.
We're talking 1961, 60-61, around that era, in the the village and i've always thought clearly there are times in american not just american history in any in all world history there are times where there's a moment that happens in a city that's organic it happens in a place it happened in seattle in the late 80s early 90s with grunge it happened in liverpool in the late 50s and 60s something was going on in the village in the 50s stuff is percolating um and bob dylan makes his way there from hibbing's minnesota yeah and changes everything and so i mean and you guys are incredible actors i'm i'm cannot see this movie. Yeah, it was so amazing to see.
And I, yeah, because it takes place from like 61 to 1965, basically ending when he was at the Newport Coke Festival and goes electric for the first time. And it changes the course of music forever.
Yes. And I think he was, well, he was called Judas at that festival.
I don't know if it was at that one. I know in our movie it is because we play, you know, we try to stay true, of course, to what happened.
But then at the same time, it is a film. And James Mangold, who directed the movie, he wanted to take liberties as well because it is a movie.
And also Bob Dylan himself as a figure, he is so mysterious and he himself likes to play with what's true or not. You know, we don't necessarily know all the truths.
First of all, I am. I have no time for people that sit and watch a biopic and say, hold on a second.
That happened in October. I know what they described in the film.
It's November because they just had,

you know, I think there are those people. Yes, there are those people.
But the point of a film like this, an endeavor like this, in my opinion, is to capture the spirit and the energy of what was happening and transport you. It is not a visit to the IRS where you have all of your documents ready.
So the stuff that happens in entertainment that is so out there and so explicit and so crazy. And you realize that Bob Dylan basically just plugged in his guitar and played electric at a folk festival.
And someone in the crowd shouts, Judas! Yes. Because, I mean, it's so preposterous now and so laughable.
But there are these famous stories of he's playing and Pete Seeger's backstage with an axe trying to cut the electricity cable. So they say.
So they say. Again, so they say.
But you think about, oh, Pete, rap hasn't shown up yet. Like funk, rap.
I mean, there's all this stuff that's going to blow your mind. He's still playing folk with an electric guitar.
Exactly. And it just takes that kind of one person to be daring enough to change, you know, and step outside of the box.
He risked, I mean, he risked, he disappointed his core fan base, which you're never supposed to do. I've done it many times.
I think I'm very brave. But.
I think I'm very brave. Yes.
If that can be the pull quote from this interview. What did Elle say about the movie? Well, Conan kept talking over her and he kept shouting, I'm very brave.
And don't sell yourself short. You've disappointed all of us as well.
I was calling, listen, you are my core fan base. Oh, no.
That's the bad news. Oh, no.
Oh, man. But I would think.
We are going to host the Oscars. I know, yeah, I know.
That's insane. I know.
That's exciting exciting, but I think they'll, after this interview, they'll revoke it. They'll say, Kona, did you shout, I'm brave at Elle Fanning? But I would think, Elle, I mean, I'm, I was born in 63.
So this is ancient history to me because I wasn't connected to it in any way. But for you, this might as well be 1861.
You know, it's such a long time ago. But the style of that time is so iconic.
And I mean, not just the music, but getting to, I would just think from an art production standpoint, like, I really want to see the movie and I'm looking forward to the performances and the story. But I'm also looking forward to the cars, the guitars, the clothing, the look of things.
Yeah, it's really shot with, like, such authenticity. I mean, we shot in New York and also New Jersey because obviously a lot of those iconic New York streets now are very modernized.

So we we actually took like in Hoboken kind of created like Cafe Wa and the West Village, you know, over there. Ariane Phillips did our costumes and she's just absolutely incredible.
I think Timmy had like 70 outfit changes because it really goes from him, like starting Robert Zimmerman to Bob Dylan. Like in him as someone from Minnesota who literally just got off the bus and seeing New York for the first time.
So there's such an evolution that he takes in the film. and I was a huge, I, saying this, it's like, oh gosh,

I hear how I sound, but it honestly is true.

But I was a huge Bob Dylan fan

because Cameron Crowe, I did We Bought a Zoo with him when I was 13. I think that's what I came on your show for the first time.
But he introduced me to Bob Dylan and I became like a Bob Dylan nut. And I wasn't allowed to have posters on my room, but I had a cork board.
And on the cork board, I had Bob Dylan up there. And I would write every day.
And I have to find photos of this something. But in middle school, I would write Bob Dylan on my hand right here in cursive every day.
Wow. Like weird.
I don't know why I also did that. I think I was like, I'm cool.
You know, I like Bob Dylan. And in middle school, I was like, you don't know who he is, you know? And I'm like, I do.
But I did that. And I really did.
So I feel like I manifested like getting this part. It's kind of wild.
You manifested it. You manifested it.
Kids in school were like, what is that? Who is that? You don't know. Wow.
You sounded like an awful kid. I know.
I was just more like, oh, you know. I love that.
You don't know, do you? I wrote his name on my hand and you couldn't possibly know. What kind of kid were you? Well, bye-bye now.
Yeah, I... But I was very excited about doing this.
I was like, what? And they came to me. I was like, freaking out.
People have dream boards where they're supposed to, right? Vision boards. Vision boards where you're supposed to...
Your hand was your vision board. That's right.
You were just manifesting things. Totally, totally.
I mean, I know the movie they'd been trying to do for a while and with the strike and covid and like timothy's been training for it for like five years now so he he sang everything live he did the guitar live and it was really kind of amazing like hearing him for the first time like it was extraordinary and we were in so funny when you said he'd been training really hard i thought he went the marvel route yeah and so he shows up as this completely jacked and he just misunderstood bob dylan just all righted up exactly v-shaped torso yeah i'm all set to go i put on a hundred and put on 150 pounds of muscle well now we need to do your algebra bro. Come on.
Yeah, exactly. exactly.
Yeah. So what, so I didn't realize, I didn't realize he did all of his own.
He did. Yeah.
All of his own singing. I was in like an auditorium for the first time and hearing him sing.
I think it was A Hard Rain's Gonna Fall. He was singing that and all the background artists like in the auditorium were like, that's not him.
Like he's lip singing. I was like yes it is I like tapped him I was like I know it is I know it's him um you're always a know-it-all in all your stories again I happen to know it is and I've written it is on my hand oh no we should have you get we should have you just pop into the podcast every now and then and go, uh-uh.
Yes. It is.
And I haven't. Was that Al Fanning who just popped through that little window? Wait, you have Conan O'Brien written on your hand currently.
I'll start. I'll start.
I don't know what that'll manifest, but, you know. Yeah.
Oh, you don't want to know. Being on the podcast a ninth time.
That's so cool. I'm looking forward to I'm really looking forward to seeing it.
And, you know, one of the things that fascinates me about Bob Dylan and always has is he was a shapeshifter, probably still is a shapeshifter, totally made shit up left and right. So there's this famous introduction a couple of years before the incident where he plugged in.
There's this famous incident where Bob Dylan's introduced by Pete Seeger at a folk festival. And Pete Seeger says, you know, he tried to run away from home nine different times, but was caught and returned.
And then finally he like jumped a train and came here and camped out with hobos and here he is tonight. And everyone believed that.
It later turned out to be his like parents were like, well, good luck. Here's some money and don't forget to write.
Here's a cell phone. Here's a credit, you know, whatever.
He had made it up. Yeah, he said he worked at a carnival.
Yes. And yeah, part of the traveling circus, which I don't know if that's true.
But I guess I think it's part of an American tradition where William Faulkner completely made up his past. Ernest Hemingway made up stuff.
Great artists invent themselves. I believe that.
And they come up with all these stories. And I think Faulkner had everyone convinced that he had flown in the Royal Air Force in World War I.
It's like, nope, completely untrue. You know, he was like tending a furnace, you know, somewhere in like Tennessee or something.
But it's part of the creative process in a weird way. Sometimes you hear it and you think, oh yeah, that's a sociopath.
But no, that was part of of his process was inventing himself yeah definitely and i think even like through his i mean obviously his songs and he's like one of the greatest writers i think that we have i mean and it is interesting like thinking about he didn't want to kind of deal with the fuss of people judging him for his past yeah you know like he just was this is my work. I want you to judge at face value.
I thought it was hilarious when he won the Nobel Prize. And I just love that he was annoyed.
I don't want to go. Where do I have to go to get it? You know, just like annoyed by it all.
Yes. Which would not be anyone else's reaction to winning the Nobel Prize.
Exactly. Didn't want the fuss.
Yeah. I know.
I never, I haven't met him. I was told.
I thought you did meet Bob Dylan. No, I did not.
I was told, Timothy hasn't met him either. Jim has met him, James Mangold.
But we have not met him. I was told that I was going to have a rehearsal with Jim and Bob Dylan.

I got this email.

And I was like, oh, my God.

I was like, this is amazing.

Like, I have to pick out what I'm going to wear.

I have to, like, what am I going to say to him?

What am I going to ask?

I'm like so excited.

And I walk in the next day, and it's Jim and Timmy.

Oh, no.

And I was like, oh, what?

Boo. I know.
Who wants was like, oh, what?

Boo. I know.
Who wants to meet Timothy Chalamet? I know. I was like, no.
What a waste of time. I thought it was Bob Dylan.
We were laughing over that. Was he in character the whole time or something? No, I think it's just like, sometimes they do that on set.
He's just being whimsical. Yeah.
Well, there's, you know, an assistant had written it down, Bob Dylan. It was like both names, like Bob Dylan, all caps, bold, in bold.
So maybe I should have realized. Well, I've met him briefly.
I've told you have. I've told it before, but just because you're here and it lines up perfectly, I can do it really quickly.
Backstage at a concert with my good friend and guitarist, Jimmy Vivino, in this sort of backstage area. And then I'm pushed, like literally pushed into a room and there's a bunch of people there.
And then suddenly I'm, because of the way people are moving in the room, suddenly I'm sort of spit out at the front of the room. And there is Bob Dylan staring at me and I'm right in front of him.
And he's got the little tiny pencil mustache that he had during that phase where he's wearing the string ties and the little pencil and he looks at me and he goes hey i know you from the tv whoa and then just then i get interrupted by somebody who literally drags me out of my one conversation i'm gonna have with bob dylan and bob dylan like skitters away oh no and that person was Al Gore. And I've always been pissed at Al Gore ever since because literally he went, hey, I know.
He said, I know you from the TV. And I'm about to go like, oh my God, Bob Dylan.
And I'm just about to speak to him and he's looking at me when I hear, Conan, Conan, it's me, Al Gore. Oh my God, no.
Global warming's a reality. Oh no.
It's an inconvenient truth. Oh no.
The earth is warming by three degrees every fifth. And I'd see Bob Dylan shrug and kind of walk away.
Oh man. Did you know that? And that was it.
That was it. But he knows you.
He knows me from the TV. He didn't know my name.
And it wasn't the TV. It was the TV.
Accent on the T. I gotta get to Chalamet and tell him that's how you pronounce TV.
Yeah. Yeah.
You should have told him. I saw him at a concert right before we went at the Kings Road Theater in New York.
And I saw him and I actually, so sad. I had eaten a bad turkey sandwich.
And I was like in the middle, like the concert. I'd never seen Bob Dylan live before.
And I'm like, I knew I was doing the movie and Timothy was there and we're there. And I just was like, oh, no, I'm going to throw up.
And so it was I had to leave like halfway through. And actually, I so I ran out of the stadium and it's like a beautiful theater, like really kind of grand and gold.
It's like, it's really pretty run out right next to the concession stand, like in the lobby. And I can't make it to the bathroom.
Just puke turkey sandwich all in the carpet. Oh my God.
And then I know I was like, oh gosh. And I had, I had to leave and I went to the bathroom.
And then when I came back, they had like a sad little like cone over my throw up, you know, like avoid this area. I was like, no, I have to get back to the concert.
Oh, that's terrible. I must see.
I know. So, darn.
What was the turkey sandwich? It was not Bob that made it. Yeah, exactly.
It was the turkey sandwich. Well, I don't even, I think you met Timmy Chalamet, but you don't even know it.
I met him right before he blew up. I went and had ice cream with him.
We went to ice cream after. Yeah.
Yeah. What was that like? Was he, what was he like? He was cool.
I mean, he was like a young kid. I mean, you know, he, he was taught, he was, he at that point had already been in inter, was interstellar the one with Matthew McConaughey? Yes.
Yeah. He was in that movie already, but he had a small part in it.
And you know, I think everyone was like, you're going to, you're going to great and i remember call me by your name came out yeah you sat him down i think and said i you know look you should try comedy because acting's not your thing and and and you'll you know try comedy and maybe you could be like half a conan o'brien one day remember when you said that i did i was like don't know, comedy seems like it would be a better fit for you than drama. And he's like, I'm going to show these two people.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You made him.
We did make him. It's because of us.
What a major villain origin story. Do you know what he has written on his hand? Conan is wrong.
Well, I wrote that on my hand as well. Yeah, I've seen it.
Yours is a little, yours is fucking yours is fucking wrong yeah i think we all do i think all five of us i just had it tattooed

you know what's so nice i was i was reading different interviews with you in preparation

for chatting to you today and you said something really interesting to me which is that you learned

you've learned different things from different people you say that a big part of your education

was working with sophia coppola like so you've you know your education continued long after your

Thank you. to me, which is that you've learned different things from different people.
You say that a big part of your education was working with Sofia Coppola. So your education continued long after your formal education.
And I really believe in that. I really believe we learned so much.

But you said that you learned manners from working with Kirsten Dunst and Nicole Kidman.

You were working with them and you learned manners. And I thought, nobody talks about

manners. And now I'm going to sound like an old man, but I promise you, I think

Thank you. Cole Kidman, you were working with them and you learned manners.
And I thought, nobody talks about manners. And now I'm going to sound like an old man, but I promise you, I think it is a magic power.
It's a magical thing to be well-mannered. And you are exceptionally well-mannered.
You're a very kind person. And I don't think people understand the superpower that that is.

Do you know what I mean?

And no one talks about it a lot.

They don't talk about, it's all about, well, you know,

obviously you've got to have talent, but you also have to like,

you've got to be tactical and you've got to do this.

And I was like, how about, I swear to God.

Just being nice.

Being well-mannered.

Being well-mannered. And I understand it's, maybe it it's I've always heard it's part of a Southern thing.
Like Jack is insanely well-mannered. So anytime Jack McBrayer comes to my house, two days later, I get a note.
Sir, it was an honor, you know. I have a feeling that's not what it says.
No, no. He doesn't say it was an honor, but he does write.

He says, it was lovely it was an honor hanging out with your wife everyone likes everyone likes lies and people tolerate me but uh but no it's just like that's such a nice thing yeah it's true i mean i think like you must have learned a lot growing up you, from I didn't go to like acting class or anything.

So it's just like being on set and around different personalities and different people and picking up on, you know, what people do. And I mean, honestly, it's like my mom.
Yes. Like, you know, she would be on set with me or my grandmother.
And I would, you know, write a note, get rap gifts for everyone. Like I've just always done that.
Even like small things about like putting at the end of the day like your costume like making sure that it's like hung up that you hang it up at in in the trailer because then you hear because you hear people say like they just throw and they're like thank you so much for just hanging it up it's like well it takes like a second to do that you know like it's and also sometimes it makes you realize how other people are behaving right i've had situations where i don't know i'm doing something and i'll uh i don't know it'll be like a sirius xm record in new york or something and i'm headed out and i'll pass the person at like the front thing and i'll say i'm gonna get coffee do you want any and they go what what and i'm thinking i'm not giving you a kidney. I'm saying I'm getting a coffee would you like one too? And you realize oh it's such little things like that.
I know. It just makes you feel better to I don't know to be to be kind.
I mean it sounds so cliche and easy but I don't in this business it's like there's a lot of not nice people. Why'd you look at me? And by the way, that's a made up story about getting the coffee.
I was like, did you really get coffee for that? No, I think you took the coffee from that. I took the security.
I took her coffee and I said, thanks for the Java. Now go get your own.
But you are known. You actually are known as like the nicest and the best.
Well, that's very sweet. You are.
But when, but. Everyone says it and everyone thinks it.
But Sona, you've seen the real me. I have seen the real you.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, I have, I have, it's coming out in a tell-all. You already wrote it.
The real Conan O'Brien. You wrote a book.
Yeah, I did. I know, that's right, I did.
She wrote a New York Times bestseller called World's Worst Assistant. Yes, yeah.
And she basically put it all out there. But it's basically the two of us acting like- It's good to have a little edge.
Mostly you read the book and it's a hilarious book, but you mostly just read the book and think both of these people are idiots who shouldn't be allowed to do anything. I think I started writing it thinking it would be a takedown of you, but it was really just an indictment on me and how bad I was as your assistant.
But being your assistant, I will say there's a difference you can see between people who will dismiss you and people who actually talk to you. I got that a lot.
Right. Yeah.
And it makes a really big difference. Yeah.
What do you mean? It's just remembering people's names. You know what I mean? Like on set, you do meet a lot of people.
It's like. Assistants, like people can sometimes just be very rude to assistance because they're trying to get to you.
And there's a lot of people who will actually talk to you. I had a really interesting thing happened to me.
I've never forgotten it, which is I was working on The Simpsons. I was a writer producer there.
This is before I got the talk show. And I'm probably, I don't know, 26.
I used to just wear like a t-shirt and kind of that, you know that red James Dean, a kind of iconic jacket with the flip up collar. I had one of those.
So I'm wearing like, that's just how I'm dressed. And I'm wearing sneakers.
And I remembered I was gonna go meet my friend, Suzanne Daniels, who was a big exec over on the Fox lot. I remember for some reason I had a package in my hand

that was just my package.

And I walked into this office and I said,

yeah, I'm here for Susanna Daniels.

And this person behind the desk went,

yeah, just put that down.

Just leave it there.

And I went, well, actually,

and they went, just put it down, okay?

Like, because I'm the delivery guy.

Yeah.

I kept trying to stall and the person was just,

just looking through me like I didn't exist.

all the Just put it down, okay? Like, because I'm the delivery guy. Yeah.
I kept trying to stall, and the person was just looking through me like I didn't exist. Oh, my God.
And then, of course, Suzanne saw me and went, Conan, hey. And this person, she was like, have you met Conan? He's a writer-producer at The Simpsons, and da-da-da, and he's going to have a late-night show in a year and a half, even though nobody knows that yet.
She just knew? Yeah, Suzanne. And really, he is a delivery boy.
But anyway, I just saw a moment and then he's like oh i saw status completely shift arbitrarily because why does that make a difference yeah and um yeah completely yeah that executive was jeff ross i mean that yeah he was terrible to me when he was assistant oh it doesn't make any sense. You made it.
I know, you really messed that up. I'm gonna fix that up.
Yeah, I got it wrong. But anyway, no, you know who the assistant was? Who? It was a very, very young Timothee Chalamet.
Oh my God. Wow.
Bringing it around. Nice.
Yeah, I remember he was a fetus. It was like, there was a fetus, a really good looking fetus.
Wow. Bringing it around.
Oh, my gosh. I remember, he was a fetus.
Uh-huh.

He was like, there was a fetus,

a really good looking fetus,

wearing some kind of exotic cologne.

He said, like, just leave the package there.

And I said, why do you have an umbilical cord?

Just leave the fetus, just leave it there.

And cue the rap light.

Here we go.

I got us out. Hey, Elle.
Everyone's going to see this movie. And I'm just, it's a complete unknown.
It's you, Timothee Chalamet. Edward Norton.
Edward Norton. Monica Barber.
I can't wait to see it. But also, anytime you want to come in and just sit down and talk about anything, you're one of my favorite people.
No, seriously. I want to pop in now.
I want to like, because the office is, it was, this is really nice with the kitchen and everything. Yeah.
Yeah. Just don't go in there.
That's our kitchen. Like, I've already had like pockets full of snacks.
Okay, well, I'll need you to empty your coat before you leave. Snacks don't grow on trees.
No, Conan, they're nuts. They literally grow on trees.
You are an absolute delight. And as you know, I'm a massive fan of the great.
And watching you in that role walk this crazy tightrope of being near-death experiences, being assaulted, but then being hilariously funny

in the next scene. I don't know how you do it.
It's one of the best performances I've seen in a

show ever. And it's one of my favorite shows.
And then you just have this insane career and you're

a delight. You're a delightful person.
So come back anytime. And thanks for being here and sharing

your energy with us because these guys are sucking the life out of me. Hey.
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Excludes restaurants. We thought we might initiate a series of staff reviews here at the Tin Coco facilities.

We're going to start with your producer, longtime producer, Jeff Ross.

Jeff Ross, not to be confused with the Roastmaster General, Jeff Ross, the comedian. Jeff Ross has

been my producer. We really started in late night together.
What is it? 31 years ago, Jeff?

93, April of 93.

We met in April of 93. So someone do the math.

I think it's 31.

I don't want to.

I think it's been-

Yeah, I don't feel it.

You want to go to the calculator?

No, no. It's been 57 years.
I don't care enough. Anywho, you get the point.
We've been together side by side on this crazy adventure through show business and what we're doing, Jeff, is thinking that maybe we just review people, talk to them about their work. It's not going to go well.
No, no, no. It's going to go well.
Of course it's going to go well. Jeff, you've been with me at the helm of this ship for a long time.
We've been through highs. We've been through lows.
We've been through highs again, and then some more lows, then lots of lows, then a quick high, then years and years. No, it's been great.
It's been great. We've had a great ride, but I think it's time for a brief catch up lately on your performance here at the show.
Jeff, I'm just going to come out and say it. In all the time I've known you, you've worn glasses.
Okay? This is where you're going. You've worn glasses the whole time I've known you.
Very recently, you had a surgical procedure, which you needed to have. This was not elective.
It was a surgical procedure that you needed to have on your eyes. while they were doing that surgery they were like hey we can correct your vision at the same time they kind of that's the way it works that's the way it works yeah so they corrected your vision and i didn't you didn't first of all talk to any of us about this you went ahead and had this surgery which you had to have which you had to have hold on why would he talk because i talked to jeff about surgeries I have.
That's true. We've talked to each other about our various surgeries.

Yeah, when I was circumcised

and then I went back and had it put back on.

What?

And then I was circumcised

and then had it put back on again.

I tried to talk about it both times.

You had it?

And you were just like, put it back?

Yeah, I wanted it back.

You got to keep it?

They couldn't, well.

I was holding it for a while.

Here's the thing.

I don't, Jeff had it for a while in his wallet.

The way high school kids keep a condom in their wallet. People were like, Jeff, you got a condom in your wallet? He's like, no, no, no, it's the condom's fourth kid.
But thank you for keeping it. You're supposed to moisturize it, but he didn't.
So anyway. So wait, it's back on there, just like an old dry pig ear? Yeah, well, we went back and forth two times because I kept changing my mind.
Now it's back on and I'm not convinced it's mine, but that's a whole other story. Anyway, that's not why we're having this review.
Okay. The focus should not be on the crazy surgeries that I've had butchering my member.
Maybe they should be. But Jeff.
Yes. You had this thing and you come in and suddenly you're not wearing glasses because you don't need to anymore because you have now 20-20 vision but I need readers you need readers but most of the time you're walking around the office I just when we shot a travel show together in a foreign land we travel the world together and you're not wearing glasses and you're he's Jeff you will agree a very good looking man.
You're a good looking guy. You are.

You're a good looking man.

I think you're out of it.

Your whole, listen,

the whole time I've been with Jeff,

people, women always nudging me.

Like, that's Jeff Ross,

this good looking guy.

And I'm like, hey, what am I?

Chopped liver over here?

But Jeff.

Make it about you.

What's that?

What?

I said make it, you make it about you?

Yeah, I was born on Make It About You, Mountain.

So Jeff isn't wearing glasses now. And he comes in and you walk around, you don't have glasses on.
And I can't get used to it. And I'm not the only one.
A couple of us, Eduardo, feel free to weigh in. Weird.
I can't get used to it. And here's the thing.
I can't get used to it. And you'll get to talk in just a second.
Wait a minute. I'm not even sure that's true.
I might just keep talking. This is a great staffer.
Probably true.

A lot of us are having trouble adjusting.

And the thing is,

it's our problem because you've had a certain look

for a long time,

and then suddenly it changed,

and you look great,

but I'm not used to it.

What are we going to do, Jeff?

Let me say two things.

First of all,

I'm not used to it either

because still I wake up in the morning

and I reach over to the bedside table. Actually, on my left and to reach for my glasses and they're not there and sometimes at night when i brush my teeth and i wash my face i reach for my glasses and they're not there what i might do i'm considering is what you did which is get like progressive nothing up top and readers at the bottom yeah yeah i'm.
I'm considering that. I don't mind wearing glasses and I just decided, yeah, I did the progressive thing.
So my eyes without glasses are fine, but I don't like putting glasses on and off all the time. Yeah, this is a pain.
And so I just wear glasses so that when I can pick up a book and read. I'm sorry, I have a question.
This is a staff review? Yeah. Okay.
Okay, let me get back to the review part of it. Could I just do a segment of reviewing the staff reviews? Because I have a couple notes.
Hold it. But listen.
But please, let's talk more about your progressive lenses. Well, I didn't put it on that.
That was Jeff who made the executive producer decision. You asked me a question and I answered it.
No, here's what I'm saying. I want you to immediately, it's a staff review.
I want you to immediately start wearing glasses. I want you to wear them all the time.
No, those are at the end of your nose. Now you look like grandma Moses.
Yeah, yeah. Okay, I want you, and if not.
I'm going to go do what you did. No, no, no.
Because I do that a lot anyway. Let's not get on to progressives again, because that's a, Sona's told us that's a bad topic.
I had a thought. Go back to your foreskin.
No, no, no. That's a separate episode.
That's from my staff review. Yeah, that's a different kind of staff review.
And by the way, I could get it again. Yeah.
So listen, Jeff, I had an idea, which is that you get a tattoo of glasses on your eyes. You get glasses drawn on as if you fell asleep at a fraternity.
And instead of a penis on your cheek, it's just some really nice glasses. Tom Ford glasses.
Only if we can go back to New Zealand to that place where the guy with the crazy tattoos on his arm, he does it. Okay.
You like that guy? You like the tattoos? I secret where we're going but jeff i guess likes to just blab it out wait you thought it was a secret because everybody knew you were there yeah that's true something in a stadium full of people you know all i heard the whole time was in the van was blake how's socials doing how's socials doing staff review Well, listen. I like the idea of no glasses.
It's a whole new world. I just have to get used to it, but I like things.
I'm at a stage in my life. I'm no spring chicken where I like things to be the same.
And so the other thought that I had was get Jeff two monocles and he puts one in each eye and you walk around with two monocles. Yeah.
You know, Colonel Clank had one, you get two. I remember.
I'm the only one in the room. And then when you're in a meeting with me and you're surprised by something like, Conan stole that much from the budget, your eyes widen and they both fall out.
That would be funny. One at a time, maybe.
Yeah, one and then the other. Well, when something's quizzical or skeptical, one falls out.
One falls out, yeah. But you meant to keep the other.
Anyway, these are just ideas you should think about. I appreciate

that. And it's weird for me, too.
Would you like to maybe quickly review me since you and I,

you're the only person that can. You're the only one that has the authority.
How am I doing, Jeff?

You're doing great. We're still working.
Wow. We're still going.
We're still going. You don't

have any notes? I have a few notes. We can feed you a few notes.
Sona. You don't have notes?

I've been riding this gravy train for 31 years. Okay? If you think I'm going to start giving notes.
You're crazy. Jeff's sitting on top of the caboose of the gravy train.
Well, Jeff, other than the glasses, and get that shit straightened away. I will.
A plus all the way. I like it.
Keep doing what you're doing. Thank you.
And I thought this was pretty painless. Yeah.
Totally painless. All right.
Fourskin on the table. Oh, come on.
Conan O'Brien needs a friend with Conan O'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley.
Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Liao. Theme song by The White Stripes.
Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy.
Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns.
Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis,

Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn.

You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts,

and you might find your review read

on a future episode.

Got a question for Conan?

Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847

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You can also get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at SiriusXM.com slash Conan. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.
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NMLS consumeraccess.org, number 3030. If you love a Carl's Jr.
Western Bacon Cheeseburger, if you're obsessed with onion rings and barbecue sauce, next time, tell them to triple it. If you need that El Diablo heat, heat, heat, and more meat, meat, meat, triple it.

If you're in Gaga for house-made guacamole, bacon, and spicy Santa Fe sauce, you already know it.

Introducing the new Triple Burgers.

Only at Carl's Jr.

Get a one-time free Triple Burger when you download the app and join my rewards.

Minimum purchase required.

New members only within 14 days.