You Are So President Taft

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Speaker 3 Conan O'Brien needs a fan.

Speaker 4 Want to talk to Conan?

Speaker 2 Visit teamcoco.com slash call Conan.

Speaker 5 Okay, let's get started.

Speaker 6 Hi, Eloise, and welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan.

Speaker 2 Hello. Hey, guys.

Speaker 1 Hey, Eloise, how are you?

Speaker 2 I'm doing okay.

Speaker 2 Yeah. I'm doing good.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Well, you're talking to

Speaker 1 myself, Matt, Sona, the gang. Hi.
And tell me, I don't know much. Tell me, where are you right now? Who are you? Tell us the whole story.

Speaker 2 Sure. My name is Eloise.
My pronouns are she, her. I'm calling from Manila in the Philippines.

Speaker 2 I am kind of like a healer in my community. So I'm a relationship and life coach.

Speaker 2 And I'm also my country's first openly trained soccer player. Wow.

Speaker 1 That's fantastic. And you say you're a healer as well.
So you can help people. Maybe you could help me.

Speaker 3 Please.

Speaker 2 I don't know.

Speaker 6 That's a tall order.

Speaker 1 Because Eloise, people here think I need a lot of help. A lot of help.

Speaker 2 Okay. What do you need help with?

Speaker 2 I was hoping you would know.

Speaker 2 I have some guesses. Okay.
I think that would be rude.

Speaker 1 Well, you live in Manila and tell me just a little bit about your life. What do you like to do? How do you have fun?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 So I work most of the time.

Speaker 2 Me and my fiancé, we like to throw events for our local trans and autistic community. We throw little parties.
We're doing an autistic-friendly drag event.

Speaker 2 And what do I do?

Speaker 2 I play a lot of soccer, and I've been eating a lot of pizza lately.

Speaker 2 I love pizza.

Speaker 1 Wow, pizza is the great unifier

Speaker 1 of everything you just said.

Speaker 1 So you are very active in the trans community. You have lots of get-togethers.
What kinds of things,

Speaker 1 what kind of things do you like to do with your friends who are trans? What kind of, you know,

Speaker 1 do you have parties?

Speaker 1 What do you do?

Speaker 2 Yeah, we do like to have parties. We like to watch a lot of movies together and kind of just bond and connect over being weird.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 I would like to join you because

Speaker 1 I'm told I'm weird.

Speaker 2 You know, it's part of my life story.

Speaker 2 I think you would be a good addition to the LGBT community.

Speaker 2 I'm not a uncertified representative, but I think we could use a little bit of Conan because I think I'm the only one in my community that listens to CONSIF so far.

Speaker 2 Okay, well, all right, well, then there's work to be done

Speaker 2 because it is mine. That's why I'm here, I think.

Speaker 2 Leave them alone.

Speaker 1 My mission has always been to expand my presence in the LGBTQ community in the Philippines.

Speaker 2 Very specifically.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I said that in 1963, the year I was born.

Speaker 2 I remember. Yeah, you remember? Yeah, wow.

Speaker 1 You have a time machine, apparently.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 would I get along? Would I fit in with everybody? I'm a pretty friendly person. Would they accept me? I guess that's the big question.
Would your friends accept me?

Speaker 2 This isn't going well, Eloise.

Speaker 1 Eloise, I'm not getting good signals, Eloise.

Speaker 2 Well, and I don't think

Speaker 2 I think there's a lot of work to be done. And I'm not just talking about like therapy, but I think in terms of like the queer community,

Speaker 2 like I will be playing your podcast while I'm doing my makeup in the morning, and my fiancé, who's also here, will be listening. You'd be like, what are they talking about?

Speaker 1 Oh, I think so.

Speaker 2 What is, yeah, there's like

Speaker 1 your friends are picking up when I'm laying down is what you're saying.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I think like the James Bond references aren't going well. Yeah, Conan.
Those are not my fault.

Speaker 3 Specifically, the James Bond references are not.

Speaker 2 That's Matt.

Speaker 1 That's Matt who has the obscure references.

Speaker 2 Hold on, last time that came up in detail, you brought it up.

Speaker 6 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Who brings up Calvin Coolidge? Because I don't think that. Thank you.

Speaker 1 I always thought that Calvin Coolidge was huge in the trans community in the Philippines. Yeah.
That was my understanding. Not so much President Taft.

Speaker 2 I get it.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 2 Coolidge, Lyndon Johnson, I think, is if you, if you reference Johnson more, it would might be a little bit better. Okay.

Speaker 1 I'll double down on Johnson. Okay.

Speaker 1 Well, okay. So

Speaker 1 you say that

Speaker 1 let's say I came to Manila. And let's say that you and I were to meet and you were going to take me out for a night with your friends in the trans community.
What would we be doing?

Speaker 2 Okay. I was thinking about this and the first thing we would go to is there's this event called Girl Nation.

Speaker 2 It's a lesbian event and it's mostly all lesbian women and some trans men and then like one or two chill guys. So you have to pass that test of being chill and also an ally.

Speaker 2 And once you do that, yeah, I think that's why I'm here to help is maybe I can teach you some slang or some things that will help you blend in and not stand out.

Speaker 1 Yes, I want to blend in very much. I want to be considered a chill guy when I go out on the town with you and your friends in the trans community.
So tell me, what are the things I should know?

Speaker 2 Things. I think that through some

Speaker 2 using gay lingo like offhandedly, being very used to it, you don't have to use it all the time. But if you use it like once a day in a podcast, then yeah, you'll be fine.
Give me an example.

Speaker 2 I think you could say it's giving dot, dot, dot, and then you make a reference at the end of that and you can use that to like when you're like giving someone a compliment or if you want to be passive aggressive you can use it to give someone an insult but you use a very specific and obscure reference at the end of it so you could say like oh it's giving like season one love is blind episode two and someone you just only

Speaker 2 like it's giving

Speaker 2 a view to a kill scarpine

Speaker 1 to james bond it all goes back to james bond i see what you're saying though it probably has to be a reality tv show, right? That's better.

Speaker 2 It could be a reality.

Speaker 1 Right now, Eloise, you're totally giving me, you know, season six, Love Island, episode three,

Speaker 1 Cheetah. I just made all that all up.
Cheetah? Cheetah.

Speaker 2 Okay. Does that work?

Speaker 2 I think the delivery has to maybe improve.

Speaker 1 You know what? Yeah, because I was too deliberate about it. Yes.
You got to just toss it off.

Speaker 2 You have to be like analyzing it. You can just be like throwing it away.
Like, oh, yeah, you're totally. You can even reference like, you know, presidential terms.

Speaker 2 As long as you're specific and you're like throwing it away in a gay way, it's like, yeah, okay.

Speaker 1 You are just right now. You know what? I don't need this from you.
You are so President Taft and selling the OC. Oh, I don't need this right now.

Speaker 1 Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 And I would be like, oh my gosh, Slay, okay. Yeah.
I don't know what they mean.

Speaker 1 And then I say slay right back to you.

Speaker 2 Slay. Okay.
See, I think already I'm doing pretty well.

Speaker 1 You're, you're, no No one would know.

Speaker 2 You're basically a woman right now.

Speaker 2 I've heard that before.

Speaker 1 Eloise, this is a big help. You're helping me.
This is good.

Speaker 2 I think you are a hero.

Speaker 1 I think I have to learn more about reality shows. Yes.
What are the popular reality shows so I can just toss them off?

Speaker 2 Oh, Love is Blind.

Speaker 1 Love is Blind.

Speaker 2 Sona maybe knows more.

Speaker 3 I would say the entire Real Housewives franchise. I mean, if you if you know.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, if you can reference that.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 1 But is there a city that, because is there a real housewives

Speaker 2 Cincinnati? There's Salt Lake City.

Speaker 3 There's Salt Lake City, there's Atlanta, there's Orange County was the original.

Speaker 1 I'm going to go with Atlanta, and I'm going to call it Hotlanta.

Speaker 2 Okay. I'm not going to do that.

Speaker 2 That's not good.

Speaker 2 That's not good.

Speaker 3 All right. But yeah, you know,

Speaker 3 what else? I mean, I think when I think of you know, popular shows, I think of Real Housewives, but that's all I can think of off the I don't know, Eloise.

Speaker 1 You're totally giving me um

Speaker 6 it's going well, it's going well, buddy. Keep it up, you've got

Speaker 2 a little flash cards like Teresa from New Jersey, yeah, you're classic. Oh, yeah, a little, a little Teresa season four,

Speaker 1 Real Housewives in New Jersey, much Eloise. Does that work?

Speaker 2 Yeah, Slay, it sounds a little like an insult, but I'll take it. Vanderpump rules.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. Vanderpump rules.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Do you know you're very van, I don't know a lot of the characters.

Speaker 2 Scandival.

Speaker 3 Scandival.

Speaker 2 Oh, that's too obvious.

Speaker 1 You got to pick up someone obscure.

Speaker 2 Obscure, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Spenson.

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 1 He's the accountant on the show.

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Speaker 2 Yeah.

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Speaker 1 Here's a review for the board game Twister. Angela writes, I bought this to play with my other late 20s, early 30s friends.
Our bodies were not prepared for the pain that ensued.

Speaker 1 When all of my extremities ended up on the same color, my body went into full spasm.

Speaker 2 This is

Speaker 2 harrowing.

Speaker 1 My arms turned to jelly and my spine broke in half.

Speaker 1 Finally, I fell slowly to the ground in frog pose. The torture was over.
If you're in basic shape and somewhat flexible, this is the game for you. Five stars.
You know, it's very rare.

Speaker 1 for someone to be doing something with a product and have their spine break in half and give it a five-star review. That is very rare.
Yeah. This person's a very good sport.

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Yeah. You know, David usually gives me a ride to work, but I'd love it if you.

Speaker 1 No, no, no.

Speaker 3 You're not. I'm sorry.
You're not allowed in my new car.

Speaker 3 My Palisade is my oasis. It's my happy place.
So you're not allowed in.

Speaker 2 Wait a minute. What are you talking about?

Speaker 1 I made you.

Speaker 1 When I found you, you were wandering the streets with a bucket on your head. What? And now you're Sonoma Obsession and you're driving around the Palisade.
You won't give me a ride?

Speaker 3 This is why I don't let you in my happy place. Because you talk about me walking around with a bucket on my head.
Why would I let you into my personal oasis if this is the way you're going to talk?

Speaker 4 You have to earn your spot.

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That's incredible. Yeah, it is.

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Speaker 3 I didn't even know there were 215 countries.

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Speaker 1 I was up half the night last night watching a World Series game. Yeah.
It was very exciting.

Speaker 1 I have to tell you, I don't care what your sport is, tailgates or watching parties or, you know, whatever, if you're watching High Lie,

Speaker 1 it doesn't matter. It is Miller time.
Miller Light is brewed with simple ingredients like malted barley for rich flavor and golden color.

Speaker 1 It's a taste you can depend on because Miller time is always a good time. I'm out there throwing the pig skin around.
I used to just throw pig skin. Really? Chunks of pig skin.
Wow.

Speaker 1 I never had a football.

Speaker 2 Where would you find the pig?

Speaker 1 Oh, I went to a farmer. Oh, good.
Yeah, and the pig had fallen and it was shredded.

Speaker 2 Anyway, back to Miller Light.

Speaker 1 I was just hawking pigskin around. I like to raise a Miller Light in the air and celebrate a great pass,

Speaker 1 throwing chunks of pig skin around.

Speaker 1 One of those nail biters. Last Last night's game, incredible nail biter with the Dodgers.
Incredible. So, anyway, Miller Light, great taste, 96 calories.

Speaker 1 Go to merrillite.com/slash Conan to find delivery options near you, or you can pick up some Merrill Light pretty much anywhere they sell beer.

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Speaker 1 I'm going to do the best I can, though, to learn more about reality TV. I'm going to say slay a lot.

Speaker 1 What else would we do?

Speaker 2 Oh,

Speaker 2 you can join a women's soccer training.

Speaker 2 I coached when I was younger.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you could become an elite athlete and I can hop in.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I got news for you.

Speaker 1 I got news for you.

Speaker 1 I think I have a much better chance in the trans community.

Speaker 1 I really do. I think I have a better chance than becoming an elite athlete.
I just, I don't know. I just.

Speaker 2 You don't think you have it in you?

Speaker 2 That dog in you? I'm an old, old fellow.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 the other day, I got out of bed quickly and my left leg fell off.

Speaker 1 And I used electrical tape to put it back on.

Speaker 1 And so that's what I'm concerned about is pieces of my body coming off.

Speaker 1 in the Philippines, you know? You're so kind.

Speaker 6 Kyle versus Kim Richards in season one of Desperate Housewives.

Speaker 2 Exactly. Yes, that's so true.
Thank you.

Speaker 2 You are really giving that Kyle from whatever math says.

Speaker 6 The reason I know this is because Kyle Richards, who's one of the housewives, played Lindsay as the young girl in Halloween. There you go.
That's why I know that.

Speaker 1 See what? It doesn't matter where you get the knowledge as long as you have the knowledge.

Speaker 6 I just shouldn't reveal that, right?

Speaker 1 Right now, you're being so Winston Bufferman on American Roadshow with his collection of pneumatic tubes that he sold.

Speaker 6 You are such a Jamie Heineman from MythBusters right now.

Speaker 2 Jesus. Oh my God.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 You guys are slaying each other. Yeah, it's incredible, right? Yeah.

Speaker 1 You are such a Walt Kellerman from American Pickers. He's

Speaker 6 spoken like a Darwin Hamillsmith from the TV sci-fi makeup show Face Off.

Speaker 2 Okay. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 You guys are like a couple detectives on the first 48.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 What? What?

Speaker 6 That's a docuseries, not a reality show.

Speaker 2 What is the difference?

Speaker 3 They're reality. It's a different kind of reality.

Speaker 2 No. Okay.
All right. All right.

Speaker 3 Why can't we do docuseries?

Speaker 2 There's a docu series. You can't slay with docuseries.
No.

Speaker 1 Hey, Louise, can you slay with docuseries?

Speaker 2 I'm going to have to call RuPaul and ask, but I can't. RuPaul with definite no.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Well, I got RuPaul on the line now. What's that? Oh, quick no.
Okay. Invisible phone, everybody.
And I hang that up.

Speaker 2 She wouldn't take your phone. I'm sorry, Sona.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I don't know any of the references you just made.

Speaker 2 I think I'm becoming straight again.

Speaker 2 No, I think I'm in trouble because if I bring COVID and you guys make these references,

Speaker 2 me as a healer, they'd be like,

Speaker 2 Eloise,

Speaker 1 after what you've heard today, do you want me to come visit you?

Speaker 1 And you're allowed to say no, you've changed your mind.

Speaker 2 That's a long pause. That's a long pause, Eloise.
I'm a big fan of yours. You've just answered my question.

Speaker 2 I am a big fan, but I am also, you know, I have a reputation to uphold as one of the humans in the gay community.

Speaker 2 And I don't mean that in a rude way.

Speaker 2 Maybe I can do your makeup and maybe we'll style you. The American pickers reference.
I think that's what did it.

Speaker 2 I think that might scare people.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I probably, yeah. Well, I admire your honesty.
I really do. And

Speaker 1 I try. I appreciate that.
Can I ask you a question? You've mentioned autism also during this interview.

Speaker 1 Do you, are you autistic?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I am autistic.

Speaker 1 When did you find that out?

Speaker 2 When I met my partner who is autistic, and I realized, oh, we are the same. I have what you have.
But for most of my life, I didn't know that I had that. So, yeah.

Speaker 2 And I think like with autistic people, Conan can be a big hit or sometimes a miss because we have maybe issues of taking people very literally.

Speaker 2 And so, for example, my whole family, we love. watching Conan and we've been watching it since I was 18 and we would be around the TV

Speaker 2 with my mom, my sister, and my brother, and we'd be all enjoying it. And, like, one day, my dad came in the room to kind of see what's going on.
And my dad kind of takes the people very literally.

Speaker 2 I don't think he has a good, you know, understanding of that context.

Speaker 2 And we watched the whole episode of your show, and we all loved it. And I look at my dad to see what does he think, and he just goes, He's rude, he's really rude.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I can see that.

Speaker 2 Hey, that's funny. That was my standard reaction.

Speaker 1 Yeah, what if he sees the real me? What if it, you know, what if he's right?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I think. I can see, yeah, it's different.

Speaker 1 You know, it's not, I'm not for everyone. And that's always the way it's been, you know?

Speaker 2 Who are you?

Speaker 3 You would be like, I'm on the next flight out to the Philippines to meet your dad. Oh, I'm in love.

Speaker 2 I'm going to win him over.

Speaker 1 I was pretending to be okay with your dad not liking me, but this is odd.

Speaker 2 I'm a pussy. What would you do?

Speaker 1 What would I do?

Speaker 2 Well, if he thinks you're rude, how would you, what kind of comedy would you go?

Speaker 1 Well, first of all, I'd be very respectful and kind to him. So respectful and kind that he would see that I'm not rude.

Speaker 1 Then

Speaker 2 I...

Speaker 2 So hilarious.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and then I would probably bring him some gifts. And

Speaker 1 what would you bring him?

Speaker 2 Oh, well,

Speaker 1 what does your dad like?

Speaker 2 Um, pork,

Speaker 2 yes, that'll fly well

Speaker 2 goes right in the overhead compartment.

Speaker 1 So I would wrap some pork in newspaper, just a full pig, put it in the overhead compartment,

Speaker 1 and fly. I think it's probably a pretty quick flight from LA to Manila

Speaker 1 and then get in a cab in the hot sun and take this rotten, fetid pork to your father and say, hey, you're the guy that thought I was rude.

Speaker 2 Have this rotting pork.

Speaker 1 And then I think we'd be best buddies. Don't you think?

Speaker 2 I think he would think you were courting him.

Speaker 2 But yeah, you know what? Give it a try.

Speaker 1 You are so season three, American Botulism.

Speaker 6 So I can't believe that got three seasons.

Speaker 1 It almost didn't finish one.

Speaker 2 If you can win my father's approval, then you can do something I haven't. So that'll be really cool.

Speaker 2 Maybe we can work together.

Speaker 1 I have my ways. I tend to win people over.
Sona, you've seen me in action.

Speaker 2 I have. I have.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 Even the biggest naysayers, you get them on your side.

Speaker 1 Not that there are that many, but yeah, I've seen it happen.

Speaker 2 Sonya.

Speaker 3 Big naysayers.

Speaker 1 Not so big. Just people that had slight hesitation and they overcame it.
Quite a few people.

Speaker 2 Not a lot.

Speaker 4 A lot of people.

Speaker 1 Not big naysayers.

Speaker 1 Eloise, are there any events that we would go to together? Are there any events in the trans community that I could participate in?

Speaker 2 Yeah, we are doing some events for trans women and trans men. We're doing one for men where we talk about healthy masculinity, what does it take to be a good man?

Speaker 2 And we also give people, or we're planning this, hoping to give people haircuts. We'll be talking about that in a barbershop.

Speaker 2 And then we have one for trans women where we talk about what it means to be a good woman

Speaker 2 in a more progressive way. Cool.
Healthy.

Speaker 2 Are you interested in either of those? Sure.

Speaker 1 I was just hoping at one point there's alcohol involved, you know, going to a club or something. But yes, I like those.
I think what you're doing sounds very cool and very healthy.

Speaker 1 But at some point, I want to hit the dance floor. Do you understand? You've got to see my moves to believe them, Eloise.
You've got to see them.

Speaker 2 Why does this sound like a threat? Yes.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 2 I'm not necessarily a brag.

Speaker 1 Unless my demands are met, Eloise.

Speaker 1 Unless there's a suitcase full full of cash in this podcast office tomorrow, you will see me dance.

Speaker 2 Oh, my gosh. Yeah.
You have 24 hours.

Speaker 1 The clock is ticking.

Speaker 1 Well, Eloise,

Speaker 1 Eloise, it was very nice talking to you. And you are very funny.
You seem very funny and very cool. And I do believe you're a healer because I've had fun talking to you.
And you have healed me.

Speaker 1 So what do you think of that? That's great.

Speaker 2 Yeah. I think that'll be $250.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 2 I'll get it to you.

Speaker 1 Thank you, Eloise. Nice talking to you.

Speaker 2 Bye-bye. Bye.
Bye. Thanks, guys.
Thanks.

Speaker 6 Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan with Conan O'Brien, Sonoma Obsession, and Matt Gorley. Produced by me, Matt Gorley.
Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Liao.

Speaker 6 Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.

Speaker 2 Take it away, Jimmy.

Speaker 6 Supervising producer, Aaron Blair. Associate Talent Producer Jennifer Samples.
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