You Are So President Taft

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Okay, let's get started.

Hi Eloise and Welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan. Hello.
Hey, guys. Hey, Eloise.
How are you? I'm doing okay. Yeah, I'm doing good.
Okay. Well, you're talking to myself, Matt, Sona, the gang.
Hi. And tell me, I don't know much.

Tell me where are you right now?

Who are you?

Tell us the whole story.

Sure.

My name is Eloise.

My pronouns are she, her.

I'm calling from Manila in the Philippines.

I am kind of like a healer in my community.

So I'm a relationship and life coach.

And I'm also my country's first openly trained soccer player. Wow.
That's fantastic. And you say you're a healer as well, so you can help people.
Maybe you could help me. Please.
I don't know. That's a tall order.
Because Eloise, people here think I need a lot of help. A lot of help.
Okay. What do you need help with? I was hoping you would know.
I have some guesses. I think that would be rude.
Well, you live in Manila. And tell me just a little bit about your life.
What do you like to do? How do you have fun? Yeah. So I work most of the time.
Me and my fiance, we like to do how do you have fun yeah so i work most of the time um me and my fiance we like to throw events for our local um trans and autistic community we throw little parties we're doing an autistic friendly drag event um and what do i do i play a lot of soccer and i've been eating a lot of pizza lately I love pizza

wow

pizza is the great unifier

of everything you just said

so you are very active

in the trans community

you have lots of get togethers

what kinds of things

do you like to do

with your friends who are trans

what kind of

do you have

do you have parties

what do you do

Thank you. What kind of things do you like to do with your friends who are trans? What kind of, you know, do you have parties? Do you have, what do you do? Yeah, we do like to have parties.
We like to watch a lot of movies together and kind of just bond and connect over being weird. Yeah, I would like to join you because I'm told I i'm weird you know it's part of my life story i think you would be a good addition to the lgbt community i'm not a certified representative but i think um we could use a little bit of conan because i think i'm the only one in my community that listens to conoyote.
Okay, well, all right. Well, then there's work to be done.
That's why I'm here, I think. Leave them alone.
My mission has always been to expand my presence in the LGBTQ community in the Philippines. Very specifically.
I said that in 1963, the year I was born.

I remember.

Yeah, you remember.

Yeah, wow.

You have a time machine, apparently.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, would I get along?

Would I fit in with everybody?

I'm a pretty friendly person.

Would they accept me?

I guess that's the big question.

Would your friends accept me?

Well. This isn't going well, Eloise.
Eloise, I'm not getting good signals, Eloise. And I don't think it's the Zoom.
I think there's a lot of work to be done. And I'm not just talking about therapy.
But I think in terms of the queer community, I will be playing your podcast when i'm doing my makeup in the morning and my fiancee who's also fear will be listening and you'll be like what are you talking about like oh i think so what is yeah there's like your friends are picking up when i'm laying down is what you're saying saying. Yeah, I think the James Bond references aren't going like...
Yeah, Conan. Those are not my fault! Specifically the James Bond references.
That's Matt. That's Matt who has the obscure references.
Hold on, last time that came up in detail, you brought it up. Who brings up Calvin Coolidge? Because I don't think that...
Thank you. I always thought that Calvin Coolidge was huge in the trans community in the Philippines.
Yeah. That was my understanding.
Not so much President Taft. I get it.
But Coolidge, yeah. Lyndon Johnson, I think, is, if you reference Johnson more, it might be a little bit better.
Okay. I'll double down on johnson okay um well okay so um yeah you you say that uh let's say i came to manila and let's say that you and i were to meet and you were going to take me out for a night with uh your friends in the trans community what would we be doing okay i was about this.
And the first thing we would go to is there's this event called Girl Nation. It's a lesbian event.
And it's mostly all lesbian women and some trans men. And then like one or two chill guys.
So you have to pass that test of being chill and also an ally. And once you do that, yeah, I think that's why i'm here to help is maybe i can teach you some slang or some things that will help you blend in and not stand out yes i want to blend in very much i want to be considered a chill guy when i go out on the town with you and your friends uh in the trans community so tell me what are the things i should? Thanks.
I think there's some using gay lingo like offhandedly, being very used to it. You don't have to use it all the time.
But if you use it like once a day in a podcast, then yeah, you'll be fine. Give me an example.
So I think you could say it's giving dot, dot, dot. And then you make a reference at the end of that and you can use that to like when you're like giving someone a compliment or if you want to be passive aggressive you can use it to give someone an insult but you use a very specific and obscure reference at the end of it so you can say like oh it's giving like season one love is blind episode or two.
And someone would just be like, oh my god. Could I do like, it's giving a view to a kill,

Scarpine.

Of course.

That's better. It could be a reality.
Like right now, Eloise, you're totally giving me you know, season season six, Love Island, episode three, Cheetah. I just made all that all up.
Cheetah? Cheetah. Okay.
Does that work? I think the delivery has to maybe improve. You know what? Yeah, because I was too deliberate about it.
Yes. You got to just toss it off.
You don't have to be like analyzing. You can just be like throwing it away.
Like, oh yeah, you're totally, you can even reference like, you know, presidential terms. As long as you're specific and you're like throwing it away in a gay way, it's like.
Okay, you are just right now. You know what? I don't need this from you.
You are so President Taft and selling the OC. I don't need this right now.
Do you know what I mean? And I would be like, oh my gosh.

Slay, okay. Yeah.

I don't know what that means. And then I say slay right back to you.

Slay. Okay.

See? I think already I'm doing pretty well.

No one would know.

You're basically a woman right now.

I've heard that before.

That's a compliment.

Eloise, this is a big help. You're helping me.
This is good. I think you are here.
I think I have to learn more about reality shows. Yes.
What are the popular reality shows so I can just toss them off? Oh, Love is Blind. Love is Blind.
Sona maybe knows more. I would say the entire Real Housewives franchise I mean If you know

Oh yeah

If you can reference that

Yeah

Instant

Is there a city

That

Is there a Real Housewives

I mean

Cincinnati

Salt Lake City

Come on

There's Salt Lake City

There's Atlanta

There's

Orange County

Was the original

I call

I'm gonna go with Atlanta

And I'm gonna call it

Hotlanta

Okay

I'm not gonna do that

It's not good

Okay Thank you. there's Orange County was the original.
I call, I'm going to go with Atlanta and I'm going to call it Hotlanta. Okay.
I'm not going to do that. It's not good.
Okay. That's not good.
All right. But yeah, you know, what else? I mean, I think, when I think of, you know, popular shows, I think of Real Housewives, but that's all I can think of off the top of my head.
I don't know. Eloise, you're totally giving me, um, uh, it's going well.
It's going well, buddy. Keep it up.
You got it. Don't make you flashcards.
Like Teresa from New Jersey. She's a classic.
Oh, yeah. A little Teresa, season four, Real Housewives of New Jersey, much Eloise.
Does that work? Yeah. Slay? It sounds a little like an insult, but I'll take it.

Vanderpump Rules?

Oh, yeah. Vanderpump Rules.

Yeah. Do you know you're very...

I don't know a lot of the characters.

Scandaval.

Scandaval.

Oh, that's too obvious. You got to pick up someone obscure.

More obscure. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Svensson.

What?

He's the accountant on the show. Blay, I understand you're taking a trip pretty soon.
Where are you going? I'm going to the mountains. I'm going to Idlewild.
The mayor's a dog. Did you know that? Okay.
Mayor Max. Way too much information.
It's Mayor Max. He's a dog.
Okay. Well, that's nice you're going to Idlewild.
It's great. And you know what? I'm thinking about hosting on Airbnb while I'm gone to help offset some of the cost of the trip.
That's smart. Hosting is a pretty cool and unique way to make some money back.
That's right. And people can stay in my awesome apartment, which is full of great comic books.
I have a lot of cool figurines. It's really, it's a great place to stay also.
Have you seen the movie 40-Year-Old Virgin? No. okay sounds fun but you know what if you've got 20-25 goals of like travel and stuff like that this would fit very nicely into those goals which is using Airbnb that's right because it's more relaxing to take a trip when you know that you're making some cash on the other end exactly and it might make you a little more I don't know prone to spend a little more on your trip on yourself.
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CNN calls The Last of Us exquisite, fully realized, and worthy of the hype, and The Daily Beast calls it a riveting and suspenseful triumph i did really like the first season based on the groundbreaking video game the emmy winning hbo original series the last of us premieres sunday april 13th at 9 p.m on max the all-new nissan armada pro 4x is an unshakable fortress powered by a twin turbo v6 engine ready to propel your adventures to new heights. Yeah, your voice changes when you do a car app.
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Eat Sonic. I'm going to do the best I can, though, to learn more about reality TV.

I'm going to say slay a lot.

Yeah.

What else would we do?

Giving.

Oh.

You can join a women's soccer training.

I coached when I was younger.

Yeah.

You could become an elite athlete,

neck and hockey.

Yeah.

I got news for you.

I think you'd make a really good.

I got news for you. I think I have a much better chance in the trans community.
I really do. I think I have a better chance than becoming an elite athlete.
I just, I don't know. I just...
You don't think you have it in you? You have that dog in you? I'm an old, old fellow. And the other day I got out of bed quickly and my left leg fell off and i used electrical tape to put it back on and so that's what i'm concerned about is pieces of my body coming off uh in the philippines you know you're so kyle versus kim richards in season one of desperate housewives exactly yes.
Exactly. Yes.
That's so true. Thank you.
You were really giving that Kyle from whatever math side. The reason I know this is because Kyle Richards, who's one of the housewives, played Lindsay as the young girl in Halloween.
There you go. That's why I know that.
See? What? It doesn't matter where you get the knowledge as long as you have the knowledge. I just shouldn't reveal that, right? Right now you're being so Winston Bufferman on American Roadshow with his collection of pneumatic tubes that he sold.
You are such a Jamie Heidemann from Mythbusters right now. Jesus.
Oh, my God. Yeah.
You guys are slaying each other. Yeah, it's incredible, right?? Yeah You are such a Walt Kellerman From American Pickers Season 4 Oh my god Spoken like a Darwin Hamelsmith From the TV Sci-fi makeup show Face Off Okay Yeah Yeah You guys are like A couple detectives On the first 48 Yeah What? That's a docu-series Not a reality.
What is the difference? They're reality. It's a different kind of reality.
No. Okay.
Alright. Alright.
Why can't we do docuseries? You can't slay with docuseries. You can slay with a docuseries? Eloise, can you slay with docuseries? I'm going to have to call RuPaul and ask.

RuPaul would definitely know.

Okay.

Well, I got RuPaul on the line now.

What's that?

Oh, quick no.

Okay.

Invisible phone, everybody.

And I hang that up.

She wouldn't take your phone call.

I'm sorry, Sona.

Yeah.

I don't know any of the references you just made.

I think I'm becoming straight.

No, I think I'm in trouble.

Because if I bring Conan and you guys make these references,

me as a healer, they'd be like,

Eloise, after what you've heard today,

do you want me to come visit you? And you're allowed to say no, you've changed your mind. That's such a long pause.
That's a long pause, Eloise. You just answered my question.
I am a big fan, but I am also, you know, I have a reputation to uphold as one of the healers in my gay community. And I don't mean that in a rude way.
Maybe I can do your makeup and we will style you. The American Pickers reference.
I think that's what did it. I think that might scare people.
Yeah, I probably. Yeah.
Well, I admire your honesty. I really do.
And I try. I appreciate that.
Can I ask you a question? You've mentioned autism also during this interview. Are you autistic? Yeah, I am autistic.
When did you find that out? When I met my partner who is autistic and I realized, oh, we are the same. I have what you have.
But for most of my life, I didn't know that I had that. So, yeah.
And I think like with autistic people, Conan can be a big hit or sometimes a miss because we have maybe issues of taking people very literally. And so, for example, my whole family, we love watching Conan.
We've been watching it since I was 18. And we would be around the TV with my mom, my sister, and my brother.
And we'd be all enjoying it. And one day, my dad came in the room to kind of see what's going on.
And my dad kind of takes the people very literally. I don't think he has a good, you know, understanding of that context.
And we watched the whole episode of your show and we all loved it. And I look at my dad to see what does he think? And he just goes, he's rude.
He's really rude. Yeah, I can see that.
That's funny. That was my same reaction.
Yeah, what if he sees the real me what if it you know what if he's right yeah uh i think i can see yeah it's different you know it's it's not i'm not for everyone and that's always the way it's been you know who are you you would be like i'm on the next flight out to the Philippines to meet your dad

I'm gonna win him over

I was pretending to be okay with your dad not liking me, but this is on

I'm obsessed now. What would I do?

Well, he thinks you're rude. How would you what kind of comedy would you go? Well, first of all?

I'd be very respectful and kind to him.

So respectful and kind that he would see that I'm not rude.

Then I...

That would be so hilarious.

Yeah, and then I would probably bring him some gifts.

What would you bring him?

Oh, well, what is your dad like?

Pork. Yes.
That'll fly well. Goes right in the overhead compartment.
So I would wrap some pork in newspaper. Just a full pig.
Put it in the overhead compartment and fly. I think it's probably a pretty quick flight from LA to Manila.
And then get in a cab in the hot sun and take this rotten fetid pork to your father and say, hey, you're the guy that thought I was rude. Have this rotting pork.
And then I think we'd be best buddies. Don't you think? I think he would think you were courting him.
But yeah, you know what? Give it a try. You are so season three, American botulism.
So I can't believe that got three seasons. It almost didn't finish one.
If you can win my father's approval, then you can do something I haven't. So that'd be really cool.
Maybe we can work together. I have my ways.
I tend to win people over. Sonya, you've seen me in action.
I have. I have.
Yeah. Even the biggest naysayers, you get them on your side.
Not that there are that many, but yeah. Yeah, I've seen it happen.
So many big naysayers. Not so big.
Win them over. Just people that had slight hesitation and they overcame it.
Quite a few people. Not a lot.
A lot of people. Not big Nick Sayers.
Not so big. Eloise, are there any events that we would go to together? Are there any events in the trans community that I could participate in? Yeah, we are doing some event for trans women and trans men.
We're doing one for men where we talk about healthy masculinity. What does it take to be a good man,

and we also give people,

or I hope we're planning this,

hoping to give people haircuts

while we're talking about that in a barber shop.

And then we have one for trans women

where we talk about what it means to be a good woman

in a more progressive way.

Cool.

Healthy.

Are you interested in either of those?

Sure.

I was just hoping at one point there's alcohol involved, you know, going to a club or something. But yes, I like those.
I think what you're doing sounds very cool and very healthy. But at some point I want to hit the dance floor.
Do you understand? You've got to see my moves to believe them, Eloise. You've got to see them.
Why does it sound like a threat? Yes. That's not necessarily a brag.

Unless my demands are met, Eloise.

Unless there's a suitcase full of cash

in this podcast office tomorrow,

you will see me dance.

Oh my gosh.

Yeah.

You have 24 hours.

The clock is ticking.

Well, Eloise, it was very nice talking to you.

And you are very funny.

You seem very funny and very cool.

And I do believe you're a healer because I've had fun talking to you.

And you have healed me.

So what do you think of that?

That's great.

Yeah.

I think that'll be $250.

All right.

I'll get it to you.

Thank you, Eloise.

Nice talking to you.

Bye-bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Thanks, guys.

Thanks.

Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan

with Conan O'Brien,

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Produced by me, Matt Gourley.

Executive produced by Adam Sachs,

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