The Sona and Matt of New Zealand

Sure, we got blue jeans, baseball, bald eagles, but come on! There's really nothing as American as the burger, right? And there's nothing more burger than the Sonic Smasher. Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, this thing is made to order. Hand smashed, angus beef patties, seared to perfection with those incredible crispy edges that make you want to start a slow clap.
You know what I'm talking about? that kind of slow clap

where you're like,

yes, Sonic,

you brought the... is beef patties seared to perfection with those incredible crispy edges that make you want to start a slow clap.

You know what I'm talking about?

That kind of slow clap where you're like,

yeah, Sonic, you brought the Sonic Smasher.

Then there's the layered melty cheese

crinkle-cut pickles and onions too.

On top of it all?

On my mind splitting,

try the Sonic Smasher as a double.

Or why not?

God forgive us all.

A triple.

Make the Sonic Smasher

your next new favorite burger. Live free.
Eat Sonic. Sona, wouldn't you say that life is full of personal wins? I would, Conan.
Thanks, Sona. Whether it's cleaning your house, getting that dream car, checking off your to-do list, winning at life is a great feeling.
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Conan O'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit teamcoco.com slash call Conan.
Okay, let's get started. Hi, Glenn, and welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan.
Hi. How are you? It's been calling from Auckland and New Zealand.
Hi. Oh, wow.
Auckland, New Zealand. Yes.
Help me. Which part of New Zealand is that? I'm trying to think.
Are you on the north or the south? Where is Auckland? So it's the largest city, New Zealand. Yes.
Help me, which part of New Zealand is that?

I'm trying to think.

Are you on the north or the south? Where is Auckland?

So it's the largest city in New Zealand

and it's in the North Island.

So about, I guess, two thirds, four fifths of the way up,

something like that of the North Island.

Okay, well now I'm completely confused.

I've never been to New Zealand before,

but I've always wanted to go. The people I meet from New Zealand are fantastic.
And, of course, I've seen, of course, many images of New Zealand, and it looks beautiful. I just haven't experienced it myself.
So I'm anxious to see it one day. Right.
Well, Auckland is known as the City of Sales because we're surrounded by a beautiful harbour.

We have a harbour bridge that's kind of like a little version of the Sydney Harbour Bridge.

The reason that you've only even met nice New Zealanders is because we send all the horrible ones to Australia.

Now, I've been to Australia. I've been there several times.

So you know what I'm talking about, right? Oh God, just filled with horrible New Zealanders. Let's talk, Glenn.
Tell me a little bit about yourself. You seem, I'm guessing you work in radio because you seem to have a professional setup there and you seem very comfortable on mic.
Is that a correct assumption? Yes, that is a correct assumption. So, yeah, I've literally just come off air.

That's not my show.

I see.

Yeah.

I'm kind of like the Matt and or Sona of the show.

Oh, nice.

So I just chip in when...

Oh, so you're expendable.

Oh.

A real heart.

The linchpin.

You could go at any time and...

The couldn't do without.

People wouldn't care.

Listen, please, those are just jokes.

I love you guys. And, of course, your essential part of this stew, little lentils.
And I am the large piece of delicious beef. That's for sure.
That is for sure. Glenn, so you work on a radio show.
Do you get recognized at all when you walk around? Only if I talk, because people don't really know what I look like. They've only ever heard me.
So, yeah, they're usually pretty disappointed when they see what I look like. That is not true, Glenn.
You're a very good looking gentleman. And so people must get excited, say, when you order a pizza over the phone.
They must say, oh, my God, is this Glenn Hart asking for New Zealand's finest pizza? I can't say that's happened to me, but I did once when I was on a plane, and everybody's doing the overhead baggage situation, that kind of pre-flight jostle around. Somebody at that point said, hey, are you Glenn off the radio? So then I had that moment of, oh no, am I about to be stuck sitting next to somebody who is a big fan of the show? That could go either way.
But luckily, New Zealanders are pretty shy. And yeah, he left me alone.
Wait, are you saying are you saying you didn't want to sit next to a big fan? That's my favorite thing. I call ahead to the airline and I say, can you find out who knows Conan O'Brien and can you seat them next next to me and then can we talk about my career arc well this is this is a new zealand thing right so you know us well you know you guys love to put people on a pedestal you love to be the person on a pedestal yes yes in new zealand you know in new zealand the tall poppy syndrome is you know is live and large i see so yeah if anybody, you know, then, uh, it's, it's up to the rest of us to pull them down to our level.
Okay. I understand.
We all think we could be the prime minister if we just gave it a go, for example. I mean, I think we all feel that way.
That's a very American. Yeah.
In the United States, we all feel that way these days. Um, Glenn, tell me a little bit about your life.
I want to get to know Glenn Hart from Auckland, New Zealand. What's going on in your life? Well, so because I work in breakfast radio, I have to arrive here at the station about 3.45 a.m.
Nope. So that means my alarm goes off at 2.52.
Hard pass. Oh, my God.
Sona, you don't want a job at breakfast radio? No'm good i'll pass you just threw up on the floor yeah sona's working hours in her contract are one in the afternoon to 1 30 in the afternoon and then we have to pay for her uber to and fro uh that sounds like a big day so you get up at close to two o'clock in the morning what time do you go to bed as soon as I can. Yeah, all I ever want to do is be asleep.

So generally about quarter past eight. Okay.
I try and get a little nap in in the afternoon after lunch. Yeah.
Depending on what's going on in my life. Because otherwise by, yeah, about 6 p.m.
I'm not making any sense at all. Yeah.
You haven't made a lick of sense since you got on with us. No, well, it could be the accent.
Yeah, and you're bleeding from the mouth. Just a little word to the wise.
Okay, so you've got crazy hours. Do you have a family? Yeah, so I have a wife and two daughters, grown-up daughters.
They did both actually leave and go off to university and then both came back again. And so how do you, how do you feel about that? I think we know.
How do you, how do you feel about that? Glenn? Yeah. Yeah.
I think Matt picked up on a little tone there, as I said about that. We had about, there was about a six week period when my, when my wife and I were empty nesters and, you know, we just just sat around frequently just looking at each other, saying things like, hey, what do you want for dinner? And we'd say, oh, I don't know, just a toasted sandwich would be fine.
Sure. And everything was nice and casual.
You're not cooking for anybody. You're not driving people around to places.
And then six weeks went by, and then it all went out the window again. Wait, so you had six weeks of being empty nesters.
Then they're back. Yes.
They're back in the house. Then one of them broke up with their boyfriend and moved back in.
What are your daughter's names? So, Billy and Macy. Okay, Billy and Macy.
I get the sense that you wouldn't be unhappy if Billy and Macy maybe got their own place. Yeah, I mean, don't get me wrong.
I love these girls, right? Yes. So Billy, for example, she has her master's in classical performance music and clarinet.
And so she's gone on to be a teacher. She teaches other kids how to play clarinet.
And she also plays piano and teaches piano, teaches saxophone. And sometimes she does this in our house while I'm trying to get that afternoon nap.
So, you know, it would be great if that was just happening. And the other daughter loves clogging.
She likes to wear the traditional lead clogs, which before it would. Okay, so listen, don't get me wrong.
I understand what you're saying. You're a good dad.
You and your wife love your kids, but it might be nice if they had their own place. Yes? Yeah.
Okay. How do you suggest he does that? Well, how would it go over if I spoke to them oh would i have any sway with your daughters at all well maybe um so my so when i told my uh family that i was coming on this podcast my and and i said you know who conan o'brien is right and um they were kind of semi blank stairs they sort of had a had an idea yeah and i explained you know conan he's a famous you know late late show host you know you know and and uh my youngest daughter said oh he's not one of the bad ones is he oh he didn't do something bad did he well yes i've done bad things but i i know yeah but we covered it up it was in the late 80s before i got on television yeah um okay so they're not they don't sound like they're super fans of mine.
To put it mildly. Yeah, let's put it that way.
Listen, sometimes a blank stare, you can see a little bit of slight recognition in there. Maybe if they saw my face, it would change from blank stare more to, I don't know, horror.
Who can say which way it would go? go but i'm very convincing glenn and maybe i could find them a place and move them into it what do you think this sounds this is music to my ears yeah i have been waiting for somebody to come and not clarinet which is great yeah so um she's a great clarinet player but you know it's like spongebob and squidward right there's only so much that you can take and then listen the clarinet is fine in doses and uh that's fine but i she sounds very talented uh they sound like lovely young women but i think they need to move out of your house and i think they need to talk to someone they look up to and admire unfortunately we don't know who that is but i mean you you are you are taller than both of them so they would be looking out to you are they you know sometimes what about old simpsons episodes what maybe i could show them old simpsons sometimes people who don't know my work now like old simpsons episodes that i worked on yeah yeah no one of my daughters was just saying the other night they just re-watched the monorail episode there you go there you go i know you could say the man behind the monorail episode is here and he's going to help you move into a new apartment yeah boy has he got something to sell you yes exactly then i could sing the monorail song to them. I'm telling you,

I could...

Monorail.

Monorail.

Yes, I know.

Monorail.

Apartment.

Apartment.

Apartment.

Apartment.

Yes.

It's nice and cozy

on your own.

Apartment.

Get a job.

Apartment.

It's kind of

a separate home.

Apartment.

Apartment.

This bed folds out

and it sleeps too.

Apartment.

Apartment.

Apartment. Don't be dead after two.
Yeah apartment see we're doing it i think the two of us could get them out of the house and and i say that again with love i mean i like me too absolutely i i know you love them me less so because they don because they don't seem to know my work.

But I'll get over it.

I'll get over it. But I like you, Glenn.

And I would like to help.

I'd like to help you if I could.

That's all.

Hey, that's all I can ask.

Well, no.

A lot of people ask for other things too.

I was going to give you money, but you said that's all I can ask.

So you fucked that up real good. It's just a one-top-off.
Okay. Blay, I understand you're taking a trip pretty soon.
Where are you going? I'm going to the mountains. I'm going to Idlewild.
The mayor's a dog. Did you know that? Okay.
Mayor Max. Way too much information.
I'm just saying it's Mayor Max. He's a dog.
Okay. Well, that's nice you're going to Idlewild it's great and you know I'm thinking about hosting on Airbnb while I'm gone to help offset some of the cost of the trip that's smart hosting is a pretty cool and unique way to make some money back that's right and people can stay in my awesome apartment which is full of great comic books I have a lot of cool figurines it's really it's a great place to stay also have you seen the movie 40 year old virgin no i should check it out okay sounds fun but you know what it you know if you've got 2025 goals of like travel and stuff like that this would fit very nicely into those goals which is using airbnb that's right because it's more relaxing to take a trip when you know that you're making some cash on the other end.
And it might make you a little more, I don't know, prone to spend a little more on your trip on yourself. That's right.
Because you know that you're being responsible. That's right.
So don't leave money on the table when you travel. Your home might be worth more than you think it is.
Find out how much at Airbnb.com slash host. All those sweet James billboards are everywhere, you know? Everywhere I drive, I see them.
I see them all over. They're everywhere.
I've crashed into a few of them. They're hard to avoid.
And then I call Sweet James. Yeah, that works out.
No, it sounds like I'm joking around, and I probably am. But the work they do is pretty serious.
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That's probably the reason. Yeah.
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Your voice changes when you do a car. I'm trying to, I'm trying to become Will Arnett, but I can't do it.
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It's incredible. I'm not saying do that.
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Oh, man, I do a lot of traveling. Yeah, you do.
I do the travel shows. Nothing quite like the feeling of an upgrade when you're traveling.
Well, as a T-Mobile customer, you can take the perks with you. That's good.
Isn't that nice? It starts the moment you take off with free in-flight Wi-Fi, so you can stream your favorite show on the go. Obviously, that would be this show, I would think.
Yeah. You go in a plane and then you stream your podcast? If I'm anxious about a flight, the thing that calms me is seeing myself.
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Terms and conditions apply. And what about the show? if I went on the show, would I be a good guest for your show,

or is it not that kind of program?

Is it more serious?

No, it most definitely is that kind of program.

I mean, for instance, we had the big country star Luke Combs on the show just this week.

Oh, do your kids know who Luke Combs is?

I really hope not.

I'm not a huge fan myself of country music. Wow.
Well, I'm glad Luke Combs already did the interview. I know.
I'm glad he's out of the building. Hey, you got him on tape, so.
I hope not. Wow.
I just can't believe I did a drive-by on Luke Combs. Yeah.
You just shit on a guest on your show who you were bragging about. You're like, hey, we got Luke Combs.
Do you like him? No. Oh, wow.
So the question is, though, Conan, could you get up early enough in the morning to come in and be on a breakfast show? Of course I could. Are you an early riser? Yeah, of course I could get up.
Hey, listen, I'm ready to go anytime, day or night. Okay.
I am always present, always ready to go. Right.
Well, then you'd be a perfect guess. Let me ask you, maybe because you've been working in broadcasting for a long time in the radio section.
I only started doing the podcast about five years ago. Is there any advice you can give me? Any advice for Conanan i'm always looking to improve just kidding i'm sorry that was funny i know but you can see why i was so taken aback because like you know i've been listening for pretty much the whole duration of the podcast yeah i know i was getting about the whole advice i just wasn't expecting you to ask for it yeah i know i don't know what I was kidding about the whole advice thing.
I just wasn't expecting you to ask for it. Yeah, I know.
I don't know what I was thinking. Listen.
Listen, I think I like you. You seem like a fine fellow.
You've got a good sense of humor. You wear a shirt that matches exactly the color of what's behind you.
Which is why you'll never be a weatherman. Like I say, New Zealanders, we just like to fade into the background.
Yeah, exactly. How would I get along in New Zealand? If I come to New Zealand, how would the people treat me, do you think? I think that they might.
There is a guy called Chris Parker who is a tall, red-headed comedian in New Zealand. And people might think that you're him if they don't know that you're you.
Okay that's fine yeah yeah as long as he's well liked i'll take it yeah yeah no he's very he's he's very popular so if i go into restaurants and say i'm chris barker um and i want a lamb pie they'll they'll serve it up that'll that'll work well except in new zealand we have this thing so you know the rule of six degrees of separation, right? Yep. That everybody knows everybody in the world because you know somebody who knows somebody who knows somebody.
Yeah. Blah, blah, blah.
Well, in New Zealand, we call that rule two degrees. Oh.
So like I said, there's only five million people here. So we know somebody who knows somebody.
Right. So chances are you'll go into that restaurant and Chris Parker will actually be sitting there anyway.

Yeah.

Okay.

So that's my scam won't work.

My scam of running up a big tab

and putting it on this red haired Chris Parker,

probably not going to work out.

And that's one of the main reasons

why I wanted to be on your show, Conan,

because you've talked to all these fantastic people,

people like Jeff Goldblum,

people like Harrison Ford,

and now I'm only two degrees away from those people. It's fantastic.
Aren't you just one degree away? Well, I know you. You know them.
That's two. I always get a bit confused by this, too.
I get confused by it, too. I think it's two, because if it was just you, then you'd be one degree.
I think it's more with Harrison Ford, because he can be a very distant person. Yeah.
So I think it's five degrees of separation. Yeah.
He's a degree and a half. He certainly sounded like he was trying to separate himself a little bit further away.
I tend to frighten him. I like this.
I like talking to you. And I wish you all the best with your daughters.
And I think maybe if you start familiarizing them with my work, who knows? Yes. I've been trying to get them to watch.
I'm trying to get them to watch. Yes.
Drink this acid. Do it.
It's good for you. If you go visit, first thing you have to do is an orientation where you do a presentation on who you are to them.
Yes. Then you can get them in an apartment.
Maybe that's what I do. Nice.
Like a PowerPoint. Yeah.
I'll do a PowerPoint presentation on who I am and why they should care. Yes.
And then I'll tell them to get out of the house. Yeah.
Yes. So you can stand in front of a green screen with a pointer.
Yeah. And here's the monorail on The Simpsons.
Here here's me looking a norwegian in the street yeah the whole arc of my career that's all you know that's all you know oh my god you just took lincoln from wood wood chopper to ford cedar and you skip the whole rest of the part listen and then here's the house here's the apartment yes away from the house or the flat as we would call it in new zealand ah we'll get you into a flat i'm going to nice well i i hope someday we meet i hope uh maybe it's possible that i can get your uh daughters to move nearby because you do love them you You care about them. You want them to,

but enough of the clarinet

at two in the morning.

And we'll try and see

if we can make that happen.

I think that'd be nice.

That would be a dream.

Yeah.

Dream come true.

Well, that's what I do.

Some people say

I make dreams come true.

I've never,

no one's ever said that yet.

Okay.

What I said was aspirational.

Okay.

That someday someone's going to say you made my dreams come true.

I see.

Something that hasn't been said yet, but could be said in the future.

Okay.

So what you're saying is you could be in my dreams tonight.

You frightened me.

I didn't see you there.

You drifted into the background again.

Glenn, you're a madman.

Hey, I haven't had a lot of sleep. I sorry yeah you're sleep deprived madman um have a great day or night i don't know what time of day is it where you are now uh it is just coming up to 10 in the morning here okay so probably time for you to go to bed yeah it's almost past my bedtime well my best to you not my best to your daughters because they don't seem to give a shit.
But we'll correct that. Yeah, we'll work on that.
Have a terrific day. And I hope our paths cross.
I really do. Okay.
So do I. I really hope.
I really hope they do. You never know.
You never know in this crazy world what's going to happen. All right.
Go change your shirt. Bye-bye.
Bye. See you.
Lovely to meet you, Matt. And sorry to...
Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan with Conan O'Brien, Sonam Avsessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley.
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