Jim Gaffigan Returns Again

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Speaker 1 My name is Jim Gaffigan, and I feel

Speaker 1 told myself I wasn't gonna cry

Speaker 1 I feel

Speaker 1 like they're gonna edit this

Speaker 1 I feel

Speaker 1 privileged

Speaker 1 about being Conan O'Breens

Speaker 1 Fall is here hear the yell back to school ring the bell brand new shoes walk in blues, climb the fence, books and pens. I can tell that we are gonna be friends.

Speaker 1 Yes, I can tell that we are gonna be friends.

Speaker 1 Hey there, welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. I am the aforementioned COB, joined by Sonom Obsession.
SM. And

Speaker 1 MJ.

Speaker 1 Well, just, I don't want to know your middle name.

Speaker 1 The less I know about you at this point, the better. You don't want to know an animal too well before you put it down

Speaker 1 any hoots

Speaker 1 what's up gang what's happening what's the happen yeah you tell us yeah big news yep yep it was announced that was it uh friday i guess it was announced that uh was this evergreen you like to keep pieces oh that's right sorry yes uh there is some big news out there would you like to tell us what it is sona well you've been tapped to host the oscars in 2025 which is a really big deal it's really cool that's cool oh why are you guys silently applauding

Speaker 1 oh wow. Guess what? That is the amount of applause I'll get when I walk out on stage.
I think there's also partially

Speaker 1 the sound of two hands clapping.

Speaker 3 America's wanting to know because, you know, Sona and I are essentially your co-hosts on this podcast. Why aren't we co-hosting the Oscars?

Speaker 1 Yes. Yes, I know.

Speaker 2 Can I, I have to mention this Vulture article real quick.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 2 Because Vulture is my favorite entertainment article. And it said, Conan O'Brien will host the 2025 Academy Awards.

Speaker 2 And at the end, it says, now that O'Brien is our official host, we got to ask, will his assistant Sona Mofsessian be there? Will she get to be on stage?

Speaker 2 What happens with Sona Mofsessian and all of this? So it's not just us asking questions.

Speaker 1 Wait, nothing about Matthew James Gorley?

Speaker 2 You know what? After I said it, I was like, oh shit, he didn't mention anything about

Speaker 2 it.

Speaker 1 No, no, there's another article. It's in the Pasadena Post.

Speaker 1 Well, it's actually, it's not, it's more of a supermarket circular.

Speaker 2 How do we fit in? What do we do?

Speaker 1 It said

Speaker 1 89 cent sale on roast beef, free sliced, and Matt J. Gorley.
And it definitively says should not be. Should not be in any way.
Sona.

Speaker 2 What do you want us to do, boss?

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Sona, it's the Oscars. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I know.

Speaker 1 They let me in, which was probably a mistake. But I don't know, Sona,

Speaker 1 that's a big night.

Speaker 1 Come on.

Speaker 3 I know so much about movies.

Speaker 1 You only know about Bond films. That's not true.
That's true. That's not true.
The movies you know about are not

Speaker 1 in the criterion collection. Let's put it that way.
You don't know about the classics. Are you kidding me? Yeah.
See, this is the type of shit you can have with the Oscars.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's this is a great top to the show right here. What about you, Sona? What have you got to say for yourself?

Speaker 1 Pitch yourself.

Speaker 2 Pitch yourself. I'm the only person in this among the three of us who knows new things, including new movies.

Speaker 1 New movies like after 1991.

Speaker 2 Yes, exactly. So I think it's a natural one new movie yeah that came out this year yeah

Speaker 2 now i'm on the spot and i'm like

Speaker 2 i know uh heretic with my boy hugh i mean i there's just

Speaker 1 look i think you guys hit but but i'm a millennial okay but you're pitching yourself and i think vulture is pitching you yes and shout out to vulture i think they they do amazing work by vulture they're okay but um

Speaker 1 iced by vulture.

Speaker 1 God damn it. Poorly.
But listen,

Speaker 1 pitch yourself for what you would do on air. Okay, you're a millennial and stuff, but seriously, what are you going to do?

Speaker 2 Okay, I can't sing.

Speaker 1 Right. Sold.

Speaker 1 I can't jam. And you have.
And you have hard G's.

Speaker 2 I'm terrible. Yeah, I'm terrible with like if you have like prepared material.
Oh, yes, yes.

Speaker 1 Anything that requires.

Speaker 2 I can do any accent.

Speaker 1 Okay, let's hear it. Oh, my God.
Give me an accent.

Speaker 1 French. South African.
French.

Speaker 2 French is like this. I can do French.
It's easy. South African.

Speaker 1 No, you're Austria.

Speaker 2 Hey, that's not bad.

Speaker 1 South African. No.
Yes. No.
District 9. No.
District 9. Yes.
No. Yes.
Very good.

Speaker 1 Wait a minute.

Speaker 1 Okay. Okay.
Austrian.

Speaker 2 Austrian. Christophe Waltz.
It is Austrian.

Speaker 1 But you just say the names of people in your impressions.

Speaker 3 Oh, my God. Vulture, Vulture, are you listening?

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 2 it's like a German oxyntamist. No, fuck.

Speaker 1 I don't know what that was. Shut up.

Speaker 1 What? What? She says shit in German. You said shit.

Speaker 2 No, I thought that was another thing you wanted me to do in action. I crush it with action.

Speaker 1 No, no. Can I just say something? I was skeptical.
You're out, Gorley. And listen.
No, Vulture. I'm hosting the Golden Globes.
Yeah, sure. Yeah.
But Sona, I am impressed. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because now I'm thinking of all these really really funny bits I could do where I'd say, everyone settle down. And then I hear a French person in the crowd.

Speaker 1 And the crowdshit.

Speaker 2 Oh, Connie don't bring in.

Speaker 1 The Oscars are my Super Bowl. You guys have sports.
I don't have sports. Listen, Matt, you are so not a part of this conversation that I can't even hear you right now.
Okay.

Speaker 1 And I guess it's a silent J because I can't hear you. Oh, my God.
Now, Sona, Sona,

Speaker 1 I think you have a good chance of being in the Oscars somehow. Thank you.
Scottish.

Speaker 1 And guess what? I'm pretty sure I don't have to clear this with anybody at the Academy. Yeah.
I mean, my feeling is they gave me the keys to the whole show. That's my guess.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I think that's because I, and so

Speaker 1 I guess what I say goes. So you're going to be the first 40 minutes.

Speaker 1 And I'm going to say, I'm going to say, listen, the Oscars is all about,

Speaker 1 it's not just about the United States, it's about the world of film. Here now is everyone in the world representing all nations.
You come out in a combination of 15 different

Speaker 1 national costumes. Easy.
And you welcome everybody in different accents. Yes.
Go.

Speaker 2 Give me an accent.

Speaker 1 Just start going, going.

Speaker 2 And then we go, oh, I'm Scottish. I'm a Scottish person.

Speaker 2 I'm Scottish.

Speaker 2 Merida, you got to get married. You can't do orchery, Meredith.
I'm doing brave. Just

Speaker 1 yeah, hey, hey, guess what? Guess what?

Speaker 1 Gourly, I've never agreed with Sonic before, but you've got to shut the fuck up.

Speaker 2 I can't just like think of accent. Can you just tell me accent?

Speaker 1 Yeah, Mexican. Do Mexican, Sona.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 do it. Do Mexican in front of Eduardo.

Speaker 2 Can I be honest?

Speaker 1 Look into his eyes and do a Mexican accent.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'll do it like Conan.

Speaker 1 That's not what I do. I say sen portante que los a

Speaker 1 ta'a. But

Speaker 2 I'm killing time here.

Speaker 1 Listen, yeah, and the Oscars is all about killing time. Yes.

Speaker 1 When they run it efficiently, it's six hours long.

Speaker 2 You've got four hours where you have to come up with material.

Speaker 1 No, no, no. It's four hours of solid show and all the stuff they have to get through.

Speaker 2 How important are the awards?

Speaker 1 I think I'm being given, I think I get probably a total of 48 seconds total on them.

Speaker 1 If they're smart, that's what they'll do.

Speaker 1 Anyway,

Speaker 1 yes, I will be hosting the 2025 Oscars, apparently,

Speaker 1 with Sonom Obsession, Woman of a Thousand Voices,

Speaker 1 and with, I'm going to be nice here, the backstage behind the scenes hell.

Speaker 3 I'm the only one that would truly, truly appreciate this.

Speaker 1 No, you're gonna freeloader no you're just a goddamn coattail riding hack i'm the only one that

Speaker 1 said you're gonna be there i want to be backstage i want to be in the lights i want to be rubbing elbows with nicholson nicholson

Speaker 1 you'll have to go to his he's at home in his basement i don't think he's been to the last like 15 oscars he's living in another time

Speaker 1 oh you anyway

Speaker 1 let's get to it we got a lot of uh we got a lot of show today uh my guest today is a hilarious comedian whose latest comedy special, Jim Gaffigan, the skinny, is now available to stream on Hulu.

Speaker 1 Jim Gaffigan, welcome.

Speaker 1 I'm thrilled that you are here because

Speaker 1 I was curious today and I thought, how many times did Jim come on my late night show over the years because you were a regular fixture? 30 times. Really? You came on.
You do stand-up.

Speaker 1 You could also do hilarious panel. You could do everything.
And I'll just say this up front.

Speaker 1 Every time with a completely new set of material, you are, from my money, the most prolific comedy mind that I can think of. Oh, well, thank you.
Well, as that's it, got to go.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, but it is, it is, I mean, that's what's so rewarding is the coming up with the material, right? Yeah. That's the whole lesson that I want to share with everyone.

Speaker 1 It's enjoying the process.

Speaker 1 No, but there is something, yeah, like whenever I get frustrated, I lose sight of the fact that it is really rewarding to kind of come up with material and be able to do it.

Speaker 1 It's one of the reasons why you're one of the biggest comedy stars out there now. Oh, well, thank you.
And I say one of, like, there's like 30.

Speaker 1 There's, I mean, there's like 35. I'm sorry, 135.
135. Of the 2,000 top 100 people in the Los Angeles County,

Speaker 1 you are 8,000. No, no.
I mean, the other nice thing, too, is I've seen people ride this crazy wave and then

Speaker 1 that kind of compete around. And you have consistently, over the years, you're always really funny.
It just kept building and building and building and building. And now

Speaker 1 your level of success is mind-boggling. And I look at your whole career and I go, oh, you just, it was all earned in this very like,

Speaker 1 I say that in a very Catholic way, but you, it was all built. You've built this thing and now you're, I'm hard-pressed to think of anyone else who could tour with Jerry Seinfeld, you know? And

Speaker 1 it's crazy. Yeah, no, it's, I mean, I'm very grateful.
And it's a weird thing. You know, there is nothing normal about going on stage and trying to make strangers laugh.

Speaker 1 So that's whenever like comedians are like, yeah, these weird people. I'm like, but like, there's nothing weirder than going on stage and trying to get the approval of a room full of strangers.
Right.

Speaker 1 Who sometimes are hostile to begin with? And also, it's like, it is a conversation, but it's very, you know, it is very one-sided.

Speaker 1 It's like, I'm the only one with a microphone, and if they responded verbally, I'd have them removed.

Speaker 1 It is a unique conversation, but it is the perfect type of conversation where they can respond with hee-hee-hee or silence. That's one of their options.
Do you ever have this? I've found

Speaker 1 for some sick reason, there's always part of me that enjoys the silence. Okay, get a laugh, get a laugh.
And then

Speaker 1 nothing.

Speaker 1 I enjoyed, in some sick way, I enjoyed that. And it's hard to explain to people that you want laughs, but what I really want is some laughs.

Speaker 1 And then I want a big dead spot where we can all sit down as a group and wonder. What just happened? Well, you want to relieve the tension, right? Yeah.

Speaker 1 You know, you can identify that in comedians. Like Bill Burr will say a statement where people are like, come on, don't say that.

Speaker 1 And then he will win you over it. And you're like, all right, yeah, I guess

Speaker 1 you have a point there. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 I mean, I don't know if I'd say it, I'd phrase it the way you're saying, but yeah, you make a point. Sure.
But a lot of comedians love that tension.

Speaker 1 When you relieve it or release it, it's more rewarding. You know what is what I've been dying to talk to you about ever since we did that benefit with God's Love Delivered.

Speaker 1 Yes, we did a benefit together. I'll just set it up.
We did a benefit together in New York City at the Beacon Theater. It was God's Love We Deliver.
It's an incredible organization.

Speaker 1 We visited the day before. It's a giant kitchen where they make food.
I think. For people that are ill, and then also for their caretakers.
It's like the whole package.

Speaker 1 I think it really kind of kicked off during the AIDS epidemic, but it's like been going since the day. It's expanded.
It's this amazing organization.

Speaker 1 And one of the things they asked is, could you guys come down who are who are part of the show?

Speaker 1 Can you come down to meet all the workers and sort of participate and work in the kitchen, which we all did, which was fascinating. Yeah, it was amazing.

Speaker 1 Oh, but so then we, so we're figuring out what we're going to do for this.

Speaker 1 And then there's also these elements where they're like, I think it was that event where they're like, Bill Murray might show up, Martin Short might show up. And here's what I'm getting to.

Speaker 1 Like there is, because there's this ongoing kind of,

Speaker 1 you show affection by criticizing someone.

Speaker 1 And then how that overlaps with roast comedy. And here's my point.
My point is, I believe

Speaker 1 the most powerful roaster or roast comic that's ever existed, and this includes Don Rickles, I think Martin Short

Speaker 1 is beyond a doubt, the quickest, meanest. Yes.

Speaker 1 So funny. Yes.
And he does the Jiminy Glick because he's a sweet guy. And he can hide in the fat suit.
Yes. And say things like,

Speaker 1 you know, your career never quite took off and did it. You know, and so he's stating the obvious.
Yes. And oh, sorry, I cut you off.
No, no, no, no. Go ahead.
But I just think

Speaker 1 he was fascinated. He came out.
I was out. You were out.
And then he came out. And I think he went after both of us.
And of course, you and I are like kids in a candy shop.

Speaker 1 The artistry of what he does it and compared to like roasting, where you see someone, you know, even that Tom Brady roast, or you think of Don Rickles, who is obviously magical.

Speaker 1 But what Marty does is he does it in such, and by the way, none of it's scripted. I think he's just, he just does it.
No, I think he has, I do think he thinks ahead of time. Really?

Speaker 1 I think he thinks ahead of time. Not to take anything away from it.
Maybe some of the Jiminy clips because the writing is, I mean, it's so sharp, but I think some of them, no, he can do it.

Speaker 1 He can do it ad lib, but I think he also has some of the things. When we did the God's Love Delivered, he literally walked out, stole the whole show just dressing us down

Speaker 1 for five minutes and left.

Speaker 1 He was shooting the next day. He's 75 years old, walked out, ripped into us, left, and everyone's like, well, that's the best part of the show.
Yeah. Yeah.
Do you hear me? And these two pale

Speaker 1 skeletons are standing there. We're like,

Speaker 1 anyway,

Speaker 1 maybe Marty will come back. Stay in your seats.

Speaker 1 That was a joy. And he's also a sweet guy.
Like, when you talk to him. He's the real deal.
Yeah. When he's not performing, you're like,

Speaker 1 like, it's, I don't know, maybe he's got a split personality. And he was also great on that.

Speaker 1 He's a great actor, too. Yeah.
He was great. Now it's like I'm trying to win him over for some job.

Speaker 1 It's a good guy. He's, you know, he's riding high.

Speaker 1 He's riding high. I think he controls some purse strings.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I want to ask you about, you know, you've been in comedy for so long, but you never, your DNA never merged with Sarinat Live. And then you get this gig

Speaker 1 to play Tim Waltz during the run-up to the election. So suddenly you're in the world of SNL.

Speaker 1 It was kind of interesting to me because I thought, oh, I want to get Jim's take on SNL because he's a really smart, funny guy.

Speaker 1 And I know that that was something that would, you know, everyone wants to check that bucket list off. Absolutely.
So what was that like for you? It was really interesting because

Speaker 1 that is one of the questions that, you know, I've been doing stand-up or in the comedy thing for 35 years and

Speaker 1 I never auditioned for SNL. I've never hosted, never, and it's just, it never lined up where it was a possibility.

Speaker 1 I think there was talk of me auditioning to be a writer, but at that time I was like, no, I want to be an actor. I want to be on the West Wing.

Speaker 1 And so I, I mean, I obviously, no, but I was terrible instincts. Why Rob Lowe?

Speaker 1 What's he got that I don't got? No, it's

Speaker 1 the ultimate graduate school of comedy, right? To go there, there's nothing that it's unique to the comedy business.

Speaker 1 I mean, it's a unique television show in that they, you know, outside of Living Color and Mad TV, no one's even come close to replicating it. Probably financially doesn't make sense.

Speaker 1 And it's the impact on the Zeitgeist. So it was a huge thing.
There's, I've always been

Speaker 1 aware that it's something that you don't campaign for.

Speaker 1 And so I'm respectful of the boundaries and kind of the cultural phenomenon that it is.

Speaker 1 So when she picked Tim Walls as her running mate, and then Steve Martin turned it down, you know, the internet was bringing up like every doughy white Midwestern guy.

Speaker 1 And I was like interested, but I was like, well, I'm not,

Speaker 1 you know, you can't campaign for it.

Speaker 1 You can't campaign. You either get the call or you don't.
Yeah. You can't be like, hey, you know what I'm going to do is I'm going to go on Howard Stern and do my Tim Wallace and praise.

Speaker 1 You can't do that. Right.

Speaker 1 And so I very much stood back. And then I would check in with my manager who would say, you know, here's what they're thinking.

Speaker 1 You know, but you're supposedly on a list. And again, there's nothing you can do on it.
And so then I was in,

Speaker 1 you know, I get one acting job a year. So I was in England doing this acting job.
And then, and at night, I'm walking back to my hotel and I get a call from my manager.

Speaker 1 And he's like, hey, so we've been telling people at the Booker at SNL that you've been sending us little videos where you're pretending to be Tim Wallace. And I'm like, Oh, that's interesting.

Speaker 1 And he goes, And you weren't. And I wasn't.

Speaker 1 And so he was on with my manager, my manager and my agent. I'm like, Oh, well, that's an interesting approach.
But, you know, this is what you guys do.

Speaker 1 And they're like, Yeah, and now they want to see those. And I'm like, So, what do you mean they want to see them?

Speaker 1 I'm like, Well, we brought it up, and now they're like, Why don't you send I'd be mad at this management team? And so

Speaker 1 I, then I spent the next hour kind of in my hotel room, taking off a jacket, putting on a thing, doing different.

Speaker 1 And I had kind of been, you know, checking out

Speaker 1 Tim Walls and looking at speeches. And then I just, in that moment, I just did an impression of my brother Mitch, who is this similar to Tim Walls, a very sincere, enthusiastic

Speaker 1 Midwestern guy who's kind of got a little bit of that golly g.

Speaker 1 And so I essentially did an impression of my brother Mitch in a different settings in this England hotel, sent him off. And then, you know, I don't know what happened, but it worked.

Speaker 1 They hired your brother Mitch.

Speaker 1 So when people are like, how do you do that impression? I'm like, well, just don't meet my brother Mitch and we should be fine. Yeah.
Grow up in Indiana. Yeah, grow up in Indiana.

Speaker 1 Surround yourself with very sincere

Speaker 1 Midwestern people that have that optimism that Tim Walls has, you know, which is like, we can do this. Yeah, you know what I mean? I mean, geez, come on, Jimmy.

Speaker 1 You know, like, that's my brother Mitch. I mean, geez, Jimmy, I get,

Speaker 1 I mean, Jimmy, you're a bad driver. Like, my brother Mitch would just get so angry when

Speaker 1 he's even sweet when he's telling you bad things about yourself. Yes, he's like a great guy.
So it's that's that's what happened.

Speaker 1 But it was absurd because not only was I uh, so I, this opportunity to be on SNL, and it was just for five weeks, but I, then they bring in all these all-stars, right?

Speaker 1 So they bring in Maya, who I had worked with before, Dana and Andy. And I'm like, so not only am I doing this guest star, but like the MVP from every decade for the last 40 years.

Speaker 1 So it was, it was stressful in

Speaker 1 an unnecessary way, where it's like, you know, I go on stage in front of huge rooms, but I was like, I have two lines. How do I do it? So I was definitely a little nervous.

Speaker 1 Searchlight Pictures presents Rental Family, starring Academy Award-winning Brendan Frazier, Takahiro Hira, Mari Yamamoto, Shannon Gorman, Akira Amoto, and directed by Hikari.

Speaker 1 Audiences and top critics are celebrating Rental Family as the perfect feel-good movie of the year. I haven't felt good in a while.
I should go see this feel-good movie.

Speaker 1 Screen Rant calls it one of the year's best films, while the Hollywood Reporter calls it a warm and witty delight that balances poignancy and humor with rare delicacy. Huh.

Speaker 1 Critics are praising Fraser's performance with Next Picture calling him brilliant and describing the film as a love letter to Japan. You know, true story, when I was shooting a show in Japan,

Speaker 1 we shot a segment where I rented a family.

Speaker 1 I think we still have a picture framed with you and your family that you rented. Yeah, it was really fascinating.
And it was a great experience.

Speaker 1 And I worked out some of my issues between my father and I with my rental father. That's good.
Who I don't think spoke English. But guess what? It worked out beautifully.

Speaker 1 So this would be a movie I should check out. And so you can rent your own family here.
Go see Rental Family. Only in theaters this Friday.
Get tickets today.

Speaker 1 I was up half the night last night watching a World Series game. It was very exciting.
I have to tell you,

Speaker 1 I don't care what your sport is, tailgates or watching parties or, you know, whatever. If you're watching High Lie,

Speaker 1 it doesn't matter. It is Miller time.
Miller Light is brewed with simple ingredients like malted barley for rich flavor and golden color.

Speaker 1 It's a taste you can depend on because Miller time is always a good time. I'm out there throwing the pig skin around.
I used to just throw pig skin. Really? Chunks of pig skin.
Wow.

Speaker 1 I never had a football. Where would you find the pig? Oh, yeah.
I went to a farmer. Oh, good.
Yeah. And the pig had fallen into a shredder.

Speaker 1 Anyway, back to Miller Light. I was just hawking pigskin around.
I like to raise a Miller Light in the air and celebrate a great pass,

Speaker 1 throwing chunks of pigskin around.

Speaker 1 One of those nail biters. Last night's game, incredible nail biter with the Dodgers.
Incredible. So anyway, Miller Light, great taste, 96 calories.

Speaker 1 Go to MerrillLight.com/slash Conan to find delivery options near you, or you can pick up some Merrill Light pretty much anywhere they sell beer.

Speaker 1 And if they don't sell Merrill Light, turn to them and say, sir, you do not sell beer. It's Miller time.

Speaker 1 Celebrate responsibly, Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.

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Speaker 1 Did you like the machinery of it being around? There's nothing else like it. Yeah.
And I've always thought there is the carnival atmosphere of it, the machine aspect of it. It's Willy Wonka's factory.

Speaker 1 It's all these things that you grew up watching. And then suddenly you're inside it.
And then there's the buildup to the show.

Speaker 1 There's the meeting between Dress and Air. And then after the show, there's a party.

Speaker 1 It's this whole

Speaker 1 Roman kind of crazy.

Speaker 1 It's like

Speaker 1 the Coliseum followed by the orgy. You're just, what's happening? This is madness.
It is, it's insane every step of the way. So I remember I did the table read the first week.

Speaker 1 I guess that's on Tuesday. And then I was like, all right, I know what I'm, and I know that there's going to be a lot of changes.

Speaker 1 And then by the end, I would be like calling my point person at like 10, you know, eight o'clock on Friday. I'm like, do we know what we're doing? And they're like, oh, I'm going to send it.

Speaker 1 You know, it's just, because it's the cold open and it was the election. So they were kind of, you know, what, and so like,

Speaker 1 yeah, there were things where if you have an idea, you're looking at a writer who's been up for four days, who's also realizing there's, there's, uh, there's the element of serving everyone in the cold open.

Speaker 1 There's also Lauren stuff. So it's, it's a very complicated thing.
So you're like, I don't want to be a pain in the ass.

Speaker 1 Like one of the things I kind of pride myself on is hopefully being a good soldier when I'm in a situation like that. Cause having do your part well, don't let anybody down.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and not be the pain in the ass. So I kind of want to do that.
But yeah, so that whole process of the bureaucracy, and maybe that's not the right term, but it's the process is so bananas

Speaker 1 that you also have to just go with the flow. And then the meeting in between the dress where Lauren would go up there and be like, don't touch your ear.
And you're like, okay,

Speaker 1 all right. I won't touch.
Uh, you know, I didn't know I was touching my ear, but okay. And some of it is he's giving his notes.

Speaker 1 He's also this icon who obviously, you know, like I realize now that he is the modern day equivalent of P.T. Barnum, right? Like, the impact he has on the zeitgeist is so enormous.

Speaker 1 So, he sits there and he goes, Yeah, we're not going to do that.

Speaker 1 Or like things that you, I think people could judge as bizarre, but if you consider the history and the on-base percentage, the batting average, it's pure genius. Yeah.

Speaker 1 If someone could watch the process of how a sketch gets written and then it's read through, I do think it's Wednesday, it gets read through on Wednesday, and then it gets to rehearsal, then it gets to the dress show,

Speaker 1 then there's that meeting beforehand, and then they select, you know, they select the sketches. Finally, they reorder it, and then there's the air show that happens.

Speaker 1 I think watching that process would make less sense than how they pick a pope at the Vatican.

Speaker 1 I think there's more mystery, smoke signals, craziness,

Speaker 1 cardinals making crazy deals

Speaker 1 behind ancient walls. That would seem more normal than what happens at Sternat Live.
And I think there is also something of the resiliency that you need to process.

Speaker 1 I mean, you went through it, but the resiliency that these creative types, these people that are creative, because they know how to react, listen to their emotions or keep in touch with their point of view.

Speaker 1 But because even the, so like, I only did one table read. So like, I don't even know what day that is.

Speaker 1 And then also like the moving parts, like I think on the last episode, they dress, they, they did cuts. And then I think they had to cut a sketch mid-show.
Yeah, they do.

Speaker 1 Which is just like, how do you, yeah, not happening.

Speaker 1 No, I, you know, I, back in my day, I authored several of those sketches where you're, I've called my parents and I've said it's about two, you know, coal miners and their, and their, you know, their little bird that's with them.

Speaker 1 And then look for me because that, I mean, that's my sketch and it's going to be on at 12:55. And my parents would be like, well, we're going to watch.
Yay. My father was Ronald Reagan.
Well,

Speaker 1 we are. Jersey Democrats radio taxes.

Speaker 1 We could use you up on Capitol Hill.

Speaker 1 So,

Speaker 1 and then at 1248, I'd see my card come off because other stuff went long.

Speaker 1 So, my card would come off the board and go to the side of the board, which means there's this side of the board that's outside the grid where literally you see your card slipping beneath the waves.

Speaker 1 And so, suddenly, my parents the next day, well, we thought it was terrific. It wasn't on.
Yeah, they are lying.

Speaker 1 Oh, no. They went to to bed at nine.
They went to bed at nine.

Speaker 1 And so, anyway, I was just, I'm so happy that you got to have

Speaker 1 experience. And I'll just put it out there.

Speaker 1 You'd be the perfect host for that show.

Speaker 1 And you are in the zeitgeist now, and they'd be lucky to have you. So, from my lips to Lauren's ears.
Well,

Speaker 1 I am standing back. I have no opinion on that.

Speaker 1 If nominated, I will not serve. I will, I have all respect for the process.

Speaker 1 The convention. I will do as I'm told.

Speaker 1 I was going to ask you about, because there's something about, I'm just always trying to figure out, especially comedic minds I really admire.

Speaker 1 I want to get into a little bit of the workings of where they're from. I know you went to an insanely small high school in Indiana.
Like, how small are we talking?

Speaker 1 There were 105 kids in the entire school, but there were 25 in my my graduating class. There were five girls

Speaker 1 and 20 guys. Jesus.

Speaker 1 And but Chief Justice John Roberts went there. Oh, really? And

Speaker 1 but it was, it was kind of,

Speaker 1 yeah. So now I think it's 150

Speaker 1 students. It's just blown up.
Seven girls. Now it's you.
Now it's

Speaker 1 six girls. But it was a great experience.
And, you know, you know, there's a delusion in those smaller schools where you're like, you know what? Yeah.

Speaker 1 And so like, I didn't have that John Hughes experience where there were the potheads and the jocks and the beautiful people. It's like everyone was everything.

Speaker 1 So I think that kind of had an impact where I didn't necessarily,

Speaker 1 I wasn't. So when I got to college, I wasn't swayed by I shouldn't, I should only hang around football players or I should only do this or that.
Yeah. Somewhere you got this ability.

Speaker 1 There are a lot of comedians I admire, but I know, well, they can kill in front of this crowd, but they should probably stay away from that kind of crowd or vice versa. They have their areas.

Speaker 1 I feel like I can't imagine a crowd that you wouldn't kill in front of.

Speaker 1 You do feel like someone who talks to everybody. Oh, well, thanks.
Yeah. No, it is, it is weird because having done corporates, you've done corporates.
I've done some corporate, but really not much.

Speaker 1 Sometimes the assignment is just like,

Speaker 1 you know, make sure you mention

Speaker 1 and whatever. The CEO,

Speaker 1 you make sure you mention, you know, really get him. And something just, I don't know.
And then I get very depressed.

Speaker 1 And they're like, don't do that.

Speaker 1 But I used to. I hear he's a real shithead.

Speaker 1 That was my go-to line. And they'd be like, hey, we thought you had a joke or something.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, sometimes they're like, you can make fun of it. Make fun of, you know, Mindy.
She's in charge of marketing. Go after her.
And then you look at Mindy. I don't do that stuff anyway.

Speaker 1 But then you look at Mindy and she's like, what are you doing?

Speaker 1 She's just in charge of marketing. It was just that one

Speaker 1 person's bad idea. Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 And so, but the corporate setting is such a, like, there is part of me that, cause I feel like I can work in those corporate settings where that means that it might be all over.

Speaker 1 Cause like I would do a corporate show, I would bomb and then you get off and they were like you were great

Speaker 1 no one laughed they're like we're too rich to laugh yeah well we were golfing all day so but I hope you're much better than the guy before who made fun of Mindy

Speaker 1 this was one

Speaker 1 as I say I

Speaker 1 I've tried to I've tried to not do it too much because but there was one it was I think an integration maybe with the Turner show I can't say the name of the company but it was a telecommunications company.

Speaker 1 And we had to do this. They said, hey, Conan, they're buying time on the show and they really want you to go.
So I remember it, I took, like, got on a plane and flew somewhere.

Speaker 1 And they say they're in there.

Speaker 1 It's the top. It wasn't an, and I come out, I had wrote jokes because you can't do standard stuff.
It's got to be for them. Yeah.
And it's got to be about this company and stuff like that.

Speaker 1 So a lot of work went into it. I walked out there.
I want to say it was about

Speaker 1 maybe 12, I think all guys, and they were in big leather chairs that reclined slightly. And I looked out the window.

Speaker 1 There was a big window behind them and they had projected the famous logo of the company onto a mountain that you could see in the night through the window.

Speaker 1 So I walked out there and it was these, and I started doing my, and I thought, oh, this is, I've never felt more like a pathetic, you know, bring the clown in.

Speaker 1 yeah bring the clown we're ready for the clown and the court jester and i could see some challenge the king too much yeah and i could see they weren't really laughing but they had wry smiles and occasionally i could see one of them adjust his recliner a little more

Speaker 1 and um i started to make fun of the fact that the logo was projected onto a mountain yeah out like this all felt evil and i'm sort of started to go off on that and they one of them deigned to crane his neck to see Oh, yes, it is, isn't it?

Speaker 1 What is wrong with that?

Speaker 1 That's as it should be, as it always is. And I just left shivering.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 I don't know. It was a terrible experience.
Yeah. Have you done a birthday party? That's pretty weird.
I did a very famous person's birthday party for no money. Oh, really? I did it as a favor.

Speaker 1 It was a wet web.

Speaker 1 If it's no money, that means it's pure death.

Speaker 3 Was it for the birthday person themselves or one of their children?

Speaker 1 or something. No, it was for the person.
It was a famous person who, and

Speaker 1 it was a personal favor because they had done the show a bunch of times. And one of their

Speaker 1 management said, hey, Conan, would you stop by and just do. And I remember it again feeling like, bring him in.

Speaker 1 You know, it was just

Speaker 1 see if he amuses us. And I didn't like it.
It's fun to perform for real people.

Speaker 1 But there is.

Speaker 1 But there are people like Regis Fieldman would love that. Now, people are listening are like, who's Regis Fieldman? But there are some people.
It is kind of in their DNA.

Speaker 1 People love doing it or love being the recipient of it. What do you mean?

Speaker 1 I think someone like, not that I know Regis or knew him, but like, there's some people that are like showmen that would be, oh, yeah. Relish the opportunity.

Speaker 1 It's kind of, even when we did that Pope thing.

Speaker 1 Oh, we got to talk. We got to.
Well, let's back it up quickly. Yeah.
Five months ago, something like that, you contacted me out of blue and said, would you be willing to go to Rome and meet the Pope?

Speaker 1 Which is the weirdest to this day. I think it's the third weirdest text I've ever had.
And the other two I can't say on the air.

Speaker 1 This text came in and I thought, are you kidding me?

Speaker 1 And so I contacted you back, and then it turned out insane as if some higher power was at work that my wife, my son, and I were going to be in Italy at Lake Como that week.

Speaker 1 So literally all we had to do was get on a train and go down and

Speaker 1 be part of this because they were inviting comedians. So it's you, me, Chris Rock, Jimmy Fallon, Stephen Colbert, Julia Luis, Julia Louis Duyfers.

Speaker 1 I mean, the list goes on. David Sederis, Tegnotaro,

Speaker 1 just

Speaker 1 Rami, just, but, you know, just really interesting. I mean, it's such a surreal experience.
But like in that setting, like, I don't know if you remember, because we, we all went in there.

Speaker 1 It was like every

Speaker 1 first of all, I think they told us to be outside the Vatican at the gates at 6.50 in the morning or something. I mean, the sun is just coming up in Rome.

Speaker 1 And I thought, doesn't the Pope, he's the Pope. He should be sleep.
I would be like hitting this. If I was the Pope, I would hit my snooze alarm constantly.
I would just sleep as late as possible.

Speaker 1 He's like in his 80s.

Speaker 1 They told us that we were like his third thing of the day, that he gets up at like five in the morning. And so we got got there.

Speaker 1 And then they bring us into the Vatican and they sit us down this surreal room. Yeah, there's, and there's comedians from every country.

Speaker 1 There's probably a humorist take on where there was a meeting and someone was like, well, why don't we bring in the comedians from throughout the world?

Speaker 1 But the Pope was, you know, it was about humor, how we could help. I don't know.
No, it was actually, he gave his speech. His speech was in Italian.
Yes.

Speaker 1 So we couldn't understand it, but they gave us the printout of the speech, and it was actually very beautiful. It was very beautiful.

Speaker 1 It was a very nice, unifying idea about comedy and how it relates to bringing people together. And I thought, well, that's.
And humor's a level of honesty and all that. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But he didn't have an ender.

Speaker 1 And we were booing in.

Speaker 1 I did notes on the thing and I had it. I'm like, here's my rewrite.
Yeah, but here's the thing.

Speaker 1 You did it while he was doing it, which was very good. Some punch-ups.
You know what I mean? Some punch-ups.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so that was a very surreal experience. Yeah, so we are in this room in the Vatican,

Speaker 1 and there's comedians from all the different countries, like Stephen Merchant.

Speaker 1 There were some countries where you're like, well, shouldn't they have more people from? Like, there was no one from the Philippines. I was like,

Speaker 1 I've been to the Philippines. That's a pretty Catholic country.
And there are a couple of people I quizzed, and they were like, I'm more of a weatherman.

Speaker 1 A light-hearted weatherman. I'm like, well, you're not a comedian.

Speaker 1 No, sometimes I say low-pressure front, more like high-pressure front.

Speaker 1 Okay, but yeah, it was just a little. I have a cartoonist.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And there was, so there's 300,

Speaker 1 I don't know how many. All over the world, yeah.
All over the world sitting in this room. It was everyone that couldn't behave in church or synagogue

Speaker 1 or in the mosque was in this room. And then there would be, because it was his third meeting, there'd be these people that would walk by.
The Swiss Guards came out. Yes.

Speaker 1 The Swiss Guards came out and did this whole, they're wearing the outfit of the Swiss Guard, which is the most, which was designed by

Speaker 1 Leo.

Speaker 1 Leonardo DiCabrio, right? Leonardo DiCinci da Vinci. Leonardo da Vinci designed it.
And if Leonardo da Vinci hadn't designed it, they would have changed it a long time ago. Yes.

Speaker 1 Because it looks like a cross between a clown costume and someone who's working at you know, a ground rounder. I don't know.
It just looked insane.

Speaker 1 They come out with pikes, they do a whole thing, and then the pope came out. And they're walking by.

Speaker 1 So there's people, you feel like you're, it's, so you're just sitting in the room waiting, and there's people, these characters that go by that are from like medieval times. Yes.

Speaker 1 You're like, wait, what is going on? It was a medieval fair.

Speaker 1 It's like, what is going on? So you think, oh, the pope's coming. But in that setting, do you remember? Jimmy Fallon stood up and did bits.
And I was like, he's the king of the clowns.

Speaker 1 Well, the rest of us were like, well, we got to kind of. And

Speaker 1 the rest of us are being kind of respectful. He did like an eight-minute Mr.
Bean bit where he can't find his chair and he keeps flopping down and falling down.

Speaker 1 And there, and we were.

Speaker 1 And he's like, wow!

Speaker 1 Whoa. And then he gets up and turns the chair around, but it's going the wrong way.
And he's like, who's the Haba hoopa? But it was very funny. It was also,

Speaker 1 it was this meeting of everyone who couldn't behave, who was at one point in eighth grade, sent to the principal's office. It was fascinating.

Speaker 1 My favorite was the part where we're all going up, they line us up and we all go up to shake hands with the Pope. Because that was also fun seeing people's different roles.

Speaker 1 I mean, Stephen Colbert, very, I mean, it was, he's, he's very pious and devout. And, you know, probably knows more about Catholicism than the Pope.
Oh. Right.

Speaker 1 And also, he asked me the night before, like, I think in front of everybody, we all went out to dinner and he said, Conan, do you think the Pope is aware of your work?

Speaker 1 And I said, absolutely fucking literally not.

Speaker 1 He's an Argentinian man who is in his 80s. You're like, no, there's no way he knows me.

Speaker 1 I think Stephen was hoping that the Pope was big fans of all of ours. Oh, really? Well, I know that it's Stephen.
Well, he knows you, I think. No, well, I mean, I met him, but I don't think that.

Speaker 1 He went went to your high school. He went to the Pope went to the house.
With Roberts. It's you, Roberts, and the Pope.
But Stephen did, I think he does the

Speaker 1 audible or the audio of all the book, the Pope's books. Yes.
And he told that to the Pope

Speaker 1 when he was up there. And the Pope just probably gave him like, no, no, no.
He said,

Speaker 1 I asked him, like, I could see him. If you see the videotape, Stephen's talking to him for a little bit.
The rest of us are just going like, hello, your eminence.

Speaker 1 And we're getting a nice place again here. And then we move on.
And,

Speaker 1 you know,

Speaker 1 a nice job plundering the world's gold over an 800-year period.

Speaker 1 Conquest of South America.

Speaker 1 No one advertises like you guys.

Speaker 1 You know, whatever. But Stephen's talking to him for a bit, and I asked Stephen what he talked about.
And he said, I told him, you know,

Speaker 1 Your Holiness, I do your audio book and I narrate it and blah, blah, blah. And he said, the Pope used his hand to push him.

Speaker 1 Used his hand to push him down the line. That's the nice.
Now get the fuck away from me.

Speaker 1 Did you bring gold? No, we didn't bring gold. Did I steal your gold?

Speaker 1 No, you can't do that anymore. I'll get your gold.

Speaker 1 He's a leprechaun. He's a leprechaun now.
I'll get your gold. I'll get to your gold.
You'll see. That's a spicy meat night.
I'll send a conquistador. I get to your gold.

Speaker 1 No, you can't really do that anymore. You want to taste a pizza pie? I've got a pizza pie.

Speaker 1 Wow. I'm glad they didn't let me perform at that thing.
That would have been fun. But it was crazy.

Speaker 1 And then they said at the end that we got to, I thought we were getting a, I sound like a real dick now, but I thought, well, you've come all this way.

Speaker 1 Well, for me, I pretended that I flew all the way from LA when I just literally got an Uber from Lake Como

Speaker 1 and then demanded, pay for my airfare back.

Speaker 1 I didn't do that. But I thought they, then they said, like, and then you may tour the Vatican.

Speaker 1 But basically, they just shoved us through a door, and then we were in with all the tourists, you know, and tourists were like, what are you doing here? It was weird.

Speaker 1 After that event, they led us into this room, and there was this red carpet, like media. And I was like, oh, now I know why we're here.
But it was kind of. That's what they do in an award show.

Speaker 1 It's everyone's there to get their media. And that's and also get their

Speaker 1 message out. You know what I mean? And which, and as you said, it was a very sincere message.
It It was beautiful. It was a really nice, it was a nice message.

Speaker 1 My golden conquistador riff aside,

Speaker 1 800 years of plundering still.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it was a lovely message. Great example of something that's cool, complicated.
Like even talking to Julia Louise Dreyfus, there's some complexity.

Speaker 1 Like at the dinner, she's like, I don't know how I feel about some of this. I'm like, that's why it's interesting because it's complex.
Yes,

Speaker 1 we all went in there, I think, for the most part with complex feelings about this institution and its place in the modern world. And

Speaker 1 of course, the women who were present had very complicated feelings.

Speaker 1 And it was really nice to talk about all that. Yeah.
I love doing events like that where it's a little bit, you're going to anger some people. Like I did the Al Smith dinner,

Speaker 1 which is

Speaker 1 with Trump there. Trump was there.
Kamala Harris did not go. She did not go.
And there was, because there was part of me that's like, that was,

Speaker 1 you know, I'm not a Trump guy, but like there was part of me, and there were plenty of people that were invited. They're like, I'm not even going to sit in the same room as him.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 And so there is something where, and so when I did that, I knew there were going to be people on the left and on the right that were going to be angry, which almost kind of ties back to like, you know, that moment of disc where people are uncomfortable that it's kind of you relish it.

Speaker 1 And the challenge, which kind of the no-win situation of the Alsmith dinner, but I love history and the association.

Speaker 1 Usually if there's a chance,

Speaker 1 I have a list of my life

Speaker 1 is finite. I was told recently.
No,

Speaker 1 we're only here for a certain amount of time. And I do, and I'm a history buff.

Speaker 1 And when I see an opportunity to be, whether it's a White House correspondence dinner or something, even when I know it's going to be tough,

Speaker 1 it's a tough room. I think you got to go and be part of that.
So it's the Al Smith dinner. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And there are people today that on my Twitter or X or whatever it's called will be like, I can't believe you were in the same room with him. And I'm like, well, I don't know.

Speaker 1 I feel like that's kind of the opposite of discourse. Like, you shouldn't.
So, anyway, that's why I'm running for senator.

Speaker 1 As Tim Waltz, yeah.

Speaker 1 Who's as your brother?

Speaker 1 Jim Gaffigan the skinny. This is, again, to your being prolific.
You've got

Speaker 1 another special. They have been stunningly successful.
You've won countless awards. I think you have every award one can have.
I think it's too many, and you should give me some.

Speaker 1 But the skinny, you're addressing weight loss. You're addressing people's obsession and weird feelings about weight loss and food, which is sort of a huge topic right now.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 I think it's really peculiar how people are secretive about taking an appetite suppressant.

Speaker 1 Or maybe they aren't secretive. I mean, but people, there's people that walk around with

Speaker 1 their hair dyed a different color. And we all know that, but

Speaker 1 nobody would think it was that weird. You've talked about how there is kind of a shaming of people that have a food issue.

Speaker 1 And then somehow there are other areas where we have a completely different, like drinking

Speaker 1 be seen as very cool. Romantic.
It's romantic, and the actual. I can't put the bottle down.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Sounds much cooler than I can't put the cream pie.

Speaker 1 I love donuts. I want a donut.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I think there is, I think that's what this drug, I mean, this is not humorous, but like, I think that that's what this drug proves is that like some people, the, the, it's, it's might not be psychological.

Speaker 1 It's, it's a chemical thing because it's fixed by chemical, that they have a chemical compulsion. I mean, I come from a family that is like big eaters.

Speaker 1 And that's a good sound effect.

Speaker 1 But I think

Speaker 1 the way you did that looks like it would be Cookie Monster, where most of it doesn't go in.

Speaker 1 The cookies are just

Speaker 1 cookies are just bouncing off the cookie.

Speaker 3 That's why you're so hungry. You're not getting much in the mouth.

Speaker 1 Let's waste that Cookie Monster. Cookie Monster never actually tasted a cookie.

Speaker 1 It just

Speaker 1 carried off the felt backstop of his mouth. It's like he wasn't even really eating it, it's sad.

Speaker 1 But this is, but you know, there is a cultural part of it too, which is you talk about it from a Midwestern point of view.

Speaker 1 I've seen the Boston Irish side of it, which is it is the way in my family that we showed love was eating because it wasn't hugging and saying, I love you. And I, and, and I

Speaker 1 love my parents, love my family.

Speaker 1 It was just cultural it wasn't about that we didn't drink it was a dry house and so no one could talk about sex right right in a million years i still don't understand how it works yeah and then what do you have you have we're i'm gonna we're gonna cook a giant meal and i'll eat it together which is we're gonna eat tons of ham and potato yeah and all the butter in the world and that is gonna be how we show

Speaker 1 our affection and love for each other and have a communal moment. Celebrate or, you know, lick your wounds by

Speaker 1 overeating. Yeah.
Like my brother and I was like, oh, I could throw up. That's what, you know, like when you've eaten so much, you're like, oh,

Speaker 1 I could throw up. I feel great.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 We did it. We did it.
Yeah. So

Speaker 1 you talk about that and

Speaker 1 you talk about, obviously, how the drug has changed your life. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And you. But also think it's temporary, meaning we're eventually going to find out that it makes people grow tails or something like that.
Right. So

Speaker 1 I, I view this weight loss as completely,

Speaker 1 I don't think I'm going to be, not that I'm even super thin, but I imagine it's, it's an ongoing battle, my weight. Right.

Speaker 1 I mean, but it's also, I mean, over the years, it was such a part of your comedy, too. Yeah, it was just,

Speaker 1 you, I mean, so funny talking about it and talking about your obsession with food. Yeah, the love affair with food.
And now it's alcohol. No.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 there is something, but the skinny, there is about the appetite suppressing. But I use the title of the skinny because that's, you know,

Speaker 1 you write the stand-up and then kind of the theme, you see the theme when you look at the material. And some of the special is about parenting teenagers.

Speaker 1 Like, I had no idea how difficult it was going to be to parent teenagers because they, and I say that with empathy and also exhaustion and part of I don't want to do it anymore,

Speaker 1 is because it's so difficult.

Speaker 1 And I think, because I think adult humans, we have a built-in forgetter of the anxiety and the stress of being a teenager because it's, it's painful for them.

Speaker 1 So when they're going through it and you're this parent, it's, it's not an easy road, even for the best kids.

Speaker 1 And so that's some of, you know, so I complain about my kids, but I do that in every special too. But it's a different type of complaint.
But then you get to pay that.

Speaker 1 Then you can say, my bitching about you paid for your tuition, paid for this roof. And since they're teenagers, I know they'll never watch the special, so it doesn't matter.

Speaker 1 Not your demo. Yes.
Well, Jim Gaffigan the skinny is now available to stream on Hulu.

Speaker 1 And Jim, from the bottom of my heart, I thank you for lending your comedic genius to my show for over a 30-year period and then continuing to come back and do the podcast. I love talking to you.

Speaker 1 Thanks. And

Speaker 1 I'm kind of in awe.

Speaker 1 of just you're you're so talented and so funny and uh i just when you're around i'm i'm in a good mood oh well thank you so you can't leave very nice yeah i like i can can tell I'm really getting to you when your mouth gets very small.

Speaker 1 You went, thank you.

Speaker 1 I don't know what to do.

Speaker 1 I'm not comfortable with the compliments.

Speaker 1 Well, then you like

Speaker 1 you're a real shitty guy, Jim. Yeah, that's more like it.

Speaker 1 I don't like the compliments. You know, what are we in group therapy?

Speaker 1 Yeah, you got an ugly mug, see? Yeah, that's more like it.

Speaker 1 That's the only best

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Why do they always say an unexpected vet bill?

Speaker 1 There are expected vet bills.

Speaker 1 I got my golden retriever a facelift. We talked about it for a year.

Speaker 1 He was very unhappy. He wasn't doing well on social media.
So we had a little to nip and tuck. Yeah, it was a good time.

Speaker 1 No, I would never have. It was a good time? I never did that.

Speaker 1 Animals never had a facelift in my home. That's one thing where I will draw the line.
No facelifts for dogs in my home. Cats, on the other hand, need all the help they can get.
I lost my mind.

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Speaker 1 The fact that you can just order concert tickets through her, that's crazy. Yeah, exactly.
You didn't know that? Even I knew that. Wow.
Yeah. And I fought in World War I, and I know that.

Speaker 1 Ready whenever, and yeah, and you were born in the second Obama administration. This is incredible.
Ready whenever inspiration strikes, Amazon.com/slash new Alexa.

Speaker 3 Hey, guys, we're coming up on the sixth anniversary of this podcast. That's unbelievable.

Speaker 1 I know, six years. Yeah.

Speaker 3 So we're going to do a state of the podcast.

Speaker 1 You have to remember, we haven't done one of these in a while.

Speaker 1 This is because, you know, me, I'm more of an artistic type.

Speaker 1 I paint what I see, and I'm removed from, of course, the commerce of it all. I'm above that, high up in the clouds.

Speaker 2 So you don't get paid?

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 1 I get paid and I'm, I mean, if I, if they miss my payment by a day,

Speaker 1 and if it's one penny off, I'm just a dog with a bone

Speaker 1 all over it. But again, then I go up in the clouds.
Okay.

Speaker 3 Well, as always, we like to bring Adam in.

Speaker 1 Adam Sachs, the guru, the genius, the high muckety muck who makes it all run.

Speaker 1 You pull the strings. I'm about a puppet.

Speaker 1 You guys are sort of like hand puppets, but I'm more of a marionette. Oh.
And

Speaker 1 what? I'm just curious how it's all going. It's going really well.

Speaker 4 I feel like I start every state of the podcast like that, but we've been lucky in Knocking On Wood. We've been lucky enough to have a really good run here six years in.

Speaker 4 The audience is as strong as ever. And I'll get into in a second about where we're expanding our audience.

Speaker 1 I mean, mostly

Speaker 4 I wanted to, first of all, talk about the big guests we've had because we've been on a run with guests that is just like unbelievable.

Speaker 4 The show has always had great guests but you know most recently we've had i just wanted to highlight a few tom hanks al pacino jon stewart goldie hahn david oyelowo jeff bridges quinta brunson don cheadle the beastie boys ron howard ted danson woody harrelson i mean this is a crazy list of guests big names but also i thought great conversations everyone came to play yeah totally and these types of names are not you know even a few years ago maybe four or five years ago six years ago these were not people you would ever even like hear on a podcast it's pretty amazing al pacino i don't know he doesn't do do a lot of podcasts.

Speaker 1 It's pretty, pretty amazing. Right.
Either things are going very well for us or very badly for Al Pacino. And you'd have to decide what that means.

Speaker 4 And then I think the biggest update that I think, you know, a lot of it is pretty status quo based on last year, but the biggest update that we've done is we're experimenting.

Speaker 4 Conan, you probably don't even know this. I'm a man.

Speaker 1 Oh, I love that you put in there that I'm 1987 Reagan.

Speaker 1 You may not know that we're experimenting with putting full-length video episodes up.

Speaker 4 And it's only just been an experiment so far that are like an hour long yeah we've done two of them so far people watch them well that was the thing we wanted to see would people watch them we put up larry david and harrison ford we put up those full episodes and yeah it was an experiment to see would people watch them also i'm waiting with bated breath for the answer the answer is yes i mean we were curious would it be like something where it was a substitute audience you know where it was like cannibalizing the podcast audience people would instead listen or watch it on video but instead it looks like it's really incremental like there's more people

Speaker 4 We have a huge YouTube audience, and we had been getting tons of fan requests.

Speaker 1 Yeah, people were constantly constantly.

Speaker 4 We've put out clips now for a few years, obviously, video clips.

Speaker 1 They want to watch it. I know, but they like, okay.
I do think, I understand because Harrison Ford,

Speaker 1 he's so funny in a different way that people aren't always accustomed to. But also to be able to see when you see Harrison Ford, when

Speaker 1 his expressions and his deadpan,

Speaker 1 it does add something to it. And I'm glad.
I mean, first of all,

Speaker 1 I love this medium and I was at first skeptical because I love the purity of, no, you just hear the voices.

Speaker 1 But once I started seeing some of the video and some of these people, I thought, no, I like that too.

Speaker 4 I was skeptical too. I was the same way.
I liked the purity of audio. And, you know, I've been in the space, Matt's been in the space forever.
And it was always very pure audio only.

Speaker 4 But the truth is, people want to see the video. YouTube is the number one media consumption platform in the world, you know, more than any streamer.

Speaker 4 and people are consuming podcasts now it's now become the number one platform for podcast consumption that's right now yes so that is part of the bigger macro trend is that like people are expecting now that they're going there's going to be a video component to podcasts and interesting i'm just glad you said macro trend um

Speaker 4 i knew there was something that i would say that would just come out that would uh yeah sure no that's

Speaker 1 that's what this podcast is all about bringing business speak into your ear.

Speaker 2 So we're going to be on camera more.

Speaker 1 Well, that's this brings up an interesting

Speaker 1 None of us are. Well, Sony, you might be wearing makeup.

Speaker 2 I do. I wear makeup because of the YouTube comments.

Speaker 1 I'm not wearing anything. I think that's clear to the viewers.
Have there been comments about my ghastly appearance? I haven't seen any. Visible eye vein? No.

Speaker 2 He wouldn't tell you if there was anything.

Speaker 1 I wouldn't tell you if there was any. Yeah.
So I'm looking at you. You're staring back at me with your Michael Sarah eyes.
And I have no idea if you're lying to me or not.

Speaker 4 I honestly have not seen any comments. Somebody, Chilemi would have come in and dusted your vein if there were comments.

Speaker 1 Dusted my vein. Oh, you do no vein?

Speaker 1 I also laugh! Chalemi coming in. Oh, my God.
Oh, wait, he would be the one.

Speaker 1 Wait, wait, let's sit with this for a second. Dusted my vein.
Chills, we've got to do it.

Speaker 1 Hey, Conan! Conan, you seem like you're in a pretty good mood today. Let's just say I got my vein dusted last night.

Speaker 1 Uh-oh, we got a shiny vein. Chills.
That just sounds like a euphemism. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, someone looks. Someone's in a good mood.
Yeah, I got my vein dusted. Woo! A couple of of tequilas got my vein dusted.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, that's

Speaker 1 a question: is A, it starts with just some light makeup, which I'm still not doing.

Speaker 1 Sorry, YouTube. But then it's going to get into me having radical facial surgery if I want to stay in the podcast game.

Speaker 1 And I fled to podcast like a vampire fleeing the sun to get back to his crypt. I fled to podcast because I knew this Irish melon was rotting fast in

Speaker 1 the autumn heat. and here I am now on camera.

Speaker 4 Well, you joked that you tried to like you were, it was something different from the late night show, and then little by little, it's sort of like, oh, yeah, you keep adding things, and soon it's going to be, yeah, should we start with that?

Speaker 1 We're bringing Andy in and a band. Yeah,

Speaker 4 you want me to get rid of these microphones?

Speaker 1 And I'm like, what do you want? Lav mics? Yeah.

Speaker 1 No, I like the mics.

Speaker 2 I like the mics. When you talk about your face, should we be like, oh, no, you look great.

Speaker 1 No, you don't have to do that because I get it.

Speaker 1 Whenever I talk about my face in these terms, everybody just quietly nods.

Speaker 2 No, I think you look great. I really really do.
And I think that

Speaker 2 I do get self-conscious about like, should I be dressing different? I mean, makeup is a thing. How many people watch these videos?

Speaker 1 Like 30,000? Hundreds of thousands. Hundreds of thousands.

Speaker 1 I know.

Speaker 4 Hundreds of thousands, approaching millions.

Speaker 1 Approaching millions.

Speaker 1 But also, Sona, can I say something? This is,

Speaker 1 and this is a compliment. You have beautiful skin.

Speaker 1 You have skin that has some melanin in it. You have, right? You have.

Speaker 2 I do.

Speaker 1 You can get a tan.

Speaker 2 I am Armenian and Greek.

Speaker 1 You are Armenian and Greek.

Speaker 2 Both of those come with some color.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Gourly and I look like we were just, they found us.
Hey, don't take me down with you. I'm sorry.
No, it's fair. I'm bringing you with me.

Speaker 1 But we were trapped in a cave for a couple of years, and then they rescued us.

Speaker 1 And when we went into the cave, we had a bone marrow disorder.

Speaker 1 So you are very fortunate that I don't, you always look very beautiful. You always look like you're wearing makeup, even when you're not wearing makeup.

Speaker 2 Well, that's nice. Thank you.
I do get self-conscious about my hair. Don't you?

Speaker 1 I mean, you have to. Oh, your hair is a mess.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, it is. But you have iconic hair.
Don't you want to like, don't you worry about your poof?

Speaker 1 I got over that.

Speaker 1 Couldn't we? We got this headset on. Did you this?

Speaker 3 Agree to just give up? Because that's what I've done. That's why I'm always just wearing a ball cap.

Speaker 1 And no, I don't. You know what? I have an idea.

Speaker 1 Hey, I guard it.

Speaker 1 I have an idea. Let's make a headset.
that has a Conan pompadour attached. Make one.

Speaker 1 So when I put my headset on, a Conan Pompadour, so the iconic swoop that some of the old fans want to see is there and quaff. We don't have to wear them.
No, no, no. I think we should sell

Speaker 4 in the merch store. What?

Speaker 1 Headset? Yeah, with the poof, kind of like Parasha Marks. Yes.

Speaker 1 Yes. And if you put it, let's say you're listening to your favorite tunes.
I know how kids talk.

Speaker 1 You're putting on, you listen to your favorite beats.

Speaker 2 Bundittis.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 or whatever. Nice.

Speaker 1 Or you're gaming and you want to put your headset on, you're playing Glip Glorp, you put the headset on and the hair comes right down with it yeah i'll work on the prototype seriously those will sell like hot cakes boss you did it

Speaker 3 that was great or we could do one with the sona too where your hair comes down on top of it all 90 pounds okay you know what how about uh so the state of the podcast state of podcast good well i have a quick question do you remember last time we did state of the podcast and you had run a study and all brand safety yeah brand safety and i remember asking at that time because there was like some things that were ticking on the chart about like profanity yeah and sexual conversations and stuff like that

Speaker 4 on that episode we ended up using so much profanity talking about profanity did that up our profanity what has happened in the world of brand safety is the pendulum has swung back swung back to be a little more sane it was getting so crazy if you remember some of the we were not rated well on brand safety and part of it was like we were talking about war do you remember and it was like if you talk about if you talk about war you get like a you know a red mark um and then obviously all the sex and profanity stuff.

Speaker 1 But now the

Speaker 1 war. And then, of course, the non-stop sex and profanity.

Speaker 2 It did not change anything after we had that conversation.

Speaker 1 No, but brands changed.

Speaker 4 I think brands realized we're being too conservative and we're missing out on.

Speaker 4 It didn't even have to do with our show, but we're missing out on a lot of good stuff.

Speaker 1 The Church of Latter-day Saints is back on as an advertisement. Absolutely.
Yeah, yeah. And that's good.

Speaker 3 Just for a trial, because one of us always has to use one of the products. I had to join the Mormon church just for that.

Speaker 1 Had to. Yeah.
Had to. They saw you and assumed that you were there to talk.

Speaker 2 I really can see you in that way.

Speaker 1 Come in, brother. Yeah.

Speaker 2 You're very Mormon-y.

Speaker 1 You are so Mormon-y. Really? Yeah.
You think so? You never Mormon vibe. Yeah.
But you have an LBS vibe. Yeah, really? Yeah.

Speaker 1 And you have several wives. That's true.

Speaker 4 One thing I will say, though, just in the state of the podcast, is this is, I would say this is open-ended. Like, we should check back in

Speaker 4 a year and see what the future looks like with video because we are, there's a blurring of lines happening in general where there's, you know youtube creators have been out there for years doing their youtube shows podcasters have been out there for years doing just audio shows and there's a blurring of lines where now there's there's not as much of a differentiation between these different digital content creators i don't want this to become a tv show i fled television yeah yeah i mean it did what i kind of did

Speaker 3 but it's not in content because it's it's casual conversation it's off the cuff and we don't have a plan.

Speaker 4 But when you say TV show, you're talking about where it's distributed mostly because it's a video show now. I mean, again, we're just experimenting with it.

Speaker 1 When I said I don't want it to become a TV show,

Speaker 1 what I meant was unless there's money in that. Oh, okay.

Speaker 4 Well, yeah, this is the worst of both worlds because there's not TV money in it.

Speaker 1 All right. Well, I'm as glad.
I think this is mostly good news. I think it's all good news.
No, it's all good news. It's all good news.

Speaker 4 And it's fun to still experiment and see where the video is.

Speaker 1 Oh, you know, it's, I, I'll say again, I've said it many times, but I have more fun doing this than just about anything I can think of. And I'm, and I've had a lot of fun in my career.

Speaker 1 I've had, I thoroughly enjoyed doing the late-night show, but this is so fun and so loose.

Speaker 1 So, um, you're welcome. Let it become what it's going to become.
You're welcome. Oh, thanks a lot.

Speaker 1 We got you.

Speaker 1 You're welcome. Yeah, don't worry about a thing.
Keep doing it. And I'll hold your hand.
Let's hold hands.

Speaker 1 My hands are a little clammy. Yeah.
Is there anything that are clammy, too? Oil on these?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I lotion up a a lot.

Speaker 1 You're warm. You're very warm.
You are very warm. Yeah, well, talent burns hot.
Oh. I said you were warm, not hot.

Speaker 1 I have a lukewarm talent. All right.
Peace out, Tupac.

Speaker 3 Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend with Conan O'Brien, Sonom of Session, and Matt Gorley. Produced by me, Matt Gorley.
Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Frost, and Nick Liao.

Speaker 3 Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.

Speaker 1 Take it away, Jimmy.

Speaker 3 Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and Mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns.

Speaker 3 Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn.

Speaker 3 You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Cocoa Hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message.

Speaker 3 It too could be featured on a future episode. You can also get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at seriousxm.com slash Conan.

Speaker 3 And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

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