Timothy Olyphant Returns Again

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Speaker 2 My name is Timothy Oliphant.

Speaker 2 And I feel so wonderful about being Conan O'Brien's. It's almost as if I was given a beach house,

Speaker 2 but one that I don't frequent.

Speaker 2 Fall is here, hear the yell. Back to school, ring the bell, brand new shoes, walk and loose, climb the fence, books and pens.
I can tell that we are gonna be friends.

Speaker 2 Yes, I can tell that we are gonna be friends.

Speaker 2 Hey there, and welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. I'm sitting here with Matt Gorley and Son of Obsession.
Just put some... What'd you put on there? Lip chapstick.
Chapstick. Okay, not a gloss.

Speaker 2 Is there a difference between a gloss and a chapstick? Of course. I don't know.
I actually don't know. One is gloss.
Okay. And the other one lubricates.
I would think a gloss would lubricate as well.

Speaker 2 Gloss also lubricates, but the gloss glosses. I don't understand.
You can't just, you're not allowed to use the word in the definition. But that's what it does.
What is it? What's really what it does?

Speaker 2 It opens the door. What? A door is the thing that opens so that the door is open.
It opens the door. That doesn't even make sense.
The door doesn't open the door. You open the door.

Speaker 2 The knob opens the door. Stupid called called and said uh it's you oh you oh really yeah oh you stupid called and it said just kidding i'm i'm coning damn it

Speaker 2 you won i don't know how to say this she won

Speaker 2 she won i know i'm i couldn't believe that she did that i just don't know how to say this but i quit

Speaker 2 well i think you know how to say it and i think you just quit but i think you'll be back because we have the best way to quit mean well you quit no you can't quit you're not gonna quit you're not gonna quit this is like a mafia you can't leave

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? You can't leave. I want to leave.
Yeah. You're going to be in the front seat of the car, and you'll be wondering why Conan's sitting in the back.

Speaker 2 Every time I'm out, they pull me back in. They pull me back in.
Wow,

Speaker 2 that's a great Stucker Channing. So, anyway.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 2 Okay. Nixon impersonator for every.
Yeah. Also.

Speaker 2 I resent that remark. Is that Stucker Channing?

Speaker 2 I was in Greece, and then I was in six degrees of separation.

Speaker 2 I was on the West Wing as President Bartlett's wife.

Speaker 2 I'm Stucker Channing, and I am not a cock.

Speaker 2 That's how good my impression is. I definitely quit.
Now, yeah,

Speaker 2 I don't. I think everyone's quitting with you.

Speaker 2 All our listeners are quitting as well.

Speaker 2 You know, we have to keep this intro short today because the guy is on today

Speaker 2 talks. He talks and he takes

Speaker 2 over. But every word is

Speaker 2 we want him to. What makes

Speaker 2 you Adam and I talk about this? He brings an element of chaos to this podcast that I think what you normally do to us, he does to you. Maybe.
And there is such a sweet, like revenge, right?

Speaker 2 There's a feeling of justice happening. It's like Freddy Krueger gets his in the end.

Speaker 2 I think he's one of my favorite guests that we ever have because of what he does to this show. I think the other thing is, I think he and Kevin Nealen are in the same category.
Yes.

Speaker 2 They're chaos agents who have no respect for me.

Speaker 2 Right. And

Speaker 2 they just go for it. The fans are always delighted when these guys are on, either one of them.
And yeah, he's so smiley and genial, and yet there's this contempt. I don't know.

Speaker 2 He's also like masculine, but like a pixie from another world that comes in and just kind of messes with everything.

Speaker 2 I get no masculinity from him. Oh, I get all of that.
No, none. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 No, I think he's so handsome. Yeah, he is.
That's different than being masculine.

Speaker 2 It's not just being handsome. He's like cool.
And he's like, you know, he could do, I feel like he could do everything. He's in Deadwood, my favorite show of all time.

Speaker 2 I love that he always comes in wearing sandals. Yeah.
Sliders, man. Sliders.
Okay, yeah, that's right. He has small hamburgers tied to his knee.
This is going to come up.

Speaker 2 Small hamburgers. See, he wouldn't say that.
I think it's funny. I think it's very funny.
And you know what?

Speaker 2 Can I just say something? I clean up pretty nice. I think a lot of people wonder, if you put a Timmy Oliphant next to me, you'd be like, oh,

Speaker 2 whatever. They're both handsome.
Okay. Why are you making this about him? Because none of us can compete with him.
We can say he's handsome. You can also be handsome.
He can also be handsome.

Speaker 2 But he also has, like, I don't think any of the comments are going to be like, I wish Conan talked more.

Speaker 2 Like, I don't, I don't think that's going to be like a criticism.

Speaker 2 It's not like people are going to light up the switchboards and be like, can you not have timothy elephant on again because i wanted to hear more conan

Speaker 2 shut timothy elephant up and more conan

Speaker 2 they i don't think that's just i just don't think that's gonna happen i've never heard him so quiet i know and you guys are friends too that's the part that probably stings the most is you guys are friends right remembering good fellas when they're playing poker and uh

Speaker 2 and then spider this is the third time this has come up on this yeah

Speaker 2 okay

Speaker 2 it's important it's important okay because this it relates to this moment right now okay spider finally talks back to pesci right and everyone's laughing and loving it yeah and pesci's just staring at spider yeah that's what's happening right now are you gonna tell me shut up called and told me it's me i'm gonna pull out a gun and pull the trigger and the gun is gonna say shut up called

Speaker 2 and it's you

Speaker 2 do you know that when that happened and spider the guy who plays Imperioli, Michael Imperioli, his squibs went off the blood packs? And

Speaker 2 he crushed a glass with his hand during the take. So they had to rush him to the hospital because his hand was bleeding.

Speaker 2 But they rushed him in the hospital and the doctors freaked out because they thought that he had been machine gunned. Hawley was still in the middle of the day because of the squibs still.

Speaker 2 Because of the squibs, yeah. And that's just another movie.
Fun fact by your podcast co-host, Matt Orley. You know what I love? You're the guy here that's supposed to keep us on time.
Yes.

Speaker 2 Keep us on track. And I'm in the Dimmy.
The elephant mode. All of this this led to that one fact.
It was our pleasure. I will say this.
I got more.

Speaker 2 I'll wait until you hear about Frank Sinatra and diehard. I'll concede the following points.
Tim Oliphant, one of the handsomest fellows you'll ever see, fantastic actor. Yes.
And

Speaker 2 a spectacularly funny guy who's also cool at the same time. And I give him all of that.
I give him all of that. And he's nice to all of us.
Come on. That's overrated.
He is.

Speaker 2 He's really nice to all of you. I could be nice to you if I wanted to.
What does that mean?

Speaker 2 Yeah. he comes in.

Speaker 2 There are two types of guests, everyone's nice, everyone's polite, but there are two types: those that come in and they take in the room and they like bring people in, and he brings people in, yeah, he does.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 Goldblum was like that, oh, yeah, Harrison Ford, yes, Kesha, oh, yes, yeah, all right. Well, I think they pick up on my energy, which is very less.

Speaker 2 This is not about you, I know, no one's talking about Conan. My name's Conan.
No, this is the least about you this podcast has ever been.

Speaker 2 It really is. This is gonna be the least you ever speak.
Conan, Conan.

Speaker 2 This episode is going to win the coveted Conan Award.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's okay. You forgot the most important part.
Here we go. Let's get into this.
My guest today has starred in such shows and movies as Matt Garley's favorite of all time, Deadwood.

Speaker 2 Justified, which I also love, and Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, a movie I adore. I'm a Quentin Tarantino freak, and I love that movie.
Now you can see him in the new FX series, Alien Earth.

Speaker 2 Very excited to chat with him today. He's one of our all-time favorites.

Speaker 2 Timothy Oliphant, welcome.

Speaker 2 We hang out, Timothy and I. I call him Timothy because we're close.
Timothy Oliphant. We hang out.
Not long ago, I hung out with you and we wandered around.

Speaker 2 We looked at some of your artistic endeavors. You're a very artistic man.
I want to get that word out there. This is my third time here on the podcast, and I see nothing has changed.

Speaker 2 I love it. I wasn't sure because I knew it's gotten big.
Yeah. You know, huge.
You know, I listen to it. I don't listen to it, but I read the transcripts.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 he goes to the library and checks out the transcripts. The microphone.
It's so good.

Speaker 2 And it's so good. It's just this part where you're talking.
That needs to be improved. It just needs a.

Speaker 2 Who edits it?

Speaker 2 Matt, right here. Matt, you're right here.
Yeah. You're seeing what I'm seeing.

Speaker 2 Nobody stops him. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 You should hear what I cut out. Yeah.
Really? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Long hours. Long screes.
Yeah. Yeah.
We're trying to substitute someone in, you know, swap them out. But yeah, the names in the title.

Speaker 2 I've been honest about my affection for Timothy Oliphant and maybe my man crush. And then I find out today that there are two gentlemen in this room who join me in that, in those feelings.

Speaker 2 They might even supersede you. Okay.
Why don't you go? I was told by Matt and by Adam.

Speaker 2 I love those guys. Yeah.

Speaker 2 He probably knows that. That's Tim.

Speaker 2 And what is it about Timothy Oliphant episodes that seem to

Speaker 2 resonate? Oh, he just disassembles it and deconstructs it and takes over in such a lovely way.

Speaker 2 Episodes of this show. Yes.
That you've done. Wow.
That you've been on. Don't set me up, Matt.
No. Come on.
We are only, this is only, we're like five minutes in. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 No, we call you Never Miss Oliphant. So I guess the pressure's on.

Speaker 2 Go ahead. You're doing.
Yeah, fill that. Fill that space.

Speaker 2 Where are you going with this, O'Brien? The name's Conan O'Brien. You'll use my full name as I use yours, Timothy Oliphant.
A lot of excitement. C is for comedy.
Exactly. O is for O.

Speaker 2 N is for

Speaker 2 A is for ah,

Speaker 2 and n is for no.

Speaker 2 Who's more chill than this guy? He walks in in flip-flops. Those are slides.
The slides? Okay. I'm sorry.
What's the difference between a flip-flop and a slide?

Speaker 2 How long have you been in California, baby? I don't know. I don't look down.
Talk to me, Boston. No one wears.
How long have you been in California?

Speaker 2 I told you once I was walking in the streets of Boston and some guy, lovely, came up and just said, hey, man, love your work. Say hey to Conan.
That's what that is what I want out there.

Speaker 2 I want anytime Tim goes someplace, I want people to be shouting me out. Didn't break stride, that guy.
No, they got a lot to do in Boston. He had to get to this.
As good as it gets.

Speaker 2 He had to get to a Duncan. I just kind of hope and trust he's listening and he knows that I'm talking to him right now.
He knows.

Speaker 2 That's as good as it gets. He's from Medford.
Yeah. That was pretty good.

Speaker 2 No, there's a lot of affection for you, Timothy B. Oliphant.
I don't know your middle name. I just made that up.

Speaker 2 This is close. Is it? D.
Yeah, close enough.

Speaker 2 Look at him drink. It's incredible.
Jeez.

Speaker 2 The play-by-play. You've added play-by-play

Speaker 2 to the little rubber coaster. Who picked these coasters out, by the way? I think it's for sound.
I picked the coasters out. For sound, Adam, right? These are for sound.

Speaker 2 Does Adam remind you at all of Michael Sarah? Do you get a Michael Sarah vibe from him at all? Thank you. Thank you.

Speaker 2 Stronger handsome strapping, Michael Sarah. Yeah, exactly.
Right there.

Speaker 2 Sure.

Speaker 2 You know, fantastic having you here. It's good to be here.

Speaker 2 Thank you guys for having me. You and I were.

Speaker 2 I couldn't be the first to return again, but the second or fifth, seventh? Oh, I don't know.

Speaker 2 How's the first returnee?

Speaker 2 That's a good question. I mean, first of all, you're...
Bill Burr? It might have been. I think it was Bill Burr.
Might have been Bill Burr. But you, I mean, what do the fans say?

Speaker 2 Weigh in on this. Weigh in on this.
I'm not readily available. I didn't mean to hold up the show.
Yeah, we have all these facts at your fingertips. How much water do I displace when placed in a tank?

Speaker 2 Tell us, Adam, what are the fans,

Speaker 2 what's the reaction? Because we get a very strong reaction. I always assume negative when Timothy's on, but apparently it's not.
No, no, no, it's universally positive. Yes, okay, universally positive.

Speaker 2 And they love, too, that it's a different, it's a whole different kind of episode when he's on. Yeah,

Speaker 2 because he comes in and he just takes over. He's a rascal.
Last time he did the introduction himself,

Speaker 2 you weren't even a part of it. He made me leave the room.
He's a, you know what he is? He is a rascal. Rascal implies, and I say it like that, rascal.

Speaker 2 And I don't mean the device that some older people use to get through the mall. I mean in the oldest timey sense.
And cut.

Speaker 2 He is. He's a scamp.
You're a scamp. How have you been? You're a lovable.

Speaker 2 We haven't seen each other in a while. I've been good, you know.

Speaker 2 Staying out of trouble. How about you, man? How's it going? Really? That's how quick? Yeah.
How about to get the ball out of this court? How about this weather, oh, bro?

Speaker 2 I like to get the ball out of my court so fast.

Speaker 2 How have I been? I've I've been fine. I've been okay.
Yeah. I've been good, you know, and

Speaker 2 I don't think there's much going on in my life, you know, just here podcasting. What? There's a lot.
There's a lot.

Speaker 2 You're constantly doing things. You have to.
I'm a very busy person. I haven't seen you in a while.
And then if you say nothing's been going on, then all I can do is take offense to that.

Speaker 2 Aren't you flying on Thursday to go do Toy Story? I'm flying today. Oh, see, there's a lot going on.
You're doing Toy Story. Toy Story 5.
What, number 5? Yeah. Guys, that's always the best one.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Friday the 13th part 5. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Death Wish number 5. Best one.
It's always like the first one's amazing. The second one's like, it didn't really need a sequel.
The third one's like, what are they just trying to grab the money?

Speaker 2 But the fourth and then the fifth is when it's like, oh, that's what I'm doing. That's what they were trying to do all along.

Speaker 2 That's what they were reaching for all along. And you're a part of that.
I was excited because when they approached me, the impression I got was that I was going to be the face of the franchise now.

Speaker 2 That's the impression I got.

Speaker 2 And then I find out. And they are using your face.
Because they're all little funny toys. Okay, that's not nice.
That's not nice. Got cruel.
That's not nice.

Speaker 2 I didn't realize. Don Rickles has stopped by.

Speaker 2 Tasting your own medicine, man, bro. Come on.
I don't think so. Really? I think I'm a kind man.

Speaker 2 I appreciate that because it felt like it hurt a little. No, it didn't.

Speaker 2 That's what we deal with from him all the time. I mean, he's calling him Michael Sarah.
Nothing against Michael Sarah. Oh, Sarah.
Michael Sarah's, why don't you apologize to Michael Sarah?

Speaker 2 I meant it as a compliment. I mean, Michael Sarah is a very good-looking guy.
So did I. So what the fuck are you talking about?

Speaker 2 Michael, I just want to know if you're listening. Nobody took it that way.

Speaker 2 Oh, Brian. He's a regular.
Be honest. Be honest.
It was a slam.

Speaker 2 Total slam.

Speaker 2 Whenever I see someone who's really sick, I say, what happened to you, Michael Sarah? And I visit like wards where people are very ill. And I go, hey, a whole room full of Michael Sarah's here.

Speaker 2 Let me circle back. Always kill.
They laugh really hard and they all die.

Speaker 2 Let me circle back because

Speaker 2 it occurs to me I'm in show business and he might be listening. I'm a huge fan.
Yeah, me too. Huge fan.
Yeah, me too. And I think he's handsome.

Speaker 2 Hey, Scott Dogram, that's one of my favorite movies in the last 10 years. Great movie.
Well, it's longer than 10 years. I think it's 11.
Yeah, and then he wrote a little one,

Speaker 2 went to the Oscars, got the guy an Oscar. That guy.

Speaker 2 Colcon. What? One of the Colcins.
I know. He knows which one.
I'm a fan of his as well. God damn it.

Speaker 2 Kieran. Jesse Eisenberg.
You're talking about Jesse Eisenberg. You just...
Yeah. That's not Michael Sarah.
God damn it. Is that Eisenberg? Do you ever get outside? Oh, wow.

Speaker 2 You spend so much time laying out in the sun, deciding which slides you're going to wear today and how you're going to

Speaker 2 saunter or swagger? I'll go with saunter. You know what? I want to take this opportunity now to say I'm a fan of both those guys.

Speaker 2 You're going to go far in this business. You're going to go so far.
God,

Speaker 2 damn it. I want to come back as this guy.
I'm all in my head, freaked out all the time. And then, right.

Speaker 2 I will say, I mean, from where Eduardo and I are sitting, no offense, it is kind of like a before and after picture. Oh, Jesus.

Speaker 2 What are you doing? Well, I don't want to pull Eduardo into this.

Speaker 2 I'm not co-signing. All right.
Well, I'm just saying. I was just thinking.
Yep. I'm before the accident.
And he's after the accident. Well, I'm just saying.

Speaker 2 It's not like Captain America. It's like Steve, you know, before

Speaker 2 he goes in a thing.

Speaker 2 Look at his hair. Look at his great hair.
This is cool. This is the greatest hair in show business right there.
Well, you're good. Okay, I guess you guys both have great.

Speaker 2 I'm just going to stop talking. You know what?

Speaker 2 You're sad. You're pale.
I'm just saying it kind of he's really look at his. You know what? Blay.

Speaker 2 Blay. It's blay.

Speaker 2 Just check yourself out for a little while. I'm going to go think about what you did.
So sorry.

Speaker 2 You actually have a little color. I feel like you've been in the sun.
I have been a little bit in the sun, but you would be shocked at how little I've been in the sun. Right.

Speaker 2 I can do this in five minutes. This was just from the car into the studio? Yeah, probably was.
This is reflected light. Is that your umbrella? This is reflect.
This is the light from my night,

Speaker 2 from my clock radio at night. From your iPhone.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 You're a lovely man. Thank you.
You're a man. I'll tell you something.
I know you don't like to see it. Isn't this you keeping this on track?

Speaker 2 There's nothing on his notes.

Speaker 2 Look at the notes right here.

Speaker 2 These are my notes. It has a at the top.
There is nothing on these notes. There's nothing on these notes because you know what's so funny? That's it.
Today, I'm not helping you.

Speaker 2 My assistant, my sorry, Sona, but the assistant who really does stuff,

Speaker 2 he handed me the notes for Tim Oliphant, and I was like, what are you talking about?

Speaker 2 And it is just a page of nothing. I think there's written in invisible ink just Conan plus Timothy all over and over again.

Speaker 2 All over that.

Speaker 2 Come on, hit me with some questions. You swam competitively

Speaker 2 at USC.

Speaker 2 And my question for you is: Do you still? I know you don't just get a body like that. You jump on.

Speaker 2 Well, I'm sorry. Why don't you say it like that? That's true.
For once, I agree with you. Exactly.
So, what's the regimen? Are you up every morning? Are you in the pool every day?

Speaker 2 Are you in the pool every day, Timothy Elton? You want a question? Oh, certainly, you just want a question.

Speaker 2 He can't stop himself. Literally,

Speaker 2 all he had to say there was, Do you still swim?

Speaker 2 I like the way I did it.

Speaker 2 I mean, are we worried about filling the time? How long is this thing? It's about two minutes left.

Speaker 2 We're experimenting with real short ones. That's almost enough time for your next question.

Speaker 2 I want to know. You can answer a question.
I swam this morning. I know you did.
I could smell the chlorine when you came up the stairs. That's possible.
Yeah. Yeah, I swam this morning.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 You got a follow-up? Yeah, I do. When you swim, do you strap weights to your legs and why not?

Speaker 2 I think you would build your legs, and also the possibility that you would drown would go up like 40%.

Speaker 2 How about you? What's your exercise? What did you do today? That's good of you to ask. I did weights this morning.
I did weights.

Speaker 2 I know, I know it doesn't show, but I did some chest. I did some bicep.
I did a lot of crunches. I do a lot of crunches.
Two guys over their 50s talking about exercise. Nobody is sexier than that.

Speaker 2 Two guys talking about exercise and what what hurts. I want to be able to get onto a toilet and off a toilet.
That's a lot of my exercise.

Speaker 2 I have a fake toilet in my exercise room, and I get onto it and I get off of it and I get onto it and off of it.

Speaker 2 Do you ever occasionally accidentally use it? No.

Speaker 2 There's been some confusion after a few drinks.

Speaker 2 So you did weights today? I did weights. Yep.
Yeah. I did weights.
Weights. People probably want to know how do I get Conan's body?

Speaker 2 Well, it's called Don't

Speaker 2 Be Ill as a Child.

Speaker 2 I admire you, Tim Oliphant, and there's been some excitement. I know usually we don't talk about what you're up to on this podcast, and you're going to try and derail this as best you can.

Speaker 2 No, no, I'm all. You're involved in a project right now.
You're involved in a project that I've known about for a while. This is the toothpaste.
Nope. Nope.
Okay. This is not the toothpaste.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Think again. There's a lot going on.
It's in the recyclable. The Oliphant urinal taste.

Speaker 2 You want to pee on Timothy Oliphant? Well, now you can.

Speaker 2 Celebrity compost. Yeah, exactly.
Did I tell you by my celebrity compost? Oh, look at these roses. Oliphant.

Speaker 2 They should do something where you have to figure out which celebrities

Speaker 2 this. But it's really close to

Speaker 2 the deteriorated state, but people can still look at it as an expert and still guess. How do you get your hydrangeas that full? Yeah, that's Clooney's.
You know,

Speaker 2 that's what he throws out.

Speaker 2 That's what he throws out. Celebrity compost.
This guy's excited about your project. Talks to me.
He's very excited.

Speaker 2 Gourley, tell him this is the first question you asked today because you're coming out of your skin over this.

Speaker 2 I do. I love the alien franchise.
I'm excited. I don't know what you play.
Are you a synthetic? Do you bleed milk? What are you doing on there? First of all, thank you. I'm glad you're excited.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Number two, I do play a synthetic.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 2 Wow. That's a real stretch.
Now, wait a minute.

Speaker 2 Talk playing a second. What do you want?

Speaker 2 Hey, we're talking. What do you want to know? We're talking.
Are you a good synthetic? A bad synthetic? Are you saying you're one thing and then you're the other?

Speaker 2 Because that's the real rich history of the world. Yeah, ruined the movie for us.

Speaker 2 Yeah. I'm sorry.
The TV shows. Yeah, when is this little puppy? When are we launching? When is this thing air? It's coming out right around the time that your new FX series, Alien Earth, comes out.

Speaker 2 You really are running the show. I do what I have to do.
I appreciate that. And your publicists will thank me.

Speaker 2 They'll say, thank you for cutting through the bullshit, the cruel jibes and jests to get to Timothy's project because this is an exciting one. And also, Deadwood's my favorite TV show of all time.

Speaker 2 That's very kind of amazing. Thank you.
I'm noticing. Oh, I've had TV show as well.
Oh, did you? Yeah, Late Night with Con O'Brien, followed by. Does it ring a bell? What's this podcast called?

Speaker 2 Sam and Jesse Eisenberg.

Speaker 2 A couple of years, not that long ago,

Speaker 2 you and I met up as we do when we like to prowl the bars, and you had

Speaker 2 very different hair, and

Speaker 2 you were headed off to Thailand, or I'd just come back from Thailand. Thailand.
What's that? Yep, I was in Thailand. Yeah, isn't that what I said? Yeah, no, sorry.
I thought I'd stop you.

Speaker 2 Oh, it's never better. Yeah.
It's never better. Okay, so he's in your favorite show, and he's beating up on the guy you hate the most.

Speaker 2 Well, he's my favorite guest because, yeah, because he gives us the freedom to do, like, there for us, go him, or what's that phrase? You know what I mean? There for you, go me.

Speaker 2 You know, he's, did you go to college?

Speaker 2 I have a master's degree. There, but for the grace of God, go I.
No, no, that's not it. Blade, no one steps in.

Speaker 2 You know, Harrison Ford was here and told him to shut the fuck up. So did Tom Hanks.
And Tom Hanks did it too. And you know what? You're amazing.

Speaker 2 You always step in and go, excuse me, I think you meant TNT. No, we didn't mean.

Speaker 2 Anyway, you know what I mean.

Speaker 2 He comes in and he makes it okay for us to just, he takes over and we can just relax. You know what I mean? A little bit? Like

Speaker 2 he does what we normally have to kind of do. You guys have to be like the stopgap against the madness.
It just occurred to me, Hanks, that's how he got into Toy Story.

Speaker 2 He pulled some strings. Yeah.
He pulled some strings. Well, I wish I had.
Nice. I was disappointed to find out that Hanks is in it.

Speaker 2 I didn't think he would be. I thought they would have moved on from the woody thing.
And I thought I was the main focus. And then I find out that all those guys are in it.
I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 And I was thinking, well, what am I doing here? You know, what's the point of bringing in the big gun if you've already got those guys? Yeah. Let's keep talking about your stuff.

Speaker 2 Toy Story 5

Speaker 2 comes out, I believe. That's always the best one, guys.
That's always the best one.

Speaker 2 They went as far as they could without me. What are you playing? What are you? I don't want to talk about it.
You're like a... I'm a synthetic

Speaker 2 bleed milk. Sleep

Speaker 2 on you.

Speaker 2 We'll see.

Speaker 2 Say hello to the all-new Alexa Plus and see how Alexa can do so much more for you. Need last-minute concert tickets? Craving your favorite restaurant? Just sit back, relax, and talk naturally.

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Speaker 2 The fact that you can just order concert tickets through her, that's crazy. Yeah, exactly.
You didn't know that? Even I knew that. Wow.
Yeah. And I fought in World War I, and I know that.

Speaker 2 Ready whenever, and yeah, and you were born in the second Obama administration. This is incredible.
Ready whenever inspiration strikes, Amazon.com/slash new Alexa.

Speaker 2 The holidays are nothing, nothing without family, friends, and flannel. The flannel you can always count on? Well, for my money, that would have to be from LLB.

Speaker 2 It's the shirt you wear when you pick out the tree or you eat a candy cane. It's the shirt when you come down and you look at all those presents under the tree.

Speaker 2 You've got that shirt on from LL Bean, that flannel. All those holiday traditions, I'm going to get on a toboggan and roll down this hill.
Yeah. I've got to wear that shirt.

Speaker 2 I've got to wear that LLB and flannel. Oh, look, it's Santa Claus.
Hello, Santa. I hope I'm wearing that LLB and flannel.
It's all things cozy. Ah, it's effortless.
It's made to last. LL Bean.

Speaker 2 They know what they're doing and they have for a very long time.

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Speaker 2 Macy's has a new parade this year, a parade of deals.

Speaker 2 So if you're standing on the street waiting for that parade to go by, because you took this literally, you're going to be wasting your time. Wake up, kids.
It's a parade. Where is it?

Speaker 2 A parade of deals.

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 2 Kid crying. Every day from now through November 27th, Macy's is featuring a new must-have deal that will last only one day.

Speaker 2 We're talking about daily deals on things you'll love, like a super cozy UG fluff throw. Hey, try and say that.
Even if you say it slowly, you'll probably mess it up. Ugh fluff throw.

Speaker 2 An upgraded Dyson vacuum. That's nice.
And some of your favorite fragrances, hair products, jewelry, too. Oh, and don't forget, Black Friday deals start November 10th.

Speaker 2 So remember, this isn't a real parade. It's a parade of deals.
I was fooled. Don't bring a balloon and get all excited.
Your daily thrill starts now. Shop now at Macy's.com or in store.

Speaker 2 Be honest. The two of us, Oliphant, O'Brien.
I'm ready to be honest. Okay, no, no, but seriously, the two of us in something together.
Why have we not monetized this relationship?

Speaker 2 Because every time we hang out, you say, let's figure out a way to monetize this friendship. Yes.
Yeah, I do. And then...
Yeah, I'm always on a

Speaker 2 Zoom with faux Michael Sarah over here. And we're figuring out a way to try and let's get some coin out of this, you know?

Speaker 2 Jesus.

Speaker 2 I think it's like a midnight run situation where you're a cool loose canning cop and you're an accountant that he has to take across country or something like that.

Speaker 2 You know, you're handcuffed together.

Speaker 2 No, no. I think I am

Speaker 2 out of ideas.

Speaker 2 A porn star, you know, a guy who's just known for having a Big Johnson.

Speaker 2 And then this guy comes along and he's like, oh,

Speaker 2 teach me.

Speaker 2 What do you think, guys? Yes. And

Speaker 2 I know, I would, I think it'd be, we got something. And clearly, I would be very happy to play some kind of subordinate role.
I mean, I get it. You're the movie guy.
I'm not that guy.

Speaker 2 But I think there's a project out there. There's a short film.
There's something we do together. I love that.
I see. I always assumed

Speaker 2 you wanted first billing. No.
No, you're okay with being. I would totally.
Yeah. I'm sorry.
I would have spoke up. I have ideas.

Speaker 2 So the only thing stopping you

Speaker 2 is you thought I would get top billing. Yeah.
I was like, no, no, I'm not. These are what count pages.
I'm deluded, but I'm not that deluded.

Speaker 2 I'm deluded in many ways, but no, I think this would be something that you drive. I mean, you've got it all.
Can we do like a... You're a leading man.
You're a character actor. You've got it all.

Speaker 2 Can we be like just a little short, little five-minute things? No. Can we still do that? You want it like full-on.
Yeah. Yeah.
I want it to be like at least 25 minutes long. Maybe.

Speaker 2 My ideas are all about the length.

Speaker 2 Yeah. It's like, I've got it.
It's 28 minutes. And then I don't know what it is.
But I do think us together, that's a magical, there's something here.

Speaker 2 It's not peanut butter and jelly, but it's like peanut butter and then almond butter together on a sandwich. Yeah, and I feel it.
There's something here. And by the way, it's here right now.

Speaker 2 It's here now. People feel it.
Yes, they do. They do.
There's an affection, but there's also an animosity.

Speaker 2 And when those two come together, it's like when they cross the streams in Ghostbusters, we got you, Gorley back in the conversation.

Speaker 2 Tell us about it. Ghostbusters? That's what brought you back? I mean, what do you want me to say?

Speaker 2 Isn't this where you go? Well, I don't cross the streams. It's a tripartite stream.

Speaker 2 You're right, you son of a bitch.

Speaker 2 Not a fan of his wait did you just say that about me not at all i meant the microphone do i do i get to speak my truth at some point no okay all right all right you admire me and this is on act he said desperately

Speaker 2 um i'm imagining you coming over here and getting in your head about this because it's you you're like i'm gonna be talking to conan yes okay okay oh me yeah i do get a little nervous why do you get nervous i'm not even i i i don't i don't know but the show business i get a little nervous i was like yeah i got a thing uh what am i going to talk about should i should i plan some bits i like bits you do like bits you always i saw smiley down there i was like god why didn't i do a pre-interview frank smiley

Speaker 2 frank smiley is in the building we don't do it'd be great if we did pre-interviews

Speaker 2 and we had planned all of this whatever the fuck it is that we do this is why we plan this out i don't like the the people feeling like we're wasting their time which that's what this was i remember the first time you came on you had written an ad and you just interrupted the interview to do your

Speaker 2 own ads, right? I had some bits. Yeah, I did my own ads.
Appreciate your memory. You bet.
Yeah. And I thought, oh, I could bring ads again.
People love ads. People love the ads.

Speaker 2 They do.

Speaker 2 Feel free to make one up

Speaker 2 anytime. You know, I mean, you can always make something up.
Whatever you want to promote, you can promote a product that you want to be involved with. Oh, that's a great idea.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Like, I don't know if you want a Rolex watch or you want a Maserati. You start talking about it and maybe you manifest it.

Speaker 2 That's smart. Yeah.
What's your next question?

Speaker 2 Do you have a question?

Speaker 2 What are some of your questions?

Speaker 2 What have you always thought? I want to ask Tim this next time I see him. You ever been in a fight, a real fight? Not since I was quite young.
Okay, like how young?

Speaker 2 Fights,

Speaker 2 maybe high school, junior? High school, some around there, junior.

Speaker 2 Maybe, yeah, some around there. But even then, were you shouting, not the face, not the face?

Speaker 2 claim to be an actor you see

Speaker 2 he is good looking we shouldn't hit him yeah um I would shout why not the face and they would say why

Speaker 2 you would shout the face the face the face

Speaker 2 you might rearrange things in a more pleasing manner yeah how about you uh I was the I got my face punched in in Boston once

Speaker 2 down the north end, near what was then the, I guess it might still be the aquarium, the aquarium. Yeah, I was welcome to a friend of mine.
Bunch of kids came over. They said, give us 50 cents.

Speaker 2 I said, I don't feel like it. And in the time when I finished saying, I don't feel like it,

Speaker 2 I got hit so hard in the face. I think once, maybe twice, but anyway, shattered my nose and went to the emergency room.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And they had to remold. They had to make a nose out of scratch.

Speaker 2 And that's been my nose. And my mom, I think it looks the same.
I think it looks fine. No one's ever said anybody about my nose, but my mom, for years afterwards, would go, Well, they want you rude.

Speaker 2 I know. My mom would go, You used to have a beautiful nose.
Really?

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 2 And I was like, Mom, it's, I think it looks the same. I've seen photographs, but she would do that.
Oh, you used to have, oh, you could have been something with that.

Speaker 2 And I'm like, well, I think I've done okay. Oh, but anyway, yeah, that's.
I think your nose is nice. I think so, too.
How old were you?

Speaker 2 I was 18. 18? Yeah.

Speaker 2 So the 50 cents part that was made up?

Speaker 2 No, that was real. Back then, 50 cents was the equivalent of $50 today.

Speaker 2 No, it was 50 cents. I'll never forget that.
Really? I think he didn't want the 50 cents. I think he wanted to cave my face.
Hey, give me 50 cents.

Speaker 2 I was told later that I was, I think I was wearing a. It's kind of a cool line now that I think about it.
Yeah. Hey, give me 50 cents.
Give me 50 cents.

Speaker 2 Yeah. That's funny.
Yeah, yeah. That's funny.

Speaker 2 Anyway, that's my story.

Speaker 2 I tricked you into me talking about me.

Speaker 2 You asked me. So you rolled the tape back.
It's about the third, fourth time. Yeah, but you said, how about you? That was your deadly error.
That was your mistake. You're right.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 My mistake for pretending to care.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Let me ask you, do you like it when just you and I go out and we involve, we involve the wives sometimes, beautiful Alexis, the beautiful Liza. We involve them.

Speaker 2 But do you like it when it's the four of us? Or do you really like, oh, it's just me and Conan there. This is going to get off the hook.

Speaker 2 You get more excited when it's just the two of us. Because I know I do.

Speaker 2 I think we all know that you do. Yeah, you didn't have to say it.
We all knew that. I think they get more excited when it's just the two of us.

Speaker 2 We get to stay home and watch Below Deck.

Speaker 2 We have to listen to these idiots.

Speaker 2 My question told me to give you a message and ask about Liza and her family. Don't let me forget that.
Okay. Because I realized we jumped right on the air.
All right, so I will do that.

Speaker 2 We will discuss that. Everything's good.
Everyone's fine. Okay, good.
It's nice of you to ask.

Speaker 2 She's fantastic.

Speaker 2 I love your wife. She's an amazing person.
She's also,

Speaker 2 I just,

Speaker 2 I love her art as well. I've seen her

Speaker 2 crafting her. Did you guys?

Speaker 2 What? That's how you came in. It's not like you want to be her.
No.

Speaker 2 She has to wake up every day. I love her.
He's right there. I love her as well.
I don't know. I love her.
Am I wrong?

Speaker 2 And we love your wife. And so she makes,

Speaker 2 I feel like Liza,

Speaker 2 both our wives have in common. They make us look better.
I think that's fair. I think Sona put it best in my regard.
She said once about Liza, she's the only part of you I like.

Speaker 2 It's my favorite thing about you, for sure. Yeah, he can't be that bad.
Liza, right? Yeah, exactly. Exactly.
Exactly. Yeah, she's a redeeming quality.
Yes.

Speaker 2 It's like you chose a running mate to make you electable

Speaker 2 hey she got me texas yeah she's your lv she got me louisiana exactly yeah that's that's that's about right she picked up some swing states and i won um

Speaker 2 yeah you think i i don't sit here with a list of questions i usually just let it happen

Speaker 2 and uh i think that's the charm of this podcast oh yeah this is happening Well, I think it is. You know, you keep,

Speaker 2 you know, and you do this every time. You question the process, you question my methods, And we always end up with a good pie.
I love it. You're a chaos agent in the best way.

Speaker 2 That's what I like about it.

Speaker 2 It shakes this podcast up. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I appreciate it. There's always.
It's good to be here. Let's get started.

Speaker 2 I'm so short of time.

Speaker 2 I just want you to be happy. That's all I've ever wanted for you.

Speaker 2 That's all I've ever wanted for you to be happy. You know?

Speaker 2 Who are your buds? Who are your pals? And let's exclude me for a second. But this is a guy, this Tim Oliphant, this Tim Oliphant's a guy who's loyal to his old pals.
He's loyal to his old friends.

Speaker 2 You have friends from back in the day. Yeah.
Back in the late 50s when no one lived out in L.A. You wouldn't.
You had your switchblade in your back pocket.

Speaker 2 You'd drive around in the 50s.

Speaker 2 All this morning. We were getting texts.
What do you mean from the morning? And this guy also, he loves a jazz fest.

Speaker 2 Oh, man. Does he love to go to New Orleans and see a bunch of jazz and live music? And he wears a scarf around his head and he dances around.
He's always saying, you should come with us.

Speaker 2 And I think, no, I don't want to. Oh, yeah.
I did mention you would enjoy the.

Speaker 2 I don't know. Would I? Yeah.
I thought I was going to do that. I'd like gumbo.
And I don't know about that.

Speaker 2 Good food. Good times.
Good music. Okay.
I didn't go this year.

Speaker 2 Pearl Jam was there this year. I think they headline.

Speaker 2 Do you do jazz now? JazzFest says. Don't make me explain Jazz Fest.

Speaker 2 I was just going to say. I just pictured Eddie Vetter on stage going,

Speaker 2 Wow

Speaker 2 Crowd walking out

Speaker 2 I love the way you play to them on when you go off and do things

Speaker 2 I try to crack that I just want you to know you can't I love it I can't look at you when I'm doing this shit only reason we're all I see is judgment this is my impression of you doing the show so you like do you go to you go to jazz fest I get you the

Speaker 2 i throw my neck out friends who you're cool your buzz he's got bugs he's got he's got bugs they get they get cakes and they hang out at the canal

Speaker 2 well come on yes

Speaker 2 come on get me get me that's what the people like come on man he's gonna make quite a reddit sub stack he's doing it again is that a thing i don't know substack

Speaker 2 substack i don't know

Speaker 2 i don't know this world you guys are in i don't know what a sub

Speaker 2 I just know there is a thing. There is a thing.
Yeah, I don't know what that is, though. No, you're too cool to know about it.
You got your slides.

Speaker 2 You've got whatever you've been working on lately, paper-mâché volcano, whatever you've been crafting.

Speaker 2 You're asking about buds?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Just who are my buds? Well, you're friends with people from way back in the day. Friends with a loyal guy.
I'm going to start shouting them out.

Speaker 2 So, yeah, since I was like, yeah, my buddy since I was like six. I'm going to write these names down.
Stoll. You've met it? I've met some of them.
Yeah. Our buddy Stoll, Steve Stoll.
Yep. Steve Stoll.

Speaker 2 Hey, Steve Stoll. Exactly.
Smithers. Yep, Smithers.
Smithers.

Speaker 2 Bennett just texted me this morning. Yep.
JB. Yep.
Got a nice text from him. Yep.

Speaker 2 I did an episode of the show Stick. Yes, Stick.
Yeah, it's really.

Speaker 2 Owen Wilson. I know my episode aired last night because I got texts from a bunch of buddies that just said, nice ass.

Speaker 2 Oh, you showed your ass. By the way, not my ass.
Oh.

Speaker 2 And, oh, I'm so excited this came up

Speaker 2 because there's nothing better to me than like when you see the Hollywood Reporter and the story is like not Oliphant's ass in stick.

Speaker 2 You realize they have nothing to talk about in the Hollywood Reporter. Right, right.

Speaker 2 And it was a cover. Do they take like reference photos of your ass and jeans and try to match it with someone's bare ass? No, this is how it works.

Speaker 2 So I got the gig, which is a great gig. I enjoyed the hell of it.
I'm just preface the story with that. Owen Wilson.

Speaker 2 Can't get enough of Owen Wilson. So it's always something right before you start a job.
There's always a little drama somewhere.

Speaker 2 And this was a small one, but right before, I think I was about to get on the plane, they're like, hey, you have this scene and you're getting spray tanned.

Speaker 2 And they think it'd be funny if you were naked. Are you okay with that? Or do, you know, is that a problem? I asked Alexis, I said, they want me to be naked.
You know, see my ass in this thing.

Speaker 2 And then she's like, no,

Speaker 2 what's in it for you? You know what I mean? Like, she's like, nowadays, if you're naked on TV, you're basically naked on the internet. They've kind of ruined it.
Right.

Speaker 2 And it makes me so mad when now when actors are naked on like mediocre shows. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I'm so mad. I was naked on ALF.

Speaker 2 That was ELF.

Speaker 2 Oh.

Speaker 2 You were Alf's body.

Speaker 2 My dick was out.

Speaker 2 That's what I was getting at.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 For For two seasons, my dick was out because the puppet got lost. My contract is out.

Speaker 2 Anyway.

Speaker 2 I'm so happy I brought that. This whole story led to that.
But listen, so

Speaker 2 your wife said,

Speaker 2 best not to show your ass. She was just like, what's in it for you? Everything gets on the internet.
And then it's just your ass on the internet.

Speaker 2 And also, and this is where she sold me. She's like, also, you know, you could leave.
You don't have to,

Speaker 2 you know, they can shoot that and you've left the set and you just will go out. And I was like, oh, there you go.
Yeah. So I was like, so yeah,

Speaker 2 you have to get a body double. Yeah.
Because I was like, yeah, that buys me an evening, right? I leave while they shoot that part. And then you show up and the body double's there.

Speaker 2 And I was like, well, he's not in that great a shape. Like, they should have gotten me like a nicer ass, I felt like.
Yeah. But it turns out he had a great ass, actually.
It just, you couldn't tell.

Speaker 2 Right. So it's really great.
I, I, I, I think, uh, and now, in fact, I'm changing my story. That was my ass.

Speaker 2 Now that I think about it. Is his headshot just his ass? I wonder.
His naked ass.

Speaker 2 But it's also the naked ass as a chef, the naked ass.

Speaker 2 It's that one. It's four, you know, four photos.

Speaker 2 Nerd, jock, chef, policeman, ass. See, if I'd done the pre-interview, I would really have punched that up with Smiley, that story.
It would have been really good.

Speaker 2 I thought it was good. Yeah, we would have missed.
It was okay. Yeah, I thought it was great.
We would have missed the ass. Oh, you're the best.

Speaker 2 Yeah, right. I saw you brought it back to Alf.
I heard that.

Speaker 2 Fuck you, Brian.

Speaker 2 Everyone knows that was really funny. You got a huge laugh.
You played it to the people, and it totally, it totally sold. Very big.
I'm counting. Very good.

Speaker 2 Matt set him up for that. We got to give credit where credit's due.
That's fine. I'm used to just being forgotten.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 What is going on with him today? Oh, no. This has nothing to do with here.
It's just at home.

Speaker 2 I got you, Matt. We're going to do another podcast.
Yeah, you did a... Wait, can we just shut up? Yeah.
Okay. Me and you?

Speaker 2 Come on. All right.
What are we going to do? I want to do a podcast called Actors on Actors Acting. Okay.
And we just give notes.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? We don't really talk about the good stuff.

Speaker 2 We talk about the... We're like, what happened there? You know what I mean? We pick up those roles.
You know what I mean? Yeah. We bring out.
Really great people.

Speaker 2 We introduce them with lots of like, you were in this. That was great.
You were in that one. Loved it.
But this one, like when Gary

Speaker 2 was in that movie called Tiptoes, where he played a little person, but he did the dwarf thing. Gary Oldman.
Gary Oldman? Yeah. Has it had a what happened there moment? Yeah.
This is real. Yeah.

Speaker 2 What happened there? Yeah. Was that a like where were you? Were you chasing someone? At what point when you were shooting it, did you go, uh-oh?

Speaker 2 Like, this isn't going to work. And how come you didn't go uh-oh, sooner? Exactly.
And then, and then we just talk about that. Is there an actor who's never had a what happened there moment?

Speaker 2 Like a Ray Fiennes, who's just like always it might be Ray Fiennes. What?

Speaker 2 Is it no Avengers?

Speaker 2 Not the Marvel Avengers. He did that.

Speaker 2 Oh, that's right with the umbrellas.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's right.

Speaker 2 It was Connery and Uma Thurman. And Jesse Eisenberg.

Speaker 2 No, Michael Sarah as Jesse Eisenberg.

Speaker 2 That's right. That one didn't work, right? He was good.
He's always good. Yeah.
What about when he did, he was for a while there, he was like romantic leading man, just like for a blip.

Speaker 2 He was like, he did a

Speaker 2 was he made in Manhattan with Jennifer? Yes, he was. Yeah, yeah.
Ray finds us, yes. Yeah, okay, so I see what you're saying.
I see what you're saying. What happened?

Speaker 2 You acted like it was a question, like, huh, did he, but it was really you saying, oh, he totally missed with Made in Manhattan. Yeah, I saw what you did.
Oh, oh, because apologies, Rafe.

Speaker 2 By the way, he's so good. He's very good.
Let's be honest.

Speaker 2 What about you? Have you had a moment where you were? I love what you say. So good.
I've seen him not in all. I just saw him.

Speaker 2 I've seen him on stage and men twice oh my god like oh my god jaw dropping like shakespeare or what i saw him in shakespeare way back when on broadway with a young damian lewis really good yeah he's fantastic i love that guy that guy's a good dude i haven't talked to that guy in a long time but he's a good dude i don't know if i've met

Speaker 2 when i'm on the show it occurs to me people might listen people probably listen to it some people If Damian Lewis is listening to this, I want him to know.

Speaker 2 Ad, I can't speak to numbers, but this is a big project. Damian Lewis probably listens.
Probably listen. He's a wonderful Damian Lewis number.
Adam knows everyone who listens.

Speaker 2 He's a wonderful guy.

Speaker 2 He's a good guy.

Speaker 2 I loved him. I loved him as Henry VIII.
He was fantastic. Oh, yeah.
He's a crazy good actor. Good dude.
We were in a movie that was really bad. Which one? But it was fun.

Speaker 2 That could be like, oh, what happened there? Dreamcatchers? Yeah, Dreamcatchers. Wow.
I love Larry Kasm, too. Damn it.

Speaker 2 I can't talk about it. I'm not a great man of movies.
I wonder know what this is. But wait, what's Dreamcast? I don't know.
I don't see one.

Speaker 2 Trust me. How did you pull Dreamcast? I've got our ass.

Speaker 2 Well, Damian Lewis is in it. He had a cast member.
Yeah. He had a cast member.
Okay.

Speaker 2 I just love movies. What can I say? I don't know.
I just have

Speaker 2 a database in here that I'm not proud of. It was a great.
God, that was a fun set. A great experience.

Speaker 2 Yeah, the movie didn't work. But Damian, yeah, that's where I met Damian.
You have the memories. Of memories of making.
So many memories.

Speaker 2 Oh, so many good ones. Oh, and you guys were in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood together, too.
Oh, there you go. He was Steve McQueen, right?

Speaker 2 Yes, he was. He was.
Yes, he was. He was great as Steve McQueen.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Really good. And they had a one day that I'm sure there's going to be a long version of that film.

Speaker 2 And if I'm not mistaken, he has a really cool scene.

Speaker 2 Oh. With Leo.

Speaker 2 There was talk of maybe there being other projects coming out of the sequel. There is a sequel.

Speaker 2 That Tarantino wrote in Fincher's Directing about Brad Pitts. Oh, I didn't know that.
Yeah. Wow.
Okay. All right.
All right. What's happening? Yep.

Speaker 2 Yeah, my question. What's that?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Are they filming this?

Speaker 2 My question is. I love that they're that camera just

Speaker 2 whatever you want. I don't know.
We can cut it. I don't know.
Do you want us to cut it? I don't know.

Speaker 2 I don't. Let's see.

Speaker 2 I'll cut. I'm hoping I'm in it.

Speaker 2 Oh, gotcha.

Speaker 2 That'd be exciting. I think it'd be good.
That'd be amazing. You never know.
It only is what it is. Yeah.
But my understanding is. You must have.

Speaker 2 So that's probably the kind of thing that you've.

Speaker 2 Tim, that's a big deal.

Speaker 2 I was going to be a little bit.

Speaker 2 That'd be a big deal that you would probably tell your friends about, right?

Speaker 2 I haven't seen you. Are you talking about?

Speaker 2 You haven't seen me? Yes, you've seen me. You saw me like a month ago.

Speaker 2 When we went to the C, was that two months ago? When did we go to your art installation?

Speaker 2 Art installation. Yeah.
You came to the studio. Yeah.
And we had a little

Speaker 2 ceramics. We got a bite to eat.
It was nice. That's where the future is, guys.
You're ceramics. If you're a little kids are listening, don't go into show business.
Go into ceramics.

Speaker 2 I bought six pots from you.

Speaker 2 You're telling your friends? Are you telling your friends? He's telling Stack. Are you telling you telling Smithers? Are you telling

Speaker 2 me I wrote them down?

Speaker 2 That's the only thing you've written down this morning. Did you tell Bennett? Did you call him Bennett?

Speaker 2 JB. What's that? Bennett.
That's a stupid name. JB.
I like Bennett.

Speaker 2 It should be Bennett. Bennett.
Tell him to change it to Bennett. Anyway, I think you would have told me that you knew what a huge fan I am of the first film.
You think I mentioned that to me? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh,

Speaker 2 no, no. I think I just got, it was just a few weeks ago that I wasn't sure when they were.
Yeah, okay. Well, I mean, I'm still not sure.
We won't dwell on this. Find out about this and say, you know.

Speaker 2 What's he doing? Talking about it. He's out.
Okay. That's good.
It's all good. We got a lot of things going on.
So we go, yeah.

Speaker 2 When does this thing come out? Oh, no, I'm not going to start talking about other projects. What am I here to say? I'm here to sell the alien thing.
No, you're not here to sell it.

Speaker 2 You and I have a great conversation, which we're having, by the way, whatever you think. And then

Speaker 2 they say, I got to have more of that. Tim Oliphant.
What was he talking about at the end? And then we say, alien Earth. Oh, the aliens come to Earth.
That's fantastic. I've got to see that.

Speaker 2 I've heard that's really great. Yeah, they shot it in Thailand.
And Tim Oliphant's in it. He was so great on the podcast.

Speaker 2 I got to see this. Thailand.

Speaker 2 Two for two.

Speaker 2 Works every time. Swatikop.

Speaker 2 Swatikrap. You know what's the thing about, because

Speaker 2 you're a travel guy. You got the travel show.
That's a good thing. I'm a travel guy.
Yeah. I got the travel show.

Speaker 2 So well versed in my work. You do the thing with his different places.
You're the places guy.

Speaker 2 I'm I'm going to complain to them. You're the places guy.
You go to the places. Okay, so here's the thing about the travel.

Speaker 2 It's such a fine line between trying to respect the language and the accent. And then you're like, now you just sound racist.
Yep, exactly. You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 It's like if you just say like, swatikop, or they're like, no, that's not how it goes. But if you go like, swat the cop, you know, they're like, okay, now you're making fun of us.
Right, right.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? You got to find this little sweet spot. Yes.
Right? Exactly. That's been your experience.
Nope. Not at all.
I always get it just right. Very culturally sensitive.

Speaker 2 But keep doing your version of the wrong one. Just do it a couple more times.

Speaker 2 When you go into a different land with the culture. Yep.
Did I tell you?

Speaker 2 We had been in Thailand for a few weeks. And

Speaker 2 we're using

Speaker 2 the translate thing,

Speaker 2 the app. So you say the English.
pops back out in Thai and then you say that. So we're getting, we got our couple things down, right?

Speaker 2 And at least, you know, I feel pretty confident. And we're branching out now and we're now at restaurants.

Speaker 2 And I've been, I've been asking the waiters at any of the restaurant, I've been pointing to the menu and saying, you know, what do you like? Right. What's your favorite, right?

Speaker 2 But saying that in Thai. And

Speaker 2 I'm getting nothing. They're not giving me,

Speaker 2 it just seems to be lost. It's not working, yeah.
So it occurs to me that if you go on the app, if you can say it in English and then it says to you in Thai, that I can flip that.

Speaker 2 So I'm like, oh, I say it in Thai and it'll tell me back in English, and I'll know now if I'm saying it correctly.

Speaker 2 So I start off with the basics just to make sure I'm saying it right. So I'm, you know, swati crap, and then it's like it's saying whatever that was, hello, or right.
And you're saying,

Speaker 2 you're saying thank you, goodbye, and hello. And then I say, and what is your favorite? And I say that, and it comes back and says,

Speaker 2 gaze into my eyes.

Speaker 2 And it all starts to make sense.

Speaker 2 So for at least two dinners, you were telling people literally this is the crack

Speaker 2 pretty good, right? Gaze into my eyes.

Speaker 2 Gaze into my eyes.

Speaker 2 That's fantastic.

Speaker 2 I'm surprised no one just sort of got down and looked right into your face. I tried it so seriously, too.
Like, I would really be like, just gaze into my eyes.

Speaker 2 But they're nice people, you know?

Speaker 2 Very good people. They were very nice.

Speaker 2 And the food's extraordinary. And you're a foodie as well.
Did I tell you, here's another cultural thing. Yep.
I'm not letting you in on Brian. I got stuff to tell you.

Speaker 2 Because you think, you think, all right, there's certain things you think think universal we're all right and i'm with my my buddy jonathan uh hello to jonathan out there he he's american who's been living in thailand for like 15 years and uh every now and then he gets a hankering for just something very american so we went into a uh subway he's like i'm gonna get a meatball sandwich and he orders the foot-long meatball sandwich and this god bless him what a sweet young thai kid on the other side of the counter he gets out the bread and then he gets the little scooper they use.

Speaker 2 And it's one meatball, two meatballs. They're in there going up.
Not the length of the bread.

Speaker 2 He's building a tower.

Speaker 2 So he's got a loaf of bread and a tower, all tower of meatballs.

Speaker 2 This is when it gets good. He then gets the other piece of bread and he puts it on there.
What? And that's when he realizes he's done something wrong.

Speaker 2 Bread touching bread, touching bread, touching bread. Because he looked up at us like he knew something was off, but he wasn't sure what.

Speaker 2 And I was like, I give him a little nod to the.

Speaker 2 Tip those meatballs, buddy. So not everything translates.
That's my point.

Speaker 2 I'm going to get you on this project one last time. Is this Noah Holly, who worked on this project? Yes.
Okay.

Speaker 2 I'm asking you this because Fargo is one of my

Speaker 2 I'm a fanatic for the Cohen Brothers. And when Fargo came out, it remains one of my favorite movies of all time.
I can quote from that movie. I know it frame by frame.

Speaker 2 When I heard that they were going to do a TV show called Fargo, I said, this is going to suck.

Speaker 2 There's no way this can be good because it's someone saying, no, we're doing a TV show about the Godfather 1 and 2. I just think, that's going to be terrible.
That can't work. Don't touch my movie.

Speaker 2 I've been stunned by his work.

Speaker 2 I think it's absolutely fantastic and so i'm excited for this yeah yeah alien earth i know you're excited well yeah taking another movie and turning it to tv it's in good hands it is in good i do think it's in good hands i've seen uh a couple of them and um it's really special it was special reading them it was really it was one of those jobs where it was more fun the more we shot you know i felt more not

Speaker 2 when i say fun like the work the material you could just feel it was oh this is going to be special you know that was kind of a nice, I just had a ball. I had a ball.
Can't wait.

Speaker 2 And, you know, Noah's a really special writer. So

Speaker 2 he's a fun one to work with. Well, we screw around a lot here, but I will say to you sincerely, which I know you hate,

Speaker 2 you're an amazing actor. I love watching you do your thing.
I'm very fascinated by acting because I am not an actor. I don't fundamentally understand it.

Speaker 2 And I'm always asking you, because Tim is really good at analyzing performances and telling me what he thinks. And I will just ask him about movies.
I'll ask him about actors.

Speaker 2 I'll ask him what is it they're doing that's, and you're very good at explaining to me how you, you know, how it translates, what you think is happening there, how it works. So delighted to see this.

Speaker 2 Very happy for you. And I just want us to go out, just the two of us, no wives, maybe to Thailand.

Speaker 2 Maybe to, you know,

Speaker 2 he's ruined it. Thank you.
He ruined it. I haven't had a chance to circle back to say a sincere thank you before he ruined it.

Speaker 2 And now

Speaker 2 kill you, the two of us in Bangkok, just driving around one motorcycle, you know, my arms wrapped around you, behind you.

Speaker 2 Gaze into his eyes. How can I gaze in your eyes if I'm on the motorcycle behind you? Tim Allfant, go with God because I won't do this anymore.
Okay. That's it.
I'm ending this.

Speaker 2 I'm just going to throw down.

Speaker 2 It's got to stop. Let's stop it.
No, let's stop it now. Let's stop it on my channel.
Is that the thing? It's a control thing. Yeah, I got to end it.
No!

Speaker 2 No!

Speaker 2 No, please, please come back.

Speaker 2 I mean, come on.

Speaker 2 This is a value. My favorite.
Thanks for having me.

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Yes, I am. You've many times seen me just, I like to order just a regular Coca-Cola.
I really do.

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Speaker 2 We have a special guest in studio today, David Hopping. You

Speaker 2 very recently acquired a dog. Yeah, two weeks ago.
Two weeks ago. And this fellow is in studio

Speaker 2 because you have been bringing him in. I told you you could, and then you took advantage.

Speaker 2 He has some separation anxiety, and it's nice that he's with us. Took advantage.
I have separation anxiety from professionalism.

Speaker 2 Why don't we?

Speaker 2 Oh my God. Man, I'm shooting from the hip.

Speaker 2 And I don't know if I'm hitting anything, but I love it. When I draw that fast, it's either going to be very good or like, what the fuck um

Speaker 2 either way i get the giggles atlas where are you right here this is atlas this is atlas can you have atlas sit up

Speaker 2 i mean we want to yeah if people are tuning in on video atlas is very good looking he's a beautiful pup and i have to say you sent me a picture from the shelter and i thought uh you might have made a mistake because it looked like he would

Speaker 2 What no, because let me explain because he looked like a massive German shepherd. Oh, yeah.
And I thought he was three times bigger than this because he photographed like a monster. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And then I meet him. He's a very gentle fellow.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 not German Shepherd? Not that big. A Belgian Malinois.
But we don't know what else he's mixed with. What is a Belgian Malinois? Like a police dog.
Oh.

Speaker 2 Are you smart? So watch out.

Speaker 2 Why did you say that so sensually? Because I've never heard of that word. What is a Belgian malinois?

Speaker 2 Because that's the only way you can say malinois. Can you tell me this breed, what are their specialties? what is a Belgian malinois? Malinois.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Um, they're supposed to be really smart, which he is.

Speaker 2 Uh, they have a lot of energy. He loves to run around.
He ran around at your house last week. That's right.
You brought him over. And uh, yes.

Speaker 2 My dogs were not home at the time.

Speaker 2 They were vacationing in St. Bart's.
But

Speaker 2 that's the ultimate in the bubble thing. My dogs are at St.
Bart's.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 2 he's very good looking and he's really sweet. He's the best.

Speaker 2 Aren't you? Yes, you are. Do you think he's bummed? He can't be a dog? Like a cop dog? Sorry.
I think a cop dog do dog shit with the cops. He doesn't really like going on walks.

Speaker 2 He likes to sit in the air conditioning, so I think he's fine.

Speaker 2 I think the dog's fine. I'm a little worried about Sona.
Yeah, what is your problem?

Speaker 2 I don't know. Because his friends are all like cop dogs.
I'm just wondering if he missed his calling. No, dogs aren't only friends with other people in their life.

Speaker 2 Come Come on, all cops are just friends with cops. So

Speaker 2 it's true. It's what happens.
They go to the same dog cop bar. How is your life changing?

Speaker 2 Let's talk about that. Well, I mean, because you're in a relationship.

Speaker 2 How's Dustin doing with all this? Oh, Dustin, he was like so excited to get a dog.

Speaker 2 Are you guys both out of the house each day? Are you in the same? Do you cohabitate? Yes. Okay, so is the dog home alone a lot? Not yet.
We're working on it. We're building.

Speaker 2 That's why he's here today. That's why he's here right now okay you um have you tried some of the tricks uh there are things you can do

Speaker 2 to make uh a dog feel like it's not alone yeah well you suggested we get like a heartbeat thing yeah

Speaker 2 there's something that simulates a heartbeat i've used it in my marriage

Speaker 2 my wife was like you're human i knew it and then the little thing fell out of my t-shirt

Speaker 2 it's like a full stuffed animal, too. No, that's a little device that goes in the stuffed animal.
Oh, got it. Yeah, it fits in a little sleeve in the stuffed animal and it gives it a little heartbeat.

Speaker 2 And they're for like kittens and puppies. Atlas might be a little old for that.
Yeah, he does like watching TV. Like, he knows when I say it's Love Island time, he jumps up on the couch.

Speaker 2 He's definitely your son.

Speaker 2 Oh, Atlas. He loves this YouTube channel.
Does he like, does he actually watch the TV? Because I have one of my dogs who watches the TV and gets engaged. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Okie loves Isle of Dogs, that Wes Anderson movie. Yeah, that's a good one for pups.
My dog likes Kirasawa.

Speaker 2 Okay. Yeah.
Fancy. No, he loves the Criterion channel.
Okay. Yeah.
That's cool. Doesn't quite get the seventh seal.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, you're calling your dog. I thought you were.
He's coming to me. I mean, I think he just likes me and stuff.
Oh, okay.

Speaker 2 Those are for Sona to eat. Yeah.
I was going to say.

Speaker 2 I used to give Sona treats. Once you get a task done right.
Once you do it right, remember? Yeah. But it was alcohol.
Good job. You caught that person.
Here you go. Yeah.

Speaker 2 So how is he changing your life? I mean, you got to get up and walk him in the morning. Yeah, it's good.
It's a lot of walking, which is good. Dogs make you move more than you normally would.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 We can't go to Disneyland as much, but it's worth it. Oh, I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 As much, you said, but you still go. Well, we haven't since we got him.

Speaker 2 Can't you dress him as goofy or something and go? Oh, that's a good idea. Yeah, you could dress him as a character.
Can't you fake him as a service dog or something?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I I mean, that just feels wrong. I know

Speaker 2 you just revealed the scam. Yeah.
Yeah. And everyone at Disney's going to know.

Speaker 2 Does he like when Andy brings his dog in? He hasn't met Andy's dog. Oh, I thought they were both here together too.
Gina's dog.

Speaker 2 Gina's dog. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Dogs come in. It's very dog-friendly office.

Speaker 2 We should bring Oki. She should.
He used to. I know.
I brought my rat in, but E.B. killed it.
Oh,

Speaker 2 she thought it was a random rat.

Speaker 2 It had a little bow tail. She also killed my cockroach I brought in.

Speaker 2 Jesus, I can't catch a break around here. He's really, he's a good-looking fella.
He's the best. Yeah, he is.

Speaker 2 How old is he? This is the best use of

Speaker 2 the best use of the podcast is to bring in a really cute animal and then talk about how good it looks. And people are listening in their cars like, what is this?

Speaker 2 Well, but he's, I think there's a calming energy. It humanizes me to have a dog in the room.

Speaker 2 No, it just touched my leg. Get it away from me.
No, it doesn't. It doesn't humanize you.
Well, something will.

Speaker 2 We'll find out. Let's get you that heartbeat thing.
Yeah. It keeps falling out of my t-shirt.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Well, you should try one of these tricks, David. I will.
You know?

Speaker 2 Sorry. I was going to say I love an animal-friendly work environment.
Yeah. Thanks for doing that.
Well, it was against my will. Would we ever get a studio cat? You know, you know, it's interesting.

Speaker 2 The Algonquin horse.

Speaker 2 When we started the late night show way back in 1993, somehow,

Speaker 2 I forget what happened, but someone maybe found a cat, brought a cat in, and there was a cat that lived in 30 Rock

Speaker 2 in our studios for, I want to say, two months while we were putting the show together. And

Speaker 2 then I think, you know, it's NBC, it's 30 Rock. You can't have a cat there.
Someone, I think, blew the whistle on us. And so the cat was deported.
Oh, God.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Whoever blew the whistle sucks.

Speaker 2 It was me. Yeah, it sure was.
It sure was. It was not.
It was not. I wish I could remember the cat's name.

Speaker 2 But that's one of those trivia things that, you know, someone will call in and tell me, you know, Robert Smeigel or Dino Stamatopoulos, one of those guys that was in the trenches in the early days, will remember.

Speaker 2 I bet people are just waiting for the answer. People have pulled their cars over and they're just sitting there waiting.
Well, you're just going to have to wait.

Speaker 2 What was the name of that cat?

Speaker 2 Well, now I do want to know. Yeah.

Speaker 2 We'll find out. Okay.
We'll find out. I'll get it to you.

Speaker 2 Eduardo, how are you i haven't seen you great i mean you've been sitting there yeah i've been here the whole time i know but i look right through you i just saw a seattle mariner's uh cap floating in the air and no person attached to it

Speaker 2 but now you've faded into view

Speaker 2 do you have a dog or a cat i had a dog i don't i don't anymore

Speaker 2 no

Speaker 2 no my dog passed away like 10 years ago so oh well you're over yeah yeah i'm trying to warm my wife up to us having a dog but she she didn't grow up with a dog so she doesn't know what that

Speaker 2 entails. Would you get a little dog or a big dog? Whatever

Speaker 2 she'd be cool with. This guy knows the idea.
It's all

Speaker 2 dog people, huh? Just nobody, nobody else has a cat.

Speaker 2 No one has a cat here. Oh, no, we have cats too.

Speaker 2 We have cats and dogs. I want to get a parrot on my shoulder.
That's another story. And wear an eye patch and walk around

Speaker 2 and have the parrot say, You're lame. You're lame.
You're lame.

Speaker 2 Old bit, old bit.

Speaker 2 Old bit, old bit,

Speaker 2 old bit.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. All right.
Well, we had a good time. I thought.
I thought we really had a good time.

Speaker 2 Listen, welcome to Atlas. Thank you for having me.
Thanks for letting me bring him in. Well, you know, for now, it's okay.

Speaker 2 If you don't mind hanging by a thread, that dog. Hanging by a thread.

Speaker 2 He's so happy. He's a very chill presence.
That's a good idea. Very chill presence.
Yeah. Really nice guy.

Speaker 2 Hi. Our dog, our puppy now, who's about a year, is insane.

Speaker 2 He's so good, though. Yeah.
What's your puppy's name? Odin. Oh, you could do all like Norse gods.
That was the kids. Yeah, the kids mandated these Norse names.
They were in a Norse phase. So,

Speaker 2 yeah. We had a cat named Thor.
I mean, we went through all everybody. Yeah.
Loki, Thor, Odin.

Speaker 2 What else is there? Skarsgaard. Abba.
Skarsgaard. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Stalin, Skarsgaard. Come here.

Speaker 2 Different Skarsgaards. Skarsguards you haven't heard of.
Alexander Skarsgaard, come here. Alexander comes running.
Stellan, come here. Stellan comes running.
Stellan?

Speaker 2 There's a Skeleton Skarsguard here. There's a Stellan.
Stellan, Stellan. Okay.

Speaker 2 And then ones you haven't heard of that decided to go into anesthesiology. Latika Skarsgaard.

Speaker 2 Crochton. Crackton Skarsgaard.

Speaker 2 Umlots flying everywhere, rolling around on the floor like marbles.

Speaker 2 Well,

Speaker 2 Atlas, here's to you.

Speaker 2 Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend with Conan O'Brien, Sonom Obsession, and Matt Gorley. Produced by me, Matt Gorley.
Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Fross, and Nick Liao.

Speaker 2 Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.
Take it away, Jimmy.

Speaker 2 Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns.

Speaker 2 Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent Booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn.

Speaker 2 You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Cocoa Hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message.

Speaker 2 It too could be featured on a future episode. You can also get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at seriousxm.com/slash Conan.

Speaker 2 And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

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