Ayo Edebiri

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Hi, my name is Ayodebri,

and I feel optimistic, hopefully, not a misguided optimism, about being Conan O'Brien's friend.

Brand new shoes, walking blues, climb the fence, books and pens.

I can tell that we are gonna be friends.

I can tell that we are going to be friends.

Hello there, and welcome aboard the good ship.

Conan O'Brien needs a friend.

I'm the captain, Conan.

Of course, there's the cruise director, Sonoma Obsession.

Hell yeah, I'd be a great cruise director.

And working down there in the engine room,

covered in grease,

Matt Gorley.

Yeah.

You never get to come topside.

No, I thought you were going to call me gopher.

No.

Oh, God, no.

Around the other passengers?

No, no, no.

You're down.

You are covered in grease.

You're hard of hearing because of the giant turbines turning all the time.

You're rarely allowed out.

In fact, when the ship is sinking, you're not even told it's sinking.

Aww.

Listen, you know I love you, man.

Do I?

I don't think you.

I know, I know.

I don't.

There's never been a single sign that you love me.

So I don't know.

Not based on my behavior towards you.

Certainly not what other people say.

No facts, no evidence.

I think you hate me, sir.

I do not hate you.

You just don't like me.

No.

I think it's oh, God, what's the word?

There's indifference.

Oh, that's almost worse.

Leaning towards rage.

That's worse.

Yeah.

Rage different.

Rage different.

I don't have a word for it.

But listen, no, I, of course, I respect you.

I think you do a great job.

I can't look you in the eye when I'm lying.

It's just respect is a begrudging respect.

It's a begrudging respect.

That's true.

I just want to make sure, because we're recording this a little ahead of time.

And, you know, one of the things we don't do is we're not very topical on this podcast.

But now I've got it in my head today because I don't think this is going to drop for a while.

We really can't be topical.

Right.

You know what I mean?

So I don't want anyone saying, well, you know, next week is that big national holiday or

hey in two days.

But we do know when this is coming out.

So I was going to say things like Fourth of July is just around the corner.

I know.

You still don't understand.

I still don't understand how this works.

I see, I'm suspicious of that.

What if we say that, and then for some reason, this gets bumped, you know, because

some huge figure says I'll do the podcast, but it has to air on that day.

And we go, huh, we've already got this all set for someone else, and it has to move.

Well, what if they're saying,

wow, 4th of July.

You never know.

People look out the window and it's snowing.

Yeah.

But it's still 4th of July and they they live in Antarctica.

Oh.

Do you see the twist I put it there?

Are you just saying that we don't have big names right now?

And if we have one, everyone gets to be a big one.

These are big names.

I'm talking about the new Pope

from Chicago.

He's like coming on this stupid.

My cell phone.

I'm just saying, what if my cell phone rings and I pick it up and I go, hey, Conan there?

And I go, hello.

And he goes, this is the new Pope.

And I go, wow.

Oh, my God.

It's incredible.

Congratulations.

Yeah, I'm thinking I, you know, I used to be down in Chicago and on Diversity.

I'd be driving down Diverse City and I'd be like, you know, I, I mean, I don't like, I like white socks.

I'm not a Cubs guy.

Anyhow, and I'd be getting my sausage and I was thinking, I like this Conan podcast.

I'll do it someday if I become Pope.

Probably a 50-50 chance.

That's a good Chicago.

Yeah.

And then he, you know, and you know.

Again, now we are getting topical, but if he wanted to do the podcast, that would bump anybody.

Yeah.

And also, I would want to ask him, did you use some of your Chicago ways

to influence the conclave?

What are you saying?

I mean, when you bring a knife, you bring a gun.

Exactly.

They bring black smoke, you bring white smoke.

He was in there just going like, oh, really?

You're going to vote for that guy, huh?

Or that guy from Portugal?

Maybe at the Conclave, he was walking around behind them with a baseball bat.

I don't, I see, you're going very cartoonish and very bald.

I apologize.

I'm thinking, no, no, you shouldn't apologize.

I begrudgingly

respect you.

Yeah, I forgot this was a sober and serious podcast.

I think it's more like, hey, you wanted wanted to, remember when you wanted to help moving that couch?

You know, you had that place over on Sheffield?

Remember when you had the place on Sheffield?

Who helped you move the couch?

You're saying Matt's cartoony?

Uh-huh.

My Pope.

My Pope.

Whatever this is.

My Pope did a lot of favour.

My Pope, he did a lot of favors for people.

And also, Pope is Dennis Farina.

Yeah.

It's kind of like he did a lot of favors for people.

And also, he knows the cops.

He'll take care of that ticket for you.

Yeah, but they

weren't at Rome.

What's that?

They weren't even in Chicago.

Why is he bringing up sofas he moved for people because he was always playing the game he was always saying like hey you from uh where you yeah yeah we're from you're from thailand eh yeah hey uh

you moving out of that place yes i'm moving out of that oh yeah i can help you out uh couch i get some guys that can move it for you you don't have to hire anybody you see is it like he's it's like he's controlling the altar boy union or you know he's just got his fingers in every pie that incense fell off the back of a truck

exactly exactly

yeah that just fell out of the back of a truck.

Hey, don't be asking a lot of questions.

Yeah.

You know, and he becomes Pope because he's just working it.

Yeah.

Anyway, my original point is: if my cell phone rings and I hear, hey,

I asked a buddy of a buddy of a buddy.

And he says, I got Conan's number.

Is this your number, Derek Conan?

And I'm like, yeah, this is my number.

Hey, you know, wow, I'd like to come on that podcast there.

That'd be great.

Padcast.

I'd like to come on that podcast.

You'd like to come on that padcast.

You know, and now we could we could get some sausage and we could close down a couple of streets for maybe a blues fest

and then we could have that

you know anyway.

And then I'd be like, shit, we got to bump the guest today

so that we can have that pope on.

You know what I mean?

I'm glad you didn't stay topical.

Yeah.

Because that's, that was really important.

Oh, these popes don't change too fast.

This guy's going to be around a long time.

I know, but he's not gonna be the new pope and when this airs

it's still a big deal is it eduardo's nodding his head he's still

even when this comes out oh you think in june the fact that there's a pope from the south side of chicago is gonna be an old story this is big news is it that big it's hugely new for at least a year how old how old is he oh it's like a honeymoon like a newlywed you're newlywed for a year yeah yeah you're a new pope he's gonna be a new pope and also the fact that he's from the south side of chicago when he came out on a balcony, he was wearing a white socks uniform.

What happens if we have Jude Law on, who is in a show called The New Pope, and then we have to bump him for the new pope?

What do you fucking got this

gorly working for you guys?

You know, you got a good role, and this guy brings up Jude.

What the fuck is a Jude Law?

What the hell is that all about?

How is he helping you?

It's a deep dish pope.

Yeah.

Oh, and who the fuck

is that blade guy making jokes other people have already made on the internet?

What the fuck?

You're trying to do original material and you got these two weights around your neck.

Are you Pope saying, what the fuck?

Yeah.

This is very,

it's borderline Andrew Dice Clay Pope.

Yeah.

Yeah, exactly.

And by the way,

he did some good work, a lot of good work.

Andrew Dice Clay.

And he's also,

he has matured into a very fine actor.

He's been in, he's worked with Scorsese a lot.

So I'm not going to have him put down on my watch.

Okay.

Yeah.

I love that.

Yes.

Did you know that?

That's not a lot.

Yes.

That's not a puts out.

I think it's.

I don't know what what the fuck you're talking about.

The problem here.

And, Blai, when did you see anything in this conversation that made you think, I better get in there and help?

I better jump in and save the day.

You're welcome.

You're welcome here, Blair.

I better jump in and save the day.

This is a very anti-pope sentiment coming from you, isn't it?

You're welcoming everyone in.

Eduardo, did you think this was anti-Pope?

I love this Pope.

No, it's not.

What do you mean?

I think you, I think the Pope is very welcoming everyone in.

You're being very anti-Pope right now.

How?

How?

How?

Because that's all you're doing.

You're so hard to be

into popehood.

Wait a minute.

You think that me applying that this pope used all of his Chicago muscle to get the popehood meant that, and yeah, it's called the pope.

That's what he's saying.

He's saying you're Conan, you role-playing as the Pope, you're being very anti-Pope by not welcoming anybody into this conversation.

Oh, oh, that's true.

Oh, that.

I thought you were just shitting on the Pope.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no.

No, no, no.

And listen,

you know,

I apologize, And I think it takes a big man to apologize.

I apologize to you, Matt, for ever questioning your addition to this conversation.

And Blae, when you jumped in, you know, and said that he's the deep dish pope, I don't think anyone said that yet.

Big, big congrats to you.

So, and thank you both.

So let's get into it.

He lived in Peru for like 20 years, right?

Yeah, but, you know,

was he really there as much as he said he was?

Yes, he was.

I think he was leaving a lot on weekends to go to the White Sox games, you know, and check out the Blues Fest.

So the accent is still so thick for just having lived in Peru for 20 years, but okay.

Was he really there the whole 20 years?

I think he was.

Yeah, I think it's okay.

Let's check those playing records.

I think he's bopping back and forth.

He's like, yeah, I got to go to O'Hare.

I got to get to O'Hare.

And then I got to take diverse to Sheffield.

And then I got to see the Blues Fest and get some sausage.

And I'll get back to Peru.

Quit your.

I don't know.

I guess I'm going to hell, or maybe I'm in hell now.

Maybe this is hell.

My guest today is a hilarious writer, actor, director, and comedian who stars in the hit Hulu series, The Bear.

Hey, to, and guess what?

Let me tell you something.

Oh, she's a huge star.

And so, when you said, Hey, are you implying we don't get big stars?

We get all the biggest of the match takes place in Chicago.

That's what I was saying.

That's why I said, Hey, because The Bear takes place in Chicago.

Chicago.

I'm excited she's here today.

Io, a Deborah.

Welcome.

You came in, and I got to admit, I'm a little high energy today.

And also, you're one of those people where I start doing bits right away.

We ran into each other at, I don't know if it was an Oscar thing or whatever.

You and I were somewhere.

I hadn't, I don't think we had really formally met each other and both of us doing bits right away like idiots.

foul, foul behavior in public.

Yes, but then you did me this great kindness, which is my children, and this is to their credit, they're not having the whole Conan O'Brien shtick, never have, never been into it.

You made a quick video for my daughter who adores you, and you made a video where you basically said, No, no, your dad's okay.

That's true.

And I sent that to my daughter, and it got me like 24 hours of solid street.

It didn't look like she was in like a hostage situation.

Yeah, because

I had my gun up to my head anyway.

So I brought my gun.

She did it all herself.

She held herself hostage while she made me a hostage video.

I always carry on a gun in a newspaper.

A lady must.

A lady must.

But that wasn't the first.

Well, that was the first time that we met.

But do you remember the first time we should have met?

We should have met when I saw you way across the street, or I thought I saw you, but I wasn't sure it was you.

And I was with my real assistant, the one who actually does things for me, David Hopping.

Come on, you scared me.

The one I trained.

I trained him.

Oh, you trained him.

I trained him.

If you trained him, he wouldn't be doing shit.

But anyway.

This is a dragger.

This is like a, like, I was going to say a dragger, but that doesn't make sense.

But I just like the idea.

Let's all drag each other.

Okay, I'm down.

I'm down to that show.

I'll just go.

Yeah.

Just fuck you.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Wait, does this work?

We're going to try.

We're going to eat it.

You just said that's IO?

That's terrible.

Yeah, that's not.

That's terrible.

You made IO cry.

That's a hate.

Everybody love her.

What was that all about, Sony?

All of you.

That's how I dragged it.

I'm not good at it.

No, what happened was I was with David and we were trying to figure out there's a group of people across a wide street and we're looking and we're thinking, is that Io?

And we weren't sure.

And then I thought, should I cross the street and say, hi, are you, Io?

And then I thought, no, don't do that.

I don't need, I didn't know what to do, so I didn't do it.

And I I didn't realize that you guys.

So it was me, Lionel Boyce, who's also on Bear with me, and then Tyler the Creator, and then one of our other friends.

So it's like, we're like four black people on Launchmont, basically.

And then we're like, why is this like, there's this white guy across the street who's really tall and he's walking kind of weird.

And then I have a limb.

And then I was like, well, that's, well, that's like, that's truely Conan O'Brien.

Like, look at his head.

And we were

like, oh, look at his head.

And then Lionel was like, don't be racist.

Like, you can't just say, like, a tall white guy and be like, that's Conan.

And he was like, and Conan wouldn't walk like that, also.

But then, like, now that I'm also thinking about you looking at this group of like four black people and being like, well, surely I can't cross the street and just be like, are you?

Are you the famous black thing?

And then, and then also, we were like, oh, that's well, he was kind of walking funny because he kept kind of looking back, but we were in this like weird Mexican standoff of like recognition.

Also, you guys were kind of partway behind a tree.

Yes.

And so I see.

We were hiding.

I see.

Yeah.

and um you know i and so i i said to david and he was like i'm not sure and then i mean david is welcome to come in at any point and straighten out this mix-up uh he might be off doing some real running some real errands um but oh he's coming okay well i'm sorry i trained him i taught him everything you didn't teach him anything yeah but we were trying to figure it out david wasn't sure we weren't sure and then we got upstairs and i was like i'm telling you i'm sure that was io and i wish i had gone across the street and said something is this the first time you guys have confirmed this and talked about this week's job we talked about it at this oscar's party or something.

Yeah.

Okay, David.

Here, David, you can take my money.

You can take this mic right here.

Take someone's mic and confirm.

David, your disposition has been called out as sunny before.

Yes?

That's nice.

I think so.

I don't know.

Amazing.

Amazing.

This is him.

By the way, this is David in a terrible mood.

I know.

Hello.

How are you?

Yeah, I heard we're all yelling at each other.

So, David, confirm what happened.

You weren't sure it was Io.

I wasn't sure it was IO.

Yeah, and you were about to like yell across the street.

And I was like, you can't just yell.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And there was a fear of, what if I'm wrong?

And then I'm that guy who's just like misidentifying

a black person.

And I didn't want to be that.

No, you can't even say that anymore.

So true.

But

I didn't want to be that person.

But then also we were like, well, we can't just be like accosting tall white people and being like, are you like, are you one of the most

famously tall white men of all time?

So, but then I felt like we were just kind of like getting closer and farther away at the same time.

It was the perfect it's a two-lane.

There's traffic going two ways.

So, it's not a narrow street.

It wouldn't have worked even under better circumstances.

Like, too much was going on.

I know.

But we're here.

We are here now.

We're together.

I'm so happy you're on the show.

We have a lot to talk about because you were raised in Dorchester.

Yes, sir.

In Boston, and I, of course, come from the nasty side of of town in Brookline, Mass.

Dirty Dog.

Dirty dog.

And you have been honored.

I think you got...

So,

what?

This is a real honor.

It is.

It's like messed up.

Wasn't there an IO Day in Boston where all of Boston, on April 10th, the mayor of Boston honored IO by declaring April 10th IO Debrie Day in the city of Boston.

Excuse me.

Has there been a Conan O'Brien in Boston?

Quick answer.

Wait, you don't have no.

Wait, you don't have a day?

I never had a day.

Never.

Oh, and what they're going to do is say, you have St.

Patrick's Day.

Oh, because you're Irish.

Very good, Sona.

Very nice.

Very nice.

You know what?

Fuck you.

You're getting better at that.

Hey, you're getting better at that, too.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

No, I've never had a day.

That's actually shocking to me.

But you've been like hasty put.

No, wait, hasty's just women.

No, hasty putting is guys that used to dress up as ladies, but now it's men and women, yeah.

Wait, what the heck?

What's going on?

What do you mean?

I don't know.

I just feel like I thought you should get, let's fix that.

I don't know.

What do you do?

Did you go to Boston on your day?

Okay.

I

okay, I'm grateful for the day.

I'm grateful for the day.

I had no idea that it was happening.

If I knew that it was happening, I'm the type of person where I would have not gone because it just, that sort of thing just makes me so anxious.

And so they were just like, oh, come to your high school.

And I was like, cool.

I'll just like talk to the improv kids.

And then they were like, actually, you're going to be talking to kids in the auditorium, which is like my nightmare.

Like, I was training to be a teacher, and I quit because high school children are so scary with their eyes.

And then, also, like, the school that I went to is a public school, but it's like it's for smart kids, like, you have to take a test to get in, like, it's that whole vibe.

And every student there is like gonna become like a doctor of like Adams or something.

I don't know, doctor of Adams.

Uh-huh.

Okay, I literally was like stupid for my school.

Like I was like, yeah, be like a teacher and go do some like improv at night.

And everybody was like, good luck, kid.

Like you are a wastrel.

And

yeah, ultimately.

But you got a day.

I got a day.

But you, did you go to your school for the year?

I did go to my school because I thought I was going to just talk to the improv kids.

And then I ended up talking to the mayor.

And then the mayor was like, I have a surprise for you.

And in the clip, which I have watched, like, I think I look upset, but it's just because I'm like dissociating to survive because I'm like, I can't believe this is happening.

And I also know that my mom's going to be so annoyed because she's going to be like, you never tell anybody when you're getting a day.

And it's like, well, because I didn't know I was getting a day.

I know you're getting a day.

Yeah.

You never tell anyone.

You're like, you've gotten lots of days.

No, that's just like, that's the voice of my mother in my head.

That's, she's that type of thing.

Again, you get a day.

I don't get it.

By the way, Sona and I both have Boston days, too.

Yeah, this is a lot of people.

I know.

They're always, and they're not even from there.

They're handing everybody.

You get them at the airport.

As you get off the plane, they hand you a day.

Go to the Logan Duncan.

I guess you could get a lot of damage.

You are on record for saying you think the Dunkin' Donuts is better in Boston.

You can taste the difference.

I do.

Why do you know that?

I know a lot of you.

Despite your research, I know everything about you.

What am I thinking right now?

Three, two, one,

O'Brien.

Oh, ultimately, yeah, probably.

Yeah, you can actually see the veins in my face, and it's freaking you out.

I'm like, I can see like the back of your ear through your cheek.

What the?

You're looking at me like that model of the visible woman.

Is it one tall man or two

little, two smaller men?

We have things in common.

We both grew up in Boston.

We clearly both like to riff and screw around constantly and be silly.

You grew up with anxiety.

I think like a lot of people that get into comedy, I had anxiety too.

Yeah, you did.

Pritical.

Yeah, you did.

Critical.

Talk to your therapist.

Your therapist is here.

I shouldn't have put you under my HIPAA exemption.

I knew I shouldn't have done that.

But I love that you're very smart and you have very serious parents who were,

they must have seen this comedy thing coming with you.

They didn't see it coming.

Oh, well, I think it just like they didn't.

Can I just say something?

Can I say something?

Gotta leave out of camera.

Okay, can I say something, though?

I noticed it too.

You reached for that tissue like Liberace or a magician.

You reached like this.

I mean, if we have footage of it, and then you plucked it up and you did this big turn by using the middle of the house,

Lee hit the mic too?

Were you awesome?

I thought a white dove was going to come out of your jacket.

I'm so sorry.

Pen and tell are doing ASMR.

I'm so sorry.

I was going to sneeze, and I just thought it was a

good idea.

I'm here to visit the king of France, but first.

Well,

Jesus.

I love that you didn't let that go.

You are addicted to prop order.

Oh, my God.

Get him, get him, get him.

Yeah, I was listening to an episode in the car, not gonna lie.

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Okay, I remember back in the day when my kids were going off to school.

You're going through it now, Sona.

Yeah, but they're really young.

So they still need stuff.

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Yeah, we didn't let them have lunch.

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That's cool.

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I know.

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That's cool.

And this magenta status sounds amazing.

Blae, tell me, I think you get magenta status.

What's it entail?

What's included in magenta status?

Yeah, I have T-Mobile.

I have had T-Mobile for a long time.

I love it.

And, you know, when we went to Thailand, I got great coverage and great high-speed data, which means that I could.

I hear it's up to 15 gigabytes.

That's right.

How did you know that?

That's the word on the street.

Wow.

I hear people going 15 gigabytes.

Yeah, that's incredible.

Yeah.

But it was great.

I was connected and it really helped.

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Your parents.

Your parents, you're serious people.

You grew up in a Pentecostal.

Pentecostal.

Yeah.

Well,

yeah, but my dad wasn't really that Christian, which also is funny because I was like, I have these like memories of going down to his home office, which also it's like, hey, man, if you're a dad and you got a home office, whatever.

Anyway, but then I'd go in his home office.

And then I would be like, hey, like, it just would be really cool if you came to church just because, like, if the rapture happens, me and mom are good.

You know what I mean?

And you're going to be like, oh,

and he, but he, to his credit, would just be like, I mean, like, maybe, girl.

Like, he'd be like, I don't think so, but thanks.

Thanks.

I know how to get.

I'll take the offering.

I'll get there.

Thanks, sweetie.

Yeah.

So I was like low-key more religious than my parents at one point.

But yeah, I think that like I, all that kind of, that was like how my anxiety manifested.

Like in like, and I had to be very prepared for my future or like I kind of would care about things even more than my parents did because I was just projecting my own sort of like fears about like disappointing them or whatever.

And so like, I think I would just be like, and I'm going to be like a doctor, of course.

And they'd be like, cool, you're going to be a doctor.

And then my.

sophomore year of college when I changed my major, I, I was like, well, also then I was like, okay, so I might not be a doctor.

I might be a teacher.

And they were like, okay, sure.

Yeah.

And so then, you know, I was like, I'm not going to be a teacher.

I actually want to study art.

And they were like, yeah, girl, like, you know, we, you, we've been raising you in our house, right?

Like every single thing that you've done or you care about is like related to

comedy or the arts or whatever.

Like my mom would get really mad at me because I would delete episodes of Oprah because I was.

Ti-voing your show and like 30 Rock.

And like, I was like, I was just like inhaling all of that stuff.

Yeah.

And so they were like, yeah, duh.

Like, okay.

But it was, it was also very like, my dad was like, I mean, we can't help you.

Like, just as a heads up, like, we don't have any connections.

We don't have any like resources.

So, like, if you want to do it, just you have to be weird because your dad and I were very tight.

And I kept saying, I will help IO.

And he was like, eh, how could you help her in comedy?

And I went, okay.

This is

back in the 2000s, early 2000s.

He's a tough guy in that way.

He's a tough guy in that way.

Yeah.

I'd say, you're sure I can't help her get started in comedy.

It's like, she'll be fine.

What could you do for her anyway?

Connan.

No one was.

Conan O'Brady.

Yeah, but then also, like, it's been cool.

Like, with them, I feel like I've been learning more about them since I've been whatever enough to pursue this.

And like, my dad actually went to Emerson and his dad made him drop out because his dad was like, you're the oldest.

And like, we need to get all these other siblings from Nigeria over here.

So you need to get like a real degree and something that like means that you can be like, you know, stable enough to support this family.

And then you went to law school after.

But my dad loves movies.

Like he wanted to make movies.

Wow.

Now he just comes with me to award shows.

They must be through the through the roof.

Happy for you.

I mean, that's a nice thing.

It's interesting.

So when you told them, okay, I'm going to take this shot at.

We were there straight up in an IHOP in Randolph.

Cause I also was like, we can't do this on home turf.

Like we have to go to Randolph.

And we, I literally literally was like, I'll meet you guys at the IHOP.

Mind you, I didn't get my license until I was like 24 years old.

So I'm like, they're driving me to the IHOP.

And

or you took a horse.

And so then we're there and I'm like not talking to them in the car.

And they're like, like, they're like, are you like, like, are you dying?

Or like, what's going on?

Then I just started bust, like, I burst out crying.

And I was like, I'm so sorry.

Like, I changed my major without telling you I'm going to study playwriting.

Like, I want to pursue the arts.

And literally they're like eating like a, like a short stack, like could not,

could not care.

My dad's like, extra hash browns, like, let's go.

Yeah, they've, they were so like supportive.

My, yeah, I remember, I remember very clearly telling my parents on the phone that, okay, I'm graduating.

I've worked really hard to get into this good college.

I'm going to graduate.

I wrote a thesis.

I'm a good student.

I want to get into comedy.

And I remember their attitude was very much like, which one are you?

Oh, my God.

We got six.

Just, you know, they were, and then the minute I could pay my own rent, which was really quickly, the minute I was like out there and established and paying my own rent, they didn't care if I was in pornography.

I was just, you know, which I, I was okay at that too.

You did that?

I dabbled.

Okay, fake fans.

No one's now.

No, I think it was the same.

I think also my parents were like, yeah, like, are you good with money?

Like, you're not going to be asking us to like buy tickets to the yuck yuck center, right?

Like, then, as long as you're neither, as we all know,

comedy folks, us, getting extra tickets to the yuck yuck center.

Um,

everyone, everyone has to pay their dues, but yeah, like they were like, if you're, if you're good, then we're good.

And I feel like the moment that they could also kind of start to brag, like,

which is like even when I was like a writer's assistant, where they were just like, oh my God, like, your name is going to be in the credits of something.

Well, you had a, I'm impressed with this.

You had, you had a plan, which was get yourself in a writer's room as a writer's assistant, and you gave yourself time to do that.

Yes, yes.

That was a very smart, I mean, I look at it now and I think, yes, that was a very smart way to go about it.

Yeah.

What was the plan specifically?

Get into a writer's room?

The plan was I still have my education degree.

So I was like, okay, I'm going to give myself basically two years to be able to pay my rent.

And if I don't, then I'll go back and I'll get my master's and then I'll just get my teaching certificate like for the state of New York.

But I'll at least be happy that I tried.

I think that's like I try to make, I don't know, a plan that like I'll be happy with whatever the result is, like genuinely, like failure is not an option.

So, whatever's gonna happen, I have to be happy with it and also be able to pay my rent.

Great.

And so, that was that plan.

And then I ended up while I was still in school, I got the PA jobs through a friend of a friend who was working at Jax.

They were doing like Broad City and Insiding Me Schumer and Sam B at the time.

And then I think I just kind of got a reputation for like being very hardworking.

And

then I got an assisting job at the show called The Rundown with Robin Didi.

That was on BET for a season.

And that's when I got my first writer's assistant job.

And I just basically was like talking to every single writer's assistant I knew.

And I was like, okay, like, what's like the average timeline for being a writer's assistant to like getting an actual TV job?

Like, what does that look like?

And what do I have to do to do that?

And so then I was like, okay, I think I can give myself like three to four years of doing this before then I start to get like crazy and a little like, like, I feel like then that's I don't know when I was like meeting writer assistants where they were like I've been doing this for like eight years or something I was like oh okay like you're not you're not happy doing this so that some and some people are but that's just like how I felt so I was like cool I'll give myself like four three or four because I kind of know myself and I know that's when I'll start to get like restless but also then I was doing stand-up and um yeah you were attacking it on like five different fronts yeah which is but it was because I liked it like I think I do like I have met people also where they're like oh and so you're gunning for this and you're gunning for that but it's like, I think at the base of it, I also just really like to learn.

So I really was like, I, and I become very obsessed about stuff.

And so like, I just loved who I was meeting, doing stand-up.

That was seeing like alt comedy for the first time in New York and that I could kind of take on a different voice on stage than maybe what might be my,

my like first instinct.

And then also like, I started like writing like shouts and murmurs pieces with my friend because I was like, okay, my end goal is writing, not performing.

That also is a thing.

Like, I really did not picture myself as a actor or performer.

It's interesting because I've, I get the sense you still think of yourself first as a writer, even though.

And I think sometimes people are like, are you, are you right in the head?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, it's so funny because so many people don't aspire to, hey, I recognize you and you're going to get the nice seat at this restaurant.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

There is something like where I have like

a

relatively

not always on, but I think I do have a good sense of like stuff where i'm like oh i can't do this or i don't want to do this or like i'm not interested in being this thing even though something that's been interesting about like acting more is that i think it's like oh people start to have a perception of you and that's also why i'm like whenever i can get the chance i'm like i i'd like i'm like i have to do something that's a comedic thing so that people like understand like this is actually like my brain and like my sense of self and not just like like looking cool on red carpet which which i love which is great and which is you like the red carpet no but um

but but i think it's like i can appreciate it as another type of performance and i think then it's also like in this weird way i'm like that's closer to acting than it is to me and also like weirdly like drag i'm like basically doing drag of myself i feel like and i'm like become this vessel for like outfit and like hair and makeup and i'm like that's actually it's like a it's something else.

I'm like doing like, like a heightened version of like a pastiche of myself or something.

I don't know.

But yeah, thinking of it that way helps me.

I, I had an attitude a little bit early on because I just was so much into, I'm just going to, I want to do these ideas and I want to do this weird show.

And then they would say, okay, well,

now's the Emmys and you guys have been nominated.

So you're supposed to go and walk the red carpet.

And I had a little bit of an attitude of, but I don't like this.

This is what I'm about.

And I was young, but I was also like, this is what I'm about.

And then I, it just occurred to me, it's part of the job, you fucking moron.

Yeah, like get over yourself.

It's part of the job.

And, and, uh, find a tux that fits and

stand there and get your picture taken and smile.

And of, you know, what do you mean you're, you don't love it?

No one.

No one does.

Yeah.

I mean, maybe there are people who are beautiful, beautiful freaks, but who are like, oh, yeah, this is what I live for.

But I think actually most people are literally like, get me out of my skin.

this is so insane.

And so many people are yelling at me also.

And they found, they all have a different way of saying my name.

And it's so weird.

It's so weird.

Yeah.

But yeah, it is like where I'm just like, yeah, this, like, this helps me make, like, get to be done with it and then get to actually make stuff.

So, like, you have an affinity for physical comedy.

When did you know that?

Oh, my God.

Like, you kind of like using your physicality.

And is that something that you always had or is it something you discovered as you as you went along i don't know why this memory just came to me when i was 11 years old i remember i did my last split i did my last split i did a split and i knew that i was paramedics came i was like this is for real the last split i was like i'm done um i have yet to do my last split and my

come on now brad pray about it But then I remember my cousin came and found me up the, went like up the stairs because I was stuck.

Like I was, I was just like stuck.

And my cousin started crying from laughing.

And I was like, I maybe,

like, maybe.

Stuck in a split.

Yeah.

Many such stories in my life.

It's like I'm loading you into the ambulance and you're still in a split.

On a gurney.

Yeah, on a gurney.

11 years old.

They're pushing you through the hospital court.

It's like the pit, but they're pushing you through in a split.

Clear, clear.

Seven TCs that have a serotonin.

11-year-old stuck in a split.

Okay.

Third one today.

Yeah.

Welcome to the pit.

Welcome to the the pit.

They have a special device.

They have a special device that gets you out of the split.

Yeah.

So I don't know.

Many cases such as this in my life.

And one of my all-time favorites is Cat Williams.

And when I think of my favorite jokes of his, I'm like, oh, yeah, they're the ones where he has very physical

act outs.

I mean, like somehow not sweating out that perm.

God bless that man.

And I think also like growing up in the church, huge, huge element of physicality

in that, obviously,

and performance in that.

And then I just like, I don't know, I felt like I just was like, oh yeah, I have these really long limbs.

Like, I wonder what happens when they just keep going.

And I like how it feels also when I can play with like how little space I'm taking up and how still I'm being.

And then like how ridiculous I am, I get to be too.

Occasionally in my life, people have asked me about directing something, and my answer is always: I've never thought about it.

It's not something I aspire to.

I don't know anything about that.

You've got to find someone else.

And I realize that I have a vision and that I'm directing things all the time when we make comedy, but whenever, but I have a dictating dictating, yeah, thank you

with an iron fist.

And an iron dick.

Yeah.

Okay, let's take it easy there.

Let's take it easy, bro.

I've been there.

Years between you.

Who am I but a spectator?

I think of Chairman Mao as a

director, if you will.

But anyway,

I know that you directed an episode in season three of The Bear, the napkin.

Yeah, yeah.

And you got an award for it.

Yeah, I got a nomination.

I got a DJ nomination.

I got to say an award because once you get that, it's an honor to be nominated.

You won the Oscar for Best Directing of a TV show.

Yeah, the first time the first time it's ever happened.

Yeah, a lifetime achievement Oscar for directing a TV show.

For 75 years of work, you beat Lucille Ball's ghost.

And my mom was pissed.

Yeah.

We were all really mad.

We thought that was

up.

But

I, at my age, do not have the courage to say, let me direct that.

And you did and did a great job.

Thanks.

What drove you to, or what did you summon in yourself?

Or were you encouraged by the creator of the child?

Definitely encouraged.

Definitely encouraged.

I've known Chris since I was like 22.

And I think, well, the first time we met was at a John and Viddy's and there's like probably two this is Chris Storer yeah there's probably like two clear pictures of Chris storer like online because he does not go outside that man is inside yeah

and like like and it's aided by his own like also look like he missed the Emmys where we like the first Emmys where we like won everything because he got COVID because he went outside the house like but he was also like good to be at home like it's that's very Chris's vibe so we met at a John and Vinny's and he was like yeah listen I'm probably gonna be here for about like 30 minutes but um i've met you we're gonna work together again and also you're a director and i was like cool see you on set whenever also you're crazy and then bear started happening again maybe when i was like 26 or something yeah um yeah 25 26 and um and that whole time like we would just talk about movies tv shows things that we liked and writing producing like we were just always talking about these things and i at the time, didn't realize it, but he was speaking to me as if I was another director and would ask me questions, thoughts, and also ask me why.

Like, why was I thinking this thing?

Where was it coming from?

Oh, what would you do?

Or, oh, that's interesting.

Like, here's this story.

Oh, maybe when you work on something else, you should talk to the other director, like, see how that goes.

And then, kind of around the second season, more intentionally, he was like, I'm thinking about this thing for you.

Like, I think that this could be cool.

Or do you think that this could be cool?

And if you do, like, are you going to put in the work?

And so then I just really, I think what I was nervous about, I don't like undertaking anything if I'm not gonna

be able to like do my best.

And

so I just really was like, oh, okay, I'm gonna like try to learn top to bottom what this actually means.

Cause I think I also didn't really have an idea of what that job actually was.

You know, you had been around, you'd been on set, and you had been directed.

Yes.

So you probably had some sense of, okay, this is single camera.

I kind of see what they're doing.

Yeah, but like, what does it mean?

And also, like, can I do this if I feel like I don't know everything about every type of camera and every type of lens?

You know, like, I think I, my fear was like, I had to know everything.

But then it's actually like, well, you should know a good amount, but also like be able to know enough to help facilitate the people who like, who actually are experts on the thing.

I feel like.

And yeah, so anyway, he just really aided me.

And then I think I remember during bottoms, Rachel and I were talking about it.

And we were like, oh, yeah, like we do also do a certain amount of like directing and like thinking about things and shots.

And we do have like ideas.

You have opinions.

Yeah, we have opinions, but they're not just like based in us being actors also.

Like we are thinking about the shot.

Like we are thinking about like what would be funniest for the frame or like, okay, like did make sure you get this insert actually or like even though me as an actor, I might want to do this joke in a certain way because it would serve my performance.

Like actually, if I if I do less here, it's, it's better for like the movie overall.

Or if I, you know, like whatever, think things like that.

And so, yeah, then I just uh kind of just kind of went in and everything, every day that I wasn't working, I was on set with Chris, I was shadowing him, or I was shadowing other guest directors.

Then if I wasn't on Bear and I was on another show, I would basically be shadowing the director, even if the director didn't know it.

So do you have the bug now?

Do you see, do you see yourself directing more?

I do, but not anytime soon because, I mean, unless something comes up that's like really,

you know, I don't know, something really cool that is like inspiring me.

I think it's a sort of thing where I'm like, oh, I actually love this so much that I want like to take my time and have the next thing be really right.

And

I'm like writing again for me too.

And, or not for me, for myself, for other things too.

Cause I've, I've missed that also.

Like I've missed

in a weird way, like being in a room, just writing for other people who have like other things that they can do.

And so I've been writing again.

And

you co-wrote an episode for season four yeah I did that's cool yeah which I'm excited which I'm excited the best quality to have is just to be curious and be kind of voracious and just I want to know more I want to know more and I want to evolve yeah and uh that is also I mean it's at the risk of this turning into a seminar I think these are all really good things for especially young people starting out to hear that there is no secret formula.

Also, luck is a huge part.

Luck is a huge part.

People that don't give it up for luck need a beating.

Give it up for luck.

Yeah.

Give it up for luck.

No, but even like I feel like lucky enough that like when I was in rooms, that the people who were like my bosses were also people who fostered curiosity.

I worked on, I don't know, I'm Big Mouth.

Yeah.

And like Nick is somebody cruel.

Nick cruel.

Is somebody cruel.

Brackets.

But like Nick is somebody where I'm like, oh, you're very curious.

And also like, you know, that like when you are checking out young comedians who are doing things that people are responding to and you're still making sure you get time on stage and you're figuring out like what's going on you're inviting these people to like be collaborators and share those ideas like that only makes you better like that keeps you active like that keeps you going

um and you actually let those people like work or like if they're interested in certain areas of the room or on stage or whatever you're like you're bringing you're bringing them around you're like showing them um these things yeah i know i always say you you make a decision early in your career be threatened by other really funny people, or just go towards them and try and

evolve them.

Go towards them threateningly.

Yeah, that's also

a problem.

Go towards

a mallet or a large stick.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then try and beat them until they get out of the business, clearing the path for yourself.

And others.

I attacked Odin Kirk.

I attacked Odin Kirk many times back in the day, in the 80s.

That's somebody else where it's like he and Naomi, when I first came out to LA, they let me stay in their guest bedroom.

Like, where did you get the bill yet?

Um, yeah,

because they did that with me too.

And then later on, $600,000

for three months.

To be fair, Faberge egg in the room, but

quite a pretty penny.

Free to keep.

Quite a pretty penny.

I also want to congratulate you on becoming.

I mean, you started this joke, which was an you improvised a joke about being Irish, and then you kept going.

And there's this crucial point where a joke either becomes like, okay, that's enough.

I've done it enough.

I should stop.

Or you double, triple, and quadruple down on it and refuse to let it go, which you did because you made a joke about being Irish.

And now it has resonated so much that the people of Ireland have accepted you as one of their own, which they will not do with me.

Oh,

sorry, brother.

I am a figure of great shame in Ireland, but you have all the accolades.

You got a day in Boston and you're revered by the Irish people.

I am rightfully loathed by the Irish and never a day in Boston.

Yeah, I think your day could come.

That's what I'll say about that.

I gotta keep at it.

Unclear about the Irish relations.

We'll do the best.

Yeah, I just like, I think like, I remember talking about this with a friend.

I was like, my favorite type of joke, low-key, might be a lie.

Like something where it's like, it's almost not even funny.

It's mostly just funny to me.

I remember in that moment, I saw like my, like, my, like, PR.

She was at the corner of my eye.

And she was kind of like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Because I was just like, it was just

nonsense.

It was just me being like, oh, yeah, you know, I was up in Ireland and I was kind of chilling.

I see.

Okay, good.

And she was like, okay, sort of mental breakdown, sort of

on the horizon.

And then, yeah, I don't know.

It just kept going.

But then also, like, other Irish people too have been like, what's up?

And I'm like, like, yeah,

didn't you claim that

you were the donkey?

You were the donkey and banshees of Inish Shirin.

I'm a good actor.

You were a very awesome.

Well, I can do comedy and drama going enemies and animal work.

I'm sort of like the Andy Circus of

the Equine family.

I love that your attitude is, don't put me in a box.

I can be the donkey and Banshees of Inishirin.

That's true, though.

Yeah, exactly.

I owe you an apology.

I do.

We'll think about how I feel about it.

Yeah.

How much longer do we have on the clock?

You have six more days here.

Great.

Yeah, we're going to bring in some water.

By day four, I will have made a decision.

It is a delight talking to you, really.

Over?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's it.

I mean, we can go more if you want, you know, but what are we really going to do?

You know, and you're going to quickly look at me and go, God, he's so sickly.

Or,

I don't know.

It's fine.

Yeah.

It's all right.

What the hell?

What's going on there?

I was like, I don't know.

I thought maybe that was adorable.

I thought it was adorable.

He is sick.

He is terminal.

And also, I'm going to tell you something.

You were late.

You were three minutes late to this podcast.

Wow.

Wow.

Listen, I just, you know, I think professionalism is important.

Okay, then I'll just say that for real, for real, like you're on like one of my, I mean, you're talking about your influences.

I feel like like you're one of mine in a major way.

So this is really

cool

to get to be here

with you

before we put you on a ventilator.

Yeah.

Ventilator's coming.

I am, I am,

no, and I, I, I get a lot of optimism and energy by meeting all these young people that are out there doing it the right way and, and so talented and taking all these chances and doing such good work.

And you also have just such a great spirit.

So it's a joy having you here.

I hope you come back.

Next time I see you way across the street,

let's run into oncoming traffic.

Let's do it.

I would love to see you have a conversation with Tyler the Creator.

I mean,

that would be great.

Oh, oh, oh, yeah.

You don't know.

No, I've looked him up in the phone book.

He's creator, comma, Tyler the creator.

Tyler the Tyler the Creator.

The Dwarf Hosebury doesn't even know who he is.

Everybody knows Tyler the Creator.

He's He's the creator named Tyler.

He's in the phone book as creator comma Tyler the.

Oh God, these people.

Idiots.

You're surrounded by idiots.

You're surrounded by fools.

Charitans.

Half-wits dragging me into the muck.

As if you don't know creator comma Tyler.

As if I don't know

the things he's created?

Oh my God, don't get me started on the thing.

Don't waste your breath.

Tyler's created.

Don't waste your breath on it.

You're gonna start at the top.

I know, but don't.

Oh, Io, stop me from the longest list of Tyler's creations.

They don't deserve it.

There isn't time.

You're right, Io.

Thank you so much for being here.

Come back anytime, and you make me happy.

Okay, like in two minutes or 20 minutes.

Great.

Give me a 20-minute break.

Bye.

I've always believed that your home should be an expression of who you are.

That was my mom.

I have that like tattooed on my low back.

Oh, wow.

I could have had so many things tattooed down there, and that's what I chose.

Down there.

Yeah.

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Summertime, I love to hang out.

with my pals, my bros.

You know me, right?

Yeah, I know you.

And when I think of you, I think of bros.

Yeah.

A bunch of us get on our hogs, our choppers.

Yep.

We go up the coast, driving around, cruising with my gang.

It's prime time to gather the whole crew, and it's Miller time.

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We're going to go back to something we did way in the early stages of this podcast before.

It was 1976.

Yeah.

It's maybe one of the dumbest things we've ever done on this podcast.

So I was absent for at least an episode.

I think it might have even been more than one episode, around the Bob Newhart episode or something.

And this was back in the early days when I wasn't really on the mic that much.

And you used Adam as me as a stand-in for me and never mentioned it on the podcast.

So he would just say, as me, you'd say, I'm here with Matt Gorley.

And he'd go, hi.

Why couldn't we just admit that

because it ended up being this thing that when I came back, we decided to play a game with the two of you where you turned around, closed your eyes, and Adam and I both took turns saying hi, trying to get you to figure out which one of us was me.

And you remember this?

Yes,

I do remember this.

I do remember this being, and this is really saying something for me.

Height of idiocy.

It was awful.

And for me to say that.

And there was also no question when it was Adam and when it was me.

It wasn't even like...

Also,

the part that made it the dumbest is that we just kept taking turns.

We didn't randomize it.

We didn't randomize it at all.

Because we didn't think about it beforehand.

So what we're going to do today is we're going to try it again.

Okay.

And then we're also going to.

I know.

We're also going to add in Eduardo and Blai to the mix after that.

We'll do a round with just me and Adam.

Okay, so you guys are going to have to turn around

or close your eyes.

And Adam, you got to come over to my mic so we're in the same area.

Do we do this?

It's more that you have to close your eyes.

Also, I have my...

Eyes closing my head down like I'm very sad.

I know.

Okay, and we will randomize this time.

Oh, wait, this means I'm off mic.

Hold on.

Yeah,

I forgot about the microphone.

Here we go.

All right.

Hi.

That's Adam.

That's Adam.

Hi.

That's Matt.

Hi.

That's Matt.

That's Matt.

Hi.

Oh, that's interesting.

Can we hear that one again?

Hi.

That's Matt.

That's Matt.

Hi.

That's Adam.

That's Adam.

Hi.

Matt.

Hi.

Matt.

Hi.

That's Adam.

Your voices

are so different.

You guys, I have news for you.

But also, you can open your hands.

Different voices.

Yes.

I'm proud to tell you you scored 100% this time.

Yeah.

What?

It's not that.

Oh, my God.

You know what?

Your personalities come through.

Even in...

I mean, it's barely.

Was this hard the first time?

No.

No, you got 100%.

And the first time you were in the middle.

We didn't know you as well then.

Yeah, I know.

That was in the early days.

Okay, now we're going to do it with all four of us.

Oh, yeah, that's going to be tough.

I don't know.

Eduardo says.

Eduardo says hola.

Our range is kind of.

Arduardo's going to say hola.

Oh, my God.

And Glaia's going to go, hey!

And everyone's going to have to adjust the board.

Matt tried so hard to make his voice sound so different.

It was always the same.

I love this game, and I don't know why.

And I love it.

It's so fun.

It's fun.

It's fun.

I do have to say you have to really concentrate, but people can't hide their essence.

Yes.

You know?

It's true.

Oh, my God.

Okay, so you two come over here and Adam is stupid.

The way we're crouching and closing.

Quiet.

You got to take this seriously.

They're so stupid.

And then we'll make sure we're all on the camera.

I can't believe this is my job.

Okay.

This photo is going to be incredible.

All right.

Here we go.

Oh, my God.

And Sona, you have to wait a second.

You're just upset because I guessed it before.

No, no, no, no, it's not that.

It's just lean in.

Because sometimes, okay, go ahead and let's be three, two.

Hi.

Well, that sounds like Eduardo to me.

Same Z.

Hi.

Oh.

That still sounds like Eduardo to me.

No, that sounds like, I think that's Adam.

Hi.

Hold up.

Now they're coming too quickly.

Say again.

Hi.

That's Blae.

That's.

I'm going to say that's Matt.

Hi.

That's Matt.

That's Matt.

Matt.

Hi.

That's Eduardo.

Yeah, it's Eduardo because I think it has a tilde on it.

I felt a tilde fall to the floor and make a clanging sound.

Hi.

That's Eduardo.

I think that's Adam.

I think it's

I think it's Adam after he's traveled.

He spent some time traveling,

and he's been watching a lot of football.

Hi.

Oh my God.

That's Matt.

That's Matt just doing one of his bits.

Hi.

That's got to be Blai.

Blai.

Hi.

Just going so soft that we can barely hear you is the technique.

Try it again.

Hi.

I think that's Blai.

I don't think Blae's capable of being that quiet.

But it was such, I was going to say, it's such belabored whispering that it's

when Blae goes through the TSA, the wand goes off and they confiscate 35 exclamation points.

Who was it?

Who was that, Conan?

That last one.

Let me hear it again.

Hi.

I'm going to say it's Blae.

Okay, we're going to do one last round.

Hold on.

Wait, you have to tell us how we did.

We will.

Close your eyes.

We're going to do one last round where we're going to do four in a row.

It's going to be each one of us does one, and you have to say in order which one of it is.

Okay.

Hi.

That's Matt.

No, don't say it.

Just remember.

Okay.

I'm not going to remember.

I'm in my 80s.

Here we go.

We're going to start over.

Hi.

Okay.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Okay, I think it's Adam first, then Matt.

What do you think, Sona?

Adam, Matt, Blae, Eduardo.

Yeah.

Okay, we're opening our eyes.

Yes.

Wow.

This was a lot more difficult for you guys.

Yes, of course.

You only got four correct.

The both of you.

The both of you.

And what were the mistakes that we made?

Besides hiring.

I'm not sure, but that last,

I'm so glad I wasn't around for the first version.

The last one with the four of us, you both got right.

Yes.

All four in a row.

I didn't even have my headphones in the whole time.

Did I?

You did.

Oh, just kidding.

Why would you lie like that?

I thought you did.

You're a sociopath.

You know what's so great about this game?

Who lies about this game?

How competitive are you?

I don't think I have my headphones on.

We have video.

We do.

What are you talking about?

You're the ones going like, no, you can't just do it quiet.

You had all these complaints.

You always have to complain about the game when you're kind of like teetering on success.

Listen to me.

Yes.

Please.

It's about time someone listened to me on this podcast.

When do I get a chance to speak?

Oh, boy.

Said the idiot.

I do think it's a little unfair when it gets down to,

you're just like, okay, now it's just a little bit of air.

That's all.

It's me.

Maybe I'm being a little fussy.

Fair enough.

The great thing about this game is it's not only fun and smart, but listeners can play at home as well.

Oh, yeah.

That's a really good point.

And you know what?

If people play this and enjoy it,

we will figure out a way to make this into a game that you have to purchase.

Yeah.

A home, home.

A voice box, and you press it,

and someone says says hi, and you guess.

Remember on Family Feud Let's have a talk about a machine?

I was thinking it'd be like an app or something, but you're talking about an actual machine.

I thought you meant like a board game.

Yeah,

I do too.

Like Family Feud, when they say you get to take the board game home.

Yes.

You know what?

We could call it, we could call it make hay while the sun shines.

And there's a little box, and you hit it, and it gives you a hay.

And if you correct, if you guess which of all of us it is, you get to advance your piece.

Yes.

But wait, we're going to say that.

Or

haymaker.

No, it's hi.

We're saying hi.

They've been saying saying hi.

Doesn't it sound like hey to you?

Hey.

No, we just heard it like 40 times.

It's high.

It's always been a high.

No one ever said hey.

Steve has made everyone so hard.

So that is why we should call it make high while the sun shines.

Yes.

Make high while the sun shines.

It sounded like hey to me.

I know that I have a problem.

You do.

We do.

I drink before the podcast and after the drink.

It could be a fun drinking game.

If you get it wrong, shoddy shot.

Yeah, but we need to figure out a way

make this something that we can profit from.

And I don't want the profits going to some charity.

So I'm sorry, but I.

You need to, you said.

No, I don't want.

No, I said, you, we need to make this a game somehow.

We need to make it a game, and then we need to profit from it.

Okay.

And I don't want to hear about these sick kids.

I'm sick of that.

Wait, hold on.

What is this?

We?

Because Adam and I

came up and designed this game and we

spent a lot of time on it.

We met outside of the excuse me so you're basically you work at apple and you just went to steve jobs and said well i thought of it while working for you yeah so i don't think you should i'm an independent contractor i'm not in any kind of like oh you think that's going to work on steve jobs he's going to just he's going to he's going to start his head's going to start quivering a little bit

in his black turtleneck and then your your brain is going to explode i'm taking this straight to smartless no you know what if it's just the two of you saying hi with no one guessing it's just two dicks in a microphone and so we add a layer We got another title.

That's the name.

That's the name.

Two dicks and a mic.

Two dicks and a mic.

That there's so many dicks.

And I think all of us need to dicks.

That would sell.

Two dicks and a mic would sell.

And, or, you know, we'll just call it four dicks and a mic is a good title.

That's better than my, you know, God, I thought they said hey, and they said hi, whatever.

Okay, that was wrong.

But I think that, I think it's called four dicks.

You're oversimplifying.

You thought they said hey after you heard them say hi so many times.

Do you know that I was in a lot of accidents when I was a kid?

my a lot of head injuries and that i was beaten constantly by my brother neil and still when i go home to brookline mass i'm still beaten by my brother neil okay then we could call it hey and just say hi no no no no we've got the title one two three four five six no it's four what do you mean because you have two people at home guessing i mean if it's a home version it's six of us right all of us saying hi yes yes so you guys have your voices are too distinct you can i can change mine listen to this

just Just say hi.

Why aren't you saying hi?

Because

I'm too outside the box for that.

You always want Picasso to paint inside the lines.

Can you do hi like gorals?

Hi.

That's girls and Michael Jackson.

That's gorillas and Michael Jackson.

Oh my God.

So do you try?

And in the background, you hear bubbles.

How do you do it?

Hi.

Okay, you're just getting quiet when you get

anyway.

Hey, if you're interested.

Oh, that was a good one.

Excuse me.

Hi.

If you're interested in six dicks and a mic

being

a game,

and listen, this isn't some free thing.

This has got to be something.

People are going to think that's porn.

Six dicks and a mic?

That's why they're going to buy it.

And then they're going to get it and they're going to think, wow, six.

What is the mic?

Why is there not a camera mic?

Oh, no.

Six dicks and a mic.

And you know what?

If people buy it thinking it's porn and then they find out that it's this, they get in the mail,

this cardboard board game with pegs with our faces on it and a little box you get that randomly goes, hi, hey, hi,

we have to make this.

We have to make this.

That's what's in the box, but on the cover is a dude named Mike.

Yeah, you know, shirtless, all oiled up.

Yes, that's the cover.

It's six dicks and a mic.

The cover is very male porn.

Yeah, and then you open it up, and it's this game that we, and Adam, I want to make sure we, the worst people make this, that it's very cheaply made.

And do they still, can you still get, I want it to be made of something that's kind of toxic.

Yeah,

is there a Parker brother who's been outcast from the other Parker brothers?

Yeah, Parker Posey.

It's Parker.

It's Parker Posey.

Okay.

Anyway, we're going to be looking for this soon.

It's going to be available.

Six dicks and a mic coming soon to an alley near you.

Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend with Conan O'Brien, Sonom of Session, and Matt Gorley.

Produced by me, Matt Gorley.

Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Frost, and Nick Nick Liao.

Theme song by The White Stripes.

Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.

Take it away, Jimmy.

Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples.

Engineering and Mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns.

Additional production support by Mars Melnick.

Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn.

You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode.

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Call the Team Cocoa hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message.

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