Mike Birbiglia Returns Again

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Speaker 1 Macy's has a new parade this year, a parade of deals.

Speaker 1 So if you're standing on the street waiting for that parade to go by, because you took this literally, you're going to be wasting your time. Wake up, kids.
It's a parade. Where is it?

Speaker 1 A parade of deals. What?

Speaker 1 Kid crying. Every day from now through November 27th, Macy's is featuring a new must-have deal that will last only one day.

Speaker 1 We're talking about daily deals on things you'll love, like a super cozy UG fluff throw. Hey, try and say that.
Even if you say it slowly, you'll probably mess it up. Ugh fluff throw.

Speaker 1 An upgraded Dyson vacuum. That's nice.
And some of your favorite fragrances, hair products, jewelry too. Oh, and don't forget, Black Friday deals start November 10th.

Speaker 1 So, remember, this isn't a real parade, it's a parade of deals. I was fooled.
Don't bring a balloon and get all excited. Your daily thrill starts now.
Shop now at Macy's.com or in store.

Speaker 1 Hi, my name is Mike Berbiglia,

Speaker 1 and I feel earnest about being Conan O'Brien's friend.

Speaker 1 Folly's here, hear the yell, back to school, ring the bell, brand new shoes, walk in blues, climb the fence, books and pens. I can tell that we are gonna be friends.

Speaker 1 Yes, I can tell that we are gonna be friends.

Speaker 1 Hello, and welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend, sitting here as always with Sonoma Ossessian, Matt Gourley. Hi.
We have a wonderful team here. It works very hard.

Speaker 1 An inside source has told me that instead of doing his job, Eduardo is watching football. Are you watching football right now?

Speaker 1 Eduardo, what are you watching? Bitch.

Speaker 1 Eduardo, what are you watching? Eduardo. I thought you were

Speaker 1 this whole time. Eduardo, what are you watching?

Speaker 1 Nothing. No, what are you watching?

Speaker 1 We're about honesty here. Listen,

Speaker 1 listen, we just wrapped an interview with a guest, and I respectfully waited until that.

Speaker 1 Why don't you just tell me what you're watching? I'm watching the semifinals of the UFA Champions League right now. It's a game between Barcelona and Intermilal.
Blay. Excuse me.
It's Barcelona.

Speaker 1 Barcelona and Intermilan. Wow, Blay.
Fuck you, man.

Speaker 1 So listen, listen, listen. How dare you, Eduardo? How dare you? All I do is laud you for your professionalism.
I think you're the only professional one here.

Speaker 1 And then I find out that you're watching Barcelona play who? Los Estadios del Dandos? Inter Milan, and they just scored. Thank you very much.
Listen, let me tell you something. In the Blankton? Yes.

Speaker 1 You missed it. Who are you rooting for? Barcelona.
It's Barcelona.

Speaker 1 Porfovor.

Speaker 1 God, I wish you'd learn the language.

Speaker 1 I'm white splaining. Excuse me.

Speaker 1 I am white splaining. I didn't hear it.
I knew it white split.

Speaker 1 So you had the gall. You're in the presence of Conan O'Brien.
We're making a seminal podcast, and you are watching football. You were on your fifth bit, and I decided to just.

Speaker 1 Go get yourself. You're going to let him talk to you like that.
Exactly. You're going to let him talk to the fellas.

Speaker 1 You and I are both. Oh, look at this.
We are all channeling the same scene.

Speaker 1 Good fellas. Good fellas.
And Spider just dissed.

Speaker 1 Man. Of course, I would be.
Tommy. I'd be Tommy.

Speaker 1 I'd be Tommy.

Speaker 1 And you're going to let, you're going to let him talk to you like that? You're going to let him talk to you like that?

Speaker 1 And now, of course, you know where this goes.

Speaker 1 I start shooting away at you.

Speaker 1 This is a rite of passage because this exact scenario happened to me early on in the podcast as well, where I was spider. And now you go.
It's a rite of passage.

Speaker 1 And now you have to be shot in the foot. Fair.
Then you come back later on with a bandage on your foot and I kill you.

Speaker 1 Listen, I know I do a lot of bits and they seem like a waste of time to you. And I'm sure football, as you call it, I call it soccer here in the United States.

Speaker 1 It's more important to you. But you know what? You do such a good job.
I think you should be allowed to watch football. Thank you.

Speaker 1 I'm going to put something on my TV. No.

Speaker 1 But what would you, first of all, Eduardo, Mad Respect. Thank you.
For your comeback and also for your devotion to the most popular sport in the world. That's right.
Or as I call it, El Mundo.

Speaker 1 Sona, what would you be secretly watching if you were secretly watching while we were doing the podcast?

Speaker 1 Love is Blind. Okay.
Is that a good show?

Speaker 1 I mean, I only really watched the first season, really. It's harsh, though, right? It's It's pretty interesting.
Because people say yes to somebody and then they see what they look like. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And they turn them down. Some of them do.
Yeah. It just, you know, I mean, it's you, is love blind?

Speaker 1 Is it? I said, wow, that's a profound question. And it's the title of the show.
Yes. Yeah.
Are we really down under?

Speaker 1 What? Above deck. Below deck.
Oh, shit.

Speaker 1 And what about you? What are you watching over there? I was just watching Casino Royale as you speak. Oh, wow.
That's the beginning. This is when we are first introduced to Daniel Craig.

Speaker 1 Pretty good, huh? As Bond, and he killed it. Yeah, he did.
He really killed it. This is the great scene where he's chasing.
Okay, so that's what you're watching. Hardcore scene, yeah.

Speaker 1 Or I watch YouTube. You know what I'd be watching? Huh.
Clips of my show. Oh, my God.
Classic Conan. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 You guys would see me not really paying attention, and then you'd take my phone away from me. Oh, there's Conan talking to Al Roker in 2004.
Not even a particularly good interview.

Speaker 1 But me going, look at him.

Speaker 1 Conan's got sideburns. That just kills me.
That's great. Oh, what's he going to say now? Oh, look at him.
He's only 32. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 listen, you're a maestro at what you do. Thank you.
And I'm going to turn this back around to a compliment. You're a maestro.

Speaker 1 And all I think, I think what Blade did essentially was expose that you can do this job with one hand tied behind your back. Interesting.
I'm still pissed. I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 Are you legitimately angry at Blade? Yes.

Speaker 1 I think that was a foul movement. You ratted him out.
Well, listen, what were I doing wrong? Now, fans get to listen for the eventual payback. That's right.
The get-back.

Speaker 1 And when's it going to happen? How's it going to happen? We don't know. But I thought we all had a tacit understanding that it's us against him.

Speaker 1 And when, Blay, when you feed the beast like that and break the union, you know, also, can I say this?

Speaker 1 It's not only that, it's worse because he's not even on your side.

Speaker 1 Listen to me. Listen to me.
It's worse because

Speaker 1 I check out the occasional Reddit thread. I know what the word is on the street.

Speaker 1 Eduardo is one of the most respected people in this room. The rest of us can be fools and goons.
Eduardo has this mellifluous voice. He knows what he's doing.
He occasionally speaks. It's always good.

Speaker 1 He is the one in this room who is the adult, the cool one. You betrayed the Jesus in the room.
Or I'm sorry, the Jesus.

Speaker 1 that makes you judas that makes you judas

Speaker 1 i'm the judas i'm the judas well i you know what i think i i just wanted people to understand eduardo is more than just an engineer he's a human being and and i wanted to show another facet of you're going down you're going down

Speaker 1 and it's going to be uh his retribution will be terrible john wick baby

Speaker 1 you just killed his dog

Speaker 1 you killed his puppy i think what awaits you, Blae, is horrific. And I tremble just imagining being you.
Oh, my God. Eduardo's watching soccer and you're getting mad at Blake.

Speaker 1 Can you get mad at Eduardo, please? Do something.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Sona, what the fuck?

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 He's tearing us apart. We can't let this happen.
Soccer. Sona.
You're on the list. First of all,

Speaker 1 TV all the time when you're talking about

Speaker 1 it. Oh, no.

Speaker 1 Sona. How can you not have soccer? Sona, stop calling it soccer.
It's footpo. Oh, my God.
You just said it's soccer because we're in America. It's footpo.
And I'll tell you something else.

Speaker 1 Don't say that. Eduardo.
That's how you say his name.

Speaker 1 Eduardo es Mi Hermano. No, I don't know.

Speaker 1 I'm pronouncing your name incorrectly. It was right.

Speaker 1 Perfect.

Speaker 1 No, perfecto. Perfecto.

Speaker 1 Eduardo is above reproach. And

Speaker 1 I feigned.

Speaker 1 Turning on Eduardo to trick the rest of you to expose what rats you really are. Remember when the studio wasn't working properly? He fucked it up.
Remember? Yeah, what are you doing?

Speaker 1 What are you doing? I want you to get mad at Eduardo. I just want you to get mad at it.

Speaker 1 This is a stick. Stick together, you guys.
Remember, stick together. You know, you know what I like? It wasn't if we're not one.

Speaker 1 Remember the audio wasn't working? Union Strong. Who is here? Who's the guest?

Speaker 1 Sona. It's called Aulio.

Speaker 1 Oh, Jesus. Listen.

Speaker 1 I'm going to say one thing, which is I want listeners to look at what just happened here. I was given some information by Blay, which I took.

Speaker 1 I turned against Eduardo, exposing him and embarrassing him, then through a series of deaf maneuvers, tricked all of you into bickering with one another.

Speaker 1 Now, and then I became Eduardo's defender, his amigo, and the one who says

Speaker 1 football and not soccer. And so now I have emerged as the hero of the story.
And you are the villain, Sona, as are you, Blai. You're cool.
You're cool. Fuck you.

Speaker 1 Yes. hey i am a matador

Speaker 1 i'll turn against blake damage oh look what he's done to us look what he's done to us this is

Speaker 1 sad and adam you're being awfully quiet over i know you're just sitting there quietly and you're the

Speaker 1 boss hearing that are you watching deep down you know i'm the maestro don't you at manipulating the people around me so that i always come on top 100 i'm just being quiet because i'm letting this unfold this is good content

Speaker 1 and you're watching you're watching the Maestro conduct the orchestra. Love it.
To perfection. I'm loving it.
Man, perfect. Perfect.
You're a good guy, too.

Speaker 1 Eduardo and Adam, you're the good guys in this room. And I'm going to include this guy too.

Speaker 1 My guest today is a hilarious comedian, writer, director, and actor whose latest special, The Good Life, is now available to stream on Netflix. Very excited he's with us today.
He is a fine fellow.

Speaker 1 Mike Brubiglia, welcome.

Speaker 1 I do feel like we have maybe 110 different ways in which we intersect, in which we have commonality. Yes.

Speaker 1 I'm hard-pressed to think of anyone else who I have more in common with who's not in my family that I have more in common with. Because you, sir, Mr.

Speaker 1 Mike Berbiglia, if that even is your real name, clearly one of the stage names, just to sound cool, you hail from from where all my people come from. Yeah, your people are from Worcester.

Speaker 1 Worcester, Worcester. Worcester and Worcester, Massachusetts.
And they all went to Holy Cross College or the Cross, which is where my dad went. Yep.
And

Speaker 1 my dad is a retired doctor. Your parents were doctors.
Yep. Yep.
No, my dad was a doctor.

Speaker 1 My mother was a lawyer, not a doctor. And so that's insulting if you come in here.

Speaker 1 You thought that was insulting? I just thought that was a basic misunderstanding. You're right.
I don't know why I went to insult. That's so weird.
But I'm so mad at you right now.

Speaker 1 You're so sensitive since the Oscars. Yes, I am.
I feel like, yes,

Speaker 1 you didn't win. Yeah.
I just want to hold space for Matt and Sona today because I feel like you guys have really probably been through it with Conan Diego this year. You're not kidding.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I was under the impression that if you host the Oscars, you get an Oscar.

Speaker 1 And when the night was out, I was, I thought one of you had my Oscar. Oh.
Or David, and no one had it. And then they said, no, you don't get an Oscar for hosting the Oscars.

Speaker 1 And did you see the fucking fit I threw backstage? Everybody heard about it. I smashed stuff.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
You hit Ariana Grande in the face. Well, with an Oscar.

Speaker 1 I tried to, but she's quick. I took a swing at Ariana Grande.
She ducked, went under it, and she came back with two rabbit punches to the kidney really fast. And I just went down hard.

Speaker 1 Anyway, you got me distracted on my fight, physical fight with Ariana Grande.

Speaker 1 We overlap in so many ways. Yeah, I know.
And let me begin by saying you very kindly sent me your latest special. And I'm going to start with this because I loved it and I love your work.

Speaker 1 And you did a one-man show. And I'm going to give it a quick shout-out now.
It'll also get its own special here. It's called The Good Life.
And it's on Netflix.

Speaker 1 I will say that for my money, nobody does tone, sustained tone in comedy as well as you. You create this beautiful tone that's very funny.
and then occasionally very meaningful.

Speaker 1 It's just a thing of beauty and you lay it out there. And for just tone alone, I think you might be the reigning champ.
I will say that. Thank you.
Yeah. Yeah.
And I, I, I, and you're hilarious.

Speaker 1 We've known each other a long time, but I was thinking about you're talking your special. And I've thought about this before, and we've talked about the ways in which we are alike.

Speaker 1 But in this special, you're talking about all these things that I relate to a thousand percent. Oh, interesting.
Meaning we come from the same

Speaker 1 part of the world exactly, which is I grew up in Brookline, Massachusetts, but my parents are both Worcester people. My grandfather was a traffic cop in downtown Worcester.
And

Speaker 1 you talk about growing up with a father who's a physician and how there's a lack of physical affection.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, you just went through this list of things that I was checking off. You're going through a traumatic thing with your father who you talk about he has a stroke.
This is

Speaker 1 until you're in the hands of a master when you're talking about something as powerful as a stroke and a lot of other heavy things. And it's hilarious.

Speaker 1 It's really good. But I lost both my parents this year within days of each other, which always sounds like a murder

Speaker 1 or a motorcycle accident. Literally,

Speaker 1 my dad passed and then three days later, my mom passed. And

Speaker 1 you talk about trying to wrap your head around your dad's mortality, but also growing up in a family where people aren't constantly saying, I love you.

Speaker 1 In fact, it's not said and there isn't a lot of demonstrative physical affection.

Speaker 1 And then generationally, how you and your wife, me and my wife, every conversation with my kids starts with, I love you, and them saying, I love you, and ends with, I love you, and them saying, I love you.

Speaker 1 Sometimes in the middle of the conversation, oh, and just so you remember,

Speaker 1 I love you. And I mean, it's just too much.
That's my point. It's too much.
I love you. It's It's too much.

Speaker 1 We're overdoing it. We should go back a couple of clicks towards our parents' generation.
Yeah. But anyway, I was very touched by your special.
And I mean, it's funny.

Speaker 1 It will be funny to anyone, but I remember thinking, I'm so glad Mike is coming in today. It is Mike, right? Mike Berbiglia.

Speaker 1 Oh, fuck. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It says Dennis Leary here.

Speaker 1 Months ago. It says Dennis Leary.
I mean, it's fine. Well, he's also from Worcester.
Yeah, yeah. It just says Worcester.
Let's go ahead and do it.

Speaker 1 By the way. Jesus Christ.
No, no, but

Speaker 1 just put up with him.

Speaker 1 I am going to stop talking now. But I emailed you the special, and partly because I know we have all those things in common.
Like it's an absurd amount of things in common. And then I said, please.

Speaker 1 share this with elite members of your staff, including Matt Sona. And then I wrote the white stripes and then I crossed out white stripes.

Speaker 1 Well, you know, it's also.

Speaker 1 But then they didn't get it from you. No,

Speaker 1 we didn't get that message. We got the leak.
We send it out. We got the message.
Or where he has us elite. And then,

Speaker 1 who's announced this morning as being inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame?

Speaker 1 The White Stripes, yeah. So it's almost like you foretold the future.
Yeah. And a quick shout out to

Speaker 1 Jack and Meg for that. Oh, my God.
Because Elite is that you're gatekeeping praise that's what I mean. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 I swear to God, every day I'm on my to-do list is get rid of Matt and Sona. And then I just go for it.

Speaker 1 Every day it's on the list with like more brown sugar.

Speaker 1 Granola is running low. Probably you wear denim with denim.

Speaker 1 The problem with that list is that Sona probably goes over the list with you. I do.
She's on that. Yeah, yeah.
And that is being asked. And then she turns it into raise for Sona.

Speaker 1 But never raise for Matt. No, not just for me.
Well, it's a lot of like, okay, make sure you put this on the list. And I'm like, yeah.

Speaker 1 but I'm not sure. When you make that sound when you write the list, it's a giveaway, usually, that you're not, it should be a giveaway.

Speaker 1 Yeah, also, you're miming holding the pad here and the pen here, so that there's never

Speaker 1 Mike Berbiglia. And one thing that I wow, I don't think Matt was trying to make it not be about that.

Speaker 1 I don't like it when someone prattles on with their own voice and doesn't let the guests talk, which reminds me of a story.

Speaker 1 In 1967,

Speaker 1 I wanted a cat. And my parents took me to the Angel Memorial.

Speaker 1 Oh, well, well, that can wait.

Speaker 1 Mike, there is so much crazy stuff that you talk about that I can relate to.

Speaker 1 But here's something you talk about in the special, which I'm so glad you brought up, which is our visit, our visit to the Pope. By the time this airs, the Pope will have been gone for quite a while.

Speaker 1 It will no longer be the top story in the news. But you talk about the Pope inviting a bunch of comedians, and we were among that elite squad of comedians that were invited.
And it was a,

Speaker 1 he spoke to us in Italian. And you talk about this in the special, what he said.
And

Speaker 1 actually, it was quite beautiful. It was about comedy and comedy's place.
And I thought you did a very nice job.

Speaker 1 And it's very powerful now that your special is coming out because he is no longer with us. Yeah.
And I was impressed with what he said to us. Yeah,

Speaker 1 he basically said comedy, in these divisive times, comedy has the power to unite us to bring people together and when when you make at least one audience member uh laugh uh god smiles also yeah and i and i just thought it was beautiful you know it's funny he spoke to us in italian So it just sounded like a waiter was telling us our options.

Speaker 1 Oh my God. He actually said tagliatelli at one point.

Speaker 1 But then.

Speaker 1 I find that very offensive as an Italian American.

Speaker 1 You should. That's how I meant it.

Speaker 1 No, but that your brain just goes to this sort of Italian food stereotypes. It's like after all we've been through as immigrants in the early 20th century.

Speaker 1 Wait a minute, the Irish were immigrants too. Sona came here like six weeks ago.
And he's not battling

Speaker 1 Irish people. No, but what I'm saying is he said in his speech, oh, you want a meatball.

Speaker 1 Remember that part?

Speaker 1 I'm sorry, which part of this is offensive?

Speaker 1 Do you remember the part where he ended it with, God bless you, and did you want to meet ball?

Speaker 1 Do you recall? No, you know, I don't remember that part of it.

Speaker 1 It's weird that I remember it. No, no, I faintly remember it.
I faintly remember it.

Speaker 1 Yeah. No, but it was.

Speaker 1 I'm trying to make you complicit in my terrible rift.

Speaker 1 Don't you remember?

Speaker 1 Did the Pope speak? Did the Pope say anything to you?

Speaker 1 Well, they bring us up one by one in a line. True.
And

Speaker 1 we got a a handshake.

Speaker 1 And by the way, Chris Rock, Conan, Stephen Colbert, David Sederis, and then the special, I point out, I know I'm at the bottom of the list. Not so.
Not so. I didn't like that self-deprecating quip.

Speaker 1 And I'm not a fan of self-deprecating comedy. But

Speaker 1 it is really funny that the way both of us found out, which is the way I think all of us found out, is that apparently the second person closest to God, other than the Pope, is comedian Jim Gaffigan.

Speaker 1 That's right. Because you say in your special that Jim Gaffigan, that, you know,

Speaker 1 your mother said you were called by God. And he went, no, no, I actually got a call from Jim Gaffigan.
And I remember. He was called by Stephen Colbert.
He may have been called by God.

Speaker 1 But I think it, but Gaffigan, I think, is like the go-to

Speaker 1 Vatican guy.

Speaker 1 I think Colbert wants to be the go-to Vatican guy, but I think

Speaker 1 it might be, I think Gaffigan had performed.

Speaker 1 I want to say he performed for the Pope. He opened for the Pope.
He opened for the Pope.

Speaker 1 In Pennsylvania, years ago.

Speaker 1 Yes, for true stories. Wait, really? True story.

Speaker 1 No, no, he came out and he opened for the Pope. But

Speaker 1 I've opened for the devil on the road. Okay, you know,

Speaker 1 I get so mad at myself when I. Because I believed he opened for the Pope.
No, he did. Oh, he did.
He did open for the Pope. He did.
He did a joke, so I thought he made a joke.

Speaker 1 It doesn't negate that truth. It does kind of.

Speaker 1 Mama, me, I'm at the Pope. Yes, yes.

Speaker 1 But now I'm saying earnestly, earnestly

Speaker 1 to you,

Speaker 1 Jim Gaffigan open for the Pope. Yes.
True story. That is a true story.
And Jim Gaffigan

Speaker 1 is.

Speaker 1 Wait, was the Pope funny to follow Jim Gaffigan? Wait, here's what I hear back: is that the Pope, that Gaffigan was killing, and the Pope was like, get him off stage. Get him off.

Speaker 1 Get him off. He's going long.
He's going long. I said seven minutes.
I gave him a little light. I have a bit about a hot pocket.
Yeah. Oh, no, step on my hot pocket, Joe.
That's the light.

Speaker 1 Look at the hot hot pockets. What's inside? That's a meatball.

Speaker 1 Anyway,

Speaker 1 I started just. By the way, he just died.
The Pope. You're mocking, but you know what? You're mocking the Pope with an Italian stereotypical voice.
He literally just died. His body is still warm.

Speaker 1 No, it's not warm in Argentina. No, he's not on a frying zone.
They don't have the.

Speaker 1 It's so fresh. He's not on a

Speaker 1 frying zone. No, no, he's not.
He says Conan respectfully. No, I'm saying he doesn't have one of those French fry lights on him.
He's not French warm. Argentinian.
He was born. Yes, he's waiting.

Speaker 1 Did the Pope say anything to you when you walked up to him? Because we had a moment with him. Did he say anything to you? Because he said something to me.
All he said to me is, oh, who's a Babiglia?

Speaker 1 And I'm like,

Speaker 1 he does, it's like a one-man show. It's very good.
And he said, I don't have time.

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 1 I don't. I just, he did not say something to me.
We had an exchange. I just said, thank you so much, Your Holiness, for having me.
And this is an honor. And I shook hands.

Speaker 1 And I got the impression that it was an assembly line that they were cranking through us. What did he say to you?

Speaker 1 For me, it was, you know, it was pretty intense.

Speaker 1 He leaned in, spoke into my ear. He goes, You are Jesus.

Speaker 1 And now he's dead. And so nobody can substantiate this, but it's like, I don't know.
Well, I'm sure. You know what? The whole thing's on tape.
Yeah, I guess.

Speaker 1 I thought maybe he said, Let me tell you something. These other guys are fuckers.
But you,

Speaker 1 you really

Speaker 1 have this impression. He was like, I like the Leno.

Speaker 1 Maybe I'm a Leno guy.

Speaker 1 He went away and he came back, just like Jesus. When he came back in the 10 o'clock slot, I thought, is anybody even watching this?

Speaker 1 It was, I have to tell you. Oh, my God, what happened to you?

Speaker 1 First of all, can I say something?

Speaker 1 He was so mad at this. Can I say something? Sona, you are correcting two people for their Pope impression, the only two people in the room who met and spoke to the Pope.
Yeah, we are doing an exact

Speaker 1 replica of what he sounded like. No, okay, so professionals.
Yeah. Jesus.
This is how you're talking about it.

Speaker 1 He's not even Italian. So that's the thing that's really

Speaker 1 spoke Italian. Okay, but he had an Italian accent when he spoke English.
You know what? He actually does the voice of it's a milli, Mario.

Speaker 1 He does, and Gary, in fairness, in the special, I am guilty of saying,

Speaker 1 who's that?

Speaker 1 I'm going to make a pizza on the Eucharist.

Speaker 1 Which I'm sure if my dad ever sees a special, he will not like.

Speaker 1 I'm sure a lot of you out there are plain Coca-Cola people, and that's respectable. Trust me, I'm one.
Yes, I am. You've many times seen me just, I like to order just a regular Coca-Cola.

Speaker 1 You really do. I really do.
But if you haven't tried a Coca-Cola from Sonic, now is your chance because right now it's completely free with any purchase.

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Speaker 1 I was up half the night last night watching a World Series game. Yeah.
It was very exciting. I have to tell you,

Speaker 1 I don't care what your sport is, tailgates or watching parties or, you know, whatever. If you're watching High Lie,

Speaker 1 it doesn't matter. It is Miller time.
Miller Light is brewed with simple ingredients like malted barley for rich flavor and golden color.

Speaker 1 It's a taste you can depend on Miller time is always a good time. I'm out there throwing the pig skin around.
I used to just throw pig skin. Really? Chunks of pig skin.
Wow. I never had a football.

Speaker 1 Where would you find the pig? Oh, I went to a farmer. Oh, good.
Yeah, and the pig had fallen into a shredder.

Speaker 1 Anyway, back to Miller Light. I was just hawking pig skin around.
I like to raise a Miller Light in the air and celebrate a great pass,

Speaker 1 throwing chunks of pig skin around.

Speaker 1 One of those nail biters.

Speaker 1 Last night's game, incredible nail biter with the Dodgers. Incredible.
So anyway, Miller Lite, great taste, 96 calories. Go to MerrillLight.com/slash Conan to find delivery options near you.

Speaker 1 Or you can pick up some Merrill Light pretty much anywhere they sell beer. And if they don't sell Merrill Light, turn to them and say, sir, you do not sell beer.
It's Miller time.

Speaker 1 Celebrate responsibly, Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.

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Speaker 1 Anyway,

Speaker 1 I'm glad we

Speaker 1 took care of the Pope, I think. Oh, we took care of the Pope.
But it was a lovely experience to be there. And it wasn't just American comedians.
We were a small contingent.

Speaker 1 It was comedians from all around the world. All around the world.
And then

Speaker 1 I met Liza, your wife. I met your son.

Speaker 1 And then I had a question, which is, because, you know, the special is all about

Speaker 1 what can I teach my daughter and what have I learned from my dad. Yep.
And so my question for you is:

Speaker 1 your son is great. What did you do right? What do you think you did right? I will give, all joking aside, not all joking.
I'm sure I'll get back around to it. But my wife

Speaker 1 is,

Speaker 1 and

Speaker 1 you will back me up on this side because you've known her for a long time. But everyone here,

Speaker 1 she is a lovely person,

Speaker 1 a great soul. And she was

Speaker 1 and is such an amazing mom.

Speaker 1 I think I'm a good dad, but I think she is the stellar parent. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 And so I give her a lot of credit.

Speaker 1 But I also think you talk about this, which I think is really nice because I can't stress enough.

Speaker 1 The special is very funny, but then there are these just great nuggets in there that burble up of wisdom and thoughtfulness. And you talk a lot about just modeling good behavior.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 That kids pick up on everything. And your kids have watched you and your wife be decent people.

Speaker 1 And I don't think... I don't think there's any replacement for that.
Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 My kids have seen me be inept,

Speaker 1 clumsy. They've seen me make an ass of myself in different ways.

Speaker 1 Uh, they are continually shocked that I seem to have made something of myself in the world, but I don't think they've seen a lot of bad behavior from me.

Speaker 1 And I, I, I mean, and look, Matt, Sona, you guys have kids. I think that is

Speaker 1 90% is monkey see, monkey do. Kids look at their parents, and you talk about it in your special that you've, you've, you've kind of tried to just be

Speaker 1 nice, good people, right?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, because yeah, when I was a kid, you know,

Speaker 1 I joke in the special, but it's true. When I was a kid, my dad was a doctor in his free time, he got his law degree, and then I go, That's how much he didn't want to be a dad.

Speaker 1 He's like, What can I do in these slots of time when I would be parenting? Yep, yep. I go, In fairness, we weren't great kids, we always wanted a dad,

Speaker 1 but he wanted another secondary degree. Our goals were in odds.

Speaker 1 But yeah, that was one of the things about being a kid. It's like my dad was very serious about his job.
And then he would,

Speaker 1 every now and then he would just shout. He's just very old school.
And I feel like I've always grappled with that.

Speaker 1 I've always been like, I've always thought, if I'm ever a parent and I'm now a parent. I'm just never going to do that.
Yep.

Speaker 1 And it wasn't just my dad. I mean, in Massachusetts, I'm sure you saw this all the time.
The parents were wild. Well,

Speaker 1 I recognized this part too, which is my dad, incredibly sweet. And, you know, when we, you know, were kids, he had a temper and he would uncork sometimes.
And

Speaker 1 it was,

Speaker 1 you know, I think it was a kind of generational. Like my dad, again, you talked in your special about you said your dad didn't,

Speaker 1 instead of being sent off to fight in Vietnam, because he was in medicine, they sent him to Texas. Yeah.
To be on a base. To be on a base.
The exact same thing happened to my dad in the Korean War.

Speaker 1 Oh, no kidding. So he was sent to Texas, and he didn't really do anything that had anything to do with the military.
So when my dad passed, we read in the instructions that he had left that.

Speaker 1 When he and my mom died, the instructions were like, you know, he wanted like the full military honors at the

Speaker 1 funeral, which he's entitled to.

Speaker 1 And so I gave the eulogy for my dad. My brother Luke gave the eulogy for my mom because it was a double funeral.

Speaker 1 And I said, first of all, let's get something straight because there's like a big flag on his coffin.

Speaker 1 And with, you know, and with, and I just said, my dad was in the army the way Captain Crunch was in the Navy.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 the reason I felt okay with that is I think that would have really made my dad laugh. And when my dad laughed, he grabbed his shoulders and

Speaker 1 because there was so you don't want to express too much, it's not just too much emotion, also joy. Everything's kind of bottled up in this, uh, in this Catholic way.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 And, and so it would, he would uncork sometimes

Speaker 1 and get angry and frustrated. And I remember thinking, uh, it's just generational.

Speaker 1 I'm sure he had witnessed that with his parents. I don't want my, I just don't ever want to be that dad.
I didn't want to be angry dad. Me neither.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 I think

Speaker 1 one time I said to my daughter, I go, so I go, when my dad,

Speaker 1 she goes,

Speaker 1 one day I was emotional about something. Like, I was like, I don't know if we should do the.

Speaker 1 And then my daughter goes, dad, why are you yelling? I go, oh, this isn't yelling.

Speaker 1 And I go, I go, just so you know, when I was a kid, my dad, you know, and I'm, I, and I literally said to her, I'm going to shout right now. This isn't me shouting.
I'm doing an impression of my dad.

Speaker 1 He would go, where are my goddamn keys?

Speaker 1 And she was like, oh, my God.

Speaker 1 And she was like, you know, she was like,

Speaker 1 he's not shouting like that now. And I'm like, you're stealing my jokes.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's straight out of the special.

Speaker 1 She's really got it. For my dad, in the famous Laura Narf,

Speaker 1 there's a special spoon that has a serrated edge for eating grapefruit. Oh, really? Yeah, it's a grapefruit spoon.
You know, it has a little serrated edge.

Speaker 1 And there was one in our house, and my dad liked to use it to eat his grapefruit in the morning. And one morning, he couldn't find his grapefruit spoon.
And

Speaker 1 just listen to the guy narrate the explosion of the Hindenburg.

Speaker 1 It's a little similar.

Speaker 1 And so we just clock things, and we clock things where we say, like, I love my dad. My dad was an amazing person.

Speaker 1 I'm going to try to

Speaker 1 not do that part. But it's interesting because no matter what you do as a parent, I feel like what I've discovered is it doesn't mean you're better as a parent than your parents were to you.

Speaker 1 You're just ultimately different.

Speaker 1 Cause, you know, I was raised very Catholic, et cetera. And so, you know, we don't really do a lot of the Catholic stuff.
And then we're in the Vatican.

Speaker 1 And Una's, my daughter's looking around and she goes, Dad, who's Jesus? And I was like, oh, wow, I have really overlooked a lot of major historical facts in my education of my daughter.

Speaker 1 Just for pop culture. No, really.

Speaker 1 She knows the Greek gods and the Roman gods and she knows the bands Jesus.

Speaker 1 Jesus James.

Speaker 1 But I was like, oh, it's interesting because that is something that I, since going to the Pope, I have started telling her more about what Jesus taught. Yes.

Speaker 1 Which I think is generally net positive with some caveats.

Speaker 1 I think we can all agree that the core, not just of Christianity, but the core teachings of

Speaker 1 many religions, they have this commonality, this beautiful, all in their own different way, but the core tenets of many religions are fantastic. Absolutely.

Speaker 1 Just about treating how you should treat other people, humility.

Speaker 1 There are, and then we, of course, over the centuries have added all of this glop to it.

Speaker 1 And it's turned into mega churches and

Speaker 1 virtue signaling and insanity.

Speaker 1 But if you just go to the basic tenets, they're very beautiful. Yes.
And

Speaker 1 Pope Francis seemed to embody a lot of the best aspects of Christianity and Catholicism. I remember, and this is a funny thing to seize on, but he was a very humble man, Pope Francis.

Speaker 1 And when he came into the room, I don't know if you noticed this. Did you notice his shoes? He was wearing like worn

Speaker 1 kind of walking earth shoes, like Mephisto kind of. Oh, yeah.
They were just very, they were, they were shoes that you would pick up at a very inexpensive store. Like there was Florsham or something.

Speaker 1 Yeah, something like that. They were just very basic, kind of worn shoes that a guy would wear on a bus

Speaker 1 or the guy who's driving the bus. And I remembered thinking, there was no sense of the pomp and the gold and the rings.
And I thought that was impressive. Yeah.
I mean, he had that one ring,

Speaker 1 the papal ring.

Speaker 1 And he won that NBA championship.

Speaker 1 Yeah. For the Mavs.
Yes, Mavericks. Well, I said, I made the mistake of saying Mavericks.
And he said, who's this Mav? They say, call it the Mavs.

Speaker 1 Remember that? Oh, yeah. You said meatball.
We beat the Nuggets in the finals. They went into overtime.
Down to New York.

Speaker 1 What's happening? New York, Pope.

Speaker 1 What we're going to do is edit out all of my stuff where the Pope is speaking in an offensive Italian and just keep yours in.

Speaker 1 And then we're going to post-tape me saying things like, please stop, Mike. Please.
The man's gone. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I want to know about these notes. Okay.
I need to know what the notes are doing. I told him.

Speaker 1 The two people I've seen in my career who had the most notes when they came out were Gary Shandling and

Speaker 1 Joan Rivers. Joan Rivers had a lot of notes.
And I recently ran into Melissa Rivers and I said, I remembered your mom, and every time she came on my show,

Speaker 1 she was backstage with tons of, and she filled in for me notes.

Speaker 1 Notes. She said, mom literally believed in preparing.
So you have brought your notes with you.

Speaker 1 Well, I just had a couple questions for you guys

Speaker 1 because I talk about it in the special. Did you guys have a sex talk growing up? No.
I did not. No.
I did.

Speaker 1 But I gave it to my dad.

Speaker 1 What was it?

Speaker 1 I want to get you some sex, is what you said. Dad, you're going to want to be with a woman.

Speaker 1 No, he just gave me the most uncomfortable right before dropping me off to high school. Like,

Speaker 1 okay, you're going to want to

Speaker 1 try drugs and have sex and just be safe and don't overdo either of them. Have a great day.
Wow.

Speaker 1 That's not bad advice. No, that's pretty good.
And for that reason, I didn't do either for a long time.

Speaker 1 And I've been accused of overdoing sex.

Speaker 1 I don't know what that means.

Speaker 1 What? Yeah, overdoing it. You overdid it.
What? I didn't have a sex talk growing up, but when I was probably around 20, I was living with my girlfriend for a summer. And then my dad.

Speaker 1 And she had the talk with me.

Speaker 1 We're going to do something soon. My dad was going to be.
Very scary. My dad was very upset about it.

Speaker 1 And he just sort of like, before I left, he looked at me for a little bit and then he goes, you're playing with fire. Oh.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 That was the whole conversation.

Speaker 1 That was your sex talk? Yeah. And I was like, I got a hose.
You know what I mean? I don't know. Oh, that's

Speaker 1 I did not get a sex talk. And I'm still waiting.
Still waiting. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, this is the thing I'll say. I take the

Speaker 1 Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend podcast premise. I think much more seriously than the other guests.

Speaker 1 Last time I demanded to have a real friendship with Conan. Since then, we visited the Pope and we had coffee in Brooklyn.
We do.

Speaker 1 There were two definitive days. And I am coming on your podcast.
We're coming on. We're going to get my ass to New York.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 I feel badly because we walked in and your assistant was here who works with you on the podcast.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 she has an antiquated name. Mabel.
Mabel.

Speaker 1 Mabel Lewis.

Speaker 1 It's not a name you hear all, but Mabel. You don't hear Mabel a lot.

Speaker 1 She's going to love that.

Speaker 1 she has an antiquated name yeah no and she was wearing a bonnet she was wearing a bonnet she was wearing a bonnet and she was a horse she came out in a horse horse horse drawn carriage and i but she was in the podcast room when i walked in uh this very nice young woman wearing a bonnet and she was working a loom when i came it was a loom yeah she had an antiquated name said conan I mean, that's the fucking stuff.

Speaker 1 I know. I know.

Speaker 1 She seems lovely, and I'll be seeing her her at the podcast. Yeah.
And I yelled at her for even daring to be in here. Mock yelled at her.

Speaker 1 And I said, we need, for symmetry, she needs to scream at me when I come to your podcast. But I want to move my friendship with Conan to a quarterly

Speaker 1 this year. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You mean right now we did two we did two meetings in the last year and a half. Let's see.

Speaker 1 You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to be, I think I'm going to be in New York in June. And

Speaker 1 that's when this is it drops? That's when this drops. It drops, right? Yeah, sure.
Okay, yeah.

Speaker 1 I think we should get together in June, and I'll either do your podcast or we'll meet up for more than coffee. What's more than coffee? A lunch.
I think a lunch, yeah. Okay.
Not a dinner.

Speaker 1 I won't do a dinner with you. Okay, fair.
Next year. We'll see.
So we went to we went to Italy. My daughter was there.
Your son was there.

Speaker 1 And so my daughter met Conan. Of course,

Speaker 1 just thinks he's another person going to the Vatican.

Speaker 1 Just this tall, tall man going to the Vatican, also.

Speaker 1 And then we show, when the Oscars come on, we show her the Oscars. Like, remember him? Conan from the Vatican.
So that. How old is your daughter? She's 44.
She's 44 years old.

Speaker 1 She just turned 10, but we showed her the Oscars and we laughed at the Adam Sandler bit a lot. It's like, it's really silly, him wearing a hooded sweatshirt.

Speaker 1 And the next day, I drove her to school, and I was wearing a hooded sweatshirt. And she goes, you look like Adam.
And I go, Adam, who? And she goes, Adam from the Oscars.

Speaker 1 I think that's the only time he's ever been referred to as Adam from the Oscars. Yes.
Yes.

Speaker 1 That's, you know what you said in your special? And

Speaker 1 which was sweet was

Speaker 1 that whenever you're out in the real world and someone comes up to you and says, I love your comedy. You had this great line about your kids' response.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, I said to her, because I was like thinking, I was like, that's so weird for her, probably. Someone's like, oh, you're a great comedian.
And I walked a few blocks.

Speaker 1 I go, you know, what do you think when people say stuff like that? And she goes, it's a waste of my time.

Speaker 1 I was like, that's the meanest thing anyone's ever said to me. And I know Bill Burr.

Speaker 1 Oh, God. No, I killed Bill.
It's really funny. My kids have a great, healthy disinterest for my shenanigans professionally.
And

Speaker 1 I think way deep down, they're proud of my, if I do some good work, but mostly, again, a waste of their time.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 I remembered walking through the street once, down the street, and I was with my daughter. And do you ever, I reuse some lines, and what I get a lot is you're much taller in person.
Sure.

Speaker 1 I get that all the time. And so I just learned the thing that always works is people be like, hey, you're much taller than you are on TV.

Speaker 1 And I say, and you're much taller in person than you are on TV. And I'll say, well, you need a bigger TV.
And it always works. It just works.
I'll say, you need a six foot four television.

Speaker 1 They're like, ha ha ha. And we're done.

Speaker 1 I did that. And my daughter shot me a look.
This is a bunch of years ago. She shot me a look and she said, you've done that one before.

Speaker 1 And I said, you want an original line for every human I meet? And she kind of gave me a look like, yeah. Yeah.
You can't reuse material. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, you can when you're walking around a mall, you know, what are you talking about? We really got into it and I started screaming at it, which I promised I'd never do.

Speaker 1 I said I'd never be that dad, but that's that's what we got into it. When you hosted the Oscars, I texted you.
I go, Conan, you showed us how it's done.

Speaker 1 All of us comedians are diligently taking notes.

Speaker 1 Do you have advice? I was just about to film my special. And Conan wrote back and it was very sweet.
He wrote, thanks. Tons of prep, but I ended up having fun out there.

Speaker 1 I guess that's the only lesson.

Speaker 1 And I think that's true. And I think that that, that, the special is, I think, the most fun that I've ever had on stage in one of the film specials.

Speaker 1 There is something contagious about people having fun. Yeah, it's this special is really specific, what the preparation was.
It was 70 cities over two years.

Speaker 1 So I toured and I, every city was different. You know, keep making tweaks, keep making tweaks.

Speaker 1 And then my director, Seth Barrish, who's directed like all six of my last specials, he has a theater company called the Barrow Group.

Speaker 1 And we would have these impromptu like rehearsals for whoever was around. It would be like 10 people in like a room.
And I would just go, this is the story. And it wouldn't be like stand-up.

Speaker 1 It wouldn't be like people bought a ticket. And I would just do, you know, the special you guys saw.
Like I would just perform it and you'd see which parts just don't ring true. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because you take away the inertia of like a thousand people in a room going, yay. And it's just like me telling you a story.
It starts to be like, oh, okay, well, that part's a little bullshit.

Speaker 1 And this part really feels like something. That's the part of it

Speaker 1 that speaks to something I don't understand. There's a almost mystical quality to some of this mass communication or whatever we want to call it, but specifically comedy where.

Speaker 1 And I mean, and the same thing is true in music, where you can try and over and over and over and over again to get them to like the thing that they don't like or that they don't respond to and you can keep tweaking it and working it but when you find those real things yeah those nuggets they just have a palpable weight they have a they're they're uh

Speaker 1 and

Speaker 1 sometimes you just find them conversationally with your friends or out in the world you find something you're like oh this is you know this is great this is i i

Speaker 1 there's something about this yeah

Speaker 1 phrase or this story with this, you know,

Speaker 1 and it's funny because we started this and I asked you off mic because you talk a lot about your dad having this

Speaker 1 having a stroke. Having a stroke.
And it sounds, you know, like it was a pretty serious neurological event.

Speaker 1 And this is another thing I can relate to because your dad's a doctor, he starts to try and take control

Speaker 1 of his own care. And I, yeah, I watched your special and I went right to my dad 20 years ago having

Speaker 1 being diagnosed with colon cancer.

Speaker 1 and they go in and they do the major surgery, not orthoscopic, but they go in and they do the major abdominal incision and take out a section of his intestine and sew him back up again.

Speaker 1 And he wakes up after the operation, and there are these tubes going in, and they're basically anesthesia to block the nerves so that he doesn't. feel the pain.

Speaker 1 And he looked at them and he said, what is this? And they said, well, this is to keep you from feeling the agony of this abdominal surgery. And he said, it will slow recovery.
Take it out.

Speaker 1 And they said, no, no, no. We just cut through you

Speaker 1 with a buzzsaw and took out. And my dad said, take it out.
And they took it out. I flew home because I was in Los Angeles.
I flew home to see my dad thinking.

Speaker 1 And I said, I'll stop off at my parents' house first. in Brookline and drop off my stuff and go right to the hospital to visit my dad.
And this is like the day after the operation.

Speaker 1 I arrived because I had to, I wasn't, I would have been in New York. So I would, I flew in, had to do a show, flew in.
I don't have a key to the house. I ring the doorbell.
The door opens.

Speaker 1 It's my dad opening the door. No.

Speaker 1 Yes. He had had his intestine removed the day before.
Oh my gosh. And he's standing there white as a sheet.
He was like, It is good to see you, son. Oh, my gosh.

Speaker 1 And I can tell he's basically been gutted like a fish, but he knew that you can recover quickly with no anesthesia or a little bit longer and

Speaker 1 feel comfortable. And he did that.

Speaker 1 And that's when I thought, there's so much in your special where I thought, yep, I can check that box too. Yeah.
There's so much I can check that box. It's such a strange thing watching.

Speaker 1 a neurologist, my dad is a neurologist being treated by a neurologist and they're essentially conferring with each other

Speaker 1 about what has happened. And then your dad gave the doctor a bill.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 or here's my bill and here's my bill we'll go dutch

Speaker 1 there was a point

Speaker 1 there was a point where where

Speaker 1 when he was at the hospital early on where uh where he he my brother joe said to me he goes i went to see dad today and he said in the middle of the night they took me downstairs and i got hit by a truck and i was like dad it's worse than that.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? Yes. Yes.

Speaker 1 It's oddly like, yeah,

Speaker 1 it's a shocking experience what he's been through. And how's his recovery going? His recovery is okay.
I mean, a few weeks ago, he had pneumonia and the flu at the same time.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And it just becomes,

Speaker 1 I mean, the special. I mean, the special has been an interesting process for me because I wasn't planning on writing about it.
I started writing about what can I teach my daughter.

Speaker 1 And then a year into writing that show, my dad has the stroke. And so then I'm like, okay,

Speaker 1 what can I teach my daughter? What have I learned from my dad?

Speaker 1 And in the process of it, I feel like I've learned to empathize with my dad in this way that I don't think I did when I was younger. I think I just viewed him as larger than life

Speaker 1 and not quite as a person.

Speaker 1 And I think it's been very healthy and

Speaker 1 healing. You know what helped me a lot is when my daughter was born and then two years later, my son was born.

Speaker 1 And I remember telling my wife, no matter what we do, they're going to go to a therapist and have complaints or issues because that's just how it is.

Speaker 1 And if you accept that up front and you're not defensive about it, we're all doing the best we can. And that includes our parents and their parents.
We're all doing, well, that's not true.

Speaker 1 There are parents that are not doing the best they can, but most people are doing the best they can. Yeah.
And that's what we're doing. We're doing the best we can.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I haven't seen my kids in years.

Speaker 1 Yeah. But my manager and my agent tell me they are prospering.
Well, I spoke with your publicist about the modeling that your children are doing. Yes.

Speaker 1 I got them into modeling. I know you're getting the checks from it.
Well, they say that once they turned 18, they're supposed to get the money. Yeah.
But I am fighting that.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 this is reminding me of this crazy riff I did so off brand

Speaker 1 with Bob Newhart,

Speaker 1 who passed about, I'm going to say a year and a half ago, but

Speaker 1 we were doing something. I might have been doing, he did a podcast for a while.
And I don't know if I was talking to him, but we got on this crazy riff about doing stuff for charities.

Speaker 1 And we both started doing this thing about how, yeah, and then when it's sick kids, and then you're supposed to give them the money.

Speaker 1 And it was so great because Bob Newhart, who's, you know, a saint, and what, but he was so dry. And he was like, oh, I know.
Tell me about it. And,

Speaker 1 you know, but and we were both doing this fake riff about how we were trying to hide the money for the children's hospital.

Speaker 1 That's what I love is the, is that when you can go that dark with people who are, oh, yeah. At that point, he would have been 94 and he can go that dark and wants to go that dark.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 And you realize, oh, this is just universal. We're all terrible people.

Speaker 1 No, and this show show is definitely the darkest of my specials, just by the subject matter. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You know, and it's like, it's been an interesting thing because like I, there's that joke where I say, my dad had a stroke and it's been devastating, but I will say it has calmed him down. You know,

Speaker 1 we have a lot of lines like that that get big laughs, but if you, you're also touching a third rail, which is the whole point. Right.

Speaker 1 But it's interesting because you just, when people laugh at that, and

Speaker 1 you know, there was a point at which early in the development, I was like, oh, that's a little tense. And then I would say to the audience, I go, you know,

Speaker 1 a lot of the jokes tonight are for me. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Most of them are for you, but a few are for me. This is a coping mechanism, and I hope it is for you too.

Speaker 1 And I think that that's the thing I've realized in the process of writing this show is that like comedy for all of us is a coping mechanism of some kind. Oh, it's a total.

Speaker 1 defense mechanism, coping mechanism.

Speaker 1 I've often said, I just, as a very young child, went through my checklist of, you know, I know everyone's given certain superpowers. What are mine?

Speaker 1 And I went through, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. And then I got, you know, oh, I can, my friends think I'm funny.
We're going to double and triple down. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Because it's not going to be an athletic scholarship.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 the show, The Good Life, is on Netflix.

Speaker 1 It's your sixth special overall, but you're fourth on Netflix. They probably don't want you to acknowledge anything that wasn't on Netflix.
True. True.
So,

Speaker 1 and I believe that's either out now or out any day. It's out.
Oh, it's out. Okay.
It's available everywhere. Watch it because you do beautiful work, Mike.
You really do.

Speaker 1 And there's this, a bunch of these young comedians who come from a generation or two before me who I really adore you and Mulaney.

Speaker 1 And I mean, the list goes on and on and on, but just that do really great work. And I watch you guys and it makes me happy.
It makes me happy. Like, oh, comedy is in very good hands.

Speaker 1 It's time for me to to die.

Speaker 1 And Mike Brigliy needs a friend. Yeah.

Speaker 1 We have agreed that you will slide right in. It's official.
It's official. It's starting now.
Yeah. Now, wait a minute.

Speaker 1 Okay. We can do it.

Speaker 1 Give me a couple of months. Get my affairs in order.
But congratulations on another amazing show. And thank you for making it.
It really made me feel very connected to you.

Speaker 1 And also really laugh. This is good medicine for all.
And

Speaker 1 now, now, quick disclaimer: Pope Francis did not speak with that Italian accent.

Speaker 1 Conan O'Brien, disrespect of my grave.

Speaker 1 I'm up into heaven now.

Speaker 1 And I have to listen to this shit.

Speaker 1 All right, Mike. Thank you very much.
This is such an honor. It's my favorite podcast, and I just appreciate you guys having me.
I'll see you soon. I'll see you in New York.
Couple weeks. Yep.

Speaker 1 Uncrustables are the best part of the sandwich. I mean, we've been thinking that.
Why does he say it, right, Sona? Yeah, like, who needs a crust?

Speaker 1 You've been saying that since the day I met you 15 years ago, Sona. You said, who needs the crust? And I said, first of all, my name's Conan.
You know,

Speaker 1 anyway, it's the perfect grab and go for all of life's moments with unbeatable soft bread and a variety of flavors, like, well, peanut butter and grape jelly, peanut butter and strawberry jam.

Speaker 1 Hello, peanut butter and raspberry spread, and so much more. No mess, no prep, just thaw and eat.

Speaker 1 Yep, get them in the freezer aisle today.

Speaker 1 The best B2B marketing gets wasted on the wrong people. Man, this tears me up.
So when you want to reach the right professionals, use LinkedIn ads.

Speaker 1 LinkedIn has grown to a network of over 1 billion professionals, including 130 million decision makers. Hmm.
I wonder if I'm one of those.

Speaker 1 That's why LinkedIn has the biggest B2B ROAS of all online ad networks. Spend $250 on your first campaign on LinkedIn ads and get a free $250 credit for the next one.
Pretty good deal.

Speaker 1 Just go to linkedin.com slash Conan. That's LinkedIn.com/slash Conan.
Terms and conditions apply.

Speaker 1 All right, we do have to address address something, which is before the interview officially began with Mike Berbiglia, we start yapping. And we always do this.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because, and then we don't record on that or we don't usually air that because we start with a hi, my name is blank and I feel blank. And

Speaker 1 but we thought we should stop doing that. We should just start playing this stuff because it was, it was a good area.

Speaker 1 We had some fun and it was before the official start of the podcast. So we were just chatting.
Sometimes I will take those things and splice them in the interview. But funnily enough, this one was so

Speaker 1 crazy energy that when you guys actually started the podcast, you both got really sober and somber. And they would never cut together.
I know. That's the thing: I came in hot.
Yes.

Speaker 1 I come in hot sometimes, and you were actually worried because my energy was very high in a good way. I mean, I was in a great mood.
Yeah. I love Mike Berbiglia.
I'm happy to be here.

Speaker 1 Nice to see you guys. I'm kind of jazzed.
And then I have the biggest cup of coffee in the world.

Speaker 1 And you were worried, like, he's going to go up from here. Yeah.
So I think maybe I came in hot.

Speaker 1 Br Biglia, or as I call him, Berbiggs,

Speaker 1 which doesn't really work as a nickname. No, I didn't hear you call him that once.
Never did. I just thought of it right now.

Speaker 1 I think that's his Instagram handle, isn't it? Berbiggs. Yeah.
Oh, is it? Is it? Yeah, I think it is. Oh, it's terrible.
I'd go with Berbiggie. Yeah.
If I was him, I'd go. I'd say Berbigaroni.

Speaker 1 I'd go Berbiggan.

Speaker 1 Notorious B-I-R-B-I-G. Well, what was it we were talking about? Because I can't remember.
We were talking about how Berbiglia is offering that when you die,

Speaker 1 he will do Mike Berbiglia Needs a Friend and take Sona and I on. Yes, yes.

Speaker 1 Which brings up a very good point. We don't have a succession plan.
Yeah. And we need one.
We do.

Speaker 1 I mean, I don't know when this drops, but we've just lost the Pope, and that's a whole process they go through for finding someone.

Speaker 1 It's usually a conclave. I don't know if there would be a conclave to find

Speaker 1 who takes over this podcast, should something happen to me. You would be in it.
Well, these three would be in it. Play Eduardo and Adam would be in it.
Play Eduardo and Adam. We're cardinals.

Speaker 1 For sure. Or are we in the running?

Speaker 1 I don't want to, I'm not going to be able to. But I'm so excited.
I don't think you guys want to host it. No.

Speaker 1 Let me just tell you something. Host, it's a very high-pressure position.
Isn't it? And I think you guys get to go like, what? What's he talking about? I roll.

Speaker 1 And then you get the check, and it's all nice.

Speaker 1 To be the tent pole, to be the one who's in the F-16 piloting it. Oh, you think that's what you're doing? Anyway, Sony, he's right.
So, we should just co-host. Okay, yeah, we could just do that.

Speaker 1 So, who would, who should it be? Will it be Brubiglio? Who will take over this podcast? I think he's a strong contender. Who else would it be?

Speaker 1 Who else do we think would be have the, I mean, very few people, and this sounds like a, I'm thinking it's not even a humble brag, it's just a brag.

Speaker 1 But who else would have my combination of skills?

Speaker 1 Wow, this is a read off of of a paper. That's so much work.

Speaker 1 I know. Someone just tears out a page from a 1978 yellow page.

Speaker 1 Let's get this plumber. Oh, no.
What do I do? Someone gives me the research and then I got to ask questions. Occasionally, I got to doodle.

Speaker 1 Yeah, my job is so hard. Guys, I know it looks to you like I just come in here and babble like a chimp.
Yes, I do. And then somehow it's wobbled together.

Speaker 1 But no, that's not what I do. I spend hours preparing my body.

Speaker 1 There's a whole regimen of various tubs filled with different oils at a different temperature. There's a whole thing that happens.
Oh, my God. So you get deep-fried.
Various oils.

Speaker 1 No, I think we should, you guys should be thinking about it. Adam, you should be thinking about who would step in.
You're the podcast whisperer here.

Speaker 1 You're the one that thought I should do a podcast and started this insanity.

Speaker 1 As we're talking about it now, I'm actually thinking that I've been a little derelict in my duties because I should have a, you know, all the like big companies are talking about what's the Disney succession plan.

Speaker 1 Everyone needs to have when their leader is aging, everyone needs to have like a

Speaker 1 succession plan. Wait a minute.
So Adam, wait a minute. It's my responsibility to come up with that.

Speaker 1 I was certain we were talking about either an accident or me deciding to retire to my

Speaker 1 pony farm upstate. What do you mean is aging? How about has aged?

Speaker 1 What about has aged badly?

Speaker 1 I think it's legitimate. I'm going to overlook the way you said it, but I do think.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 it should be my responsibility. And I think Berbiglia is a great candidate.
Although, I will say this: every special he has is about his medical ailments. Absolutely.

Speaker 1 Today we found out that he was born without bones. Yeah.
He has no bones. He uses coat hangers that are strapped to the outside of his body.

Speaker 1 He doesn't have much time left either.

Speaker 1 I would worry about Berbiglia's health because every special he does is about, oh, and by the way, I have another condition where my gums are growing into my heart. You know,

Speaker 1 so would you, well, here's the thing, though. I think you should be grooming your successors.
I don't like the word grooming anymore.

Speaker 1 It's got some bad connotations.

Speaker 1 Is this like a democracy or a conclave, or do you get to appoint a successor? Like it seems like the autocrat would be the way he's going to be.

Speaker 1 And Sona, you had suggested maybe this, it's more like succession. I'm

Speaker 1 Logan Roy. You're Logan.

Speaker 1 You're definitely a Kendall.

Speaker 1 Excuse me? He is. He's Kendall.
He is very. You're a very Kendall-you're very Kendall-esque.
And yeah. And you're not a Roman.
You're Shiv. Yeah, I'm Shiv.
I'm Shiv. But you don't think you're a Tom.

Speaker 1 Oh, and you know what? Tom. Blay is the guy.
Who's the guy who is out in Montana?

Speaker 1 Connor? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Blay is Connor. Yeah.
I'm more a Tom.

Speaker 1 You are a Tom. Blay thinks he's going to run for president, and no one takes him seriously.

Speaker 1 I see myself as more of a Greg.

Speaker 1 That's true. But

Speaker 1 a little bumbly, squarmy. You know what? You are more of a Greg than a Connor.
Yeah. And Eduardo is just Eduardo.

Speaker 1 You can't, you're not, there's no way to make it. Take it there's no Latinos on succession.
No, snap.

Speaker 1 He's like a Mattson. He's more of a Mattson.
Cool guy. No, I think he's, oh, God, Jerry.
He's Jerry. If I get the same paycheck, sure.
As me.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Well, there's a lot of money on those.

Speaker 1 I mean, there was at one point. Anyway, we don't have any more time to play the clip.
Well, yeah, this is

Speaker 1 play the clip. This is like succession, though, if nobody wanted your job.

Speaker 1 Like, it's like who's not going to get it. And in succession, the company was very sought after and powerful.
This is very different.

Speaker 1 This is people saying, I don't want that.

Speaker 1 I'm going to work at a shoe store instead. All right, play the clip.
Okay, here we go.

Speaker 1 Oh, man. Oh, man.
Have we got a lot to talk about? This is one of those ones where I want to get right into it because we have so much to talk about. Yeah, I know there's a lot.

Speaker 1 You and your special will not come up.

Speaker 1 Okay, got it. You understand? No.

Speaker 1 Let me just write this down.

Speaker 1 No promotions. No promotions.
No promotions.

Speaker 1 No mentions of projects.

Speaker 1 Have you met the? Well, this is

Speaker 1 Sono. Sono.
Sono. Sono.

Speaker 1 Mark.

Speaker 1 Sono Mark.

Speaker 1 Sono and Mark. I just like to keep him on his toes.
Listen, I came in a little hot. I apologize.
I saw someone who shouldn't be here. Yep.
And it infuriated me.

Speaker 1 Oh, I get it. You know what I mean, right? You don't just let people wander around.
First of all, I brought a bunch of, I brought notes again. Okay.

Speaker 1 I love how prepared you brought it.

Speaker 1 I love

Speaker 1 the last person who I saw bring that many notes was Gary Shanling, and he's dead.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Dead. And maybe, I think, because of the notes.
That was one of, that was going to be one of my notes today.

Speaker 1 I just want to pitch this to Matt and Sona. When Conan dies, and I'm not saying he's going to die soon.
Mike Berbiglian needs a friend. Okay.
Yes. We don't have to wait for that.
No, no. And we have.

Speaker 1 Or we can hasten it. Before we begin, I have one question.
No, no, that's part of it. That's part of a keep it in.
This can't be part of the keep it in. No, that's better to keep it in.

Speaker 1 Was it clear to me at the end, dad okay now? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Okay.
Your dad. My dad is okay now.
Yeah. He's better.
He's better. Okay.

Speaker 1 I just want just want to make sure before we get into it because I'm going to really roast him and I want to make sure he's okay. Oh, shit.

Speaker 1 Listen, it's what we do in Massachusetts. Oh, it is.
It really is. Yeah, it really is.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 These two California soft little babies.

Speaker 1 I'm really glad you're in my life.

Speaker 1 Croatia.

Speaker 1 But for real, when Conan dies, it is important that you know that you will be the first two people who I want to have on Microbigley in the the internet. True story.

Speaker 1 You're just, you're going to make us, you're going to make us. I don't know why.

Speaker 1 I want to start. We are, but yeah, but you guys have created this thing that has to happen first where they go, harmonious, Mike Berbiglia, and I feel nauseous about.

Speaker 1 And because we have to do that, we can't record any of this shit. You created the perfect trap.
It's all being recorded. Look at this.
This is how an ESP guy with ESP does a podcast.

Speaker 1 That's a funny bit. We're ready to come be on your podcast.
Yeah, Mike Burbiglia needs a friend, you said. Okay, we're in.

Speaker 1 Let me tell you a few things about television. They're rolling right now,

Speaker 1 so we can use all of that. It's not television.
It's not television. It's a podcast that's been my podcast.
Oh, my God. I hope there's no caffeine in whatever you're drinking.

Speaker 1 There's a value in it. Oh, God.
Okay, over to you, Mike, whenever you're ready.

Speaker 1 Whenever you want to say it, Yeybo. It's lots of fun for you.
If you like it, holler, yay. And if you don't, you're holler.

Speaker 1 I listened to our last episode, and Ye-Boo in the comments is beloved.

Speaker 1 People love Yeboo. Oh, yeah.
Well, I could sing another one of his tunes. I don't know if we'd brought that up.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. Boy, wow.

Speaker 1 Okay, let's start it. All right.
Okay, fake start and go.

Speaker 1 Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend with Conan O'Brien, Sonom Obsession, and Matt Gorley. Produced by me, Matt Gorley.
Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Fross, and and Nick Liao.

Speaker 1 Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.
Take it away, Jimmy.

Speaker 1 Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and Mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns.

Speaker 1 Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent Booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn.

Speaker 1 You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Cocoa Hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message.

Speaker 1 It too could be featured on a future episode. You can also get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at seriousxm.com/slash Conan.

Speaker 1 And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

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