Adam Devine

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Uncrustables are the best part of the sandwich.

I mean, we've been thinking that.

Why does hell say it, right, Sona?

Yeah.

Like, who needs a crust?

You've been saying that since the day I met you 15 years ago, Sony.

You said, who needs the crust?

And I said, First of all, my name's Conan.

You know,

anyway, it's the perfect grab-and-go for all of life's moments with unbeatable soft bread and a variety of flavors, like, well, peanut butter and grape jelly, peanut butter and strawberry jam.

Hello, peanut butter and raspberry spread, and so much more.

No mess, no prep, just thaw

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Yep, get them in the freezer aisle today.

Hi, I'm Adam Devine.

And I feel exuberant about being Conan O'Brien's friend.

Fall is here, hear the yell.

Back to school, ring the bell.

Brand new shoes, walking loose, climb the fence, books and pens.

I can tell that we are gonna be friends.

Yes, I can that we are gonna be friends.

Bang, bang, bang.

No, okay, okay, I'm doing it.

I'm doing it hard.

Stay there.

I'm doing it hard.

I'm doing it hard.

I'm gonna do it hard.

I'm gonna start the intro.

I'm gonna start.

Hey, Conan O'Brien here.

Welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend.

And I'm watching.

Sona has a bag of popcorn and she's whipping it across the room.

Yes!

Yes!

Yes!

You know, it's impressive.

Sona started whipping popcorn across the room, Gorley trying to catch it in his mouth.

There were some failed attempts.

I decided to just start the podcast on the action.

And what was interesting is Sona threw two.

Accidentally.

Accidentally, and one went into your mouth, and now you're choking.

Are you okay?

Never better.

One of them went in, which was very impressive.

You okay?

I am.

Okay.

Look, I never said we were a real podcast.

You, you know, it's funny.

It was reminding me of you were throwing popcorn across the room.

I have two dogs.

Loki's.

Wait a minute.

You'll see.

Loki and Odin.

Loki's a mature seven-year-old dog.

And one of his abilities is I can just drop a little treat and he can snap it out of the air.

He's very good at it.

Odin is a one-year-old pup and a goof.

And so I'll drop it for Loki and he'll just snap it just as you did right now.

Just snap it out of the air.

And then I'll drop it for Odin and he it bounces off of his head and then he snaps his mouth like two minutes later.

He's just, he's a total clown, but he's slowly, he's slowly getting the hang of it.

And so I just had, when you were throwing the popcorn across the room, I have this ritual every day where I'm trying to teach Odin to be able to snap it.

And I'm, I realize that you're slightly smarter than my one-year-old dog.

But you know what?

It was on me.

I wasn't, It was hard to throw popcorn and I just couldn't get that.

It's not aerodynamic.

It took a long distance to get that popcorn.

Yeah.

But we pulled it off.

We did it.

Yeah.

You're a good food catcher.

Hey, thanks.

Hey, see, there is a reason.

That's what my wife calls me.

She's just, you're just a food catcher.

That's all you are.

That was fun.

I think we've got a loose vibe today.

And I want people tuning in right now

to know that we're a bunch of fun, regular folk that just toss popcorn around.

We lost all of it.

I know.

Whatever we set up, you just

ruined it.

Yeah, it was a nice moment.

I had to get it.

Can I throw popcorn at you?

No, I don't think so.

And you didn't even mean in his mouth.

You just wanted to pumble it up.

You wanted to use a different food.

Sing a handful.

Yeah.

Super hot fried chicken right off the frying pan.

Burning my face, scorching it.

Yeah.

Hot soup.

Really, really hot sweet and sour soup that you throw at me with a hose.

I'm just, I'm glad

that we're happy and we're having a good time.

And

I'm going to just say it.

I don't use the word vibe much, but there's a good vibe today.

It's like, we're just a bunch of pals having fun.

That's all.

A bunch of goofy, goofy pals throwing food.

Yeah, throwing food around.

That's nice.

We clean up afterwards.

I'm not going to because I didn't throw any.

Oh.

But that means I have to.

Eduardo and I, by the way, are the people who have to clean up the studio.

So I've cleaned that food a lot.

No, no, no, no.

I'm going to say, I'm going to say that's on Matt and Sona.

They should have to do that.

I would never

just ate all the pieces on my seat.

Well, Eduardo is the head of the studio.

Eduardo, is there food allowed in here?

Typically, we tried not to allow food here, but for you guys, for you guys, these aren't safe.

These are

no idea.

Wait a minute, Eduardo.

I've never heard this rule.

Excuse me, just a second.

Eduardo has the floor.

Now, I also want to preface again: Eduardo is the genius who designed this beautiful studio that everyone compliments us on.

And so again, props to you, Eduardo.

I knew that we weren't supposed to have

liquid.

It's just good studio etiquette to not have food or drinks in the studio, but this isn't your typical studio anyways.

It's a podcast studio.

So we kind of built for some food.

No, hold on a second, though.

So

that's really a recording thing that you're not supposed to have food around?

Because we've had a ton of food in here all the time.

Again, you've never said a word.

You're more

traditional.

No, because, you know, it's a good vibe.

So I try to just, you know, he's cool, dad.

But like, for example, if I were to bring in a goulash, would you have said something?

A big, hot, steaming goulash in a big ceramic bowl and then just been like, goulash for all.

I like slopping it around.

Coca-Cola and Mentos.

Is that cool?

Yeah, no, that would not work.

Like I said,

it's a podcast studio.

It's whatever you guys want it to be.

Well, no, I respect your

both as a technician and a craftsman.

I respect the work you've done, and I want to honor it.

And maybe we should honor Eduardo by not having food in his life.

I'm cool with snacks, like anything that's contained.

That's why, like, I prefer.

She was throwing the food across the room.

But you say, okay, let me list some foods.

Goulash, no.

Probably no.

Okay.

Just a big

boiling meaty stew.

Definitely.

No.

Okay.

Tacos?

Tacos.

Oh, chowder.

Tacos, you allow, but what about my beloved Boston chowda?

Get out of here.

Mescal Palomas?

Yeah.

There we go.

Oh, I see a trend here.

Wait a minute.

This doesn't feel fair.

What about a lot of corned beef and potatoes?

Get out of here.

Oh, man.

What about some quesadillas?

Oh, yes.

More, please.

I see what's going on.

How about some Armenian graba degou?

Graba the goo.

It depends on the day of the week.

Oh, okay.

Is there grabba the goose?

What is it?

What is what would be an Armenian dish that I should have yelled out?

And don't say, because I know there's a lot of dried fruit.

Khush.

Krush?

Kush.

Khush.

Khush, what's that?

Khush.

It's a hoof soup.

What?

Don't, come on.

Lamajun.

Lamajun.

Let's just go to it.

That's the Armenian pizza.

Khush, we've talked about this.

It's, you know, it's like a peasant dish, kind of.

They take all the parts of the animal that they didn't eat and they throw it all in a

soup.

But hoof, you wouldn't eat the hoof.

You could eat the hoof.

It's hot.

But hoof is what?

Hoof is a hardened collagen.

It just melts down.

I think I don't know enough about it.

I know there's going to be so many Armenians mad at me, but I always grew up thinking it's hoof soup.

Maybe there are no hooves.

Okay.

All right.

Maybe it just got a bad name.

Eduardo is busily searching for it on the internet.

It won't come up.

I don't even know how to do it.

You have to go in the dark web.

I don't know how you.

Hey,

if you want some hoof soup,

you don't just go on, you don't just type that into Google.

You got to know a guy.

You got to to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a horse.

Okay.

And I also don't know how you, in English, how you do the.

I tried K-H.

I think you do it at an X.

Oh, I see.

X-A-S-H.

Hush.

Hush.

Hush.

Hush.

Hush.

Hush.

Yeah.

That's a good excuse I'll use if, you know, I tell my wife, I'm like, hush.

And she's like, don't you tell me to be quiet.

I'll say, just wanted some hoofs.

That's worse.

So I did find it, actually.

K-H-A-S-H, or the way you spelled it, so it says Kash is a traditional Armenian soup, often made with cow feet or other beef.

Cow feet?

They can't mean the hoof, though.

Well, there's no other real part of the foot.

Yeah.

It's got to be.

You got to use the whole part of the whole cow.

So is there a saddle in there?

I mean, what's going on?

Okay, there's no saddle.

It also says it's often consumed as a hangover remedy.

Yeah.

You have a little of that, and you're like, I'll never drink again.

Anything.

Nothing's going in my mouth again.

Once you got a hoof in your throat, the idea of consuming anything again.

All right, I'm going to get this show going.

Time to get this show going.

My guest today has started in such TV shows and movies as Workaholics, Pitch Perfect, and the Righteous Gemstones.

He also has a podcast called This Is Important.

Hey, that's a great title,

which releases new episodes every Tuesday.

I'm excited he's here today.

Adam Devon.

Hey, you did the pause.

Welcome.

I did the pause.

I did the pause.

Yes.

Our long national nightmare is over.

Yes.

There's a slight pause there before you say my name.

Because I think you were exuberant about being someone else's friend and then remembered it was me.

And I could see the life.

leave your body.

Well, I am bad at reading.

Not much of a reader, are you?

No, no,

put me on the spot reading i'm gonna make my own actually when i was a kid they thought i couldn't read uh because i would like kind of read ahead a little bit and then make my own story up right and then they're like he's an idiot he can't read and then they put me into class like a remedua reading and they're like we think he can he just is making his own shit up like he's highly creative is what he is in third grade i had heard that there was this evelyn wood speed speed reading course where people, and there was advertised on television where you could read really fast.

I thought that was so cool.

I just went to school and told people I could do it.

And they're like, prove it.

So I picked up a book and I

flipped through the pages really fast.

And I wasn't reading, but I was flipping through it really fast because I was trying to, I was embarrassed.

So I was covering for the fact that I had said I could do this.

And then I did it with another book and another book.

And then they asked me what the books were about.

And I was just saying stuff that kind of sounded like it would be the book of the day.

You're like, George Washington saved the day.

Yeah, you know,

yeah.

And so, and they were like, wow.

And they told the teacher, Mrs.

Solit, and they said, Conan's a speed reader.

He can, he just read three books in like two minutes.

And she came over and saw what I was doing and basically said, you're an idiot.

This is bullshit.

Knock it off.

And I remember being so embarrassed, I turned beat red.

And I said, I'll never do a stupid thing again.

More red.

More red.

Wow.

Yeah.

And I was drinking that day.

Adam, it's a thrill to have you here.

Good to be here.

I remember you first came onto my radar because my assistant who's with me today, Sona Mossessian, and joins me often.

I remember she was my assistant.

And from the day you started working for me, every day you would come in and you were constantly talking about this show Workaholics.

And you were obsessed with it.

Wow, cool.

I was.

I love that show.

Yeah, thanks.

And when I hear that someone, that something else is really funny, I'm furious.

Yeah.

Furious.

I understand that.

You know, like, what?

This can't be funny.

How am I involved?

And she said, you, it has nothing to do with you.

Yeah.

And I said, am I in it?

And, you know, it's at that level of pathology.

Did I write for this?

Yeah.

Did they steal my journal and create a TV show?

There must be some way, you know.

And, but no, and then she started showing me clips of the show, which was hilarious.

And then I started having you guys on, and it was a perfect mix of my audience, what you guys were doing, which was so inventive and again my favorite kind of television and entertainment is when good friends are entertaining themselves yeah and almost defying people to say look you can like this or not but this is what we like

and i thought that was pretty cool and i thought we'd start there because sona i love it you you were i mean you had

You had made like pictures and posters.

It was crazy.

Relax.

You went to Adam's house.

You watched it.

You went to to Adam's house.

You were outside my house.

You were smelling my underwear.

Yeah.

Is that weird?

I was a fan of your show, so I thought I'd just drive.

I remember how excited we were because you were our favorite.

And now, not so much, but back then

with the intro, when I walked in, that's when it diminished.

And I'm like, Kimmel, you're number one.

No.

Adam Devine.

Devine?

Devoon.

So we were super excited when we came And I was just telling, I had a Hollywood meeting a few minutes ago, right before I came here.

And I was telling the story, they were talking about Danny on this show.

And I was like, oh, I'm about to go do that.

And talking about you and how we used to do that.

Danny McBride.

Danny McBride, yeah.

And we used to come and do the show.

And how one time we were scheduled to perform, but then a portal to another realm opened up.

And instead of us performing or coming on and being guests, a portal to another realm opened up and the wizards actually performed.

If you remember that

gangster rapping wizards from another realm and they look kind of like us, but I wouldn't say identical.

They had beards.

Yeah.

So yeah, that was pretty cool that you had them on in our stead.

I've had this theory for a while that oftentimes in show business and in life, in general, for anybody,

you think that your destiny is one thing and it's your failure to get that and you pivot and you get something that feels lesser to you.

And that is actually the real path to where you should be going.

And I know for you,

you were convinced when you went to college that you wanted to, was it UCLA?

Yeah.

You thought, this is where I have to go, but it was too expensive.

You couldn't afford it.

So you went to a different school.

Where'd you go?

Orange Coast College.

Yeah.

Which is a community college in Orange County.

Yeah.

So you feel like, oh, you know, my path to my real future has been blocked because I don't have the money.

I'll go here instead.

And that's where you meet Kyle and Blake.

So, again, this proves this idea I have that that wasn't where you're supposed to go.

You went where you were supposed to go.

Yeah, I mean,

you and my mother are the same person because she says this all the time.

But I do.

I thought I had a new idea.

I do listen to your mom's potty yesterday.

Yes, it's good.

It's good.

Skank talk.

Skank talk with Penny D.

Hi, Penny D.

Hi, Penny.

Yes,

so yeah, we met there, and it was like a kisman thing.

I just thought Blake was so funny and so different.

And he had a cute, tight little afro at the time.

He didn't have those look.

And I always like kind of girls think he's sexy, but that was not the case

in community college.

And he was very funny.

And then Kyle, who ended up directing a lot of our stuff and is now a big director.

And he,

we were like, oh, you guys make videos?

I make videos.

I'll show you my videos from high school and you guys show me yours.

And then as they were showing me theirs, I like was sinking down in my seat.

I'm like, theirs are so much better than mine.

Like the quality of their video, because Kyle's just a talented director.

And it was just me going, I think if the frame just holds on me the whole time, that's a good shot.

Hey, man.

I think your way is my way also.

I don't understand why I'm not in frame.

So if the camera's here, that's all we need.

And you can be off camera.

Deliver your lines off camera.

So their stuff was so much better.

And then, and then it was kind of off to the races from there.

And then we just sort of clicked.

And it also is the type of thing that when you spend, when you're in your like, I mean, we were teenagers.

We were 18 years old at that time.

When you're that age, you spend 100% of your time with those people.

And so we just had so many inside, like the way that we talk and the way that we communicate with each other and is so familiar that I think when we finally got our shot, people were like, oh, I can tell that they're great friends.

I want to be part of that.

The chemistry was all there.

You had done your 10, what Malcolm Gladwell would call it, the 10,000 hours of we've, we've done all our stuff.

What's, I'm going to go back a little before that, which is something I wasn't aware of,

which is you went through a pretty traumatic experience when you were a kid.

Two, first of all, you were Catholic.

I'm still reeling from that.

And, you know, that's, and David, you went through Catholicism as well.

Yeah.

I have a one-year-old now, and my, my, my wife was like, we have to get him baptized.

And I know no other way.

So I'm like, yeah, he's Catholic.

And my wife is like, no, he's not.

Yeah.

And I'm like,

might as well just make him Catholic I don't know yeah like that's what I know how to do you kneel you stand you do this thing yeah it's that that's the thing and um no that is not how we're raising our son no yeah my wife uh is episcopalian and uh was not raised in the catholic church but when we had our our kids i was the same way i was like you know they will be Christian in the Catholic Church.

And it just came out of me.

And she was like, well, we can't.

That's what I was going to say.

yeah, like something took over my body on the third day.

Jesus rose again.

I rose in the air, I spun, my arms went out.

Um, and they were.

And uh, thank you, Liza, for going along with me on that one.

It made my folks really happy.

That's cool.

Um, but uh, it's funny because you do this show about mega churches now, and it's a hilarious show, which we will talk about because I love it.

And uh, Danny was on talking about it as well, But it is the polar opposite of the Catholic experience.

Did you know when you were and going, when you were a Catholic going to Catholic masses, did you know that there was such a thing as megachurches out there?

I think they were just sort of starting by the time I was like, when I was a kid, I don't think they really existed in like the 80s, early 90s.

I don't think they existed, they weren't quite what they were.

Yeah.

And then, and then I remember in high school when I'd have to go to church and

then my friends would go to church and they were just Christian.

They didn't even like, there wasn't like another thing that you said.

It wasn't like, I'm Christian, but I'm Catholic or I'm a piss.

Yeah, they're like, we're just Christian.

And I'm like, what?

And they're like, and we have rock climbing walls.

And I'm like,

what?

And they're like, yeah, and there's a cotton canning machine right there.

Yeah, yeah.

Do you eat a wafer?

No.

Gummy fish.

Yeah.

Swedish gummy fish.

Gummy fish.

Yeah.

No, and it's also like, there's music.

Uh-huh.

And who's playing?

Fish.

Fish is playing, and there's a light showing.

And loaves.

Where does this happen?

At the sphere in Las Vegas.

I want this religion.

Hard benches and, you know,

parables.

Very cool.

I've always believed that your home should be an expression of who you are.

That was my mom.

I have that like tattooed on my low back.

Oh, wow.

I could have had so many things tattooed down there, and that's what I chose.

Down there.

Yeah.

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Okay, I remember back in the day when my kids were going off to school.

You're going through it now, Sona.

Yeah, but they're really young.

So

they still need stuff.

You got to get the backpacks.

You got to get the crayons and the lunch box.

Yeah, we didn't let them have lunch.

Raise them up to be hungry.

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That's cool.

I love saying it.

I know.

I could tell.

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Hey, Conan, what's your status?

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That's cool.

And this magenta status sounds amazing.

Blai, tell me, I think you get magenta status.

What's it entail?

What's included in magenta status?

Yeah, I have T-Mobile.

I have had T-Mobile for a long time.

I love it.

And, you know, when we went to Thailand, I got great coverage and great high-speed data, which means that I could...

I hear it's up to 15 gigabytes.

That's right.

How did you know that?

That's the word on the street.

Wow.

I hear people going 15 gigabytes.

Yeah, that's incredible.

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You went through something

very intense that I didn't know about, which is you were on your bike and you were seriously injured.

Yep, coblamoed.

What happened?

Kablamo'd is the medical term.

You can just dumb it down for the rest of us.

I was coblamoed.

We got a coblamo here.

I saw that that there's an episode of the pit where they go, we got a coblamo.

We got one coblamo coming in.

We're fully coblamed.

We need three CCs to feel better quick.

So what happened?

Because it's pretty heavy.

I was hit by a cement truck as a little boy.

Right.

Are you on your bike?

I was on my bike.

Are you guys squeamish?

Nope.

Squeamish.

Holy sh.

Oh my God.

Yeah.

So it looks like uncooked chicken, but it is my leg.

Is that with skin grafts then over it?

Yeah, yeah, that's skin grafts.

So the skin was ripped off and the other leg's a little better, but it was half the leg.

And I broke everything from the knees down.

They had to reconstruct my legs.

And then my left femur and then some ribs.

And I punctured a lung and was bleeding out of my ears.

But then they're like, no brain damage.

I beg to differ.

Just based on your work.

Yeah.

Totally.

Yeah, yeah.

The doctors are looking at workaholics.

Oh,

we might have gotten it wrong

25 years ago.

We've said pitch perfect workaholics.

Wait, are you looking at CAT scans?

No, no, just the work.

No, his filmography.

So, I mean, we're laughing a lot, but horrifying.

And

were you unconscious for a long time?

Yeah, it was a couple weeks.

It was a medical-induced coma.

And then,

yeah, so essentially I lived in the suburbs and three cement trucks were going up the hill as two were coming down or some version of that because new houses were being built everywhere.

And my friend was across the street and he yells, come on, as in

let's go.

And I took that as Cosis Clear.

And he goes, come on.

And I'm like, okay.

And I walk out.

after the third cement truck passed and so I couldn't see the other side of the street and was hit and I flung uh I said 500 feet because that's what my mom told me.

And that's what's in my Wikipedia page.

But then I did another podcast.

And I think Theo Vaughn was like, 500 feet?

That's so far.

And I'm like,

it's really far.

Yeah, I guess it is.

He goes, how far is the longest field goal ever kicked?

And it was like 162 feet.

And I'm like, I wasn't kicked.

My mom's a liar.

Yeah.

I don't know if I was even hit by it.

That's me saying I'm a speed reader.

Yeah.

I went 100 miles.

Yeah, it was my mom like trying to zhuzh up the numbers of me getting hit by a cement truck.

She's like, give us 500 feet, too.

It wasn't even a small distance.

It was 500 feet.

And

it wasn't 30 tons.

It was 80 tons.

It was an 80-ton cement truck.

So one of the heaviest in the world.

When you're hit by a cement truck as a kid and you get that kind of damage, you don't need to zhuzh it out.

Yeah, I know, I know.

It was also carrying dynamite.

Yeah.

And it blew up.

Yeah, and then he had a gun on him and she shot him.

He shot him in the leg.

So he couldn't tell.

So you couldn't tell.

It was in the legs.

He couldn't tell.

And then the funny, I mean, funny, but I was hit in one county and landed in another because

the road was the dividing line between the counties.

So that was a fun thing that we got to talk about.

So the recovery process, because you're in a wheelchair for a chunk of time.

Yeah, for about two years.

It was

middle school was really cool for me.

And it was kind of a cool, cool experience to be the crippled kid.

Yeah, so I was in a wheelchair and I

would get on crutches and then have another surgery.

I had something like 26 or 28 surgeries during that time.

And

yeah, and then

my eighth grade year.

So that was the summer going into sixth grade.

And by eighth grade, I played football.

Wow.

And by the way, the worst guy on the team, it was the coaches being like, he can play.

And then they're like, like, you're a defensive lineman.

Yeah.

So it's just me just like going, ah, falling over.

And then our quarterback getting sacked.

You're just, your entire body is made of recently healed bones.

Yes.

Doesn't sound like a good idea.

Who would let you play?

Penny, who would let you play Penny?

My doctor, actually, my mom was like, if the doctor says you could play, you could play.

And the doctor was like, I don't, I don't see what's wrong with it if he wants to play.

And my mom's like, you son of a bitch.

Oh, my God.

How dare

and then I, and then I played, but uh, you know, I was, I was really, really bad.

And then, so I thought I was going to be like this athlete as a kid.

I was like, that was my whole, you know, I'm like, I'm going to be a professional baseball player.

No one in my family is athletic.

So this was a pipe dream.

But that was my goal.

And then after I was hit, I, I always, my, I have a very, very funny family and I always liked making people laugh.

And then I started to call into radio stations and I would call into the radio station in Omaha

106.7 the Edge or 1019 the Edge.

And I would do different voices and different characters.

And then that became like a little thing on the radio.

You're confined.

You're like, this is you at home, wheelchair, maybe not going to school.

You can't be having fun.

So this is what you do.

Exactly.

And this was sixth and seventh grade.

And then they were like, come on down.

We want you to be part of the drive-time hour.

And so my mom loads me into the minivan, takes me down down there.

My legs can't bend.

So they're fully just extended in front of me.

She picks me up.

She puts me in the wheelchair, wheels me into the radio station.

And they're like, oh, we didn't realize you were a crippled child.

We thought you were an adult man.

Oh, no.

By the way, a sad, weird adult man who only talks to us in character voices, but we didn't know you were.

So we can't pay you.

and have you be part, you know, we can't have you on staff, but we can pay you in like cranberry CDs.

have all the cranberry accepted cranberry cranberry still in parts cranberry

um wallflowers uh

yeah all the good all the hits

uh

and then and then uh like free concert tickets and so then that was sort of my segue into comedy where i was like oh it's you can being funny you can do cool things and get cool things that yeah that is the crucial moment, I think, for a lot of people in our industry is the moment you, and some people realize it or know it really early, but the moment when you realize, wait a minute, there's a use for this thing I do.

Yeah.

I just thought I was, you know, entertaining/slash annoying my brothers and friends to no end all the time.

And then someone links it to, that's great.

Here's a cookie.

Here's a free t-shirt.

Wait a minute.

Here's a here's a job here.

Here's a job there.

And it's, you can't believe it.

You can't believe it.

I I could not believe it.

I was so excited.

And the fact that my mom was getting her hair done, she was, she has this beautiful poof, penny.

And so she was poofing this thing up at the salon.

And I came on the radio and someone in the salon said, oh my God, I love this guy.

He calls in all the time.

And my mom was like, oh.

And I remember once that happened, I was like, oh, I can, my mom, like, I'll put some shine on the family by doing this thing because I'm not going to be the professional athlete that we all thought I was going to be.

There's still time.

Yeah.

There's still time.

A young man.

Yeah.

Cornhole is getting

the allergic.

Do you have any residual pain from what you went through in your life or is that all behind you,

physically?

No, up until maybe three years ago, I would say, yeah, it's basically behind me.

Like I have a creak in a knee or whatever.

But in the last three years, it was crazy.

I suddenly start to have spasms and my muscles will get super tight, and the doctors couldn't explain it.

And they told me at one point that I have this autoimmune disease called stiff person syndrome, which is essentially like a death sentence for the most part.

And people die within like six years, usually.

And so they told me that I had it.

And they told me I had it a month before Beau was born, my son.

And I'm like, this isn't a cool thing to say to me.

So I'm on the toilet at 4 a.m.

looking at videos of people with stiff person syndrome.

I'm like,

I don't want this to be my life.

And then

six months goes by, or then they tell me, well, maybe you don't have it because I had one of the markers, but not the other marker in my blood.

And they're like, maybe you don't have it.

And then six months goes by, and I'm shooting gemstones.

And they're like, we do think you have it.

So then I went to Philadelphia and I met with the oldest man alive who

coined the phrase stiff person syndrome.

He's like the guy.

And he told me, I absolutely don't have it.

And it's all residual from my accident.

But it is a weird thing where like

that I can't, I mean, I, I, you know, it's a weird thing because I still want to act and want to do all this stuff, but I have a hard time standing for more than like 15 or 20 minutes at a time.

And I can't run and move in the same ways that I could just a couple of years ago.

So I'm doing a wild amount of physical therapy and that kind of stuff.

Like now that I'm in between, you know, jobs,

I'm still writing and doing all kinds of other stuff.

But as far as being on set goes, I'm just like physical therapy, body work, acupuncture,

chiro therapy, like every, everything.

So I'm in the midst of it now.

It's, I mean, clearly you've been through, you went through this massive injury, but it is just true.

The best analogy I've ever heard is that when you're born, you're dropped into a current that's taking you in the right direction and very powerfully.

And you just get bigger and stronger doing absolutely nothing, you know?

And then as you get older, the current starts to slow and then it comes to a standstill and then it starts to go the other way.

And so you actively have to work at staying just where you are.

Yeah.

And I thought, yeah, I think that's the best description of the aging process, which is I do a lot

just to stay where I am.

You know, it's like I used to work out a lot to like look strong and get muscles.

And now I'm like, it's just like holding, like holding weights, like just isometric holds and just all this stuff that I was like, I'm never going to do this.

Now I work out like I'm an 88-year-old grandmother, like who's just like, doesn't want both of her hips to snap if she misses a stare.

You have pool noodles

with a bunch of other old ladies.

Absolutely.

I just have my hair in a hairnet.

It has nothing to do with me.

Peanuts yelling at you, your noodles hitting her noodle.

You go to the salon with Penny now, probably.

I got to work on my penny end here.

Yeah.

Well, I have to say, I wouldn't know any of this because, I mean, in all your work, but in your latest work in Gemstones, you're just always so physically present and funny and great.

Yeah.

You know, and thank you.

Yeah.

You, you know, we've covered you do,

you meet the fellas, you guys do workaholics, you start to get traction.

Pitch perfect.

When pitch perfect comes along, and you are

up for this role, you didn't even really know what the role was.

Is that true?

Yeah, that is true.

I, we were shooting Workaholics, and it was, they were like, the producers really like you for this Pitch Perfect movie.

You should go audition.

And I'm like, I don't have time.

Like, I have my own TV show.

I don't have time.

And they were like, make time.

This is a real movie.

It's universal.

Go.

And so we made it.

So I wasn't shooting the scene after lunch.

So I could go during lunch.

I could drive my ass down to Santa Monica, or I think it was Santa Monica, audition, and then get back before I had to do the scene later in the day.

So, I'm like, all right, and I go, and I'm looking at the sides as I get there, and I think it's a baseball movie.

I swear to you, I think it's pitch perfect.

I think it's a baseball movie.

I would, I'm like, that would be my first assumption.

Yes, I'm like stretching out in the parking lot, like, all right, maybe I gotta, ha!

And then I see all these guys singing, and I'm like, that's not gonna help you with the baseball movie, pussy.

Look Look at these losers.

Oh, boy.

Someone didn't play baseball in the fifth grade.

Oh, my God.

And so, and then I actually take a look at the sides and I'm like, this isn't baseball at all.

There's a lot of singing in this baseball movie.

And so I go and I do the scenes and it went well.

And they were like, what song did you prepare?

And

I had not prepared anything.

And they're just like, well,

it's whatever song that you know a lot of the words to.

We just want to know you can carry a tune.

So weirdly, the first song that popped into my head was, Whatever happened to predictability, the milkman, the paper boy, the evening TV,

which is the full house theme song.

Yeah.

And

then somehow I got, I have no idea.

I walked out of there.

I'm like, they all laughed really hard, but I'm like, I didn't prove I could sing.

I don't think they wanted like a 80-year-old jazz singer to be the lead of

actors out there listening right now who are furious.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Who do everything?

They've gone to Juilliard.

They can, they, they find out, they research the role, and then they hear you.

I don't know.

I thought I was sing.

I don't know.

I guess I'll do the full house theme.

You're hired.

Yeah, okay, thanks.

Well, I'm learning the more, yeah, I feel like I'm definitely way more prepared in the things I do now, but I think there is a special,

If you could care less about most things, it goes better.

I think when you care too much and you're too wrapped up, you get emotionally tied to a thing and you like, you want it too much, and it comes off as like a weird manic energy when you come in the room.

You're like, hey, how's it?

Oh, pleasure.

Pleasure to meet you.

And you're talking to the casting director of the producers.

I don't want to hang out with this guy on set.

No, they can smell it.

Yeah.

There's a pheromone you put out when you, I had, when I auditioned,

when they had a test for me for the late night show to replace Letterman, I was a writer on The Simpsons.

Yeah.

You know, had no business even auditioning for this thing, but Lorne knew me, da, da, da.

He said, you know, maybe whatever, a bunch of sort of things came together.

I thought, there's no way this is happening.

So I went into it thinking, well, this is fun.

I'm going to pretend to be a talk show host.

And

that was the spirit that I did it in.

And then a couple of weeks later, ring, ring.

You're replacing David Letterman at 12:30.

And I was

completely unrelaxed for the next two years.

Yeah, once you have the job, once I had the job, I know.

Hello, everybody.

Welcome.

I hope you like the show.

We're going to try our really hardest.

I hope you like it.

It's going to be good.

I hope.

Oh, my God.

This guy's awful.

And then, you know, you, the volume, the sheer volume of it knocked that out of me.

But

the,

I know what you're talking about.

Yeah.

You just are, it's better you didn't know.

I think, I think so.

And I, I've, I mean, now,

as my career has, has grown and gone on, I'm like, I'm definitely more prepared with things, but I still try to bring that energy of like, I've been around long enough that if this thing doesn't go, I'll find something else or I'll put another thing.

So, like, don't put too much pressure on one thing.

And I think it, I think it helps.

I have this

weird ghost memory of hosting the MTV Movie Awards.

And I did something with you, but I don't remember what we did.

I'm sure there's a.

Do you?

I have no memory.

You came and like you were slain on the guitar, and then I came and helped you sing this.

Like, I don't remember.

I don't remember.

It was such a fever dream.

You know what's so crazy is all I remember about that is I said, yeah, I like to try things.

And they said, hey, do you want to host the MTV movie awards?

And I thought, that's funny.

Even then, I was old, but I was like, no, but you know what I mean?

I was just like, okay, sure.

And all I remember is they put me in something that hides you and it

and it lifts up and reveals you as like rock music plays, rock arpeggios play.

And I remember just a voice going, Jimmy,

MTV,

cone it open.

And just before they said my name, smoke started to fill the chamber.

And I'm like, what the fuck?

Because they didn't do that at rehearsal because they wanted smoke to billow out.

And I knew, I just, yeah,

I just knew then that this is insane.

I shouldn't be on one of these shows where there's smoke.

I hosted smoke.

But thank you for helping me.

Of course.

I hosted the MTV Movie Awards in like 2017 or 18 or something like that.

And I'm dressed as the, I didn't have, I was shooting a movie, The Game Over Man with the Work of Hawks Guys, and I didn't have time to do a lot of rehearsals.

So I flew down the day before the or the day of the event, and we just rehearsed the big opening sequence in the morning just that morning we only ran through it twice and i'm dressed as the the beast in full beast makeup and i'm like supposed to walk down the stairs and then i hook me up to a rig and fly through the audience and i tip over someone into

like he's dressed as a candelabra i think it's blake anderson and he falls in and the stage starts on fire it's like a whole thing and and everything has to be pretty perfect and it's a whole song and dance number and i remember the crowd is behind, is the back of the stage, but I'm facing them.

And then I turn around once the curtains open, and I'm facing them.

And I'm like trying to think of the lyrics.

So I'm like sort of mouthing them.

And I think the audience thought I was really nervous, which I was moderately nervous, but they're like, you can do it.

You can do it, Adam.

And like, girls being like, it's okay.

You got this.

You got this.

And I'm like, this is making, that's making it worse.

It's making it worse.

But it's a weird, it's a weird, weird.

Sounds like you've had plenty of these.

I've had so many moments where I suddenly become aware that my life is very strange.

Oh, yeah.

One was shooting a thing in a car, in a open-topped convertible Bentley with Mr.

T out, and there was a scene that required us to be driving in the country in upstate New York.

And he's driving, and we're driving for a while, and I fall asleep next to him.

Really fall asleep genuinely because it takes, because it, because I'm tired, and I put my head back, and I, I fell asleep hard for like maybe two minutes.

And I woke up, and I'm looking straight up, and it's fall, upstate New York.

Beautiful leaves are passing over my head, and I turn my head slightly, and Mr.

T is driving in a car, and I don't understand what's happening.

And I thought that's what show business is.

If you, that's, I mean, that's what I love about it, is

when you have moments of, I'm just,

I'm looking out at this

people.

I just knocked over a human candelabra.

I'm dressed as a beast.

What's happening?

What's going on?

It's so surreal.

I had a surreal moment with you when you called me to do that bit on the movie awards or whatever you were hosting.

I was in a hot air balloon.

What?

Yeah, I was literally flying in a hot air balloon with my ex-girlfriend at the time.

And we're soaring in the sky.

And I get a call.

My agents told me, hey, expect a call.

And I'm like, I'm getting on a hot air balloon.

And they're like, Someone's going to be calling you.

You have to pick up.

They're going to be calling you.

Pick up if you can.

I'm like, I'm currently getting on a hot air balloon.

Can they call in a couple hours when they're done?

They're like, No, he's going to be calling you.

And I'm like, Okay.

And I didn't know who it was.

I could have called you later.

I know.

I know.

That's why I'm like, agents are just like, it's happening now.

It's a game of telephone.

That's constantly like, Conan watch it now.

Yeah.

No, I'm

in an hour.

Yeah.

So I'm like in a hot air balloon.

I get the call from you and you're like, hey, you want to do this thing?

And I'm like, yeah, I'm in a hot air balloon.

And you're like,

weird joke.

Ha ha.

And I'm like,

I seriously am.

And then, and then we landed and we landed.

It was in San Diego.

And when we land, we land in these like rich people's backyard and they come out with champagne and they're like, oh my God, this has never happened.

You landed in our backyard.

Do you want to race go-karts?

And we're like, as they're like tying, like, putting the balloon, like deflating it and everything.

And we're like, okay.

They have a full go-kart track that we just got her, like, race.

And we raced with their children for like an hour as they

put this balloon.

And I'm like, this is surreal.

Like, Conan just called me in a hot air balloon.

Yeah, it was a surreal.

This is one of those things where, God forbid, a crime or a murder had happened somewhere around that time and you needed an alibi.

And you said, I was in a hot air balloon.

And then we landed and there was a go-kart race.

And I just talked to Conan.

It sounds like a little rock him up.

Yeah.

It sounds like a little kid who's just like caught in a lie, who just keeps saying stuff.

and then and then

um

so i'm curious about righteous gemstones such a funny show um did you know danny mcbride had you guys met before you started working on this thing no uh you guys have an amazing chemistry together yeah thanks we're uh that whole cast it's it really is one of the great casts on television right now and so and and you all feel like you're so simpatico and so i was i was thinking did you know Danny?

No, no, I think he like knew Workaholics a little bit and seen some of my other stuff.

And his writing partner, John Carteri, wrote for us on Workaholics for one season.

Okay.

So I think that might have been a connection.

But he,

yeah, he just asked if I wanted to be, play his brother in something.

And he was like, would you mind coming?

We've never met.

Would you mind coming out and having a dinner?

And I went to Charleston and met him and David Gorda Green and Jody Hill.

And we had this nice dinner and everything.

But actually, the very first time I met Danny, he doesn't remember this really, but it was at the This Is the End premiere.

Oh, yeah.

It was a very funny movie.

Yeah, very funny movie.

And so we were at the after party.

Seth Rogan.

Seth Rogan and

Danny.

Everybody's in it.

Yeah.

And

so I'm at this after party, and I'm like kind of, I was pretty early on at this point in my career.

So I'm like really excited just to even be in the room.

And I'm like, oh, my God, like all these comedy heroes are here.

But Danny, for me, is like on a Mount Rushmore.

Like, I love the guy.

And so I'm trying to, like, I smoke weed, but not like Seth Rogan does.

And so he's going toe to toe with, he's like, here, here.

And so I'm like, okay, I can keep up.

And this through the cloud of smoke, Danny appears.

And I go, you're Danny McBride.

And he's like, yeah, man.

Hey, nice to meet you.

And I go, you're a bright shooting star.

I swear to you, dude.

I said he was a bright shooting star.

And then

he's like, all right, man.

And I went and grabbed my girlfriend and I was like, we have to leave.

And she's like, why?

I'm having a good time.

This is a fun party.

And I go, I just called Dada McBride a bright shooting star.

And she's like, you're right.

We do have to go now.

We need to leave immediately.

You're not allowed to be here anymore.

I love this whole thing where he, you know, he lives in

Charleston.

He lives in Charleston with his people and they, I love that.

They've just, he was talking about it here on the podcast.

They just live in Charleston.

You know, like he's not, nope, not going to live, not going to move to L.A., any of that.

We're just going to make our stuff.

He had lived here for years.

So it's not like he doesn't have a base here, but he, yeah, they, they were just shooting, I think,

Vice Principals,

his series right before Righteous Gemstones.

And they just by happenstance couldn't shoot where they were in Wilmington, I think,

North Carolina.

And they had to shoot in Charleston.

And they really hadn't spent much time there.

And they shot there and they fell in love with it because it's one of the prettiest places.

It's really gorgeous.

And they all live on an island 20 minutes from downtown.

And when I was there, I rented a house on the water and everyone just drives in golf carts.

It's idyllic.

It is so fantastic.

And Danny, to your point of like us being such a great cast and feeling like we know each other, he does such a great job.

And I feel like I learned so much from him about like being a leader.

He takes his people out all the time.

He does little parties.

He does get-togethers.

He's, hey, everybody, come over.

We're grilling at the house.

We're going to go swimming.

We're going to go out on a boat.

Whatever it is.

And you really feel like you were jumped into his gang right away.

I'm not down with any of this.

Yeah,

I'm so sorry.

Yeah, I mean, you're just putting something out there now that then expectations will be raised.

It'd be really nice if you can invite us over for like food and parties and stuff.

That would be a nice thing.

I will arrange for a table for all of you at Paquito Mas.

I will not be there.

Someone who looks kind of like me will be there, and you guys will cover the bill.

Arrange a table.

I would love a Conan impersonator just shows up.

We win his head.

And you can see the strap that's holding his wig on is under his chin.

Flip-flop, chip-chop.

All right.

Well, you guys have to cover this, remember?

Kona's not paying for it.

Flip-flop, chip-chop.

Yep, that's my.

The old tagline.

That's the old tagline.

How do you like being a dad?

I think I haven't seen you since you became a dad.

I mean, I love it more than I even thought I would.

Yeah,

it's not funny to say that, but it's true.

So it's okay to actually have a human emotional feeling.

Occasionally, not often.

You're allowed one.

You don't like it.

They don't like it.

Yeah,

it's great.

And every day is so fun.

How old now?

He's 15 months.

Oh, wow.

Okay.

Which is like, I never thought I'd be the type of person that was like after a year to talk about months, but it is important.

Cause like.

At a year, if you can't say dada, that's totally fine.

But by 13 months, he's like a total idiot.

So

you really keep tabs on every little thing where I'm like, dad, dad, dad, dad.

And you're taking another page off the calendar.

Come on.

Dad, dad, I know you got it.

You got it.

But you'd be such a fun dad.

I think I can see you.

A lot of it is, and it was, I mean, I loved being silly with my kids and still do to their dismay, but I

just ate it up with a spoon.

It wasn't like, well, time to get on the floor floor and act like an idiot.

I'm always on the floor acting like an idiot.

So there should be kids around.

Yeah, it's weird if there's not.

Yeah, it's

unreal.

And I'm like learning new things.

Like, I can do a great Elmo.

Like,

he's like thrown for a loop.

He thinks I'm possessed.

I'm like, hi, Bo, it's me, Elmo.

Wow, that is good.

That is good.

I'm like, come over here, play, put your toys away.

And then he's like

yeah

that's kind of scary actually yeah i didn't even know i had it and then all of a sudden i'm like i act like i'm possessed

you will go to the atm yeah you will use this pin number

okay elmo elmo can create all kinds of hell yeah elmo's a maniac trend up uh and yeah i uh yeah so it's it's it's been a blast i'm I'm loving it.

I'm so thrilled that you came by and did this.

Me too.

Yeah, I'm a big fan.

This is well, I just,

you've always been incredibly nice to me.

And so just getting to hear you tell your story

and take us through it is, it's so funny.

I'm just imagine a lot of people listening to it who are big fans of yours getting kind of inspired, who don't even know half the shit that you've been through.

All the Symmetra kids out there,

they're like,

I can walk.

you never know yeah yeah thank you so much for coming by of course yeah

you're a fine fellow and uh please come back i'm glad you came around on me yeah because this

it didn't it didn't start off great yeah i'm glad you came around i have to tell you when you walked in the door i was mad yeah i know i noticed that energy you know and i like your work but when i just got this energy of pure evil yeah

well it's because i i went with the suede jacket you went with the standard leather.

And it was kind of a battle from there.

I hate that.

Whenever I'm wearing just regular leather, tanned leather, and someone else has suede.

You're a monster.

How dare they?

It's just, it's on.

I feel threatened.

I feel threatened.

Makes sense.

Hey, Adam, thank you so much.

Of course.

Thanks.

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Summertime, I love to hang out with my pals, my bros.

Yeah, you know me, right?

Yeah, I know you.

And when I think of you, I think of bros.

Yeah.

A bunch of us get on our hogs, our choppers.

Yep.

We go up the coast, driving around, cruising with my gang.

It's prime time to gather the whole crew, and it's Miller time.

That's what I call it.

Since 1975, Miller Light has been the perfect way to stock up your core when you're finally together again.

The taste you can depend on made with simple ingredients, not fancy stuff, no chives, no cheddar.

Right.

Malted barley for rich, balanced toffee note flavors and the iconic golden color.

It's no wonder it's the original light beer since 1975 and still iconic 50 years later.

Man, I can't believe it's the 50th anniversary of Miller Light.

So many memories.

Oh, I'm at the Louvre, Miller Light, traveling around.

I'm one of those

little trolley car things that you just one guy pushes up and down, up and down, and it goes.

On the train tracks?

Yeah, and I've got my Miller Light with me.

With your crew?

With my whack pack.

Yeah.

My homies.

Mirror Light, great taste, 96 calories.

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You can pick up some Miller Light, but damn but anywhere they sell beer.

If they don't sell Miller Light, they're not selling beer.

Cheers to 50 Years of Miller Time.

Hey, I raised my Miller Light to you, Miller Time.

Celebrate responsibly, Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, 96 calories and 3.2 carbs for 12 ounces.

Look it up.

Occasionally, I like to reminisce about my comedy Showbiz Past.

This just popped into my head, and it takes me back to this very particular time in my career.

I just did, we weren't even recording, and I did a bit

and

a very stupid, silly bit.

And I'll explain what that was in a second.

But it immediately reminded me of this time, I think back in maybe 1993 or 1994.

And it's when my show is first starting.

And as you, a lot of younger people don't know this, but when my show first premiered in September of 1993, you know, I was very, it was new.

It was very raw.

I was

very inexperienced, very young.

I was replacing the great David Letterman.

So as you can imagine, there was a lot of criticism and doubt.

and people were like, who, who hired this guy?

And it was choppy waters for quite a while.

And people thought, maybe this isn't going to work out and everything.

And then

Dave invited me on his show.

His show was on CBS and it was the big number one show at the time.

And this was a big deal to get to go on Dave's show and promote the show that we were doing.

a couple of blocks away, his old show.

It was a big deal.

And so I was thinking of what to do, what stories could I tell?

And then it's just a total, because I was always goofing around.

It was a total joke in the writer's room.

I mimed, I acted out doing something where I said, what if I just went out?

And again, I wasn't serious, but what if I just walked out there and David Letterman, you know, with David Letterman said, all right, well, this next gentleman took over our old show on at the late night show that's on a 1235 on NBC.

And I think, you know, please welcome Conan O'Brien.

And there's the band is playing Paul Schaefer.

And I walk out and I shake Dave's hand and I sit down.

And Dave says, So, Conan, how are you liking the new show?

And I say, And this is, you might have to check out Instagram for this, but whatever, but because I'm going to act it out.

That's at Team Coco podcast.

At Team Coco podcast.

And that I would say, he would say, Welcome, Conan.

How's it going over there at the new show?

And I'd say, Well, Dave, I got to tell you, I just think,

oh my God.

You glitched.

Oh, my God.

Why would you think this?

What is wrong with you?

And absolutely freeze.

And the reason this came to mind is just before I froze,

something I used to like to do is say, I got to tell you something.

And I would freeze and I got pretty good at it where I could really freeze and commit to it.

And the whole idea is I would freeze.

And I would not have told Dave beforehand or his producers or anybody.

And so I was pitching this as, you know, the way I love to pitch, this is the worst thing I could do.

Yes.

So I'm pitching this.

The writers are laughing really hard.

And Robert Smigl, who's the head writer at the time and, you know, brilliant head writer and everything, said, you have to do it.

Oh, man, I'm nervous already.

And I was like, what?

I can't.

And he said, you have to do it.

That's not it.

And you just freeze.

And I just knew that what would happen is I'd go like, well, Dave, I just think that I.

And then Dave would like watch for a bit and go like, hello, Conan, Conan, Conan.

And then he'd probably be like, Paul, I think we have a situation over here.

And no matter what they did, I would stick to it.

And then Dave would just say, okay, I think we're, I guess we'll just take a commercial.

Yeah.

And

Robert Smigel

deny it if he wants.

Robert Smeigel said, not only should you do it, you have to do it.

Oh, God.

You have to do it.

And I was saying, I don't, I don't think I can do that.

I'm barely not getting canceled now.

In fact, we were canceled at one point for like 30 minutes

by NBC and Burbank.

And then they realized they didn't have a replacement.

So, I mean, I'm not even hanging by a thread.

I didn't even have to stick with you.

They were like, we literally don't have another person drive around and try and find someone.

But that's how bad it was.

So, I'm not just hanging by a thread.

I'm hanging by a thread of the, a tiny thread that came off that thread.

Why would Rob think that that's because Robert thought it was so great and revolutionary and would just like, no one's ever done anything like that.

It would be like an Andy Kaufman, and I would stick to it.

And you would never unfreeze the entire time?

I would not unfreeze.

They would go to commercial.

They would probably just say, like, get the fuck out of here.

Yeah.

I would go across the street and that America would in that moment realize he has broken the sound barry of comedy.

And I was thinking, I don't think that's what's going to happen.

So what did happen?

What did happen is that I didn't do that and thought of some stories.

And because I was new and nervous, I did, by today's standards, I did, you know, like, that was okay, I'm sure.

It wasn't, I didn't have the confidence, or I think people hadn't tuned into my rhythm yet, too.

And there's no way to know which way Dave Letterman would have gone with that.

He could have liked it, or he could have really

taken it down, loathed it.

Yeah,

any normal person.

Yeah.

And so that's just for you comedy nerds out there.

That's the world I was in where Robert Smigl and God bless you, Robert, still the funniest, most prolific.

It's Robert Smigler or Jim Downey.

Take your pick.

These are just insanely top of the best comedy writers, prolific

and so essential to the DNA of my late-night show

that

he was pushing me to do that.

That's crazy.

And

if I had said to him, okay, I'm going to do it,

he wouldn't have stopped me.

He wouldn't have stopped me.

He wouldn't have said, you know, he wouldn't have chased me down to the west side and said, wait a minute, I thought about it.

I thought about it.

Don't do it.

And

there's an alternate universe.

I don't know if you guys, in the sci-fi world, the only way there's an alternate universe where things play out differently, there's an

alternate universe somewhere where I come out and Dave says, Conan, how's it going there with the new late night show?

Well, Dev, I gotta be honest.

Oh my God.

That would have, that Conan is just like working

in accounting or something.

Although I do like this part where he's just frozen and I can just have a conversation.

Yeah, but we never would have met.

No, that's true.

But we have it now, so let's not waste this talking about him.

Yeah.

And maybe you and I could just talk about some of that.

Which comedy bit do you think triggered that memory from?

Do you think it was Sanitized Pirate or when he picked up the tissue and went, tissue?

I barely even know you.

I did hold a wet wipe that's in a perfect square to my eye during one of the breaks.

And I put it over my eye and said, hey, check it out.

Sanitize Pirate.

And I do it sort of a la Robin Williams, you know, who's, you know, Sanitized Pirate.

Yeah.

There's no, I don't know what's wrong.

I need to go to a doctor.

And there is a hospital half a block down from where we're going.

Very close to the medical center.

We need to get me there.

But that is just, I'm just telling, you know, longtime fans that

maybe there's a 1% chance it would have catapulted me into a new realm.

That's the thing is there is that

there's a tiny chance where it could have been this stellar, almost pre-viral moment, but there's also this big chance of like, oh, you know, it could have killed you.

This is upset.

It could have killed you.

Oh, yeah.

Easily could have.

It would have killed me.

Yeah.

It would have killed me.

There's no internet now.

It's not like people can share it and be like, look what this guy did.

It's like, whatever.

When they watched it, it would be like,

okay, something's wrong with this guy.

Yeah.

And then canceled the next day.

Internet can sometimes save you because people can be really upset about something and then the internet rallies behind you and they realize, oh, no, no, people out there get what he was trying to do.

Anyway, that's just something that came to mind.

I wanted to share it.

I thought that was was worth our time.

It makes Robert look crazy.

I love you, Robert.

You're a genius.

And who knows, maybe you were right.

We'll never, ever

know.

Peace out, Tupac.

Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend with Conan O'Brien, Sonam Ovesian, and Matt Gorley.

Produced by me, Matt Gorley.

Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Frost, and Nick Liao.

Theme song by The White Stripes.

Incidental music by by Jimmy Vivino.

Take it away, Jimmy.

Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples.

Engineering and Mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns.

Additional production support by Mars Melnick.

Talent Booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn.

You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode.

Got a question for Conan?

Call the Team Cocoa Hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message.

It too could be featured on a future episode.

You can also get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at seriousxm.com/slash Conan.

And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

Hey there, it's Kelly Ruppa.

And have you been listening to my podcast?

We are knee-deep in season three.

And if you haven't heard it, it's time to get on board.

After years of interviewing celebs on camera, I finally get to bring you the real conversations that take place when the cameras aren't rolling.

Where else are you going to hear Michelle Obama talk about keeping her girls out of page six?

Ilaria Baldwin's hilarious reaction to Alec running for office, or Jeremy Renner's lucid hallucinations about Jamie Fox.

Nowhere else.

It's raw, it's honest, and best of all, it's off-camera.

And believe me, that's where you get the good stuff.

so download let's talk off camera with kelly ripa now wherever you get your podcasts

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