Rose Byrne

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Hi, my name is Rose Byrne, and I feel

delighted about being Conan O'Brien's wife.

Oh, that's nice.

Fall is here, hear the yell.

Back to school, ring the bell, brand new shoes, walk in blues, climb the fence, books and pens.

I can tell that we are gonna be friends.

Yes, I can tell that we are gonna be friends.

Hey there and welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend.

I'm Conan.

We got Sona in the house.

Yep.

Matt Gourley.

And Sona,

it is almost your birthday.

It's time.

Yeah.

Now,

you take your birthday.

You take your birthday more seriously than anyone I've ever met in my life.

Yeah.

What is it about you and your birthday?

I don't know.

I just, I take this entire month as an excuse to see the people I haven't seen in a really long time.

You know, so I celebrate all month long.

Every dinner, every event that happens, I feel like is about me.

Yeah.

I don't know.

It might be a Libra thing.

I don't know.

No, I don't think so.

I think it's a narcissist thing.

Oh, it's a Sona thing.

It's a Sona thing.

Maybe.

Do you do any gifts from all those meetings?

No.

I don't, it's not like, I mean, it is a milestone birthday.

It is 43.

The big 4-3.

It's a big milestone.

So maybe, no, but nobody gives me gifts.

It's not like we're giving gifts to each other.

It's just like, let's do a dinner and then we just go to dinner and I see people from all different walks of life.

I mean, it's fun.

Multiple presents over the month?

Or do you think you just get presents on the day?

I don't get any presents.

I don't want any presents.

You don't get presents on your birthday.

I just don't like just like getting a lot of stuff.

You know, I mean, this is really sad.

I lost my stuff.

And so I'm really aware of all the stuff I'm accumulating.

In the fire, you lost a a lot.

Yeah, I just don't want just stuff anymore.

I just want things I need.

So I'm very particular about it.

But I do love going to eat and I do love celebrating my birthday.

So you're putting it out there that you don't want I was because I was going to get you some really nice things.

Oh, I know.

Okay.

No, we'll do that.

No, no.

Wait, how were you?

Matt and I had lists of beautiful baubles and treasures we were going to give you.

That's right.

But those apparently are out now.

That's not going to happen.

Yeah, no, it's okay.

I guess I'll just keep keep this

hand-signed by Cher Leather Boustier from the video Believe.

Were you just have that?

I do.

I bought it for myself, but I was going to give it to you.

Oh, were you?

I did lose my share drawing.

And I guess I'll just hang on to this bust of Dr.

Kvorkian that's made out of dried.

Dried hummus.

Why?

Dried hummus.

Wait, did you say hummus?

Hummus.

Oh, my God.

You love it when I say it that way, don't you?

I know.

Of course.

So you should let me know what are some things that you need because I would happily get you something that you really need.

Well, things I need are kind of lame.

Like, I just realized I don't have a tray.

A tray?

Like, for my kitchen to like take things.

I don't understand what you need.

Are you

a drive-in window at your house?

A buffet.

You guys always eat from a buffet?

Yeah.

Can I get some extra ketchup packets?

Yes.

Could you just handle it?

No, why do you need it?

Seriously, why do you need a tray?

What do you need a tray for?

In case I have a lot of stuff I have to transport from the kitchen to another room, you need a tray.

Who's eating in another room?

Do you guys have sneeze guards in your kitchen?

Wait a minute.

It says here, I just looked up your address.

It's a Sizzler.

You live at a Sizzler now.

I wish I lived at a Sizzler.

So wait a minute.

So describe that.

She's a Sizzler burned down.

She lives in a soup plantation.

Liza loves soup plantations.

She needs to defend how you have a tray that takes things from one room to another.

That's very normal.

That's weird.

Never has Liza ever come to me with food on a tray.

That's not true.

When I'm in another room, it is true.

It's a normal thing to have.

When you watch TV, you put snacks and a little drink on a tray.

On a tray, you have a tray, do we?

Liza won't let that happen in our house.

You can't eat over there.

Some crumbs will get.

No.

But you are an awful eater.

So that makes sense.

I would not allow you to eat anywhere in my

life.

I heard you're ravenous, but are you messy as well?

Yes, I am.

Well, I've been called the wood chipper.

So

what happens is you feed food towards my gaping ma, and then crumbs shoot out.

Remember when Cookie Monster would eat?

Yeah, yeah.

He couldn't, because there's no real throat to Cookie Monster.

It just...

There's no throat.

You know, Cookie Monster just has this, these flats.

He's not a puppet.

He's not real.

There's no mouth hole.

It's just flat there.

That's ridiculous.

He's not real.

You know, he's just not true.

I get it.

I get why Liza would.

The trays.

That's a normal thing that a lot of houses have.

Your house for sure has a tray.

We probably.

When Liza serves me food, she is wearing a hazmat suit.

And she's wearing one of, you know what she's often wearing is one of those deep-sea diving uniforms from the 1920s.

And she'll come to me and she'll say, Here is, and I can just hear an echo, here is your tomato soup.

Soup, soup, soup.

And then I go,

and then it's just a Jackson Pollock all over the walls.

Oh, that's nice.

So, yeah, stuff just goes flying.

That's why we don't have a tray in our house.

You do have a tray.

For sure, you have a tray.

You probably just.

I'm thinking of a very small tray that just brings some grapes and a little bit of cheese over if a guest is here.

We would have that, but you're talking about a big tray?

No, I'm talking.

I think when I'm saying tray, you're thinking of like cafeteria trays.

No, I'm talking about like a serving tray.

So you want a tray, and what else do you want?

I've only, I only got to tray.

That test is a good thing.

That must be a pretty good life.

If all you need is a

tray.

I know.

I need a lot more stuff.

Does your new place, your new abode have stairs?

Yeah.

Do you need a stair chair that goes up the stairs?

I don't need it, but I'd like to.

Would you use it if you had one?

Yeah.

I think those are so cool.

Ours are so cool.

Well, I guess I'll go upstairs now and you sit down and you actually put a seat belt on and then

and it's much slower.

Yeah.

And you don't, I think the fact that you don't need one is kind of cool.

Yeah.

But you, you still have one.

And then you could put the tray on your lap and you could eat like you're on an airplane.

Because that's how slow it is going up.

You could finish a meal.

Yeah.

You could have a whole turkey dinner and slowly tack is going up the stairs at like, I mean, small, slower than a tortoise.

Yeah.

And, oh, it's really fun too to put a tortoise on a stair chair.

Okay.

Why?

But the tortoise is already slow and it's already going up.

It's just a slow thing on a slow thing.

Yeah, it's really funny.

Slow thing on a slow chair.

It's a rabbit go up the stairs on its own.

Do you want a stair chair?

Yeah.

You're putting a second floor in your house, aren't you?

I would love to.

You haven't put it on yet?

Give me some time.

It takes a long time to do that.

You know what would be great?

I'll build you a staircase and put a stairchair in, even though you don't have a second floor.

And it'd be funny when people smash their head on the floor.

And then just blood rolls down.

Blood rushes down the staircase, and your guest is screaming in pain.

I swear there's a second floor there yesterday.

We're doing an elevator.

Yeah, I got it.

That's funny.

We just got a thing in the mail.

We got junk mail for something called like a slift.

What's this?

And it's like an easy prefab elevator that you can put in your house.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

This is fantastic.

We could get a slift?

Yes.

Wait a minute.

I think it's we need one here.

Can I say something?

Can you Google?

Is it called Slift?

Slift.

That sounds disgusting, by the way.

The.

No, it's a band.

It's a what?

A band?

So it's not called Slift.

You sick perver.

You're like, there's something I want to get.

It's called Sliff.

Oh, that's right.

It was a nudie mag we got.

But wait a minute.

Is there, this this is a question for maybe for Adam, but this is our building here.

We own this building at Larchmont.

It is Team Cocoa Global Headquarters.

We should have an elevator.

And I love that idea.

And you know what I want?

I want one that we have three floors in this building.

I like the idea that it's prefab.

It's something that someone comes and it's installed within a day because I know it's not going to be safe.

And that's funny.

Yeah.

We also need fire poles.

What?

I think it's one or the other.

Yeah, it's one of the other.

And I say elevator.

What's it called there, Eduardo?

Stilts.

That's it.

Stilts.

With a Z.

With a Z.

Can we have an operator?

But how?

I don't understand.

I've never heard of.

Look at that.

Oh, my God.

It looks like very Star Trek.

It looks like you go in there and you get some kind of future medical thing done to you.

No, like it's a chamber.

You get into this chamber and how do they install that?

That's how I see it dies.

That's where Spock dies.

Yeah.

But he dies of boredom because it's going so slowly.

Wait a minute.

Do you think we could get this installed?

I actually, I think it's

up the funding for it.

I think we should look into it for real.

I would love it.

Oh, look, there's a little animated

stilts.

Yeah, it would make the building more accessible.

That's true.

It's good.

It's a good thing to do.

Oh, you know, it'd be great if it made a lot of noise so that when we were recording the podcast, it should come up.

And Ted Danson comes in to get ready for his podcast.

And of course, you know, he's no spring chicken.

He'll get on the stilts and then

and we can hear it on our podcast.

And I'm like, Ted!

Ted!

I'm sorry, but slift makes more sense than stilts.

I think you're right.

Yeah.

Maybe we can get that.

Oh, look at this.

Quiet.

It's quiet.

And there's a cartoon of a guy and his dog sleeping so that he can sleep on a couch while his wife quietly goes in an inner tube and sails up.

Oh, it's got a remote control.

So you could put someone in it and get control of it.

Oh, no, no, no.

He's having this lazy shit.

His lazy shit is having his luggage sent down down in an elevator.

And he's saying, oh, okay, all right.

This is a handicapped person or handicapable, but this is a person who should use this.

But can we go back to the guy saying, someone put my luggage in the elevator and sent it down to me in our two-room house?

I do think you need to have an old school guy with a hat as the elevator operator.

David Hopping is on the bell.

Let's just call it a slift.

Okay.

A slift.

And stilts, get your act together and change the name.

David Hopping will be on it, and he'll be wearing a, again, 1930 elevator operator.

And when he arrives at this floor, he goes like, cosmetics, notions, unmentionables.

Unmentionables.

This is fantastic because he doesn't do anything.

David does a lot, but then whenever we're all here, he doesn't do anything.

So he could be riding up and down the elevator doing bits.

We have to get this.

We need to immediately find out how much this costs.

The company's called Stilt, and I'm not doing an ad for them because I wish their name was Slitz.

Slitz.

I say Slitz.

Slitz?

And guess what?

That's the even better name.

Slitz is like a strip club kind of.

Trust me.

Yeah, and you know what?

Slits should have an elevator.

Join the 100th of a mile club.

Yeah.

Listen, Stilts, you have 24 hours to change your name to Slitz.

I want this.

I've never wanted anything this badly.

Let's do it.

Maybe you can't.

Never want to get us one for free i mean we've done a lot of promotion for them come on listen up slits yeah slits

knee formerly known as stilts

slits knee stilts yeah you may know her as stilts but we call her slits

uh i've got to have it i've got to have it and i will spare no expense We're going to sawn a hole in this joint and we're running that thing up and down.

And David Hopping's going to get a uniform and we're going to shoot videos and everyone's going to love us again.

Okay.

All right.

Let's wrap this up.

My guest today stars in.

This is very exciting for me to talk about, the new movie, If I Had Legs, I'd Kick You, alongside, well, another familiar face you might know.

And this is a project that's very near and dear to my heart.

And I absolutely adore our guest today.

I can't, I don't know.

Just nothing more I can say.

I'm thrilled she's here with us.

Rose Byrne, welcome.

I'm thrilled you're here on the podcast.

You came on the late night show a couple of times, and I never really got to talk to you.

And we've had this incredible experience together working on a movie.

I had never done anything remotely like that.

And everything I thought about you

came true and was verified a million times over.

Just in terms of like you're, I know you to be this incredible actress and this very funny person who can do any kind of performance.

And then you show up and you are one of my favorite people of all time.

Seriously.

And so

that was a blessing.

And now I want to, I want to take you down.

I want to.

Today is the day.

Today is the day.

You claim you're from Australia,

but I found out

San Diego is where you were born to Patricia

and Lorenzo Bobkick.

Finally,

finally.

You can come clean.

It's exciting.

We'll talk about the film in just a bit.

I just wanted to start with: you grew up just outside Sydney, but in a city suburb, like 20 minutes from the city, Balmain.

Balmain.

And you're one of four.

Youngest of four.

Yep.

Okay.

I feel like a policeman now getting information.

Says here.

Your eyes are hazel.

um

and you're so innately funny and i've seen this up close and in person

that i'm thinking that had to present itself when you were a kid did you know you were funny when you were just with your in your family i mean the youngest thing of like you're goofy uh maybe like trying to get attention and being a little bit goofy and my mother says i liked the attention but i was also quite shy so one of those performers too that's a little bit shy but a bit of a ham and you knew there were certain comedic performances you saw growing up.

Yes.

And you thought, that.

And who is that?

Who are we talking about?

Well, John Cleese in Faulty Towers.

That was a show that my family, one of the few shows that we all gathered around to watch.

And it was like, I don't know how big it was here in the States.

Faulty Towers was, I mean, it wasn't like friends, but it was,

it played.

I mean, the first times I saw it, I think PBS was.

It would only show on PBS until cable came around.

Yeah.

And but I would see it.

And what drew me to that performance, and I'm guessing you might be the same, is that John Cleese is verbally

very funny and kind of pitch perfect.

That's so true.

But then he can use his body in the funniest way.

Which is not dissimilar to you, actually, now that you've the same physique, so tall and like the legs and just innately comic with, and just some brilliant, yeah, brilliant physical comedy sequences from that show that I can recall.

Yeah, I mean, he's so, he could, he could do it both.

And I always just thought, and I know Peter Sellers to me was the same kind of thing as someone who could, you know, deliver verbally the perfect performance just in the face, but then if called to,

could be very physically hilarious.

And what about what women were you watching where you thought that person's doing something I love?

There's a great show called Kath and Kim from Australia with these two brilliant comedians, Jane Turner and Gina.

Riley, I believe.

And they were brilliant.

They were fantastic.

Hysterical is a very popular show in Australia for for satire about these two women.

And then also I loved Ab Fab.

Yep.

I loved them from that.

And Julia Louis Dreyfus

was one of my touchstones.

I just grew up watching Seinfeld and Elaine was, I mean, yeah, I'd not seen anything like that in a sitcom in America before.

I just thought she was like so groundbreaking, you know, and amongst these men and just such a specific lived-in character, so physically funny, verbally brilliant.

So her intelligence just shines through.

And then the horrible dance that she had to do.

dance.

I mean, yes, again, she could do, just like Klees, she could do both.

One of the things I loved for her and for any fan of comedy is when she did Veep,

she opened up this whole other can of whoopas comedically.

Yeah, she really did.

It was a turn, wasn't it?

It was a pivot.

Yes, I mean, she, you know, she could have moments of being a slight out-of-touch sociopath on Seinfeld.

But then in Veep,

they wrote this incredibly, incredibly mean, horrible stuff for her to say and do.

And she's so funny doing it.

She's so funny.

She's so funny.

And still, I'm still likable.

Yeah, I'm still rooting for her, even though she's clearly the worst person in the world.

That's like working for you.

Yeah.

Okay, okay.

We'll have to edit that out.

Oh, wait, you edit it out.

I'll handle it.

Did you guys ever work together over the years?

I've done some bits with

Julia Louis Dreyfus.

I feel like everyone has crossed over at some point.

So it's always, I love to hear those stories.

You know, I'm such a geek about that.

I'm like,

and I have to ask you about someone who I got to meet through my show who seemed very cool.

And of course, tragically,

we lost him

way too young, but Heath Ledger.

And I know that Heath Ledger, I think, was on my show and agreed to play a didgeridoo.

So I remember having a very distinct pleasure of

talking to Heath and then us bringing a Diggery Doo out and him blowing into it.

And it makes that sound that I'm sorry,

I don't know that he was hit playing it correctly or incorrectly,

but I just don't know what the didgeridoo.

I don't know what the tuning is.

That really surprises me.

I am shocked.

Did you grow up doing that?

I know.

I couldn't pick out exactly what rush tune it was.

Yes.

But

I think I have a recollection of that now that I feel like Heath is an important part of your early life and getting started.

Tell us about that.

I was 18 and I got cast in a film called Two Hands opposite Heath.

And Heath was the lead.

He with the same age, we were just kids.

And the film did very well in Australia.

It was Brian Brown, myself, and a cast of wonderful Australian actors.

And Heath and I traveled to Sundance together.

And the film didn't ultimately really translate here as well as we'd hoped, but it's become like a beloved classic in Australia.

And yeah, he was integral in getting me agents and getting me to auditions.

And he would always have a house full of Australian actors and friends.

He was a very generous guy.

Also shy, actually.

There was a kind of reserve about him, even though he was surrounded by people often.

But he was really instrumental in those early years and very, as I say,

a hugely generous spirit.

So, but yeah, we were just kids.

We were 18.

You know, he had done a show called Raw.

And it was interesting, you know, he always had such great creative

instincts.

And he was being offered so many kind of corny TV shows.

He was a heartthrob, you know, after when he kind of hit, and he really had a specific goal of what he wanted to do and whose careers he loved.

And I admired that.

He had confidence inside.

I still think that his Joker, I mean, that performance

had nothing to do with any performance he had done before.

And it was so radical that I had seen.

Yeah.

And it was so, it's so easy when you have that heartthrob leading man status and you have that face to

just disappear into that world of playing the same person over and over and over again.

And he came at that in this way.

And in so many of his roles, it just felt like it was very important to him to, that this is an art.

Yeah, he had a creativity about him and a goofiness.

And that role in particular was so unexpected, right?

The performance he gives, it's so, talk about a pivot.

It was really, and it, you know, stands the test of time, obviously.

It's like, I remember going to see it in in the cinema, and the gentleman next to me had obviously seen it several times.

And every time Heath came on, he would start to recite the lines with him.

Oh, no.

And I was like, wow, this guy has seen this movie.

Matt, would you like to apologize?

25 times in the cinema.

I would like to apologize.

I thought you looked familiar.

I wasn't going to say.

I was like, were you at a movie theater?

But you have to admit, I was pretty good.

And you honestly.

He nailed almost every line.

Yes.

But it was that's a mark of a performance that is like, you know, iconic.

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You know, I've been to Scottsdale.

Yeah.

And you know what's nice?

Huh?

When it gets really cold in other parts of the country, Scottsdale is the last place to get chilly, you know?

You walk around, you can really enjoy those Lux dining concepts, which I mentioned before.

Yeah, you really did.

It sounds like you're just rereading what you said before.

And just those great stores.

They have great stores.

And I know you love to golf.

Did you know they have a lot of golf courses?

When I'm not golfing, I'm miserable.

You know that about me.

I like getting the old mashy out and driving one 900 miles down the fairway.

Okay.

Yeah.

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Hey, Sona, I heard you got a new car.

Yeah.

You know, David usually gives me a ride to work, but I'd love it if you.

No, no, no, you're not.

I'm sorry, you're not allowed in my new car.

My Palisade is my oasis.

It's my happy place.

So you're not allowed in my Pisis.

Wait a minute.

What are you talking about?

I made you.

When I found you, you were wandering the streets with a bucket on your head.

What?

And now you're Sonoma Obsession and you're driving around the Palisade.

You won't give me a ride?

This is why I don't let you in my happy place because you talk about me walking around with a bucket on my head.

Why would I let you into my personal oasis if this is the way you're going to talk?

You have to earn your spot.

Well, earn it.

In my Hyundai Pisis.

The L New Hyundai Palisade Hybrid is more than just another SUV.

It's still the Palisade, but with so much more, like up to 600 plus miles of range.

That's incredible.

Yeah, it is.

And class-leading interior space.

So much space.

Now, have you enjoyed that extra space?

I'm being very serious right now.

If you recline the seat all the way back, a little ottoman pops up so you can sleep comfortably in the front seat.

That's insane.

Yeah.

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Blay, I've been to your apartment many times.

Look, I don't know if you know this, but I'm an interior decorator now.

I've heard, yes.

Specifically with Ashley.

And you have great taste.

I think you need to zhuzh it up a little bit.

Okay.

Especially your sofa.

Your sofa is horrendous.

I play a lot of video games.

Honestly, the couches are sagging and it's my back is really hurting.

So I really could use some new furniture and your help in picking out something.

It's going to look nice and it's going to last me for a long time.

I picked out a few sofas that I think might fit your vibe a little bit.

Okay.

This has a recliner.

It's got lights on the bottom and it's got cup holders.

I like this a lot.

Now, would you see me as a leather guy or a cloth guy?

Look, I run hot.

I'm sweaty all the time.

Mita, you know what?

I'm not even going to make fun of you for that because so am I.

That's what friendship's all about, sweating together.

Let's see you the next one.

I like this a lot.

I like the speaker in it.

I like the color.

I like the cloth.

Yeah.

Here's the thing, dude.

I don't want to go to the store to pick this up.

I understand.

And this is the beauty of Ashley.

Ashley provides fast, reliable white glove delivery right to your door.

That's great.

I think when I see this, it's not just a new sofa.

It's a new life.

It's It's a new beginning.

I love it.

Visit your local Ashley store or head to Ashley.com to find your style.

So you have success, things are going well, and then you do bridesmaids.

I thought that you were getting to play so many very subtle comedic moves.

The speech where you're each trying to when I when you first when you first came on screen, though, I remembered thinking, okay, this is the beautiful friend who's going to be kind of uptight, and you're just going to hit that note, and then you don't, and you're, you're, you're, in, in many ways, being just as competitive, petty, and insane as Kristen Wick.

And, um, and I was just like, oh, okay, Rose, yeah, Rose Byrne.

And then I think that was everybody's reaction.

You know, it's like those guys are so willing to like, I odd audition Forget Him to the Greek and ended up doing that film.

That's how I met Jard, who was producing Kristen's script that Paul Figue directed, Kristen and Annie Marmelo's script that Paul Fig directed.

But those guys are really open-minded.

They're like, I was on damages.

They're like, sure, come in.

You know, a lot of people would be like, why would you want to see this dramatic actress who's not got comedy chops to come in and work with these like, you know, hardcore?

All those girls are from Groundlings, UCB, like really properly trained improv comedic actresses, all brilliant.

Like, as you say, like, what an ensemble of like incredible actresses.

One of my, like, probably my favorite film to ever shoot.

And, and Helen really is the straight man in many ways.

She's just so buttoned up.

Like, but I remember early on when we were rehearsing and just trying to figure out exactly like the inspiration for that character and how competitive she is and her.

the need for status and how important that is and what that kind of how people wear that entitlement and you know it's very fun very fun and working with oh my God, Kristen Wigg, Maya Rudolph, you know, Melissa, Ellie, Wendy, it was just such a heavyweight cast of these women.

You know, so did you find that that?

Because what's been remarkable about your career is, of course, there are people that do comedy and drama, but you excel at both of them.

And I'm not asking anyone.

I'm telling you.

No, but I'm telling you.

I mean, I watch you and I love

horror.

I love the insidious film.

So it's like,

but like, I'm watching you in that, and you can just,

you're always able to really break my heart.

And then I'll see you being hilariously funny with Seth Rogan.

And I'm just

a little mystified as to what that's all about.

I think there's something very wrong with you that would

show up on a CAT scan, frankly.

There's a large line dividing your skull.

Yeah.

I'm sorry.

I just want to reduce all of you.

It's definitely true.

Yeah.

All your talents.

Just because she has range, you're like, nothing's wrong with you.

I just think she has a terrible brain problem.

That's my take on her acting.

He's right.

I think I'm right.

Correct.

But, and then we need to get to this because

this script comes along.

This creative force named Mary Bronstein.

Our friend.

Our friend, our friend, writes a movie.

How does the script come to you?

What happens?

My agent sends me the script, and she's a very discerning Irish woman.

You best be reading my script.

What is wrong with you?

You best be reading my script.

I'm sending it your way.

Pretty much.

I send it to a donkey.

Pretty much like.

She was a pirate agent.

I said she was a pirate.

I heard pirate, not Irish.

Pretty much.

Weirdly, exactly like that.

Why did my parrot go caw, caw?

Parrots don't go caw, caw.

You're an Irish pirate with a raven.

I couldn't get a parrot, so I had to get a raven.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry.

I'm sorry.

So, anywho, you've got a line down your visceral cellular reaction to an Irish woman.

I feel it.

I'm sorry.

I feel it.

They terrorized me

throughout my life.

From the island, straight up uh no she's she she's very discerning you know and she's only written a few times over the years and she said you need to read this and i was like hmm okay but she you know read like fire it's like she lit the page it's such an unbelievable script and i want to hear your thoughts on it when you read it um and i devoured it and there's an incredible symmetry to the script with the imagery It's kind of the metaphors that are going on and what's happening in front of Linda, what's happening to her and what's happening outside of her.

There's a wonderful symmetry, and it's, and you really do see it, I think, in the finished product as well.

It's very much there.

And I just thought, oh my God, what an opportunity.

It's someone throwing you the ball, right?

And you've got the bat, and you're like, can I really, oh my God, oh my God.

And it was extraordinary.

And it's sort of genre defying in a way.

There's many genres.

There's horror.

tropes of horror in there, there's tropes of drama, there's comedy, and there's comedy.

So I, I, you know, I couldn't believe it.

And then I started to, you know, I met with Mary and we started to work together.

And I just thought, oh, my God, I cannot fuck this up.

I was like, I can't.

So I have this funny experience, which is this script comes my way.

And we talked about this with Mary on the podcast.

But Adam Sandler calls me.

And

oh, I didn't know that.

Sandler called you.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Just to tell me he admired my work.

And then he

called me.

I'm just name-dropping now.

And then Brad Pitt texts me.

He wants to know where I got my game.

It's funny.

anyway, all these famous people were always calling and texting.

No, Adam called and he said, is it okay if I give one of the Safty brothers your

number?

And it's for an A24 film.

And I went, I guess so.

And he was like, oh, you think so, Coney?

Yeah, dummy, idiot.

And so at first I thought it's going to be.

If someone like me gets offered a part, it's always to play myself.

Do you know what I mean?

It's, oh, and then the characters turn on the TV and Conan O'Brien's there, and he's saying, You all heard in the news the story about insert character's name here.

And, uh, and then I, they were like, No, no, no, you're, you're playing a character.

Um, so I talked to Mary and tried very hard to talk her out of it.

And she was just like, Well, this is a really great script, and

you don't want me in there.

And, but she was adamant.

And then, um, what was your reaction when you were like, oh, I, it's playing therapist?

Um, I,

I mean, my first reaction was, be honest with you, is there's been a mistake.

You know, like, why,

why am I, why is someone, and I should talk to my therapist about that, but

it was

very surprising to me that she has this beautiful thing that she's written that's

a real statement by her and

I and comes from her life.

And

I just, this is her big shot.

And I'm in there.

And I thought, okay.

and I really didn't want to

mess things up so she was very like

here's a little difference you're a roseburn

and um and I'm gonna brian uh so

so then

um I'm starting to feel better because she's giving me all the reasons why I'd just be perfect for it.

And she said, trust me, everyone is excited about you doing it and you're perfect for it.

And I thought, well, they're professionals.

They must know.

And then Mary sets this meeting at the Whitby Hotel that I show up at, you show up at, and Mary shows up at, and you proceed to say, excuse me, Conan,

what acting have you done?

And I start saying, well, I haven't really, no, but I mean, what films have you done?

And I went, I haven't done any films.

And then you said, uh-huh.

And I said, I've done sketches.

And she said, but what about like dramatic roles film?

And I went, I haven't really done that.

And then then you, you start drilling down deeper and you went, but surely you did plays in high school.

And I said, no, I didn't.

And Mary,

I didn't know you that well then.

So I thought, Rose Byrne does not want me in this.

And then I find out later that you're taking the piss out of me.

And like you winked at, you winked at Mary.

But I left thinking, oh my God, like she's going to go to her Irish script reader

and say,

put down that bowl at Tators

and get Conan off this feckin, not fucking, but feckin' movie.

I often feel like people have secret histories.

You don't know.

Like I, you know, maybe you had a rich history of doing a play or at Harvard, you know, like

new ideas.

No, but I touched, but I touched on it.

Now you're being the nice person.

No, no, no.

I honestly, like, I was like, but, and I think I remember, I remember, I remember going, but has anyone approached you before or have anyone asked you to do a drink or that didn't work out?

You know, like I was like doing investigative, like, because I feel like it was like you were wearing a wire and people were listening in a van.

And then all I remember is you slammed your plate down at one point and said, Who do you think you are?

That did happen.

That did happen.

And then you slapped me.

And then I hit you.

Yeah.

And then I hit me.

Yeah.

It was.

No.

And then

the process, we start the process of making this movie.

And I will admit, I was saying that

I worked really hard with Mary, and there's no

longer than for a year.

You were attached forever.

Yeah, long before, as was Rocky.

So you're making the point that you got it much quicker than I did.

I see what you're doing.

Look at this.

Rose is such a master at passive aggression.

Are you seeing it?

Yeah, you, a long time, a long time.

I mean, much longer than me.

And I'm really 99% of the film.

But But anyway, I had that experience of worked very hard with her, tried to prepare as much as I possibly could.

And then before you know it, it's a very small room.

All our scenes are in a tiny room.

Tiny room.

Tiny room.

It's a tiny room.

And I'm a large fellow.

And we're in this tiny room.

Tiny room.

And so quite hot.

Or how was the temperature?

Nice.

You think you were very excited to see me.

Oh, my God.

That's what that happened.

You kept saying, is it hot in here?

And people were like, it's actually 33 degrees.

Was it stuffy?

I just remember.

Was it?

Yes, it was.

They had sealed all the windows for sound.

Yeah, yeah.

And it's just a regular office on the Upper East Side.

So it was.

And this is not a fancy.

This is like, we shot this fast.

And it was like, not a big budget.

It was just to set the scene.

It's not like it's a I was told

you got all the money, all of it.

Of course I did.

Yeah.

All the money.

And you came in the first day wearing a grill.

It said Rose Rocks.

And I was like, that's a little over the top.

That's how I work.

I know, but I established my boundaries.

That was really off-putting.

Every time you stood up, just money fell out of you.

But

we had these, I'll never forget, just sitting opposite you and we're in that room.

And then I hear action, like the whole, the hallway's packed with people, action.

And you and I have this scene to do.

And I

think the first take, I was just trying to process, I'm in a movie.

Why am I in a movie?

Why am I in a movie with Rose Byrne?

This is insane.

And then I kind of got it together, I think, for the second take and was able to just, okay, just be in it.

But I think on the first take, I was freaked out, you know?

That's how it felt.

You were great.

I looked at you and you were there.

You were my scene partner and you were present and I never felt not safe.

But then I see a close-up.

I know.

I've worked with a lot of people.

And it's like, you know, when someone is there with you and you were there with me.

And the scenes were very hard.

They were challenging.

There's a destructive relationship.

It's at the end of this relationship with this therapist and their patient.

And it is someone in a crisis.

And they're not treating each other well.

Right.

It's like complicated.

Well, I was saying this to Mary Brunstein, the writer director.

I was telling her that.

One of the things that was a little difficult for me is I am extremely fond of you, and I'm also a caretaker.

So in real life, if it started to rain, I would scramble to like have a tent built around you.

It's that kind of thing where counterintuitive, counterintuitive.

And my character is the exact 180 degree opposite.

And you are in, and we're in this tight space and you are begging me,

you know, screaming at me for help.

And I'm, I'm, I'm not doing the thing.

Every cell in my body is saying, we must help Rose Byrne.

And then I have to remind myself, this is not Rose Byrne right now.

This is my patient.

But it was.

The scenes were challenging.

I agree.

But you, and I've told this to everybody, and you can see it in the film.

I just was present for you turning yourself inside out in the scene.

It's so insane to watch someone do that, especially in an enclosed space, not up on a proscinium in a theater, but just

take their own heart out and crush it in front of you.

And then I'd hear cut, and you would start laughing or giggling, or you'd say, I want a sandwich, you know,

and making jokes.

And then Mary would come in and go, Okay, let's do another one.

You'd be like, All right.

And I'm like, oh, what do you mean, another one?

No one can do that twice.

And you'd do it like 19 times.

You want me to pull my heart and my lungs out this time?

I could try that for you.

Or just one lung and two hearts.

It was just weird to see.

Those scenes were

epic.

They were like, I hadn't done that sort of scene before, with that sort of, where are you in a therapist's office like that, where it's really like in real life, where you're having these sort of moments with your therapist.

So it was wild.

That was definitely a, those days were, where they were, I mean, they were fun.

There's a fun, for me, a fun element of like, can we do this?

And like, you're taking off together in this scene.

Like, what's going to happen?

You know?

Yeah.

And then, and then seeing, you know, where it kind of goes.

There was one,

I can't remember if this made it into the film or not, but there's one scene where you're, I think you're lying.

There's some scenes where you're in the chair and there are some scenes where you're on the therapist's couch

where you're going through all these emotions.

And at one point, you were just trying different stuff, and it was so fun to watch you play.

At one point, your feet went up in the air.

I remember that.

And you're doing some sort of yoga feet up in the air thing.

She's not just stretching in the chair.

Pigs are stupid, right?

She's so obnoxious.

You're trying to provoke a child.

You're trying to provoke your therapist.

And so you're doing like this weird yoga stretch where your feet go up into the air and your head.

I don't think it made it in.

No, I don't think so, but I think it might have been a bridge too far.

I know, but I was

like, what you and I do is galaxies apart.

But then I see flashes of, oh, I know what that is.

That's you playing.

to find things and offering Mary all these choices.

And I know that we do that in common.

Yeah, totally.

You know, we do that in common.

Exactly.

It's the same, absolutely.

An offering.

And she allowed us to do that.

You know, there was these, you know, and her, especially in those scenes, it's always, I mean, I'm always looking for a little levity, right?

And those scenes were heavy.

So it's like, how can we sneak in something that is a little bit, you know, that we, that might be, that might be funny?

I don't know.

So I have a question, which is your, something I find very endearing is your refusal to take yourself seriously in a profession where everybody takes themselves very seriously.

Is that an Australian thing or is that a roseburn thing?

What do you think?

Because you've probably spent, had Australians in this chair before, so I don't know.

That's right.

We had all of Akadaka here, which is the correct way to say ACDC.

Akadaka.

It's true.

I did a show in Sydney once at some big theater downtown and one of the best crowds ever.

I mean, an Australian audience says.

They are such a good.

I'm so glad you say that because it's such a long way to come.

So So when people do get there, they really do appreciate it.

They kept thanking me for coming.

And I said, you know, I kept saying, you know, you have a really good country.

Happy to be here.

But no, the crowd was insane and great.

But they're, what I love is they just, there's no formality.

Like if I would call on someone, instead of just asking, answering my question from their seat, they'd come running up on stage and then we'd end up being scene partners and doing a bit.

Yeah, right.

There's a lot of improvising and having fun and taking the piss in Australia, which is really lovely.

Cultural language, for sure.

But do you think that's part of your anytime a compliment comes your way or people say, oh my God, you're like, well, thank you.

And then I see the deflection.

Yeah.

Which is.

I mean,

I would say the same of you.

You're a bit of a deflector.

I would say.

Is that an Irish thing?

I mean, I am.

I think so.

I have Irish, you know, ancestors.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But cultural.

How Irish are you?

Are you?

i haven't well burned so i b-y-r-n-e is like one of the most common names in ireland so when i went there they said welcome home

they did and my full name is mary rose which is like literally a ship you know from ireland you know so but i funny when i went there i felt um melancholy i don't know i felt like the the irish kind of streak of pain, if I may say, I share with you guys.

I felt that.

I felt the joy, but I also felt that.

Did you feel like that when you're there?

I had any reaction.

I was like, I'm going to feel like the motherland.

And I had that to an extent.

And then I felt like the deep kind of history of, you know,

I went back for my travel show and I got very...

uh sad and i'm not someone who lets myself probably i have a difficulty accessing that and there was no hiding it there i just really felt i said oh my god the view here it's such a beautiful you see these mountains.

They're so gorgeous.

And oh my God.

And I said, why did people leave?

And the woman I was with said, because you can't eat the view.

Like they didn't, you know, and they needed, this wasn't working and they had to go.

And I thought, right, idiot.

That's intense.

That's a real.

Well, that's really intense, but that's when they return to your room.

Did they try to eat the view?

They did.

I looked at the mountains and there was one big chunk.

Yeah, maybe they didn't attempt

to eat.

um but that's real i get that i get that always good to bring levity into famine i always say

i'm seriously i'm serious i i appreciate that yes i needed an out and you gave it to me um but no but like uh that that is part of it but i think australia is so fascinating to me because so many irish went there or were sent there we were really sent most of us

yeah yeah well you were clearly sent i was clearly sent yeah yeah no the gels were overflowing and they've got this crazy experiment where they're like, let's put all these people on a ship and ship them out there and they can live out their sentence there and then hang out with the people who put them in jail in the first place.

That's a short history and also ruin all of the Indigenous people culture.

There's a reason they don't use you.

There's a reason they don't use you in the tourism ads anymore.

Can we try another take, Rose?

I know.

Rio?

Yeah, yeah, but let's not focus on that.

Yeah.

And then you forgot one of the most important things, which is everyone from Ireland who got shipped over there has my skin coloring.

And they're suddenly living at the equator.

Yeah.

And they're running around shirtless in that sun.

And that's the thing.

It is the weirdest story.

It's a pretty crazy story.

Yeah.

Everyone is beat red there.

Everybody.

Yeah, it's wild.

And so I was thinking, okay, that's the currency in my family where I come from, which is you make fun of yourself before anyone else can make fun of you.

I think so.

No, I do, to your point, I think it's absolutely a cultural fact.

You know, we don't take ourselves too seriously.

There's a thing called tall poppy, never get to speak through your boots.

And, you know, like

there's definitely an element of that culturally for Australians.

And I guess I can embody that a little bit.

But, you know, my, my, you know, yeah, humor's always been a big thing in our family and I've always been firmly, you know, made fun of.

So

and supported at the same time.

But

no, it's not, I, yeah, I find earnestness pretty, pretty hard to

follow, to be honest.

I do too.

That's why I have surrounded myself

with the least earnest people in the world.

It's like, yeah, fuck you.

It's annoying.

What a good joke.

But I take the work seriously.

I love the work.

And

I love the work.

And that I would absolutely take seriously.

Well, I mean, it was clear to me that you're not screwing around

in this role.

And it's been delight to see the reaction to your performance.

It's just made me so happy because

universally people have been saying, yeah, Rose Byrne, and Mary likes to use the phrase, hiding in plain sight.

You've been here.

You've been doing incredible work.

Everyone loves you.

And then you do this role and everyone is saying, Jesus Christ.

This is, yes.

Oh, it's just really nice.

Yeah.

Oh, look, I feel very emotional about it.

Emotional about the movie.

I'm protective of it.

Like, I think it's such an incredible piece of art.

I think Mary's a force of nature.

I think her story is so punk rock, how she's taken this tackled motherhood and being a caretaker and really in a radical way.

Like, it's very unconventional and it's uncomfortable.

And I love the film.

So I'm still figuring it out, as we were chatting about earlier.

Like, I'm still discovering it and seeing it through

particularly a lot of friends who are now seeing it, seeing it through other people's eyes and what they're discussing with me about it and what feelings they're responding with.

And

it's been, I'm so grateful, not to be corny, but to be a part of that.

And I feel, yeah,

I feel very like so proud to be in this.

There's something about, maybe you could tell me what it is, but it is a different movie and there aren't a lot of movies like this.

Well, there's the tradition of sort of the woman falling apart.

That is

a tradition.

Mary pointed out to me, those are all written by men.

Yeah, yeah, totally through the lens of James.

She was like, no, no, no, no, no, I'm going to write this.

And this movie is like refusing to ignore this woman.

You know, a lot of mothers feel invisible.

They don't feel seen.

They don't feel acknowledged.

And this movie is like, no, no, no, you can't look away.

This is a mother in a crisis with a child, and you will not, she will not be kind of ignored.

Okay.

Which is a response.

A friend was chatting with a friend and she was like, I felt seen.

And I was like, wow.

And so,

and then I have friends who don't have children who really understood other aspects of the movie and other

things she's bringing up in people.

So I think that's my wife has not seen the movie yet because

I wanted her to see it.

She's not a fan of my work.

What a shame.

That's so hard.

What a shame.

She has no aware I did television, really.

She doesn't like the podcast.

But

no, Liza hasn't seen it yet.

And she wants to see it, and she was going to see it tonight when we go to this event.

She can't come.

She can't come because she has to be in Seattle and so

to see her lover.

Who, by the way, is

he's a great guy.

He's hot, too.

Yeah.

He's a ferry captain.

The weather's really bad, though.

He's very tanned.

He's the most tanned guy.

Because he takes her to Mexico all the time.

I'm like, well, I'm closer.

I could take her.

And he's like, I got it.

They're actually going to see the movie together tonight.

They're going to come up to me afterwards.

We thought it was great.

Yeah, I loved it.

God damn it.

Why is your voice so low and resonant?

But anyway,

but I've been telling her because, you know,

I really like her podcast.

Oh, yeah.

She is the brains of

our outfit.

But she said an interesting thing, which is, I mean, I was telling her that

this movie, I don't, it's going to be tough for you.

It's not going to be easy because it's very visceral about what a woman goes through who's a mom and trying to handle it all when her husband's off doing talk shows.

And

I know she's going to love it, but also that it's going to push some buttons.

Did she read the script?

She did read the script and she said to me, I didn't know people people made, wrote scripts like this anymore in the nicest way.

That's right.

That's such a cool yeah.

So

I'm, you know, Mary

really wanted to get the film is so you up to the point where the camera is so close to you

so much of the time.

And initially, did that freak you out at all?

Or?

Well, the first day, the camera got closer and closer and closer.

It was like here, and I could hear it.

It's film, you know.

Yeah.

And I said to her, are you going to be that close?

Is that that's how close we're going to be?

She was like,

yeah.

I was like,

you set the dailies to your dermatology.

Yeah, exactly.

And I was like,

face mask or video like then.

We'll just freeze it.

But I could, I could hear it.

I could hear it.

So it was, it was cool.

I mean, it was just technical, right?

So just sort of adjusting for that and making sure we were always in dialogue.

Like, did you get this?

Did you get that?

Should I try one like this?

Try one, you know, even though we'd had this great rehearsal period, her and I, but that technical side of stuff, you don't know until you're there, right?

You've got to like figure it out and understand it and get my sea legs with working with the camera department.

But, um, but I knew she was doing something, you know what I mean?

I was like, she's pulling something off here.

And the conceit of not, which is not really a spoiler, but the conceit of never seeing the daughter was also something she told me early on.

And I was like, hmm, okay, right.

So I knew she was crafting this language and this tension to tell this story in her, you know, vision, her cinematic vision.

And it wasn't until I I saw it that I was like, oh, good Lord.

Wow.

My goodness me.

She, she,

nothing could have prepared me.

Yeah.

You've done so much work in film, and yet this seems like a big evolution or step forward or change in some way

because it pretty much is, I mean, yeah, ASAP Rocky, myself, you guys have some people tossed in there, but we're, and we're playing the parts that we need to play, but this is, this is you.

And

that was,

I think it's one of the most powerful things about the film is

it is your journey.

And I think I've heard you say that so often it's easy for a woman to be an appendage in a film or like, you know, you're the

co-equal or less.

Yes, yep.

Which I've done many times.

Oh my gosh, many times.

But this is truly from the perspective of this character.

Like you have no other perspective, really.

And sometimes you don't know what's real and what's not, like, when through the eyes of this woman who's just so disassociated, you know, it's a real tightrope, the whole thing.

It's like, and as that mother myself, like, obviously confronting all of these, you know, it's very, people are not comfortable.

There's a lot of shame around women who are disappointed with motherhood or have anger around motherhood or have, you know, feelings that aren't

anything less than total fulfillment.

Total fulfillment.

You know, isn't it just the most joyous, totally fulfilling?

Andy Andy Richter told me when his kids were really little, he said, you know what it is?

It's high-stakes boredom.

And I said, what do you mean?

Because this is before I had had my kids.

And he said, it's a two and a half year old, and

they're not doing anything, and you're just staring at them.

But

if you're not vigilant for a second, they will try to run in front of a car.

And that's what it is.

And so there's, of course, there are moments of resentment.

Good feelings, bad feelings.

And at this point, she's not even a mother.

She's a caretaker more, you know?

So she's not even getting those joy, the joy of it and the like, the extraordinary parts of it.

And it's like this, she's just in this crises of being a caretaker.

So I felt that was, you know,

yeah, such a opportunity, you know, it's just an opportunity.

It's like, you don't get these shots often.

So I feel, yeah, you know, I feel a bit too, like, I can't believe it came to me.

I'm like, a little bit like that, too.

You know, it got back to me.

You've tried to cut me out of the film.

And

just the first scenes.

You said

the last scene, I thought, was pretty good.

Pretty good.

Smart.

You requested, this is true, Rose.

Yeah.

Rose suggested that maybe, because she saw.

a rough cut and said, this is really rough.

We could get, yeah, she said, I've seen rough cuts, but this is, and she said, what are we going to do about him?

And then she said, can you just put a CPR dummy in there

and put an orange wig on it?

I have a question.

And they tried it.

I have a question for you.

When did you first see the film?

I saw the film for the first time.

At Sundance?

Yes, at Sundance.

We were at Sundance.

What was your experience of watching it?

I think a little disassociated.

I like it.

I watched.

No, I could watch.

I really loved it.

And I could watch you.

I could watch everything.

You know, my scenes.

I just think it's a weird, I can't really connect to it.

I can't, I can't watch that dispassionately.

And I know anyone who's been

like you, an experienced,

you know,

actor can do that.

I can't do that.

I'm just happy I didn't look at the lens at some point and give a little wink.

Here's a crazy hypothetical.

I know there's a lot of awards buzz for you, Rose, but let's just say supporting actor.

I know, hold on.

Supporting actor, nomination for Conan O'Brien.

He wins, but he's also hosting the Oscars.

What happens?

The world implodes.

First of all, you've just ensured it won't happen.

That was my question.

How superstitious are we?

Oh, very superstitious.

Yeah, I come from that island.

Me too.

Pirate Island.

We're probably related.

Yeah, I think so.

Yeah.

No, I don't think so.

I just looked in a mirror and then I looked at you, and I'm like, okay.

I have cousins that look like you.

You have cousins that look like me?

I have an uncle with no legs.

I do.

I do.

I have cousins very similar.

Very, very similar.

Say it.

Handsome.

Handsome.

Totally.

Okay.

Totally.

That is so sad.

I have a cousin that looks like you.

But then they fixed it.

No.

No.

Listen, you can't help me.

The damage is too deep, Rose.

Too deep.

You're not getting my sympathy.

Yeah.

I don't think we'll encounter that problem ever.

And I think the important thing.

But you are hosting again, correct?

Yeah, that's the plan.

Wow.

You were so so great.

I loved you.

Loved last year's ceremony.

It's wonderful.

I couldn't think of the word.

I was like,

you become very poor.

All of a sudden, I'm the Queen of England.

But

I couldn't think of the word.

I was like, what is it?

No, it's not an event.

It's a ceremony.

It's a ceremony.

It's a ceremony.

It's so rose-burn is to be so elegant using just the correct,

but then also so goofy at the same time, crossing your eyes,

doing a bit, and then right back into, oh, we're here with Dame Judy Dench.

That was like, you had to thread such a crazy needle.

It was such a

following such a tragedy here in California.

Remember?

And you had to, it was like,

kind of an impossible.

I know.

You probably disassociate it.

Disassociate it, but it was like, that's like kind of an impossible task.

So

that's a tough gig.

That is a tough gig.

Okay, now I don't want to do it again.

Yeah.

Yeah, you do.

Do.

Dude, you do.

Get the CPR done.

If it ain't tough, it ain't fun.

Yeah, now it's fun.

CPR dummy.

This is hosted tonight by this CPR dummy.

Yeah.

Leo DiCabra comes out, does chest compressions.

Well, the movie, I mean, this is cool.

We get to plug the movie.

If I had legs, I'd kick you.

It's a weird thing to say, but I feel like as like an uncle figure, whatever, I'm so proud of you.

I'm so proud of Mary.

I'm just happy for both of you.

Thanks for having us.

And October 10th, you can go to the cinema to see it.

And thanks for your support.

My therapist.

My therapist.

You know what?

My character will forever be my therapist.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

And I looked at there's a degree on the wall, which you can't see in the movie, but I walked up to it one point and where it says name, it just says therapist.

Did you give yourself a name in your

character work?

No, I didn't.

It's not too late.

The movie's not out.

Nigel G.

Sopsip.

I think it's best if we take a bad one.

That was a bad one.

Anyway,

just a joy to work with you and to get to know you better.

And I'll be seeing you around the circuit.

I'll see you on the circuit.

Yep.

Thanks for having me.

Thank you for such a wonderful room of funny, lovely people here.

Thank you.

We do.

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What's this thing about you being a seat filler?

I will do it, sure.

Okay.

Just say, hey, Conan, any childhood, any memories from your early days in show business?

Okay, ready?

Yep.

Hey, Conan, any memories from your childhood days in show business?

All right, one more time.

Hey, Conan,

do you have any memories about your childhood days and show business?

Childhood days and show business.

Early days.

You said early days.

What am I, Shirley Temple?

You just, you just teamed up to do that.

It was time to shoot on the good ship lollipop.

Puff, puff.

I'm smoking a cigar.

No, we were just talking earlier and you guys said, hey, bring that up on the podcast.

It's one of those early memories of young Conan out in the world.

I think I was a writer on Saturday Night Live.

This would have been the, I don't know, sometime between 1988 and 1991.

I think we were in a hiatus.

I wasn't doing much.

I was bumming around.

And someone, because I did sketches on the show, occasionally I would appear in the background of some SNL sketches.

And someone said, hey, Conan,

they could use you over at...

I don't know if it was the MTV video awards or VMAs or something.

It was some early version of one of those types of shows.

And it was shooting at the Armory in New York.

I remember this.

And they said at rehearsals, they need people to pretend to be the winners.

So you sit in the audience and they say, and the winner is Phil Collins.

And then a black woman stands up and she walks up on the stage and she says, I want to thank the other members of Genesis.

And she basically just so they can get the lighting right and the blocking right, because you're certainly not going to get that person there.

They never read the real winner because that can never be revealed before before the show.

So they always say at the beginning of rehearsal, this is for rehearsal purposes only.

The winner is Phil Collins or whatever.

So I just thought, like, this was interesting.

I'll do this.

And I think I got like $50 or whatever I got.

So I went over and I think about this now because I've, when I do award shows now, I'm there when I see the people who are doing that same thing that I used to do.

Did you ever think you'd be up there hosting the Oscars?

And here you are, just a seat filler, you know, fake award winner?

Yes, I did.

I knew.

You knew.

I just knew.

I said it's going to be probably around 2025.

Global warming is going to be a real problem.

People don't think so.

Ozone layer would have been fixed.

And yeah, I just knew the whole thing.

So anyway,

no, I would have had no idea.

But

I was there and I was doing that.

And I think I had to be someone in Oingo Boingo once.

I mean, it was just these crazy, these references are so funny, you know?

And I was like, well, on behalf of Boingo, I just want to say

I was joking around a lot and they probably told me to shut up.

But what I remember very clearly is

someone who was there in person was Tina Turner was hanging out at the rehearsal.

Yeah.

Wow.

And so I'm sitting there just wearing my little lanyard that says backstage goofball.

And Robert Palmer was there, simply irresistible.

He was there.

The two of them were there.

I think they probably had a sound check, but they were just hanging out.

And I remember they announced the category.

And again, they said, you know, okay, let's the winner for best song of 1988 is.

And they opened the envelope and someone said, Tina Turner.

And this person got up.

I think a 62-year-old,

very pale man stood up with crutches and went up on stage and said, I'm just really excited that I'm here to win this award.

And Tina Turner was there and she got really excited because she thought this means that she's going to win that night.

And I saw her manager have to go up to her and say, no, no, no, this is just for rehearsal.

And I remembered seeing someone's huge icon of rock dreams get crushed in that moment.

I saw that happen.

It wasn't that bad.

I think she probably ended up winning anyway.

But

yeah, it was one of those things where I had a lot of experiences like that wherebiz.

It was showbiz, and I was just this young

childhood showbiz.

Yeah, it wasn't childhood.

I would have been in my 20s at that point, mid-20s.

Okay.

And,

but it was an exciting, exciting moment for me back then.

And now, all these years later, I still treasure it.

Was that sincere?

Nope.

I didn't think so.

Okay.

It's just one of those things that, you know.

So the year was 1986, according to what.

Oh, it was 86.

Okay, so guess what?

I wasn't on SNL yet.

It was pre-SNL.

1986.

And what was it?

The VMAs.

It was the VMAs.

Was it at the Armory?

It was in New York, not at the Armory.

What was the Tina Turner song?

We don't need a New York Times.

No, I bet it was going to be, what's the home got to do

36

what's the hook a second hand emotion

typical male what's that

typical male you got a typical male is that what it's much so much better than an atypical male

was too male box nope we don't need another hero that's what i said

okay well anyway i was there and what would robert palmer have been there for that

was that simply irresistible

Robert Palmer was there, and he presented a video Vanguard Award to Madonna.

Okay.

Get it.

I didn't see Madonna at rehearsal.

Dude, you didn't get to go to the show?

No, his video was addicted to love.

Yeah.

She's so fun.

She ain't no telling where the money went.

I can't afford it.

We can't afford it.

You guys have to sing a song.

We don't have to pay this.

Do we have to pay Adam?

No, we do.

I don't think we have to pay if we sing a song, do we?

I think we're singing.

Let's get that from Adam.

Adam, do we have to pay if we sing a song?

Yes.

I don't know.

Let me ask you this.

I don't know.

Let me ask you this.

It's murky.

The versions of the versions we're singing are so

far from the original that they can't be.

It works for me.

Okay.

No, I think you can't.

And she's a coming stairway to hear them.

Oh, boy.

Listen, you can't do it.

Yes, you can because I just sang it incorrectly.

Yeah.

I mean, legally you can, but I said stairway.

I know, but you shouldn't.

You're just ruining things, I think.

It's okay.

Look, we're going to get some clarity on this

because I think we should be able to sing these things.

People know me as a crooner, and I'm a jukebox.

They know me.

I am America's jukebox.

I've got these golden pipes.

No.

They call me the Velvet Smog, and I think that we should be able to sing songs.

Well, we should look into this, and I would say stay tuned.

Yeah.

To future episodes.

Future episodes.

I don't know what we're going to do.

Make it.

Oh, boy.

Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend with Conan O'Brien, Sonom Obsession, and Matt Gorley.

Produced by me, Matt Gorley.

Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Fross, and Nick Liao.

Theme song by The White Stripes.

Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.

Take it away, Jimmy.

Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples.

Engineering and Mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns.

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