Adam Scott

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Sure, we got blue jeans, baseball, bald eagles, but come on! There's really nothing as American as the burger, right? And there's nothing more burger than the Sonic Smasher.

Yeah. I mean, this thing is made

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patties, seared to perfection with those

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talking about? That kind of slow clap where you're

like, yeah, Sonic, you brought the Sonic

Smasher. Then there's the layered melty

cheese crinkle-cut pickles and onions, too.

On top of it all?

Oh, my mind's splitting. Try the Sonic Smasher as a double.
Or why not? God forgive us all. A triple.
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Eat Sonic. Hi, my name is Adam Scott.
And I feel pure joy about being Conan O'Brien's fucking friend.

Wait, what is this?

Yeah, that's right, but I love that he had to think about it.

You hit pure joy, and then you clearly couldn't do it.

Like, you had eaten something rotten, and you couldn't keep it down. I think putrefied is the exact word.
The exact feeling. Fall is here.
Hear the yell. Back to school.
Ring the bell. Brand new shoes.
Walk and lose. Climb the fence.
Books and pens. I can tell O'Brien Needs a Friend.
And I do need a friend, fortunately. I have 1.5 in Son of Obsession.
Wait a minute. And Gorley, Matt Gorley.
Am I 0.5 or are we both 0.75? You know what? It's something you'll have to figure out on your own. That's the beauty of my mystical little quips.
You never know what I really mean. This is an exciting day.
Because Sona's wearing a jacket I haven't seen before. And this is a woman who will wear the same jacket day in and day out.

And I don't believe someone should be a clothes horse.

I don't think someone should be, you know, styling it every day.

You know, that's not my way.

Yeah.

But I am not a material man.

But you talk about my clothes all the time.

Because for most of the many, many, many years I employed you, you wore the same jacket every day. And with all due respect, does that jacket exist anymore? Jesus, Matt.
Sorry. It does not.
No, no. Did that jacket go up in the fire? Yes, it did.
Oh, my God. Oh, yes.
Maybe you should apologize. Why is he saying that? I meant to defend you.
I just assumed it would be okay because you wear it all the time. So the one time you took it off, you left it in your house and that's when your house caught fire? Yes.
So you should buy me a new one. Yeah.
Well, I could buy you 30. They don't look that expensive.
Oh my God. I'm sorry.
Oh my God. Oh my God.
She wishes also to notice that this is the first recording we've done since the one recording we've done after the fires and already you're back on early. All I'm saying is.
You've got it. I used to give you a hard time about that jacket and I'm sure we've discussed it in different episodes.
I called it the old Dr. Zaius.
It was, it's a dark jacket. Dr.
Zaius's was kind of an orange. It was black.
It was a black leather jacket. Yeah, it was black, but had some crenellations and folds.
Had a little bit of an 80s vibe to it. Unbelievable.
Oh my God. But anyway, you just wore the same thing every single day.
And I used to say, did I not? I'll get you a jacket. I looked so cool in that jacket.
I did. Nothing is cooler than a worn-in jacket.
Oh, it was worn in all right. Yes.
No, no, no. It was it was.
Wow. I am shocked that jacket's gone because that is such a part of.
It's okay. She lived a good life.
She saw some shit. It's a she? It's a she? Yeah, I don't know.
Your current jacket is definitely a she. My current jacket, my best friend Veronica got me this one.
Oh, look at this. What is that? And she gave me, because I had pins all over my other denim jacket, so she got me a happy face, a popcorn, a Freddie Mercury, and a vagina pin.
I love that I just pointed to a vagina and said, what is that? What is that? I've heard tell. A new discovery.
Yeah. Wait, what? I know you want to, you should probably see it.
It's not just a vagina. It's got like the fallopian tubes.
Yeah, it has fallopian tubes that are flowers. It's not, really? I mean, it's not a vagina.
Sorry. No, it's more like a cattle head with roses for horns.
Yes. I'm sorry.
What do you guys got going on in there? Where are we doing it? Don't make me do an anatomy lesson because to be honest, I don't even know how it works. I don't even know what's going on down there.
Do you guys know what's going on? What do women are supposed to do to empower themselves where they get a mirror and they look there and they love themselves and all that whole thing? Why are you saying it with disdain? That wasn't disdain. He's saying it with utter horror.
Horror. Have you ever closely examined yourself? Your penis? Well, ours, you could see it all the time.
That's true. And sometimes it looks right at you.
They're on the outside.

No, there are.

There's a lot of things going on with this.

And it's, you know, I never really examined it,

but maybe I should.

And I'll learn some stuff.

Wait, the pin or your actual undercarriage?

Don't say undercarriage.

Don't say undercarriage.

My vagina.

You can say vagina.

It's okay to say it.

Just say it.

I don't know.

I'm not sure.

It's vagina.

That's what it is.

Why do you shrug your shoulders

when you do that?

So uncomfortable.

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

I'm doing it like Jeff Ross would do.

Vagina.

Do you want to wear the vagina pin?

I'm good.

Okay.

I'm good.

People will think I just spilled some tomatillo sauce on me. I don't think I'll wear the pin.
I'm good. All right.
But I think I want women to know I'm in their corner. Just keep that thing away from me.
Now, would your mom be okay with you wearing that pin? I think at this point, they just, like, don't know what to... They can't tell me not to do something.
Would she... Just looking at that, would she know it's a vagina? Because it's not...
It's not... It's weird.
It's pretty vaggy. You have to...
Yeah, I think your first instinct is vaggy, but you have to, like, give it a double look. What else could it be? It's got roses on it.

This is a vagina.

This is how a vagina looks.

It's a vagina.

Blay, weigh in.

Have a bunch of men.

No, no, no.

Blay has seen two in his lifetime.

What was the one I came out of?

Passing through. It's like when you're in a train and it's not your station.
Oh, my God. There goes New Haven.
I think, well, aren't they supposed to be the fallopian tubes of ovaries? Yeah. So it's not just the vagina.
It's the women's reproductive system. Yes.
Oh, you were being more like, yeah, it's the whole thing. It's all of it.
Yeah. Well, why didn't they keep going and have parts of the bladder? Why not just keep going at that point? Why'd they put the fallopian tubes in there? I don't know.
They probably want to celebrate that we have the ability to create life. And that makes us special.
Unlike men who just like don't do anything. Where's the tattoo that says do not enter? Yeah.
We have, no, but listen, we have a, we do something. What do you, what do you do? We carry the sacred seed.
Okay. Don't say sacred seed.
We do. Don't stop saying don't say this and don't say that.
I don't know, but the way you approach this is very awkward. To say that we do nothing, I think is absurd.
It takes two to tango, as they say. I know.
Biologically, yes. Biologically, I think we are, for now, a necessity.
Yeah, okay. You're right.
I do think, obviously, yes, biologically, yes. But then we have to do everything after that.
And that's a lot. Well, we do things, too.
We're like, honey, can I get you some tea? Before I go out to the strip club with my pals? Honey, can I prop your feet up? Before I head out and ogle the ladies on the boulevard and eat ham sandwiches with my chums? Yes. Sorry.
I'm just going to say one thing, which is, I think it kind of says everything that someone, you know, that you have a beautiful pin celebrating women's reproductive organs and we have truck nuts. That's true.
That is true. I don't put them on my...
Well, in your case, you biologically have truck nuts. I do.
Yeah. That was just a gift from God and General Motors.
I have 1963 Saab nuts.

They're a little different.

Those are cold weather nuts.

Those are four-wheel drive, cold weather,

European designed nuts.

They're attractive in a vintage way.

Sure, yeah.

If you can see these nuts,

you're way too close, buddy.

Back up.

And they drive on the wrong side of the road. What else nuts doing over there? This is America.
I don't want to be here. Listen, I'm sorry.
Yes, I am sorry for the loss of that jacket. I really am.
Okay. I really am.
I don't think you are. No, I am.
I am. I mean, you went through a terrible thing.
Yeah. I do.
It was fun making fun of that jacket. And now that it's gone and the way that it went, I'm sad.
So you're sad that you don't really get to make fun of it anymore. I have lost one of the arrows in my quiver.
I now have one less thing to attack Sona with. And I think that's the greatest tragedy here.
So many arrows. Let's wrap it up.
It's an endless supply of arrows. Like another one just popped up.
And I don't know for what, but it's there. So don't worry about it.
You'll be okay. Yes.
I'll get you to the end of time. Sorry about your loss.
My guest today starred in shows. Like Parks and Recreation and Party Down.

Now you can see him

in the second season.

I am so excited about this.

I'm loving the second season.

And I do honestly think

this is one of the most

beautifully crafted things

on television.

The hit Apple TV series,

Severance.

So excited he's here today.

I celebrate this gentleman. Adam Scott, welcome.
Very excited to have you here. Thank you.
I'm so excited to be here. I'm a massive fan of your work, but also you as a person.
And we've had the joy of hanging out a little bit. And I'm just, I could not be happier for you.
Oh, thanks. That you are right now at the center of the coolest show on television.
Universal acclaim. Everyone's been waiting on the second season.
It shows up. It was appointment television son my wife and i we just like we sat down loving it we debate it it is beautifully made uh you're killing it and i'm just i'm i'm happy for you thank you conan i do i wish it were me yes i do sure i understand do i feel that maybe there was a chance that I'd get that part?

There was a mix-up of some sort?

Yeah, I know Stiller called me at one point and I didn't get the call.

I couldn't quite pick it up.

No, I'm just, I'm...

That's show business.

Yeah.

And then he had to go with his second choice.

That's right.

Adam Scott.

That's right.

What the fuck?

Well, whatever. You know what? It ended up working out and um uh no it is just so artfully done so beautifully done so much thought has gone into this and um i watched the opening shot of the second season several times oh really because you're it i'm not giving anything away but the opening shot of the second season you are running down this hallway that just doesn't end and there's something about the way it's shot i don't know what it is i've watched a lot of film i've watched a lot of television uh and i have never seen anything quite like it and i can't put my finger on what's happening there.
But it is an absolutely incredible piece of filmmaking that's the start of a television show. Yeah, that's all Ben.
First of all, thank you for having me. I'm so excited to be here.
I listen to the show all the time. And Conan, you are one of those people who, you know, as you move through show business, you get to know people that you know their work.
And I'm a fan. You are a fan before you get to know them.
You are definitely one of those people. I still can't believe that I actually know you.
And I know there are a lot of us who feel that way. So thank you.
And thanks for having me. It may not last.
No, no, no. I can already tell it's fading.
Yeah. I'm starting to forget your name right now.
That's right. Which I totally expect based on previous experiences.
Every time I've seen you out on the street, I usually ask you, Oh, waiter. Yes.
Can I get some more ice water? It's a party down confusion. That's right.
Yeah. But anyway, I know that Ben takes this really seriously.
And it's not just making a TV show. This is a whole other thing.
Yeah. And that's part of what I love about it is that he's someone who, you know him, he's thinking about all of it it he's thinking about the whole grid at all times and for me that's that lets me relax and the rest of the cast as well and we can just focus on because if you're worried about like what it yeah but if you're asking me to do this but is it going to feel ridiculous because that thing's happening and we're going 40 miles an hour.
If that guy's right here and I'm reacting this way, like, and sometimes you say that and the director looks at you and it's clear that they haven't thought about any of this, which is fine too. It's, it's a matter of experience or how different people make different things.
But with Ben, you know, he's thinking about the entire thing. He's considered every detail.
So we can all just focus on the task at hand. The sense I get is that Ben is playing three-dimensional chess.
Yes. And, you know.
And we're playing Connect Four. Exactly.
And you will ask him a question. You'll be like, do not worry.
he's seeing like his nine-dimensional chessboard uh but looking at the whole span of your career this is quite a different gig yeah first of all i know um it it took you a while you paid talk about paying your dues you paid your dues for a long time it took you a long time to to find your find your footing catch your break and then it was really in um i mean starting out in like background work weren't you doing background work yeah for a tia career music video that was one of my many uh background that was you yeah you were the best you guys probably They all recognized me when I walked you? Yeah. You were the best part.

You guys probably all recognized me when I walked in.

Yeah.

Guy with beret, I believe is how they referred to me.

For real?

You were wearing a beret, for real?

My own.

I can't find it anywhere.

I really have looked.

It was fall of 93 and I had a beret and I thought it was great and i wore it all the time and i definitely wore it to the to the filming of the tia career video so so i hope i would love to try and find it i don't even know if i appear i have to say i don't know if you guys do this i and you might do it because this used to be your profession i look at background people sometimes in scenes. And, I don't know if you guys do this.
I, and you might do it because this used to be your profession. I look at background people sometimes in scenes.
And if I don't find the scene particularly riveting, I really do look at the background people. A hundred percent.
And I'm usually impressed. Yeah.
Like they're in it. Yeah.
They're both not talking at the same time, even though. Right.
And then every now and then there's someone who's just too happy about having a cup of coffee. Yes.
Or having a conversation where they're like, you know. Yes, yes.
Just taken down a notch. Yes.
Yeah. Or wearing a beret.
Or wearing a beret. Anything to get noticed.
Oh boy. But you know, then when your breaks start to come come it's very much ensemble work um and you are in an ensemble now but you are the face of the show yeah so this is i mean there must be something kind of comforting about ensemble work yeah clearly i mean working on something like party down you're just wonderful improvised.
I mean, what a cast. It's incredible.
Yeah. I'm feeling like you're just ensconced in this, in this, and Parks and Rec too, just being part of this crew that Amy was really leading.
But yeah, comforting is a perfect word for it. And it's part of why I was so freaked out when Severance first came out a few years ago.
It's like suddenly the billboards went up and it was my face around town. And it really, it should have been like this big, happy, monumental moment that I've been waiting for, for 30 years.
But it just freaked me out. And Ben sort of talked me down because he's certainly been through it.
Just because at that point, we made the show in a bubble and no one had seen it and we loved it, but had no clue if anyone would like it or if people would just make fun of us. You just don't know at all other than your own barometer.
And we thought it was cool, but man, you just have, you have zero sense of how it's going to be received. So it could have been this big embarrassing thing.
Anyway, yeah, when you're kind of out front, it's frightening. And then also rewarding when you're doing something that you feel good about.
Yes. I've said this for many years, and I don't think most people would understand it.
I think the assumption is if you're working on something cool, that's going to be iconic, everyone knows it as they're working on it. And that is not the case.
And I've always said it takes a lot of very talented people working very hard to make something terrible yeah you know it's why i get very

impatient around oscar season there are all these reviews of movies and a lot of them are really brilliant movies and they'll say yeah but then they really blew it in that one part right and i'll be thinking do you know how hard it is just to make a movie let alone a great movie but there's that one part inutalist where they kind of miss the mark a little bit. People become just film historians when Oscar season comes around.
They get very, very persnickety. Yeah, and also all the time it takes.
I think that was part of why we were all so afraid of it landing with a thud is that it was so hard to make and took so long that it would have been a bummer. But anything that comes out and doesn't quite work, people were working on it for a few years.
It's always. One thing geeking out about Severance, the visuals.
Yeah. The way it shot, the colors.
There's all this thought going into stuff. The machines they use are oddly out of time the cars the cars are out of time um which you know leads to all different kinds of theories but the choices directing and creating a lot of the time is about choices and just everything is just a little off in this weird way that i can't quite put my finger on and i find i could uh watch it you know watch it with the sound on and then you could watch it again with the sound off and just look totally at the colors and what people are wearing and how things are framed in the shots and i think how ben and jessica lee gagne the director of photography and jeremy our and Kat, our props master, I think the way they visually tell the story too, you could watch it with the sound off and get the story too emotionally.
And maybe some of the more kind of mind twisty details wouldn't be there, but you would emotionally get the story. And I think that's really important too when you can make something where you can uh turn the sound off like it's like if you listen to your podcast with the sound off you get you get it you know i'm gonna tell you something a little bit more than if you do listen yeah with the sound right we we recommend that people when they're driving turn the sound off.
Yeah. And you'll have a completely superior experience.
I recommend you put on a different podcast. Yeah.
Yeah. But keep the sound off on this one.
We can currently play another one. That's the experience.
Blay, I understand you're taking a trip pretty soon. Where are you going? I'm going to the mountains.
I'm going to Idlewild. The mayor's a dog.
Did you know that? Okay. Mayor Max.
Way too much information. I'm saying it's Mayor Max.
He's a dog. That's okay.
Well, that's nice. You're going to Idlewild.
It's great. And you know what? I'm thinking about hosting an Airbnb while I'm gone to help offset some of the cost of the trip.
That's smart. Hosting is a pretty cool and unique way to make some money back.
That's right. And people can stay in my awesome apartment, which is full of great comic books.
I have a lot of cool figurines. It's a great place to stay also.
Have you seen the movie 40-Year-Old Virgin? No. I should check it out sometime.
Okay. Sounds fun.
But you know what? If you've got 20, 25 goals of travel and stuff like that, this would fit very nicely into those goals, which is using Airbnb. That's right.
Because it's more relaxing to take a trip when you know that you're making some cash on the other end. Exactly.
And it might make you a little more prone to spend a little more on your trip on yourself because you know that you're being responsible. That's right.
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Man, you know what spring is to me?

What?

I'm not a poet or anything, but it's a season of renewal and quality rest.

That's nice.

Yeah.

Really good rest.

You know, winter's been so cold. It's hard to sleep in all that cold and the wind's howling.
That's wind? Yeah, that's wind or a ghost. Well, winter's over and so is the excuse to hibernate.
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See mattressfirm.com or store for details. I went to a party recently.
It was a rager by my friend Rodman. Yeah, yeah.
He had the tunes bumping. It was really fun and it was special to me because when you get together with good friends, good chums, amigos, pals from the past, celebrating important occasions means more moments with the coolest people in your life.
For me's got to be rodman so many cool people so many cool just like yeah so cool i do i have the coolest friends cheers to 50 years of miller light the greatest tasting light beer for people who love beer since 1975 yeah you know what i say what i say it's miller time i do it's the 50 anniversary of Miller Lite. Did you know that? I didn't.
So many times, whether I've been out at sea. Oh, okay.
Yeah. You know, on someone's yacht and I'll crack open a Miller Lite or whether I'm scaling a volcano.
Oh, yeah. It's about to erupt because that's the best time to see a volcano when you can feel the tremors and I crack open a Miller Lite.
Miller Lite! That's what I'm talking about.

It's great taste. It's 96 calories and I did a study myself.
It is

96 calories. Go to MillerLite.com

slash Conan to find delivery options

near you or you can pick up some Miller Lite

pretty much anywhere they sell beer. It's Miller

time! Celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing Company

in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 96 calories and 3.2

carbs per 12 ounces.

It's funny because you've had one of those careers too

where you've popped in different things

over the years.

Sona, you're a,

we all love stepbrothers.

You're a stepbrothers.

I love stepbrothers.

You're a stepbrothers fanatic.

I do love it so much.

And so the way you popped in that must have, that must have felt like... Never had one carb.
That's the thing I remember most about that movie. And I know that your arc in Parks and Rec was a little strange.
When the show started, there's a story to it. Well, I started at the end of season two.
I mean, I had an audition for the show originally, but it wasn't even really for a specific role. It was so early that Mike was still, me and Rashida read together and blew it and was bummed and then Party Down came along.
So in a way, it sort of worked out well. I was able to do that because I didn't get the Parks pilot.
And I'm so glad I was able to do Party Down. And then weirdly, Mike loved Party Down.
And from that, asked me to come and join Parks. So it all sort of came around.
Now, this is the inevitable question. Did you ever get to ask Mike, hey, man, what the fuck? What the fuck? I was here.
Remember when I auditioned for you? That's just something that, and it's so funny because I've had, we've had this experience here on this podcast where we're talking to iconic legendary actors. And when they bring up the guy who snubbed them, the casting director, Harrison Ford, did it on this podcast.
And he was like, you know, the year was 1967. He was still like pissed about it.
And he's pissed. Jerry Tchaikovsky.
Jerry Tchaikovsky. Yeah.
And also, you know, famously Michael Jordan, when he was accepted into like the you know basketball hall of fame his speech was all a list yeah he started listing people who yeah this guy benched me in fifth grade remember that it's crazy killaway yeah you know and um it's his fuel like that documentary he's constantly bringing it it's his fuel but it does bring up the idea you're working with someone who rejected me I had this with I know wait what are you saying he should be pissed at Mike Scherr no no no you know what you're right yes god damn it this is the goal of this my podcast to dig up old animosities. Here's a very well-liked,

Adam is a very well-liked

actor,

celebrity, critically

acclaimed, his, you know,

his wonderful family.

He's happy. He's having this

big moment that will keep going

and all I want to do is get him mad.

I know.

Fuck.

I'm going straight to Mike's house after this. Ding dong.
Hey, Adam. Bang.
Asshole. Boom.
Fuck you. And then we never speak again.
Then later he hears the podcast. Oh, I see.
I see. Then he rings my bell.
Oh, hi, Mike. Bang.
Soon. Just a cavalcade of people punching each other and just lawsuits for lawsuits for years we're all tied up in the courts um i never asked him i think because i was just 100 sure why which was i blew the i i sucked at auditioning i hated it right embarrassing and i i was never very good at it.
So I didn't walk out of there thinking I was going to get the job anyway. I had this with Ray Romano.
Ray Romano, who we didn't, he wanted to be a monologue writer for my show. Great comedian, great joke writer.
We didn't have a slot, but he had a good packet and people knew him. So I met him yeah and sat across he came into my office and you know at the time i'm like 32 years old do you remember vaguely and he was sitting there and he was real nervous and i just kind of said that your stuff is great yeah but we didn't have an opening so he goes from that experience to maybe a year later, getting Everybody Loves Raymond.

Wow.

And then becoming this monolithic TV star.

Yeah.

And I remember later on running in and saying,

I was really bummed I didn't get that job.

I'm like, what are you talking about?

Do you realize what we pay monologue? Why? Was it me? There wasn't an old man. Ray, Ray, hello.
Ray. Yeah.
You're Ray Romano. That doesn't happen if you're with me.
Writing, oh, you know. You are profoundly wealthy.
Yeah, exactly. Because of your greatness.
You can buy and sell me 35, I don't know, but I think I could have done that. Are you sure you weren't talking to Bobcat Goldthwait? No, I was talking to Cookie Monster.
Ah, cookies. Anyway, you know, it's just, I don't, I love people that just get stuck on something like that and I'm trying to get you stuck on it, but it didn't work out.
Well, I am now, I'm obsessed. Al Pacino too, did he say something about that? You guys had Al Pacino.
Yes, and he sat right where he was sitting, and he's one of my all-time. That was a great interview.
And talk about, you can't believe. I couldn't believe that I'm in, you know.
I mean, I bumped into him a couple of times. He had always been very sweet to me, knew who I was, would like, call me, called me over to his table once.
I mean, just, I couldn't, I couldn't believe that this guy, there's, there's, of all the space in his brain, there's one cell that knows about me. I couldn't, I couldn't believe it because I'm such a massive fan, but he, he was sitting here and yeah, he was very in touch with no bitterness at all, but very much in touch with the fact that um you know coppola and the studio really didn't want him yeah i mean coppola wanted him to to to uh to to be uh have the role in the godfather but studio didn't want him and then for maybe half the shoot of the movie yeah they they're they don't like the studio doesn't like him and coppola is like yeah i know he's not bringing it he's not bringing it and tells him that and he remembered being called over to coppola's table at a restaurant and coppola didn't even stand up yeah you didn't ask him to sit down didn't ask him to sit down and so he was very much in touch with that and still is and i remembered him saying to me like you know god they didn't want me they

didn't want me i'm like yes but then you did get it and you became the face michael corleo yes for not one but two of the greatest films ever made and then you go on to do all this other iconic work and it's like i know but they didn't want me and um it's just incredible you know uh al pacino Al Pacino is sweating stuff out.

I listened to his book that he was promoting here and um and just him talking about like scenes in the godfather and how he finally convinced them he was he he was right for the role from doing the scene where he shoots the two guys in the restaurant yeah but just thinking about at one point there were people just like working on that scene and trying to figure out like how to do, it's just so weird to think that there was a time before that scene existed and that that scene is because of some decisions that people kind of guessed at and were just figuring it out. Also, I love, and this has happened before too, I love the concept that there are crew people going, who the fuck is this i know and when they were shooting uh the god for the big you know the opening of the godfather and takes place at the at the big wedding at marlon brando's estate and everyone's uh you know dancing and having fun and they cut over to uh michael and k he's really underplaying it you know he's just uh he's just out of the army and he's explaining who people are.
That's Luca Brazzi. He works with my father.
He takes care of himself. What does your father do, Michael? But apparently those dailies came back and the people at, I guess it was Paramount maybe, were like, who is this droopy noodle of a guy in a big army hat? He's terrible.
Yeah. Like zero charisma.
Zero charisma. And he's not being, and the crew, the crew is like, what's with this guy? And apparently the other time that happened, you're a graduate.
Yeah. So Dustin Hoffman is, you know, in the book, The Graduate, The Graduate is blonde haired, blue-eyed, and so they wanted, like, Robert Redford.
That was who it was supposed to be. And the big, brave decision was, no, it's going to be this little-known actor, theater actor Dustin Hoffman, who's not a blonde-haired, blue-eyed kid.
And the crew and everyone is like, what the fuck? This guy's mumbling. It's the same crew.
What about you? Yeah. No, no, no.
Hey, trust me. This is the, Hey, trust me.
They didn't believe in what they were working on. This is the crew I had at late night in 93, 94, 95.
Right. Cause we inherited Dave's.
And I swear to God, people were like, I don't blame them, but they were like, you know, they had just had David Letterman. Wait, you had Dave's crew? I had a third.
Yeah, his corp. I had his camera, some of his camera because they stayed behind.
Dave went to CBS and took some people, but there was a corp and I don't blame them. There was like cable pullers and stuff.
And David Letterman, after 11 years of, you know, reinventing the format and dominating, has now gone on to greater heights. And they're like, they got this new kid.
Here he comes. And I come in.
And I'm like, hi, everybody. My name's Conan.
I know. Anyway, I like improv.
We're going to try some weird stuff. I don't know.
I think it's going to be okay. Hey, does anybody, what dries up acne? Does anybody know? Like, I still had acne break out occasionally.
And I'd be like, does anyone, because I use this stuff, but is there something better? Oh, no. And these are, and, and.
Why are you asking the crew about your acne? I don't know. And these guys.
It's out to everyone asking if anyone has any recommendations. I open the shows with it often.
Hi, if anyone's out there watching. It just keeps, I think it might be cystic.
I don't know. It comes back.
But that was the thing that blew my mind was the, and I didn't blame them, but there were just, I mean, there were guys on my crew that had worked on Sullivan when the Beatles played there. Wow.
And I would ask them, like, what was that like? And they were guys from Long Island. Yeah.
You know? And they'd say stuff like, I don't know. I was mad because it's a Sunday night.
I'm not supposed to work Sunday night. And then they'd call me because Steve got, I got to come in.
And so I'm up in there. I'm like but it was the Beatles it was the Beatles and I'm like that was a lot of I don't know that fucking hair I don't know and then I'm on the way home and then the carburetor blows out so fuck that shit you know and I don't get paid overtime and you're like that's their memory of it yeah you're like great this was a really special talk that we just had.
Thank you very much. Historic.
On the subject of music, I know that you have done many podcasts, music-centric podcasts. You have your obsessions.
R.E.M. Yeah.
You love R.E.M. Yeah.
Yeah. Because I'm, you know, that generation that kind of grew up with that music.
Like, they got huge around 87, like, with their first big hit. And I was, like, 14.
So it was kind of grew up with that music. Like they got huge around 87,

like with their first big hit.

And I was like 14.

So it was kind of perfect timing.

My college girlfriend,

when I was, I think, a senior,

she was so cool.

She knew about music.

Yeah.

She knew bands before they broke.

Yeah.

But I remember her being very cool

and saying, yeah, R.E.M.

Yeah.

I'm like, R.E.M.? Yeah. What is that? Right.
That sounds, I don't, is that a, that's a band? Right. And kind of thinking, great, you like your niche little band.
Yes. It's not going anywhere.
Why did she break up with you? I know. You seemed really cool.
I have no idea about anything you're talking about. Nothing.
What am I interested in? I think I said to her, nothing you say is of value to me. And then she walks out on me.
What's that all about? It's so weird that that didn't work. Women.
No, there was something mysterious about their name and the way they looked and the music videos they weren't in. It was just all cool.

Yes.

You know,

back then.

Yeah.

And,

and to this day,

a lot of great music.

Yeah.

So it's,

it's what,

what are your bands?

Your bands are REM,

U2.

Yeah.

Those were like my Beatles,

the Beatles and Stones kind of for,

I don't know,

for my age group or generation or whatever.

Those were the two big.

I'm seeing here that you're 77 years old. 77 years old.
Yeah, those were the two big ones. And they were very, now looking back, it's like, well, of course, they were both very mainstream, like arena rock bands.
And I think that's part of what I liked about it too, just sort of the grandness of it. What are you watching when you're a kid? What are the shows that mean something to you on TV? Letterman was a huge one.
I grew up in Santa Cruz, California, which is a little kind of hippie beach town. And so we didn't have a TV in our house.
I lived with my mom for a majority of the time and then went back and forth. But while I was living there, my dad got me this little five-inch black and white TV that I just kept in my room, and I was just glued to it, you know, without cable television.
You have three stations. So I would just watch whatever was on from 7 p.m.
or whenever till they went off the air at, what was it, 1.30 or 2 or whatever. Anyway, Letterman, you know, and Different Strokes and whatever network comedies were on.
Hour-long dramas always felt like too grown up and boring until I got older. And now you go back and look at hour-long dramas when, you know, we were coming of age and they're just like pornography bad, you know? Yeah.
Like, not only are they just weirdly bad, but they show there's so much shoe leather just because they're trying to fill up the 42 minutes. Oh, I'm obsessed with, I've had huge fights.
I had a huge fight with Bill Burr who loves chips. Uh-huh.
And I went after Bill and said, chips is a piece of shit. And he's like, what are you talking about? He's getting crazy on me about, about how much he loves chips and how much it meant to him.
But if you watch those shows now, the editing, they'll, I don't know if everyone's on Coke that's making them, but the shots are lazy. So the whole point of the show is there's going to be this big meeting right you know and so a guy's going to pull up in his car and go talk to someone who's in another car the car will pull up in some big parking lot 30 feet away the guy will get out and shut the door and walk 30 feet to the other guy totally no cutting no no editing because they're like yeah we can kill some time walking from that giant bad late 70s american car to this one that's right that's right like people have no idea how lucky they are with breaking bad and the surprise you know whatever you know modern television right we did those credit sequence things the greatest event so we had to go and watch yeah like simon and and Simon episodes to find these certain scenes to get context on some of them.
And like Bill Burr, my memories of Simon and Simon are one thing. It meant so much to me as a kid.
But then kind of diving in and really watching, it's just a whole different thing. I would challenge Bill Burr to binge chips right now, like really see if he can hang in there.
Well, I'm sure I'll be getting a call from him very soon. I just saw him the other day.
We had a lovely meal and now he's going to feel like I betrayed him. But I think we are in TV's golden age.
I keep saying that clearly the whole business changed, but what you're describing and now we sound like, you know, the two old men on the Muppet show in the balcony, but you watched what was on. Right.
And you had an awareness sometimes, this doesn't seem that good. Right.
But it was all there was. Yeah.
There's three networks. Yep.
And also there's what comes in, meaning what will my reception capture? Yes. Because sometimes there's a good show and you'd go to turn it on and the antenna, I keep moving the antenna around.
Yeah, that's right. And so just this, I don't know.
And it was inconsistent. Some nights CBS would come in great and some nights it was just garbage.
Right. And so now there's the other problem of, I have 7 options.
Yeah. And yes, there are some very obvious choices I can make.
Yeah. When I know there's a really good documentary out or, hey, Severance is back.
I know what I'm doing. It's appointment television.
But then there's so much where people have told me, you've got to watch Gub Gub Nation. And I'm like, what is it? So good.
I love Gub Gub Nation. I do too.
You're surrounded by people that love gub gub nation we're just from way up heads what's up everybody oh my god and i'll say what is it and they'll be like oh it takes place in an advertising agency it's british but you're gonna really and then i'll watch like two episodes oh you gotta hang in for seven seven get to seven no you have to get to seven because that's when the gub gubbers show up and those gub gubbers walk in lights out yeah and we could like because now kids it's all dependent on they can watch whatever they want so it just depends on their taste, what they're going to watch back then. Like you said, we just watched whatever was on and that's how we came up with our taste was by watching everything.
So it's just a completely, I have no idea what I'm talking about. Nevermind.
Nevermind. Nevermind.
The, uh, I remember my, my writing partner when I came out to LA for the first time greg daniels yeah of course uh the great greg daniels he and i came out here and we're both 22 years old and um there wasn't that much television there was just as i said a couple of networks and a couple of big sitcoms and so and some dramas and so you you'd seen everything there was no such thing as a show that you had never heard of because there aren't that many shows. So I remember once Greg and I are working late and I think we were over at Sunset Gower Studios, which isn't too far from where we are now.
And we're these like wide-eyed 22-year-old guys right out of college. And we're working on this show called Not Necessarily the News.
But then we're also wandering around because we're like, wow, this is where they make television. And we wandered on to, oh, my God, this is the set where they make Benson.
Whoa. And Benson with Robert Guillaume.
They were still making it? I think they were still making it. And this would be 1985.
Yeah, yeah. I'm seeing an actual, this is the governor's mansion where Benson lives.
What? That's it. And it's all the lights are kind of down.
There's a couple of lights on, but there's like cloth over things. They put the sheets over the furniture.
And we're wandering in and Greg and I, I mean, it's so funny now. Greg has made so much iconic TV, but I remember very clearly him being like, wow.
And I'm like, yeah. And then we walk in and we get up close

and we look and we're looking at the actual like vase

and table and it's supposed to be a rich

like governor's mansion and it looks like shit.

It's like, because-

Fake.

It's all fake and it's all slapped on

kind of fake gold paint and that's a,

the vase looks like it costs $2 and I remember having this revelation of, it's all slapped on kind of fake gold paint and that's the vase looks like it cost two dollars and i remember having this revelation of it's all a lie man benson's mansion sucks what is this you know and then and then having that realization over and over and over again whenever i was on a set and sitting down and like this is is the chair where the girls on Facts of Life sit?

Wow.

How much time did you get to spend on the Facts of Life set?

I know.

I used to go over there a lot,

hang out in the chair.

That sounds so creepy.

The chair.

Did you know where the chair is from Sex and Life?

Where the ladies sit?

All of them at the same time?

There's that one scene. No, I don't.
Which one does Mrs. Garrett sit in? Yeah.
Point me in the general direction. No, but I mean, it's just so, such a revelation when you got to see.
Yeah. And it would be, I mean, it's never really changed, you know, when you're on a set.
Oh, yeah. The first time that I saw Letterman's show, which so weirdly, but I was in college and I went to New York and saw a live taping of Late Night with David Letterman.
That's wild. Having no idea that I would take over that show.
That's wild. And in that studio and that some of those crew members would be my crew members.
And I'm, so I remembered sitting, being led in by nbc pages and sitting down and thinking what's going on yeah this is really small yeah because on television the perspective is widened and and things look big yeah and realizing wait a minute what the fuck like where dave is standing doing his monologue he can reach over and touch you know Paul Schaefer. Yeah.
He could touch him. Whereas on TV, the way they shoot it, it doesn't look that way at all.
It's huge. And Studio 6A is notoriously, it's a small, it was built for radio.
Yeah. It wasn't built for television.
And that's the magic of it. Yeah.
Is that it's small. Yeah.
So comedy rockets around the room and bounces off the walls. And it felt like there was something, it felt exclusive and small.
It felt like the audience, they didn't sweeten the audience either, which I don't know if late night shows do that at all, but they- I wish we did. We never thought of that.
By the way, I have a story relating to that. I'm wishing your audience was sweetened with a terrible, terrible bit I brought on your show.
But as far as the Letterman show goes, there was something just as a fan that felt really, it felt like a clubhouse or something. Yes.
So did they find you in the audience? Did they go back ever and find you on that episode? I was sitting pretty far back and I would have to, I know one of the- Because that's incredible. who was the guest do you remember i it's it's a blur i have a memory of one bit and i'm gonna really have to think about it but uh a door slides open and a boxer comes out of the wall but i bet i could figure out what the episode is i don't think there's a a shot of me in the audience of sitting pretty far back with my friend, Maya Williams.
And afterwards, Maya knew one of the writers on the show, Steve O'Donnell. And Steve brought us up to the offices and we're sitting in Steve O'Donnell's tiny office.
And I'm sitting there with Maya talking to Steve. And Merrill Marco walks by.
And a guy in a leather jacket walks by with her carrying a box. And it's Dave Letterman.
He kind of just nods at us and keeps moving. And I, it was, well, there's no, if I was a kid, I'd say it was like the president of the United States walked by.
But that no longer works. Right.
That was the president. Now, I'm sorry.
I don't care who's president now in this world. It would be like, oh, it's the president.
It's been so demystified. Who cares? So, but I'll never forget.
I remember the jacket he was wearing. I remembered and remembered thinking, wow.
Yeah. he gets to have this show.

And then the idea that, what is that?

That's probably 1983.

The idea that 10 years later, I'm hosting that show,

to this day makes no sense to me.

And I think was a mistake.

I really do in my heart think it was a fucking blunder.

No way.

No, I mean, I'm taking it all in.

Whatever.

I'm saying it's a beautiful thing, but it doesn't make any sense. Did you ever tell Dave that? It's funny.
I don't know that I have. I don't know that I have.
Because I don't know. I mean, not that Dave and I talk that much, only because we don't cross paths much.
When we do, I treasure those moments. But from his from his perspective it's a story of i saw you once and you were wearing a leather jacket in a hallway yeah and i i had acne right and i asked you do you have anything that can clear you have anything and will your crew hate me as much as i think they will um and do you want to spend your moments with d Dave recalling that particular? I think I will next time.
Yeah, you should. I bet he would get a kick out of it.
He might, I don't know. Or he might have me taken away by his retinue of goons.
What was the story when you were on the bit? Oh yeah, you didn't tell us. You did a bit.
What happened? Okay. So it was, this is, ended up being.

I know.

Go ahead.

Go ahead.

Okay.

It ended up being one of the most deeply embarrassing moments I've had.

And it's also confounding to me from beginning to end why I did this.

I just had this confidence in this bit and didn't really slow down to think about it before I, okay. I was promoting, uh, Big Little Lies, right? The second season of Big Little Lies.
And so the bit that I came up with, it's also interesting because it's so bad from so many different angles and there's nothing about it that works. Nothing.
You know what I love? You so don't want to tell us what it is. I know.
That you keep qualifying it. I know.
And another thing you should know is that the Roman Empire did not have movable tights. When I tell you the basic premise, you're going to be like, why would you do that? Okay, so Big Little Lies, the way I saw it going is like us talking and you being like, wow, Big Little Lies, the cast is amazing.
It's like, yeah, no, it's, yeah, it's all like legendary actresses. It's like the traveling Wilburys of legendary actresses, you know, like.
so what i had done is i thought that that saying the traveling wilburys of actresses

and equating big Little Eyes with the traveling Wilburys would be this like comedy explosion. It is funny.
That would. Well.
But then and then you start to go through like, for example. Yeah.
Reese is like. Go ahead.
I had mocked up the album cover with, instead of the traveling Wilburys, the actress's faces on their bodies. Yep.
And also had gone through for each traveling Wilbury and switched them out for like Reese's Bob Dylan, Shailene, you know, Nicole Kidman is George Harrison, whatever. I don't remember what it was.
And you had reasons why. I had reasons why.
But first of all, nobody under 50 knows who the fuck the traveling Wilburys are. This was immediately apparent.
When I said the first line, it's like the traveling Wilburys of of i just it was silent no you could hear the air condenser literally yeah but also i came to learn that those over 50 who do remember the traveling wilburys don't give a fuck about i may be your one demographic okay why weren you there? I was at a Traveling Wilbur's concert. So I say it, silence, show the record cover, silence.
Right. And then I start going through each member of the band.
Yep, you sure did. The crazy thing is, is I was so sure that this was going to create a tidal wave of comedy that you and I would just be able to surf through each member of the band that I never came up with actual jokes for each one.
Right. I just had these little like, oh, she was in Days of Thunder, so she's Bob Dylan thinking it would just be so like crackly.
And you and Andy would be like, oh, it would take on this life of its own. And it's like nuclear fission or fusion.
It's just going to. Yes.
Molecules are going to be bouncing off each other and the rest will take care of itself. That's right.
Yeah. And we'll be fine.
Yeah. Like you in the Letterman Theater.
Here we are 10 years later and look at the gold it's giving us.

No, no.

And this is the perfect place to discuss this

because it's anatomy of a,

you are not alone.

I've had many prominent people

come up to me over the years and say,

I just want to say I'm sorry.

And I'll say what?

And they'll say, oh, in 1998,

I came on and I tried this thing and I bombed so hard and I don't remember. Right.
Yours, I remember. I woke up this, I wake up every morning thinking about it.
And my wife is like, what happened? Is it the Wilburys? Is it the Amscott Wilburys bit? And I'm like, it is, it is. And she's like, you're not there anymore.
It's over, it's over. You're safe, you're with me.
And we get a cold cloth and we- Oh my God, it was so long. And so, but what I remember about that moment is you, a lot of other people would have bailed and you clearly were like, no, I made my bed and I'm seeing this through to the end.
And I think at the end you say something like, and that is why.

People can look it up now, which is the beauty, but.

No, no.

Because after the show, I remember talking to Andy backstage and being like, how could I have thought that was something that was not.

And we begged you guys not to air it.

And I think the reaction was like, oh, please, can we? Oh, no. Of course we're not going to air that.
So I don't think it airs. It exists somewhere and I've got to find it.
Did you help him out at all or were you just sitting there just watching? You did. I think I tried.
You tried. I do have the reputation of trying to help.

I know.

That's why I'm asking.

But at a certain point, I saw nine sharks chomping away at Adam Scott and blood and gore filling the water.

And I decided to get back on the boat.

That sounds like you.

I removed my foot from the water and got into the boat.

And then because I saw like he's lost too much.

It's over, you know?

I had no legs.

Like, what are you going to do?

I can't swim with you to the boat.

At the end of the episode, we did cut it out,

but at the end of the episode,

you went from telling a good story to just being a head.

That's right.

Just floating like, where are you going?

A head sitting on a chair i still haven't

done roy orbison we never did get to roy orbison uh yeah well um you know why it's funny now because it's funny now because uh you're you're just you could not things could not be going better for you. um you're in this show uh where you get to in every way show the power you have and the range you have and yes they could have found someone else to do it and i think i could have done it uh that much is clear i think that's if you take one thing from this episode is i know how to have my face change a little bit in an elevator i've done it before um and they wouldn't need special effects i can just do it right and that saves six hundred dollars well we don't use special effects but fine yes no you can do it oh i know you guys do something um no i just uh i couldn't be happier for you because for you because you're just a great guy and you deserve all this.
Well, it means so much. So thank you very much.
You have incredible taste, obviously. And that just means everything.
Well, no, clearly look around you. Yeah.
I mean, look at these people. Gorgeous and hilarious.
I know you're a busy guy

and thank you so much for being here.

Thank you.

Let's break bread someday soon.

And we'll get,

you know what I want?

I want to get Bill Burr involved.

Yes.

You and I both go at him about chips.

Yes.

Okay.

I promise you he hasn't seen it since 1987.

There's no way.

He's just saying he loves chips.

All right. Take care.
All right. Thanks's no way.
He's just saying he loves chips. All right, take care.
All right, thanks, everyone. We drink so much water every day, and it's just water.
And I'm like, hello, boring. Yeah.
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You just ate a second when I haven't had one. Oh, sorry.
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It's a lot of buildings. Yeah, a lot of buildings went and I had to flee the country for a while.
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you guys remember back in the early days of this podcast, we did a few drawing contests? I do. The ones where I won.
What? I won. Did you win both? We did at least two.
No, I really lost both of them. Did you? Yeah, I'm pretty sure I did.
Okay. Well, I went back and I found, you guys might remember this from your childhoods.
I think especially you will. Do you remember these advertisements for drawing contests? Yes.
Yes. They were on the back of, I think they were on the back of matchbooks.
Yeah, and comic books. And they were also, I think, TV commercials.
And basically, you would draw one of these, send it in, and they would assess if you had any talent. And then you could take their trade school.
It was all a scam, basically. Was it a scam? I think it was.
I think it was like the Barbizon modeling schools. You know, like they'll take anybody just to get the money out of them.
There used to be these ads, speaking of scams on the back of comic books, that would say things akin to, if you clip this out and you include $1.50, we'll send you a hovercraft to your home. Definitely.
Or there was one that was a submarine. Yeah.
A working submarine. So send us $1.50.
And I always was curious, do you get something in the mail? That's a good question. And what is it? And how could it be anything close to a submarine? I mean, I would love someone out there to find out, what did you actually get in the late 60s and early 70s if you cut out the coupon that said you get a submarine wasn't it a kit though i thought it was yes they send you a fan with a motor and then you have to build like an inner tube around it or something maybe but still i remember the price being absurdly low yeah and the drawing was very deceptive it showed like basically a german u-boat prowlingling the North Atlantic.
So I would love to know what did you get? I'm sure it would be very disappointing, but the fact that you got anything that might approximate the foundation of a submarine for $1.50? Our guys are on it. Let's do this drawing contest and maybe by the end we'll have an answer.
All right, what's the plan here? Okay, so you get to choose one and I'm going to give you guys uh five minutes in real time it'll be edited down by the time we listen do we each choose a different character i guess you should choose separately there's tippy who looks to be a tortoise in a turtleneck well that makes sense turtleneck sweater oh that's cute it's just a neck sweater right exactly he just calls it this is my sweater yeah uh this is my me sweater, my me neck, as opposed to a V neck. And then there's a pirate, clearly.
No idea why pirates always have an eye patch. That'll get worked out later on.
I can tell you. Oh, yeah? What's that? They always say it's because they lost an eye, but it's because they'd be below deck and they have to, when they're above deck in the sun and they have to go below deck, they don't need time to adjust their sight.
So they open their eye patch and they can see it. Very nice.
Oh. That's good to know.
And then there's Tiny who is either, now this is a little confusing, could be a little kitten. I think it's a mouse.
It's a mouse. You're right, it's a mouse because of the ears.
And he's wearing a party hat. Yeah.
They have both eyes. What? what what the pirates have both eyes and they're both functioning yeah yes that is crazy yeah they wear the eye patch so that they can why are you saying this like you knew it this whole time and also i don't even know if that's true i'm telling you i heard it from a guy i heard it from a guy and not too long ago.
Okay.

All right.

Somebody pick a number

between one and ten.

Conan.

Oh my God.

Why does everything

have to be complicated?

Five.

Sona.

Six.

The number was four.

So Conan,

you get to pick first.

Okay.

Well,

I guess there's no getting around it.

I'm going to be the pirate.

Okay.

Sona,

what would you like?

I'll do Tippi,

the turtle.

Okay.

All right.

Mine's going to be awful. Let's get to it.
Ready? let's do it two three go five minutes we'll make it three minutes you have three minutes okay oh my god so that's an abomination shut your stupid mouth i can tell you're concentrating because your lips are moving one One minute has lapsed. You have two minutes left.
And you're actually done. So I don't know if I got the time right on this.
It's so bad. You're not giving us a lot of time for this.
Well, that's the point. It's the pressure.
How much time do I have left? You got plenty of time. Good, because I need more time.
We're going a minute off You've got 30 seconds No, no, don't do that I'm almost done I want it to be somewhat Oh yeah, this has got to be above board No, I want it to be somewhat decent I take some pride in my drawing I don't I'm okay with it being done now Keep in mind, it's not just technical ability It's that certain aspect of life I don't know I'm okay with it being done now. But keep in mind, it's not just technical ability.

It's that certain aspect of life.

The je ne sais quoi.

It's the je ne sais quoi.

So, Sona, you could take it on just having more life.

You know, Jackson Pollock, he did his paintings.

It was about the experience, not the result.

Yeah, he died in a drunk driving crash.

Look at Tippi's head.

It's real flat.

Matt, why are you driving?

I just didn't.

I assumed it was down to them.

All right, I'll get in there.

No, no, no.

Well, it's too late.

Yeah, we're not waiting.

Thank you. Look it, Tippi's head is real flat.
Matt, why are you drawing? I just didn't, I assumed it was down to them.

All right, I'll get in there.

No, no, no.

Well, it's too late.

Yeah, we're not waiting for that shit.

These aren't the pens I like using.

It's the pen's fault, huh?

I'll sign mine.

I'm an obsession.

She's done.

Why is everything a she?

Just give me the money.

I'm giving you a jacket.

You don't deserve any more than that. I can't believe that jacket went up.
I can't believe the fire didn't recoil when I saw the fire. The fire would recoil.
Nah. Let's get out of here, guys.
That thing's ugly. Three, two, hold it.
One. Ugh.
All right. What do we do? We show our...
Yeah, put them in the center here. And then Adam, Eduardo, Blay get to adjudicate.
I think you guys should give some points for speed. Because I did mine really fast.
Well, I'll just say I did mine in like a quarter of the time of anybody else. If we're doing speed.
You go and you illustrate with your mom. Mine's also the biggest.
Now, is this American Idol style where we each go through and say what we thought of each one or yeah but make it brief because we don't have a lot of make it brief okay great yeah adam you want to start yeah i think the pirate is fantastic actually it's really accurate nose is maybe a bit off but otherwise it's it's really pretty good i like to improve people as I go. Pirate looks like Randy Macho Man Savage.
He does! That's who I was drawing. A little small for my liking.
Ratio to the page here. But otherwise, very well.
I like that. You're a firm judge.
I think this is fantastic fantastic i think the earring is a little too prominent

here but otherwise uh otherwise great you know it's uh it evokes the same emotion i feel when i look at the original drawing of the pirate and that isn't that what art's all about yeah uh the turtle sona that's you i actually i love the scale things went awry with the eye area um but I actually liked it

I think it's more interpretive which I like

yeah Love the scale. Things went awry with the eye area.
But I actually liked it. It's more interpretive, which I like.
You're not just trying to do a perfect facsimile. It's a nice interpretation, and I like it.
I think it's fun. I think my true, I'm like a forger.
I'm trying to pass this off as a forgery. I really like this one here.
I feel like I want to color it in okay um so i really appreciate yeah it's uh i would be proud to put this on a refrigerator you know so yeah it's going your way i know i agree simple clean lines excellent execution i think it's fantastic also i i don't know is the was the pirate signed was there a signature on that one? No. No signature.

Although it's a signature here.

So the artist clearly stands behind their work.

So it's pride.

Yeah.

The artist stands behind their work.

Well, also, I was copying something else.

I didn't want to get the reputation of someone who steals.

So I didn't want to do it.

The original artist, whoever they are, it's really their work.

And I give it up for them.

This is Mippy, my turtle.

He's different than Tippy. I think you've got Tipsy, the turtle.
All right. And then the mouse.
I would say, Matt, you get credit because you were handicapped with time. You rushed it and considering the rush, it's really, really nice.
It looks a little stretched, I would say. Like it's kind of like horizontally stretched.
Yeah, it looks like it was put on a projector at a different angle yeah it's true um it's just uh this tiny has a really large brain right yeah um but really really good especially considering how quickly you did it i mean i don't know they're all very different i don't know how you choose a winner who's the winner he's already angling for defeat you know no no not not i i, I know who the winner should be. I'm just impressed with how quickly you did this.
This was like 60 seconds worth of just a mouse with a hat. Yeah, I like it.
Let's not get crazy. Can you believe he rendered a mouse with a hat in 60 seconds? Honestly.
Now we're in the annals of man. Less time.
Wait a minute. Eff.
Effortless lines has a kind of spin on it. So he gets points for forgetting to do the assignments.
I didn't think I was going to do it. I was just giving it to you guys.
All right, well, I don't think that should factor in. If I enter a marathon late, you know what I mean, and manage to get a mile in, I don't think you guys would be, whoa! But he finished.
He showed up late in a cab! He finished! But I will say, it does look a little squashed, but yeah, a lot of personality. There's not a detail missed.
A lot of personality. Well, who's the...
So now you guys get to vote. Can we just leave it up to the fans to vote? Oh, you want to do it like a poll? Let's put it on social media.
Why don't we put it on Instagram? Social media! Go to Team Coco Podcastcast on Instagram and are we still on the vast hellscape of Twitter X let's just send people to Instagram let's do that that's good alright we'll see what happens this is pretty exciting it wouldn't be a drawing contest without abject hatred for the game oh I did find the submarine oh good good good- Oh, good, good, good. Let's see it.
I want to see this. Look at that.
$6.98. $6.98.
And it says fires, rockets, and torpedoes over seven feet long, big enough for two kids. Now that's what they're showing.
Now, when I was a kid, I lost my shit over this thing. I was like, wait a minute.
This is incredible. And I want to know, what was the company? Did anyone in America purchase this thing? And what did you, in fact, get? Because down on the side, they're showing people inside the cockpit of this thing.
And it says over seven feet long, seats to kids, controls that work. Oh, wait.
I think I remember what it is. Rockets and fire, real periscope, firing telescope.
Same with the hovercraft. It's a manual on how to build it, if I'm not mistaken.
And there's somewhere in the front. You know what? We need to find out.
We need to find out because this haunted my childhood. This is up there with the Uncle Sam Halloween mask.
I must find out. Someone please out there, the Polaris nuclear sub for $6.98.
Plus 75 cents shipping charges. Yeah.
Yeah, we got to find out more about this. Okay, to be continued.
All right. Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend with Conan O'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Gourley.
Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Liao.
Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.
Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair.
And our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns.
Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn.
You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leavewns.
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