Kaitlin Olson

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Speaker 2 Hi, my name is Caitlin Olson, and I feel

Speaker 2 apprehensive

Speaker 2 about being Conan O'Brien's friend.

Speaker 3 Hey there, welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. I'm the aforementioned Conan O'Brien, joined by some of Session.
Hi. Matt Gorley.
And

Speaker 3 I feel like we're already rocketing through 2025. Really? Yeah.
Just rocketing through it. What do you mean?

Speaker 3 Just rocketing through. Could you explain what the hell you're talking about? Time accelerates, is what I'm telling you.

Speaker 3 The more experience you've had in life, the less each single moment registers in your brain. So time actually accelerates.
By the time I'm done speaking, we'll all be dead.

Speaker 3 I don't want to die with you. No offense.

Speaker 3 It's the worst thing anyone's ever said to me. What a terrible thing to say.
Just my wife, my daughter. Oh, come on.
They've seen enough of you. You may be the death of me.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 There you go. No, I just think 2025, man.
Yeah, man. Love it.
Yeah. We did it.
We did it. We did it.
We're just starting. Oh, it's just beginning.
Oh, okay. It's just starting.
2025. Yeah.

Speaker 3 We're a quarter of the way into this century. That's crazy.
That's madness. We're in like a sci-fi year.
2025 sounds like a future year. Doesn't it? Yeah.

Speaker 3 You know, I used to think that the year 2000 sounded like a long time. This is when I was a kid.
People would talk about the year 2000. And then

Speaker 3 we did a bit. Robert Smeigel,

Speaker 3 he came up with this idea for a bit called Year 2000, which we did in 1988.

Speaker 3 at the Victory Gardens Theater in Chicago. And then a couple of years later, when I got the late night show, we did it on the late night show in the year 2000.

Speaker 3 And still in 1993, it's getting a little squirrely then, but the year 2000 did feel like this kind of funny, distant future.

Speaker 3 And then I'll never forget it was 1999 and we were getting close to the year 2000 and we're doing the bit in the year 2000 and we didn't know what to do. I remember this.
We didn't know what to do.

Speaker 3 And we were thinking, what do we do? And we were thinking, maybe La Bamba could sing, In the distant future,

Speaker 3 And we were like, no.

Speaker 3 And then we said, we're just going to stick with in the year 2000. We talked about this on the show, right? Because I remember watching this.
And then, sure enough,

Speaker 3 you know, Sting would be on the show and it would be 2005.

Speaker 3 And I'd say,

Speaker 3 you know, hey, maybe we should look to the future. And Andy had left at that point.
So Sting, I'd do it with like whoever the celebrity was. And Sting would come through

Speaker 3 the curtain and go, the future, Conan? and i'd say yes sting

Speaker 3 all the way to the year 2000 and it's 2005

Speaker 3 talk about we just didn't deal with it

Speaker 3 and so um but i remember when i was a kid there was a show on starring martin landau and i think his co-star was barbara bain i think it was a show that was made in england and it was called space 1999.

Speaker 3 And it was the same thing where it was the 70s and this syndicated show would come on. And this is back when nothing was on television.
And so whenever something came on, you watched it.

Speaker 3 And I remember thinking, oh, wow, space, 1999. And everyone on that show wore what looked to be like what they'd give you to wear on first class if you were going on a transatlantic flight.

Speaker 3 Everybody and I thought somehow mixed with tennis leagues. Yes, yes, exactly.

Speaker 3 So I just thought in the future, we're all going to be very comfortable and we're going to live on the moon and the future of course came along and really the big cars kind of looked pretty much the same they didn't rust but they kind of operated the same there's still a steering wheel you're still driving on the same roads you're not up in the air like they told us they would be the real difference is that radio just turned to podcasting yes exactly the only thing that really changed all this stuff they told us ray guns We're going to be living on different planets.

Speaker 3 None of that happened. No one talked about, you'll have a personal computer in your pocket.

Speaker 3 That will be a big one. And it will also be, yes, but who, no one, none of us thought of

Speaker 3 it. Kind of did.
They had their little, like, you know.

Speaker 3 Oh, Spock had a tricorder. Well, I'm famously, I'm a Star Wars guy.
Okay, well,

Speaker 3 I'm a Star Trek guy.

Speaker 3 And what I love is that Spock had either one guy. Spock.

Speaker 3 Spock had a

Speaker 3 not-nerd guy.

Speaker 3 Spock had what looked like a, um, like maybe an AM-FM radio, but it had a little screen on it.

Speaker 3 And whenever they would go on the planet, it was a device that just did everything called a tricorder or something.

Speaker 3 And he would just be like, they'd be like, Spock, what's up? And he'd be like, well, according to this, my tricorder,

Speaker 3 we're going to have a conflict with a major character in about eight minutes. You know, or, I mean, basically, it could tell you what you're having for lunch.

Speaker 3 It could supply whatever the writers needed to supply. Have you ever heard about in the Phantom Menace, you know, the first Star Wars prequel? Qui-Gon Jim, played by Liam Neeson, has this.

Speaker 3 First of all, I could have finished this whole sentence for you.

Speaker 3 But yeah, Qui-Gon Jim, played by Liam Neeson. Qui-Gon Jim.
What?

Speaker 3 Qui-Gon Jim. Yes, Eva and I know that.
Isn't it? There's no normal names in any of these names. It's Qui-Gon Jim.
It's Qui-Gon Jim. Who's popping the cores?

Speaker 3 Meet Glimgorp Henry

Speaker 3 and Scalia Powell

Speaker 3 Sally.

Speaker 3 He has this little machine to test Anakin's minichlorion count. Don't get into it.
And it's made from a woman's shaving razor. Oh, wait a minute.
So George Lucas just said we need a device.

Speaker 3 And they just took this from my wife's shower.

Speaker 3 Basically, yeah. Wow.
Oh, no. Yeah.
Okay. That's pretty great, huh?

Speaker 3 What year was Back to the Future the Future? What year was that? What just happened recently? Blair, you've got to know. You've got to know.
What?

Speaker 3 When he goes to the future and back to the future, what year is that?

Speaker 3 It just happened nice. Oh, I think it's,

Speaker 3 I do think it's 2023, maybe.

Speaker 3 But I wanted to bring up, there's another thing, the Sonic Screwdriver. Nobody here is a Doctor Who fan, right? Because I'm a Doctor Who fan.
Sonic Screwdriver.

Speaker 3 I wish Harrison Ford was here right now to tell you to shut the fuck up. You just took a step.
That's also a thing that does everything.

Speaker 3 Eduardo? It was 2015. 2015.
That was awesome. 2015 was when we were supposed to be a bad person.

Speaker 3 10 years ago. 10 years ago.
Come on. We really dropped the ball.

Speaker 3 No, no, I had a lot of people. I think there should be a Senate investigation into why we're not flying around.

Speaker 3 Blade Runners also happened time-wise, too, right? Because they had flying cars in that. No, every future sci-fi movie, I mean, now they're smart enough to say in the year 4572,

Speaker 3 they've picked a time when clearly humans will no longer be on the plane. Alien was always good about that.
They were far, far into the future. Right.

Speaker 3 Early sci-fi, if you listen to old radio shows that are like that were made in the 1930s, they'll say, by 1948.

Speaker 3 And my favorite is, I listened to one once where they called

Speaker 3 robot was still a new word, and they called it rubbit. Robot, yeah.
Rubit. There'll be a rubbit.

Speaker 3 And the rubbit will be a mechanical man who will open it. Needs Qui-Gun Jim.
Names Qui-Gun Jim. Who will open the mayonnaise can for you? It was all very pedestrian.

Speaker 3 Well, I will say, Eduardo, here we go. Just looked up

Speaker 3 the movie Her, which is Everybody Has an AI girlfriend, takes place this year, 2025. And we kind of do all have AI girlfriends.
We're finally getting a mistress there.

Speaker 3 Oh,

Speaker 3 wow.

Speaker 3 What are you talking about? Don't talk about her that way. Victimless crime.
Yeah. What do you mean? What are you talking about? He had a really special relationship.

Speaker 3 Yeah, but he didn't cheat on anyone, but not with another person. And that's allowed.
The Bible allows an exception if it's an AI girlfriend. Oh, God.

Speaker 3 The Bible doesn't say thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's AI image.

Speaker 3 The Bible, we got around the Bible finally. I can covet all I want.

Speaker 3 As long as it's made of pixels and hexels. Oh, God.
What, did I get something wrong? Yeah, hexels?

Speaker 3 Does that cover it? Hexels.

Speaker 3 Mixels and glaxels.

Speaker 3 Let me

Speaker 3 refer you to this rap sign. Oh,

Speaker 3 look at that. It's handwritten.
How quaint.

Speaker 3 Clearly, you've not visited the year 2000.

Speaker 3 I was in haste. All right, let's get into it.
My guest today is a terrific actress, you know, from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia and hacks.

Speaker 3 There were many years, Sona, where I would pass you at your desk and I couldn't get you to do a goddamn thing because you were watching It's Always Sunny on your computer. Yes, I was.

Speaker 3 Well, now she stars in the hit series High Potential, which releases new episodes Tuesdays on ABC and next day on Hulu. We're thrilled she's here today.
We adore her.

Speaker 3 Caitlin Olson, welcome.

Speaker 3 I've been acting like a fool

Speaker 3 since you came in the building.

Speaker 2 Yeah, a lot of dad jokes so far.

Speaker 3 I would be like grandpa jokes at this point.

Speaker 3 That was my A material. Oh, no.
From 70 years ago.

Speaker 3 No, No, I've been so goofy around you for a reason. I'm a massive fan, and I got giddy.

Speaker 3 And so then this tall drink of water comes walking in, and I'm doing shtick left and right, and I've made a complete fool of myself. Yeah, you're right.

Speaker 3 And you know what?

Speaker 3 I apologize, but it came from a place of great admiration and some drinking about an hour ago.

Speaker 2 I'll allow it.

Speaker 3 I like that. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I like the explanation.

Speaker 3 I'm thrilled you're here. And I want to start by acknowledging you have a crazy stalker fan here.
Oh, in the form of Sona of Obsessio.

Speaker 2 You do that to her.

Speaker 3 Say it like stalker fan. I'm a fan.
I don't stalk you. That's okay.
I haven't seen her peeking around in my bushes. Oh, okay, but not mine.
But not your stalker. No.
I'm fine with both.

Speaker 3 Only Don Cheadle.

Speaker 3 That's true. It's just the guy I'm throwing in

Speaker 3 on the audio lately.

Speaker 3 The point is that a number of years ago, I was aware of Always Sunny when it was first starting up. And I would catch the show here and there.
And I always think, this is really funny.

Speaker 3 I like these people. I like what they're doing, but a lot of other stuff is going on.
And then I would come to work and Sona's desk, Sona, my assistant, was a shrine to Always Sunny.

Speaker 3 It wasn't a shrine. Just let him do it.
Just let him do it. I like a picture of the cast.
You talked about it all the time.

Speaker 3 You're making me sound like a creeper. I had a picture of the cast, and sometimes I would watch it at work when I should have been doing things for him.

Speaker 3 So he's a little resentful about that happening. But that's what got me more into the show because I would be asking Sona, you know, those pills I need from my heart to keep me alive.

Speaker 3 And she'd say, whatever, I'm busy. And then I would see that she was watching Always Sunny at work.
Right. Important.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 3 So then we flash forward to my children,

Speaker 3 my son and my daughter get to a certain age. And I will say this about my kids.
I don't brag about them much because I'm not a fan.

Speaker 3 But

Speaker 3 they have excellent, excellent, excellent comedy taste. And they started from the beginning and they started binge-watching Always Sunny.
And then they pulled Liza and I into it. And as a family,

Speaker 3 we started from the beginning. And we knew that soon, like they're both going off to college.
We watched all of them. Oh my gosh.
All of them. I have not missed a one.
Wow.

Speaker 3 And I was delighted because it's such an original comedic voice and voices. It's just coming at everything from a different angle.
And it's just delightful.

Speaker 3 And so that's where a lot of my giddiness came from today.

Speaker 3 It's so sweet. It's true.
It's absolutely 100% true. And

Speaker 3 then for you to have the gall to go on and have all this other success outside of Sunny,

Speaker 3 I think it's too much.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. Too much success.

Speaker 3 Yeah. I thought you had, I mean, you hit it out of the park.

Speaker 2 Just be the girl on the one funny show.

Speaker 2 Go home and take care of your kids.

Speaker 3 Exactly.

Speaker 2 I get it.

Speaker 3 But then you're on Hacks

Speaker 3 and you're fantastic on that show. Thanks.
Although your name on that show is eerily similar to J.D. Vance.

Speaker 2 God, that was so,

Speaker 2 we were like, are you? First of all, I came along first. You were first.
I've never heard of this man. Right.

Speaker 3 You're first. And you're DJ Vance.

Speaker 2 DJ Vance.

Speaker 3 Oh, my God. And anyone who's watching it later is going to go, oh, what a corny take on J.D.
Vance.

Speaker 2 Nope. No.
We know.

Speaker 2 It stands for Deborah Jr. Yeah.
And

Speaker 3 yeah. Well, his name is Deborah Jr.
Oh,

Speaker 3 when we did copy him. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Deborah Jr.

Speaker 3 And then we're going to discuss your new show, which I watched yesterday, which is getting insane over the top reviews. again, something I resent.

Speaker 3 Um, didn't see my mention of me anywhere in these reviews

Speaker 3 because I'm not in the show and I'm not involved in any way. Right.
But uh, High Potential, uh, which is an adaptation of a French show, it's a great idea, and you're fantastic in it. Thank you.

Speaker 3 And what I like about it is that it is a good

Speaker 3 someone I was trying to think about after this. I was like, it's, I wouldn't say it's a comedy, it's a

Speaker 3 funny and at times very funny show that's a very good crime show and really smart. Thank you.

Speaker 3 And I thought everyone wants to label something now and say, well, my wife said to me afterwards, she's like, is it a comedy? And I said, it's not a comedy.

Speaker 3 It is not, it's definitely not a comedy, but you get to be very funny in it.

Speaker 3 And some of the situations are very funny, but it's also

Speaker 3 an excellent kind of one of those crime shows that is building a Rubik's Cube and solving it in front of you, which was really cool.

Speaker 2 Yeah, thank you. I appreciate that.
That was the goal is to really

Speaker 2 make sure that you believed the world and bought into the fact that there was something urgent and bad happening. And that wasn't going to happen if the rest of the world was funny.
So, yeah.

Speaker 2 And also, I was like, only I get to be funny on this show.

Speaker 3 You want me to do it?

Speaker 2 Only I will utter funny things.

Speaker 3 I have made that rule here at the podcast many times, and it just doesn't seem to happen. Oh, they are breaking it.
Yeah, I got to come up with more good shtick at the top.

Speaker 3 There were a couple things that I realized about you today that I didn't know before, which is that you lived on Vashon Island. I did.
My wife is from Seattle. Oh, she is? She, yes.

Speaker 3 And so I have wandered those islands and spent time on Vashon. And that's a very, and also Portland.
That's a very special, specific part of the country.

Speaker 2 Yes, it's very Pacific Northwest. My parents were hippies.
My mom's an herbalist. We like went fishing for salmon on the island for dinner.
Yeah. And then we moved to like outside.

Speaker 2 You say Portland, which is like that was the big city 20 minutes away. We lived in Tigard, Oregon.

Speaker 2 And if you were hungry, you went outside and,

Speaker 2 you know, grabbed some whatever was ripe.

Speaker 3 Washed it off with the hose.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 So when I...

Speaker 3 We were very, you know, it was just the four of us living off the land.

Speaker 3 When I met my wife,

Speaker 3 she had moved to New York and she had grown up in Seattle and,

Speaker 3 you know, she'd only been in New York a short time. And we start dating.
And then I'm going to, oh, we're invited to an event. I'm doing the late night show.
And I invite, you know,

Speaker 3 this new woman I've met who I'm in love with. Like, oh, I'm going to bring her to this event.
And she would say, okay, let's go. And she only had fleece.

Speaker 3 And you should be like, I've got this. Patagonia.
Yeah, I've got this. I can sit on boots.

Speaker 3 I can put on this nicer fleece and I'm like it's kind of black time like I'm wearing a tux and she's like I got sandals. Yeah.

Speaker 3 I can put on the good sandals and it was there was a moment where I was like we need to

Speaker 3 talk to work. We need to talk about the fleece only

Speaker 3 not everything's a fleece vest and a baseball cap. Yeah, that's right.
But the other thing too was

Speaker 3 I would say I'm Irish Catholic Boston, so everything for me, and Sona's witnessed this many times, which is I need to eat a massive ham sand. I've tried to change.

Speaker 3 I think I have changed, but my go-to is always a meal involves a massive piece of ham and potato

Speaker 3 and mayonnaise. And it has to be this big thing that you then sit around and digest like a bank vault in your stomach.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that was Rob, too. Yeah.

Speaker 3 I retrained him. Yes.

Speaker 3 So my wife, I'd show up. At the time, she was my girlfriend, and I would show up at her tiny apartment and I would say, hey, brought a ham.
And I'd say like, yeah, I'd say, I'm wearing a ham.

Speaker 3 I had a hat that was made that just had hams around it. I would show up in an apartment and say, like, I, um, hey, Eliza, I, uh, I'm really hungry.
Are you hungry? And she'd say, I ate.

Speaker 3 And I'd say, oh, you ate? And she'd be like, yep.

Speaker 3 I had half a pear, and then I had some walnuts.

Speaker 3 And then I had some antioxidant juice. Oh, yeah.
And it's the

Speaker 2 same word gut health is just

Speaker 3 top shelf.

Speaker 3 Well, she's a massive fan of yours, so she would be thrilled

Speaker 3 to meet you someday. But you say that

Speaker 3 you had to retrain Rob. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 It was just all, first of all, I don't know that fresh vegetables existed on the East Coast. I think it was just all cans and frozen stuff, apparently.

Speaker 3 I never saw a vegetable

Speaker 3 until after Reagan was in office. Right.

Speaker 2 I didn't believe him. I was like, that's not possible.

Speaker 2 But no, it was all, they had like, you know, lima beans and steak and mat, always a potato of some kind. Yes, God forbid you leave the potato out.
Meat, a potato, and some bagged rewarmed vegetable.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Yeah.
We, uh, that's interesting. And so, how long did it take to retrain?

Speaker 2 Not long because I love cooking. And he was like, oh, what's this? Oh, and one time I asked if he liked eggplant because I was going to do like an eggplant parmesan.

Speaker 2 He was like, oh, no, I was going to do some eggplant thing that wasn't eggplant parmesan. And I just ruined the whole story.

Speaker 2 And he was like, yeah, I love eggplant. I was like, great.
So I made some, I don't remember what it was. We were still dating.
It was

Speaker 2 800 years ago.

Speaker 3 Yeah, it was before the printing press. Yeah, that's right.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 he ate it and he just wasn't eating it. I was like, what? You don't like eggplant? He was like, I swear this is not what eggplant tasted like when I was growing up.
And he had eggplant parmesan.

Speaker 2 It was like beaten to a pulp and just mostly fried breading.

Speaker 3 Yes, it's breading and cheese.

Speaker 2 Yeah. I was like, that's not the eggplant part.

Speaker 3 Yeah. No, no, no.
That's the heart attack part. If you hit a vegetable in heart attack sauce, I was fine with it.

Speaker 3 Everyone is. Yeah, everyone is.
But it's just.

Speaker 2 Now he loves a fresh vegetable, I will say.

Speaker 3 Oh, and I've completely changed. Yes.
It's the same. I mean, this is interesting.

Speaker 3 I wanted to talk about this initially just for a second because I realized we've had a similar experience.

Speaker 3 But I had the same thing happen to me, which is now I'm like, I would like a salad, please. You're opposite.
Yeah. Him too.

Speaker 2 He's like, he'll look at what his friends back east eat, and he's just like, how are they not all dead? And why are they wondering why I look good and they don't?

Speaker 2 They all look like 75-year-old men.

Speaker 3 Doughy.

Speaker 3 I love them.

Speaker 3 I want to make that clear. I love all of them.

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Speaker 3 There are expected vet bills. Well, I got my golden retriever a facelift.
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Speaker 3 He was very unhappy. He wasn't doing well on social media.
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Speaker 3 No, I've never had that. It was a good time.
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Speaker 3 Animals never had a facelift in my home. That's one thing where I will draw the line.
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Speaker 3 Can I geek out on It's Always Sunny for a Second and ask, How much improvisation are you guys doing?

Speaker 3 First of all, it's the 17th season. Yeah,

Speaker 2 really weird, really strange.

Speaker 3 Because

Speaker 3 it all began so improbably. And I know you've talked about it a million times, but you literally just went out, which is my favorite comedy is let's make ourselves happy.
And now it's 17 years later.

Speaker 2 Yeah. That's a good life lesson.

Speaker 3 That

Speaker 2 philosophy goes towards auditioning too.

Speaker 2 I was always auditioning before that, you know, reading the description of the character and trying to figure out exactly what they wanted and going in and doing an audition that I hoped that it was what they were looking for.

Speaker 2 It doesn't work like that.

Speaker 2 You got to go and like do your best version of whatever you think it is and make yourself like I my it turned into my only goal rather than like going over the lines in my head eight million times was just have fun.

Speaker 2 Just have fun. You say a couple different words.
Who cares? It's fine. Just have fun.
It's the only way it works. And then I started booking stuff because you can't really make other people happy.

Speaker 2 It doesn't, that's not possible. There's too many of them.

Speaker 3 We all start out in that situation where we're trying to make someone happy and you're told, yeah, they, someone, it went to someone else. And you think it's a judgment on you.
Totally.

Speaker 3 When it really isn't. Not at all.
Because

Speaker 2 in this town and in this business, I was trying to explain to people they're seeing 10 000 people and they might you might have come in and nailed it in some way absolutely but you're a little taller or more often than not they've already they've already offered it to someone else yeah you're going in and spending days working on this thing blow drying your hair putting makeup on driving to that lot walking across the lot in 100 degree heat you look like shit by the time you get there you do your best and all the while they're just waiting to get a phone call that the person they offered to is accepting or rejecting it.

Speaker 2 And then they've got backups that they're going to, and they're going to keep offering it. And then if no one accepts it, then they're going to turn to these auditions.
It's crazy.

Speaker 2 There were so many auditions where I was like, I felt so good about that. And plenty of auditions that I hated because I just, I would get anxious and be weird.

Speaker 2 Like, that's not what I was meaning to do.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but now being on the other side of it, I'm like, oh, yeah, you've already offered it to someone else.

Speaker 3 We auditioned like thousands of people to be Conan O'Brien on Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend when we knew all along it was going to be me.

Speaker 2 That's so mean. It was everybody had to do their hair like that.
And

Speaker 3 I was behind a one-way mirror and

Speaker 3 I was laughing. Yeah.
We were honestly trying to replace you.

Speaker 3 I was just laughing and drinking caramel out of a big pitcher.

Speaker 3 Warm caramel and laughing. And it was running down my face.
Bring in the next one.

Speaker 3 Why? I don't know. I'm broken inside.

Speaker 3 Caramel or caramel? I'm a caramel person.

Speaker 3 What did you say? Caramel. Caramel.
Caramel. Is anybody caramel? I think I say caramel unless I say.
That's caramel.

Speaker 3 That's a city. I think, I know.
I think I even say that, but if I think about it, I'll say it right. Same with crayon and crayon.

Speaker 2 Oh, no, I'm caramel. No idea what you're doing.

Speaker 3 I'm Caramel.

Speaker 3 No, no, no.

Speaker 2 I'm not the city. I'm the candy.

Speaker 3 Carmel.

Speaker 3 Wait a minute. You're saying it correctly.
I understand what you're saying. I don't know what's happening with you.

Speaker 3 You're saying, I say caramel.

Speaker 2 Carmel. No, he wants Carmel.
Caramel.

Speaker 3 Crayon? Caramel. There we go.
I don't even hear the difference. He says Carmel.
I think I was saying that because I'm conscious of it, but I say what you say. And that goes for life.
You know what?

Speaker 3 This is going to end up being the. Caramel.
This will be the moment that trends.

Speaker 3 Yeah. You're going to get a lot of feedback.
By the way, I have a strong feeling I'm wrong.

Speaker 2 I think it might be caramel.

Speaker 3 It's caramel. It's caramel.
All right. Or it's caramel.
Caramel. Everyone's not in it.
Maybe it's a, it's probably an East Coast.

Speaker 3 Oh, East Coast, West Coast. I say caramel.
Oh, caramel. that's weird

Speaker 3 i'm upset i think we're done caramel i think i sound that weird

Speaker 3 you sound great i say things weird you sound great weirdly weirdly thank you

Speaker 3 i say things weirdly like i have a hard g at the end of my words yeah or do you say everything everything oh everything everything yeah everything everything wrong wrong she says oh you're wrong

Speaker 3 and it just drives me crazy because first of all i'm never wrong right because you're never wronga it's wrong to say wrong, wronga. All right, listen.
I'm going to move on to

Speaker 3 everybody. I have to pilot us back into safer waters.
Thank you. Let's go.
Thank you, Pennsylvania, Conan O'Brien. I do think.

Speaker 3 I do think that

Speaker 3 there is a beautiful lesson to It's Always Sunny, which is you, it's like-minded people got together and said, we're going to make something that doesn't fit any mold.

Speaker 3 We are going to please ourselves. I don't think this is going to work, but we like doing this.

Speaker 3 And it became, and the other thing is, it cannot be copied. Right.
No one else can do what you guys are doing. And there's so many different levels to it.
It's,

Speaker 2 I mean, because it's Rob, Charlie, and Glenn. I mean, it's just like, and I just feel like I absolutely hit the jackpot on the show.
It's exactly what you said is how I feel.

Speaker 2 I mean, we, we go in there, we have directors and a lot of them are our friends and they're wonderful.

Speaker 2 But at the end of the day, somebody else cut and we just gather and like what we like and you keep that and you keep that and I'll do this. And then we go again.
Yeah. And it's, it's great.

Speaker 3 Well, my, as I said, my kids

Speaker 3 have, they have superb comedy taste. And really, no, no, they really, no, I'm, I'm, I mean, I could list all the shows they like, and it's their, they take it really seriously.

Speaker 3 Um, they're, they don't watch my stuff,

Speaker 3 which again, they're bat in a thousand, but they, um, there's so many things that just kill them. One was that I think you guys, the gang, had some idea and one of you said, who's it against?

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah. And

Speaker 3 it wasn't against anybody and you

Speaker 3 none of you can understand the idea of it's not against somebody.

Speaker 2 Who space are we shoving it into?

Speaker 3 Yes, exactly. And it was, I don't know, it's such a funny, I know those characters so well now, and it is such a funny conceit that

Speaker 3 they will unite to defeat and humiliate someone else. Yeah.
But someone could have a brilliant plan where you guys make a billion dollars. dollars, but if it's not against somebody, no one's in.

Speaker 2 No, it's not interesting. Yeah.

Speaker 3 So, um,

Speaker 3 so stupid.

Speaker 2 I love it so much. I'm very impressed with your kids.
And I have a 14, newly 14-year-old now who's been sneaking scripts and reading them for years.

Speaker 2 And we will pull up clips that he can watch, but he's so, and now he's just like, I mean, he's 14. So now he's seen.
probably half the episodes. He's completely obsessed.

Speaker 2 But not mature enough to be able to like go out into the world and speak like that. So he'll say things.

Speaker 3 I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 3 Oh, boy.

Speaker 2 We will fine-tune this. And one day you will be so funny, but that's not something to say at school.

Speaker 3 So,

Speaker 2 Dennis, please,

Speaker 2 let me explain. He's probably a rapist and murderer.

Speaker 3 But it's funny because, oh, God.

Speaker 3 Yeah, it's just like times where it's not even explained. Something will happen and

Speaker 3 Danny DeVito's character will like a gun will drop out.

Speaker 3 And you're like, why did he have a gun? And it's not addressed why he had a gun. It's not necessary.
No, it just fell.

Speaker 3 Yeah,

Speaker 3 there's so many different layers there. And I do think I had this thought a long time ago when I was.

Speaker 3 as the old man here, when I was young, the show that really lit me up was SCTV because they put, you know, SNL was the big thing. And then SCTV was this other show that they really crafted.

Speaker 3 And it had all these different layers. And they put all these little smart, weird runners in there that you had to pick up on.
And they didn't even know that anybody in America was watching it.

Speaker 3 We only saw it because it bounced off of a antenna in Buffalo, New York. And we managed to get it at my dad, at my grandfather's little cottage in Miss Quammacut.

Speaker 3 And my brothers and I would watch it and go, this is, it's something that Always Sunny does. And certain shows do it where they put these little things in there.
And I think they're talking to me.

Speaker 3 Yes. Yeah, they are.
Yeah, exactly. And it's a conversation.

Speaker 3 You guys are having a conversation with me as a viewer, and I feel not only respected, but like you're pulling me in on the secret, which is a beautiful thing. Yeah.
I love that.

Speaker 3 Charlie does that a lot.

Speaker 2 Well, he'll just improvise some kind of throwaway thing that's like a current event thing that

Speaker 2 it's just so funny and it gets left in there and we don't ever explain. It has nothing to do with the episode.
And it's just, that's what I think of when you say that.

Speaker 2 It's like someone's going to pick up on that and understand what he's talking about. Or he'll just make a quick reference to something from 60 seasons ago that somebody, like some people will get.

Speaker 2 But the intelligent part, I think, is what's so great.

Speaker 2 Cause there are a lot of comedies that make me laugh, a lot of character-driven stuff that, you know, I admire the character someone's doing, but the writing is so smart.

Speaker 2 And I can tell when someone hasn't seen it, if they have something negative to say about it, usually online, because they didn't get it. Like, it's like, no, no, no, you.

Speaker 2 You watched a clip and you think you know what it is. Because we're making a commentary.
Yes.

Speaker 2 A bunch of dumb narcissistic psychopaths are but the writers are making a commentary so obviously either you're too dumb or you didn't watch the episode i think it's cool to get to a place which you've clearly gotten to where you can

Speaker 3 you've you can have your cake and eat it too i mean between hacks and always sunny and this i mean you've you've gotten to really own this comedy space.

Speaker 3 And then there's some part of you that said, I'd like to do this that is not, it's not a comedy. You're, I don't, you can't not be funny in things.
And you are funny.

Speaker 3 This character is funny, but it all comes off the character.

Speaker 2 Yeah, she's human.

Speaker 3 She's human. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 the other characters I play really aren't human. I mean, they're not multifaceted characters.
This is just a,

Speaker 2 there's a way to still be

Speaker 2 a grounded, hardworking woman with children and be funny.

Speaker 3 I think I can quickly set up.

Speaker 3 It's a terrific idea for a show. I know

Speaker 3 it's adapted from this French show, but the series, and this isn't giving away too much, but it opens with you getting up at four in the morning.

Speaker 3 We don't know what you do. It's clear you don't have a lot of money.
You go to work and you're getting dressed and you're getting a big trash can and cleaning supplies.

Speaker 3 And it's clear that, oh, you're a woman who cleans up in the middle of the night.

Speaker 3 And then it's revealed, it's clear that you're cleaning up at a bullpen, a bullpen in a police station. And then you knock into a box and all this stuff spills over and you're just cleaning it up.

Speaker 2 Jerk the headphones off. Music stops.

Speaker 3 Jerk the headphones off and you're just going to clean up this stuff and it's evidence. And your character has a gift.

Speaker 3 You're cleaning, but you also need to make sense of things and you're highly intelligent and you start just quickly.

Speaker 3 And it basically leads to your character is very good and it's kind of a savant at seeing these patterns and you start to help the police

Speaker 3 kind of against their will.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. Get up and go to their case board and cross off suspect and write victim under one woman's picture.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 I always think pilots are next to impossible because

Speaker 3 in a pilot episode, you need to lay out so much information that there's so many times that I've watched pilots and it's... Ding-dong, hello.
Hi, I'm here.

Speaker 2 I'm your neighbor. Remember me?

Speaker 3 Yeah, I'm your neighbor. And guess what? We don't like each other, you know?

Speaker 3 I don't like you since that time you stole the,

Speaker 3 you know, whatever, because you know how you like to steal things.

Speaker 3 I guess I'm the stealer.

Speaker 3 And then music.

Speaker 3 But no, but no, that's a show I actually wrote. Oh, I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 She was laughing because she thought it was so funny.

Speaker 3 It's funny, right? It ran nine years on WB

Speaker 3 slash UPN. But anyway, when they were united,

Speaker 3 I made hundreds of dollars on the Steeler.

Speaker 3 But

Speaker 3 this pilot is a very good episode.

Speaker 2 I wanted people to want to come back. Like, I tune into stuff all the time where I'm like, yeah, it's great.
And then I don't have a desire to come back for whatever reason.

Speaker 2 And I wanted you to really fall in love with this woman and who she is and be compelled to figure out because I drop a thing at the end of the first episode and I want people to buy into that and figure out what is that all about yes yeah and I have to say Drew Goddard wrote that script and I was not interested when they came to me and wanted to have lunch I was like ABC hour-long drama no thank you and my agent was like no you're gonna go have lunch with them and I was like what did you just say to me

Speaker 2 he was like it's good you're gonna read it and you're gonna have lunch I'm gonna make you because I think you're gonna really want to do it I just had no interest in in first of all working for a network I'm I'm very spoiled on FX they let us do whatever we want and say whatever we want and I have a hard time time with executives who aren't creatives telling me what I can and can't do because,

Speaker 2 again, it goes back to, it's all fine and it works. And a lot of people are fine with that.
I just, I'm so blessed to be in a position where I want to show up and have fun with my life.

Speaker 2 That's at home and at work. I don't want to do something that is,

Speaker 2 I just want everything to be great or just I'll wait and wait until something comes along that I can make special. So I was very gun shy.

Speaker 2 And then I read his script and was like, oh, I'm, I'm, I think I'm in. And then I have to point out that Alethea Jones directed that episode and she was absolutely incredible.

Speaker 2 So one of the ways that you see my character solve things is what we call Morgan Vision and kind of these like flashes of what she's putting together in her brain.

Speaker 2 And I was really nervous about those because I was like, my mind went to like a horrible reenactment on a bad A ⁇ E crime show where there's like someone who kind of looks like the murderer walking up.

Speaker 2 I was like, oh, God, I just was very scared of the Morgan Vision stuff. And I told her that and she was like, that's the stuff I'm most excited about.
And I was like, okay, walk me through that.

Speaker 2 She just did such a tremendous job with that pilot.

Speaker 3 Also, some of the imagined recreations are really funny. Yeah.
Yeah. You know, because it's just what's going on in her.
Yeah. Your mind, you're thinking of serious things like how a murder happened.

Speaker 3 Then there are these asides where you're thinking of other possibilities that are actually really good sight gags that are funny. And they're quick.
Just like quickly. Really quick.

Speaker 3 It's interesting to me because I would think what you want to do to that old phrase, like you're playing with house money.

Speaker 3 And I think sometimes in sports, if a team has, if they know that they've got it, if they know that they're going to the Super Bowl or something, they play differently because they, or, or conversely, if they feel like we got nothing to lose, yeah, and it's nice probably to be in a part of your career where you feel like, yeah, I want to have fun.

Speaker 3 Yes, I want to have a good time.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's there's a quite a freedom in having, knowing that I really would walk away if it was not up to the quality that I wanted to put out there. Because that's not like a threat.

Speaker 2 It's just really like, no, thanks. I mean, thank you so much for thinking of me, but I don't, I don't,

Speaker 2 yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 It would be perfect if you walked out on this podcast right now.

Speaker 3 I should have done that.

Speaker 3 And away from my TV show. And guess what? This is not up to my.

Speaker 3 It's not too late. And then

Speaker 3 we could say I'm going to. Then we could put in a car starting noise.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 3 Tires screeching.

Speaker 2 Me calling my agent.

Speaker 3 It's interesting because when you put something out in the world and you're seen a certain way, fans react to you in a certain way. And for so many years as D,

Speaker 3 people know you a certain way. Oh, yeah.
And that is not who you are. No.

Speaker 3 But I heard this anecdote once that the Three Stooges, the actual people who were the Three Stooges,

Speaker 3 Mo, Howard, and Larry, and when they would go out in the world, people who were fans would come up and

Speaker 3 slap them, hit them, and do the eye poke. Get your fingers away from my eyes.
Yeah, because they were like, no, no, I love you. Hey, curly, how are you?

Speaker 3 And they would jab them in the eyes, and it was a huge problem for them.

Speaker 3 But I'm thinking if you're,

Speaker 3 there's part of D, I mean, you're this very attractive, cool actress. Conan.
Well, you know what I mean. No, you're, you're, you're an.

Speaker 3 I don't know where Rob is right now.

Speaker 3 Feels like he's not showing you the proper attention.

Speaker 3 I just, I'm sorry. That's right.

Speaker 2 Put it on Rob.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 He's off somewhere eating a potato. I know.
And I'm here talking to you about how attractive you are

Speaker 3 and talented as an actor and what a career you've had.

Speaker 3 And I don't know. I don't know if you have that syndrome where people come up to you and then.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. Deezer Bird.
Shut up bird.

Speaker 3 A lot of shut up bird.

Speaker 2 Mostly shut up bird.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 2 On a daily basis.

Speaker 3 And you're like with your kids. Yeah.
They love it.

Speaker 2 They think it's the best thing in the world.

Speaker 3 I'm like, Sona, I bet you've done that.

Speaker 3 Have you screamed shut up for me? I was going to yell, hey, bird, shut up, bird when you walked in. And I was like, I shouldn't.

Speaker 2 I wasn't going to do that. The most fun is when people do it in the comments section of whatever social media.

Speaker 3 And then I have so many fans jump on it and be like, you think she hasn't heard that before? You know, she's other things that I'm like,

Speaker 3 I find it hilarious.

Speaker 2 It doesn't bother me at all. Calling someone a bird is so not an insult.
It's the stupidest.

Speaker 3 Don't you love it when people come to your defense on social media for something that didn't need defending? Yes. I'm like, they're calling me a bird.
Who cares?

Speaker 2 But I was very worried.

Speaker 2 Very worried is maybe a little strong, but I did have a lot of thoughts about like, oh, I bet this show, this show might let a lot of my Sonny fans down or my The Mick fans down who just want me to do hard comedy.

Speaker 3 Balls to the wall kind of thing.

Speaker 2 Yeah, just tell dick and ball jokes all day long and set people on fire. You know, that's all anyone wants from me.

Speaker 3 Right.

Speaker 2 And have men yell at me and call me a bird.

Speaker 2 So I was like, oh, I don't know how the general public is going to receive this. I feel like I've got the moms and grandmas with this one.

Speaker 2 But people are really liking it.

Speaker 3 The reviews have been great. Yeah.
Yeah. They really have.
And

Speaker 3 it's okay. I guess we're all human.
So when you're waiting. When you finish it.

Speaker 3 Why do you always take us into the gutter? That was something for the old family. There you go, guys.

Speaker 3 There you go, Felt. And they're like, hey, there she's back.
It started to get real serious there, but then it was okay again.

Speaker 3 Dee is back.

Speaker 3 No, but, you know,

Speaker 3 there's this,

Speaker 3 the uninitiated or people who wouldn't know would say, oh, by this point, you know, you wouldn't worry what people would say. Of course you would.

Speaker 2 Of course I would.

Speaker 3 Oh, yeah. Well, you must be very happy because it's, people are loving it.

Speaker 2 I was, oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 Even filming the pilot, between filming the pilot and watching it, when I got it, I didn't watch it right away. I was so nervous.
I was just like, I really enjoy being in control.

Speaker 2 And I felt very out of control with this one because I just, it's a different genre, just a lot of trust.

Speaker 2 And like I said, I mean, I'm just used to 17 seasons on a show where we're all doing it together. This was me just trusting this woman.
And I'm very glad that I did. She was incredible.
But

Speaker 2 yeah, I care. I care very much.
And I was scared to show it to Rob. Rob's the harshest critic I've ever met in my life.
And when he liked it, I was like, we did it, guys.

Speaker 3 We did it. Now, would Rob, okay, this is interesting because this is someone who is your comedic partner, but also your life partner.

Speaker 2 Brutally honest. Brutally honest? Brutally honest.
Doesn't matter if we're married. Yeah.
He wouldn't be cruel about it, but he'd say something like,

Speaker 2 no, you know what he would do? He would give me a million notes, even though it was already finished and edited. He would give me so many notes.
Right. You're like, no, it's on TV.

Speaker 3 We're watching it on television. We're watching it on television right now.
It's airing on ABC, right?

Speaker 2 No, no, no, no, no. Just trust me, just call the editor.

Speaker 3 For reruns. Yeah.
That's right. Never give up.

Speaker 3 That's a fascinating dynamic. It's very true.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 But he liked it. When I show my wife things that we're going to do, I mean, she's, she wouldn't say, oh, that's bad, but I can tell.

Speaker 3 She's got very, you know, Liza has these beautiful big eyes, and sometimes they get sad.

Speaker 3 There's a little sadness in them, even though she's smiling. And I know, yeah, and I'm like, no, this isn't good.

Speaker 3 And then she goes to her closet and pulls out one of 70 fleeces she has now, because she's rolling in dough.

Speaker 3 All she did was go get, yeah, it's my Gucci fleece.

Speaker 3 I love Liza. Yeah, Liza's great.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 She flies to Paris and has fittings and then comes back, and it's still a fleece vest.

Speaker 3 And she puts the Patagonia label over the Gucci label.

Speaker 2 Just smells like perfume.

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah. And then she says, let's go get some cured salmon.

Speaker 3 Hang out by the water.

Speaker 3 Sounds great. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Well, that is amazing that you have figured that you two have that dynamic.

Speaker 1 Yeah. It's he's, he's, he's.

Speaker 3 Can you do it with him? Can you look at his stuff? Can you look at Rob's stuff and say,

Speaker 3 yeah.

Speaker 2 Ooh, good question.

Speaker 3 This is going to sound super lame.

Speaker 2 I

Speaker 2 think Rob's got incredible incredible taste, so there's not really anything he's made that I haven't liked, but no, that's not my personality. I think I would find things.

Speaker 2 I do that thing where you go see a friend in a play and you have to find things that you liked about it because their acting sucked. And then you just give them those things.

Speaker 3 I'd do that. I've seen more than one person in a play because they're going to know.

Speaker 2 I've only seen one play in my life.

Speaker 3 Oh, no.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 It was three weeks ago. I only have one friend.
And it was her best friend in the world. Oh, no.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 Jenny Tyler is Gandhi.

Speaker 3 Jenny?

Speaker 3 Jenny. I shaved my head.

Speaker 3 What else?

Speaker 2 You have a very round head, Jenny.

Speaker 3 That part where you're not eating was

Speaker 2 probably really good for your diet.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Jenny Tyler is Gandhi. Well, she is.

Speaker 3 She's playing on Highland. Go see it.
Don't see it. It's at the Coronet Theater.
Check it out.

Speaker 3 Well,

Speaker 3 it is a delight. It's a delight.

Speaker 3 It's my favorite thing is when I'm, and I've said this a million times, but there are days where I'm coming in to talk to somebody who I am a big fan of and kind of giddy to see.

Speaker 3 And I also know that first thing I'm going to be doing when I get home is texting,

Speaker 3 you know, my kids and saying, guess who I was with today? And then I get points. So

Speaker 3 yeah, and you know what? The show probably premiered before Beckett was even born. Well,

Speaker 3 that's the other thing, too,

Speaker 3 is that my daughter's 21, my son is newly 19, and they,

Speaker 3 I always liked evergreen comedy. I always liked comedy that

Speaker 3 doesn't live off of this happened today, and we're commenting on it. That was my favorite stuff.
And I always wanted to make stuff that maybe would be funny if someone found it 30 years later.

Speaker 3 Definitely, it's always sunny.

Speaker 3 The fact that my kids are binge-watching it and know every single twist and turn. What's the family you guys have the rivalry with? The coils.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 3 Oh, my God.

Speaker 3 The best. It's the best when

Speaker 3 it's real. The episodes where you realize at the end it's them and they just run away.

Speaker 3 Anyway, this, okay.

Speaker 3 None of this adds up. It's so stupid.
It's so stupid, but my life has been spent trying to prove to people that there is an intersection between stupid and smart. Yes.

Speaker 3 And it's, it comes and goes and it's hard to find and it's like the Northwest Passage. You know, many lives have been lost looking for it, but I believe in it with all my heart.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 And it's hard to do.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And so when you find it, it's, it's special.
So that's a big compliment.

Speaker 3 Thank you.

Speaker 3 Well, congratulations on your new show, High Potential. And I watched it on Hulu.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 And is Hulu the one, or it's also on ABC?

Speaker 2 ABC and Hulu the next day.

Speaker 3 Yeah, it's just very smart and fun to watch and fun to watch your character who is also very funny, but grounded in reality, figuring all this stuff out. And I'm a true, I'm a, I'm a crime fan.

Speaker 3 So when you were putting down these true detective shows,

Speaker 3 these recreation shows, I live off of those.

Speaker 2 Good, good, good, good. Same.

Speaker 2 And one of my, it really is my favorite compliment, which is happening a lot now because we're in our 17th season, where grown-ups will come and say, My kids are now old enough to watch Sonny and we watch it together as a family.

Speaker 2 And it's our show that we watch as a family. And now that my kids are 12 and 14, I'm like, oh, I get it.

Speaker 2 There's only like a, I feel like there's only a couple more years left where we will all want to watch stuff together. And you're just holding on to it.
And I'm like, whatever show you guys want.

Speaker 2 They're like, yes, let's get popcorn and watch it on the couch together.

Speaker 3 We are.

Speaker 3 I was shocked because my wife,

Speaker 3 who is an amazing mom, did an incredible job, was so sensible and really careful about, no, no, they can't eat this because I did read that it has a little bit of zinc in it.

Speaker 2 She and I really need to be best friends.

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 But,

Speaker 3 but, and she also, but she very quickly said, no, always sunny. The kids can watch always sunny.
It's, it's fine. And then she, without my knowledge or permission, she hyper jumped to Veep.

Speaker 3 Oh, and I come home and she and my daughter, my son, are watching Veep. Without you?

Speaker 3 Well, there, yeah. I wasn't there.
I was doing something. I was out alley catting, you know me.

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want a guy with me.
I understand.

Speaker 3 Man, you know, she's over there talking about minuscule levels of zinc. Yeah.
It's very unattractive. Yeah.
So, anyway, I'm out doing what a guy does. Yes.

Speaker 3 And Rob knows what I'm talking about. And so, because I see him at the same post.
Sure, sure. We high five.

Speaker 3 And no, but I come on, they're watching, and Veep, Veep is, there's whole runs in Veep, which is like, I'm going to take your balls and shove them up your asshole so far that you choke on the cum

Speaker 3 that comes out your ears and dribbles down your umbilic. You know, it's like insane.
And she was like, yeah, but it's funny. And I'm like, it is funny.

Speaker 3 But I told Julia Louis Dreyfus, who I know, I told her, like, you know, why is this letting the kids watch Veep? And she's like, what? I know.

Speaker 3 I know. Veep is another step beyond.
Step up. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.
Well, listen, you opened the floodgates with Sunny. What was she supposed to do? You guys were the starter show.

Speaker 3 You guys were the drug,

Speaker 3 a very good drug, by the way. Oh, yeah.
Excellent drug that gave them a powerful but safe high. And then she went on to crash.
She went to fentanyl. Yeah, she went to fentanyl.

Speaker 3 Thank you so much for coming in. An absolute joy to see you.

Speaker 3 And my best to Rob and to the gang that's making the show And tell them I say hello. And thank you so much for going down into the mines and making such good stuff for all of us.

Speaker 2 You're the best.

Speaker 2 I'm not leaving.

Speaker 3 Let's just do another hour. Okay.

Speaker 3 Hour number two.

Speaker 3 We talk about what's going on in the world. Oh, God.
And it gets really dark.

Speaker 2 I got to go.

Speaker 3 Okay, no hour two. Thank you so much for being here.
Thank you for having me.

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And I know that.

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Speaker 3 I was cleaning out some stuff in my office the other day, and I found that I had this CB dictionary. Oh, my God.

Speaker 3 Make sure that we enunciate CB. Yeah, what is it? It sounded a little bit like CD for a second.
Oh, CB, Citizens Band Radio, which is the way people talk like truckers from smoking the banner.

Speaker 3 You know, we've talked about that movie before. Yeah, and not just the movie.
I remember very clearly there was a the CB fad was huge in the late 70s, and there was a song called Convoy.

Speaker 3 Remember that song? I do. Yeah.
And we got a little old convoy running through the night. We got a great big convoy.
Ain't she a beautiful sight? Convoy. Sona, where are you doing? What's going on?

Speaker 3 Oh, I'm sorry. Anyways, it was a big deal.
And I remember that

Speaker 3 one of my grandparents passed away. And some of us, why don't you wrinkle pages even louder? What do you, yeah? Oh my god.
Look at him. He's right.
This is the guy who produces the podcast.

Speaker 3 I cut my mic. You don't need to worry about it, you weirdos.

Speaker 3 Look at this. What are you, Chris Krinkle?

Speaker 3 Anyway, why'd you laugh so hard?

Speaker 3 That would have been that funny. I thought it was good.
Chris Krinkle?

Speaker 3 Chris Krinkle's not funny. You heard of Chris Krinkle.
This guy's Chris Krinkle.

Speaker 3 Louder, Blay. Louder.

Speaker 3 There you go.

Speaker 3 Suck up. So anyway,

Speaker 3 one of my grandparents passed away, and we were all like kids, and we were, for some reason, it got switched around. So we were in the funeral procession, you know,

Speaker 3 funeral procession. What's it called?

Speaker 3 It's the cars. Is it the funeral procession? Is it the funeral procession with the cars? I think so.
Okay. Anyway, it's a convoy.

Speaker 3 Hearse was driving with one of my grandparents in it. I can't remember which one.
And then other cars.

Speaker 3 And our cool cousin was driving the station wagon that my brothers and I and my sisters and I were all jammed into. And we're headed to the graveyard when the song Convoy came on.

Speaker 3 And my cousin reached over and turned it up all the way. And there's this part of the song where they go, so let them tuckers roll.
10-4, because we got a great thing. And we were all rocking out.

Speaker 3 And I love my granddad.

Speaker 3 And it felt sacrilegious, but also great at the same time. He was sort of a fond.

Speaker 3 No, he wouldn't have liked that at all.

Speaker 3 Yeah. He was a.
Well, I thought I could quiz you guys on CB lingo and see if you could figure it out. Because actually, speaking of hearse, there is a CB term for hearse.
Oh, anybody know what it is?

Speaker 3 Is it called an old rolling pine?

Speaker 3 The dead guy.

Speaker 3 The dead guy. The dead guy.
The dead guy. No, yeah.
Let's see. I remember it at, well, obviously a smokey is a policeman.
We'll go over it. First of all, though, a hearse is called a bone box.

Speaker 3 Bone box. We got a bone box.
Here are just some of your regular things. Like the police are called, you could call them a smokey or a bear.
Smokey the bear. CB radio are your ears.
Got my ears on.

Speaker 3 A bear in the air. A bear in the air is a whirly gig.

Speaker 3 It's a helicopter with

Speaker 3 the cops inside. The police helicopter.
Yeah. Oh my God.

Speaker 3 Is that a police backup? Yeah, backup. Helicopter with police inside.

Speaker 3 It's a helicopter, but instead of a citizen

Speaker 3 contained within

Speaker 3 at the core of it are police.

Speaker 3 This is what truckers say to each other. This is when they're trying to be like long-range semi-drivers.
Okay. Okay.
Like a bear in the bush. Bear in the bush is.

Speaker 3 Oh, that would be a smokey that's hiding out trying to catch people in a speed trap. Yeah.
That's exactly right. Okay.
So now I'm going to quiz you guys. Those are kind of the just the yeasy ones.

Speaker 3 All right. Here we go.
Blood box. Blood box would be.
Ambulance. That's right.
One for Sona. Okay.
Bed bug hauler. Bed bug hauler.
It would be a motel, like a cheap motel.

Speaker 3 I think it's a furniture truck. A moving van.
I'll accept that.

Speaker 3 Oh, my God. I'm asking.

Speaker 3 I just learned what this was. Bikini State.
Bikini State is Florida. That's right.
Oh,

Speaker 3 I just know because I'm a bikini. Are you looking at the...
Are you looking at the

Speaker 3 glasses on either? Breaking wind.

Speaker 3 Breaking wind.

Speaker 3 Speeding.

Speaker 3 Breaking wind. Going downhill.
I'm sorry, neither of you. It's the first C beer in a convoy.
Okay. They're breaking the wind.
All right. Brush your teeth and comb your hair.

Speaker 3 That's something you'd say. That's just what does that mean? That's just, I mean, good hygiene.
Yeah. I think that means I need to rest.
No. No, say it again.
Brush your teeth and comb your hair.

Speaker 3 Brush your teeth. It helps me think of it like 10-4, good buddy.
Brush your teeth and comb your hair.

Speaker 3 Be a good, see you around.

Speaker 3 Brush your teeth and comb your hair.

Speaker 3 There's a smoky up ahead. What? What? Look good.
There's a smoky up ahead. Oh, that's see you around.

Speaker 3 Just say there's a smoky up ahead. Why brush your teeth and comb your hair? Well, that's the whole point.

Speaker 3 They could be listening.

Speaker 3 When they pull you over for speeding, they don't care about your attire and how well quality oh the smokies are listening in on the cb radio and then they hear they if you say hey there's a smoky they'll be like oh the convoy is smart yeah i don't know i'm trying to figure it out what are california turnarounds on ramps no off ramps

Speaker 3 way stations

Speaker 3 California turnaround. Yeah.
That's when you hit the state of California because you've made your drop and then you're headed back the other way. Not really.

Speaker 3 Yes, it is. They're benzos or a speed because if you're going as far as California, you got to take some of those to go there and back.
Oh, I see. You mean like a Benny or Benny? A big benzene?

Speaker 3 Yes, I said benzos. Yeah.
Benny. Yeah, Benny or a Jubjub.
Yeah, you guys are a real hip. Those are called a green squanto, yeah.
Choke and puke.

Speaker 3 Choke and puke.

Speaker 3 Let's see.

Speaker 3 That's in Smoky and the Bandit. They use that a lot.
Choke and puke. Yeah.
I'm going to choke and puke. Going to a choke and puke.
Going to a choke and and puke. Like a bad diner.

Speaker 3 It's a restaurant, but I'll give it to you. Thank you.
Christmas card.

Speaker 3 Just like a way to wish people well.

Speaker 3 Use it in a sentence, please. I'm doing double nickels on the I-5, and I got myself a Christmas card.
I'm going to have to pay that come Tuesday. A traffic ticket.
That's right.

Speaker 3 But why was it called a Christmas card? Well, it's just post-CD poetry. I'm sorry.

Speaker 3 I'm glad. You know what? There's a reason this died out.

Speaker 3 You know what I mean? They had bad terms. I'm sorry.
Oh, my God. I'm fine.
I don't even know what that is. Now we're going to get into some of the more colorful ones.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 Huh? What's the score? I'm winning. It's three Sona Conan 2.

Speaker 3 Also, we don't know that this died out. There's truckers all over this, really.
Yeah, but why don't they just email each other

Speaker 3 or text? Because you don't want to be on your phone

Speaker 3 while you're driving. Of course.

Speaker 3 Let's get to that. What do you think VacuSuck is for?

Speaker 3 Well, I have one. I'm using it now.
Oh, man.

Speaker 3 What does it mean? Three AA batteries takes care of old Captain Jack down there.

Speaker 3 Jesus.

Speaker 3 Captain Jack. What does abuse it mean?

Speaker 3 Well, okay.

Speaker 3 Abuse it. Say it.

Speaker 3 Well,

Speaker 3 I don't want to. Masturbate.
That's right.

Speaker 3 I gave that to Sona because I didn't want to offend a lady. Masturbate? I didn't, no.
You just called your dick Captain Jack. Yeah.
He's in the army. That's his rank.
You just did a whole vacuum.

Speaker 3 It's his rank.

Speaker 3 I got a vacuum suck for Captain Jack. He did his time.

Speaker 3 You don't want to say masturbate, but you're not. Anyone's in Vietnam.

Speaker 3 What's a douche job? Oh, man. Don't get me started.
A douche job is when.

Speaker 3 Why did you put two fingers up very specifically? Car wash. Yes, that's right.

Speaker 3 Okay. I was going to say an actual like anal.
No.

Speaker 3 An actual anal.

Speaker 3 Okay, some of these have crossed over into popular culture, but what's a beaver? A vagina. Well, no.
No. I mean, it is.
It's a woman driving. It's just a woman, yeah.
Okay. Brawbuster.
What is it?

Speaker 3 Braw Buster. Brawbuster.
Oh, man. Talk about it.

Speaker 3 Skips me. What?

Speaker 3 Talk about it? A bra buster? Brabuster is a woman who is real tough. No.
Brawbuster is a speed bump. No.
You go over it too fast. It's going to bust your bra.
No, it's just a large-reasted woman.

Speaker 3 Well, wait a minute. How does that? I thought they have to relate to trucking somehow.
Now you're going to get into, yeah, he's, that's an old itchy face. What's that? A guy with a beard.

Speaker 3 Well, why are they talking in code? No one's changing the goalposts. No, if I'm driving a truck and I see, you know,

Speaker 3 lady with the titties, I go, hey, guys, bra buster. That beaver's a real bra buster.
Yeah, but that's not, it's not coded enough.

Speaker 3 Oh, it's still do you know what i mean some of them are you i mean this is this just evolved with the language it's not like somebody sat down at it no but there's a more clever way to do that if there's a large-breasted woman well maybe they're not like they're doing it on the radio but the woman doesn't hear it they're just like hey guys heads up those are some big knobs on the radio yes you know what i mean something like that that's nice you know high beams on

Speaker 3 you know what i mean So something they could do better. The twin pillars of society.

Speaker 3 There's so many different ways to do it but broadbusters just being unimaginative another reason why cb culture has died all right so this is a tiebreaker uh in the last one coffee break coffee break oh tell me about it i'm just trying to use up time coffee break um coffee break coffee break now this this doesn't like necessarily have a one-to-one for what the name is to what the thing is so you just have to think creatively remember we're in the kind of like you know sexual section oh we are oh coffee break does it have anything to do with um

Speaker 3 this one's anal

Speaker 3 oh my god you're obsessed and again they have a device for that too why they don't have to is it because coffee's yeah because coffee's dark oh god no not only are you not right you're disqualified yeah thank you coffee break um

Speaker 3 i don't know i i it's just a visit with a prostitute but why that's just i'm taking a coffee break it's a weird you can't get upset these i can get upset on the right

Speaker 3 I want these to be rewritten. Well, the good news is I've only gone through A through D on these, so we've got lots more to do.
Oh, my God. That's okay.
I think this is our last visit to CB.

Speaker 3 What made you... Why do you have a CB dictionary? That was my question.
Yeah. Just, I don't know.
Maybe someone gave it to me as a gift, or I bought it. You know, I love the movie Smoking the Bandit.

Speaker 3 It's one of my favorite movies. Okay.
And so I wanted to... I wanted to be able to speak the patois.
Oh, God.

Speaker 3 Jesus Christ.

Speaker 3 Well, if you're going around

Speaker 3 saying coffee break or bra buster, I just, I can't know what you do. I do think some of these could be better.
10, 10 in the shade, pickle park, and Taylor Made.

Speaker 3 See, that sounds good, but some of these just weren't very good. Well, let's be honest, coffee break for a prostitute.
There's a better way to do that, right? I think coffee break.

Speaker 3 I think coffee break.

Speaker 3 It's a euphemism.

Speaker 3 But what I'm saying is that's a bad idea because coffee is a regular part of what a trucker would be drinking. So, so you can't do that.
And they would want. No.

Speaker 3 That's not, that's a terrible thing to say. Why are you telling other people that you're going on a coffee break?

Speaker 3 Like, why are you telling the other people on the radio that you're going to see a prostitute? Why don't you just do it?

Speaker 3 I think you know, you guys got to put yourself in the mindset of the 70s in the American South, and you're just talking to your buddies on a CB radio, going, I'm going to go on a coffee break 10-4, come back.

Speaker 3 Let's say I'm going to go hire a prostitute,

Speaker 3 and then I'm going to have some coffee afterwards with said prostitute.

Speaker 3 My old college roommate,

Speaker 3 Tom Crowe, Jesus, who's that? He came out of nowhere. His sister.
Hey, what's your handle there, good buddy?

Speaker 3 Just shut the fuck up. Snowcap.
Yeah, no. Snowcap.
My old college roommate, Tom Crowe, his sister, her job is coordinating long-haul truckers.

Speaker 3 I can ask her how much of these are still in use today because she talks to a lot of truckers. That sounds good.
Yeah, find out if there are a lot of truckers out there taking coffee breaks.

Speaker 3 And you know what this segment really wants? A follow-up segment. Okay.
Yeah, it screams follow-ups. Sorry.
And ask her about VacuSuck.

Speaker 3 Is that the actual name?

Speaker 3 Is that the actual name? From the guy who won't say masturbate. Okay.
No, I can't do it myself, but with machinery.

Speaker 3 Oh, my God.

Speaker 3 Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. With Conan O'Brien, Sonom Obsession, and Matt Gorley.
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