Kaitlin Olson

Sure, we got blue jeans, baseball, bald eagles, but come on! There's really nothing as American as the burger, right? And there's nothing more burger than the Sonic Smasher. Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, this thing is made to order. Hand smashed, angus beef patties, seared to perfection with those incredible crispy edges that make you want to start a slow clap.
You know what I'm talking about? that kind of slow clap

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yes, Sonic,

you brought the... is beef patties seared to perfection with those incredible crispy edges that make you want to start a slow clap.

You know what I'm talking about?

That kind of slow clap where you're like,

yeah, Sonic, you brought the Sonic Smasher.

Then there's the layered melty cheese

crinkle cut pickles and onions too.

On top of it all?

On my mind splitting,

try the Sonic Smasher as a double.

Or why not?

God forgive us all.

A triple.

Make the Sonic Smasher

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Hi, my name is Caitlin Olson and I feel

apprehensive about being Conan O'Brien's friend. Hey there.
Welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. I'm the aforementioned Conan O'Brien, joined by some of Sessian.
Hi. Matt Gourley.
Hi. I feel like we're already rocketing through 2025.
Really? Yeah. Just rocketing through it.
What do you mean? Just rocketing through. Could you explain what the hell you're talking about? Time accelerates, is what I'm telling you.
The more experience you've had in life, the less each single moment registers in your brain. So time actually accelerates.
By the time I'm done speaking, we'll all be dead. I don't want to die with you.
No offense. That's the worst thing anyone's ever said to me.
What a terrible thing to say. I'm sorry, just my wife, my daughter.
Oh, come on. They've seen enough of you.
You may be the death of me. Yes.
There you go. No, I just think 2025, man.
Yeah, man. Love it, yeah.
We did it. We did it.
We did it. We're just starting.
We haven't done anything. Oh, it's just beginning.
Oh, okay. It's just starting.
2025. Yeah.
We're a quarter of the way into this century. That's crazy.
That's madness. We're in like a sci-fi year.
2025 sounds like a future year. Doesn't it? Yeah.
You know, I used to think that the year 2000 sounded like a long time. This is when I was a kid.
People would talk about the year 2000. And then we did a bit.
Robert Smigel, he came up with this idea for a bit called Year 2000, which we did in 1988 at the Victory Garden Theater in Chicago. And then a couple of years later, when I got the late night show, we did it on the late night show in the year 2000.
And still in 1993, it's getting a little squirrely then, but the year 2000 did feel like this kind of funny distant future. And then I'll never forget, it was 1999 and we were getting close to the year 2000 and we're doing the bit in the year 2000 and we didn't know what to do.
I remember this. We didn't know what to do.
And we were thinking, what do we do? And we were thinking maybe La Bamba could sing in the distant future. Oh, weird.

And we were thinking, what do we do? And we were thinking maybe La Bamba could sing, in the distant future. Oh, weird.
In the distant. And we were like, no.
And then we said, we're just going to stick with in the year 2000. And you talked about this on the show, right? Because I remember watching this.
And then, sure enough, Sting would be on the show, and it would be 2005. And I'd say, you know, hey, maybe we should look to the future.
And Andy had left at that point. So Sting, I'd do it with like whoever the celebrity was.
And Sting would come through the curtain and go, the future, Conan? And I'd say, yes, Sting, all the way to the year 2000. And it's 2005.
Talk about, we just didn't deal with it. And so, but I remember when I was a kid, there was a show on starring Martin Landau.
And I think his co-star was Barbara Bain. I think it was a show that was made in England and it was called Space 1999.
And it was the same thing where it was the 70s and this syndicated show would come on. And this is back when nothing was on television.
And so whenever something came on, you watched it. And I remember thinking, oh, wow, Space 1999.
And everyone on that show wore what looked to be like what they'd give you to wear on first class if you were going on a transatlantic flight. Everybody.
And I thought. Somehow mixed with tennis leisure.
Yes. Yes.
Exactly. So I just thought in the future, we're all going to be very comfortable.
And we're going to live on the moon. And the future, of course, came along.
And really the big cars kind of looked pretty much the same.

They didn't rust, but they kind of operated the same.

There's still a steering wheel.

You're still driving on the same roads.

You're not up in the air like they told us they would be.

Real difference is that radio just turned to podcasting. Yes, exactly.

The only thing that really changed all this stuff they told us, ray guns, we're going to be living on different planets.

None of that happened

no one talked about you'll have a personal computer in your pocket and it will also be a yes but who no one none of us thought of no and if you were told kind of did they had their little like you know oh spock had a tricorder well i'm famously i'm a star wars guy Okay, well, I'm a Star Trek guy.

And what I love is that Spock had-

Neither one of them. Oh, Spock had a tricorder.
Well, famously, I'm a Star Wars guy. Okay, well, I'm a Star Trek guy.
Okay. And what I love is that Spock had- I'm a neither one guy.
Spock had- I'm a not nerd guy. Spock had what looked like maybe an AM FM radio, but it had a little screen on it.
And whenever they would go on the planet, it was a device that just did everything called a tricorder or something. And he would just be like, they'd be like, Spock, what's up? And he'd be like, well, according to this, my tricorder, we're going to have a conflict with a major character in about eight minutes, you know, or, I mean, basically it could tell you what you're having for lunch.
It could, it could supply whatever the writers needed it to supply. Have you ever heard about in the Phantom Menace, you know, the first Star Wars prequel, Qui-Gon Jim played by Liam Neeson has this little- First of all, I could have finished this whole sentence for you.
But yeah, Qui-Gon Jim played by Liam Neeson. Qui-Gon Jim.
What? Qui-Gon Jim. Yes.
Even I know that. Isn't it? There's no normal names in any of the names.
Yeah, Qui-Gon Jim. It's Qui-Gon Jim.
Who's popping the cores? Meet Glimgorp Henry. And Scaliabalow Sally.
Anyway. He has this little machine to test Anakin's midichlorian count.
Don't get into it. And it's made from a woman's shaving razor.
Oh, wait a minute. So George Lucas just said, we need a device.
I just took this from my wife's shower. Basically, yeah.
Oh, no. Yeah.
Okay. That's pretty great, huh? What year was Back to the Future the future? What year was that? Yeah, that just happened recently.
Blay, you've got to know that. You've got to know.
What? When he goes to the future and Back to the Future, what year is that? It just happened not too long ago. Oh, I think it's...
I do think it's 2023, maybe. But I wanted to bring up...
There's another thing, the Sonic Screwdriver. Nobody here is a Doctor Who fan, right? Because I'm a Doctor Who fan.
Sonic screwdriver. I wish Harrison Ford was here right now to tell you to shut the fuck up.
You just took us down. That's also a thing that does everything.
Eduardo? It was 2015. 2015 was when we were supposed to have hoverboards? 10 years ago.
10 years ago. Come on.
We really dropped the ball. Yeah.
No, no. I think there should be a Senate investigation into why we're not flying around.
Because Blade Runners also happened time-wise too, right? Because they had flying cars in that. No, every future sci-fi movie.
I mean, now they're smart enough to say, in the year 4572, they've picked a time

when clearly humans

will no longer be on the plane.

Alien was always good about that.

They were far, far into the future.

Right.

Early sci-fi,

if you listen to old radio shows

that were made in the 1930s,

they'll say,

by 1948.

And my favorite is,

I listened to one once

where they called robot was still a new word and they called it rubbit. Robot.
Yeah. Rubbit.
There'll be a rubbit and the rubbit will be a mechanical man. Named Qui-Gon Jim.
Named Qui-Gon Jim, who will open the mayonnaise can for you. It was all very pedestrian.
I will say, Eduardo just looked up the movie Her, which is everybody has an AI girlfriend, takes place this year, 2025. And we kind of do all have AI girls.
We're finally getting a mistress then. Really? Oh, wow.
What are you talking about? Don't talk about her that way. It's a victimless crime.
Yeah. What do you mean? What are you talking about? He had a really special relationship with that AI.

Yeah, but he didn't cheat on any,

but not with another person.

And that's allowed,

the Bible allows an exception if it's an AI girlfriend.

Oh, come on.

The Bible doesn't say,

thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's AI image.

The Bible, we got around the Bible finally.

I can covet all I want.

As long as it's made of pixels and hexels.

Oh, God.

What, did I get something wrong?

Yeah, hexels?

Did that cover it?

Look at the hexels.

Mixels and glaxels?

Let me just refer you to this rap sign.

Oh, wow.

Look at that.

It's handwritten.

How quaint.

Clearly, you've not visited the year 2000. Oh, no.
I was in haste. All right, let's get into it.
My guest today is a terrific actress you know from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia and Hacks. There were many years, Sona, where I would pass you at your desk and I couldn't get you to do a goddamn thing because you were watching It's Always Sunny on your computer.
Yes, I was.

Well, now she stars in the hit series High Potential, which releases new episodes Tuesdays

on ABC and next day on Hulu.

We're thrilled she's here today.

We adore her.

Caitlin Olsen, welcome.

I've been acting like a fool since you came in the building. Yeah, a lot of dad jokes so far.
I don't remember that from the podcast. That was my A material.
Oh, no. From 70 years ago.
A. No, I've been so goofy around you for a reason.
I'm a massive fan, and I got giddy. And so then this tall drink of water comes walking in and I'm doing shtick left and right.
And I've made a complete fool of myself. You really did.
And you know what? I apologize, but it came from a place of great admiration and some drinking about an hour ago. I'll allow it.
I like that. I like I like the explanation.
I'm thrilled you're here and I want to start by acknowledging you have a crazy stalker fan here. Oh.
In the form of Sona Mopsesia. Why did you do that to her? Say it like stalker fan.
I'm a fan. I don't stalk you.
That's okay. I haven't seen her peeking around in my bushes.
Oh, okay. But not of mine.
But not your stalker. That's fine.
I'm fine with both. Only Don Cheadle.
It's true. It's just the guy I'm throwing in on the audio lately.
The point is that a number of years ago, I was aware of Always Sunny when it was first starting up and I would catch the show here and there

and I always think

this is really funny.

I like these people.

I like what they're doing

but a lot of other stuff

is going on

and then I would come to work

and Sona's desk,

Sona, my assistant,

was a shrine

to Always Sunny.

It wasn't a shrine.

No, just let him do it.

Just let him do it.

I like it.

I had a picture of the cast.

You talked about it

all the time.

You're making me sound

like a creeper.

I had a picture of the cast. You talked about it all the time.

You're making me sound like a creeper. I had a picture of the cast, and sometimes I would watch it at work when I should have been doing things for him.

So he's a little resentful about it.

But that's what got me more into the show because I would be asking Sona, you know those pills I need for my heart to keep me alive?

And she'd say, whatever, I'm busy. And then I would see that she was watching Always Sunny at work.
Right. Important.
Yeah. Yeah.
Right. So then we flash forward to my children, my son and my daughter get to a certain age.
And I will say this about my kids. I don't brag about them much because I'm not a fan.
But they have excellent, excellent, excellent comedy taste. And they started from the beginning and they started binge watching Always Sunny.
And then they pulled Liza and I into it. And as a family, we started from the beginning and we knew that soon, like they're both going off to to college we watched all of them all of them i have not missed a one wow and i was delighted because it's such an original comedic voice uh and voices it's just coming at everything from a different angle and it's just delightful and so that's where a lot of my giddiness came from today it's true it's absolutely 100 true and um and then if you'd have the gall to go on and have all this other success outside of sunny uh i think is i think it's too much oh too much success yeah i thought I mean, you hit it out of the park.
Just be the girl on the one funny show. Go home and take care of your kids.
Exactly. I get it.
But then you're on Hacks and you're fantastic on that show. Although your name on that show is eerily similar to J.D.
Vance. God, that was so...
We were like, are you... First of all, I came along

first. You were first.
I've never heard of this man.

Right. I could not

believe it. You're first and you're DJ Vance?

DJ Vance. Oh my God.
And anyone

who's watching it later is going to go,

oh, what a corny take on J.D.

Vance. Nope.
No.

It stands for Debra Jr.

Yeah. And, um, yeah.

Well, his name is Jebra Jr. Oh, oh.
Well, then we did copy him. Yeah.
Debra Jr. Yeah.
And yeah. Well, his name is Jebra Jr.
Oh, well, then we did copy him. Yeah.
Jebra Jr. And then we're going to discuss your new show, which I watched yesterday, which is getting insane over the top reviews.
Again, something I resent. Didn't seem unmentioned of me anywhere on these reviews because I'm not in the show and I'm not involved in any way but High Potential which is an adaptation of a French show it's a great idea and you're fantastic in it thank you and what I like about it is that it is a good someone I was trying to think about it after this was like it's I wouldn't say it's a comedy it comedy.
It's a funny and at times very funny show that's a very good crime show and really smart. Thank you.
And I thought everyone wants to label something now and say, well, my wife said to me afterwards, she's like, is it a comedy? And I said, it's not a comedy. It is not.
It's definitely not a comedy. But you get to be very funny in it.

And some of the situations are very funny.

But it's also an excellent kind of one of those crime shows that is building a Rubik's Cube and solving it in front of you.

Yeah.

Which was really cool.

Yeah.

Thank you.

I appreciate that.

That was the goal is to really make sure that you believed the world and bought in to the fact that there was something urgent and bad happening. And that wasn't going to happen if the rest of the world was funny.
Right. So, yeah.
And also, I was like, only I get to be funny on this show. You want me to do it? Only I will utter funny things.
I have made that rule here at the podcast many times. They're breaking it.
And it just doesn't seem to happen. No, they are breaking it.
Yeah. I got to come up with more good shtick at the top.
There were a couple of things that I realized about you today that I didn't know before, which is that you lived on Vashon Island. I did.
My wife is from Seattle. Oh, she is? Yes.
And so I have wandered those islands and spent time on Vashon. And that's a very, and also Portland.
That's a very special, specific part of the country. Yes.
It's very Pacific Northwest. My parents were hippies.
My mom's an herbalist. We like went fishing for salmon on the island for dinner.
Yeah. And then we moved to like outside, you say Portland, which is like, that was the big city 20 minutes away.
We lived in Tigard, Oregon.

And if you were hungry, you went outside and grabbed some whatever was ripe. Wash it off with a hose.
Yeah. So when I.
We were very, you know, it was just the four of us living off the land. When I met my wife, she had moved to New York and she'd grown up in Seattle and, you know, she'd only been in New York a short time and we start dating.
And then I'm going to, oh, we're, we're invited to an event. I'm doing the late night show and I invite, you know, my, this new woman I've met who I'm in love with, like, oh, I'm going to bring her to this event.
And she would say, okay, let's go. And she only had fleece.
And you'd be like, I've got this. Patagonia.
Yeah, I've got this. My Timberland boots.
I can put on this nicer fleece. And I'm like, it's kind of black tie.
Like, I'm wearing a tux. And she's like.
I've got sandals. Yeah.
I can can put on the good sandals and it was there was a moment where i was like we need to we need to talk work we need to talk about the fleece only not everything's a fleece vest and a baseball cap yeah that's right but the other thing too was um i would say i'm irish catholic boston so everything for me and sona has witnessed this many times, which is I need to eat a massive ham sandwich. I've tried to change.
I think I have changed, but my go-to is always a meal involves a massive piece of ham and potato and mayonnaise. And it has to be this big thing that you then sit around and digest like a bank vault in your stomach.
Yeah, that was Rob too. Yeah.
I retrained him. Yes.
So my wife, I'd show up at the time, she was my girlfriend, and I would show up at her tiny apartment and I would say, hey. I brought a ham.
And I'd say like, yeah, I'd say, I'm wearing a ham. I had a hat that was made that just had hams around it.
I would show up at her apartment and say like, hey, Eliza, I'm really hungry. Are you hungry? And she'd say, I ate.
And I'd say, oh, you ate? And she'd be like, yep. I had half a pear.
And then I had some walnuts. And then I had some antioxidant juice.
Oh, yeah. I got to meet this lady.
Pacific Northwest. I bet her gut health is just top shelf.

Well, she's a massive fan of yours, so she would be thrilled to meet you someday.

But you say that you had to retrain Rob.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It was just all, first of all, I don't know that fresh vegetables existed on the East Coast.

I think it was just all cans and frozen stuff, apparently.

I never saw a vegetable, I think, until after Reagan was in office. Right.
I didn't believe him. I was like, that's not possible.
Like it's, it's, but no, it was all, they had like, you know, lima beans and steak and always, always a potato of some kind. Yes.
God forbid you leave the potato out and meet a potato and some bagged bagged, rewarmed vegetable. That's interesting.
How long did it take to retrain Rob? Not long because I love cooking. He was like, oh, what's this? One time I asked if he liked eggplant because I was going to do an eggplant Parmesan.
He was like, no, I was going to do some eggplant thing that wasn't eggplant Parmesan. I just ruined the whole story.
He was like, yeah, I love eggplant i was like great so i made so i don't remember what it was we were still dating it was 800 years ago um yeah it was before the printing press yeah that's right and uh he ate it and he just wasn't eating i was like what you don't like eggplant he was like i swear this is not what eggplant tasted like when i was growing up and he had had eggplant parmesan, just like beaten to a pulp and just mostly fried breading. Yes.
It's breading and cheese. Yeah.
I was like, that's not the eggplant part. Yeah.
No, no, no. That's the heart attack part.
If you hit a vegetable in heart attack sauce, I was fine with it. You know, everyone is.
Yeah, everyone is. But it's just now he loves a fresh vegetable, I will say and i've completely changed yeah it's the same i mean this is interesting i i was i wanted to talk about this initially just for saying because it i realized we've had a similar experience um but i had the same thing happen to me which is now i'm like i would like a salad please, please.
You're opposite. Yeah.
Him too.

He's like, he'll look at what his friends back East eat

and he's just like, how are they not all dead?

And why are they wondering why I look good and they don't?

Right.

They all look like 75 year old men.

Doughy.

I love them.

I want to make that clear.

I love all of them. I want to make that clear.
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I'm trying to become Will Arnett,

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He's like,

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That's good. Isn't that nice? It starts the moment you take off with free in-flight Wi-Fi, so you can stream your favorite show on the go.
Obviously, that would be this show, I would think. Yeah, you go in a plane and then you stream your podcast? If I'm anxious about a flight, the thing that calms me is seeing myself.
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That's a lot of people. Thanks, Sonia.
Sorry, that was my contribution to this. Wow.
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That's betterhelp.com slash Conan. Can I geek out on It's Always Sunny for a second and ask, how much improvisation are you guys doing? First of all, it's the 17th season.
Yeah. Really weird.
Really strange. Because it all began so improbably.
And I know you've talked about it a million times, but you literally just went out, which is my favorite comedy is Let's Make Ourselves Happy. And now it's 17 years later.
Yeah, that's a good life lesson. That philosophy goes towards auditioning, too.
I was always auditioning before that, you know, reading the description of the character and trying to figure out exactly what they wanted and going in and doing an audition that I hoped that it was what they were looking for. It doesn't work like that.
You got to go and like do your best version of whatever you think it is and make yourself like I, my, it turned into my only goal rather than like going over the lines in my head 8 million times was just have fun. Just have fun.
Do you say a couple different words? Who cares? It's fine. Just have fun.
It's the only way it works. And then I started booking stuff because you didn't really make other people happy.
It doesn't, that's not possible. There's too many of them.
We all start out in that situation where we're trying to make someone happy and you're told, yeah, they, someone, it went to someone else and you think it's a judgment on you. Totally.
When it really isn't. Not at all.
Because in this town, in this business, I was trying to explain to people, they're seeing 10,000 people and you might have come in and nailed it in some way. Absolutely.
But you're a little taller. Or more often than not, they've already offered it to someone else.
Yeah. You're going in and spending days working on this thing, blow drying your hair, putting makeup on, driving to that lot, walking across the lot in 100 degree heat.
You look like shit by the time you get there. You do your best.
And all the while, they're just waiting to get a phone call that the person they offered to is accepting or rejecting. And then they've got backups that they're going to keep offering it.
And then if no one accepts it, then they're going to turn to these auditions it's crazy there were so many auditions where i was like i felt so good about that and plenty of auditions that i hated because i just i would get anxious and be weird like that's not what i was meaning to do um yeah but now being on the other side of it i'm like oh yeah you've already offered it to someone else we We auditioned like thousands of people to be Conan O'Brien on Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend when we knew all along it was going to be me. That's so mean.
Everybody had to do their hair like that. And I was behind a one-way mirror and I was just laughing.
Yeah. We were earnestly trying to replace you.
I was just laughing and drinking caramel out of a big pitcher. Warm caramel and laughing.
And it was running down my face. Bring in the next one.
Why? I don't know. I'm broken inside.
Caramel or caramel? I'm a caramel person. What did you say? Caramel.
Caramel. Is anybody caramel?

I think I say caramel unless I think about it.

Not caramel.

That's a city.

I think I know.

I think I even say that.

But if I think about it, I'll say it right.

Same with crayon and crayon.

Oh, no, I'm caramel.

No idea.

I'm caramel.

No, no, no.

I'm not the city.

I'm the candy.

I'm the toffee.

Wait a minute.

You're saying it correct.

I understand what you're saying.

I don't know what's happening with you. You're saying, I say caramel.
No, he wants caramel. Caramel.
Crayon differently? There we go. I don't even hear the difference.
He says caramel. I think I'm saying that because I'm conscious of it, but I say what you say.
And that goes for life. You know what? This is going to end up being the...
Caramel. This will be the moment that trends.
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
You're going to get a lot of feedback. By the way, I have a strong feeling I'm wrong.
I think it might be caramel. It's caramel.
It's caramel. All right.
Or it's caramel. Everyone's nodding.
Maybe it's probably an East Coast. What do you say? East Coast, West Coast? I say caramel.
Caramel. That's weird.
I'm upset. I think we're done.
Caramel. I think I should go.
Am I saying that weird? No, you sound great. I say things weird.
You sound great. Weirdly.
Weirdly. Weirdly.
Thank you. I can't.
No. I say things weirdly.
Like I have a hard G at the end of my words. Yeah.
Oh, do you say everything? Everything. Oh.
Everything. Everything.
Yeah. Everything.
Everything. Wrong.
Wrong. She says, oh, you're wrong-ga.
Oh. And it just drives me crazy.
Because first of all, I'm never wrong-ga. Right, because you're never wrong-ga.
It's wrong to say wrong wrong-ga. All right, listen.
Let's just move on. As the captain, I have to pile us back into safer waters.
Okay, thank you. Thank you, Captain.
I'm the next Conan O'Brien. I do think that there is a beautiful lesson to It's Always Sunny, which is you it's like minded people got together and said, we're going to make something that doesn't fit any mold.

We are going to please ourselves.

I don't think this is going to work, but we like doing this.

And it became and the other thing is it cannot be copied.

Right.

No one else can do what you guys are doing.

And there's so many different levels to it. It's i mean because it's rob charlie and glenn i mean it's just like and i just feel like i absolutely hit the jackpot on that show it's exactly what you said is how i feel i mean we we go in there we have directors and a lot of them are our friends and they're wonderful but at the end of the day somebody else cut and we just gather and like what we like and you keep that and you keep that and i'll do this and then we go again yeah and it's it's great well my as i said my kids uh have they have superb comedy taste and clearly no no they really no i'm i mean i could list all the shows they like and it's their, they take it really seriously.
They don't watch my stuff, which again, they're batting a thousand, but they, there's so many things that just kill them. One was that I think you guys, the gang had some idea and one of you said, who's it against? Yeah, yeah.
And it wasn't against anybody. We couldn't take that.
None of you can understand the idea of it's not against somebody. Whose face are we shoving it into? Yes, exactly.
And it's, I don't know, it's such a funny, I know those characters so well now and it is such a funny conceit that they will unite to defeat and humiliate someone else. Yeah.
But someone could have a brilliant plan where you guys make a billion dollars. But if it's not against somebody, no one's in.
No, it's not interesting. Yeah.
So. Oh, so stupid.
I love it so much. I'm very impressed with your kids.
And I have a newly 14-year-old now who's been sneaking scripts and reading them for years. And we will pull up clips that he can watch, but he's so...
And now he's just like, I mean, he's 14. So now he's seen probably half the episodes.
He's completely obsessed. But not mature enough to be able to go out into the world and speak like that.
So he'll say things and I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh boy, we fine-tune this, and one day you will be so funny.
But that's not something to say at school. And Dennis, please, let me explain.
He's probably a rapist and murderer. But it's funny because, oh, God.
Yeah, there's just like times where it's not even explained why something will happen and Danny DeVito's character will, like, a gun will drop out. Oh, yeah.
And you're like, why did he have a gun? And it's not addressed why he had a gun. It's not necessary.
No, it just fell. Yeah, there's so many different layers there.
And I do think I had this thought a long time ago when I was as the old man here. When I was young, the show that really lit me up was SCTV because they put, you know, SNL was the big thing.
And then SCTV was this other show that they really crafted. And it had all these different layers.
And they put all these little smart, weird runners in there that you had to pick up on and they didn't even know that anybody in America was watching it we only saw it because it bounced off of a antenna in Buffalo New York and we managed to get it at my dad at my grandfather's little cottage in Miss Kwamacut and my brothers and I would watch it and go this is it's something that always Sunny does and certain shows do it where they put these little things in there.

And I think they're talking to me.

Yes.

Yeah, they are.

Yeah, exactly.

And it's a conversation.

You guys are having a conversation with me as a viewer and I feel not only respected,

but like you're pulling me in on the secret.

Yeah.

Which is a beautiful thing.

Yeah.

I love that.

Charlie does that a lot.

We'll just improvise some kind of throwaway thing. That's like a current event thing that it's just so funny and it gets left in there and we don't ever explain it has nothing to do with the episode and it's just that's what i think of when when you say that it's like someone's going to pick up on that and understand what he's talking about or he'll just make a quick reference to something from 60 seasons ago that somebody like some people will get but the intelligent part I think, is what's so great.
Because there are a lot of comedies that make me laugh. A lot of character-driven stuff that I admire the character someone's doing.
But the writing is so smart. And I can tell when someone hasn't seen it if they have something negative to say about it, usually online.
Because they didn't get it. It's like, no, no, no.
You watched a clip and you think you know what it is. Because we're making a commentary.
Yes, yes. A bunch of dumb, narcissistic psychopaths.
But the writers are making a commentary. So either you're too dumb or you didn't watch the episode.
I think it's cool to get to a place, which you've clearly gotten to, where you can have your cake and eat it too. mean between hacks and always sunny and this i mean you've you've gotten to really own this comedy space and then there's some part of you that said i'd like to do this that is not it's not a comedy you're i don't you can't not be funny in things and you are yes character is funny but it all off the character yeah she's human she's human yeah and um and the other characters I play really aren't human I mean they're not multi-faceted characters this is just a um there's a way to still be a a grounded hard-working woman with children and be funny I think I can I can quickly set up.
It's a terrific idea for a show. I know it's adapted from this French show, but the series, and this isn't giving away too much, but it opens with you getting up at four in the morning.
We don't know what you do. It's clear you don't have a lot of money.
You go to work and you're getting dressed and you're getting a big trash can and cleaning supplies. And it's clear that, oh, you're a woman who cleans up in the middle of the night.
And then it's revealed. It's clear that you're cleaning up at a bullpen in a police station.
And then you knock into a box and all this stuff spills over. And you're just cleaning it up.
Jerk the headphones off. Music stops.
Jerk the headphones off. And you're just going to clean up this stuff and it's evidence.
And your character has a gift. You're cleaning, but you also need to make sense of things.
And you're highly intelligent and you start just quickly. And it basically leads to your character is very good and is kind of a savant at seeing these patterns and you start to help the police kind of against their will.
Oh, yeah. Get up and go to their case board and cross off suspect and right victim under one woman's picture.
Yeah. I always think pilots are next to impossible.
They're so hard. Because in a pilot episode, you need to lay out so much information that there's so many times that I've watched pilots and it's ding dong.
Hello. Hi, I'm here.
I'm your neighbor. Remember me? Yeah, I'm your neighbor.
And guess what? We don't like each other, you know? I don't like you since that time you stole that, you know, whatever, because you know how you like to steal things.

I guess I'm the stealer. And then music.
No, but that's a show I actually wrote. Oh, I'm sorry.
She was laughing because she thought it was so funny. It's funny, right? Ran nine years on WB slash UPN.
but anyway when they were united

I made hundreds of dollars

on this And nine years on WB slash UPN. But anyway, when they were united,

I made hundreds of dollars on the Steeler.

But this pilot is a very good episode.

I wanted people to want to come back.

I tune into stuff all the time where I'm like,

yeah, it was great.

And then I don't have a desire to come back

for whatever reason.

And I wanted you to really fall in love with this woman

And back like you I could tune into stuff all the time where I'm like yeah it's great and then I don't have a desire to come back for whatever reason and I wanted you to really fall in love with this woman and who she is and be compelled to figure out because I drop a thing at the end of the first episode and I want people to buy into that and yeah figure out what is that all about yeah and I have to say Drew Goddard wrote that script and I was not interested when they came to me and wanted to have lunch. I was like, ABC, hour long drama.
No, thank you. And my agent was like, no, you're going to go have lunch with them.
And I was like, what did you just say? He was like, it's good. You're going to read it and you're going to have lunch.
I'm going to make you because I think you're going to really want to do it. I just had no interest in, first of all, working for a network.
I'm very spoiled on FX. They let us do whatever we want and say whatever we want.
And I have a hard time with executives who aren't creatives telling me what I can and can't do because, again, it goes back to, it's all fine and it works. And a lot of people are fine with that.
I just am so blessed to be in a position where I want to show up and have fun with my life that's at home and at work. I don't want to do something that is, I just want everything to be great or just I'll wait and wait until something comes along that I can make special.
So I was very gun shy. And then I read his script and was like, oh, I think I'm in.
And then I have to point out that Alethea Jones directed that episode and she was absolutely incredible. So one of the ways that you see my character solve things is what we call Morgan vision and kind of these like flashes of what she's putting together in her brain.
I was really nervous about those because I was like, my mind went to like a horrible reenactment on a bad A&E crime show where there's like someone who kind of looks like the murderer walking up. I was like, oh God, I just was very scared of the Morgan vision stuff.
And I told her that and she was like, that's the stuff I'm most excited about. And I was like, okay, walk me through that.
She just did such a tremendous job with that pilot. Also, some of the imagined recreations are really funny.
Yeah. Yeah.
You know, because it's just what's going on in her. Yeah.
Your mind, you're thinking of serious things like how a murder happened. happened yeah then there are these asides where you're thinking of other possibilities that are actually really good sight gags that are funny and they're quick just yeah really quick it's interesting to me because i would think what you want to do it's that old phrase like you're playing with house money and i think sometimes in sports if if a team has if they know that they've they've got, if they know that they're going to the Super Bowl or something, they play differently because they, or conversely, if they feel like we got nothing to lose.
And it's nice probably to be in a part of your career where you feel like, yeah, I want to have fun. I want to have a good time.
Yeah. There's quite a freedom and knowing that I really would walk away if it was not up to the quality that I wanted to put out there.
Because that's not like a threat. It's just really like, no, thanks.
I mean, thank you so much for thinking of me, but I don't, yeah, yeah. It would be perfect if you walked out on this podcast right now.
Oh, yeah, I should have done that. And away from my TV show.
And guess what? This is not up to mine. Yeah, yeah.
It's not too late. We still have 10 minutes.
I was just going to say. Then we could put in a car starting noise.
Oh, yeah. Tires screeching.
Me calling my agent. It's interesting because when you put something out in the world and you're seen a certain way, fans react to you in a certain way.
And and for so many years as d people know you a certain way oh yeah and that is not who you are no but i've but i i heard this anecdote once that uh the three stooges the actual people who were the three stooges that you know the mo howard and larry and when they would go out in the world people who were fans would come up and slap them slap them hit them and do the eye poke get your fingers away from my eyes because they they were like no no I love you hey Curly I love you and they would and they would jab them in the eyes and it was a huge problem for them but I'm thinking if you're there there's part of D, I mean, you're this very attractive, cool actress. Thanks, Conan.
Well, you know what I mean. No, you're, you're, you're.
I do now. I don't know where Rob is right now, but it feels like he's not showing you the proper attention.
I just, I'm sorry. That's right.
Put it on rub. Yeah.

He's off somewhere eating a potato.

I know.

And I'm here talking to you about how attractive you are and talented as an actor and what a career you've had.

And I don't know.

I don't know if you have that syndrome where people come up to you.

Oh, yeah.

D's a bird.

Shut up bird.

A lot.

A lot of shut up bird.

Mostly shut up.

Yeah. On a daily basis.
And you're like with your kids. Yeah.
They love it. They think it's the best thing in the world.
I bet you've done that. Have you screamed shut up bird? I was going to yell, hey bird, shut up bird when you walked in.
I was like, I shouldn't. I see.
I love it. I wasn't going to do that.
The most fun is when people do it in the comment section of whatever social media. And then I have so many fans jump on it and be like, you think she hasn't heard that before? You know, she's other things that I'm like, I find it hilarious.
It doesn't bother me at all. Calling someone a bird is so not an insult.
It's the stupidest. Don't you love it when people come to your defense on social media for something that didn't need defending? Yes.
I'm like, they're calling me a bird. Who cares? But I was very worried very worried very worried is maybe a little strong but i did have a lot of thoughts about like oh i bet this show this show might let a lot of my sunny fans down or my the mick fans down who just want me to do hard comedy balls to the wall kind of yeah just tell dick and ball jokes all day long and set people on fire you know's all anyone wants from me.
Right. And have men yell at me and call me a bird.
So I was like, oh, I don't know how the general public is going to receive this. I feel like I've got the moms and grandmas with this one.
But people are really liking it, which I'm very happy about. Yeah, the reviews have been Yeah.
Yeah, they really have. And it's okay.

I guess we're all human.

So when you're waiting around.

You need to take a shit.

When you're waiting.

Why do you always

take us into the gutter?

There's something

for the old fans.

There you go, guys.

There you go.

And they're like, hey.

There she's back.

It started to get

real serious there,

but then it was okay again.

Dee is back.

No, but you know, there's this.

The uninitiated or people who wouldn't know would say, oh, by this point, you know, you wouldn't worry what people would say.

Of course you would.

Of course I would.

Oh, yeah.

Well, you must be very happy because people are loving it.

I was, oh, yeah.

Even filming the pilot, between filming the pilot and watching it, when I got it, I didn't watch it right away.

I was so nervous.

I think that's it right away. I was so nervous.
I was just like, I really enjoy being in control and I felt very out of control with this one because it's a different genre, just a lot of trust. And like I said, I mean, I'm just used to 17 seasons on a show where we're all doing it together.
This was me just trusting this woman. And I'm very glad that I did.
She was incredible. But yeah, I care.
I care very much. And I was scared to show it to Rob.
Rob's the harshest critic I've ever met in my life. And when he liked it, I was like, we did it, guys.
We did it. Now, would Rob—okay, this is interesting because this is someone who is your comedic partner, but also your life partner.
Brutally honest. Brutally honest? Brutally honest.
Doesn't matter if we're married. Yeah.
He wouldn't be cruel about it, but he'd say something like... You know what he would do? He would give me a million notes, even though it was already finished and edited.
He would give me so many notes. Right, you're like, no, it's on TV.
We're watching it on television. We're watching it on television right now.
It's airing on ABC right now. He's like, no, no, no, no, no.
Just trust me. Just call the editor.
For reruns. Yeah.
That's right. Never give up.
That's a fascinating dynamic. It's very true.
Yeah. Yeah.
But he liked it. When I show my wife things that we're going to do, I mean, she wouldn't say, oh, that's bad,

but I can tell.

She'd smile and nod. She's got very, you know,

Liza has these beautiful big eyes,

and sometimes.

They get sad.

There's a little sadness in them,

even though she's smiling,

and I know, yeah,

and I'm like, no, this isn't good.

And then she goes to her closet

and pulls out one of 70 fleeces she has now,

because she's rolling in dough. All she did was go get.
Yeah. It's my Gucci fleece.
I love Liza. Gucci fleece.
Liza's great. Yeah, yeah.
She flies to Paris and has fittings and then comes back. And it's still a fleece vest.
And she puts the Patagonia label over the Gucci label. Just smells like perfume.
Yeah, yeah. And then she says, let's go get some cured salmon.
Hang out by the water. Sounds great.
Yeah. Well, that is amazing that you have figured, that you two have that dynamic.
Yeah. Can you do it with him with him can you look at his stuff can you look at rob's stuff and say uh yeah oh good question uh this is gonna sound super lame i i think rob's got incredible taste so there's not really anything he's made that i haven't liked but no that's not my personality i I would find things.
I do that thing where you go see a friend in a play

and you have to find things that you liked about it

because their acting sucked.

And then you just give them those things.

I do that.

I hope you've seen more than one person in a play

because they're going to know.

I've only seen one play in my life.

Oh, no.

Yeah.

It was three weeks ago.

I only have one friend.

And it was her best friend in the world. Oh, no.
Yeah. Jenny Tyler is Gandhi.
Jenny. Jenny.
I shaved my head. What? You have a very round head, Jenny.
That part where you're not eating was really. Probably really good for your diet.
Yeah. Jenny Tyler is gone.
Well, she is. It's playing on Highland.
Go see it. Don't see it.
It's at the Coronet Theater. Check it out.
Well, it is a delight. It's a delight.
It's my, my favorite thing is when I'm,

and I've said this a million times, but there are days where I'm coming in to talk to somebody who

I am a big fan of and kind of giddy to see. And I also know that first thing I'm going to be doing

when I get home is texting, uh, you know, my kids and saying, guess who I was with today? And then I get points. So I am the best compliment.
Seriously. Yeah.
And you know what? The show probably premiered before Beckett was even born. Well, that's that's the other thing.
That's the other thing, too, is that my daughter's 21. My son is newly 19.
And they I always liked evergreen comedy. I always liked comedy that doesn't,

that doesn't live off of this happened today.

And we're commenting on it.

That was my favorite stuff.

And I always wanted to make stuff that maybe would be funny if someone

found it 30 years later,

definitely.

It's always sunny.

The fact that my kids are binge watching it and to know every single twist

and turn.

What's the family you guys have the, the rivalry McCoyles. Yes.
Oh my God. The best.
It's the best. Oh God, they're the best.
It's real. The episodes where you realize at the end, it's them and they just run away.
Whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop. Anyway, this, okay.
None of this adds up. So stupid.
It's so stupid, but my life has been spent trying to prove to people that there is an intersection between stupid and smart and it comes and goes and it's hard to find and it's like the Northwest Passage many lives have been lost looking for it but I believe in it with all my heart and it's hard to do and so when you find it it find it, it's special. So that's a big compliment.
Thank you. Well, congratulations on your new show, High Potential.
And I watched it on Hulu. Yeah, you should.
And is Hulu the one, or it's also on ABC? ABC and Hulu the next day. Yeah.
It's just very smart and fun to watch and fun to watch your character who is also very funny but grounded in reality figuring all this stuff out and uh i'm a true i'm a crime fan so when you were putting down these true detective shows yes these recreation shows i live off of those good good good good same and one of my it really is my compliment, which is happening a lot now because we're in our 17th season, where grownups will come and say, my kids are now old enough to watch Sunny and we watch it together as a family. And it's our show that we watch as a family.
And now that my kids are 12 and 14, I'm like, oh, I get it. There's only like a, I feel like there's only a couple more years left where we will all want to watch stuff together.
and're just holding on to it and i'm like whatever show you guys want they're like yes let's get popcorn and watch it up on the couch together we are uh i was shocked because my wife uh who is an amazing mom did an incredible job was so sensible and really careful about no no they they can't eat this because i did read that it has a little bit of zinc in it she and i really need to be best yeah yeah but but and she also but she very quickly uh said no always sunny the kids can watch always sunny it's it's fine and then she without my knowledge or permission she hyper jumped to veep oh and i come home and she and my daughter and my son are watching Veep. Without you? Well, yeah.
I wasn't there. I was doing something.
I was out alley-cattin'. You know me.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love it.
A guy with needs. I understand.
A man, you know, whatever. She's over there talking about minuscule levels of zinc.
Yeah. It's very unattractive.
Yeah. So anyway, I'm out doing what a guy does.
Yep. And Rob knows what I'm talking about.
And so, because I see him at the same pub. Sure, sure.
We high five. And, no, but I come on there watching and Veep, Veep is, there's whole runs in Veep, which is like, I'm going to take your balls and shove them up your asshole so far that you choke on the cum that comes out your ears and dribbles down your, you know, it's like insane.
And she was like, yeah, but it's funny. And I'm like, it is funny.
But I told Julia Louis-Dreyfus, who I know, I told her like, you know, Liza's letting the kids watch Veep. And she's like, what?

I know.

I know.

Veep is another step beyond.

It's a step up.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, listen, you opened the floodgates with Sunny.

What was she supposed to do?

I think you guys were.

The starter show.

You guys were the drug.

A very good drug, by the way.

Oh, yeah.

An excellent drug.

Very addictive.

That gave them a powerful but safe high.

Mm-hmm.

And then she went on to crack.

She went to fentanyl.

Yeah, she went to fentanyl.

Thank you so much

for coming in.

Thanks for having me.

An absolute joy to see you.

So fun.

And my best to Rob

and to the gang

that's making the show

and tell them I say hello.

I will.

And thank you so much

for going down into the mines

and making such good stuff for all of us.

You're the best.

I'm not leaving.

Let's just do another hour.

Okay.

Hour number two.

We talk about what's going on in the world.

Oh, God.

And it gets really dark.

I gotta go.

Okay, no hour two.

Thank you so much for being here.

Thank you for having me. HBO's biggest series, The Last of Us, returns with a new season on Mac, starring Pedro Pascal and Bella Ramsey.
The show picks up five years after the events of the first season as Joel and Ellie are drawn into conflict with each other in a world even more dangerous and unpredictable than the one they left behind.

CNN calls The Last of Us exquisite,

fully realized, and worthy of the hype.

And The Daily Beast calls it a riveting

and suspenseful triumph.

I did really like the first season.

Based on the groundbreaking video game,

the Emmy-winning HBO original series,

The Last of Us,

premieres Sunday, April 13th at 9 p.m. on Max.

Hey, Sona.

Pretty recently I got together with a bunch of my chums.

Yeah. What did you guys do? Guys I went

to college with. We all played football

together.

Don't laugh at that. That's real.

Sorry.

It was one of those little table games of football.

It's actually a video game.

Simulated football. And it was the 80s so it wasn't a very good game.
Anyway, it was a good time. We got together.
We had a good time. It's really nice to get together with people.
And I got to say, from game nights to parties with friends or special anniversaries, celebrating important occasions means more moments with the coolest people in your life. I want to say cheers to 50 years of Miller Lite, the greatest tasting light beer for people who love beer since 1975.
And now the perfect time to celebrate legendary stories with friends, family, and a great tasting light beer. You know what I call this? What? I call it Miller time.
I came up with that. It's the 50th anniversary of Miller Lite.
Can you believe it? I can't. It's the perfect beer for beer lovers.
Doesn't fill you up. You always know what you're getting when you crack open a Miller Lite.
Yeah, it's crisp. It's crisp.
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You can have it with ice cream. You can have it with a corn cob soup.
Doesn't matter. Miller Lite, great taste, 96 calories.
Go to MillerLite.com slash Conan to find delivery options near you. Or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer.
You know what time it is? Ding dong, it's Miller time.

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Miller Brewing Company,

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96 calories

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I was cleaning out

some stuff

in my office

the other day

and I found that

I had this

CB dictionary.

Oh my God.

I'm not surprised.

Make sure that we

enunciate CB.

Yeah.

It sounded a little bit

like CD for a second.

Thank you. in my office the other day, and I found that I had this CB dictionary.
Oh, my God. I'm not surprised at all.
We make sure that we enunciate CB. Yeah.
It sounded a little bit like CD for a second. CB, Citizens Band Radio, which is the way people talk like truckers and smoking the band.
You know, we've talked about that movie before. Yeah, and not just the movie.
I remember very clearly there was a, the CB fad was huge in the late 70s, and there was a song called Convoy. That's right.
Remember that song? I do. Yeah.
And that's a little old convoy running through the night. We got a great big convoy.
Ain't she a beautiful sight? Convoy. Sona, where are you going? What's going on? Oh, I'm sorry.
It was a big deal. And I remember that, um, one of my grandparents passed away and some of us once you wrinkle pages even louder what are you oh my god look at him he's right this is the guy who produces the podcast i edit this i cut my mic you don't need to worry about it look at this look at this what are you chris crinkle um anyway why'd you laugh so hard uh that wasn't that funny I thought it was good it was good

Chris Kringle

it was funny

Chris Kringle's not good

you heard of Chris Kringle

this guy's Chris Kringle

louder Blay

louder

there you go

suck up

so anyway

one of my grandparents

passed away

and we were all

like kids

and we were

for some reason

it got switched around

so we were

in the funeral procession

you know

funeral procession

what's it called

the

in the cars

Thank you. For some reason, it got switched around.
So we are in the funeral procession, you know, funeral procession. What's it called? Isn't it called the funeral procession? Is it the funeral procession with the cars? I think so.
Okay. Anyway.
It's a convoy. Hearst was driving with one of my grandparents in it.
I can't remember which one. And then other cars.
And our cool cousin was driving the station wagon that my brothers and I, my sisters and i were all jammed into and we're headed to the graveyard when the song convoy came on and my cousin reached over and turned it up all the way and there's a part of the song where they go so let them tickers rule 10-4 because we got a great thing and we were all rocking out and i love my granddad but i and it felt sacrilegious, but also great at the same time. He wouldn't have wanted that.

No, he wouldn't have liked that at all.

Yeah, he was a...

Well, I thought I could quiz you guys on CB lingo

and see if you can figure it out.

Because actually, speaking of Hearst,

there is a CB term for Hearst.

Oh, yeah?

Anybody know what it is?

Is it called an old rolling pine?

That's good.

The dead guy.

The dead guy.

The dead guy.

The dead guy.

No, yeah. Let's see.
I remember that. Well, obviously a smoky is a policeman.
Yeah, so we'll go over it. First of all, a hearse is called a bone box.
Bone box. We got a bone box.
Here are just some of your regular things. Like the police are called, you could call them a smoky or a bear.
Smoky the bear. CB radio are your ears.
Got my ears on. A Bear in the Air.
A Bear in the Air is a whirly gig. It's a helicopter with the cops inside.
A police helicopter. Yeah.
Oh, my God. I love that.
Is that a police back up? Can we back up? A helicopter with police inside. It's a helicopter, but instead of a citizen contained within, at the core of it, are police.
This is what truckers say to each other when they're driving, like, long-range semi-drivers. Yes.
Okay, okay. Like a bear in the bush? Bear in the bush is, oh, that would be a smoky that's hiding out trying to catch people in a speed trap.
Yeah, that's exactly right. Okay.
So now I'm going to quiz you guys. Those are kind of the easy ones.
All right. Here we go.
Blood box. Blood box would be.
Ambulance. That's right.
One for Sona. Okay.
Bed bug holler. Bed bug holler.
It would be a motel, like a cheap motel. I think it's a furniture truck.
A moving van. I'll accept that.
Oh, my God. I'm crushing.
I just learned what this was. Bikini state.
Bikini state is Florida. That's right.
Oh. Wow.
I just know because I'm a bikini inspector. Are you looking at the thing? No, I was not looking at it.
I was not. I don't have my glasses on either.
Breaking wind. Breaking wind.
Speeding. Breaking wind.
Going downhill. I'm sorry, neither of you.
It's the first sea beer in a convoy. They're breaking the wind.
Brush your teeth and comb your hair. That's something you'd say.
What does it mean? That's just, I mean, good hygiene. Yeah, I think that means I need to rest.
No. Say it again.
Brush your and comb your hair. It helps when you think of it like, 10-4, good buddy.
Brush your teeth and comb your hair. Be a good, see you around.
Brush your teeth and comb your hair. There's a smoky up ahead.
What? What? Look good. There's a smoky up ahead.
Oh, that's stupid. See you around? What? Just say there's a smoky up ahead.
Why brush your teeth and comb your hair? Well, that's the whole point. They could be listening, right? Yeah, but a policeman doesn't.
When they pull you over for speeding, they don't care about your attire and how well-quacked you are. No, the smokies are listening in on the CB radio.
Got it. And then they hear you.
If you say, hey, there's a smoky, they'll be like, oh, the convoy is smart. Yeah.
I don't know. I'm trying to figure it out.
What are California turnarounds? On ramps. No.
Off ramps. Way stations.
Conan? California turnaround. Yeah.
That's when you hit the state of California because you've made your drop and then you're headed back the other way. Not really.
Yes, it is. They're benzos or speed because if you're going as far as California, you got to take some of those to go there and back.
Oh, I see. You mean like a Benny or a big- Yes, I said benzos.
Yeah. Benny.
Yeah, Benny or a Jub Jub. Yeah, you guys are real hip.
Those are called a green squanto, yeah. Choke and puke.
Choke and puke. Let's see.
That's in Smokey and the Bandit. They use that a lot.
Choke and puke? Yeah. I'm going to choke and puke.
Going to a choke and puke. Going to a choke and puke.
I like a bad diner. It's a restaurant, but I'll give it to you.
Thank you. Okay.
Christmas card. Just like a way to wish people well.
Use it in a sentence, please. I'm doing double nickels on the I-5, and I got myself a Christmas card.
I'm going to have to pay that come Tuesday traffic ticket that's right but why was it called a christmas card well it's just these guys it's cb poetry i'm sorry i'm glad you know what there's a reason this died out you know i mean they had bad terms i'm sorry oh my god i'm sorry i don't even know now we're gonna get into some of the more colorful ones yeah huh what's the score i'm What's the score? I'm winning. It's three, Sona, Conan, two.

Also, we don't know that this died out.

There's truckers all over this great country.

Yeah, but why don't they just email each other?

Or text?

Because you don't wanna be on your phone

while you're driving.

Of course they can be on their phone.

They have devices that handle all kinds of things

while they're driving.

Let's get to that.

What do you think VacuSuck is for?

Well, I have one. I'm using it now.
Oh, man. Three double-A batteries takes care of old Captain Jack down there.
Jesus. Captain Jack.
What does abuse it mean? Well, okay. Abuse it.
Just say it. Well, I don't want to.

Masturbate.

That's right, Sona gets it.

I gave that to Sona,

because I didn't want to offend a lady.

You didn't want to say masturbate?

I didn't, no.

You just called your dick Captain Jack.

Yeah, he's in the army.

That's his rank.

You just did a whole vacu-suck thing.

He's his rank.

I got a vacu- vacuum suck for Captain Jack.

He did his time.

Well, you don't want to say masturbate, but he was in Vietnam.

What's a douche job?

Oh, man.

Don't get me started.

A douche job is when.

Why did you put two fingers up?

Very specific.

Car wash.

Yes, that's right.

OK.

I was going to say an actual, like, anal.

No.

An actual anal.

Okay, some of these have crossed over into popular culture, but what's a beaver?

A vagina.

Well, no.

No.

I mean, it is.

It's a woman driving a truck.

It's just a woman.

Yeah.

Okay.

Bra buster.

What is it?

Bra buster?

Bra buster.

Oh, man. Talk about it.
Excuse me? What? Talk about it? A bra buster? Bra buster is a woman who is real tough. No.
Okay. Bra buster is a speed bump.
No. You go over it too fast, it's going to bust your bra.
No, it's just a large-rested woman.

Well, wait a minute.

How does that?

I thought they have to relate to trucking somehow.

Now you're going to get into, yeah, that's an old itchy face.

What's that?

A guy with a beard.

Well, why are they talking in code?

No one's changing the goalposts.

No, if I'm driving a truck and I see, you know, lady with the titties,

I go, hey, guys, bra buster. I go, hey guys, bra buster.

That beaver's a real bra buster.

Yeah, but that's not,

it's not coded enough.

Oh.

It's still, do you know what I mean?

Some of them are, some of them are.

I mean, this is,

this just evolved with the language.

It's not like somebody sat down at a council.

No, but there's a more clever way to do that

if there's a large breasted woman.

Well, maybe they're not like,

they're doing it on the radio,

but the woman doesn't hear it.

They're just like, hey guys, heads up. Those are some big knobs't hear it.
They're just like, hey, guys, heads up.

Those are some big knobs on the radio.

Yes.

You know what I mean?

Something like that.

That's nice.

You know, high beams on.

Do you know what I mean?

So something they could do better.

The twin pillars of society.

There's so many different ways to do it.

But Broadbusters is being unimaginative.

Another reason why CB culture has died.

All right. So this is a tiebreaker.

And the last one, Coffee Break.

Coffee Break.

Oh, tell me about it.

I'm just trying to use up time.

Coffee Break.

Coffee Break.

Coffee Break. Now, this doesn't necessarily have a one-to-one

for what the name is to what the thing is.

So you just have to think creatively.

Remember, we're in the kind of like, you know, sexual section.

Oh, we are.

Oh, coffee break.

Does it have anything to do with...

This one's anal.

Oh, my God.

You're obsessed.

And again, they have a device for that, too.

Why?

So they don't have to do it because coffee's dark?

Because coffee's dark.

Oh, God.

No, not only are you not right, you're disqualified. Thank you.
Coffee break. I don't know.
It's just a visit with a prostitute. But why? I'm taking a coffee break.
You can't get upset. I can get upset.
They're on the road for a date. I want these to be rewritten.
Well, the good news is I've only gone A through D on these,

so we've got lots more to do.

Oh, my God.

That's okay.

I think this is our last visit to CB.

What made you, why do you have a CB dictionary?

That was my question.

Yeah.

Just, I don't know, maybe someone gave it to me as a gift,

or I bought it.

You know, I love the movie Smoking the Bandit.

It's one of my favorite movies.

Okay.

And so I wanted to be able to speak the patois. Oh, God.
Jesus Christ. Okay.
Well, I hope you're happy. saying Coffee Break or Bra Buster, I just, I can't know you.
I do think some of these could be better. I'm 1010 in the shade Pickle Park and Taylor Made.
See, that sounds good, but some of these just weren't very good. Well, I'm going to be honest.
Coffee Break for a prostitute, there's a better way to do that, right? I think coffee break. I think coffee break is cool.
It's a euphemism. But what I'm saying is that's a bad idea because coffee is a regular part of what a trucker would be drinking.
So is prostitution. No, that's not.
That's a terrible thing to say. Why are you telling other people that you're going on a coffee break? Like, why are you telling the other people on the radio that you're going to see a prostitute? Why don't you just do it? I think you guys got to put yourself in the mindset of the 70s and the American South.
And you're just talking to your buddies on a CB radio going, I'm going to go on a coffee break. 10-4.
Come back. I'd say I'm going to go hire a prostitute.
And then I'm going to have some coffee afterwards with said prostitute. My old college roommate, Tom Crow.
Jesus. Who's that? He came out of nowhere.
Hey, what's your handle there, good buddy? Is this shut the fuck up? Snowcap. Yeah, no.
My old college roommate, Tom Crow, his sister, her job is coordinating long haul truckers. I can ask her how much of these are still in use today

because she talks to a lot of truckers.

That sounds good.

Yeah, find out if there are a lot of truckers out there taking coffee breaks.

And you know what this segment really wants?

A follow-up segment.

Okay.

Yeah, it screams follow-up.

Sorry.

And ask her about VacuSuck.

Is that the actual name?

Is that the actual name?

From the guy who won't say masturbate.

Okay.

No, I can't do it myself, but with machinery. Oh, my God.
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