Surviving Trauma: How Near-Death Shapes Us I David Ferrugio DSH #1341

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Speaker 1 Terms apply. Where I was in a dream, which is probably not the same thing, but multiple times I was aware I was in a dream and but every dream happened to be an impending death.
Whoa.

Speaker 1 And I've always, you know, everyone has those dreams that you die at the end, but usually you wake up.

Speaker 2 You can't like recreate death in your dreams, they say.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and it happened, but there was one dream that I had. I still have no idea what it meant.
But I remember I was on a balcony overviewing like a skateboard.

Speaker 2 All right, guys, out here in LA with David from the the Dead Talks podcast. Thanks for coming on, man.

Speaker 1 Thanks for having me, brother. Absolutely.

Speaker 2 So your podcast is a very interesting one. It's about dead people and the purpose of life and everything, right?

Speaker 1 I mean, dead people show up.

Speaker 1 I mean, I talk about death. That's the whole premise is to normalize the conversation around death in many capacities.

Speaker 2 Yeah, which is needed, by the way, because when I was a kid, I used to fear death and I had no one to talk to about it.

Speaker 1 What scared you?

Speaker 2 I don't know. Cause I didn't lose someone close to me until I was my grandmother.
So I was, yeah, I guess 10 years old. Okay.
And that might have sparked it.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 And then I just started fearing it from there on and it's pretty common as part of the process of why I want to talk about it yeah I don't know if it eliminates the fear fully but I think facing it is part of that well I think that awareness is the first step at least I agree right yeah um but now I don't think I fear it anymore if that makes sense where you at with it I've accepted it but I don't want to happen right now That's fair.

Speaker 1 I hope not. Yeah.
They ruined the episode right now.

Speaker 2 Yeah. But instead of like, yeah,

Speaker 2 but instead of fearing it, like living every day like, oh, I don't want to die, like, I don't think like that anymore.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I try to think of that. I'm not scared of it.
I don't, it freaks me out, but I think being freaked out is different than being scared. Yeah.
That's just me.

Speaker 2 Definitely freaks me out, especially as we get older. We know more and more people that are experiencing it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. It happened to me at a young age where I think opened my eyes to it.
So I think that was the first step to what I'm doing now. How old were you?

Speaker 1 I mean, I've had people die before my dad, which was the big one, if you will. Yeah.
But when he passed, it was, I was 12.

Speaker 2 Holy crap. Yeah, that's young.
Yeah, pretty young. That mess you up for a long time.

Speaker 1 I mean, it still does, probably, I guess. I always think about the weird things that I do or my flaws, if you will.
I'm like, does that come from that?

Speaker 1 It would make sense it would, but maybe that's just me. But yeah, it definitely affected me for sure.
Yeah. It's hard not to.

Speaker 2 And that one was super unexpected. Like, he just went to work that day.

Speaker 1 No signs. Yeah, I mean, I don't know where you want to get into with the story, but for those of you that don't know who I am, my dad died on September 11th, if you've heard of it.

Speaker 1 And he was just, yeah, went to work that day. So he wasn't a firefighter or on the plane.
He was on Canner Fitzgerald, which lost the most people, I believe. It was 105th floor.

Speaker 1 So he honestly had no chance because the plane hit below his floor. Damn.

Speaker 2 So 105th lost the most people.

Speaker 1 I don't know about the floor, but his company, Canter Fitzgerald. So they lost the most people because I think all their offices were around the 105th floor, maybe 104, 106, whatever.

Speaker 1 But yeah, they lost the most people because I guess they had the most people that were on the higher floors. Jeez.
Yeah, it's wild.

Speaker 1 That's the crazy part because obviously I lost my dad that day, but it was a public grief, if you will, because there were so many other people.

Speaker 1 So I can't forget the people that died with them so it was like this communal grief that happened but still isolating because it was my father wow so it was a little contradicting in that aspect yeah that is nuts and then from there you really is that when you started the purpose of like finding out the meaning of life or did that kind of take some time i mean if you're looking for the meaning of life for me i'm sorry to disappoint you but you're not going to find that but i've definitely you know i've hunted for some sort of meaning in my own life and i think the meaning in your own life ends up being the meaning of life in general because it's personal to you i agree i don't think there's a universal meaning Maybe, maybe there is, but I don't know it.

Speaker 2 Some religions teach it that way, but I think just focus on yourself works for me at least.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 I think there's maybe a foundation and that comes to kind of the cliche aspects where it's love, compassion, yada, yada, yada.

Speaker 1 So I think there are some universals that can apply to everyone, but not everyone will apply that. Agreed.

Speaker 2 Who have been some of your more memorable interviews that kind of stuck with you? You've interviewed a lot of people, right?

Speaker 1 Yeah, not as much as you. You're a thousand a day, but I've had about 200 episodes now.
And, you know, they're all, I have my favorites for different reasons.

Speaker 1 And the most memorable for me, because it's personal, whether it's going to be the first one you're going to want to listen to, whoever's listening, my mom, because that was the first conversation that I've had that was extremely personal in regards to getting my family on and talking about a mother to son.

Speaker 1 So that was personal to me.

Speaker 1 A recent one with a comedian, Ari Shafir, was probably my most fun one because it was just. banter and I have a very sick sense of humor.
So I love when humor is attached to conversations like this.

Speaker 1 So Ari was a special one, especially because that was the first episode i ate an edible before the episode started god so as the episode goes i'm like progressively getting higher and higher and ari makes that a lot easier so ari was definitely one of my favorites just because he's hilarious and it was more laid back i don't think i could do a pot on an edible man i didn't think i could either it was a rate i warned him i was like i don't know how this is going to go but let's give it a shot and i think it worked out i mean i'm going to look like an idiot but i don't really care watch that one for sure yeah good luck how many mgs was it wasn't much that's the confusing part i don't know if i bought one that was stronger than the usual but it was like five i'm good i'm good on five i can handle five Ever thought about how much EMF and radiation your body is exposed to every single day?

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Speaker 2 That's great. Except that was Aries' time.

Speaker 1 Maybe it was because it was before noon that hit me differently.

Speaker 2 If you were fasting, it hits you harder.

Speaker 1 I don't remember if I ate. I had a lot of coffee.

Speaker 2 Oh, edible plus coffee that's dangerous is it maybe

Speaker 1 coffee is already pretty energizing yeah i don't know it hit me a lot more than i thought so but it was a good that was a good episode i mean amongst that i've talked to so many different people i've had scientists i've had uh ex-war veterans a lot of near-death experiences so a lot of the near-death experience episodes definitely you know pick my radar up just because they're interesting that's one i wanted to ask you about you had a doctor who had studied thousands of near-death experiences yeah i believe that was dr jeffrey long he's he's been on some big podcasts i think theo vaughan had him on he That's what he does.

Speaker 1 He doesn't seem like he's had a near-death experience, but I believe he's a neurosurgeon and he studies thousands of them because there are thousands of them.

Speaker 1 And I just, I always wonder, you know, if you pick through the weeds, how many of these are legitimate and how many people are just, maybe it was just a dream, but there's just so many stories.

Speaker 1 And I guess you could be like, is everyone, is everyone just lying about it? But there's so many, including one that I've had, not me personally, but within my family.

Speaker 1 So like a reliable source, if you will. There's just too many to me to at least deny it, where you should at least be asking questions.

Speaker 1 And it's thousands and there's people that don't even know each other and they report similar incidences yeah and i guess the you know if my logical brain and what my belief system is you could always go back to okay maybe they're listening to each other and cherry picking if you really want to you know take the devil's advocate of it but there are they are all so different but there are a lot of similar patterns that are going on that make it at least more reputable if you will i would think yeah i agree you also interviewed psychic sisters Three psychic sisters, along with plenty of other mediums and whatnot.

Speaker 1 I guess I like to cover all the grounds regardless regardless of my beliefs and let the audience decide what's real or whatnot i believe in that stuff but you got to kind of keep your whiskers up as to you know who's talking bullshit of course i believe in it too man do you was there a specific instant for you that made you believe in it not a specific instant i mean i think it's basically it's mostly been stories from other people i i haven't had a holy shit moment when it comes to mediums i mean some close encounters i guess actually that's a lie there's one story that wasn't even a paid session which made it even more significant for me because it happened by accident if you want me to share that yeah please.

Speaker 1 So in 2023, my mom went into cardiac arrest. I was, without telling you all the boring details, I was landing in London, turned on my phone, found out, flew straight back.

Speaker 1 And we didn't know if my mom was going to make it. And spoiler alert, she's fine, which is great.
She, she made it out there with no significant damage, which is wild in itself.

Speaker 1 But I remember my mom came out of the, not coma, if you will, but she started coming out of it in the ICU and she started thinking that she just saw her father.

Speaker 1 She's like, I was like, where's, where's, where's John? Like, what do you mean, John? It's like, Grandpa John. Like, me and my sisters looked at each other.

Speaker 1 We're like, Grandpa John died before I was born. I never met him.
So we had to break it down to, I believed in the time that she did see her father.

Speaker 1 I wasn't going to ruin her life by saying immediately he's dead, but I had to take her there.

Speaker 1 And she started crying as if it was the first time she just found out her father died, regrieving this experience, just forgetting that her father died. And at that time, I was kind of calculating.

Speaker 1 I was like, I think she just had an experience. And as time went on, one of the mornings I went back from the hospital, my sisters took my place.

Speaker 1 I got a text from my sister saying, saying, hey, mom remembers seeing dad.

Speaker 1 And at that exact time, around 12 p.m., when I got that text from my sister, I got a message on Instagram from a medium, Amber, that I had on the podcast, that just randomly messaged me the exact same timeframe.

Speaker 1 And she just sent a nice message, sending me love and light and kind of giving me permission to ask more questions. She needs to say, hey, your dad just contacted me.

Speaker 1 But I said, that's weird you messaged me because my mom just said that she felt my dad or she felt remembering that she just saw him while she was dead, while she was quote unquote dead.

Speaker 1 And she said, wow, that's wild. You just told me because your dad was just bothering me and said that your mom,

Speaker 1 paraphrasing, but she said, your mom's not supposed to be here. She's supposed to go back.
And as much as I love her, I don't want to see her anytime soon.

Speaker 1 And I hope that she learns that she needs to start loving herself more than she starts loving other people.

Speaker 1 Because my mom is always caring about other people, a little, always worried about those people and other people as opposed to herself.

Speaker 1 So it was just a wild experience to me because she messaged me the exact same time that my dad, my mom remembered my father and with the message that was similar to what she said she experienced.

Speaker 1 My dad sent her back. She had a message of that.

Speaker 1 So I think the timing of it is, again, I go back and forth of the devil's advocate. Is this real? Is this not? But when you put all those pieces together, I don't know what else to make of it.

Speaker 2 I don't believe in coincidences, actually.

Speaker 1 I don't either. Honestly, I don't either.
And I feel like coincidences are just the meaning you give the moment.

Speaker 2 Yeah. I used to, but now as I've gotten older and seen stuff happen like that, I'm like, all right, something's going on here.

Speaker 1 I know, there's something in the air.

Speaker 2 That's crazy. Was that Amber Kavanaugh? Yes.
She's been on the show. Oh, yeah, yeah.
She's great.

Speaker 1 Yeah. What do you think?

Speaker 2 Dude, I mean, her life is crazy. She doesn't remember the past three years of her life.

Speaker 1 I mean, that's wild.

Speaker 2 Yeah, she wakes up every day thinking it's like 2020 or something.

Speaker 1 I mean, I barely, I just almost lost my phone. So you kind of relate, but not that extravagance.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Like she told me literally she's not going to remember the podcast I was filming with her live. That's scary.

Speaker 1 Isn't that nuts? That's, I mean, every day is a new day, I guess.

Speaker 1 But yeah, her story is wild because one of with her story, there's a lot that I've learned from these experiences of near-death experiences that are very similar like a lot of the stuff that she's expressing i've heard from other people and i feel like it's just a pattern is everyone's saying the same thing for a reason but it's it's something to question yeah you hear a lot of people saying they see loved ones they see past pets that have been deceased yeah that's and it's always deceased loved ones where people say oh it's just maybe your brain just this that and the other but when my mom had a near-death if you want to call it that She didn't think of us.

Speaker 1 And my mom's only thinking of her kids, her nephews, and her grandchildren. Like that is all that's on her mind.

Speaker 1 So you think someone in my mom's nature, for my personal example, if she's in this place and her mind is just taking her on this journey that's not quote unquote real, she'd be like thinking about me, my sisters, her nephews.

Speaker 1 No, it's always deceased loved ones. So I feel like that alone, again, it's just, I'm not saying this is so, but it, it makes me question.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And these patterns, again, are just like, I don't know what else to say about it.

Speaker 2 That's a good point because no one's ever been like, oh, I saw my son who's still alive when I was.

Speaker 1 No, the only example I heard, I forget who told me, told me that they saw their dog, but the dog was still alive.

Speaker 1 So that was the first example of someone that was still alive and it was their animal but then that animal died like three days later i think it was amber whoa i may be wrong that was amber animal was having a near-death experience too something along the lines of the dog was trying to bark at something damn well they say dogs can sense spirits and stuff yeah they're tapped into something different you think so i think so yeah i think so too my dog be barking at the wall i'm like is there a ghost there yeah maybe some you're somebody you know i don't know who it is not the wall yeah well i believe in astral travel too yeah i don't know how that works i understand it but i don't know how how do people do that have you ever done psychedelics psychedelics?

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 So have you done ayahuasca? Not yet. Okay, so basically, that's the best example I can think of.
Basically, your soul leaves your body, and that's astral travel.

Speaker 1 But how do people tap it? Do they tap into it intentionally, or it just happens through these processes?

Speaker 2 Through psychedelics, it happens through that, but some people can control. Like, it's called remote viewing.

Speaker 1 Have you heard of that? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, CIA shit. So they can control their body to do that on my command, which is nuts.

Speaker 1 That I would like to tap into. Ayahuasca is coming up soon.

Speaker 2 I'm scared to do that one.

Speaker 1 I'm terrified, but I want to do it.

Speaker 2 You think it's calling you right now? They say it has to call you.

Speaker 1 It's been calling me for a while, but I've been waiting for it to actually knock on my door. And I think I'm in a good place now where I'd be ready.
I just, I'm still going to be scared. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But I mean, just because you're scared doesn't mean you shouldn't do something.

Speaker 2 And that's the important part. Right place, right time for psychedelics.

Speaker 1 Right place, right time.

Speaker 1 More right place than I think even right time, in my opinion.

Speaker 2 Yeah, the setting's so important because I've had bad moments during trips where like some random kid will pull up. I'm like.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the first time I did mushrooms in high school, it was literally the worst environment.

Speaker 1 Well, not literally, but the worst environment I could have have done i remember i was waiting for it to kick in and some dude tyler i don't know where the hell he is right now but he was staring at me i'm like why is first of all why the are you staring at me second he goes i heard people on mushrooms want to kill themselves i'm like thanks man appreciate it i'm 25 minutes about to have this experience and that's what's in my head i ended up throwing up it was a horrible experience time was going in reverse it was horrible yeah i threw up too one time that was nasty apparently that makes it more intense.

Speaker 1 Oh, it does. I don't know.
Fact check that, but I thought it would get it out of my system. But now looking back at it, after throwing up, it got even more intense.

Speaker 2 It just makes sense. I've seen my friends have terrible trips.
Like, people think they're dying type trips.

Speaker 1 Yeah, thanks, Tyler. Just

Speaker 1 fucking Tyler. Jesus.
Did you make him leave? No, I couldn't.

Speaker 1 I didn't even think about that. I was just freaked out.

Speaker 1 I still see his eyes.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. Demonic, huh?

Speaker 1 I wonder where he's at right now. Yeah, you should hit him up.

Speaker 2 No. What's his last name?

Speaker 1 I don't remember. It's always been Tyler.

Speaker 1 I see his face, though. Shrooms are my favorite.

Speaker 2 Shrooms are the best. I still microdose.

Speaker 1 I mean, now I'm at a point where I broke through where now I'm just completely comfortable with it but it took me some time because my first experience was horrendous yeah it's kind of a lesson of life it's like you have those bad experiences and you work through it and then eventually it turns out to be a blessing right because some people would do that trip and then never do it again which most people probably would right yeah you get stuck people get people get stuck in one specific event that ends up defining the rest of their life which isn't the way to me Yeah, I think whenever I feel stuck in life, I do a little microdose and it really resets me, dude.

Speaker 1 And you're not even tripping.

Speaker 2 You're just kind of just balances you out. Normal.
Have you done a microdose?

Speaker 1 Yeah, more than probably probably heavy doses to be honest yeah same i haven't done a heavy dose in seven eight years i did a heavy dose a couple years ago it was magic yeah where was it

Speaker 1 standard cliche went to joshua tree me and my buddy were like let's have we were both going through some shit like let's just get a nice house let's you and me we set everything up the right way so again the environment just like set us up perfectly and then we went down this rabbit hole where we thought it was over and then we were about to go to sleep but next thing i know we were just tripping balls for the next five hours and it was it was more fun than anything but had a couple moments of it was like a it felt like a real situation where it was healing but then everything outside of that was just more like a fun experience where he thought he met god but that was that's questionable yeah a lot of people say that when they trip maybe that's true i think it's their interpretation of god he also had his face on a mirror so bless god's in the mirror i don't know but my face is on the mirror at the same time i'm skipping part of the story that's gonna make no sense but we were both in different rooms i found out after i found him both had her face on a mirror just sound ridiculous for anyone that doesn't do mushrooms but our face was on the mirror just i don't even know what i I was doing, but it was amazing.

Speaker 1 And then I walked in the other room and found him doing the exact same thing. Wow.
Some weird thing going on there.

Speaker 2 Dude, that's like rule number one, not to look in a mirror when you're trying.

Speaker 1 I know. That's why I did it.
I remember that. I remember because I remember the first experience I had.
I looked in the mirror and it went all downhill.

Speaker 1 But I think, again, it was me trying to push the limits and just see what I can handle and it being amazing. Damn.

Speaker 2 Damn, that's nuts. Yeah, I haven't done it when I'm tripping.
I'm too scared. They say you can notice every single detail.

Speaker 1 It felt as if I was looking at myself like you were looking at me. Like I saw myself like, oh, this is what I look like to other people.

Speaker 1 maybe

Speaker 1 i didn't really look at it like that i just saw myself in a mirror knowing it was a mirror but i felt as if i was looking at myself like people see me yeah yeah man no i'm big on this stuff man i i'm trying to master lucid dreaming right now okay once i do that lucid dreaming how's that going uh terrible okay i've been trying for eight years it's tough but once i master it then you can start astral traveling on command okay so lucid dreaming is step one that's step one and you're sober doing that are you tapping in i do it like once a week but you need to be doing it daily what is i mean i mean it's another conversation on the side side, but what are the steps to approach that?

Speaker 2 Dream journal, dream signal. So like time doesn't work in dreams.
So you constantly check your phone. If the time's off, you know you're in a dream.

Speaker 2 There's a hand one where you can't see your hand while you're dreaming for some reason. Like the dream shows.

Speaker 2 So just go like this once every five minutes in real life, and then you'll start doing it in your dreams.

Speaker 1 Is that what Inception was kind of? They had that one item that would confirm if they're in the dream or not? Like kind of what you're saying?

Speaker 2 That's a great movie. Fantastic movie.
Yeah, fantastic movie. But yeah, have you ever lucid dreamed?

Speaker 1 Once, but it was by accident. And I remember I was calling things out.
I was so immature at the time, but I remember on a boat, there was a party. I was like, oh, I wish there were more women here.

Speaker 1 And then all of a sudden, women poofed. And I was like, oh man, am I controlling this? I was like, I wish all these women wanted me.
And all of a sudden, they were all pulling me.

Speaker 1 They were like all pulling me in. I was like, am I doing this? Is this like part of the dream? And then nothing cool happened from there, but that was the closest I got.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And it only lasts like 20 seconds, once you're aware.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it felt close, but that was the closest I've ever gotten. There's been, there's been dreams where I've had where I was, I was aware I was in a dream, which is probably not the same thing.

Speaker 1 But multiple times I was aware I was in a dream, and but every dream happened to be an impending death. Whoa.

Speaker 1 And I've always, you know, everyone has those dreams that you die at the end, but usually you wake up.

Speaker 2 You can't like recreate death in your dreams, they say.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and it happened, but there was one dream that I had.

Speaker 1 I still have no idea what it meant, but I remember I was on a balcony overview in like a city line, like it was New York, and it looked like Independence Day, like an alien ship got on top of the city, shot a beam of light down, then it exploded, but it was so far away that the cascading of the explosion took time to get to us.

Speaker 1 I remember hearing screams all around me. I couldn't see anyone.
My friend Sam was next to me, and we knew we were going to die.

Speaker 1 So I didn't run. I was like, oh, we're dead.
We're dead anyway. I remember hugging her, telling her I love her.

Speaker 1 And then as the explosion approached me, I closed my eyes and waited for my death to come. Felt like a whisking of air.
And I was expecting to wait. I thought I was going to wake up.

Speaker 1 But the dream continued for the first time where I died and then everything went white. And I felt myself rising up.

Speaker 1 And as I was rising up, I remember hearing voices, but I didn't take note of what the voices were saying, but I heard voices speaking to me. And as I was rising up, I was like, oh, I'm dying.

Speaker 1 And I guess I'm going to heaven. But then I started thinking of hell.
And as soon as I started thinking of hell, you ever played Goldeneye as a kid? No. When you die, like blood covers the screen.

Speaker 1 I felt the red coming from underneath and was battling the light and the darkness. So there's a battle of back and forth deciding if I was going to go to heaven or hell.
Then eventually I woke up.

Speaker 1 But that was the closest I've gotten beyond death, if you will, but maybe I didn't die.

Speaker 2 I had a dream. I had a trippy dream.

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Speaker 2 I believe dreams have meanings.

Speaker 1 I think so. I mean, yeah, I I think, right? What do you think we do?

Speaker 2 Because whenever I have a trippy dream like that, I'll look it up and it would be so spot on to what I'm dealing with in real life. It's like...

Speaker 1 You guys are subconscious talking to us. I think so, yeah.
95% of our subconscious, we're not even aware of. So it's like just pulling that shit up.

Speaker 1 It's a matter, I guess, putting in the puzzle pieces of what it means. Yeah, it actually helps me a lot in business.

Speaker 2 How so? Because I'll have dreams where like I'll crash a car and then I'll look it up. It'll be like, you're moving too fast in life.
And I'll be like, all right, let me slow down.

Speaker 1 Does it matter what car you're driving?

Speaker 2 No, it's usually my actual car that I have in real life.

Speaker 1 And you've slowed down and actually...

Speaker 2 Yeah, I slowed down. That dream went away.
I had one last week where my friend or slash business partner crashed my car. So I looked up with that man.

Speaker 2 It meant like I'm giving him too much control in the business.

Speaker 1 And it's almost relatively obvious, too, if you really just looked at it, no?

Speaker 2 Yeah, if you're just objective with it. But most people don't think to actually look up the meanings.

Speaker 2 But the classic one is like you running away from something in your dream, which means you're running away from your fear in real life.

Speaker 2 So the reason I tried to master lucid dreaming at first before I even knew about astral projection was because I used to have nightmares every night and I wanted to fight back.

Speaker 2 I used to be running away from a big scary monster.

Speaker 1 How long ago was this?

Speaker 2 High school, every night in high school.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry. What was the monster in real life?

Speaker 2 It was like I was running away from fear of public judgment.

Speaker 1 And you had to determine what the fear was or the dream told you that?

Speaker 2 The dream didn't tell me. No, it was just a shadowless big figure.

Speaker 2 Oh, shit. And you know how you run mad slow in your dreams? Yes.
So I was like, all right, fuck this. Let me like fight back.

Speaker 1 What about, you seem to know more than I do. What about tidal waves and water? Because that's how I used to die in my dreams.

Speaker 2 So that could either be you died in a past life drowning, which is common, actually. I know a lot of people that that's happened to, or something else.
I'd have to look that one up.

Speaker 1 It's always

Speaker 1 probably a pretty common fear, but definitely drowning freaks me out.

Speaker 2 Do you have that fear in real life?

Speaker 1 When I think about it, yeah.

Speaker 2 So you probably had a past. Have you done past life therapy before?

Speaker 1 I've tried it once and she didn't get me anywhere.

Speaker 2 I tried it three times, didn't work twice. Tried it with a new girl and it blew my mind.

Speaker 1 I need to try it again. I actually paid for five sessions after one.
I forgot I have to get those four more sessions out of the corner. You got to edit her up.

Speaker 2 Was that the hypnosis version or was it a different version?

Speaker 1 It was hypnosis version. We did it remotely, which I already didn't feel comfortable with.
I thought I feel like I'm more comfortable with that. She feels that person.

Speaker 1 But yeah, I didn't go anywhere. And then she was kind of shocked that she didn't.

Speaker 1 But I did give her a warning that I feel like I have this weird blockage that I feel like I'm always chasing to break through. And I haven't defined even what that blockage is.

Speaker 1 I think it's a form of letting go, but I still haven't decided. what I'm even what do I even have to let go.

Speaker 2 Could be a past life thing too. I had some past life trauma that I had to clear up.

Speaker 1 I feel, I mean, I've always said I've, I've thought I've, I'm an old soul.

Speaker 1 A lot of people say that. I'm like, I've just kind of said it lackadaisically.
And then Amber, again, she keeps coming up.

Speaker 1 She said, oh, I can see people through soul ages, meaning not biological ages, like by ages of soul. And I said, so I'm just curious, how old do you think I am?

Speaker 1 She's like, well, there's no number to it, but if I had to do it from zero to 100, I say you're like a solid 77. I'm like, oh, that sounds right.
I got some time left, but I've been around the block.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So maybe I've drowned a few times.

Speaker 2 You give me old soul vibes, man. Do you? That's a compliment.
Was it the shirt? The shirt's a banger.

Speaker 1 Is that what it is? The shirt gives you old soul vibes? It's a good cartoon, man.

Speaker 2 I'll take it. Yeah.
Cartoons don't hit like that anymore.

Speaker 1 No, and I need to watch it again because, you know, when you look at old cartoons, you realize the real, like,

Speaker 1 a lot of this hidden messages. Like now, you know, the wokeness, if you want to say, I'm curious to see if there was any hidden shit that's really messed up.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I feel like there wasn't as many back then, but we could be biased since it's our era.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I need to look back at it.

Speaker 2 But this era, I mean, it's blatant. I just tried watching Beauty and the Beast last night.

Speaker 1 I'm like, I can't even watch this. Why? What do you see?

Speaker 2 Just like,

Speaker 2 they push the LGBTQ stuff, dude.

Speaker 1 In the new versions?

Speaker 2 I don't know about that movie specifically, but yeah, and a lot of the new Disney movies and stuff.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they said they're planning all these different things. I've never realized when I look back at certain ones, I'm like, oh, fuck, that was them.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I don't want my kids watching that shit personally. I don't even have kids yet, but.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's a whole other rabbit hole of what I'm going to do with that.

Speaker 1 I'm kind of doing myself right now.

Speaker 2 You leaning towards Noah, it sounds like.

Speaker 1 I'm fine.

Speaker 1 I don't really, I'm, you know, if I meet the right woman that I'm hoping like she might just change my mind but i'm i'm either way like i'm down to have kids but i'm also down not to but i think if i met the right woman i might be like oh no we definitely need to have kids do you live in la yeah i live in la but i'm trying to get back to new york so la just got voted the worst dating market in america i hear i mean i hear that anecdotally i i don't it makes sense i guess looking at la from a distance i haven't had that many i haven't had a horrible experience myself no okay well you also have a big podcast and Does that help with dating?

Speaker 2 Yeah, in LA. Come on.

Speaker 1 I guess. I mean,

Speaker 1 it depends what I'm talking about.

Speaker 1 Like, what do do you do for a living like i talk about death like what i have to explain it ironic i remember i was out with my buddy we started talking to a girl she was asking what we do i was like i just i don't know how i'm just sometimes i don't want to talk he's like what do you do like i talk about death and she was like disgusted at it yeah but i talk about it's more healing this that and the other and my other buddy alex who's a really big podcaster behind the scenes done some really big work does true crime stuff and as soon as he said that she's like oh my god interesting i'm like okay so murder and grotesque serial killers is more interesting to you than the healing aspect of confronting death Like, we got this shit backwards, bro.

Speaker 2 Crime slaps, bro. It does.

Speaker 1 It is interesting. I'm not knocking that.
It was just ironic.

Speaker 1 That's part of the tabooness I'm trying to break is this, when it comes to real death, even though serial killers is real death, it just feels distant because people haven't experienced that, right?

Speaker 1 But when you're talking about normal death, quote unquote, that's more close to you. I think people are more scared of that.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I think they don't want to open up maybe, right?

Speaker 1 No. And I'm like, what? Like, this is the, what is more, they say death and taxes, but not everyone pays taxes.
Like, death is the only thing that brings us together. Yeah.
As scary as it is.

Speaker 1 That's the one thing I could look at. I'm like, oh, you're going to die.
You're going to die. You've lost people.
You've probably lost people. It's unifying in a way.

Speaker 1 And I think it's freeing once you are able to confront it. Yeah, it's inevitable.

Speaker 2 Unless you're Brian Johnson.

Speaker 1 I've been trying to get him. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's a whole

Speaker 1 perfect fit for your show. I know.
It's like almost the, it's the opposite almost. So I'm going to, I'm planning on getting him on at some point.

Speaker 2 Yeah, because your show talks about accepting death. And he's like, nah, fuck that.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm curious why.

Speaker 1 I don't even want to live that long. I'm like, I'm really, if I get to 80, I'm probably good.
Unless I can maintain my fitness, I'm cool with that. My brain.
Outside of that, I'm like,

Speaker 1 80 years sounds good.

Speaker 2 I'm careful with throwing out numbers just because of, first of all, the advancements in technology. But second of all, my dad would always say, yo, I'm, I'm going to 60 and I'm done.
Wow.

Speaker 1 And then he did it.

Speaker 2 And I was like, damn, he manifested that.

Speaker 1 He went to 60? 64, yeah. How long ago was this?

Speaker 2 This was three years ago.

Speaker 1 How you feeling?

Speaker 2 It was tough at first. And I was like,

Speaker 2 so.

Speaker 2 afraid to show emotion around it, to be honest. Like, I didn't even want to cry.

Speaker 1 What made you fearful of the emotion?

Speaker 2 I've always been like that. I never showed emotion around people growing up.

Speaker 1 And three years in, have you felt as if you've embraced the emotion at all? Are you still kind of in the same place?

Speaker 2 I've embraced it more, probably not as much as I should have because we get caught up in work. So I just tried to work it away and put on the back burner for a bit.

Speaker 1 And you say you still feel like it's on the back burner?

Speaker 2 A little bit, but I've worked on it. I've talked to people about it, talked to psychics, I've talked to like emotional experts.

Speaker 1 So talking about it feels like it helps?

Speaker 2 Yeah, podcasting is a form of therapy, man.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I agree. And that's why I've saw a therapist maybe once or twice, and then he told me he was retiring.
He's like, oh, I'm too fucked up for you. So besides that, I never went back.

Speaker 1 And I feel like my podcast has been healing for me. But one thing, and this isn't me telling you what to do, because everyone has their own grief recipe, if you will.

Speaker 1 And I think I found the patterns of all these people I've talked and even with myself. That first step, I feel like whether it takes a year, three years, 10 years, it's different for everyone.

Speaker 1 There's no timeline to grief, in my opinion.

Speaker 1 But that first moment where you can face it and truly let yourself feel as cliche as it is and cliches are there for a reason, that tends to be the first step of that healing process.

Speaker 1 Whether you'll fully be healed or not, can't tell you that. But once you start embracing that emotions, because constantly we do push it off, we got shit to do.

Speaker 1 Life goes on, but you can live and grieve.

Speaker 1 And I think there's a balancing aspect to living and grieving because you have to be able to do both and there's a duality to it and a pendulum that you're never going to find the perfect balance, but I think you have to attempt.

Speaker 2 Yeah, because you don't want to get too caught up in grief.

Speaker 1 No, you don't want to get too caught up, but it is important to, yeah, get caught up in a sense of allowing yourself to feel it and allow it to pass in that moment and then continue on because life is going to keep going whether you want to or not a lot of people get do get stuck in that place and forget to live yeah and it's hard to live when you feel like you lost purpose because the person you lost gave you purpose and it's just uh it's a convoluted smorgasbord of every emotion possible it is and i know a lot of people watching this probably hate on psychics but Getting that closure for me was huge, to be honest.

Speaker 1 What closure did you get?

Speaker 2 So he took his own life and part of me felt responsible for that for not like keeping more contact with him. He was very lonely, had autism and stuff, lived by himself, had no friends.

Speaker 2 So just I talked to two or three different psychics to get in touch with him and just seeing why he did what he did, you know, felt like

Speaker 2 finally could close that door.

Speaker 1 And how were you able to feel verified and that they were contacting your dad?

Speaker 2 That's why I did two or three.

Speaker 1 And they all

Speaker 1 said the same thing. No shit.

Speaker 2 Also, I told none of them it was a suicide beforehand. Wow.
So they wouldn't have known that.

Speaker 2 and it wasn't published anywhere because uh what happened was he left the psych ward and um they didn't even rule his death as suicide which is fucked up they probably do this to a lot of people but he uh overdosed on medications damn man well i appreciate you sharing that yeah do you mind if i ask you what gave you the closure specifically there was a reason as to that took it off your own it took it off your back kind of He basically couldn't handle the meds anymore.

Speaker 2 His body was shaking and he just wanted it to end, but it didn't have much to do with me. I thought it was like me, honestly.

Speaker 1 I feel like that's a natural response.

Speaker 1 Close to someone like that,

Speaker 1 that guilt, I can't imagine how overwhelming that really feels.

Speaker 2 And he had attempts in the past. He always struggled with mental stuff.

Speaker 2 When you're that smart, dude, it's dangerous. 160 IQ.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm probably nowhere near that. But sometimes I wish the ignorance is bliss thing is definitely a real aspect because sometimes I get too deep in my thoughts and analytical.

Speaker 1 And sometimes it's just, you just got to shut up and simplify everything we're doing because you go too deep down that rabbit hole. I don't think it's healthy.
Yeah. I mean, healthy examination.

Speaker 1 Like you have to examine your life, but at some point, I think we go too deep and then you got to show yourself a little grace.

Speaker 2 Yeah. When you're that smart, you need similar people around you.
The problem is he's one out of 50,000 people with that IQ level. So it's really hard to make friends.

Speaker 2 If you live in a town of 50,000, there's going to be no one there for you.

Speaker 1 So you're so isolated. Super.

Speaker 2 I saw him. He was very lonely.
He relied on drugs a lot of his life to get by. Drug addiction.
He drank a 30-pack of beer a day.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Smoked a pack of cigarettes a day at least.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he was he had a lot of addictions, man.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, I guess that goes back to the idea of escapism for the root of the issue, if you will.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's why escapism for me, I try to be as holistic as possible.

Speaker 1 I love that.

Speaker 2 Even though I have a very addictive personality.

Speaker 1 I do too. Super.
Yeah, you see the way I'm drinking my coffee?

Speaker 2 Luckily, I could channel it to podcasting right now, which is great for business.

Speaker 1 Yeah, 14 episodes.

Speaker 2 What if 14 a week? So my record's 23 in a day.

Speaker 1 Is there a Guinness book up there?

Speaker 2 I'm actually looking into applying for one this year. So 23 in a day, 52 in three days, 100 in a week.
That's my record for daily and weekly.

Speaker 1 I don't know how you do that.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's not easy, but it's fun.

Speaker 2 You can attest to that. Podcasting is a very fun position to have.

Speaker 1 It really is. I mean, there's not many opportunities in the day-to-day life where you get to sit in front of someone, talk to them about whatever you're talking about, and hone in and tap in.

Speaker 1 And regardless, there's no distractions. It's just this, that, and the other person.
And it's people don't do that these days, I feel like, as much.

Speaker 2 No, I'm on my phone half the time these days.

Speaker 1 That's why it's great to shut my phone off.

Speaker 1 It's why I think the podcasting aspect has externalized in my own life where I feel like I'm a better listener now, as opposed to thinking of the next thing to say, as opposed to looking who's walking through the door, looking at my phone.

Speaker 1 I put it aside as if this is a podcast. Only no one's listening except us.
And it just makes you more present because I think the past is beyond. The future hasn't happened.

Speaker 1 And literally every moment we have right now is the only moment we have.

Speaker 2 Absolutely, man. Yeah, because I look at my screen time and it's scary.

Speaker 1 Same. Oh my God.

Speaker 2 Terrifying. Nine hours hours a day for me.

Speaker 1 I don't even know what mine is at. Maybe I haven't been looking at it much, but it's not healthy.

Speaker 2 It's not healthy.

Speaker 1 It's a good night's sleep on my phone.

Speaker 2 Yeah. I can't even watch a movie now without checking my phone.
It's not bad.

Speaker 1 I've noticed that too.

Speaker 1 I want to get rid of it. I can't wait till all my shit's handled.

Speaker 1 Like right now, I have a couple people handling my social media, but I just want to get it completely handled so I really don't have to tap into that world because it is

Speaker 1 technology now. It's great.
It's helpful in many ways, but it is not good at the same time.

Speaker 2 No, it's not. I'm going to do a dopamine detox this year.

Speaker 1 Have you heard about it?

Speaker 1 technology.

Speaker 2 No devices or anything that causes dopamine, so like sex,

Speaker 2 whatever, for three days.

Speaker 1 That's good. I would like to do that.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And you could take it next level.
You could do a darkness cave retreat. I've heard about that.
Yeah. So you're in the dark for three to five days.

Speaker 1 What do you do?

Speaker 2 Nothing. Just meditate.

Speaker 1 Can't eat. You can't do anything.
No mushrooms.

Speaker 2 No, that'd be trippy, though. You'd be tripping balls in there without.

Speaker 1 Darkness. Well, I've been in an isolation tank on my floor.
Oh, flow tank. Yeah, I've done that too.
That was wild. I spent more time on the floor naked in the shower than the isolation tank.

Speaker 1 But that's a whole other conversation. You were tripping, tripping.
Yeah, and then I walked five miles home. I don't know what the fuck I'm wanting.

Speaker 1 I spend a lot of time by myself, and that's clearly one of them.

Speaker 2 I've struggled with loneliness a majority of my life, being an only child.

Speaker 1 I don't know if I felt lonely. I wonder if I've...
chased loneliness because I do travel alone by myself until that other person comes in my life.

Speaker 1 Of course, that'll change, but I've traveled by myself. I spend time by myself.
I'm extroverted. Okay.
But I feel like I need that alone time. I I just need that alone time.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 I like silence. I like not talking, even though I talk for a living.
Yeah. And I think being comfortable with yourself is the first step to being comfortable with someone else.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I agree. Wow.
You travel by yourself. Not a lot of people do that.
That's interesting.

Speaker 1 Not Americans. Every time I travel, I meet Europeans.
They're constantly by themselves. And they think we're the weirdos.
Like, how long are you in town for? I'm like, maybe three weeks.

Speaker 1 Like, that's it? I'm like,

Speaker 1 Americans are the opposite. Americans are just, I don't know.

Speaker 2 So three weeks is gnarly. By day five, I'm like getting bored, honestly.

Speaker 1 I mean, I meet people along the way, but I like getting into adventures with some, it's a weird feeling because i feel that loneliness sometimes when i've traveled and i've done it enough now where okay i would like companion at this point in my life i just took a trip by myself where i met friends so it wasn't totally alone when you find those alone moments it is a little bit of an eerie feeling but it gets you to sit in an uncomfortable place and i partially like uncomfortable places even though i don't like it in the moment i embrace what's uncomfortable because to me uncomfortable moments are where the gold is right and i think that's where everything is found yeah and you just got to kind of put yourself through that and i think that's just how i've kind of journeyed through my life for better or for worse Yeah, those uncomfortable moments suck in the moment, but they're so crucial for growth.

Speaker 1 You need, I mean, you have to be uncomfortable. If you're comfortable, how the hell are you going to, you're just not going to do anything.
You're not going to move.

Speaker 1 You're not going to try to make a change. And I think being uncomfortable, whether it be trauma, grief, life shit, you literally need that to grow.
It's just a reminder that you might have to change.

Speaker 1 It's a reminder to

Speaker 1 what should be your priority in life. And I think if you avoid it and try to run away from it and be escapist within uncomfortable moments, then it's going to be tough to learn.

Speaker 2 Yeah, which is a default response for most people to escape it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, because we think we're, I think there's this innate survival mechanism or defense mechanism, if you will, to get out of uncomfortable situations biologically or mentally because it's this is uncomfortable.

Speaker 1 This isn't normal. We're in survival, fight, or flight mode.
But I think it's in order, we have to embrace it at the same time. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And it's a balancing act to kind of counteract what your body's telling you.

Speaker 2 That's been the biggest thing I've been working on lately because I have an avoidant personality. Have you taken that test? Shows like your attachment style.

Speaker 2 I don't know if I've taken the test, but someone concluded that I was, was whatever that means you was what i was i am an avoidant oh you're avoidant someone died someone told me that i was like i don't know what that means that's impressive if they could do that without what is it talking about what does that mean what does that mean exactly besides the naked so when there's conflict you avoid it so basically oh no i have it because of childhood trauma okay i got yelled at i would go to my room i wouldn't argue back interesting um there's secure attachment there's avoidant there's anxious attachment and there's One more.

Speaker 1 I don't know. I don't know what I am.
I don't think I avoid conflict. It depends.
In certain scenarios, I I think conflict should be avoided.

Speaker 1 You just don't need to confront it because you're just not going to change the other person's mind. I just nod and say, okay, and then I'm done.
But then there's conflict that should be faced head-on.

Speaker 1 Agreed.

Speaker 2 But being avoided in business has screwed me out of so much money and like so many business accolades. So I've been working on that.

Speaker 1 How are you avoidant in business?

Speaker 2 Like at any time there's a competition, I just shut down. Oh, interesting.
Yeah. So I need to actually like

Speaker 2 hold my ground type stuff.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Because people would just walk all over me.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think I've been before the podcast still technically i still handle real estate but i think that taught me a lot in regression the negotiation aspect specifically with business where it's the back and forth and when to be passive when to be aggressive kind of taught me about life a lot to be honest yeah so you made your money before the pod yeah as an agent just representing buyers and sellers i'm still technically doing that but as i'm in a transitionary phase of getting the podcast that next next level yeah it's doing great but it's not it's not there yet where i can fully step aside and it's getting there which is fantastic but real estate is still technically my day job i just for the last year or two i've really just kind of of turned that to a trust.

Speaker 2 Oh, that's cool, man. Who's your dream guest? You got a list?

Speaker 1 I got a lot. I mean, my list is 17 pages.
17 pages? Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's nuts. I mean, I don't even know if I could put a 17-page list.
I mean, again, I have people in my head that I can draw.

Speaker 1 I mean, Pete Davidson's one of them just because he's a 9-11 boy, and I think that

Speaker 1 he lost his dad on 9-11 too. So from my personal, it'd be a good conversation because he's been so public about it.
I haven't sat down with someone who lost someone in 9-11.

Speaker 1 I really gear towards the comedians. I really want Theo Vaughan on the show.

Speaker 1 Any of those big guys, honestly,

Speaker 1 Keanu Reeves is high on my list. Keanu Reeves would be legend.
He's gone through a lot of loss from my experience. Jim Carrey will be another one.

Speaker 1 But outside of that, I mean, I'm down to talk to anyone for the most part, but I would say those are

Speaker 2 my big favors. Comedians are fun.
I just had Joe Gatto on. Nice.
I can put you in touch with them.

Speaker 1 That'd be awesome. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I love trading guests with other podcasts. Where can people watch your show?

Speaker 1 People can watch my show wherever you get your podcasts. YouTube, you can get it on social media.

Speaker 1 Any of the blacks, just look up Dead Talk's podcasts, Apple, Spotify, yada, yada, yada.

Speaker 2 Perfect. We'll link below.
Thanks for going on, man. I appreciate it.

Speaker 1 Thank you so much. See you guys.