Betty Guadagno: From Addiction to Awakening: A Life-Changing Journey | DSH 1503

Too, when they watch podcasts and stuff about pre-birth men, what about Hitler?

Why do babies die?

Like, everybody always has extreme examples, extreme example, right?

And yeah, you know, like, I actually do believe that everybody chooses the things that they go through in this life.

And from a soul perspective, none of it matters because none of this is actually happening.

Okay, guys, got Betty here.

She grew up in Vegas and now she's back.

Let's go.

All right.

Let's do it.

Thank you.

Have you been back since you spent your time?

I have, yeah, yeah.

Okay.

I know you were here at 12 years old and how long were you in Vegas for?

I was here until I was 25.

So big chunk of that, like very,

those formative years.

Were you happy to leave?

I was happy to leave, yes.

And I've been in New York for the last 17 years.

Okay.

Yeah.

I know you went through a lot in Vegas.

I did.

Yeah.

A lot of stuff happened to me here.

Yeah.

Could you briefly explain your story, I guess, for people that are watching for the first time?

Yeah, I'll give you my backstory.

It's very traumatizing.

It's a little trigger warning.

But yeah, I grew up in like this really impoverished, chaotic, dysfunctional family.

And I just thought that it was all really normal.

Like we would steal our groceries and my dad, instead of having weekend business trips, he would have weekend trips to jail.

Doesn't everybody's dad do that?

And I, you know, my mom, she was like just a kleptomaniac and we never had any money.

We were really impoverished.

We moved once or twice a year.

We were always getting evicted.

Just a really chaotic upbringing.

But I started, my parents were coping with addiction.

So like every time, you know, a bill would come that they couldn't pay, they would just eat a pill.

And then all of a sudden it didn't matter that they couldn't pay their bill.

Or if we had to move suddenly, they would smoke something and like all of a sudden it didn't matter that we, our life was completely uprooted.

So I watched my parents' addiction really progress over the course of their life.

And the Oxycontin epidemic, specifically out here in Las Vegas, was really crazy.

And my parents were doctor shopping and they were both prescribed over a thousand pills each every month and they were still running out every month.

It was crazy.

Yeah, I was taking like 30.

Yes, like fistfuls of pills all the time.

And then like selling them to try to make some money and then always running out.

And in 2007, my parents were about to be evicted again.

The lights were turned off.

The gas was turned off.

They were at another another bottom.

And they just made a decision that enough was enough.

And they ended up ending their lives together intentionally.

They overdosed.

Yeah.

And it was like the most traumatizing thing ever.

You know, my sister and I found them.

And

yeah.

So like Vegas kind of holds that memory for me, but I've done a lot of inner work today.

And like I communicate with my parents and the spiritual realm.

And so it's not as heavy as it used to be for me to come back here.

But I ran.

I ran away from that grief i ran away from that stigma from that trauma i medicated and sedated myself with my own addiction i abandoned everything in my life i just i my sister was 18 when they died i was 23 and i just abandoned her and i just was like i'm i'm leaving wow yeah it was it was like the worst the absolute worst but that's what my addiction made me do and i and in some weird way i thought like oh well i got to carry out the legacy of my family you know like my parents were addicts so that means that i have to be an addict and like killed them And so I'm going to let it kill me.

And it was some weird, like living out legacy thing, even though the legacy was like totally dark and traumatizing.

Yeah.

And then in 2019, you experienced your own overdose, right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

My addiction, oof, man, it, it became so insane.

I mean, I was on drugs for 20 years.

Wow.

But the last two years of my active addiction, my life evaporated.

I lost all my teeth.

These are paid for.

Holy crap.

And I would have, I had like these huge holes all over my face and my arms because every time that I got high, I thought that bugs lived inside me.

So I would pick myself open with razor and I would cut myself with razor blades and I would burn myself trying to get the bugs out of me.

Like it was crazy.

That's how I know that addiction is a disease.

You know, like I have the dis-ease of addiction because who would consciously choose?

to use substances when that is the outcome.

I knew that was going to happen every time.

And I was obsessive and compulsive.

I had to do it anyway.

Yeah.

And so then in 2019, yeah, I took too much much and I and I overdosed and I had this really spiritually transformative experience in my overdose.

And I had overdosed lots of times before in my life and I had hit bottom lots of times before in my life.

But this particular time, something miraculous happened.

And the first part of my experience felt like a life review.

And I'm not just a person who experienced trauma in my life.

I'm a traumatized person who maliciously, intentionally traumatized other people.

Like it was my job.

I wanted everybody everybody to hurt as deeply and badly as I hurt.

And so I went around causing mountains and mountains of harm to other people.

And in my life review, I was feeling that.

I was feeling the, all of the pain that I had inflicted upon other people.

And it was tremendous.

It was agonizing.

And then I went into all of these other life situations.

Like I went into my parents' suicide.

from their perspective, like literally through their eyes.

I saw them making the decision, driving to the pharmacy to pick up their refills, going back to the house, taking fistful after fistful of pills.

And, you know, as their bodies were dying, and I experienced all of it and the mental angst that they were going through was so, I mean, there's no words for it.

It was devastating.

And then I started to experience what felt like a collective life review.

It was like every experience that's ever happened on earth and it was all being downloaded into my head all at once.

So starvation, war, the joy of music,

you know, like love, marriage, children, childbirth, the death of a child, like every experience that's ever happened here was being downloaded into my mind all at once.

And but all I could really focus on was all the pain.

There's just so much pain.

There's so much darkness.

And so I thought that maybe I had died because I was seeing a lot of dead people in this vision.

And so I thought, oh, okay, well, I must have died and now I'm in hell.

And at the time, I was a militant atheist.

So I didn't think that anything happens when you die.

But in this, you know, this particular scene in my experience, I was like, oh, okay, well, hell is real and I'm in it.

And that's it.

And then I started to hear this voice.

And it became really clear to me, really fast that it was my dad.

And he just kept chanting, you are worthy of all the love in the universe.

You are worthy of all the love in the universe.

And I didn't believe that sentence, but I trusted his voice.

And so I followed it.

And I started to fall into the light.

That's what it felt like.

It felt like I was just tumbling this free fall into.

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Two, unconditional love, peace, serenity, safety, security.

Every feeling that I had been chasing my whole life with drugs, just like that feeling of connection that I was looking for with my addiction, I was feeling it in this light experience.

And then my light experience started to transform into a different kind of scene.

And it looked like I was on the deck of a spaceship.

I don't have any better language for it.

It actually looked just like the Gravatron ride from Carnival.

It's kind of like the spinning disc that like you throw yourself against the wall like a bad sticker and like you can flip upside down.

So it felt like I came out of the side of one of those walls and then I was standing around thousands of other souls.

No faces, like no, no details, just light bodies.

So like human shape, but just beaming light.

And there was this big beam of light in the center of the ship.

And that was our commander.

This is how the download's coming through.

This is our commander.

We're all spiritual soldiers.

And the commander is telling us all

telepathically, you guys are the most bravest volunteers.

You all signed up for this great awakening.

We're so grateful.

Here's all the information that you need for your jump to earth.

And I'm like, okay, wait.

I don't really know where I am, but I know that I'm part of it.

Like I just have this really deep knowing and I'm accepting everything as truth.

But then I'm like, great awakening, earth.

I don't think I actually want to do that.

Like, is there some way to sneak out of this?

Can I like tear up my contract?

I I didn't mean to volunteer.

I didn't realize this is what the mission was going to be.

And, you know, I think that the commander was like Christ consciousness or Krishna consciousness or Buddha.

Like, it was just something higher.

It didn't define itself.

It just felt like something ancient and something so wise.

And I trusted it.

And then my awareness shifted over to another scene and I found myself in front of a table of beings.

And they didn't tell me who they were, but they didn't have to because I, again, just this deep knowing.

These are people in charge, in charge of maybe they're in charge of all of humanity.

Maybe they're just in charge of me.

And the table that they were sitting at was like this really crappy plastic banquet hall table, just like collapsible, both like no, no budget spent.

Like no budget spent on, it was nothing ornate, but they did have this big ornate book on top of this table.

And it was like this big, huge gold book.

And they were thumbing through it.

And they were looking and they were looking at me and they were saying, okay, you're not meant to stay here.

You're just here for information.

And I'm like, you can keep looking through the book because I'm definitely staying.

Like just turn a couple pages.

Like I'm, I'm home.

I don't know where I am or what's going on, but I definitely know that I'm home.

And again, they just kept coming through the book.

Nope, just information.

And then my awareness shifts over to the scene where the information starts to come through.

And I find myself looks just like a video game.

And that could be because of the generation that I'm born in or because we're living in a simulation.

You can just decide.

Maybe it's a little bit of both.

And I find myself with this man and he's wearing this plaid blazer and a fedora, like an NPC, you know, and he just like has a little thought bubble and it says, okay, let's pick your life.

And so I have a grocery cart and it's empty.

And then I'm starting to walk through the aisles of a grocery store and lining the walls of the grocery store aisles are these big giant cereal boxes.

And every cereal box has a life experience on it.

So my soul has the knowledge that it's coming to earth for the great awakening, which the great awakening is the transformation of consciousness.

So my soul knows that it has to get certain things on the grocery list in order to help with this mission of this transformation of consciousness.

So I have to pick life experiences that many people on earth have challenges transmuting and transcending.

So like addiction, poverty, sexual trauma, you know, just like like just this myriad of abuse that my soul is like, I'm so hungry for all of this.

Let's take all of this food in.

And then there's things in the cart that I hadn't gotten to in my life life yet, like recovery, overcoming, being an author, being a teacher.

And none of those things made any sense because they hadn't happened.

So I just figured like, oh, those will go with the go backs when I'm finished.

Like they're not going to let me check out those boxes.

That's not for me.

The other stuff felt like it was for me.

And yeah, you know, the one part of the story that I think is really poignant that I share about a lot is that I saw the moment that I picked this cereal box that said childhood sexual trauma on it.

And when I picked the box, a little orb of light came out with the box.

And that was the soul of the man that molested me when I was a small child.

Wow.

And we came orb to orb with each other and we came into a contract.

And I felt that we loved each other so much.

And that's why we were going to play these roles to each other.

Now, like my human mind cannot understand that.

Like, how could that be for the betterment of society or the betterment of the human race or consciousness or my soul's evolution?

I don't have a great answer for any of that.

I just have this really deep knowing that I did pick this experience.

And, you know, this whole scene of being downloaded with my pre-birth plan, I'm not a victim to the world around me.

I'm actually a divine co-creator.

I have created this whole experience in the ether, in eternity, with full knowledge of what was going to happen to me here on earth.

And so like, I'm, I'm elated.

You know, like I'm bouncing around like a little pinball in outer space.

And I'm like, I'm so excited.

I'm so happy to know this.

I go back in front of the table of beings and I'm like, this is the information that I've been looking for my whole life.

Thank you so much.

I really needed this.

I'm still not going to go back to Earth because that place is kind of a dumpster fire.

And like this whole Great Awakening show, it sounds real cool, but I'll just watch it from up here.

I'm sure you guys have some kind of streaming service, right?

Like Earth TV.

Can I borrow somebody's password?

And they were like, no, you're going back.

And I'm like, and I just transformed into a small child and I was kicking and screaming.

And I was like, you guys don't tell us what Earth is like.

I will not go back there.

You cannot make me go back there.

And they just kind of lovingly like smiled.

I want to say chuckled, but it wasn't sinister or anything.

They just said, you say this every time you come back here.

Every time that you come back and you get ready to go back to earth, you always say, we don't tell you, but you know.

And in spiritual truth, earth is not real.

And so it doesn't actually matter what happens there.

This is real.

This is truth.

And that's just for fun.

It's just a game.

Go back and have fun in the game.

And, you know, I could see my body outside of myself.

And I was like blasted out, naked on my bathroom floor, like, you know, puke all over me.

And I said, I cannot go back into that body.

She has, she's glitched.

She's broken.

There's so much trauma held inside of her DNA.

I cannot do it.

And they said, okay, well, you don't have to go back into her, but you are going back.

And so.

we'll show you the baby that you'll be born into.

Awareness shifts to another scene again.

And I see this beautiful little baby, like just like an avatar in a video game, slowly rotating 360 degrees.

And all of her stats pop up next to her, her charisma level, her personality type, her parents, where she's going to be born, her gender, her ethnicity.

And then I watch my life experience cart kind of go into her frame.

And so now I know that she's going to have to do my whole life.

from zero.

Damn.

And I was like, no, I can't.

I cannot do from zero.

That's crazy.

And she had.

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Extra cereal boxes in her cart because of the family that she was going to be born into.

And I just thought, okay, if these are really my only options, like go back into that glitched, broken body I just came from or start over from zero.

I'm going back into the body that I just came from.

And they told me that I wasn't going back as a punishment.

I was going back because I had signed up for something and I've been training for lifetimes for this particular lifetime and they weren't going to let me miss my opportunity.

And, you know, I remember starting to, my awareness starting to sift back into my body and they said, listen, the first part of your life was boot camp.

Boot camp sucks.

Nobody likes it.

There's like some big bald guy screaming in your face.

There's cold rain coming in sideways.

You're doing a thousand push-ups in the mud.

No, it's gross.

But the second part of your life, you're going to be carrying out your mission.

You're going to have divine kindred spirits, soulmates, mentors, teachers, communities.

You're going to be living in spiritual awareness.

It's going to be so much better.

Just trust us.

And I was like, I do not trust you guys.

Gross.

No.

Bye.

See ya.

And that was it.

And I found myself back in my body on my bathroom floor.

I sat up and I said, damn, I was so high that I thought I was talking to God.

I was so high that I thought I planned my own life.

Like, that was crazy.

I'll never be that messed up.

ever again.

And I just went about my life doing the same thing I had always been doing.

At this point in time, I I was a prostitute.

I was on the verge of homelessness.

I was completely impoverished.

I just was just doing whatever I had to to get the next one, just to get more substances.

That's the only mission every day, which is to get more substances.

And so I just went back to living that life.

Wow, that didn't change you?

No, man.

No, because I didn't believe that it was real.

I was an atheist.

I didn't think that any of it was real.

And it wasn't until the universe stepped in and was like, knock, knock, that was real, that I finally changed my, my life around.

But I was really stubborn about it.

I did not want recovery.

Again, I thought that addiction was my legacy and I wasn't going to let go of this idea that I had been spending decades of my life working on.

You know, like I'm even covered in tattoos of liquor bottles and packs of cigarettes.

Like this is my whole identity was to be like a party girl, like a drug, you know, user.

And it was, it was like a crazy, crazy life.

And so.

A couple months went by just like absolute lunacy.

Like I, I thought my life was crazy before, but like the last two months it was absolutely bonkers and and then the universe stepped in and the first way that it stepped in to let me know that it was a real experience was one day i i ran out of substances and so i start calling up my dealers and i'm like hey i gotta pick up like where can i meet you call up the first dealer and he's like listen lose my number i found jesus i want to be a good father i'm out of the game

blocked i'm like okay that's bizarre right i call up the next guy on the list he says the exact same thing to me.

No way.

These guys didn't know each other.

And I called like 10 different guys and they all had similar stories and they all blocked me and never wanted to talk to me again.

So, but you know, like I had been a drug user for like 20 years.

So I knew that I could just go out into the city and find what I needed.

And so that's what I did.

And every time that I bought something from a stranger, it was bunk.

It was fake.

It would start raining and it would get wet and I couldn't use it.

Like everything in the universe was making it so that I could not continue to live my life this way.

And then I found myself on day three of heroin withdrawal because, you know, I was a heroin addict and

that was one of the drugs that, I mean, it's the worst because there's a physical dependency to it and it's really painful to get off of it.

And I had mental addictions to hundreds of other substances, but this particular one was so,

yeah, I had been on it for so long.

And I had been through withdrawal dozens, dozens of times in my life, but this time was, it felt like every time all compounded on top of each other.

And I knew what my parents had gone through because that must have been what withdrawal felt like for them.

And I, and I thought, oh, okay, yeah, I need to end this.

Like, I, I can't go on like this.

And then I heard a voice in my head and it said that I could request what I wanted fixed.

And it said, write it down and make it plain.

And so I had this little notebook next to me.

And I just kind of, you know,

jotted on the piece of paper, fix my pain receptors and my neurotransmitters, because I had been to rehab enough times to know why my brain thought that I was in pain when there was actually nothing physically wrong with me.

I said, I no longer want to be physically dependent to heroin.

And then they told me to lay back, close my eyes, count backwards from 10.

And as I did, these two little men appeared in my mind's eye, and they were wearing these white lab coats and they had these bulbous noses.

And these little lawnmowers manifested in front of them.

And they just kind of like waved at me and they took off in separate directions.

And I watched them map out every crevice of my mind.

They went through my whole brain.

And every step that they took, that they plowed out, I felt these intense hot tingles.

So by the time that they were finished, my whole crown of my head was just completely on fire with these hot tingles.

And then there, someone, it felt like somebody drew X's across my forehead.

I don't, I still don't know what that means.

I don't know if it's represented above the crown of thorns or maybe it's some kind of psychic surgery or some kind of spiritual barcode.

I don't know what it is, but then I felt a plunger on the crown of my head.

And as it plunged down and came back up, this bright white flash.

And I was instantaneously healed out of day three, a heroin withdrawal.

Like moments before, I was sick all over myself, welcoming death.

It felt like my blood was made of lava, like my skin was made of broken glass, like my bones were campfire logs.

And then all of a sudden, I was completely well and healed and fine.

And I threw myself on the ground and I started crying out to a God that I didn't believe in.

And I was saying, how could this be happening to me?

I don't believe in this.

I don't believe in you.

You could not have picked a more unworthy subject to bestow this kind of grace on.

And for the contrast, when this happened, I was a radical atheist.

I was an orphan to suicide.

I was a liar, manipulator, thief.

I was a racist.

I was a,

I was a.

terrible human being.

I traumatized other people.

I caused havoc, destruction everywhere that I went.

And then all of a sudden I was completely bestowed with the grace of God.

And I kept crying out, I'm not worthy of this.

I'm not worthy of this.

And then I heard this voice and it was so steady and so convincing.

And it said, but you're worthy of all the love in the universe.

You're worthy of all the love in the universe.

And they just kept chanting it over and over and over again.

And so after that experience, I thought it was the second coming of Christ.

I really, really did.

I was like, I can heal people.

I have been healed.

And so now I have to go out and heal other people.

And I thought that I was supposed to go out and preach the word of higher consciousness and Jesus.

And I didn't know anything about anything.

I went to an RV dealership and I was like, God sent me here on a mission.

I meant to get an RV and go travel the world and tell people about God.

And they were like, okay, miss, that sounds great.

Can we just need your license and a credit card?

And I was like, I don't, I don't have those things.

And they were like, well, you're going to need those things.

And I was like, I don't, God didn't say anything about needing money or a license to carry out my mission, you know?

And it was just like total chaos.

I kept running around the streets of New York City, laying my hands on homeless drug addicts, telling them that I had just healed them and they could go on and live beautiful, productive lives now.

And it was so crazy and so chaotic.

One day I found myself on a train and I had no destination.

I was still just so lost and broken and confused.

I knew something miraculous had happened, but I didn't know what it was.

I actually just thought that I had actually died and I was stuck in some kind of purgatory.

So I had to do good deeds to get back to heaven, to be like worthy enough to go to heaven, even though they were already telling me that I was so worthy.

And so I found myself on this train.

Nobody's in the whole train car, which is weird in New York because there's 9 million people there.

Usually there'll be at least one person on the train with you.

And the doors open and a man stepped inside.

And he sat directly across from me, even though the whole train car was empty.

And around his neck, he had this big blinged out emblem for a 12-step fellowship, a recovery fellowship.

And I heard this voice in my head and it said, that's your path.

Follow him to a meeting.

So I asked the strange man on the train if he happened to be going to a meeting.

And guess what?

He was on his way to a meeting.

And he took me with him.

And that was the beginning of my recovery journey.

And that was months after the spiritual experience.

And, you know, like when I started to go to the rooms of 12-step, they told me that I had to make meetings every day, that I used to use drugs every day.

Now I have to make meetings every day.

This was going to be my new habit.

And so I just listened to everything that they said because I was taking everything as,

you know, it was coming straight from God through these people's mouths.

And so I went to another meeting the next day after meeting that man and I went to a women's meeting.

And like I shared, I looked destroyed when I came into this process, like no teeth, full of like sores and holes all over me.

And just like my skin was gray, my eyes were dead.

I was really not in good shape.

And so when when I walked into this room, the women could tell that I was new because it was painfully obvious.

And this one woman came up to me and she hugged me and she held me so tight.

And she whispered in my ear and she said, you are worthy of all the love in the universe.

You are worthy of all the love in the universe.

But the same message that I had been hearing in all of these spiritual experiences.

But now an actual physical person was saying it to me.

So I could no longer write it off as, I broke my brain.

I'm totally insane.

I'm schizophrenic.

I think that, you know, all these crazy things were happening to me.

An actual physical person was whispering this message into my ear again.

And so I didn't feel worthy of all the love in the universe, but I thought maybe I was worth more than what was going on in my life at that time.

Maybe I was worth more than prostitution.

Maybe I was worth more than drug addiction.

Maybe I was worth more than homelessness.

Just had to give myself a chance.

And so, yeah, after that, like I found myself in a long-term rehab and I stayed inpatient for 17 months, which was like a psychotic amount of time.

And I didn't have access to a cell phone or the internet that whole time.

I know.

Yeah, I would have crazy.

I would have went crazy.

It was crazy.

It really was.

And I, I would, I just learned everything that I could about spirituality out of books.

It was totally archaic.

I couldn't Google anything.

It was so frustrating.

But I did learn so much.

I learned so much about mythology.

And, you know, it's all the same story being threaded through all these different mythologies over and over and over again.

And I learned about spiritual awakening.

And I found, I read every sacred text.

I read everything I could get my hands on about metaphysics and the law of attraction.

I had this insatiable thirst for knowledge.

I had never used my brain before, like literally never.

My vocabulary was nothing.

Like my only vocabulary was this long laundry list of drugs that I used and how much money it cost to be with me.

Like I didn't need space in my head for any other thoughts.

Like that was my whole universe.

And so now I have this awakening and I'm like, oh, there's all this space in here to think about different things.

You know, let me ask myself these quantum questions.

Like, what is Earth?

What are we doing here?

You know, what's the meaning of life?

And so, yeah, my journey really started to take root there.

Is that when your ability started really kicking into?

Yeah, I started to develop a lot of spiritual abilities.

Like I was able to channel archangels and I was channeling them all the time.

And I was communicating with my father every day.

And I started to develop my spirit guides and my team.

And, you know, a lot of it is just childlike imagination and intuition.

Like you don't have to be a medium.

You don't have to die to do this.

Like I did, because I'm really stubborn, but you can just like start adopting new belief systems that are more aligned with what makes your life feel better.

So I started to design my team and I could feel them, like very viscerally feel them.

And I had this one spirit guide who was with me all the time.

And I was like, tell me your name.

He was like, names do not matter.

And I'm like, I need a name.

Please give me a name.

And so I came across this Phillips disc man.

And, you know, like CDs are obsolete.

This is 2019.

And I'm like, why am I seeing a disc man?

This is so weird.

And then I realized, well, it says Philip on it.

Maybe my spirit guide's name is Philip.

And I said, well, if it is your name, you have to send it to me a couple more times so that I have real confirmation.

And then I went downstairs and on the TV, the closed captioning was on.

And across the screen, I just saw Philip, Philip, Philip, like all exclamation.

Wow.

And so that was how I designed Philip.

And he's my manifestation guide.

He's with me through so much of my life and my experience.

And, you know, he's really helped me develop like this awesome life for myself.

That's beautiful.

Are guides usually in the family tree or are they related to you?

They don't have to be.

No, I have lots of guides that are just like randos.

Yeah, they're not.

They're like nobody.

I wonder how they choose their people that they're guides for.

So I think that, you know, from some of the stuff that I've learned about soul families, sometimes members of soul families, some will just choose to stay like in eternity and act as a guide for you in this lifetime.

So Philip and I might have had physical lives together before.

Maybe I was his guide and he was down here.

And we play all these different parts for each other over and over and over again.

Yeah, because we were talking out there and we pretty much lived multiple lives, right?

Totally.

Absolutely.

So like I've been you, you've been me.

Yes.

And like even in your own family, like your dad has been your baby or your brother's been your husband.

And like, it kind of grows.

You know, like, really, we just keep rotating roles with each other.

Cause like on a soul level, we're just having fun.

Like we're playing a game.

There's there's nothing else to do in eternity like i say this all the time heaven is boring there's only one thing happening like it's unconditional love which is cool but like what else like what are you gonna do for all of eternity like you know come down here like let's suffer a little bit let's see what makes it spicy you know yeah so you believe in eternity that time just never ends time never ends which is such a weird concept to wrap your head around you know like how can you even put definition to that but i think it's just this big infinity symbol like we just go around and around and around yeah that is fascinating But it up there, it's not the same sense of time, right?

It's not linear.

No way.

So like, you know, in the pre, when I saw my pre-birth plan, every time that I would touch a cereal box, I would feel the feeling of that experience.

So like I grabbed the cereal box of childhood sexual trauma and I'm like, ooh, that kind of stings a little bit.

And I'm like, but I can handle that.

And I put it back, right?

Or I put it in the cart because I don't understand what dealing with that life experience for 40 years is going to feel like.

I only think about it like I'm a spirit.

So like, I don't understand linear time.

I just think like, oh yeah, that kind of stings a little bit.

No big deal.

I'm unconditional love and light.

I can deal with anything.

But in my human life, that's like a 40-year challenge that we have to deal with to overcome and transmute and transcend.

So I don't think that, I think that when we're making these decisions to come to Earth, we don't understand like, well, what does 80 years feel like?

Do we all choose our own traumas?

That's a fascinating concept.

I believe that we do.

But this isn't information that's for everybody.

This is information for people who have been through like real trauma in their life and they're looking for answers.

So like the idea around pre-birth planning can be weaponized.

So like let's say that you have a friend and their kid just died.

And you go up to your friend and you're like, well, you planned it before you got here.

Get over it.

Like, no, don't do that.

Right.

Like, this is not to be weaponized.

This is information for people when they happen upon it.

You don't have to push this information on anybody.

Somebody would have told me seven years ago that I planned my life.

I would have punched them in the face.

No way, man.

My life is shit.

There's no way that I planned any of this.

Nobody would ever do that.

And lots of people say that online, too, when they, when they watch podcasts and stuff about pre-birth planning, like, what about Hitler?

Why do babies die?

Like, everybody always has

an extreme example.

Right.

And yeah, you know, like, I actually do believe.

that everybody chooses the things that they go through in this life.

And from a soul perspective, none of it matters because none of this is actually happening.

So interesting.

So there's no one that has a trauma-free life then.

No, and you know, trauma can look really different for a lot of different people.

Like sometimes a trauma is that you had your hand raised in class and kindergarten and the teacher didn't call on you.

And so that then transcends into, I'm not good enough, I'm not smart enough, I'm not beautiful enough.

And like people can carry that stuff for their whole lives.

Some people have like really obvious trauma, like some of the stuff that I shared, but trauma looks different for everybody.

You know, trauma can just be loneliness.

Yeah, that's a big one these days.

Um, you mentioned channeling archangels.

Are those guardian angels or what are those exactly?

So archangels are like,

so I think of a lot of stuff like video game analogies, you know, but like they're like the major, like, they're the commanders, like in the little force.

So like, let's say that you have your eight friends that you're playing your role player game with and one of them takes the lead and like they design all of the, you know, like the missions that you're going to go on and stuff.

I think of the archangels kind of like that.

They're like the overseers of the game.

Maybe they're programmers or something.

So would they be a level above humans?

Definitely.

Yeah.

Archangels are like, I mean, in spiritual truth, there's no levels to anything.

We're all God incarnate.

But I think on a human level, for me, it helps me to break things down into levels.

So yeah, it would be like humans and then spirit guides and then angels and then.

And then archangels.

But we all progress into that.

I think so.

I think that, again, like we're all playing these roles.

So we all get to try our hats at other things.

Maybe some spiritual people might be mad that I said that we could be archangels, but I think that we could do anything, you know, because like nothing is real.

So whatever your belief system is, that's your truth.

You know, I think that especially on the spiritual journey, there is no one size fits all.

There's nothing that's like, oh, this is underlying truth for everybody.

There's truth for each individual.

I think the only real underlying truth that I would say with a thousand percent certainty is that we are not actually human beings.

We are spirits and we're having a temporary human experience.

And I, I think that that's the only thing that I would stand by as a thousand percent true for every single living conscious being.

But again, I wouldn't push that information on somebody who didn't want it.

Yeah.

Do you remember any past lives as a non-human, like another entity?

Yeah, definitely.

I have like some, you know, it came to me in the beginning of spiritual awakening.

I felt really connected to all the information about star seeds and all these other planets and aliens.

And, you know, so I had this whole conception that, like, I'm a starseed from Orion and I have these Lyran roots.

And, and that information really helped me for a long time.

But the further that I get into integration, I just know that nothing is real and everything is a story.

So, like, if that story serves me, I'm going to stick with that story.

But I also remain really open-minded that stories can shift and change because timelines are constantly shifting and changing.

So, again, like, it's just this big

melting pot of experience.

Yeah.

What causes the timeline shifting?

Just, just like behaviors, attitudes, feelings.

That's it.

You know, so like I might be on a different timeline than somebody that I used to know.

Like, like, have you ever noticed how sometimes people just absolutely disappear out of your life?

Yeah.

Where are they?

Where do they go?

You know, like, there's just like no trace of them.

So I do feel like timelines are constantly shifting.

in different directions.

That is interesting.

And there's infinite, right?

Infinite, like all the way, all the way infinite.

You know, like some people believe in doomsday and the apocalypse.

Some people believe in the great awakening and new earth.

There's all these different spiritual concepts around all this stuff.

And I don't think that anybody's wrong.

I think that all those things can happen simultaneously at the exact same time, depending on what timeline or what thought form you're in.

Yeah, because your thoughts are powerful.

So you can manifest a certain timeline, probably.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

I mean, like, I've, you know, I've, I study a lot about the law of attraction and I get to teach people about it in a really digestible way today.

Because if a homeless crackhead can do it, you probably can too, you know.

But,

you know, I was always manifesting my life.

I just didn't realize it.

So, okay, here's the thing about pre-birth planning and manifesting.

So, I do think that with pre-birth planning, it's that the major plot points in your life have already been mapped out.

Like you haven't planned every meal, but you probably have.

planned every spouse or you've planned your children or you've planned major markers in your life.

So for me, three of my major markers were addiction, recovery, spiritual awakening.

So when it comes to manifesting, I was already on track for the pre-birth plots to come to fruition.

But I could have hopped out of one of the plot points and gone into the next one.

Like all I had to do was just turn the page.

But because I was consistently manifesting the addiction storyline, because my thoughts were, I'm impoverished.

I hate my life.

I have to do depraved things to get money.

I need to use drugs.

And so those thoughts shaped my reality and that became my whole reality.

Interesting.

Today my thoughts are different.

I'm an abundant individual.

I'm surrounded by spiritual community.

I love my life.

And so that's my reality now.

Total 180.

Yeah.

Is death one of those things that is predetermined, do you think?

I do think that death is predetermined.

I think that there's like a couple of things when it comes to death that are not predetermined.

I don't think that people necessarily plan to overdose.

I don't necessarily think that people plan to commit suicide.

I do think that people take on heavy life experience carts, that it's a high probability that those things will happen.

Like, even for myself, I had a very high probability that I would die by suicide or overdose.

Really?

And I think that in other timelines, I did, you know, like because I had overdosed plenty of times and tried to kill myself a handful of times.

And every time I just woke up with no memory in a hospital bed.

And so I think that hospitals are checkpoints in the video game of life.

Yeah, I wondered about that with suicide.

Yeah.

I lost my father to that.

Oh, wow.

And my grandfather.

Oh, my gosh.

Yeah.

So I wondered if that was predetermined or.

Wow.

So, okay, here's my theory around suicide.

And thank you for sharing that.

And I think that the more that we talk about it, like the less stigma that there is attached to it.

Yeah.

And then you get to, you know, I get to be part of the generation that's going to break that in my own family, you know?

And I hope the same for you.

So this is what happens with suicide.

I do believe that people sign up for maybe the life experience of depression, right?

But everybody that signs up for a certain life experience, they sign up for the dual of it, right?

Because we're on Earth and Earth is all about duality.

And so some people don't get an opportunity to get to the other side of the experience.

So if you come here to experience depression, you're also meant to overcome and probably help other people in acts of service to help them with depression.

But so for some of us, we never get the opportunity to do that.

And I think that because that life experience is so dense and it can become so weighted.

And especially like with men, you know, like, yeah, I really rally for men because in society and maybe now it's shifting, but for so many generations back, like men were not allowed to express their feelings.

And so their only feelings came out as rage because rage is the masculine feeling.

Right.

And so like they would just beat themselves up or like they would be suffering silently.

Yeah.

And, you know, like, there's so many mental health issues with men in our society right now.

And yeah, so I don't think that.

souls necessarily plan for it.

They're not punished.

They're not condemned, but that's also not an out.

So I'm not saying like, hey, we can all just and then we'll just be in heaven.

We'll be totally fine.

I don't think that that happens either.

I just think that as soon as a soul does that, they get reincarnated right away and they have to do it all over.

And my theory is actually that those are babies that are colicky, like that cry all the time.

Oh, yeah.

Actually suicide souls.

No way.

Yeah, because they're like, no, I thought I figured it out.

I thought I would be done.

And now I'm stuck in this little baby body.

Because some babies don't even cry at all.

And I'm like, how?

Yeah, yeah.

Maybe they're like highly evolved souls.

Wow.

I never thought of that connection.

That's interesting.

How long did it take to connect with your dad when he did his?

Because I tried a meditation to connect with mine like the week after.

I got terrible anxiety.

I had to stop.

Oh, wow.

I don't know if he was in the right spot.

Yeah, yeah.

I think that's probably true.

It took me a long time to connect with my mom.

It took me 11 years.

I didn't care from, yeah.

I mean, like, cause I wasn't in spiritual awareness, you know?

So for 11 years after my parents died, I was just like medicating, sedating, you know, like on a path of destruction using an active addiction.

But then after my experience, my dad was like right with me the whole time.

And so my dad doesn't communicate with me from heaven.

He communicates with me from an alternate timeline.

Whoa.

Where he didn't, his suicide attempt was not successful.

Holy.

My mother died, but he didn't.

And so from that timeline, that's how he talks to me.

Which, you know, for me, it made more sense because it was, it was actually really hard for me to accept the fact that my parents were like loved and accepted because everything in society says like, oh, if you do this really heinous thing, like you're damn, you're damned forever.

And it's actually one of the reasons why I stayed an atheist for so long, because I couldn't imagine a creator that would allow my parents to suffer their whole human lives and then condemn them to suffer for all of eternity.

That sounds terrible.

So I just decided to not believe in God instead because it was easier.

It was just a coping mechanism.

But yeah, so today I have all these other stories that I tell myself, but it was actually really hard for me to connect with my mom.

And I think really the challenge with the connection was that I had a lot of resentment and it was just unprocessed.

And so once I started to actually process my resentment and start to heal my mother wound, I was able to connect with her.

And yeah, she, she was with me on the drive here.

She

played a song that only she would play like randomly on shuffle.

And my dad comes to me all the time in signs.

So

if you've recently lost a loved one, all you have to do is just ask for a sign.

Just clear your head, the first thing that pops into your head.

So I have this story about when I was communicating with my dad, I really thought that I was schizophrenic.

I was like, oh man, I was like, I am broken.

Like I have fried my brain out.

And I said, dad, listen, I really do think that it's you, but if it is you, please send me a sign.

And the first sign that popped into my head was a fox.

I was like, okay, dad, if it's you, send me a fox.

So the next day I went to TJ Maxx, you know, at store.

It's like a bomb went off in there, right?

It's like disgusting.

There's clothes everywhere.

There was like four.

It's always busy for some reason, too.

It's always crazy in there.

It's like, there's just trash everywhere.

I was like, let me buy all this trash.

So I'm online waiting to pay for my own trash and you know everybody discards all their items on the end cap yeah so right on the end cap there was a book and it said amazing dads and it was a picture of a daddy fox and a baby fox no way i was like oh my god it's really him so yesterday or the other day when i got to vegas

i

the person you know like i was on the plane and I get off the plane and somebody drops their bag.

They just like stop walking in the middle of the walkway.

I'm like, this is rude.

What's wrong with this person?

You know, and the person dropped their bag, and on the bottom of the bag, daddy fox, baby fox.

And I'm like, okay, dad, I hear you.

You're with me.

And I got to my girlfriend's house, and there's foxes all over her house, right?

And I've stayed there before.

Like, I knew that.

Like, her guest bathroom was like all squirrels and foxes.

Those are two of my spiritual signs.

But then I was looking at her kids' like achievement, you know, like certificate of achievement on the wall and her teacher's name, Miss Fox.

Like, this is crazy.

And then I go out the next day, her neighbor's having a garage sale.

There's a huge beanbag of a fox.

And I'm like, okay.

So I know that my dad's with me.

And in fact, because I communicate with him from this alternate timeline where he still is alive in Vegas, you know, it's just a totally different reality.

So like he's really with me while I'm here.

That's crazy.

Is that astral projection?

How are you communicating with him?

No, we're just communicating through childlike imagination and intuition.

And that's it.

It's really that simple.

Like you don't have to study lucid dreaming.

You don't have to actual travel.

You have to just trust.

Just trust yourself.

Trust the stories that you tell yourself.

That's it.

That is so interesting.

Yeah.

Some people have that ability and they notice these Mandela effects and they're more sensitive to stuff like that, right?

Yeah, definitely.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

We're living in a totally different world.

Yeah.

I've noticed that.

Yes.

After my awakening, you know, like it, it was, I woke up and all of a sudden Earth was called Gaia.

Is it always called that?

Like, I don't remember that before.

And then things that were twin flames existed.

existed i had never heard of that before either it's just like all these different things started to come into my awareness so i really do feel like i shifted into another timeline yeah certain animals you you see like the wild or whatever and you're like is that my loved one you get that weird feeling right yeah yeah absolutely yeah loved ones will come through in butterflies and birds um if you see a feather if you see a penny pennies from heaven really yeah those are like the blanketed signs you can pick a particular sign if you want but like if you can't get your head clear or you're not really sure if you believe, if you look for those other things, you're definitely going to see that for sure.

So you're fully convinced we're in a simulation?

Oh, absolutely.

But it's so fun.

Once you figure out how to hack the game, it's like the coolest thing to be.

And like at first, I was like, I'm trapped.

Like, I'm trapped here, you know?

But then once I started to figure out the codes to the game, it was like, oh, yeah, this is going to be amazing.

This is going to be tits.

This is great.

So do you believe in numerology then?

Absolutely.

Yeah.

I do too.

Okay.

What's your life path?

33.

Oh, no.

Master number over here what are you okay i'm an eight eight what are those known for business-minded leader okay and eight is the number of manifestation and it's infinity on its number of wealth too right yeah well so you're gonna be wealthy oh i already am let's go

yeah that stuff's real though yeah yeah i've asked so many people their numbers okay so let me tell you my theory about numerology okay so okay if anybody doesn't know numerology is like astrology but with numbers so every person is assigned a particular number the way that you get your life path number is you add up all the digits of your birthday, and then you deduce it down to one digit.

There's also a soul number and a destiny number.

And the way that you get that is by taking the name on your birth certificate and assigning numbers to the letters through the Pythagorean alphabet.

So like A is one, B is two, blah, blah, blah, all the way down, right?

So my theory is that Your birth certificate is like your matrix code.

That's like your certificate to get into the game.

And that's why the letters on it are actually numbers, like it's binary.

And so my whole theory around numerology helps me with my theory around simulation theory as well.

That's interesting.

So what if you change your name?

No, you have to go with your birth certificate name.

Okay.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Which is another thing, right?

Because people change their names, they change their genders, they do all sorts of things, but like you have to go based off of that because that's the original code of your avatar.

So do you think the elites are aware of all this stuff?

I don't know.

You know, I don't like, that's not a storyline that I go into in my life.

Yeah.

I really only focus on like things that light me up.

So we were talking before, right?

My boyfriend is a radical atheist.

He's like a militant atheist.

He's also super into politics.

He loves David Pachman.

I know you have

all the time.

And so, but I don't know anything about that world because that's not the world that I want to live in.

We're creating our own timelines and our own realities.

I only want to live in a reality where like I'm lit up, I'm helping people.

I'm being of service.

I don't think about anything that's like too big because it doesn't matter because this world is not real.

It's just not real.

So if it is a simulation, which it is,

the big boss of the video game is the video game itself.

So the king Koopa of this game is just the matrix that we live inside of.

Now, the big boss's goal is to distract you from your soul's mission.

So if I get distracted with like what's going on in politics or in world events or anything like that, then the big boss is winning because my whole goal goal is just to carry out my soul's mission, which is to love and laugh and maybe to be a little judgmental and then have to overcome that and just do things that light light me up.

So I don't want to let the big boss win or like, you know, hit me with a left hook or anything.

So I just really, I don't even pay attention to anything.

But I'd love to hear your theories around it.

I think it's all a distraction.

Yeah.

I think politics and a lot of stuff, sports, all that mainstream stuff is a distraction.

Oh my God.

So my boyfriend's also really into sports.

He's like a very grounding agent for me, you know, because I spend all day in really elevated conversations.

And so like, I need a very human person in my life.

But so he took me to like a Mets game and I was crying because there was like 10,000 people there.

And I was like, I can't believe that all these people are here rooting for a sports team.

We could be like meditating for world peace or something together.

And it really, really hit me.

It made me so, yeah, it made me so emotional.

We They could have raised the consciousness of the planet,

but instead we're like, go team.

And, you know, sports was invented like an ancient mythology.

The kings and the philosophers, they created sports so that people would be distracted so that they could make all the decisions about society.

Really?

Yeah.

Wow.

Yes.

I need to explore that more.

That's fascinating.

I love how you could put all this to the side with your boyfriend, though, and just still be with him.

Yeah, you know, like, So we were talking before and saying like some spiritual people are very close-minded and they're like, no, I need a spiritual person with me.

Like we need to ascend.

But I believe in autonomy.

I believe in spiritual autonomy.

I think when I probably first started to date my boyfriend, I was like, I'm going to change.

He's going to be so spiritual.

It's going to be amazing.

But after time went on, I was like, you know what?

He's really perfect the way that he is.

And I don't need to change anything about him.

Like he has his life.

I have my life.

We're in this very interdependent relationship.

He

believes that I believe my, you know, like the things that I do.

You know, I'm talking about spirituality and manifesting.

And he believed in manifesting now.

That was one of the things that kind of flips for him.

Yeah.

It is.

It's a big step, you know?

And I think that when you talk about manifesting, it's much more digestible for like regular people because, you know, they think, like, oh, maybe, you know, like, there's so much evidence of people manifesting their reality.

Right.

Yeah.

I make a vision board every year.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I do them all the time.

I love it.

Yeah.

That stuff's legit.

Yeah.

It really is.

I have vision boards where literally every single thing has come true on it.

I wrote a list.

I watched just like Steve Harvey motivational speech and he he said, write down 300 things that you want in your life, 300 things to manifest.

And I was like, this is impossible.

You start making the list and you like get to 60 and you're like, I'm out of things.

Like, I'll take a pen.

I'll take an orange t-shirt.

Like, I'm out of things, you know?

And it took me a long time to finish the list.

But out of, I made that list five years ago.

Out of the 300 things, 180 of them have come true.

Wow.

From not even doing anything.

Like some of them had actionable steps that, like, I did have to do stuff, but some of them I literally just wrote it down and they just came true.

So I really do believe in the power of manifesting.

I believe in the power of using your hands.

Your hands are connected to your throat chakra.

This is our chakra of truth.

So when you write things down, not only are you not distracted with all the monkey thoughts going on in your mind, you're focused on what you're writing, but you're literally expressing yourself through this truth chakra.

Yeah, writing is powerful.

That's why I write over typing too.

Yeah.

I just feel like it hits deeper.

Totally.

you mentioned soul missions earlier do you think most people find out their soul mission yes absolutely you think so and i think that you know it's it's always going to be involved around passion or pain or some combination of both of those things so you know for a lot of people your soul mission is something that you've overcome something that you've figured out that you can teach other people When it comes to passion, like what's something that you could talk about for hours and never get tired of?

That's where your purpose lies.

It doesn't have to be something huge.

Sometimes people's mission is just to be in the right place at the right time, to have your energy affect another person.

Maybe it's to smile at a stranger.

It doesn't have to be like something huge and global.

Could be being a mom.

It could be, you know, being a child.

It could be, you know, so many different things.

But I think that everybody has access to this to figure out what they're here to do.

That's interesting because I feel like a lot of people these days are lost.

Yeah, I think that you're probably right.

We have a lot of things in our society for the game to win.

Like the game is just, the game is winning.

We can't be mad at the game because that's like literally its whole job is to win.

We need as like ourselves to, you know, like get it together and sort of put aside all of the addictive things like scrolling and masturbating, drugs, alcohol, caffeine, like all, you know, all of those things are distractions for you on your soul's mission, you know?

As I'm drinking coffee.

Well, maybe not for everybody.

Okay.

I don't think that it's one size fits all.

Right.

But I, cause like, I have friends that are really in tune psychic mediums and they eat McDonald's all the time.

Wow.

But like to me, that's not part of my plan.

You know, like I'm a gluten-free, sugar-free vegan who only drinks water.

Okay.

I used to eat pills out of other people's puke, like literally.

So transformation is possible.

But also like, these are things that I do because I have a belief system that it raises my vibration.

It makes it easier for me to manifest cool experiences like this one or like connect with people.

And so yeah, I don't think that it's one size fits all, but I will say that society does have a problem with addiction.

Oh, yeah.

Dopamine and, you know, like we're, we're lost.

Like a lot of people are lost, but there's so many amazing teachers out there.

I think that's why so many people are hungry for spiritual information because they just want, they want answers.

Yeah.

I'm seeing a lot of dopamine addiction with phones these days.

Totally.

Absolutely.

It's so hard.

It's like the only one that I have left.

Don't take it away from me, please.

I've let go of so much stuff.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

But scrolling, I, yeah.

It's like my, you know, my one little thing to kind of like sedate myself.

Yeah, you go in like a trance almost.

Totally.

It's painful.

It hurts me.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You feel it in the moment.

Oh my God.

I feel it so bad.

I'm like, please make this stop.

It's hard.

Yeah.

I also feel like it's desensitizing because I'll be scrolling.

I'll see like an animal dying.

I'll see like fist fights.

And no reaction.

No reaction.

Wow.

Crazy, right?

Yes.

But I've gotten so numb to just seeing wild stuff, I guess.

Wow.

Yeah.

I think that you're right.

Totally.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

My, my, like each of my apps has a different algorithm in it.

So like my TikTok is just like all body cam videos with like cops like

doing crazy stuff.

And I'm like, I just go right into it.

Or like court cases, like people in the midst of just like

horror in their lives.

You know, I'm like, yeah, let me watch from the outside and see what that's like, you know?

And it's to avoid actual interaction with people.

And again, that's what your soul wants.

Your soul didn't come here to sit and scroll on a phone for hours.

Your soul came here to find the members of its soul family, to connect, to create, to be in communion with others.

Yeah.

I saw this crazy thing on dating where like it's a chart of how people met their partner.

I saw you posted that.

And oh my gosh, it used to be met through friends in church and school and work.

Now it's 65% online dating.

Crazy.

Yeah, it's nuts.

Yeah.

And that's how people are making friends these days too.

Yeah.

And you know what?

I'm grateful for all of the things that we have with technology.

It's just about how we use it.

You know, like we have to be autonomous in like how we are using these things.

So like you could online shop or you can watch for a couple of hours or you could like find a spiritual community online, go to a Zoom meeting, connect with other people, share information, or, you know, like even like mastermind groups and stuff.

Like we're able to connect with people all over the world, which is an incredible, incredible thing.

Like, where are you focusing your energy?

Absolutely.

Yeah.

What's the next thing for you?

I know you're trying to fix the homelessness issue, right?

Yeah.

So I have a day job where I work in the substance use disorder field and I have this great, like I work with this great team of people and a big, a big collection of us are peers.

So like our whole job is just self-disclosure.

We say, hey, I'm in recovery.

If I can do it, you can do it.

They give us salaries for that, which is crazy.

And right now, our outreach efforts are to go into areas of New York City where there's a lot of drug use and homelessness and just offer people like water and food and then try to get them connected to care if it's something that they want to do.

A lot of times people don't want to be connected to care.

So, you know, you can see some really crazy things out there.

And like, yeah, I'll just share this one story.

There was this woman that I came across.

It's been like a couple months now, but she stuck with me so vividly.

And she was naked and she had really long nipples.

And like, I had never seen that in real life before.

And I was just, it was just shocking to me.

But, you know, she was naked.

She was like in a wheelchair.

She was missing a leg.

And then her other leg, her foot, which is like this bloody stump.

It was so infected.

It was so bad.

And she was so dirty.

And she kept like swatting all around her because she thought there was bugs on her but there wasn't and i went up to her and i was like miss there's no bugs on you and she was like they're everywhere and she was just like you know like screaming and i said can i give you some narcan and she said i curse the man who invented narcan i just want to die don't give me anything i just want to die damn and i was it was so jarring like it still really has it stuck with me for months and um you know like people are really going through stuff They are really, really going through stuff.

And I can't change the world.

Like, that's not part of my mission.

It's really not.

But I can make a difference.

Like, I know that woman's name.

And when I see her again, I'll be able to call her by her name.

And that makes a huge difference in a person's life.

You know, like I can tell from the outreach efforts that we already do.

And then other than that, you know, like I work as a transformation coach.

And so I have this opportunity to work with a different caliber of person.

You know what I mean?

Like

people who are interested in spiritual growth and development.

And maybe they want to learn how to manifest.

And so I'm, I'm really experiencing the dual of the human experience.

And honestly, being out in the field with the population of people that are dealing with substance use disorder in New York City, it helps me remember that I'm inside of a dream much more because like, I don't need to fix that person.

I just need to respect their spiritual autonomy that this is what their soul wanted to do.

It's really hard sometimes because I want to change things, but like maybe that person's not supposed to change right now.

That is interesting.

Interesting concept because some people see homeless people and they want to really help them, but maybe that's not what their soul mission wants, right?

Yeah.

I mean, I mean, like, you know, for me, I think that everybody's supposed to transcend.

Like, I don't think that people are supposed to be homeless.

I think that they're supposed to overcome and help other people, but I don't know when that's supposed to happen for them.

Like, they have to want it too.

Right.

Have you been in the tunnels out here?

No, you know what?

My best friend's little brother, he works in the tunnels.

Oh, you could work in there?

Well, no, no, yeah.

He said, he works with like a substance use disorder clinic and he goes out there and tries to get people connected to care.

Wow.

So, yeah.

But, you know, just driving around Vegas, like it is bad out here.

It's really bad.

It's so hot.

Like I can't imagine being homeless in this heat.

It's got to be one of the worst spots in America, bro.

Definitely.

New York's the opposite.

It's cold.

Yeah, it is.

It's cold.

I don't know what's worse.

And yeah, and it's dirty too.

Like it's filthy there, you know?

Yeah.

But again, like.

It just helps me remember that I'm inside of a dream.

I don't know why things happen the way that they do.

That's way above my pay grade.

I'm not trying to figure it out.

I know that there's divine order to all of this.

In fact, me and one of my colleagues, every time we see something really jarring out on the street, we look at each other and we say, All is in divine right order.

All is in divine right order.

And it's like this affirmation that we meet up with each other so that we can go on with the rest of our day.

Everything happens for a reason, right?

Every day.

Yeah.

Well, we'll link your coaching below and everything.

Anything else you want to close off with?

No, this is so cool.

Thank you so much for having me on.

Yeah, I learned a lot.

Thanks for watching, guys.

Check her out.

See you next time.