Digital Marketing Mastery: Lessons I Learned Online | Farrah Abraham DSH #1400

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As

You're like, coming to bat.

You're like, I got the camera footage.

We're doing a psych evaluation on your crazy ass.

You're lying.

We're having the doctors come through.

Like, I go through it with people who try to get money from me, like the security guard and my million dollars.

I like hit her, and I never did.

Okay, guys, got Farah here today out here in Las Vegas.

Yay!

I love me some Las Vegas.

I'm checking out a lot of new stuff.

Vegas has changed since I've been out here.

It's been a couple of years.

Oh, wow.

It's been a long time.

Yes.

And now everyone's like got these buzzwords of like tariff.

And I guess like Vegas is kind of going through it.

They're like charging some of their like locals more, even when they stay at some of the hotels.

And I guess like parking.

So I've been just hearing some local chatter.

You've been talking to your Uber drivers about it.

No, I rented my own car.

Oh, okay.

Wow.

Me and strangers i just yeah i like my own space you don't like strangers yeah

you got to perform some comedy out here i know well i'm actually doing some meetings while i am out here um because september i'm like getting more more busy with um comedy i'm just trying to finish my master's degree but i cannot wait for like a residency so we are just taking some meetings having some fun um so hopefully a residency in vegas i'm excited for it what are you getting your master's in digital marketing okay Marketing is a good skill to have.

Yeah.

You know, it's actually turned out to be way more than I thought.

I, there's these components of marketing that no one talks about, like data science and all of these other technological things and certifications.

And so it's a lot.

I'm getting certifications on top of a degree and it's insane.

So where are you doing that at?

I'm doing it at WGU, which is online.

Okay.

I think they're like the friendliest for like.

business owners to get another degree.

I suck at online school.

I can't focus.

Yeah, I've been doing online school for, I don't even know, all my other degrees.

That's impressive.

My ADHD just, I start opening up other tabs and

start zoning up.

Yeah.

It's so self-discipline is real.

But I also do like screenwriting and book writing.

So I'm just, I really need quiet

to get my stuff done.

Again, yeah.

Like I used to go into person.

Yeah, I just never had a real good college experience when I was there in person.

Like people are either jealous of you, like people are talking about shooting people up.

You know, some of my colleagues were just coming to school like

drunk or on drugs and then like trying to blame me for stuff that they do.

So I just, honestly, I just want to focus, get in, get out and put that, roll that back into my companies and my business.

And that's, that's my life.

How's the homeschooling going with the kids?

My daughter, she's 16.

So she's, she's rocking it.

Sophia is,

yeah, I'm proud of her.

A lot of her other family members and friends, they can't chill.

Yeah.

They can't like focus at home.

And my daughter, she prefers it.

So I'm leaning into, I don't have kids yet, but I'm leaning towards homeschooling or like a really good private school, but definitely not public school.

Yeah, I mean,

I think.

reflecting, which I do a lot, I think, you know, or maybe being traumatized from 16 and pregnant and teen mom that I was on.

I think people just kept being very negative and saying like, I would have the same relationship as my daughter does.

I'd have, you know, all these things repeating.

And I just was like, yeah, I'll give it a go in public school.

If I see the same things that I was raised around, I'm done with this.

And so I just kind of break a lot of cycles and I have a better life.

And nothing

has been the same.

Everything's just been greater.

Nice.

How did you feel about how you were portrayed on those shows?

I mean, I guess I have to be okay with it.

I wasn't the editor.

I wasn't above the line

executive producer on those.

I do think like the fans feel

there's a lot that's been left out.

They have unanswered questions.

They didn't get to see my full life.

They don't truthfully know.

uh the full capacity of myself or my child and so yeah i think reality television should definitely get better.

And, you know, I got an entertainment business degree so I could hop in the mix and come back regardless of how crappy my experience was.

I still have a passion for it and a drive.

So that's what I've been working on these last couple of months.

Like, hopefully I'm selling like a true crime series that I got the pitch and writing done.

Nice.

I went to Harvard for like a screenwriting program.

So I had like the true crime like docu series.

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Ready, but I also started out with the script of this true crime series.

But I, yeah, it's kind of like big little lies, that tone.

And then I was like, I need to get this book adaptation done.

My New York Times best-selling book that I had.

And I finally got that done after 13 years, like last week.

So it's just, you know what?

Things have just taken time.

And yeah.

Damn, you're grinding.

Yeah.

I've been just writing and getting things out.

I think I just wanted to kind of like

do some new projects, but I also wanted to, I guess, give justice to the fans of 16 and pregnant and teen mom.

They always, whether it's the haters or the lovers of the show,

they're always like thinking the opposite of what happened about my relationship.

And it was, and I actually, after like, you know, doing the script, doing the pitches, breaking everything down, getting it completed this fast week, I really saw how everything got mixed in the like jumble in the press and the sensationalism of the show and the growth of how fast it was.

No one realizes

because they get to see all the other teen moms and most people on reality TV.

You get to see all of their other relationships.

You get to see the other person.

What was different and maybe why my 16 and pregnant was the highest episode and like with teen mom I was ringing the highest ratings is no one got to actually see who I had my daughter with who was a love of my life who I learned so much from

and then it played out played out in my life and so yeah that's why I felt like this book to film adaptation is definitely needed but I also love

like Our relationship started around prom.

Right now it's prom season.

Everyone's having it.

It's popping off.

It's going all over social media.

And I, again, I'm doing things different with my daughter.

And I'm reading like these prom scenes again.

And

so she's just showing me stuff of her family and like we're happy for them, but we also did life different

because I just am like, I just see things so full circle.

I think a lot of people don't when it comes to like procreation and prevention.

I do look at our society as it's inevitable.

We're going to continue having teen moms, teen dads, teen pregnancies, teen whatever's

due to the fact that

I am, you know, I have a 16-year-old and I'm like, wow, did anything change in contraception and prevention since 16 and pregnant?

It's like that full circle year right now where you buy your daughter, you know, cars and get her own stuff.

And it's like, it's a ton of fun.

And then did anything change?

Society did not change other than letting women brought to you by amnesia vodka, crafted to leave an impression.

And go buy birth control tablets at like a drugstore without getting like approval.

Oh, they don't need prescription anymore for birth control?

No.

And I'm just like, but you have young men online right now saying, hey, can I go get a vasectomy?

Why can I not go get a vasectomy at 16?

You know, can I get, there's like a plan A or like Atom, the company for fertility, they're doing like shots for men.

And

like in this room too, you can have like a shot and it's like a non-surgical vasectomy and all these other things that they're idealizing.

But yet women have been going through all this for like decades.

And I just see like there's no change.

There's no inclusion.

There's no equity for teens.

And you always see the label.

It's like for men, 25 to 35.

It's like,

I have to say this, because it's controversial.

I got to say, if you haven't been practicing like

real prevention

all that time,

and then you just decide, oh, I'm going to do prevention like at 25, I think that's not even preventative.

That's just like, oh, I'm going to start being accountable, thinking of this.

I'm going to get fear out of my relationships.

I'm going to just have like a free-flowing ultimate sex life finally.

But yeah, I just say to my daughter, I'm like, I am just so happy I didn't put you in public school and then just drop you in like the weeds of wounded people and then, you know, say, don't have sex, don't do this, don't do that, shame, blame, reject.

Like I went through and many do, because I knew that putting my daughter in that same situation is inevitable of coming out of it.

with a someone who's pregnant or a teen parent.

And I just saw that so much growing up.

And now we see like 12-year-olds on the news who are pregnant.

So it's like, that's crazy.

Yeah.

So whether it's by force or by choice, we do not control our adult bodies.

And yeah, I think people need to be included, especially those who are vulnerable, who do not have inclusion with prevention.

I don't even know why we even call it prevention if it's not preventing, but

that's just been the sad realization this year.

That's crazy.

That like just my full circle, 16, my daughter, 16.

I'm like,

what changed?

Did the TV show change anything?

So I don't know.

Well, now there's OnlyFans.

That probably changed a lot.

Right.

Now there's guys just watching that all day.

You know, I got fired for doing stuff like that from 16, probably like teen mom.

So, and, you know, the crazier thing is I'm not, you know, throwing anyone under the bus, but.

Everybody on my cast has like an OnlyFans now.

Yeah.

Actresses, everybody.

You were just the first one.

So So you got, it's always the first one that gets hit.

She's crazy.

I know.

It's just, yeah, so weird.

But I was just kind of like inclusionary of what is out there for us.

And we are adults.

And I did get casted on a show for having sex.

You know, I don't know.

That is ironic that that show would actually care about that.

If any show.

Yeah, I was like, is this a sexist situation?

Like, is this woman's oppression?

Like, I'm being fired for being a woman.

so it always

just, you know, tickles my mind when people are like,

well, everybody else on your cast is an OnlyFans.

It's just, okay.

Yeah.

Maybe it was a hate crime.

I didn't know you got fired for that.

That's crazy.

Yeah, wild.

Yeah, so bad.

Let's either go, go all in, or what am I going to do?

So I did for five years.

And I continue my OnlyFans.

And now I do OF TV.

And I'm recording some of those episodes out here with other ladies who who have an amazing OF TV channel.

So, yeah, it's cool.

Like, golf, sports, all sorts of things are on there.

You think it was the right choice in the long run?

Like, do you think you'll make more off this than TV?

Oh my God, I started making way more money than I ever did on television.

So, initially, I was like,

I don't know.

It's a gamble.

And then, you know, you do your taxes every year.

And you're just like,

I'm making like way more money.

Thank you for this injustice.

And they also had to pay me because they like broke their contract.

So

yeah, it all worked out in my favor.

I actually thank them.

One of them is actually flying in for dinner

with me here.

I still don't understand why they come to my comedy shows, why they want to be around.

I'm like, am I your muse?

Do you take this back to the clan and then try to figure out what to do with these other moms?

Because no one's watching anymore since I left.

Yeah.

Do they still have new episodes or I haven't heard about them in a while?

Yeah, you're like, I have to.

I hope you guys are enjoying the show.

Please don't forget to like and subscribe.

It helps the show a lot with the algorithm.

Thank you.

You heard about it.

I haven't heard about it since I was in like high school, I feel like.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Once I left, like, it's never been the same.

They tried to fill my shoes.

People left.

They couldn't handle it.

And I think now it's just like, I feel like it almost makes fun.

of 16 and pregnant.

I feel like the producers actually sabotaged the show.

Like they just casted a girl to just basically go do IVF after she's had like two or three kids that she couldn't even take care of.

But yet we're going to fund an IVF before the new law where people can get IVF for free, which is awesome.

And I'm happy for those couples.

Oh, it's free now?

Yes, with the new law.

Wow.

So check that out.

Shout out to Trump.

I didn't know that.

Yeah, shout out.

And hopefully, we get some more new laws in fertility and help make it safer for women and also safer for men to equally

you know

come to take accountability and

contraception

i'm not going to say prevention yeah

there's none there so since you got pregnant so young how do you treat it with your daughter like are you super protective

you know

i'm going to say it like this

um

i don't have to be protective because i've raised my child right I don't know if that even makes sense to a lot of people.

I think when you teach them to surround themselves with a level of thinking and behavior and know to choose, like, you know, pick the right person, choose the right people to hang out with, you really just have less issues, less, less oopsies.

There's no oopsies.

It's like,

we're like, what are we doing and know what you're doing?

And I think my daughter very much thinks and sees that.

And maybe it was because we always at that time had lots of people recognizing us so she needed to be aware of her surroundings she needed to know what was going on there's you know been a lot of attacks of her mom and so i think she just wants to have like the best relationships or she doesn't want them at all and i think because of her i started having better relationships and dating better oh yeah i think it's great you know i just yeah i give things to my daughter

I mean, they say you learn a lot from having kids.

Like they're like a mirror.

Definitely do.

Unless you're a horrible parent and you silence your kids and you don't let it be a safe and open place at your house so i was raised like that where it was be quiet be perfect silence don't show who you are

and like even when you know after like

super fame and i go back home to iowa

I'm hanging out with my grandma and like someone came to visit.

Another grandma did to pick up the kids.

And she's like, oh, look at you, Vera, looking like a famous movie star.

And she was just being authentic, right?

There was no reason for her to suck up to me.

I don't like that.

And my grandma is just like,

like, she just wanted to silence it, lessen it, devalue it.

But that's what I was raised around.

And then I realized, like,

I don't do this shit anymore.

It's like, I'm cool visiting, but don't dim my shine anymore.

I just outgrew that suffocation.

And so, yeah, ever since then, it's just been kind of like, huh.

I think sometimes we need that contrast to break free and then know like what is good for our kids and what is not.

So I love that my daughter has her own style to do her own thing, can design her own car, can do it all.

I love that.

I didn't know your family was not approving of your lifestyle like that.

I think just

they're not okay with someone else outshining them.

And maybe that comes from like bipolar disorder, borderline disorders.

And yeah, we also weren't raised with like mental health education growing up.

And a lot of people who are my supporters, they always come out to me and they're like, I went through the same thing as you.

My home does not believe in mental health.

And yeah, so what a.

eye-opening experience when we had COVID and everyone realized because they were stuck with people mental health crises crises

that that is very important.

That will change your life, which it has.

Yeah, I don't think my mom believed in it either.

Definitely.

There was something wrong.

I think I was literally the first voice in the family because my cousins, my boy cousins were my age.

You know, he would have such a disposition and we were like best friends growing up.

And we would do like all, all of everything together, like run,

like all this stuff.

We just do crazy shit all the time together.

And just at a certain age, his mental health changed.

And it was literally like,

I don't know, I'm very in touch with like feeling energy.

And it was like, this is my happy cousin.

Oh boy, I better watch my fucking back because this is a different cousin.

And

still to this day, I don't really know.

to the context of what kind of disorder that was.

Again, it was very quiet.

You don't believe in this.

There's quiet this,

which isn't healthy.

So I kind of had to learn through like neurology, psychology, and then sociology, what that could have been.

And so, yeah,

and it got very much more aggressive and abusive and those things.

But I was the only one to voice this in my family initially.

And I think like, that is so sad when like, a 12-year-old girl has to tell a huge family of adults.

Like, yeah, I know you've had a mental health journey.

You've tried all sorts of methods and techniques.

I love it.

What was the most, if you look back at it, what was the most effective one that you would recommend?

Well, I think I needed to do them all.

I'm not going to, I'm not going to say like direct neurofeedback.

I think the big life changer for anyone who's listening is like scan your brain.

I actually feel like that should be a mandatory thing.

For public school, private school, anywhere where there's a ton of kids, schools, they need to have that so that the students know who they are and what is best for them.

And when you take that away and that knowledge and that education away from children or even their parents and like the teachers who do like,

pardon me, they do like surveys and they're like, she might have ADD,

but I don't really know.

It's like chancery.

We're guessing.

And that should like be illegal because you're like messing with someone's life, their studies, their school, their success.

So, yeah, when I scanned my daughter's brain and mine,

it like it changed our whole lives.

And I saw her do better and better.

And I've done better.

So yeah, start off with a scan your brain.

Amon's Clinic.

Shout out to Amon's Clinic.

That's where I got mine.

Okay.

Yeah.

Shout out to Amon.

I learned a lot that day.

Oh my gosh.

Yeah.

So I actually had to do six months with them, like totally like changed my brain.

You were messed up.

Yeah.

I didn't realize

like mold and then like trauma, like high anxiety up.

And so yeah, but by the end of it,

the brain was like just totally regenerated.

So it's really cool how you can see like what substances, what environmental stuff can just really lower your brain and what can turn it on.

So it's really cool.

And then where else was like, oh, I've done so much.

I was really on this kick about direct neurofeedback after that, because they did suggest it at Amon's clinic.

And that is basically you're putting like

you're sticking things to your mind, like your head in certain places.

And you're learning to turn on certain parts of your brain while you're watching like Netflix and chilling.

And so I did about 200 hours of this.

Wow.

Like I dedicated like two years of like a big mental health journeys for it.

and my brain changed it shows you the growth i also had my daughter do this with me she got to see her growth and i think that helped us again probably do school at home holding yourself accountable being disciplined having strategic focus like i've never had before and i loved it and now I do ketamine treatments and I got it like shout out to ketamine done right because I understand people die right from ketamine and I didn't understand why everyone's like, you need to be careful.

You need to be careful.

Well, if you do ketamine and if you're around water,

you might kill yourself because you get in a relaxed state.

And, you know, I think it was like one of the friends' castovers.

He died like in a pool or water, and it was with his ketamine treatment.

And so I think that's the warning here.

But I do ketamine in my cheek, like chew.

And the only thing you get with that is like,

like car sickness after.

So I take like a whatever that is for car sickness.

Um, but no, I do, I think my ketamine treatments for getting me back to work.

I think my ketamine treatments uh for starting like a new level of like comedy in my career.

I think

ketamine for helping me

revisit some very traumatic times in my life that I also had play out on like television so that I could go back and finish some of these scripts and screenwriting and book adaptations.

Like 13 years of waiting, I did it in four days.

So yeah, if you want to care about yourself and invest in yourself and show some self-love, compassion, and good self-esteem, I think you would hop on that.

A lot of my guy friends always ask like, oh, how is it?

What is it?

And some actually go do it and they see like, it's life changing.

And then other ones just keep talking about it and i'm just i'm like a doer so if you want to improve your life cool but i would try it i've heard good things i think elon musk is on it a lot of successful people yeah i mean i think we all need like a two-hour break to reset and open our brains like when you feel your ketamine treatment kick on it's like

is the world lowering my brain usage all the time and then like ketamine's like ah and I, that's why I go every week.

I don't even have to go anymore.

Um,

I go every week because I've seen, I do better business meetings.

I enjoy people more.

I get way more done in less time.

And yeah.

Well, they say we only use six percent of our brains right now.

You feel that in ketamine.

Yeah.

So that's probably a much better thing.

Probably a much under 5% or something.

I don't know.

Yeah, you definitely feel that.

Damn.

I got to try that one.

And it's also good to do that stuff for self-improvement because then you can start dating the right people, right?

Yeah.

And I think like that's so how did I hear about ketamine?

I was actually dating and one of my dates was like, I need to be honest with you.

Oh, by the way, this was a FaceTime date because half the time I don't show up in person for a date.

What?

You're dating people on FaceTime?

I mean, guys literally will brag about going on a date in their dating profiles about me.

And I had to like send the guy like a cease and desist.

And I was like, dude, you're signing an NDA.

Like, you can't take me out of your profile.

Like, stop bragging about this.

Stop bragging about this shit.

So, oh, so he was a fan of the show or whatever.

Yeah, but like, it's like, I dated the teen mom.

It's, and I get it.

Like, I've been on dating shows all around the world.

I get that I've been successful, but

I just, it's not like I'm going to go tell someone about my date.

I actually just don't even believe in that.

But we're talking about ketamine, so we get to hear it real quick.

So, the gentleman who was on the FaceTime date

was like, hey, I'm not going to lie to you.

I didn't put it it in my profile, but I am still married.

And the reason, and he's like, I'm getting a divorce and I am waiting for my child to get out of karate right now.

And he goes, the reason why I can say I'm ready to go on a date is because I truthfully am ending my ketamine treatment.

I'm going to have my 12th ketamine treatment soon.

And it has just helped me organize my thoughts, move on, have happiness, have clarity.

And I literally was like,

okay, I'll try some ketamine stuff.

We didn't agree on some other things, but we are totally friends and I wish him all the best.

So I did start doing ketamine.

And yeah, I do.

I think I still struggle with like, it's not like he lost.

I guess you are losing someone when you get a divorce.

To what extent you care or give a fuck, I don't know.

And there's all those memories.

But for some reason, like I'm in ketamine and I'm visiting with my doctor and they've been through like a lot of hard stuff with me, like the last, I don't know, it's been six months.

And like, I even cried today about something that I go to ketamine treatment for.

And yeah,

I mean, I don't know.

I think certain things and certain levels of relationships.

you can kick and you can talk about and you can get through them.

And then still, like my doctors will say, like, if something is so devastatingly sad, just feel the feeling because it's real.

And they're just like, we are not here to deny your feelings, to deny thoughts.

We're here to like help you get past it so much quicker and faster.

Right.

Because

it's like laying, they say,

new train tracks down.

Like they're laying new snow on your train tracks is what they call that.

experience with ketamine.

But for some reason, like, I don't know if it's just like a really hard year for me.

Like i was telling you like

i was 16 this is 16 like all these memories

and maybe it is because of like coping mechanisms like something i read this morning on my daily read was like let go of your coping mechanisms that are holding you back

and i think my coping mechanism like for the loss of my daughter's father when I was pregnant with her and starting 16 and pregnant and all this like fame and stuff.

I think, and like, again, not having mental health, not having good communication being raised.

And then I like went into a deep thing of bereavement and I was very lashing out.

I got very depressive.

And yeah, I started using like coping mechanisms, whether that was like telling myself something.

And like, I'm very proud of myself because like this year I was just like, am I

doing

like a thought activity?

Like, so my daughter's dad's birthday is tomorrow.

And

I literally said to myself, I was like, should I cancel my Vegas trip?

Because I'm always home and I might get a little sad.

I'm emotional.

I got to feel my emotions.

I go, should I cancel my Vegas trip or should I just continue what I always do?

which is like, I am always there.

I think of something fun for us to do.

Remember her dad.

And I I was just like, you know what?

That is a big coping mechanism for me.

I am making someone else do something for my emotional state.

And I need to cut the shit out.

It's like not okay.

So yeah, this year I just was like, I said I was going to be here for work.

I'm going to be here for work.

If she needs me, she will let me know.

It's not as if.

I haven't been an extraordinary parent.

She has like a booklet of her father.

She has all these memories.

I always send her an album on this day.

Nice.

Even when I'm in the next room with her.

So I just know like the coping of a loss, maybe it's a ketamine opening my horizons to seeing these coping mechanisms that are getting out of date.

And it's time to move on.

Because one day she's not going to be at home.

She's probably going to go, I don't know.

My daughter wants to go live in Singapore or Japan.

Damn, that's far.

Yeah.

Well, she likes to go.

We always go to all of these different countries together and she just has such a fun time.

She fits right in.

So I'm just like, yeah, it's not, I need to like let it, I need to let the coffee go.

So yeah, I don't know how, how, like what kind of things people are looking to ketamine for, but I think if there's

maybe like little stuff to like get, I mean, like I'm, I, I shouldn't say little shit.

Like, I'm, it's not like I'm all relative.

I'm like, I go, I'm going through like courts and criminal cases and

like sexual assault stuff.

And,

you know, like I'm going through so, so much right now

from people attacking me and every other thing and acting like I'm the criminal.

But

I think ketamine is so helpful.

Like when someone says something that's totally untrue of your character.

And you're like coming to bat.

You're like, I got the camera footage.

We're doing a psych evaluation on your crazy ass.

You're lying.

We're having the doctors come through.

Like I go through it with people who try to get money from me, like the security guard and $5 million.

And I like hit her.

And I never did.

But luckily, I have all the evidence.

But I do think court weighs people down.

Oh, 100%.

And justices fuck with my head.

And so, yeah, I started getting like my fair legal certification from UT.

That is the only like college I went to because it's amazing in Austin.

And I plan on getting my JD with all these law credits that I have.

But I think it's like, did money or fame change me?

No.

I think what has changed me over my time is the crime and the attacks and the injustices that I see in society.

And that's really what's driven me to be better.

So can I hate?

all the criminals and the bad stuff probably not because i've

i take the time to heal myself, and instead of victimizing myself, you know, you come out like a warrior, and I think like you gotta flip that coin in life, and then you know, you just attract better people.

Hats off too.

Cause I grew up, my parents got divorced when I was 10, so I know how hard it is being a single mother.

Oh my god, you do.

You are the best for saying that.

No, I have no way you went there.

Kind of.

Okay, well, I don't know how many kids were you the only child?

I was the only child.

Okay, cool.

So that's good.

And my daughter loves it now.

She used to be like, I want siblings, but I'm like, uh, oh, I don't know.

I kind of wanted them to be honest, but looking back at it, it's a lot.

Yeah.

It can be a lot for your mom, your single mom.

My parents did get a divorce when I turned 18 strategically.

But how do you feel about your parents' divorce then?

Because I'm like, that's kind of late.

Yeah.

18.

Cause then it feels like they just waited until you left the house.

So they should have got divorced earlier.

Yeah.

My dad just like didn't want any more legal ties to my mom.

Yeah.

He just like left her everything.

He's just like, I'm starting over.

Because I feel like if you're going do it just don't wait it out just get it done with and just find someone else you know yeah but they just kept saying they were staying together for me and i'm like

i don't think that's true i think that's maybe like so they were hiding it from you that they were exciting no i i always said i was like oh my god it's so uncomfortable in my house it seems like they're gonna like kill each other i just geez you know and then like witnessing a relationship like that you pick up on it and oh yeah i picked up on it but then you start like becoming like them

and that is what i've had to work on in my

like i did like a 12-week course i feel like twelve thousand dollars and i had like psychologists journal groups with other people like i kind of went hard to stop the abusive tendencies that I learned in relationships.

Like they're not okay.

Yeah.

Cause when you're a kid, you just learn from your parents like a sponge.

You just pick up on whatever they're doing.

Like you actually don't even want it.

And then it happens.

Like, for instance, like growing up,

the last last thing I wanted to happen in my relationships from like sadly watching this was my parents would always argue like insane, like abusive on the way to church every Sunday.

That's ironic on the way to church.

Oh, yeah.

It is ironic.

And so my dad would literally like just be like, drop me off on the side of the road.

Like, I don't, I do not want this around the kids, like, whatever.

And so then she would proceed to take us to church and act like nothing happened and praise Jesus.

Okay.

And keep in mind, this is the same woman who calls me Antichrist.

Okay.

So

yeah, this is what happens when you have mother issues.

And I would highly suggest if anyone hears this, you should go read

how

daughters heal from narcissistic mothers.

And so this ex who actually did the same thing, my last ex.

We were,

we went to church together.

He actually ended up getting baptized at my church.

I never asked for any of this.

Okay.

Like I never asked him to go to church.

I did not pressure anyone.

Like I do my own thing for like my own spirituality.

Okay.

So

after church, he starts arguing with me.

And this happened a couple times.

And then this one time,

it got so insane.

Like we were like eating

right after, like, who doesn't like to go to brunch after church?

And I'm like, just getting ready to like take a bite of like whatever we ordered, and it just arrived to the table.

And he like just starts actually saying, like, calling me names of some sort.

And, like, it was so opposite of like my mood and where I was.

Like, I was just so happy.

And he, like, purposely wanted to upset me, get a rise out of me, change my mood, and like, make it shitty.

Oops, sorry.

And make it shitty.

So I was like,

I just can't get into a car with anyone anymore after going to church.

And then you like creating this issue and calling the names.

And it's just like, not cool.

And I'm just not going to like get in a car with you.

I just like, it's like reminding me of my parents.

I am not

allowing it.

And I think like women and men, you have a say in what you allow in your relationships.

And the last thing you probably want is to see like anything play out from your parenthood that you really were like, I'm never going to have a relationship like that.

And then it shows up.

Yeah.

So,

yeah.

Um, I said, So, I just walked home actually.

I just ended up like, I'm walking downtown and I'm walking home.

Like, I don't even care.

So, I just got up and I left.

And then, I guess.

He was so embarrassed of himself that then he like got in his car, was calling me, was looking for me.

And I just said,

like, unless you go get a like a therapist yourself and you have couples therapy with me whatever you're going through i am beyond it i i took accountability i've gone to therapy for it like i've done the work you need to do the same for yourself and maybe that is pick some time for you because i certainly wasn't dating for like two years when i was doing this because I don't want to do that to someone.

I don't want to have like my insecurities rev up.

And then it makes a guy like a psycho.

like, you know what I'm saying?

You have to understand

what happens, like, play by play.

Like, a relationship is a dance.

So, yeah, he, you know, tried to do everything, had his own therapist, had our couple's therapists.

Um,

wanted to, you know, started buying me dogs and, like, wanted to buy a house and like all this stuff.

And, but he was just love bombing and masking and wasn't happy still.

And he just, damn, he could not, he could not get how I stayed happy and how I did all the things with him.

And he just basically like

cracked.

He like literally cracked.

And he was like, I need to get you out of this.

And because like every time I would try to break up with him and be honest, it was just like,

why are we denying that we need to break up?

And so it was like someone needed to realize that they need.

to let someone else go be happy, go do their life.

I am not a stay-at-home mom or like a stay-at-home wifey.

Like I'm just not.

He wanted you to be a trad wife now.

Yeah, I don't even know.

He's like trying to move me out to the coast and just be like, you don't need to do comedy.

Like it was just always talking shit about anything that I wanted to do.

So, but I've already been doing it.

So damn, buying a dog, though, that's, that's a good move.

Yeah.

That makes it harder.

Yeah.

And he's like, really probably sad that he has to see the dog every day who likes me way more than him.

I mean, it's sad to put animals through this, people.

So So don't get a dog while you're dating someone.

Yeah.

If the intention is to keep someone, buying a dog is probably not the smartest move.

But that sounds like you went through some trauma.

Cause like I grew up in a household where every conversation was an argument.

Yeah, me too.

And it took me years to like break out of that.

Like with my current fiance.

Yeah.

It was just a bad habit I had.

Anytime she spoke, I wanted to argue with her.

And I was like, why?

I'm like, yeah, it's fun.

But I'm like, why am I like that?

And then I realized it was from how I grew up.

Okay.

So, do you know what I boil it down to when I realized this?

And it was because of my ADHD coach.

And maybe it was a book, but it was a big topic one week.

Thanks to my daughter, I realized this.

We who are raised like that, who will start having arguments.

Maybe we actually think being angry is cool.

Cause I also had to do an anger management course a couple of times because of court.

I actually love the anger management class so much that I was like,

I am going to save this.

And so I tend to revisit it because anger comes from anxiety.

I was like, and it said, why do we like to argue?

Why do we think anger is cool?

Or

because some people, when they meet me, they get intimidated by me.

And they've said this to me many times.

And I'm like, where are they getting this from?

Like, what are they talking about?

But it's just because

I was just raised in a volatile situation where, you know,

brothers and sisters, so like my mom's brother, like when they got together, it was always an argument.

They'd always argue or try to argue with their parents.

They always wanted to be right and argue with who they married.

They always wanted to go head to head with me.

And it's just, and then you got someone who's a fucking challenger, a fighter, okay?

And I wasn't having it.

Like, I

would have lost my fucking mind.

And I think like like my dad just learned,

like, I am not going to be okay with this.

This is not okay.

And I don't want to be talked to like this.

But then you are around it so much that it like actually rubs off.

You think it's cool.

You think you need to be challenging like that when it's like a soft conversation.

And the roughness just starts like.

inherently, inherently happening because it is your atmosphere.

And so I just said to my ADHD coach, why is this?

Like, I'm, I totally love this anger management class.

I'm totally loving everything that we're talking about.

What is it?

And I saw like something about negative stimulus in the write-up that she sent me.

And I go,

negative stimulus.

Like,

did everybody in my family like have like a dopamine like disparity?

And the only way that they like got the dopamine and got the serotonin that they weren't getting in their diet, working out, a lot of the people in my family were overweight, were not, you know, doing healthy things.

And

so that's how they got the dopamine and the serotonin.

And you will often find in teenagers who are doing bad things,

who are like, oh, they're acting out.

They want attention.

No, it's because they don't know the disability that they have.

They're not trying to argue.

That is where they get their dofamine and their serotonin.

I will catch my daughter doing it on her own.

And I just remind her.

I'm like, it's good to see negative stimulus, but I am not engaging in that because I am committing every day.

I am disciplining myself.

I even have something written right on my desk in my office.

I am committing today to have positive stimulus only.

I will never be in alignment with negative stimulus ever again.

And it's like, I have.

to read something that says that every day

because

my mind was, you know, it's like our minds are a computer.

And if you put the software in for it to keep doing it, it will keep doing it.

So yeah, negative stimulus for a relationship, I think is key.

I think for

children and parents, teens and parents, just talk about negative stimulus all day long.

And then you'll start realizing, wow.

I should go get dopamine and serotonin supplements, you know, on Amazon.

I should go just do an hour of working out before I see you.

I should just go box.

I should just go do this, this, this, this.

And so you start doing the right things and your body will stop doing the negative stimulus.

So it's crazy if you don't know that.

No, that's great advice because some people are just so negative.

Like you could have your, but they love it, right?

They start patterning, like the pattern of loving that.

They're getting what they need for their brain to turn on.

But there's, yeah, you know, like flip the coin again.

There's actually a positive way of getting that.

And then also, you're more successful and your relationships flourish.

So, yeah, instead of crumbling.

Absolutely.

Well, this has been real fun.

I could talk to you for hours.

I love it.

I love that I got to know about you, you and your mom.

And I'm really just proud of you, where you're at.

Shout out to my mom.

She watches every episode.

Yes.

Love you, mom.

Where can people find you and come to your comedy shows?

Yes.

So totally check out my IG.

I always post up in my comie, my link and bio, what's coming up.

I don't like to shout out totally where I'm at

too ahead of time.

Yeah, because

people, yeah, are crazy with me.

So I like, you know, if you know, you know, but I always like to surprise you comedy.

I am working on a residency in Vegas.

So just follow me on IG, see you on OF, wherever you like to go for your platforms.

And yeah, thank you.

Girl, guys.

See you next time.