Transform Your Marriage with This Simple Change | Keith Yackey DSH #574

I can get something as opposed to I'm going to do this because that's the standard of who I am.

Whether she was here or not, I'm going to not leave all over the kitchen.

I'm not a kid.

You know what I mean?

So that mentality.

So what we've discovered, and you're a man, so

if you disagree with this, I would be shocked.

But yeah, we like sex, but what do we want more?

We want to be wanted.

And yet most guys aren't very wantable.

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All right, guys, Keith Yaki here.

He's going to teach you how to get late again, right?

That's right.

Bring sex back into marriages.

Let's make sex great again.

Yeah, there's a lot of sexless marriages right now, right?

Yeah, there really is.

85% of guys aren't happy with the quantity or quality of sex within their marriage.

85%?

85%.

Holy crap.

Yes.

That's way higher than I thought.

We've given it a syndrome.

We call it DDS.

We call it dry dick syndrome.

So we're just, my wife and I are here on the planet just helping dudes, you know,

actually regain the, it's, we say that because the, the, the hook in a man's mind, if he's not having sex, he's like, I got a problem, but he doesn't know how to fix it.

And the modern solutions for most men to fix it are

do more around the house, buy your gifts, say yes more, be more agreeable.

And it's like,

not that those actions are wrong, but the attitude for most men is, I'm going to do this so I can get something, as opposed to, I'm going to do this because that's the standard of who I am.

Whether she was here or not, I'm going to not leave all over the kitchen.

I'm not a kid.

You know what I mean?

So that mentality.

So what we've discovered, and you're a man, so if you disagree with this, I would be shocked.

But yeah, we like sex, but what do we want more?

We want to be wanted.

And yet most guys aren't very wantable.

Wow.

We're getting deep already, but yeah, let's dive into that.

So when you say wantable, you mean emotionally?

Everything.

Most like, so women, they connect, they connect through conversation.

They want to connect emotionally.

They want to have a husband that when she talks to him, he's actually like listening the way you and I are listening to each other and we're present.

Right.

Right.

And yet, most guys are like, they'll put in 15 minutes to pretend to listen, hoping that, oh, shit, I hope that scored enough brownie points where I can get some action upstairs.

Right.

Like, there's always this, I'll do this if I get action.

I'll do this if I get action.

And so, what we've discovered is that when there is a sexless relationship or like very little sex, or if it's just, you know, it's like pity sex, or my buddy Garrett calls it vaginal masturbation, where you're just masturbating inside of her, but she's not really there, you know, mentally.

Well, guys, we hate that because we're like, what are we doing here?

Yeah.

And we want to be one and we want her to be a part of it.

But what happens is we've discovered is that, dude, women, if they aren't emotionally connected, connection outside the bedroom leads to connection inside the bedroom.

And dudes don't, they don't get that.

But yet they can talk to their buddies about a bunch of.

But when their wife talks to them, they're like, oh, I'm not interested in that.

And they're like, dude, the key to her opening her legs is through talking to her in her heart, man.

Guys just don't understand.

But I come from the world before I got married where I had sex with hundreds of women.

So I understood short-term game really, really well.

But when Jesse left me seven years ago, I didn't understand long-term attraction.

That's where most guys really fucking.

She was your first wife?

Jesse was my second wife, dude.

Second wife?

Yeah, I already went through a divorce, had three other kids, and they all live here in Vegas.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

yeah i just i did most of my activity in vegas okay yeah no wonder you got hundreds of bodies out here

the club scene out here they're ready to just throw themselves out yeah i never really did the club scene that much really i have a i have a very unique way about going about actual game because we've had single guys come through or guys that come through our program they they're not getting laid They realize they're not very wantable, meaning they've got dad bots now.

They can't clean up after themselves.

like the hamper is only one foot away, but they can't seem to get the underwear there.

So now their wives are like, dude, am I your mom?

And moms don't want to have sex with kids.

You know what I mean?

So it's like, so they put themselves in this very interesting situation of really like hoping to interview that their wife might grant them a little piece of every once in a while.

And it demasculates them, it disempowers them.

And then they start getting super desperate.

And that's like the most least attractive, sexy thing in the world.

So it's just this downward spiral right so did you see that in your previous marriages where the sex just wasn't happening as often yeah well I got I got married at 18 and I was under a really tight born-again Christian frame and I actually became a pastor of a church

started yeah dude they call me the pastor now but I was actually the pastor of a church long back when so I married this girl when I was 18 thinking well, this is what God wants for me.

And not that that's a bad idea, but I wasn't attracted to her.

You know what I mean?

She loved this lady.

Yeah, I wasn't really physically attracted to her.

So, so sex wasn't this big thing.

And in a Christian culture, and a lot of people in that religion,

they carry a lot of guilt and shame around sexual desires.

That's bad, bad, bad, bad.

Now you're married.

Okay, now it's good, good, good, good.

So the mental frame is twisted.

So when we went through that,

I married her as I was a virgin.

Wow.

We actually live right down the street from the hotel where I lost my virgin home

point.

You pretty literally were a virgin until 18.

Yeah, man.

I had no game whatsoever when I met my first wife.

That's crazy.

Had three kids.

They're like 25, 22, and like 29.

I don't know.

I just said, I said, I know you guys are in your 20s.

I can't remember all these dates.

I love you, but I can't remember all these dates.

And I remember their birthdays.

I don't remember how old they are.

And then I realized when I was like 30 years old, I'm like, dude, what was I doing?

So I was really strict born-again Christian from like 18 to about 28.

And it taught me a lot about business and a lot about drive and a lot about discipline, but I knew nothing about women.

Yeah.

Yeah, Christians don't be pulling like that, right?

Especially pastors.

Pastors can't even.

Dude, you got a really fun, dry humor, man.

This is enjoyable.

Wait, no, pastors can't get laid at all, right?

Or is that a priest?

That's priests.

That's the Catholics, yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

And nuns, right?

Yeah, priests and nuns.

Imagine a life without sex, dude.

Dude, imagine a life in a marriage where you thought, cool, I'm going to get below jobs.

I'm tapped the rest of my life.

And after a year being married, you have no action at all.

And now you're trapped.

No action and trapped.

This is kind of why one of our premises is, you know, a lot of single guys, they want to have game because they want to have options of who they can have sex with, right?

Which, you know, why would you blame that?

But you know who needs game more?

It's the married dude.

A single dude could be like, hey, Becky, you want to have sex?

She's like, no way, get out of here, creepy.

And he goes, well, hey, darling, you want, and he can, he has all the options in the world.

But if you're married, you got one shot on goal.

And if she says no, and over and over and over and over again, what are you going to do?

So like, you should have game, which game simply just means you understand.

I'm not showing up to a basketball court with soccer cleats.

I'm going to play the game the way it is.

All right, long-term attraction.

What does that mean?

How do I do that?

How do I stay?

One of our mantras is become the most attractive version of you for you.

Right.

I love that because this is stuff people don't even realize when they're trying to get laid the long-term game.

None, dude.

Yeah.

That's why everybody, they go, dude, when we were dating we were having sex i go when was the last time you had a really good dating life with your wife oh we don't do that anymore oh that oh shocker so that's why you're not having sex yeah i there was periods of my because i'm in a six-year relationship where i wouldn't take her out on dates for years and we weren't you know doing it that often yeah but now i at least two day nights a week oh cool and it's definitely helped yeah do you guys do like fun stuff or what what tell me a little bit about your day yeah so every weekend we try to do a new activity that we've never done before so like oh i like this yes Yes, we just

off camera agreeing with that.

She's like, that's a great idea.

Yeah.

It's fun.

So we'll do like escape rooms.

We've done break rooms.

Have you been to one of those?

We've done probably 12 of them in Orthodox.

We take our kids.

We love them.

Yeah, good to de-stress.

We'll go to like farms.

We'll go to shelters.

We'll just do like random stuff.

It's cool, man.

And then during the week, do you do something a little more chill?

Yeah, at least two date nights during the week.

And

we play like Fortnite.

We do puzzles together, whatever.

Cool.

Yeah.

You guys have kids?

Not yet.

We have two dogs, so kind of, but we want kids.

Australian Shepherd, Golden Retriever.

Dogs are angels in firm.

Changed my life, dude, for real.

Really?

Yeah.

That happened to me four years ago, but I wanted to hear your story.

How did a dog change your life?

I had bad anxiety and getting a dog really helped, honestly.

Are they here?

No, they're at the house.

Oh, God.

Yeah.

But no, for real, like just something to look forward to and think about when you're not home.

How crazy it is if when you walk out of the house to go get something in the garage, you come back and your dogs like freak out to see you again.

Yeah, pure love.

Oh,

it's almost like, dude, this wasn't a long trip.

You're back.

I'm so excited.

Like, I'm like, yeah, my dog, that, when the butts wiggle like crazy, you just go.

Australian Shepherd does that?

Like, that's true love, dude.

Yeah.

And then she knows when we're leaving.

So when we were packing up and putting everything up, she was like sitting on the couch, like, you,

you just got back from Orlando three days ago.

Where are you going?

They get so upset.

Dude, and jealous.

Like, if her and I don't hold hands on the couch, she'll, she's a 10-pound.

She's the best dog ever, other than your two, of course.

She'll come in and we'll be holding hands and she'll start licking at my hand like, what are you doing touching her?

Yeah.

It's hilarious.

It's so funny.

Yeah.

There's a couple of clips on your Instagram I want to dive into.

Okay, yeah.

So one of them, you said a woman prioritize her children more than the man usually.

Yeah.

And I'm 100% right because the statistic on that is we've 100% of the time never seen a mom divorce her kids, but she has divorced the dad.

Right.

So that's a good way of looking at it, actually.

That's why I'm so dogmatic about it.

Well, that's the facts.

Yeah.

50% divorce rate these days.

Yeah.

Crazy.

You're flipping a coin yeah i mean that is so high my dad went through two yeah nobody would jump on a plane with a 50 success rate yeah but everybody's excited to rush into marriage yeah i think it's pressure societal pressure everything is societal pressure yeah just trying to fit in right oh you're 35 you're not married you're a loser like yeah oh other than he built a company that he set up for the rest of his life and now he can actually spend time with his wife That guy must be the smart guy.

Yeah.

Like everything is backwards in our society, man.

It's so weird.

All the

the masses are doing this and yet guys like you and me are like nah, we're not gonna do that.

We're gonna do our own thing.

Like, well, how are you doing it?

We're just not doing what you're doing.

Yeah, I stopped trying to fit in probably after college.

I think school really tries to force you to want to fit in.

Yeah.

But you got to get out of that mindset.

Those kids don't give a about you.

It's it's brain cancer, man.

Yeah, it's toxic.

Just do your own thing, man.

Yeah.

Like when people are so normal, it's like a red flag to me.

You know what I mean?

When I'm talking to someone and they're trying to like be someone they're not, I could see straight through it.

Dude, that is so true.

Like just be yourself, man.

How old are you?

I'm 27.

27?

Okay.

So college was like about five years ago.

Yeah, I only made it one year, but yeah.

Oh, got it.

Yeah.

Four years of that, I don't think I would have been the same person with all that brainwashing going on.

Yeah, it's that's exactly what it is.

Did you make it all the way?

I never went to college.

Oh, you never went?

No, man.

I got out of high school as fast as I could.

A week before I graduated high school, I proposed to my then-wife or my fiancé at the time.

We got married.

I grew up in Southern California, surfing, skating, doing that whole thing.

And I moved to Montana to start a church with her.

Wow.

What a change.

Yeah.

So I just went up to the snow and my dad always told me, whatever you do, don't go to a place where it's snows more than six months a year and don't do manual labor.

Yeah.

And dude, about six months into there, I was in a snowstorm doing manual labor in Montana going, I didn't do a damn thing my dad told me to do that.

I'm kind of having the time of my life.

Reverse manifestation.

Interesting.

There you go.

Do you still go to church right now?

You left that life completely?

No, I left that.

Like, I read about Jesus.

I think Jesus is a bad

as a man.

Is he God's son?

I don't know how I would know.

I think it's the coolest story ever, though.

Religion fascinates me, and I've had on a ton of people that are against it.

But when you look at the money flow of it, that's the part that gets me.

Yeah.

Because I'll call it the Mormon church in specific.

So they bring in $7 billion per year.

Yeah.

Their expenses are only a billion.

So they're pocketing $6 billion a year.

Yeah.

And they're putting it all into real estate and paying off the top people.

Yeah.

I mean, it's pretty f ⁇ ed up, dude.

We know on our podcast, we just recently talked about what I think about Joel Elstein and pastors and all this stuff.

I'm a truly deep down, huge fan of Jesus, a huge fan of his work.

I cannot stand the church.

I cannot stand pastors.

I think they're, I think,

I wish them well, but to me, they're just the fakest people on planet Earth.

Joel's got to be bringing in tens of millions without church, right?

Oh, yeah, dude.

but here's they use the tactic of if you sow the seed they use a a crazy bible if you sow your seed god's gonna bless you sixfold 90 fold tenfold whatever and he's okay okay cool but sow it to me

you're like how is that not the most obvious scam on planet earth but people want i believe people want to connect with the creator so bad that they're willing to believe that

Yeah, they're playing on people's emotions, making them donate 10% of their income.

And that times a thousand people is tens of millions of dollars.

Exactly, dude.

You multiply that by all the churches in the country, it's pretty crazy, billions of dollars.

Dude, Jesus went into the temple, according to the Bible.

I mean, if it's right, but just, I mean, if it's a story, and he starts turning over the tables with a whip, you know this story?

No.

Okay, Jesus, he's this Jewish dude, and they were under Roman law, but the Jews are so, they're such, they're such dogmatic about their religion then and now that they had a ruling Jewish tribal thing, thing, like 70 guys.

They called it the Sanhedrin.

And they were basically like the law in Israel.

And they would just pay off the Romans and say, hey, we'll handle our own shit.

So all the Jews, like three times a year, would come up to the temple to make offerings.

And so let's just say, you know, a little, you know, Jewish Joseph down the street brings his family and he's got his little lamb for his sacrifice.

And in the temple, they'd be like, no, this isn't going to work.

You're going to need to buy our lamb.

And they charge like five times as much.

And so these guys are making bank off of

this religious feeling.

Jesus comes in there with his boys with a whip of cords, starts turning over their tables, letting their animals loose and throwing their money all around.

I don't know about you, dude, but that's a cool story.

And whoever's doing that in the and like every other chapter you read Jesus, they're like, oh, and the mob got so mad they wanted to kill him and he slipped away.

You don't read about those guys nowadays.

So I just think this is a dude that went to his dying breath believing and basically telling, quit ripping people off.

I can, it's that's not a hard guy to get back.

I can get

a real one.

Yeah.

Cheers to Jesus, dude.

Let's see if we made him one day.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Some people say they have.

They do.

The only time I really met God was on Mushrooms and Joshua Tree looking up at the stars.

I could see that.

I looking up and I was like, oh, that's what all these books are talking about.

The guys who built this.

Biggest trip was, I'm like, dude, we are on a spaceship heading through space with no windshield.

That's a mushroom thought for you.

Wow.

We're on a spaceship with no windshield.

So you are not a flat Earth believer.

I guess not.

Hey, I didn't say the ship was round.

I'm just saying it has no windshield.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Whether it's flat or round, I don't.

I love mushrooms, dude.

They're the best.

They're my favorite.

Do you like, do you do cannabis much?

I used to.

Oh, yeah.

Now I don't.

Do you?

THC Sativa makes me up, makes me alive.

It's the opposite of what happens for most people.

Oh, the sativa?

Yeah, that's the head hot one, right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Saturn, sativa, indica, into couch.

Yeah.

I get anxiety on it, to be honest.

I don't know why.

I used to be be able to smoke it carefree.

Really?

Yeah, like all day.

I think it's beautiful.

Mushrooms, cannabis.

I think you get in touch with something that, I mean, dude, we're waterproof.

What the f?

We recharge with no cord.

That's pretty f ⁇ ing incredible.

It is pretty.

I skinned up my knuckles.

We did a little fight camp thing in Orlando to go watch our buddy and we did jiu-jitsu for a couple days.

Yeah.

And these things were like three times that size just three or four days ago.

Holy crap.

but yours does the same thing, yeah.

Your body heals, right?

What the dude?

That's incredible.

We're an elite species, we are, dude.

Apex predators, yeah, we're aliens in my eyes.

Yeah, I'm sure the hippopotamus is looking like what the fuck are those guys doing?

I mean, every other animal has like a herd mentality, but we're just doing our own thing.

That's a good point.

You still uh do mushrooms, or yeah, yeah, dude, damn, yeah.

I want to be in touch.

I did, I did gummies this morning.

No way, yes,

I call them my supplements.

Yeah, I want to be, I want to be as elite and tuned in as I possibly can as a human being, Keith.

Like, we're not promised tomorrow.

And whoever I meet today, I have one guiding passion in life.

Yes, I like helping guys get sex because it's amazing.

And I truly want to see families connected because when you go through a divorce and you see three kids split up a family, that has an effect on you.

You go, I don't want to do that again.

I did that to them.

And that's not good leadership.

But I was like,

I have one goal.

I want to leave the people that I've, I want people to feel better about themselves after having met me.

To me, that's leadership.

So today, I've met some really incredible people.

I'm around incredible people and I want them all to feel better about themselves.

And usually that means telling someone the truth so they can actually get out of space cadet land and deal with the reality.

I love that.

Yeah, I think the truth is important.

Some people take it like personal, but you're trying to help people and some of them just take it the wrong way, I think.

We've become a really sensitive society.

Very.

And it's like, what is your fing problem, bro?

You're balding and you're thinning here.

Just shave your fing head.

You're not going to offend us.

Just do it.

Yeah.

You think you could pull off the bald look?

Dude, I just shaved my head recently.

That's why I got, I just shaved it, but she's like, can you grow it back?

I'm like, I'll grow it back for a little bit.

I had it shaved, not like big, but like down to like one or two as a buzz.

Just because I'm like, f ⁇ it, I grew up skateboarding playing football.

We always buzzed our head.

Yeah.

I've thought about getting a buzz cut to see how it would look.

Just do it.

Yeah, you have, you know, what's cool about your head, even though I'm not like a head specialist, you're not sure round, and Jesse will tell you

you're more oblong, but it'll make you look better.

Yeah, I'm oval-ish.

Yeah, I'm a little more, I'm a little more round.

Interesting, but I make up with it for, I make up with it for good, with a good personality.

Yeah, personality is important, man.

Dude, it's how we connect as humans.

Yeah, it's slept on.

As men, we don't really focus on it as much, right?

Yeah, it's game, dude.

It's game.

So there's this belief that you could be friends with your ex-partner, right?

Okay.

On social media.

Are you a believer in that?

Yeah,

sure.

Because some people get jealous, like your current partner.

If my new partner was like, hey, would you not talk to her?

Well, if it was the mother of my kids, she never asked me not to talk to the mother of my kids.

But

I think it all has to do with intent.

You know what I mean?

It's like

a lot of people don't have a lot of sexual discipline.

So therefore, they don't have a lot of sexual reward.

Yeah.

I can see that.

A lot of people don't have financial discipline.

They don't have financial reward.

A lot of people don't have physical discipline, so they don't have physical reward.

reward.

So it's the same thing.

Like people, I think people, I always say this, like your ball sack isn't empty on accident and your bank account isn't full on accident.

You have to, you have to, you have to invest time and understand how things work.

So guys will be like, dude,

you know, my family is my most important thing.

I go, cool, how much have you invested in becoming a great dad, a great leader, a great husband, a great this?

Oh, none of that.

Well, you think it's going to happen naturally?

You a f ⁇ ing idiot?

So I just that's how i think i'm just like well i i'm really into jiu-jitsu right now like obsessed and every time i go i get better because i learn something new that i go why am i stuck how did he just tap me how'd that guy just choke me in like four seconds oh because you didn't know this move and then he'll go let me show you how i did it and you go oh thank you i'll i'll keep my elbow tight next time and then you grow well that's because i invested time to learn being being great with women is a skill

this lady right there hated me so much that she said when she when she left me, she goes,

you come home, you talk about, you run your business, you come and talk about your business, and you fall asleep on the couch.

My life would be better without you in it.

That was her basically parting words.

Wow.

I was like, oh,

you know me better than anybody.

And if you're making that statement about me,

that's probably true.

I'm going to have to sit with that one.

And then that's when I came up with the realization, I'm the problem, which means I'm the solution.

She's only mirroring mirroring me.

If she doesn't want to have sex with me, why?

Well, I went from 185 pounds of tiger meat wrapped in barbed wire, kind of like I am now, to 245 pounds looking as pregnant as she is when we have her baby.

So like, well, she didn't sign up for that.

Right.

You know what I mean?

Like, you didn't tell her double art was coming into town.

That's not who she fucking wanted.

So, like, we, a lot of guys bait and switch like crazy.

And they're like, well, I provide, I protect.

Shouldn't I just get f ⁇ ed?

It's like, it's not how it works.

that's not how it works wow so she actually divorced you yeah done gone left was gone for like six months done and were you texting her every day at the first week or two I did everything wrong and it was pathetic how pathetic

10 out of 10 10 out of a tempt 10 out of what'd you do I wrote songs Wow I wrote I did covers of songs I did PowerPoint presentations I'd call up crying I did everything

you do not want to do to try and get her back and all I did was push her farther away.

And that's where I came to the real, I hired three coaches right away.

I was like, I got to figure this out because, dude, you're so heartbreak.

You're so heartbroken, man.

I was doing six-hour work as on a Monday.

I did like three chest workouts, swimming, sauna.

Because I did, what do I do?

I'm so sad.

I'm just going to the gym just to try and get my mind off of the fact that I've had sex with hundreds of women before I met her

and I can't keep the one I really wanted.

And I knew I fed up.

So what happens is that's when I realized, wait a second, I'm going to listen to these coaches.

I knew game, short-term game really well before.

So I'm like, okay,

you know what, dude?

Not only are you the problem, you're the solution.

But the only way to get your ex back is you've got to move on.

And the only way to move on is you've got to move on.

So growing up playing football and sports, I was like, that's a one-page playbook.

Okay, I'm just going to do that.

No matter what I feel, I'm going to just do that.

And so I had to move on and I had to realize the way a woman is attracted to a man is because she goes, he's doing that because that's who he is.

It's not a put-on.

So I'm not in shape so my wife will like me.

I'm in shape because that's my standard.

I'm not, I'm not good at business so that Jesse will be like, oh, that's so cool.

That's my standard.

I'm a steward.

I've been gifted and steward.

I've been gifted a stewardship.

that I have to keep and work and grow regardless if she stays with me or not.

So these are like, these are like these, these mentalities.

One of our mantras is

her response does not dictate my standard.

Interesting.

And that's a common way of thinking, like, oh, let me get in shape so my ex can see and maybe be physically attracted to me again, right?

Yeah.

And you're still seeking their approval.

Right.

And that's what we call the mom matrix.

Like you're a little kid saying, mommy, can I have a cookie or a treat?

And dude, moms don't want to have sex with kids either.

Right.

So how'd you pull it off six months later after the breakup?

I got, I, I, I went all in on me and and became a better parent.

So I, you know, they would live, I lived here in Vegas and

they moved back to California, but I would still have my daughter out every other weekend.

I would FaceTime, I would call and make sure I was really focused because I realized I was a parent.

That's where I came up with the five-dial system.

Do we want to talk about that or no?

Yeah, let's dive into that.

Okay, so the five-dial system that every woman is judging their man on is how good of a parent is he?

How good of a partner, quote-unquote, best friend is he?

Like, does she feel connected to you?

How good of a producer is he?

Meaning they don't want to live in cloth seats, Corollas, and one-bedroom apartments forever.

How good of a player is he?

Meaning, is he playful?

Does he have fun anymore?

I always quote the great American poet, Cindy Lopper.

Girls just want to have fun.

Yeah, that's a great song.

But dude, if you figure out fun, we call fun as the fountain head.

If you figure out fun, everything else flows from it.

And then the fifth dial is standing in your power.

And not just, not just saying yes to your, like a lot of guys, especially businessmen, I work with almost exclusively business business dudes,

but

they are the boss at the office and then they come home.

It's almost like they check in.

They're like, what do I do now?

And she's like, dude, where's the man that I fell in love with?

So all these five dials are the attractive dials.

And once we dial those up, we call that guy a provocateur.

A provocateur is simple, a man who provokes his wife to lust after him.

I love that.

It's like, it's not a secret why we have a lot of sex.

It's we both are sexy to each other and to the world.

Yeah.

So being there more for your kids, that made her the attractive end.

That was that.

Secondly,

there's some psychology involved and some strategy.

The number one rule of psychology is everybody wants what they can't have, right?

Right.

So when you move on and you realize, hey, I don't need anything from you anymore.

I'll be an amazing co-parent with you and I'll do anything I can to be a great human being in your life.

But I'm going to go do my thing.

Well, dude, I got right back into physical shape the way she met me.

I was better parent again.

I was always kind of good at the producer dialogue.

I mean, not always, but like I've been making a lot of money for a decade or more.

And

then my playfulness, dude, I stopped taking her on dates.

Bro, we used to, that's the best dancer you ever met.

This gal can dance like crazy.

So we'd go dancing, and then we stopped.

I stopped going dancing with her.

I stopped taking her out.

I stopped having fun.

I stopped dating her.

So my playfulness, my player dial,

I just, I just, her mom would come bring her

grandma, or my,

her, her mom, my daughter's grandma would bring her up to Vegas and I would, I would, uh, get a babysitter for the, the, our daughter, and then I would take the mom out to like a comedy show.

Just go have fun.

Yeah.

And then in my power, stand in my power.

Standing in your power means I'm not, I don't do my personal development so that she will give me a pat on the back.

I do my personal because that's me.

I don't, most guys, when they, they're afraid to initiate sex because they've been rejected for so long.

And so it's like, well, are you afraid to ask for sex?

And if you get rejected, do you act like a pouty little b ⁇ ?

These are like questions we ask.

And that's most guys.

When they get rejected, they act pouty.

They get passive aggressive.

For sure.

Well, maybe if I got more sex around here, maybe I'd hang up that f ⁇ ing painting on the wall that I already promised you I'd hang up that I didn't do.

You know what I mean?

Standing in your power means you do what you say you're going to do when you say you're going to do it without f ⁇ ing fault.

Well, dude, this lady asked me, she goes, hey, can you hit, we moved into a new place and she goes, hey, can this was,

God, I don't know, four or five years ago.

And she goes, hey, can you, can you, can you hang the painting on the wall?

We're moved in.

I go, yeah, no problem.

Like three weeks later, hey, I don't want to be a nag, but can you?

Yeah, yeah, I'll get to it.

Yeah, I'll get to it.

A month or two later, she's like, dude, I don't want to be a nag, but

you said you'd hang that.

I'm like, you know what?

You're right.

It took me 30 minutes to do everything she asked me to do.

But what happened?

The resent goes up because she goes, he doesn't do what he says he's going to do.

And what happens is then her trust in me goes down.

And when the trust goes down, the lust goes down.

Wow.

This is all so relatable, man.

I'm glad I'm talking to you because that example you just said has happened to me.

Yeah.

And I'm sure many guys do.

We've all done it, man.

And but here's the crazy thing.

We all feel entitled to sex because we provide sex, because we provide, we produce, and we protect.

Yeah.

Like we're doing those things.

Yeah, but it's like, dude, that's, that's one part of it.

What about the lover that she had that she could talk to about anything?

And you guys used to sit in the car on certain nights and the windows would fog up just because you're talking, listening to your favorite music.

You guys ever done that?

Yeah.

Everyone you're dating, you just listen to music.

Oh Oh my God, hold on, don't love this guy.

I love this song.

Then we're going to go, oh my God, I love this song.

Well, when you stop doing that, she's like, where did my best friend go?

My wife felt so lonely in our marriage that she goes, I'm more lonely than if I was single.

Wow.

I was such a piece of with our child for the first two years.

When she left, she said, I don't even want to have another kid with you.

Damn.

You weren't there.

I was such

a dodo bird in this, man.

Like, just lost,

lost.

And yet, most, but I was still like, the week before, my friend's like, hey, how's your marriage?

I'm like, oh, I think we're doing great.

We don't ever want to admit it as guys, right?

But I didn't know.

Yeah.

Like, there's going to be guys listening to this that are like, he's talking about this a way I've never heard anybody talk about it, but it's only because I'm just telling my own stupid stories that most guys relate to.

You're like, yeah, I do feel entitled for sex.

And I do get pouty and passive aggressive when I get denied.

And you know what?

I don't want to ask anymore because I've been rejected forever, but I don't know what to do except go jerk off in porn.

Then they do that and then they feel guilty and then their God's mad at them.

And then, dude, it's just a f ⁇ cluster.

That's a vicious cycle.

Yeah.

I had a cup.

What?

I had a cup my life.

Yeah.

It's just a vicious cycle.

You feel f ⁇ ed after.

Even if you're not religious, just like a bad feeling, you know?

Yeah, dude.

It's you eat candy for too long.

You eventually, you're like, this is not good for me.

Yeah.

I need a good home cooked meal.

How many times per week are you advocating for people to have sex?

As much as they want.

Wow.

Yeah.

So like we have sex probably three times a week.

Okay.

Yeah.

we're not we don't but last week i think we did it four or five times so it's just kind of the season people with young kids are probably not going to get in as much as as possible we call kids cock blocks because that's what they that's initially what they are yeah um but that's okay because that's that's a part of it you know uh you know having kids nowadays and having kids in the past are very different you know back in the past we wanted more warriors and more farmers yeah my grandparents had like 10 brothers and sisters they somebody's got to work the farm someone's got to go kill the tribe on the other hill that wants to kill our ladies right yeah but nowadays it's just like these are just pendants everywhere, you know?

So it's a different, it's a different, it's a different cycle.

So I just, whatever, whatever they want, but what we

teach guys is to ask for what they want,

but know that you're the dude that can deserve it.

Have undeniable proof that you're a good parent.

You're a good partner.

This partner one is really interesting.

We call it the best friend dial, but the same, you know that stink.

Have you ever been rejected, asking for sex?

Asking for sex.

Yeah, probably.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

Well, I've been rejected.

Having had sex with hundreds of women means I got rejected by hundreds more.

And Jesse doesn't always want to have sex with me every time I ask.

Every time I'm horny doesn't mean she's ready.

And that sting of rejection feels horrible for a human being.

That same feeling is exactly what a woman feels when she feels neglected.

So now she's in a relationship with a dude that doesn't even talk to her, doesn't doesn't even know how to connect with her, or the only thing he wants to do is everything he wants to do, and he wants her to come along.

It's the same feeling.

So I realized that a lot of times men have neglected.

The reason, Jesse, because when we were asking, we were talking to the people in the waiting room, they're like, why'd she leave?

Did you cheat on her?

Did you beat on her?

I go, no, I didn't cheat on her.

I cheat on her.

I neglected her.

She was lonely.

Right.

We moved into our, the day she told me if she's leaving is we were moving into our dream house over here.

Wow.

The day you were moving in?

She goes, I'm going to help you move in, but I'm not staying.

Holy crap.

Yeah, my world came crashing down.

That's crazy because you're expecting a new house, new lifestyle, and she's not there.

So you're in that house, even though it's big, you're there alone.

Empty.

Crazy.

Shaq was just talking about this.

He had like a 10,000 square foot house, but no kids were there, no wife.

He was lonely, man.

Dude, I

guys don't like being lonely.

I know guys are trying to be tough.

I'm tough and whatever.

It's like, no, dude, listen, every heart, the honey for the man's heart is a woman who loves him.

I thrive with a good woman by my side, man.

Right.

Because I was lonely for years.

but that woman to come home to after a long day work or whatever, it's huge.

Dude, she, she cooks most of my meals, or at least heats them up.

The chef will make them beforehand, but she'll heat them up.

But before when she used to make a lot of my food, she'll like make it and she'll stare and like wait for my first bite.

And if I'm not moaning, she'll be like, you don't like it?

I'm like, no, I love it.

It's amazing.

But like a woman who cares for a guy like that, it makes us as men feel so good.

Yeah.

Purpose.

Yeah.

Sure.

It's like, wow, she wants me.

No, for real, man.

Yeah.

My opinions have changed because growing up, I didn't even want kids in my early 20s, but now I really want a family.

Oh, cool, man.

Yeah.

Are you guys trying?

Or are you, what are you doing?

Yes, we're getting married next year and then see what happens, dude.

You're asking me.

Yeah.

Anything you want to close off with or promote?

Listen,

most men are really struggling with this.

And the answers out there about doing all this other shit.

I call them pseudo-solutions, but yet everybody still talks about like, you got to go do more.

You got to go do this.

It's like, no, you have to become the guy that she married

she already is your type you already her type she married you at one point she used to be into you and most every story was we used to like rabbits or we used to have good sex now it's gone means it's still there you can get it back but here's what has to happen to get your ex back or to get the sex back you've got to get your ball sack and your backbone back you've got to become that man that she fell in love with again and be better so where she goes i i'm so honored to be with this guy.

So, if a guy, is this the camera?

Yeah.

If you're out there watching this and listening to this, and you're like, hey, man, I'm exactly the dude you're talking about.

It's very, very simple.

Head to marriedgame.com,

and there's a video there where I go in depth about the dials and how you mess it up and how easy it is for you to fix it if you simply just follow these step-by-step things, get your power back.

So, that's it.

We'll link below.

Thanks for coming on, man.

Thank you, bro.

Thanks for watching, guys.

As always, see you next time.