How Social Media is Destroying Trust in Relationships | Daniele Hage DSH #606

You don't wake up every single day feeling like you're in that euphoric state of the falling in love, but that's why you have to choose.

If marriage is a if or if love is a feeling and you don't feel like you're in love anymore, then the relationship's over.

But if love is a choice, a behavior, a commitment, then you choose every single day.

I love you regardless of how I feel.

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And here's the episode.

All right, guys, Daniil Haiti here today talking about dating and relationships.

Thanks for coming on.

Thank you for having me.

It's an honor.

Absolutely.

What drove you down this path?

Some rough relationships in the past?

You know, honestly, I don't have any bad horror stories.

I really don't.

We have been married.

My husband and I have been married.

We're going on 44 years.

Damn.

And I have to say, it's, you know i know everybody says marriage is so hard but i think when you get with the right person it's not that hard and um so we i just think we have staying power and um i just I've always been very interested in marriage and family.

And I come from a divorced home.

And I, when I got married, I got married way young and not planning to, but he wouldn't, he wouldn't take no for an answer.

So I was 19.

He was 22.

I know.

Very young.

I know, very young.

And people, I don't think they gave us a chance in hell, but we just, we, I said, you know, if we're going to do this, we are, we're never going to get divorced because I don't want my kids to have to live through a divorce.

And he was in agreement.

And so we just said, if we're going to be married, we're going to.

it's going to be great.

We're going to have fun.

We're happy people.

We like to have fun.

And I said, I'm not going to be in anything that's miserable.

So we'll do whatever it takes to make sure it's good.

It's powerful.

I grew up in a divorce household too.

It was rough.

Yeah.

Fighting over custody is just traumatic.

Yeah.

Oh, wow.

You know?

Yeah.

My parents didn't really have to fight for custody.

I mean, my mom had,

they shared custody of us and they were in agreement with that.

And my parents, they were good people.

They just, you know, couldn't, for whatever reason, stay married.

But both of them, I don't, you know, I didn't come from a lot of dysfunction or anything like that.

I had it pretty good, even, even with a divorced family, but I just knew I didn't want that for me, for my family.

Did a lot of your friends get divorced?

Everybody.

Everybody.

At our 10-year high school reunion,

I was the only one still married

after 10 years.

That's crazy.

I know.

I could not believe how everybody was either on their second marriage or divorced and not married.

Yeah.

Wow.

So you grew up in a small town?

Interesting.

Roland Heights, California, and half Roland Heights, half Newport Beach.

Because my dad was in Newport.

My mom was in Roland Heights.

So we back and forth.

Yeah.

Wow.

So within 10 years getting divorced.

That is, I wonder, have you seen any similarities in terms of the causes?

You know, I just think

people

throw in the towel too quick these days.

I just think people, you know, it gets hard and you get hurt, you get annoyed and people just give up.

I think they just give up too soon.

And if you can just make it past some of the hurdles, because there's hurdles in your relationships, of course.

But if you if you choose that you are going to stick to it no matter what, and you have, it takes some maturity.

You have to factor in forgiveness for sure in every marriage because you're married to an imperfect, finite, fallible human being.

We are all imperfect.

There's no perfect person out there.

So I think one of the myths of marriage is, you know, they tell people, don't settle, don't settle.

But really, we all settle at some point because there's no perfect person.

So my husband's not perfect, but he's perfect for me.

And I am definitely not perfect.

So you have to settle somewhere, but you have to decide what you're willing to live with and what you are unwilling to live with for the next 50 years.

I love that.

And people are constantly evolving, especially

people in my space, right?

In the entrepreneur space, because we come into money quickly, things happen.

So I think people

can't keep up with the speed sometimes, you know?

Yeah.

Well, and I hear people say, oh, we just, we fell out of love.

And I'm like, well, then you don't know the meaning of love because love isn't a feeling, which I thought it was when I met him.

You know, we, it happened pretty quick with us.

We were dating again.

We were very young.

And he said, you know, we, we, we're going to get married.

And I'm like, oh, no, we're not.

I'm way too young.

I still have college to do.

I'm barely out of high school.

I was 18.

And I'm like, oh, no, I have too many things I have to do first.

And he, and I, and then, so we're dating.

And then there came a time, probably three months into it.

I'm like, you know, I don't, I don't think I'm in love with you.

Wow.

Cause it started wearing off.

And he goes, well, love's not a feeling.

It's a choice.

And I'm like, uh-uh.

No, it's not.

Again, I'm very young.

My parents didn't teach me anything about this kind of stuff, but he taught me, and he was only three years older than me, but he already knew that love is a choice.

You don't wake up every single day feeling like you're in that euphoric state of falling in love, but that's why you have to choose.

If marriage is a,

or if love is a feeling and you don't feel like you're in love anymore, then the relationship's over.

But if love is a choice, a behavior, a commitment, then you choose every single day.

I love you regardless of how I feel.

Can't be led by our feelings.

Feelings come and go.

I like that.

Yeah, because you hear that term puppy love all the time, right?

The first couple months or years you're dating and then it goes away.

Yes.

And everybody has that.

And then it starts to fade out over time, which it does.

I give it six months, maybe two years if you're lucky.

But then you have to start working on it.

You have to do things to spark those feelings again, you know, and communication, talking about how you first met and the reasons you fell in love to begin with.

And all that kind of sparks those feelings, you know, they can come back, but they come and go.

So you just, you can't depend on and put too much stock in your feelings.

Right.

These days, I think partially because of social media, a lot of people have trust issues with their partners.

Was that something you ever struggled with?

You know, I never did with him.

I just always, I felt very safe with him from the get-go, which is one of the reasons I married him.

And I always felt like he was very a trustworthy.

man.

I never worried about that too much.

I mean, there were times when, you know, we started out with nothing.

I mean, he wanted to be a pastor, you know, at a very young age.

In fact, when we met,

he told me,

you're really nice.

You're a likable girl, but I don't want anything to do with you because I'm going to be in the ministry and I don't need any distractions and you're a distraction.

And I was like, well, that's kind of.

cocky of you.

Like, I didn't even say I liked you.

Like, I wasn't even attracted to you.

Why are you having this conversation?

And then needless to say, 18 months later, we were married.

Absolutely.

But he was very focused and very confident about where he was headed, which again is the very thing that attracted me to him because a man with a plan is always very attractive.

And

he just, he knew where he was headed.

And

I just felt we had a lot of good people around us.

I think that's another key.

There were older people than us that

he looked up to.

And I always tell young girls this.

Don't ever marry a man that doesn't have other men in his life that can hold him accountable or that he's he's willing to be accountable to, that he looks up to, that he respects.

It could be a dad.

It could be a pastor.

It could be your boss, a business associate, a good friend, but somebody where he is willing to answer to.

He has a higher authority.

And because those men will be a woman's advocate.

And so when he and I, when, you know, again, we were very young.

And whenever we would come to a standstill where we did not agree on something,

I would say, hey, let's take it to one of your mentors.

And if I'm wrong, I'll stand down.

Wow.

But if you're wrong, you need to stand down.

And he, and so that was always our, our agreement.

You know, we always had those kind of people that could speak into our lives, which I just think is, is a great

protection for, for you, for a young couple, for the marriage in itself.

That's some of the best advice I've ever heard because most people don't have a conflict resolution person they can go to.

They just keep the argument and it lasts for years sometimes.

Right.

So that's major.

Yeah.

And that's not good.

That's not healthy.

Yeah.

You need to resolve the conflict and get, and, and a lot of times, you know, like there have been times where he and I don't agree on things.

And I would always say to him, okay, I don't trust you right now with this decision.

I'm not in agreement with it, but I trust the God in you.

And I know that you have a higher authority in that way.

So I'm going to go with this.

I'm going to defer to you.

I'm going to submit to you, but I just want you to know.

And whenever I would say that, it's like that put so much weight on him.

He'd go, okay, no, wait, let's revisit that.

Now tell me again why you're not in agreement.

Like, because that's a lot of pressure to put on somebody because I'd be like, I don't know about this.

But there were times.

And yes, there were times where maybe he didn't make the right decision.

And I've had other people say, well, did you just say, I told you so?

I told you so.

And I said, I would never do that.

I said, I respect him.

He made the best decision that he had at that.

time with the information he had at the time.

And we all make mistakes.

And so I would never hold that against him.

I didn't have a better way.

I just wasn't sure about his way.

So, but but no, I respect him.

And, and not everybody gets it right every time.

And that's okay.

I love it.

Any friends or family members of his that didn't like you?

All of them.

All of them?

Wow.

His family was not into me.

Well, they didn't like him much either,

but they didn't like the girl he brought home either.

They thought I was fast and they didn't know me.

They just, I think they looked at me and went, I don't know.

Gold digger.

Like, yes, like he's only into you for your appearance.

And then after we got married and I started having babies, of course, we weren't going to have children for at least five years because we were young and I got pregnant four months into it.

And that kind of threw us for a loop.

But then my maternal side, my domestic side, which really was very much in me.

for sure kicked in and his mom and his sister and his dad started going, wow, like she's such a good mom.

And she, she's not what we thought she was.

And I, and I just think it's funny.

It's like, that's what, that's the part that he fell in love with, with me, but they didn't know that side of it.

But then after we got married, they were fine.

You know, they accepted me.

Yeah, I feel like that's a common issue.

And it's a tough one because you're not going to cut off your own family, but you love the person.

So it's kind of like a game you got to play, right?

And that has to be a boundary.

Like my family wasn't crazy about him either.

Oh, yeah.

And because he came in, he was young.

He was cocky.

He was outspoken.

And my family, it was more like

you just brush things beneath.

the carpet like brush you know like if there was a conflict you didn't really talk about it but he would not let things go he was head on he was head on and it

i think everybody was just taken back by it right but i loved that about him i loved it that he was so confrontive and he wouldn't just let things go or ignore things and um so it took them some time to warm up to him also but i think you know when you get married you start your own family and you have to have good boundaries where Our marriage, our relationship is top priority and everybody else comes second.

My parents, my siblings, his parents, his siblings, that all come second.

Our marriage is first.

Yeah.

And when it comes to boundaries and secrets, specifically secrets like telling people stuff, do you believe you should have secrets from your partner?

No.

I think you have private things, private things maybe, but I don't think secrets are a good thing.

I think you need to have a very open, honest

relationship, honest, open communication.

Now, if somebody comes to me, a woman and says, hey, I'm going to tell you something, but I don't want your husband to know.

I will always say to them, okay, do you, before you tell me, because I tell my husband everything and he tells me everything.

So before you tell me, do you trust me that if I think he needs to know, will you trust me to make that decision of whether or not to tell him?

And they usually always say yes.

And I rarely ever tell him because it's their issue, their personal problems.

He doesn't care.

He doesn't need to know.

But there are some things I'm like, no,

he needs to be involved with this or i need his input in this situation but um but there's a lot of things that it's like he's not in interested in knowing so yeah i liked your take on competition with your partner uh you said you should support and compliment each other rather than compete yes and i saw that clip and it it hit deep with me because i'm really competitive and i noticed i would compete with my partner and uh i'm gonna stop

Because I never thought of it from your perspective where you should be a team unit rather than competing.

Like silly example, But we were at the claw, it's like a bunch of claw machines, okay?

And she won more stuffed animals than me, and I got mad.

Oh my god, and I'm like, wait, we're taking these home.

Like, you care about these stuffed animals, I should be happy.

So, just little stuff like that, you know, that's hilarious.

And I wish that's all the competition was between partners because that's kind of cute.

But, um, yeah, there's friendly competition, you know, you're playing games or, you know, I mean, that's fun, you know, but I think when I'm talking about competition, like men are very competitive, and women, because women have become so masculine over the years since the feminist movement came into play, women think that they can be as good as a man, do everything a man can do, if not better.

That's kind of that feminist movement thing, which I totally am against.

Wow, you're against it?

Oh, yes.

Oh, absolutely.

I think it's the feminist movement is one of the biggest reasons for the marriage rate, the divorce rate these days.

Yes, because women have become so masculine they have

it's okay so the feminist movement is awesome for equal rights i'm all about women empowerment okay if women have aspirations to be medical doctors or you know run their own business that's awesome i think that's great i don't think women should be held back but that masculine energy and it takes a lot of masculine energy to be that person you need to leave that at the office and become a feminine energy person when you get home or if you want a romantic relationship because a masculine man being competitive, testosterone makes you competitive,

doesn't want to compete against his wife, another masculine man in a relationship.

You know, he needs to be the man and she needs to be the feminine energy.

Those two, they're like magnets, but two masculine energy.

energy people in one relationship are going to repel one another.

They're not.

So fun competition is great.

You're playing cards, you know, that's funny, cute.

But, you know, if a woman is saying, well, I can make as much money as you, I'm going to make more than you.

And a man feels threatened by that, that's going to cause problems.

It will.

They've done studies on women with high income and they have a higher divorce rate, actually.

Yeah, yeah.

Absolutely.

And I think, I think, because if a woman gets in her masculine energy, a lot of times she'll be disrespectful to her husband, you know, especially if she's competing with him.

And men don't do well with disrespect.

You know, there's surveys um that say that 80 of men say they would rather be alone and unloved than to be disrespected damn

respect is a major issue for men yeah i can see that yeah i'm on that side yeah so that's going to cause problems if she's disrespecting you in the home in your romantic relationship you're going to be ticked you know because you're feeling disrespected and see the feminist movement has taken it so far over the years to it's not just equal rights anymore now it's men are being diminished and devalued and demoralized.

What do we need men for?

We don't need men.

We can buy our own cars and we can vote.

We can make our own money, run our own businesses.

We can even have babies without men.

We just go to the neighborhood sperm bank.

We don't even need men for anything.

And that makes men feel awful.

You know, and if a man, when in a dating relationship, if a man doesn't feel he has anything to contribute to that woman's life, he's got to move on down the road.

Like a man wants to be needed because it's what makes him feel like a man.

Men want to be a woman's hero.

I agree.

I'd definitely like to have that drive and that sense of purpose, right?

Providing, yeah.

What do you think of this red pill movement on social media, just having sex with as many girls as possible?

I think that there's going to be a sad ending to that.

A sad ending for that person because life isn't just about having sex.

Relationships aren't just about having sex.

And for women, you know, they say

the more men that women give their bodies to, the less and less they're going to have good self-esteem.

Okay.

Because it kind of, women take a big hit to their self-esteem when it comes to sex.

Really?

And I don't think that's how women were built, you know, to just run around, sleep with everybody.

Like men, men, there's again, because of that testosterone, okay?

Men don't really bond over sex, but women do because we're emotional beings.

So for us, you know, women get emotionally attached.

Now, I'll hear single women say, oh, no, I don't.

I don't believe them.

I don't believe them.

I think when you wake up that next morning, you had sex on the first night, first date, you hardly know him.

You wake up the next morning.

He's like, okay, bye, out.

Never calls you again.

Women, they start relationships.

They're like, what, what?

He didn't call me back, but I thought if I gave my body to him, he'd fall in love with me.

No, men don't bond through sex.

It's for them, it's just plumbing.

It's like they.

They can have sex with women.

I'm not saying it's good for them to do that

because I think a real man, a good man, can be content and happy with one woman for for life.

I believe that.

I'm a strong believer in monogamy.

I know a lot of people don't believe that, but I do.

So, and I think that's what it's going to take to keep a marriage together.

Yeah, I believe in monogamy too, but there is that belief that as men, we're biologically programmed to reproduce, and that's why they encourage it.

Absolutely.

But guess what?

Men are not animals.

Yes, you are, that's in your genetics, but you also, there's a thing called self-control.

and you are able to override your genetics with a mindset of I'm going to use self-control I don't have to have you know sleep with everything that wears a skirt that walks by me yeah I mean these days open relationships friends with benefits that's all common but they never work out they never work out I know a few different couples someone asked me one time they said what do you think about these open marriages and bringing a third person into your bedroom and I said everybody that I know every person I know and I don't know a lot but there's some they say they say it's a slippery slope yeah they say once you open that door it's not going to end well and these were people that were married had the husband and wife were both in agreement bringing someone else into their bedroom but it didn't work out well for them and then there's things like um

well I don't know I won't get into that no no I want to know no I guess okay this one couple again this these are the kinds of things you got to think about if you're going to go that down that path yeah one couple they're very wealthy couple

and I don't know guess they just got bored with each other they they have small children they invite another couple so they're swinging okay these two couples that other couple was younger than them didn't have the kind of money they had they actually blackmailed them the younger couple blackmailed the older couple that had all the money and were because they wanted to get money out of it and i'm just and so they went through so much hell i mean and that's what and that one was one of the ones that said that is a slippery slope yeah and they her and her husband ended up divorced everybody i know that's ever done that has ended up divorced.

Everything's filmed these days.

So

it's not worth it.

Right.

Yes.

It's hard to get away with things with all the new devices that we have.

I don't film shit anymore.

I mean, I used to like want to film stuff, but like, it's not even worth it.

Yeah.

Because stuff gets leaked.

They can get into it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's not worth it.

It's crazy.

What about distance, long distance?

You think those are possible?

Long distance relationships?

Yeah.

Well, it depends on how long you're long distance.

I mean, when do you see each other?

Do you see each other

once a month?

I think it just depends on the couple and how far apart you are and when you come together.

I mean, you got to come together at some point.

Right.

So I don't know.

I don't know.

I've never seen them work.

Yeah.

I mean, I think it might work in the beginning and especially now with the dating apps.

You know, someone lives in another state.

And so for a while, it's long distance.

And then if you decide this is the person, one of them moves toward the other one, right?

They they move and get closer to them so they can have a relationship.

But I think if it's long distance forever, I don't, I don't know.

That works.

How do you feel about the apps?

Like, do you have kids?

I do.

Do you, do you recommend them hopping on those dating apps?

Well, my kids are all married now.

They're three grown adult children.

And none of them were ever on a dating app.

And the last one to get married, who wasn't married till she was 34,

people were always wanting to sign her up for the bachelor and saying, you got to date online.

And she always said, I just want it to happen organically.

I just, I don't, I, I'm not into it.

And it did happen for her organically.

Wow.

And so, and she's perfectly happy with that.

But I think a lot of people meet online these days.

And I, I know lots of people that it worked.

They met them online.

They're married.

They're happy.

And so I think it's a way to meet people.

Yeah.

I met my fiancé on Tinder.

You did?

Oh, wow.

I think it's a new era.

Okay.

Yeah, it is.

I think there's a balance, though, right?

Cause some people are socially awkward in person.

So you can't just rely on that.

You still need some social skills too.

Well, and the other thing with online dating is I have women that tell me, oh, there's not much out there.

And, you know, they're all swiping.

Oh, you know, I'm not attracted.

I'm not attracted.

I'm not attracted.

And I all say, so you're only looking at their physical appearance.

How do you know you're not attracted to them?

Because it's the inside of a person, their soul that makes them who they are.

I mean, I, if I looked at my husband when we first met, I first met him.

I shook his hand and I turned around and walked away.

There was no attraction.

But then I got to know him and we started talking and we were just friends.

And all of a sudden, he became better looking, better looking to me because now there was this emotional attraction.

Right.

And he just got cuter and cuter.

And I was just, I fell head over heels in love.

But had I met him online, I would have swiped right past him.

He wasn't my type.

Damn.

Yeah.

So I always tell people,

don't just think because you're not physically attracted that there's not more.

You got to get to know that person.

I agree.

Before you know that.

Place a lot of importance on physical attractiveness.

And then how about you meet someone and they're so hot.

They're the best looking person you ever met.

You get to know them and they suck.

They suck.

Because guess what?

If they suck, all of a sudden they're not going to look that hot to you anymore.

Yeah.

Right.

If you have a bad personality or you're not a nice person, suddenly that takes away from your appearance.

That happens with a lot of hot girls, I heard, actually, because they're just so used to getting everything.

Yeah.

In LA.

Yeah, because they're entitled, because of their looks.

Yeah.

And here's the thing.

Looks fade.

And what do you do?

Especially for women.

Yeah.

Women peak, right?

30s.

And then what?

And then what?

Yeah.

So you don't have a man that's committed to to you emotionally because, yeah, your looks are going to fade.

So are he is, but so are yours.

And if he's not emotionally committed, he's moving on.

So you want a man for women, they need a man that is in love with who they are, their heart, their soul, their character.

Right.

Do you believe men and women love differently?

Yes.

I would say they love differently.

How so?

Gosh.

Women are more emotional, right?

For sure, more emotional.

I think women need to be in love with a man.

They need number one thing they need is to feel safe.

I never hear men say, I need to feel safe to be in love, right?

But for a woman, she needs to feel safe.

And what makes her feel safe?

When she feels connected.

What makes her feel connected?

When she feels heard.

What makes her feel heard?

When you actually listen.

And then you don't try to invalidate her feelings because women are emotional.

So they got a lot of feelings.

And for them, their feelings, they put a lot of weight into their feelings.

It's like another organ in their body.

Men don't pay that much attention to their feelings, their own feelings.

You know, they're into what they value, what they think about things.

But women, it's all about how they feel about something.

So for a woman to fall in love with a man, she needs to feel safe.

connected and heard and if she doesn't feel heard like that couple that you just interviewed we were talking in the back room and they were saying she left him because she didn't feel heard she felt invisible and all of a a sudden he realized, oh my gosh.

And I don't know how they patched up.

I didn't have enough conversation with them, but that's huge for women.

So they, so

people, man, men and women communicate differently.

They listen differently.

They're motivated differently.

We're so completely opposite.

So I think the better we understand the opposite sex,

how a man functions, how he was designed, how women function.

That will help you to love them.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That was an interesting couple because he's bringing in millions of dollars and it doesn't matter because he wasn't listening to her at the house.

Right.

They're living in a huge mansion and I think she moved out the day they moved in.

What?

Is that right?

Oh my goodness.

And it's nuts.

Like, have you seen with your clients income levels affect the relationship at all?

Seen with my clients?

Yeah.

Income levels?

I would say

I think it just depends.

I think it depends on the people.

If you started out with nothing and all of a sudden you're making millions, that could definitely have an effect on the relationship.

I saw a change in my relationship with my husband when, because we started out with nothing.

You know, I fell in love with him because of who he was, not because of how much money he had.

And that's another thing I would always tell people, don't marry for money because money comes and goes.

You can have tons of money and the next day have nothing, you know, because the way our economy is.

And it happened to us.

It happens to everyone.

It does.

And so

we started out with nothing.

And then over the years, little by little, pretty soon he

started being asked to travel and speak.

And he spoke all over the world.

And he started making a lot of money.

He's a very motivational, very gifted speaker.

And all of a sudden, it wasn't all of a sudden, but I'm saying 15, 20 years into marriage, we started making a ton of money.

I think that there was a little bit of how we spend money that probably would be the point of a contention.

The things that he valued compared to the things I valued.

I value experiences.

He values more monetary things.

So we would have arguments about that, about how we're going to spend money, but we always worked it out, you know.

So I don't know.

I think it just depends on the couple.

And then, and then we lost it all.

You know, we had money for years.

And then in 2008, you know, we owned three homes.

We lost all three of our homes.

I mean, we, we lost a lot.

That took a big toll on our relationship for sure.

And I think it was harder for him than it was for me because I, you know, I said, I married you with nothing.

It's not because of the money that I am in love with you.

And, but for a man to lose your kingdom, that takes a toll.

And I think he went through a kind of a depress.

a depression,

maybe not clinically depressed, but he, you know, I couldn't get him off the couch.

And he would always say, you should be with someone who can give you more than me.

And I would say, are you kidding me?

I said, I didn't marry you for money.

I married you for you.

I'm not going anywhere as long as we have our health, we have our kids.

Like, I'm good.

I don't care.

I could live in a two-bedroom apartment and be just as happy.

You're a real one.

And we have lived in two-bedroom apartments over the years, you know, and we've lived in beautiful homes.

But no, I'm in here.

I was in that for the long haul for him, not for

me.

Because there's people in your shoes that leave.

Oh, I know.

And I just think that's so sad.

And I think that's why, and men need to be careful who they choose to.

You know, you want a a woman, you know, you marry for character.

You marry because where you connect, you connect at purpose, you connect at values.

If you don't have similar values, that's going to become a major point of contention in your relationship.

Your core values need to be, you need to be on board with each other's core values.

You need to have purpose together.

Where are you headed?

Like you, you're both in your own lanes, but your lanes are going in the same direction.

They're not going in different directions.

And,

or if you're not, if you have no purpose together, you, if you're always arguing about your values, you're not compatible.

Right.

Don't marry that person.

Yeah, because you're not going to change values.

No.

And it doesn't have to be that hard.

But I think there's all those red flags when people are dating, but people choose not to see them.

Right.

Because I really like them.

Yeah.

Well, he's never ever said he's sorry.

But, but I really like him.

I'll just ignore that.

Oh, but he's, he's kind of selfish in that way.

But, you know, I'm just going to ignore that because, you know, he'll change or she'll change.

You know, usually it's the women that are wanting the men to change.

Men usually marry a woman, never want her to change.

That's true, too.

But women look at men and go, okay, once I can get him to wear his hair right, dress right, mind his manners,

then he'll be the perfect guy.

How much potential does he have for change?

Bad question to ask.

Yeah, for sure.

Marry him.

I always tell women, marry a man that if he never changes, he is who he is right now for the rest of his life.

You can live with that.

If you're good at that, he's a good one.

Wow.

Good candidate.

That's huge.

Yeah, because some people spend years dating to see if it's a fit, but you should know pretty quick.

Yes, I do think people know.

If you're dating over three years,

you're dating five, six years, something's wrong.

You're not married yet.

Why?

Why?

Who doesn't want to get married?

To me, that's ridiculous.

Like the reason, and this is what I believe now, I know not everybody believes this, the reason for dating is to see, is this a person I can live with?

Is this a person I can marry and live with and build a family with?

Right.

Or build whatever you want to build together.

But, um, or why date?

If you're, if you don't want to be married, don't date.

That's how I always saw dating.

But yeah, people don't see it that way.

They don't anymore.

I know.

It's like there's no, they don't court anymore.

Whatever happened to courtship, you know?

It's like, and, and people are just jumping in the sack.

And I believe that God has a plan for marriage and engagement and dating and all those things, but people want to do it their way.

And these days, the way they're doing it is not working.

It's not working.

Look at the divorce rate.

Absolutely.

50-50 coin flip these days.

I know.

crazy i was on your youtube i thought this was interesting so you believe men become more emotional as they age and women become more logical as they age yeah and and that's not just something i believe that's called biology and it's because of hormones yeah so you know as men age you know you know their testosterone levels start to drop and and it doesn't have to be that way but usually they need help as far as you know, they need to be tested for testosterone and see where they're at in their levels.

But their hormones start, you know, start to change change as we age and women kind of get more focused, more,

you know, just more certain about things.

Men become more emotional after making love.

A man wants to cuddle and sometimes he'll cry, you know, like I watched my husband.

I won't say too much about that.

But as he got into his 50s, and now our kids are older too at this time, and you know, he's a preacher and he's an emotional man already.

He's a preacher, right?

And he's very, very intense and very passionate.

And so, but I started seeing when he would be preaching, he would become emotional and he would, he'd become very sensitive and he would even cry.

And me and my adult children, we'd be like, and then we would start crying.

We're like, they've never seen dad like that because he's, he's a masculine man.

He's a man's man.

But he just got, and even now he's 66 and he's just so much more tender and so much more sensitive.

He now, he's always been very verbal, but now he'll be the one to give all the details.

And I'm the one now that says, Kate, give me the bottom line.

Can you just cut to the chase?

Like, I used to be the one, very detail-oriented and you know, very feeling-centered.

And now I'm seeing myself more.

I'm able to be more single-focused, and he's become more emotional.

It's just funny, but it's just age and our hormones, the way our hormones work.

I could see it though.

Cause a lot of girls, when they're younger, they'll just try to sleep with the hottest guy.

But then I think they get a little wiser as they get older.

Hopefully, hopefully, they get wiser.

Yes, yes, I love that.

Danielle, it's been fun.

Or Janiel, my buddy, my bud.

Anything you want to promote or close off with?

You know, I just,

I would say,

of course, you can follow me on Instagram.

I do, I do coaching.

Other than that, yeah, no.

Cool.

We'll link it below.

Thanks for coming on.

Okay.

Thank you, Pram.

Yeah, thanks for watching, guys.

As always, see you tomorrow.