Speaking on Tony Robbins Stage & Meeting The Rock and Dan Bilzerian | Nick Santonastasso #267

Why don't people leave nine to fives?

Because they don't think they can make the money.

They don't think they can acquire a skill set to make more.

Why do people stay in a relationship that's okay?

It's because they don't believe that they can get someone of a higher value, right?

Why don't people put out the content and they're scared?

Because they don't think they're worth it.

They don't think anyone will like it.

So our success is directly correlated to our confidence and our self-worth.

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And here's the episode.

All right.

Welcome back to the show, guys.

Got with me a legend in the building, Nick Santon Estaso.

Did I pronounce that right?

I crushed it.

Let's go.

I was worried about that, but I'm glad I got it right.

Well done.

Thanks for having me.

Of course, man.

You're a true inspiration.

Appreciate that.

Not many guys that really get me going, like inspirationally.

We're going to get you going.

We're going to get everybody going.

We're ready to rock.

You're one of those guys, man.

You just just spoke on stage in front of 2,000 people.

I did.

Yeah.

Thank God they liked me.

I'm just kidding.

You know,

I think stages is one of the most impactful ways to get your message out there.

You know, one of the greatest beliefs that I can install in people is there's people out there ready to pay you hand over fist.

They just don't know you exist.

Yeah.

Right.

And so most of this thing is an exposure thing.

And so for me, getting on stages, even when I started off my brand six years ago, getting on stages or podcasts or Instagram lives was my way to exercise the muscle of getting better at articulating and also get in front of audiences.

You know, it's like oftentimes people think they need a big audience to make an impact, but it's like, can I find someone who has an audience and has a stage that they would benefit from my message?

And can I get on there, provide value?

And whoever likes me likes me.

So we did that in San Diego with Aspire.

What was pretty cool is six years ago, I sat in Gary Vaynerchuk's office and I got six minutes with him.

And I was like, I'm going to be, I'm going to be the greatest speaker in the world, you know, and he didn't really know who I was.

He didn't really care.

He was like, okay, God bless you, kid.

You know, good luck.

And in San Diego, Gary spoke and I closed.

That's nuts.

So full circle.

It was a great moment.

Did you get to catch up with him?

He came off stage and I was getting ready to go on stage and he came down and said, great to see you, kid.

I was like, Great to see you.

I'm about to go close it down.

Let's go.

Let's rock.

So it was great.

But thanks for having me.

I'm happy to be here.

Absolutely, dude.

Your journey's been when I first moved to Vegas three years ago.

You spoke at my first event.

I did.

50 people.

Yeah.

And the fact that you're now speaking on stages with thousands, and you told me at that event you were going to do that too.

Did I?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I talk a lot of, right?

But, but, um,

that was another prime example of I never turned down opportunities to speak.

I never turn opportunities to share.

I never turn opportunities to share insight.

And that's, that's the biggest thing is a lot of the times people want to be good at marketing.

They want to be good at podcasts.

They want to be at speaking.

It's like, take every opportunity you can to get the reps in.

I mean, like, your journey is brilliant, right?

It's like you started the show, I don't know how long ago?

Nine months.

Nine months ago, and then

it got a whole bunch of episodes, got a whole bunch of reps in.

And every single interview, you're going to get better at communicating, articulating, asking questions.

So it all comes with reps.

Like, the only thing that's standing in between you and the person that you want to become is they failed more than you did, and they got a whole bunch of reps in.

Yeah, because I've done some research on you, and you were an introvert growing up, right?

I was.

I think I'm still introverted.

I'm a forced extrovert now okay i'm an introvert i think

i think i was introverted because i felt like no one liked me i felt like my body was a curse you know i didn't think girls like me so i was i was very introverted and

through like vine we can go through all of that but through like vine and pranking and becoming a content creator i feel like you have to be this extrovert person but even even now bro it's like I'm on stage.

I did 15,000 people with Tony Robbins in Miami Yat Arena.

It's like one second, there's 15,000 people in the audience screaming your name.

And then 20 minutes later, you're in a hotel room alone.

It's sketchy.

It's a little weird, right?

But also, I recharge by being alone.

I recharge by not hanging out, not doing anything, because I'm always on, bro.

We're doing interviews.

We're changing people's lives.

We're doing seminars.

We're coaching.

And it's like, I just want some quiet.

I just want to be by myself.

I'm an introvert too, dude.

A lot of actually successful people are.

The more I've had guests on, most of my guests are introverts.

yeah what do you think it is you know I know Ed Milt's an introvert too is he yeah dude I would have never talked about that seriously yeah he's like most people think I'm you know I'm an extrovert but I'm an introvert wow and I think

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at least for me for example is i built a lot of my success or a lot of this persona to prove that I was enough to people.

You know, I think I had a just a deep trauma, like a chip on my shoulder from being born with no legs, one arm, and everybody always doubting me that like I built this credibility and this brand and become an amazing speaker and all these accolades just to like bury the inner child.

You know, of like, am I enough yet?

Am I enough?

Wow.

And I think there, I think for a lot of successful people, a lot of our success comes from trying to prove something.

Yeah.

Whether we want to prove it to our parents, whether we want to prove it to girls, want to prove it to our partner.

And then there gets to a point where you have to shift and be like, oh, I'm proud of me.

You know, like, I don't need anybody else's permission or validation to fill me up.

It's like, I'm just genuinely proud of myself.

And so I think there's a shift there.

But I think a lot of us have built big things off wanting to be enough.

Absolutely.

So when was that mental shift for you?

Because growing up, you're probably getting all this hate and all this doubt and it really ate at you.

But then you sort of had a switch, right?

Yeah.

So I didn't realize I was different.

You know, like I didn't, as like a child in like first grade, second grade, I didn't realize I was different.

You know, I didn't realize that I had a wheelchair or the people were taller than me, all those different things.

And I think my big realization that I was different was in middle school.

You know, like if we reflect back now, or anyone listening, it's like middle school,

kids are savages, bro.

Like, we remember like our dorky, nerdy selves, and there's a lot of judgment, and there's clicks, and girlfriends, and boyfriends.

And

I,

what I, my belief or my hallucination was that just like girls didn't like me, that I wasn't loved, you know.

And based on specific experiences that we have, we develop beliefs about who who we are and what we're capable of, right?

So for example, it's like if you do a podcast, like say one of your first podcasts, right?

And like you interview someone and you're so excited and at the end they're like, bro, you're a terrible host.

You may get in your head and be like, maybe I shouldn't do this.

For sure.

Right.

Like, should I continue the podcast?

Should I keep interviewing people?

But it'd be a totally different experience and totally different beliefs if after your first podcast, he was like, bro.

You have this like natural talent to just communicate and ask questions.

Like, you're amazing.

How would that make you feel?

Right.

Right.

So you'd have a different belief.

so based off beliefs we develop you know based off experiences we develop beliefs about who we are so there was a specific moment where a girl made fun of me you know on the bus like in a very direct harsh way and i started to believe her i was like well maybe she's right which you know like she was like she was making fun of people and she looked at me she's like i don't have to start bro you're already too messed up anyway like look at you right i'm 13 years old and so I started to believe like, maybe I am screwed up.

You know, maybe I am disgusting.

Maybe,

maybe she's right.

Maybe girls don't like me.

I'll probably never.

And then, and then what tends to happen with psychology, you look at the brain is,

have you ever had a moment where you woke up on the wrong side of the bed?

Yeah.

We've all have, right?

If you're not conscious of your thoughts and what you're focusing on, your whole day will be negative.

Right.

You'll be like, traffic sucks.

Why do I live in Vegas?

I got to do this interview.

I hate this person, right?

You just start, we call it stacking.

So you can stack in a negative way and you can stack in a positive way.

So when that girl said that to me, I started to to stack in a negative way.

Like, you name it, I'm disgusting.

Girls don't like me.

I'll never go to my junior problem.

I'll never go to my senior problem.

I'll never have a wife.

I'll never have a girlfriend.

I'm useless.

Like, you know, like that's how we dig ourselves into a dark hole.

And

that pain

of

not being accepted by women was the leverage that

catapulted me to change.

Right.

Like, what we need to understand is that humans will change for two reasons.

We either change for pain or we'll change for pleasure.

But when you look at psychology, humans will always run away from pain faster than they'll run towards pleasure.

That's why we don't start going to the gym until the doctor says like you're going to die.

We don't leave the relationship until they become physically abusive or emotionally abusive.

Right.

We may not start the business or the podcast until we hit rock bottom where we're like, I got to do this thing.

You may not fire the employee until they destroy the whole culture.

Right.

Right.

And so oftentimes as humans, we need to hit a pain threshold in order to change.

Right.

But you don't always need to wait wait for the pain to change.

But typically, most of our success and people watching this, like your success came from pain, of you trying to run away from pain.

So for me, the pain of not being accepted by women and not having girlfriends and all my guy, all my friends have boyfriends and girlfriends, like that ate at me.

That made me feel inadequate.

That made me feel not enough.

And

that's because ultimately I didn't have a great relationship with myself, right?

Like I wasn't confident.

I was insecure.

And I think regardless of having no legs of an arm or all your arms and limbs, every single guy, every single girl can relate to not feeling confident, feeling insecure.

But

the only reason why we feel unconfident or why we feel insecure is typically because we're focused on what we don't have versus what we do have.

Typically, we're focusing on what's wrong versus what's right.

Right.

So for example, if a guy gets rejected by a girl, right?

He'll probably start focusing on like, is it my teeth?

Is it my hair?

Why doesn't she like me?

I'm not strong enough.

Maybe I don't have the muscles.

I don't have game, whatever it is, right?

And so he's focusing on what's wrong versus like, what makes me an amazing dude?

What makes me an amazing woman?

Why did they miss out?

Right.

Right.

And you see the shift of the focus.

Or it's like,

what would make me more confident?

Is it getting in the gym?

Is it learning new skills?

Is it healing trauma?

But ultimately,

how others treat us is a reflection of how we treat ourselves.

Absolutely.

Right?

Yeah.

And so I'm babbling, but the pain of women catapulted me into either taking my life or upgrading my psychology.

Damn.

That's very polar opposites.

And how long did it take you to get that first girl, that first woman in your life?

I started wrestling.

And so that was like, so my older brother was a wrestler.

All my best friends, friends were wrestlers.

And my whole intention was like, if I could become a wrestler girls will like me right i'll be labeled as an athlete i'll be i'll be this this you know this so that was the main reason you went into wrestling i would say why right like look look we and we can get into it too it's like after that i started bodybuilding like some people may know me from a picture that the rock posted with me where i was shredded and we were we were lifting together right i started bodybuilding for girls

it and it and it It acted as a great purpose in the meantime, but it wasn't sustainable.

Anytime that you put your purpose in those external things, it's not sustainable.

It may get you a result and you may get some success, but long term, it won't last.

That's the same thing in entrepreneurship, right?

It's like, if

the very reason you started this podcast was solely to make money, you wouldn't have 300 or whatever it is.

You would have failed.

You would have failed.

You wouldn't have done all the interviews.

You wouldn't invite all the people.

You wouldn't be so passionate about it.

There's a deep, meaningful reason to why you do this podcast.

But if it was just money, the show wouldn't be the show.

Does that make sense?

Yep.

So

wrestling, my main intention was to get girls, but I also

wanted to feel good.

And my intention was that if I could be an athlete, when everybody's like, oh, he's disabled, if I could become an athlete, that would be badass.

And not only an athlete, if I could become a wrestler, that's like really cool.

I viewed wrestlers as like super cool.

So I pursued wrestling.

There's a whole story about me like chopping this arm off and having to wrestle if we want to go into it.

But

My older brother was a wrestler.

All my best friends are wrestlers.

And I was like, man, this is going to change my life.

And so I sat my parents down.

I was like, listen, mom and dad, like, I want to become a wrestler.

And they're like, there's no way.

Right.

At the time, this arm, a little potato here.

At the time, this arm was five inches longer than it is now.

And my bone was going faster than my skin.

So it was super sensitive.

And the bottom line is, if I would have hit my arm hard enough, my bone would have came through my skin.

Whoa.

Right.

So it was very sensitive.

I couldn't do physical activities with it.

And

I told my parents, I was like, can we cut my arm arm off?

And like, what do you mean, cut your arm off?

And I was like, yeah, like, aren't there surgeries or something that we can do?

Like, it's hurting me.

I want to become a wrestler.

I know it's going to change my life.

Like, can we do it?

And they accepted my proposal.

And so I didn't do it, of course.

And my parents didn't cut my arm off.

But my sophomore year, we scheduled the appointment for the doctors to amputate my arm.

So they lasered five inches of the bone off.

And then they pulled a skin from up on my shoulder over my arm so I could beat people up with it, you know?

And so I was like, yo, Doc, I'm going to have to beat someone over the head with this.

Like, you better make sure you do a good job.

And so my sophomore year did the surgery,

came back to school, the happiest kid that just cut his arm off.

And junior year, I was a JV varsity, JV wrestler.

And then senior year, I was a varsity wrestler from my high school.

Amazing.

But that gave me confidence.

Yeah.

Right.

And let's break this down, right?

Because I'm a firm believer that you will never make more than you think you're worth.

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Well, click the application link below in the description of this video.

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Click the application link below and here's the episode, guys.

Why don't people leave nine to fives?

Because they don't think they can make the money.

They don't think they can acquire a skill set to make more.

Right.

Right.

It's like, why do people stay in a relationship that's, they, that don't, they, it's okay?

It's because they don't believe that they can get someone of a higher value, right?

Why don't you, why don't people put out the content and they're scared?

Because they don't think they're worth it.

They don't think anyone will like it, right?

So our success is directly correlated to

our confidence and our self-worth.

Right.

Now, how you build confidence and how you build self-worth, the very simple strategy is just do what you say you're going to do.

What tends to happen is we make promises all the time.

I'm going to go to the gym.

I'm going to start going to the gym five days a week.

Right.

Or

I'm going to start posting content every single day.

And they get all fired up about it.

And next thing you know, They break the promise.

Now, on an unconscious level, every single time that you make a promise and you break it, you're diminishing your own self-worth.

You're like the boy who cried podcast,

the boy who cried breakthrough, the girl who cried six pack.

It's like you did a lot of talking and you've made all these promises, but you've lied to yourself so much where you can't even believe your word anymore.

Not only can other people not believe your word, but when you say like, I'm going to start a podcast in the back of your head, you're like, you know, you ain't going to do it.

I know, you know.

Does that make sense?

Yeah.

Right.

So you can start building confidence by simply making promises, following through on them, and then celebrating the fact that you did what you say you're going to do.

Yeah.

Right.

And so I became a wrestler, and that catapulted me.

Oh, you talked about women.

The question was, like, did you get a first girlfriend?

Was it high school or after?

High school.

Nice.

High school, technically, for yeah, for first girlfriend,

and it was evidence.

What do you mean?

The brain is the best detective in the world, and it's always going to try to find evidence to prove yourself right.

Right?

So if you have a belief that

I have bad bad luck, you ever hear people like, I just get the short end of the stick.

They will

always find themselves with the short end of the stick or they will create it to prove themselves right.

Facts.

For sure.

Or always have terrible bosses.

Well, even if you leave a job and you go into another job that's great, you will make the boss terrible to prove yourself right.

Yeah.

Right.

So

by me getting my first girlfriend gave me evidence that I was lovable.

It gave me evidence that maybe not all girls like no legs of an arm, but there's some girls out there that wouldn't mind it.

Does that make sense?

It gave me evidence.

And so whether this is relationships, whether this is business, whether this is life, we're looking for evidence, right?

Like I bet you,

when you had your first podcast and they loved it, you're like, evidence.

It's doing something.

Yep.

Right.

It's like when you post a piece of content and someone comments like, this was really powerful.

You're like,

it works.

But are you willing to persist long enough to get the evidence?

Are you willing to post the show long enough until someone likes it?

Are you willing to post the content until you get the following?

Are you willing to follow up with the girl long enough until she finally goes out with you?

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah.

Most people aren't willing to suck long enough to be great at something.

Definitely not.

Yeah, you got to really.

That's my long-winded answer.

No, that's bars, man.

I mean, most people won't sacrifice months, sometimes even years to get where they want to be at.

And I've done it.

I fell victim of that too.

It's like

post a couple shows and you're like, eh, I'm gonna try something else.

And I think when you look at success, whether it's you or other successful shows or anyone, they've been way consistent before anybody knew who they were.

Yeah, like, like, bro, you've been grinding.

Yeah.

But you've been grinding.

Like, you've been building for a very long time.

You were young.

You were the one of the youngest entrepreneurs.

I was like, yo, this guy's young with Jersey, like all that stuff, right?

And

there's a season of your life

where preparation meets opportunity.

It's like

you may have not known it, but you've been preparing your whole life for this show to blow up the way it did.

I have to agree.

You know what I'm saying?

It wasn't like planned, but I know it wasn't me.

But like, you've become the type of man that can handle this show blowing up and being able to rip content and all these scheduled interviews, right?

It's like the same thing for me.

It's like I've been speaking and dedicated my life to psychology and communication for six years.

But I feel like finally, six years in, I'm finally at a point where like everybody in the circuit's like, yo, that guy can spit.

That guy's, that guy can transform lives.

That guy can sell from state, whatever it is.

So it's like six years of preparation where I'm not like the biggest and I'm still not the biggest, but it meets opportunity and I'm ready for the opportunity because I've been prepared.

So for those that are listening, like maybe your show is not blown up.

Maybe no one knows who you are.

Maybe no one's buying your products.

It's like, put your head down, become a master and

dig your well deep of knowledge in like a few things and eventually you will be rewarded.

Absolutely.

Yeah, it takes time.

People don't see that.

I mean, I just saw that Matt Reif kid.

People thought he blew up overnight.

He's been doing stand-up for 10 years.

People didn't even know that.

Overnight success.

Yeah, overnight success, right?

And you've mentioned the biggest disability you can have is a bad mindset.

100%.

And that's coming from you.

So that's such a powerful statement.

100%.

What did you mean when you said that?

Well.

Why does a man with no legs and one arm

have more, do more in life than guys with all their legs and and all their arms.

I don't have bigger muscles than you.

I'm not stronger than you.

I ain't taller than you.

I have a different set of psychology and a different set of beliefs.

Oftentimes, we think it's a strategy game.

Oftentimes, we think it's

a tool game, a tactic game.

When in reality, the most successful people just have a specific belief system.

They have psychology.

They have an upgraded software system.

So, how many times have people gone to a seminar?

Or how many times have you listened to an interview, you got someone to share strategies and then you did nothing with them?

Right.

The other aggressive example I give people is like, how many of you know how to lose weight?

Right?

You clean up what you eat, you move your body and the weight comes off.

It's not that complex, right?

Now the Gary Breckett, we can get like deep, right?

But it's like,

you know how to lose weight.

Why don't you lose weight?

It's not that it's not it's not the tactics that gets in the way.

You already know what to do.

Yeah.

It's the same reason why in every single company, you can give people the same book of business.

You can give them the same strategies at how to close deals, but only a few will close.

Why is that?

Because it's psychology.

So most people have all their arms and all their legs, yet they were handicapped and crippled by their upbringing.

Crazy.

And so what does that mean?

Right?

Like most of our beliefs were cultivated between zero and seven years old or zero and 10 years old because your brain was in theta state.

It's very suggestible.

Meaning like you popped out and your parents or whoever said dog and you said dog.

Right.

They said cat.

You said cat.

And then they came over here and said, you can't afford that.

You're like, I can't afford that.

You know what I'm saying?

And so at an early age, you pick up on these thoughts and you pick up on these beliefs from your surrounding.

Right.

If you were born

into a family where your family, your, your mom and dad built their own companies, you wouldn't think twice about building your own company.

Right.

You'd be like, oh, that's possible.

I've seen it my whole life.

But like, for example, for me, like my parents didn't build companies.

They, they, you know, they worked their job.

So I didn't know any of this stuff.

And so

we are handicapped and crippled by our psychology, the stories, and the beliefs that we tell ourselves.

And most of your success in business and entrepreneurship won't come from learning new things.

It'll be coming from unlearning all the BS they taught you.

Wow, that's a powerful statement, man.

But it's so true.

All the unlearning.

Your whole childhood, you're just kind of going through the motions, not questioning anything, really.

No, you just believe everything, right?

It's like big boys don't cry.

Okay, I won't cry.

I'll soothe.

Big girls don't cry.

Okay, I don't know how to deal with my emotions.

But also, we have to have compassion for people because

as humans, we only know what we know.

We only know what we've been taught.

And so then we can turn around, we can point fingers at our parents, like, oh, they didn't teach me this, they didn't teach me that.

Well, my friend, your parents are doing the best they can with what they knew in their current conditioning.

It was trickled down.

For sure.

It's one thing for you to be born into a poor mindset, but if you die with a poor mindset, that's on you.

That's on you.

Right.

Like, our whole goal is to break the chains, right?

Like I'm very passionate about being, I call it a lineage leader, the one in the lineage that breaks the chains, financial chains, trauma chains, healing chains, all of the chains.

And if I choose to have kids,

they won't have to go through the trauma because I healed it.

But oftentimes, bro, like we don't deal with our stuff and then we expect to have kids and like pass it on to them.

Like, what are we doing?

Yeah.

And then there's so many limiting beliefs and excuses that get passed on.

Yeah.

And it's like, dude, that's just a belief.

100%.

and and so that's what i mean when biggest disability is a bad mindset because you can have you can have all your legs all your arms you can have no legs and no arms yeah but there's no reason the only reason why a man with no legs of an arm has a more grand life than some humans with all their legs and all their arms is because my mind absolutely this is a mind game bro we're in the matrix right it's like it's all jedi jedi stuff yeah now do you believe in forgiving everyone so that middle school bully girl did you ever reach out to her that's a great question um

Haven't reached out to her,

but as I've elevated, like my consciousness has elevated and I've evolved as a man,

I wish I could go back and hug her.

Wish I can go back and hug that little girl because she must have been going through something so harsh internally or maybe at home that she had to take it out on a little boy with no legs and one arm.

And so one of the greatest things that I've learned is having compassion and having forgiveness, you know, and understanding that hurt people hurt people.

Like, that's the bottom line.

If someone's going to throw shade, if someone's going to throw stones, it's like, yo, they're struggling.

Right.

So you can almost have compassion and be like, you know, God, God bless you.

Like, you must be going through some stuff.

Yeah.

Right.

And so I haven't reached out to her, but I've forgiven, you know, and, you know, internally.

If you're watching this, he forgives you.

Yeah.

Hey,

probably not.

No, I'm just kidding.

Probably not because, no, I'm just kidding.

But that's, but that's what I'd say is forgiveness and compassion is really key.

And

it's not even for her, it's for me.

Right?

Like, there's a really, really amazing tool.

It's called blaming elegantly or blaming effectively.

And what that means is oftentimes as humans, we will blame others for all the terrible things in our life.

But if you're going to blame someone for all the terrible things in your life, you better blame them for all the good as well.

It's not a one-way street.

Right.

Right?

So you may blame your dad for not raising you a specific way, but I'm sure you could thank him because of the way that he showed up, you are a certain way that's powerful.

Right?

Like, say your dad wasn't there, like, say you were a young kid and your dad wasn't there.

Like, the very reason why you're a great man is because you didn't have one.

So, you can actually thank him for that.

Right.

But most people aren't ready for their blessing like that.

Most people aren't ready to heal from that stuff.

They want to stay angry.

They want to stay blaming.

But everything has two sides.

There's negative things that happen to you with that person and there's positive things.

So, everybody watching right now, like if you're holding resentment or anger or negative emotions towards someone, you can blame effectively in the sense of writing a letter, making a phone call, sending an email, sending a text and saying, hey, I may not agree with everything in the past, but because

you were in my life, I want to thank you for this and that and this and that and this.

Even if it's extremely hard to do, which it will be.

And you send that text or you make that phone call, you send that letter,

and it's not even about the response.

I don't even care if they give you a response.

It's about your liberation.

That person no longer has power over you.

Dude, that's so powerful.

Yeah, that's one of my biggest fears.

I don't want to leave this world with any regret, any beef, any drama.

I want it all laid out there, you know?

100%.

And

that's the work that most people don't do.

No.

I saw what happened with my dad, man.

I mean, he had a really bad falling out with his parents and he never forgave them his whole life.

And it ate at him.

Right.

And you've, because you know that, you're aware.

And that's why you are the man.

You're like, yo, I don't want to have any beef.

I don't want to have every regrets.

Right.

So actually, his trauma saved you trauma.

That's true.

It did.

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah.

Right.

And so

don't, like,

don't harbor the emotions.

You're only yourself, bro.

And by the way, to be honest, the most people that you're holding regrets on, they ain't thinking about you.

They ain't thinking about you.

They're holding a bunch of real estate in your head.

They're in your head, but they ain't thinking about you.

So you might as well liberate yourself.

Yeah.

But that's the thing, bro.

Not everybody's ready to receive their blessing, and that's totally okay.

You know, I tell people on stage, I said, my mouth will be moving and I'll be talking, but not every one of you in here is going to receive a blessing.

That's totally okay.

It'll come when you're at the right place at the right time and you're ready to heal.

But we're not taught this, bro.

No one teaches us.

That's why I love the work that I do is I wasn't taught how to deal with trauma.

I wasn't taught how to.

be emotionally intimate.

I wasn't taught how to have deep, meaningful conversations.

Like, I had to learn those skills on my own.

And so we're all like, we're all inner childs just in adult bodies.

I'm still small, you know, but we're all like inner child just in adult bodies.

And there's a lot of things that we haven't healed.

And so

a lot of you listening right now, like, yeah, you won the money game.

You lost the healing game, bro.

And because you lost the healing game, you're going to trickle that down to your next girl, the next boy, your daughter, your son.

I want to win all games.

If right now you got the money and you're still a little bit empty, like start start going into the healing game.

It takes a true man and a true woman to say, I'm struggling with this.

I need help.

But we think asking for help is weak.

We think getting coaches is weak.

We think having people have deep, meaningful conversations and talking about childhood trauma is weak.

But it takes a real man and a real woman to say, I'm stuck.

I have trauma or I'm struggling.

I have challenges.

I need help.

And I'm okay with that.

Yeah, there's a negative stigma with men expressing in their emotions, it seems like.

Yeah, it's very interesting, right?

I think

we were taught by men who didn't know how to deal with their emotions.

Yep.

Right.

And so if, you know, like, by the way, I love my parents.

If you're watching, I love, right?

Did some great things.

But like, my dad, my dad's a hard,

right?

It's like, my dad's hard.

And why was he hard?

Because his dad was hard.

You know, his dad was real hard.

Right.

Right.

So

my dad was never taught how to deal with that stuff.

My dad was never taught how to communicate potentially love.

My dad was never taught how to have deep, meaningful conversations or communicate through feelings.

No one taught him that.

And so remember, we adopt beliefs.

So it's like, oh, just be a man, suck it up.

It's like, yeah, that's why suicide rates are the highest.

Depression in men is the highest because everyone's telling us to suck it up in society and we have no one to go to.

And so we just soothe and stack and stack and we never deal with the root cause.

Yeah.

Why do you think the reason, listen,

if you're vaping, if you're smoking, if you're drinking, if you're addicted to

whatever it is, you are doing it to escape the feeling that you're not dealing with.

And ultimately, under the feeling, there's a root cause.

So are you willing to do the hard work?

Most people don't.

They'll just drown it out.

They'll just smoke it away.

They'll just drink it away.

They'll just watch it away, you know?

And so

there is a stigma.

And for example, like my brother a couple of years ago passed away from a f overdose.

And

maybe he thought asking for help was weak.

I don't know.

Right.

But

like I said, it takes a strong grounded man and a strong grounded woman to say, I need help.

Yeah.

Like, that's the most vulnerable, authentic you can be.

Like, you're raw.

And guess what?

People laugh at you for asking for help, but like,

good.

That's weak.

It's weak people, you know?

Yeah.

No, this hits deep, man, because I remember when I moved to L.A.

from Jersey, I was 22 or 23.

And my dad never told me he loved me, like, my whole life.

Like, he didn't know how to express emotions, right?

And I still remember this so vividly, dude.

we're packing up my apartment and he gave me like a hug he's never given me a hug before and like we just both started crying dude because both of us never really knew how to express emotion or we thought it was weak to do it yeah so that just hit deep and now when i have kids one day you know i'm definitely gonna be there emotionally for them all in right yeah and i bet you in that moment he was like i wish i would have done this sooner for sure and you were like i wish i would have known this sooner i didn't even know he loved

it because he didn't know how to show it yeah

And that's the thing is

our parents, ready for this?

We may have beliefs of like, they didn't love me or they didn't care for me.

They loved you, but not in the ways that you wanted to be loved.

They loved you in all the ways,

but not the ways that you wanted to be loved.

When dad's yelling at me, ultimately he wants to protect me.

He loves me.

But you don't correlate yelling with loving.

Right.

Or sometimes they don't even even know how to express love.

So all they do is yell.

And so that's their form of love, right?

My mom feeds me or my dad cooks me a meal.

It's like, that's not saying I love you, but that's his love language.

He gives it that way.

So it's like oftentimes we have these stories or this perception of our childhood that we weren't loved.

But the truth is they loved you in all the ways that you didn't want to be loved.

No, that's cool.

Because maybe they didn't know how to love.

So bar.

And they didn't know how to love.

Yeah.

And no, even with my mom, too, she watches all these episodes.

So she's probably watching this.

Shout out, mom.

Shout out to moms, man.

But, dude, with Asians, you know, it's tough love.

They won't tell you directly, but they'll show it through actions, right?

So I still remember the first time she told me she loved me was like maybe two years ago on the phone.

And I froze up, right?

Wow.

So I didn't know how to react.

And I realized she showed me love through just taking care of me and putting me in the right situations, not verbally.

Yeah.

But she loved me a lot, obviously.

But I literally froze up on the phone.

I'm like, what'd you say?

Yeah.

And now we tell each other every call we love each other.

So beautiful.

But that took a lot of healing, bro.

24, 25 years.

24, 25 years.

To say that.

And guess what?

In that moment, the bloodline changed.

In that defining moment where someone steps up or someone does something uncomfortable, your kids will never be the same because of that moment.

Yeah.

Just because that one moment, right?

But ultimately, like to put a little bow on this is like, guys and girls, like we weren't taught.

And especially like, Our biggest misconception as kids is that we think

our parents had their s ⁇ together.

like you think adults have their together no adults don't have their together we're just figuring it out we're in we're in earth school we're all just figuring it out yeah right and then also

being intentional and communicating like hey I receive love this way do you think you can like love on me this way right you know it's the same thing in relationships you get in relationships and

Someone does, you know, someone gives love in a specific way, but it's not the way that you receive love.

It's like that needs to be communicated so you guys can meet meet your needs, so you can meet your, your, your love needs, right?

But most of our things can be resolved through communication and having, having those hard conversations.

And like, especially in relationships, like ladies, men,

that spark and that intimacy and that like crazy sexual energy that you want is on the other side of difficult conversations.

After you heal some crazy things, there's going to be crazy intimacy on the other side.

I'm just saying, right?

Take it from someone who knows how to heal some trauma, right?

Like, especially in relationships, like on the other side of deep, hard conversations,

there is some energy that you haven't witnessed in a very long time.

I agree.

I used to run away from all those conversations

probably the first few years of my relationship, but I just sucked it up, dude.

But I'm so glad I started conversating more with her about it because it's really changed.

I love that.

I love your growth.

You know, I love that you're extremely aware and I love that you're constantly improving and healing things so you can be a better brother.

You could be a better son you could be a better um boyfriend all that different things and and that's the game you know like my friends we think changing a life is this big drastic overwhelming thing when when in reality in the big league it's a game of inches yep like just get an inch bro a little bit here a little bit there a little bit more emotional here a little bit more you know more communication over here like just small shifts that compound over time until one day you look look in the mirror you're like damn

i like this person yeah and it's a work in progress right we're still changing right now

We'll never stop.

Yeah.

You know?

And especially as humans, humans love the feeling of progress.

And the only really a lot of the times when we feel like not so good is when we feel stuck or we feel like we're going backwards.

Right.

But

what's pretty amazing about entrepreneurship and personal development and all the things that we do, it's kind of like a trap because

the pain of moving forward will never be as painful as the pain of moving backwards.

Wow.

It's deep.

So for example, if I'm an amazing speaker, I can't stop speaking.

Right.

I can't stop speaking.

Why?

I've gotten so good at speaking to the point where if I stop speaking and I know that I'm getting worse, that'd be way more painful than me persisting to continue to be a better speaker.

So the pain of moving backwards will always be greater than the pain of moving forward.

I think that's why a lot of pro athletes struggle mentally when they retire.

That's a good point.

Because they lost their skills.

And

it's an identity shift.

They have their whole entire identity tied to this thing.

That's how they get their value.

That's how they get their validation.

That's how they get their claps and their likes and their love.

And so it's like it's an identity thing, too.

Everything is tied to that identity.

And then when they don't have it anymore, it comes crashing down.

Have you gone through periods of feeling stuck, like you mentioned earlier?

Depression?

I'm always stuck.

I'm always stuck.

Yeah.

I think.

Every single season

is a very beautiful season to be in.

You know, I'm a big believer, and this is just the law of the universe, is that the pendulum always swings.

The money will be up, the money will be down.

The excitement will be up, the excitement will be down.

The fulfillment will be high, the fulfillment will be down.

But what's beautiful is that

if you're lost, on the other side of loss is found.

And if you're found, stay there because it feels good.

But one day you're going to be lost again, right?

And so that's the beautiful thing.

And to have a little, a rhyme is there's a reason for every season because in every season there's a lesson.

What a blessing, right?

And so embrace all the seasons, embrace the uncertainty, embrace the fear, embrace the insecurity season, embrace the stuck season.

But yeah, I'm stuck a lot, you know?

Even recently?

Yeah.

Because people think it goes away once you get financially successful, but it really doesn't.

No, I think, you know, I was stuck a couple months ago where I was like,

Should I continue this mindset stuff?

I don't know what to do.

Do I want to coach my whole life?

Do I want to mentor?

Do I want to speak?

Like all this different type of stuff.

And

in that season of being stuck, instead of soothing, I make sure like I'm not using any substances, right?

Because it's so easy to mask the feeling of stuck, mask the insecurity.

We do it with all these different things.

So I make sure I'm as raw as I am and I kind of just sit in my diaper, sit in my shitty diaper, right?

And I feel it and I just go throughout the season.

Another thing is, is when you're feeling stuck, it's like lean on a sisterhood or a brotherhood.

You know, I think one of the most important things is your community, like having people that

they'll support you, but they'll also challenge you.

Like, yo, get up, you know, like, it's okay.

You know, life, life's great, you know, and it happens to very high-level individuals.

You know, like I have a, I have a buddy who, we, you know, we have a joke and he'll call me and he'll be like, I'm in a low, you know, a low emotional state.

And I'm like, yeah, bro, it must be hard rolling out of your mansion into your urus, you know, like, I get it.

Like, what are you you about right and we talk each other up and so it's okay to be stuck it's okay to be lost because on the other side of loss is found

and

new levels new devils right yeah it's like you're gonna you're gonna upgrade and you're gonna have a different level of stuck you're gonna upgrade you're gonna have a different set of problems right but

People who are mediocre and who are sitting on the couch aren't stuck.

Only people who are actually intentional about building things get stuck and get problems.

Oh, that's a good point.

Yeah.

So what if every time you experience feeling stuck or any time that you experience a problem, it was a sign from your creator that you're actually moving in the right direction?

Would you have a different relationship with stuck?

Would you have a different relationship with problems?

Yeah.

Problems for me are just worthy opponents.

Love that.

I'm like, here we go.

Another problem that I got to solve.

It's necessary to grow.

100%.

Yeah.

It's not smooth sailing.

Like people see on social media, like, it's really not smooth sailing at all.

And sometimes I wish it was.

You know, sometimes I wish I was chilling.

But then again, like we get bored.

No, I really get bored, man.

When I'm on vacation, yo, day four or five, I'm like, I want to go home and work.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

I love working.

100%.

That's because

you understand that

you're making a massive difference.

I feel like every single one of us have an assignment.

Some people don't understand their assignment till they're 50.

Some people don't understand their assignment until they're 20.

Some people find it very early on.

But all of you have an assignment.

You have something to give.

And

you are most qualified to serve others in the very thing that you've overcome.

If you've overcome addiction, you can help people in addiction.

If you overcome weight loss, you can help people with weight loss.

If you overcome people, you know, getting better at dating, go help them with dating.

If it's podcasting, podcasting.

But we are most qualified to teach what we've overcome and the result that we get.

Absolutely.

And so I think there's a lot of time there's coaches out there who are coaching, but they don't have results.

It's like, go get the results for yourself and then turn around and condense time for people, but people need you.

Like you listening to this right now, like my story is only going to resonate with so many people, but your story, your testimony, your traumas, they need you.

And remember, every day that you don't share your story and you don't share the things that you've overcome, someone's suffering out there because they haven't met you yet and it's selfish of you.

Yeah.

And think about the trickle effect, right?

So let's say 100,000 people watch this.

Yeah.

And let's say 10% of them inspire 100 people.

I mean, you can impact millions of lives.

Endless.

Yeah.

Endless, right?

Especially with social media these days.

Yeah.

And that's how you and I got here, right?

Is because someone had a result and turned around and mentored us.

That's why we got there fast, right?

And so

I'm just, I'm just an offering, bro.

You know, it's like I'm, I'm a, you know, you can see like I got my cross on, but I'm not like, I wouldn't hang out with most Christians and I wouldn't, I'm not very religious, but I've studied Christ in a way that I realized that in my personal life, Christ was an offering, right?

He gave himself to the world.

And so my intention every single day is to become the greatest version of myself and just give it.

Wow.

Like, my knowledge, the things that I've overcome, my traumas, all the things that I've overcome, like, let me give it to the world so someone doesn't have to suffer like I did.

That's the whole point.

And if you help enough people get what they want, you can have anything you want in life.

Absolutely, man.

Give it all away.

Give it all away.

Yeah, that's definitely a goal of mine.

Give as much knowledge as I've learned.

Why would you want to die with that?

You know, give it away.

Inspire future generations.

100%.

Keep it living on.

And you look at the greats, like, you know, my mentor, Tony Robbins.

It's like, there's the only reason why there's a Tony Robbins is because there was a Jim Rohn.

But imagine Jim Rohn didn't share his knowledge.

Yeah, who knows how many people wouldn't have gotten impacted.

And so

I think it's an interesting way to be immortalized.

Absolutely.

You know, like you're always going to be out there.

But then again, I also think, by the way, like, you're, y'all, y'all are so scared to like talk to the guy, a girl.

Y'all are so scared, you're like waiting for the perfect time to drop your course or your webinar.

Like

you're going to die.

I'm just saying, like, you're going to die.

And

you're going to expire.

And how dare you think that you have a year?

How dare you think you have five years?

How dare you think you have three months?

You do not know when you're going to die.

And so oftentimes, people don't take action because they think they got it forever.

But even at 27 years old, death is a constant reminder for me to execute swiftly and to pursue what I want.

Yeah.

You're going to die.

And then also think about, this is a little harsh, but also think about like, you're going to die.

And then

the birds still bird.

The water still flows.

The earth still spins, unless you believe in flat earth.

We can

go down there, right?

But the world keeps going on.

And so,

yo, just live your game.

Living in the game.

Live your matrix.

Do whatever you want to do because

you don't know when it's going to end.

Like, literally, I'm not, I'm not.

Every single night, even at 27, I go to sleep.

I'm like, this could be it.

Wow.

This could be it.

It's nuts at 27.

I don't know.

I got something going on.

Maybe I got to heal.

You have a fear of death?

100%.

Why does it scare you so much?

Fear of death?

I think I'm

we love control, right?

It's like we love control and we, and humans hate uncertainty, right?

So that's why we have stories or religions or things for so we can attach to something and believe that we know what's going to happen.

But I feel like we

love control.

We don't like the uncertainty.

And the

thought of

not boop black, like, you know, like freaks me out.

I mean, mean, I don't have to go to ayahuasca or something.

I definitely had a fear for a while, but as I've gone on this little spiritual journey I'm on, I think I've accepted it a little more.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, definitely still a little scared, but I used to fear it a lot too.

Yeah, for sure.

And it ain't going anywhere.

That you know, like, death ain't going anywhere.

But

you know, like Jim Rowe would say, life's so risky, none of us are getting out of life.

Yeah, right.

Um,

but it's a great reminder for me to pursue what I want.

Yeah, you know, I think there's a lot of humans that get to 50, 60 years old and like, oh,

right.

And I always say, like, on my deathbed, I want to have more remember whens and less what-ifs.

Love that.

That's key.

Absolutely.

With the advancements in AI, technology, medical space, if someone offered you legs and arms, would you take it?

Wow.

It's a great question.

Are they permanent or can I take them off?

I guess would you want them to be interchangeable, like off and on?

Yeah.

It's a great question.

I would take the legs if I could take them off.

I'd take the arm if I could take it off.

But I think ultimately the combination of my unique vessel and my ability to articulate and transform is the ultimate package for me to transform lives.

And so, you know, I was just on another show before this and we were

talking about, you know, a creator.

And I was like, you know, my creator, you know, just forgot a few parts.

And he's like, he didn't forget.

He's like, he made you exactly how you were supposed to be to be the messenger here on earth.

And so I was like, well, that's really profound.

And so

I love my unicorn body now.

You know, and, and I feel like

when people can see me, they're watching this and they can be like, dude, this guy is so confident with no legs, but an arm, like, it gives them evidence.

Inspiring.

You know, it gives them evidence.

And I think,

yeah, I'm just a messenger, bro.

Like, that's my belief is, you know, God put me here with a very unique vessel.

And at first, like, I hated the vessel.

I didn't know what the vessel didn't understand my assignment.

And now I understand my assignment.

And so I'm just, don't shoot the messenger.

I'm just here to, I'm just here to talk that talk.

And you hated it for a majority of your life, right?

Yeah, bro.

I'm 27.

So I've hated it since I've only been enjoying it for 10 years.

Wow.

Isn't that crazy?

I've only been enjoying this sexy body.

No, I'm just kidding.

For 10 years.

And look how much I've accomplished in 10 years.

Yeah.

Right?

Just with that mindset shift.

Just with the shift, bro.

Yeah.

And there's only four people in the world like you, right?

Yeah, not as beautiful, not as articulate, of course.

Not as rich.

No, I'm just kidding.

I'm just kidding.

Have you met them?

I've met met one.

Nice.

Gabe.

I met Gabe,

no arms or legs, and also born with Hanhart syndrome.

But at the time of my birth in 1996, I was the 12th baby in medical history that they've ever seen it happen to.

And out of the 12 during 1990, by that time, eight of them have died.

Crazy.

And so usually they're born with undeveloped organs, and I got the limbs part.

And so when I was born, they did test my organs and my organs came back 100% healthy.

Nice.

I got all my organs.

And

yeah we're rocking and rolling yeah baby nicks running around here let's go yeah little nicks running around that's cool yeah i'm chilling bro i'm chilling right now um you know 27.

i don't know i think about it do i want to bring kids into this screwed up place it is something i'm just saying all right i'm just saying yeah right

it's

It's wild out here, bro.

It's wild in the game.

You know, sometimes I think about like, yo, I did not sign up for this.

Like, why am I here?

I did not sign up to be here to go through all this stuff.

But,

you know, I think aligned with a lot of people is like, when I have kids, or if I have kids, you know, I will develop their beliefs.

I will educate them.

They'll be homeschooled.

They will be put in specific environments where they're indoctrinated in an empowering way.

Yep.

But who knows where the world's going to go?

We don't know if we're going to be around.

Who knows?

I mean, yeah, with everything going on.

You'd be an amazing father, though, for real.

Thank you.

I could see it.

Yeah, dude.

Until they grow taller than me and beat my s.

Like my five-year-old's taller than me.

He's like, all right, dad, now I'm in charge.

Let's end it on this.

Who wins in a wrestling match?

You or Zion Clark?

Zion.

He's got two arms.

I'll tell you why.

He's got two arms.

He's got both grip strength.

Let's see.

It's a wrap.

What if one arm was tied behind his back?

Why?

We want to do a pay-per-view and I'm going to run it up under card of Jake Paul or something,

you know?

Good question.

I would watch it.

One arm tied behind his back.

No, this is like me, like,

trying to get advantage and stuff.

Bottom line is, Zion, you have both your arms.

Bro, it's funny.

I'm cool.

I just saw him.

But Zion, I know it because of wrestling and jiu-jitsu.

It's like grip strength goes a long way.

So he has both his arms and he has grip strength.

I would be done.

And I'm man enough to say that I would get m ⁇ .

Okay.

Right?

Now.

No legs.

If you look just like me, one finger, we're going at it.

Zion, luckily,

I love you.

And luckily, you love me.

And I'm not trying to find anybody.

All right.

But Zion, if we want to start talking together and then put together like an undercard for one of these things and make a bag.

I think that might go viral.

I've seen like, I've seen dwarfs fighting.

That did pretty well.

I think Barst will do that one.

All right.

Yeah.

I like it.

Good-ended question.

All right.

Anything you want to close off with, my man?

Anything I want to close off with, I would say

stay curious.

Stay curious.

Love a lot.

Laugh a lot.

Stop harboring negative emotions because life is way too short to be pissed off and angry.

And

nothing is missing.

Everything you want.

All the answers, everything you want, everything you want to achieve.

You have the power inside of you and nothing's missing.

And please.

Don't let a man with no legs and one arm outwork you in this matrix.

Love that.

You heard it here, guys.

What a powerful message.

Great interview.

One of the best ever.

Honestly, I've done 350 of these.

You should mine.

Thanks for watching, guys.

As always, see you next time.

Been in love.