Liverpool clear in Champions League and a Bergamo belter: Football Weekly

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Hello and welcome to the Guardian Football Weekly.

Wins for the English sides in the Champions League.

Villa late on in Leipzig, Ross Barkley slipping overs, deflected winner, the ideal.

It doesn't matter how they go in.

There'd been some good goals before then.

Who doesn't love a cushioned volley?

Liverpool are cruising, even if their victory in Girona was a little sketchy.

Allison back to make a number of decent, if not spectacular, saves.

Game of the night, unsurprisingly, in Bergamo.

Atalanta pushed Real Madrid close.

Brategui over the bar in injury time, denying them a point.

And Bappe did something good, as did Jude Bellingham.

Elsewhere, a late win for Levakus and the breast dream continues.

After all, the Champions League stuff will remind you of West Ham 2 Wolves 1 from Monday night.

We'll discuss the rubber stamping of the Saudi 2034 World Cup bid and David Coote sacking.

And then some excitement.

David Squires joins us to try and flog his new book and tell us which cartoons didn't get past the lawyers.

All that plus your questions.

And that's today's Guardian Football Weekly.

On the panel today, Barry Glendenny, welcome.

Hello.

Hello, Nicki Mandini.

Morning.

And Bon Joseva, Felipe Oclaire.

Bon Joseva, Max Holsten.

Zaba.

Bia Merci.

Let's start in Leipzig.

I'll be Leipzig 2, Aston Villa 3.

This was fun, Baz, wasn't it?

Yeah, it was great fun.

Good win for Villa, who are third in the table now, against a team who have now played six and have zero points, which is not a wholly ringing endorsement for the Red Bull operation.

I suppose you could argue Villa were a little bit lucky insofar as their winner from Ross Barkley

took a hideous deflection off Lucas Klosterman on its way in.

But

I thought they were pretty well worth the win.

The John McGinn goal to open the scoring was good work from Matty Cash, who started playing on the wing for Villa, which was

an interesting approach from Unai Emery and one that pulled off, or one that came off.

John Duran's goal from distance was the highlight.

And

a couple of moments of indecisiveness from Emi Martinez made life a little bit sticky for Villa.

But yeah, they were worth their win.

And it's, I mean, being third in the table is beyond the wildest dreams of their fans at this stage.

John Duran, Nicki, is

obviously an excellent player and in danger of becoming, you know, the next David Fairclough slash Ollie Gunnar Solskjaer.

But I do like the fact that he just shoots all the time.

You know, he's like

an annoying person at five a side.

We're constantly going, no, don't, don't do that.

But like quite often it just goes in.

Yeah, I was going to say, people, I think in this context, at least, I think in five aside, maybe the annoyance lingers because five aside results don't matter quite as much as having fun at five aside.

Whereas I think probably here people don't mind quite as much because he keeps putting it in the net.

Like you said, yeah,

it feels like a slightly recurring story.

We just have to keep coming back to how is this all going to resolve itself?

Because plainly he's not going to be happy

being the super sub forever.

And certainly, if you're scoring as many as this in challenging settings such as this, so regularly, it's pretty reasonable to think, well, I could be starting somewhere if I'm not going to start here.

But it's certainly been wildly entertaining to watch all through this Champions League.

Every time I feel like I see Villa, it's Duran doing something brilliant in Europe.

And

yes, needed, actually.

It was a strange game because Villa were definitely the better side.

From my impression of it, I didn't get to watch the full 90 minutes because it was concurrent with,

obviously, with Britney L.

Madrid Atlanta game.

But it seemed very much like Villa had the upper hand in most of it.

And yet, at 2-0, La Panda has an absolutely brilliant chance to put them ahead.

And actually, if it isn't for some very sharp finishing, perhaps Villa don't win it at all.

When Baumgartner scored that goal, Philippe.

If you haven't seen it, it's sort of like it's a cushioned volley that goes, that takes about half an hour to go in.

I was thought, I'm looking forward to the noise that Philippe makes about this finish.

And I've just, and I've just heard it.

Yeah, you just heard it.

It was a thing of absolute beauty.

I mean, the whole, the goal itself is a thing of absolute beauty because Luis Openda, when he receives the ball, it's one of the situations where the striker, you think, oh, the moment has gone.

You know, it's just, there was this fraction of a second too late.

He has to...

go back, but then he sees Baumgartner's run.

And I think the exquisiteness of the cushioned volley in the top corner is is matched by the exquisiteness of the run and of OpenDA's delivery.

That's actually this relationship which makes the goal so absolutely gorgeous.

I'm really happy you asked me to talk about it because I was going to say, I thought, can I actually talk about that goal?

Because it was my favorite of the evening, I must say.

Even more than the John Duran one, which honestly, I think he shoots when the goalkeeper is not expecting the shot to be taken.

So therefore,

you know,

the keeper is at fault and not at fault.

The fault is provoked by Durand's

imagination and willingness to shoot at every opportunity.

But that Baumgartner goal, I mean, that was

absolutely glorious.

And

it wasn't, honestly,

shite defending makes for great games, doesn't it?

Because you have to say that John McGain, I mean, he's got the freedom of the pitch.

I don't think he's at the penalty spot, isn't he, more or less, when he shoots.

I don't think he's got a player within five or six yards of him, which is extraordinary.

And also, the

double lack between Diego Carlos and Emi Martinez, which is basically a bit like at the entrance of a hotel in the revolving door, please after you.

No, no, no, no, please, after you.

And then you've got the third guy arriving, you know, with the suitcases and going just past, you know, which is a panda in this case.

It was great.

But

great goals, great defensive mistakes, and very, very entertaining game altogether.

I remember getting stuck in a revolving door at Sky Sports with the then, in one of the other booths, sort of like triangles or whatever it is.

Segment.

Yeah, one of the other segments.

The other piece of cheese, Trivial Pursuits piece of cheese, was the head of Sky Sports.

And like, I, my contract was running down.

And I was like, we were desperately trying to get time with him.

And I couldn't get any time with him.

And I was like, this isn't going badly.

And then we were just stood there for quite a long time, staring at each other in this door.

Couldn't speak to each other or hear each other.

It's a thoroughly awful.

If you were staring at each other, was it because it was stuck because you were pushing the wrong way, Max?

Were you facing each other?

I think I'd got my squash racket sort of caught in it somehow.

So he was, you know,

I mean, he thought I was basically useless at

everything.

Anyway, hi, Barney, if you're listening.

Now, Barry, you did say right at the top,

you know, that it would not in their wildest dreams.

And actually, something that is really impressive about this is not necessarily

what it is the fact that quite a lot of teams, and we saw it with Newcastle last season, you know, in their first run in the Champions League after you know being out of top-draw European competition for so long, they just struggle for some reason.

It might not be just the sort of there's something about it, not necessarily the quality of the opposition, but there's something that makes them struggle.

And for Villa to be doing this is so impressive.

And I mean, I guess Emery has the experience, which helps them massively.

I think that is entirely it.

They've gone into it with no fear and

being led by this wily old pro who has lots of experience at winning European trophies.

I mean, Newcastle did.

Oh, they had a couple of good results last season.

And a tough draw.

And a tough draw.

But Eddie Howe didn't, it was his first foray into the competition as well as

that for his team.

So that is going to make a huge difference.

And Villa's form has dipped domestically of late, but they came into this on the back of two confidence-boosting wins, and

it showed, you know, so

everything for them now is a bonus.

And there's no reason, presuming they finish in the top eight, it's not a foregone conclusion, but they've got Monaco away, Celtic at home.

I think two points probably be enough to see them into the knockout or into the last 16.

And anything after that is a bonus.

And you'd back them to go further.

Why not?

Meanwhile, Liverpool are five points clear at the top.

They won 1-0 in Girona Mossala with a penalty, his 50th Champions League goal.

Not a memorable game Philippe.

And actually, Girona had a chance.

It was like Liverpool were more open than they have been.

And Alison, a lot was made of how well he played.

I think he should save all of those.

He made lots of saves.

I think he should make them all.

He should make them, and he saves them.

And he,

to be honest, if I'm probably a little bit harsh on him, but I think he should save some of them better.

Because when he parrished them,

on a couple of occasions, he parrished them in the part of the pitch, which is actually quite dangerous.

I was surprised to see how Girona actually created problems for Liverpool.

And

far more than I would have expected from a team that's basically done nothing in this season's Champions League, has lost most of its best players.

But no,

they were not exceptional.

Mohusana did what Muhusana can do.

What did you think about the pen, by the way?

Do you think it was as obvious as...

I wasn't quite sure why it was given.

I've watched it about five or six times.

I'm still not sure why it was given.

I think basically Diaz basically stops in his tracks, and the guy with...

I I think the fact that his boot came off was a major contributory factor to that decision being given.

It's a part of Lautre I didn't know about the loss of the boot.

That's just a personal thing.

Was there intent in the loss of the boot?

Was there.

Yeah.

I mean, did he get he bend down?

The opposition better bend down and untied them and like pull up.

That

presumably is against the rules.

I mean, look, we're going to get to obviously the buy-in penalty, but that's the one that just absolutely floored me yesterday.

Where,

you know, I just, I can't believe it was given.

But maybe I'm wrong.

Those chances were good for Giron.

Obviously, Brian Hill sort of cocorilla himself, didn't he, at the vital moment?

And

that could have been quite different.

A few questions about Darwin Nunes, Nikki.

You know, again, getting into those positions and again, not quite finishing them off.

Paul says, Will he ever come good?

Is he just not an elite striker?

As a Liverpool fan, my patience is starting to wear very thin.

You're not a Liverpool fan, so I don't imagine your patience is quite endless for My patience is fine, either way.

It's impossible to answer, I guess, but

I don't know how long you go before,

you know, he's still very useful for them, I think.

And in a bit like,

I don't know, a Dharma Troyoro, like he creates the chances that he then misses in a way that other centre-forwards don't necessarily.

I don't know.

It takes more than...

one kind of striker to make up a squad.

It takes more than just having players who can bang in 30 goals a season to make up a squad that's definitely true um whether or not he's he's doing enough i mean 11 goals and eight assists last season it's it's hardly a poor return this season i feel like he started a little bit slower uh i don't know i

i think there's there's maybe a bar that's being set there that's a little bit unrealistic on a team that's that's winning every game of how perfect things need to be um but nunes doesn't score his goals and allison should save things better i can

you can just feel the replies we're gonna get yeah I did slightly want to pick up on Philippe's thing about Girona as well, just because I don't know how much people will sort of know about their context, but I thought they played really well last night.

I thought they were, like Philippe said, much better than you think when you see where they are in the group.

I'd say the same for Leipzig, by the way.

And in Girona's case specifically, Artem Dovbik, who scored a heap of goals for them, now plays at Roma.

Alex Garcia also left, who was playing behind him a lot last season now by Alevikus.

And I think that's oversimplifying massively.

But if you look at that performance and think, well, if it just had some sharpness at the top end of it, then it would have been a different kind of game.

But

it's definitely a nice problem to have if you're Arnold Slott.

And Arnold Slott was pretty, he was pretty, I don't know, scathing is the right word, but I just can't think of a better one right now, but he certainly was critical of his team.

He wasn't there saying this is great.

You thought of one straight away.

Yes.

You got it.

So he certainly wasn't taking it all in positives.

But uh yeah, I don't know if I'm I don't know if I'm ready to throw out Darwin Nunez.

Maybe maybe people who watch Liverpool at every ninety minutes of every game feel differently about him.

I think Girona and Slot actually acknowledge this after the game, Girona are in a false position in that table.

I think they've been quite unlucky.

Just looking at their team, there's a real sort of English league, Premier League Championship expendables feel about them.

Brian Hills there, Donny van der Beek,

Espreya, who I think is a Watford old boy, Daily Blinz there as well.

Yasaniga, Casaniga, yeah.

So,

yeah,

I thought they did well last night.

I think they were a bit unlucky, to be honest.

Not a terrible, not a great result for Celtic, as far as I could see.

It was just lots of fouls, Barry.

You had this, you watched this in entirety.

Yeah, it wasn't a very good game,

to be honest.

Dynamo Zagreb 0, Celtic 0.

Few half chances for both sides.

Celtic looked a little toothless up front.

I think you can look at this in two ways.

Either of two ways.

That was an opportunity passed up through a lack of cutting edge on Celtic's part.

You could also say it was an opportunity passed up through a lack of cutting edge on Dynamo Zagreb's part.

Celtic point away from home in the Champions League is always a good point for them.

But I think

they've played six.

They've only lost one.

That was a hiding.

But

that is undeniably good for Celtic in the Champions League.

But it's difficult to imagine them getting much further if they make the

play-offs.

They're just,

yeah,

I think they're capable of better.

But,

you know, they have, who do they have left?

Young Boys at home, Villa Way.

They're two tough games for Celtic.

Young boys aren't great, but they're better than most opposition Celtic face on a week-to-week basis in the Scotch Premiership.

Villa will obviously be tough, especially if Villa needs something.

But yeah, it's a decent result.

I don't want to be unnecessarily cruel on young boys, but they have currently got a minus 15 goal difference in the Champions League after five games.

So it's certainly within the context of the Champions League group, which is certainly a higher bar, as you say, than some games you can play.

They are, they're about as soft as it can be.

Yeah.

I was talking to a Swiss Swiss friend and I was asking him about young boys, and he was actually silent.

He said, I'd rather not talk about them.

Right.

That's how bad they've been.

Then Celtic better go and stuff them.

But they haven't run away from home in seven years in the Champions League, I think.

So, yeah, odds on them.

If they want their points, they should get them at home to young boys, I would suggest, rather than at Villa Park.

Anyway, that'll do for part one, part two.

We'll begin with Atalanta 2, Real Madrid 3.

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Welcome to part two of the Guardian Football Weekly.

So, yeah, let's start with that game in Bergamo, Nikki.

3-2-1 for Real Madrid against Atalanta.

Real up to nine points from six games.

They go 18th in the table, which is in the playoff positions for those who aren't keeping track or just who can't cope with a league table this big.

No surprise it was a good game, Nikki.

I think, did Real Madrid deserve it or not?

Or what do you think?

I think to me, the story of this game is that Atlanta clearly are a top European club because now they've had the one unifying top European club experience of outplaying Real Madrid in the news team.

The first half, I thought Madrid were the better team, actually.

I thought Madrid started the game much faster.

When Mbappe scored, you had this feeling of, oh,

this could be a little bit of a rough night, actually.

And of course, they already played before the season started in the Super Cup.

And in that Super Cup, I thought Madrid were really markedly better than Atalanta.

But Atalanta have come on so fast since then.

And a big part of that is players coming back from the summer.

And in particular, Adamala Luckman, who was linked with a move away for a part of the summer and took a bit longer than most to come back in, and has been, I just think, sensational recently.

I think he's really playing brilliantly.

But yeah, it was really second half Atalanta having equalised at the end of the first half with a penalty, another slightly soft penalty, although I do think there was contact.

They came out this out of the second half and I thought really were getting the upper hand, at which point they concede a completely avoidable goal.

Edison making a heavy and

clumsy touch back towards his own goal that gets punished by Vinicius Jr.

Then it feels like seconds later Jude Bellingham does a Jude Bellingham thing, which was brilliant.

And suddenly they're 3-1 down.

And you're sort of wondering how, because it didn't feel like they played in a way that deserved to be 3-1 down.

But then rather than capitulate at that point, 3-1 down to Real Madrid, they then just continue to play better for the rest of the game.

Lookman scores, and if Ritegi keeps his shot down at the end, it's 3-0

instead of 3-2.

It is going quite fast.

It's going quite fast.

How did he miss that?

I mean, how?

That was the only defense, isn't it?

It was...

What he did was far more difficult than scoring.

The only defence is that, look, when he does brilliant work to get the ball in, maybe sends it in

a bit too hard, but

it seems from the very unprofessional football perspective that I can offer

as someone who's played at

no level whatsoever.

I think

it's one of those where you look at it and think, what?

The amount of goals he scores, someone who's played as much football as he has, can't he keep his shot down there?

But

yeah, it kind of doesn't matter it might knock atlanta down into the into the last 32 instead of the last uh 16 which would obviously be a small setback it would have been great for them as a club to have that lift of of beating rail madrid or or even getting the draw at the end but from their point of view i think the performance continues to indicate they're on the right path from real madrid's point of view it really does matter right that's that's the thing yeah it kind of doesn't matter to atlanta but it does matter because had they won like rail would have been in real strife yeah and i suppose the other thing from a fantasy point of view is now what if you have to play them in the playoff round and how frustrated will you be didn't knock them out when you had a chance to but i don't know if they would have been knocked out even with a draw to be honest with you i think from rail madrid's point of view the fact that mbappe bellingham and vinicius all scored feels pretty good even though mbappe had to go off injured afterwards uh and chlotte he was saying that's not um that's not too serious was the only indication for him i did want to say just mention philippe as as we are the two members of the charles de Quettalera fan club um he unless Nikki, you want to join.

I think there's quite a few people in that are fan club.

Okay, I'm pleased.

It'll be fun to watch.

Yeah, I mean, it's hard to make a penalty great, and he did that.

And because I love him, I wanted to mention.

No, absolutely right.

There's just one thing I'd like to add to this, and it's about Adam Ola Luckman, formerly of Everton.

For the Bannel Door, I don't know if you saw, but he's quite high in the Bannel Door.

And the reason why he's quite high in the Bannel door is because the Nigerian member of the jury put him in first place.

It's very Eurovision, that, isn't it?

Our friends and neighbours, Cyprus.

Yeah.

Beam on Inter, Nikki.

They lost 1-0 by Labor Kusen.

Chaotic, last-minute people swiping at the ball, just going in random directions

before Muchiele scored in the last minute.

How sad for Inter is that?

Or much like Atalanta, does it not really matter?

I think it matters less to Inter than it does to Atlanta, and I think you could see that from their team selection.

It was a really bland performance from Inter, and I think they deserved to get punished for it, even though it took until the very end.

But looking at their starting 11, I think you can draw your own conclusions a little bit.

Di Marco on the bench, Barelo on the bench, Lautaro Martinez on the bench.

This was not the strongest team they could have put forward, and they are playing against Lazio at the weekend.

Lazio, who just beat Napoli, and are very much a team in that,

certainly in the race of Champions League places and

perhaps even in the title race so they're going away there at the weekend i think inted took a view that they didn't view this as the priority this week and sent out a team to draw it was it was interesting on on the italian tv coverage afterwards one of the journalists was basically saying to nzagi your team your whole identity is actually quite an attacking team you didn't come here and attack at all tonight and nzagi said Fair cop, basically, yeah, we didn't and we got punished for it.

Let's go to the French teams, Philippe.

Breast one, PSV, nil.

The Brest dream continues.

Yeah, the dream lives on.

And another crazy night at the Rue de Rue because they don't play in Brest, they play in Gangon because their stadium is not big enough.

It was a crazy night.

And I think PSV will wonder, still are wondering, how did we not win this?

But the answer is you were playing Brest, and this is how Brest wins.

Brest

relies on a keeper who had an absolutely fantastic night, Marco Bizot.

It was absolutely astonishing.

I mean, four saves of the highest quality, really of the highest quality.

And PSV rattled the post twice as well.

And Brest didn't create much.

In fact, their goal came from a free kick, which was deflected by a PSV player to Julien Le Cardinal at the far post, who just whacked it with everything he had from close.

which was absolutely brilliant because so that's that's typical breast that's what they've been doing from the beginning of the of the season in Europe despite missing I think they were missing six players which is crazy given the kind of squad that they've got despite coming on the bad the on the back of a pretty bad uh loss against Lille at the weekend in in Liga but it doesn't matter this is the Champions League and Brest is this this season's hero of that competition and

I have to say I'm really looking forward to their last game of the competition because they are hosting Real Madrid at the Mighty Rudou.

That is going to be something else.

I think getting a ticket for that one is going to be a

little bit difficult, but you know, hats off to them.

They're just wonderful.

There's one side of me, one part of me who keeps thinking 13 points is not going to be enough.

They need another result.

They just need another result to make it through

the round of 16 directly, which would be amazing.

So

next game against Shaktar and then Real Madrid in Brittany.

this is going to be uh very very special philippe that look this is a fairy tale for breast i just want to know

so they get whatever they get for just being in the champions league money wise they're getting 2.1 million euros for each game they win 700 grand for a draw and if they make the last 16 they'll get 11 million quid or 11 million euros how how like

for them what what kind of difference will that money make?

It's absolutely, it's going to double their turnover.

They've got a very, very small budget.

I think 31 million.

It's ludicrously small.

So they're going to double that.

The impact is going to be absolutely huge.

Fortunately, they're not in a difficulty.

You'd think, you know, they're probably going to lose a couple of players, as every single team that does win the Champions League does.

They're doing okay in the league.

Their mid-tables should be all right.

But it should be a a completely transformative season for them for a club that is.

I mean, I've said it before, but you know, they're owned by a local businessman who happens to be born in that city and he's one of his fan number one.

It's a very, very old-fashioned story and a really lovely one, I must say.

It's going to be transformative for them.

It already is transformative for them.

They've basically made sure that they will have a proper recruitment budget for next season already.

So, that's just fantastic.

From one fairy tale to another, PSG winning 3-0

in Salzburg.

Although this PSG, as we've sort of established, Philippe, are not as bad as the previous PSGs.

You know, there's young players.

The third goal was beautiful, wasn't it?

But I don't know

how much am I meant to like or not like this PSG.

On a scale of Julian Lorraine down to Philippe Hooker,

Max should be somewhere around the middle.

But to be honest,

what was in front of them

last night was not exactly great, was it, Max?

I mean, Salzburg were...

Another great night for, yes, for Red Bull.

That's excellent.

I think they've got one win in

12 games for the Red Bull clubs in Champions League.

That's great.

Salzburg were non-existent, to be absolutely honest.

But PSG are not out of the woods.

They're 24th at the moment.

There's still a few games to be played today, obviously.

And the next game they have is Manchester City Away.

Yeah, and they're not out of the woods either.

We obviously don't know what you know, they play Juve next, don't they?

Tonight.

So that is not a gimme, is it?

However, Juve are playing.

But yeah, it could be fascinating, that game.

Yeah,

it's going to be.

And

they were not great.

There was one outstanding performer.

I think it was Ashraf Hakimi.

Again, he's having a terrific season.

And the work he does on the third and goal by Douay, who does this later on and just whacks it into the goal, is

absolutely magnificent.

Nuno Medis' goal is not bad either, but it was, yes, they did what was expected, what we should be expecting of PSG on a regular basis, and which they haven't done previously in this competition.

But against, again,

a team that didn't show much.

I remember one cross shot

for Salzburg, and I think that's about the only time Donaruma had any work to do.

So too easy, I would say, a win, Max, to have

to form an opinion of this particular PSG.

Ashraf Akimi is having such a great season that I included him three times in my top 40 players of the year

when I was submitting them to Marcus Christensen for the end of year list that

never attracts any controversy below the line.

But the really good thing was I'd put someone in twice.

I can't remember who I'd put in twice, but you mentioned that you'd put Ashraf Akeemi in three times, and I hadn't put him in at all.

So I got to delete one of my, I think, Nico Williams or someone and put in an Ashraf

Akeemi.

Let's just do a little one on Shaktubhi.

You know, Shaktob took the lead.

Kevin with the goal, which is nice to see

on a graphic.

But Barry, the Elise goal is the moment, isn't it?

It's sort of part Hoddle Hoddle sitting down the keeper the Oxford, part John Barnes at the American R, part Messi, just generic individual goal.

It's so good.

Yeah, it was Bayern Munich's fifth goal of five.

And I can't decide whether it was a really difficult thing to do that Elise made look incredibly easy, or whether it was just incredibly easy because...

all the Shaktar defenders kind of waved him through rather than go in and challenge him.

So he picks up the ball, glides between two defenders to the edge of the area, and then seems to sort of shimmy past another three defenders, but I don't think any of them actually moved or,

you know, they didn't make it quite easy for him.

Maybe I'm being unkind.

And then he shaped the shoot, sat the keeper on his backside and then just rolled the ball past him.

It was...

beautiful.

On first look, it was a thing of absolute beauty.

And then when you got down to the nuts and bolts of it, I think it wasn't as difficult as it appeared on first sight.

I mean, I guess he would say the way that he moves his body, you know, and the way that say Bellingham sat Martin Darun down a bit or like created the space, yeah, is that is the skill, isn't it?

In just the way that you move your body, and so you know, rather than just sort of laying.

It's a long time since I move my body like that, man.

I don't need to inquire any further.

Um, and then Club Brugge beat sporting 2-1.

I mean, I love that injury time is great in this because there was four minutes of injury time and Anthony Taylor played seven minutes and just the baying from the Bruges crowd.

Just absolute desperation.

I don't know what the Flemish is for blow your whistle or, you know, the French.

I don't know what the French is either.

What would they say, Philippe?

Sifle.

Sifle.

Sifle.

And then Sifle with a couple of expletives added, which I will refrain from using because it's early in the day.

Oh, okay.

I'd I'd quite like the C flit.

Anyway, Seaflair.

He did.

Yeah, he did.

And then

the crowd went bananas.

Absolute,

absolutely brilliant result for Club Bruger.

And yeah, sporting suffering a little bit post Ruben Amarim.

Let's go on to Monday Night Football in the Premier League.

West Ham two Wolves won.

No one sacked Barry.

It's probably the biggest surprise of.

I presume this game was going to be, you know, West Hammer ahead.

Gary O'Neill's got 20 minutes to save his job.

They equalize.

Julian Nobotenu's got two minutes to save his job.

Jared Bowen saves his job and they both still got their jobs.

Yeah, they both still got their jobs.

They both still look like dead men walking, to be honest.

Gary O'Neill even sounds like a dead man walking insofar as he's referring to the point in which he seems to feel he will inevitably sacked.

It was a reasonably entertaining game between two teams who are not very defensively solid.

Thomas Suchek put West Ham ahead

completely unmarked at the far post and just sent a looping header into the far corner.

We all know how dangerous he can be at corners and to leave him unmarked is...

And the ball took maybe 25 minutes to go in.

Someone in quite some time to go in.

Then

West Ham thought they doubled the lead.

Kudas had a goal correctly ruled offside.

after converting a cross from Jared Bowen.

There was what I thought was a blatant shove on Larison by Emerson and Wolves didn't get a penalty.

I think it was a bizarre decision.

So yeah, Wolves getting screwed by Varr again.

They equalised and Sam Johnston got the ball launched.

Gedes brought it down with a beautiful touch.

Played it on to Ike Noori whose cross was finished beautifully by that most clinical of finishers, Matt Doherty.

And then Jared Bone won with a Jared Bone goal, chopped inside Gades and scored a low diagonal into the far corner.

So a good win for West Ham on an emotional night for them, obviously, because of Mike Michel Antonio.

The ninth minute, his shirt number being nine, the fans all applauded and cheered him.

Jared Bone held up an Antonio's shirt after scoring.

And

yeah,

I can't see either of these managers still being in position in, say, three months' time.

No, you are probably right.

Um, David Coote has been sacked by the PGMOL following a quote thorough investigation.

He was suspended on the 11th of November after that video, uh, where he made derogatory comments about Liverpool and Jürgen Klopp.

Two days later, a further investigation was launched after the Sun published photos it says were taken during the Euros this summer, alleging that they appear to show Coote sniffing a white powder.

The PGMOL said Coote's actions made his position untenable.

His actions were found to be in serious breach of the provisions of his employment contract, they said.

Supporting David Coote continues to be important to us, we remain committed to his welfare.

He has the right to appeal the decision.

I can't imagine he will, Philippe.

I'm probably in the minority of one.

I think this is actually not right.

I've felt very uneasy about the whole story from the beginning because of the nature of the pylon.

That he behaves totally stupidly is without

beyond doubt.

I mean, has it affected the way he's been referring games?

It's just because he's been found out.

And the way it's been hounded,

I can't help thinking that what this man is going to be, the punishment he's going to get,

bears absolutely no relation to the gravity of what he's done.

Imagine

what kind of hell he lives in at the moment.

That's why, and PG Moral, Jennifer said, okay, all right, fine.

Said, yeah, maybe you have to do it, but it just leaves a really bitter taste.

But can you not?

You can say

there shouldn't be a pylon, and his life is obviously, you know, his career is in tatters, and we hope he has all the support around him.

But at the same time, say

you just can't be doing that.

And, you know, what and go out.

Or do you say, you know, you suspend him for two years or a year?

I mean, I don't necessarily disagree with you, but I just wonder when he next goes out to referee, you know, this will hound him forever.

And so

him being on a pitch might be just as hard as him not being on a pitch.

I, I, yeah, no, absolutely.

And

unfortunately, or fortunately, but the referees do not have international careers, which is one thing which has always surprised me.

I can't understand why, I mean, it's very rare that you see a foreign referee in another league.

Yeah, it's starting to happen more.

It's starting to happen more.

There's a couple of Americans.

You know, there's Jared Gillett as well in the Premier League.

And, you know,

so yeah, he could.

I think, and actually, actually, I think Bobby Madley went and refereed in Scandinavia, if I'm not mistaken, before coming back here.

Yeah, but that's, you know, maybe that's, maybe that's one thing he can do, go to somewhere, I mean, I don't know, the K-League or the J-League, where people will not necessarily be aware of what's happened and won't care.

It's just

the chasm between

the gravity of

the offense

and the punishment in an age where people get away with absolutely anything,

it seems, in other walks of life, and in football too.

Yeah, I mean, that was a good point.

I mean, his life over as a referee.

That's that's a bit much.

Anyway, I feel I feel very you can you can yeah, I feel very strongly about that.

And this is not to say you should have said what he he said or he shouldn't have done what

no, of course not.

It's not that.

It's just that it's it's it's a modern immorality tale, let's put it that way.

And nobody comes out of it particularly well.

Well, I don't necessarily disagree with you, Philippe, but just by not only referring to Jürgen Klopp as the C word, but the German C-word, I think that alone makes his position untenable because fans have been banned from stadiums for

similar.

And when you introduce a sort of xenophobic, you know,

I'm really nitpicking.

No, I don't think you are.

I don't think you are, I don't think you are.

When you introduce that element of xenophobia, then you are making your position kind of untenable.

So if he just called him the C-bomb rather than elaborating on his nationality, then it wouldn't be as bad.

But it is very hard to see how he could come back from it anyway.

At the same time, we've got a player,

I won't even give his name because everybody knows who he is, who's been filmed

making the most derogatory

transphobic racist chance filmed.

and he plays for this club and nobody thinks that's wrong.

I mean, that's what I'm saying.

You know, can we have a sense of balance here?

Like if, for example, he had been suspended pending further investigation, I think everybody would be saying, yes, that's the right thing to do.

That's the right thing to do.

In this particular case, it feels like he's been kicked out and the door has been slammed after him.

That's what I have a big problem with.

That's all.

But I agree, Barry, his situation was not tenable any longer.

Richards, can Philippe give an answer to the question, how honest is the FIFA World Cup awarding process without being edited out?

Saudi Arabia is is going to be named as the host of the 2034 World Cup over what is essentially a glorified Zoom meeting shortly after this pod goes out.

You're on mute.

You're on mute, Gianni.

You're on mute.

And yeah, Mohammed bin Salman saying, I'll just come back out and come back in again and see if that fixes my headphones

audio levels.

Anyway, we're not going to talk about it now.

We're doing a special on it on Tuesday next week, and that is going to come out on Wednesday.

So,

yeah, we'll ask for your questions before that.

That'll do for part two.

David Squires joins us for part three.

Hi, Pod fans of America.

Max here.

Barry's here, too.

Hello.

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Welcome to part three of the Guardian Football Weekly.

Very pleased to say David Squires joins us.

Alex says, why is David lowering himself to your level?

Welcome, David.

We've dragged you down.

How are you?

Hello.

Hello, everyone.

You've got a book out.

You're here to flog your book.

Do it.

Flog it.

My book is out now and it's called Chaos in the Box.

And it's a compilation of the best of my cartoons from the last six years, going from just about the end of the 2018 World Cup up to the end of the

Euros just gone.

And it's packed and it's huge.

If like all the best books are judged by how you know.

I prefer, David, to judge a book by its cover.

What's on the cover of yours?

On the cover of mine is

I haven't actually got a copy, unbelievably, but on the cover of mine is Robot Haaland.

There's

Emo Mourinho, there's Shoe Gaze Roy, there's all the usual characters.

There's the back of my head and body at a drawing board, which

Guardian Australia sports editor Mike Heitner says was generous to me.

He said I'd made myself look slimmer,

which is incredibly harsh.

These are the horrible conditions I have to work under.

Yeah, it's so good, David.

And like,

you know, you are like insanely good at this.

And I mean, I know you probably don't deal with compliments well, but I'd just like to put it out there on the record.

Like in the football weekly WhatsApp group, quite a lot of the time it is just Squires' cartoon is great.

And here's a screen grab of, I don't know, the CBS crew, like just in hysterics from their incredible bants, or whatever.

Um, I

don't quite understand how you have how you keep delivering.

Like, do you ever think, oh shit, this I've run out every week, it's very kind of you to say those things, and it doesn't feel that way to me, but that's why I've been using AI for the last six years to

Do you have a favourite?

I know it's a cliched question.

We got lots of messages about, you know, Gunnasaurus and Arsene Vengus homage to Shawshank.

As Kieran says, after creating Venga and Gunnasaurus, homage to Shawshank, how do you find it in yourself to continue?

You've created perfection.

Is that not enough?

If you had to pick one out of this book, what would it be?

Yeah, that one's in the last book, which is also on sale still.

But yeah,

that one really seemed to resonate with people.

I gave that to my brother.

He has it on his wall at home.

Oh, amazing.

I spoke to a friend recently who told me that

I should draw the whole of Shawsham Redemption with Arsen Wenger and Gunnasaurus.

And I said, there are some quite hardcore scenes in that film.

The sisters could be troublesome.

Gunnasaurus would have to go through a lot.

But yeah, he was adamant that I do it.

So maybe, maybe that's my next book.

But the ones that that I really enjoy are the ones that I'm sort of proudest of, I suppose, are the ones that probably gave me the most stress, which are the tributes and obituary ones towards the back of the book.

But there are just the odd one-offs, ones in there as well, which is, I think, my favourite is probably the parody of Green Eggs and Ham involving the cat in the hat.

God, I've forgotten his name, the West Ham player who was mean to his

was mean to his pet cat.

Kurtzuma.

Kurtzuma.

Yeah, yeah.

So that was quite

a fun one to do, about a very dark subject.

But

AI was working on Overdrive, sorting out those rhymes that day.

I just wanted to ask, with all these

characters that have come up, as you've mentioned, Robot Harland, Emma Mourinho, there must be some that...

Ended up on the cutting room floor that you had in your head, but you couldn't quite

realise them in the way you wanted to.

I don't know if there's any like favourites that we never quite got to see.

Yeah, there are a few.

There's, um, I suppose that the only time that a whole cartoon has been spiked was around the time of the Wayne Hennessy story.

You know, I drew Wayne Hennessy's Big Night Out 2.

It involved him in a series of contrived incidents where, caught in the moment, it looked like he was doing something else.

Like, I had him high-stepping over an errant bread roll, and

there was one scene, I can't remember the contrivance now, but he ended up with a napkin stuck on his face and had to cut out white, had to cut out eye holes.

And that was caught in the moment.

And a very elaborate scene where I think they were in a burger restaurant and he'd ordered

a flaming hot stacked burger that came up looking like a well, a burning cross, basically.

And I think that was the one that pushed the lawyers over the edge.

And it's probably probably for the best

you mentioned the tributes and the one 241 it's the last one the Bobby Charlton the Jack the life and times of Jack Charlton sorry is just

a mat it's like amazing and I think the reaction to that must have like sometimes you do something and the reaction is quite incredible online I don't know how much that means to you when you see that especially for like a tribute Yeah, like I was saying a minute ago,

those are the ones that I am probably proudest of because they're the ones that I really stress about getting them right.

When the reaction is positive, it's, you know, it means a lot to me.

And when I'm drawing those cartoons, I think I say in the book, there's often so many great writers writing obituaries and tribute pieces that often I tend more to use images from the person's life and maybe their own words.

That's what I did with the Bobby Chalton cartoon.

I used a quote from his autobiography about the long-term emotional effects of the Munich disaster.

And yeah, those are definitely the ones that I'm proudest of.

I do often try to find some humour in those.

Even when I'm working on the most serious story, if possible,

I like to try and put it.

bring the lols you know you've got to keep the bants going at all times even in the face of you know the grim reaper yeah sorry i was because i when you're saying that i'm i'm thinking of of the jack charlton strip again and

i barely have words and to describe how it made me feel it was absolutely and i think a lot of people felt exactly the same as i did so shapoo to you my friend uh for this one in particular it was

absolutely heartbreaking and and very beautiful and and full of love and so to do all of this in one strip is pretty amazing but um on a on a lighter note i was wondering if you'd heard from Matjav Grafstrom and the people at FIFA after creating FIFA Man,

which was actually magnificent.

Because,

as you know, he's a little bit, our friend Jenny, he doesn't like people being mean to him.

And you were very, very mean to him, beautifully so.

And so,

have you heard anything from FIFA after this trip?

No, I very rarely hear from.

Oh, that's a disappointment.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, I'd love to know that I'd inflicted some wound on his ego at some, you know, at some level, but

I very rarely hear from anyone who I featured in the cartoons.

Like,

and it's so strange when it does happen.

You might recall a few years ago I did a cartoon about Peter Drury, a day in the life of Peter Drury.

Someone contacted me not long after and said, I live near the Drury's, and I showed Mrs.

Drury that cartoon in

the car park of the local Tesco's, whatever it was.

And I thought, are you mad?

Like, there is one scene where she suggests an early night, and he screams, the Netherlands, and they drop it.

It's like quite an intimate thing.

Actually, that's one cartoon where the lawyers make, there was a back and forth with the lawyers

over, because it ends with,

God,

there was debate about how much

gratification I could depict Jim Beglin from expressing, from watching Mr.

and Mrs.

Drury make love.

And there was a lot of debate about how high his eyebrows were, the position of Beglin's eyebrows.

Got in quite a lot of detail.

But anyway, this guy said, I showed Mrs.

Drury this

this cartoon.

And then she emailed me and my blood ran cold when I saw the name Drury in my email inboard and she asked for a copy for for Peter and I at this point I was barely able to move and then I got an email from him directly and he was really generous about the cartoon and my work and he he just pulled me up on one point which is I'd made a joke that he had um pre-written he there was a panel where he's pre-writing his you know um

his uh florid descriptions whatever and he said no it's all it's all off the cuff So, there you go.

Josh says, Has there ever been a Premier League manager you've secretly hoped would get the sack because they were difficult to draw?

At the start of the season, this season, I looked at the lineup of managers for the coming campaign, and I noticed that there's basically 20 ball blokes with beards.

I thought this is going to present a real challenge.

So, I was kind of secretly pleased when Ten Hag has

left.

There have been a few over the years.

I think the key is just through repetition.

You just draw them so many times.

There are certain people I can draw from memory.

So Jose Mourinho would be one.

Roy Hodgson would be another.

When Roy came back,

I was reading that strip today when

who did they sack?

Alvieira.

It was someone else was sacked in the same cartoon.

There were two sackings, and then there's just a picture of Roy looking like a T-bird coming back.

You're saying, oh, Raymundo, come back.

It was really great.

I think that was a classic Monday morning or Monday sacking that completely ruined the cartoon.

But yeah, I always enjoy drawing

Hodgson.

With all these people, it's about capturing the character rather than the physical appearance.

And luckily, you know, football really does attract some unusual.

people,

some really intense characters.

And that, you know, that conveyor belt, that conveyor belt keeps rolling.

Yeah, and the Arteta is good.

Your Arteta's big square head Arteta is

he's he's a fun one, isn't he?

Yes, the

Lego Arteta.

But again, it wouldn't really mean anything.

I mean, obviously, I draw him like that because he has got this glorious, solid mass of black plastic hair, but it wouldn't really mean anything unless the

characterization of his personality was right.

And he's, you know, I really enjoy him.

I enjoy his intensity and, you know, his behavior on the touchline and the people that it annoys.

And sometimes it annoys me.

And I find myself thinking, I know I'm going full football dinosaur.

It's hanging.

Yeah.

And his motivational tactics and, you know, getting in the pickpockets and his

similes that he uses and all the rest of it.

Some of the stuff that came out from that Amazon documentary a few years ago, where he's got the light bulb in the dressing room and talking about Thomas Edison, and there's a cutaway to a couple of the players just kind of looking at each other.

And I'm sure that's all edited by people who've got an eye for comedy as well.

But it's good fun.

What was the.

Were you not allowed to draw Ronaldo's buttocks?

Or is that one we can't even talk about?

Something about a spray tan.

He was giving us sort of a spray tan, and the lawyers said he had to have shorts on.

And you were trying to explain why no one would spray tan their shorts yeah that's exactly right and in the end i think it was so ridiculous i ended up redrawing the whole the whole panel and i think it ended up with

i think it was ollie gunnersolciar giving him a spray tan and that whole

that that whole relationship of um

um where really Ollie was the senior partner in that relationship.

So I think in the end I changed it to Ollie giving him a foot massage on his Gami footballer feet.

Because even Ronaldo, like all footballers, right?

I'm sure you're the same, Max, have got destroyed toes from

years of being trodden on.

So ridiculous.

Those conversations would be so ridiculous, as Joel says.

We had a long conversation with lawyers after David drew Philippe holding a Gianni Infantino voodoo doll for our tour poster, apparently.

Did that get through?

Did it get through?

Yeah, I think it did.

I think if I remember.

Yeah, yeah, there it is.

Yeah, yeah.

Philippe has it.

There it is.

And there's Barry holding a shoe.

Very quick word on Swindon Town, David, who we don't really mention that often.

Yes.

So, yeah, things are pretty bleak there at the moment, but the fans are organizing.

They've set up a group called the Spirit of 69,

named after our

League Cup final win, which I'm sure that well, two members of this of the panel today will remember fondly.

3-1 Arsenal, 1969.

And yeah, the fans are organising

to pressure the current owner, Clem Morfooney, to

look for a buyer to sell the club because really they're in a terminal decline and they have been for a number of years and things seem to be getting worse.

And so yeah, good luck to them.

I'm there in solidarity.

The book is called Chaos in the Box, Chronicles from Modern Football.

It's by David Squires,

who as you have established, we all think is great.

Before we go, don't go.

You might as well wait until the end of the the pod, David, now, since we've only got one thing to do, if you don't mind, I could say goodbye to you now.

But if you're happy to wait for 30 seconds, I'd love to wait.

Yeah.

Barry, you wanted to remind listeners about Paul Watson's Kitmas campaign.

Yes, Paul and his wife Lizzie

run their Kitmus campaign

now in its fifth year, and it has delivered over five and a half thousand shirts to kids in need and raised fifty grand for charitable purposes and paul was telling me it always spikes anytime it's brought up on football weekly so i just wanted to get in a

last-minute pre-christmas push for it so if any listeners would like to send new or as new shirts to the kitmas appeal at pobox481 stroud gl6

one nz

or you can just uh take the easier option of donating some cold hard cash to the Kitmus crowdfunder which is easily findable on the tinternet.

40 quid will pay for two shirts for children in need and if any big businessmen are listening two grand will get a hundred shirts and people will for be forever in your debt.

So yeah, just

if you have a spare few quid knocking around, that would be a nice thing to do.

I'm sure all the businessmen that we're nice about, you know, all the wealthy people, Jani, Jim Ratcliffe,

etc., etc., all the ones that David's drawn in a friendly way.

Yeah, if you could donate, that would be great.

Yeah, well said, Barry, and we'll do that.

Hey, David, thanks so much for coming on.

Good luck with the book.

Thank you.

Thanks for having me.

No, it's a pleasure.

And when we do an Australia tour, you're in for all live shows, not just because you live for an Australia, but that is a good reason for it.

Convenience has given me most of my career so far, a willingness to be in the right place at the right time.

yeah you and tony cotty and all other uh tiny strikers you you've you've had occasion to draw me a few times david and you always draw me with my mouth wedged full of cigarettes um

and just just to let you know for you i've i've been off them for seven months now so you no well done no i've saw that and i was both pleased for you for pleased for you and devastated for myself

i don't want to give you ideas david but you could draw the biggest Nicorette patch that's ever been drawn.

There's still the vape.

I did still see, like,

when the call started, there's just a cloud around

Barry.

So we've still got that.

That cloud could be from the vape, or it could be from...

No, I don't need to go there.

It's a Munich reference, Barry, just in case you weren't certain.

Thanks, everybody.

Thanks, Philippe.

Thank you very much, Max.

Thank you, Niggy.

Thanks, Max.

Cheers, Baz.

Thank you.

Thank you, David.

Thank you.

Purple Weekly is produced by Doll Grove.

Our executive producer is Danielle Stevens.

This is The Guardian.