Answering your questions from the Christmas mailbag – Football Weekly Extra

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Hello, and welcome to the Guardian Football Weekly. It's the Christmas special.
Happy Christmas, everybody. A chance to reminisce on the year or more accurately, try and recall anything that happened.

I messaged producer Joel last night to ask if there'd been any highlights from this podcast in 2025. I can't remember a single pod we've done, but he can, and there have been.

It's just your questions and some nice Christmas messages from favourite panelists. At some point, John Bruin will talk about 442, hit it to the big man, hit the channels, get it launched.

At some point, Jonathan Wilson will tell you to buy one, some, all of his books.

And at some point, I'll try and compare a league football to my 40-year career as a target man/slash CDM in Cubs, School, University, Sunday League Football.

And at some point, we'll remember the real meaning of Christmas, Barry's Heather. Welcome to the Guardian Football Weekly christmas special

and it's a repeat of last year's christmas such was the success you can't get three cheerier christmas faces than these jonathan wilson welcome ho ho ho good very solid start john bruin happy christmas

happy christmas as the years pass by and the beard gets whiter and the battle with the waistline continues, I begin to feel a bit more Christmas, if you see what I mean.

There's a grotto waiting for you, John. Hello, Barry Glendenning.
Yes, Merry Christmas, everybody. Chris says, like the Hootanani recording it this far out.
It's June the 7th, everybody.

That's when we're doing this. For the tape, December the 17th.
So anything that's happened between then and when this is released on Christmas Eve,

you know, you have, we don't know what's happened, so it's not our fault. Jesse says this show is meant to be recorded in front of an audience in Burr, in Ireland.

Listen to last year's Christmas special. Does anybody remember last year's Christmas special? And we promised to do this in Burr.
Barry?

I don't recall promising to do this in Burr, but I'd be wholeheartedly in favour of recording in Burr because the theatre in Burr is across the street from my mum's house.

So I wouldn't have far to go to get home back to my bed afterwards. And I think I'd be reasonably confident we'd sell out in every sense of the word yeah dynamic pricing for the tickets

I have a feeling that you said exactly

I reckon I did

I was thinking I must have said this last year that the theater is right across the street from my mom's house so

we've got off to a great start well no but Christmas is having the same conversations with the same relatives like we're doing exactly what we're meant to be doing.

Joachim, a friend of the pod, says, always a highlight to the Christmas special. Speaking of highlights, what's been your biggest highlight of the year? I mean, a goal, a miss, a sending off, etc.

It's a simple one to start with. Do we have an answer? John Bruin.
Well, do you know what? I actually missed the game of the year, which was the four-all on Monday because I was watching 12th Night.

Culture over here, you know? Yeah, good. Let's say highlights of the year.
Well, as it's me, I'll go for a low light, and it was the Europa League final.

Not a tribute to English football's quality, was it? Jonathan, you were there, I think. Yeah,

it was so bad, so bad. And I've been to a few Europa League finals, sometimes with Jonathan, the Ruby Turner of our Hootanani.
I don't know what that means. What does that mean?

We've actually watched Hootanani together, Jonathan, and I did point this out on that occasion that Ruby Turner is on every year.

And Ruby Turner has not had a hit, I wouldn't have thought, since about 1987. A bit harsh and myoove, but okay.

Then, to be honest, John, that night, I don't remember the uh the hoot nanny as much as the series of serial killer documentaries we watched afterwards. It was

one of the best, no, it was one of the best years I've ever had. It was Fred Fred Dinage did a series on serial killers, and we watched three of them back to back.
It was brilliant, right?

So, we have your low light, John. Yeah, a bit of quadrophene reps as well, actually, after that.

Yeah, I remember that as well. Yeah, yeah.

No, I just, it was the day that Angeball decided to just get it launched. And

Manchester United, the most famous team in football, played a brand of emodium football that I will.

And do you know what was worse about it? It was my birthday. Ah, John.

What about you, Wilson? Do you have a highlight? Or are you going going to stay on

this miserable trench that John has dug for us? No, I think

one of the best things was

how many surprise teams or teams who aren't used to winning things

won trophies in May. So Palace winning the FA Cup, Aberdeen winning the Scottish Cup after 35 years, I think it was.
Union Saint-Gilroise winning the Belgian League after 70 years.

And Sundland winning the playoff final. It was two of the best days of my life came on Saturdays, five weeks apart.
Barry was there for both of them.

Only one of them did I end up sobbing in Barry's arms. And that wasn't the winner.

That was Tom Watson scoring the 96th minute winner. I thought you were going to say when you were worried she wouldn't turn up.

She was running late. She's tenacious.

I knew there was no shaking her.

Yeah, that afternoon when the playoff final win, I mean, obviously it's a very parochial personal thing, but that is Sunderland's, yeah, in terms of a one-off occasion, the best one-off occasion since 1973, the best

occasion for Sunderland Football Club in my lifetime. I'm delighted I was sharing it with Barry.
Is yours the same, Baz? Well, I'll finesse it slightly. I really enjoyed that day.

I loved getting to share it with Wilson and his Mac and mates. That made it a bit special as well.
But I think

the particular highlight of that day was the precise millisecond I realized that Tommy Watson's injury time winner was going to curl inside the post and not hit it or go wide. And that was special.

And then in the ensuing melee, celebratory melee, my glasses came off my head. So then I was in a massive panic that someone would stamp on them.
But luckily they escaped unscathed.

I mean, it's recency bias of a sort, but I think even if it had happened the very first day of this year, being privileged enough to be present for Nick Voltamade's own goal on

Sunday, that will always be a life highlight. That was brilliant.
And the Ireland match against Hungary

and maybe the Scotland game as well, which against Denmark, which I almost enjoyed as much, even though I'm not Scottish. Yeah, no, I think you're right.

I think I actually found the Tottenham win sort of of too much really and you know, I think the the Van der Venn clearance off the line in what was I agree John one of the worst games of football I think I've ever ever seen but I actually think the the the

the moment when the Palace fans knew that they'd won the FA Cup. I can't remember like a city player shoots over the bar or something.

It's a goal kick and we've had eight of five minutes or whatever it is. I can't remember the exact details.

But there was just this moment where the Palace fans, they knew, they knew that they'd won a major trophy and they'd never won one before, and there was just that moment of just the complete relief that it was done, but it wasn't done yet, so they still had to wait for the ref to blow his whistle.

And when he blew his whistle, there are just so many amazing, you know, iPhone footage moments of Palace fans just not quite knowing what to do and sort of putting their head in their hands, then crying, and then hugging strangers.

And actually, the Scotland one, I think, my favorite of the Kenny McLean mclean videos is that pub where you can't see the screen but you can see the fans and someone quite correctly says take it to the corner and someone just says what you

doing and then the whole place erupts like it is just ah the timing is it's so good uh right uh bayard he says how are your predictions going at the halfway mark sizzler similar question says wishing you baz and the rest of you a merry christmas and a happy new year would any of you like to make three changes to your predictions e.g.

baz with everton Everton being relegated? I don't want to change them. I made them.

That's what predictions are. You can't really change them.
Everton was clearly a mistake.

I had them 19th.

I still find them a puzzling watch. They can be really good.
Sometimes they can be really bad.

Sometimes if they had a striker, I think they'd be, or a striker who could score goals every now and then.

They'd possibly be title contenders.

And I think I had Liverpool to win the title. That was clearly a mistake as well.
I think the rest of them were fairly okay. I didn't have Sunderland being relegated.

I think I probably thought they might be relegated, but I couldn't relegate them. So I think I had them 14th or 15th.
They mightn't finish that low.

But no, I wouldn't change them.

I had reasons for making them at the time and I stand over those reasons even though I've been proved incorrect. Well, I had Sunday and bottom so that was quite badly wrong.

But I don't think it's reasonable that a team can bring in 14 players and they all suddenly gel.

That's not normal. I think I was justified in being pessimistic for them.
And they've won a lot of games by a single goal. I think there'll be a severe regression to the mean.

I know the fictionalist was very kind to them. They got some easy games first.
We had some points on the board. So that was badly wrong.

And I probably overrated Chelsea.

But equally, I think that if Levi Colwell hadn't got injured and if Fafana hadn't got injured I think they'd be in a much better position than they are now and my sense that Liverpool City Arsenal you couldn't quite trust any of them I think maybe I'm being a bit unfair with Arsenal maybe City are coming good now but I don't think that was way off the mark so and I didn't think Wolves would be as bad as they have been although I think I did have them quite low down so yeah I got Sunday really badly wrong I overrated Chelsea and I overrated Wolves.

I think I relegated Burnley, West Ham and Wolves. So I think that might be quite a good one.
I had City to win the title, but I definitely had Tottenham way too high.

Actually, I had Arsenal to win the league, and I'm honestly not getting angsty about it. They are going to do it.
It's going to be okay. Honestly, please tell me it's going to be okay.

We're not worried, honestly. Honestly, please.
No, don't tell us we're worried. I had West Ham to struggle.
Reasonably happy with that.

Didn't say, it wasn't my greatest prediction after watching Swazieni last season. Had Wolves to struggle.
I think we all could see that our dear friend Vittor Pereira might not actually.

Well, we didn't expect that he'd get a new three-year contract and then get sacked, but that happened. And I actually,

my Manchester United prediction was them, I think, to come fifth. And they're sort of around there, despite being absolutely rubbish.
So, yeah, it's a funny old game, as we'll get to.

Are they rubbish, John? I mean, I just don't remember. I don't know if I dare ask this question.
We tried to answer it after the full four, but I don't know. No, they're rubbish.
They're rubbish.

I mean, I'm just not having it. It's, it's just, it's not even Ruben Amarim's fault.
It's just the whole thing is just this,

like, just this grim sort of ship sailing into murky waters that get murkier and more miserable. And, you know, you need some sort of Captain Ahab figure, or, you know, it's just,

God, it's awful. It's just, it's just bad.
Even when, even when the games are interesting, it's, it's, it's, it's just, it's just grim.

Do you think that's it forever for Man United and Tottenham, Wilson? I mean, I suppose it never was for Tottenham, and that's the difference.

Well, yeah, Tottenham are a baffling side

in so many respects, but not least the fact they were one of the big five who led the breakaway to form the Premier League. They're one of a Super League six.
They've won the league twice.

That puts them on a par with giants such as Preston, Burnley. Portsmouth.
It puts them yeah, they won three times fewer titles than Sunderland. They're not a big club.
Come on, grow up.

Big stadium, lovely stadium.

So, look,

they should never be lower than mid-table of the Premier League because of their size.

And United, you say, similar, but United are a funny club because they've only ever won the league under three managers. They're a really hard team to manage for whatever reason.

So, unless you're an absolute genius. I always think this argument is hilarious because it's like the only one that won them under three managers.
Two of those managers were managed for 25 years.

I mean, what else are they supposed to do for the rest of the time? You know, I mean, it's like they've only been in business 150 years.

So for a third of that time, they were really, really successful. Oh, well, they only had two managers.
Well, what does that matter? It's absolute nonsense.

Liverpool always say, oh, we've had six managers at one of the three of them were all worked out of the same room.

I mean, come on, nonsense. It doesn't matter in the sense that it's not a criticism.
They've had two of the greatest managers of all time.

But it is a fact that every other manager who's ever been in charge of Manchester United, apart from Ernest Mangle, Matt Busby and Alex Ferguson, has found it really difficult to cope with the size of a club.

The list of managers who failed at United is way, way, way bigger than the list of managers who've succeeded there. It's a really hard club to manage.

United have had two of the all-time geniuses, and yeah, they've both been there for a very long time.

Actually, arguably, that's one of the reasons why their successors found it so hard, because those managers lingered too long. maybe not quite as long as say Wenger did at Arsenal.

But I think Busby certainly should,

it's obviously complicated by the European Cup, which he did win, but his methods were pretty old-fashioned by the time he finally went. And then, of course, didn't go.

I think Fergie was in decline by the time he won that title in 2013. So

I don't think they should be taken as a criticism, but it is a fact.

Since the First World War, only two managers have won the League of Manchester. It's really hard.

This is, Barry, this is the argument at Christmas dinner that happens every Christmas where the other two just drink and we just wander off

stick it Stick some vinyl on and pour another glass of wine. Let's hope the quiz is on soon.
Molchier says, We have the Wilson scenario. What would be the Glendenning or the Bruin scenario, Barry?

Well, sorry, Hang on, before anybody else says, do people actually remember what the Wilson scenario is? Because I think people have got it wrong. Well, the Wilson scenario is

so it's a chaotic sequence of refereeing decisions

involving a counter-attack goal that's overturned by VAR

and leads to because a penalty has been given at the other end of the pitch or a penalty in a red card. No, specifically, the penalty is only given because it's a goal.

So

when I made it, the laws were slightly different. But as it stands now, it would have to be there's a corner, say the keeper's come up,

there's a corner, the ball strikes somebody on the arm, but it's not deliberate.

It wouldn't in the normal run of things to be a foul. But the ball drops at his feet and he smacks it and because the keeper's out, it goes in.

You can't give the goal because he controlled the ball with his arm and therefore it's a penalty. So, as that ball is approaching the goal, what you need is one of you.

You're about to get if that ball crosses

you need Aaron Lennon.

So, you need Aaron Lennon at his peak to sprint up and turn that away from goal, or it's a penalty. That's that's yeah, Wilson's scenario.
It's not a quirky thing that happens.

This is an obvious flaw in the laws that they haven't thought about because the laws are nonsense of Environment. And actually, I'm really, you want them to put it wide because if they're keepers up,

oh no.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. If they're keepers up, you've won any.
Sorry, I don't think it's been made at all clear what the Wilson scenario is there. No, no, definitely didn't clear it up either.

It definitely involved a counter-attack, didn't it? Yeah. In its original formulation, they've changed the laws since.

But

as the laws stand out, sorry, where's the counterattack in the scenario he just outlined? Well,

it's a very direct counter-attack in the sense as it shot from 100 yards.

Okay, right.

I'm totally confused now. Anyway, I'm with you.
What's the Glendenning

scenario? Call it this Glendenning scenario because it's specifically the kind of thing that might happen to me if I was good enough to be a footballer. It's opening day of the season.

I'm the star striker for Sunderland. I score this fantastic goal 89th minute to win a game against Newcastle and I wheel away in celebration.

I go full Lua Lua and do a series of somersaults, land awkwardly and knacker my cruise ship.

And then the goal is ruled out for a fractional offside.

so the goal doesn't stand, but I'm out for nine months with a cruciate knee injury suffered from selling celebrating a goal that has no longer stands. So the goal doesn't stand, but the injury does.

Okay, well, thank you, Barry. I enjoyed your scenario.
That'll do for part one. Nick says, Can we get a voice note from Mark Langdon on his ideal Christmas dinner? I assume he's not a Sprouts man.

Before we end, part one, then, some festive messages from the Football Wiggly family, and you might be in luck, Nick.

Viewers might be able to see these trees that look like Christmas trees but aren't Christmas trees behind me. Cheers!

It's Jonathan here.

Merry Christmas to all the Football Weekly listeners, to producer Joel and all of the team, The Guardian, and to Max and to Barry and to all the other guests and to all the people who psyched Andrew Poster Coglu this year.

Hello Dan Bardell here. Just wanted to say Merry Christmas to all the Guardian Football Weekly listeners and of course now watchers because the show is on YouTube as well.

And also a very merry merry Christmas to Max Rushton and Barry Glendenning. Thank you for what you do for the show.
You are two absolute heroes. Have a great Christmas and as always up the villa.

Big up to Max, Barry and all of the award-winning now, I must say, Guardian Football Weekly crew it's been a great year I've thoroughly enjoyed coming on as I always do everybody drink have sex and dance responsibly during this very very very very enjoyable and emotive period of the year and a big shout out to all the listeners that tune in to every single podcast in particular the chelsea fans who for two years in a row have told me they have been in a title race and for two years in a row i've told you back that you are not and were not in a title race you bikai motherfuckers

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Hi folks, it's Mark Bittman from the podcast Food with Mark Bittman.

Whole Foods Market is your holiday headquarters with everything you need, whether you're a guest or hosting the big dinner with show-stopping centerpiece means like bone-in spiral cut ham or bone-in rib roast or even king crab.

And if you want to take a few shortcuts, no one is looking after all, try the heat-neat sides from the prepared foods department.

Shop for everything you need at Whole Foods Market, your holiday headquarters.

Hello everyone and Merry Christmas from Sunny Norway, from Norway where we're having the fairy tale Christmas you imagine us Norwegians to have,

which in reality is just 10 degrees of rain.

Thanks for listening to the pod this year. Thank you for putting up with our nonsense.
I should say my nonsense.

Other people make very sensible points all the time.

Merry Christmas, Max and Barry. Merry Christmas to all the listeners.

Happy Christmas, everyone. Bon natale atouti.

I think I make the same joke every year about eating your panettone, but do eat your panetone or your pandoro pandoro if you prefer because they're both delicious.

Hi all, Mark Langdon here and I'd just like to wish Max Barry, producer Joel and all of the Football Weekly listeners a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Enjoy your dinner.

I will be going for a seafood starter, cockles, prongs and lobster tail, followed by a main course of two meats, turkey and then either ham or beef with roast potatoes, pigs in blankets, sausage meat and those all-important Yorkshire puddings, followed by sticky toffee pudding and custard.

Happy New Year!

Thank you, more Football Weekly Regulars, with Christmas messages for you. I hope they were nice.
I haven't heard them yet.

My friends Robin Josh say they've fixed football, Wilson, in this way. Flat ticket prices, play on as a general refereeing principle that trumps other rules.
You can pick out your favourite for this.

Penalty for handball only if it's deliberate and stops the ball going in. Fouled player takes the penalty.
I'm a big fan of that one.

You can kick off as quickly as you want after the opponent have scored. Mandatory score from the halfway line challenge at half-time.
No seedings in tournaments.

European Cup is played only by league winners. Return of the Cup Winners' Cup.
Man City demoted to the National League. Starring 11 must have five players from the home nation.

League Cup renamed after staple food items, milk, bread, egg, etc. Your thoughts?

They're terrible.

Oh.

Happy Christmas to you. Any other things? Well,

they're just terrible.

The only one that might conceivably work is naming the league cup after food products.

But maybe removing seedings from others. But you're champions only

in the Champions Cup.

So

the stronger tournament then becomes a Europa League. How does that help anybody?

You know, it's a cosmetic change. It doesn't address the basic problem of inequality.
Handball only if a ball's going in.

So you're allowed to just sort of

catch the ball and punt it clear if a ball isn't going in.

What does deliberate mean? We know we can't prove what that is.

What's the point of this? Mr. Messenger.
Your mates are terrible.

Get better mates.

Flat ticket price. Well, you're charging the same for

Manchester United versus Arsenal as you are for

Dagenham versus Crawley.

I quite like a fouled player takes the penalty, Jonathan. Oh, but he might be injured.
What did he do then? Well, even better. Even better.
You know, it escapes a victory or something.

I mean, I quite like that you can kick off as quickly as you want after the opponent scores. That's good.
You know, that.

I mean, because there are some ludicrous celebrations now for a goal scored by, you know, Portsmouth

to name a club that Jonathan has already cried. Why are Portsmouth not allowed to celebrate? Well, that was just a random one, but you know,

he just, well,

he slagged them off compared to, you know,

Tottenham standing in the game.

I think that would revolutionise the game if everyone was allowed to celebrate goals as much as they want, except Portsmouth, who are only allowed to pass a new style manly handshakes as they run back to the halfway line.

Not even a shake of the hand, just an acknowledgement of the eyebrow and then back to the halfway line and continue. That's all that you're allowed.
That's the pompy dictum. No, yeah.

Even a smile and the goal is disallowed. They're getting

literally, they're absolutely totally that they're not allowed anything.

Yeah.

So like that year they won the FA Cup. Yeah.

If anyone smiled at the trophy lift,

we're taking it away from you.

Oh, look, there were just some ideas. Look, no such thing as a bad idea there.
Thank you.

I think there were several bad ideas there.

Oh, I quite like no seedings in tournaments is that but is that i think that could yeah i

like that well i mean it wouldn't affect saying if if it's the euros of the world cup it wouldn't adversely affect ireland put it that way and not because we're not we wouldn't be in it

you know if we were there we're going to be low seed

NBC me says who should win the second FIFA peace prize Barry as far as I know they now have

a committee appointed to see who will get the second one. I think we all know Gianni and Fantino decided who would win the first one.

So I was thinking, it would be funny, and it's not entirely implausible that this committee, in the spirit of brown nosary that

accompanies this prize, they awarded it to Gianni and Fantino.

The self-award. So

FIFA awards the Peace Prize to its own president

just to

keep the feedback loop of self-congratulations well and truly closed. Possibly, Tommy Robinson could get it.

I mean, he's football adjacent. I think he's a Luton Town fan.
He's an England fan. He once spent three days in jail in Zurich after he was arrested for protesting on the rooftop of FIFA HQ

because FIFA weren't going to let England players wear poppies on their jerseys. So in the spirit of extending an olive branch,

give it to Tommy Robson, who is a very peaceful man.

I think what you're going to look at is it's one thing to win the Peace Prize, the hard thing is to obtain it.

I think Trump's got in his locker. I think he could dominate the early years of the Peace Prize as well.
Madrid dominated the early years of the European Cup.

And I think one of the things that really cemented the European Cup in the popular consciousness was a truly great early champion. And I think Donald Trump can be that for the FIFA Peace Prize.

Any advances?

I'd like to make a prediction for

December 2033

that I think Mohammed bin Salman might be a shoe-in

for the FIFA Peace Prize. I've just got this feeling.
I don't know why.

But

I'm calling it now. I'm calling it now.
Well, he's another conspicuously peaceful man who

has

modernised his country largely through sport. So

he would be a worthy winner given the current criteria. Ticks a lot of boxes.

Mr. Lancaster says, how many combined West Ham and Tottenham managers will have been sacked by the time the new Universal Studios in Bedford opens?

Just for context, the entertainment company said the transformative project was expected to attract more than 8 million visitors a year, could open in 2031.

So in 2031, what are we now? 2025?

Five years, guys. How many Tottenham and West Ham managers will have been sacked? I reckon West Ham do about one a year and Spurs do

one and a half, half two years depending if they are somehow maintaining a europa league run so that's five from west ham and either two or three from spurs maybe west ham do get on a good run so let's say let's say seven combined seven combined uh if somebody i mean obviously we need one listener to just keep an eye on when the universal studios in bedford open and then take some note of these guesses These things never open on time, do they?

So it could be sort of 2032 by the time it actually opens. Yeah, it could be.
I mean, that's the thrill of the quiz, I guess.

yeah i'll stick with seven i've said seven i'll stick with seven stick with seven okay john bruin i suppose is there a crossover where ange ends up managing west ham so you've got like a yeah and then thomas frank does a does a stint at west ham yeah he could do that he could go there could could graham pot could things go really bad and graham potter ends up you know as a caretaker at tottenham so it could be a big crossover here i mean what how are we working this out no i think that's i think they're all they they all all individually count.

If Ange gets sacked by West Ham, that is still another sacking. Do the

new owners of Tottenham, new owners, I say the new owners that have been said to inherited the club, do they decide that Daniel was right all along and bring Nuno back to Tottenham, his rightful kingdom where he was so popular last time?

Yeah, also possible. But you know, you have to factor all these into your guess.
What I need, John, is your guess. Because when we do the Christmas special in 2031, we'll answer that.
Okay.

if of course you will while we're on a ride at universal studios bedford well i'm gonna say west ham it's once every 18 months a manager sacks every 18 months possibly they bring back one manager again so maybe graham potter gets another go does that count

uh and then yeah spurs every two years it is really isn't it that's your boom and bust cycle so i can't work out the sums on that but it's three plus

four and a half or something. Seven and a half managers, yeah.
Seven and a half. Okay, go, we got there in the end.

Is it Universal Studios in the States where they have the Jaws ride? I mean, possibly.

I don't really have anything of interest to contribute to the manager, West Sam Spurs manager thingy, but I do remember, I think...

on the rest is entertainment podcast, Marina Hyde and Richard Osman were talking about this Universal Studios thing in Bedford.

And Richard Osman revealed the interesting tidbit of information that on that Jaws ride,

when the shark comes out to, in vertical commas, attack the people on the ride,

the place where the shark comes out, if instead of looking at the shark, because everyone looks right to look at the shark, if you look the other way, that's where Steven Spielberg's office is.

But no one ever sees him because everyone's looking the other direction. So that's where he built his office.
Right. And is he going to want to bad vote? Yeah, yeah.

I don't know.

Or will he be fired by the Spurs hierarchy where they realise they've made a mistake and they wanted a really good documentary? So they've got Steven Spielberg to manage Spurs.

Arne says, we're on to Wilson's books. Which managers, coaches, footballers have you met that said they have read Inverting the Pyramid? Well, Sean Dice definitely has.

He mentioned it in a press conference shortly after taking over Nottingham Forest.

In what context did he mention it? What did he say?

He was being asked, I think, about the return of more direct football, and he said that if you read Inverting the Pyramid, you would see that

old ideas are always recurring and that nothing lasts forever. And he did say it was a very good read.
That was his exact phrase. So I've always had a lot of time for Sean Dice, as you know.

I've always been a big fan of his, and I think he was proving his worth at Nottingham Post. Craig Levine definitely has read it.
David Pleet has read it.

I don't know beyond that.

Okay. That's a good three.
Did you feel 10 feet tall when Sean Dice says, if you've read Inverting the Pyramid, you'll know.

Well, it was very early in his Nottingham Post tenure, so I was a little anxious that, given how his Everton tenure ended, that and given that Craig Levine,

he talked about it when he played that 4-6-0 against Czech Republic, which didn't work. So I was slightly worried things would go awry, but it turns out he's absorbed lessons of the book very well.

Fair play. Well done, Sean.

That was what I was going to ask, actually.

Are you hated in Scotland because

you begat the 4-6-0? Yes, but I mean, that's nothing to do with that. So

it's not the influence of Luciano Spoletti, it's Jonathan Wilson that brought this pox on the Scottish game. And the fact that they've,

I think he's Australian, isn't he? Lyndon Dykes, that they had to get to actually find-a-striker. Yeah, he was the answer to no longer playing Forces.
And Steve Clark, of course. Just Steve Clark.

Has Steve Clark read Inverted Lapoode? I'm guessing no. Well, something maybe we could ask him before they have those

whatever friendlies they've got in March.

I'm not sure anyone will, but, you know, if one of the press packets, the Scottish press pack is listening. Ewan, if you're Murray on the case.

Rory says, happy Christmas team. Quick question for the Christmas mailbag.
What football books, recent or classic, would you recommend asking Santa for? P.S.

I've read most of Jonathan's back catalogue already, thoroughly enjoyed them. So read this part out, which will cover the plug and he can answer it more truthfully.
Cheers, Rory.

So a football book, past or present, that you would recommend for our listeners. Wilson? I'm really struggling not to say States of Play by our friend Miguel Delaney.

But I think I am going to say that because it is really good and it does tell you what's going on. And also, he'll be furious if I don't say that.

Among the Thugs by Bill Buford, I read recently, which came out in 1990, and

it's a much better book than I was expecting. I was like,

what does a, if it's sort of a member of the American literature, what can he possibly tell me about hooliganism?

But actually, it turns out quite a lot because he got quite involved with the United Hooligans in the 80s and sort of admits he kind of got carried away by it and sort of got a real thrill from the violence.

So it was a kind of a really sort of revealing of how intoxicating that adrenaline rush can be. Helmet Schoen's autobiography I've read recently is really good.

The bit on the firebong at dresden where he was an air raid warden is it's just four or five pages of absolutely incredible descriptive prose you know whether it's a football book or not it's uh so moving when he loses his father for three days his father's 87 and he's sort of searching through the ruined city looking for his dad um so yeah that that's that's i think that came out in 1978 but i'm sure you can still still get hold of a copy so yeah they'd be my three i don't really read football books i don't read football books and i don't read listen to football podcasts because I spend an inordinate amount of time talking about, writing about, and watching football.

So when I have downtime, I prefer to read books that aren't about football. Ideally, a good murder.
Eamon Dunphy's It's Only a Game

was considered one of the great football books when it came out.

Dunphy, this journeyman, Irish footballer, and now professional contrarian.

After he retired, he became a journalist and pundit and broadcaster, not just writing about football, but all sorts of, you know, Irish politics, that kind of thing. Professional contrarian.

So that's a good book. I remember reading one.
I was just trying to Google it there.

It was like a fly on the wall or behind the scenes book at Coventry City. Gordon Strachan was in charge.
Some book was invited behind the scenes to spend time with the team and he wrote a book.

I can't remember what it's called. I really enjoyed that.

I like all Michael Calvin's football books. I think he's a great writer about the game.
I have, if I look over my right shoulder here, I have The Power and the Glory, a new history of the World Cup.

signed by the author, Jonathan Wilson,

which I spent £25 on at his book launch, only to discover the following day that I could have got it for 12 quid somewhere else. So that makes me sad.
Wilson owes me £13.

So

I'm going to try and read that over Christmas. And I've heard it is very good.

Not just from the author. I've heard from other people that it's very good.

Ellis James was bigging it up recently, actually.

Yeah, but Ellis, I think, would sort of fanboy wilson a bit too much i don't think we can trust ellis his judgment on wilson books i would say john yeah i'm looking just on my shelf there uh and between a book about bob dylan and one about hork wind the power and the glory is there for which i paid barry nothing uh but there you go

I also have read Among the Thugs. Years ago, I managed to speak to

a few of the people that were actually interviewed in that, with part of the for a piece I did on hoogism. But actually, a football book that I like very much is

this.

It is called Football is a Funny Old Game. It's by Saint and Greavesy.
Yes. And I got this when I was 11 or 12

from my mum and dad. I'll read one passage from it.

talk about fans that they'd meet. And I won't do it in Greasy's accent, but imagine it in a Dagenham accent.
I think that's where Greasy was from, was from that way, anyway.

There was old Johnny Goldstein, Johnny the Stick. He used to deal in tickets, and his minder, one-arm Lou.

Johnny was a bit tasty, and he used to have an interest in a club called Suki's, which I hasten to add, I never frequented, but was well known to visiting teams. The craze were regular visitors.
So

that gives you a nice taste of 60s London, 60s football from

Jimmy Greaves. There, yeah, all the banter, good Shankly stories from the Saints.

I picked that up for 0.01, you know, 0.1 pence, essentially, whatever the decimalization is these days.

Very good. Enjoyed.
It costs 1D. It's really good.
What is it? That big

two bob or whatever. The Coventry City book I was talking about is called Staying Up by Rick Gickowski.
Got it. And it is, he's a Coventry fan who was allowed behind the scenes for the

97-98 season. And if I'm not mistaken, it's in this book that it's revealed Noel Whelan was playing up front for Coventry that season.

And he was a young lad, fond of a nightclub and a pint and a late night. So Gordon Strachan made him move into his house.
So he had to live with Mr. and Mrs.

Strachan so they could keep an eye on young noel just to try and curb his his uh errant ways so it obviously worked because the state off what a squad there you know what are we talking we're talking that's gotta be had

the use of chippo isn't it that that's gotta be the oggies in there i reckon gary mack gary breen huckabee dion maybe gary mack yeah sean flynn willy bowl i go marcus all probably willie boland god um

Anyway, that'll do for part two. Here are some more messages from the Football Weekly family.

Hi, Max, Barry, and all the listeners. This is Paul Watson saying happy Christmas to everyone.
And I hope all your wishes for the new year come true, especially if they involve Curau beating Germany.

Hello, Guardian Football Weekly listeners. Many thanks for your continued support this year.
It's still a dream to be part of the Football Weekly rotation.

I understand my place has to be earned every single minute on and off the pod. And it is always an honour to be selected.

I hope you all have a wonderful holiday and if it is a difficult time for you, that you can find comfort in the football or if not in the football, in the musings of your favourite panelists.

I know I always do. Take care of yourselves and each other.

Oh, hello, Max and Barry, or is it Barry and Max? I don't know, actually. Do you have a particular order? Are you a bit like Antodek?

I'm sure Barry's loving the comparison to a pair of Geordie heroes. I mean, are they even heroes? Let's not talk about Geordie heroes at the moment.

It's the wrong time. Anyway, hello, listeners, as well.
Just a quick note from me, Sam, to say Merry Christmas. Thank you so much for putting up with my drivel over the course of the year.

I hope you all get some lovely downtime. I hope you have a really stupendous time.
I don't know why I used that word. I was just trying to think of a new word.

A stupendous time over the holiday period.

I hope your football teams win unless you are a Burnley or a Manchester United fan because you're playing my football team and I will be in the way end so I hope your football teams lose.

But yeah, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year. Speak to you in 2026.
Hopefully if I get booked.

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To Max, Barry, and most importantly, all the listeners. This is Seb here.
Merry Christmas to you all.

And my advice over this period is: you know, try not to allow your team's bad results to bring you down.

And if they get a good result, don't get too excited because they'll only have a bad result next time. Anyway, wishing you all the best over the festive period.

Dear listeners, thank you very much for having a year of committing to listening to the Guardian Football Weekly. And many thanks to Max, Barry, and producer Joel for their sterling work, for

making sure we're award-winning and making sure that I can put that on my CV.

Obviously, just remember, listeners, that if you don't get what you want for Christmas, that I've just bought my wife a 1996-97 retro Stockport County kit inspired by the Romania shirts of that era, and she will be fuming when she finds out.

Max Barrier for the sticks of brand hello from Stoke City. Merry Christmas, Happy New Year when it comes.
What a year it's been. FSA Awards, winning that back.

I mean, I did that video shout-out, and no, no thanks to me, eh? But you know, hey-ho, we're a team, and I'll take the victory as part of the team.

You know, it's been a roller coaster year. We've got a very exciting World Cup that none of us will be able to get to to look forward to.
So yeah, here's 2026. Cheers.

Hi, this is Barney. Happy Christmas, Max.
Happy Christmas, Barry.

And more importantly, Happy Christmas to all the Football Weekly Listener family, which is a functional family and would never have one of those days where everyone argues about meat, cooking times, or watches Paddington in pointed silence.

Obviously, for me, every Football Weekly day is Christmas Day, and every statement on the pod is a message of peace and goodwill. But this is my Christmas, Christmas message,

Christmas squared. And like all the other messages, that definitely makes sense.
So you all wishes and have a peaceful break, everyone.

Thank you for those messages. Let's do part three.
Sam says, Hi, Max Barry, Football Weekly Producers and Guests. Merry Christmas to you all.

Before my question, just highlighting from the last episode, what could be the biggest case of the pot calling the kettle black when Barry said that the new Celtic manager Wilfred Nancy does a lot lot of speaking that says a lot but doesn't really mean much.

As somebody who's listened to over 14,000 minutes of this pod this year, according to my Spotify wrapped, there have been numerous times I've listened to Barry and guests and thought, what on earth are they on about?

My question to you all.

Times you've interviewed somebody and thought the same.

Thanks very much. Merry Christmas to you all from Sam, a Leighton Orient fan.

Here's a picture of Barry at the Orient taken from my seat, appearing on a rooftop, trying to roll a cigarette in the rain.

And it is a bit, that is the very, that is the terrace that I stood on to watch us win 3-1 in the COVID promotion season. So yeah, an interview where the guest is, you thought was talking nonsense.

That's 233 hours he spent listening to us this year.

That's that's 10, almost 10 full days, 24-hour days.

Is everything sounds like a cry for help, Sam? Is everything okay? Cryke?

I'm trying to think of. So bad interviews.
Yeah, I've done so many.

The two stand out.

I don't think they're necessarily kind of people waffling on.

Because the thing is, if people were waffling on, you can always sort of extract little bits. But the two interviews that were just really dreadful, Darius Fassell,

just before year 2004, there was like an England squad get together, I think in Sardinia.

And

loads of journalists went over there. journalists got paired up and then we each got a player, then we each got another player.
And the idea was we pulled all the quotes.

And I was with Jason Burt, who's now at the Telegraph. And

we got,

I think we got Owen Hargreaves second, and he was fine. He talks a lot.
He's a good talker. But Darius Vassel had been training apart from the rest of the squad because he had some injury.

And so the first question was, how's the groin? And he was like, fine. Well,

weren't you training apart? Oh, yeah, no, I was training apart. Genuinely, couldn't remember 30 minutes earlier, he'd been training apart from the rest of the squad because he had a groin injury.

So, Darius Vassell was pretty bad. But actually, the one I remember just for being just completely needlessly chippy and aggressive was the Carlisle manager, Paul Simpson.
Right.

Now, this must have been

early August, opening day of the season, 2005-06, because it was the Saturday of the Edgebasson test. And I got sent by the Independent to do Wickham v.
Carlisle.

Maybe the Community Shield was the Community Shield was the following day.

And obviously, everybody was just watching the Edgebuston test in the press box. Nobody cared about this game.
It finished 1-1, but Wickham hit the woodwork three times.

So we go at the press conference. There's me and two children there.
There's like nobody else there. So

there's an onus on me to ask the questions, which is not necessarily my forte. And I saw the first question was, got away with that a bit, Paul? And he was like, what do you mean?

You don't get a goal hitting the woodwork, do you?

No, you don't. No, that's absolutely right.
Well done.

Just I don't. I thought I've sort of he went down in my estimation.
Did you say I've come a long way for this? I've come a long way for this.

Or was it in Wickham, in which case? Let Pippin. It was in Wickham as cheapy as possible.
Fair enough.

I mean, I have so many. I mean, Jeremy Piven,

who

was in Entourage, I think, a famous actor on Soccer M, who maybe didn't say anything. I don't think he said anything.
I don't think he answered any of my questions.

There was one interview, a phone interview that me and Alan did on Soccer M with Ian Rush, where every time I asked him a question, he'd couldn't hear what I'd said.

So Helen would ask the question, he'd answer it. I'd ask the question, he'd go, I didn't hear that.
And then I'd have to keep repeating my questions to Ian Rush.

Like the fifth time it's all been like, is he in on this? Mel B, not a great one. Didn't Mel B get up and leave in the middle of Europe?

Yeah, no, she she left in an ad break and Dev was dressed as Jason Lee trying to running after her at the car park in a labatz not in forest shirt and

she still left to get some chicken. But yeah, I mean, too many, so many bad ones.

And the thing about doing them live is you do feel mid-interview that you basically want to die.

You know, like you're just like, this is, you know, what you want to do is say, we all know this is going badly. Can we just do something else, please?

But you just sort of have to keep just trying your very hardest.

John? I remember going to interview

Clarence Sadorf and Matthew Flamini in Milan. Sounds quite good, right?

Except that they would only talk about the health products that they were sponsoring. So that whenever I was asked a question about actual football, they pointed to the PR.

and the interview was terminated in Matthew Flamini's case. I actually interviewed him many years later in a restaurant and we got on famously, but we were talking more about health products.

It's obviously his thing. This is more from a press conference.
Nigel Atkins, when it's Southampton manager,

just suddenly started performing the poem The Man in the Glass when talking about how

things weren't going so well. Do you know The Man in the Glass? I don't know The Man in the Glass.
Well, I'm going to read it. So he set the scene.

So you're there and you know, someone says, you know, how's it all going, Nigel? And he's

thoughts on the game, Nigel?

Yeah. And

he came up with this,

which is written by

Dale Wimbrow.

And he said, when you get what you want in your struggle for self and the world makes you king for a day, then go to the mirror and look at yourself and see what that man has to say.

He isn't your father, your mother or wife, that reflection you see in the glass. The man that you meet face to face in the light is the man who will judge you at last.

Now, that was before high performance. Nigel Atkins was ahead of his time.
Didn't Nigel Atkins, I think it was during COVID, he used to do these, he'd go for his morning walk every day and he'd,

you know, video himself out walking in the woods somewhere. I think he was dog with him.
And he'd be, you know, very perky, got up this morning, had some muesli for breakfast and fruit.

Now I'm out walking, the sun is shining, everything is lovely, the dog is happy. And it was, yeah, basically a motivational speech for all his followers.

And after watching them for a couple of weeks, I was thinking I would go to war for Nigel Adkins.

I would run through a brick wall for Nigel Adkins because it was at a time everyone was just fed up, stuck indoors, pissed off. And

I started to actively seek out.

You know, I looked forward to Nigel Adkins'

daily pep talk, and I became invested in Nigel Adkins's career. You know, Nigel Adkins has been fired by whoever.
I'm like, oh, that's sad, poor old Nigel, but Nigel will be all right.

You know, Nigel's got things in perspective. And now you've just reminded me, I'd completely forgotten about the existence of Nigel Adkins.
So

I hope Nigel's okay.

Is he working anywhere?

I think

must be retirement age.

But he's very sprightly. Like, I don't know if he's retirement age, but he's a young retirement age, a young-looking one, if you know what I mean.

He was most recently the manager and technical director of Tranmere Rovers. Okay.

Back to his territory. He's from Realm that way, isn't he?

I had a similar lockdown thing with Mark Crossley. And did you see this? Mark Crossley? Norm is his name.

He did walk

mental health thing. I thought he was quite inspiring as well.
Would I go to war for Mark Crossley? I'm not sure, but still.

It's a situation where Mark Crossley is running the country and has introduced conscription, including those approaching 50. You know, they'll say, you're up, John.
You know, anything for you, Mark.

But I can imagine Mark Crossley, you know, sitting in a trench with his back to the trench wall, sharing his cigarettes with you. Yeah, yeah.

You know, maybe on Christmas Day, someone chucks the football out into no man's land. Mark could be out, you know, put

two bayonets in the ground and then stand between them, invite Germans to take penalties against him. He'd save them all, of course.
Of course, he would, yeah.

He'd say from

Her La Tissier would miss, wouldn't he? Of course. So

I think

I'm not necessarily sure I'd go to war for Mark Crossley because I don't think Mark Crossley would ever be a general like Nigel Adkins.

But I'd say Crossley would be a good fellow to have beside you in the trenches. He'd, you know, as I say, he'd share his fags.

He'd show you pictures of his sweetheart back in Barnsley or wherever it is. Yeah.

Good coffee stories as you sat over here. His tin hat would be tipped at a jaunty angle, chin strapped angling down.
But then there'd be a grenade would be thrown and he'd throw himself on top of it.

And you'd know if there's like a one in ten chance it's going to just squirm underneath him, and he's not actually going to stop it.

Brad says, We've all heard about Barry's header. What's the best goal the other members of the panel have scored?

Uh, John, I'm not sure I could tell this story, uh, but uh, it was actually just a pickup game with some friends. But I scored a hat-trick when I was at Sheffield University,

uh, playing with some friends, uh, and the night before I'd been doing LSD.

So

it was a fantastic experience.

Jonathan Wilson. I'm guessing yours doesn't involve LSD.
I mean, there is the smart money.

And it's probably with a hockey stick. But anyway.
No, no.

I've basically, my entire life, I've been obsessed by Ronnie Whelan's curler for Liverpool against Manchester United of the 1983 League Cup final, which I now look back at, and it's Gary Bailey's positioning is horrible, and he doesn't move his feet fast fast enough.

But it just he sets it off miles right of the post, and it arcs back. I kept trying to score that goal, which for a right back is difficult because you need to be on the left wing.

And there was once I played a game at Gator Stadium, and I hit the angle of posts and bar with an effort from that kind of position.

There was a game in India where I took the ball from a throw-in, cutting field, and it went in, but I caught a bit heavy, so I went in the middle of the goal so it wasn't quite right.

And I sort of was thinking, they're the only T-chance I'm ever going to get. And then there was a college game, my third year at university.

We had a corner, it was cleared to halfway, it was played back. So I ended up on the wrong side of the pitch and cut it onto my right foot.

It was against

Christchurch thirds, and they had a first-team right back playing for some reason. Tough place to go.
Tough place to go. No, it was home.
It was home.

It was on the master's field, the Jarrett walk. And little step over, dragged it back, nutmegged him with it, and set it out.

And it arcs in about an inch under the bar and an inch inside the post and i looked up to my left uh and you could see the steps from the english faculty library coming down which if anybody's seen endeavour the english faculty library the outside of it is what they use for the outside of the new police station in endeavour uh and who should be coming down the steps but the actor rory kinear although he wasn't an actor at the time he was just a year below me i mean i have I reckon I'm pushing 100 goals in my career.

That's what I reckon. But I haven't counted.
I'd probably be a lot more. No, I don't think I've never that, you know, I probably.
Probably you must have played 3,000 games of football.

I don't know if I've played 3,000. But I suppose if I played regularly,

you know, week in, week out,

like proper games, proper like organized games. I didn't play a lot from sort of 11 to 15, but proper organized games, who knows how many games.
But I did once, I scored

the Zola volley against Norwich through the legs once away at Carl Shorten.

And

the world stopped because no one could quite believe what had happened. Because I wasn't really known for doing that kind of thing.
But that is the one that sticks.

That sticks with me as probably the greatest goal I've ever scored. Tom says, could we have the story of the header, please? So it seems only right, Barry.

If you could tell it as if it's the first time you've ever told it, and one day we will put them all together.

We will, at one point, compile them all and put them all together and just see what happens. I know there's a beaver, I know beavers involved.
I can't remember who's running down the wing.

Michael Littleton. That's it, Michael Littleton.
We have tried to get them on the pod. We didn't this year, but we have

in the pod. I made a genuine effort to get Michael Littleton on the pod, and

he was too shy.

Quite possibly, he can't remember the auspicious occasion.

But he has seen the the

David Squire's cartoon of the gold that was in the football weekly annual. So he was quite chuffed with that.

Producer Joel says we have managed to book Zoran Mamdami this year, but Michael Littleton evades us once again.

The problem with tracking down Beaver is that I can't remember Beaver's name.

He's not actually called Beaver.

He still doesn't go as Beaver.

He's 53 or 10.

Well, he might go as Beaver. I mean, I have a mate called Midgie, who's always been, I've known him since I was four.
He's Midgie then. He's Midgie now.

Some nicknames just stick. Yeah, so it's on

the pitch at my school called Wembley.

Doesn't have twin towers, doesn't have stands, doesn't have

seats, doesn't have an arch, anything like that.

Not even a box park, Parish. Not even a box park.

No, no box park, nothing.

We're just playing our usual after-school game.

Michael Littleton picks up the ball on the left wing, dribbles the length of the field, beating man after man after man, then has to cut back because if he hadn't cut back, then I wouldn't be as far out from the goal as I remember being when I met the ball when he crossed it.

So he cuts back, so

probably near the halfway line and sends across.

I'm somewhere between the halfway line and the penalty area. Got it.
Truth be told, there was no actual penalty area, there were no markings on the pitch.

The first time you told me this, it was a much bigger game than this. But anyway, carry on.

I'm not sure it was. Okay.
So

I leap.

I'm like one of those Australian football rules players. You know how high they can jump.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and they kind of hang in the air.
So it was a bit like that.

But I wasn't wearing a sleeveless vest that was extra tight and really short shorts.

And I, yeah, closed my eyes.

arced my neck and flung my head at the ball met it perfectly or it it

arrows arrows towards the goal. And

the next bit I'm not quite sure of. It either hit the post, hit beaver, and went in, which would make it a known goal.
So it doesn't actually count.

Luckily, there was no VAR back in those days. This would have been around 1990, 91.
Or else Beaver got a finger to it or got a paw to it, whatever beavers have, a claw.

Beaver got a claw to it, knocked it onto the post, and it dropped over the line. So, I'm going to go with that.
And luckily, there's no footage, so I can't go back and check.

So, my version is that Beaver tipped it onto the post and it went in. I mean, you were saying a second ago that you know you got addicted to Nigel Atkins.

The fact that anyone has carried on listening to your fifth consecutive annual description of that headed goal, which I think most years is an own goal, but this year is sad.

It seems like you're getting credited with it.

Thank you for still listening. And we'll finish with this from Tom, who says, hey, team, I've been listening for years.
This is my first email.

I just wanted to say how much I loved Barry talking about his progress.

I'm a 29-year-old bloke, but due to four open heart surgeries, amongst other medical adventures, running and cardiovascular activities have never been my strong point.

In 2023, I lost my best mate and decided to do a challenge to raise money. Five months after he passed, I ran a 10K in an hour and 18 minutes, having never run before.

I wanted to try and push myself one further.

In April this year, I ran London Landmarks in 2 hours 37 with my dad to raise money for the hospital that looked after me as a child I feel like social media makes us believe that all men run 20 minute 5ks that if you're not PBing then you're not working hard enough I absolutely loved hearing Barry congratulate himself on running an unbroken 5k the progress he's made in 10 weeks is brilliant I wish we heard more stories like this I also studied a master's in sports psychology and all research shows it's important to celebrate all milestones as it makes you more likely to stick with the process when times get tough.

I mean,

he celebrated the milestone of scoring ahead 40 years ago, about 100 times. So there we are.

I hope Barry's enjoying the training and feeling benefits beyond the physical. He's smashing it.
Big love, Tom. So yeah, finally, Barry, another push for your half marathon.

And we'll raise some more money for Great Ormond Street. Yeah, I have to go and run three and a half miles when we finish this.
And I have to do it fast because

we have a meeting in the office at around lunchtime. So yeah, I've raised over 21,000 already, which is mind-blowing.

So if anyone would like to donate, it's Barry Glen Edding just giving.

I'm not enjoying the training. Running sucks.
It really does suck. But I had to go for a checkup yesterday at the doctor's surgery, just the sort of MOT.

The nurse was asking me the questions, and she was like, Do you smoke? I said, Well, I I was quite a heavy smoker, but I haven't smoked in 19 months, haven't touched a fag.

And she's like, Oh, that's really good. Yeah, and she said, What do you what kind of exercise, if any, do you do? I said, Oh, well, I'm training for a half-marathon, so I'm doing a lot of exercise.

You know, I used to be quite sedentary, did a bit of walking, but now I'm running four or five times a week. And she's like, Oh, great, yeah.
And then the killer question: And do you drink?

And the thing is, when the doctor, most men of my acquaintance, anyway, if the doctor asks them, they always have

the amount, you know. So, if it's 20 pounds a week, they say they drink 10.
But I think doctors know this. So, whatever you say, they double.
So,

you don't know whether to tell the truth or tell a lie. So, I just went with the truth.
And then she asked me if I'd ever thought about getting help

and recommended their in-house alcohol counselor. So, yeah, it was all going very swimmingly until that question

but you know we live in a an era now where four pints is a binge so uh yeah

it's it's woke nonsense max

i i i too have had that conversation barry yeah

you know

you drunk how many last night four pints yeah yeah that's you know that's

just getting started there you know yeah feels a per feels a perfect place to end doesn't it the nurse asking the question we've all wanted to ask Barry

and she did it so there we are thank you everybody happy Christmas to you and thank you to all our listeners we appreciate that you listen to this and may you keep doing it and I hope 2026 is great for you thanks everybody thank you Wilson cheers thank you Merry Christmas thanks John Compliments of the season to you all thanks Barry thank you Merry Christmas everybody football weekly is produced by Joel Grove our executive producer is phil maynot

this is the guardian

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