Your questions from the Christmas mailbag – Football Weekly

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Hello and welcome to the Guardian Football Weekly.

It's the Christmas special.

Gone are the old days of Lars serving us Nordic petrel at 2 in the afternoon in a studio in King's Cross.

But the festive joy remains as a bit of football to get out of the way, a Champions League draw, and some Part 1 Sid to capitalize on, or at least his chance to say, I told you so about Andone Ireola.

Then we'll delve into the mailbag from uplifting moments of the year to review of Lou Ronne Glendenning's pincer-like attack on me at the end of yesterday's podcast, plus some nice Christmas messages from all our panelists.

And that's today's Guardian Football Weekly.

On the panel today, Robin Cowan, welcome.

Good morning, Max.

Jonathan Wilson, hello.

Well, Dick, how are you doing?

Very well.

Barry Glendenning, hello.

Greetings.

And Sid Lowe, welcome for part one or longer.

It's up to you, my friend.

Well, I'm hoping to last longer, Max.

Wow.

I have possibly the most terrifying words in history.

Today you have an appointment with the IT desk.

Oh, wow.

But I think it's late enough that we can do this.

Wow.

Ryan says, is Robin taking the role of host with Max panelist after putting in a 10 out of 10 performance on his week's break?

Don't get any ideas, Cowan.

This shed is more expensive than it looks, and I've got to pay it off with these podcasts.

But thank you for taking my place and doing an admirable job.

It was an honor.

And Joel did tell me, producer Joel, this is told me not to say this, but it is a lot harder than you make it out.

There we go.

Well done.

Apologies, Joel.

It feels nicer than Johnny Lou,

Barry, and Barney Ronay really going for it at the end.

You could see

they got giddy with excitement.

You see each one of them just...

None of three panels have been so eager to get involved.

Who knew?

I didn't realise I was just absolutely hated.

I bet there's a WhatsApp group that I'm not in.

Anyway, we'll get to that.

The Champions League draw then was done yesterday.

Arsenal go to Porto, Napoli, Barca, PSG Rail, Sociedad, Inter Athleti, PSV, Borussia, Dortmund, Lazio Bay, Munich, Copenhagen, Man City, and RB, Leipzig, Rail, Madrid.

Barry, what stands out for you, if anything?

Well, I think what stood out for me was the immediate dismissal of this draw as being incredibly boring.

Now, it wasn't the draw itself.

John Terry did a perfectly adequate job of swirling the little footballs around the upturned contact lenses and picking them out and unscrewing them.

I don't think he dropped any or anything like that.

Possibly would have been more entertaining if he'd turned up in full Chelsea kit as a

reminder of

his spot was a 2011-12

trophy lift.

But

yeah, I thought it was okay.

But,

you know, there are always people on social media that, you know, no matter what is happening, they will find something to complain about,

no matter how good something is.

But, you know, there were quite a few journalists who I admire and whose opinions I would have a lot of time for.

We're also saying, oh, this is a really bad draw.

I thought it was fine.

I mean, Porto Arsenal is good.

Just going down in Napoli, Barcelona, that could be an absolute classic.

PSG Real Societad,

you know, I personally am always here for PSG finding a new and more humiliating way to go out of the tournament.

And what could be more humiliating than getting beaten by a team whose most expensive signing is, I think, about 20 million Euros and hasn't really done much for them this season.

Sid can correct me if I'm wrong.

Inter-Atletico Madrid, great.

PSV Barusi Dortmund, meh.

Lazio Bayern Munich, the same.

Copenhagen, Man City, it's the team with the lowest budget in the competition, I think, against the team with the highest.

And Leipzig, Real Madrid.

Nothing wrong with that.

I mean, some of these ties may end up being one-sided turkeys, but

to use a Christmas analogy, but I'm sure plenty of them would be absolutely brilliant.

So I was slightly taken aback by how dull everyone found them.

But I suppose...

This is where we are now, that the richer teams are getting richer.

And people were hoping that PSG and Inter,

the two sort of big teams who didn't finish top of their groups, would be drawn against someone more interesting than Real Sociedad and Atletico Madrid.

But that didn't happen.

And it's all John Terry's fault.

Do you eat a one-sided turkey at Christmas?

I don't actually like turkey very much.

I'm not a turkey fan.

I've just actually been, before we came on air, we were recording this at half eight in the morning.

I was listening to Talksport, and Jeff Stelling, who's their new sort of breakfast host two mornings a week,

put out the controversial view that he doesn't like

gravy on his Christmas turkey, which I think the only thing that can save turkey is gravy.

You need as much moisture as you can get.

Have we finally found the reason that the world will turn against Jeff Stelling?

He's going to get cancelled.

He is.

Actually, I mean, it's really hard, Robin, isn't it?

Given that these games are two months away or something.

But if City sort of is Malays pushing it too far, continues, I think Copenhagen away, at least in the first leg, could be quite interesting.

Yeah, you said it, didn't you, on the last pod?

It was really quite scary watching them.

I mean, you kind of skirted around it, but it did look a bit like a clan meeting, didn't it?

The Copenhagen fans, all in white.

Oh, yes.

Yeah.

I remember the Brighton, there were two Brighton fans in ponchos, white ponchos.

Yeah, we've got to be careful with the white poncho with a hood.

You have, yeah, because they both, the points were up.

You've never been to Spain in Easter, have you?

Oh, and Seville, yeah.

Just go into Google and type in Easter week, Spain.

And you want images that look a little bit like a clan meeting.

That's them.

Now, there'll be lots of Spaniards getting very upset about me because, of course, it's not that, but it aesthetically does look a little that way.

Anyway, I mean, that aside, Robbie, you know, whatever gets you excited about football matches,

it is a notoriously tough place to go.

And you kind of hope we want some upsets within this draw.

Oh, we do.

We do, absolutely.

The only thing is, I guess, it's just that thing that people bring up about it being a two-legged, probably that means the sort of stronger, more well-resourced team usually goes through.

But, yeah, because it'll be the home draw first,

it should be that, yeah, no, I think they've all got something to get excited about.

I think it's just because

the boring aspect maybe

came through the sort of England-centric eyes and people going, well, both Arsenal and Manchester City have fairly easy draws on paper at least.

Well, you just said, Max, we all want an upset and that's what we're looking for.

Well, from a Spanish point of view, there's a really obvious upset, and that is that PSG are going out.

Right now, and obviously, look, you've put the proviso in there, and we always put the proviso in there.

It's two months away, and I must admit, I have a huge amount of faith in in Luis Emerkey.

And there's a bit of me that believes that PSG will be a good team by then.

But at the moment, Real Sothidad are better than them.

And at the moment, it wouldn't even feel like much of a surprise to me for Reyes Lothidad to knock them out.

But if you look at it from the point of view of here's two teams, who should go through?

Who's the obvious favorite?

Yes, it's PSG, but watch them play, and it really isn't.

Tell us a bit more about Sociodad because, guys, I think they've probably put a lot of people listening who haven't seen them kick a ball yet this season.

Yeah,

and this has also been coming for a while.

It's not just this season.

You know, this is a team that won the Copp the Ray a couple of years ago that's got back in the Champions League after 10 years.

It's a squad.

Ralph Sidada are the team that you wish your team were.

In almost everything they do, they do the right way.

It's a team that's absolutely packed with youth teamers whose manager was a former player and a youth teamer, packed with people who are local in a stadium that's been redeveloped and makes a lot of noise now and is fantastic fun that play really, really good football, that can play it both ways.

If they need to be a slightly deeper team, a slightly more resistant team, they can be it.

But if they want to come at you, they can do it.

They score a reasonable amount of goals.

They've got three or four players that are really lovely to watch.

Take Kuba is a really great player to watch.

Bryce Mendis is really nice.

Martin Filby Mende, I think, is just about as good a deep line midfielder as there is in Europe, apart from maybe Rodri at Man City.

They do almost everything.

Well, you look at their group.

They got through their group.

They were not behind.

for a single minute in the whole of that group.

It's not they didn't lose.

They were not behind for a single minute in the whole of that group.

They almost got caught out in the first game by Inter in the last 15 minutes or so, but until around about 70, 75 minutes, they completely destroyed Inter and totally dominated them.

They were better than Inter, I think, in the second game, although it is true that Inter then had chances to have possibly won it, but they went to San Ciro and didn't concede.

I think

they're a genuinely good team.

Now, obviously, between now and February,

things might change.

Obviously, PSG, the name of PSG, is everything.

And just the fact that they've got Mbappe always makes you think that PSG should be the strongest team in it.

And again, as I say, I've got enough faith in Luis Enrica that I feel like PSG will be better by then.

But right now, I don't even think that that big shock

would be that much of a shock.

That wasn't what's taken your eye.

I have to say, I was in the camp.

I think it's quite a dull draw.

I mean, the fact you've got the Spanish champions playing the Italian champions should excite us.

But the truth is, Barcelona and Napoli are not anywhere near as good this season as they were last season.

So that's not the sort of tumultuous clash it could be.

Peter Bosch going back to Dortmund where he had a miserable six months.

I mean, but God says, if you look at the storylines of people Peter Bosch's managing six years ago,

you're scraping the barrel.

Assassin against PSG is clearly the sad night time.

We've already talked about that.

And I slightly regret when I was writing my previews yesterday, because you have to do them at pace.

I didn't fully think it through.

So the more L'Areal press,

the

more trouble PSG will have.

And PSG were terrible in the group.

You know, they got through because of that very iffy penalty against Newcastle.

So

are they going to play

a more sort of conservative form of football so they don't fall into that trap?

I haven't seen any sign of them being capable of doing that or having the sort of capacity to even imagine doing that.

So

I mean,

the two months issue makes it difficult, but I think they could be in big trouble.

But then, yeah, they didn't top the group.

So is it a shock if they go out to a group?

No, I guess not, really.

So I was, yeah, I was pretty underwhelmed by the draw.

Sorry, that's okay, you're allowed to be underwhelmed or whelmed or overwhelmed.

You know, whatever level of whelmed you are, you know, I do, I just think European football now, the Champions League now, is has sort of

it's just lost what it had even five years ago.

It's not, it's, it doesn't feel like the most enjoyable peak form of football anymore.

The Premier League feels feels like a better product now, and that's very sad.

Speaking of the Premier League, Marcio says, not a question, but the right thing to do: Get Sid low and apologise to the man for every time you doubt him.

Iriola is thriving and he was always right, as Andre would say, and the new Nike slogan, too, just do it, mate.

Yes, Sid, for a few weeks, we thought you were an absolute fraud and perhaps never don't even, you don't even go to games in Spain.

We just take what you say as correct and you could be talking absolute guff.

I'm just clinging to that for a few weeks bit there because I just, you didn't need the other for a few weeks.

You just think I am.

I had no idea that you'd been quite so down on andoni adola until i started seeing messages on twitter of people saying have barry and max apologized to you yet and and it took me a while i was thinking what have they done what what's happened you know have they have they come around and thrown eggs at my house or something there's a reason why they need to apologize i mean you could you could have found out by listening to the podcast that that's it but you know yeah i could have i could have done that but that'd be silly I must admit, you know, to start with, and obviously things didn't start that well.

And

they've had a few problems.

They had one of the assistant coaches couldn't get a work permit, so wasn't there.

I always had the

my one doubt with

Iraula going to going to England was whether or not the things that made him different in Spain would make him so different in England.

So that direct, high-intensity game,

the pressing people all over the pitch, there was a bit of me that thought that really stands out in Spain where the game isn't quite as physical.

If you do that in a Premier League, will it work as well?

And I did wonder if his, you know, if his, if his kind of his point of differentialness, if that's a real word, which it probably isn't, was going to be quite so significant in England.

Then, of course, they had a really hard start to the season in terms of the fixture list, but I must admit, at the start of it, I was looking at it and thinking, it might not be a bad thing to play the big teams at the start when they're not yet fully ready.

And when a lot of what they do, or a lot of what Idola did in Spain, was about getting the big teams, encouraging them to play out, and then go, ha, we've got you, and get on them.

And there's a bit of me that thought, maybe actually playing the big teams early will help them on that.

Although, objectively speaking it was a really hard start um and i'm glad they've got it right i mean there's no doubt that he was very very close to it not lasting and him not reaching this point um but but i'm pretty pleased that it's that it's working i mean yeah there's no guarantee that they now continue to play well but but at least at least he's not seen as a fraud and just as important at least not at least i'm not at least not this time well for the moment you've earned a temporary yeah for the moment exactly i've got a temporary reprieve there's no there's no way this is permanent but i i think it was quite interesting what happened with the whole Sid thing because

no one really knew much about, or anything, if I'm honest, about Andy Irreola when he got the Bournemouth job.

I don't think I'd ever heard of him, if I'm honest.

And then you wrote this.

You see, you surprise me, Darry.

This definitive guy.

Well, there's no reason why I would, you know.

No, there is no reason.

It's not like Ryan were playing in European football or anything.

Why should you know about the eighth best team in Spain or the ninth best team in Spain?

So it would be quite easy to pretend you're some sort of A.

I'm happy to admit I'd never heard of the guy.

But so, but I read Sid's sort of this is introductory Bormas fans, this is what you're getting.

But it quickly became apparent that watching Bormas play, that everyone else had also read it, whether they're commentators or pundits or presenters.

And you could hear them, you know, not plagiarizing, but just referencing things they had clearly clearly read in this definitive Sid article.

If there was a Brian's gun, you know, montage of your piece, Sid, that could probably be put together of like myself, like, you know, whoever's presenting.

It was, yeah, that pretty much, this was the only material.

It was poorly researched, you've got to say, if it was like a dissertation,

one source.

But it was kind of the only one that was out there in English.

So that's the one everyone was reading.

So Sid had, I was really quite excited because Sid had talked him up so much.

And then I was watching Borima play and just getting dicked week in, week out, and going, oh, Sid.

But they weren't, though.

They actually played pretty well the start of the season.

This is where I think people have...

I mean, I'm not saying things haven't improved.

I'm not saying it hasn't taken some time for his ideas to settle in.

But I don't think their results reflect the performances.

I think their only bad performance this season was the 3-0 defeat at Everton.

It may be the 4-0 defeat to Arsenal, but you know, that can happen against a big team if you go behind.

I thought they played pretty well that first two or three months of season, just didn't get results.

And now, as the fixtures have got a bit easier, as maybe they have slightly made the model more efficient, they're starting to get the results.

Solanke starts to score as his confidence improves.

Semenya looks a really good player, but it's that pace out wide that's

that's and Semenya particularly that's really sort of giving them that thrust and Solanke now taking chances.

So, but I don't think it was that far from happening earlier in the season.

There was a couple of games where they got caught late on, weren't there?

Was it the Liverpool game that got caught late on?

And I can't remember maybe enough.

Well, they went ahead in that game, and then

I mean, I think they can see three pretty quickly around about the hour mark.

But they had been ahead.

But at least in Hanfield, I mean, if you're Bournemouth, that's...

Yeah, that's the only thing, Sid, I was going to say, is that there was a statistic that kept coming up.

They were near the top of the list of losing points from winning positions.

I don't know if that's a kind of thing that that well, I guess, I guess part of that is that, you know, they're, and again, this speaks to that idea that I had that I wondered if what made him different in Spain might not make him as different in England because they were a very, very physical team.

And I don't mean physical in the traditional sense of, you know, a couple of six foot five blokes who go around kicking people.

They're physical in that everyone is being closed down all over the pitch.

People are covering a huge amount of ground.

And you think, well, that is inevitably going to take a while for the players to reach the physical levels that they've got.

He's got a fitness coach that certainly within Spain was considered one of the best.

But obviously, there's a process there that takes time.

And so maybe that was partly a product of actually, they were a bit knackered in those last 15, 20 minutes, and that maybe it would take a while for that not to be the case.

And also, as I say, that concern that perhaps in the Premier League, you don't have the advantage as much as you might have thought you would

in Spain.

So I think that's

possibly part of it.

And, you know,

the processes are always going to take a little while.

And

I did wonder as well whether there might be an adaptation of the style.

But from the sounds of what's happened in England, he is playing broadly similarly to the way that they did in Spain, which was that they really were overloading you on both sides of the pitch, sending a lot of men forward, really running at you a lot.

They've had a couple of injuries, I think, at Bournemouth that they needed players and the two central midfield positions were a slight doubt for them as well.

And that's a really important position, even though when we look at the metrics, you always go, oh, well, look at the, you know, look at the two wings.

But actually, the number eight position is really, really important to them.

And so that possibly takes a while.

But but i'm i'm kind of glad it's working because well a so is i otherwise people wouldn't believe it exactly but but but but also because there's something quite nice about about his approach and his willingness to kind of take people on and and it's supposed to be fun and that leads me to the other thing is that i i i i got this message from from a from a quite a few bournemouth fans and it was also the way i'd been explained it in terms of bournemouth at club level their own decision so i thought it's quite interesting that the two things came together that there is this kind of

or there was and correct me if I'm wrong here because I say this from Spain, this idea that, oh, it was desperately unfair to sack O'Neill and that this isn't right.

And this is one of the reasons why, why people would sort of be against Idala to start with.

And of course, that's true.

If your results are poor and you've sacked a guy who's actually achieved the targets, you're going to think this is worse than it really is.

But that there was a slight myth, which was this idea that O'Neill was hugely popular amongst the fans.

Whereas actually, as certainly the way it's been communicated to me by Bournemouth fans on social media and stuff when Idala came, that actually there was underlying underlying it all a desire for someone like Ida Arla to come along, who, whether you're good, bad, or indifferent, you're at least a bit interesting.

And that actually that O'Neill wasn't massively popular, that part of what the club were trying to do was saying, well, look, we're not going to be one of the six or seven best teams, but let's at least enjoy this a little bit.

I feel we may have exceeded our Bournemouth quota for the

Bournemouth.

Unless this is the new Barry's head, the new Christmas tradition is just a deep dive, an athletic length, deep dive into goings on at the Vitality Stadium and why not?

Very quickly, Sid, Girona.

You've really exceeded all your time on Bournemouth.

Girona,

our top of La Liga.

You know, beat Barcelona 4-2 last weekend, beat Alavaz 3-0 last night.

You know, the fairy tale, the Man City-owned fairy tale of Girona.

Well, that's the big asterisk, isn't it?

And that asterisk is there.

There's no two ways about it.

That asterisk is.

It is a big asterisk.

Not as big as Obelix, obviously, but still a big asterisk.

But even still, someone that isn't Barcelona and Rail and, you know brackets athletic winning la liga could be very exciting it would be huge to be honest it really would be huge and and there's a risk in in explaining this you want to meet this answer to be quick i can't believe it i'm it's not going to be quick i'm sorry there is a risk in explaining what girona do and explaining um the the nature of their squad that risks kind of ignoring that man city element because actually if you look at the squad this isn't a team built up not a team now obviously the the financial structures and all those those kind of things but this isn't a team built up of suddenly getting loads of great players in.

You go through that squad, and that's not a squad, in theory, at least, that should be top of the league.

What they're doing in football in terms really is genuinely extraordinary.

And by the way, they're really good.

This isn't the classic thing of, you know, an unexpected team's top because they're defensively very strong, because they catch a few 1-0 wins here and there, because they're good from corners and free kicks and stuff.

This is a team that is taking people apart every week.

They're really, really good to watch.

As is customary, we've asked some of the Football Weekly panelists to give us a Christmas message.

Here are the first few.

Merry Christmas, everyone.

Buon natare.

And as the Italian newspapers like to wish for the managers who are getting close to the sack at Christmas time, may you enjoy your panetone in peace.

Hello there.

John here, John Bruyn, that is.

It falls to me to wish you, the listeners,

happy Christmas, compliments of the season, to those who celebrate,

and to say thanks to

Max and Barry and producer Joel and the rest of the team for having me on

and putting up with my

usual loads of nonsense.

But I hope you all have a good time.

You'll probably hear from me over Christmas and I hope to speak to you all in the new year.

Cheers.

Hello, good evening.

This is Jonathan Feduva.

Just wishing all the Football Weekly listeners a very Merry Christmas.

Hope you have a fantastic holiday season.

To you, Max.

To you, Barry.

I doff my cap.

It's been a pleasure.

Have a fantastic festive season.

Take care.

Happy Christmas, Max, Barry, and all the listeners.

I hope you enjoy spending time with your loved ones.

But failing that.

I hope you can find a workable stream for Hattaispor versus Bishikdas in the Turkish Super League.

I'm pretty sure that's what Jesus would have wanted.

Hi Pod fans of America, Max here.

Barry's here too.

Hello.

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Perfect for working professionals whose jobs take them out of the office.

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A proper football journalist, man.

Exactly.

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Coach, the energy out there felt different.

What changed for the team today?

It was the new game day scratchers from the California Lottery.

Play is everything.

Those games sent the team's energy through the roof.

Are you saying it was the off-field play that made the difference on the field?

Hey, a little play makes your day, and today it made the game.

That's all for now.

Coach, one more question.

Play the new Los Angeles Chargers, San Francisco 49ers, and Los Angeles Rams Scratchers from the California Lottery.

A little play can make your day.

Please play responsibly, must be 18 years or older to purchase, play, or claim.

Dear Max, Barry, listeners,

greetings, very Christmassy greetings from a train from Munich to Cologne.

Have a tremendous festive season.

About it, really.

Cheers.

Hi, everyone.

Just want to say happy Christmas,

Happy New Year to those who celebrate.

And thanks to everyone who listened.

To

everyone who sent a question or just kind of fell asleep on the tube with their headphones in.

still kind of find it really surprising that anyone actually wants to listen to this stupid podcast so so appreciated and Merry Christmas to Max and Barry I suppose

ho ho ho merry Christmas Max Barry and all Birmingham City supporters have a lovely safe prosperous and enjoyable seasonal period for those of you that celebrate this time of year it's been a great year there's been some laughs there's been some tears if you're a United fan

But it's been another great year for the Guardian Football Weekly and the wider family.

So let's do all again in 2024.

Peace

Hello Max.

Hello Barry.

It's Paul McInnis here just wanting to say thank you so much for having me on your podcast in 2023

and also that I hope you both have a wonderful year in 2024 and that you both continue the journey of self-discovery and development that you are on and is achieving such great results.

Welcome to part two of the Guardian Football Weekly.

On to some questions.

Felix says, just received my Guardian Football Weekly book as an early Christmas present.

Loving it so far.

With Wilson's intro setting off the laughs.

That's what he's known for.

One question.

I didn't mean it to come out like that.

That's what I am, as much of an arsehole as Barney Barney and Johnny said yesterday.

This Christmas party's got a bit of a needle, isn't it?

One question for Wilson, though.

Did you think of inserting the titles of your many books subtly into the pages?

Could have been top marketing.

He obviously hasn't got to the second word search where he'll discover.

Anyway, a question from Driving Class says,

what's been the most uplifting thing that happened in football in 2023?

I did send this to the WhatsApp group.

I don't know if any of you saw it.

No, no, anyone else?

I saw it, I reckon, an hour before we started recording.

Yeah.

And I was really struggling to think of a single uplifting thing that's happened in the last year.

I've got one thing.

Okay, Wilson, yeah.

What warmed your heart?

Well, I don't know.

I'm not sure.

I should be bringing the laughs.

I shouldn't be bringing happiness if that's not my role.

If that's not my job.

I mean, it's a tiny thing, but in the

4-4 draw between Chelsea and Manchester City, which itself was an uplifting thing because it's just such a crazy game.

After Cole Palmer scored that penalty,

as they line up to kick off, Hauland gives him a hug,

which I think is just really nice that two former teammates at that moment can still sort of have affection for each other despite...

tension of the game and then a couple of minutes after that city got a free kick just outside the box and Cole Palmer sticks his head into the discussion where they're working out what they're going to do, obviously thinking they won't remember that I've left.

And he sort of gets away with a little while.

Then Hauland drags him away and they're both laughing.

That's just a nice thing.

Football should be like that.

Former teammates should be allowed to be friends.

They should be allowed to have a laugh on the pitch.

It doesn't really matter.

Oh, it does matter.

Oh, it matters a lot.

There isn't, I mean, there's an obvious one from this weekend.

In fact, there's two.

Just every time I see Nico Williams and I'm Yaki Williams play together,

it makes my heart heart melt a little bit.

And they're both brilliant at the moment for athletic.

But then there's also another one from this weekend, El Dense, a second division team.

Someone collapsed in the crowd at the weekend.

It was very, very hot.

And someone collapsed in the crowd.

And the medical staff run to attend to them.

And so does the El Dense manager, who's also a qualified doctor.

So I quite like that.

That's nice.

Barry, have you found you've had an hour to consider?

There's nothing in the game.

Well, there was one thing that sort of graduate or eventually sort of came to mind which is

uh Sunderland were playing Sheffield Wednesday back in I think it was in October and some scroat of a Sheffield Wednesday fan was holding up a his phone taunting Sunderland fans he had a picture of the late Bradley Lowry on his phone he was using this to taunt you know Bradley Lowry was the

poor kid who who died of a rare form of cancer and was famous for his friendship with Germaine Defoe.

And yeah, so this guy anyway, I think he ended up getting a suspended jail sentence and publicly lamed and shamed and humiliated for his actions.

But

in the immediate aftermath of that, when the publicity surrounding it sort of reached its zenith

and its publicity, the game really doesn't need, but we see the kind we see all too often.

Sheffield Wednesday fans, some Sheffield Wednesday fans set up a GoFundMe page and I think they'd raised almost 20 grand within a couple of days for the Bradley Lowry Foundation.

So, you know, that was a nice thing to see.

And I quite like the way that, you know, the song Feed the Scousers, the poverty chanting that people are trying to get rid of out of the game now.

Just the way certain clubs seem to have, on Mersey's side at least, they've kind of reclaimed that chant and they use it to publicize food banks.

And I really like the way a lot of football fans who are already spending a hell of a lot of money following the game they love,

you know, most clubs or an awful lot of clubs have food donation points outside grounds which do a lot of good work in in the locales for

uh

just

because there are a lot of people in the UK uh after X number of years of Tory rule, what is it, 13, that can't afford to eat or just buy basic provisions, personal hygiene products, food, basic foods.

So yeah, that's kind of nice to see.

Actually, that reminds me, I think I was actually could not think of a column to write because I'd run out of, I like playing football, even though I'm old.

I can't do that every two weeks.

And I did put a tweet out saying, you know, look,

I wrestle with all the tough things in the game.

We talk about them on the pod.

and like can just somebody tell me something nice that someone does at your club or like you know or your club does and i it was actually staggering how and i couldn't get them all in the piece i just basically wrote a list it was lazy journalism but it was actually really quite uplifting just to see how many

people there are, like from grassroots and volunteers all the way up to the top teams in the Premier League who are doing great things.

I think Alan San Maximum had, it might have been last year, but I think he took

all these kids to a toy shop to say, you know, have whatever you like.

And, you know, going back to, you know, the community guy at Blackburn who does like amazing work in like bringing different people of different faiths together to, you know, just loads of clubs.

It was, it was incredibly uplifting.

Robin, I've given you about 10 minutes to think now.

Well, it's a slight bit like Jonathan's.

Oxford United have a new manager, Des Buckingham, who left Mumbai City,

paid quite a lot of money to get him out of there.

And he'd been very successful there.

And there was a nice clip of him leaving at the airport, and there were loads of fans saying thank you.

And it was seeing him off.

And I just thought, well, I've got to say, because he arrived with us because Liam Manning was poached by Bristol City.

I can tell you for one, there wasn't the same reception for Liam Manning when he left for Bristol City.

They weren't waving him down the M4, I can tell you that.

So I thought that was really nice that they were obviously a lot more mature than us there.

And also, just a couple of weeks ago, there was a clip of doing the rounds of social media of Mary Earps just

going to see a fan.

And she was just, you like, couldn't contain herself, this little girl.

And yeah, I love that stuff.

You know, hook it to my veins.

But it's just, again, just Mary Earps is the best of us.

She's brilliant.

And it's just lovely to see how much that now women's players mean so much to fans.

And that was just, that was really, really nice to see.

Michael says, I'm no expert, but would I be right in saying that this season is absolutely brilliant.

Any given match, you're no longer surprised by a three or four either side of the score or both.

You've got managers with an unshakable commitment to a particular style at Spurs, at City, at Brighton, at Everton, at Bournemouth, Burnley, a spread of likable challenges, whatever the hell is happening to Man Yu, whatever the hell is happening at Chelsea, the Everton story arc, the Gary O'Neill story arc, the Harry Maguire story arc, Scott McTominay, Aston fucking Villa, and yeah, Man City will probably win it, but they're going to have to actually fight.

Everyone's got their moment and their crash and the big four as a concept, at least for now, is dead.

With at least the top eight full of exciting manic favourites, it's all fun enough that I find myself feeling guilty about not including an eighth-placed West Hand managed by David Moyes amongst the entertainers.

Well, that solid confidence of Brentford just doesn't justify a mention.

More of this, please.

Is this the best Premier League season ever, Wilson?

I think it started very well.

Yeah, you've got to be slightly cautious about talking to title race because Arsenal were further ahead of City at this point last season.

But there are more challenges.

The fact that Willem have joined them and are so good to watch definitely helps.

But I definitely found myself looking forward to watching more Premier League football this season than is normal

at the expense of the Champions League, sadly.

But yeah,

I was sort of frustrated with that West Ham Wolves game on Sunday.

I wanted to watch Arsenal v.

Brighton or Brentford v Villa.

And that was definitely

my...

last choice of the games on that day.

But actually, it turned out to be a really good game.

And West Ham, West Ham they won seven of the last nine, despite despite losing 5-0 in that run to Fulham.

And then, you know, Kudus is really good to watch.

Jared Bowen's really good to watch.

Pakatella's really good to watch.

So, even West Ham are playing.

I mean, they didn't play nice ball against Palace when we actually went to see them.

But apart from that, they are good, good to watch this season.

And the Wolves were closer in that game than 3-0 makes it sound.

So, yeah, I don't think there's any team in the Premier League at the minute who are dreadful.

Well, maybe Palace, actually, but even they drew it City.

And even they've got Roy.

Roy's always worth watching on the touchline.

I feel that a bit.

I feel, I don't know what you think, Barry, that I do now.

And see, I'm in Australia, and so I sort of wake up and I know the games have happened.

And then I either sort of wait for match of the day without knowing the scores, or I go through the, you know, the, the, the,

uh, you know, the games, and they'd have a spoiler alert so you don't see the scores.

And I'm genuinely like excited to find out what's happening.

I mean, maybe that's maybe that, you know, we all should be, right?

But, but sometimes the job can get in the way of that.

Good for you, man.

But you, you don't have to be excited about the games no i i do enjoy watching them uh

i i i can't say i'd noticed this season was particularly more exciting than last but i suppose now that i think about it

or is it because you know we'd we'd basically written off three teams very soon into the season but

Bournemouth and Luton are both showing signs of life.

I don't think Sheffield United are anywhere near good enough to stay up, but you never know what Chris Wilder might get a tune out of them.

And the fact that Man City are showing

signs of serious weakness

is heartwarming.

But

I would say I'm no more or less enthused about it this season than I would be any other.

Nick says, Morninghall, can you please set the ground rules for referring to positions on the field by shirt numbers?

I assume this refers to pre-squad numbering.

Number 10 has become the playmaker, but was usually the second striker.

I think John Toshak or Alan Gowling.

I'll accept Platini, Maradona, Zico, etc.

Number eight was indeed a forward-thinking midfielder in the middle, think Lampard Gerard.

Number six presents a problem.

Numbers four, five, and six would consist of two centre-backs and a defensive midfielder, whereas the midfielder could be either a four, Brian Talbot, a five, Ray Kennedy, or a six, Javi.

So we should all stop using number six as lazy shorthand to describe the defensive midfielders, as it refers to one-third midfielder, two-thirds central defender, thinks stones Beckenbauer.

Otherwise, all is fine.

Best wishes, Mick Nicholson.

Robin, are you?

I mean, squad numbers have kind of changed this.

I've very much got my 4-4-2 shirt numbers in my head, but I'll let you lose it.

Yeah, no, I'm not bothered by that at all.

Do you want me to explain this historically?

Yes,

with laughs, obviously, but yes.

So, shirt numbers are first introduced when everybody plays 2-3-5.

And because teams tended to write down their teams from the top of the page, that's why the goalkeeper is number one, the right back is number two, the left back is number three, right half four, centre half five, left half six, right wing seven, inside right, eight, centre forward, nine, inside, left, ten, outside, left, eleven.

Haven't been many laughs so far.

I wasn't.

No, I'm interested.

I am interested.

And so then, as you begin to fiddle with that as a basic formation, different countries move different players about.

So,

what happens in England after the change in the offside law in 1925 is that the centre half gets pushed back between the two fullbacks to become a third defender, which is why we still use centre-half to refer to a centre-back, sometimes confusingly.

And so, that's why the five in English notation is always a centre-back.

And then as a fourth defender was added, as another centre-back was added, you either push back the number four or the number six, which is why you either had two, four, five, three or two, five, six, three.

Both of those make sense to an English mindset.

In Argentina, though, when they first created a third defender, it was all to do with a river plate player called

Noberto Yacano.

who was nicknamed the stamp because he was so good at man-marking and he was the right half so the four not because he played like phil stamp No, Phil Stamp had not at that point been born.

Um, if we start introducing sort of time loops in this, it'll take much longer and be a lot more confusing.

So the four then becomes the third defender in Argentina.

So the four ends up being the right back.

Um, and so that's why in Argentina, the two is the centre-back, and the five is left as the holding midfielder.

So in Argentina, they were referred to El Sinco as the yeah, so Javier Mascherano would be a sinkel.

But different countries do it different ways, but the use of six, eight, and ten is very Dutch-German.

And the way theirs worked was when you went to a 4-3-3,

it doesn't really map on the wing systems because we adopted the 4-3-3 very late.

The six was the deepest lying of the three midfielders, the eight was the sort of shutling player, and the ten would be the most creative.

So either the second striker or the playmaker, depending.

The only thing all countries seem to agree on is that seven is the right winger, and eleven is the left winger, and nine is the centre-forward, and one is the goalkeeper.

But you often see sixteen as a goalkeeper, and the reason for that is France went to five substitutes long before most of the rest of the world.

And so, if you have a numbers one to 16, because you've got five subs,

the goalkeeper would always be the last name, so he'd always be the 16.

So, you see a lot of goalkeepers from French-speaking countries like to wear 16.

Still not bothered, budget?

I think I'm just going to go, I'm going to go get another drink and see what the canopies are doing, if that's all right.

The Royal Variety performance was on TV on Sunday and I was some of the reviews of it were mixed.

They said it was a little bit boring.

I think if they'd got Jonathan out on stage to just to do that little explainer,

King William or Prince William and Cage would have...

he'd have had them in the palm of his hand.

And now to explain the history of, I would love that if Joe Pasqually had brought you on.

Ben says, can you think of any negatives to capping minutes per player to prevent injuries?

Maybe a certain amount of minutes for each half of the domestic season.

Players would have longer careers.

We could see big teams having to rotate, possibly allowing for more upsets.

Sid, we've got Bernardo Silver saying there are too many games in the calendar.

I think we all agree that there probably are.

Yeah, we do all agree.

But it seems that sometimes every time we look for a solution, the solution basically means let's create even more of a situation in which the big clubs stockpile all the best players.

So if you do a minute cap, isn't actually the ultimate solution solution that that guy, because now, let's say, let's use Man City, and sorry, Man City fans, it just feels like we're picking on you, but you take some Man City and say, right, this is Man City.

You've got 25 really good players, but now you're only allowed X number of minutes.

Well, the logical conclusion of that is the guy that's playing quite a lot at, say, Bournemouth, just to use someone we've already talked about, gets picked up by Man City to play the extra little minutes to allow the other guy to rest his...

300 minutes or 400 minutes or however many needs to be.

So the tendency, the problem feels to me, there's a tendency always seems to be to be more and more resources to the bigger clubs.

In this Man City Bournemouth scenario, is Calvin Phillips still not getting a game?

No, he's now getting the 200 minutes that someone else isn't allowed to play.

But I actually think, I mean, it's a terrible thing for players, clearly.

And their union should really get God.

I can't.

Everything I'm saying there is so boring.

No, you've really

hammered my confidence, folks.

But

I'm not here for the laughs.

Let me talk about union representation among players.

Chris says, now we're a decent way into the season.

I feel it's finally time to ask some questions that have been ignored up to now.

Does the panel feel Chelsea should have strengthened in the summer?

Excellent.

Thank you, Chris.

Different, Chris says, after the latest inevitable zigzag in Chelsea's season, could the pod reflect on why Lampard was pilloried for going into this with eyes open and should have known better, while Pochitino garners weekly sympathy for his circumstances.

Surely Poch is the twice-fooled and so must bear the consequent shame on himself.

Robin, do we give Poch an easy ride because he's not.

Possibly.

Yeah, I think he's a bit more of a likable character, probably.

Yeah, I mean, that Lampard

spell was a total and utter disaster, and I, for one, really enjoyed it very much.

I mean, Pochatino, I think he's getting a bit of flack, isn't he?

A little bit.

Not much.

No?

Don't feel like enough, maybe?

Maybe not.

I think it's more Todd But Todd Bowley's Todd Bowley's being the sort of he's the one who's getting the most criticism, I'm guessing, isn't he?

Being a yank trying to get into our league.

It's a bit easy to attack Todd Bowley, isn't it?

Basically, because he clearly is an idiot.

It was part when Lampard arrived, you know, it was part of that weird fever dream the Premier League had where, you know, Big Sam arrived at Leeds and Roy came back to Palace.

I'm very much looking forward to whatever happens in April next year.

There's just another moment where you're going, this can't be real, can it?

But this is the thing that the previous

questioner was saying about this is the best Premier League season.

It's always the best Premier League season because it's just a constant, it's a soap opera.

This is why we love it.

If you love your soaps, you love your stories, it's just constant storylines.

And this is, as you say, returning characters.

You know, we thought you were dead.

No,

Sam's back again.

You know,

it's brilliant.

This is a soap opera.

Do you think, like, neighbours, you know, eventually Sam Alladys will come back, it'll just be a different person playing Sam Allardyce.

But

everybody calls him Sam Alladyce, and you're there going,

I'm sure that's Alan Kirbishley.

But everyone keeps calling him Sam Allardyce.

How does this work?

Finally, Fred says, are Wilson and Barry over the moon about the appointment of Mick Beale, formerly of Rangers and Rangers, as their new manager?

They might remember he got a bit shirty about Chris Sutton and called him Chelsea's worst ever signing, despite the obvious case of Winston Bogart.

Wilson, how do you feel?

It's slightly underwhelming in the sense that I had my heart set on

a brightly trousered German man with an iPad.

Anyone.

And I feel that's the one stage London have missed so far.

We haven't had the sort of continental technocrat.

But

Beale's record at QPR was pretty good.

He was meant to be the brains behind Stephen Jared, Aston Villa.

And they were clearly overperforming

given where they are now.

But yeah, I mean,

he's very popular, QPR.

He seems to fit

the Kubernetes Dreyfus model.

So, am I convinced he's a massive upgrade on Tony Mowbray?

Maybe not,

but he is younger.

He maybe will be more.

He'll outlive Tony Mowbray.

Is that what you're saying?

Is that the criteria now?

I mean, it's contracted 2026, by which point Tony Mowbray will turn 63 in 2026.

Tony Mowbray was born on the day that Kennedy was shot.

What a day.

Right.

So it could have been.

Are you suggesting some sort of conspiracy here?

I think it's interesting that on the debit side of a ledger that day, you have not Millie Kennedy, but also Aldous Huxley and C.S.

Lewis.

But on the profit side, you have Tony Mowbray.

Pretty much balances out.

Is that a trade that the world would make?

I think possibly is.

I think it probably is, yeah.

I know I like Tony Mowbray, but yeah.

As long as we don't get promoted or relegated, it's fine.

Just play nice football, finish eighth.

That's great.

All right, that'll do for part two.

We'll be back after a few more festive dispatches from the Football Weekly family.

Hi, this is Lucy Ward.

Merry Christmas, Max.

Merry Christmas, Barry, everybody.

Thanks for having me on the podcast.

Really enjoyed it this year.

And also, thanks for inviting me on the live tour.

Oh, no, you didn't invite me on the live tour.

Oh, but at least you included me in the book.

No, you didn't include me in the book.

Do one then.

Don't wish a Merry Christmas.

Have a miserable new year.

Bye.

Hello, Football Weekly listeners.

Mark Langdon here, just wishing you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Football Weekly is a great show to work on and to listen to.

And a large part of that is the way that you listeners send in your crazy questions and your fantastic insight.

So have a good one.

Hi Max.

Hi Barry.

Hi everyone.

It's Nos.

Obviously as a Muslim we tried to have Christmas cancelled again this year and we would have got away with it too if it wasn't for the pesky GV news viewers and daily mail readers but maybe next year.

I hope everyone has a beautiful and amazing Christmas and if you don't enjoy this time of year for whatever reason I hope it's manageable.

And here's the new year.

Hello, Max.

Hello, Barry.

I just wanted to wish you a very Merry Christmas.

I hope you enjoy your Lynx body spray and I think shower gel combo.

And to all the listeners out there, I wish you a very Merry Christmas also.

And I hope that your teams play well enough this last week to make you believe that 2024 is going to be your year.

Merry Christmas, everyone.

HiPod fans of America, Max here.

Barry's here too.

Hello.

Football Weekly is supported by the Remarkable Paper Pro.

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Yeah, it's their most portable paper tablet yet.

It holds all your notes, to-dos, and documents, but it's smaller than a paperback and an incredible 0.26 inches thin, so it slips easily into a bag or jacket pocket.

Perfect for working professionals whose jobs take them out of the office, like maybe a football journalist, Barry.

Although not like you.

A proper football journalist, man.

Exactly.

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Coach, the energy out there felt different.

What changed for the team today?

It was the new game day scratchers from the California Lottery.

Play is everything.

Those games sent the team's energy through the roof.

Are you saying it was the off-field play that made the difference on the field?

Hey, a little play makes your day, and today it made the game.

That's all for now.

Coach, one more question.

Play the new Los Angeles Chargers, San Francisco 49ers, and Los Angeles Rams Scratchers from the California Lottery.

A little play can make your day.

Please play responsibly.

Must be 18 years or older to purchase play or claim.

Well, it's been a pretty horrible 2023, and one thing we can be sure of is that 2024 will be even worse.

But thankfully,

you'll be there, Max, you'll be there, Barry, Producer Joel.

Listeners, you'll be there too.

And that's something to look forward to.

So, to all of you, a very Merry Christmas and my very best wishes for the new year.

Hello, it's Sanny Roger Bagila here.

Merry Christmas to all of you, especially if you're working in retail or the gig economy at this difficult time.

Let's make 2024 the year of world-class basics and we can all reach our high-performance goals, just like Barry's done in in 2023.

Merry Christmas everyone.

Max, Barry, happy Christmas.

Hope you have a fruitful one, joyful one.

Max from the other side of the world and to all the Guardian Weekly podcast listeners,

you make the show, not any of those two.

But really appreciate it.

Hope everyone has a blessed time and happy new year too.

Take care all.

Bye.

To all Football Weekly listeners, Max and Barry, hope you all have a fantastic Christmas full of football and frolics.

And if you are still short of a Christmas present for a loved one or someone you hate, I'm very happy to tell an abridged version of the will and win anecdote over the phone for £7.99.

Welcome to part three of the Guardian Football Weekly.

Dylan says, what kind of advice has Robin given?

This is, Dylan is Barry's fictional son.

I don't know.

I can't remember why he appeared on the call.

No, Barry's quite...

You're very attached to your fictional son, aren't you, Barry?

How's he doing?

I think I've blocked him on Twitter.

I've certainly muted him.

I mean, so

that's the equivalent.

He's been disinherited.

Oh, no.

Is he not.

I can't remember why.

Yeah, I think I've only muted him, so sorry, Dylan.

He doesn't stand to inherit your Fiona Bruce

cut out.

Cut out anyway.

No, I want that buried with me.

I mean, I think when

I'm talking, does Fiona Bruce know this?

Like the real one.

Do you know what?

That I have a life-size cardboard cutout of her standing in the corner of my living room.

Cardboard cut out of her, and you want to be buried.

It's quite funny, actually.

I had to get a sky engineer around a few months ago.

I don't know if I told this story.

And

so

for anyone who may not be aware,

some of my friends got me a life-size cardboard cutout of Fiona Bruce.

for my 50th birthday because I had mentioned in passing in the pub that she was like sort of a guilty crush.

She currently stands in the corner of my living room.

I had to get a sky engineer around one day and he walked into the living room and just sort of caught sight of her out of the corner of his eye and did this massive double take.

And you could see he was about to ask and then thought better of it.

Are you a serial killer?

Quickly got on with his work and left.

the idea that fiona bruce would know is a great is great isn't it also you could i like the idea she's got a reciprocal one or that barry would barry would queue for hours at i don't know frontisham hall uh one july afternoon with holding the cardboard cutout of fiona bruce to get it valued on the antiques roadshow as fiona bruce as fiona bruce sprints out of there as well exactly

anyway any anyway um barry's fictional son who he's blocked.

He's continually writing letters to Barry, who just burns them because he doesn't want to know his son.

What kind of advice has Robin given Uncle Max and Auntie Jamie about the terrible twos?

None yet.

We have some sort of empathy over, especially when you flew to Australia, Robin, about, you know, dealing with jet lane.

Well, you know what?

Well, it really helped because you said how terrible it was going to be.

The first

living hell.

Well, I built it up so much that actually it wasn't so bad because it probably was like to the layman, but because your advice saying how terrible it was going to be, it was not as bad as what I was picturing.

So I really appreciated that.

But yeah, it's tough, isn't it?

I mean, we always complain about, you know, it's very tough being a parent, but it's also filled with a lot of joy.

But it's very, very challenging thing.

Where does the joy come from, just out of interest as someone who has no children?

Because

my friends who have kids

I never see any joy so that all this joy must be taking place behind closed doors because all I see is unrelenting misery and irritation and aggravation and cost and cost expense yeah so where is the joy coming from so I think the thing is Barry is that the joy is not publicized as much because it's not that interesting to other people and it's also not like in terms of comedy and comedians stand-up comedians don't come on stage and talk about how brilliant their kids are.

It's always kind of it's it's not funny and it's not that interesting to other people.

So, I think it's, I don't know, it's an interesting one, it's kind of a default position where you just complain about it, which probably isn't a great thing, actually.

But it is very joyful.

But you haven't answered the question: where is the joy coming from?

All you have to do is hear your child sort of say the word tractor, but not really, but sort of say, but not quite get it right.

And then you you forgive not having slept for two years and your relationship falling apart.

And being

Max,

I'm interested in the fact that the word you chose is tractor.

Is this because you're trying to teach it to say foot like a traction engine, and it's just not quite got there yet?

Is this what's happening?

That just sounds, Max, like your expectations of what constitutes a good time have fallen so low.

Yeah, no, what can happen to you?

Terrorism

when you say vehicle, my heart does melt and I'm so proud.

And I send photos to all the WhatsApp groups of little Barry saying vehicle on Naimar.

And I just, and we all go, oh, it's so cute.

When he grows up and he learns to speak properly, it'll be a bit sad, really.

I miss those moments.

Like you sent me a WhatsApp message of little Ian Rushton putting

a flower in a vase.

Oh, that was beautiful.

And I just watched watched it and I was waiting, like, what's where's the funny

flowers?

That's the joy.

You sent me a video of him dancing, and it was.

It was just that classic Alan Partridge shoulder shrug.

Like, what am I supposed to do with the how do I respond?

I think the truth is, you can live a very rich and happy and fulfilled life without having children.

And I am

so fucking jealous.

but at the same time I

wouldn't change it yeah at the same time I wouldn't change it for the world so yeah I you know I mean there are there are parenting podcasts

but you'd change it for a couple of nights decent sleep no but I think maybe you'd want I just think you need to you need to really have good admin meetings as a couple and work out when's your time off i've never taken class a drugs but maybe just go to like a field in Hampshire and just get absolutely high as a kite and see what happens.

It's unlikely I'm going to do that.

Anyway, thank you for the question.

Pedro, I love you all.

This podcast is so amazing.

The final minutes with the Max shaming was absolutely incredible.

Thank you for all your work.

Seriously, you helped the audience more than you know.

Get ready for Fluminese beating City on Friday.

One can dream big hugs.

Vince says, Max, at what point after Barney, Barry, and Johnny turned on you during Monday's pod, did you wonder whether they were staging an intervention?

For all panelists, what habit or character trait do you most fear would be in the subject of your own intervention?

Um, Barcelona, do other panel members want to weigh in with stories of how they were stitched up by evil Macs like Jonathan Barry felt brave enough to share in Monday's pod?

Yes, did you like getting it off your chest, Barry?

And were you excited that Barney and Johnny just couldn't wait to chip in?

Yeah, it was, I didn't realize so many other people felt the same way

about being, what, I suppose, misportrayed and having these cartoonish version of themselves promoted by you.

I don't do anything.

I'm just

doing reportage.

Carl says, Hi, Football Weekly.

I'm a 36-year-old vegan marathon runner who only drinks on special occasions and tries to live a relatively healthy life.

Yesterday, I got diagnosed with gout, and I can't help but feel that some higher power somewhere has had an administrative nightmare and given me an affliction that clearly should belong to Mark Langdon.

Perhaps all this running and veg isn't so great.

And I just hop on the Langdon literal gravy train, pigs in blankets paired with sausage meat and stuffing.

Here I come.

Have a lovely Christmas, everyone.

Yes, our sympathies with you, Carl.

I didn't understand

the people being appalled by

pigs in blankets are separate from stuffing.

So

why would you not have both?

I didn't understand the opprobrium.

No, but I don't think Mark Langdon has.

I don't.

We actually didn't ask about stuffing.

My understanding was that he was...

Is that not what he meant by sausage meat?

Sausage meat.

I do

a sage and onion sausage meat stuffing that I don't actually stuff the bird with.

I just

roast it 40, 45 minutes, get a nice crispy top on it.

Yeah, okay.

And that's sensational on the plate.

No, no, no, I don't disagree.

They always make far too much because it's sensational in sandwiches for sort of a good three or four days afterwards.

No, that is an interesting point.

I presumed he had pigs in blankets, sausage meat, and stuffing.

I just think he just had extra.

Who knows with Mark Langdon, but yeah, but we may have, yeah, for

so it's the seafood platter.

Where he puts that, I have absolutely no idea coming in at 8 p.m.

No, seafood's light.

I think, you know, salmon and prawns in the evening.

I think that makes complete sense.

I mean,

I'd add vegetables, but it sounds like the Langdon Christmas dinner is not that far removed from my own.

I'd love to see Langdon doing the Gordon Ramsey, like, or the Jamie Oliver sort of cooking show.

That would be, I'd watch that definitely.

There's not even any roast potatoes in an Australian Christmas dinner.

What?

We've just got a leg of lamb, like slow roast lamb, but then it's some, you know, my brother-in-law's making a potato salad.

You know?

Potato salad.

But you know, again,

that's boxing days, potato salad.

Yeah, but this is a different...

It's just a different place, isn't it?

It's a different world.

A worse world, it seems.

Alex,

it's Australia, isn't it?

Alex says it's not a Christmas special unless

I think I'm going to controversially retire the story of my header because in

the

Football Weekly book, which is still available, and I'm not sure when this podcast is going out, but you know,

still

a late Christmas gift or an early New Year gift.

Squires has done the definitive story of Barry's header across three pages and

you all

very kindly

chipped in and got I was Wilson came around to Glendenning Towers and presented me with

a framed three framed pictures which are now hang proudly on the living room wall of

Barry's header in all its glory and I I

A,

because we're recording this very early in the morning,

UK time, and I'm not the monster that Max portrays me as, I'm quite sober.

Well, very completely sober.

Oops.

One nil to Max.

Really sober.

Not saying a word.

And yeah,

it doesn't really merit another telling unless I've had like three bottles of red wine and several shots of Lars Nordic juice, not a euphemism.

Oh, dear.

Yeah, this,

yeah, and

following this ham-fisted effort to explain why I'm not telling it, it's just going to pale into total inferiority.

So, yeah, it's time to retire the story of Barry's Header.

What I was thinking actually is in years to come, you know, when we're all far too old to be doing this and we've been replaced by younger hipper people

who have better cultural references than us or more up-to-date ones, we'll probably do like a football weekly live

old man tour where we'll all be plucked out of whatever obscurity we're in to to put the band back together and go on a tour.

And no doubt we'll all need the money, so we'll all reluctantly do it.

And so maybe I'll wheel it out again at that stage where I can just be as drunk as I like.

Is Fiona Bruce looking at the pictures of your header?

She can be.

No, I mean, in

their sort of in one corner, she's in the other.

Oh, beautiful.

All right, then that'll do for today.

Thank we're all to have shots of Lars's Nordic juice

to bring in Christmas.

There's no other way.

But thank you, Wilson.

Cheers.

Thank you.

Happy Christmas.

Okay.

You know, save the yawn for the end.

Thanks, Sid.

Pleasure.

Thanks, Robin.

Thanks so much, Max.

Thank you, Barry.

Yes, Merry Christmas, everyone.

Merry Christmas.

Adam finally says, has Big Podcast inserted a Griezmann loan to Athleti star clause in the contract that prohibits the string quartet version of the pod theme from being played more than a certain number of times per season without triggering add-ons?

I'd love for it to make a return.

We will leave you with the Football Weekly theme as played by...

Ah, shit.

It was some bloke I met in Fortune Street Park who was holding a cello who liked the pod.

So thank you.

Him it is, mates.

You know who you are.

Football Weekly is produced by Joel Grove.

Ah, Tom Greed, it was.

Thank you, Tom.

Football Weekly is produced by Joel Grove.

Our executive producer is Danielle Steven.

This is The Guardian.