Vertigo

This is Free with Ads, the podcast that asks the question: why go into the Criterion closet to get classic films when you can go online for free and watch one of the greatest movies ever made without the risk of getting accidentally locked in the criterion closet with Wes Anderson while he talks your ear off about the French new wave?

I'm Jordan Morris.

And I'm Emily Fleming.

Today's movie is Vertigo, the classic Hitchcock thriller, where Jenny Stewart obsessively follows around Kim Novak, which is the same thing I did to Devin Sawa when I saw him come out of the Apple store at the Grove.

With us, as always, is the super producer, the He Freak, the Hitchcock of Drops,

Lieb.

Watch this doohickey.

It's a Brazier.

Doohickey.

Doohickey.

Can I tell you?

It was the only time in the movie where he was adorable and cute.

Yeah.

And it just got worse.

Well, yeah,

I also really love that scene because she's talking about the Brazier and somebody from the space program

designed it.

And I was like, that's how I would describe all of my bras.

Like,

if you don't know, I'm a top-heavy lass.

And

so, yeah,

they look like I've had friends put their heads in them.

Yeah, to show how big they are.

The Braziers, yep, in the cup.

No, they're big.

Because they think it's funny.

They look aerodynamic.

What are you going to do?

Yeah,

they look like they can break through the space barrier.

You know what I'm talking about?

Oh, yeah.

So, a lot of power behind them boobies.

Yeah, they look like two yarmulas for Godzilla.

Godzilla's been Jewish this whole time.

Definitely.

No, it's canon.

It's canon.

It's canon.

Well, hey, we have something very special planned for today's edition of Other Free Stuff.

This was a campaign we were doing since we got over 100 new five-star reviews.

We're going to be giving you a special rundown of the

not picked up pilot for the 1994 live-action animation hybrid Sailor Moon.

This is Saban, too, I think.

From the good folks at Saban who brought you the Power Rangers.

This was a pilot they tried to do of an American, I'm going to say American, this thing reeks of Canada, though.

This thing

just, just, just,

you can smell the Canada coming out of your laptop when you're watching this thing.

Oh, for for sure.

This was a pilot they tried to do of the beloved anime Sailor Moon, where the superhero stuff, it's about a teen, some teen girls who transformed into superheroes.

The superhero stuff is animated, but the

teen drama stuff is live action.

Again, not picked up.

This thing's 10 minutes long.

You can watch it on the YouTube channel Ray Mona.

So, yeah, we're going to tell you about it.

We were trying to get a bunch of new reviews because the algorithm loves those.

And y'all came through, gave us a bunch of great five-star reviews.

Let me read one of them before we start.

This is from Diseased Gecko

on Apple Podcasts.

Strong name.

Strong name.

The title of the review is Insert Godzilla Roar.

And the review reads: Emily and her boobs, Matt and Jordan are fantastic.

Truly funny banter.

And the movies they choose are so much fun.

Oh, my God.

Appropriate with our top of the show conversation.

I know.

And the space program created the two of you two.

That's right.

Yep.

I love it.

I want to wear the yarmulke.

Now I feel like

this is like a new merch idea.

It's Jordan

and I inside of a bra.

Well, also.

But it's also a yarmulke.

Yeah, we'll figure it out.

Okay, we'll figure it out.

We'll figure it out.

Yeah, we're just brainstorming now.

We're just brainstorming.

We're just

the thing.

I have blown out so many of my bras that I can just

blow them.

They are stretched out.

They are unusable.

So I could just cut up some bras and send people the cups.

Yeah, sure.

Honestly, I've been worrying about where to, because they don't take them at some point.

They don't take underwear at a lot of donation places.

You shouldn't.

I mean, I think.

Emily, I think selling your blown-out bra cups would be a lot more profitable than broadcasting, honestly.

Yeah, maybe.

Listen,

it might feel good to give them to Goodwill, but not as good as your bank account will feel.

No, yeah.

Listen, I'm doing it tonight.

I've got so many blown-out bras.

I'm ready to go.

Anytime.

Well, yeah, let's talk about this thing.

Actually, maybe before we talk about it, I think the thing that led us to wanting to talk about this is Emily brought in a clip of the theme song.

So just to remind you, in case it wasn't.

Super obvious from listening to this theme song, this is from 1994.

It's the most 1994 thing you've ever heard in your life.

Yeah, let's just play a little bit of the theme song before we talk about the show.

Sometimes she's a fun, loving 16-year-old girl.

Sailor, Sailor Moon.

Other times, she's a superhero for the world.

Sailor, fuck, yeah, Sailor Moon.

She can get herself and look so sweet.

And welcome to a morph and they can't be beaten.

So,

this pilot is about 10 minutes long.

I would say seven of it is theme song.

Yeah,

and it's one of those theme songs from our childhood that has too much exposition.

Oh my god.

It's not just that this whole thing is exposition, which is crazy.

Because I feel like a pilot, sure, it needs exposition.

But this is only 10 minutes.

So as you're watching it, you're like looking at your watch, like, come on, come on, folks.

What's the plot of this?

Yeah, I know.

I'm like, there's one minute left.

Y'all got to wrap this up.

But it's also my favorite thing about Sailor Moon because I didn't really watch the original cartoon when I was a kid.

It just didn't click for me.

But the thing that did click was the moment where they get a makeover by swirling in the wind.

That's the best.

And it was like different outfit.

I love it.

And that was the entirety of this episode: in live action, they have to change into clothes for a dance.

And then at the beginning, they're turning into the Sailor Moon characters.

I was like, I love it.

I love this.

There's a lot of makeover montage.

I know, right?

So, yeah,

we'll take you down the beats of this thing.

It starts with, hey, a bunch of voiceover.

How appropriate for something that's mostly exposition.

We get a bunch of VO, some stuff about Queen Veryl and the forces of darkness.

There's a jewel for every planet, but also Earth doesn't get a jewel.

They give it to the moon.

But there's other moons in the solar system.

So why are we giving a thing to the moon?

But not

Jupiter's moon?

Anyway,

I've poked some holes in the plan of the Sailor Moon.

I don't want to listen.

I don't want to trash other creative people.

Sure.

But did you notice how much cribbing from Lord of the Rings was happening during this opening?

A little bit.

I think

they even cribbed from

Galadriel.

She said, like, all shall love me and despair.

And I was like, that's literally just what Galadriel says.

What are we doing here?

Come on, guys.

There's got to be, I don't know, Tolkien definitely definitely has lawyers.

They really could have used Chat GPT in 1944, 94, could they?

Yeah,

those sailor moons could have used some more fingers.

That's all I'm saying.

They could have turned into their own dog more.

I want to see them as babies saying the words they say when they're an adult.

So the animation in this is really bad.

I would say the quality of the animation is like a game you play in your high school computer lab to teach you where to put your fingers when you're typing.

Yes.

Yep.

That's the exact same quality of animation you're getting from the game.

Sailor Moon teaches typing very much.

Yeah, right.

Yeah.

See you later, Mavis Beacon.

Fuck you, Mario.

Fucked.

Pound sand, Carmen San Diego.

I shouldn't teach you to type.

Get bet, Reader Rabbit.

Yeah, there we go.

So many fucking educational characters

can take a walk.

So

we get introduced to all the Sailor Scouts, Sailor Moon, of course, and then the other ones.

Sailor Mars has a very fun GoGo's haircut in this.

That's a wig that is 100% of

the actor, Emily.

I know, but the live-action girl

is woof.

It is such a bad wig.

Well, I mean, just for this specific little interlude where we're talking about a 10-minute pilot, I'm going to call that the worst hat.

Hey, there you go.

Oh, hell yeah.

So

they're having this kind of space ceremony thing.

Queen Beryl attacks.

All of her dark minions

just, you know, come up and start doing dark minion stuff.

We got to get a theme for these dark minions.

There's robots.

There's a giant cat.

There's a sludge monster later.

There's some Japanese demons.

Queen Meryl.

I mean, Veryl, Beryl, Meryl.

Anyways, I don't know.

Also, they called her a beast

in the beginning, and she's hot as fuck.

Yeah, she looks great.

Maybe they mean like she came for us.

She's a beast.

She's a beast.

You know what I mean?

She's got some Yamaka bras going on.

I think I just became a man.

Sailor.

Sailor man.

So they have a fight with the thing.

The Sailor Scouts all hop on their Sky Flyers.

They're like, hop on your Sky Flyers.

And they're these like

sailboards, like someone's like, just saw a video.

Sailboards, right?

Yeah, they have like sails on them.

Calling them sky flyers.

It's like calling your car a road driver.

Quick to the road driver.

They're like silver serper with like training wheels.

Yeah, I know.

I know.

Somebody, like, somebody, someone, one of the like coked out 50-year-old guys writing this thing just like thought that was extreme, probably.

Do they have those in the other Sailor Moon stuff?

I've never watched it.

i know i i don't think i think the sky flyers i watched it i was obsessed as a kid really

and i uh i it didn't like follow me into like you know teenhood adulthood so i maybe am missing some of the details maybe some of this stuff is from the cartoon i think a lot of it is invented to like americanize it yeah or canadaize it or wherever this is from did any of that lore sound familiar about Vera or whatever?

Yeah, I think

that's the big bad in one of the seasons.

And later we get Tuxedo Mask, who's her

love interest, but he's like a hunky guy who goes to her school in the

cartoon.

He's great.

One of the great animated hunks, Tuxedo Mask.

So anyway,

so

they're flying around the Skyflyers.

Her mom gets her and says, jump into the portal.

There's no time to explain.

But then she explains it because this is all exposition.

I love, like, there's no time to explain.

Okay, take the cat.

The cat's going to give you advice.

You got to go into the portal.

You're going to go to Earth.

And just, like, gives a long explanation of what's about to happen.

Yeah, the cat's great.

Love that cat.

Fabulous cat, too.

Fabulous.

So the Sailor Scouts, they go to Earth, and now they're live-action, real people.

The Sailor Moon girl is like gazing out her window.

Her friend's like,

Let me borrow your lipstick.

This is what a girl would say to another girl.

And then she's like, don't tell me you forgot.

And then Sailor Moon looks right into the camera and goes, The dance.

Of course,

the biggest.

I got to tell you, I was stoked immediately.

Like, I was like, oh my God, the hair.

She's so pretty.

And then she's like, can I borrow your lipstick?

I'm like, yes, let her borrow your lipstick.

And then it was like, oh, do they all live in like a boarding school together?

I love this.

I mustn't be in the light.

Are you about to self-dend this?

You're about to self-fund this.

No, I wanted it to go on because I'm like, I want to know what class is like, I just want to know the live-action stuff first.

I don't give a fuck about the other stuff.

You just want to know about these kids.

I want to hang out with these girls at boarding school who seem like they're having fun and they love each other.

And they're all hot.

Except for that wig.

Oof.

I can say that, right?

They're probably, they're all, it's Canada and they're all like 25, right?

They're probably older than us now.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

They're in their 40s.

I hope they all went on to

satisfying careers.

They at least, you know, a few of them got their PhDs for sure.

I'm sure.

Yeah.

So it's the big dance.

There's a big old getting ready montage of like getting ready, but then just like a synchronized dance that they all do in the hallway.

They're trying on a lot of hats, of course, getting ready, trying to find that perfect hat for the dance.

One of them tries on a puffy leopard skin hat.

I think this is maybe the worst hat.

The worst hat.

So there's some different opinions as to what the worst hat is.

Yeah.

So, oh, and Sailor Mars, she's the tomboy.

So, she's like, What do I wear?

This or this?

And she's holding up different jerseys

because she loves sports.

She has a thing.

That was cute.

And I was like,

Well, part of me went, Okay, how are you going to style this?

Are we going to do, like, are we doing a skirt with it?

What's happening?

Like, right, sure.

I needed to see it to give opinions.

But then

their getting-ready montage is interrupted by Sailor Moon's mom coming at them via her magic compact.

This is from the cartoon, to her having that magic compact.

Love that.

She's just like, the people of Jupiter need your help.

And that's it.

And then they immediately do their big transformation.

They twirl and they transform.

Some early kind of 90s CGI in this.

And then they transform into cartoons.

They transform into cartoons.

Very Saban, kind of, because Saban would just borrow footage from another show for Power Rangers.

Right, yeah.

The Americanized characters would appear separately from the other things.

So, this is kind of the same like business format, I guess.

Yeah, yeah.

So, yeah, so then they go into the like cartoon fight scene on Jupiter, I guess.

Um, and then they're, you know, they're doing a bunch of clips, all these fighting for the while they're fighting the monsters.

Marvin goes, This is what I miss the dance for.

If I break a nail, you're really in for it.

We had so much, if I break a nail here

in the 90s, break it, but it was the biggest.

Everybody was laughing at people being worried about breaking a nail.

I know, but I broke my nails with my teeth all the time.

Most people I know do this.

I've never fully understood when people talked about breaking a nail in the 90s because I would just watch people chew on their nails.

Yeah, I still do it.

I actually, I really, look at this.

Look at this situation I got going on.

I mean, that's yeah, that was a former, what, a cuticle hangnail?

You had something going on there.

It was a, it was a hangnail that turned into a cuticle, and it just went went right across but i'm gonna i'll get a manicure tomorrow you you bet

100 and don't you dare break a nail or else oh fuck you're in for it everybody's gonna be laughing at you

breaking a nail there was 1994 and that's the funniest thing except for sodas at the movies being big

oh those movie sodas are so big

we don't have anything to worry about as a country speaking of things that were too big there was a line where mars goes like to one of the villains or ghouls or whatever, just kind of goes, you seem out of shape.

Here, let me help you burn off a few pounds.

Sets them on fire, and I'm like, oof.

Yeah, it was pretty good.

I hate that joke.

Yeah, the worst thing that this pilot does is fat shaming.

Yeah, shaming a demon.

Yeah, can I run into the fight real quick?

Yeah.

Just

listen, this demon might be evil.

They're beautiful.

Yeah, we don't need to.

When they go low, you go high.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

There you go.

For sure, for sure.

You can still set him on fire, but just don't say anything about his weight.

Yes.

Right.

Someone says, gangway for the original party girl.

I liked that.

I was like, what?

You're the original party girl?

Okay.

I didn't know that.

I'm the original party girl.

Amazing.

A big giant comes.

It's like hard to fight.

Someone just goes, uh-oh, and then they pan over to this giant you haven't seen yet.

That literally made me laugh how abrupt that was.

I'm like, oh, great.

this thing's here, too.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, no, new scary guy.

Okay.

I'm going with it.

A rose hits the ground.

It was thrown by Tuxedo Mask.

Is that it was thrown?

Because it looked like it was just growing out of the ground.

Oh, I think in the cart, in the anime at least, Tuxedo Mask throws roses and they always stick in the ground perfectly.

He throws them like darts.

So they must have forgotten to draw that.

Yes.

Yeah, a lot of corners cut in this animation.

You don't see things moving a lot because movement is expensive.

Yeah.

And the ro He doesn't do anything, though, but the rose he threw powers up her crown that she throws at the thing.

Anyway,

kills that last thing, but it turns out it kind of just cuts to the live-action one

of her daydreaming in school.

And the teacher's...

A teacher asks, oh, you know, whatever her name is.

Oh, God.

Where's line?

Where's your head?

Is it in space?

and she then she looks right on the camera and she goes no on earth

right down the barrel of the camera sailor

and then no one made any more of this show ever yeah yeah that was it it was uh 10 minutes the fact that it's 10 minutes long and it still feels like an eternity i think yeah to me i was like oh that's that's a bad sign for selling something i don't know i there of course i don't want to watch it again but there were some things that made me really excited about it, and I think there was some potential here.

They should just make this show

like this and put it on Adult Swim, and don't change anything about the tone.

Just like do this exact thing.

Yes.

And for stoners to watch at 3 a.m.

Yes.

Didn't they do that with Powerpuff Girls?

They kind of made like a fake trailer for a live-action thing on Adult Swim.

There's a very famous abandoned Powerpuff Girls live-action pilot written by Diablo Cody.

Oh.

Oh, yes.

If you like, there's like descriptions of it online you can read, and it is like,

you know, buttercups going, like, I just got my ass ate last night.

And it's like, so it's like,

it's them going so over the top with like what a grown-up Powerpuff Girl show would be.

Sure.

I think, I think the general feeling is, God, I'm glad they didn't make this show.

But

I don't know, maybe, maybe it would have been great.

I mean, live action, and if they're in their like, let's say, mid-thirties, then I'm all for it.

Sure.

You know what I mean?

They should be Powerpuff women at the very least, the way they're talking.

And I think there was a lot of stuff where like that punched somebody and goes, that was a micro-aggression.

So I think there's a lot of kind of sweaty, like girl boss stuff in it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well,

that sounds like a Mindy project.

Yeah, just

it's it sounds dated.

It actually sounds more dated than the show from 1994 we just watched.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'd say Juno sounds more dated than the show we just watched.

Yeah.

Anyways, I'm going to give this 10 out of 10.

It's perfect.

No notes.

One point for each minute of this thing, which is great.

You should totally watch it.

I will say that the casting is incredibly cool and inclusive.

Yeah, that's nice.

That's the most fun thing about it.

One of them is in a wheelchair.

Yeah.

And she has like a spaceship wheelchair that she flies around in the animated segments.

And she looks, it looks really cool.

Of course, they make her spill out of it in the animated.

I was like, we didn't have to do that.

Yeah, I would say that the casting of this is very Burger King Kids Club.

Yes.

Absolutely.

Mac and me.

Very Mac and Me.

Very Mac and Me.

Yeah, this thing's really cool.

If you like, remember the anime from your childhood or just want to see something like crazy from the 90s, definitely look this thing up.

Yes.

Any final thoughts before we move on to

Vertigo?

What some say is one of the greatest movies ever made?

Jesus Christ, what a segue.

What a segue.

It's like we're going.

Yeah, I say, let's go.

Let's do it, dude.

I think we,

at this point, have

sufficiently prepared our audience for a talk about the greatest, one of the greatest movies that we're moving on.

Yeah, we've ever made.

Yeah.

Film guys.

I got to tell you, I'm really glad that I watched The Sailor Moon Pilot after this because this is probably the most fucked up movie I've watched for us.

It's pretty fucked up, yeah.

Well, hey, let's talk about it.

I want to say one more time, thank you to everybody who reviewed the show.

Keep on doing it.

We'll periodically, periodically comb those reviews for some funny, fun ones.

And of course, you got to make them five stars.

Guys, you got to make them five stars.

Don't do a joke one-star review.

That's bad for the show.

Anyway, like we mentioned, we are going to review Vertigo, which is as of this recording streaming free with ads, but we want to let you know that this movie discusses discusses suicide, so if that's not something you want to hear about, we're going to play a little music and give you a minute to find another episode.

Also, Braziers.

We're back.

It's free with ads.

We're talking about Vertigo.

We get some close-ups of eyes and a mouth.

It's in black and white, but then the screen turns red because this one's in color, bitch.

Yes, it's 1958 and not all movies were in color, but this one is.

What was the

type they called it?

Something chrome, video chrome, or I can't remember.

No, it did have one of those like filmed in vision chrome

titles.

I forget what exactly it was, but yeah, this is like the 4D of its time.

Totally.

Well, I feel like all of the thumbnails and like posters I've seen, it has been black and white.

So the color was like Wizard of Oz shocking to me.

Yeah, totally.

Yeah.

yeah

it's gorgeous it's so gorgeous and the quality of the version i saw free with ads was beautiful yeah

on my shitty tv yeah i will say that this is uh one of the most well shot movies i think i've ever seen and in a way that uh where if i'm noticing uh then that means it must be really really well shot usually i don't i don't give a shit

yeah yeah it's really really incredible looking and like yeah everything looks so gorgeous in it.

And it's a pretty like mundane movie.

You know, it just happened.

It happens just in and around San Francisco, which, like, beautiful city, but it's not in like, you know, this isn't a movie in space or something.

Right.

But it still is just like every frame of this thing is captivating.

Jordan, would you say that San Francisco is a character?

I would say it's kind of like another character.

It's not the movie.

Stop it.

Oh, I just shit my pants and it hurt.

Yeah, this movie makes San Francisco look so fucking cool.

And they go to, like, it's, it's, you know, a lot of it is just Jimmy Stewart following Kim Novak around, and she just goes to all the coolest-looking places.

Yeah.

I mean, only the most beautiful places.

She, you know, they're going to Palace of Fine Arts.

You know, they're going to the Presidio.

They go to Sequoia Forest.

They go to the Mission District.

If they, like, remade this, like, they would just be going to, like, WeWorks and a Warby Parker.

I know.

I know.

Oh, I followed.

I followed her to Blue Bottle and got a matcha.

Oh, I followed

her to the Harry Potter-themed escape room.

I've been watching her from outside a lot, talkeria.

Oh, wow.

That's a really good impression, Matt.

Yeah.

Good impression.

Yes.

The only other thing I think of when I think of San Francisco is Full House.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, sure.

It's like, everywhere you look, there's a lady.

She's good, wants to die.

She's got a ghost inside her.

So, yeah, we get some crazy shapes.

Look like they were drawn on a spirograph, which is probably very advanced at the time.

We start with a chase across the rooftops.

It's a criminal and a cop, and Jimmy Stewart, who is also a cop, but he doesn't wear a uniform.

He just wears a little suit.

Looks great.

Okay, can I just...

Maybe I'm overthinking this.

Please.

So they're chasing a robber, this guy who's like all in black.

We don't know what he did.

Up a roof.

And I don't think there's helicopters at this time.

Yeah.

So part of me thinks, wait downstairs.

He has to come down at some point.

Can't just live on the roof.

Look at you.

Pretty smart.

So

law enforcement.

This movie didn't even have to happen.

Right.

The inciting incident is totally bullshit.

Yes.

Just wait for the guy downstairs.

So the

uniformed cop falls to his death.

Jimmy Stewart sees it all.

Well, he falls to his death trying to save Jimmy Stewart.

Trying to save Jimmy Stewart.

He's hanging onto a gutter.

Yeah.

Damn good cutters.

And then we kind of smash cut to present day.

He's got a cane and he's hanging out in the apartment of his cool ass friend Midge, who draws bras.

She's a draw bra, a bra draw.

She's a draw.

A bra draw.

She's a dream.

I'm going to pick up a salad, a sweet green, and then come watch a draw bras.

Yeah.

Judith Stewart, most fun voice to do.

You never see where he lives in this whole thing.

You do.

Remember, he pulls her out of the water and they go back to his party.

That's true.

We do see.

That's right.

That is where he lives.

And I think, I don't know if, like, in this movie,

because, you know, this movie is kind of like about...

like you know it's he and midge are are like two sides of the same coin they're these like unmarried people, which I think probably at the time was like a huge fucking deal, but they were like these like older unmarried people.

Right.

And I don't know if they're supposed to like look like

the same age.

Well, yes, well, they certainly don't.

Jimmy Stewart,

definitely far older than everybody.

Also, I should probably mention, you could probably guess, that's probably the tallest person in the movie.

Oh, yeah.

Tallest guy.

Big dude.

Big dude, Jimmy Stewart.

Yeah, looks far older than everybody else.

I don't know if they're supposed to be sad bachelors or not, but their apartments fucking rule.

Their apartments look so cool, especially Midge's apartment.

Yeah, Midge's apartment is probably

you don't get to see the bedroom.

I know I have a lot of opinions about bedrooms and movies, but that apartment with the, you know, all the art space that she's got and all of her hobbies everywhere, I was like, God, this woman's life is cool.

She's single.

She's drawn bras.

Drawn bras.

Takes a painting later.

The guy that she rejected his proposal still wants to hang out with her.

Yeah.

So he and Midge, they're like buddies, but I guess they were engaged in college, but like couldn't, they didn't go through with it.

But now he just like hangs out at her house and gets drunk.

Very progressive, if you think about it.

It is, yeah.

And I think that this was kind of like shocking and modern at the time, I would guess.

Yeah.

There's men and women being friends.

Sure.

Do you think that maybe

involved in kind of a psychosexual dance?

Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure.

But, you know, still.

Maybe there is some kind of an unrelated morality play about, like, okay, they both were unmarried, and if they were married, they wouldn't have been this crazy, like, kind of thing.

Yeah, maybe a little bit.

That's for sure in there.

I mean, especially given the ending where there's a nun.

We'll get to it.

We'll get to it.

We'll get to the nun, the true villain of the movie, the nun who comes in in the last two seconds to ring a bell.

This old bitch who can climb stairs real fast, I guess.

So they're chatting it up in Midge's apartment.

They have really cute banter.

I fucking love their dialogue in this.

It's all really, really great.

It's that great classic old movie dialogue.

And like, you see him being charming here for a little bit, which he turns into a fucking monster in this movie.

Yes.

But like you see him kind of be cute, funny.

Jimmy Stewart here, and I'm sure this was so shocking at the time.

It would be like LeVar Burton playing Freddy Krueger.

Like this was the guy from the the fucking Christmas movie.

Like, this was an angel's getting its wings when we ring the bell, little girl.

This is like, I want to lift.

Tom Hanks, like, played.

Yeah, right.

It's like Tom Hanks played Leatherface.

Yes.

And I think people were freaked out by this at the time.

I think, but, I mean, he had already been in like Rear Window, which is like kind of a fucked up movie, but not nearly as fucked up as this movie.

Was he North by Northwest as well?

That's

Carrie Grant, I think.

Carrie Grant.

He was in a couple.

uh Jimmy Stewart was in a couple of Hitchcock movies.

Um, I hope we get to Rear Window at some point in this podcast.

I love it.

I'm sure we will, um, but yeah, so, but this is like this is him playing a true monster, and it's uh, yeah, wild to see.

He's so good, too.

He's such a fucking great actor, freaked me the fuck out.

Yeah, and I know, like, he, you know, now he's like the guy from the Christmas movie with the voice, right?

He's the guy, he's the

bell's ringing, and I go

on a big one.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, yo, I'm just making a noise, but like, he's so good.

Isn't that so funny that in rear, because I got a little confused because the opening like scene of him, he's got a cane.

He's a little bit bedridden.

And then rear window, they put him in a wheelchair.

I'm like, does he just want to sit down?

Is it in his contract that he's like, I'll do this thing called Vertigo because this guy doesn't like standing up.

Yeah.

I have a feeling it was a Hitchcock.

It's a Hitchcock sadistic choice thing.

Every choice made in any Hitchcock movie now, I look from the lens of like, remember that Hitchcock is kind of a psychopath.

Right, and hates actors and wants to fuck with them.

He's publicly talked about how much he doesn't like actors.

So that's

it.

Yeah.

Oh, it comes true.

Yeah, so.

In fact, this is a movie about his hatred of actors, but we'll get to that.

He, so yeah, so Jimmy Stewart reveals that he is quitting the police force because he has Vertigo now, or uh, uh, acrophobia, fear of heights.

I guess the stuff portrayed in this movie isn't really Vertigo.

The movie should be called Fear of Heights.

Yes, yeah, Virigo, much cooler name.

Vertigo's little crystals in your ears.

Um, anyway.

Is it?

Yeah, it makes you dizzy.

It's

your inner ear

balance alignment gets fucked up really easily.

Well, get those out of the ears and give them to Sailor Moon.

There you go, so she can kill the blob monster that you're doing.

She's hoarding crystals in your ears?

I know.

Called Gwyneth Paltrow.

She could sell them on goop.

Put them in your pussy.

I got jade eggs for your ears.

Stick the ear crystals in your pussy.

You dizzy fuck.

Have a seat.

Put the ear crystals in your pussy.

Who's this?

Who's this?

Put our ears, but the pussy of the head.

Thank you.

Thank you.

These are new guys.

We're creating new guys.

New guys.

They're always mobsters.

We've all got that voice.

This is one of the voices I can do.

This is like one of the old voices.

I just don't want to do it.

I don't do a lot of voices.

I'm killing time between ads.

So,

Jimmy Stewart, he has one, he's going on one final job.

His old college buddy calls him.

And he's out.

He's a crazy fucking psychopathic billionaire.

He works at a shipyard.

He has a really scummy mustache.

Hey, Matt, I need you to create a sting.

Right now, it's our new segment, The Worst Stash.

The Worst Ash.

Hey, he did it live.

He fucking did it live.

I can do things live.

It's a new segment.

Keep an eye out for bad facial hair in a movie because we'll call it.

Oh, not again.

Yeah, you got to do it again.

The worst stash.

There it is.

You got a mustache.

There was a really lovely Reddit post that I love.

By the way, thank you so much to everyone who posts on our Reddit, on Free with Ads, and on Maximum Fun.

We love it when you do both.

But somebody somebody posted a bingo card.

Oh, I saw that.

You sent that to us.

That was so great.

I love it.

But one of them is you going, oh,

and you got to find your sting.

And I can't unhear it now.

It's so cute.

Hey, you little wieners, don't play bingo.

Make it a drinking game.

Do a shot every time Matt goes, oh,

little behind the scenes, that's me frantically searching for the sting.

Yes, yes.

They love it.

They love it.

They love it.

Okay, so he's got one final job from this crazy, terrible, stashed, rich guy.

He wants Jimmy Stewart to follow his wife because she's acting real weird.

So basically, like his evidence for my wife is acting weird is she went to the park and zoned out.

He's very concerned about his wife because she's zoning out so much.

Immediately thinking that she's possessed because

I guess that's why everyone who dates me hires a private investigator.

Honestly, guys, zoning it out so much.

I kind of thought about it.

Maybe you have flashbacks to me as a child because it was just every report card in La La Land.

Zones out.

La La Land was in every fucking report card.

Just zones out.

My mom was like, is she possessed?

Maybe it's ADHD.

I love that.

That must be regional because out here in La La Land, I was just called a space cadet.

Space Cadet is huge.

Yeah, I always liked it.

I was like, I want to be a space cadet.

That's fine.

Jordan, what did they call you on your report cards?

Just a good, good little boy.

A nice little boy.

A delight to have in class.

I knew it.

I knew it.

A delight to have in class.

So

Jimmy Stewart takes this job.

He meets him and what he thinks is the guy's wife at Ernie's, this fancy restaurant.

God, take me to fucking Ernie's.

Ernie's great.

Ernie's rules.

God, I wanted to go there.

I I don't know if it was an actual restaurant at the time

or something that's still there, maybe, but yeah, it's really, really crazy.

It's like, but this is what happened in Birds, too.

That restaurant.

A little diner, yeah.

I think we know that Hitchcock likes to eat.

Lexa, yeah, Lexa Nash.

He likes to eat

juicy steak.

Lovingly films a restaurant.

Yes.

And yeah, hey, so the one he thinks is the guy's wife gets up.

It's Kim Noback, and because it's a Hitchcock movie, he is immediately obsessed, immediately obsessed with her.

So he starts following her around.

She goes to a cemetery and stops at a tombstone labeled Carlotta Valdez.

And it's a great Harvey Danger song.

Oh, is that?

I didn't know that.

Well, I didn't know who Carlotta Valdez was.

And I heard it and I was like, Carlotta Valdez.

That's like a song.

No, I don't know that song.

That's cool.

It's a

Harvey Danger song.

And I went, oh, she must be a historical person.

And then I looked looked it up, and it's just, no, it's a fake historical person they made up for this movie.

And I'm obsessed.

I'm obsessed.

Oh, this is neat.

So, yeah,

so she goes to the cemetery.

She looks at the thing, looks at the tombstone.

She goes to a museum and looks at a painting that looks a lot like her, has a kind of a similar hairdo.

She's wearing the same spiral.

Yeah, spirals.

It comes back.

It's a symbol.

See, they're doing motif.

They're doing a motif in the movie.

We know things.

we know smart things to say we know smart things to say about the movie

i get it colors

whoa hang on this is okay

wait so vertigo it's like they i guess the spirals are kind of to represent dizziness or vertigo but also going full circle this movie is like a loop-de-loo of a full circle over and over yes oh my god genius and it's about people being like trapped it's about people being trapped in like an obsession like it's the it's the like world's greatest movie about how toxic it is to not let go of something.

Yeah.

Like, it's, yeah, it's totally like, yeah, it's about like how not letting go of something just like drives you fucking insane.

Yeah.

Going around in circles and thinking you're getting somewhere, but like you're only getting deeper and deeper and deep.

Really, you're just going to fall off a church.

Oh, my God.

And the Redwood, like, the inside of a Redwood is a spiral, too.

See, we know things to say about the movie.

You guys, this movie's so good.

Yeah, it's a very good movie.

Yeah, it's one of those movies that it's, upon reflection, I think I liked it.

Yeah.

Well, I never, okay, so this movie, I'm pretty sure I watched it for college.

I'm pretty sure I did.

It was a real movie you watch in college.

Yeah, but when I watched it today,

it was like, I'm like, I don't remember any of this.

It was like the first time I'd ever seen the movie, and it fucking blew my socks off all the stuff.

I kind of like memory hold something.

I was positive in this movie, it had someone falling off the Golden Gate Bridge because it's so San Francisco-y and has so much falling.

And then when nobody did it, I'm like, like, oh, huh, I think that's like a James Bond movie.

No, they did it.

It's in there.

Oh, well, she just kind of jumps off the side.

I thought there was going to be a thing where someone was dangling off.

Oh, dangling off.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Anyway,

I'm sure there's a movie around this era where somebody falls off the Golden Gate Bridge.

It's not this one.

Anyway, so she's going to a lot of cool looking places and doing a lot of stuff.

He's just following her around.

And then he follows her to a little hotel, And there's this kind of like little old lady there.

And she's like, I'm putting olive oil on my rubber tree plants.

Whatever the fuck that meant.

Why?

I'm insane.

I'm a superfluous character doing something superfluous.

Okay.

All right.

Sure.

That day she needed an American girl doll.

Get your hands on that, by the way.

I have an appointment to get for a hairdo and a full body wash for Felicity.

Oh, that's nice.

Felicity deserves it.

Also, she deserves a pampering.

Can I tell you?

Oh, boy, I got a new outfit, too.

It hasn't come in yet.

Anyway, did you know, American Girl, you could get your doll's ears pierced and your own ears pierced together?

Huh.

Can I just

ask,

couldn't you pierce your own doll's ears?

No.

That's not the full experience.

You're right.

That's not sanitary.

You're right.

You got to hold each other's hand, tell each other it'll be okay.

It'll only hurt for a second.

Fair enough.

And then mom takes you to get an orange Julius.

Maybe I'll get another hole in my ears, and then I'll just get it done at an American Girl doll store.

Yeah, that's fine.

Do whatever.

Yeah, you can do whatever in an American Girl doll store.

Do whatever you want.

Well, you can't do some things, believe me.

I try.

Believe me.

Believe me.

So

Jimmy Stewart's wondering what's going on.

He and Midge go to this old kind of historian guy.

God, the fucking bookstore they go to to visit this historian guy.

I just want to go everywhere in this movie.

I know.

I know.

His name is Pop.

We love an old guy named Pop.

His name is Liebel.

His last name is Liebel.

And I'm like, hey, that's close to my name.

That's almost that movie.

He must be my cousin.

Might be a cousin.

I wonder if he makes good stings.

We'll never know.

So he says that, like, Carlotta Valdez was this kind of like legendary old woman.

She was the mistress to a rich guy who kind of like abandoned her, but she had a child.

And then she just kind of went crazy and committed suicide.

So that's like the legend of Carlota Valdez.

And they let us know, they tell us at some point that Kim Novak is like a descendant of Carlotta Valdez.

So kind of the like, this movie is like a weird supernatural ghost movie for a while.

You think that she's maybe possessed by this woman.

And so Jimmy Stewart sees her like at the kind of lip of the Golden Gate Bridge, not like on it, but near it.

And she like jumps in the water and he goes in and saves her

and then takes her back to his apartment where we learned learned that he took off all of her clothes

put her in his bed his bachelor pad looks great but he has on his coffee table he has a coffee cop copy of a magazine called swank which i think is a porno magazine of the time yeah it kind of feels like it it's either that or just like uh i don't know watches and cool clothes but i i don't think it's a fashion magazine i think he had something in the swank bank so to speak

yes

i think according to wikipedia I think Schwank is straight up porno.

I don't know if it was porno in 1958, but um, yeah, oh, okay, in the 1958 Alfred Hitchcock film Vertigo, a copy of Swank magazine can be seen on the coffee table at Jimmy Stewart's character's apartment.

Um, anyway, cool, and then it has a timestamp for all the swank fans who want to see it on film.

Wait, so

it was a real magazine, it was, yeah, and a real porno magazine.

Weird, anyway.

Okay, that's cool.

Yeah, so I mean, I think you know, that that Brazier thing that happens

at the beginning is like,

you know, he's very cute and funny, but also like to kind of maybe show that he's like sexually stunted and doesn't understand women.

And like, that's like having a porno magazine is like means that.

But I think at the time it was probably supposed to symbolize that a little bit as he's like kind of like sexually

sexually weird.

Yeah.

Weird that like it was cool that there's these two people in the opening scene that were engaged in college, no sexual attention between either one of them.

And she's making a thing for boobies, and he just kind of has this whatever desexualized conversation about it.

There's nothing scandalous about her talking about lingerie in that scene, which shows you how kind of just, I don't know, sexually, I mean, stunted he is.

Yeah, 100%.

So he just says a bunch of creepy shit to her.

She kind of slips out while he's talking to like her husband on the phone.

But then she kind of comes back and like leaves him this like thank you note.

And that kind of starts them having this affair.

They like go off to the forest together.

They look at the big tree slice, which has the rings.

And it's like, here's where the Magna Carta was signed.

And here's when America was founded.

Yeah, I love those.

And then she like points to a part and she goes, and this is where I die.

Yeah, this is when I was born.

And this is where I die.

What?

Spoilers for Vertigo.

We learned that this woman isn't who she says she is, and this is all like an act.

The fucking improv this woman does to do the ghost thing, here's where I was born, while they're looking at this tree slice.

I mean, what a performance.

Yes, yeah, you got to hand it to Judy, the name of the character who is an actor who's pretending to be Madeline, who's pretending to be

Kim Novak.

This performance is like Kim Novak.

Shout out to her as well.

She's great.

Yeah, the

end inside another dude playing another dude.

Straight up.

Yes, this was.

It's wild, but yeah, it's fucking wild.

But also,

I guess the whole her going blank stare that the husband says she's doing is like she goes to another time period.

It's like flashbacks to like her past life or whatever, like she's being possessed by this ghost.

And he's buying it.

And so am I as a viewer, which is, I think, you know,

a great thing about this movie is you are also, because it's Hitchcock, buying that something supernatural is actually happening.

I agree.

I was totally invested and believed her, completely believed her.

So she goes over to like, like, Jimmy Stewart's house late at night.

She's like, I had the dream again.

And then he immediately gives her a glass of brandy and he's like, drink it like it's medicine.

It's so creepy.

He says it later to somebody else.

And by the way, this is, and then he asks about the dream.

First time in history, someone has ever wanted to hear about someone else's dream.

Yes.

You can tell

he's about to become obsessed.

You know what I mean?

I love

your dream.

No, I know.

I'm just telling you.

Tell me about your day at work.

Are you still fighting with Amanda?

What's happening on Love Island?

Exactly.

Give me that hot, scalding tea.

Oh, I love spill the tea about Amanda at work.

Catch me up on Love is Blind.

Oh, no, I don't need to watch the previous episodes.

Catch me up one by one.

So he takes her to this mission that's apparently been preserved.

You know, so the idea is like this will jog her memory because it's exactly like it was 100 years ago.

And that's when she runs up to the top of this tower and seemingly jumps to her death.

We get this crazy dream sequence with all this weird animation, lots of spirographs, and just the shot of Jimmy Stewart's disembodied head with like a fan blowing in his face so it looks like he has a mohawk.

It's so crazy and so cool.

And it's also very proto like 60s psychedelic,

like experimental filmmaking, which I think is another reason that Hitchcock is like so,

I don't know, revolutionary for a lot of filmmakers.

They kind of look at him as, you know, the guy who

kind of pioneered a lot of these different types of filmmaking.

I, as you know, a viewer watching in 2025, was just like, groovy, man.

But back then, they probably thought it was like, you know,

probably

I gotta say, I'm so glad I did not smoke anything or take an edible

before watching this movie because it fucked me up.

Like, yes, sober, it makes you feel bad.

Yeah.

Yeah, like this, this movie is like more

emotionally trying than like an Ariaster movie, I think.

Like now, in 2025, it's totally crazy.

Well, yeah, actually, so we

got to what seems like it might be the conclusion of the movie.

It's not.

We'll tell you about what actually happens right after this.

You know, we've been doing my brother, my brother, me for 15 years.

And

maybe you stopped listening for a while, maybe you never listened.

And you're probably assuming three white guys talking for 15 years, I know where this has ended up.

But no, no, you would be wrong.

We're as shocked as you are that we have not fallen into some sort of horrific scandal or just turned into a big crypto thing.

Yeah, Yeah, you don't even really know how crypto works.

The only NFTs I'm into are naughty, funny things, which is what we talk about on My Brother, My Brother, and Me.

We serve it up every Monday for you if you're listening.

And if not, we just leave it out back and goes rotten.

So check it out on Maximum Fun or wherever you get your podcasts.

We're back.

It's free with ads.

We're going to talk about the thrilling third act of Vertigo.

Jimmy Stewart, he thinks he saw Kim Novak jump to her death, and he's in a mental institution.

Good old fucking Midge.

Good old fucking Midge is still waiting on him.

Yep.

Good old Midge.

And she's like, he's like catatonic and she's holding him.

And she's like, you're not lost.

Mother is here.

It's cock cat mom stuff.

Anyway,

the mother is here.

And so Jimmy Stewart,

he's like catatonic when Midge is there, but then he's just going out wandering around in the street.

I don't exactly understand why.

I guess the mental institution just lets him out and still wander around.

Oh, wait, we did.

I think we need to mention, though, that earlier Midge is back into painting.

Like, she's an amazing artist.

Midge has so many talents.

Midge is great.

So many incredible.

But also, so she painted herself as if she was Carlota Valdez.

Yeah.

And like her regular face with the glasses and everything.

And then that necklace, which

comes into play.

Like there's a necklace painted onto Carlota Valdez in the portrait.

Probably my favorite necklace I've ever seen in a movie, by the way.

The costumes in this are by Edith Head, a famous costume designer who like gets a credit in the opening movie or in the opening credits.

Yeah.

In this are

fucking amazing.

But so she does.

And they have to be like,

it comes into this kind of last reveal.

Like, you have to remember all of her accents.

And you do, because she looks so cool.

Like, in them.

But the painting, she paints herself as that.

And then Jimmy Stewart's character has such a guttural reaction to it.

Hates it.

It's like freaks out.

That's not funny.

I got to say that.

It's like he's obsessed, but also she's obsessed.

Like, everybody is obsessed with something in this.

And, like, nothing.

You find out that she's been pining, I guess, after him for this entire time.

And, you know, you feel awful for her.

And then you feel, you still feel awful for her when she's by his side in the mental institution.

I know.

And it's like, oh, come on, babe.

You can just go on Tinder.

Go on Hinge.

There's a guy out there in San Francisco.

I know there's a lot of fuckboys, but there's some serious men out there.

There's some serious.

Well, also, I kind of, I got a little bit tearful when she destroyed the pants when he left because it was so good.

Yeah.

And the fact that he hated it, it just like really destroyed her.

And I'm like, don't fuck up the painting.

It's cool.

And also, she wasn't trying to be funny.

She was just trying to send a, I think she was trying to send a very clear signal.

Like, can I please be your Carlotta Valdez or whatever?

Right.

Yeah.

Yep.

So Jimmy Stewart, he's wandering around and he sees a woman who looks just like Kim Novak, except she's a brunette and has a weird, clearly drawn-on beauty mark.

He follows this woman to her, like, hotel.

He's a real creepo to her, but for some reason, she's kind of like letting him in and like humoring him while he's telling her.

For some reason.

Yeah, some reason.

And then they, like,

she chases him away, but weirdly agrees to go out with him later.

And then sits down to write a letter where we learn what really happened.

So, okay.

Buckle up.

What happened?

But here's what happened.

So the guy who hired Jimmy Stewart, bad stash guy, wanted to kill his wife, but needed someone to testify to the fact that she was like mentally ill.

So he sets Jimmy Stewart up to follow around this fake wife, Judy, who he dressed up to look like his wife.

Jimmy Stewart gets obsessed with her.

When she ran up that tower, she stopped in the, you know, before the jump.

And then the old rich guy pushed his actual wife.

Who was dead?

who actually died in the movie.

And that, like, but so Jimmy Stewart never actually met his guy, his wife.

He met this actor,

and so, but then he testified, like, oh, she was mentally ill and was seeing ghosts, and he couldn't see the actual act of you know,

her actually faking it.

The switcheroo

didn't see the switcheroo because he has vertigo and he was too afraid to go up high enough into the bell tower.

Right.

So it's uh, it's

okay.

Brilliant.

It's like it's it's it's oh it's a it's this movie is not known for like what a plot, you know?

Sure.

And so like to explain it, it sounds a lot cornier than it feels while you're watching it.

Oh, yeah.

But it is.

It's scary.

Yeah, yeah.

It's interesting.

But what really is interesting is everything that happens in the third act changes this movie and makes it into, I think, why people now consider it one of the greatest movies ever made.

Also, it turns into a horror movie in the third act.

Yeah, it's a slasher movie.

Yes, he's like, he is like Michael Myers.

It is not a ghost story.

You think you're getting a ghost story.

Instead, you just get this psychosexual thriller about a psycho.

Well, it feels a little bit like a

cousin to psycho.

It is.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And Psycho is later.

Psycho is in 1960, I think.

Oh, is that right?

I think Psycho comes after this.

Yeah.

But it's in black and white is what's crazy.

So he made Psycho.

And I think, let me make sure I'm getting it.

He had to make it a black and white because of the blood thing.

That was it.

So also about...

So, yeah, so the black and white thing, totally, he could show more blood, but also he self-financed Psycho because no one wanted him to make it.

They thought it was too crazy.

So Hitchcock,

between this movie and Psycho, went to see House on Haunted Hill, which we've also watched for this.

Whoa.

Thought, and

he saw it in a packed theater.

He's like, oh, low-budget horror movies should make money.

I'll make psycho.

And so it's black and white because it needed to be cheap because he self-financed it.

And then it turns into this huge hit.

But yeah, it's weird that he made it because he's like, oh, House on Haunted Hill with that skeleton on strings.

I'll make the greatest horror movie ever made.

And this one.

The skeleton can just sit there because it looks stupid on strings.

Yeah.

And not because it has vertigo or anything.

Right.

It's just it's dead.

Yeah.

So he and Judy start like dating, and then he's like her sugar daddy.

She like quits her job.

And there's a scene where he takes her to a department store where I guess what happened in department stores in the 50s is people came out wearing the clothes you wanted to buy and you looked at these clothes on other people.

Okay.

Okay.

Wild.

Wild time.

This shows you how low my self-esteem is.

Because I was watching this going, boy, I'd do anything for this scenario.

Just like,

tell me what to wear.

I'll help anybody kill their wife.

Yeah.

Well, no, just this scenario.

I don't want to do the killing wife part.

I just want to be somebody that someone goes, you remind me of my dead girlfriend.

Let me make you over to look like her and I'll take you department store shopping and to fancy dinners.

And I'm like, I'm at the point in my dating career where I'm like, give me that daddy right now.

I will be your American girl doll.

You can dress me up.

Yes, I can't do it.

And take me for tea.

Pierce my ears.

I don't care.

Take me to the grove.

Just take care of me.

Honestly,

yes.

I'm like, it's fucked up.

But I kept thinking, I guess I just really love a dress-up scenario.

It's just kind of something.

Yeah, we like.

I mean, listen, Vertigo and the

live-action Sailor Moon Pilot have a lot of

makeovers that really set them.

Yes, God, I love a makeover.

Yeah, so he is dressing her.

He's like very, he's like very intense with the people at the department store to try and get her gray suit right.

And then he makes her dye her fucking hair.

Like, this is more intense than a saw movie.

This shit is so crazy.

She doesn't want to do it.

This is like so, so much of this is her being afraid.

And, you know, she's not doing this willingly and you're not sure what she is afraid of other than the fact that he just seems so

unhinged like he's never threatened her he's never said he's gonna do anything to her but I don't know if she actually was in love with him when she was playing the character was she like I don't know she's doing this seemingly out of like

you know wanting to go backwards to that place where they were when they were having this sort of emotional affair with her playing this character, Madeline, that he thought was real and also like possessed by a ghost.

And

so I think she's not in love with him as he is now, but wants to get back to that place where they were.

And

he wants the same thing.

And the only way he sees to get that is for her to look exactly like,

you know,

his lost love, madeline

yeah who was her but um also he knows like if she were to reveal herself to him he would know that she was in a murder plot and he is a detective like a former detective the fact that she doesn't skip yeah i know that's i mean it's just but i mean she's obsessed too everybody is obsessed with somebody and like does dumb shit because like they can't just leave it in the past.

I would just be obsessed with shopping.

And that would be my thing.

I'd be like, can we go back to the department store?

Can we add the Sailor Moon theme to the

shopping scene from Damp Wife with a ghost?

Sorry.

He pushed her off the roof.

Then the nun rang the bell.

All right.

Oh, yeah.

Well, that's about to happen.

So they go, he dresses her up exactly, you know, like she was.

They go to the old mission.

He's like, I just have to do something.

I have to do one more thing.

You think he's maybe going to like push her, but he's like trying to get over his vertigo or his fear of heights.

He's like trying to climb the ladder that he couldn't climb before to save her.

Yes.

He's like shoving her around.

It's so scary.

And they finally get to the top.

He conquers his fear.

And then a random nun comes up, rings the bell.

She falls off.

The nun does the sign of the cross, and that's the end of the movie.

What does the nun say?

She says something else.

Oh, she just goes,

she just goes like, oh, holy fucking shit.

Oh, that poor soul is like what she says.

Keep doing that.

So that just happened.

So that just happened.

Those are the bad guys.

Oh, no.

I did a thing.

Anyway,

if Vertigo is written by Josh Wheaton.

So, yeah, that's Vertigo.

We're going to tell you what we thought about it, but first we got to do the hunk watch.

It's hunk watch.

Any thoughts on the hunks of this film?

Oh, it's Kim Novak for me, baby.

But specifically

the blue dress that she wears at the very end.

That is my hunk.

I have never seen a more beautiful dress in my entire life.

I think I'm going to think about that dress.

If I could fuck that dress, I'd fuck it.

Yeah, I'd fuck that dress.

I want to get me inside of you, dress.

I mean,

I'll, you know,

you have to give it up for, you know, one of cinema's most iconic beauties, Kim Novak.

Yeah.

Guys, Mitch.

I mean, I am such a Mitch guy.

I am such a Midge guy.

Yeah, yeah.

Midge, she's got great hobbies.

She's got a great job, a wonderful apartment.

Handsome glasses.

Handsome glasses.

Great frames on Nidge.

Everything about her is great.

I'm giving it to,

you know, Jimmy Stewart because,

you know, he is

a silver fox.

He's old and sexy.

He is.

Listen, too old to be kissing the women of this movie, I guess.

But has he aged gracefully?

But was it kissing?

It just seemed like mashing, rubbing over.

Oh, the kissing in this movie.

We didn't even see.

I couldn't tell if it was like, maybe I just haven't really watched a lot of old movies, but it was because it does the

screen kiss, which I have, of course, seen in old movies, but it's a very sexualized screen kiss.

So I wasn't sure if I was seeing like a mixture of both or if this was a, if it was directed in this way, but it is like, even the kissing is obsessive.

It is hard to watch Jimmy Stewart making out.

I don't, I don't like it.

It just like looks like they're rolling their mouths against you.

Yeah, they're just

rolling back and forth.

It's so fucking weird.

When I think about old-timey kissing that I've seen that was hot, all I could think of is gone with the right.

Yeah, that was that was a nice hot kissing.

Good kissing in that one.

Yeah, but this one, yeah, the kissing was very weird.

But yeah, Jimmy Stewart, he's a hunk to me.

Love me, love me, a war hero.

Love me,

a good man.

He seems like a really nice guy.

That's, I think, probably why everyone likes him.

Oh, yeah.

But even in watching this movie, I was just like,

Alfred, stop abusing this really nice guy.

Well, I want to know: is he as tall as you?

I bet this is very tall.

He was like, probably 6'2, I would guess.

I'm going to look it up, though.

James Stewart,

height,

6'3.

6'3.

6'3.

Oh, yeah, you beat him.

You beat him.

Of course.

You can kick his ass, probably.

Taller than Jay Stew.

That's right.

Yeah, well, he can't get up on a stepladder.

Yeah, exactly.

I could definitely kick that guy's ass.

Also, rear window guy, also Harvey guy.

I probably.

Oh, yeah.

Hey, hey, man who knew too much.

You didn't know that I was about to punch you.

Oh, I hope we get to watch The Man Who Do Too Much.

That's another great Hitchcock Jimmy Stewart movie.

Yeah, hell yeah.

uh anyway um

that's the hunk watch we're gonna review the movie on a scale of one to ten super loud commercials right after this

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And although we haven't learned everything yet, I've got a pretty good feeling about this next episode.

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We are going to rank Vertigo on a scale of one to ten super loud commercials.

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Anyway,

let's rank Vertigo one to ten super loud commercials.

Emily, you want to go first?

All right.

It's a tippy ten for me.

Okay.

I love horror, but I love like

a twisted kind of psychological, like this is totally my jam.

And I've been itching for something like this for a long time.

I can't believe I haven't really watched this movie until now, but it is, I'm going to have fucked up dreams tonight.

There is no way I'm not having fucked up dreams.

And it was amazing.

I loved it.

I love the acting.

I love how beautiful the movie is.

The costumes, just, it was so twisted and fucked up.

I love it.

I love it so much.

I want to watch it again.

Yeah.

It's a great movie.

Matt, what do you think?

I am going to give this a nine.

I love this movie.

It's not my favorite Hitchcock,

but it is one of those movies that for me, this is the first time I've ever watched it.

I've only ever heard about it.

Cool.

I have a feeling that this movie will become a 10

by like

next week.

In my mind, think about it, don't you?

It sticks with you.

It sticks with me.

It's one of the, I don't think I've ever actually experienced this with any movie before, where while I was watching it, I'm getting hung up on the plot and I'm going, okay, I guess, and like, and these like little plot holes.

Meanwhile, my eyes are taking in the way it's shot and just kind of the

motifs of the movie that are like, you know, obvious if you're like, and then there's spirals and then there's green.

Green is life, but also, you know, and, but then as I continued watching it and it became this whole other thing,

I started going like, okay, so it's, it's just kind of like a weird movie.

As soon as it's done, it's like you could have set a clock to it.

I was just like,

I think I liked it.

You know, I think I really liked it.

And then eventually, by the time this podcast started, I was like, was that the greatest movie I've ever seen?

I'm not sure yet.

So I'm giving it a nine out of an abundance of caution.

But truly, one of the most insane things I've seen.

Right before, okay, before you rank it, Jordan, I just remembered something I wanted to say.

Number one, at the end, you find out she has the necklace.

Like, from the movie.

Oh, yeah, yeah, sure.

We kind of alluded to that.

I think maybe that was the payment for her going along with the murder scheme.

Right.

Because that apartment.

If I was partaking in a murder scheme and I did all this stuff and I'm living in that apartment, that was not worth it.

Absolutely.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She has the only not-nice apartment in the movie.

I know.

So I think the necklace was the payment, personally.

Yeah, yeah.

Probably really, yeah.

I think it's great.

You know what?

I'm giving it a 10.

Oh!

It happens.

All right.

Yeah, it's a nine for me, too.

I like, love this movie.

It's awesome.

And yeah, so cool that you can watch it for free.

Yeah, again, it's so many classic movies are kind of hard to find if you're just doing streaming.

So yeah, it's great that stuff like this is up there for free.

It is awesome.

Go watch it.

It does not feel like homework.

It's like a great, entertaining, awesome movie that is

actually really scary and fucked up.

just real quick to cap it off,

I did find myself looking into

Hitchcock a little bit more and having him describe the movie because I also

am interested in the artist's

auteur's intention, right?

And I just found this little clip where he's explaining a little bit that I just wanted to play

so you can understand.

You have a man

creating a sex image that he can't go go to bed with her until he's got her back to the thing he wants to go to bed with.

Or, metaphorically, indulged in a form of necrophily.

Oh, it's even weirder than we thought.

Oh, it's even more fucked up.

It's even more fucked up than you think.

He wants to fuck a ghost within a ghost.

Yes, he does.

That's exactly.

It's like one of those Russian nesting dolls, but it's a ghost you're fucking.

Yeah, exactly.

It's just like, it's what makes this movie, I think.

It's a turducken, but it's a ghost, and I'm putting my penis into the ghost.

Yes.

But yeah, I mean, just hearing him describe it, it's just like, again, this movie, you just...

Every time you think about it, it just makes you more and more convinced it might be the greatest thing ever.

And also, it is like again, uh, about his.

I know we need to end the podcast, but it is one of the greatest movies ever made.

It seems to also be about him wanting to play dress up with actors and make them into things that they're not, and his like frustration with any kind of like I don't know, resistance that they might have or any kind of agency they might have.

Yeah, and and just it's a it's kind of about that, like like him hating actors yeah there's just something about this movie where i'm like is it it's not about anything and it's about everything and uh i think it's about mommy issues always yes of course all of his shit but it's like necrophilia i mean psycho again yeah it's like it's so fucking he's a fucking crazy person

yeah not again you know

you can you don't have to comment we know bad guy yeah yeah yeah bad guy he's dead i love the movies though.

It's like.

These are great.

I know.

They're awesome.

So I want to watch more.

I want to watch more that I haven't seen.

The more I watch this guy, the more I think he belongs in a loony bin.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Where he could just sit

catatonic while someone calls themselves his mommy

and go wander around.

Well, yeah, that was Vertigo.

We think you should watch it.

Let's do a little plug-in.

If you're listening to this the week it comes out, I will be at San Diego Comic-Con Thursday, Friday, Saturday.

I got a panel and a signing each day.

If you want to find out more, go to bit.ly slash JordanCon.

Bit.ly slash JordanCon.

It's going to be cool.

All the panels.

Jordan, I don't know how you do all of this.

Like, you are like the biggest hustler.

Like, not like a bad way, but you hustle your head.

I don't know.

I suck dick for drugs.

I do.

I'd suck dick for a gray suit in a department store.

I mean,

we are not the same,

but very similar.

But it's it's just really cool that you hustled this much.

And if y'all did.

I'm actually two guys.

You're two guys?

Oh, are you a ghost in one of those?

I'm a ghost.

But you guys got to go fucking show up to this shit.

It's crazy.

Oh, yeah.

Show.

It's so fun.

It's always so much fun to meet people who dig the podcast.

So please find me at Comic-Con.

Let's talk movies.

And also, if you're going to be in the San Francisco Bay Area, one of the characters in this movie, if you're all smooth,

on August 22nd, we are going to be doing a live edition of my other podcast, Jordan Jesse Go, at the Eclectic Box Theater.

You can get those tickets at maximumfun.org slash events.

That's on the 22nd of August.

And then on the 24th of August, I will be at Cape and CowellCon at Faction Brewing in Alameda, California.

This is an all-day free Comic-Con with a bunch of cool people, Patton Oswalt, Brian Posan, everybody who's written a cool comic in the past couple of years.

You can find out more about that at and cowlcomics.com.

Again, that is a free event.

I'm going to say it.

I did it last year.

It's the most fun Comic-Con there is.

Boom.

Nice.

Jordan, are you going to wear sleeveless shirts?

Oh, maybe.

You know, I've been going no sleeves to a couple of these events, some of the hotter ones.

Yeah.

Convention centers can be

uncomfortable, so I might go sleeveless.

Free gun show at the free comic-con.

Boom!

The comics cost money, but the gun show, she's a free.

Emily, you got anything?

as always I'm gonna suggest going to mythicalsociety.com and becoming a member there

in second or third degree so you can watch my show Emily have you seen this it's all mine and

I my American Girl doll is often featured we may be going to the American Girl store

for an episode

I know I know I don't know if that's anything that interests anyone but but I'm passionate about it.

I'm passionate about it.

If you like it, we like it.

Yeah.

So

please watch.

Yes.

Please watch that.

And also,

I'm going to be at Laughs in Seattle on August 1st.

I'm going to be at the Rainier Arts Center August 2nd.

I'm going to be at the Houston Punch Line August 28th.

And finally, I am going to be

in New York City October 10th and 11th in Brooklyn at the gutter.

That is going to be really fun, so please come out.

Do any of those.

The links will be in the description.

All right.

You got your marching orders.

Go to some stuff.

Sign up for Mythical Society, maximumfun.org slash join to hear our bonus episodes.

Do all that stuff.

And then tune in next week when our movie will be The Babysitters Club from 1995.

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