Children of the Corn (1984)

This is Free With Ads, the the podcast that asked the question: why pay max eight bucks a month for a bunch of Stephen King adaptations with little to no corn when you can go online for free and watch one with many corn?

I'm Jordan Morris.

I'm Emily Fleming.

Today's movie is Children of the Corn, a movie that proves the old saying, Never have kids.

With us, as always, is super producer Matt Lieb hitting us with those sweet drops.

I made that.

He said, Drops, not plops, man.

There you go.

This show is off to a great start.

What do we say?

We just wrap it up now.

No, it's off to a great start.

Oh, my God.

We got to keep going.

Yeah, we got to keep going.

Lest we don't get more gold like that.

Hey, we're neck deep in Howl O Peen, our celebration of free, spooky movies and jokes about the phallus that some call the peen when they're trying to save time.

And today we have an amazing, overqualified guest from the amazing film review YouTube channel, Red Letter Media.

It's Josh Davis.

Hi, Josh Davis.

Hello.

Thank you so much for having me.

Yeah, before we get into Children of the Corn, which is, as of this recording, streaming free with ads, we're going to get to know our amazing guest.

In excitement, we're calling Talk to Guest.

Talk to guest.

So, Josh,

y'all review a lot of movies on Red Letter Media.

You go deep into franchises, deep into.

Let me start that again.

Let me reframe that.

So, Josh, on Red Letter Media, y'all go deep.

Y'all review lots of movies.

You go deep into various franchises.

I want to know, if people are looking for spooky season movies, do you have any deep cuts?

Like, we all know, like, Friday the 13th, Night Before Elm Street.

A lot of people do hocus pocus around this time of year.

Everything that has umpteen sequels, speaking of our movie this week, but

yeah, so what do you got?

If people are like, I'm tired of all that, I've done it a million times,

what are you suggesting?

Well, if you want something real freaky,

this one popped up years ago.

I got it as a bootleg DVD.

It's Japanese.

We got it with no subtitles, no idea what was going on.

We used to show it.

I used to have...

Rager Halloween parties at my place when I was much younger than I am now.

But eventually it got reissued in in the U.S., remastered.

Beautiful movie.

It's called Hausu, also known as Hosu.

I've heard about this show.

Oh, I've heard about this too.

Yeah, it's an amazing movie.

There are all sorts of allegations about it.

It's this crazy director.

I'm blanking on his name right now.

I apologize.

But the

theory or allegedly that it's based on his eight-year-old daughter's dreams, which when you watch it, kind of makes a lot of sense.

There's a lot of very odd imagery.

A girl gets eaten by a piano.

There's a cat ghost and a dancing skeleton just kind of in the background hanging out.

And just the imagery was so good that we,

like I said, we used to put it on parties and just like, it was just this terrible bootleg.

And eventually it got reissued in the theaters in the U.S.

Criterion has put it out on Blu-ray, I think, by now.

And I've

read the dialogue.

I still don't know what it's about.

I still don't quite get it.

But it's such a fantastic watch.

If you're really into visuals, like Argento or something like that, something where it's not necessarily going to add up plot-wise, not necessarily going to scare you, but kind of give you a good atmosphere.

I really like that one.

More of a vibe, you would say.

Is that

a fair description?

Sure.

I have one.

I have one that I stick up for,

no matter how much people shit on it.

Do y'all, y'all remember the Benicio Del Toro Wolfman movie?

Yes.

Yes.

I do!

I love it.

I think it's a wonderful tone.

It's got great gore.

It's got a lot of camp.

It totally like understands the camp of those old Universal horror movies.

It's got a wonderful Anthony Hopkins performance.

I don't know.

I think people just kind of weren't ready for the Benicio del Toro Wolfman.

Does it kind of come along from, along with the Universal stuff, does it come along from American Werewolf in London as well?

Yeah, a little bit.

I would say that maybe it is trying to like modernize like Bride of Frankenstein.

I think it's going for that.

I think it's going for like big, arch, crazy, fun.

I don't know.

I think people thought it was maybe like,

I don't know.

I don't know what people thought of it at the time.

I forget why people crap on it so much, but I think it's shorthand for like bad, bad franchise or franchise that never got off the ground.

I think it's a blast.

The Wolfman transformations, there's a lot of practical stuff there.

There's a a lot of like practical heads getting knocked off of mannequins.

I don't know.

And then just like big, crazy, campy performances from like Anthony Hopkins and Emily Blunt.

I don't know.

I really like it.

I think it's a misunderstood movie.

And I wish we were having Benicio Dol Toro's Wolfman fight Tom Cruise's mummy in a sequel this Halloween.

I have one now.

It's

got 1994's Wolf starring Jack Nicholson and Michelle Pfeiffer.

I've never seen that.

You were thinking about that too?

Yeah, that movie

rules.

It's bad, but it rules.

Also,

the Village of the Damned from the 90s that had like Christopher Reeve, Curse the Alley.

I can't remember who else is in it, but I remember thinking that was so scary.

That movie was super scary.

I probably saw it too young.

That's what I'm going to say.

I want to say that's a John Carpenter movie.

Did you direct the remake of that?

I want to say.

Oh, I don't know.

Maybe.

Where are, Josh?

Where are you?

And again, we can go around the horn on this.

Where are you on creepy kid movies?

We've got a creepy kid movie today.

Sounds like Village of the Damned is one of those two, right, Emily?

Totally, totally.

I would have preferred to watch that one, but it wasn't free without.

Yes,

let's not.

We're perhaps tipping our hand a little bit what we thought of Children of the Corn.

We'll get into it.

But yeah, generally, I'm iffy about it.

It can go either way.

There are some weird, like,

I've heard about,

there's a movie called Bloody Birthday, which is about like kids, like three kids killing everybody in town, and there's a whole thing like that.

There's a taboo there,

which is, you know, evil kids that you have to injure or kill.

And that puts, I think that automatically puts you in a

kind of an uncomfortable place, which is possibly where you want to be for a horror movie.

Sure.

And yeah,

this is a movie that inexplicably has 10 sequels if you count the remakes and

direct to sci-fi network.

Isn't there a remake this year?

Wasn't there like a 2024 Children of the Corn remake?

Oh, I don't know.

I believe there's a 2022

or I'm sorry.

2020 was

the latest Children of the Corn.

I saw that directed by Tom Wimmer, the guy from Ultraviolet

and Equilibrium.

So I'm kind of curious about it, despite despite not loving this one.

Someday they'll make those Children of the Corn good.

Yeah.

The 12th one.

The 12th one is when we nail it.

Oh, I just meant they'll improve the town

instead of murder everyone.

That makes sense.

I was once getting a haircut and I was having a discussion with the barber and the other guys in the shop about how a long-standing franchise, if you get to the 10th one, it has to be in space.

Yes.

that would be perfect for Children of the Corn.

But can we grow corn in space?

There's, I mean, it wouldn't make any sense, it would make no sense.

They'll do it on the moon or some shit, but it will happen.

Children of the corn on Mars.

There can't be corn up there.

Children of the cheese.

That's funny.

Children of the cheese.

Like we got a huit Lacoche like fermentation crossover.

I don't hate it.

I don't hate it.

I don't hate it.

I love a lot.

Children of Elote.

Josh.

Oh, now we're talking.

Yeah, we're really talking now.

Who do we meet with?

You guys know?

Somebody?

Yeah.

Josh, do you have a favorite horror sequel?

Because obviously these movies, horror is just sequelized into the ground.

Do you have one where you're like, okay, but the fifth one is really good?

I will rep all day for Friday the 13th, part four.

Okay.

That was the one that was supposed to be the end of the the series.

Tom Saviti comes back to kill his creation.

Little Corey Feldman acting his ass off.

Now, I know we're talking about kid actors and how we feel about them, but Corey Feldman destroys in that movie.

He does a fantastic job.

He's got a friendly golden retriever dog.

There's all sorts of stuff going on, and it's fantastic.

So I'll stand up for that.

Does the dog live?

It's questionable.

He does not die on camera.

He jumps out a window at one point.

He's probably fine.

Dogs always land on their feet.

If there's one thing I know about dogs, they have nine lives and they always land on their feet.

Yeah.

Oh, and the dog's name, by the way, is Gordon.

Cute.

Cute.

Come on.

I love a human name for a dog.

Oh, yeah.

Dan.

It's my dog, Dan.

Yeah, Greg.

Yeah.

Matt.

Oh, my mom's dogs.

My mom's dogs.

Since I moved I last, my mom's dogs have been Gus, Otis, and Sadie.

Those are all great names.

Those are good ones.

Gus is a dog name.

If I see a human with the name Gus, I'm like, what are you doing?

Yeah.

But that dog, that was Gus.

Well, yeah,

let's get into Children of the Corn, 1984.

Sorry, I had to make that.

What was that?

It was Outlander.

Hey!

Oh, that was amazing.

The Outlander?

What do you mean?

This is what the kids call the

main couple, the Outlanders.

Yeah, they keep saying at one point,

what's his name?

Malachi.

Malachi just keeps screaming, Outlander, we have your woman,

which is a reference I only know from South Park.

I thought you said Outlander, and I'm like, do you mean the thing my mom masturbates to?

Oh, I'm sorry.

What?

is that a romance novel series?

I don't know about

very popular TV series and novel series.

Yes, yes.

I got to check that out.

You should do it.

You should know about it.

I got to do my research.

Yes.

It's

rumored to be red hot.

Matt, by research, do you mean jacket off?

Yeah, well, hey, you know, potato potato.

Yeah.

I do want to give cred there, though, to Matt real briefly because I'm a big fan of the show.

Best audio drops of any podcast.

Same again.

It's not even a contest.

It's so true.

I'm not.

Take that, Jimmy Pardo.

Sorry, Pardo.

I love Jimmy Pardo.

Jimmy's great and welcome on the show anytime.

Yes, please, Jimmy.

I'm just playing.

You know I love you.

I want him here.

Wow, okay.

Yeah, go with it.

I'll just talk to you about Chicago and Styx and other bands from around here.

So, yeah, I guess we had been talking about doing this one for a while.

It had been on our to-do list for a while.

I had never seen this one or any of them.

Josh,

had you seen this

in any of its many sequels?

This was new to me.

I had read the

story way back because I was a big fan of Stephen King's short stories as a kid, because as a Gen Xer, like we all did, we read Stephen King far too early.

Of course.

And it explained some things.

But I've tried to catch up with some adaptations of Stephen King's stuff in the recent years.

I could just watch the Cronenberg Dead Zone with Christopher Walken, which is top-notch.

So good.

The short story novelization, or the short story adaptations, rather, you tend to, it's a little thrown on the ground.

You get The Running Man or The Lawnmower Man or other mans.

It's not necessarily.

I mean, you've listed two great movies there.

I'll throw in The Mist, too, if you're looking for a.

I guess it's more of a novella, but I love that Thomas Jane starring The Mist.

Or Shawshank Redemption.

Come on.

Yeah, sure.

That's a novella, too.

Sure, sure, sure.

Well, yeah, this is a Stephen King adaptation, and oh boy, it is all over this thing.

All the shit Stephen King loves is in this, except Maine for some reason.

Why is Maine not in here?

They could never.

Maine couldn't save this.

Maine could never save this.

One guy on a porch going, hey,

could not save this movie.

Now come back, you're a surge.

If you see a silo, you went too far.

Don't go near that corn.

They say there's ghosts in the corn there.

Hey huh?

I'm fixing up my old Plymouth.

Just some Stephen King shit for you.

There you go.

Time to have a hamburger steak and fix the old Plymouth.

I have burger steak.

I love Stephen King.

He's amazing.

Burger steak.

What the fuck is that?

That's what they would call it.

What they would call it in Bangor.

They have a hamburger steak at the HMS Bounty, Emily.

No, it's a baseball steak.

Oh, the base.

You're right.

You're right.

Baseball.

I think that's the same thing.

I think that is a hamburger steak.

Oh, I don't know why they call it that, honestly.

I just know it's one of the options during Thanksgiving.

Oh, yeah.

We're having a...

Because I have had Thanksgiving at HMS Bounty.

We're having an argument about the menu of a local nautical-themed dive bar because we want this to be the most relatable podcast ever.

That's right.

If you do come to L.A., go to HMS Bounty.

Oh, you must.

You must.

Sometimes the lady in the lobby has puppies.

Oh, lady in the lobby.

It's in a baby stroller.

Lady in the lobby is my favorite M.

Night Shyamalan movie.

Ah, yeah.

Lady in the Lobby.

My daughter could play the lady.

All right.

Sure.

Fine.

Or some other famous guy's daughter.

We only have some famous people's daughter in there.

As long as it's a famous guy's daughter.

And I'm a famous guy.

And as long as the movie still sucks ass, it doesn't fucking matter.

How dare you?

I do dare.

Okay.

Listen,

the man had a rough period.

I contend that he's back, but we can negotiate that on a later episode.

Because of the Josh Hartnett movie?

I really like that movie.

Okay, Okay, I haven't seen it yet.

I'm an old head.

I really like old.

I think old people like old.

Oh, oh, oh.

That's what you meant by old head.

Old.

Went away.

First time use of that.

Just people who like the movie old.

Yeah, yeah.

It's people who like old school hip-hop and the movie Old by M.

Ray Shamala.

Listen, if I want to marry Rich, I'm going to have to like that too.

Manchester,

giving a little old head.

All right.

Oh,

boy.

All right.

So what happens in this movie?

We start with some shots of corn.

I'm like, okay, but where's those children?

I see the corn.

Where's the children?

I was, I say.

Yep.

We're in Gatlin, Nebraska, and it turns out the children are in church.

There's a church service.

Everything's real folksy, and they go to a beautiful Norman Rockwell-esque diner after church.

I'm sure nothing will interrupt this picaresque tableau.

Surely, there's no darkness behind these white picket fences.

But there is.

The first sign we get that something is amiss is we have a creepy kid peeping in through the windows.

He's wearing an Amish hat.

I think this is the worst hat in the movie.

The worst hat.

Yay, We haven't had a worst hat in a while.

This is a pretty bad hat.

This is a pretty bad hat.

And this movie's low on hats, so I was particularly focused on this one, I guess.

Can I say this hat is,

if you are a girl in Nashville, can you fucking quit it with these hats?

Like,

it's been around a while.

I know

it's cute with a little dress or whatever, but you don't work on the land.

And I would roughly, you get drunk and say Haktua.

That's what you do in Nashville.

We don't need to wear the hat.

So

you sell leggings as part of an MLM.

Yeah, exactly.

So let's cut it out with the hats.

You gotta have a couple calluses before you can wear the hat.

There you go.

Yes, you have to have tilled something, the soil, ideally.

She worked through the sales section at anthropology.

That's the most physical labor that bitch ever did.

So cut it out with the hat.

She convinces her friends to buy supplements.

Yeah.

And that's not to say that I think straw hats are cute, but the felt hats, no ma'am.

Okay.

I will say,

I absolutely know what you mean, Emily.

I think this is probably, this was probably just kind of like a basic sweetie hat, you know, that you see someone you went to high school with wearing on Facebook.

Also, I will say this hat had a hot second for like Silver Lake dude assholes, like barista

bartender type dudes wore this hat for a little bit.

They had a little feather in the side, little feather in the side,

trying to get you to come to see their band.

Anyway, it's a bad hat.

Anyway, this creepy little kid, this is Isaac.

He's peeping in through the window, and he gets all the kids in the diner to kill

everyone using diner implements.

So there's like somebody gets killed with like the meat slicer.

That was horrific.

That was the one that I was like,

yes.

My favorite was when

it was clear in a lot of this movie, I think the sound mixing is

a little bit all over the place.

Like people are mouthing things and the words don't match up with the mouth movements.

But my favorite thing is they poison the coffee and they're like serving it to the olds.

And this lady goes, oh, good coffee.

Like

before dying.

And I'm like, we didn't need that.

That was just so funny.

They also didn't, they didn't, they didn't need to stab him after.

They already poisoned them.

Yeah, I know.

It's just overkill.

Just double tap.

They wouldn't.

You know, make sure they're down.

Into making that sickle happen.

Like, because it's on the cover.

It's like kind of a big part of the imagery for the movie.

But I mean, they use it in ways where it's not clever or interesting.

They're just making it happen.

Can I say that actually through this whole thing, right from the start, my

initial issue was that it's being narrated by this kid.

And like, I get that you want to have this, like, somebody to pull you through things, but it would have been amazing if all that had happened with no narration.

It would have been fantastic.

Yeah.

And the narrating is confusing because that little kid who's doing the narrating isn't the perspective character in the movie.

It's the movie becomes about Linda Hamilton and her boring ass boyfriend.

Yeah.

But so we just periodically get these these narration things from a side character.

It's really confusing.

I think they probably added that afterwards when, like, the movie sucked.

And then they're like, uh.

Studio notes.

Oh, have kid talk.

Say what's happening.

Yeah.

Well, the thing is, it's like.

Have him say title.

So there are two characters, that little boy who's the narrator, and then his sister, who is the most interesting character in the whole thing, in my opinion.

And you don't get nearly enough of her.

But it's like, why isn't she just the narrator why do we you know she's i don't know psychic too i know that's what i mean she's

she she wasn't in the diner so she wasn't actually

uh in place for those events i guess but she's psychic so she could see right that's true so what happens is that she the little sister is at home sick in bed but she's she's drawing with her crayon like she's not even looking at the paper her she's like sleeping in bed and yeah she's drawing like creepy drawings of what happens with the crayon.

She's the psychic kid.

I bet in the world of the Stephen King of Verse, she probably has the same thing as the kid in the shining.

Yeah, you're right.

Yeah.

So, yeah.

So she's drawn creepy crayon drawings of all the all the atrocities.

And then

we meet our two main characters, Linda Hamilton and the world's most boring man.

Hey, I think it's time for Hunk Watch.

It's Honk Watch.

We should do it here.

Not a lot of adults in this movie.

So

while we're here,

I mean,

is it anyone other than Linda Hamilton?

Of course not.

Come on.

So good.

She's half a year before Terminator.

She's about to go big, and she's not given a lot to do in the movie.

But

she's doing everything she can.

Well, it could have been the blue man, but, you know, he's

worse for wear.

Who's the blue man?

He's the cop that's been crucified for a long time.

The blue man, yeah, yeah.

I don't know, one of the pipe art Jesuses in the town hall with the green skin, maybe

into that.

Sure,

some sick Jesus.

Corn monster.

I wanted to fuck the corn monster.

Yeah, especially when it's a big red cloud.

Yeah.

A lot of fuckable things in this movie.

Things, but not people.

Not people.

Yeah.

so Linda Hamilton.

I'm going to sickle before I watch this movie again.

Oh, boy.

Put it on the DVD.

So,

yeah.

So they are in a little motel room.

They're doing a cross-country road trip.

He has an internship.

I guess it's a medical one we learn later.

They don't tell you what it is for a while.

He just keeps talking about his internship.

Oh, they've got MD on the lighter.

Oh, okay.

Miriam, there you go.

It's little details.

I guess I missed it.

Thank you for, Josh.

Thank you for watching this movie closely.

Somebody had to.

So, yeah.

We all just double screen.

Yeah.

We got all the games on these phones.

Yeah.

I'm playing Prince of Persia on the Switch while I'm watching this.

You're like, I get it.

They're children in the planet corn.

Whatever.

There's a kid, and there's the corn.

So

it is his birthday, and his birthday wish is to live happily ever after.

I wonder if that'll be ironic later.

Anyway,

he

is like, and she kind of hints that she wants him to propose, and he kind of brushes it off.

So I would say he's kind of a fuckboy, but then he doesn't want to fuck.

He's a fuckboy who don't fuck.

What's this guy's fucking deal?

That's when you're depressed.

That's just actual depression.

Oh, yeah.

Well, like, how old do we think that guy is like if he's just out of medical college like medical school like in his mid-20s huh yeah

yeah i mean it i don't i couldn't tell from looking at him that's not that's not the issue i don't know how long school goes for

uh i don't know he seems a little he seemed a little older sometimes just you know erectile dysfunction can hit you at any moment

you know what that is that was before the blue pills

it was when did the blue pills come along the 90s Oh, yeah.

Really?

Smoothie has the blue man, but not the blue pills.

Oh,

you know, he's a fuckboy with obligations.

That's right.

He's got to get to his man.

He's got to get to his internship.

I can't fuck Linda Hamilton.

I got to get to his internship.

I got to have my car.

Priorities are all screwed up.

Yeah, they didn't have a lot of chemistry, I'll be real.

Yeah.

And she's doing her best.

You know, she does a little dance for him.

It's very charming.

Nice to kind of see her in a mode that's not like Sarah Connor.

It's kind of fun to see her in a little more playful.

I mean, she's great.

And yeah, so

they're driving to

his internship.

They're listening to like a preacher on the radio, and they're kind of like making fun of him.

And I think this, this is like, you know, with horror movies, it's fun, right?

It's like, what's it about?

Like, it's about zombies, but what's it about?

And like, this kind of comes close to giving you something, I feel like.

So it's, it's, they're these two kind of like libertine

kids who don't, you know, they're not traditional, they're modern, they don't want to have kids, they're kind of dicking on this preacher, and it's like, well, they're going about to like, you know, conservative values are about to fuck them up.

Um, so I'm like, well, okay, maybe we kind of have a rural versus urban struggle going on here.

Maybe that's kind of what it's about.

The movie does fucking nothing with this.

It's like,

yeah, I don't know.

You don't necessarily, you don't get until until it hits you over the head at the end that it's the religion angle is the thing.

Sure, yeah.

But anyway,

so

as this is happening, I'm like, okay, this movie might have themes.

It doesn't really.

But they do that a little bit.

So, and as this is happening,

we get these shots of the little kid, the narrator little kid,

running away from home.

He's like running away from home.

He's got his little kid suitcase.

He's running away through the corn.

corn and then somebody finds him and stabs in him a bunch.

And then he runs out in the middle of the street and gets hit by our main characters.

Oh, shit.

Which I've asked Matt if we could create a new sting because during our episode about the bye-bye man, we were saying there are just...

There are people just standing in the middle of the road a lot in movies.

Yep.

This is a trope at this point.

So we have to have a sting.

And I made a sting.

Here it is.

Thank you.

Person in the road who the driver doesn't see, and he accidentally gets killed by a car.

I feel like people need to know all the beats.

You're taking the sting to strange new places.

Strange new places, though.

This is your pet sounds.

That drop.

The Phil Specter of Sting.

Right.

Matt was up for five weeks on LSD LSD making that drop.

Record it again.

Beautiful.

We get a horse in here.

That was great.

I burned a couple calories left.

Oh, yeah.

That was good.

So the kid gets hit.

But it's not.

I feel bad about throwing corrections at you, but again, I was the one watching the movie, apparently.

It wasn't the narrator kid.

He and his sister are sending Joseph off because Joseph's trying to get away.

And who is Joseph?

Is he their other brother?

No, he's just some kid.

He got sick of the whole thing.

He's a guy who they needed to get hit by a car.

He also took that, the suitcase is such a little kid running away from home suitcase, too, where you're really trying to send a message to your parents.

Like,

you're not, you're not really going to go far because that thing's heavy and cumbersome as fuck.

Like, you're not, and you can't really fit much in those either.

You could fit more shit in a Jansport than in AM.

He opens it up.

It's just all slim gems.

He's like i don't think you're serious

well when you kill all the parents and all the adults in the town it just reversed to the 50s so you know

he's just a salesman

he threw out all his brooms and his brushes so he could put his clothes in there can i sweep in your barn all right um

so there's this uh so they hit the kid they don't really seem to feel any particular way about it people are so blasé about shit in this movie it's It's very weird.

So he's like inspecting the little kid.

He tells Linda Hamilton to go wait in the car.

She has kind of a creepy dream where she goes to check on the kid and he kind of jumps up like a zombie.

I guess while they were filming the movie, they told Linda Hamilton it was going to be a dummy and then it was the actual kid so they would get an honest reaction.

Anyway, so that happened.

Let's let actors act, okay?

I know, right?

Yeah, that reminds me of the thing that with Long Legs, which I loved Long Legs, but that video where they had the lead actress not see what Nick Cage looked like until, and they put a heart monitor on her.

Oh, no.

She saw Nick Cage.

They saw her, like, her heart rate went way up.

And I was like, you guys, that's a lot.

Yeah.

It's all so stupid.

I feel like, do you guys remember Jack Nicholson's performance in The Joker?

Yes.

The thing with him,

he just pretended to be the Joker.

That's what acting is.

You don't need to go method, be like, how can I become the Joker?

Or a director?

How can I become a person?

I have to mail turds to my co-stars.

Yeah, it's like, no, Jack Nicholson went in.

He said, I'm the Joker now.

And that was it.

Just let people act.

There's a weird history of that in horror movies, too.

Like, there's the bit in The Exorcist where the

guys yanked Ellen Burston back too hard, and she she literally injured herself.

And that's on camera.

Oh, my God.

Like the movie, like the camera kind of goes in and sees, or Texas Chainsaw Massacre, but that's a different situation.

Or that stormtrooper.

What happened with the stormtrooper?

Do I hit his head?

Right.

Love George Lucas.

Just spooky, spooky stormtrooper.

Push the guy right in front of you.

I want him to bonk his head a little bit.

Make him bonk his head.

I'll put in a coconut sound.

It'll be great.

It'll be good for the mise-on-sen.

And then I'll teach you all about Joseph Campbell while we drive around in my classic Cadillac.

Good old George Lucas.

Anyway.

So

they're two little kids.

They're up doing forbidden things, which means listening to records and playing Monopoly.

This looks pretty fun.

Pretty cute.

Wearing fancy clothes.

Yeah, they're wearing their parents' clothes.

They're playing Monopoly.

This is very fun.

And then the kid who is wearing the bad hat comes in with his goon Malachi.

Oh, it's Malachi, the redhead.

Yeah, Malachi is the red-headed goon.

Isaac is the leader kid who was wearing the bad hat, but isn't anything.

I would say little Elon Musk vibes here.

And I guess we should say that this actor is not a kid.

This is actor,

this actor has a condition where they look a lot younger than they really are, but are like playing a kid.

I'll just, I'll leave it there.

Yeah, and then the redhead kid who plays Malachi,

he looks like he could be 20.

So let's, yeah, let's

talk about Malachi for a hot second.

I hate Malachi.

I want to

beep Malachi in the face.

Like, I hated him so much.

I I had the same thing because he's always the full troll.

He won't shut up.

He's always just

like, dude, just let it go.

He's also got a surfer boy accent.

Okay, this is what I would like to play because we are supposed to be in Nebraska.

This kid is obviously from Studio City.

Matt, do you have this little clip where the Bill and Ted comes out in his voice?

But they had a game in music.

They're forbidden.

Questioning me not Malachi.

They had a game.

They're forbidden.

That is actually my favorite quote of the movie that I was going to put in later.

Because it was like the two accents next to each other is so funny.

He's like, Yeah,

come on.

They're better.

And then he's like, question me not, Malachi.

Like his accent at the end was like, what the fuck is that?

Bro, this is totally sketch.

You guys

sketch right now.

Fuck this.

I'm going to go get a breakfast burrito.

I'm going to get Jack of the Box getting a chicken-tare munchie meal.

You're going to get it from Corn Satan

later.

It is notable that apparently the actor is older than he appears because I did notice his voice was very raspy.

Yeah.

I was like, oh, that's actually, that's an interesting, like, is that put on?

Like, apparently that's just his voice.

It's a good voice.

It's a good voice.

It works very well.

But yeah, I recognized Malachi straight away as Hans Klopek from The Burbs.

Okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I was like, I know that guy.

I've never seen The Burbs, but that's sick.

Good voice.

I will say that The Burbs has been free with ads on YouTube for a while.

It's one of those that's like, there's some of these movies that stick around for a while, and it's like, why is this one still on here?

Penelope has been on there forever.

I bet they are because they're owned by someone sketchy.

That's my theory.

Is that someone's just like, yeah, let it crank out some money.

Who cares?

Yeah, totally.

And yeah, I think this first, I think all the sequels to this were made by a legit film company, but I think this one was made by some

studio that's not around anymore.

Well, this was New World, which was, I mean,

pretty well known for B-Pictures at the time.

Okay.

Not a huge studio, but they were a large independent.

Well, yeah, yeah, it's definitely like one of those that's kind of been like kind of goes back and forth on all these sites kind of

Yeah, I'm sure their catalog has been sold 50 times so these little kids they're they They're they're being chastised because they're doing things that were forbidden

And then we go to perhaps the Stephen Kingiest character in this Stephen King ass movie.

We got an old man working on a working on a truck and talking to a dog and the dog brings him his wrench.

Oh, the dog always brings him wrenches.

My little doggy.

Bringing his wrenches.

You gotta hurry up.

Sarge has gotta be on point with these wrenches.

Mm-hmm.

And he's like scared of stuff that's going on around.

He's like hearing noises.

And then, oh no, we find the dog's bloody bandana in like the hood of the car.

I know.

But the dog's probably fine.

They probably just stole his bandana and painted it red.

That's probably what happened.

Yeah, I don't know.

Dog's fine.

Wrench.

Malachi seems like the kind of kid that's just got blood around.

Yeah, sure.

Malachi just has a bucket of blood with him at all times.

Hey,

you opened up my blood collection.

I was gonna use that.

I've got him organized by type.

Yeah.

That was O, dude.

That was my O.

Universal Gainer.

You're still my O, Jesus.

Man, I'm a point low.

Oh, oh,

oh, fuck.

Anyway,

so yeah, the kids, the kids kill the mechanic.

We get to see them out in the field.

Isaac's giving a little sermon.

He's got a corn Jesus.

Everything's made of corn.

And this is when he wants them to kill the Outlanders.

It's the couple that the little girl predicted were going to come into town with her creepy drawings.

And they've got the cop.

He's like crucified on a corn cross.

This is

The blue man, kind of a creepy image.

So then, yeah, Isaac's a little scared about all this because I don't know if he's receiving

psychic messages from he who walks behind the corn or if he's seen the drawings, but the prophecy is that these

Outlanders?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

The Outlanders are coming into town, and the man in particular, because Linda Hamilton can fuck off as far as they're concerned.

The man might be even more powerful than the blue man.

This is a big deal.

That's true.

Because he's a doctor who's going to an internship.

And he's going to go on to star in 30-something.

He's also chased.

So it's like maybe there's something there.

He has too much come inside of him.

Stop him.

Harvest the cum.

Harvest the Outlanders come.

He's the oldest version.

He will never fuck Linda Hamilton.

no matter how many times she asks.

Steal his cum.

Steal the cum of the infantry.

Watch out the fields with the cum.

I thought we were collecting blood, dude.

Now we're collecting spooge.

I don't even know how to categorize this.

Our fluids are valid, my lakai.

We must collect our fluids.

Shut up, Virgin.

This is a better movie.

This is better.

Children of the come.

No,

no, no, no, no.

Bad, bad, bad.

No, loop it.

Make a drop.

Too late.

Children of the cum.

But aren't, if you think about it, aren't all children children of the city?

That's what I was thinking.

Because

we're all of the come.

We are all of

them.

We come from cum.

And the cum comes from.

A big lump with knobs.

It's because it is.

I don't know what song you're parodying.

Corn?

You ever heard the corn kid?

No.

It's corn?

I know what you're talking about.

Yeah, I know.

Anyway, you'll play that song.

I'll send you that song, and then if you could.

Oh, no, I found it.

I got it.

I got it right here.

Here it is.

Okay.

It's got the jeans.

There it is.

Sorry.

That's not the corn song you were talking about.

No, Matt, it wasn't.

I'm sorry.

My bad.

That's okay.

So anyway, Linda Hamilton and this fucking guy, intern guy, they come into town.

They go into one of the houses, the little girl's up there, and the guy just leaves Linda Hamilton behind for some fucking reason.

It's the most, like, it's the most infuriating, let's split up in history.

Totally.

It's so bad.

But yeah, so this.

It just drove me nuts.

I described, I was talking to a friend of mine earlier today about the movie, and I was explaining Linda Hamilton as the character who never gets listened to.

And there's one of those in a lot of these movies like this, but it was so frustrating in this one.

I mean, she gives in eventually, but she's she's like, don't stop here.

Keep moving.

Logic.

Rationalism.

Yeah.

I know.

And if we don't have that, we don't have a movie, but it got frustrating.

It really did, yeah.

And again, you have to like buy a couple of these for horror movies to work, and they're building to a scene where all the kids are trying to get into the thing, but like, just screenwriter, sit down for a fucking, for 20 minutes and think of a reason they have to split up instead of just it happening for no reason.

It's fucking wild.

Anyway, so he's wandering around the town.

Everybody's just wandering around.

He wanders around around the town.

He goes into this church where the kids are doing kind of a creepy ceremony.

It seems like there's two ceremonies going on at once.

Yeah, what's up with that?

I don't know.

Just do we have a church?

Well, the ceremony in the church is that every kid that hits 19 has to walk into the corner and be a sacrifice.

Yes, that's right.

Like a Logan's Run deal where you're like, you get that the age and you're done.

Well, the other

ceremony in the field, I'm not sure exactly what's going on.

Well, it's like they were just setting up the the whatever the cross thing to either put that old kid on and i don't know but my favorite thing was this old kid yeah

oldest kid

we actually have that oh

oldest cane

there it is i forgot that old kid is like so he's cutting a pentagram into his chest and then they've made a cute little blood bowl out of corn It's really cute.

It is so cute.

And I was like, that is something that the Nashville girl with the hat would make.

Yes.

And like, take it, post an Instagram photo, and it's like, fall vibes.

Yes.

Pumpkin spice season.

Ooh, blood.

Pumpkin spice blood.

At least if you got all these corn husks, you're getting crafty.

I appreciate that.

Yeah.

I think that they're eventually we're going to have little things about tiny details in movies that we like.

And that little corn bowl, definitely one of them.

It's so cute.

Whatever prop design person made that little corn bowl, we see you and we appreciate you.

It's a wonderful bowl.

It's very cute.

I got to set up an Etsy search just to see if I can get me one of those.

Oh, yeah.

Put, I don't know, MM's in it or something.

I'm not putting blood in there.

Free idea to any crafty people out there.

Children of the corn, little corn bowls.

There should have been more corn crafts in this movie because they had a lot of them.

There were some, but I think the most innovative one is that little bowl.

I think a lot of the other ones were like, oh, it's a crucifix.

It's a crucifix.

The crucifix is good, but otherwise it was just like jamming corn into a car so it doesn't go.

Yeah.

Corn's everywhere in the diner.

Like it's not as creative as those are.

Where's the little corn cob pipe that has bubbles come out the top?

That's a great point.

It's a great point.

Yeah, the ceremony in the

field seems to be setting up the conflict between Isaac and Malachi.

Sure.

I'm just saying.

I mean, not a lot of ceremonies going on at once.

Can we be efficient?

Can we conflate?

Can this be one ceremony?

Can the ceremony have been an email?

It's so, you know, so boring boyfriend guy, he like kind of yells at all the kids for, I don't know, drinking blood.

And they like start chasing him all around town.

I don't know if there's a way to like get across this in audio, but every time the little kids would chase him through town,

I just wanted the soundtrack to be, can't buy me loan,

money can't buy me loan.

And then he trips and John Lennon picks him up.

Right.

Cute one.

I will drop that in that spot.

That's where my favorite line happened because

it's not a real pithy movie with a lot of good lines on it.

No.

But at one point, there's one of those kids chasing him and he's kind of coming around a corner and he's pumping his arms real hard and he just starts going,

and that just that just cracked me up it was real real texas lawhawk moment where it's just yelling and running at the same time my favorite thing about this movie is remembering how weak children are and like

how shitty they are as like people um and i hate kids sorry

mainly the kids in this movie oh okay it's but um it was just like okay if you think of who the worst actors are it's mostly kids.

And then they were like, let's just do a movie worth all, mostly that.

Yeah, if you get enough of them together, one of them will, you know, be pretty good.

I know.

You'll forget all about how terrible everyone else is.

Yeah, it's like.

Did you ever remember to hire a good one?

Well, there's some that where it's like you only need one good kid, like Sixth Cents.

You got Haley Jola.

Only had to find one.

True.

Finding a whole group of them, like, that is some tough.

That's tough.

But yeah, I love it when Big Dumb, boring guy pushes the kids over because I'm like,

what's the matter?

Can't stand up.

Little punk.

Haven't learned how to stay center of gravity.

Take that.

Yeah.

Can't even drive.

There is one part towards the conflict where boring dude bitch slaps Malachi.

Oh, yeah.

And it's so satisfying.

I think it's fun.

It is fun.

It is fun.

Yeah, so that's kind of what's going on there.

There's a little power struggle between Isaac and Malachi.

They put Isaac up on the cross, and he gets engulfed by this demon energy.

Very shocking.

Yeah, I think, Josh, you mentioned there's these brief mentions of like

he who dwells in the corn or something, but the fact that somebody

behind the row.

Yes.

But yeah, I guess that was real.

I guess there is an actual demon out there.

Yeah, that's one of the things that kind of threw me off through the movie through that point, because again, I'm vaguely remembering the short story, but

it's kind of, you don't necessarily know if it's a real thing or it's just something the kids are expressing as this religious horror thing.

It's like, oh, no, that's just a thing, like a tremor scheme.

And it's under the light.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's just, okay, so I wanted to say the religion thing, the kids being like extremists and this kind of satanic cult, scary enough.

We didn't need all the other stuff, personally.

I didn't need it.

Because then once you add the supernatural stuff, it's like, why did it only need to be kids?

Why do you

and also you've changed the stakes of the movie completely?

Completely.

Like, the doctor should have been like, oh, wait, should I join?

You know, like, are these kids right?

Yeah, if this thing is real, then maybe you should be.

I was making what it says.

I was making fun of God this whole time, and now I've seen an actual monster.

Maybe I should rethink, you know?

Yeah, the movie does not go there.

The movie like it doesn't give a fuck about like how you would react to learning that there's a devil.

Right.

He just kind of boring guy just kind of like

wanders off back to the barn with all the other kids.

He's like, ah, oh,

I should go.

Like not any sort of reckoning as to what I know.

No, what he actually does is then he chastises them about not loving their parents enough.

Oh, yeah.

And I'm like, wait, are you going to address the monster you just saw eat a kid?

No.

Yeah.

That was just video static.

He's not scared of that.

People are so blasé.

It's like they change the order of things because people seem to forget fucked up stuff that happened or just not react to it.

Like them hitting the kid, they never seem that concerned by it.

Like,

yeah.

No, they didn't.

My favorite thing, too, is like, let's, the way we kill this

devil monster who comes from a place of fire is with fire.

What?

Like, Yeah, that too.

So yeah,

we're about there.

We're about to the nonsensical, confusing conclusion of Children of the Corn, and we'll talk about it right after this.

You know, we've been doing my brother, my brother, me for 15 years.

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We're here with Josh from Red Letter Media talking about children of the corn.

Yes, as Emily mentioned, everybody's kind of like holed up in the barn.

The demons out there doing demon stuff.

Yeah, they've weirdly decided that the way to kill the fire demon is by setting everything on fire.

It's all in that Bible verse.

It's all key there.

Job, the little kid from the beginning, has it in his wallet and he's like, look at this verse.

And Bert, hunk guy, whatever, he figures out like, oh, the blue man was trying to set it on fire by putting gasohol through the irrigator.

Yeah.

Okay.

Josh, you're making this movie

you're making a little more sense.

So thank you for

watching it.

This is one of the things I'm trained in.

Yeah.

So the plan is to like shoot gas through the irrigation system and then set it on fire with a Molotov cocktail.

So

our dude runs out.

Corn starts whipping him.

He's just getting whipped by.

So the corn can move, I guess.

I don't know.

Sure.

It's been moving a little bit throughout the movie.

Like just a little bit of creepy, the stalks will split for someone.

Kind of the guy.

There's been a bit of a movie.

You can whip and spank now.

Harky corn.

So this is kind of a.

Was the corn the hunk the whole time?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

I've heard of call me daddy, but call me corny.

Hell yeah.

Shuck, shuck, 5,000.

Jonathan Davis liked that joke.

That's how he signals his approval by weird scouting.

Having corn as the laugh track to a sitcom.

Oh, my God.

That'd be great.

So,

all right.

Yeah.

So they, there's a kind of a funny little bit where he throws them all to a cocktail and it doesn't break.

And the little kid goes to get it and has to bring it back and he has to throw it again.

It was just frustrating that he like dude gets all wrapped up by the corn and the leaves and everything.

And the kid comes and starts cutting out.

He's like, what are you doing here?

Get the fuck out of here.

Like, dude, have a little respect and thanks.

Thank you.

But then the kid goes, geez, you're welcome or whatever.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

And then he asked him to come back and help again.

I was like, okay, this is all over the place.

He really is non-committal.

Yeah.

Like, that's true.

Yeah.

Can't make up his mind for nothing.

And the last two minutes of this movie are just a sitcom.

Like the kid saying, excuse me, that was a weird little thing.

So, you know, they set it on fire.

The demon bursts into a cloud.

We never really get an explanation as to what it was or what was happening.

You know, our two leads kiss and the little kids laugh and they're like, what are we going to do with these little munchkins?

It's kind of implied that they're just going to adopt these trauma kids.

That's going to go great for everybody.

Also, I wanted to point something out.

So their buddy, they like...

sent out to try to escape with the suitcase and everything, and he got hit by the car.

They opened his suitcase and there was a compass in there, right?

And Linda Hamilton and

asshole couldn't find their way back to wherever they were going.

They could have literally just used this compass and just fucked right off.

That's a very good point.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Yeah, so I just thought I'd say that.

I should have mentioned that earlier, but I just remembered it.

Some doctor.

Yeah.

Listen, if he can't navigate his way out of a disastrous cult situation, how is he going to do surgery on the right disc?

Thank you.

There you go.

Thank you.

So, you know, they go back to their car, and there's a bunch of like corn coming out of the hood.

I've heard of corn on the cob, but corn in the car?

Anyway.

And there's one more devil kid in the back who like pops up for one last like carry scare.

And then

I love that so much because it was just so dumb.

Just like one little carry style, not you know, more Stephen King movies, but one little jump scare at the end.

And then Linda Hamilton's just like, kabong.

Yeah, just knocks her out.

And then someone's like, well, send her a postcard from Seattle.

Yuck, yuck, yuck.

The end.

It's the most abrupt ending.

Well, I would have liked for there to be a post-credit scene of her getting that postcard.

Yeah.

Seattle looks beautiful.

Wish you weren't here.

So, yeah,

that's Children of the Corn.

It's over.

It's over.

The movie's over.

We're going to rate the movie, but first we're going to talk about the best lines of the movie.

Emily, I'm sorry I stepped on yours.

We played it earlier.

Listen, that's okay.

We had to talk it out with the accents because it's so funny.

It's wild.

Yes.

The kids, this kid's, this kid's northern Burbank accent is

the most jarring.

He literally sounded like an SNL sketch, like the Californians.

It wasn't the Californians, yeah.

He's going to talk about being like near the Zanku chicken.

Take the 110, 405.

Take the Hollywood freeway.

Don't go south.

It's forbidden.

Forbidden.

Outlanders.

The traffic is against Isaac's wishes.

She got Outlanders clogging up the the line at In-N-Out Birder.

For my best line, yeah, Josh,

you did observe that there's just not a lot of great dialogue in this movie.

I will say I did like some of the music.

The music has this kind of over-the-top Latin chant quality to it.

Matt, do we have one of the bangers in the soundtrack?

There it is.

Yes.

Love that part.

We found our new Godzilla.

Our new Godzilla.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

I just love a choir yelling stuff in Latin.

Yeah.

Yeah, it was, for me, it was

really on the nose at the beginning of the movie when it was really, it felt like it was really laying it on.

But as the movie went on, I actually kind of got into that score.

Yeah, the score's not bad.

I don't blame the score for this.

No, not the score's fault.

It's a score to a better movie.

That's like, if this music is in a, in a, you know, in a crazier, more well-made movie, it, it, it totally works.

Um, well, yeah, uh, we, we will now rank

Children of the Corn on a scale of one to ten super loud commercials and by now I mean we'll do it after the break.

All right, we're over 70 episodes into our show.

Let's learn everything.

So let's do a quick progress check.

Have we learned about quantum physics?

Yes, episode 59.

We haven't learned about the history of gossip yet, have we?

Yes, we have.

Same episode, actually.

Have we talked to Tom Scott about his love of roller coasters?

Episode 64.

So, how close are we to learning everything?

Bad news.

We still haven't learned everything yet.

Oh, we're ruined.

No, no, no.

It's good news as well.

There is still a lot to learn.

Woo!

I'm Dr.

Ella Hubber.

I'm regular Tom Law.

I'm Caroline Roper, and on Let's Learn Everything, we learn about science and a bit of everything else too.

And although we haven't learned everything yet, I've got a pretty good feeling about this next episode.

Join us every other Thursday on Maximum Fun.

We're back.

History with ads.

Josh is here from Red Letter Media.

We are going to rank Children of the Corn on a scale of 1 to 10 super loud commercials.

Josh, you're our guest.

You'll go first.

We'll let you have the first last word.

All right.

This may be departing from y'all's situation, like feelings on this this movie a little bit.

I'm going to give it a solid six.

Okay.

It's not great, but

maybe this is something that I grew up with in terms of, you know, you've got no budget.

You've got Stephen King, you've got the name, but you've got not a whole lot to go on.

You're building something off of a 19-page story.

If that, you've got to try to figure out how to make this into a three-act narrative thing.

And in that, I think it did it okay.

Not great, but okay.

I liked some of the performances.

Some of them were extremely annoying, but like Isaac was very good.

Linda Hamilton did great.

You know, there is enough to hang on to.

There was stuff that very, I was very amused by, like the whole,

you know, all the kids are in this, in the town square with Linda Hamilton yelling outlander from the, from the drop.

And it, he's, he's saying, like, oh, you, maybe you can't hear so good.

And then you cut to a handsome guy in an underground bunker.

No, he can't hear you at all.

And actually, I found that kind of amusing.

Yeah.

There were bits when they're initially chasing him where there's almost like a zombie feel of all the kids are, you know, coming at him.

It's kind of overwhelming.

He can't really handle it.

So, yeah, I didn't hate it.

I had a good enough time watching it.

So, yeah, solid six.

Okay.

Yeah, I'll go.

I think, I think I'm I think I'll say it's a three for me.

It, um,

you know it's it it's just it was just kind of a snooze.

And

yeah, I think I think, you know, plot holes aside, I just,

it wasn't very exciting.

I don't think the like horror or suspense worked very well.

I do think this has some good bad movie.

It's some good bad movie like potential.

I think there is some stuff that is so so bad that it's good.

It's kind of a funny movie to goof on.

I think this would be a fun like group watch in the right setting.

And how crazy that ending is,

I did kind of have fun with the insane ending, I will say that like it going off the rails is just so out of nowhere, but I think there's something fun about that.

So I think it like it ended stronger than it started.

Yeah, and I had a little bit of fun along the way, but yeah,

I have no idea why they made 10 of these.

How did this happen?

Matt, do you want to

go?

Yeah, you're going to be mad, though.

No, no, no.

Why would I be mad?

Because I kind of loved it.

Wow.

I'm sorry.

Let's hear it.

Let's hear it.

I can only express it as something where I watched it thinking,

what is this stupid movie going to be about?

And then it was exactly about what I thought it was going to be about.

And then I was like, all right, yeah.

I don't know.

I came in expecting children of the corn.

I got children of the corn.

I'm giving this a seven.

All right.

Wow.

Okay.

Yeah.

Do you think being a parent has something to do with this?

Yes.

Yes.

The whole time I was thinking about how scary would it be if my two-year-old tried to kill me deliberately.

She's always trying to kill me accidentally with various viruses.

Pink eye.

But no,

this time

I was like, oh, yeah, that's kind of a scary plot.

What if the kids, what are the kids went crazy?

So, yeah, I don't know.

I liked it.

I enjoyed it.

Sometimes you see a movie that gives you exactly what you want and you expect bad, and it lives up to it, and you're like, well, all right.

Good enough.

Emily, you want to have the last, last word here?

I would love to.

Okay.

Bitch fun wear.

This is a zero for me.

I remember growing up and people talking about this movie like it was so scary.

And so I was kind of excited to watch it.

The

longest slog through two people who don't even like each other that much in a car

talking.

I feel like I learned more about how many street signs this town had than anything else in this movie.

They do harp on the street signs.

They harp on the street signs.

And then, here's it.

And then at the end, there's all of these elements to a good movie that they went, I guess a dab will do it.

Like, we'll just put, we'll put, um, oh, we'll kill the kid who seems like, you know, the baddest of the bad guys, Isaac.

And then he'll come back as like a zombie kid.

Yeah.

And then take Malachi where?

Bitch, where?

Where'd you take him?

And then

the corn.

And then the thing that

doesn't kill Isaac that we thought they killed it because he was up on the cross of corn and it just looks like like 90s TV static rolling up his his little kid body and then he comes back with wounds in his face.

What is happening?

And then we have a psychic little girl, which that's fascinating.

And they did nothing with that.

Yep.

And it was just a bunch of stuff that no one did anything with.

And it wasn't scary.

I'm angry and bored.

I'm so mad.

I'm mad at this movie.

I couldn't wait for it to be over.

I was like answering emails in another window while this was happening.

The only thing I thought was interesting was Malachi's accent.

So funny.

And I loved it when he got backhanded in the face.

That was really fun.

Yes.

Yeah.

Yeah, that was fantastic.

That was fantastic.

And yeah, the Bible verse that is just conveniently on a little piece of paper in a boy's pocket.

Like, what is this movie?

I don't know.

I hated it.

I hate it every single minute.

Well, stay tuned for the next nine weeks on Free With As.

All the children of the corn.

Shardy.

Shardy.

All of them.

We have to do all of them.

No.

It's Huskwatch.

Yeah, Huskwatch.

Huskwatch.

So Emily quits the show.

I won't quit.

It's just Matt watching Children of the Corn movies, making stings.

His daughter sharpening a corn husk in the back.

daddy won't feed me.

She's a real stalker.

Damn, I am a little sad to say goodbye to this movie just because of all of the puns.

It was pretty fun.

And Matt,

at the end of this, will you please do a mashup of corn, the band, but also the corn kids song?

You know I will.

And also get a little bit of Godzilla in there.

Oh, yeah, of course we can mash

I might even put a little desert rose in there.

All roads lead to Gatlin.

All roads lead to Gatlin.

We want this podcast to be impenetrable to someone trying it for the first time.

What is this?

We don't have enough episodes to have this much lore.

Yeah.

We need to fucking cool it on the lore.

We really do.

It's just every episode.

I can get into more things other than fingering if you guys want.

Would you please?

Would you please?

Nah.

I mean, it's no pun intended, a deep vein to be mine.

I'm only speculating.

I don't know, Emily.

Oh, boy.

Yeah, deep vein.

Well, hey, that was Children of the Corn.

Josh, you are part of Red Letter Media.

Over a million subscribers.

You do not necessarily need our plug, but please feel free to tell us about the channel and anything else you have going on.

Yeah, Red Letter Media.

It's on YouTube.

I'm on there sometimes.

We're just, you know, we're in the midst of Halloween month, and there's always lots of good stuff to watch there.

Let's see.

Oh, my band, If I Had a Hi-Fi.

We have some new music coming up soon.

Hopefully, a couple of EPs, one this year, and then one next year, which will be our 25th year as a band.

And we will,

we're on Instagram at ifihadhi-fi, m-k-e.

You can check us out there.

And I'm part of a little DJ collective from Chicago, Fuzzbox Chicago DJs.

We are on Twitch every Friday night from 9 p.m.

to 2 a.m.

Central.

Some version of us are on there, one.

to four of us, depending on who's available.

But I guess if everything goes to plan, tune in November 1st.

It'll be all four of us in the room for the first time in quite a long time.

So that's at twitch TV/slash fuzzbox Chicago.

Check it out.

Emily, got anything going on?

No.

I don't know.

I got scared.

That's okay.

I got scared.

You don't have to have anything going on.

This movie bored me to death

to the point where I'm scared and I never know.

I don't know how to talk anymore.

Too bored to plug.

Too bored.

Too bored to plug.

Yep.

That's me.

Sorry.

Hey, if you are in the LA area,

I've got a real cool event I would love to see you at.

On November 2nd, there is a great spot here in LA called Revenge of Comics and Pinball.

It is a comic book store.

It is a pinball arcade, and they are having a creator's block party on November 2nd from 11 to 6.

A lot of cool folks will be there signing comics.

I will be there.

The great Elliot Kalen from the Flop House will be there.

Patton Oswalt, Brian Posain, Josh Gad,

Hannah Rose May, Cody Ziggler, the great Cody Ziggler will be there too signing comics.

Tons of folks.

And Jesse Thorne and I, we're going to do a little mini live JJ Go, a live Jordan Jesse Go

at 3 p.m.

with some really cool guests.

So please come out to the Revenge of Comic Creators Block Party November 2nd, 11 a.m.

to 6 p.m.

And we're going to be doing that little podcast at 3.

I hope to see folks there.

I actually remembered something.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

What do you got?

Because this comes out on October 22nd.

It does.

It's the week of Good Mythical Evening.

Hey!

So yes, this is a live rated R show, a version of a very family-friendly show that Jordan, Matt, and myself are on on YouTube called Good Mythical Morning.

Every year, we have a dirty, scary,

sexy show

that is live, and so anything could happen.

If you go to goodmythical evening.com, you can get tickets to watch.

They're also putting it on at Alamo draft houses all over the country, and so you could go be with your friends and see it.

So, please get tickets and watch.

We'll be there.

All right, that's the show.

Tune in next week when our movie will be Practical

I really like cone.

What do you like about corn?

It's corn.

It's corn.

I can't tell you all about it.

I mean,

I'm gonna try to get battle changing shoes.

for the bad side of my corner.

The conventions come.

You come to me, I can do all about it.

Look at this, he goes.

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