House On Haunted Hill (1959)

This is Free with Ads and we're celebrating Halloween

where all October long we'll be reviewing free streaming horror movies and probably making jokes about the male sexual organ sometimes known as the peen.

I'm Jordan Morris and I'm Emily Flimming

Today's movie is the original house on haunted hill the very relatable story of an Airbnb trip that gets ruined by a surprise bat of acid

normal voice now.

Before we get into this movie, which is as of this recording, streaming free with ads, let's talk about something else we saw for free on the internet this week.

Emily, you sent us a fascinating video on Instagram.

Please describe this to us.

I saw this thing about how

they're now having baby raves.

So I know that there's a lot of things about concerts and people thinking that kids shouldn't be there and it's annoying if crying babies are at concerts, which you know, I think that's that's got to be tough for parents.

So, there's a DJ

who's like, I guess it's a pop-up thing that they do.

Yeah, this is a company.

I looked into this a little bit.

It's called Big Fish Little Fish.

They are from the UK.

They have

events in the UK and Australia, but this month they're going to be in Long Beach.

Oh,

yeah.

Matt wants to take his baby to a rave.

These are like afternoon raves where families can bring babies.

You know, like the DJ setups

look like they're made of Legos.

And the thing I was,

one of the many things I thought was fascinating about this was that like the DJs aren't dressed like children's entertainers.

They just look like fucking scumbag DJs.

Straight up

Matrix style DJs.

Like you would see at the club scene and Blade.

Yeah.

And

LMFAO looking guy.

Do we have an example of the music they have?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Here's a little taste of some of their DJ magic.

Yes.

Hell yeah.

We got even more.

We got.

Yes!

All I can think is my child

screaming in horror.

That's all I can think of.

And not

you got a baby, would the baby like this?

Absolutely.

Uh, the baby would love this, but only for a little bit.

The problem with having a baby is like all of the things that you think you're gonna do with them quickly go out the window when they just decide, oh no, now's time where I freak the fuck out.

So, you know,

it would be nice, but a trip to Long Beach, the car ride alone would be hell.

I mean,

I think that, like, yeah, like the kid would freak out, and it's either just because, like, they're tired or they got some bad acid.

Absolutely.

Someone sold them some bad acid.

Yeah, they didn't rub whiskey over their teeth.

It was just LSD.

My mom's boob is mad at me.

All right, having a bad trip, baby.

Just go to the chill out tent, have some goldfish crackers.

Same thing they give to people who are actually having bad trips.

Yeah.

At least, you know, finally, someone sucking at a pacifier at a rave makes sense.

You know, it's not,

it's like actually, okay, you know, I get it now, but usually I'm just like, what are we doing?

This is cultural appropriation.

There is something really cute about the big-ass headphones they put on little babies to protect their ears.

I love it.

So adorable.

I don't know if those are just noise-canceling, basic-ass headphones, or if they're specific ones for babies.

No, they're like headphones for babies who have like sensory issues, some of them.

And some of them, well, that's usually what they're for.

But then it's also for like if you want to take a baby on a plane and it can be really loud and some babies just hate that.

Yeah, that makes sense.

It is really

fun to put put like noise-canceling headphones on a baby because they just start going,

they like the

Wookiee.

Yeah, well, they just like the idea of like sound, them not being able to hear their own voice.

It's very cute.

I mean,

I think that we only have an example of a like dance music version of this.

Like, what if your baby doesn't like dance music?

What if your baby

wants a hardcore matinee?

What if your baby wants a little

gathering of the juckalos?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You could call it the gathering of the huggalos to make more kids.

I like that.

Gathering of the snuggalos.

That would be cute.

You could just put little, put clown makeup on the baby.

Yeah.

Once again, we've got this cultural appropriation of baby shit used by adults to sell their sex music.

Well, you know what?

This music is just about how spiders, you know, if at first you don't succeed, try, try again.

Get on that spout.

Get on that spout, baby.

Sometimes you got to row, row, row your boat gently down the stream.

It doesn't all have to be about sucking and fucking people.

Thank you.

Thank you.

It can just be about

a nice lady who loses her sheep.

Exactly.

Doesn't know where to find them.

Exactly.

Everybody can enjoy that.

We can all relate.

Yeah, we've all lost our sheep.

Yeah, I've lost my sheet.

I've lost my sheep before.

lost my sheet.

Maybe not my sheep, but yeah.

Yeah.

It's cute.

Do we need a baby?

Can we all go

tapsies on a baby?

We could just

go to that thing in Long Beach if we just have the one baby.

Well, I have an American girl doll that I could just put in a harness.

They'll absolutely let you in with that.

Yeah.

I'll just wrap her up like a baby and put like a bonnet on her and then just like hide the face.

And what about those of us with fur babies?

Can Shantui participate too?

Yeah.

Yeah, there's nothing a cat loves more than loud music in open spaces filled with people.

In a place they've never been.

It would be really funny, though.

It would be great.

Just cats running around.

Everyone's got that arched back thing that cats do.

That'd be great.

I'm in.

Well, we'll see y'all

October 12th in Long Beach

rolling hard.

That's right.

And we'll be doing a live out of a little pouch.

Yeah, but we'll be doing a live episode of Free With Ads about probably the wiggle.

Well,

is there a wiggle?

I don't know, but I know.

Maybe there's some Barney we could do.

I bet there's

what if babies like less?

Raves are live podcasts.

What does a baby understand less?

Dude,

they would absolutely love a rave more than a live podcast.

I can't even talk to my wife for a few minutes without her just screaming at us.

She's just like, stop talking to each other.

Pay attention to me.

Anyways, she's cute.

I love her.

Well, we'll see you all October 12th in Long Beach for the baby rave.

Hey, we're going to talk about House on Haunted Hill, but before we do, we should mention that the movie does contain an apparent suicide.

So if that's something you do not want to hear about, we're going to play a little music and give you guys time to find another episode.

We're back.

It's Free with Ads.

We're talking about House on Haunted Hill.

No the,

except for on some posters where it was printed as a mistake.

This is the whole.

A little bit of trivia.

Yeah.

This is

the one from the 50s.

I guess there is a 90s remake.

Have y'all seen either the remake or this OG?

Well, what's confusing to me is there's also the haunting of hill house.

Yes, that's true.

And then you're like, what?

And then, so there's,

you know, there's the haunted or the haunting, I guess.

That's.

And that is also free with ads.

And that's with Catherine Zita Jones, Owen Wilson.

Yeah, it's, and, oh, Liam Neeson is in it.

And I saw that at the theater, but I, and I'd always heard that this was very scary.

I've always heard that, yeah, there's not special effects the way that we have them now, but it was very spooky.

And my parents said it was really scary.

And honestly,

I was a little scared in a couple of moments in this movie.

I'm not going to lie.

There's some like striking images in this movie.

There's some like stuff that will stick with you.

And I could see if you saw this at like eight or something, the like the

image of that

mannequin with the fucked up face rolling at you

would be pretty traumatic.

I have seen this movie a couple times before.

I had a DVD of this because

there was a version of this DVD where you could listen to it with jokes from with from Mike Nelson of Mystery Science Theater.

Nice.

There were a couple DVDs like this.

There's like, I think there's a Night of the Living Dead where he does this.

Anyway, and I've seen this in a couple of like, like maybe the new Beverly here in LA showed it at midnight around Halloween.

I've seen this movie a couple of times.

I'm pretty into it.

It is a hoot.

It is, you know, very cheaply made.

It is 70 minutes, but

it totally rules.

And it has, like the blob, which we watched last week, it has one of those 50s-ass trailers.

Matt, can you play a little bit of the trailer?

I'm Vincent Price.

And you're invited to my party in the the house on Haunted Hill,

where so far the ghosts have murdered only seven people.

So won't you come and make it eight?

The ghosts are waiting, so won't you join me in the house on Haunted Hill?

Hurry,

or you'll be late for your own funeral.

I mean,

I mean.

So spooky.

I like that he says who he is at the top.

He's like, like, hello, I'm Vincent Price.

It's not like,

yeah, I mean, again, they should do that now.

Hey, I'm Vin Diesel.

You're about to watch another Triple X movie.

But I guess it's like, I don't, you know, I know that Vincent Price presents a lot of things as been,

it's something he does.

It's like,

I haven't seen any other Vincent Price movies.

No, this is my first as well.

No,

I don't think so.

I think he was a like, you know, he was kind of a camp figure.

And, like, I think if you don't, if you've never seen these movies, you know the impression, right?

Like, it is.

Yeah, you did a very good one, by the way.

Thank you, thank you.

Um, I,

it's one of the most fun voices to do.

Like, what are the fun voices?

Like, Shatner,

Schwarzenegger, Christopher Walken.

Vincent Price, I feel like, is in that pantheon of this voice is just fun to do.

It's, oh, my, oh, I'm so spooky.

I, I don't know.

I really like it.

I'm realizing now that Cotton Candy Randy is essentially just Vincent Price.

Oh, yeah.

I love that.

I think we've...

Yes.

I don't...

I'm not what they call a

versatile impressionist.

I have one or two voices.

Yeah.

And they get louder or softer when I need to be a different character.

Okay, so the movie begins with a head, a disembodied head, floating in a black void.

This is kind of like Queen Bohemian Rhapsody style.

That's the effect.

It's like, it's just, you know, they went in a dark room and covered the guy with a duvet.

I see a little silhouetto of a man.

Scaramouche, do the Fandango.

It's kind of the same thing.

Very, very frightening, this Thunderbolt and Lightning are.

I like to ride my bicycle.

Fritzit Price sings the hits of Queen.

Don't stop me now.

I'm having such a good time.

Won't somebody find me someone to love?

Is it possible I'm too weird to love?

Maybe Vincent.

I don't know.

You're a weird guy.

So this floating head does not belong to Vincent Price, but to a character named Watson Pritchard.

He's a crazy guy who says that the house where the movie takes place

was the place of several murders including his brother this doesn't really pay off and we don't we never I guess this guy is just crazy spoiler alert there are no actual ghosts in the house on haunted hill it is it is it is it is revealed to be a ruse at the end but but this guy is kind of the one insisting but there is a vat of acid so there is a vat of acid you're right yep but okay which is a kind of haunted hill i thought that there well

oh

wait you thought there were ghosts?

Yeah.

It is confusing.

Here's the thing.

I will say there are a couple of things that can't be explained by the ruse.

And I think we'll, let's hit those when we come to that.

Here's the thing, is that it's the special effects or whatever.

It's hard to believe if they're serious about it

or if it is part of the ruse because it is 1958.

practical effects, so they're not that great.

So I'm like, is there a ghost?

What do you want me to think?

I don't know.

I don't know what that happens a lot.

It's like, I can see strings on this floating skeleton.

Now, do you want me to see them?

Because it will be revealed later that the skeleton is being puppeted?

Or is that an accident?

Because, yeah, you're right.

Like,

the strings on the skeleton are so obvious.

Truly the mark of good filmmaking is when you sit there going, what do you want me to feel, guys?

And why are the characters scared of this thing that obviously has strings, right?

Like, what are they afraid of?

You backed up into some asset.

How'd you let a puppet push you?

We'll get there.

Listen.

Here, let me tell you a story how I'm just like, I'm scared of everything.

And I do enjoy being scared sometimes, but I cannot do, speaking of these people reacting to something in the movie and being scared.

If I try to put myself in the movie, I would still be scared of these things, even if they were fake, because I can't do haunted houses.

I can do horror movies, but not haunted houses.

I like watching scary things.

I don't want to live in it.

But one time I shouldn't do haunted houses also because you do, you know, the fight or flight response.

I go fight.

Oh, yeah.

You're a violent person now.

Listen, when I was 12, I was in line for this haunted farm in Nashville with my friends, and I was not excited about it.

And

so we're in line and people are getting scared in line.

There's a guy in a gorilla costume with like bullet holes in his face and fake blood all over it.

So wait, his costume was

that classic movie monster, gorilla who's been shot?

Yeah, escaped gorilla who's in a gang.

Yeah, Harambe had not even happened yet.

Yeah, so strange.

So strange.

But then he popped out and I was brushing my hair with like a little Claire's like fold-out brush.

And I just immediately started beating him in the face with my brush.

That's fair to bull.

He's like, oh, my bullet wounds.

Yeah, exactly.

So then they asked me to leave the line, and I was not permitted to continue.

So if I were in this house, I would have shot every single person in that house.

Yeah, do not give Emily a gun

in a little coffin.

Yeah.

You're on the house on Haunted Hill.

Don't do that.

It'll come up later.

So, yeah, so we got this floating head of Watson Pritchard telling us about this spooky house and how all these people died.

And then we get Vincent Price's floating head telling us what's actually happening in the movie.

His wife has decided to throw a spooky party.

And he's like, my wife decided to throw a spooky party.

She's so amusing.

He's always calling her amusing, which is like, that's the mark of a hot relationship.

Oh, I love you, honey.

You're so amusing.

He said it twice in the intro, too.

I was like,

I guess he wrote this.

Like, you know.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And so the setup is is that they rented this house that is supposed to be haunted.

They don't live in it.

They've rented this place for the night.

Yeah, I was confused about that because is Watson Pritchard like the caretaker?

He is.

He's the owner of the house, but I suppose he doesn't go there that often.

Because he's scared because his brother died or something.

And he couldn't stop them from renting the house.

I suppose he's the one who rented it to them, but just going like, be be careful, it's haunted.

Right.

Oh, we're going to a party?

Okay.

It would make all the sense in the world for this guy to be in on it, but he is not.

He is not in the end.

So the people who are coming to the party are a test pilot.

Hey, I think it's time for Hunk Watch.

It's Hunk Watch.

The test pilot, right?

Just a down-the-middle

one.

Down-the-middle hunk.

A very normal man, no characteristics other than hunkiness, and kind of a nice flannel suit.

It's the 50s.

Really cool suit.

I wish this was in color because some of these costumes were like, all right.

On the DVD that I had, where Mike Nelson does the jokes, you can watch a weird colorized version of it, too.

So I have seen a weird colorized version of it.

Like Technicolor, or is it like they have?

I think it's that thing that like Ted Turner did to movies a lot in the 90s.

It's kind of like weird and uncanny.

It kind of makes the movie fun and scary in a different way.

Cool.

If y'all can find this DVD, I recommend it.

Great DVD.

One of the best.

So we got a test pilot, a newspaper columnist, a psychiatrist who Vincent Price says has a touch of greed around the mouth and eyes.

Great line.

And Nora, who is a standard woman, a normal brown-haired woman.

She's there.

She's going to get

the fuck scared out of her constantly.

No kidding.

And they all arrive in hearses to the house on Haunted Hill.

The house that they use for the exteriors is in L.A.

It's a Frank Lloyd Wright house.

I walked by this house.

I've like hiked up some roads and stuff.

And like, you know, those houses are, they always look kind of Aztec inspired or whatever.

But I've walked by that house and been like, it was during the pandemic.

And I was like, what is this?

And I took a picture.

Like, my mom really loves those Frank Lloyd Wright, all those kind of things.

So I said, she goes, that's one of his houses.

So, but they were doing construction on it.

I don't know if anyone lives in that now, but probably like Andrew Garfield or some shit.

Yeah, but also, the poster for House on Haunted Hill makes it look like some Victorian kind of house.

Yeah, the house on the poster is not the actual house that they use, and they don't shoot in this house.

It's all shot on sound stages, but this like Frank Lloyd Wright house that you can still see in LA is, you know, is used for the like exterior shots.

So they're all

locked in.

The doors are locked and the chandelier falls.

Ah,

oh no.

And I think at this point, you're wondering: does Vincent Price really have a wife

who's orchestrated this whole thing?

And he does.

He goes to visit her in her room.

She's got kind of a, what I imagine was probably a very sultry outfit for the day.

Very sultry.

I wrote this down.

I need this outfit immediately.

It is so cool.

It's like pants.

It's like a flowy chiffon,

like pant suit thing.

I don't know.

It's gorgeous.

And then there's like this silk satin, like bra kind of underneath it.

This is the coolest thing I've ever seen.

I've never seen anything like it.

I want to wear it.

It's that is some Met Gala shit right there.

I love it.

And he was like, this is inappropriate for the party.

And I'm like, have you seen the party downstairs?

There ain't shit going on.

Someone needs to wear an outfit.

Everyone looks like shit.

Everyone looks like shit.

Nobody has the drinks out and ready.

It's It's like, what, what popped?

The chandelier fell.

What the fuck?

There's no music.

There's no dancing.

There's nothing.

Like, what's this party?

So this is his wife, Annabelle.

She is played by Carol Omart, who is so fucking hot.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

She's hot.

Total babe.

And

she's great in this.

Like, they...

This movie is like...

It's pretty boring and stretches, right?

They're just killing time.

They're just barely trying to make it over the like line of time that you have to have to have a theatrical movie.

But like

the scenes of her and Vincent Price together, okay, this is their dynamic.

They hate each other.

They're still married and they're constantly trying to kill each other.

So they're always doing this little like repartee about times they've tried to kill each other.

It's fucking great.

And if you watch this movie on YouTube, there

on the like progress bar, there are little spikes for the most viewed scenes.

So you can see it go up with what people are watching.

Just the scenes between them just have huge spikes.

I guess people are just fast-forwarding to them because they're, you know, they're the best thing in the movie.

Totally.

That was the movie to me.

It like they really missed an opportunity to just make a movie about this dysfunctional couple who keeps trying to murder each other.

You know what I mean?

Like that is a sitcom, baby.

Like that was beautiful.

Some of the best lines from the movie happen there.

Yeah.

Also, like, we do know that he had, I guess, was it two or three other wives

before this woman, and they've all, like, disappeared or died of mysterious circumstances.

Yeah.

So he's probably not a very good guy either.

No, no, no, no, not a great guy.

But I do think he is the tallest person in the movie.

Tallest guy.

All right.

Vincent Price, pretty tall.

Tall, weird guy.

Tall weird guy.

Like he's like, he tries to get her to drink champagne.

She says he doesn't want any.

And he's like, oh, I'll I'll pop the cork.

And she thinks that he'll try and kill her with the champagne cork.

And she's like, oh, it would make a great story.

A playboy who kills his wife with a champagne cork.

Ah, damn, that is a good line.

I guess I realized at this time, what's a playboy?

When people call someone a playboy, what are they talking about?

I think it's a bachelor.

Yeah.

A guy who

like he's known around town as someone who won't get married.

He's a fuckboy.

He's a fuckboy.

He's a celebrity.

But with money.

Okay.

He's a fuckboy, but with money.

Like he, you know, so it's a playboy would kind of be, I'd say Leonardo DiCaprio is a playboy.

Yeah.

Like

is a good example.

But like a fuckboy has no bed frame.

So not the same, quite.

But similar behaviors, but it's not justifiable.

Anyway, fuckboy with nicer furniture.

A playboy is

a fuck man.

Ah, okay.

A playboy is a fuck man.

Yes.

That makes perfect sense.

Put it on his shirt.

Put it on his shirt.

Fuckman.

That'll be another one of our shirts.

Playboy versus fuckman.

It's a sci-fi channel original movie.

And then we'll have fuckman versus giant boa constrictor versus cyber octopus.

So,

so, oh, I wrote down here.

He says, of all my wives, you're the least agreeable.

And she says, but still alive.

Anyway, great line.

Just the fucking like back and forth.

And this is so good.

Okay, so we go back to the party.

Blood starts dripping from the ceiling.

Again, when we learn this is a ruse, we never really learn what this blood is about.

Maybe the blood is real.

Maybe there are some like legit haunted things going on in the house and just nobody clocks it because they all think it's part of the scam.

Anyway.

Yeah, that's why it's like what you said earlier about.

Spooky weird guy not being in on it.

It's kind of like it would be helpful if he was in on it to justify some of these things, but he's just not.

So, yeah, there's blood dripping from the ceiling, and then they go down into the basement where we see that there is a boiling vat of acid, a boiling vat of acid that's still in the floor.

And yeah, this is Chekhov's vat of acid.

That's exactly what I wrote down: Chekhov's acid.

No way.

That's we all learned in drama school.

We all learned in drama school.

Yeah, it is, it is like so clearly meant to be the set piece for the ending that they're like, we'll wait till later.

Not yet.

Not yet.

We won't.

Oh, it'll pay off.

In Act 1, if you see a vat of acid, a skeleton puppet has to push someone in by act five.

So saith the dramaturgs.

Yeah, this is like, this is totally crazy.

And so they all kind of like, it's all these people.

This movie is just them like coming together.

finding out some information and then going their separate ways and then like scary things happen to Nora basically.

So Nora is alone and like out of the shadows

comes like an old lady with a crazy witch face.

But I think what is happening is that it is a like mannequin on wheels.

And so it kind of like wheels into the room and this fucking

terrifying.

If this could be in an A24 movie, like if Jordan Peele directed this, it it would be like people would put the shot on Twitter and just say, like, iconic, one perfect shot.

It's so scary.

Well, I didn't realize that it was a mannequin.

It looks like a real person.

Well, yeah, but then you see the shot of it from the side where it's clearly rolling towards it.

I thought this was what good special effects were at the time.

So I just don't know.

This is the problem.

It's the whole movie you spend going like,

is this supposed to look fake or is this the best they could do?

Which is, again, it's not good.

My favorite thing is when this kind of stuff happens, it's like they're like, okay, how do we scare all these people?

Look,

everybody scream, it's a woman over 50.

Every time

she can no longer bear children.

But it's like so many movies.

She looks like Chase.

Exactly.

But so many movies I've noticed, like the scariest thing is an old woman naked.

Like if you

look at The Shining, and then if you look at X,

X, and Pearl and stuff, or if you look at

what was the other one, Barbarian, the old woman down there, it's just like, ah.

Shalmar has some creepy old tits in it.

Yeah, it's like everyone is scared of an old naked woman.

Yeah, no, you're not wrong.

That is one of the scary.

One time I accidentally went into the woman's locker room at an old person gym that my mom went to, and I I saw like

four

old naked women.

And I

like, I'll never forget to this day the moment I realized just how low tits could go.

Yeah.

I was like, I mean, every year I get more scared when I look in the mirror.

Well, some may say

my own debt.

But if an old naked woman rolled into my room, I would say, thank you for your strength.

And

same.

Same.

I'm also.

Thank you for your strength.

That's what I was screaming.

When I said I screamed, I meant

I scrammed.

Thank you for your strength.

You scrammed.

I scrammed that.

Also, she's like, it's X-Games, Grandma, too.

Just like on some.

She's on a skateboard.

On a skateboard.

You should push her over a half pipe.

Wee!

Wow.

She did the 900.

She should really wear a dog.

Anybody wants some tapioca?

And then the Tony Hawk Pro Skater soundtrack kicks in.

I love Pennywalk.

Hell yeah.

It's time to rock around to rocket trick.

Yeah.

Hell yeah.

Please, someone Photoshop the old woman from House on Haunted Hill going over a half pipe and then add the music from Tony Hawk's Pro Skater.

Anyway, so Nora, Nora's just all this creepy shit's happening to her.

She finds a head in a box.

She gets grabbed by this.

Hilarious.

Yeah, really funny, really weird head.

Paper-mâché.

Yes.

Yeah, this is like a class project.

She gets grabbed by this kind of a creepy guy who says, come with us.

So just all this shit's happening to Nora.

They kind of reconvene in the drawing room

where Vincent Price

passes out the party favors.

He has seven little coffins, and in each coffin, there is a gun.

Guns as party favors?

What is this?

A gender reveal party in Texas?

Anyway.

I think it's important to point out at this point in the movie why they're there, which is there's a contest.

It's essentially they're there to win money.

If they are alive by the end of the night, they get $50,000.

And that is why they're all there.

Well, they each get $10,000.

What's that?

They each get $10,000.

Oh, they each get $10,000.

Right.

So there's five of them.

Right.

So if all this is basic math, Matthew.

Yes.

Yeah.

If everyone dies but you,

then you get the 50,000.

But the point

so.

The point is, is that it makes the point where he's like, and now here's a gun.

It really makes that so much more sinister than it ends up being.

Like, that's when I was like, okay, we're getting into some saw shit.

No.

Yeah.

No, we don't.

No, we do not.

So Nora, Nora wants everybody to, like, come see the head in her room.

So they all like rush up to Nora's room.

Head's not there.

Oh my gosh.

But then Lance, Lance,

test pilot guy, hunk of the movie.

Of course he's named Lance.

That's like what the hunkiest guys in 1950s, in the 1950s were named.

Lance.

Yeah, it was either that or George.

George, a lot of hot Georges in the 1950s.

So Lance finds a head in his closet.

He runs out and he sees,

it looks like Annabelle has hanged herself.

She's like

swinging from the rafters.

We just kind of see her feet.

Very, very scary image.

And then like later,

Nora is back in her room and

she sees like a rope come in the window.

And then the rope like winds around her legs.

And then she looks out and sees like Annabelle floating with like the noose around her neck.

Okay, when we reveal this to be a scam, this part is not explained.

How the fuck did they do this?

Like, in the world of the movie, how did they make her look like she was flighting and a rope coil around someone's legs?

Because that was really creepy.

Yeah.

The rope looked like a snake was coming for her.

Yeah, it was wrapping around her like a snake.

And then it was like, it didn't grab her and drag her or anything.

It just gave her a little hug.

I was like, what is this?

Like,

mix quite mixed signals there.

Snake rope.

I don't know.

You want me or nah?

Like,

yeah.

He's so mysterious.

I hate the effort of a fuck boy, but a fuck rope.

Yeah.

So he started dating this guy.

His name is Snake Rope.

I met him on Bombay.

He's a child DJ.

He's a DJ for children.

He DJs children's events.

Snake Rope.

Yeah.

DJ Snake Rope in the house.

Also, really good rope.

The farmer in the dell.

The farmer in the dell.

But yeah, that is very confusing because it is revealed in the movie to be

part like a ruse, except we're left wondering how the fuck they made the sneakers.

Yeah, they explain everything except this, the hardest thing to explain.

They just don't even bother to explain this.

It is like really, you know, which

I think we should get some sort of twist at some point where they're like, but some of it was real.

I don't know.

It would explain like the blood and some of the stuff that they like.

The doors opening and closing and stuff.

You didn't see strings when that was happening.

I thought there had to be a mixture of the ghosts and the schemes.

So I'm choosing to believe that some of it's real.

Just because that's it's fun.

I mean, I think this movie was written sequentially.

Oh, yeah.

100%.

And

in a day and a half.

This is a guy just riffing.

Yeah, for sure.

So, anyways,

we find out that Annabelle is not dead.

She was in a hanging harness.

Cute hanging harness, by the way.

She looks great.

Another great outfit for Annabelle.

Looks good all throughout the movie.

And that she's having an affair with the psychiatrist.

And what they're trying to do,

their plan is to drive Nora insane so that she kills Vincent Price and they can be together.

Which is a great explanation for just just like why Nora is having all this shit dumped on her.

It's just like so,

yeah, it's so blatantly one-sided.

Yeah, I also was confused about like

how everyone was chosen.

Like, I, when Nora was like

talking to Annabelle, and Annabelle's like, so how did you get chosen for this or whatever?

And she said, my supervisor told me to go.

I'm like, okay.

What?

Like, where do you work?

Is it

all these people?

I think she works for Vincent Price is the idea.

She works in some nebulous capacity for Vincent Price.

But yeah, there is this weird

who knows each other?

How did they get invited?

It's not really.

So at some point, Vincent Price just said he invited people with money problems so that they would be more likely to stay in the house.

But like,

how does that then?

How did he happen to just invite the man that his wife is fucking?

Very, you know, again,

if you think about this stuff too long, you'll go crazy and shoot Vincent Price.

So just don't do it.

Yeah, just

enjoy the vibes.

Enjoy the immaculate.

Enjoy the vibes.

House on Haunted Hill vibes.

Yeah.

So yeah, so she's Nora runs back to the basement.

Everybody's just running into that basement.

They just want to be near that vat of acid.

Vincent Price comes out and she does what

they thought she would do.

She shoots him and then dumps his body in the acid.

And then when out of the acid emerges a skeleton with visible strings i honestly didn't see the strings oh yeah oh yeah

and i thought it was really spooky at first because i was like this is kind of spooky and then it had his voice and then just like the way he was kind of walking like they kind of there was somebody with probably two strings and he was like and left foot and right foot and then left foot and right foot and then you could hear kind of the click clack in there but this was like one of those plastic skeletons that you have in the classroom in fifth grade yeah and

and like why doesn't the acid melt this thing uh they said it only both like it only melts flesh and hair they said that in the movie this is a special kind of acid but i thought that's bullshit yeah it's just hair flesh acid so this is kind of cool when they showed this movie in theaters in the 50s they advertised it as having a mergeo vision or a mergo vision so some theaters when this scene happened an actual skeleton would fly around the theater it's like a gimmick movie.

So it's like a 4DX experience.

Yeah,

this is like early 4D.

But yeah, I'm sure they just bought a skeleton at the school supply store.

That would scare me.

And just had to have like a 16-year-old usher fly it around the room.

It would be pretty cool.

Yeah, there's another movie called The Tingler that I think Vincent Price is also in, where they rigged up little shockers to the seats

where there were these bugs, and every time the bugs would come on screen, you would get like a little shock.

Anyway, yeah,

early 4D.

So, yeah, a Mergo vision, a Mergo vision.

I was, when I saw The Ring, which is still, I think, my number one favorite horror movie, I saw it on Halloween night in theaters in like 2001.

And it was a packed house, and somebody had a cell phone, and it went off in the theater, and everyone lost their fucking minds.

It was so scary.

I loved it.

I don't know if that was planned, but it did it for me.

I was scared shitless.

All right, we're about to reveal the shocking conclusion to House on Haunted Hill that makes total sense after this break.

You know, we've been doing my brother, my brother, me for 15 years.

And

maybe you stopped listening for a while.

Maybe you never listened.

And you're probably assuming three white guys talking for 15 years.

I know where this has ended up.

But no, no, you would be wrong.

We're as shocked as you are that we have not fallen into some sort of horrific scandal or just turned into a big crypto thing.

Yeah.

You don't even really know how crypto works.

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We serve it up every Monday for you if you're listening.

And if not, we just leave it out back and goes rotten.

So check it out on Maximum Fun or wherever you get your podcasts

we're back it's free with ads we're talking about house on haunted hill um so the skeleton has emerged from the acid um annabelle comes in stands exactly at the lip of the vat while the skeleton slowly inches toward her visible strings Great screams, though.

Really good screams.

Oh, yeah.

The pipes on Annabelle.

This woman can do it all.

What a star.

And she gets pushed into the acid.

With one finger.

Yeah, with one little skeleton

finger.

And then we reveal that the skeleton was being puppeted by Vincent Price, who has this elaborate puppet rig around him that is clearly not attached to the actual skeleton.

It is just like him coming out with this wacky puppet get up and the skeleton is clearly hung somewhere else, not from the thing he's holding anyway.

Also, wouldn't the string like disintegrate in the acid?

Yeah, that too.

Is the acid really acid?

I didn't know that either.

But I guess it kills Annabelle.

Also, I guess it does.

When he's pretending that the skeleton is talking, certainly with her ears, she can place where sound is coming from.

Sure,

like there's a lot of holes here, guys.

But yes,

he offers

rigged the doors to be opening and closing and locking and stuff as well.

So, I guess that whole rig situation was also did he learn puppetry for this one thing?

This is exactly what I wanted to talk about.

I just love imagining him going to the hardware store.

I need-can these strings lift a skeleton?

Can it survive a vat of acid?

I need it to not kill my wife.

No, it's sexual.

It's not to kill my wife.

It's to hold her feet up in the air.

So

I can fuck her with a skeleton finger.

Yeah, exactly.

Yes, that's right.

I've always wanted to be a cockholder to a skeleton.

If there's one thing I love, it's wives.

Oh, I love wives.

Oh,

give me all those wives.

I love them.

Definitely don't want to kill them.

Holy matrimony.

Cuckled with a skeleton finger is...

I need that movie stat.

So he reveals that it was all a ruse.

The guns had blanks.

And that this was all part of his plan.

That if you try and figure it out for more than five seconds, you go insane because it doesn't really make sense.

And then the movie's over.

And then I think we got one last line from the guy who owns the house who believes in ghosts.

He's like, they're coming for me, and they'll come for you.

Ah, that's the end of the movie.

And then you see the credits.

And so everyone is by their, in the credits, everyone is next to their character name.

And

one of the things is Skeleton by himself.

It's not as himself, it's by himself, anyways.

I mean, it's supposed to be like a cute little joke.

All of our skeletons are by themselves inside of us.

It's a great point.

It's so true.

It's so sad.

What is lonelier than a skeleton?

Alone in the body.

It's so deep.

Covered in meat.

Well, we're going to rank this movie, but before that, we're going to talk about the best lines in the movie.

I think one stood out to all of us.

I think

this one really got us all.

This is from

the repartee between Vincent Price and Annabelle.

He is such a bitch.

Oh, he's such a little bitch.

Matt, play the line.

And don't let the ghosts and the ghouls disturb you, darling.

Darling, the only ghoul in the house is you.

And don't sit up all night thinking of ways to get rid of me.

It makes wrinkles.

Got her.

Got her ass.

So mean.

Got her.

You little bitch.

You wouldn't want to get wrinkles from worrying if I've got to kill you.

Yeah.

You look old now, you old hag.

Into the acid with you, Grandma.

There's another line that I love that's in this, I think, exact same scene that I want to play.

It is my favorite line of the movie.

The time will come.

You'll slip up one of these days.

Think so?

If I live long enough.

You remember the fun we had when you poisoned me?

Something you ate, the doctor said.

Yes.

Arsenic on the rocks.

Arsenic on the rocks.

Yes, yes.

Arsenic on the rocks.

It's beautiful.

It is great.

But also, you'll slip up one of these days.

It's kind of foreshadowing.

Yeah, yeah.

If you think of this movie as being in any way competent, it is foreshadowing.

You know what I mean?

But it is also like, again, I think this was written sequentially.

I don't think you're wrong there, Jordan.

Yeah, and I think that they just like.

Because

in the trailer,

the trailer also has this segment that just talks about the things that happen in the movie.

It's like 13 terrifying things, and it's like blood, a skeleton, a head.

And I think they just had this stuff.

And they're

writing a movie with all this.

Yeah, exactly.

So yeah,

that is House on Haunted Hill.

Um, and we are gonna rank it on a scale of one to ten super loud commercials when we come back.

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We're back.

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We're talking about House on Haunted Hill.

Let's rank the movie on a scale of one to 10 super loud commercials.

Matt, you want to go first?

Yeah, this is

one of the worst movies I've ever seen in my life.

This is a movie that

me as a kid, when I told my parents I didn't want to watch black and white movies, they're boring.

This is the movie I pictured without having ever seen it, where

nothing about it is scary, nothing about it is interesting.

There are

so many moments at which I thought, oh, if they had just tried here, it would have been fun.

But instead of trying, they just made

a movie by just going, Here's some props.

I don't know, the piggy's got to eat.

And there's just like a little bit,

there's just a little too much disdain for the audience for me.

So I give this

a flat zero, one of the worst things I've ever seen.

Okay.

Yeah.

There's no redeeming quality to this movie.

I'm sorry.

I hated it.

Amazing.

Straight up goose egg for how

a goose goose egg for my masterpiece?

Matthew.

It's just terrible.

Emily, what do you got?

All right.

I'm sorry.

I don't want to poison anyone else.

No, no, no.

I'm not trying to yuck anyone's yum.

I think this movie has stuck around in the way that it has because it is hilariously bad.

And I think that, like, and I think that, you know, like it has some like shocking images and stuff like that.

But it does, all this janky stuff we're talking about, I think is why it stuck around, you know, and hasn't, because like

30,000 of these were made, you know, in the year, but, you know, in this, in this 10-year span.

So yeah, I think that, I think all that stuff you were saying is true.

And I think it's just maybe a matter of whether you're not.

You're not yucking anyone's yum by having an opinion.

Emily, what are you about it?

I, again.

I think that free with ads, we really love movies that are great for the background of a Halloween party.

And this is another one.

Yes.

If you want your Halloween party to be periodically interrupted with a loud commercial of Kevin Hart yelling about draft kings,

nothing sets the mood like Kevin Hart periodically popping in to yell about draft kings.

Totally.

That's well.

Yeah, I didn't get those, but we know what's in your algorithm.

Oh, yeah, I have a gambling problem.

So,

this movie was a lot of people running in in and out of rooms.

It was a lot of go in here and then we'll go in here and then we'll go in here.

I wish there was at least a fun party.

They were like, it's a party.

I'm like, bitch wear.

I'm going to give it a three.

It was fun to watch something that was like, I've heard it referenced a lot.

People saying it was really scary.

They are wrong.

But there were a couple moments that I really liked.

And I'm glad I watched it, but I don't need to watch it again.

I'm fine.

So I'm giving it a three.

Yeah,

I'm going to give this a Halloween six.

And I think that, like, as a seasonal movie that you put on during Halloween,

I think this is great for that.

If you watch this movie in, like, April, there's something wrong with you.

Like, if you watch this movie in any other context other than, like, it's Halloween and we're going to put on a Halloween thing.

For sure.

yeah.

Um, you know, there's, there's an issue.

Um, but as far as a, like, getting spooky vibes and, like, a, a, a bad movie that is really fun to goof on, um, I, I think, I think this, I think this is, um, yeah, I think this is a really effective movie for that.

So, I think that, like, if you like old horror movies, if you like goofing on a bad movie, uh, House on Haunted Hill, definitely something you should check out.

Um, so yes, a Halloween six.

Very nice.

Well, that is,

that was

our review of House on Haunted Hill.

Let's plug.

Anybody got anything going on?

I got something, and it's for all of us.

Ooh.

Good Mythical Evening is coming up on October 25th.

Yeah.

It's 7 p.m.

Pacific.

And you can get your tickets on goodmythical evening.com.

If you want to watch from Alamo Draft House, there are like a bunch of different cities where you can get, I think,

you can get the VIP one where you can get access to the live stream, which you can get that in the main show too.

But yeah, I would say go for the Alamo Draft House if you can, if you're in one of those cities.

But yeah, go to goodmythical evening.com and check out what's available.

I'm very excited for this year.

It is like sexy, scary, stupid is the theme this year.

That's going to be really exciting.

Good Mythical Morning, the YouTube show on which all three of us appear periodically.

Yes.

And yeah, the YouTube show, family-friendly, but Good Mythical Evening.

It's really filthy, and everyone actually gets drunk.

Matt probably won't get drunk because of his

sobriety.

But I like to watch people get drunk.

That is

to see what kind of madness happens.

You never know.

I don't think they're going to, they might be having their eye on me this year.

You show up in a Halloween costume.

It's just an AA meeting I'm taking you to.

I always like to.

Yeah, come to the live stream, Emily.

Yeah, for sure.

Hey, if you're in the LA area, I got a couple of book events coming up.

October 4th and 5th, I will be at LA Comic-Con.

I'll be over there at booth F10.

So come by, see me.

I'll be signing books,

hanging out, shooting the poop.

LA Comic-Con, please come see me.

On the 4th and 5th, I will not be there on Sunday, but Friday and Saturday, come and find me.

And on October 12th, I will be at the Heavy Manners Comics Fair.

The Heavy Manners Library is a pretty cool space in East LA.

It is a library for zines and self-published comics, and they're having a big comics fair with a bunch of cool folks selling books, signing books.

And I will be there on October 12th.

That is at Heavy Manners Library.

It is a free event,

but you can reserve your tickets on their website.

And I'll have Matt throw a little link into the show notes where you can reserve your tickets to the Heavy Manners Comics Fair.

That is the 12th and the 13th, but I'll be there on the 12th.

You should go on the 13th, too.

There's new folks every day, and it'll be really fun.

Okay,

that's it.

Tune in next week when our movie will be the Bye-Bye Man.

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