Dead Ringers: Ep 6. Super-injunctions, Superheroes, and, er, Diane Abbott.

Speaker 1 This BBC podcast is supported by ads outside the UK.

Speaker 3 Hello, I'm Greg Jenner, host of You're Dead to Me, the comedy podcast from the BBC that takes history seriously.

Speaker 3 Each week, I'm joined by a comedian and an expert historian to learn and laugh about the past.

Speaker 3 In our all-new season, we cover unique areas of history that your school lessons may have missed-from getting ready in the Renaissance era to the Kellogg brothers.

Speaker 4 Listen to You're Dead to Me Now, wherever you get your podcasts.

Speaker 5 Suffs, the new musical has made Tony award-winning history on Broadway. We demand to be honest.
Winner, best score.

Speaker 6 We demand to be seen.

Speaker 5 Winner, best book. We demand to be quality.
It's a theatrical masterpiece that's thrilling, inspiring, dazzlingly entertaining, and unquestionably the most emotionally stirring musical this season.

Speaker 5 Suffs, playing the Orpheum Theater, October 22nd through November 9th. Tickets at BroadwaySF.com.

Speaker 8 BBC Sounds, Music, Radio, Podcasts.

Speaker 9 This is Times Radio.

Speaker 11 I'm Andrew Neal.

Speaker 14 The last strawberry in the bottom of the tray that tastes a bit funny.

Speaker 14 This morning, I'm joined by Diane Abbott.

Speaker 12 Andrew,

Speaker 11 hello.

Speaker 16 Your levity is noted and will be acted upon.

Speaker 15 Well, Diane, you've been busy.

Speaker 14 You've been going on the record about those comments that got you suspended from labour a couple of years ago.

Speaker 18 The ones about there being different kinds of racism.

Speaker 16 But I stand by those comments, Andrew, and I am unanimous in that regard.

Speaker 17 So you're repeating your claim that racism against black people is different to racism against travellers or Jewish people?

Speaker 16 Andrew, it's obvious.

Speaker 16 Prejudices towards people of colour emerge straight away, but with prejudices towards Jewish people, you have to wait for them to offer you a bagel or invite you to a bar mitzvah before Jeremy, I mean before people other than Jeremy are prejudiced towards them.

Speaker 14 I think I see what you're saying, unfortunately.

Speaker 19 Racism can take many forms, Andrew.

Speaker 16 You can look at me straight away and be prejudicial about my skin colour, but you have to wait for me to open my mouth to be prejudicial towards me for the stupid things I say.

Speaker 9 I'm hearing, Diane, that you've just been suspended from the Labour Party again.

Speaker 15 Oh, good.

Speaker 20 You're pleased?

Speaker 19 Well, yes.

Speaker 16 Apparently, if I can get suspended six times, I get a free can of MS Mojito.

Speaker 21 Dead ringers.

Speaker 22 You're listening to today with Nick Robinson in London.

Speaker 16 And Emma Barnett in court getting a super injunction to prevent Nick from talking to me.

Speaker 26 Now more on the Afghan data leak scandal, which revealed this week that an anonymous government worker hit send on the wrong document, ultimately costing the UK £7 billion in a secret relocation scheme.

Speaker 27 The unnamed worker in question has now agreed to speak exclusively to the BBC. Yes, it's me!

Speaker 12 The agent of chaos strikes again.

Speaker 20 Liz Truss.

Speaker 10 Who else?

Speaker 6 Izzy Wizzy. Let's get Lizzy.

Speaker 28 Oops, I did it again to quote Brittany. Classic trustmeister, fat fingering the UK into yet another mess.

Speaker 12 Not my fault, though.

Speaker 22 So, whose fault is it?

Speaker 16 Well, obviously, it was the left-wing communist deep state, Nick. They made me accidentally press send to all

Speaker 28 just before they also made me be the worst prime minister we've ever had.

Speaker 23 And would you like to apologise for any of this?

Speaker 16 Nick, I'm Liz Tross.

Speaker 23 Sorry, yes, silly question.

Speaker 13 I know!

Speaker 8 And now on BBC One, it's a welcome, if unexpected, return to Wolf Hall as Mark Ryland stars as Sir Thomas Cromwell.

Speaker 31 You sent for me, King Henry.

Speaker 32 Indeed so, my Lord Cromwell.

Speaker 33 I hear you have some disturbing news.

Speaker 31 I do, my liege. I have heard from the BBC, and I'm afraid to say that they have decided to let you go from the series.

Speaker 26 Let me go?

Speaker 11 But I'm King Henry VIII.

Speaker 20 For what reason?

Speaker 31 Multiple complaints from women.

Speaker 31 They include ribbald comments, unwanted touching, and cutting their heads off.

Speaker 31 This is brutal.

Speaker 33 For a regal man with a direct manner, this court has become a dangerous place.

Speaker 33 What has it come to if I can't even take my breeches off and wave little Henry around my own palace?

Speaker 33 Let me see these blasted charges. I do not understand.
All these events took place over 500 years ago.

Speaker 31 Indeed, my lord, I believe that is what the BBC calls acting swiftly on the evidence.

Speaker 33 You on this list too, Cromwell. Apparently you used racist language in the tapestry room.

Speaker 31 I have no recollection of the alleged incident and do not believe that it happened.

Speaker 9 Too late, Sir Thomas.

Speaker 14 Come!

Speaker 12 Take him away!

Speaker 31 But who will be your most trusted confidant and advisor now, my lady?

Speaker 35 That'll be me, Mush.

Speaker 33 The newly ennobled Sir Gregory Wallace of Meat and Touvets.

Speaker 36 I knew I'd fall on my feet.

Speaker 35 I can see my trademark sense of humour and blokey banter being perfectly in tune with the 16th century, where there are a lot fewer mouthy birds of a certain age who couldn't take a bloody joke.

Speaker 24 Boy, Henry, anyone ever tested you for autism?

Speaker 15 I like him.

Speaker 15 I like him a lot.

Speaker 12 BBC Radio's Five Live.

Speaker 37 This is Five Live.

Speaker 18 I'm Adrian Giles, the sort of strange uncle that comes to your barbecue, but then won't leave until well after it's polite to have done so.

Speaker 18 We can go live now to the White House where Donald Trump is speaking to reporters.

Speaker 8 Mr. President, do you have anything more to say about the Epstein files?

Speaker 15 Shut up about Epstein, you losers.

Speaker 14 Who cares?

Speaker 39 The Donald has always said and not said that there is and there isn't an Epstein file.

Speaker 40 If there was an Epstein file and it is or it isn't a Bigley file,

Speaker 39 Jeffrey would be using it right now to dig his way out of his cell, Shawshank style.

Speaker 39 My Attorney General, Pam Bondi Beach, has done the best job.

Speaker 40 She's done the best job not releasing the Epstein files, which don't exist, and that is why I'm calling on her to release the Democrat hoax Epstein files.

Speaker 8 Sir, you're saying she should release the non-existent Epstein files?

Speaker 12 Correct.

Speaker 40 Unless Pam James Bondi does or doesn't release them, I shall sack her and replace her with my good friend Gillen Maxwell.

Speaker 39 What a great lady. Party girl back in the day.

Speaker 40 Last question.

Speaker 9 Mr. President, why did you phone the BBC this week for a chat?

Speaker 39 Because I love the BBC now.

Speaker 40 It's full of perverts and sex weirdos.

Speaker 16 You're listening to the world at one and didn't your morning go slowly.

Speaker 16 The Afghan data leak superinjunction issued by the Conservative government in 2022 has rocked Westminster. The then Prime Minister joins me now.

Speaker 9 What? Yes, it's me.

Speaker 42 Yes,

Speaker 16 we'd almost forgotten.

Speaker 16 Mr. Johnson, did you know of this superinjunction?

Speaker 42 I didn't know about it.

Speaker 14 I ordered the damn thing. You did?

Speaker 16 And you're happy to confirm that now on the record? Because if this injunction hadn't been lifted, the public might never have known about all this.

Speaker 12 What do you mean, lifted?

Speaker 16 I mean, well, the injunction is over. The story is everywhere.

Speaker 12 It is?

Speaker 9 Oh, Christ! You mean to say the little rascal knows I'm his daddy?

Speaker 9 Wait, what...

Speaker 16 What super injunction are you talking about?

Speaker 42 What superinjunction are you talking about?

Speaker 9 Boris Jr., Boris Jr.

Speaker 35 II?

Speaker 15 Boris Seller? No, no, no, no.

Speaker 6 I mean the...

Speaker 9 Boris Jr. III, Boris Jr.
Jr., Boris Jr. IV, Boris Jr.

Speaker 11 Sr., Boris Sena. No, no, no, no, I'm talking about...

Speaker 9 Boris Jr.

Speaker 12 the sixth, seventh, eighth, foie, John Doe, Johnny Appleseed,

Speaker 12 Stanley, Juan Carlos, Miguel, Adolphe, or Alanis Borissette.

Speaker 16 Jesus, Mary and Joseph.

Speaker 12 Oh yes, I've forgotten about them.

Speaker 13 Is it there?

Speaker 16 I'm talking about the superinjunction on the afghan data league that's brilliant news as i definitely don't have one

Speaker 16 mr johnson this injunction was placed to prevent a national scandal threatening the lives of 100 000 afghans yes but on the plus side it keeps the big dog's baby jam off the front pages and inside a variety of south london ladies where it belongs

Speaker 12 don't tell anyone i said that or consider yourself injuncted bozer big dog wah wah geek out

Speaker 22 Hello and welcome to the rest is football with me Gary Lineker and despite leaving, still the BBC's top earner by quite some margin.

Speaker 34 I'm joined for this special episode by my old mates Alan Shearer and Rio Ferdinand as we record ourselves doing a watch-along of the Lionesses' Thursday night quarter-final match against Sweden because we feel passionately that the women's game still doesn't get the attention or respect it deserves.

Speaker 22 Right, Alan and Rio?

Speaker 38 Oh, I couldn't agree with you more, Gary.

Speaker 10 A thousand million billion percent, Gary.

Speaker 34 Yeah, I guess we're just good guys.

Speaker 10 And we're off.

Speaker 27 Wow, straight away, that was an incredible, respectful nod of the head from Alan there.

Speaker 38 Well, I saw the opportunity and took it, Gary.

Speaker 45 But there's a moment to show support for the women in this game.

Speaker 38 You know, you've got to take it. Oh, look, here's a chance.

Speaker 22 Rio's making a move off the sofa, extending his knees into a standing position.

Speaker 38 Oh, fantastic.

Speaker 45 This is his moment, Gary. He's widening his arms.
I think he's going to bring his hands together.

Speaker 9 Will he finish it?

Speaker 34 Oh, some brilliant, respectful clapping shown there for the women by the former England International.

Speaker 41 Oh, it just feels right, Gary, you know, to be out there giving the women's game and the women playing it the attention they should be getting.

Speaker 20 Totally agree, Rio.

Speaker 22 It's honestly terrible that some people still don't take much notice of the women's game and this tournament in particular when compared to the men's.

Speaker 45 Oh, it's an absolute shocker, Gary. You know, some people have no respect.

Speaker 44 Hang on a minute, guys.

Speaker 12 What's up, Rio?

Speaker 41 I've just looked at the telly.

Speaker 34 Yes, and?

Speaker 41 We're watching the golf.

Speaker 12 Oh, right.

Speaker 41 Should I switch over to the Lioness's game?

Speaker 34 Nah, we can just look up the score on our phones later.

Speaker 18 You're watching the 10 o'clock news with me, Clive Myrie. I may be number 13 on the BBC's highest earners list, but I'm number one on your wife's to-do list.

Speaker 25 This week, Energy Secretary Ed Miliband branded the Conservative Party as anti-science for rejecting net zero. The Conservative leader Kemi Baitnock joins me now.

Speaker 25 Miss Baitnock, how do you respond to this accusation?

Speaker 15 Hello, Clive.

Speaker 16 First, let me answer your question with another question.

Speaker 16 Would someone who is anti-science do this?

Speaker 13 Hmm.

Speaker 13 Sorry, what are you doing?

Speaker 16 In order to demonstrate my point, I am finding the resonant frequency of this news desk.

Speaker 13 Hmm.

Speaker 18 I'm not sure that demonstrates anything.

Speaker 16 Of course, it does. I can detect the resonant frequencies of any object or person, Clive.

Speaker 25 Miss Baknock, why do you do this?

Speaker 16 Because I am a low-energy weirdo.

Speaker 16 In fact, you can call me the low-energy secretary.

Speaker 16 Detecting frequencies is just one of my scientific hobbies, Clive. Others include blowing bubbles made of frozen bisto, injecting silence into sea cucumbers, and trapping moonlight in biro tubes.

Speaker 38 Do you want me to detect your frequency?

Speaker 16 Hold still.

Speaker 11 That does feel weird.

Speaker 13 Thank you.

Speaker 26 Anything?

Speaker 16 You are a perfectly formed Major F.

Speaker 34 Well, any housewife could have told you that.

Speaker 12 That's right, yes.

Speaker 22 You're listening to today with me, Nick Robinson.

Speaker 16 And me, Emma Barnett.

Speaker 24 Former Defense Secretary Ben Wallace has defended his decision to take out the Data League superinjunction.

Speaker 16 Ben Wallace, Greg Wallace, is there any Wallace not tainted by scandal? The last decent Wallace joins us.

Speaker 36 Lovely to be here.

Speaker 36 I loved the Wensleydale sandwiches in the green room.

Speaker 16 So Wallace, you have a squeaky clean image, so why has this story surfaced regarding a complaint made by Gwendolyn about your inappropriate conduct?

Speaker 36 It wasn't deliberate, Emma. I invented a window cleaning machine and it broke and grabbed her on the bum instead.

Speaker 16 But you admit you were wearing the wrong trousers at the time.

Speaker 29 Because I'm autistic.

Speaker 47 Just look at me.

Speaker 36 I've worn the same tank top for 30 years.

Speaker 16 Right, and can you address the rumoured reason why your dog hasn't said a word for all these years?

Speaker 18 Oh, he'll never talk.

Speaker 36 Cracking superinjunction, grommets.

Speaker 23 Keir Starmer surprised many in Westminster by removing the whip from four Labour rebel MPs.

Speaker 22 The Prime Minister joins me.

Speaker 38 It was time to show my party who's boss, Nick.

Speaker 12 It's me, Keir the Cruel.

Speaker 38 I'm savage.

Speaker 12 I'm ruthless, a man of conviction who rules through fear,

Speaker 45 through terror, with an iron grasp on power, as I banish into the dustbin of history these naysayers who dared question Keir's authority.

Speaker 12 From there, they will never return.

Speaker 12 But many observers say, far from looking strong, this makes you look petty and weak. What does it?

Speaker 38 Oh, Maco Satan come back. Let's just forget it ever happened.

Speaker 3 Hello, I'm Greg Jenner, host of You're Dead to Me, the comedy podcast from the BBC that takes history seriously.

Speaker 3 Each week, I'm joined by a comedian and an expert historian to learn and laugh about the past.

Speaker 3 In our all-new season, we cover unique areas of history that your school lessons may have missed, from getting ready in the Renaissance era to the Kellogg Brothers.

Speaker 4 Listen to You're Dead to Me Now, wherever you get your podcasts.

Speaker 5 Suffs, the new musical has made Tony award-winning history on Broadway. We demand to be home.
Winner, best score.

Speaker 6 We demand to be seen.

Speaker 5 Winner, best book. We demand to be qualified.
It's a theatrical masterpiece that's thrilling, inspiring, dazzlingly entertaining, and unquestionably the most emotionally stirring musical this season.

Speaker 5 Suffs, playing the Orpheum Theater, October 22nd through November 9th. Tickets at BroadwaySF.com.

Speaker 8 Hello, you're through to our technical support helpline. Can I start by taking your name, please?

Speaker 46 Benjamin Netanyahu.

Speaker 8 And how may I assist you today, Mr. Netanyahu?

Speaker 49 I'm experiencing some technical errors.

Speaker 50 In fact, I've had a number of technical errors recently.

Speaker 8 No problem at all. I'll get that sorted for you right away.
Is it a phone or a laptop causing you problems?

Speaker 49 No, it's my drones.

Speaker 12 Your drones?

Speaker 11 Yes.

Speaker 50 Each time I order an airstrike on Islamic terrorists, they seem to target children queuing for water instead.

Speaker 50 Which can only be explained as a technical error.

Speaker 8 Right.

Speaker 8 And have you tried turning them off and on again?

Speaker 50 Yes, but then they target a food convoy. The strange thing is, the drones themselves are brand new.
I bought them from a small boutique outlet called United Kingdom.

Speaker 8 Right, maybe it's a faulty batch.

Speaker 50 Possibly, except I've used the exact same missiles to attack Iran's nuclear infrastructure and Syria's military headquarters. And they all hit their targets perfectly.

Speaker 49 It's a real head scratcher.

Speaker 8 Well, in that case, you might need to speak to your supplier and see if they can send you some replacements.

Speaker 21 Replacements?

Speaker 12 No, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 50 I don't want replacements. The reason I'm calling is: do you know where I can get more missiles with technical errors? And how many technical errors would I need to blow up a hospital?

Speaker 19 From the people who bought you Eau de Starma, Eau de Varage and Eau de Baidenoc comes a new fragrance.

Speaker 45 It's exciting, just like the Liberal Democrats.

Speaker 13 Davy.

Speaker 38 A fragrance from a man or a woman.

Speaker 19 But definitely not a Prime Minister.

Speaker 45 Perfect for when you're on top of a water water slide or messing about on Lake Windermere.

Speaker 19 With the salty scent of paddleboard.

Speaker 38 And top notes that makes you think...

Speaker 19 Did he not get enough attention as a child?

Speaker 9 Plus, an unmistakable bass of... Desperation.

Speaker 38 Oh, de Davies.

Speaker 45 It's as subtle as a sledgehammer.

Speaker 12 This

Speaker 41 sledgehammer?

Speaker 19 We don't need you to demonstrate with an actual sledgehammer.

Speaker 45 See, because this sledgehammer that I'm hitting the ground with isn't subtle at all.

Speaker 12 We get it.

Speaker 19 Please stop.

Speaker 45 What I'm saying is that my perfume isn't subtle.

Speaker 19 It's not a hard concept to understand.

Speaker 16 In fact, it's the opposite.

Speaker 45 Perhaps I'd better demonstrate one more time.

Speaker 19 Don't do put a sock in it, you tedious clown.

Speaker 45 Well, funnily enough, I happen to have a red nose and some very large shoes in my back, shall I?

Speaker 38 Absolutely not.

Speaker 8 BBC Sounds, music, radio, podcasts.

Speaker 43 Welcome back to the newscast studio with me, Adam Fleming, and me, Chris Mason.

Speaker 17 President Trump has threatened Russia with a massive 100% tariff unless it reaches a ceasefire deal in 50 days.

Speaker 43 So, Adam, what do you reckon? Will Trump follow through? Or is it another case of taco? The now infamous acronym for Trump Always Chickens Out.

Speaker 43 It sounds simplistic, but actually it really does represent a pattern that plays out over and over again with Trump. The same applies for Nacho.

Speaker 17 Nacho.

Speaker 48 Netanyahu arguably committing humanitarian outrages.

Speaker 37 That's because I made it up myself.

Speaker 43 You see, as a political correspondent, it's a real challenge to convey complex geopolitical maneuverings to an audience.

Speaker 26 So I've decided to embrace these snack acronyms or snachronyms, if you will.

Speaker 17 Okay, but back to Russia. Do you think Putin will call Trump's bluff?

Speaker 25 I think Panini.

Speaker 20 Okay, what's that?

Speaker 43 Putin always never intends nothing intentionally.

Speaker 17 Chris, perhaps clunkily retrofitting nuanced politics into acronyms is a bad idea.

Speaker 48 But I've got a whole list of them, and I really want people to hear how clever they are.

Speaker 43 Like sandwich, that's starmer, always negotiates decisively within an international context of hostility.

Speaker 43 And muffin, maybe Ursula von der Leyen feels frustrated with isolationist negativity.

Speaker 11 How about Fajita?

Speaker 17 For sure, all humanity is heading towards Armageddon.

Speaker 43 Fajita has a J in the middle, Adam. They don't work if your spelling is sloppy.

Speaker 37 Toast, Chris.

Speaker 17 I beg your pardon. Toss off your annoying specky twerp.

Speaker 16 Welcome to Newsnight with me, Victoria Derbyshire. I'm a straight shooter, so if you're hiding around a corner, you're perfectly safe.

Speaker 16 Nearly 60 Labour MPs have written a letter to the Foreign Secretary calling on the UK government to immediately recognise Palestine as a state. David Lammy joins me now.

Speaker 16 What's your response to their letter?

Speaker 23 Well, Victoria, I don't have a response to the letter yet as i am still trying to come up with one no open it

Speaker 12 david

Speaker 51 it's me david your inner monologue here

Speaker 32 you've been foreign secretary for over a year now

Speaker 10 something no one thought was possible least of all me

Speaker 32 So although that was a tricky question, I want you to answer it in the relaxed manner of an established government minister.

Speaker 23 I am personally committed to a two-state solution.

Speaker 15 Good, David.

Speaker 15 Focus.

Speaker 51 You almost sound statesman-like.

Speaker 18 By helping Palestinians attain a brand new state...

Speaker 12 Where are you going with this, David?

Speaker 18 Which is a state of mindfulness.

Speaker 13 What?

Speaker 13 No,

Speaker 12 David!

Speaker 7 You've dropped a lamby!

Speaker 48 I think what the people of Gaza should do is close their eyes and breathe in.

Speaker 12 David,

Speaker 7 you've forgotten something.

Speaker 12 And then breathe out.

Speaker 51 I always forget that bit.

Speaker 16 Time Secretary, are you all right?

Speaker 51 No, he is not all right.

Speaker 32 He's an absolute lammy.

Speaker 12 Tonight on Love Island,

Speaker 15 it's the breakup no one saw coming.

Speaker 45 When I thought he was arguing, I was like, Hi, Key Shots, like OMG.

Speaker 11 What?

Speaker 16 It's like they like seemed like, well, like the perfect couple.

Speaker 40 That's right, it's all over between Angela and Unite.

Speaker 6 I'm not going to lie, I'm fuming. Unite was 100% my type of union on paper because they campaigned for statutory workers' rights plus their well-paying.

Speaker 40 And what caused the shock split?

Speaker 16 A domestic argument.

Speaker 6 Basically, we had a row over who should take the bins out.

Speaker 6 They said no one until they get a pay rise. And I said, bloody get on with it, because Birmingham stinks and bins give me the ick.
It was a proper bust-up. And then they got all suss and pied me.

Speaker 6 Although, actually, I'd already pied them weeks ago.

Speaker 14 Coming up after the break, Angela is offered solace from an unlikely source.

Speaker 38 Can I pull you for a chat, babes?

Speaker 45 Just wondering where your head's at, whether you'd be interested in recoupling with me in Casocentrism.

Speaker 38 It's pretty Gucci.

Speaker 11 Chug on King, you mug.

Speaker 45 Fair enough, here's what it is.

Speaker 42 In a world filled with death and despair, there is one group of superheroes dedicated to upholding all that is good and decent.

Speaker 26 Sir Ian McCallan.

Speaker 12 You have shown great bravery, young hobbits.

Speaker 46 Sir Patrick Stewart. You have shown the Klingons a metal, Mr.

Speaker 11 Riker.

Speaker 14 Dame Judy Dent.

Speaker 16 You have shown Spectre what for 007.

Speaker 11 And Alan Bennett.

Speaker 29 You have shown me a dick pic, Steve, from Essex.

Speaker 29 Looks like a tortoise in a packamac.

Speaker 30 I'm beginning to regret joining Grinder.

Speaker 14 They are the National National Treasures.

Speaker 10 The National Treasures have been summoned to their secret base deep beneath BAFTA headquarters.

Speaker 16 Pay attention everyone. There's a terrible crisis that requires our assistance.

Speaker 46 What crisis, Dame Judy? Gaza?

Speaker 10 Ukraine?

Speaker 46 The host pipe banned?

Speaker 12 No.

Speaker 16 Both Greg Wallace and now the other one have been sacked from MasterChef. And we have to save the BBC from itself.
They're stuck with an entire series and two Christmas specials they can't broadcast.

Speaker 29 What a frothy little program of people cooking and other people saying, that's quite nice, can't be shown on the television.

Speaker 18 However, will people cope?

Speaker 16 Well, because we're all just so nice, they're reshooting Master Chef and inserting us as new presenters. Patrick, you're Greg Wallace.
Sir Ian, you're John Tarode.

Speaker 14 Why am I John Tarode?

Speaker 16 Well, you can be Greg Wallace if you like. John Taroda.

Speaker 46 What's my motivation for being Greg Wallace?

Speaker 16 Mostly baldness.

Speaker 52 Make it so.

Speaker 30 What about me, Dame Judy?

Speaker 16 Alan, you'll be a pan-fried salmon with samphire and rocket

Speaker 16 on a bed of raised asparagus shoots served with a red wine and celeriac juice.

Speaker 29 I think I've got three Olivier awards.

Speaker 16 In, Patrick, here are your scripts. Let me have a look.

Speaker 10 The sauce cuts through the asparagus,

Speaker 10 but I am not sold on the garnish,

Speaker 12 Greg.

Speaker 46 You are having a laugh, Tarode. My taste bugs are boogieing with each other right now.

Speaker 46 I tell you what, four.

Speaker 46 I wouldn't marry this meal, but I'd take it away for a dirty weekend.

Speaker 11 Who wrote this shit?

Speaker 14 We can't do this, Dame Judy.

Speaker 11 This patience.

Speaker 35 You can and you will.

Speaker 37 Have you forgotten how I had to be Hugh Edwards for three months last year?

Speaker 29 I was so convincing I'm now not allowed to see either of my goddaughters.

Speaker 16 Exactly, and I didn't want to be Gary Lineker either, but I mastered both tweeting pious opinions on Gaza and studiously avoiding the subject of trans women in sport in just one afternoon.

Speaker 16 So come on, boys. We're the only thing standing in the way of Channel 5 becoming the national broadcaster.

Speaker 11 Oh, bloody hell.

Speaker 20 What is it?

Speaker 16 Oh, it seems that now we've all been sacked by the BBC's hysterical new guidelines.

Speaker 11 Oh, dear.

Speaker 43 I should never have opened that dick pic.

Speaker 47 Dared Ringers was performed by John Colshaw, Jan Ravens, Lewis McLeod, Jess Robinson, and Duncan Wisby.

Speaker 47 The writers were Nev Fountain and Tom Jameson, Lawrence Howard, Rob Darr, Tom Colbles, Tucson Douglas, Sophie Dixon, Joe Toppy, and John Holmes. With additional material by Lizzie Mansfield, Rachel E.

Speaker 47 Thor, Davina Bentley, Alice Bright, Phoebe Butler, Declan Kennedy. It was a BBC Studios audio production for Radio 4.
Dared Ringers was created by Bill Dare, and the the producer was John Holmes.

Speaker 44 Hello, I'm Brian Cox.

Speaker 1 I'm Robin Inks, and we're back for a new series of the Infinite Monkey Cage.

Speaker 1 We have our 201st extravaganza, where we're going to talk about how animals emote when around trains and tunnels, or something like that. I'm not entirely sure.
Doing one on potatoes.

Speaker 1 Of course, we're doing one on potatoes. You love potatoes.

Speaker 44 I know, but yeah, you love chips.

Speaker 1 I'll only enjoy it if it's got curry sauce on it. We've also got techno-fossils, moths versus butterflies, and a history of light.
That'll do, won't it? Listen first on BBC Sounds.

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