Trusting God in the Waiting Season | Girls Gone Bible

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What convenient that we order from a place with yoga poses and peace?

And peace signs.

Don't get mad at us.

We're not demonic.

They all, honestly, sometimes they say bad words on them too.

Let's go.

They do.

Oh, yeah.

Our congratulations.

Congratulations, Ange.

You guys are.

I think my favorite part of the book is our love story.

Literally, me too.

It's June 3rd, which means our book, our devotional out of the wilderness,

out of the wilderness, 31 devotions to get you through your hardest seasons.

Is that what it's called?

It's a long title.

31 devotions to get you through your hardest seasons.

31 devotions to walk with God.

Yeah.

I wrote that.

We wrote that, I know.

In action.

In action.

It's not even a real book.

book

can i be honest there's no i think the best part of the about this podcast is that we are the biggest amateurs i've ever seen

like living in ignorance i i want you guys to know like no matter how big it gets we still don't know what's going on we still don't know what is the best part of this

we don't try god chose us yes we don't try

we don't try we don't know what we're doing we go into meetings.

We're five minutes in.

We're trying to figure out who we're talking to, what we're talking about.

Ari and I, we both rely on each other to take notes.

I'm always like, I'm going to check out because she's here.

I'll have her.

And but she does the same thing.

So neither of us listen.

Neither of us know what to do.

No, it's really true.

It's, I think that's been the most challenging thing about

being in business together is that I truly check out because I rely so much on you listening that when I'm in meetings, I hear about five words in the whole meeting.

And you know me, I listen to every third word.

You really, you really just started disassociating lately.

I believe you wanted to take a photo on the call last night.

I look up and she's, she's like giving us instructions.

I look at Angel and she's like, it was I looking

off screen.

I was fasting.

I was so like, I didn't know.

I haven't fasted fasted in almost what feels like a year.

Yeah.

Because I didn't fast when I was on.

Last time I fasted, I fainted.

Last time you fasted, I fed you whole

the bathroom.

Did we tell people that?

I don't think so.

Be cautionary, Tale, for fasting.

Really?

To a doctor first.

But you know why?

You know why that happened, right?

Because I am so highly addicted to coffee that not having a coffee, my migraine was so bad that I could not see straight.

Then that's really good for you to fast, probably.

You know, when people talk about idols, the first thing I think about is coffee.

I have made an before I go to bed.

I almost want to go to bed because I'm like, this is really not okay.

But I'm like, and let me know if you feel this way too.

I'm like,

I can't wait to go to sleep because I get to wake up and have a coffee.

Oh, it's so real.

My mom is like that.

My mom sets up her coffee the night before.

You and my mom are the same person.

I know.

That's why you know.

I know.

Well, my, so that's your hyperfixation is coffee.

Yeah.

Are you kidding?

And celery juice.

I do love a good celery joy.

I love a good joy.

And your other hyperfixation is that eggs have can't,

that eggs have diseases and I can't.

I don't like eggs because they're bad for you.

Who told you?

The medical medium.

Who's that?

I follow him and I'm following everything he says.

Is that demonic?

Medical medium?

I don't know.

Medium.

Oh, yeah.

I don't know.

No, he loves Jesus, I think.

Oh, God.

My hyper-fix.

Okay.

If you go to Whole Foods, they have this dispenser that dispenses peanut butter and it dispenses almond butter.

And there's no oil.

It's the best thing I've ever eaten in my life.

I was at John's house the other day and I was eating a banana with...

So you've been doing this.

With the almond.

Yeah, with the almond butter on top.

And I'm freaking out about the almond butter.

And I go, John, like, I have never eaten anything as good as this almond butter in my life.

Like, and I'm going on and on and on about this almond butter.

And he goes, you need help.

There's something not right with the way you get it.

He goes, no offense.

There's nothing special about that almond butter.

It's cute.

You get like this.

I just love what I love.

But you got to go with it.

It's kind of cute.

I'm like, okay, yeah.

My favorite part is the excitement that you get when we pull into somewhere where you know you're going to get that that hyper fixation bar or juice or whatever it is, the month that

whatever obsession that you're in, it's it's it's like your your joy.

It's like

she doesn't need anything else.

I don't need expensive things.

I just she would rather just have that one little thing than

like most girls would want a nice like I don't know, bracelet.

Not I.

No.

Just get her a bar.

Just get her a bar.

What about when you and I first became friends?

and yeah i terrorized you i used to

i was so depressed she just wanted a friend that i just wanted like i just followed everything angela did and so i just was like happy to be there like i was just happy to be there and go along for the ride i would pick her up every single day because i had just gotten out of a relationship so i was like super down bad too

and i would go to the every single day i'd pick you up i'd say hey you want to come to the farmer's market get a chicken get chicken breast raw chicken breast her obsession i didn't know what was going on i just thought

okay we're eating chicken every day and cutting up carrots every day same thing every day same time five o'clock it was i have gotten so much better since then go to the butcher every day every day i was like oh this is kind of nice and then i was like

you had a boyfriend

and i remember i think i asked you if you wanted to make something different one time and you were like no it was just do the chicken and carrots and i was like okay you didn't know yet you didn't know yet no there's nothing like the beef addiction that was scary that was actually scary was the beef with something else you guys know i went carnivore for a little bit um i was eating so much beef like i literally carried it in a tupperware everywhere i went everywhere we went

you had a tupperware

the carnivore diet era that was one that i like i look back and i'm like okay that was not good that's not funny at that point That was a crazy one.

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Anyways, so today I'm wearing my America shirt because I love America.

No reason in particular.

Today I look like Mary Poppins.

Why?

No, there's a reason

you love America.

I love America.

Do you love America?

I do.

Oh, I do.

Oh, well, who's under that?

I love America, but when I go to Italy and I see families sitting there and no one's on their phone, and they're all just so like the kids are well-behaved.

They're actually talking and interacting with each other, and no one's on their phone.

Yeah.

No one's on their phone in Italy.

They're all just enjoying the moment playing.

And so I'm like, that and the food that's poisoning us and giving us all cancer is just ugh

where you can go into a train station in italy and you can get a croissant

oh it's not there i am i'm going i'm gone oh i'm just kidding i'm just kidding we can joke now after last week's episode it was beautiful

um

yeah but if i'm being honest you can go to idaho and you see that same thing you can go to i loved idaho you loved idaho it was a beautiful I was not, I was expecting to land and see like a bunch of like big fat potatoes.

I've never seen potatoes on farms.

Yeah.

No.

It's cute.

Boise, Idaho is up and coming.

We're putting it on the map.

It reminded me so much of South Carolina.

They just need to add in some cute little clothing stores.

There's a little bit of Nordstrom, a little bit of Reformation, a little bit of this, a little bit of that.

But there are places in America where

people actually do sit and talk to each other.

Maybe not in big major cities where there are no families.

You and I are just desperately wanting to be around families.

And, like, oh, it's just so crazy how life changes in your like

just the independent lifestyle of like somewhere like LA or another major city where everybody's alone.

We're not meant to live alone.

We're not.

You know, we're not meant to be alone.

We're not meant to be alone.

Yeah.

I agree.

We're not meant to be alone.

I just want to be around greenery and

children and like sidewalks and I don't know, this fast-paced life.

I like it.

Like I love the city life.

Oh, same.

Like I like to go, but I want to come home and just, that's why I love Massachusetts because it's just, like, I was on FaceTime with Jen this morning, my sister.

And she's just walking on this trail and the trees and the greenery.

And I hear kids, and it's just like that normal life.

I love it.

I long for it.

You're going to have it.

It's time.

It's time.

Angela says this to me all the time.

She goes, enough is enough.

It's time, R.

It's time.

I'm like, I know, Angel.

It is happening.

No, I like

it.

It's so funny about Albanians.

We're like the most patriotic people in the world.

Albanians love being Albanian.

And then Albanians who live in America love being Albanian American.

Like, we're so.

Well, tell them about

what you guys are going to do at your wedding with the

Guntons.

This is really cool.

Oh, whoa.

Did we we ever tell them this?

No, so I don't know.

There might be Albanians who get, I don't know.

No, it's guns with the money.

Yeah, well, so at Albanian weddings, like everybody, like, there's money all over the floor.

Like, it's okay.

I have to be honest.

I haven't been to that many American weddings, but America, you, did you guys see my story?

I actually need to post that to my V.

Did you guys see my story when I went to a wedding with John and John

walked down the aisle with another girl?

Oh, that was that's what Americans do, and it's fine.

But Albanians would never,

their spouse is also in the bridal party and they're walking down the aisle together.

Like they don't play those games at all.

So they don't have bridesmaids and they do.

Yeah, but they have like 45 bridesmaids and 45 because everybody's in, because they like, I don't know, it's like honor.

It's like they're super like honor culture.

Like they don't leave people out.

And yeah, so at Albanian weddings, like it's a party.

I feel like American weddings can sometimes be a little like just whatever.

Just like, it's sweet.

It's classy and reserved.

AMCA.

Oh, look.

Anyway, AMCA.

And they wear like little like sundresses.

It's beautiful.

Like it's really Albanians wear gowns, full glam, hair to like to the heavens.

Like they're, it's huge.

Like they're big.

Like Eastern European weddings are huge.

There are like 500 people and you don't know who anybody is.

And there's money all over the floor and they shoot guns in the air and it's just like opa, opa, like it's fun.

And John has no idea what's coming one day.

I want to have a like super like half-Albanian wedding.

Like, I want him to come out and do where the like, and he would do anything I asked him to do.

I want him to wear like the Albanian old-timey like outfits, the hat and the little outfit, and then go out and do like a little hale.

The poor guy has no idea.

His family is going to be like

shooting money out of guns.

And then his family is so

like, they're so sweet.

So sweet.

Like that is so, I can't.

My family comes to tear the house down.

I'm not missing one second of not documenting this wedding.

That is all I have to say.

Speaking of weddings.

Speaking of weddings, if and when, no, no, that's, that's negative.

But I always like.

I don't know.

Like I see these big weddings and I'm like, I don't even want to spend a lot of money.

I want to have a party and I want good food and I want to have a band and I just want to party all night with my friends, listen to music, dance, go on someone's shoulders, and just, yes.

I have a feeling you're going to have like a smaller one.

Well, I'm going to have 13 bridesmaids.

You have 45 bridesmaids.

But you, I feel like you'll want to, you've always wanted a smaller one, right?

Yeah, just like people I love and just have fun.

Yeah.

Because boy, do I deserve it.

Yes, we do with this waiting season

let's talk about it let's talk about it yeah so anyways I love America God bless America

all right what are we doing today ah uh

uh

say hi to our moms and dads

go ahead

know you hi mom and dad I love you guys so much.

My mom always asks for a

shout out.

Hi, Roberta.

I love you.

I am wearing my underwear today.

I did lock the doors, and I'm not talking to strangers.

Your daughter probably is, but I'm not.

She's gonna love that.

I love you, Bertie.

Hi, mom.

Si spircha tabos sonde.

What if I just wipe you off here?

That's kind of hot.

So many of us are in this

waiting season.

It's like this in-between where

you're just like waiting, but you're also having faith and you know it's good for you because the waiting season is nothing less than a blessing, but people try to make it feel like it's a curse.

And so you're just in this in-between of being like,

I trust you, Jesus, and I know you're doing something.

But there's also this like

longing ache in your heart that seems to sit sometimes.

And so I know so many of us are going through it and we feel like time is running out.

And it's just really hard, but yet so

just such a blessing.

So I really wanted to talk about it because

this is a season so many of us are in.

And I just hope today that you can leave this episode feeling

seen, feeling like I'm not alone, and feeling like what he's going to bring me is far greater than what I can even imagine.

And I just hope this episode really brings you some hope

through my story.

And I believe I'm going through this because I'm meant to sit here and share and not hide it.

And I think a lot of the times

I've shared so much about my heartbreak and you guys have walked with me through it.

And I've been very vulnerable, but I've also

felt a lot of

I've also hit a lot of it because,

I don't know,

it's very vulnerable.

It's been a little bit embarrassing at times being in my 30s.

And I'm like, no, I want to be strong.

Like, I want to get through this.

I want to, like, look at what God's doing in my life.

But at the same time, like, I do hurt.

And I think people need to hear that side too.

When

I've just noticed lately, like God's been putting it on my heart that you're in this season because you're meant to talk about it.

You need to talk about it more.

I have you in this, this place because I need you to share with these other people.

And so I want to be more open.

I was watching some old episodes and watching some of my old clips.

And I used to be just You know, when you're going through something and you can just bleed out and then you become, you have a little bit of bitterness in your soul and you have to get tough and your body becomes, your nervous system almost gets in survival mode of like, I have to get through this.

So I think I've been going through that a little bit and just feeling like, I, I don't want to talk about it anymore.

And people probably don't want to hear it.

And I'm like, no, we need to talk about it.

I talk about this so much in the book.

As I wrote.

in these devotions, I actually was in my healing process.

And so that's what's so beautiful.

When I was reading back on this, I can't believe

how far I've come.

And so it's like,

I'm like, no, we're going to talk about this because I know you guys

feel like it's never going to end.

Like, I

am being punished.

And

your waiting season is the furthest thing from a punishment.

Let me tell you.

I wrote in a couple devotions about

the waiting season, but one of them, the title is His Timeline, Not Mine.

A couple of scriptures that I wrote.

One of my favorites, and I hope you guys can even write this in your notes and just kind of speak them out loud when the thoughts come of

will it ever happen?

What is going on?

Like these longing aches of grief that you feel.

John 13, verse 7 says, you do not understand now what I am doing, but you will understand later.

Romans 8:28 says, We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Ecclesiastes 3, verse 1 says, There is a time for everything and a season for activity under the heavens.

I can just read a little bit.

We love to do things in our own timing.

Eager for all the good things, we often try to jump ahead and do things our way.

And if what we want doesn't happen, we get impatient with God.

But God allows different seasons for a reason, and we might miss out on his plans if we try to skip any of them.

Maybe your current wilderness season involves singleness.

This isn't because God wants to withhold good things from you.

He wants to build trust with you and to create an intimate relationship where he is first in your life.

If you experience hard circumstances or challenges in your wilderness season, he wants you to come to him instead of running to other people

or comforts of the world because he loves you and he wants to build something in you.

He is using this time to prepare you to step into whatever new season he has in store for your next.

It's so good.

And then I just like, I'll just read this little thing.

I often heard how fun singleness could be, but no one prepared me for how much of a shock it would be for someone who was always used to being in a relationship.

When I entered a season of singleness for the first time, let's just say it was the furthest thing from fun or easy.

So, gosh, can I just say,

I just want to give you your flowers,

Ari,

for somebody who

has had an attack on your mind your whole life,

and like Satan has always told you that you can't speak and you can't do this and you can't do that,

you are such a phenomenal writer.

Reading your words challenged me so deeply as we wrote this together.

It is so beyond impressive your gifting.

You guys are, it's going to blow your mind.

And I'm telling you right now, this is not the only book Ari writes.

Ari is going to write books her entire life because you are a natural-born storyteller.

You wear your heart on your sleeve.

You're able to recount stories and express things and communicate in a way that like other people just can't.

I can't.

Some people have it and some people don't.

The way that you write is so, you guys are going to lose your mind.

Ari's writing in this book.

You're going to bawl your eyes out.

You are insane.

You are so gifted.

For somebody who got bad grades in school and Satan said, you're not smart and they put you in the class and whatever.

Look at who you are and look at what you're doing.

Thank you.

You deserve every bit of it.

I swear on my life.

I know.

I love you so much.

I love you so much.

I really didn't think we would be gone.

Thank you so much.

They're going to look so kind.

That really is so kind of you to say that.

Thank you.

Love you.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Waiting, man.

I mean,

waiting seasons are, they're brutal.

They're so brutal.

And your waiting season

has been so hard.

Can you just take us through?

I think one one part of your story that I love so much, I don't love it for you, but

this idea that like your life was headed a direction and then everything got taken from you and you had to completely make a 180 and

like you found yourself back to square one after everything was taken.

And so can you just talk about what that was like?

To be in your 30s and to have everything just completely stripped from you was

it was so jarring.

And you get into your 30s because society makes you feel like

that's it.

Like, if you haven't already been married or if you already haven't found your career, like hang it up because it's done.

And so I felt like my life was over.

Like, I really, I, I felt like my time was up.

And I remember feeling like,

How will I ever move on?

Like, how will I ever, like, this was someone I loved so much like how like why is this happening like I don't I don't want I just remember so many nights just being on my hands and knees and bargaining being like please please don't take this away from me like this is why like you have no idea I I could be going through help but knowing that I had someone that I found that I loved so much that I was going to marry like it got me through everything like you know?

And so when that was gone, it was just, it was so unbearable, the grief.

So when that happened, I, I'm, and I've shared this when I first started the episode, going through days of like complete isolation.

Like, I, I've shared with you guys, I would go to this park every day and I would like,

I was completely isolated.

None of my friends lived in LA.

And I would be in this park and I would just be sitting there and like

the grief like I was like just

I was dying like emotionally I was dying and I'd just be sitting there and I'd be

gutted and I'd be like what am I gonna do like what what what am I gonna do and so I'm sitting in this park every day and I went through hell I went through a hell that no one will ever be able to understand but me and God I I fought so hard to the point where I was like, I cannot fight anymore.

Like I was so sick emotionally and I was so tired.

And I just thought my time was up.

And I had no money.

I had no career.

The guy that I loved just completely left and never said anything again.

Can you just tell them about what it was like?

Because I feel like for people who start over, like that's such a thing for people.

Can you talk about how you go from like being in this like beautiful situation, a beautiful home, like all this stuff?

And then you find yourself in a studio apartment in Woodland Hills like you had barely any money to pay your rent and you're just like and you're looking for jobs yeah like before and you're like

how did we go from this to this thanks for asking about that yeah

I had a I had

I had my person and I was safe right

and then

it's gone It felt like it was just overnight.

It was gone.

So I have all these hopes and dreams and I'm thinking I'm going to be having a home and planning my wedding and doing this life,

starting my life.

And then, all of a sudden, one day, everything is gone.

And I'm in this little studio apartment,

and I'm sitting on my floor, and I'm looking up, and I'm like,

like, what now?

Like,

like, what now?

Like,

how will I ever be okay again?

Like, how?

And I would, and I found this, like, therapist in Agora Hills, and I would go to her, and she said she's never seen anyone in that much pain.

And she would, my, this therapist would hold me, and she would just be like,

I had no one at this time, and she would, like, hold me in her arms, and I would be like, is it ever going to go away?

And it was just so,

it was so dark this time of my life.

And I would sit in that park and I would look up and I would just be like,

this isn't real.

Like, this isn't real.

Like, it's, it's, he's like, it's going to work out again.

And just like trying to figure out what I'm going to do with my life because I had these hopes and dreams and it was all gone.

It was just gone.

And I didn't know what to do with my life.

I didn't feel adequate.

I didn't feel worthy.

I remember at the time I was going to,

I told you this, but I was going to like elderly homes.

Like I always had this longing to help other people and I was trying to get jobs at elderly homes.

And I tried to start an

organization to help kids and just everything was falling through.

Nothing was happening.

I was on ZipRecruiter trying to find jobs and no one would hire me.

Like it was crazy.

It was like, I literally relate to Job so much because,

like, Job says, the very thing I fear happened to me and the very thing that I feared had happened to me.

And I'm just sitting in my 30s alone in this small dark apartment and I was so, I was, I was done.

I was done.

And

little did I know that it was

God's greatest gift to me.

God's greatest gift to me.

I think about the decisions that I could have made and that I almost made because I was so tired and because I was so sick.

And I feel so much for people because you're so tired and the grief takes over you so much.

That's how much pain I was in.

Like, I was so tired.

And you know how tired I was.

And so I feel for so many people

because I know that feeling of grief and pain.

And it's not just because of a heartbreak.

It's more than that.

It's like

you just feel so defeated.

You feel like life can get so hard and it can eat you alive if you let it.

It really can.

And so I think about how it almost did take me out.

And so this is why I talk about this today because

I hope that I can be an example for you guys because I could have went that way, right?

I could have just sat and complained and sat in that little studio.

I could have sat in the dark and cried and years could have went by and I know many people that that happens to

or I could have went the other way.

Thank God I didn't.

I remember before I met Jesus, I

I tried everything else.

He was my last resort.

I called psychics.

I had the lucky rock.

I was trying, I was like listening to books on manifesting.

Like I, I was, I was like, I tried everything.

I could have sat and wallowed in pity and just been in depression for years.

But I thank God that I fought.

So when I

found Jesus in that church that day, I talk about this a lot, but

it was that little bit of hope and safety that I found for the first time in my life.

And I held on to that.

And I hope you guys can too.

And

I just remember like

the greatest gift that he did for me, he let me suffer.

And

he didn't heal me overnight.

And he kept me in the waiting.

And I could have,

like I always have my whole life, because I've never been alone.

I could have put a band-aid over the wound and I could have went to somebody else and I didn't.

And he kept me just with him.

And

that's how it all started for me.

And I would just sit in this church all day and I would just talk to him.

And like through my suffering, that's what produced my relationship with him and the dependency.

And that's when I knew that

that's how I knew Jesus was real.

At the end

At the end of Job, he says, I've heard about you my whole life, but now I see you with my own eyes.

And it was through my suffering that I really got to see Jesus with my own two eyes.

Through the days of being in such grief and crying out, and it was just me and him.

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And so we can go two ways.

We can sit in the depression or we can fight.

And I can't quite believe the woman that I am.

And it was only because of this waiting season.

And I held on to that vision that you always told me about the me.

That you, when you saw me, and I'll never forget it, you saw me in my worst when I was so depressed.

And that vision of you that you saw me, of me in that white dress, and I'm glowing, and I'm happy, and I'm strong.

You're strong.

And I held on to that vision, and I'm that woman now.

Yeah, you are.

And that is only because of my waiting season.

And this waiting season, man, it has been

so insane.

But I've gotten really comfortable with being uncomfortable.

Yeah, you have.

And I can wake wake up in peace.

And I love myself and I'm comfortable with myself.

And I can't quite believe, like,

I can't believe that I'm, I'm in this place.

I never thought I would ever be comfortable with myself.

I was never comfortable with myself.

I couldn't even be with friends with obsessing about somebody else.

I always needed something or someone to fill that void.

And that's why I never had peace in my mind because I was always trying to fill the void with somebody else.

And so,

if God took a girl at 32

and changed my life in eight months of complete surrender and dependency, he can take every single one of you guys that is listening right now that is going through this grueling waiting season

because I'm not better than you, and he doesn't favor anyone above the other.

He loves us just the same.

But what I know about the waiting season is, I could have lengthened my season so much, and I could have stayed stuck.

But look at what God had for me.

Look at what God had, look at my life, you guys.

Look at what he did in my life

because

I didn't stay stuck.

I didn't give give in.

I fought with him.

I surrendered to him.

I loved him.

I had a heart for him and a hunger for him.

And that was only because I was alone.

That was only because

I learned what true love is.

Like my heart needed love.

It needed safety.

It needed peace.

And it needed hope.

And I always thought that was found in somebody else.

Yeah.

But I realized that that's only found in Jesus.

And then when you find it in Jesus, he will bring you someone that brings you love and brings you hope.

But if you're only searching, if you only are searching for that in somebody else, you will always come up feeling empty.

There's so much I can say about the waiting season.

Nothing is wasted.

He does not waste anything.

If he would have brought...

I remember even going back to my career being like,

I want this so bad.

I want to help people.

I want my,

if he would have brought me anything, even a like a couple months earlier, I would not have been ready for it.

So, everything he was doing, I struggled for years and years and years, but he did not waste anything I went through.

Even going back to my career, I think about all the classes I took, all this training I did.

It prepared me to be on film, it prepared me to speak, it prepared me for everything.

So, nothing is wasted.

He uses everything.

Every single moment of pain, he used.

Every day that you feel like is being wasted, it's not.

Everything, even if like you have a failed career, it's not.

He knows the desires in your heart.

I had such a desire to act, but he used all of the things that I, like, he used it.

He used it for us.

Your waiting season is connected to so much more than just you.

I learned that so much in the shows.

I can't tell you how many of you guys have come up to me and said,

I

am in this waiting season, but I am able to do it because I don't feel alone because of your story.

Understand that your waiting season is connected to so

you're a seed to somebody else.

You're a seed of faith to somebody else.

I have been able to be a seed of faith for everybody that is single right now.

Listen to me when I tell you this: that your waiting season, and I know so many people say this, but your waiting season truly is preparation.

It is preparation.

I look at this woman that I am today.

It was only done in the waiting season.

For someone that was always in relationships, I had to be in the season of

just with Jesus.

I had to face myself.

I had to learn to wake up.

Can I give you an example?

I had to learn how to wake up and feel content with myself.

And then like my preparation too, like, I've gotten to,

I can't believe what I've gotten to accomplish being on my own with just Jesus.

I can't imagine if I would have had someone during this time of my new faith, of learning.

I've gotten to spend my Friday nights.

Like, it's insane.

Like, I'll give you an example.

It was Memorial Day weekend.

It was a Friday.

I was

having such a hard time.

All my friends were with their partners.

They were on vacations.

They were doing all these things.

And it was, I was just so excited because I finally had time off and it was Memorial Day and I like, I wanted to, I wanted to have fun.

I wanted to be with my friends and everybody was gone.

And so it was Friday and I'm sitting there and I'm like, okay, I'm like,

I guess I'm just alone again.

Like I'm just, I guess I'm just gonna, whatever.

And so I had a moment of grief of just being like, God, why?

Like, I love celebrating everybody else, but this is really hard.

It's been really hard.

You know, I'm in my 30s.

I'm, I'm watching everybody have these beautiful relationships.

And I'm here on a, on a holiday weekend, and I'm, and I'm just, this is so hard.

So I had a moment of grief.

And then I picked myself up and I said, no, I will not allow myself to, I let myself have that moment.

I called a girlfriend who lives out of state

and we started reading the Bible together.

Four hours go by.

It was probably the best Friday night of my life.

Like one of the best Friday nights I've ever had.

We're talking about Jesus.

We're reading the Bible.

We're laughing.

And I look up and I go, she goes, see, if we were in relationships, we'd never be able to do this.

That's so true.

And so I have gotten to have the most amazing

nights where everybody was out with boyfriends.

And I've gotten to know Jesus.

I've got to be with Jesus.

I've got to understand his love.

I would have never understood his love if he didn't put me just with him.

Because I would have said, I'm getting my love from this person.

And so I've gotten to seriously,

like, that's why I talk about the love of God, because I have been in moments of such deep grief.

He's gotten me through each of the, like, he has

poured his love.

He has been with me through everything.

And so I'm not saying that it's going to be easy.

It's been like, it's like this, right?

That Sunday,

I went with my best friend and I'm sitting there and I'm at the same spot where I was just trying to survive the hour.

Like I didn't even know how to get through the hour of grief.

This was two years ago.

I'm sitting in the same spot and I'm sitting on the grass and this band is playing this beautiful music.

And I'm looking at the band and every single lyric is just going through my veins.

And I'm just like,

the sun is shining down on my face and I'm looking up.

And then I'm looking at my best friend who I would have never met if I didn't go through my heartbreak.

And she puts her head on my shoulder and I'm just in complete peace.

And I'm in that same spot where I was just trying to survive the hour.

And I look up at God and I'm like, this is what it feels like.

This is what it feels like to be safe with you.

This is it.

Like, this is what you, this is what you've done.

This is why you've had me wait so long.

So I had that moment of just being like,

it all makes sense.

But then I have moments of feeling grief and I know that that's okay too.

Yeah.

But we just can't sit in it.

Can I, can I tell you one more thing that you would have never discovered?

Have you?

There's obviously a massive call of God on your life in regards to helping people.

And I think you've spent your whole life

focused on

because you're so giving and you're so nurturing.

And it was always like in your relationship.

Like it was like the one, like one person got that.

And you being single the last two years has, you would have never discovered your gift of helping people.

I know you wanted to help people, but you've like actually like, it's come into fruition.

Your gift of encouragement, your gift of healing, your gift of being there for people, you pour into people in a way that you just wouldn't if you were not single.

No.

And when you do get in a relationship and you do get married and you have your own children, you won't ever be able to pour into people like you do now.

Yeah.

You guys don't understand who Ari is to people.

Like you will.

That's what's come out of the past two years is you know who you are.

You know you're gifting now.

Yeah.

I wouldn't have.

I wouldn't have because I didn't love myself.

Yeah.

I didn't love myself.

So,

when you're not comfortable with yourself,

you can't

love people right.

And so, I just

look back at myself and I'm like, I'm not a damsel in distress anymore.

And that's what Jesus wanted to show me.

You are not a damsel in distress.

Your life is not in the hands of another person, and it's not in the hands of a career.

And that's not what's going to fill you.

It's in the hands hands of me.

And he's like, you are not a damsel in distress.

You are strong.

You are smart.

You are worthy.

You are lovable.

You are not all these things that you always thought you were.

But in order to understand that, you need to understand me.

And the only way to understand me is to come into a season where it's just you and I.

And so now I can sit with my shoulders back.

And that's why I'm able to look straight and I'm able to have confidence.

It's because I know I'm able to be with myself now.

And that's only because of the waiting season.

Like the, the, what he produces in your waiting season

is something you will never be able to do with another person or on your own.

And when you are in this waiting season,

I just, I just want to say this, like,

I can't even imagine if I would have wasted this waiting season of going back to somebody else, of putting a bandaid on and just like,

I can't even imagine.

I would never be here right now.

I would never be as strong as I am.

I would never be able to help people the way I do.

And so the waiting season is, is, it's, it really, like people really,

society puts this pressure on people, especially women in their 30s, that it's a curse.

And what I want you to tell you guys is everybody has their own path.

My path was to learn it later in life.

Yeah.

Angela went through that with your photo.

Tell them.

Yeah, I went through so it's just so interesting.

You know, God has such a beautiful, intentional, specific plan for every single one of us that is not restricted to like societal constructs.

Like

my life is different than Ari's life and it's different than your life and we're all on a different journey and so much shame comes from us thinking that we look to other people and we think we need to be like them and we think we should be where they are and like maybe Ari would look at me in a relationship and think she should be there.

But then I look at someone who's already engaged and think that I should be there.

And they look at someone who got engaged sooner than they did.

So we're all like, but that's what society does to us.

And the church, I feel like, does that to us a lot.

I posted a photo recently of John and I, and I said that we like celebrated our one-year anniversary of dating, obviously.

And

I got hundreds of comments and then hundreds, what felt like maybe less, of messages of people literally being like, if he really liked you, he would have proposed already.

Like, it's been, I had and do these people that call themselves Christians.

Yeah.

And there was even a

man from a page that I follow and really respect, like a Christian, like educational page who was like,

It's been a year and he hasn't proposed, question mark, like commented on the photo, which was like so embarrassing.

It got me so in my head.

I got so triggered.

And he just talked me through it.

And he's like, like, well, first of all, we've been dating long distance, our entire relationship up until a month ago.

I'm on tour.

Our dating just doesn't look like other peoples in the church who get married in seven months, which is great for them.

That's just not our story.

So anyways, the church puts so much pressure, especially on women, and it's always like us.

It's never the man.

You know, it's always like, oh, what did the, it's almost like they make us feel like damaged goods if somebody hasn't already like chosen us and picked us and proposed to us and married us and it's like we're the problem yeah you know yeah and

yeah and

it's crazy everybody has a different path

i feel like at my age right now in my 30s i finally know who i am he had to prepare me he's been preparing me and i'm so glad that i've been able to do it by myself with just with jesus

Like, I don't, I feel like right now with men, like me and my girlfriend were talking about this, but men are tired because the women, like us as women, we unpack it with the men, and we're not supposed to do that.

You do a really good job at not doing that.

You really, you go to Jesus.

Like, you're, you, I've learned so much from you in your relationship because you're really good at that.

Thanks, sorry.

But yeah, I

we're supposed to unpack all this with Jesus, you know?

So that's what the waiting season is for.

It's like, prepare yourself.

Don't

heal.

Heal.

It's okay to grieve.

It's like one of the most special things about my waiting season is I got to grieve with Jesus.

Like.

It's the dependency, like

the heartbreak, the grieving.

It's all dependency.

And that's what created my relationship.

I didn't hide anything from Jesus.

Jesus, I didn't want to bring that into another relationship.

I wanted to face myself, I wanted to be able to wake up and love myself.

I wanted to be able to feel peace.

I want somebody to add to me.

I don't want to need something.

Exactly.

My whole life, I needed something.

I don't, when you are in the place of needing that, like you need it,

that's what an idol is.

I've always had, like, I made made an idol out of that thing that I had.

And when you have an idol, where's God's place in your life?

Because whatever you're thinking about,

whatever has your attention the most

is what is your God.

And so that's why I was so dry.

Like, that's why I was always coming up empty.

And so,

yes, you will,

I grieve.

I really do.

I have moments, you know, I'm at all these weddings.

I look around.

I have, I'm like by myself at these, it's like crazy what he's done, you know, because I never understood.

I never understood people that were in their waiting season.

I'm so blessed that I now, I will.

Whatever friend comes in my life that is in a waiting season, I will have so much compassion for.

I will literally be, I can understand now.

And that's such a gift.

When you can understand others, it's the biggest gift.

I'm so proud of myself because I could easily go to someone else.

I could easily just put that band and I didn't.

You were saying how like you have to wake up content because you want someone to add to your life and like you can't put all your problems basically on.

And like we know this, that a relationship doesn't fix your problems.

And I can tell you firsthand that it doesn't fix your problems.

I have severe abandonment issues and marrying John will not heal my abandonment issues.

I will still have them.

Jesus has to heal my abandonment issues.

You know?

And like,

yeah, it just, I know that.

I know it's not, he's not going to heal it.

Getting married to John isn't going to heal my insecurities.

I might feel safe.

Of course, you're in a covenant relationship.

Of course, it brings safety.

But anybody, like we can't, we know deep down, deep, deep, deep in our innermost being, like we know that we can't fully 100,000% depend on another human.

They can leave at any point.

And just being married, even if you know they won't, it just doesn't heal those parts of you.

Jesus has to heal that.

He has to, or you'll always come up empty.

Yeah.

One of the things in the waiting that can be so hard is

you

are doing so good and all these things and then you start to almost covet other relationships.

You start to...

It's okay to look at other relationships and be like, oh my gosh, that's so beautiful.

But when you start to covet them, when you start to obsess, when you start to um

wish you had what they have that all starts on you you go on social media you

so you start to covet other people's relationship comparing then then then all of a sudden the grief comes and then you can't go down this rabbit hole and then you start feeling so sick and then

You just feel like you've been set apart like you've God has forgotten about you like you yeah, you just you can go down that hole and so so

I have done that.

I, this happened to me recently where I started to compare and I started to think, if has God have forgotten about me?

And then my mind starts spinning and then I'm in a hole of grief and then I have bitterness because grief turns into bitterness and then I'm starting to feel sick and then two days go by and I'm I'm just I feel I'm like a wreck.

And so

And then I'm not even going to Jesus.

I'm not even talking to him.

And so

this happened to me recently.

And I just want to tell you guys:

we have to constantly be fighting against our flesh.

Because the flesh is so weak.

And it's so easy to walk in our flesh and start comparing and start going down the rabbit hole in social media and start thinking, oh, well,

has God forgotten about me?

Is my time up?

Will my person ever come?

It's so hard to date now.

And so it's so easy to do that.

And so

just constantly being filled up by his word, constantly going to him.

The minute, so two days went by where I was comparing, I was being bitter.

I was had negative self-talk.

I started to think, it's never going to happen for me.

I found myself saying that on the phone, it's never going to happen.

I'm never going to meet the person that I want.

And I was so sick emotionally.

Then I go home and I start and I and I start fighting.

I start fighting in the spirit.

I start getting filled up by the word.

I start going to bad in prayer.

I'm like, Jesus, help me right now.

Help me.

I don't feel good.

I'm bitter.

I feel like it's never going to come.

Like, help me right now.

All of a sudden, it was like water.

That's what he means.

Like,

he fills you.

And I'm like, that's all I needed.

All I needed was to just come down on my hands and knees, read your word,

and call out to you.

And then you fill me.

And so, um,

yeah,

we have to constantly being, be, be filled and walking in the spirit because when we walk in the spirit, he sustains us in the season.

You know, we, we always question things sometimes when things haven't happened to us that we want.

And I,

I was having a morning where I was just like, oh, God, why?

Like, why did this happen?

Why, you know, why did I have to wait?

And I opened my Bible.

This was, this is a morning I will never forget.

I opened to Isaiah 30, verse 18.

I literally looked down at my Bible.

Isaiah is the best book of the Bible.

Is that your favorite?

It's my favorite.

Really?

And I read.

So the Lord must wait for you to come to him so he can show you his love and compassion.

How many times has Jesus tried to come after us,

but we just keep turning the other way?

So he's not going to force anything on you.

He was not going to force me in my journey to come to him.

But when I finally hit the bottom, I came to him.

And that's when he showed me his love and compassion.

He's faithful.

Blessed are those who wait for his help.

The waiting season is about waiting for his help.

He's not a magician.

He's not a genie.

He's not all of a sudden.

He's so intentional about the timing, about the preparation, about not having you and any distractions, about growing you, and building you and pruning you.

And his time is so much better than our time.

And so, if we could just write that down in our notes and say, every time we have these moments, because it's normal in the human experience to feel like I'm tired, but to say, your time is so much better than my time.

I'm going to wait for you because you know my Jesus knows better than I do.

He will be gracious if you ask for help.

He surely will respond to the sound of your cries.

He's so gracious when you reach out and say, help me.

He's so kind.

He hears every single, he sees every single one of your tears and none of it goes wasted.

And he's so pleased when you go to him and you cry out to him.

He's like, that's my daughter.

That's my son.

You have no idea what I'm going to do through this pain and all the cries and all the nights of grief that you've been going through.

Though the Lord gave you adversity for food and suffering for drink, he will be with you to teach you.

It's only through the adversity that you go through and the suffering that you endure that he teaches you.

That's where you are taught your most valuable lessons.

That's where you,

that's where you grow the most.

That's where you become the person that you would never be if you did not go through the suffering, the waiting, and the adversity.

Your own ears will hear him.

And right behind you, a voice will say, this is the way you should go.

When you go into relationship with Jesus in the waiting season, when it's just you and him,

you can hear Him so clearly, you can see Him with your own two eyes, and then you won't have to figure out, Do I need to go to this person?

Do I do this?

Which way do I go?

You hear Him.

That's the most special part about the waiting season: you hear Him, you see Him, and then you don't have to go by your own strength, you just follow Him, He shows you where to go, He shows you what to do.

Then you will destroy

all of your silver idols and your precious gold images.

You will throw them away like filthy rags, saying to them, Good riddance.

Good riddance.

The very thing that you think you want, or you lost that person.

You look and you say, but I love them so much.

This was my person.

This is,

and there's nothing wrong with that.

I can't tell you how many days I said, I had to say, I know you took this person away from my good, but I need to understand I loved them, and that's okay.

Love is such a beautiful thing, and what a powerful, amazing thing that you loved so much that you hurt as much as you do, and you grieve as much as you do.

That just shows how much in the capacity that you have to love, and how good of a wife or a husband you'll be someday.

But man, when God shows you His love

and who He

and how he doesn't just get up and walk away and leave you, how he heals you, how he sits with you in grief, how he will never walk away from you and abandon you, how

he literally will take your broken pieces and he will begin to restore you and patch you up and he will set you up on in his right hand.

He will launch you out into something

that your mind will be blown.

You will no longer have these things pulling you down, these idols and these things that you've put on such a pedestal, because you know that will never fulfill you.

Only He does.

And then, whatever He brings to you, when you seek Him, it will be added.

It won't be this thing where you have constant anxiety over.

You will already be filled.

So, whoever comes to you, it's just going to be an added thing and it's going to be beautiful.

And then the Lord will bless you with rain at planting time.

There will be a hunt.

There will be wonderful harvests at planting time is the key.

Time.

Specific time.

At planting time.

But right now,

he's planting your harvest and he's building you and he's doing something.

He's keeping you in this waiting where there's no distractions, where it's just you and him.

And later on, you will thank him for every tear, for every day that you were alone, for every moment where you were like, why, why, why?

Why did you take this?

Why has it?

Because you will look back and say, this is why.

And you will have your shoulders back and your chin up and you will look in the mirror and you will say, thank you, Jesus, for my waiting season because without it, I would not be this person.

But do not waste it.

Do not, it's okay to grieve.

It's okay to hurt.

It's okay to cry to him.

But please, do not waste it.

Fight for friendships.

This is a time to do things that

you would never typically do, to be with friends, to meet new people, to go places that you would never typically go, to be with family.

Yeah.

Yeah.

This is your time

to do things that you wouldn't typically do.

This is the definition of someone preaching something they've lived.

Yeah.

Yeah.

If only everyone who gets on a stage with a mic and opens their mouth to preach something has lived it the way you live, what you preach.

It's authentic.

It's real.

You're insane.

I love you.

I'm so like.

And I never have my best friend.

Dude, thank God that guy's out of here.

Thank God.

Bye.

She's mine.

I want you guys to write this scripture down.

And every time you start to feel this feeling, I want you to say it.

I've been, this is a script, this is a scripture that I am repeating out loud to myself constantly throughout the day.

No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has imagined the plans that God has for those who love him.

Focus on loving him, focus on knowing him, and focus on being in relationship with him.

That's your only job.

What a beautiful thing.

And the plans he has for you at the end of whatever season, whatever waiting season he has, it is going to blow your mind and you are going to thank him for keeping you in this holding season.

So hold on.

If you're in a waiting season, this is what God might be doing.

He's strengthening your patience.

He's protecting you from what you can't see.

He's preparing a bigger blessing than what you asked for.

He's working on someone else's heart before they step into your story.

He's removing the people and things that could not go with where God is taking you.

He's making sure your faith is in Him,

not just in the outcome you want.

He's closed the doors that you begged for for Him to bring you back because He sees the hurt that they would have caused you.

He's making you wait because what He has for you isn't ready, or maybe you aren't just quite yet.

And the last thing is:

He's making sure that your heart is healed

before he gives you what you're praying for.

So, I would love you guys to write all these things down.

We love you.

We hope that you feel less alone today and just know that you have a sister who's waiting with you.

You're not alone.

You're not inadequate.

You're not being pushed to the side.

He's right on time.

He's never late.

So, don't panic.

Just rest in him.

Thank you, Jesus.

We love you guys so much.

We love you.

We love you.

We love you.

May the Lord bless you and keep you.

May he make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you.

May he turn his face towards you and give you peace.

Shalom, shalom.

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