499: Generation Zapped

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You meet Larry Gust, and he is identified as building biologist.

He's not familiar with outdoor biology.

He's an indoor biologist.

Is that a biologist that works indoors, or is that a biologist of buildings?

I think it's the latter.

He's just wandering around.

Nope.

Still no cell.

This one's not alive either.

Someday, it's drywall again.

It's almost always drywall.

God-awful

movie.

Movie.

Movies.

Welcome back to the Gamcast, where each week we sample another selection from Christian Cinema unless someone else volunteers to be equally felicit, in which case we review their thing.

I'm your host of Illusions and sitting 700 miles to my immediate left is my good friend Heath and Wright.

Heath, welcome back.

Do you guys feel that electromagnetic field?

I'm feeling

fucking.

Because I'm not a fucking shark.

Do you hear it?

It's buzzing.

And sitting 900 miles to my northeast is my bad friend Eli Boznick.

Eli, how are you this fine afternoon, sir?

Positively electrified to be here, Noah.

That's not.

You do feel it.

Yep.

And we're also always excited to welcome back the host of Talk Nerdy, Kara Santa Maria.

Kara, welcome back.

This is no.

No.

You guys had to make up for the last one, which was like mildly entertaining, didn't you?

Wait, wasn't the last one, the Avengers plague?

Yes, it was.

Yeah, that was way more than mildly entertaining.

So tell us, Heath, what will we be mildly entertained by today?

We watched watched Generation Zapped.

It's the story of how all the cell phones stayed home from work on 9-11.

I think it's

something bad about cell phones.

Yep.

Yep.

And Eli, how bad was this movie?

Well, if you've ever longed for the movie version of a catch-up brunch you immediately wish you could escape from, but you wish it had a panel of talking heads to go with it, you will love this movie.

It's the crystals, you say, of movies.

Ain't it just.

All right.

So is there anything you guys want to nominate this one for being the best at being the worst at?

Yeah, I'm going to go with best worst Chiron.

So yeah, it's a bunch of talking heads.

At one point, they show us a clip from C-SPAN of one of their characters who's not a scientist at all.

And her only Chiron for speaking to Congress was, husband has brain cancer.

It's just her name.

And husband has freaking cancer.

Also, human being.

Human beings.

We will get there.

We will get there.

So, Heath, when I saw Beshworst Chiron, I assumed you were talking about the building biologist.

I also thought you were

to him as well.

Yeah, that's one of the Chirons.

I think my other favorite is that almost everybody had, like, you know, MD, PhD, whatever.

And then one guy, it's just his name.

And he's like, I don't know.

I run like, I do the desks at a time.

He was the building biologist.

Yeah, Billy Mallon.

I loved him so fucking much.

He had a little football diagram.

We're going to talk about it.

Okay, I'm going to go with best, worst, red herrings.

This movie was so full of logical fallacies.

And one that just kept coming back over and over is they would argue about like something that had nothing to do with their main point.

And they'd be like, eh, eh?

Yep.

Yep.

Technology's bad, right?

And I'm like, wait, when do we start talking about screen time?

Yes.

Yeah.

We all agree on that one.

You're just cheating me.

The DMV says you shouldn't talk on the phone and drive at the same time.

And you're like, well, yeah, obviously.

And they're like, because it reflects back the way.

It takes a tens of damage.

Never do it because, guys.

All right.

So

I was going to go with best, worst, innocent talking heads.

Right.

So Eli alluded to this when we were talking about this this week, but this is one of those movies, like a lot of the movies we watch where you've got like a mix of completely full of shit woo loonies

and real scientists who don't know what they're in for right who don't realize they're in a woo documentary and there are a couple in here that like i just wanted to give them a hug by the end of this

game because their work could not be more essential and their work will look identical to this movie if they ever find something dangerous.

So this movie made it hard for all these very real public servants to catch a nuclear radioopic cell phone if it ever comes out.

Because they're going to be like, no, you're the guy from Generation Z.

Wait, so can I ask?

I know I'm jumping ahead and we'll get there, but is the LA USD superintendent guy?

Yeah, he's, he's innocent.

Yeah.

Yeah, he's so innocent.

Okay.

There's the guy from the Albany school.

Him and the screen time lady and I think one of the doctors early on.

Okay, the LA guy's not innocent of everything.

Look at that mustache.

He's done some shots.

Yeah, that's true.

Well, he's done some porn.

Yeah, he's left Coke on the dust.

Yeah, exactly.

I mean, it's LA.

Come on.

Everybody's got two food jobs.

And speaking of how hard it is to tell the truth, I'm going to go with best, worst.

We're absolutely going to get an email that the things in this movie are real.

I love our audience.

I love that we have cultivated a sensitive social justice forward group of people.

Electro-sensitive.

There he is.

No doubt in my heart, mind, or soul that one of you is going to be like, actually, my sister could send some battery through a lead wall.

There's no

fucking doubt in my mind.

I know the paper neither of us understand.

You're going to email to me to prove your point.

Yep.

I've got a wager I'd like to make with whoever makes it.

Yeah,

exactly.

Right.

All right.

Well, obviously we need to hardwire all of our shit before we can do this episode.

So we're going to pause to adjust our rigs real quick, but we'll be back in a flash with all the alarmist nonsense that is.

generation zapped.

Kara.

Kara, are you awake?

Damn it, guys.

What did I say about waking me up in the night?

You said punch punch, famous person karate.

Exactly.

What do you want?

So Heath and I, we have the spook'em-ups from this week's movie.

Why?

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Noah, seriously?

You're afraid of cell phones too?

No, but whenever we hide in your room, I have dibs on the carpet and yours is like, it's really nice.

Thank you.

I thrifted it.

No way.

Right?

So did Steve like mention me in particular?

Or me.

Or me.

I don't think so.

Do you guys want me to ask?

Oh, no, don't ask.

But, you know, just like maybe you bring it up.

It'd be cool.

These vibes are weird.

Aha.

Hey, Eli, what's up?

Like, you don't know.

I quite literally never know what's up with you.

You forgot how to breathe.

There's no way to know.

I just finished the movie, and it turns out that you guys have been ignoring my concerns for no reason insensitive.

What concerns?

Thank you for asking, Carol.

For instance, do aliens listen to our podcast?

And if so, am i their favorite how could we possibly know that how indeed no illusions valid concern number two how often do my high school girlfriends talk about me to each other dude what i'm saying we need the government to get working on it that's what and finally do these pants make me look fat i mean considering that those are a toddler size 3t i'm gonna go with yes yes they do Okay, well,

good to know with the last one, I guess.

Do you need need help cutting your way out of them?

Yes, please.

Don't look at me.

I'm not that kind of doctor.

I feel like you are.

That's all doctors.

They say guac and roll.

Yeah, man.

You see.

And we're back for the breakdown.

And we're going to open up on the realization that Generation Zapped is brought to us by Zapped Productions, which is always a great sign that they're going to know what they're doing.

Yeah, I love it when they're all in on the film.

Right, right.

And the documentary basically opens with like the documentary equivalent of the Oxford English Dictionary defines telephone as, you know.

Yeah, I wrote in my notes, we're going to start by begrudgingly admitting that telephones are good.

Yeah.

It's a really long montage too, just of people on telephones for like a while.

Yeah, it's weird.

It's like the telephone is great.

However, and then we get that montage.

And the downsides of the telephone are a guy sneaking up and strangling you with a belt while you're on the phone.

We see that.

Yeah.

Also, you got to watch out for slapstick prat falls when you're holding a corded phone.

Yeah, well, when you're running with a corded phone.

That was a good time, though.

Come on, when you get caught by the phone card.

Yeah.

So, yeah, so, but we see this long montage of like people in movies using phones.

There's a lady with a little dog in her jacket.

That made me very happy.

I saw that.

I thought multiple people commented on that.

And there's also like, this is, I think, the first complete bullshit claim, right?

Because we get a talking head that pops up and he goes, prior to 1984, wireless tech was only used by the military.

What the fuck are you talking about?

Amateur radio was like an 1800s thing.

Walkie-talkie's 1930s, man.

This is something that came up for me quite a bit in the movie is that I would start to debunk a claim and then I'd get like six tabs in and I'd be like, hey, Eli, they're just lying.

You don't have to debunk that.

Nope.

I didn't go that deep because I googled, are cell phones bad for you?

I was just like, all right, let me check early.

The results I got were like, no, no, no.

And R slash no stupid questions.

By the way, their answer was no.

It was also no.

No, I also got one thing.

It was from like berkeley.edu.

It was an article by a guy who ends up in this movie who says they are bad for you.

Yeah.

I had the NIH National Cancer Institute page called Cell Phones and Cancer Risk open the whole time, which, you know, spoiler alert, it's like there's no cancer risk.

We know the answer to this question.

Yeah.

All those no's I was talking about was like CDC, NIH, Harvard.

And then it was like, Joel Moskowitz, though, just one year.

Yeah.

Why, why that last name, Heath?

Because that is the man's last name.

But the fear is that soon these NIH and CDC pages are going to be written by Joe Moskowitz.

Right.

Yeah.

No, that's a good point.

Yeah.

Those won't be.

Also, he didn't go to work with his cell phone that day.

I was talking about earlier.

Yeah.

Interesting.

So Jewish.

But he makes this claim, and this is a weird fucking claim that this movie is going to make over and over again because it's going to undercut it occasionally.

But this is the first time we hear him say that, you know, cell phones when they first came out had no safety testing at all.

Yeah.

What?

It's such a lie.

So what they mean is that they weren't tested for like whatever dumb shit they're saying they do, right?

But like, obviously they had some safety testing.

Also, later in the movie, they're going to say that the safety tests they did were insufficient.

That's moving the goal.

I think would counter the claim that they didn't do any safety tests.

One of the guys, one of the main talking heads, did the testing, right?

That's his whole thing.

It's fucking nuts.

Yeah.

So then we get our fucking ridiculous title screen.

They're going to try for this stylized animation throughout.

Kind of looks like chalkboardy or whatever.

It's fucking stupid.

This movie makes me so mad.

Everything about it, even the animation, I'm like, oh, fuck you, animation.

So, but this guy comes up, the narrator comes up and he goes, you know, when we were evolving, there was no microwave radiation.

And I'm like, fucking, of course, there was.

Of course there was.

It's not just.

Do they think microwave radiation is only made by microwave autumn?

100%.

That animation is going to put some kids inside of a cartoon microwave.

But like, yeah, electromagnetic radiation, they're claiming like it's all over the wireless devices.

And I was like, okay, but like also wired ones and, you know, rocks.

Rocks.

It's also coming from every piece of matter above zero Kelvin, I'm pretty sure.

I think all of them.

We're a planet in space, right?

That's a thing.

Yeah.

Well, and then immediately after saying that, somebody comes up and goes, there's a billion times more microwave radiation going through your body now, and you have no defense against it.

And I'm like, you just said there was none.

So you could, why not 100 trillion times more?

That's how math works, right?

And also, and also, like, look, there are a trillion times more scented candles than when we were Australia pithecines, and we have no natural defense against scented candles either, right?

What is Yankee hiding?

So, okay.

So, but then the narrator explains that there are electromagnetic fields all around us.

Good.

Right?

True.

I enjoy not occasionally turning to a soup of atoms.

That's true.

That's one of my hobbies.

So this is where we meet Martin Blank, Ph.D..

He was an anti-EMF cook.

Now he's a dead guy.

Probably all the EMF got him.

It was the EMF that got him.

Yeah.

I am.

So impressed that you guys researched every single talking head in this movie.

Not every single, there's a point in my notes where I'm like, I don't even fucking know anymore.

But

I do see a lot of bold, underlined, full names.

And to be fair, I watched this on one and a half times speed.

So I missed a few things.

You got radiated hard from me.

One and a half.

Do you have brain cancer right now?

Do you feel it?

That's how they got you.

That's how they got you.

Got those headaches, that buzzing sensation.

So this is also, I believe, the second talking head we meet, or like officially, right?

The second talking head who has a Chiron is the first innocent person who got roped into this movie.

This guy's Jonathan Samet.

That's so sad.

Because like he never says anything that's actually wrong.

They just will like cut him in the middle of a bunch of crazy fuckers.

You're saying, well, you know, there's ionizing and non-ionizing radiation.

And then somebody's like, oh, no, don't bring that up.

What the fuck are you talking about, man?

Yeah.

Not only is he innocent, he was the director for the Institute of Global Health and like an incredibly important force for making sure that like power lines are moderated safety and like nuclear waste is moderated safely.

So to use him for your little, no, I swear, I need this grounding pad to sleep at night documentary is abhorrently evil.

Yeah.

And he immediately fucks up their thing.

He's like, you got to distinguish between ionizing and non-ionizing.

Ionizing is a dangerous one.

Cut, cut, yeah, yeah, he's like, non-ionizing is

why do you cut?

You guys, you're just going to ignore me.

Well, so, okay, so, and then they try to like back away from that a little bit, right?

Because we see it our little animated spectrum where they have like the green stuff is the non-ionizing radiation type stuff, right?

That they're not scared of.

Right, with a cell phone.

Well, and then they have the yellow, which is the non-ionizing radiation that they are scared of.

There's no distinction between these two things.

And then they have like the sun, right?

Then they have things that are actually dangerous.

And they have like gamma rays right next to the sun.

Exactly.

Why aren't you asking Congress to do something about the sun, huh?

Yeah, right.

Will no one speak up against the x-rays?

Yeah.

So can this guy like sue?

I don't think so, right?

Because they never.

I certainly not.

Yeah.

Because they just use the things that he's saying, but they're just using them to promote this ridiculous bullshit.

Yeah.

I will say every talking head in in this movie is holding the invisible watermelon while they make their dumb points, including the people who are making real ones, but they're doing that thing with their hands where they've got the

invisible watermelon.

It seems to be universal.

I started counting them.

It's three for three after this scene.

Oh, interesting.

All right.

All right.

Just give me a reason to re-watch.

Those of you who watch along at home, invisible watermelon watch.

Be on it.

I started by researching the people and then I was like, no, I'm just going to count the invisible watermelon.

It's too many.

Honestly, that would have been

duplication of effort if you had researched them.

Yeah.

So, okay.

So then we get this like make the gam guys job easier chapter title that says invisible inconvenience.

And the narrator's, I guess he's trying to be universal at the beginning, where he's just like, you know, humans like

pleasure a lot.

But sometimes it's bad for us.

But sometimes it's bad.

And then they give us visual examples.

Those are carnival rides and apple teenies.

Yes.

Hey, guys.

Well, and cigarettes.

Yeah.

Guys, I don't think carnival rides are especially dangerous.

I think that's just something like a child online at a carnival ride thinks.

I've heard you can vomit.

And then if you're on the Gravitron, it goes right back in again.

Oh,

yeah.

Drown.

So, but then

they show carnival rides, Apple teenies, and then people smoking cigarettes.

And then they come up and they're like, you know, people used to think cigarettes were just fine.

And I'm like, nobody ever thought cigarettes were just fine.

Okay.

You just smoked nine cigarettes and you're like, wow, that's bad for me right there.

But you didn't care.

Right.

No, you didn't fucking care.

But then we see like this like news clip and we see a bunch of these like where it's just like, you know,

WPZV out of Duluth or whatever.

And it's just some guy going like, well, you know, there are some doctors that claim that cancer might be linked with cell phone use, right?

Yeah, it's always that argument.

Are statues looking at your butt when you walk away from them?

I wrote it somewhere later in my notes, but like this movie is not a very good condemnation of Wi-Fi.

It is a damning condemnation of local news channels, right?

Oh, 100%.

But here's, let's just crack this open right away, right?

So the claim in this movie is that cell phones cause cancer.

So and autism.

Well, and autism

and all kinds of shit, but all the things.

So yeah, right.

Asthma.

ADH status.

Yeah, right.

But their opening claim and and for the first half of the movie or so we're just going to talk about cell phones causing cancer but like if that were true the ubiquity of cancer would be like right way up right like the get cell phones are fucking everywhere and so the the rates of cancer would be moving along with the rates of cell phone use yeah which they're not and the movie will admit eventually they're not Yeah, the whole argument of this movie is even though they're safe, they're not really safe.

Yes.

Right.

You know, like

they just keep doubling back on themselves over and over.

No, people thought about it and they checked.

And I even checked.

Again, I was like, I'm going to be generous and check this movie.

And I was like, okay, they're talking about breast cancer.

So there'd be like a big spike in breast cancer incidence in places with cell phones over the last, I don't know, 25 years.

No.

No steady rate of new cases from 1992 to the present.

It's, it was slightly down since 1999, actually.

Brain cancer, too.

Well, those ones were huge.

I mean, remember the Zach Morris phones.

Those things have fucking,

but that's

like their opening gambit in terms of the cancers.

They're like, have you ever noticed how all women put their phones in their boobs and there's a lot of breast cancer?

I don't.

I don't fucking know.

I've never seen my wife put her fucking phone in her bra.

Well, that's what I wrote in my notes.

Nobody puts their cell phone in their fucking bra.

I've never seen this in my life.

This is not a thing.

But they interview

some man on the street, some women on the street going, like, yeah, no, of course, I always put my phone right here on my boobs.

And then there's a lady who's like, you know, I used to put my phone in my boobs and I got breast cancer.

Like 13% of all women eventually do, right?

Like they like, yeah, man, that's a real common thing to have happen.

Yeah.

And she says she got five tumors and she's got like, they're showing like the dots where the tumors are.

And she's like, yeah, they're so close.

The tumors were right where my phone would be.

And I was like,

okay, so the breast cancer was in your breast.

And then

evidence for your

I wanted them to connect the dots and for us to like see the Nokia's shape.

Yeah, right, right, exactly.

It's even got the antenna.

Wouldn't that imply then that you're totally fine with your cell phone if you don't just mash it up against one spot on your body all the time?

Her problem was that she flapped the boob over the cell phone.

And

I told her, I know it keeps it more firm, but you can't.

Yeah.

Well, and then we briefly meet dr john west who is a surgical oncologist and i don't know if he's entirely foolish right because he's like basically the the furthest he goes is he's like well you know i've seen a couple incidents that make me want to look deeper into it and that's it so it could just be that he's a naive doctor that didn't realize you know wasn't media savvy enough to know not to say that yeah and like how much did they probe him like really eh eh do you have a point at all at all right and he's her doctor right right the lady that we just met and what he does is he blows up her whole lie because he mentions in his interview that she asks if it could be the cell phone.

So she was already predisposed to believe her breast cancer was caused by her cell phone.

Yeah.

And he's a longtime surgical oncologist.

And he's like, I never saw this shape of a cell phone before in the formation.

I was like, okay, so it's not that.

Unless she was the only patient who had a phone that you ever dealt with.

Right.

That's not the answer.

So, okay.

So then we get David Carpenter and he's full of shit.

Like, this guy is a full of shit one, right?

Right.

And we know that because he's sort of like, he starts off by pretending that there is a rise in cancer that would be commensurate with the rise in cell phone use, which again,

the difference is so ridiculous.

Like, like Kara said, brain cancer is actually down.

Breast cancer is up by

a bit, but like nowhere near the same rate.

It doesn't move anywhere near the same as the use of cell phones.

I think brain cancer is just steady.

I don't even think it's down.

I think gliomas are just, yeah, they're just completely steady from pre-cell phones to now.

Here, this is what the

National

Cancer Institute says about.

Are you making stuff up again?

They're in on the scam.

We keep having to cut this.

They're in on the scam.

About gliomas.

Stable incidence rates

in both the United States in the United States, Nordic countries, and Australia over several, several decades.

Seems pretty clear.

Yeah, right.

So

clearly you are wrong.

Like, that is proof that the, that the whole premise of this movie is incorrect.

Well, David points out that there's no way to know that there's no evidence till we study

everything.

Yeah.

Right, right.

He's like, he's like, well, you know, there isn't a lot of evidence, but that's because we don't study it.

And I'm like, but there would be evidence anyway, because we do study cell phone use and breast cancer.

But they also consistently do this, where they go, there's no evidence because we've never studied it.

And then the next scene, they're like, in this study where we studied it, we studied it and it was true.

Well, right, because Dr.

Samit comes in and fucks him up.

He's like, oh, we really don't study it.

And then Dr.

Samit's like, well, you know, there's a registry of all the cancers that we keep track of, how cancers move.

And then Dr.

West comes back and goes, no, no, we don't.

We don't do that.

There's no database of the cancer.

His own.

It was because I was trying to parse this sentence and I realized his objection is, yeah, but we don't have one that's just for cell phone cancer.

I think the movie genuinely doesn't understand that, like, if you study something and you find a lack of evidence, that counts as evidence.

You study something.

Yeah, exactly.

Oh, that's interesting.

Yeah, right.

That would, that would explain a lot.

It's like Keith explaining to me that my arguments are bad.

It's neither here nor there.

Exactly.

It's neither here nor there.

Therefore, cancer.

So the narrator cuts in to ask why we don't know more about this danger that doesn't exist outside of his imagination.

Right.

It's like it's a very like, why isn't anyone else freaking out about all these ninjas on the lawn kind of a moment?

Yeah.

And that's where we're going to meet, I think, probably the main bad guy of this movie.

This is George Carlo, who's really hard to Google because they're sure you mean George Carlin, right?

They're like, come on, don't you want to watch the seven words he can't say on television?

Yeah, right.

And I did.

And I did.

But no, I had to read about this jackass who's apparently spent like cocksucks for 25 years.

Only got one cocksucker, yeah.

What do all the letters after his name mean?

I don't know what MSC is.

I think that's a master's in science, but that sounds like a British, like BSC instead of BS.

Yeah, sure.

British thing.

But what's a JC?

I don't know.

Is that a law thing?

That's a JD, right?

That's crazy.

Right, but it could be a job.

JD is the Juris Doctor.

Right.

And also the cool guy from Scrub.

JC is Juris Cancer Cell Phone.

Oh, there's interesting.

Juris cell phone.

So, yeah, but so, but this is the guy who, like, we will later learn headed up the safety testing that they say never happened.

Right.

So I just googled what is a JC degree and the only thing that comes up is junior college.

Oh, I was for sure it was going to be Jesus Christ as like a PhD or something.

That can't be right, though.

But like I like a JC degree, what is a junior degree?

I have no idea.

I just keep getting a a junior college.

A junior college degree.

I hope he's like, oh, yeah, at Oswego Community Center, my teacher slash janitor really laid out the facts when it comes to cell phone cancers.

Yeah, but the thing is, I was at DUI and couldn't come to class anymore.

But the key here is that

the PhD is doing all the work here.

You don't need to, these other letters are not impressive.

at all.

No.

And you don't list a master's before a PhD unless it's like a master's of public health.

Okay.

It's like the one time you do that.

Yeah.

There There is a lady who does that later.

Yeah.

I wouldn't put Kara Santa Maria, B.S.,

M.A.

Yeah, right, right.

And along the way, right.

Yeah.

Once you got the black belt, you don't have to.

So semester at DeVry.

Exactly.

Well, not a whole semester, but like part of a semester at DeVry, too.

No, that is that.

He's like, this guy is like basically coming out here going like, well, actually, I'm a purple belt, a blue belt, a red belt, and a black belt.

Hey, I was trying to impress you.

I was trying to take you on my karate journey.

Well, there you go.

Forgive me.

I don't think you got all the belts along the way.

So, but he explains.

I skipped a belt.

My parents put a balloon.

I knew you skipped one.

You didn't know anything about risk control.

My parents put me ahead if you belts.

So, okay.

So, but he explains that back in the day, when it came time to approve cell phone safety, that was a job that fell to both the FDA and the EPA, right?

Again, these tests that they just told us never happened.

The FDA and the EPA didn't do them, right?

And he says, and I quote, the FDA and EPA had no experience testing new technology.

Yeah, what was that?

Fuck, of course they did.

The EPA had no experience with new technology?

Yeah, but there was like two of them.

No, sorry, it's got to be 10 years old before it pollutes.

It was like decades of arguments about jurisdiction, like a cop show, so like they couldn't decide who was doing safety testing.

They did nothing, apparently.

Yeah.

No, and basically he says here, like, well, you know, if you translate it, he says here, like, well, you know, they realized that our concerns weren't scientifically plausible because of the non-ionizing radiation.

So they didn't check for those.

Right, right, because there was no face validity.

Right.

There was no reason to test for it.

Exactly.

And which, again, they'll spend the rest of the movie dancing around.

So now it's time for us to meet Jamie the electrosensitive guy.

Why would they put this in the movie?

I love that they put this in the movie.

This is everyone who.

Well, I love they pan over.

They just, the thing at the bottom says, West LA.

And I'm like, I bet this guy's full of shit.

Yep.

This is everybody.

Kara swipes no on Riot.

100%.

It says Christian, conservative, electrosensitive.

Electrosensitive.

Electrosensitive.

Or apolitical.

And

you knew this dude was going to have a made-up illness when his introductory shot was him on a skateboard being too good at skateboarding.

Yeah.

Yeah, he doesn't seem to be affected by his electrosensitivity very much.

We see him go next to literally power lines

constantly.

He's in a car with electronics.

There's no thing.

But here's my favorite fact about electrosensitivity, besides the fact that it's not real and you don't need to email us.

When that Better Call Saul episode where he tricks his business partner into admitting that his electrosensitivity is all in his head came out, The electrosensitivity Reddit freaked out because a bunch of people's families started doing it to them.

It was a good time.

It was a good time.

Did any of them actually have the magical powers or did they all know it?

Turns out none of them have real superpowers.

So that's the thing is that like this whole electrosensitivity thing, it would be so easy to prove that was real.

Right.

Because all you'd have to do is just demonstrate that these people can tell when the Wi-Fi is on.

That's it.

Yeah.

Right.

Like if they could do that to a statistically significant degree we'd be like well there must be something to this right but there's not they could all have millions of dollars from james randy all these years and never did it yeah nope yeah so but and also like i don't want to discount this guy's experience right it's very possible that jamie has like an undiagnosed medical condition that they've they've chalked up to electro fucking hypersensitivity that he's not getting treated for it's also entirely possible because the symptoms he lists are like well i get headaches and sometimes my tummy rumbles.

You know, it's just

itchy eyes.

Right.

Yeah.

Exactly.

Right.

Yes.

Itchy eyes.

Yeah.

Symptoms of being alive.

Yes.

Sometimes feel uncomfortable in social situations.

Right.

Sometimes I don't.

I feel really bad for this guy's kids because how much you want to bet they're not vaccinated.

Yeah, right.

That's guaranteed.

They are not vaccinated and occasionally their dad runs over and slams their computer shut because it's affecting him.

Yes.

Right.

You thought your parents were dicks about video games.

At least your dad never ran ran into the room and was like, oh, the Minecraft is hurting daddy.

Yeah, right, right.

I love how often in this documentary they tell on themselves.

Like the wife is like, it's not currently a recognized medical diagnosis.

So insurance won't pay for any of his treatment.

It's like, yeah, because it's not real.

Right.

Some have disputed that scientific claim, like me just now.

Just now.

My mouth face.

Right.

He goes, experts are divided as to its validity.

And we're like, not really, though.

Not, they aren't, though.

But they did find people who have this condition, not just her husband, Jamie.

And the movie does a Brady Bunch tile screen

to show the nine people they found with this thing.

Well, that's, that's right.

It's such a ridiculously small number of people, right?

All of them are describing different symptoms.

Of course.

All of them are describing, as Kara said, symptoms of being alive on earth as a human fucking being, right?

But and they only like they keep backing away, but it's only nine people, so they don't back away very far.

Now, can I take you guys on the pseudoscientific journey I went on with this section, right?

So I was looking at the debunking, right?

And I was like, okay, Wikipedia, more like Quickopedia to judgment.

Let me see what the real scientists have to say over on Reddit.

So I checked out on Reddit and one of the claims that I saw a bunch was that electromagnetic sensitivity is diagnosed in the DSM-4.

And I was like, uh-uh-uh, Carol, what'd you do?

No.

Cara, what'd you do?

No.

He's not diagnosed.

DSM-4.

A 5TR.

Yeah, we're on the 5TR.

I mean,

I still use four.

I'm old school.

I'm old school.

I think homosexuality is a mistake.

I think that was before the menu.

I like the depression just for men.

I mean, we're on the 5TR.

This is not in the 5TR.

I mean, maybe it's a

sombatic

disorder.

I actually found it.

Okay.

It is a symptom listed in the DSM-5, but that's just a, like, people are also like filled with demons.

Well, yeah, it's a symptom of, wait, it's a symptom of what?

Of anything.

It's just a thing people say they have sometimes.

Yeah, I was going to say, like, this is probably going to be like a conversion disorder or something like that.

Right.

Yeah.

Where

people think that they're sick.

Right.

But also people think that they're a ghost.

Right.

It doesn't mean that being a ghost is listed as a condition in the DSM-5.

So that was fun.

I was ready to come.

I was ready to take Kara and her whole profession to task.

Well, and that's the thing that's so interesting about the way that these health anxieties are listed in the DSM, because there's a spectrum from somebody has an illness that is a documented and well-understood illness, but they have anxiety about it that is in excess of what you would expect, all the way to

terms, they're being a real puss about it.

Jesus, yeah.

Dash Kara Santa Maria.

i'd love to see you lead a therapy

it's crazy because so many of my teachers in college said the exact opposite so it's so nice to hear that so there's that too like functional neurological disorders where people have like let's say seizures but they're non-epileptiform and there is something legitimate going on there but we just don't understand it that well so historically you know i think bad practitioners would have said oh it's all in their head that is a judgment that they get a lot and it's really frustrating because there is something going on and they're minimized a lot, right?

But then you can also cut to the extreme end where you have conversion disorders or disorders where, or even like factitious disorders like malingering, right?

You guys have heard about this, where you get primary or even secondary gain.

You're basically faking it.

People don't want to go to World War I.

Yeah, you're faking it so that you can like get attention.

Right.

Or that you get money or that you get something like, you know, the quote unquote Munchausen thing.

Like, and sometimes it is combined with a delusional disorder, some other type of psychopathology.

And sometimes it's literally just charlatanism.

I don't know what to say about Jamie.

We don't know.

Right.

But what we do know is this isn't real.

Yes.

Yeah.

That's the key.

Yeah.

And it's not that it's not real because we haven't done enough research.

It is debunked.

That's, yeah, right.

Well, and that's what they're going to try to obfuscate here, right?

Because George Carlow comes back on and he's like, well, you know, there's only

few studies on it.

Let's put it that way.

And I'm like, yeah, there's very few studies on fucking unicorn allergies too, man.

That doesn't mean that you're doing a good thing here and then he tells us about this study from 1991 i i looked this study up it had incredibly ambiguous results it can't be replicated it didn't come up with a single person who could actually state accurately whether or not the radio thing was turned on that they were using but he acts like this study proved it was real yeah wait sounds like the opposite Yeah.

Well, the study did conclude that there was something, but it was a shit study, right?

Like, and other people.

But the study probably went in already saying that.

Exactly.

Right.

Absolutely.

And still lost to themselves.

Yes.

Yes.

Repeatedly.

Repeatedly, because

they studied like 100 people that said they had electrosensitivity and like 39 were identified to have maybe something.

And then...

13 of those people have like it was just it was just a nonsense fucking study it's complete horse shit again it can't be replicated and it was in 1991 right so like if there was any validity to this we've had decades now to follow up on this shit.

And they're still quoting this study from 1990.

Yeah, I wouldn't allow my students to do that.

I think when podcasting goes under, we should just professionally replicate studies we know are by liars.

We just fund a bunch of studies where we're like, can you tell the radio's on?

Of course not.

Sure.

Yeah.

Give me 12 bucks.

So then we head to Brussels, which is lovely this time of year.

Oh, you love it.

Yeah, we meet Magda Havas, Ph.D.,

right?

She

also has, she's electrosensitive and has, quote, multiple chemical sensitivity.

What?

You'd be amazed how often things contain multiple chemicals.

Like, did you know that your ordinary drinking water contains both hydrogen and oxygen?

Chemical, but.

Yeah, I looked up this one.

I gave up pretty soon after this, but I looked up Magda Havas.

havas her main job is bothering canada the government of canada about how 5g and the covet vaccine is activating cancer magically like together yep as some sort of covet vaccine yeah like you know how like epoxy works or like that mission impossible bomb gum

oh yeah where you have to turn it on to mix of yeah like hair dye like they don't yeah yeah exactly yeah well that's funny because that's also the job of the next guy ollie johanson here uh yeah it is ollie rules he's moved moved on to being an anti-5G guy now.

And I wrote my notes, move it up in the world.

Good for you, Ollie.

Did you guys look up what their PhDs are in?

Oh, no, I did not.

Please tell me they're in like English literature or something.

He says he identifies himself as a neuroscientist.

So I assume

your doctor, you guys, your degree did 9-11.

But yeah, the second guy is doing the same thing, 5G and COVID in the UK.

And I was like, this is Marsh's Dr.

Evil.

And he kind of looks like a Dr.

Evil.

Yeah.

And then

right after I wrote that, he said one quintillion dollars, like almost immediately.

He said one quintillion times more, talking about how much radiation since 10 years ago.

Yeah, 10 years ago.

Okay, so let's, let's, I don't, I don't want to just skate right past that fucking claim.

He goes, how much more radiation do you think is penetrating your body right now than there was 10 years ago?

And I'm like, oh, I bet you're going to say a bullshit number.

He goes, one

quintillion times.

Fuck

with 15 goddamn zeros that's such now to be fair you didn't see the reverse shot in the reverse shot

he had james bond tied onto a cross and he was getting him with his new x-ray guns oh jesus fucking christ and the thing that's so scary is that you know these people are consulting with rfk right now they are you just know it jesus christ they are they're solving fucking bird flu as we speak, aren't they?

Oh, God.

So then we check back in with Jamie and his family.

We learn how hard it was for them to find a house in LA without fucking electricity or whatever the hell they needed.

I found a worse husband than me.

Do daughter.

Do dunno.

I found a worse husband than me.

Oh, da-do-da.

Oh, oh, we have to find a bathroom and vegan food.

How about this guy who walked into nine houses you wanted to buy and was like,

the plugs?

You're welcome, Anna.

Okay, but we see them literally walking through a neighborhood in California next to a power line.

Yes.

And that's the thing.

They do finally find a house, and it's just a normal house.

So what's different about this house?

He didn't go

all the plugs when he walked in.

No, he walked in and he was like, ooh, sconces.

I mean, owie, ow.

But so they finally found a house, right?

That they didn't give him the buzzes or whatever.

I want a fake medical condition so I can not do shit that I don't want to do.

That would rule so fucking hard.

Eli, you've got that going.

But no,

you do.

You do.

Woof.

Woof.

Yeah,

there was a moment of introspection there that was not comfortable.

Oh, Morgan, can you cut the part where I recognize

myself and the man I was?

Just dissipated in front of everyone.

There was a moment that I was watching when they went flashy-flashy with the lights really fast.

And I was like, oh, no, Eli's going to have a real seizure.

Yeah, right, right.

Not like a made-up seizure.

Pin in that way, we'll talk about me in my iPads.

Oh, yeah, they sure will.

It's one of the favorite things that ever happened in a documentary.

But so they find their house, and damn it, if big cell phone didn't come through, I want to build a tower right next to it.

And then like one of the talking heads comes up and he's like, you know, it's actually, it's very difficult to get a cell phone tower taken down because of an imaginary disease, unfortunately.

Yeah.

And he says, the needs of the masses are greater than the needs of the individual.

But that, of course.

And he tries to say it with this evil tone, but it's impossible because it just makes obvious sense.

Right.

It was fun.

Also, so, also, this, this movie, and please correct me if I'm if I'm wrong here.

This movie then goes like the Chiron says, like, European Parliament.

And then the movie's like, well, actually, never mind.

Never mind.

We're going to go to the Royal Academy of Sciences and see what we're going to do.

Oh my God.

I said we couldn't come in till later.

Just want to get a quick lunch.

They were just nesting their Zoom in, actually,

in Brussels.

It was like, Brussels, oh, Royal Academy in Brussels.

Oh, okay.

The conference they had there about our stupid thing.

Right.

That's it.

Exactly.

Eventually, we're going to zoom all the way in on their Congress on idiopathic environmental intolerance.

That doesn't sound like bullshit at all, does it?

It's so, so embarrassing.

Yeah.

Is this where they say that you can, you can test for electrosensitivities with a urine test and a liver test?

He does.

Yes.

He makes that claim.

I hate it.

There's a chalky taste to it.

Like, this is the thing that all good, and I say good, you know, in quotes, pseudoscientists do is that they use

the right jargon the wrong way.

Yes.

And so they sound like they know what they're talking about, but they don't know what they're talking about.

Like my biggest concern the whole time I was watching this documentary was people are going to watch this and go, Oh, fuck.

Yeah, like they're going to buy it.

No, exactly.

Absolutely.

Well, so they're they go to this fucking conference, and there's this one point where they've got a dude and he's standing in front of his slide.

I paused it so I could read this goddamn slide.

It's the most ridiculous thing, right?

The guy's slide says, like, Western countries have generally considered there's no adverse biological effects of EMFs, but Soviet scientists in the late 80s discovered.

I'm like, oh, the fucking Lysenkoists disagree.

No, thank you.

What are you fucking the Soviets disagree?

Fuck you, man.

But Nazi scientists, I'm pretty sure.

You just got to get everybody brain cancer.

But they actually found Jews can drink a lot more water than you think they can.

I'm telling you.

So, and then we also beat a woman whose Chiron says that she's an electrosensitivity attorney.

Oh, God.

I wasn't clear.

Like, is she an attorney and also electrosensitive?

No, I I think that's her.

Or is it both?

It was literally like comma ambulance chaser.

Right, yeah.

That's what she does.

Hey, let's not, let's not give ambulance chasers a bad name here.

Okay.

Yeah, getting hit by a car is real.

That is real.

You're right.

So then we go to San Francisco, where we're going to meet the other contender for the villain of the movie.

This is Ellen Marks.

She's the founder of the California Brain Tumor Association, which is not, despite the name, an association of brain tumors from California.

Okay, when they started this scene in San Francisco and they showed the thing where you're like, Full house is starting.

Nice.

This is awesome.

I would not have been happy that Full House started.

I had that theme in my head for a while.

No, I just thought I'm so embarrassed.

Dave Coolier, classic.

I was so embarrassed by my state through me.

Right.

Over and over.

Like the post-colonic on this movie could be California's fucking nuts.

Yeah.

So, but Ellen Marks, she had her husband got a brain tumor, right?

And died.

Well, he didn't die.

Like, they, they, they imply that he died.

They sure fucking completely make it seem like he's fucking dead.

Yeah, he's dead the whole movie until the end.

Yeah, so, yeah, that's right.

Yeah.

And she says, you know, and that's weird because my son worked for Ted Kennedy, who also had a brain tumor.

Okay.

Coincidence?

Did the movie think it made a point there?

Like, did they just do word association and they were like, husband, brain tumor, also son is husband.

Ted Kennedy, son worked for Ted Kennedy.

Brain tumor, same phones.

We should work in that my son worked for Ted Kennedy.

You're also allowed to, yeah, you're allowed to tie the pins together in any order you want, as it turns out.

They have to let you.

And they do, but well, and then we hear from fucking Dr.

Oz and Cheryl Crowe.

So I guess the medical community is spoken.

You guys, Dr.

Oz is going to run fucking Medicare.

Fat rules.

Come on.

That's fun.

This is not wacky fun.

fun.

Hey, why are you doing this to me?

All right.

Yay!

The head of the army is that bop'em clown that sits back up again.

And Dr.

Oz is head of medicine.

Yeah, fucking Kara depressed me with reality again.

So I need a minute to scream into a pillow.

But we'll be back in a minute with even more of

Generation Zapped.

Thanks for giving us a ride to the airport, Kara.

I'm not giving you a ride.

When I got in my car this morning, you were all asleep in here.

Where's Heath anyway?

Trunk.

Private room, baby.

But don't sweat it.

I know a shortcut.

To LAX.

Yeah, trust us.

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You're not in the room, man.

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Excellent.

And we're here.

Just take this left.

Guys, this is my driveway.

We are back at my house.

Yeah, no, that's where we were going.

Can we watch your American Idol audition again?

Is it your birthdays?

No.

Then no.

Boom.

I'm so mean.

And so I said, Daffodil, I share a heart song with you, but there needs to be room for both of our crystal healers in our lives.

Wow.

What did she say?

Nothing.

She was on a silent retreat.

Oh, classic daffodil.

Totally.

Guys, guys.

Hey, Chris.

What's up, man?

Oh, dude.

Oh, sorry.

I mean, Matterhorn.

What's up, Matterhorn?

So, you guys know how I've been feeling like really fucked up lately?

Totally.

Well, I figured it out.

Is it

all the untested supplements that you eat all the time?

Or your constant drug use?

The fact that perfect wellness is a societal construct largely used to shame people who are sick or disabled.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

I figured it out.

I have electromagnetic sensitivity.

Oh, wow.

What's that?

It means that like I'm affected by Wi-Fi and electromagnetic signals and stuff.

Dude, you have superpowers?

What?

No, no, it's like bad.

No, dude, human beings can't sense electric fields.

if this is real you're like a literal superhero awesome you are yeah we gotta call the papers we could help people with this yeah they could use you to like detect bombs and stuff in afghanistan uh afghanistan yeah man you're gonna be a minefield clearing machine a minefield big time yeah

guys um I think now that I think about it, I think electromagnetic sensitivity isn't my problem.

Oh, it's not?

No.

Hey, unrelated, do people who eat raw food have to help out in war zones?

I don't think so.

Oh, then it's that.

I need more raw foods.

Good snow.

That's smart.

Yeah.

Lions go raw.

They do.

They do.

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And now, back to the show.

And we're back for more of this shit.

We're going to rejoin the action on a chapter about the villains of this story, the cell phone industries.

This chapter is titled The Cost of Doing Business, right?

George Carlos is going to tell us a bit about the history of cell phones.

They show us some cell phones and there's like an ominous buzz in the background the whole time.

Yeah.

He says, like, yeah, now we have more cell towers.

And I was like, yeah, that sounds right.

And then they show us the like Ebola outbreak map of cell phones happening.

And then the ominous cell tower, very nicely hidden in a palm tree, but it's making like spark factory sound effects.

It's crazy.

Right.

He's like, there were only 900 cell phone towers in 1985.

And now, and this movie was made, I guess, in 2017, 2016.

He says, now there are 215,000.

And I'm like, well, yeah.

I mean,

because we have more phones now.

Cell phones, not just Zack Snyder anymore.

Yeah.

So at this moment, I heard a weird noise in my room all of a sudden.

And I was like, oh, is this movie getting to me?

Am I hearing?

electricity stuff happening because it seemed to be coming from my monitor and I was like what the fuck no it was just like a plastic thing that was as I would type it would slightly move the desk and there was like a loose plastic thing that would slick a little bit.

Keith, be honest with our audience.

Now's the time to open your heart.

How many hours did you examine?

It was like three.

I got to bed kind of late.

And then this movie explains why they're called cell phones, which I'll admit, I did not know.

Oh, yeah.

That was kind of interesting.

Yeah, because they're in little cells.

They're the little, it's divided up like a beehive.

So this is also where the guy, like, he's, he's got this whole like, you know, cell phone coverage is all about fairness.

That's why the feds are allowed to step on your rights as a freeborn American on the land or whatever the fuck this thing was, right?

Yeah.

What is the argument here?

How do, how does cell phone infrastructure step on your rights?

I guess to be an EMF sensitive?

Well, yeah.

So basically what they're,

this is something that you just have to do for the weird libertarianism that undergirds so much of this, where they're like, you know, because

Fairness demands that we have equally good cell coverage pretty much everywhere, the federal government stepped in and said that they had the rights to put these on the land, even if you didn't want them to be there.

Right.

Yeah.

Yeah.

The U.S.

government, they're way too fair about equitable distribution, and that's the problem.

Oh, absolutely.

That's the problem.

He's like, look, I love portability as much as the next man, but have we thought about the risks to people who imagine it's stabbing them with an invisible knife that can't be measured?

Right.

Right.

Well, and then, and just as we're like, okay, but what's the harm?

We see the harm.

We see this news coverage of there was a school where they were trying to put a cell phone tower.

Now, if they put a cell phone tower on your land, you get money from that, right?

So the school was going to benefit financially from putting this cell tower on school property.

And we had news coverage of parents freaking out because it was going to give their kids brain tumors.

Uh-huh.

Right.

So we're denying both of you know the cell coverage, which is just a useful thing for us in all kinds of different ways, but we're also denying the schools money over this nonsense.

Yeah, that's the thing that they never quite say is that, you know, access to information is kind of a universal right.

Yes.

Yeah.

You know, that like.

It's the type of thing that would help people stop believing this movie, too.

Yeah.

Right.

Well, we need some kids to be like, owie, I don't have crash course.

Ow.

Ow, ow.

But here's the thing, right?

Like you were talking about how the equity thing is a bad thing.

Well, that is the E in D E I.

Like that's too clear.

That's true.

That's true.

And like they are abolishing the Department of Education.

Like half the country fucking voted for this shit.

That's true.

No, that is the that is the number two and the three most wanted.

But I was reminded of, so I was living near the Smoky Mountain National Park many years ago when there was an argument going on about whether to put cell phone towers up in the park, right?

And everybody was like, no, the natural beauty is too important.

And then a kid died at a waterfall because nobody could call for help.

And everybody's, oh, yeah, no, that's way more important than just that sort of thing.

Yeah, the cell phones do, right?

Just use the fucking

phone to call for help.

But, but that's what, again, that's the kind of shit that we're talking about here, ultimately, right because if these assholes get their way and then they're like well no i'm electrosensitive so there can't be a cell phone tower anywhere near me then what we're actually talking about is creating dead spots where people sell service won't work right we have to be is this wait does what's the fireman thing because i feel like you're making the opposite argument right now

i went down such a rabbit hole trying to find that i even went to the ais and i was like legion of ais you have absorbed the internet is this anything and they were like we'll make something up you want us to make something up man no so I did the work on this one, and it is a bizarre fucking rabbit hole.

But apparently, the argument that they've made, the successful argument that the firefighters union has made is that putting cell phone towers on fire department land would interfere potentially with their radio equipment, right?

Which they haven't proved.

They haven't proved that it would, right?

But if you...

But they're not saying it hurts.

It makes their eyes go owy.

Well, actually, they are.

So if you scratch the surface of it, you'll find that that actually is just a smokescreen that they're using because so many firefighters buy into this shit.

They're like, no, I'm not sleeping close to a cell tower because I'll get electromagnetic cancer.

You're going to fuck up the ceiling.

Oh my God, that's so embarrassing.

That genuinely is what's happening.

But because they've couched it all in these arguments about their radio equipment not

being somehow affected, it has been,

there have been like a lot of laws that are passed that specifically forbid, like municipalities that specifically forbid there being cell towers on fire departments.

So, and of course, then these people are using this as an argument.

Well, if it's good enough for fire departments, why isn't it good enough for our children?

Right.

That's like the what's the harm thing.

When people call the fire department, do they ever use a cell phone to make it?

Oh, wait a minute.

Hold on a second.

So this is making me paranoid now that is that the reason we turn our phones off on planes?

No, the reason we turn our phones off on planes is a different thing that is also ultimately bullshit at this point too.

But

I'm not sure how much I'm allowed to say that.

I like the excuse, though, that they have now.

That's my favorite, which is that if you don't put yourself on an airplane boat, you won't pay attention when the lady tells you how the seatless.

Yeah, like I'm paying attention to that anyway.

Yeah.

So, okay.

Verbal confirmation, you son of a bitch.

So then we cut to Bill Clinton signing the communications, the, the, it wasn't the communications act.

They've, they've misnamed it in the goddamn movie, but the telecommunications act of 1996.

I think it was 96.

Anyway, so they show him signing that.

And this is actually part of Clinton's despicable legacy of deregulation.

This,

There are several moments here where they stumble into good points here, right?

That like the extent to which companies and industries regulate themselves is pretty reprehensible in this country, right?

So this is one of those things.

Yeah, but that's like they make all the points that are antithetical to their actual viewership.

There.

Like they're, these people are the libertarians, right?

Yeah.

Like it's really confusing.

They tell on themselves so often in this documentary.

Oh, that's interesting.

Yeah, right, right.

So, but yeah, so, but then they, once again, they start telling us again about the safety tests that they've been saying don't exist the entire time, right?

The narrator cuts in and he's like, basically, basically, he's trying to argue, he's like, well, normally all new technologies are tested for all possible health effects, both plausible and otherwise, before, but not with cell phones, you know, which fucking course they're not.

Plausible and otherwise.

He goes back into the interagency fighting about regulations excuse.

Well, that's why, you know, because they couldn't decide whose job it was, so nobody did it, which again is fucking nonsense.

Yep.

Turns out it was his job.

Yes, George Carlo.

Yes.

That guy, George Carlo.

Right.

The guy who's saying that the safety test never happened is the guy who did the safety tests.

It's batshit.

Well, and then he's like, and they shut us down just because we found no plausible negative effects in the 10 years we were in operation.

Also, here's a video clip of me in 1996 looking like a divorced BG.

So

cool.

Also, why when they're talking about this are they showing people

with petri dishes?

Yeah, right.

What the hell are you?

What are they?

What are they researching?

These are too small to be cell phones.

Well, because they're cells, so they have cellular phones.

So, and then we meet right after he's like, well, you know, there was no safety testing done whatsoever.

We meet Dr.

Erica Mallory Blythe, right, who chimes in and says, and I quote, the device that's probably had the most safety testing is the mobile phone.

Yeah.

Okay, but, but

they made the test dummy's head the size of a soldier's.

They didn't do all the possible head sizes.

Yes.

Right.

Okay.

So, yeah, so that's the, she's going to make the argument.

Now they just made the argument.

They never did the testing.

She's going to come in and make, again, the antithetical argument that, yes, they did do the testing, but the head was too big on the dummy that they tested, right?

Like, that's the opposite argument.

They show Anderson Cooper.

They show a clip of Anderson Cooper boomer in over his cell phone directions.

She's like, Do you know that they say that you're not supposed to hold it directly up to your fucking face like a goddamn old person?

And we're like, Yes, of course you're not supposed to hold it.

Wait, if you listen to somebody who holds it up to your face, you can hear their face.

Stop doing that.

The movie movie claims everybody smashes the entire phone into their skull.

And we all agree that's how a phone is used.

And I was like, I don't, I don't think that's how it works.

And now the movie is, you know, in favor of speakerphone in public.

And I was like, okay, I hate it.

Yeah, right.

It's gotten somehow worse.

Right.

But they also claim that you don't have to hold it.

like away away just six millimeters right well so which is up to your fucking face exactly it's the same fucking thing so the the lady says because she's trying to make this sound sinister, she's like, you know, when they did the testing, they had the phone six millimeters away from the head.

Who uses a phone six whole millimeters away?

Six millimeters is no distance at all.

That's just like, my beard isn't rubbing up against the fucking microphone anymore distance.

Yeah, that's that the phone's not actively in your mouth.

Yes, right.

It's near your mouth.

That's the only difference.

And they're like, but that doesn't count six millimeters.

But then you're like, okay, but so that, so you're fine with it as long as it's more than six millimeters away?

And no, they're not.

No, no.

No, because she had it on her boobies.

Right.

Also, wouldn't there be lots of like upper thigh cancer and fucking ass cancer?

Yeah, I would have right cheek cancer for sure by now.

Yeah,

they're going to get into it.

Trust me.

They're going to get into it.

Yeah, right, right.

Well, no, they're not, but yeah.

Also, at the end of this, when George Carlo is like, they shut us down and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

It's got to be a crime for him, right?

Like, I know you're allowed to lie, but are you allowed to lie if you were part of the safety testers?

So I feel like that should be a crime.

It's such a, everything he says is such nonsense.

At one point, he goes, you know, some of the claims that were made were so bad that if they had been made at the time, we never would have approved these things.

And I'm like, you don't approve them based on claims anyway.

Yeah.

Right?

What?

He doesn't tell us what those claims are, but he's like, but he's like, but they're really bad.

Trust me.

They're really fucking bad.

But then, okay.

So then brain tumor lady chimes back in.

She goes, I love this so much.

She goes, you know, the cell phone companies don't like the word radiation.

And we're like, well, yeah, I can see that.

And she goes, and they don't like the word safety.

So I feel like maybe they like the word safety.

And also.

Maybe they don't like those words because of you.

Right.

Like you're the reason.

And then in the same sentence, she says that they are ignoring the problem and tells us about the time she got to talk to Congress.

Yes.

Right.

Right.

Once again, antithetical argument in consecutive scene.

She says, you know, nobody's taking this seriously.

And then we see Dennis fucking Kucinich taking time away from making Keebler goddamn cookies to chair a goddamn hearing on whether cell phones are causing cancer.

Seriously, she's like, I testified before Congress, cut directly to her saying, I'm not a scientist, but, and actually be, why would they have her testify?

What testimony?

How's that helpful?

But Heath, what's the butt?

Finish the sentence.

This is very important.

She goes, I'm not a scientist.

I'm a human being, a mother, a wife.

I'm also a husband has brain cancer, according to my

Chiron.

Someone at C-SPAN was like, put the cancer thing.

People are going to wonder why the fuck she's talking.

Thank you.

Yeah, right.

So from now on, I expect you guys to refer to me as Kara Santa Maria scientist, not Kara Santa Maria human being well right no i didn't realize those were different things but yeah you need to make the distinction you got it dennis fucking cucinetic did you guys know that he was he ran rfk jr's presidential campaign for a little while there dennis kucini

that's fun we're dealing with yeah yeah and right after i'm not a scientist by the way she's like however i wrote something on a paper and paper is a science word My paper says telephones cause cancer every time.

So yeah, she says, I have a piece of paper here that says and guys if that's the new standard I'm about to fucking rock right that's right with sources like that.

Yeah.

So then she you know they explain that the FCC has fallen to the deep state.

There's another stupid animation right

and again like I said like I said there is definitely something to this like the degree to which the telecommunications industry polices itself, but they make it sound like the fact that anyone has ever worked for both the FCC and the telecommunications industry.

They make that sound sinister.

Well, and that's, that's like another big red herring.

It's kind of like the anti-GMO rhetoric where people are like, Monsanto patents seeds, therefore GMOs are, cause cancer.

And you're like, no, no.

Those are two different arguments.

That's not why Monsanto's evil.

You're getting it.

Right.

Yeah, exactly.

Exactly.

And we cut back to the doctor here for a second.

And she's like, look, if I want to know whether a thing's true, I go to the WHO, I go to the Department of Health.

And it turns out that those guys

are also in the pocket of big self-hey don't agree with us.

They don't agree with me.

So I don't go to there anymore.

And then, yeah, then we meet Joel Moskowitz.

Heath wasn't just being anti-Semitic.

He's a real guy.

He agrees.

I don't remember his name being that.

He agrees that the FCC is in the industry's pocket.

No, I love that you said Heath is not just being anti-Semitic.

He's an Irish guy.

I don't want to overstate the fucking evidence, okay?

He's an Irish guy from upstate New York.

He's

a little anti-like pseudoscience or Judaism.

His existence is anti-Semitic.

Morgan, send me that.

You don't like those things either.

It's true.

I don't.

So, okay, so then we get another, we get another chapter title.

This is Generation Z.

So you know this one matters because that's basically the name of the movie, right?

Oh, yeah.

I just want to say Generation X.

We got a lot of problems.

We have the coolest name for a generation.

It's true.

It's true.

Yeah, just like Twitter.

Yeah.

Well,

not even Elon Musk's bullshit can fuck up how awesome our generation name is.

But you guys are all gen X.

No, you guys younger men.

I'm a millennial.

Yeah, I'm the only generation.

You're an elder millennial.

You're a fucking elder millennial.

I'm a younger generation X.

So, but I just, I also occurred to me in this moment what a dumb fucking idea it was to name the generation that's going to inherit catastrophical global warming after the last letter in the alphabet.

We should have done better, guys.

Yeah.

But this is where we're going to start talking about all the ball cancer that cell phones make, right?

And weak sperm, weak sperm.

Well, that's mostly it.

They fuck up your tadpoles, right?

I knew I shouldn't have carried my cell phone in between my balls all these years, but it was just so convenient.

You know how all women carry their cell phones in their bras?

I've just always nestled it right in between.

It's just a perfect space.

Yeah.

No, yeah, exactly.

So I thought they were going to talk about upper thigh and ass cancer here, but no, it's just sperm getting fucked up by radios and autism is the other thing they're going to talk about.

Autism, right?

So that's what it is.

This is the entree to cell phones cause autism.

We keep our cell phones by our balls and we fuck up our sperm and they get all autistic and that's why there's autism.

Wait, I thought vaccines cause autism.

I cannot keep up.

Right?

Oh, they're giving it left and right.

I'm so confused.

And they cut here to an ominous shot of a child who I assume is autistic, but like autism doesn't necessarily physically present.

So they're just like slow panning on this kid.

And I'm like.

Are you expecting him to like go like autism, autism, like a Pokemon?

Yeah, right.

No, it's just this cute kid who looks looks like he's having the best time.

Yeah.

So I guess he's not making any eye contact right now.

So then we head over to the 53rd state, Iceland.

How many times has he seen Boss Baby?

Wait, there is a weird scene.

You guys remember the scene where the guy in like the weird, like maroon suit is driving in his car with his cell phone like right in between his legs.

Oh, it's a bonus.

Yes.

They show a guy with it like tucked inside his rectum gently.

Like, you know, like, no, he's using his balls as a phone cradle and then he's like oh hello while driving yeah he's like looking down at ways like at his like yeah trading bitcoin with his testes

because they're trying to claim that like oh well testicles are on the outside ovaries are on the inside that's why there's a difference between men and women getting this thing and like that's why the men get all the mutant sperm it's right there but there's like at least six millimeters of space right between like your pocket oh interesting yeah right we've touched touched on this a lot.

Unless you have a very insane taint pocket that Eli has.

I feel like.

No, don't try and turn this around on me, Heath.

As I was about to say, we have discussed this across multiple shows now.

You're a high-bald man.

Okay.

The people deserve the truth.

That's true.

And there's still six millimeters.

I'm trying.

Wait, what is that?

Try.

No, don't.

How do you dare, Kara?

Don't you?

Don't make you asking, Kara.

I'm so glad you asked.

So I

they're like at the belly button.

It's weird.

But

they talk about this study out of Iceland of autistic kids.

It has nothing to do with any fucking thing that they've been talking about up to this point.

And this guy's an MD PhD.

He's a

pediatrician.

This is rough.

This is where I gave up looking him up.

This is where I just wrote my notes, too many talking heads.

I can't do all of these motherfuckers.

Yeah.

But so he brings autism into the conversation again.

We see this moment because we're also like, it's not just the balls, right?

People use their cell phones while they're pregnant, too.

And we see this montage of women just shoving their phones up their vaginas while pregnant or whatever.

Oh, my God.

They might as well be bouncing the cell phone off their belly like a cartoon weasel.

Yeah.

And it's just like,

hold on with me.

I'm going to get a selfie with the fetus.

Just give me a second.

Give me a second.

I'm sorry.

I need an explanation.

I don't think

you go.

You cartoon in weasels for explanations.

No, I went on, tummy.

I went on, tummy.

In was Noah.

You got to go to Noah.

What's a cartoon weasel on a pregnant belly?

Google it.

So don't Google it.

Don't Google anything.

Google it.

Don't be afraid, Kara.

You learn things about yourself.

But I bring up this montage because

keep in mind that like ostensibly the filmmaker believes this shit.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So he went and got a bunch of pregnant people to hold their phones close to their bellies for his montage, thinking, genuinely thinking that he was going to like give those kids disabilities and shit.

Oh, it's, I think it's a she.

I think the filmmaker is a woman.

Okay, all right.

Well, yeah.

Clearly, she's evil.

Yeah, obviously, yeah.

So, okay.

So, then we meet Cindy Sage, who tells us about her bioinitiative report.

So, this report is so fucking silly.

It is a self-published, non-peer-reviewed report by 14 people, some of whom have relevant qualifications, right?

And it's a review, it's a report that says, nah-uh, cell phones do too too cause ball cancer and also Alzheimer's.

Yeah.

Some of them have relevant qualifications.

All of them have motivated reasoning.

They all went into this already believing this.

Yes, absolutely.

Yeah.

And instead of introducing the points of their paper, all they do is talk about how much shit people talked about them.

At one point, the guy, our talking head from the very beginning, says they wanted, I'm not exaggerating, this is exact words, they wanted political fat cats to look at our data.

Yes.

Right, right.

Nobody was taking their group seriously because it didn't have any political fat cats on it.

But he goes, you know, the report has been criticized.

This is an, I swear to God, this is a fucking quote from the movie.

The report has been criticized and it's also been considered pretty good.

Oh, why isn't that on the poster?

But he goes, you know, who thought our report was pretty good?

European Parliament.

Yeah.

They brought it up.

I mean, they also like Jerry Lewis.

Yeah, so I don't know what the fuck they're talking about.

They've also banned like red dye number, whatever.

Yeah, right, right, yeah.

GMOs.

Also, European Parliament didn't even agree with that report.

They agreed to check on it.

Yes.

That's all that happened.

Right, right.

They entered it into evidence at some fucking point or whatever.

So then the narrator cuts into excuse their lack of evidence because the technology you see, it's moving too fast for them to keep up with,

which is why they still haven't proven that cell phones from the 90s could cause kids, or like whatever, right?

So then we do some more of this, won't someone think of the children shit?

Yeah, this is where we see like a

foggy, empty playground, like where have all the children gone?

Yeah, and they show empty swings going back and forth.

And I was like, okay, but that means the kids were just there, like I said.

They're all inside playing Magic the Gathering because of the autism.

Yeah, right.

but then, so then we meet Deborah Lee Davis, who basically, she just,

she just yells about kids on their damn cell phones these days.

This makes me so mad.

They compare cell phones to fucking lead poisoning here.

Yes.

It is infuriating.

What is the comparison at all?

Right.

Somebody explained this to me because at some point they're like, you know, all that radiation.

That's all people are afraid of.

Yeah, they're like, all that radiation, it puts metals in your blood.

Well, what?

Yeah.

they're trying to do an ad for chelation therapy.

Yeah, right.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, reasons why your grandmother voted for Donald Trump.

There's a point where this doctor lady, she goes, like, the guy who advised Margaret Thatcher on chemical weapons said that cell phones were some worrying shit.

And I'm like, hey, man, I don't think fucking Margaret Thatcher's chemical weapons guy has one of those spectrums of worrying that we can translate onto our own.

Okay.

I don't know how the fuck you brought him into the picture.

On a scale from one to tear gas, these miners, how worried am I

about cellular technology?

So then we get some more of this film stellar animation to explain the concept of the blood-brain barrier.

And I was like, no,

required to stop listening.

I hear blood-brain barrier.

I'm done.

I've never heard anybody not lie in their next sentence.

Hey, hey, stupid listeners, come on over to Stupid Guy Corner.

Let's leave these smarties behind.

They explain blood-brain barrier in this montage the way I would at gunpoint.

So you know it's wrong.

You're like, you see your brain.

Eli thinks there's like a piece of cardboard going down the middle.

There's a fucking balloon gently hovering around your brain.

Well, that's what they draw.

They draw a brain.

They draw a moat.

Yeah, and then they draw little particles dancing in the space between your brain and your skull.

And they're like, I can't get in.

I'm patrolling the moats.

Like, and just to be clear, you guys all understand that a blood-brain barrier is a tight junction, right?

Like, it's a vessel junction.

You can't do it.

I know nothing at all about

you could write a book about the things I don't understand about the blood-brain barrier.

So, like, there are blood vessels in your brain.

There are blood vessels in your brain, right?

Your brain still has blood.

And there are blood vessels in your body.

I'll allow it.

Okay.

Pulmonation.

As the blood vessels

in your body reach the blood vessels in the vein, the little connections get so, so tight that certain things that are too big can't fit through.

That's all it is.

Okay, well, then, well, then, how do cell phones make it?

But that proves that the Fed is a Ponzi scheme, also, I'm pretty sure.

But Kara, then that's the thing.

How can you make?

I don't know, how do you make a sieve leak?

Explain this to me.

It's already leaking.

Explain this to me.

If, as a teenager, you put like a Sharpie in there a whole bunch, would it then loosen and be like a problem later in life?

Okay, so again, I'm going to explain to you

there are these tiny little blood vessels.

And when they stop, but the sieve is made of metal.

So like, how does it even prevent the other metal?

I should have said sieve.

Let's say you swallow a pill that has big molecules in it.

I mean, big molecules.

And you swallow it.

And then the molecules go through all your blood.

And then they reach the blood brain barrier, which is like where the vessels connect.

And it goes, oh, I can't fit.

The little holes are too small for this big molecule to fit through.

But then other molecules that are small can fit through it so you tell me the pills are really big and

care no i'm not

so you tell me how how does a cell phone make those tiny little junctions bigger loosens them

up

Yeah, so it's fucking ridiculous.

And then he just goes, well, you know, we checked and it turns out that it's making the blood-brain barrier leak.

And we're just like, what the fuck would that even mean?

And then, and of course, we're all just like, well, that sounds terrible.

I guess there's some like terrible diseases or whatever that are on the rise rise because of that.

He's like, just moving on.

Oh, you know what it is?

It was probably the three Gs and the four Gs, it was fine, but the fives spread the shit out.

Way too many fives.

Way too many G's to get through.

Too many G's.

It's all about breathing.

Well, at this point, it's where we learn that autism is an overload of the brain.

Okay, so this lady claims to be a fucking scientist and she constantly couches everything that she says in, to me, this means

whatever, right?

No, this woman is every conversation.

As the parent of an autistic child, this is every conversation I've had with a therapist that we are not moving forward with, right?

What you need to understand is that autism is like the traffic light is on and the car's in reverse.

Nope, nope.

I need you to be a doctor of medicine.

Goodbye.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So, but basically her point is their kids are getting all irradiated.

We have a montage of kids on their phones these days or whatever.

So apparently we need a minute to get off this movie's fucking lawn.

But first, let me give Act Three the hard sell.

Will this movie ever talk about the dangers of suddenly realizing that you're still on the toilet after all this time?

What about the unhealthy obsession I have with that one bubble in the screen protector up by the camera?

Why are they afraid to talk about the real dangers of cell phone use?

Find out the answers to these questions and more when we return for the increasingly random conclusion of Generation Zapped.

You guys gotta see this episode.

It's the best.

Fine, fine.

Stop pulling.

Oh, sit down.

Okay, get ready to have your minds blown.

Oh, one second.

We just got to wait for the ads.

Hello there, Eli Posnick.

Are your hemorrhoids acting up again?

Ooh, these feel a little targeted.

Yeah, yeah, but you know how it is with computers.

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All right, guys, thanks.

Oh, oh, it's starting.

Hey, Jack Reacher, I'm a random bad guy.

You better fight me right now.

Not with my shirt on, I won't.

Okay, I get what you like about this show.

Right?

So good.

All right, I hereby call this congressional hearing on the dangers of unicorn aids as it pertains to cell phones.

Mr.

Big Cell Phone.

Nope, not my name.

Is your company aware of cell phones giving anyone unicorn aids?

No, we're not.

But isn't it also true that your company has never tested if cell phones give people unicorn AIDS?

No, no, we haven't because unicorn AIDS is not a thing.

It's a simple blood test.

Of what?

The cell phone?

Excuse me.

Yes, please go ahead, ma'am.

I am not a scientist.

I don't know things, but I am a mother.

I'm a child.

I'm a lover.

This is a Meredith Brooks song.

I'm a sinner.

I'm a saint.

Yep.

And I do not feel ashamed.

Okay, you're done.

That was nothing?

No, sir.

It was not nothing.

Not to me.

I find you guilty.

Not how Congress works.

Case dismissed?

Still no.

Hallelujah.

And we're back for still more of this shit.

And just in case you thought the woo was mostly harmless, we're going to rejoin the action back in LA talking about Wi-Fi in schools.

And this is where we're going to meet another one of my best words.

This is Bill Piazza.

He is the Environmental Assessment Coordinator for LA schools.

And he's just a guy who does a real job that matters, right?

Yeah, porn in the 80s.

Well, that too.

Yeah.

But basically, like, he's the guy that they came to, and they're like, hey, you know, a lot of people are freaked out about Wi-Fi in the classrooms because of weird nonsense that they saw on YouTube videos.

Can you go in there and prove scientifically that it's safe?

And he's like, like, yes, this would be really fucking easy.

Right?

And so he does.

And they show him in this movie repeatedly, like, you know, you'll be at a whiteboard explaining how they did the measurements and drawing out like charts and shit for him and everything.

But in the movie, they never allow him to be like, and that's how we know that you guys are full of shit.

Yeah, it's so silly.

He's like, yeah, so we did some science, obviously.

You guys know rectangles.

So desks.

Rectangles.

And he draws the rectangle.

He just draws six rectangles to show us what desks are inside of a classroom.

And apparently, a Wi-Fi router would zap everybody.

Yeah.

Well, but he's saying it wouldn't, but he keeps going like people claim that the Wi-Fi router would zap, and then they just edit him there.

Yeah, you know, they never let him finish the sentence.

Well, dude, like he said, like what he says, like people claim, you can see, he's like holding his eyeballs in place so they don't roll.

He's like, I'm taking you very seriously.

It is my job.

Yeah.

But then like he explains, he does his whole chart and he says, and you can see here now that the Wi-Fi amount is so low that it's actually 10,000 times lower than the FCC's recommended threshold.

Why did they leave that in?

Well, yeah, right.

Well, I'll tell you, this is so fucking stupid because that's his way of saying like, it's so fucking low that it would be crazy to worry about it.

But then they come around and they say, which means that the FCC threshold is 10,000 times too high, right?

Because LA schools found that it had to be that much lower.

Quintillion times.

And then we meet up.

My favorite talking head, we meet Larry Gust.

He has no letters after his name at all.

And he is identified as building biologist.

He's not familiar with outdoor biology.

He's an indoor biologist.

Is that a biologist that works indoors or is that a biologist of buildings, right?

I think it's the latter.

He's just wandering around.

Nope.

Still no cell.

So this one's not alive either.

Someday it's drywall again.

It's almost always drywall.

But Larry's here to tell us the parts that the FCC doesn't want us to know.

And that's why we should take our kids back to the goddamn stone ages and just have them press into goddamn clay tablets with a cuneiform wedge or whatever the fuck he wants.

Yeah, this is the part where they start telling on themselves again because they're basically like, oh, you think cell phones are bad.

What about everything?

Like laptops,

iPads, light bulbs.

They just start naming all the things that are really bad.

But then like one second later, they're like, so probably don't use Wi-Fi.

Just hardline it and you'll be fine.

Right.

And you're like, wait, what?

Yeah.

Right.

Why would that be okay?

So, and then this is where we get the greatest bullshit bait and switch I have ever seen in a pseudoscience documentary.

This is where they start reading the epilepsy warning off of an iPad and pretend that that's just the effects from the Wi-Fi.

Yep.

Yeah.

They're just saying like iPads cause seizures, as you can see.

And then they show us the little paragraph in the warning for the iPad.

And I was like, uh-huh.

Okay.

It says watching video with flashing lights, which is the thing that can happen on an iPod, as well as all other screens.

I can see the paragraph you're showing me.

Yes!

Why show us the whole picture?

It's in your movie.

There's also a paragraph right below it that says, iPads are made of glass.

So that's the level of safety talk we're getting right now is also don't jam it at high speed into your jugular.

But so as not to be hyperbolic, we follow that up with an animation of several classrooms full of kids being shoved into a microwave oven.

Oh my gosh.

But at very low power.

They point that out.

They're like, no, no, no, it is like putting kids in the microwave, but like on low.

Right.

Okay.

All right.

Well, she says, we have an analogy of classrooms being put in a microwave oven at very low power.

And I'm like, but it's your analogy.

Right.

Yeah.

You just made that up right now.

She says, you know, we're irradiating some of the youngest and most vulnerable people.

And I'm like, yeah, you're making it sound scary because you say irradiating, but that's the same as saying, like, we're exposing school children to temperatures all day long.

We turned on the lights in the classroom.

Yes, and they were all irradiated.

Look how irradiated they are.

You can see their skin.

But yeah, the whole point of this is that they wired the computer classrooms, right?

Yeah.

And I like to think that this was just some kid who wanted to have a LAN party being like, you know, mom, I heard the Wi-Fi.

Well, yeah.

So, and then we see a news clip about somebody who's like they were suing their school for exposing their electrosensitive kid to Wi-Fi,

which is terrifying.

And then apparently they bring Bill Piazza, the like standards in Europe for Wi-Fi in schools.

Right.

And they're like, well, you know, in Europe, they don't allow any Wi-Fi at all in the classrooms.

And I think that's bullshit.

But whatever they bring him, he's like, yeah, that would also be an option that you could use.

You could also do that.

Yeah.

They show us the best practices little chart thing for what to do to minimize this risk.

And one of them was just like, yeah, turn it off when it's not in use.

Turn it off when it's not in use is the funniest fucking under.

I know this is from 2017, but it's the funniest fucking understanding of Wi-Fi you could possibly imagine.

Right.

It's literally the Chris Rock bit about can't tell time while you're asleep, so you unplug the slot.

one of the other best practices by the way was place your mobile device on a solid surface yeah what i was wondering what that was in response to what was happening did they think it can't go through desks but it can go through your jeans like your pillows or something yeah i don't know yeah kids were putting their phone in like a ball of plasma i don't yeah i didn't understand what the issue was there well and the guys that they like they asked this guy they're like so why can't you just you know hardwire all the computers in the schools?

And he's like, Well, you know, that's way more expensive.

And also, your concerns are nonsense.

And I just did, I remember when I drew the whole chart and I showed you that there's no danger of anything here.

But then the narrator cuts in and starts conflating like legitimate concerns about screen time with concerns about Wi-Fi cancer.

Infuriating.

Says the AAP recommends no more than one to two hours of screen time a day and none for kids under three, which, by the way, is also not true.

What they don't recommend is independent loan screen time.

They absolutely recommend things like phone calls with grandma and educational programming like Miss Rachel.

So

even within their lie, they're wrong.

Yes, right.

But again, but it's not because of fucking Wi-Fi cancer, right?

Yep, it's definitely not because of the Wi-Fi.

It's nothing to do with that.

This poor, another one of my fucking best worsts, this poor Victoria Dunkley lady, she's a child and teen psychologist or psychiatrist rather.

And everything that she says is right, right?

She's just like, she's like, well, you know, it's like you don't want to excessive screen time for the kids.

You don't want to let the screen be their babysitter.

She explains like how blue light right before you go to bed is bad for melatonin production and shit like that.

And I'm like, that's not what your movie's about, though.

I know, because I was taking notes.

Jesus Christ.

And like somebody cuts in at this point and goes, you know, it's so bad you'll see like people at a restaurant and all like there'll be four people and they'll all be on their phones not interacting with each other at all, which, first of all, again, not what the fucking movie's about, right?

Now you're just get off my lawning.

And secondly, that's such a dumb boomer-ass fucking thing to say, right?

The movie might as well have me look up from my phone and be like, okay, cool.

What did you want to talk about?

And then the movie's like.

Well, I don't know.

How are you?

Yeah, they really ran out of steam.

They started on brain cancer and now they're they're going to close their movie with like, yeah, maybe use the night setting because blue light is bad for me.

Yes, right.

Well, wait, Keith, this is my favorite like fucking two-step connections, you know, six degrees to Kevin Bacon because you know who has less melatonin?

Kids with autism?

People with ADD.

Oh, okay.

They're melting.

Yes, yes, right.

That's right.

They actually do.

Cause ADD.

Yes, right.

Well, but to understand that, you need to see the color-coded brain animation.

Okay, this was amazing.

They try to show us the parts of the brain, and they're going to make some dumb claim about like parts are affected by Wi-Fi.

I don't know.

We learned that the parts of the brain are memory,

coordination, sensation, sight.

None of the others ones

are the only things our brain does.

There's one other big important brain lobe.

It's called turquoise.

Oh, yeah.

If you're taking that, you got to take the big section.

Well, that's the part where you have to take the limitless pill to use it.

Oh, right.

90% that we don't use.

That's how you activate the turtle.

Yes.

I read about that in David Icke.

That's a good point.

In the documentary by Scarlett Johansson.

Yeah.

But yeah, so, but they blame, once again, they blame cell phones for Alzheimer's because the cell phones affect our attention span, right?

And isn't that what Alzheimer's is about?

And no, it's not.

No, they.

I feel like.

Imagine how little you have to know about Alzheimer's to be like, yeah, those old people, they're kind of flighty, huh?

Oh, yeah.

A a little bit dithering, those old people.

Yeah.

They're basically making the argument here that I don't know if they're talking about Wi-Fi or screen time anymore because they're the same, apparently.

They cause neurochemical disturbances.

She uses that phrasing.

These things cause neurochemical disturbances that lead to all neurological disease.

All neurological disease.

Yeah.

They're basically just pointing to parts of the brain and going, yep, did that.

Yep.

Yeah.

Grandma has Parkinson's.

Yep.

That's the Wi-Fi.

That's going to fuck up your turquoise right there.

That's your

brain.

Just a New Jersey contractor looking at your brain.

This is going to cost you.

Yeah.

This is going to be expensive.

If I can get my guys.

Can you get your guys?

Well, and the narrator cuts in.

No.

Right.

Cause because they just spent so much time talking about screen time and shit.

And the narrator's like, now, of course, you could just limit your screen time, but that only helps with the real problems.

So now it's time for us to learn about the dangers of smart meters.

So someone explained to me, again, the motivated reasoning behind this.

So, because basically all they're doing in this documentary is going, you're a piece of shit because you rely on technology.

Stop relying on technology and you'll be healthier.

Oh, wait, there's nothing you can do about it.

There's shit outside of your control.

Just be scared all the time.

But that's, I genuinely think that that's the psychological need that it fills, right?

Like people who have, like, that lady whose husband had a tumor.

Right.

Now she has somebody to blame for that tumor.

And there's something that she can do to protect from the tumors in the future.

Something to fight.

right.

You know how hard this is to deal with in my work?

Like I work with people with cancer and it's not just the Wi-Fi's causing cancer.

It's all the things that we blame people.

Like cancer sucks and you just get it sometimes and it's not your fucking fault.

And do you know how much of my therapy is working on that with people?

Because of fucking documentaries like this.

Now, what percentage of your patients do deserve their cancer?

You track your numbers.

Like Eli.

Thought too many negative thoughts.

Eli's a bad person, you guys.

Yes.

He's not a good person.

I don't know why I keep him in my life.

But they talk about, like,

but they talk about smart meters, right?

And so, like, and the implication for it seems like such a weird tangent because we're on the movie's almost over, right?

Like, and then they're like, oh, so the smart meters are coming to get you.

But, but it's a way for them to sort of say, and like, and you may think that, like, hey, wait, I have those symptoms of the stuff that you're talking about, and I don't use the cell phone very much, or I don't, you know, irradiate my my balls, or whatever it is that they're saying.

And they're like, well, maybe it's just the smart meter.

Did you ever think of that?

Right?

But most people don't have smart meters, do they?

No, no, it's just like an upgrade.

Yeah, something that you can get scared of now.

And it's amazing, too, because the lady's like really freaking out about it.

But then she eventually admits that, yeah, actually, there's a number that you can call and have it taken out and just have a regular one put in if you're.

It's so funny.

She's like, there is a number.

I'm not going to give it here on the end.

Did you call it it's um it's a number there's a person you could speak to there's a guy there's a thing i was like is she selling me coke i feel like you don't hear

coke prices this is how i usually hear coke prices yeah not switch my smart meter out so she was able to get rid of her smart meter and she like just barely admits it and then she says it doesn't seem fair that we'd have to opt out of something we don't want

an exact quote and i was like that's exactly what all those words mean and you got to do it why would would you not opt out of them?

But also, that's not the way smart meters work.

Most people don't have them and they're opting into them.

If she has a smart meter, it's because the people who owned her house before upgraded.

Oh, wow.

Right.

So, but, and, and beyond all of that, like, if this is your genuine concern, right, that this, that the fucking smart meters are sending out signals to the cell towers or whatever, like you not having one on your house if both of your neighbors do is fucking meaningless.

You're probably sleeping closer to one of theirs than you would be sleeping to yours.

Yeah.

So but like there's a thing where they have a guy from the news who's like, well, this is very similar to the debate about cell phones and cancer, right?

And we and the movie are all like, yes, it is, right?

The same thing.

Yeah.

Finally found a point of agreement, I guess.

And then the like the guy from the power company comes on and they're like, and he's like, yeah, but.

But your concerns are made up bullshit.

So there's also that.

We have to deal with that.

I know it's mean to say that, but tell you what, I put the smart meter on six millimeters off the wall of the house.

It's six miles.

Yeah, right.

Was it wasn't six millimeters plenty earlier?

So, okay.

So then we get finally to the true terror.

5G.

Yeah, I was waiting for that the whole time.

Right?

When they said blood, brain barrier, I was like, 5G is coming right up.

No.

Yeah.

Uh-huh.

She said 5G is going to take up more of the spectrum.

And I wrote in my notes.

And as we've learned, my son is on that spectrum.

He's got enough room.

Okay.

They're coming for him.

That was a joke, but they are going to say that autism is involved in this.

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

Absolutely.

They honestly, they don't.

And of course, this is 2017.

I guess the 5G conspiracies were still sort of kind of nascent at this point.

But they were there, obviously.

They were like, you know, well, and then 5G, man, we're going to make up all kinds of new shit about that eventually.

I think they might have done word association again, where they were just like, spectrum.

Wait a minute.

There's another one.

But yeah, and then the brain trooper lady, she's like, you know, there's been no testing, no safety testing at all on 5G.

And I'm like, all right, you guys sold me that bridge before.

The guy who did the testing said that earlier.

Oh, it's so funny.

At this point, I thought her husband was still dead.

So I wrote 5G is going to extra kill her husband.

He hadn't come back from life yet.

She talks about how there are fake mailboxes like full of 5G poison.

Does anybody know what she was referencing there?

Right.

Yeah.

Because apparently they've disguised some of the 5G towers like mailboxes or whatever.

And she's like, and you can't even put fucking mail in them.

They're lying to you.

I sent it a letter.

It came out as an email.

So stupid.

So then we get our final chapter title.

And this is such fucking bullshit, right?

The chapter title is Informed Consumer Choice.

And now they're going to explain that all they really want is warning labels about all the imaginary dangers that they made up.

And I'm like, look, as bad as that is, you're also lying.

Yeah.

You also want the ability to stop cell phone towers from being built and you want Wi-Fi out of classrooms and you want no smart meters in your fucking neighborhood.

You want fucking,

and by the way, you want to misinform people and then ask them to make an informed fucking choice.

No, she fully tells on herself here.

She literally says this.

This is a quote from the movie.

We want people to know that it's not about the science.

It's about informed choice.

Well, yes, because the science debunks your claims

clearly.

And that is so often where they go to hide when everything else falls apart for them, right?

The pseudosciences will say, you know, you'll prove that the science is on your side.

And they'll say, well, I don't want to be part of the scientific experiment or whatever, right?

Like, like, right.

There's going to be a lot of people.

We think people should have a choice.

Right.

Yeah.

To listen to things that are true or not.

Right.

Yeah.

And that experiment is playing out nationwide.

Yeah.

Fucking bring them back.

Maybe the chickens will come up with a chickenpox vaccine or whatever it is.

So, but then we

it's not chickenpox.

Bird flu.

That's what they got.

I was picturing the Gary Larson chickens with like a little.

Okay.

Yeah.

No, that's.

I think he was mixing up bird flu and the measles, maybe.

Yeah, I don't know.

So, but then we, we get this whole thing where brain tumor lady, she comes back on and she talks about how they tried to get a law passed in San Francisco that would force cell phone companies at the point of sale to tell you that cell phones cause brain cancer, right?

And they passed the law and then the cell phone companies sued them and they're like, you can't make us lie to people about bullshit.

And they're like, right, right.

So they rephrased the law until it was legal and got it passed again somewhere in California.

We hired Larry Let's it and he wrote a much more clever version of our law.

Yeah, right.

Right.

But yeah, but they won and now cell phones are one of the 26 trillion items in California that carry a cancer warning label.

Right.

It's very helpful when those labels are all over everything in your house because

they just disappear.

Like birth causes cancer in California.

They should just list what doesn't cause cancer

in California at this point.

Yeah.

Butterfingers.

Right.

We're not scared of umbrellas yet.

But then, and then they show the fucking the final scene from thank you for Smoking, which implies that cell phones cause brain cancer.

It's a fictional goddamn movie, but that's like their like their big gotcha at the end or whatever.

So they have that.

And of course, in the movie, he says something about there's no direct evidence that cell phones cause cancer.

So that leads us to this scientist lady going, but what is direct evidence anyway?

You know?

Yeah.

She says, what direct evidence doesn't exist?

And I was like, there's infinity answers to this evidence.

What are you talking about?

Is this grapefruit direct evidence?

She says, direct evidence means dead bodies.

And I'm like, Jesus Christ, no, it doesn't, lady.

I have direct evidence.

She personally killed my father.

Yeah, right.

Look,

whoever told you that you should tell the FBI about them.

So,

what's all of this in your basement?

Direct evidence?

So, but she explains here that all she wants is a two-cent monthly tax on all wireless stuff where the money would then go to,

well, her.

Her organization.

Her words.

Her living husband, who is very much alive.

Yeah.

Training people in medicine to do the cancer.

Also, we have to monitor the children.

That was what she said.

So what?

So, and then they point out that the World Health Organization has classified cell phones as

possible carcinogens.

And they've classified everything as a possible carcinogens.

Pretty much, yeah, right.

Keep in mind,

they've got a category for probable carcinogen.

Yeah, it isn't on that list.

No, it's not.

And they do a whole thing about that, too.

They're like, there's a guy who they're interviewing.

He seems like a kook.

I didn't bother to look him up, but he's like, yeah.

So right now we're in the possible carcinogens, a category we share with bananas.

And

but there's a lot of people saying, a lot of people are saying it should be category 2A.

Yes, right.

Which is, which is still just possible.

I can't tell if you're doing the guy from the movie or Trump right now.

Yeah, right.

So this is why we're out of the WHO.

That's fun.

But genuinely, that list, 2B, it's called, the possibly carcinogenic list, has kava extract, aloe vera extract, and gold bond medicated powder, but only if you put it on the taint specifically.

Okay.

Okay.

And let me say, as someone who's well aware that using baby powder after I shower is an increased risk for cancer, I'm open to it.

Okay.

I'm okay with it.

I'm not saying those are fake, but like they feel silly compared to your thing.

Yeah.

So, but then so we go, we cut back to our conference, that European conference of electrohypersensitivity or whatever, and we've got them like reading their statement that everybody signed on to at the end.

And they're like, yeah, over 200 scientists signed on to this thing asking the World Health Organization to, you know, more strictly regulate cell phones for their cancer causing.

And I'm like, 200?

Yeah, that's not many.

That's no, like,

they got like 20,000 to sign that thing that said global warming was a hoax, and at least that many to sign that thing that said the Earth was 6,000 years old.

That is such a pathetically low threshold.

Yeah.

And it's a weird, like, big deal conclusion moment for this conference.

And they're like, yeah.

So, in conclusion, if anybody made a movie called Generation Zapped about this sort of thing, that movie would be right.

We all agree.

We cheer now.

Yes, right.

The crowd goes wild.

The end.

And then they do a fucking victory lap around all the progress that they've thwarted.

Because eventually, I guess apparently, Jamie and his family, the electrosensitive guy, they did get the cell phone tower that was planned.

Not like they didn't build it in that area.

They NIMBY'd that cell phone tower away.

right so they win and then we like listen to them dream of a day when everybody takes their bullshit seriously well how should they take it seriously is there a current like medical condition that you think is comparable to electromagnetic sensitivity that people oh is this the part where they compare it to fucking peanut allergies

oh you motherfuckers so it's just like having a peanut allergy but like only if you could see the peanuts on the way in.

Yeah.

And it's fake.

She explains that she has explained to the school and to their friends when they come over that it's just like a peanut allergy.

Take our thing exactly as seriously as you would take this hyper-deadly allergy.

Yes, exactly.

And she also, she's like, and you know, like, it would be great if

they would take this more seriously.

Then the insurance would cover this.

Right now, he's got to pay for all his own treatment.

And just as we're going like, oh, God, yeah, that's terrifying.

Then they turn to him and he's like, yeah, you know, I'm undergoing chelation therapy to get all the heavy metals out of my blood.

It's not cheap.

I am not going to pay premiums for Jamie's naturopathy.

Right?

I am not.

No.

His chelation therapy.

You've put me on the side of cell phone companies and health insurance companies in the same way.

Congratulations, Generation Zepps.

You've done some great work today.

But what even is the, like, he never makes this argument.

How does Wi-Fi put heavy metals in his blood?

Well,

I honestly, I think that they accidentally slipped into some different bullshit.

It fucks up that sieve.

So,

well, right.

No, actually, genuinely, it is associated.

They do associate it with a blood-brain barrier.

But I think that there's a strain of bullshit that says that the cell phones are activating something in the heavy metals and therefore, because the thing about like this, this particular breed of woo right this the cell phone woo is that there's not something to sell you right right you you can't like you know i mean i can some of them put their fucking phones in faraday cages or whatever well yeah can't they just like wear those bracelets with a sticker on them or something well right yeah so they do tell stuff about that but that's one of the things that they like you know chelation therapy is one of the like woo treatments that they're going to give you to oh this will make your electrosensitivity go down if we get these heavy metals out of your blood and it's like super dangerous to do chelation therapy if it's not like really, really well monitored by real doctors.

Even then, they're like, unless it's super serious heavy metal poisoning, it's not worth the risk.

Yeah, that's like the lead poisoning thing.

Yeah.

Like, here's the thing.

It's dangerous to have medical procedures done by not medical people.

Also, that's it.

It's dangerous to have them done by medical people.

Yeah, right.

We're just making it more and more dangerous as we go.

Yeah.

It's fucking nuts.

And it's crazy.

He's in the middle of lying.

He does a bunch of these lies.

And then he's like, yeah.

So we switched our whole house to wired internet.

And we watch him plugging his stuff in, plugging in his laptop.

And he's like, there we go.

Thunderbolt connection, better MP3 fidelity.

Love it.

I was like, wow.

He's doing monster cables.

Fantastic.

Yeah.

Right.

Well, here's something else that you can buy for your electrosensitivity, right?

Yeah.

And this is real, by the way, the Wi-Fi that runs through your like power plugs.

It's slow and bad because that's not how internet's supposed to go.

But it's real.

But then this is where the movie does the ultimate bait and switch, right?

This is where we check in on Ellen, the brain tumor lady, and we meet her husband who's still totally alive and has been the whole fucking time.

All of us get so mad.

Yes.

She is so mad.

She's like, Alan's alive, which is always a little awkward at the fundraiser.

I've got that picture of it.

It's the weirdest scene.

She like, spoiler alert, Alan's alive.

Ellen and Alan, by the way.

Yes.

I'm sorry.

Her name is names are Ellen and Ellen.

You can't get married.

Are you Carol and Daryl?

You have to pick different loves in your lives.

I'm sorry.

That guy is Al.

Yes.

Well, at least that.

At least that.

And so they're sitting next to each other and she's like, here's my not dead husband.

He's got a brain tumor.

He looks pretty healthy.

And then he turns to her and he goes, I'm so proud of you.

for all of your

activism.

And it's like a weird flex.

Yeah, Cause they definitely made him say that.

It's right after a cut, and he turns apropos of nothing and is like, I'm proud of you, you've done so much.

But, like, would you say that?

Like, okay, let's say that you have brain cancer, I love it, and you're in the hospital, and the doctor is giving you legitimate treatment.

Would your response to the doctor be like, I'm really proud of you?

It's like, it's weird.

It's a weird thing to say.

Good job, champ.

And give me a little chuck on the chin.

And she's like, you know, she's like, you know, sometimes I think to myself, I'm going to stop doing this, but I'm never going to stop.

And I'm like, well, that feels like a threat.

But then she goes, I'm going to keep going until.

And then YouTube put an ad right there.

And I'm like, you go, YouTube.

Hell yeah.

I love you too.

But then, yeah, then a final little title comes up and says, like, you know, fucking cell phone companies are sticking to their story just because it's backed up by all the relevant science.

And the movie ends.

With a great song.

Yes, we have an anti-we have a roster, anti-Wi-Fi song over the credits.

Oh my God, I did not watch the credits.

Now I regret it.

Did you listen to the song?

Turn off your phone now.

Don't get too close to the router.

It's a turn.

You autistic.

But it's being sung by a white woman.

So it's significantly better.

All right.

Well, Kara, not only do I have to thank you now for watching this stupid movie with us, but I'm assuming you used Wi-Fi.

So

I have to thank you for risking your life to watch this movie with us.

So, uh-huh, yeah.

You're welcome.

And of course, be sure to check out the show notes for links to Talk Nerdy, where Kara also does serious smart stuff.

And while that is going to do it for our review of Generation Zap, that's not going to do it for the episode just yet because we still need to turn the odometer again next week.

So, Eli, tell us what's on deck.

Well, Noah, next week is our 500th episode.

Wow.

So I saved a little something special for you.

In the realm of Varoka, an elite group of global monster hunters is summoned by King Samuel to vanquish the ancient Bone Devil, whose reign of terror threatens the kingdom of Remini.

We'll be watching Kevin Sorbo.

Oh, you just said it.

Eric Roberts.

Oh, holy shit.

And Daniel Baldwin in Kenya.

Devil's Night.

Oh, that sounds fucking amazing.

I was not at all sold until you said Kevin Sorbo and William after that.

Well, 500 is the Devil's Night anniversary.

Yeah, hopefully, there you go.

So, with that to look forward to, we're going to bring episode 499 to a merciful close.

Once again, a huge thanks to Kara Santa Maria for all her help, and perhaps even huge thanks to all the Patreon donors that helped make the show go.

If you'd like to count yourself among their ranks, you can make a per episode on it at patreon.com/slash godawful, and thereby earn early access to an ad-free version of every episode.

You know, it's up a ton by leaving the five-star review and by sharing the show on all your various social media platforms.

And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our sibling shows, The Scaling Adias Citation Day and DD Minus and the Scaps, Scapic Card, available wherever podcasts live.

If you have questions, comments, or cinematic suggestions, you can email GodOffMovies at gmail.com.

Tim Robinson takes care of our social media.

Our theme song was written and performed by Ryan Slavic of Vooverdress on Mars.

All the other music was written and performed by our audio engineer, Morgan Clark, and was used with permission.

Thanks again for giving us a chunk of your life this week.

For Heath Enright and Eli Bosnick, I'm Noelis's promise to work hard to earn another chunk next week.

Until then, we'll leave you with a breakfast club close.

Lots of idiots loved the movie, but they complained that it didn't spend enough time on 5G, and they'd like to know what the movie is hiding.

Yep.

All these motherfuckers got jobs at HHS.

Oh, no!

Wi-Fi went on to not be that one new technology parents were afraid of that did turn out to be ruining our children.

Eli's plan for a peanut router in every classroom was dead before it even got started.

I love it, Eli, when you're trying to figure out how to end a sketch and you just look around your room and see your kids' pants or whatever.

I love it when that happens.

That's a funny image.

No, it is.

It is.

It's really well done.

I like to reverse engineer your writing process.

Does he actually have pants that Zigwaken roll?

He does.

Nice.

He has one that's Martin Luther King riding a T-Rex in a spacesuit that that says, I have a dream.

And I don't put him in it because I don't think you should.

I agree with your policy.

Anti-woke, but it's something

reverent enough of Dr.

King.

I feel like I could go either way.

Yeah.

I like that he has it.

I like that you don't put him in it.

Right.

I think it was a gift.

I don't believe you.

Yeah.

Those are his inside clothes.

Yeah.

And nothing outside.

This one, we're hippies, right?

Yeah, oh, I love this.

It's so rare that somebody breaks Eli that isn't Eli.

Hey, man,

it's proximity to the real world.

Yeah, right.

Been training for this fucking bit for years.

Oh, the vocal fry just perfect.

Phenomenal.

I almost lost it again.

So, so, Eli, the new goal is to write bits for Kara where she's a hippie and working as many A's into each word as it does.

And we need her to go on a road trip with Boston Cecil lady.

And

we're good.

We sell that MP3 for $1,000 to download.

All right.

I thrifted my carpet?

Ew.

Right.

Not in a million years

i don't know that's a thing no there's some thrift there's some things you don't thrift some things you don't thrift you don't thrift socks underwear bras carpet for everything else there's master i would say mattresses also oh yeah don't thrift a mattress oh good call good call flashlights no yeah right right sex toys in general yeah

That is literally season three.

That is absolutely season three of that show.

He's like, I should probably stop and change into a towel.

And we're like, yes.

Yes, you should.

As often as you want.

Just made a trapezoids.

God.

I can just tell you.

Oh, go ahead.

Go ahead.

No, you got it.

No, you go.

No, damn it.

I will never speak again.

Okay.

Damn it.

I don't remember what I was going to say.

Oh, okay.

This content is can-credentialed, which means you can report instances of harassment, abuse, or other harm at their hotline at 617-249-4255 or on their website at creatoraccountability network.org.

The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and the Thunderstorm LLC, Copyright 2025, all rights reserved.

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